A bit more.

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Had to stretch for those last three hours.  Tempted to push further, but there isn't anything left.  Even simply... ignoring... procrastinating... won't do.  It hurts when I get to... now.  I've had worse.  Food was good though.  That might be what is kicking my feet out from under me though?  Maybe.  Worth it.  Love that corned beef... sort of.  Well, it's easy, lasts, is different yet meaty.

The game I am playing needs to be played through four times.  I've finished the easiest setting, am now working through on the second to most difficult setting.  Next I'll try to do the hardest setting, then go back, finish up on the second easiest setting... if I can tolerate that much play.  Still, I'm enjoying it enough, for the moment.  I wasn't sure I'd like it, didn't really starting out.  Rage quit after two minutes, I think.  Just... not used to gaming.  It really has been... months? a year?  more?  Anyway, so, yeah.

The girls are being very strange.  They want to be with me, near me, on me, around me.  Meowing, when I am awake and I can remember it when I sleep.  I don't think I am dreaming.  It is as if they are... singing to me.  I have no idea what all the attention is about.  They have even, mostly, sorted out their differences so as to both be close.  It is a very strange thing.  I... may have to look into cat behavior.  When they are worried, when I am ill, they do something similar, but it has more of a lamentation to it.  This... isn't that.  This is celebratory.  Or, that's how it feels.  Very odd, but pleasant.

Oh, the ghosts and other haunts remain.  Less frequent, but they are still about.  I don't think the girls, mostly, sense them... or if they do, they don't fear them?  Wait, I think they do sense them.  The girls don't come around when the artifacts become knowable to me.  Believe as you like.  When it's over, I'll chalk it up to health issues, or summit like that.  For now, I have to go with what my lying eyes are seeing, and other senses.  Sometimes I know, or think I know them, sometimes not at all.  Some are truly hateful, but I don't think those are human... something odd about them.  Like a feral cat, hates, would love to hurt, can't, so just... focuses hate.

Good night, morning, day.  Be well and it will be.

A culinary note.

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I cooked "new" potatoes (both red and gold), cabbage, and corned beef last week.  Now, everything has lasted, but the meat better than the others.  Heavily spiced, with the packet that arrives with it, it stores well.  More so when put away in a timely fashion.  *cough*  The potatoes and cabbage are edible, but... there isn't much left to them.  If I go that way again, I will cook the corned beef to be on hand, then when I really go to start digging into it, I'll do the veggies.  Bread would be really good, but something with a bite in it.

I've got to get going on things, but really can't.  Not quite yet.  It is 73 already, though only went down to 72 during the night... in this front southern room.  And yet I feel chilly.  Strange.  Sometimes I really feel the heat.  It depends, I suppose, in part on what I am eating and doing.  And how my health is.  Diabetes can take it one way, the bad heart will take it another way.  There are possibly other things.  Just a curiosity, for me.

Bucket list?  I don't like the notion.  To be honest, other than being a billionaire or something weird, within the givens, I've... done more than most can.  Besides, I've got a long time to go.  Thirty years?  Yeah, or more.  Minus assassination or accident.  All things, born of flesh, must die.  Some, however, die much more slowly... are quite resistant.  I'm not the only one, though I think only a fool would suggest I am typical.  I just wish I could enjoy the humor in it a bit more often.  Maybe I am getting there?  We'll see.  If I get the back roof sections cleaned, and gutters, and have the kitchen, bath, and bedroom in trim by next Friday, I'll call it a maybe.

I don't think I'll be making it much longer today.  The floor is about to mop itself with me.  I have fresh cabbage cooking, though I'll just reheat the potatoes, along with the corned beef.  Hmm... they aren't old, the potatoes, so much as waterlogged, or such, I think.  The cabbage... just doesn't last well.  Fresh should be good.  Good morning, and day, to you.

Short sleeps.

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To bed by 14:00, as it ended up; awake at 21:00... A little past and a little short of, to be honest.  Tight.  Yeah, I used to do better, if grumpier, on six hours sleep.  It is weighing on me, now, this time.  My heart still feels as if someone slammed on the breaks, and neither it nor I consciously are very happy about it.  The temps aren't helping, but will stabilize in time.  At least the weather isn't, mostly, jumping around like a cricket on a hot sidewalk.  Hmm?  Yeah, right, eggs will be fryable on sidewalks soon.

The jasmine, I think, plant I got is still blooming.  It is a fantastic little plant, and quite fragrant.  I was surprised.  I have found a place for it, for now, but would really like to transplant it soon, as with the aloe vera.  Having cats and plants is like have several children.  The strong will naturally prey upon the weak, for no good reason other than that seems natural, to the very least in a fallen world.  While I know shame for it, I also understand I was in a broken system.  Though, so many these days are broken.  Still, there are ways to deal with these things, but you gotta move... or... I do.

Oh, I have attempted to cancel the order for the square sink and faucet.  While they were adverted as available and prime, I was notified, after ordering, that they didn't even know when these would be sent.  No, I... don't want something two or three months from now, shipped God only knows how, and with that kind of distance, just as likely broken.  No.  They will most likely try to rush the thing into being sent so as to deny the cancellation.  Chinese have no ethics, their front companies don't either.  If the cancellation goes through, I'll look for another, and maybe look locally for the faucet.  I don't want some cheap water crippled dribbler (or at least one I can't fix).

Sleep well, or... keep doing your thing if night is your time.  Be well.  Later.

Noon and change.

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A bit past 13:00.  I am cooked.  Not all in a good way.  Today might be a bit cooler, but as temps climb comfort takes a tumble.  Always something.  Well, yeah.  I'm not exactly special, I just say it.  And there is always something.  If I focus, and run and work hard, I can bypass noticing.  My health doesn't allow it.  So, while I slowly, painfully at times, die, all I can do it notice what else is wrong.  Though sometimes that leads me to what to fix, or attempt to fix, next!  One of my first chiefs, duty chiefs, in the Navy, suggested that a day is useless without something to bitch about.  No, we didn't have verbal monitors.  Anyway, if what he says is true, I'm living the high life!

I've been ripping through this game... at the lower difficulty settings.  I've won it, then gone back to farm gold and other things for other things.  What I have done in that game through the night would impress.  Other players would accept it as the toil of play.  Those who don't enjoy games would find the grind unbearable.  You can't pay some people for some things.

Hopefully I can get my days and nights switched around.  Perhaps in time to engage in work, when that becomes available again.  If I can figure out even how to do a few things this week... checking the plants (which were doing well, from what I could tell, save for the asparagus... nubs there)... keeping them watered especially as it heats up... a shower a day, and making a doctor appointment.  Stuff.  Plus the regular stuff.

I did order a sink and possible faucet for the bathroom.  I'll see if the faucet works, somewhere, before the return date is used up.  All I have to do with the sink is make sure it isn't cracked, chipped, etc.  Next month I will most likely shop for flooring for in there.  I want thick underlayment, to help with the floor temps in there, plus the "planks", as well as a floor drain.  If I get busy, and get the room opened up, I'll get down into the crawlway to check the drain pipe I'll need, do a rough measurement with a bit extra for trim, plus elbows or else fittings, and have that all ready.  I might get that mirror out this month, though... as well as the old vanity and toilet.  It'll really start opening up if I do.  Hmm?  I might buy paint for in there... and brushes... yet this month.  But other than these things and the mower, I think that is that for spending.  Ugh.

Oh, right, bedtime.  Good night... urhm... afternoon.

Do you ever get the feeling that a fever has broken?

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If you remember the last time you had a major illness, with whatever else but including a fever.  A fever that lasted for days, perhaps starting slowly, then building, and maybe slowly reducing at the end or not maybe.  Then, when the fever goes, and your mind and body are back to some comfort to allow you to have normal sleep and normal dreams.  If I am not there, I am inching to it.

I went to bed somewhere around 7:00~9:00.  I called my mother before going to bed.  She sounded well, though... Well, I think I piss her off, somehow, from time to time.  That's part of the job description, goes with her's too.  I'm not sure what it was, and if she isn't going to tell me, I'm not going to know.  I might well not care either way.  This.  Is.  LIFE!  *grins*  Teh women.  Love them all you want, just watch out.  Besides murdering you, they can also love you to death.  Proper men do no such thing.  Not... like that.

Dreams, again.  I suppose as the 'fever' fades, things are being shaken up.  I won't say it's a literal fever.  It's... some affect of the medicine.  I am not quite through it, completely, but it is... hmm... quieting.  The medicine does a similar thing to when I first became it.  It grabs my heart and slows it down.  My body is still trying to run as a rabbit, but my heart is being halted.  The rest of my body rages, sucks for oxygen, attempts to push beyond the limit, and is, really, dying.  It is another death.  That is why they don't like pushing medicines so fast, quite often.  Rejection, because it feels horrible.  It feels like death, if because it is.  I know the taste of death.  If you ever want to try it, jump on my medicine at my level even.  I don't think it would kill you.  You would, though, feel like you are dying.  Though... in all seriousness, I wouldn't recommend it.  One unforeseen chink in your health and they'd be planting you in the six foot "circular file".  With your card, "here's your ticket", and your Darwin's award.  :p

Actually, it should kill me.  Oh well.  Can't say I've never tried.  *grins*  As I wrote, I think the... grunge from medicine is fading.  I'll still need recovery time, but that doesn't mean I won't work if I can.  Gosh I like to work.  I want to finish the little part in the bathroom, get the compost center up, clean the back roof sections and gutters, and... some other things.  Bleh.  I love and hate some work.  Mowing (when I can), watering, planting, and a few others, which just spend calories, are absolutely fantastic.  The ones I have a love-hate relationship with are the ones that can get technical, or provide problems that can become so deep, overwhelming really, that...  Like the bathroom.  Even so, I will get to these and those in time.

