Tomorrow.

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Brothers

King makers

Kinslayers

Timekillers

Yesterday, Today, Title

More, perhaps.  No less.

Coyote

You will always know

me, as you always have.  A

fall before last spring.

Raven

First of the four, lost

or finder.  None here may know.

Spring of last winter.

Fox

With me, winter white,

and hell.  The ridden and the 

follower.  Brother.

Anubis

In land of plenty, 

hunger to the bone.  Black horse,

the final winter.

Business.

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I set up a payment so as to be caught up with my home payment.  Then went through three different departments to attempt to have my insurance company brought up to date on the status of my home loan.  They aren't doing that until the 17th, even though they could fax it.  I contacted my insurance company and let them know that I have again made the request they have asked me to make, and given them the timeline I was given.  I can't do more.  That is that for that.  I will shortly be filling out an automatic payment form, of which I have five copies now.  I will probably have to make at least one more manual payment, next month, but without fees if online.  Then it should be back to autopay.  Should, no certainty with this company.  I'll know about insurance later this month.

Now I am trying to mess with the phone.  They say there isn't an outage in the area.  They tried a reset, but to point that has failed.  I think I will just call them back and cancel this phone.  I don't trust them, at all, for several reasons, at this point.  I need to find a real phone company that isn't as much of a problem as a solution, and isn't working against Americans and our rights with the government and big biz.  Yeah... out.  If I can get someone on the phone.  They will probably be trying to hide from direct contact for this very reason.  Might have to stop in at their shop on Monday.  It's hidden, but... there.

Next?  A few dishes, a shower, and... who knows.  It is very good to have enough money to do some grocery shopping.  I hope to do that soon.  And I'll need to make an appointment with my doctor, but next month.  I simply want to hold off on expenses until I have more money stored up.  I hate being at zero.  I still have a few other business processes, but it's too late in the week and day.  I'll... get there.

Good day.

Ah-ha!  I got the phone removed.  Since it was under 30 days there will be minimal costs.  The phone never did work, the reset never went through, and I don't... trust the company.  Well, and I never did get a clear answer as to whether the phone was unlisted or not.  Still, the operator was good to work with, clear, and knowledgeable.  One more thing off my list.

Up late again.

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I just didn't hit it until about 1:30.  Sam wasn't going to let me sleep in, for whatever reason.  She has been working to wake me since... 6:00ish?  I woke a bit before 8:00.  Not sure what will happen if I see my shadow, if it looks like six weeks of sleep isn't in the cards.

Sneezing the last few days.  Turning the heat up helps but isn't quite the full answer.  Just that time of year.  I don't really have allergies.  Perhaps it's just the volume of pollen or when the world is particularly dry?  No worries.  Sometimes the girls and I both have the problem at nearly the same time.  Sometimes not.  That might be due to height differences.  Yeah, there might be more or less pollen or dryness at our various levels.  It's the story I am going with.

No good or bad dreams the last few nights, none remembered.  All good.  Sometimes I get a hint that bad dreams are on the way.  I was all but certain.  I was dreading, fearing.  It's actually why I wasn't able to get to bed on time the last few nights.  So far so good.  Sometimes those serve a purpose, grinding gears to shift more fully back to life at a better pace.  Sometimes all it does is hurts.  Either way I have become terribly gunshy.

Hmm?  Oh, either back to bed for a bit or not.  I'll make up my mind shortly.  Good morning and day.

Internet taxation.

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It is now a reality in Utah.  And?  And it means I am going to stop buying things.  I had been using amazon.  But without the incentive, I will just save that money and put it elsewhere.  Probably a good thing anyway.  It was a convenient way to buy a few luxuries, wants, or even needs in larger quantities.  The added benefit was no (direct) tax.  All the business taxes paid were coming out of my pocket already.  When a company, like amazon, pays 39%, and the companies they do business with... the manufacturers... pay 39%, and... who knows who else... then I end up paying a lot in taxes.  Those company use my money to pay those taxes.  Get it yet?

Rather than buying other things, I'll find some more beneficial to me ways of burying cash.  It isn't much... a few hundred dollars a month... just spending money.  They can't blame me.  It was their choice.  Every greedy grab for money will be dealt with as I would with any thief.  I am tired of having them everywhere and always with a gun on their hip and a hand in my pocket.  Hell, I'm a ward of the state and they are still at it.  There are very simple consequences to some things.  I hope others join in just abandoning the markets and finding ways to store wealth more surely.  The state and fed obviously have no clue what they are doing with the filthy lucre they are stealing.  Drunken sailors have better plans, at least in serving their wants and needs on a personal level.

I hope, too, that amazon feels the sting as people simple back away from the method.  Let the state and big business war over dwindling returns and a disinterest by the population in being shorn as if sheep, when not out-right sacrificed.  I've done my part.  I've been betrayed at every step by those who were supposed to help.  I'm only alive because their failures ended up being a double or quad negative upon negative, and I had the will to move through suffering.  I won't let them take more, now.  A pox upon both their houses.  May they fall to plundering each other.  Done.

Awake again.

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It seems that six weeks of sleep is not in the cards.  I have been up for a while now, actually, hours... two, three perhaps.  That early wake has gotten me a bit off track though, as did the late night.  Fine, I'll work with it.

The goal today is to finish off the dishes set to soaks at various stages, get a shower, and figure out what I want to do with laundry and begin there.  Oh, I probably need to cancel my phone.  It hasn't worked since I ordered it.  I am holding off business with the mortgage until I am sure my ssa check is in this month.  I think I have paperwork with that to be fixed and remitted.  I can, I believe, handle the costs of mortgage no matter what, but what else I might have to negotiate beyond that is... another thing.  So, I wait to see so as to plan.

Still a bit stiff.  I think it's actually from the dream the other night.  Where I am sore is not from stooping to do dishes.  What a strange dream.  Oh, I should probably finish shoveling snow.  It has been melting a bit, day by day.  Even so, I should remove the last of it.

I'd better get meat thawed and create a minor list and a major list, so I'll be ready for grocery shopping whichever way my income is set this month.  What a bother lately.  Good day.

Woke early.

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Too early.  To bed at midnight, a bit of a glitch.  Woke at five.

Saw shadow.

Six more weeks of sleep!  Later.

Bits of work.

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Three or four sets of dishes, not all to completion though some.  Washing, rewashing as necessary, rinsing, and drying if I got to that point.  Several meals tended, and keeping those dishes and pans in the work effort.  Not a great day, some things done.  More tomorrow.  Just dishes.  No laundry or shoveling.  I seem to have repaired from the damage caused in the dream.  Just a bit sore, though from stooping doing dishes or the dream I can't say.

More dishes tomorrow.  Then a shower, or in there somewhere.  Hopefully figuring out laundry as well.  All good.  Dark dreams, I think.  Yeah.  Sometimes I can tell, or... suspect more strongly.  As a man who stands to be whipped, knowing the meaning of that, I sweat in trepidation.  I hope the darkness passes.  I pray no suffering, not of this kind.  If I must, so be it.

Good night.

Even daydreams are taking on a solid tone.

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Yeah.  Well, it just happens.  Enjoy or not.  Just... understand before you look.

Some work.

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The dishes remaining from the small lot worked yesterday were washed again and set to rinse.  A bit of a break, then I'll finish those, take a shower, then set up another load.  I hope to begin laundry again.  Mostly figuring out whether to start over with it all, or not.  Once that decision has been made, then I'll go from there.  As well, I'd like to make a shopping list.  Nothing fancy, not much, I'll be going easy on spending for the next few months.  I'd like to get a small savings going again.  Three or four months of holding my financial breath should see me back to good shape.

Oh, I'll probably finish shoveling the drive today.  No travel, just... want to finish that.  I am feeling and doing a bit better.  Medicine still holds things back, a bit... make the drive forward slow and cumbersome.  And yet life is improving enough that I seem to be starting, if at the start, again.  It seems to have returned to hard winter cold.  It doesn't help, in some sense.  And yet it is easier, for me, to work in the cool than the heat.  If even in the heat, sometimes, I can now do well... or better.

All good.  I'll try to put in bits of work between bits of resting, and see just what I can get done through the remainder of the week.  Hitting the kitchen and bathroom as I go.  I keep up on the toilet, now that I have learned a few tricks.  Just a solid cleaning a week, and a few swipes through the week, keep the lou respectable.  Well... on with the day.  Later.

Such strange dreams of late.

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Last night I dreamed of my uncles and grandfather.  What was it the men in my life taught, how did they direct?

While adopted, that was done while I was quite young.  I knew no other family.  The same for my older brother.  Both of us were obtained when we were a month old, perhaps just slightly older for him.  Not only were we accepted by our direct family, of course, but by our extended family.  We didn't know we were adopted by the time we "knew" most of our family.  Our mother didn't hide the fact, made sure we knew when we were able.  But children don't understand such things until later.

We actually had two grandfathers, both were met.  One we only met once, or a few times, for for a short time and when I was quite young.  I only remember some things about him.  The other might have ended the same, save that as his health declined it was decided that he would live with us.  And he did so for a year or two, or so it seemed to me then and now.

He could be grumpy, but mostly he liked us boys.  At that time, my mother had married a man with five children of his own.  Grampa's room was our safe place if all else became rough, even if our mother became too much.  She... was still his child.  :)  Oh, she hated that then.  And yet she has turned into the same kind of grandparent type that he was.  An old Yiddish saying suggests, to women, if they live long enough they will become their mother.  A Doom saying is, live long enough, on top of that, become both your parents.

