.
.
Beautifully brutal. I got the trash and cat litter dealt with, then nap crashed. I, until the last post, couldn't steer to either, heading right for the middle. An empty crash was becoming likely, perhaps bad enough to ruin my day schedule. It happens. I think posting saved my bacon. Part of why I do it.
Doing the work allowed me to get in and nap before it became too late. Which allowed me to be awake in time to realize some things had been missed, things which really needed to go. The nap helped enough that the work , little as it seems to you, was easy enough for me.
Now, ribs are grilling. As well as squash. Squash? It is an experiment. This is an acorn squash. I have another and a butternut (if memory serves) for grill trials. A shower and hopefully shave this time is next. Then? Feeling much better. Dealing with the trash and the nap, combined, soothed what was ailing me.
The squash was quite good. I think if one avoids burning the skin or drying it out too much, you can't lose.
Strange music has been haunting, without... effort, of thought or action on my part. Brewing an exposition and response, maybe separate or a mixed two part post. So little energy, even for the things I love to do. Love? I... am not sure I love noticing patterns, then attempting to carve thoughts from them, it is simply what I do... almost a need, only sometimes, in the kinder and gentler themes, usually, is the work a joy. Those are rare moments, as reality here and now is harsh and will only get worse until He returns, and then some. In part it is why I played sudoku regularly and with intensity. Sharpens pattern recognition.
Later.
Monday, October 9, 2017
Not the best.
.
.
Not the worst. Frustration returns. I am able to have a regular day and night. Getting enough sleep too, if it doesn't always feel like it. The change of season might be it. I wouldn't mind if I didn't have things to do. Naps, every morning and for a while. Things have to be done, soon. Trash out, mail checked, more. One today the other tomorrow, not much choice. Later.
.
Not the worst. Frustration returns. I am able to have a regular day and night. Getting enough sleep too, if it doesn't always feel like it. The change of season might be it. I wouldn't mind if I didn't have things to do. Naps, every morning and for a while. Things have to be done, soon. Trash out, mail checked, more. One today the other tomorrow, not much choice. Later.
Sunday, October 8, 2017
That was fast.
.
.
Moreover it worked! Still a bit tired. Having both started medicine recently, still in some form of multiple recovery, and having pushed things this last week at least for the shape of my condition, going with being tired is reasonable... even a pleasure. As little as it may seem, sometimes... God knows. Thankfully.
Met a woman while out last time. Conversed as is my nature. A few links were found and explored, not flirtations... can tell when a woman is cautious due to being in a certain stage of love... shortly after the first blush stages and while the enormity of it all is settling in. Not married, to a local lad, living together. I was saddened. Oh, I have been so much worse, if for many dark and hard reasons... right or wrong. It probably won't hit her until she is pregnant... or beyond that function (or nearing the end). It will hit. To see either the hate or grief in the faces of such women, at their end and without fruit or even a man often, is as terrible as anything I have ever seen. I left with advice. Make it work. And a prayer. No different than homosexuality, sin is sin. She is one of the prettier ones too. I called it the modern way, which she liked enough to claim for use with their unhappy parents. I have sixty, plus, of her in my bone pile, and six kids I have never seen, that I know. I... wish I could teach from my failures.
The other day a post was written, with the word "odd" in the title. Didn't get to the things being considered when the title was developed. Medical. This last week has been a success in taking medication. Not odd, but strange things surrounding it. Not needing to wake to void... not going as often and yet having no swelling of the feet during the day... a few other things, like no added exhaustion with the meds, and on full dose into this week two of restarting. Just odd, mostly in good ways, if the feet have worsened, a bit, again... no rhyme, reason, food, or medicine seems to control well for that. I suspect there are at least two different causes for that.
On to waking. Again. Later.
(This post was actually started an hour and small change after the last post. Didn't get posted as I was attempting to capture, edit, and post a picture (of God Creates Adam, in the Cistine Chapel (all spelling and exacitude questionable)), which obviously failed, this time, for now, etc).
.
Moreover it worked! Still a bit tired. Having both started medicine recently, still in some form of multiple recovery, and having pushed things this last week at least for the shape of my condition, going with being tired is reasonable... even a pleasure. As little as it may seem, sometimes... God knows. Thankfully.
Met a woman while out last time. Conversed as is my nature. A few links were found and explored, not flirtations... can tell when a woman is cautious due to being in a certain stage of love... shortly after the first blush stages and while the enormity of it all is settling in. Not married, to a local lad, living together. I was saddened. Oh, I have been so much worse, if for many dark and hard reasons... right or wrong. It probably won't hit her until she is pregnant... or beyond that function (or nearing the end). It will hit. To see either the hate or grief in the faces of such women, at their end and without fruit or even a man often, is as terrible as anything I have ever seen. I left with advice. Make it work. And a prayer. No different than homosexuality, sin is sin. She is one of the prettier ones too. I called it the modern way, which she liked enough to claim for use with their unhappy parents. I have sixty, plus, of her in my bone pile, and six kids I have never seen, that I know. I... wish I could teach from my failures.
The other day a post was written, with the word "odd" in the title. Didn't get to the things being considered when the title was developed. Medical. This last week has been a success in taking medication. Not odd, but strange things surrounding it. Not needing to wake to void... not going as often and yet having no swelling of the feet during the day... a few other things, like no added exhaustion with the meds, and on full dose into this week two of restarting. Just odd, mostly in good ways, if the feet have worsened, a bit, again... no rhyme, reason, food, or medicine seems to control well for that. I suspect there are at least two different causes for that.
On to waking. Again. Later.
(This post was actually started an hour and small change after the last post. Didn't get posted as I was attempting to capture, edit, and post a picture (of God Creates Adam, in the Cistine Chapel (all spelling and exacitude questionable)), which obviously failed, this time, for now, etc).