You know, once I get things squared, I might be able to pay off my house in a decade, and have certain improvements in to make it more liveable and valuable.  A decade, hmm?  Maybe.  That's sort of the goal.  If they won't work with me on refinancing, I'll just... burn it through on my end.  Later.

Getting somewhere?

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I have been on medication for two weeks full now.  It's still beating me up pretty badly. There isn't an easy way to get back on medication, nor do I have a means of staying on it.  If I sleep too long, days in a row, and don't really wake well, I simply can't keep track of medicine.  Sometimes it is that I don't remember to take it, sometimes I forget to set the medicine up.  Sometimes I am sleeping for longer periods, or even staying up too long.  Weather, and general health, as well as proper feeding, all play a part.  I do my honest best.

I didn't sleep very long "yesterday night".  Quotes because, at this point, bedtime was from... 10:00~12:00 until... say... 17:00?  Give or take.  Usually I try not to work that way.  Too little sleep, too often, is a really harsh thing.  Still, once in a while, I guess.  If I feel like waking... just as if I can't sleep or have to sleep... it is what it is.  I am still hoping to plug some effort into work this month.

I should be able to buy a riding lawnmower this month.  I need to test them out, talk to the salesmen, check reviews, and find out about attachments.  To start things, I'd like to make sure it can pull some things, and can take a front blade and snow blower.  Pricey, but... shoveling is... not always possible.  I'll still shovel, sometimes.  But when I can't I'd like to have the drive figured out otherwise.  I know folks help.  I appreciate it, I do.  I just... shouldn't depend, all the time.

The only other things I might buy this month are the sink and faucet for the bathroom, and maybe a device that helps locate switches and such to the breakers.  I'd sure like to have it sorted out, perhaps fix a few plugs that don't seem to be working.  I think the underneath of the house is fairly open.  How gnarly it is under there is a whole other things.  Bats may be down there, but I don't think else.  Oh, and a doctor appointment.  Yeah, I'll... get it done.

Tonight?  Just gaming.  I got a shower in, again.  I've had two meals.  I might take a bath... or not.  I really need to do some cleaning, I'm just not able.  Toasted, fried, cooked... whatever else these medicines do, they do it harshly.  Which... is why, in part, as well, I go off them from time to time.  Everyone loves mother, no one loves to be smothered in her apron.  Later.

Potent dreams of late.

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Massive successes.  Given a task by God... though this was very dream-state style.  Some other things.  No violence.  None of it was purely simple, easy.  Some things stretched my mind, even in the dream state.  I'm still not doing well, physically.  Gaming isn't helping, but it can't really hurt.  Well, perhaps by putting a serious kink in my neck, then on up and down the spine from there.

In one of them, I wrote a few books, like when I do freeflow thinking.  Now, I did create them in a directed pattern.  I mean, I used the method, but with direction.  Actually I wrote several books.  It was more to learn the process of self-publishing.  As it turns out, the books sold huge numbers, around 400,000 each.  I thought I had the price set at $.99.  It turns out I had them set at somewhere between $8~$9.

Now, these weren't for sale, really.  So I put them at $20 per.  Which ended up getting them to several million each.  I then put them to $100, which slowed down sales a bit.  Crazy.  Silly, but it was a fun dream.  In the one with God?  As a horseman, there are gifts for each.  Some follow the lines of their nature, others are just as unique and being a hobby mathematician might be to a welder.  In this case, God commanded that I work to help produce a nearly identical twin for a soul that... was to get a second round.  While God has asked me, as War, something, this wasn't a question, but a command.  So I had to do some strange things to make it so.  God never asks of us what we cannot do.  I can't remember the other, but it was similar.  All good.

It's about bedtime again.  I hope your day is good.  Be well, amen.

Well, it's something.

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It's been quite some time since I played a game.  Oh, I tinker with majhong, digital.  And of course I do sudoku as daily, or more, as it is available and I remember.  But real computer/console games are a rarity.  Why now?  Because I can't do much else until medicine and weather levels back out.

I thought it was Resident Evil 4, but it's five.  I also have the most recent installment, but I wanted to play the lessor one first.  Usually older ones aren't as good.  Not always though.  They really mess up some franchises with political or other crap.  This one has a lot of blacks in it.  Then again it's staged in Africa.  I think the US, if more Europe, has backed out of Africa.

There is nothing there for anybody.  Bad actors, however, will stay and play there.  Should just send their folks home and quarantine, for everyone's good.  China is there to do everything from attempting to strip mine what is left, human experimentation, and who knows what else.  They aren't there to be good to people.  As well, muslims are just there to take.  Black muslims aren't welcome in the rest of the new ottaman empire.  They are merely expected to stay in place and destroy non-muslim blacks, get slaves for the mainlands, and breed up so as to be able to manage what wealth they can steal.  Being rather compulsive, however, they don't end up breeding up well at all.  Quarantine.

I still read where China is claimed to be high civilization, low tech.  They aren't that, as I have written before.  The only true bloodline to kingship is hidden, or it would be destroyed.  China has changed, drastically, what civilization means throughout it's history.  Usually brutally, but then not.  Their current "civilization" dictators are the exact opposite of what they suggest.  From murderous to their own, to brutal as an absolute way of life, to terrible to foreign people, and for no better reason than to impose a false civility.  Terror is not civilization.  I still don't know why their people haven't revolted?  Perhaps, for them, that is as good as civilization gets.  Much as with muslims, they are either murderously at war with everyone, even each other, or a strongman has his boot on their throat.  No real choice.

Anyway... the game is good enough.  It can be a bit blocky.  And there are way too many bosses.  Each has a trick that is a little too specific.  Other than that, it's... good enough.  I'm getting a serious kink in my neck though.  Oh well...  I'll us anacin and take more breaks?  Maybe.  Later.

Ever watched the shadows move but in the right way?

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Headaches, sleepiness, a bit of a snoot, and yet no real issues.  I have seen some of the darker shades of things wishing to get at me.  Too, I have seen shadows smiling and hopeful about some of which I present.  While I have enemies, I have friends as well.  And... more, maybe.

Better.

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Things go in stages.  Weather and medicine, overdoing things, and a few other variables can throw everything for a loop.  After overdoing, then weather changes, now medicine.  Closer.  Making plans.  Is it possible there might be another work period coming up?  I sure hope so.

The only two things I'll focus on, this month, is the riding lawn mower and the trash bin... if I can afford it.  Tossing as much as possible, in a hurry, will be the goal.  Clearing and cleaning.  I have about a week to prep for it's arrival, and check to see costs.  At worst it will be next month before I order it... or even order it for next month if that is possible.

I am almost to the point of doing better.  I have learned from that past, that if I get there, but my schedule is off, work helps sort that out.  It is best, for me, to just go with the work, don't worry about days and nights, it will work out, and quickly.  As long as I can work, mostly, once on schedule, work will keep it more even for longer.

A shower in a bit.  Perhaps some gaming to wake.  I found Resident Evil 5.  It'll do.  It is more like a jumbled third-person shooter than the original, which seemed more of a mostly scripted horror game.  I may end up liking it, more.  For now it is mostly just a way to spend time.  Something alternate to watching episodes, blogging, reading blogs, and... sitting.

My pulse was 79 this morning.  I'm going to check that more often.  I didn't realize, as noted, that pulse lowered.  Getting from here to the docs office will see a ten to thirty point rise.  Even if I show up early and sit for a while.  It isn't doctor fear, it's people.  Just being around people will do that.  Later.

How odd.

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Actually, maybe not, if you think about it right.  I was thinking today was Sunday.  In one sense, that doesn't make sense.  When I lose time, due to sleeping too much, I often trip backwards.  Often, I mean, I have thought, in situations like this, that it would be Friday.  However, now that I am tracking better, it might actually make sense.  Sleeping to full sleeps would be more prone to someone who is otherwise in good shape to think a day more has passed.  Fair enough.

I checked my pulse, out of curiosity.  It was right at 84, resting.  While I have been told that is a bit high, I also know it has been that high since when I was in the best condition of my life.  It has always been right between 80~84, at least when healthy.  Before I restarted medicine this last time, I checked several times, the last probably a week before I started medicine.  I didn't think it would help, almost never seems to help.  Then again, usually when it is checked I am at a hospital, and have had to hurry, shower, dress, and get there.  It was averaging about 110 beats per minute before medicine.  So, yeah, that's... quite an improvement.  I ought to find the bp cuff and give that a check.  I doubt if blood sugar is any better.  I haven't been... eating right lately.  Too many treats, and general lack of care.  I'll get back on that.

I do like refried beans and beef.  And I enjoy adding some whole canned black beans.  Usually.  This last time, I couldn't find black beans from the US, so I took what was available.  Don't buy "food" from south of the border.  All I'm saying.  I have eaten most of that batch, but I've had to suffer it.  Never could eat a whole serving, or well.  I hate to waste, but I weary of that.  I think, since, I bought better black beans.  I have a new portion of beef too.  I may just make a whole new batch.  That stuff is just nasty.  All I can do it my best.

I finished the demo on Prey.  I think it will do, as a distraction.  It won't be as good as past games.  I highly doubt the story will be great.  It'll most likely be just a simple grouping of much better games.  I'll wait until the price comes down though.  Chinese main characters?  Really?  While there is a female character, you aren't required to play it.  I think I have some other games, older ones where the price dropped, on blu-ray so I can play offline, and such.  I'll see what I got, and if any of them work.  I like sci-tech, some fantasy, first-person, shooters, though rpg and a few other sorts, just not forced group play.  Just not any fun.  Too few good players make good friends, online and to a degree offline.  Offline I'll go the good friend first.  Mostly.  Online?  Play and shut it.  Like I wrote, though, online doesn't work well.

Hmm...  I am nearly finished with the first set of Twin Peaks.  I may watch the movie again, then move on to the next series.  It looks like they ran out of material.  When you only buy leftist writers, and it is obvious, you lack talent and imagination.  Yeah, you do.  They go to the same things they always end up in.  Trash.  It is what the wealthy, elite of most forums, want.  What was it?  From top and from bottom?  Right.