The thing, in my dream, generally, was what to do in life.  And the tone by which life should be lived.  My grandfather, through the dream, suggested a cautious weary advance.  Marry, but think about it.  Get an education, and a career, or figure out how to make money as certainly and safely and legally as possible.  Tend to your wife and family, just know you can only take out what you have put it, which at best isn't much.  By having them... that is where you should gain any real treasure.  Don't expect, sometimes, even a thanks.

My uncles, many of them, had a notion of getting ahead, far ahead.  Grab what you can and run like hell.  Don't worry about tomorrow, it's all about today.  Don't worry about family, they will make it or not, you just move on if it gets complicated.  Live and die for the day.  Don't advance, too risky.  Don't work too hard, unless it suits you.  Money, money, money, with it you don't need love.  Yeah.

I never did abide my uncles, if the world I live in didn't really offer much else.  Their generation seems to have gone insane.  If I have one uncle that married only once?  Maybe, if so, also one aunt.  Neither of them were known to me, pretty much, at any time in my life.  None, that I knew, had a full career.  None were wealthy, that I knew.  One aunt and uncle lived a life pretty hidden from my knowledge, at least until I was well into middle age.  One has now passed.

It isn't judgement, only an understanding.  Blame?  Perhaps my uncles' generation were trying, one last time, to get ahead.  In a time, though, where the powers that be were doing what they could to undo them?  As they are today, even more so.  The secret is that life is hard.  The good old days were just as harsh, it's just people didn't jabber about things as often.  People only knew their own, and perhaps a few other, hardship stories.  Now, everyone seems to know everything about everyone.

Is it better?  Has telling everything helped?  I am not sure that is the problem, it is just a difference between now and then.  There is some good to it, and some harm.  The real difference is that, now, people more generally know that life is full of knocks.  Although I think, as some freak flags are flown that shouldn't, there is some degradation from it.  Yeah, I am guilty.  And I... have shifted tack a bit.  Mostly.

I was always on my grandfather's side.  I just didn't have voice then or all that much power now.  It's not that I hate my uncles, either.  I just think they went far astray, and were lead that way.  I am hoping for a return to the old ways.  Humble?  Yeah.  A blessing that is lost on many.  Pride for false worldly gains.  A hunger for things that will pass rather than for simple rightness and strong hands from honest work.

Just... things from the dreams.  I haven't been able to sort it all out.  I am still a bit raw from sleep.  But... there you go.  I think it was a good dream.  It helped me sort some things that have been troubling me for... decades.  Probably won't mean much, in some ways, in my life, at this point.  But it might... give pause to young folk, should they happen upon this.  No matter, it's out of my head so that it can begin a new project?  Maybe.

Later.

Hmm? Oh, I don't know.

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I think I am beginning to catch my wind.  A little warfare can do that.  How terrible that combat.  And yet, for as much as it took from me it seems to have refreshed.  Some of us were made to thrive on blood and guts.  I am amazed I did not weary.  What really happens in those times I cannot say.  My ribs are still sore, as if punched.  My back from tossing whoever it was I was fighting... you get a kink if you throw someone while just a bit off.  My left shoulder and neck have a kink from bulldozing.  The sore muscles are feeling better, as are the lungs.  But it... was what it was.  Dreams?  Really?  All night?  I just don't know.

Funny thing is, it cause the cats to... fuss.  It usually does when I dream as such.  They know, as I do, that something is happening.  As with myself, they don't know what.  But man do they fuss and yeowl and run around, jumping and leaping.  Sometimes they try to wake me, as well.  It's not just me.

As I said, that brought life back.  I'm having to break out of things.  Though medicine is a part of the problem now too.  Dunno, I'll keep at it.  I am hoping to do some dishes tonight.  I set them up earlier.  Never did take a nap, or even take any pain pills.  Just... decided to take things as they were.

Later, or good night.

I fought all night long.

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Some sort of evil, sometimes it attacked, sometimes I did.  My back is out, my arms are sore, my lungs burn.  There is no part of me that doesn't suffer some pain.  I am doing better after the last few hours of sleep were fight free and I was allowed to relax and just sleep.  I even got a solid to my left jaw.  Yeah.  They say you can't move in dreams... I... don't think they understand.  Can you stay tensed?  Are there things other than dreams.  Ribs?  How would those be hurt from tension?
I think I'll go back to sleep, after some pain pills.  Just an hour or two.  Struggled almost all night.  Be back in a bit.

The weather and news.

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Snow.  Not terribly cold, perhaps around 20 F if I read it right.  This time there was, say, two to three inches, or left to shovel.  Powder, so not too bad.  But having done so little for so long...  I got the first half of the drive, plus the walk to the front door, cleared.  I have the aft half with a clear center and portioned off.  But that was that.  If it is recycling today, nobody else is doing it.  Though I was probably too late anyway.  I only have one sack in the bit, and one in the house to clear.  So I won't be bothering with it.  Less so after shoveling.

Three more days on the little medicine supply device and I can move on to the big two week device.  I went this way so that I could change medicines more easily.  I was changing medicine more than every two weeks, and if I fell it would get confusing as well.  I think I am ready for the two week device.  I might change in that two weeks, or not.  Probably not.  I'm trying a bit heavier middling dose of carvedilol.  If I can do it, though things are positive on the shorter medicine dispenser, I may just give myself more time to get used to the half-dose.  It's been almost two weeks on that dose, but it is a struggle.  Another two weeks to month, then I'll increase the dose.  Perhaps to full level.  Even then it is a trick to stay on it.  Just be glad you don't have to take stuff that is so difficult to use and have some function remain to you.

I went to look over the news.  Hollywood awards?  Really?  So few even know movies were in the running, or care.  Why is "conservative" news covering useless topics?  Can't they find any real news?  I am curious about what is happening in Europe.  Are the people truly rising up, as here?  Or are they doing what most of us suspect, rolling and selling out?  The Tea Party pretty did that, but we moved on.  Until their people, if they really want it, figure out how to make it so that selling out isn't really possible, they will be herded to their genocide, if they haven't reached a secure demographic tipping point already.  Then again, we aren't out of the woods.  It seems the president can't even call a halt to immigration of most sorts.

News, not bits about a bunch of overrich life fakers who know nothing prattling on about a lost art!  What is going on in Syria?  What is Le Pen saying?  Where are the US and Russia in agreement and at loggerheads?  News, information.  And don't bring me opinion.  Can't you find reporters who simply ask and write?  Yea, but three has to be sources that are smple data?  Quit bringing in the worst of the lot on top of topics that are of no interest or import.  Do it.  No time for this.  I will simply begin cutting off "news" sources which won't follow that code.  Drudge.  Get back in the game, dump those enemy of the state sources, and get on it.  Later.

Up and at it.

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Not at speed or with gusto, that isn't always required.  Why so rough lately?  Some of it was stress, some of it, now, is returning to medicine.  I have been doing well with medicine, but it does knock me down a peg when starting.  I started with the easy stuff, first, now am on everything and have been for four to five days.  After this trial run I will push for two more weeks on everything but heart medicine (carvadilol) on full dose.  I'm at half dose on that last medicine.  It is a brutal thing to start up.  It's like doubling the choke pull on your pull-starting engines.  It just... bogs down or floods the thing too often.  Engines, hearts or otherwise, really weren't made to be bogged down like that, even if it seems to help.  Until I get used to it, it's... tricky to be functional.  Still, being on the way, after all the fuss and trouble, here and there, is a good thing.

I can tell potassium is in better order.  Other than the greater resistance to function, if that is normal, wanted, and needed at the moment, my health is otherwise shaping back up and well.  I don't quite have the ability to feed easily and well, or I would begin working toward fasting again.  I will hold off fasting until medicines are back on track.  I think that is why I was able to fast initially... everything was in much better order and medicines were regular.  When I fell, for potassium, I lost all forms of order and regularity.  Well, and I had been working hard on top of it.  Just getting back to the start, if not quite there yet.  All good.

I am still keeping a list of things to do.  I'd love to work, and will sooner or later.  With money coming back in I should be able to get back on some other tracks as well.  Still, this month will still be shy, as I catch up on some things that went wrong.  All good, all good.  And, when I have things settled, I will call my brother again.  I need to keep up on that relationship.  Not for money reasons.  I won't ask again.  Not... a judgement.  Just... too complicated and messy.  Still, I don't want to lose a brother for money.  I understand his... situation.  No judgement, just... that is the married life and some other things.  Oh, but he had wanted to buy some steaks, and I don't want to cheat him of that.  :p  Hells yeah.  :)

Well... on to... the day.  Ugh.  Trash and recycling to go out, change the cat litter with that, and a shower.  Anything else I might be able to do is just candy... if I can do those things that is.  Blah!  Good morning and day, at least from these parts.

More snow.

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Oh, well, no complaints.  Just a note.  There was a serious warming spell around these parts.  A break from high summer or low winter is always grand.  It makes almost anything else that happens more bearable.  And so it is.  It even looks wonderful.  So long as no ice is involved, though that seems to be a problem.  Several lethal accidents recently.  I found a source for local "news", but it is worse than CNN for which side it obviously takes.  Still, I can get snippets.

Snow showers and 25 F is what is being indicated.  I had wanted, perhaps, to do a bit more grocery shopping.  I think I'll skip it until the weather is more pleasant.  I have been enjoying fruit and milk.  I sort of had to end all fresh stuff until money started flowing.  I can do that, but who likes to do it?