Fierce headache.
.
.
Waking to it, was not surprised. Through the night I struggled to find a comfortable position, failing every time. It happens, if this time could have been avoided if I had been able to wake a bit more, somehow an extra pillow got under my head. I keep several extra for rotation, to balance appearance, and other uses like leg elevation at some times. Not so much a health thing, that last, just a rare comfort thing.
It's not a migraine, if it is strong enough to have some of the features. Mild nausea and light issues. Strong aspirin and maybe back to bed for a bit. If I think I can sleep through headache without messing to much up, I will give it a shot. Hmm, yes. Life has been somewhat painful lately. I don't wish to fuss with more today. Later.
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Do naps help?
.
.
Sometimes, is my vote. For it to help, without causing other issues, certain things must fit. It can't be too late in the day. Too early and it isn't a nap, a return to unfinished rest, different issue. It can't be too warm or cold. Though it is difficult for it to be too cold too sleep, if it is below some ill-defined and changing temp waking in a timely fashion so as to term it a true nap may not happen.
Yes, a nap this morn. No choice. While sleeping I became a bit depressed. It seemed as if I had slept far too long, messing up the weeks of effort to get my days and nights sorted. Even so I couldn't force myself awake, even to check the time. Turns out the nap ended being exactly optimal and normal, timewise. Bruised a bit by the worry though. Oh well. Not sure how much it actually helped, some I believe. No choice in the matter in any case.
Beans are done, a burger hash with some of it has also been cooked. I am mastering beans. Humble as they might be they are fine and inexpensive, greater still they give me no gas especially as I learned to make them properly. Add in beef, a mild masala of my own design, and it passes humble cuisine muster with grace. Add a dollop of sour cream, cheese, and a dash of finishing salt and it begins a journey towards haute cuisine. Homemade creme fraich and a sprinkling of fresh minced or sliced chives and you would be home for certain. I do my best.
Work doesn't seem likely. The want is there, the flesh is exhausted, even with the nap, beyond reasoning with, numb. No worries. It saw me through a harrowing set of recent events and holds promise for more, if in it's time and terms. I can live with that, and gratefully. A shower, shave, and trash and recycling together and out are on the menu even so. I'll lean into those if needs be. Other than those, rest is fine.
Later, or not. Good day in any case.
.
Sometimes, is my vote. For it to help, without causing other issues, certain things must fit. It can't be too late in the day. Too early and it isn't a nap, a return to unfinished rest, different issue. It can't be too warm or cold. Though it is difficult for it to be too cold too sleep, if it is below some ill-defined and changing temp waking in a timely fashion so as to term it a true nap may not happen.
Yes, a nap this morn. No choice. While sleeping I became a bit depressed. It seemed as if I had slept far too long, messing up the weeks of effort to get my days and nights sorted. Even so I couldn't force myself awake, even to check the time. Turns out the nap ended being exactly optimal and normal, timewise. Bruised a bit by the worry though. Oh well. Not sure how much it actually helped, some I believe. No choice in the matter in any case.
Beans are done, a burger hash with some of it has also been cooked. I am mastering beans. Humble as they might be they are fine and inexpensive, greater still they give me no gas especially as I learned to make them properly. Add in beef, a mild masala of my own design, and it passes humble cuisine muster with grace. Add a dollop of sour cream, cheese, and a dash of finishing salt and it begins a journey towards haute cuisine. Homemade creme fraich and a sprinkling of fresh minced or sliced chives and you would be home for certain. I do my best.
Work doesn't seem likely. The want is there, the flesh is exhausted, even with the nap, beyond reasoning with, numb. No worries. It saw me through a harrowing set of recent events and holds promise for more, if in it's time and terms. I can live with that, and gratefully. A shower, shave, and trash and recycling together and out are on the menu even so. I'll lean into those if needs be. Other than those, rest is fine.
Later, or not. Good day in any case.
Truly?
.
.
Top of the morning to you? Of Course! Even on my worst day I don't begrudge my enemy a good day. Good days, dark options, and blood in their tears provide an opportunity for another way. But you, most of you, most of the time, aren't my enemy even so. And, when you are, and happen to visit, do I not seed your tears with blood? So it is. That isn't, any of it, the point.
In my shape, with all that is still problematic, that I still have cheer, which I do. Simply hoping a smile through toil and pain, unforced and without any ends other than to exhibit a joy for life, might be worth explaining, pointing out, sharing. I can't do much for folk, am often enough a downer-debby. A spot of light without too much blood and pain in conjunction is hoped to be welcomed.
Again, top of the day, morning, to you.
Beans are on the boil. Soaked overnight. Boil? No, not any more... simmer. That and burger will be the main of my food this week, if in part because I burned other meat. While I won't need to starve, I will need to be of some serious care with each penny. Food like this stretches coin greatly. Then I can do part of what I suggested last month more easily.
Dishes today, another shower, counters and stove, plus the trash arranged and readied. What all of that though today? If all, I may add a few things tomorrow. Next week is for social security and collecting dry trash, going through boxes, tossing everything from books to asunder home goods. That will go hand in hand with the seeming abandoned effort to clear wall space in the rooms. That... the purpose of it too... I had more intense things come up. Haven't given up on that, the timeline is simply longer.
Yes, good morning and day. Later.
Friday, October 6, 2017
More.
.
.
The goal. Less. What has been done. A few calls, plans for a bit more based on the calls, probably yet today. No travel until Monday and a call, just to be sure. It looks like requested medication may have gone through. Will check with them soon. On the good side, I am not as lean as I had feared. Financially. I can eat. I can... do... as needed, perhaps wanted to a lessor degree.