Later.

Sleeping like the dead.

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I have had times where, in more recent times, I slept two naps in a day.  Sleeping four to six hours, then being up that much.  But not in memory have I slept full sleeps twice in a day... and still been tired.  I am sure it is medication.  Taking full dose starting out has more of a price with it than thought.  Then again, it got cool again, to add to it... or it seems that way.  That might just be me?

Looking at the thermometer here, which also shows highs and lows, it registers 68 F (I have found it reliable versus other thermometers placed together).  It is putting the low at 64 and the high at 75... which is strange, almost unbelievable.  If it got to 75 in here, it should still be that high.  I don't think I did any cooking yesterday, though maybe I turned the furnace up?  And higher than I thought, in order to try to get going?  Maybe, I just don't remember that though.  At 14:00 and change, if it got that warm outside, it would still be rather warm, even if it cooled off.  Air temp doesn't track down nearly as well as it tracks up.

Oh, but the girls were not happy.  They broke into my sleep, invading my very dreams.  Sam did it once, on her own.  It was not enough to wake me.  Next time, Sassy and Sam did it, one on each side, in stereo.  I woke and realized it really was them.  Though I had never quite heard them meow like that.  Especially in unison.  Very very strange.  Fair enough though.  I probably haven't been keeping as up on their feed as usual.  Oh, sure, they have hard cat food, but they... have come to enjoy certain luxuries.  I'll tell you, I didn't realize they could learn such things from me.  To go into someone's dreams is... a bit of a trick.  There are reasons not to do so.  I do think they had to have learned it from me.  Well... that's the story.

I'm not feeling great, or too awful.  A few aches and pains, possibly from oversleeping.  A bit groggy, as sleep doesn't seem to be doing me all that much good toward obtaining restfulness.  On the other hand, medicine and sleep, and some solid efforts on my side, have allowed that wound to finally solidly scab over and begin to heal.  That had me worried.  More so since I couldn't get rid of the excess fluid built up for past the first week of medication.  All good, I'll... make it.  I'll still cover it, for bits of time every few days.  Just... an added protection.

Hmm?  Well... a shower, trash out, and some other stuff... or not.  I'm alive, again, but not necessarily awake.  The heat, at this time, might end up doing me some good.  And it is, most likely, on it's way in the sooner rather than later span.  As my friend my have suggested, as an inverse giant, if for quite different reasons... it is happening, again.  Oh, I know, old friend.  I am hoping that it all comes together and I begin ripping and tearing into the house, keeping up with the new growing things, and keeping reading and learning.  Good day.

Nap?

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I can't be sure when I went down.  Waking after 21:00, perhaps after 22:00 though.  Four, six, hours?  More, less?  I went down so hard and fast, when I finally did go down, I can't remember anything.  I will have to be careful with life.  I have taken medicine, rightly, for... when I get in medicine tonight, eleven days.  If my sleep schedule is going off, I'll have to be very careful with continuing.  A big red "X" on the bottom and top of the calendar, I suppose, might help.  I am just about to, internally, lose track of day and night, day per day, sleep cycles, and else, for a while.  No choice.  Or, it's looking like it.
----

I started writing this then just... wandered off.  I'll finish.  I had a bite to eat, then watched another few episodes of the show.  My last friend used to imitate the giant saying "It is happening again".  He had it down perfect.  I simply didn't know what he was talking about.  And, now, I am not sure what his point was.  I know he thought I was quite... strange.  Sometimes I don't think he liked me at all, sometimes he liked me fairly well.  Mood?  Maybe.  There were things he knew I did not.  Though I taught him some other things.  He was a strange bird too.

I don't know, but I may end up going on back to bed.  I just can't make heads nor tails of life at this moment.  Too tired to do more than light reading, watching this or that, minor thinking, none of it being connected or staying in memory long.

Oh, I did get the download for Prey going.  The main characters are Chinese.  That is a bit of an issue.  Though, something to consider is that if the Chinese are being shown as Americans?  It means even they realize their culture has lost.  The game is only so-so, a bit slow, and even on the playthrough I have already had a game-stopping glitch.  I'm not thinking this will be a very well done production.  If I can get it going, and don't have too many more issues, I'd like to finish it.  It's a very generic sciency/engineering sort of thing.  Nothing all that new, nothing all that surprising, not from what I have seen.  It might do, in time, just not at full retail.  When it gets down to $20, I might give it a go.  They don't make them like they did.

Later, or good night, again, most likely.

Better.

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Still pretty crippled.  The pain has eased.  I can't remember if I ended up taking painpills or not.  I did have a bite, and have been watching more episodes of the final season of the first set of shows.  It seems to be based not just on oddities, horror themed, but rather (G)gnostic.  There is truth and knowledge that can help, I just don't buy into the need for a great deal of, or secret, information.  God was rather clear.  You can try to meditate toward things, I just believe most of those things are not true, many aren't good.  Meditation, so as to quiet the mind, or contemplate simply on God... as a sort of prayer, can be good.  It offers enough strange elements to be interesting, as I see things, however.

A nap, perhaps.  I had a lunch.  I have enough food, now, to mix and match, so as not to get too bored too quickly.  And I can add sides of this sort, to that main dish, and end up okay.  Hmm, hiccups though.  Perhaps I ate a bit much.  Yeah, a nap... after I finish this episode.

I have spotted a game that might be okay.  It's title is Prey.  I'll do a bit more looking.  I don't like being forced to play characters which aren't suitable, or games that have leftist attitudes built in.  And I don't like all games anyway.  At the start, this looks to be a slow game to get into.  I am attempting to download the sample gaming.  It is taking forever.  Not sure if it's Amazon, the ps 4, or my service provider, for sure.  Though I don't think it's my provider, just from what I am seeing on various sites which would be slower if it was a provider issue.

Yeah, well, getting close to a nap.  Later.

Late and rough.

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One warning.  Don't eat corned beef and cabbage too close to bedtime.  I've been burping, and elsewise gassy, all night.  The burps are odd, tasting like coka~cola burps mixed with rubber tire burps.  I've never actually had that latter, it's just the only thing I can imagine.  No, that's good corned beef and cabbage, it's just... an odd thing.  I did put the food away before going to bed.  I am going to try to figure out what to do with the excess water.  It's a bit greasy, and meaty.  I'm not sure sending it down the tub or toilet drain is best.  Sack it and throw it with the trash?  I just don't know.

It is a rough morning.  My body has been wanting to wake for hours.  I simply haven't been able to push past.  It's too hot, even though it's not, according to the thermostats at my disposal.  Of course, as summer takes off, it is getting environmentally warmer.  The heat seeps in through cracks, gets into the stone part of the cave and settles in, slowly changes the world in ways a simple thermometer can't read.  Though, still, medicine is... working it's way through, finally taking affect.  It took weeks to just, finally, start sluffing excess fluid.  I am waking without elephant feet and ankles.  That is such a weird thing.  Why I didn't have that problem until recent years I can't say.  Even when, because of a ~30% lung congestion due to fluid, my legs looked normal.  To be honest, I think when medicine helps one way, it hurts another.  It is why they have to put us on a whole package of medicine, only some of which I can tolerate.

For now, and for some future, I will be down.  Until I can get used to summer, and medicine, and summer and medicine, I will be down.  I keep trying to do more, but even reading is a bit of a trick.  Hurting to be alive, being too hot to ever quite get comfortable... until I become so cold it hurts... age and medicine do a number.  Even so, when I am back in balance, I will be doing better, again, then ever before.  A month or two and I might be back to tops.  Then I'll dig in, hit the bedroom and en suit, clear out the house, and such.  At least I should be able to keep up on the girls, sort of keep up on food and main domestics, and keep the plants, inside and out, watered.  For now.  Then, when I get better, I can work hard again.

Gotta walk through fire if you want to see the real light.  Later.

Sometimes I really see it.

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Just over a bit.  Just out of reach, focus, grasp.  Then the world goes cold, sleep becomes demanding, the need and want for food becomes really high... too high... or disappears.  Vision blurs, the heart races or slows, sensations dim.  I dream more, even while awake.  Pain or numbness become all I know.  I think I am approaching, or even going on over, into something, someplace, new.  I am never quite sure when I am there, approaching, or returning.  Blurry.

I am in that area.  Not sure if I am coming or going, suspended or moving, I just can't tell.  For now there is pain, but I am numb to it.  Actually that is a strange thing, usually it is one or the other.  It is like hearing sound on a snowy foggy day.  While the sound, or echoes, may seem crisp and sharp, they may also be indistinct directionally, and muffled so distance can't be determined.  I know there is pain, I just can't tell what it is.

I've been hiding.

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For shame.  Oh, I mean in my home.  Physically hiding.  Hmm?  Oh, well, I sometimes do hide.  For various reasons.  Then again, so does Vulgaris Magistralis... kin you know.  Or so it has been suggested.  On this occasion, as mentioned, it was for shame.

The men were digging the phone line underground.  Because I didn't move the branches they may have had to do extra work.  Maybe not.  Perhaps the path they took was better for a number of reasons though... such as being more linear, less angled, not having to risk chewing through tree roots... or not.  I felt ashamed, and never woke well enough to dispel the notion, until just recently... but by then they were gong.  Now I feel guilty.  I would have liked to have thanked them.  Odd how being... in my condition can confuse things.  Well, there is tomorrow, and the next event, and so on.  Good to have the phone line buried though.