My snow shoes are in, 42" x 12".  Should... do better than the 36" x 9".  Those weren't terrible, just... a little shy.  The snow was pure powder, if deep, when I tried them though.  Perhaps only bearpaws will really work, and designed for my size.  Or, maybe, only certain crosscountry skis?  I still have horrible daydreams of dropping twent feet into powder and having to nap until spring!  :p  I might actually make it.  I am literally bigger than most black bears.  Hmm... weight loss: the black bear method.  Wee!  It's the claustrophobia that would get to me.

I am feeling better, if still not all that active.  I may give work a whirl, if I can, yet today.  Lunch first.  Having hunger is good.  Well, later.

Such days and dreams.

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Resisting death is no mean feat.  I've done in for a very long time.  I have, sort of, grown into the position.  You may not believe, my doctors don't simply believe, they know.  What they don't do is understand.  I won't claim to understand myself.  I just know, at times, remaining alive is an act of vicious will.  It isn't quite, just a physical, spiritual, intellectual, or soul-inspired effort.  It is sometimes one among them, or several of them, and sometimes it is all of those and more.

I have gotten good enough at it that, at my peak, I don't notice.  And, with medicine, I think I am beyond the peaks I could know for the first twenty five years.  I think, now, there are times when I am not struggling, even below the radar.  A new and pleasant thing, mind you.  Still, sometimes, I... have to work, struggle.  It isn't so much death that is the problem, now.  I struggle, more, for function.

Last night, if only in the dream, I struggled with death.  The risk, at first, wasn't so much simple failure.  It was losing stamina over time.  I wasn't sure at first.  Then, finally, I found a balance point, as when carrying a heavy load for a long distance, and finally finding the most efficient manner of distributing and traveling with the weight.  After that, I was able to spend the rest of the night/dream in easy enough testing.  It was a test, but I passed with ease... after that initial imbalance and more difficult struggle.  The dream was... real enough.  Even so, I wake well and refreshed.  Such is my nature, and why I yet am, and why I baffle doctors.

I will be continuing to attempt various efforts.  Laundry?  Dishes?  A shower?  Maybe some cooking?  Dunno.  I'll try to do something.  I'll keep trying until that pops.  I am simply soul-weary from dealing with the various bureaucratic attacks and troubles from those.  The dream, perhaps, is my being attempting to reset and begin anew.  Good morning, and day.

Later.

Grumbles.

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I made it to bed rather early.  Even so I could not wake well this morning.  The girls worked me over.  Using me as a race track or diving board, or sparring with their whiskers.  For the last three hours of "sleep", I had one or the other letting me know I should wake.  Unusual, actually.  I wonder if someone is outside, or maybe a dog, they try to wake me?  I'll look for tracks.  Though cats can sometimes just be strange, and stranger than that on any give day for no reason.  Plus, both are girls, and girls double down on that three times a week or more.  :p

I just can't catch up or keep up.  I think I am recovering from the stresses of recent events.  Oh, I've been here before, and been shut down much more harshly.  Just for pure health reasons.  Engineering school itself, was five times as bad, and without any medication for the heart to bring me up even this little bit.  Trust me, I've known far worse.  I think I just need a little time to rest and recover.  I'll get there.

As to the dream the other night, I... do have some wonder.  Being that I can go into a woman's dream, and am more than a little way to beyond the veil... plus having been clean over to that side several times... was she in my dreams or did I escape the bonds of the mortal coil and visit her thoughts.  Souls don't sleep, thus don't dream.  But having been on that side, I know how powerful the thoughts of such beings, in that state, can be.

A rough day.

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Nothing done, not much.  I did wash the fruit, ate well finally, but could do little.  It snowed, but that is mostly melting away on it's own.  The house needs a lot of cleaning.  I just can't seem to get to it.  Medicine is going down well and regularly.  I may be drinking too much fluid, I simply can't seem to stop.  Thirst is just amazing, demanding, commanding.  I would place it at two gallons and more each day... more like three gallons the last three or four days.

I believe I'll go to bed early tonight.  I have been watching Spartacus.  Truth is, while it is okay, movies and episodes are... slow.  Watching them, even ones which interest me, is quite slow.  Reading is quicker entertainment.  The problem with reading is that it is draining.  More so when I hit the parts that are less... engaging.  I can only watch, often, an half hour or so of the hour episodes at a time.  And movies, I can only watch those about a third to half the movie a sitting.  I am hoping I hit a book that draws me in soon.  Even those are rare, becoming rarer.  And with authors going left like idiots, my patience grows thin.

Ugh... Good night.  I think I'll hit it right now.  See you in the morning.

How wonderful can the terrible be?

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A woman I knew haunted my dreams two nights ago.  I knew her most of my life, through all of our stages in life, from very young to these days.  Lost, recently.  Love?  Yes.  In ways only... very close people can know.  Only those of the opposite sex who love the beauty of that.  Never known, in that way, but known the hunger, both ways, mutually.  How dear a solid, true, platonic love?  Only this sort of relationship could expose the full depth.

She had, in my eyes, fallen... while still alive.  I had stopped answering her calls.  I could not handle where she had gone.  She had problems.  I could not help.  I kept her in my prayers, from time to time, but knew that, as close as we had been, she was more of a danger to bring me down with her than for me to help her out of her despair.

She had, at once, tested me.  She wanted to know... some things about me.  She wanted to know, for sure, if there was more than an civil interest, geniality.  She also wanted to know about the nature of my hungers.  Further, she wanted to know if I was a base man or could control, even steeped in my cup.  I passed her tests, if... who knows what pleases a woman, even if it is right, laudable, powerful, in a man.  Still... she knew all from her test.

In my dream, she came as a woman from heaven.  How a woman can love there, in innocents, is a bit powerful for a man here.  Even one such as I.  Bound, hedged, avowed, and powerful through time and will, even so, real open innocent love is... can... unlock such things.  Heaven always trumps earth.

Yes, she knew all my secrets.  She probably surmised even more than most readers here, and fully.  For she knew and explored some things directly.  Still, she knew the botttom lines and borders.  A song, one I have played here before, often at a time, popped to the surface.  Very strange, as they do that rarely these days.  Either youtube is dying, or it is killing some things for some viewers, or...  Don't know.  So, that this one popped the day after the dream, just...  But... it... made sense to me.  A song sung for her, to her.

Out yesterday.

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It seems my local account was in trouble.  So I needed to add some money.  A bill that came later in the month.  The only one.  I may have to end their automatic payments since they can't seem to just take the payment out on the third, as I had requested.  Why they do that I neither know nor care.  They always promise they will, and one of them doesn't.  Too stupid to do a simple thing.  Anyway, I did get that arranged.

Afterward, shopping.  It's not my favorite thing.  Lettuce, milk, cream, just some basics to cover some ground.  Pistachios and a few treats.  Absolutely nothing fancy.  I take a pound of pistachios and cut it out into quarters or fifths, then eat a portion or two a week.  As well as sunflower seeds, to split into that same rotation.  Though sometimes I get carried away and double the portion.

It snowed last night.  It looks like an inch to three.  It was blowing, and wetter when it arrived so it stuck to things and lays oddly.  Difficult to know for sure how much.  Well, and I wasn't terribly awake when I looked.  I'll get too it before too long, probably.  Still just a bit off from all things.  I'll... try.

I finally found a source by which to check out a few television series I had been curious about.  Some proved too faggoty to even bother, such as one about Da Vinci.  They can keep that.  Right out of the gates, nothing but fluff.  Dumped it.  I did find Spartacus, blood and sand or such.  I have been curious about that for... a while.  So far not fluffery, if they do have a penchant for nudity.  I just skip those.  I am celebite on the one hand, and have zero interest in naked men for that part.  Still, the story seems interesting enough.  Blood in war and history isn't... it's just a simple part of my understanding.  Nothing to get hung about.  I'm into the third episode.

Really, most of those series and moves that many of you know?  I have never seen.  I won't watch things with commercials.  I won't pay much if any at all.  And if it's too modern, queer, stupid, girly, fan-boy, nerdy, or... such... I'll dump it without a thought.  I simply have no interest in being lied to or herded toward the stupid.  And I have, mostly, been unplugged for as long as most highschoolers have been alive.  So...  Still, I have been checking out series which rose to my notice and at least piqued my curiosity.

Well?  Later.  Good morning, and good day.

Up late.

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I actually went to bed at a good hour.  That wasn't the problem.  It isn't like I did too much work yesterday.  I adjusted the thermostat according to my needs well enough.  I attempted to eat, if that has been a slight issue lately... I did get some food down.  Medicine has been going in, if not all of it quite yet.  As I discussed, I wanted to set somethings going, then add the water pill which has been done, and next, maybe today, to add the heart pill back in.  That is a rough son of a gun, but I think I am ready to add it.  So... no real problems on my part.  I simply could not wake.

If I need a little extra sleep I have learned to just take it.  Fighting it simply doesn't work.  I could end up in real problems, fast.  Better to take an extra hour or two than be tired for the next week, losing any and all traction as to function, and be miserable too.  Get that extra sleep and see if bedtime can be trimmed a bit, and maybe if I can regain any lost ground.  If I can do that in a day or two, keep focus for several days on that, then often, these days, I can retain a good schedule.  Otherwise I begin losing the day schedule.

I am really going to push to do some dishes and laundry today.  If the laundry all needs redone, so be it.  If I can clear the stuff in baskets, I'll do that.  The wrinkles won't be too bad.  I at least line shirts up, length wise, in prep for handing them.  Jeans might be messy though.  If a damp towel and some time in the dryer might do both of those some good... if they smell fresh enough.  Yeah.