It is a ponderous day. My feet, in many ways, are as clay. A price was due. Hopefully some efforts can still happen. It's a grace to still be able to want, know to, try. Not my grace, save as a gift. The Lord knows I am doing beyond my limits, feeble as it might seem. I've wanted a nap since 9:00. It simply got too late before I could nap. Not willing to mess up sleep. Holding off until 17:00-18:00.
Now work today. Tomorrow, changing sheets and cleaning under the sink so as to get a new faucet and drain plumbing installed. Not much more this weekend. Ugh, so tired. Later, or good night.
.
The goal. Less. What has been done. A few calls, plans for a bit more based on the calls, probably yet today. No travel until Monday and a call, just to be sure. It looks like requested medication may have gone through. Will check with them soon. On the good side, I am not as lean as I had feared. Financially. I can eat. I can... do... as needed, perhaps wanted to a lessor degree.
It is a ponderous day. My feet, in many ways, are as clay. A price was due. Hopefully some efforts can still happen. It's a grace to still be able to want, know to, try. Not my grace, save as a gift. The Lord knows I am doing beyond my limits, feeble as it might seem. I've wanted a nap since 9:00. It simply got too late before I could nap. Not willing to mess up sleep. Holding off until 17:00-18:00.
Now work today. Tomorrow, changing sheets and cleaning under the sink so as to get a new faucet and drain plumbing installed. Not much more this weekend. Ugh, so tired. Later, or good night.
So odd.
.
.
Couldn't sleep until well after 20:00, nearing the next hour. Woke a bit after 1:00. I'll pay for it, not a choice. The excitement, and working past the real or perceived dangers flooded the bod with certain chems. I used to jones for those... an adrenaline junky. Attempts have been made to restrict that diet and end the dark life which was required for constant resupplies.
Never my choice, save that I refused the pecking-order(tm), would take a knee to no other boy or man, save loosely organisationally as in employment, respect for reciprocal teachers and coaches, et al. Bullies, bullyboys of the system, the raw system itself, in the smaller and larger writs, all mean, combined and separately, to break people. Women, females, are favored by that system as they are born broken... subservient, fearful, weak, easily swayed by waves of real or artificial virtue signalling... to be held as templates for boys, men, in the new Babylon.
Those who refuse leave, find our own way. We also pay a handsome fee in many ways. But I tell you it is a grander life. By the way, though... if you aren't strong enough to be a free man here? Heaven... won't be what is hoped. Both attempting too much freedom, and surrendering too much, can lead to darkness. Still, if heaven awaits? As above so below, and in this case, the obverse.
As a payment for running the gauntlet I should have travel as a fearless option again... or shortly. Too, some decent amount of stress has been lifted. The body feels better without all those psychic tics and fleas. Now to not only scratch at the others but be rid of them sum total. I'll check on meds today. I was told doc won't do refill orders? Wha? If it was painpills, sure. But heart medicine? I don't know about him, but with so many docs tossing narcs like candy, having a doc who won't keep vital refills on order? It's a mad, insane, world. I won't play games. If I don't have clear safe semi-private access to medication, without a doctors boot on my neck, I'll quit them or find a new doc. This isn't rocket science, a social call, or a negotiaton.
Why is this so difficult? Ah, right... refusing to sit to pee. Gotchya. I hate when I meander into my own lesson target area. I suppose that is... part of the point. *shrug* Housework, today. This time for real. Later, good morning and day. *taps tophat brim to gain your focus* *tips hat, bows head ever so slightly while angling my face to a quartering degree, wearing a foxlike grin*
.
Couldn't sleep until well after 20:00, nearing the next hour. Woke a bit after 1:00. I'll pay for it, not a choice. The excitement, and working past the real or perceived dangers flooded the bod with certain chems. I used to jones for those... an adrenaline junky. Attempts have been made to restrict that diet and end the dark life which was required for constant resupplies.
Never my choice, save that I refused the pecking-order(tm), would take a knee to no other boy or man, save loosely organisationally as in employment, respect for reciprocal teachers and coaches, et al. Bullies, bullyboys of the system, the raw system itself, in the smaller and larger writs, all mean, combined and separately, to break people. Women, females, are favored by that system as they are born broken... subservient, fearful, weak, easily swayed by waves of real or artificial virtue signalling... to be held as templates for boys, men, in the new Babylon.
Those who refuse leave, find our own way. We also pay a handsome fee in many ways. But I tell you it is a grander life. By the way, though... if you aren't strong enough to be a free man here? Heaven... won't be what is hoped. Both attempting too much freedom, and surrendering too much, can lead to darkness. Still, if heaven awaits? As above so below, and in this case, the obverse.
As a payment for running the gauntlet I should have travel as a fearless option again... or shortly. Too, some decent amount of stress has been lifted. The body feels better without all those psychic tics and fleas. Now to not only scratch at the others but be rid of them sum total. I'll check on meds today. I was told doc won't do refill orders? Wha? If it was painpills, sure. But heart medicine? I don't know about him, but with so many docs tossing narcs like candy, having a doc who won't keep vital refills on order? It's a mad, insane, world. I won't play games. If I don't have clear safe semi-private access to medication, without a doctors boot on my neck, I'll quit them or find a new doc. This isn't rocket science, a social call, or a negotiaton.
Why is this so difficult? Ah, right... refusing to sit to pee. Gotchya. I hate when I meander into my own lesson target area. I suppose that is... part of the point. *shrug* Housework, today. This time for real. Later, good morning and day. *taps tophat brim to gain your focus* *tips hat, bows head ever so slightly while angling my face to a quartering degree, wearing a foxlike grin*
Thursday, October 5, 2017
While they weren't watching.
.
.