I have done just a bit of reading.  Let me see... a coulomb is 6 x 10^18...  And an amp is a coulomb a second.  KVL suggests, really, voltage in, voltage out, which equals zero...  *scratches head*  KCL suggests that amperage is equal in series.  *maybe?*  Some of this will have to be seen in action, perhaps tested.  No matter what a piece of paper, author, convention, or such says... I like to know the devil.  He is in the details and means me harm.  When is something true, when could it not be true... both in the design and outside of the design?  A short, right through a hand or tool, is an example of outside... a component which can alter the law is an example from inside.  Know your and their limits.  I have many more things to read and learn.

I'll be honest, I can't reinvent the wheel, on electronics, medicine, or any other learning.  I CAN kick those tires, and do.  It took... a while for me to realize this.  Which was quite frustrating in school.  Though my health, especially completely untreated, very much complicated acceptance, memory, and some other things.  Still quite ill, and, yet, I think I can make more progress.  Part of the trick is knowing what to memorized.  A coulomb is an example of something to memorize, as are laws... but also their limits.  What not to memorize?  Theory.  Look at it, perhaps.  But know it as much for it's strengths and weaknesses, but more as a hobby.

Theory will not get you to application.  It is not inventive.  It is wrong enough that it won't sustain invention, curiosity, or real world applications.  It is... purely for hobby or academic pursuits, where wrong is as good as rain because no one cares.  People are living long fatted lives doing nothing in there.  Teaching?  A class or two, about theory, that is wrong?  Yeah, no.  Just getting them off the streets and out of industry, putting them where they can do the least damage.  As bad as, if often as well, consultants... who do what companies tell their own engineers NOT to do.  Usually wasteful money dumps.  Anyway...  If you wish to tinker with theory, don't take it too seriously.  Proofs are undone daily.  Even when proofs and the scientific method don't work, science has become politics.  Don't go there, boys.

Anyway...  With the outsiders gone, I can do less sneaking.  Perhaps a meal, a few more episodes, some reading, a nap, or... I don't know.  Later.

About the stoppage?

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I sure thought about it.  Did for a moment.  Her face, crumpled, like a used tissue.  Something about that girl in the store got to me.  Was it hate, terror, simple fear, sympathy, empathy.  It was crushing to watch.  Intense.  Potentially dangerous.  That is the type of reaction that can turn murderous, quickly, if from a certain direction.  I simply could not tell what the source was.  She went from being friendly and helpful to... that... so fast.  Two conversations, I think.  Somewhere in the last she just changed.  I just wanted to get out of there, away from her, and make sure no one was coming up behind me.  Then to get out of the store and be on my way as fast as possible.

Yeah, I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone for a while.  That was creepy to watch from this side.  I wonder if I, or my notions, do that to people.  I am so used to things, true or not, it is how I see, remember, feel.  If I do cause up to murderous reactions...  I will have to think about things.  Perhaps make it so only some can read here.  It's such a lot of work to get people's email, then to send them a link and hope that all works out, messing with this and that... plus knowing there are quite a few who read hear 'quietly'.  Invisible to my eyes and what tech I have, but not to my nature.  People who can, it seems, mostly, handle it.

Are my stories truly that terrible?  Though she was young, female, and different in another way.  Weened on a dill pickle, look on her puss in a thousandth of a second as if recognizing, and then disappeared freckles on that fish, maybe Dr. Jeckyl with a death wish?  *bam*  Right in the noodle.

Still, I decided, leave it be.  She'll... they'll... learn... or go away.  I can't make the world easy or nice for them.  It would be a lie to let them go on believing it's easy, it gets better, or such.  And... my page is more about making it through that, to a better way.  There is a better way, even in the pain.  Hopefully, if they read here, and it hurts, they will be more persuaded to live more fully, in hope, and have wonderful memories, than to hide in the shadows.  The horrors of love lost, failed attempts even for great effort, living beyond the grave even on into abject suffering... I am saying... is worth it.  Give the good and bad, right and wrong, on to God.  He's big enough if you are.  Amen, kiddies.

Hmm... perhaps she thinks I murdered her.  In a way I did.  But with seed she most happily accepted.  She stole my child along with quitting though, so I... call it a draw.  Yeah, bastard.  I'm simply no happier with her when she is coldest and deadest at me, than she is at me.

Rough, again.

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I am putting it squarely on the shoulders of medicine, at this point.  I haven't felt this bad in a long time.  Nausea, general harsh lethargy, organs feeling like overripe bruised fruit, bone and muscle aches, and a general ill feeling.  This is what they say I need to take to live.  Oh, it gets better, I get used to it.  It will just take a while... days, to weeks, to months.

I am more sure, after today and yesterday really, that what has been wrong was more weather related.  Why?  While lethargic, I didn't have the pains.  To a degree yesterday, more so today, I am suffering like a fool after a party.  I will see if a few painpills will ease that bleeding edge.

I really don't feel like working.  I would still like to do some things.  I have some very small, short, easy tasks... if nothing else.  And I have regular tasks to do.  One or three of those out of the road would be good.  I have a few books to read as well.  Oh, and I am able to watch Twin Peaks.  After a few things, I was curious.  I think I watched the movie, long ago, but neither of the series.  I hated series, I always fell behind.  And, back then, finding the whole series, and watching, either simply wasn't available or was prohibitively expensive.  They realllllly wanted you to watch commercials.  Yeah, I didn't watch tv much even back then.  Literally having three channels was part of the "problem" of course.  You know... come to think of it... that might be the way for folks to go.  Meh... even hereabouts, with an antenna of sorts, in these times, you get more than three channels.  The place I rented right before moving here had an antenna and at least seven, probably more, channels.
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I forgot to finish this.  Just... wandered off, had a bite to eat, and did morning regulars.  I'm feeling better, without painpills, and yet will take them.  Better isn't saying a lot.  Still, it's... a hopeful sign.  Later.

I am taking a break from public publishing.

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It just gets a bit rough.  I am tired of dealing with... things.  So, let them do without for a bit.  Gnats might eat free, but only if allowed.  *splat*

Some of you might not be included.  Some of you were previously allowed, but maybe on emails addresses that are expired or rarely used.  Though... you won't know that.  Oh well.  I need a break, so I'll take one.  Don't like my writing, fine.

Later.  Or good night?  Dunno.

Different.

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I didn't do much.  I did make it to town.  Shopping.  Some groceries, some bandages.  The young woman who helped me at one of the places was... quite strange.  Initially pleasant, kind.  I... treated it as I might a niece or cousin, no more, but brightly.  I cannot tell if she... took my kindness wrongly... or understood who I am and that terrified her.  Very strange.  I was cautious, after that.

When buying bandages, I was queried about the volume.  I said something or other, being clear as mud is always the hope... when I am suspicious.  After writing several of the things over the last few days, and it being a connected college town, I... know that I might be read, and known.  As things stand, that can be dangerous these days.  I have been working to watch my back a bit more carefully.  You just never know these days.  If the choice is to accept a suckerpunch or take someone down, I'm... going to hurt someone.  There are enough cameras these days that... if you are in the clear it will usually come out as such, quickly.  Even as fast as I can be.  It's when there are only eye-witnesses where troubles can occur.  People are pretty damned dull and slow of eye and thought.  Too many of them are absolutely sure about what they really didn't see.

Strange things.

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I finally did get around to watching Prometheus.  From music videos, and such, I decided to go take a look.  I was not surprised by the movie.  It makes perfect sense.  Yet many seem to spend hours, days, weeks, years, debating what things meant.  I am absolutely amazed at how ignorant so many seem to be.  I hope the views of youtubers aren't common.  Then again, perhaps many who do vids for youtube are... academic sorts.  Which, itself, makes sense.  Hmm?  I mean they are being trained to not know history, not understand that science; as a body of knowledge must absolutely be doubted; as a method of inquiry is quite limited; and as a group of people is just as flawed, maybe more so, than any other group of people.  At least Christians, honest ones, admit that they really don't, and can't, know it all.  Which explains faith.  Scientists have no faith, or so they claim, and yet know no more than those of faith... less quite often and in real terms.

Not being able to understand this show is akin to not being able to understand comic books.  The movie was very simple, extremely explicit, and without much depth.  But there are really different, strange, and unusual visuals.  Perhaps that just confuses the simple.  Or perhaps most, as I wrote, have been developed to be ignorant.  If they want cogs, they have to devolve some to a lowest common denominator.  It looks like they are achieve with "higher education" what can't be done even with genocide, save over a longer term.

Heave-ho.

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I had to push.  Even with nearly two hours from waking to post office closing I just made it.  A shower, dressing, and minor grooming in there.  Oh, and the tub wasn't clear.  Though, really, just clean dishes needing a hot rinse so as to dry easily.  I've just not been doing right that way.  Still, I'll... get to it.  Soon.  Maybe.

The package was a tea plant.  I was thinking it would be a small thing, maybe four to six inches, max, with a few leaves, though probably not a bud let alone a flower.  Wow.  Wrong.  It is 12 to 18 inches tall (including a tiny pot), with, say, four or five main upward vines, two or three of which were flowering, and maybe in several places along the various stems.  It even looks healthy.  I am extremely pleased.  I can't even always find that locally.

The girls finally got into the aloe vera.  I was needing to transplant that anyway.  Still, it pissed me off good and well.  I'm not sure which one it was, all I was was a fast moving fluff of fur when whichever realized I saw what happened.  Both could have done it.  Probably trying to claim it as territory, property.  No real problem.  Once the floor is dry from showering and all, I'll sweep and mop.  Mopping isn't necessary, for that, but it's about time.

It is warming out there, 72 F or so.  Cooler in the mornings though.  I can handle 72, as long as things cool off.  Higher and... then again, at this level of heating, I might be able to deal with life well enough.  And handle even warmer temps, so long as it is more stable.  It's changes, fast changes, that can get to me.

Today?  I'd just like to hit the list that has been in play for a while now.  Dishes, laundry, the bathroom though I did wash the toilet and the tub/shower yesterday so just need to hit the floor, then maybe some work on the back roof partitions and gutters or work in the bedroom.  I'm not moving fast, if a spark once in a while.  Later.