A shower would be good, if I may hold that hostage to dishes.  And I'll hit laundry, a bit, before even dishes.  Perhaps boiling some eggs would be a good thing, as well, today.  With dishes, I may also cook a small batch of rice or set beans to soaking.  I am sure hoping to kick things off a bit today.  Even if I can't eat, I am hungry.  Maybe work will help that.

I had two intense dreams the other night.  I won't work on them yet.  Maybe later.  One was how love with the opposite sex exists in heaven.  The other was about seeing Him, and some things.  That dream was a bit... confused.  I'm working on it.  If I can put the pieces togther.  I got a message from it, not really something for others.  But the dream itself can be explored.  Real message?  It fits with my learning, doesn't add, subtract, or otherwise modify other than intensity, so I will take it unqualified in any other way.  Later, if at all.  Still... wondering? piecing?

Later.

Okay.

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Well... looks like my ssd check is in.  They didn't tell me when it might arrive.  It is listed as having cleared on the 14th.  Good, good.  I still have to sign the paperwork and get that in.  Yeah, but... I had to look it over, and glad I did.  So...  Still, this paperwork then starts a complete review.  While back in some money I am still not out of the woods.  One thing at a time.

I haven't been able to get to work.  I simply don't have it in me.  However, having some money means I can get the house payment this month, and I think the utilities, which are late.  And then do some minor shopping.  If the pig arrives, I should be able to do that cash, too.  Ugh.  If I can remember, focus.  I'm not in the best of shape.  This might help unjangle some nerves though.  Especially if I can get busy and pay some things.  Yeah.

You know what I am hungry for?  Apples were good, pears better, and all that, but... donuts.  I'd love to try those cronuts, and may someday, but for now just some storebought.  I would have to do a lot of cleaning and dishes to get the world in order to even begin working on the cronuts.  But I sure... would like those.  I am positive they would be better than storebought.  But the last I had really weren't too bad.  They were actually good.  A treat, now and then.

Ugh.  Later or good night.

Much better?

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It seems that way.  Then again it is in the 50's F outdoors.  That doesn't hurt.  I thought I had missed recycling yesterday.  But, being a holiday, probably not.  So first thing, mostly, I got the bin out to the curb.  I don't think I have enough trash to bother taking out.  Maybe a partial bag, sum total.  I haven't been cooking, shopping, or such, so I haven't been having anything to toss.  It is actually windy, and still in the 50's.  It is a warm enough wind, I guess, that it doesn't cut.  A very strange deep winter.  It happens, though.  More, I do suspect they are tinkering with the weather.

Yes, sleep was very good.  I set the alarm for eight plus change hours.  I woke a bit before the time, then added an hour for more sleep.  Dreams.  What women do in my brain on some nights... then again, I know I do it back.  I don't know if you can smell, feel, taste, touch, and such, in your dreams.  But I can.  Anyway...  Not sure I needed the extra hour, wanted it.  I slept, and woke, well.  Just tinkered a bit before realizing I could probably get the recycling out.  It's nearly full.  Not that I create a lot of recycling, I just don't take it out every time.  Over time it just gets full.  Bleh.  The woes of middle class mid-America?  :p

I didn't get much done yesterday.  Other than finding the phone and attempting to get it working.  I have been told that the phones may be dead.  While my neighbor uses a different company, I'd bet dollars to donuts all the companies out here use the same wiring and just split it out, or even bill it out, independently.  So... that might be the problem with the phone.  I'll call later.  Then again, finding the phone took quite a bit of digging.  I'd spend an half hour to hour looking here or there, taking a break, and looking elsewhere.  Yes... I have piles of loot.  And am easily distracted.  :p

A shower, shortly.  Then setting up dishes.  Maybe tinkering with laundry, if more to open up the baskets and either decide to rewash those clothes or put them up... in prep for beginning using the machines again.  If I'm blocked up at the folding/storing end, it doesn't work well to just continue washing and drying.  Blah.

Later.

Always a mixed bag.

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I haven't done much today.  I did a bit, and found the phone.  I plugged it in and... I can hear something, but can't get a dial tone or otherwise call out.  Being a holiday I will have to wait until tomorrow.  Oh, and I need to check about this being unlisted.  She kept skipping the answer to that.  She is made to sell, push, not be honest.  I am supposed to have 30 days to end the service.  If they can't or won't offer an unlisted phone, I'll find another service.  If I can get this going, I will dump my cell.  Of course, then I will have to get an ereader or tablet, maybe both.  I just won't go with ms win, really don't care for android, but absolutely will not get apple.  It's not a matter of good, better, best, it's a matter of which steals and sells your data the least, at this point.

A shower, shortly, maybe.  It's a bit of a rough day.  Still, I think it'll work out.  I have hamburger thawing, though I'd like to find some chops too.  Pork, lamb, all good.  Perhaps a roast of some sort as well.  I need to eat, even if it's a bear to get going on cooking.  I seem to be cooking good meals, when I can, as lopsided as things are.  I just wish I had a bit more energy and could really put out a near feast of a meal.  I'm hungry.

Well, later, I suppose.  A nap would be nice but I don't see it happening.  Good day.

Better, again, maybe.

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I stayed awake a little longer than planned last night.  I'll work to remedy thay.  The goal is to be asleep by 21:00.  I suppose longer days and the warmer weather play a part.  It is always precarious for me.  Too little work, too much or too fast of change in the environment, too hungry, too much food, too much or little work, or just health acting up, or other things.  My body is fussy and I cannot account for all the variables.  No worries.  I'll keep at it.

I set the alarm for 7:00, rounding up bedtime to 23:00.  I woke more around 5:30, and easily, so simply turned off the alarm and got on with my day.  I am working to brush my teeth more regularly.  Actually moving from rarely, to twice a day, and now to, often, three times a day.  That comes and goes, I often lose track.  I suppose, if you can get to a certain age, and you haven't rotted your teeth out, they can be... taken for granted a bit more often.  As I said, I haven't had a cavity in... since... 1993~4?  I think so.  Still, there are reasons to try to keep up.

When my checks begin coming in, while I do have some other things of interest, I would like to get my teeth cleaned.  I am not interested in a checkup, just a cleaning.  If the doc can't handle that, I'll find another.  I could get it free, at the V.A.  But the travel costs would be similar to the costs of a cleaning.  I could apply for travel, but that has always been sketchy.  Sometimes they send it, sometimes they just circular file the request.  Bureaucratic problems, some of the first, started there.  Oh, and I would also like to get in to an eye doctor, get set up for new glasses, and begin ordering.  I'd like to order two functional pair and have two in reserve.  Two would be bifocal standard daily drivers, two would not be... sunglasses/activeware glasses, but over time.  I have found an, comparatively, inexpensive source, and would like to compare various sources.  I have seen bifocals, without the lines, for as little as $150(ish).  Regular glasses for much less.  Just... wanting to keep up on some things.

I am hoping to get to work today.  I won't say I will end up doing a lot of work.  Two or three small loads of dishes, a shower, work on the laundry and get that all back on track, and some tidying up in the kitchen.  Well, and putting meat out to thaw.  Hmm, and a trip to the post office here in town.  Both to get out and to get the ssa form in the mail.  I am beginning to get some umph back, maybe.

Good morning and day.

Raining?

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It is February.  Crazy.  It jangles the nerves.  It could freeze at any moment, leaving sheets of ice that would be harsh to try to get through.  It really could shut everything down for a good while, if it went bad at the wrong time.  There is also still a goodly amount of snow out there, which will melt with the rain and because of the temps that allow for it to rain.  Oh well.  It is wonderful to sleep with the warmer temps and pitter-patter.

I slept well enough, I think.  Not too deeply, not too shallow.  I woke at 4:00(ish).  I looked over the news.  There really isn't much happening that I find interesting.  Though, for you, generally, that is a good thing.  I tell you, this last week, I had a sense that something big, and bad, was going to happen.  About midweek to near the end, I felt as if that had broken.  Either the plans were interrupted or pulled.  Of course, with things like that, it might be delayed... assuming the players weren't caught, rounded up, and are sitting in a nearly cosmic circular file.  I think .int, .mil, and .sec realized, from Zero, that they can't trust the president and certain other aparatus to secure enemies who need to be secured.  They won't make that mistake again?  Maybe.  That is a slippery slope, and, yet, it is what it is.  Given a choice of trusting them, with serious oversight, in the shorter term, and trusting Zero, I have to go with them.  Actually, that is how it used to be done, until someone decided hot, multi-national, international, wars was a better idea, then just started zapping people with bomb tossing flying robots.  Yeah... choices.

I'd love to rent a movie, or find something to watch.  But have you seen what they offer lately?  I am trying to finish off some books.  The weather, which is causing me to be drousy already, doubles or triples the effect of reading... even when I can wake well enough to read in the first place.  Gah!  I have several books lined up for next, hopefully a bit more engaging then the ending of Dante's Comedies.  One of the poets will be chosen, as well as either the Silmarillion or Children of Hurin, by JRR Tolkien.  I am enjoying having two books, of different sorts, to read at a time.  If one does not quite suit the mood or interest, the other might well do.  Both were physical books this last time.  Next will be one real and one ebook.

Oh, sudoku has been very good recently.  In the last two weeks, on a virgin run, I have hit a 13, 11, 9, several 7, and a 5 second score.  Now, while I can do these, I don't hit them, usually, this often.  Even for me this is fast on fast.  Often only hitting one of the superfast times once every week or two.  That's a superfast score every other day, and, with how things have been, I haven't been playing every day.  So... yeah... very good.

Later.

A wicked winter?