I snuck out after suggesting other plans were in play. I suspect if they realized I was going out, and why, I would have ended up with tickets and a court date... at least. I do believe the shove is on to force me out, break me, or worse. Can't blame them, just wish they would do it honesty. My size and no witnesses would easily go to self-defense. That isn't how the left works, but it's the only real way for some types. If you really want us gone.
Inspection and tags, then paperwork to the doc, for to keep my driver license, all very late. Was going to buy nerve tonic and groceries with what might be left. Overheard a young mom, one under foot, one in the oven... sobbing. Just had her vehicle fixed, was driving away, then the fix-it popped again. A lemon that was draining her and all dry. I couldn't do much, but I can skip food for a bit... a bit longer. I don't really feel better, though I probably made a large score. Made a woman cry with ease, without going to jail. Hrmh, fifty, a hundred, points? More?
I have some food left. Not sure whether to continue as usual or to ration. What would you suggest? Not that your advice, my plan - focused will - matter. What happens, happens, I have learned. At least I am the sort of fool who won't regret gifting, even to dire hunger. I used to, still do, live for right suffering.
I'll keep at it. I just sorted half of the real problems, which open up part of the potential solution to the other half... driving was crucial, if for more than just that. If I can just do it. Don't deserve what has been given, but I am stuck sort of needing it now. God help me. Amen.
.
I snuck out after suggesting other plans were in play. I suspect if they realized I was going out, and why, I would have ended up with tickets and a court date... at least. I do believe the shove is on to force me out, break me, or worse. Can't blame them, just wish they would do it honesty. My size and no witnesses would easily go to self-defense. That isn't how the left works, but it's the only real way for some types. If you really want us gone.
Inspection and tags, then paperwork to the doc, for to keep my driver license, all very late. Was going to buy nerve tonic and groceries with what might be left. Overheard a young mom, one under foot, one in the oven... sobbing. Just had her vehicle fixed, was driving away, then the fix-it popped again. A lemon that was draining her and all dry. I couldn't do much, but I can skip food for a bit... a bit longer. I don't really feel better, though I probably made a large score. Made a woman cry with ease, without going to jail. Hrmh, fifty, a hundred, points? More?
I have some food left. Not sure whether to continue as usual or to ration. What would you suggest? Not that your advice, my plan - focused will - matter. What happens, happens, I have learned. At least I am the sort of fool who won't regret gifting, even to dire hunger. I used to, still do, live for right suffering.
I'll keep at it. I just sorted half of the real problems, which open up part of the potential solution to the other half... driving was crucial, if for more than just that. If I can just do it. Don't deserve what has been given, but I am stuck sort of needing it now. God help me. Amen.
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
A new day.
.
.
It is difficult to start today. The work in an attempt to restart life, while mostly at least touched upon, leaves a gaping economic hole and a great deal of ponderous, slow, timed work. It might take months or years to finish. Perhaps not ending correctly even then. I didn't see any packages from them, if it is possible I missed something. But I did return the packet from my visit. It had nothing to do with my medical, or my current doc's contact information. I should have kept a copy. Not even sure what it was about at.
Other business has to be attended before travel is possible. That has begun. So muh to do, so little time, health, and coin. So it goes. I'll begin for the day soon enough. No rush, that will be fot business hours. I need to get ready, in my mind.
.
It is difficult to start today. The work in an attempt to restart life, while mostly at least touched upon, leaves a gaping economic hole and a great deal of ponderous, slow, timed work. It might take months or years to finish. Perhaps not ending correctly even then. I didn't see any packages from them, if it is possible I missed something. But I did return the packet from my visit. It had nothing to do with my medical, or my current doc's contact information. I should have kept a copy. Not even sure what it was about at.
Other business has to be attended before travel is possible. That has begun. So muh to do, so little time, health, and coin. So it goes. I'll begin for the day soon enough. No rush, that will be fot business hours. I need to get ready, in my mind.
Later is fine.
.
.
The plan was to attack hard, fast, on multiple fronts, and begin early. Time ticked by slowly. I watched it pass, seemingly unable to rally. Then it happened. A wave of revulsion at my situation. Horror at the catatonic immobility, anger at myself, the situations, the denied needs and wants... a rush of chemicals flooded my system... the rust was slightly broken. Calls, many. Laundry started. A shower soon. And a shave. I hope. Cleaned the toilet while I was at things.
I am waiting on two return calls. My bank, which I called Monday, and SSA which was called today. My guess is that neither of those will call back. I will have to continuously call each. I may even be ignored completely without political help, say a congressman. Governor isn't the type or in that line. May just be out of ss. Things seem to have been decided, visits, paperwork, and the law means nothing to a muh feelz bureaucracy. Still, I'll give it what efforts I may.
Oh, and Walgreens, again, filled the dr.'s scripts without my consent... in spite of just having filled them and telling them NOT TO DO THAT. Oh, no refills beyond either, plus potassium still at 30 days. Why wouldn't I feel under a coordinated attack?
I'll keep at it, as I can. Some things were semi or fully completed. A bunch of things were started. I sure hope for a shower. Good night... Not bedtime, I won't be back today is all.
UPDATE: SSD did call back. SSI is gone. There are two slim chances at getting it back without reapplying. One is a ream or two of paperwork, the other is to go to the office with proof of veteran disability. I never can find the yearly award letter. Perhaps bank statements will do. It seems 100% total, permanent, means something to someone. I will, when I can, try both. Yeah... It's going to be lean here for a while. Fasting was written in on the menu. The schedule is simply accelerated and enhanced.
Yeah... as in a lame depressed yes, not a cheer or snark. Ah well.
.