Awake, probably in time.

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Later, each morning, but not by leaps and bounds.  It was 10:30 this morning.  Later yesterday morning, but I stayed up later yesterday night.  I just want to make it to the post office, which closes at noon.  I think I can.

I've emptied the tub and taken clean clothes in for a shower.  As well, I took the house plants in.  I won't soak them today, I'll just let them enjoy the moisture in the air.  They seem to like that.  More so as the world dries out around here.  What I am picking up is another plant.  Technically you could use it as tea, the leaves.  My guess is, to raise enough to be useful, you'd... well... it wouldn't work well here.  I suppose some teas would take little preparation, others take long fermentation, sometimes several, drying, hand rolling or other processing, and time... days to years maybe?  So, for me, it's just a plant... assuming it survives.

Why plants?  As much for a bit of green as for air filtration.  And a bit of a hobby.  I'll have to clean out the pots ever few years, if I want to keep these plants longer term.  And I can, in time, spread these plants into other pots.  As pricey as they really are, transplanting is the way to go.  Buy once, spread them around, so that if one happens to die, I won't be clean out.  Through this next year I would like to find a few more, and make places around the cave that are more suitable to them.  As well, I'd like to, when it for sure warms up, start with a wall hanging planter and herbs.  If I clean out the back hall, the herbs would fit well out there, with full sun in the mornings, at least... which is more than enough until they get larger, perhaps ready to be transplanted into planters I might bring in for the winter... see if I can keep them viable, somehow, through the winter... near a furnace vent, with grow lights, or such.

I best get going.  I don't think I will do much today.  I'm still in rough shape.  Now, I think, it's the heating.  This will be the last weather issue for the summer.  Once I get used to the heat(ing), I'll have a time where I can work.  Then, as deep summer arrives, I'll have to hide away, maybe doing things inside, in the shade and air conditioning.  Until fall, and I get to... yeah.  I don't get as much of any season as most, and less of deep winter or summer... if any.  I use what I can, how I can, and just cling the rest of the time.  Not bad for someone who simply should have been dead longer ago than most even graduate students have been alive.  Living on my own?  Yeah... you won't be that lucky.  Lucky?  Ha!  I slay me.

Later.

Do I think so?

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They really don't get it.  Do I think someone would shoot into my home?  Actually I do.  More the college town next door, but I am surprised at things more often than I like.  Drugs have started coming in, as well as illegal and hardcore aliens.  As has been known by many, muslims, as even the Buddhists suggest, can't be tolerated.  Unless one is willing to put up with terror, murder, and rape.  I wasn't sure if one of the local clans was muslim, seems so.  Though they aren't the only ones.  New ones coming in all the time.

However, it isn't even dying that is the problem.  It is suffering.  I live right on the edge of death.  Talk to any of my doctors.  They don't know why I'm still here.  Even with the medicine, when I can take it, I'm right on the edge.  Even so, even with what should be fatal incidents, illnesses, wounds, and such, I just don't die.  No, I simply don't want to have to go through a long bloody recovery on another major issue.  Nor would I like to have to kill people attempting murder.

Not a good start.

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Didn't get to bed until late.  It might just be the temp.  As that rises my ability to sleep, and eat, diminishes.  Medicine, too, might be kicking in.  In spite of being on medicine for nearing two weeks, it is just now starting to get rid of excess fluid.  I was almost wondering if that had stopped working.  Yes, it collects not just in the legs, but in the lugs.  Actually it goes everywhere anymore.  Compression socks weren't even really working.

I feel wrung out today.  Not as if I worked, so it wasn't that.  Just ill, which is most likely from medicine.  Though I am quite tired too.  Most likely just medicine as well.  The weather seems a bit better, even if overcast, or a bit... I'll check more later.  That's the start.

I still hope to do dishes and laundry.  If I do that, then, if I can, I'd like to get out and up, cleaning the roofs in the back, and gutters.  The low roofs are easy enough to get to and work on.  The steep roofing doesn't collect dirt, so isn't a problem.  I am not sure about how to set up a rope anchor on both sides of the steep part, to at least go up and look around.  Well, and... just something to do.  I thought about a grapple sort of hook, or a bolt in eye.  I don't trust the edge of the roof to hold my weight through a hook, and I'm not sure how well, or long, a bolt eye would hold.  I get the feeling I would have to change that out from time to time, while damaging the roof and opening it to  more damage.  I'll be thinking about that over time.  There is equipment for that, but I'm not quite ready to buy... a summer or two out.  For now I'll just keep the lower sections clean and clear of debris.

Headache, from things being just off.  I'll take painkillers and coast to a full wake, I suppose.  I don't think I'll make it to the post office today, but tomorrow I think I will.  Later.

Bedtime? I hope.

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I just... keep losing track.  I did find some information I wanted.  Metal roof maintenance.  Now, I am sure there other companies, various levels of effort, and such.  My roof is still in rather good shape.  There is some mild rust, probably just needing spot treatment.  The real tricks would be cost and working on the steeper portion of the roof.  Though I think that is doable.  I, yeah, have been looking for systems for that as well.

Not much.

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More than I have been doing.  And I feel good enough.  Then again, getting up on roofs isn't as easy as it used to be.  The hose I was using was 75 yards of the heavy rubber hose, two sections.  I was mostly just wrestling with 25 yards of it or so.  Still, it was a bit of a tangle, standing on an incline.  Even though the metal roof has decent grip, you still have to be aware and walk carefully.

I didn't end up doing more than resetting the dishes.  Tomorrow.  No laundry either.  It's not that I did much, it's that I did what I could.

I am pretty sure folk know what I do.  I won't say how, just that... they do.  I have a trick I am going to work on.  It might fix that.  It's a strange world, these days.  There might be a way to change things, some things.

I'll finish a show, put up some food, then perhaps read.  I am hoping to get to bed earlier tonight, then hit it harder tomorrow.  Later, or more likely good night.

Not all the roofs and gutters.

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Then again.  For now, however, I did a good spot.  After cleaning the gutter, I thought spraying the roof clean would be easy.  Nope.  However, I do believe I will be trying to keep up on the roofs a bit more.  That dirt will rust through the roof.  I definitely don't want that.  And I need to get that satellite dish off the roof, making sure to seal behind it.

While I am at thing up there, and considering gutters, I might see what sort of upkeep works on steel roofs.  This is plane, seems to be bare metal, but most likely is coated, very possibly with several coats of various things.  Even so, sanding, priming, and painting might help.  And painting it white?  The bare seeming metal might have been better, or not, to start.  But now?  That would be a heck of a job though.  But it would be something I might really be able to do...  Not something I would do in full summer.  But if I had the paint and primer, perhaps a spray painter and air machine... and whatnot... it might end up being a week job, even as some ease.  Doing them in sections would probably be best.

I know, right?  I've gone work crazy.  Not that I'm doing it all.  But I... am getting things on past lists, rearranging lists, and doing this and that.  I don't think it is about doing everything.  It is about doing what you can... and hoping that is enough.  I even enjoy it, when I can do it.  Oh... and I learn along the way.  The bungee cord seemed to work.  I went, give or take, with his advise and found it, and myself, to be more stable.

Right?

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We'll see.  I did get a bit going, which is super.  A shower, and some such, earlier.  I set up dishes, some for washing some just need a final rinse.  I went outside to see what was what.  I watered the bushes of various sorts, but will wait for evening to hit the asparagus again.  I'll water those twice a day, every other day.  Just a five minute light spray.  The bushes will get hit once or twice a week, depending on how they are looking.  Yeah, I needed sunglasses.

I couldn't find the small garden rake and spade, so I just used a pocket knife.  I got the ladder out and up.  I only have one small area on the front roof with a gutter.  It had dirt at about three to more like four inches deep.  I was a bit worried regarding the downpipe.  Oddly, it was quite open.  Weird, but okay.  Next I want to go up on the roof and clean a bit up and around up there.  The first level of roofing is fairly reasonable to be up on... not too steep or slick.  Still, I...

Ran out of time for some of it.

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Just couldn't get going, and when I did... not fast enough.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not.  I got a shower in.  By the time I got through fussing before getting in, then enjoying a long heavy shower, two to noon.  No chance for the post office.  Fine.  So I gathered the trash and, I think, got it out on time.  We'll see.  Not wanting to have unpaired efforts, I decided to water most plants outside.  The only part I skipped was the rhubarb, but I plan to do that when the sun has cleared the roof and those are in shade.  Everything is looking good except asparagus.  Oh, I'll keep at it.  They may have gone more seriously dormant, as it has frosted several times since planting, even a hard frost... though not for several weeks after their actual planting.  There is yet hope, just not much?  Hope is for times of doubt, toss in a little faith, and charity if in the form of water in this case.  We'll see.

Oh, right, dishes.  I'll have to set those up, and hope I can get to it before they cool too much, or I'll have to reset.  Ugh.  As well, I have enough laundry to toss in a small load.  Small loads = better.  I have a much better chance at getting them put up.  Other work, too, maybe.  And something else?  When mixing beans and beef?  Always add more beef, by a goodly bit.  I don't mind using a bit of thinner, but it shouldn't be the majority, not for my money anyway.

Good, good.  I might get to some things today.  I am really hoping I feel up to cleaning the front gutters.  If I do so, I may take a good look at those, and see about gutter covers, and maybe something like a filter... just for silt and anything else that might get through the actual top-over covers?  Nah, just top over covers, to see how well that does.  I'll need to find a garden spade and/or rake.  With the hose out, and ready, with a spot nozzle, I should be able to clean them really well, and the roof too while I am at it.  Bleh.  I'll never be ahead, but that isn't the plan.  Just... keep working.  Do what you can.  I think, maybe, as I am getting better, I will be able to keep more ahead than I might think.  Well, one can hope, and pray... and work.  Praying with hands and efforts.  Amen.