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You know, not so much.  Out here we got more snow than usual, or lately.  Someone was saying the old timers suggested it has been 25 years or so since there has been this much snow.  And while I have some some of the coldest snaps, even spells, since I have been here, I have also seen some of the warmest days in winter since I have been here... into the 50's.  I think it has been a darker winter, more overcast than usual.  That is subjective, just a sense, I haven't actually looked.  Then again I don't trust the news, not even local.

My sense of exhaution, though?  I was thinking it was just me.  My mother called to check in today.  While we were talking, we crossed that topic.  It's not just me.  She, her friends and coworkers, all seem to have some serious exhaustion this year.  Her weather out there seemed as difficult, or more perplexing, as ours.  I am wondering if it isn't the large changes in weather which are causing the problem, or even just that the sun hasn't been out so much?  In any case, it is good to know it isn't just me.  Probably.  I should ask around more locally.

Not much going on today.  I'd like to push through with Dante's final book.  I must admit, it is mostly lost on me.  I enjoyed the first, was curious about a part in the second, but this third book is... less appealing.  Too fictional, with less support from other both holy and theological writings.  Still, it is an amazing piece of work.  It pretty much would be, or contain elements, of the encyclopedia of his time, framed in poetry.  Science, religion, the stars, mythology, philosophy, geography (as they understood it), etc.  Amazing.  Still... too often, in this last book, *zzz*...

Later.

Not doing the best.

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I have had worse.  The only thing wrong, really, is that I can't quite sleep well.  Problems on the mind, as well as going through some part of my illness, on top of a minor infection.  When I scraped my leg, usually that just heals well by itself.  Not this time.  The wound area is sore and just a bit pink.  It actually is looking and feeling better.  I wish I had stocks of various antibiotics, I'd use one.  The other otpiion, I think, is to remove the scab, clean the area, then bandage it using triple antibiotic ointment.  I don't want to do that.  If it doesn't clear up in a few days, though, I will.  It's time for me to see the doctor, but I can't afford that unless my ss check comes in.  Having him deal with this, on top of my usual checkup, would be fine.  I can't go for medicine for reasons on their own, other than keeping my license.

I am sleeping hard, perhaps too hard.  My schedule isn't doing well, off.  I have been busting myself up trying to get to a day schedule, to make handling some of these problems a bit easier.  Actually, I probably woke a bit too early.  I may attempt returning to sleep.  I may go back to using the alarm clock, but this time not so much to wake me, but in an attempt to sleeping the right amount of time.  Health, thoush, sometimes, means that isn't an option.  Sometimes I have to sleep long.  Sometimes I can't sleep long enough.  Not always, or even often when everything is up in the air, a choice.

I'll keep at it.  Later.

The call, finally.

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I called today.  They do have my address changed, however the paperwork they sent with me has the old/wrong address.  I was told to mechanically change that address.  I asked what to expect.  I was told they will call me, though the operator did not sound confident.  It sounded more like he was telling me whatever he thought I wanted to hear.  I told him I am no longer with the V.A.  This isn't adding up.

I will change the address, then send it in the next time I am in town or even the next time I check my mail.  No postage is necessary.  There is other paperwork in there, but I didn't see that any of it seemed to require signatures or such.  I'm not in the best shape, so can't be absolutely sure.  No postage is necessary, there is that.

Yeah, took all week to get in mostly good enough shape to look things over then call.  No, they aren't looking out for me.  Honestly, I think they though the pressure would kill me.  I think they know exactly what is wrong and mean to use that against me.  If I was an illegal, they'd be bending over backwards to help.  We definitely need to fix this.  Trump has his hands full with spies from our government.  If he can figure that out, survive it, hopefully he'll then figure much of this out.

Later.

No idea when.

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I think I was awake until well after noon.  Then I planned a nap.  I was probably more tired than I thought.  I left the machines on, thinking two hours would be it... if I am reading things right.  I don't rightly recall and what I do remember might have been from yesterday or some other day.  Yeah, crashing hard when I crash.  Waking up with all the machines on, though, usually means I either thought I was going to get back up shortly or I crashed really hard.  I just don't think I crashed that hard, if I did sleep very well and long.  I simply misinterpreted the impulse to sleep, most likely.

I have been dreaming, but those aren't being remembered when I wake.  Hmm... maybe I turned the machine on, mid-sleep, in order to try to record a dream at some point?  I know that has been on my mind in the last few days.  But was it tonight, and in any case, did I carry through?  Yeah, I know.  Memory stinks when exhaustion is pummeling me.

Oh, I am hoping to make a call and sign and send the form tomorrow.  It is a threefolded form, so I can't capy it myself.  Might make a trip to town to get that done.  You can't trust these people at all.  They are just as likely to lose it, or create some problem with it, as to send it through and use it.  Accidentally or on purpose, they do not wish to help you, do their job, or get it done.  That is just how it is and we all know it.  I think they finally understand that most of us understand and so are openly hostile to us.  That... won't be successful either.

Oh, if I make it to town I can get some groceries.  Apples and pears were fantastic for an addition.  Mushrooms are a good add once in a while.  I am learning not to try to stock up on muschrooms though.  The canned are too salty and the fresh go pretty quickly, more so when I don't cook all that often.  And, really, raw mushrooms aren't all that great on salads.  Just... a nice add to cooked meats once in a while.  And milk has been wonderful, and I'll need more butter.  After trial and error, I have found certain brands of butter that I find better, affordable, and can freeze.  The better kinds go rancid if even left in the fridge, but freezing makes them last several months anyway.  I just don't do rancid.  Probably edible, mostly, just... no.

Hmm... on to waking and getting some information ready for the phone call.  Good morning, sooner or later for you.  Be well.

Not my rules.

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She has always accused me as such.  While... I do as I may to live by them, I didn't make them.  While I hope she will attempt to live by them, I can't even enforce that.  Oh... I'll give it a shot.  Sometimes to cover my butt, sometimes so I don't have to deal with my failures.  But I can't make her good, right, perfect.  And, honestly, trying is beyond me.  More so since I can't live that way myself.
Then there are singers, artists, out there who... seem to get me.  While this one plays her side, she also seems to... get some of it beyond her side.  Obvious, to me, in her presentation.  Dreams.  Stolen.  Sung?  Or... maybe I'm simply not as alone as I sometimes wonder.

With and at, I think, as she laughs at me again.  With, yeah, and at.

Oh... just... watching, remembering, adding, and thinking.  Dames... they... just get to me, even now.  Wouldn't want that to ever change.  Good... morning?  Yeah, and day if you have it left to you.

Just off.

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I was able to be awake until early to mid afternoon.  I can't be sure, but somewhere between 14:00 and 16:00 I had to go back to bed.  Was there a nap earlier?  Maybe.  I am starting to sleep better, become rested.  But I am needing more sleep.  Not only sleeping full rest periods after only a partial day, but also needing naps between full sleep cycles.  I'm not going to fight it, the cost ends up being a bit high... more sleep, and never feeling fully awake.  Yeah, after I have slept, or napped, I can wake more fully.  I just can't maintain it for long.

I have been trying to keep fed.  It's not perfect, but a little or more each day helps.  I can't always eat well, much as with resting right.  I can only do my best.  Unfortunately, I am well and truly out of money until next month.  If I want anything else, I'm pretty much just out of luck.  I think it'll work out.  Oh... wait... I do have pretty good room on my credit card.  I don't like to use it for groceries.  But, then, I can pay that part off immediately as soon as I get my checks in.  Yeah, okay, I'll probably do that later this week or early next.  Gotta have some milk once in a while, and fruit has been great.  At least I don't need to buy meat.  I can go pretty slim at the stores, but fruits and veggies are good once in a while just because.  And even a treat.

I have been doing my best to get potassium back up, and get back on vitamins... oh, and I started the water pill.  I might take a shot at getting carvedilol started again.  The stuff is heavy duty, and yet, if I can get back on top of it, like a medicine surfer, it seems to help.  Well?  Later.  Good morning if I don't post again before then.

Oh well.

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I sleep when I can, as long as I may, and am awake otherwise to varying levels of success at that.  At least, finally, after a few days of attempting to force my schedule around, if successfully, then sleeping as I was able, I feel... better.  I am not tired awake, unable to sleep well, and all.  I can't sleep as I should, or stay awake all that long, but when I do either I am more fully able to be at it.  I am not haunted with fatigue.

I am hoping to figure this out more through the week and do some work around here.  I think I'll be able to make some phone calls today, perhaps get going on some other things as well.  I need to find contact information for my doctor, otherwise the bureaucrats will try to contact the V.A. (who already know, I promise you, that I am no longer being seen at the V.A. (yeah, go fed bureaucracies!), will send information to them, then raise a stink that I'm "not being seen").  Look, as two federal bureaucracies, and as much as you must sign to get on social security, they know probably everything about me.  This cancelation of my disability check is just punishment for not being a good boy.  Heck, it might be another attack directed FROM the Vet Admin.  Yeah, really.

I only have a breast of the chicken I braised.  I hope it is good.  I won't be doing anything like chicken salad, I just don't... have clear and cleaned space to do that, or the energy.  Still, warmed and eaten, if it's good and I think so from the last check, it will provide good energy.  If I can get through half the dishes today, I'll set about boiling more eggs.  Those simply do well.  Oh, and with the fresh eggs, I plan to make more mayo.  Not sure what the problem is but I haven't beed doing that well lately.  This time I plan on drizzling in the light olive oil.  I didn't have to do that the first... four or five times.  Now it just isn't working.  Bleh!

Later.

Sleep is just not right.