The plan was to attack hard, fast, on multiple fronts, and begin early. Time ticked by slowly. I watched it pass, seemingly unable to rally. Then it happened. A wave of revulsion at my situation. Horror at the catatonic immobility, anger at myself, the situations, the denied needs and wants... a rush of chemicals flooded my system... the rust was slightly broken. Calls, many. Laundry started. A shower soon. And a shave. I hope. Cleaned the toilet while I was at things.
I am waiting on two return calls. My bank, which I called Monday, and SSA which was called today. My guess is that neither of those will call back. I will have to continuously call each. I may even be ignored completely without political help, say a congressman. Governor isn't the type or in that line. May just be out of ss. Things seem to have been decided, visits, paperwork, and the law means nothing to a muh feelz bureaucracy. Still, I'll give it what efforts I may.
Oh, and Walgreens, again, filled the dr.'s scripts without my consent... in spite of just having filled them and telling them NOT TO DO THAT. Oh, no refills beyond either, plus potassium still at 30 days. Why wouldn't I feel under a coordinated attack?
I'll keep at it, as I can. Some things were semi or fully completed. A bunch of things were started. I sure hope for a shower. Good night... Not bedtime, I won't be back today is all.
UPDATE: SSD did call back. SSI is gone. There are two slim chances at getting it back without reapplying. One is a ream or two of paperwork, the other is to go to the office with proof of veteran disability. I never can find the yearly award letter. Perhaps bank statements will do. It seems 100% total, permanent, means something to someone. I will, when I can, try both. Yeah... It's going to be lean here for a while. Fasting was written in on the menu. The schedule is simply accelerated and enhanced.
Yeah... as in a lame depressed yes, not a cheer or snark. Ah well.
Chances of action.
.
.
Good. Probability, either clinical or common, suggest it. Nothing yesterday, save cat care and food. Days are being stretched to business hours in a sustainable fashion. One call was placed Monday, as well as a scant several chores. Today? Set for more. Three calls, a shower and shave, trash out, a load or two smaller ones of laundry, and kitchen counters. Well, we will see. The efforts Monday was prep. I had hoped for yesterday but it is today so I will start where, when, I am... not where, when, I can no longer be. Nor will I lament. I will merely start here, now... if possible.
With food becoming regular again, on my own terms, I have begun moderating. Moderating? No. Dosing. Over the fast/feast divide, in a pleasant reasoned middle territory, cutting volume while shaping meal times is a simple trick. Three ounces of meat is way out, unless eating very often is desired. Six to nine is usually fine enough...that buys three to six hours. Not sure about incorperating fasting back in quite yet, but that is in the cards. Fridays, perhaps the whole weekends if Ican get back to that level. Plans.
Food isn't what it seems. I LIKE a food rush, specifically from some foods. Sugar starch, even too much protein, they can provide hits and highs. Beats drugs... if it actually is a drug. What, sometimes, I like better is starvation. Doesn't look like it, but I have gone without food for weeks at a time. That too can be it's own special sort of delicious. Neither way is profitable, most likely vestigial aspects of my varied native relations. Also a part of why I used to drink alcohol as I did.
A middle ground is being sought. Better to be where wisdom will profit the wise, innit Johnny.
A bit more gaming, then a shower, plus abum rush on several of those other chores, a break then back at it? That is the plan. Later.
Monday, October 2, 2017
A call.
.
.
When all is failing a call home provides... a moment. Don't know when that is gone, can't think about it. As rotten as family can be, what is vastly worse is no family. That is available today, and was employed. I didn't whine, just smiled and spoke well, as upbeat as was possible. She can't, shouldn't have to, deal with my toils. A boost I hope to yet employ.
Food, two meals. Gaming, to wake and maybe sharpen. A shower in an hour. A pre-shave with the trimmers shortly. A half dozen calls it is hoped, and some planning. Will give it everything available, perhaps borrowing from the future. So many things! One at a time. A list would be a best start, to begin triage. Later.
.
When all is failing a call home provides... a moment. Don't know when that is gone, can't think about it. As rotten as family can be, what is vastly worse is no family. That is available today, and was employed. I didn't whine, just smiled and spoke well, as upbeat as was possible. She can't, shouldn't have to, deal with my toils. A boost I hope to yet employ.
Food, two meals. Gaming, to wake and maybe sharpen. A shower in an hour. A pre-shave with the trimmers shortly. A half dozen calls it is hoped, and some planning. Will give it everything available, perhaps borrowing from the future. So many things! One at a time. A list would be a best start, to begin triage. Later.
Tricks and great effort yield little.
.
.
Extra pain, a deeper suffering, more confusion, so not without recompense. While numb as the dead I am feeling serious aches. As such goes it might be considered exquisite, miraculous maybe. Is that some sort of win? Or is not even contemplating surrendering the thing that might go into the win column. Even realizing I am here, again, all alone in the dark.
Staying awake worked right until it failed spectacularly. I ended up not sleeping for two days, then falling back to the broken schedule I was trying to escape. Why try what has so recently failed? Uhrm, for one, try try again. For seconds, at this point I'll scramble at any and every opportunity spotted, which is close enough to allow a good faith effort. Gotta get out of this place.
On the good side the ladies are being attended... if one realizes their cats are begging for simple attention. It's not that I mean to ignore. I... just can't focus, feel, see. Still, feeding, watering, and litter maintenance is minimal but sufficient for now. Food is also being handled for myself, with medicine started. Other efforts are in the works. I just need more daylight time and a voice in it. Working on that. Later or good night or day.
.
Extra pain, a deeper suffering, more confusion, so not without recompense. While numb as the dead I am feeling serious aches. As such goes it might be considered exquisite, miraculous maybe. Is that some sort of win? Or is not even contemplating surrendering the thing that might go into the win column. Even realizing I am here, again, all alone in the dark.