Later.

Way late.

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Both getting to bed and waking were way off.  I can't remember how late it was, past midnight, maybe as late as after 4:00.  Not sure what the problem was, or is.  Hopefully it's a singular glitch.  Feeling good, mostly.  Strange dreams, I don't remember any of them.

I think I am feeling enough better to attempt some work.  A shower first.  That is open, so it'll be easy.  Probably.  Afterward, a few chores.  If I move fast enough, checking the mail might be a good plan  It seems like the sun is out.  I wasn't awake enough to be sure when I was near enough for a certain check.  The sun is definitely shining, but is it in an open sky or will it close in shortly?

A shower, a visit to the post office, setting dishes up, folding more laundry, then if I have a bit more and the sun is up, cleaning some of the gutters... the front ones I think, first.  If I still have some energy, then to the bedroom.  Oh, if I can get the trash out, on my way to the post office, that would be good.  I think I can.  Some time after the post office and trash... and shower... if I can pull that off, I'll have a few eggs for breakfast, maybe an egg burrito.  That'll kill things enough to settle me down for watching something while digesting breakfast so as to fold things.

Well, I best get going if I want to get any of those timed matters completed.  Good day.

Long nap.

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A good one.  Dreams are hereabout.  Nothing to... messy.  I'm not recalling much though.  For me with my dreams, or you with me?  I have something for that.  I just can't tell you everything.  But... you knew that.

Not a bad wake.

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Up a bit late, to bed late though.  It just happens.  Couldn't sleep as willed.  Slept well, dreamed well if I remember little.  It is like going out and only remembering that a few people smiled and were pleasant.  I know why I couldn't sleep though, I forgot to turn the furnace down.  Sometimes, when it's warmer, even if I am ready I can't sleep.  Cloudy and cool again, today.

While I am under the weather, for whatever though possibly several reasons at once, I am just under.  I keep trying to reach through.  Rather than breaching the surface, as if through water, I end up bruising my knuckles.  It's cold enough down here that it doesn't hurt, more than ego anyway.  I keep trying to break through, and failing.  On the good side, medicine will be fully dosed and regulated when I do make it back into functional life.

In the past, even at this level of medication, it can take months to get used to it.  But the medication will always slow me down compared to my best... if that is rather weak.  Usually, though, if I have been on medication for a while, then just stumble, I can usually get back to work flow within weeks.  This wasn't just a few days, but it was up to maximum, since I stopped.  On the good side, I can enjoy the down days.  I am not so far down I forget, or worse.

Buying food was reasonable.  Chicken is good, but better mixed with other meats.  It is a bit much on the digestive system to just eat, by itself, over and over.  But with two meats, so as to alternate, it works.  I wasn't sure if buying foods was the best idea.  Actually, I think it worked well.  The price was right, and it has lasted me for a bit.  Plus I haven't had to cook, so dishes aren't backing up.  I may do it again when this runs out, also making beans and beef, and perhaps steaming large batches of veggies and storing those.  That mix could last me over a week.  This batch, without a bit to add to it, does no last quite a week.  A pot and pan, plus containers, for a week and an half to two weeks of food is doable... all at about $125 or so.  Give or take.

Well, on to waking.  Later.

Bedtime.

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Feeling a bit better.  I never woke well.  I did feel rough for a bit.  Perhaps the nap did end up helping.  A bite or three, I might have another... and bedtime medicine.

I am going to attempt to push through, when I can.  Tomorrow, Monday, whenever I am able.  Not today.  On any tomorrow, even beyond the last one.  Doubt me as you will, I am already beyond my last day, which was just one of several of my last days.  Been there, done that.  I know there isn't a last day.  Perhaps here, though... not even that absolutely.

If nothing else, I would like to begin digging into the electronics books.  I checked out purchasing the electronics app, but it looks like a fishing expedition, asking for passwords to my email.  No thanks.  I'll have to find something else... or figure out how to purchase it without creating a security breech.  Nasty, some of these apps, and with people too stupid to know better, or even care?  This is supposed to be for techs... really?  No one noticed?  It sure looks like a security problem.

For now, I can just read... and some writing.  Writing formulas and constants, adjusting the formulas for the various constants possible to be solved by them, practice with various problems... especially the ones that are tricky so as to figure out the limits of the solution sets and such.  Electronics, perhaps more than most math, is truly a logic system.  It is, in many ways, rather limited.  And, unlike mathematics, there are variances between logic components, in that three resistors of the same technical value can be a bit to a lot different between each other.  The same is true for all components.  The more components, the more natural variability, perhaps into the need for customizing the circuit.  Each circuit is, pretty much, unique.  And, yet, they all, generally, still work or can be made to work.  There is a LOT of slop in the universe.  Digital didn't do much about that either.

Oh, right... food then sleep.  Good night.

Needed, not sure if the nap was useful.

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I think I hit right at two hours, but in the right way.  An quarter to an half hour to sleep, then to wake.  Thing is, I'm not sure it did any real good.  Oh, some, I suppose.  Just not enough to really show.  I won't be doing anything, still too tired.  It is still dark out.  I raised the furnace to aim at 72 F.  Warmer and I have problems, cooler and I don't notice... mostly.  Some days I can have it at 66 and be fine, or raise it to 76 and still be too cold.  I just can't ever tell.  Actually, I may turn it down to 70, maybe 68.  I'm burning at 72.

It's still so dark.  I don't know if it has rained at all.  It doesn't seem to have snowed.  Nah, probably didn't rain, unless it was very light and a bit ago.  I just can't break past it.  I'd love to.  I just want to work, get some things down, tinker on some projects, and feel awake.  Just... have that sense that I can figure things out and do what is wanted.

I am seeming to handle a full load of medicine though.  Maybe that IS doing something.  I was able to work, a bit, the first few days, in spite of the weather and medicine.  Maybe that was, and remains, quite a bit of effort.  I still am not sure I trust doctors.  They'll medicate you to death, or to being crippled.  I don't know if their intent is to kill you, or try to get you to push beyond what you should, or to break you.  I honestly don't know, I just don't fully trust.  I'm doing middlings, for now.

I can't be sure.

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Is it raw speed, natural talent, or a little bit of time control.  Can't live without time, not with flesh.  Perhaps can travel out of time, and back, quickly, so as to make it seem one has speed or foresight.  Dunno.  I would have thought age would have times out speed, and, yet, it seems not.  I don't necessarily get it.  Understand.  Though I don't think that is required.

A weak awakening.

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I haven't had it this rough in a while.  While it is 8:30 and some, I was actually awake at more like 7:00.  I tried to go back to sleep then, but couldn't.  Nor could I get out of bed.  Then again, even now, I am not at all awake.  While it usually takes a little time and mild bumbling to work out neuro, psychic, and muscular actuations, this morning is just brutal.  I am going to chalk this up to medicine and weather.  It seems as if there was a major change.  Are the clouds gone?  I'll check, in a bit, when I think I would be able to see and figure.  It seems like it though.

I know there were many dreams.  None are available this morning.  But given my condition and the type of dreams, they may pop later.  Or not.  I don't have the sense that there is much of interest to them.  I could be wrong.  Sometimes they are just like life.  Sometimes there is some little bit that, to me, possibly to others, makes them interesting.  No, sometimes and however, accounting for taste.

What today?  Anything I can get to!  I am a bit frustrated.  The the weather and medicine are both on a snit, and they each, alone, can cripple me.  I am getting through things, from time to time, anyway.  And, yet, I'd sure like to be digging through whole rooms, not spots, or chores, or parts of things.  Hmm... if the weather is good enough, I might just get out and clear gutters... and check on the plants.  Yeah, that would be good.  I need to do dishes first, though, I think.  Could be, maybe.  But first I'll have to wake, probably eat too.  Later.

Rather long nap.

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Even with the heat up I went an hour over the hoped max.  It was a good nap, other than overheating as a wakeup mechanism.  A fast wake, though.  I turned the heat down and have the door open, to let in some fresh air and speed the cooling.  The lab book is in.  I'll wait a bit to tangle with it.  Today, tomorrow, several days.  Between it and the manual, I am hoping to spend several hours a day, four or five days a week, pulling meat off those bones.  The simulator will work for short term.  I would still like to at least use real components and a breadboard to craft most of, if not all, the labs.  Anything that I would like to have for use I might do a bit more, buying end user components and what else, such as a proper container, to make the device visually right as well as easily seen and simply used.  I won't be getting an oscilloscope in the next year, probably not in two years?  But, if I live, in time, I will have one.

Ah, something about ordering meats?  Don't leave them as they are.  I should have thought about that right away.  It's not too late though.  I will put all the meats into a sealed container yet today.  If meat is spiced and cooked, then rightly stored, it simply lasts longer.  Even if it doesn't go bad, out, it will dry out.  It's the way to go.  I can keep it layered in the paper it arrives in, for easy portioning.  Also making storage simple.

Oh, is that the reason I was getting crap yesterday?  Because I was wearing sunglasses?  What a laugh.  I have been in my dark cave for far too long.  I hadn't seen that bright of an outside in a while.  I needed those glasses.  It didn't have anything to do with anything else.  Too bright, no more.  Even today, just having my front door open a bit, I'd need sun glasses outside, unless I stayed in the back yard, under the trees, and limited my exposure.  Hurts my eyes.  I'll have to shut the door or get a major headache.  Fools.

Just... writing in order to wake more quickly, surely, or... just because.  Later.

Absolutely exhausted.

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Tired enough that my shoulders sag.  I am about to heat something up for lunch.  Watch something.  Then maybe take a nap.  It's dark, damp, cool.

As I said, I won't lament the way of things.  If I get nothing done I will still attempt to simply enjoy the downtime.  I know, when I can, I will work, probably overwork.  Today simply isn't the day for that.  It's not so much that I reject the option as the option isn't open to me.