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I was up early, took a nap midday, then was to bed by 21:00 almost exactly.  I woke sometime after midnight and could not get back to sleep.  At 3:00 I am going to try to slip back to sleep.  I'm not sure what it is up.  This is unusual, even for me.

I was glad to have purchased fruit the other day.  Apples and pears, nothing fancy but I miss it when it's been a while.  I'll work the salad up tomorrow, work on the meat that was cooked, and have another apple or pear.  Pears seem to go bad more quickly, compared to the apples I usually buy.  So... pears first.  Sometime I'd like to bake those with something.  Just... to be different?  Yeah.  Might have to see which pears bake best.  And a better time for them to roast/bake.  I doubt if they need a full half hour.

Yeah, I'll try to get on back to bed.  Good night again.

Went down hard and fast.

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Some nights I take my socks off, some nights I choose to keep them on.  Never to I conciously choose to take only one of them off.  All night, as I neared wakefulness I knew something was wrong.  Not until nearly waking for the final time did I realize what the problem was.  Yes, one sock on, one off.  I was awake long yesterday.  Crashed hard when I was able to go in for sleep.  I had hoped to stay up a few hours more.  From waking with one sock, I realized I probably pushed it as was.

I went to bed somewhere after 17:00, and before 18:00... probably and give or take.  I slept hard, maybe too hard.  Ever have one of those nights where you can't sleep right?  I actually think I was sleeping too hard to sleep right.  That is how it felt, and how it feels this morning.  I slept unt 4:00, give or take a quarter, which was quite a long sleep.  I still feel pretty shot.  If I were a betting man I would lay a small wager that a nap will be in play, and before noon.

Dishes, laundry, and some phone calls today.  My mortgage company, while clearing me, wrote my insurer saying they weren't involved in my home anymore.  Now that they have retaken the loan, they refuse to talk to my insurance company without my permission.  Yeah, as I said, they are just screwing with me.  This is what happens when you question the remnants of Zero's government.  This will change.  Hopefully we see a lot of these people stripped of jobs and any power to screw with Americans for noticing our government has had a brownout.

A few more things, and a bit of time, and it should be back in order.  Later.

Yeah, rough though.

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I did make it in.  A haircut first, then shopping.  I am absolutely fried.  Wasn't it 18:00 when I got up yesterday?  I dunno, maybe I'm confused.  I am really shot.  I think I'll just crash.  Later.

A bit burned out.

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I won't get it all done.  I have gotten the trash together and out, including clearing the refrigerator.  I ate another meal, though seem to just be missing something.  Medicine was consumed.  A shower next, then setting up some of the dishes.  Not all of them, just... some.  I won't be doing dishes today, though I may cycle the rinse, when I get to that point, as I can.  The haircut is set for 16:00.  Later than I'd like.  It'll be a push to get in.  Tired.

Still, I do hope to get it all going, get the cut, then hit the grocery store.  I should write a list.  What... milk, eggs, cream, butter, cabbage, lettuce?  Maybe apples and other fruit?  I really would like to have some snacks.

I don't think I can take care of some of the other business.  I am too tired and stretched to deal with that today.  But I will get it tomorrow, I am sure.  Just a few calls.  And, if I can find the phone I purchased, I'd like to get that going, then cut my Verizon connection.  I'll just keep my mother on, for local, long distance, and travel.  No "smart" plan and only one line should cut quite a bit.  But that won't be today, maybe not tomorrow.  Depends upon when I can find the phone.

Later.

Food, now that I'm nearing being awake.

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I still have chicken, and roast beef.  But I had thawed hamburger with it and want to cook it before it turns.  It still smelled good.  I have learned to sniff-test all meats.  If it has a certain smell, even a bit, best to just toss.  I hate doing it but I won't eat it and wasting the energy cooking it is a nuisance, and more.  I hate when I've just cooked something up, and my body has readied for a meal, only to have to toss it.  Well, and cooking and spicing meat will add a bit more shelf life.  Plus, there isn't much chicken or roast beef left.  Something a bit different would be good.

I have a lot planned for today.  I'll do what I can.  I best check what time the hair cut is scheduled.  I'd like to keep this and maybe two more appointments going for that, then take some time off from that, see how it works out.  Phone calls, a time to check, a shower after food and then after taking out the trash... and clearing the fridge.  Ugh.  Lots of stuff.  Still, it's possible this might be a return to work week.  I don't feel up to it but I don't care how I feel.  I'd like to start smacking the cave back into shape.  I enjoy working and a clean places.  As much of both as I can get.

On to something else or other.  Oh... watching snippets of history documentaries, so long as they keep politics out and don't go (too far) astray.  A little b.s. is doable, going to happen.  Just... don't botch the truth.  I'm not sure if that is some local, regional, or international thing... or if it's some agenda propositions that have been, or mostly, forgotten, foreign or domestic.  Hard to tell, sometimes.  Though documentarians, sometimes, are just stupid and/or ignorant.  Bleh.

Later.

Sleep and all is sort of just shot.

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I can't remember exactly when I went to bed.  More because I pushed as far as I could.  Was it noon, 13:00, maybe 14:00 or later?  As I near the edge of a majory push into wakefulness thought becomes rarified and memory drifts into dream territory.  I woke at 23:00 though, pretty much close enough and for sure.  I tried to sleep longer, and, being that I woke several times a few and single hour before that, and was able to go back to sleep, I did well actually.

The trash has to be collected and put out.  Yeah, it... more than needs it.  Beside the normal stuff, I have something in the fridge.  If I get that out, I hope to get a shower, then do some dishes.  Maybe clean a bit more in hopes of gettign even more trash out... just clutter trash, but it's always good to have that gone.  The world is a creepy place, when it comes to... what is around us, what is required to live.  Yet we all have to live with it, deal with it, our own and even others sometimes.  Rather than learning to hate, perhaps, wherever we are, we should just go with the humility of it.  If someone does this for you, be grateful.  If you live in a clean house, and don't do much of it, or any of it?  Yeah.

I'll try to get to work this week.  I've set up a smaller medicine grouping for this week.  Potassium, vitamins, and the water pill for now.  After I feel more caught up, I'll hit the rest.  Oh, while I won't buy more losartin... too expensive for too little good, if it has no side-effects, I will take the rest of it.  I am adding it to my routine for this week, and on until it is gone.  It only ever brought the b.pressure down by two to five points, barely measureable.  If it does other things... it did seem to smooth life, but not... critically.  Money, money, money, and reason.  I have to do what I can, as I may, and no more.

I have an hair cut on schedule today, too.  Which I mean to make.  I'll do just a bit of shopping while in town.  Cabbage, salad, eggs, cabbage, butter, milk, and cream.  The goal is to keep the costs way down.  Just the cheapest good foods that might last a bit.  And I need to call the social security office, make sure they actually did change my address (though, now that I think on it I think I got a print out of that), and figure out what is really up.  Oh, and give them my new doctors contact info.

So... there is all that.  What?  I don't know.  I'll read this when I am more awake, say a prayer in hopes God can keep me on track and...  We'll see.  Good morning, day, and start to your week.  Bleh?  I know, I know.  Good fortunes!  Right after caffeine and food?  Yeah.

Lights out.

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I went down so very hard after that last post that I can't remember the time.  I looked at the post, for the time.  Having just woke... I think it was 5:58?  Close to 6:00, I think.  Though I am not sure if the time is when the post was started or posted.  I'll be checking.  Oh, and if uses the computer time, it will be off.  Though I think there is some weird time distortion when I post.  As I've suggested, no matter what I do to fix it, it remains.  It is for an emergency shut-down of blogs and the ability to eliminate posts that might print something they don't want out.  If they have found that is not enough time.  By far too little.  *blink*

The thing is, I woke a bit after 18:00.  That would be a twelve hour sleep.  In my condition, it's probably needed.  All good.  I'm still remember that chicken with a smile.  And it didn't just sit in my stomach, as food sometimes does.  I am looking forward to a cut of the beef roast as well.  I'd sure like to work some of the leftovers into various things though.  Not sure I'll get to it, this time, but it's on my mind.  Funny how foods from childhood creep back into the imagination.  Even foods I didn't like or consider a favorite, then, but suspect I will now.  Sure appreciate what my mother did, more, as I do some things myself.  I couldn't raise a kid alone, I don't eat, so cook, let alone shop or such often enough to feed a child, or even a wife.  If she doesn't cook, depending on my current methods, she'd starve.  I eat larger, more, and rarer.  Most can't do that.  I am sort of stuck with it.

Well, I'm on to something else.  Later.

Wow. Nice.

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The beef just finished, and is resting.  I won't have any of that for a while.  But the chicken was fantastic.  I wasn't sure I would eat the breast meat.  Often it's too chalky, dry, even bitter.  This was very good.  I'll bet money the beef is excellent as well.  The aroma tells much.  I really needed some food.  I got it.

After the beef is cook enough, I'll put things in the fridge.  Right now, just in a big bowl with clear-wrap.  When I wake, beside testing the beef, I'll cut things down to size.  Wow, truly, pleased, fed, satisfied, and hoping to get some rest this weekend, then get to things this coming week.

While the chicken wasn't pretty, rosemary, thyme, salt, and pepper... the right method for the right time... and I would have served that to company, happily.  Finally, I found the right chickens to buy and am figuring out the rest.  Boy am I full though.  Good night.

Braised chicken and beef.