Staying awake worked right until it failed spectacularly. I ended up not sleeping for two days, then falling back to the broken schedule I was trying to escape. Why try what has so recently failed? Uhrm, for one, try try again. For seconds, at this point I'll scramble at any and every opportunity spotted, which is close enough to allow a good faith effort. Gotta get out of this place.
On the good side the ladies are being attended... if one realizes their cats are begging for simple attention. It's not that I mean to ignore. I... just can't focus, feel, see. Still, feeding, watering, and litter maintenance is minimal but sufficient for now. Food is also being handled for myself, with medicine started. Other efforts are in the works. I just need more daylight time and a voice in it. Working on that. Later or good night or day.
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Rebooting.
.
.
Starting from a better position is good and more. It isn't always, usually, an option. At this time that is so far from were things stand I can only chuckle. Still, every here and now has some potential. Medicine. Tonight. Set up for two weeks. One of the problems is that instead of a three month supply, there was only one month worth of potassium. I hate starting meds with any part short. When talking on the phone, or at all, at any point, is beyond my range then having to call the doc, pharmacy, then drive to get it? Still I have to try something.
Several attempts were made to sleep. With the old problems piled upon by the new sleep just won't happen. There was a mild hope themeds would help, if as an afterthought. Nope, if my body is twitching for sleep. Nerves are too jangled. Perhaps dinner might help. What can be will be done. Later or good night.
.
Starting from a better position is good and more. It isn't always, usually, an option. At this time that is so far from were things stand I can only chuckle. Still, every here and now has some potential. Medicine. Tonight. Set up for two weeks. One of the problems is that instead of a three month supply, there was only one month worth of potassium. I hate starting meds with any part short. When talking on the phone, or at all, at any point, is beyond my range then having to call the doc, pharmacy, then drive to get it? Still I have to try something.
Several attempts were made to sleep. With the old problems piled upon by the new sleep just won't happen. There was a mild hope themeds would help, if as an afterthought. Nope, if my body is twitching for sleep. Nerves are too jangled. Perhaps dinner might help. What can be will be done. Later or good night.
Friday, September 29, 2017
Worse.
.
.
Much worse. In every way. Everything that was wrong remains so and new things have been added. As well, my chest... The sensation of my heart being squeezed in a bureaucratic fist. It won't kill me, it is making it nearly impossible to work. I have been pushing into day but not functionally. I was going to make a few calls today but I couldn't talk.
I have been aiming to get to town or just place a few calls since Tuesday. Couldn't. If the chance appears... a request for help will be made. I simply can't do it all, alone, in time. Troubled and in trouble while I can't stand. They don't care, those with a beef. Or, maybe they do only the way a hungry predator cares about another wounded animal.
I'll keep... what... trying, hoping, praying, willing? All the above I suppose. A bad time in every way. I can rightly and easily say I have been in worse all around straghts, if it's been quite some time. Hey, friend, could you lend a prayer?
.
Much worse. In every way. Everything that was wrong remains so and new things have been added. As well, my chest... The sensation of my heart being squeezed in a bureaucratic fist. It won't kill me, it is making it nearly impossible to work. I have been pushing into day but not functionally. I was going to make a few calls today but I couldn't talk.
I have been aiming to get to town or just place a few calls since Tuesday. Couldn't. If the chance appears... a request for help will be made. I simply can't do it all, alone, in time. Troubled and in trouble while I can't stand. They don't care, those with a beef. Or, maybe they do only the way a hungry predator cares about another wounded animal.
I'll keep... what... trying, hoping, praying, willing? All the above I suppose. A bad time in every way. I can rightly and easily say I have been in worse all around straghts, if it's been quite some time. Hey, friend, could you lend a prayer?
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Some.
.
.
Half of the dishes finished, a few things located, meats cooked, other plans fruiting, if a nap is about to happen. It's the only way. Grilling is such a good cooking method, easy cleaning while handy for volume. Boneless pork ribs and burgers, tonight. The ribs were a bit grainy. Not sure if that was my bad or just that cut, for the price no complaint. Though a means of mollifying will be sought. As mentioned, at the price not a problem. Still rather tasty.
Day function is required for several bits of business. Beside social security, it seems my other account hasn't actually been shuttered. I don't known how to easily get them money, but can afford it. Enough to clear all and maintain a small balance until all else is solved. Ugh. Why would a check have been returned as from a closed account then? Read here and reopened? Didn't name names, might have helped.
Nap time. I can hope I wake in time to wake fully enough to do business... and check on medicine... and something about vet status and house tax relief... and tags... BOTHER! Never to worry. I do exceptionally well, a spill and pileup are bound to happen. I'll keep at it. Later.
.
Half of the dishes finished, a few things located, meats cooked, other plans fruiting, if a nap is about to happen. It's the only way. Grilling is such a good cooking method, easy cleaning while handy for volume. Boneless pork ribs and burgers, tonight. The ribs were a bit grainy. Not sure if that was my bad or just that cut, for the price no complaint. Though a means of mollifying will be sought. As mentioned, at the price not a problem. Still rather tasty.
Day function is required for several bits of business. Beside social security, it seems my other account hasn't actually been shuttered. I don't known how to easily get them money, but can afford it. Enough to clear all and maintain a small balance until all else is solved. Ugh. Why would a check have been returned as from a closed account then? Read here and reopened? Didn't name names, might have helped.
Nap time. I can hope I wake in time to wake fully enough to do business... and check on medicine... and something about vet status and house tax relief... and tags... BOTHER! Never to worry. I do exceptionally well, a spill and pileup are bound to happen. I'll keep at it. Later.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Cat in a tree.
.
.
Have you ever seen a cat stuck that way? Yeowling, unhappy, with not enough more 'up' left to them, no food or water. I had hoped to be well into things, it isn't happening. I did get to the post yesterday, which required more than just going. I become hemmed by ongoing projects which must be remedied beforehand. Then grooming. At least that breaks things up, offering a new opportunity... if it can be implemented.