If I can do a few things, however, I will.  It is simply difficult to just keep my eyes open.  A nap might help, food might help, the combination might help, or, maybe, nothing will help.  Day?  Friday?  Already?  Okay.  I had one thing, of business, I would like to do.  But that might require more than what I can do.  I will know soon enough.

Good day.  I hope you can do more than I.  If not, maybe you can enjoy the day, too, anyway.  Good morning, actually.  Oh, well, there is that.  At least I am keeping my days and nights regulated, for now, today.  Later.

Now I know which one.

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And more of a response was given.  It's interesting how it works.  I could, as always, be wrong.  It just seems not.  Certain things match certain ones.  She dreams too, is all.  But her notions, for herself I think, are similar to those I have.  She forgets, and reaches out... or simply reacts to what I present, without suggesting that anything is right or wrong.

Never can be certain.  I can suspect. ~  One step in...

Getting to bed early doesn't always translate.

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Not sure why.  Perhaps medicine, perhaps another change in the weather, who ever knows.  Some system are just fiddly.  I believe I was to bed by 21:30...  Hmm?  Oh, well, I guess waking at 6:00 is within reason.  I was thinking I had overslept.  Given sleep isn't instant, taking up to an half hour normally, if waking usually is, that'll work.  It just seemed like an overshot.  Well, and I am not easily or readily awake.

This morning is the fourth morning of medicine.  I have taken it completely, at full dose, and without any real problems.  I can never tell if medicine is causing a side effect or not.  Especially with it being cool and dark out.  More so when the weather is a heavy lapse from warmth back, and several stages back and down.  Just wait until your flesh is on the edge of the final blink.  It's the little things.  The big things might just take you out.  Well, others in my condition, even many in much better condition.  I just end up napping for months at what might kill others even in better shape than my condition but still in rougher shape.  I'm not sure I'd call that lucky.  Though life should be allowed to just work itself out.  Murder, even if for the notion of compassion, certainly if for worse, is evil.  Costs souls every day.

If folks want me gone, there is an easy enough way... buy me out.  A community can easily afford this.  I would go, not even angrily.  Of course, it would take a bit to find another place, and to get ready and loaded.  But it's doable.  It beats going to hell for a simple want.  And the cost would be recouped in an eventual sale.  It is quite easy.  It would be considered reasonable.

Just stories, mostly.  Oh, there might be some reality connected in there.  At least, as far as you are concerned, though... just stories.  Let it go at that, doing both of us a favor.  Waiting to die can become tedious.  More so when day after day, what I can do might become very limited.  Sad when one has access, time, and few downsides, and I still can't, somehow, get a nap in?  *shrug*  Do I believe any of it?  Well, some of it was carved from notions, times, events, and dreams.  Some of it might just be closer than you think, of the past.  Of the future?  Do you even believe I have a future?  So... why would the dream of such bother you?  If you don't believe, and yet it bugs you?  I'm thinking it is you who needs sympathy.  I have never asked for, nor do I need, empathy or sympathy.

Why am I having to go through this again?  If you despise this blog, why are you reading here?  It is you who has the problem.  *grins*

I'll try to put in some work today.  Not sure it's possible.  Later.

Hmm. Hmm?

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Oh, right.  Forgot to sleep.  About ready now though.  First a bite, then on to it.  Probably.  Something has been hunting me.  Videos of a certain sort.

Three deaths in days.

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One of them made sense.  He wasn't famous.  He had cancer, fought it for years, lost.  I hope it was natural, I hope he sought and found Wisdom before dying, I hope he is at ease... without pain, need, or even want.  I've seen that.  It's... really good.

The other two were famous, and of means.  One seems to have just... ended.  Couldn't figure out what else to do, perhaps saw home as a trap, couldn't figure hobbies or another venture.  He just ticked off and out.  The other, if reports are true, hung himself.  Why?  There... there are reasons.  Not all are correct, or as I put things, good enough.  Some things seem to be forgivable.  Judgment, on a particular case, even if I knew the facts and I don't, is beyond my skills... thankfully.

Still, these last two frustrate me.  Both of those men had great means.  If they wanted, they could have set up a workshop, fitted for wood, metal, small and large engine... they could have kitted and otherwise outfitted an electrical hobbyist space that would make me drool, and not even cut into their actual incomes... just using a bit of feeder cash from interest earned or royalties.  And, if they wanted to upgrade their home, they could have paid to have that done, and quickly... just waiting on the workers, really.

Someone thinks he is funny.

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Well?  Okay, he is.  He reminds me, further, that I... have laughed about these things too.  Well, yeah.  Sure, I stole the humor from someone else, at least their example of it.  Hey, it's... all good.  But, yes, I did survive my youth.  Perhaps I should relax a bit more, mostly?  Maybe.

It isn't just about survival.  It is also all the could have, should have, and imagined but weren't events... well... and events, too, which did occur.  There may come, again, such events, certainly such thoughts.  And, yet, of kin or not, brothers of sorts, at least in these ways?  Yeah, okay.

I had to laugh.  I seriously had to laugh.  I am well away from much, retired for the most part, even if still with some... spit.  All of it, theirs and mine, for good or ill, is just the way of things.  *shakes head*  Damned kids.

While I chuckle, I am thinking a nap might be good.

Later.

Difficulty waking.

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I'll keep at it.  I realized there was a problem, so checked the temp.  It is 66 F in here.  Not a bad temperature.  Comfortable, if numbness is the goal.  If it is a resting day, that is perfect.  Colder would even be good, it's just that I can't trust a lower temp to make the furnace work.  Which is only a problem for water systems.  Too cold, they freeze, then break.  Not fun.  If I want to work, usually it needs to be warmer.  So up went the furnace, or on, or such.  Still, until it warms, perhaps even then... numb.  That might be the way of today.

Down later.

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Just couldn't go down by 20:30.  It was more like 21:30~22:30.  Memory gets foggy as I go to sleep.  The sore on my leg hurt enough to wake me through the night, but I still slept more fully than usual... fewer times to the bathroom.  I think I was only awake twice?  I went to full dose of medication, that might be making controls more complicated, though going to bed when I want has never been easy.  Though it actually might be helping.  It could have been worse.

As I said, I skipped the load-up time, and just went with a full dose.  I think I have been on full dose recently enough that it'll work out, and that seems to be holding.  I am waking with headaches.  Though if I treat them, that seems to work... as long as I don't push it.  I could create a problem, even if just severe discomfort, if I push it.  It's a bit of a cage, at least for a while.

Dishes, laundry folding on my breaks, and the main bedroom... I think that is what is on the menu.  I think I can do it.  I don't have to hit it hard, fast, or furiously, just... get in and get to it.  Time on target will do the rest.

The Art of Electronics arrived yesterday.  The lab book will be here Friday.  I checked some things.  It seems my smartphone will still function as a "computer", for apps, without service... so long as it is powered, and downloads are done through wifi or possibly via a dongle.  Dongle?  Something.  I don't... am not always sure I am using the correct term... though they just make them up and change them at will.  Not sure it matters so long as everyone understands.  So... I might get that pay simulator app.  The nice thing is, I am betting autoupdate nagging can be eliminated.  Oh, and with that gone, I can put things on the calendar and not have them wiped every time there is a system and/or app update.  Bogus.

I am already shoppoing components, breadboards, and the rest.  I should look through my books and tools, I might have some things.  I have a gooder multimeter, but another one or two wouldn't be bad.  I know I have several sets of many things, if not generally from the electric tool category specifically.  The crossover, and even an extra set of small varied needlenose and other pliers, an extra set of both regular and small screw, and other, driver sets... things like that.  As I get into woodworking, I can build a desk and hutch, component cabinets, and such... if I really want that, or more if I have the extra bits around so as to not want to spend elsewise.  It could happen.

Too much?  Well, yes.  In a moment.  But time seems to gather, then stretch out.  With the tools, the stretching out will be the time to unfold and use bits and parts and processes here, or another sort there, perhaps even mixing them.  I would be good to know about about electricity when putting a router table together, for example, and wanting to wire something in for ease of use... or adding outlets on an outfeed table, for other things... especially if it can be parted into various benches... which are away from the wall... just plug them in, and have the outlets available.  See?

Spirts of energy, spirit, curiosity, and prepping.  That's how it goes.  Plants grow that way, heck people grow that way.  A lot in a hurry, then to figure out what to do with that growth, how to sustain.  Electrical, but also mechanical tools.  I am sure the mechanical, unpowered, devices will come in quite handy on their own, even if power never goes.  And it really isn't just for me.  To try to get these things into hands which would use them, when I am gone?  That, too, will be a good thing.

I best wake.  I don't know if I just missed foam or that was not her.  A sense.  One can never be sure.  Later.

Doh! Almost messed up.

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Bedtime.  A bit later than I wanted, but it'll still do.  I just hope I can get to sleep.  I got a bit done today.  Even had my ire stoked.  I should be careful.  I may not be as decrepit as I think.  The last time I got into it, even pulling my punches, I hospitalized a guy.  That's... really not the best way.  Even if he did deserve a drubbing, he really didn't... actually... he did.  He was warned, then attacked from behind.  So fuck him.  Still, I'd rather not.

Is that you, foam?

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Hey, I've been wondering about something.  If it's you, and it is, if you are still there...  I want to get back into haiku, and thought you might be able to help.  Hmm?  Oh, nothing fancy.  Toss out bait for my mind, from time to time.  A topic.  Heck, add your own haiku.  Or, I could toss something back at you... once or twice a month.

I am think about Jean, too.  Not even weekly, just monthly, or twice a month of each of you offered one topic.  Just a fancy, curiosity of your own, or... such.  I hope I didn't just miss you.

What a nasty day.