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Well, that is the plan.  I have set up the cast ducth oven, and will be doing the chicken first.  I am baking veggies currently, though I should get the chicken out, spice it, and let it come to room temp.  Then I'll sear it, add fats and water, then cover and let it cook for... half an hour, forty five minutes?  No pun, but I generally wing fowl cooking times, whether roasting, broasting, frying, etc.  They say temp will tell for sure.  And it would if... it were at all as accurate as they say.  Hmm?  I mean, checking the thickest part of the thigh, but without hitting the bone, is supposed to tell you the doneness of the whole bird?  I've never had that really work.  I suppose if you are...  I don't know.  All I am saying is I do much better going by scent, appearance, and even then going a little farther.  Yes, I have served many birds, duck, chicken, turkey, if not good yet.

After the chicken, I plan to do a beef roast.  Meats for the week, really.  I am also hoping to make potted beef and chicken salad.  For variety and... just... curious.

I realized timing was odd, so went and prepped the chicken.  Cleaned it and the giblets, spiced, salted, and set to rise to room temp, then checked the ducth oven.  I ended up so busy fussing with that I lost an hour or two.  Oh, but the chicken was wonderful.  Hmm?

I have been becoming used to working with meats.  Beef and pork is easier.  But chicken and other bird from time to time is good.  I should do those tiny chickens again as well.  The thing is, at first, working with raw meats frequently is... icky?  Yes, that would be one term for it.  In time, with familiarization, it isn't so bad.  However, it will always be a bit off.  Though too, as I have improved my ability to spot, and acquire, better meats, and birds, the experience definitely improves.  This chicken was not greasy, or slimy, or weird smelling.  It was firm.  Wet?  Bloody until I rinsed and dried it?  But there is much better product to work with, and this was it.  Yes, that helps.

I ended up cooking the giblets while heating the pan for the whole chicken sear.  Just a dab of things, not much too it.  Fried well, seasoned, and eaten while I was searing the main part.  A wonderful little kitchen treat, and something to forstall the hunger that can set in while cooking.  Then I finished searing, and finally put the bird in.  Oh, I haven't been used to having a convection option.  I am using that for the first time.  I don't think it will make a lick of different, with a whole bird in an enclosed dutch oven.  It's... more of a matter ot putting it my mind that it exists.  Better for split level baking, for cookies, or varied veggies, or some such.  I may have to research that feature.

I actually plan to eat half that chicken.  Though prep the beef, sear it, and get that going while the chicken rests.  Well... I'm trying to do something.  I haven't been eating right, well, enough, for a while.  I'll try to fix that.  I best spice, salt, and get the beef warming to room temp right now, actually.  Later.

Couldn't sleep much.

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It's not on my regular schedule, which is quite off.  I am not sure how long I slept.  I believe I was still awake at 14:00, though how much after I can't say.  I crashed pretty hard.  I woke somewhere around 19:00 to 20:00.  I mostly did my waking rounds.  Tea, blog reading a bit, Gab, a few newsish sites, trying to wake.  I don't feel the best, but that is too be expected.

Finally awake enough, I decided to look at the paperwork they gave me to sign.  First, they didn't seem to update my address.  Second, this paperwork has nothing to do with a new address.  It is the first complete reassessment of my disability that I have had in twenty years.  I will call Monday, check on my address, and find out more about this.  As I said, they gave me a address form to change, then yanked that, then told me to wait for someone who was supposed to talk to me but never did.  Then as I was being skipped again, and talking to another about it, they called me up, handed me these papers, and didn't explain anything.  Just sign, I was told, and leave it in the drop box.

So, my check will not even close to be forthcoming.  This says it allows them to look through any record they wish.  But what records do they even know about.  For one thing, I am seeing a private physician at this time.  Yeah, they are in it for blood.

I made it.

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I have no idea if the trip meant anything.  No one actually talked to me about the form I was handed, after two hours, with an indication of where to sign and nothing else.  They said I could just sign it there and turn it in.  Without reading it or explanation?  No thank you.  I'm not sure I have a choice.  But I will make copies and read it over.  If I have questions I will call.  They really might not answer.  I'll tell more when this has been sorted.

It is a good thing I stayed up and went early.  Beside the time it took in office, the weather was nasty.  While, for the most part, it wasn't near freezing... except in the pass which was a bit harrowing... it has rained for a day and a half now?  And it has been warm.  Plus we had buckets of snow, and that is melting!  Only on the way back, but around the Wellsville rout I ended up going through many noted and not flood zones.  Some only an inch or three, some as deep as probably six inches.  Sometimes it was obvious, sometimes not.  I learned to go very slow.  Was glad to have a trucker ahead of me, at first.  Then I realized it didn't mean anything to him.  I couldn't really keep up, safely, and somehow he never gave any warning.  Tight.

I have driven through flooded areas before, just not when it was this fresh, ongoing really.  Or many just not this severe?  It wasn't to the point of washed out roads.  But you didn't even want to hit an inch or two at any speed.  I was very pleased to back into the garage and get in, calling it a day.  I'll look over the paperwork sometime this weekend, see if it makes sense, call Monday if need be.  Burned out in every way.  I'll... tell you more when I can.

I'll have a tea or two, then hit it.  I am well and truly burned out, but so burned out I can't just crash.  I'll have to... peak, then drop, and finally crash.  I'm still in the air on the way to some target.  More so as I am not sure the trip actually did anything but create more paperwork, more trips, more calls.  I don't think it did anything.  I would have to trust they were honest, and mean to do their job.  To say the least, I am not convinced.  We'll see, once I do some sorting, send it in, and get probably some sort of denial I again have to work through.  It's what I have to do, just...  Don't think I don't get it.  I wonder how many illegals work in there, how many antifas or sympathizers, etc?  That is what I was facing.

Later, or good night.

No sleep.

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Realizing it just wasn't going to happen, the other option is to go long.  Since I didn't sleep, or work, I am still clean from my shower later last night.  I simply need to do minor grooming, dress, and be on my way.  If I think I will stop for breakfast.  Something small, simple, but enough.  And coffee.  I have the directions, and will put them in my jacket.

I can go at any time.  Traffic will be a bear for a while, though should mellow in a few hours(?).  If I have breakfast closer to where I am heading out, that'll buy some time.  The morning rush hour from here to there is nasty.  Though I don't have to push, so I could just pick a spot in the slow lane and dawdle.  No, the slow lane is not the right lane.  Some people.

I am pretty sure I bought a phone, one that is corded all the way around.  The handset is corded, I mean.  No radio transmissions.  I need to find that, see if my connections works.  I just don't want to spend time, quite yet, looking for it.  Yeah, I'm probably done with wireless.  Once I get that set up, I'll end my connection through verizon, for my part.  I can keep that phone with, and charged.  It still works for 911.  Though I might not even do that.  I don't like being tracked, and possibly eavesdropped.  It has simply become more of a liability than a service.

Oh, sure, laugh.  Just remember, I had one of the first cell phones.  Guess what?  They laughed at me then, too.  You'll join me, in dumping it, and very possibly sooner than you think.  All you need to be is stung once and you'll figure it out.  Oh well, I best be going.

Oh, so very good.

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I'm finally up to it.  A shower, brushing teeth, this and that other thing.  I am so behind in cleaning.  I don't have to travel to find a mess, but I can't really catch up.  I'm thinking this video might be the way I have to go.  I'll... have to wait until I get caught up financially, then... get a quote.  If between help and myself I can get on top, then between all keep it that way, I'd... sure be a lot happier.
There is only so much I can do, and only some of the time.  But I do like it clean.  I like myself clean.  Then again, not as a kid, not in the service... we live in a dirty men.  And men who go out, under, over, through the world to do what they do... just have to deal with it.  My illness is just a homebound way of doing what I did, in a way, when I could get out.  Still... clean is good.

As well?  Since I can't wash in water as often as I want, due to hands drying out?  I have two sorts of non-water hand cleaners.  One with alcohol for when I feel too... vulnerable.  But that'll dry worse, so I have another kind.  Yes, yes, I... love to be clean and most of the world grosses me out.  Have you ever handled a chicken for roasting?  Nasty!  Anyway...  Another problem solved.

And some of us are just extra lucky in finding the worst of it.  Who knows, that might be why I survived.  They say a little poison is good for you.  I've found my share, rolled around in it, ate it, drank it, and that was the accidental and incidental.  *help!*

Man do showers feel good.  More so after 'being on the road' for a bit too long.  Good night.

While I couldn't get to town, I hit something else.

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One of my email accounts was down.  I had forgotten the password and haven't been in shape or a mood to track through that.  Simply, as problems go, it was a lesser one.  Yes, the lesser ones add up, but until they do, or it gets bad enough, I simply don't muster to mess with them.  I took care of that tonight, and got another bird with that stone.

I signed up for a phone, a home phone.  In a 12 month, I get it for $14 extra, with messaging.  Long distance, even Canada, all that jazz.  I got another message from Verizon.  This time it was clearer.  They do owe me about $500 and change.  They don't just pay out though, who knows when I'll be able to get that money.  When the new phone is up and working, I will cancel the cellphone.  I'll keep my mothers' phone operational, unless they fuss too much.  No more smartphones, just a stupid phone, just one, and not for me.  Actually, it turns out that it's more like just $10 extra a month.

That'll save me a bundle and I don't have to mess with advertising, spying, cracking of my phone, the stealing of data or info through the air, etc.  I'll miss soduku, and will need to get an ereader.  But the best ereaders are about the cost of my smartphone montly cost, but one-time.  Yeah...  Cutting cords, and costs, and troubles, left and right.  Eventually people, and they, will figure it out.  Ma Bell found out.  They all do.  And no one even looks back.  Greed has a price.