As rough as it is lately, that window is... I will be doing what is possible. Dishes are in a fresh rinse, while cleaning litter it seems that needs a full change, the reefer needs cleared (since switching the door so as to have access for cleaning, it has been being kept up that way... mostly, foods though can be left overlong is all)... small projects needed but also in hopes of priming the work pump. Well, and a call to social security. As you may plainly notice, however, my days and nights are inverted. Ah right. Not posting enough for that to be apparent. Just woke.
Perhaps a nap later will allow some day function. Also need new tags. Almost lost that. So behind, so broken. Good thing challenges are enjoyed. Can't win, as mentioned here before... and often. But can't lose either. I refuse to surrender. All of these are distractions, duties, chores. While attention must be paid, they aren't what life is. I will do my best on these. I will not get lost in or on that and those. I will pray, in thanks, even as I curse some trivial, or not so, real issue or even such as a callumny.
Even in great pain or confusion, upset, humiliation of failing (or even success, won't play sudoku again as people... just can't handle such a silly "sucess"), life is rather a grand thing. An incalculably valuable gift, one not to be squandered or even foresworn even in the mildest of ways...if pouting will happen. Just so you know. I am far more grateful, if not exclusively so really. Don't let the... mood confuse that to you.
Now, be on your good way, be productive, but don't let the door hit you in the ass. I have... things to do. *grins*
.
Have you ever seen a cat stuck that way? Yeowling, unhappy, with not enough more 'up' left to them, no food or water. I had hoped to be well into things, it isn't happening. I did get to the post yesterday, which required more than just going. I become hemmed by ongoing projects which must be remedied beforehand. Then grooming. At least that breaks things up, offering a new opportunity... if it can be implemented.
As rough as it is lately, that window is... I will be doing what is possible. Dishes are in a fresh rinse, while cleaning litter it seems that needs a full change, the reefer needs cleared (since switching the door so as to have access for cleaning, it has been being kept up that way... mostly, foods though can be left overlong is all)... small projects needed but also in hopes of priming the work pump. Well, and a call to social security. As you may plainly notice, however, my days and nights are inverted. Ah right. Not posting enough for that to be apparent. Just woke.
Perhaps a nap later will allow some day function. Also need new tags. Almost lost that. So behind, so broken. Good thing challenges are enjoyed. Can't win, as mentioned here before... and often. But can't lose either. I refuse to surrender. All of these are distractions, duties, chores. While attention must be paid, they aren't what life is. I will do my best on these. I will not get lost in or on that and those. I will pray, in thanks, even as I curse some trivial, or not so, real issue or even such as a callumny.
Even in great pain or confusion, upset, humiliation of failing (or even success, won't play sudoku again as people... just can't handle such a silly "sucess"), life is rather a grand thing. An incalculably valuable gift, one not to be squandered or even foresworn even in the mildest of ways...if pouting will happen. Just so you know. I am far more grateful, if not exclusively so really. Don't let the... mood confuse that to you.
Now, be on your good way, be productive, but don't let the door hit you in the ass. I have... things to do. *grins*
Saturday, September 23, 2017
Work did not completely stop.
.
.
It did slow. While suffering is negligible, fog of mind has set in. It is simply exhausting to focus for long. Even so, the spare bedroom is rigged, the bathroom is up to specs and is being maintained, while food production stays on track with dishes being marginally wrangled. Not bad for my current state. Doing anything additional is... quite a trick.
An attempt at homemade bbq sauce was made recently. Ketchup, a gooder(tm) mustard (not expensive, just well made), sriracha, with sweet spices... cinnamon and allspice if ginger might be added next time. Vinegar will probably end up in there in time also. It is missing something, and depth of flavor. It, though, wasn't horrible or bad, just not perfected. It has been labelled as a good start. I am grilling the meats. Actually, more. Went full hobo-cook the other day, and will probably never go back, opened a can of asparagus, drained it in the can, ripped off the label, added butter, then put that right on the grill for 15 minutes. Fantastic way to fly, no extra pots, and actually vegetables are a nice add. There, I said it. *grumbles* Happy, mom? :p
I have been experimenting elsewise culinarilly. If inputting data was easier I'd do a major haute hobo-cook field report. It... is going quite well.
Next, to figure out ss, restart medicine, and start back in on the house. I have decided to hit the mostly unused rooms first... self-maintaining. Therefore the basement and upstairs are next in the queue. The kitchen will catch dregs of energy as I am closing shop, winding down. Ugh. Oh, actually I could finish the computer room first... it is close(ish). I'll vacuum the guest room, then powder it again with fresh baking soda for a final vacuum midweek. That will get done today. Other then that, dishes, and trash, the weekend is off. Hoping to push for heavy new week.
Later.
.
It did slow. While suffering is negligible, fog of mind has set in. It is simply exhausting to focus for long. Even so, the spare bedroom is rigged, the bathroom is up to specs and is being maintained, while food production stays on track with dishes being marginally wrangled. Not bad for my current state. Doing anything additional is... quite a trick.
An attempt at homemade bbq sauce was made recently. Ketchup, a gooder(tm) mustard (not expensive, just well made), sriracha, with sweet spices... cinnamon and allspice if ginger might be added next time. Vinegar will probably end up in there in time also. It is missing something, and depth of flavor. It, though, wasn't horrible or bad, just not perfected. It has been labelled as a good start. I am grilling the meats. Actually, more. Went full hobo-cook the other day, and will probably never go back, opened a can of asparagus, drained it in the can, ripped off the label, added butter, then put that right on the grill for 15 minutes. Fantastic way to fly, no extra pots, and actually vegetables are a nice add. There, I said it. *grumbles* Happy, mom? :p
I have been experimenting elsewise culinarilly. If inputting data was easier I'd do a major haute hobo-cook field report. It... is going quite well.