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No, not in that things went wrong.  I just got a lot of crap from three or four, no five times today.  Hard stares.  I acknowledged but they didn't want to press it.  Once it was a pair of them.  I didn't back down or press it, I just let it be known that if trouble was sought, it would be returned.  I don't have enough stamina to truck it out, so I'd either kill, die, or go down hard.  I don't have to be able to win a fight to kill.  Then again, I doubt if most men, even now, have much of a chance.  Even the blue collar grease monkey that stood behind me, mocking me to the checkout folks, while I was buying my chicken.  At least they are smart enough not to press it.  Still, pretty cowardly to give someone shit behind their back.  He was my size, grungy from beating small engines or such into shape all day, but I am pretty sure he couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

Bits. Pieces. Time.

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I have been tinkering.  Not much, just enough to say I am doing something.  Decluttering there, throwing a few things out, then finally hitting dishes.  They are clean, they just need a rinse.  A shower first, I believe.  Then the dishes back in, until I am ready for them.

As I was finishing the dishes, I noticed the outside seemed... quietly dark and cold.  Just a sense.  So, I decided to look.  Snowing.  Heavy.  It's not sticking.  It may not be able to stick.  Will find out soon enough.  It's pretty.  As long as it doesn't cause icing on the roads, I'm good with it.  Though it means I won't be working outside.  I could sit outside, if I'm thinking the point is lost to a degree.  Then again, winter, spring, summer, and fall?  Some suggest that is part of the basis for natural poetry.  *haiku!*  Pardon.  I ought to do something with that, it's just not quite ready to hatch.

Still feeling good, and doing well.  I'll attempt to do a bit more, and then a bit more.  But that is all.  What more?  I don't know that.  I do know that I have done quite a lot this spring, even if it doesn't seem like it.  Mechanical actual work, considerations for the future, ideas being fleshed out that languish but perhaps have been given a fresh breath.  Tools to learning as well, not just on main notions, but on hobbies and more.  Yes, feeling good, in more ways then one.  If men decide to burn the world, okay... but until they get on with it, I have other things to do.  Knock knock?  Uhrm?  Yeah.  Don't answer that.

Better?

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I think so.  Not a bit better, but a lot better.  The migraine slipped away while I was reading, writing, and figuring.  It even looks like the sun is going to give it a shot.  Or... not.  I haven't actually looked outside(tm), but I can see from around the drapes.  A bit off and on, the sun.  It seems I might be in good company.  The good thing is, I do believe we are both in better moods and with greater potential that I would have dreamed just an hour ago.

So?  So work.  I don't want to overdo.  I know it might be a bit of a trick with the painkillers.  I also do not wish to waste the opportunity.  So?  Work, but not at speed?  Something like that.

Dishes, first.  So as to get a shower in after.  Then maybe some sitting and folding.  You know, one of the things I ought to do is go through my clothes.  Size 44, even 42, jeans could be folded and at least put away.  I'll never wear them again, not rightly.  Oh, I do from time to time, when all else needs washed... and on hobo days.  :p  Then go through shirts.  I have a lot of shirts very long in the tooth.  Some should just go.  Others set aside for work clothes.  T-shirts pretty much stay until they die.  Though I could, as with the others, put the old, faded, shirts, or with holes, into the work clothes group.  I might need to replace some shirts, polos.  But just a few.  I also have other things I should go through, undershirts, underwear, socks...  Just get rid of what is too old, stretched, done.  I'll bet I could get a box or two of stuff out.  Hmm... that would be a good thing to do to check off work in the room.  Plus, I know, as rambling as my efforts can be, I won't just do clothes.  I'll... touch a bit on that pile, take out that box, might even dust?  Maybe.

If it looks to be stable enough, weatherwise, I might get outside.  Working on branches, just moving the pile a bit... and cleaning the gutters.  You know, this spring, if it does take a reason to be out?  I found that I... really do like being outside.  Fresh air, birds, traffic even as long as it is mild, people, and sun.  You know, if nothing else, even if I don't work, I really ought to go out and sit out there a bit more often.  Perhaps take a book.  I am not sure how well an ebook reads out there, on my smartphone, but could try that.  Or even play sudoku.

I still haven't beaten a game at 3 seconds.  Yet.  I have hit a few 7 second games this week.  But I, again, haven't been playing as regular as I would like, perhaps need, to lower the number to 3.  Then again, perhaps 5 seconds is the limit?  Not even just because of me.  Maybe that is as fast as this system can handle inputs?  They... really probably didn't even devise a system to deal with that fast of inputs.  I'm... not exactly the average customer.  Still... I... think I can do it.  I should try to keep up on it.  As I said, I don't play the games over and over, anymore.  I play them once, at least for what counts.  Let me ask you, though... do you believe I am playing a sudoku game, and beating it in 5 seconds?  On this one?  I'll let you see if you stop by.  At least look at the device, see the time, and play the device to see how well you do.  If you have a tech means of checking for hacking, I'd let you do that.  It is real.  It also isn't... normal.  At all.  More so given my heart condition, and that I had only been playing the game for, perhaps, two years regularly when I got to that point.  *wink*

Well... on with my day.

How plans work to failure.

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Two plans seem to be colliding.  I was to bed by 20:00 (give or take an inch, always).  Which means I am awake at about 5:00.  That actually is extra sleep, though that may be required while adjusting sleep.  That part worked well.  Starting medicine, however, is difficult.  That I was able to wake, mostly on time, is probably a fluke.  I may try to be to bed even earlier, forcing myself to stay awake until 17:00 to 18:00.  If that is pushing it, going to bed a bit earlier than that.  I don't know if it will work, but I am willing to try to get ahead of all that in the hopes of keeping days.

I have a fine headache to start the day with.  It's from restarting medicine.  I don't know if there is much to be done for it.  Headache?  No, migraine.  The center left quad of my brain... a spot and tendril at the center back base of my skull is... it's like it's filling the top two thirds quad with pain.  Some of it might be muscular tension, some of it is whatever the medicine does, if both are connected too.

I doubt if I will be doing too much today.  But if things smooth out, or even if they don't, I will finish the last of the dishes, maybe fold some laundry, and do a little bit here and there.  If I can, I may get to the grocery store for just a few things.  A shower again.  Sure enjoy those, even daily or more sometimes.

I have been reviewing electronic components.  Capacitors, resistors, pots, and such.  Well, and looking over what information I can find, plus videos.  I even, after looking through diodes, and several forms of them, thought about how to make a sort of disposable timer.  As the voltage allowances changed over time, through heat, various circuits could be fed through the greater voltages being allowed through in a cascading destruction of elements.  It would be a one-shot item.  I am not sure how accurate, precise, the failure could be made.  I am not sure of all the uses.  One function, and one set of uses, comes immediately to mind... if at least one of those would require an exact timing.  The other could be less strict, but would need to be at least roughly but surely ranged.   Yes, my mind... seizes some things.  Some would have to turn their back on mother nature to be similar.  For me to choose even faith, I have done that... but to my nature.  We simply are not the same.

I am watching an old Vincent Price movie.  In which he is the last man on earth, mostly.  I used to really enjoy V.P. movies.  Then I outgrew them, many of them.  At various times, as with Edgar Alan Poe, I have returned.  This is one I do not remember.  He, and his movies, dated me by a goodly lot.  Not all of his movies made it back to the little screen.  Televisions was a luxury as a kid, for me, and there were few channels.  Literally, in many places, three channels was it... if that.

It was probably one of the first best dystopian, or survivor, or such movies.  Well, that roughly follows more modern versions?  At least, as far as I am aware (no expert on the matter, mind you).  In it, there are, sort of, vampire zombies, vambies? zampires?  I am just nearing the end.  I can't stay interested, often, in watching a whole show, or even half.  Sometimes, depending in part on me, sometimes more on the show, I watch these things in snippets.  Half, quarter, or even less at a time.  It works with reading, too, when I am in rough shape.

In any case, while the movie is playing out as suggested, I did have a notion for another way, after the plot had finally and fully been presented, but before they began working the rest of the story after the backstory...  What if he were something like a superman.  And, what he was killing wasn't zampires, but real humans... he was the monster.  And on along that line.  Perhaps he had been the one, and only one, to change.  Everyone was weak, but only to him, and slow.  Then, at the end, he finds to his true horror just what happened, but finds there is no way out... ending up unable to even die... so surrendering to a prison of sorts, in a medical facility.  Lots of legs on that story, and following things (such as realizing they are using his infection in an attempt to create super soldiers and destroying that, or going a bit off, freeing himself, and... trying to live a normal life, etc.  Lots of legs.

A bit more.

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I really had to get the bills paid.  I have been horrible with money lately.  It's not that I have been going beyond my means, but I have been cutting it too close, and it's not working right.  I have to... sort these things out.  It's easy to plan, but implementation often ends up costing more than proposed.  And... then... there is just life.  The more often you pop outside your door, the greater the risk you'll see something else at which to throw money... for good or ill.

The first bill went well.  The amount due was known, and so it was paid, easily.  The other bill was similar.  However, they weren't answering their phone.  It had to be in today, and they were having none of it.  I called a number of times.  Then I... tried a different phone.  Got through, but realized I didn't have anything I needed to pay it on the phone, so hung up.  Went and gathered what I needed, tried again.  One busy, then back on.  I sometimes suspect they try to generate late fees, especially on some people.  Yeah, I know.  But I got it paid too.

I have some other things on my mind.  A shower, for example.  Perhaps a trip to town later, maybe.  Both of which, I decided, required dishes to be completed.  So I hit that.  I only finished half of them, but the half that is more annoying.  The rest, to my mind, needed another wash.  I did set them up for a soak.  I'll take a break then hit that when it is cool enough, then a shower.

The timing of various potential events today will dictate which way I go, should I get back to work yet today.  I won't be outside, but laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the kitchen, touching up in the bedroom, are all possibilities, and there are other options.  I doubt if I will get to more than one or two more things.  Just don't have it, can't get to much more... if I do that.  Still, it's a goal, a hope, a plan.  Later.