Burgers, tonight.  I thawed meat for tonight, and that was my want.  Tomorrow I am hoping to roast a chicken, perhaps a beef roast as well, so as to have food for most of next week all ready.  Boiling eggs too... if I have energy when I return home.  Depending on how it goes, I might be rather lifted, elevated, ready to cook to get ready for what else life holds in store.  I want to work instead of mess around with bureaucrats, thieves, and whatnot.

I am hoping to get a shower, yet, then air dry a bit, then to bed, while it is still earlier.  Wish me luck?  Later, or good night.

Not quite today.

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It just took a little long.  I could, possible, get down there, more or less in time.  But who knows how long the wait to be seen would be.  Every time I have been to this one it takes... a long time, an half hour to hour, to be seen.  Once for myself and once I took someone else.  In such a case, showing up today would mean another trip tomorrow.  On some things I am not a betting man.  So, tomorrow it is.  Although, with everything clear, and shower to be taken soon, and probably again tomorrow, I might be able to shove off right after waking.  I just have too much... holding me down today.  And the timing is wrong, it's gotten too late.

I am amazed, on Gab, when you write something on a different topic?  And people begin tagging it?  Political operatives will move in to tamp the notion, or you personally.  Can't be sure with this types, though it might be either or both.  They pull something out from so long ago you had forgotten you wrote it, and leave it as stink bait.  I have begun calling it out, so people can begin to see the propaganda war that is truly being waged against them.  It isn't just on television, or in the papers or magazines, it's not just on billboards.  It's in their churches, it's from their school, it's even right their at Gab.  Either be herded, and pay the consequences, or begin learning how to spot the enemy.  I promise you, if they are herding you?  It's not for your own good.  They are trying to corner you into supporting more immigration, illegal or not, or to talk you into weakening the rule of law in other ways, or to support abortion and fatherless families.  They always have an agenda, and often the left is nearly a unified force.  A force against what is good, decent, right, and truly Christian.  Look closer when you are being herded.  Those aren't kindly smiles.

Oh well.  On the good side, I am up, doing better, feeling better, and getting ready.  The horizon has much on it, but things I want to do.  I always have more to do than I have time or other means.  This is a good thing, for now.  I am sure looking forward to the shower, save that the scrape on the leg will be uncomfortable to negotiate.  I ripped a good four by two gash in it.  It's closed over, but still has that burning stinging thing going on.  I know the shower will exacerbate that, especially when soaped.  Yeah, gotta do it.  Just don't want to.

Later.

Up and at it.

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I woke at a pretty good pace and at a reasonable hour.  It didn't hurt that the drive is clear.  I can't tell if someone worked it or if it simply thawed off.  Though I suspect someone did it.  I'll look more closely when I go out.  That added a little speed to my step, I must admit.  Something about not having to face that when weak, or weakened.  Oh, my pinkie if finally back in good order though.  Not that that ever stopped me, it's just I can use that hand without causing occasional throbbing through that hand and arm really.

Yeah, a shower first.  A good, solid, deep cleaning, sudsy, double or triple wash shower.  Hot, extra hot, and a bit longer.  Being just a bit before noon thirty I have the time.  Thankfully, one of the last things I did before realizing one of my checks wasn't coming in was to fill the gas tank.  Just this one last piece of business and, either this month or next, I'll be back in the black and on top of the surf, rather than tumbling through it.

Dreams.  War.  Some terrible enemy who had been attacking for some time, the leader, captured.  I was showing him mercy, by putting my sword through his face rather than turning him over to my less than happy cohorts when the alarm went off.  I can't remember so surely ever having killed a man, and in such a way.  I suppose I have dreamed of shooting men, and killing one by hand... broke his neck since my firearms were stowed and the meeting was a surprise.  But never have I dreamed of killing a man with a sword, in war or duel.  Anyway.  The alarm sort of ruined it.  Like to kill?  How about like to survive, and win, against aggression?  Yes.  Could, and would, do that all day long.  Well, in theory.  Too old now.  Could probably only do it until noon, then I'd need at least a short nap.

I'll try to keep my browsing and such short.  But I do need some waking time.  I don't have a pull start.  Electric, and the board is a bit corroded.  It'll get there.  Hmm, I'll have something to eat along the way, too.  Nothing fancy, just something.  Gotta have something.  Just haven't been doing right by food lately.  Can't eat as much as anything.  All good.  Today I will eat.  Later.

Getting to bed early?

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Maybe earlier.  Ugh.  On the good side, while I haven't gotten out to shovel, the temps have been staying above freezing, so I shouldn't end up with a frozen mess.  The hope is, if I can get to sleep now, set the alarm for eight hours and change, get up, shower, shovel, and then figure out where I am in the day.  I know it will take a bit to shake off sleep.  Ugh.

If I can't make it "today", there is yet tomorrow.  And... from now on, really.  I have instructions to get there printed and ready.  It'll take, give or take, an hour to get there.  They close at 16:00 (or something).  It will be tight no matter, unless I wake early, fast, and hit it running somehow.  It has happened.  As for anything else, I'll just have to wait and see.  If the check does come right through, I'll pay off the mortgage for this month, then see about the hog.  And... anything else out there that is lagging.

Good night, I hope.  If you wish to pray for some extra bit of spit and energy tomorrow, I'd gladly take it.  Yeah, good night.

I... am... trying?

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Well, yes.  I think that would be it.  I think the various attacks are not only an attempt to take the home, it's also to stress me to a heart attack.  Yeah, it's how they work.  I've noticed the phone doesn't give the same start that it used to do.  They have changed it.  Yes, it was triggering heart attacks.  I think, eventually, you will understand just how nasty your government, as a network of bureaucrats, has become.  They hate you.  They deserve more, while doing less.  They have become weaponized against you, using tech, government connectivity, basing it on health and politics, and perhaps other things.  If you piss them off, they will run you through the ringer.  Have you been audited by the IRS?  Have your finances been disturbed?  Heck, I have heard of a family whose home was foreclosed... in spite of it being paid off and that mortgage holder never having been a holder of the loan on that home.

Just bureaucrats?  They may just be a tool.  Billionaires who get pissed off, often renting, perhaps outright owning, a or several senators, can attack through various means as well.  You would be surprised how thin-skinned these monsters can be.  The Koch brothers have proven to be just globalists in sheeps clothing, and there are others.  Most of them, it seems.  Trump?  He wanted the presidency, figured how to get it, and it seems is keeping his side of the bargain.  It was a business deal, for him.  And, yeah... looking good.  And, yet, if you get in his way he will take you down.  So far, and from my perspective, rightly so.  That is the life and way of a billionaire.  He isn't even close to the only one among his peers.  He just does it more publicly.  Cool.

Whatever.  I meant to have a drink or two last night.  Cut the edge, ease the nerves, let down just a bit, and maybe get to bed early.  Well, uhrm, the best layed plans?  Yeah.  I don't think I shot any lights out, or danced on any tables, or invaded any foreign nations.  But I did get deeper into the cup than intended, and had some fine sparring... I think.  I don't hate the woman, per se.  And, really, when a woman brings me that sort of anger or vitriol I take it, usually, as a form of flirting.  But she is married.  I like her husband as well as I know him.  And, she is married.  Yes, that is worth writing twice.  Gosh, I miss the days though.  So, at least for me?  I did enjoy.
Look, peace is nice, can be good, but man doesn't live on bread alone innit?  HoYeah.  So, yeah...  Still, waking was tough.  I'm dragging still.  I didn't think I had that much.  Maybe I've just become a lightweight?  All good, it's cheaper.  Though I'll have to keep that in mind.  Or maybe I lost track a bit.  Then again?  That's the first time in, years now?  Yeah.  I'll avoid that, really.  Once every few years?  I'll take it to the confessional.  Yes, I will.

I'll try to get some things going.  I tore my leg last night, so socks are going to be uncomfortable (no, before I had a sip, just caught it on something).  A shower, perhaps shoveling if I can, and then maybe dishes.  Well...  It happens.  And... it wasn't all bad.  Dameger, Will Rogers, Dameger, Dameger!  *grins*

Now, back to life planning.

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What do I have left?  It looks like, mostly, mopup from the attack.  There are some practical physical events remaining.  Driving and shoveling, talking, filling out forms, and all that jazz.  It appears that life is about to be set back on track.  So, planning.

Something I purchased, but had not figured out, set up, and all, was an automatic watering system.  Why?  Because, even when I keep up on their water dish, the small volume means that it gets... gnarly... fast.  Even cleaning it daily sees muck being generated, some days much more so than others.  Or they run out quickly.  Some days are simply drier.  This will offer a larger volume, that moves through a filter, and simply needs to be filled, and cleaned every two weeks to a month.  There are two types.  I went with the stainless one first, good enough for winter.  But for the summer I may buy the doubly expensive pottery system.  It will keep the water cooler for longer.  So... that will be arranged in this next week.

Next?  I need to get back to housecleaning, cooking, and all else.  I have fallen down on all of that.  I simply haven't been able to run the machine (me) on that many operations at once.  The first task is to catch back up to where I was.  Then begin in the bedroom.  I think, with a week or two of solid effort, I might be able to seriously kick off and get back into the sprint that is life.  Oh yeah, I think I can.  It will have to, mostly, wait until I have the check back on track, and probably just a bit of rest, maybe a week, or even just until next Monday?  Ugh.

I'll be calling my mother shortly.  I am sure it will be a relief for her as well.  Almost back on track.  Then I just have to keep the house paid up, then get the paperwork in for auto-payment and make sure it stays on track, then I'm good until the next attack by the bureaucratic "antifa"s.  Yeah.  Get them, Trump.  They aren't just your enemy.  Later.