Next, to figure out ss, restart medicine, and start back in on the house. I have decided to hit the mostly unused rooms first... self-maintaining. Therefore the basement and upstairs are next in the queue. The kitchen will catch dregs of energy as I am closing shop, winding down. Ugh. Oh, actually I could finish the computer room first... it is close(ish). I'll vacuum the guest room, then powder it again with fresh baking soda for a final vacuum midweek. That will get done today. Other then that, dishes, and trash, the weekend is off. Hoping to push for heavy new week.
Later.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Such a dark and hard place, time.
.
.
Life, here and now, that is.
Bills were finally sorted. Breathing room seemed to have been developed. Then the other shoes started to fall... or become apparent to me? Some of each.
My mother called. A check I wrote not only failed, the account was gone? I knew it was in slight arrears, but the social security check should have both fixed that and covered the check. Also known, social security wrote saying they would be cancelling my arrangement this January, unless information could be offered. Did they cancel early? I simply don't know.
It took massive focus, and three days, for me to get things aligned then applied. Out, today. Plus shopping and medicine. Doc didn't have a prescription for my main heart medicine and only one refill (now expended) for the other medicines. Carvedilol is still in slim supply, so it is doable. And they faxed him about this. I just saw this joker in August ffs! He would write insulin script in a second. Even give them until I am hooked, dependent, and eminently expendable, but won't mess with the cheap life saving stuff? It sure looks that way. Anyway, I sent what was owed, and double for guilt. I will tackle mother in some ways. I... won't wantonly harm her. Even when we spat, trust me, she gives better than I can give, or more frequently... and that tangle of a woman has some seriously thick skin... who do you think taught me?
Nothing to be done for the shuttered account. But they had gone rogue and were murdering with fees, fines, taxes, and who knows what else. Greedy nasty monsters, kicking a dying animal after over a decade of business. I expect a bill from them. I will begin working on social security Monday, or thereabouts. Ffs! At least my conscience is as clear as it can be w/r to mom, at this point. Even an unintentional bad check to mom? Especially putting her in a bind? She forgave, without even a curse. Not fair. Even with God, that is my most difficult event.
Later.
.
Life, here and now, that is.
Bills were finally sorted. Breathing room seemed to have been developed. Then the other shoes started to fall... or become apparent to me? Some of each.
My mother called. A check I wrote not only failed, the account was gone? I knew it was in slight arrears, but the social security check should have both fixed that and covered the check. Also known, social security wrote saying they would be cancelling my arrangement this January, unless information could be offered. Did they cancel early? I simply don't know.
It took massive focus, and three days, for me to get things aligned then applied. Out, today. Plus shopping and medicine. Doc didn't have a prescription for my main heart medicine and only one refill (now expended) for the other medicines. Carvedilol is still in slim supply, so it is doable. And they faxed him about this. I just saw this joker in August ffs! He would write insulin script in a second. Even give them until I am hooked, dependent, and eminently expendable, but won't mess with the cheap life saving stuff? It sure looks that way. Anyway, I sent what was owed, and double for guilt. I will tackle mother in some ways. I... won't wantonly harm her. Even when we spat, trust me, she gives better than I can give, or more frequently... and that tangle of a woman has some seriously thick skin... who do you think taught me?
Nothing to be done for the shuttered account. But they had gone rogue and were murdering with fees, fines, taxes, and who knows what else. Greedy nasty monsters, kicking a dying animal after over a decade of business. I expect a bill from them. I will begin working on social security Monday, or thereabouts. Ffs! At least my conscience is as clear as it can be w/r to mom, at this point. Even an unintentional bad check to mom? Especially putting her in a bind? She forgave, without even a curse. Not fair. Even with God, that is my most difficult event.
Later.
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Such a strange life.
.
.
Why things happen as they do will never make sense. Waking this morning, without pain, in gooder spirits(tm) is, hrm, fine, I guess. Appreciated, absolutely... simply, to me, a surprise. A great gift, really. I am enjoying. As well, another oddity, I didn't, for the first time in years, need to void in the night... usually a four (at the least, though rather usual number too) time a night thing (on or off medicine). Sleep is vastly superior without wakes. Almost uncomfortable with the wealth of fitness returned from such a grand rest. Though I had a disappointing dream. In it my mother denied to someone special to me much... all... strange things, some of which she knows to be true as she spotted some herself and actually informed me regarding. She does that. Cruelty, fear of the unknown, wanting to fit in, other things? I was able to fix that, but I shouldn't have had to do so. Sometimes she will brave the truth, mostly she will recant even what she knows at the slightest resistance. Perhaps that is just how most dames are?
Whatever. Thing is, when I woke, after all those things registered, along with the realization that my feet and ankles are not swollen (a triple bonus extra gooder spirits(tm) item, and another grand surprise), was that I might now be able to begin tracking time and date again. Yeah, it's been... that rough lately. Better? Even gooder(tm). Still in exhausted recovery, but, if I can escape sickbay, I'll give work a hell of a shot.
Good morning and day. Always double down... to the good.
.
Why things happen as they do will never make sense. Waking this morning, without pain, in gooder spirits(tm) is, hrm, fine, I guess. Appreciated, absolutely... simply, to me, a surprise. A great gift, really. I am enjoying. As well, another oddity, I didn't, for the first time in years, need to void in the night... usually a four (at the least, though rather usual number too) time a night thing (on or off medicine). Sleep is vastly superior without wakes. Almost uncomfortable with the wealth of fitness returned from such a grand rest. Though I had a disappointing dream. In it my mother denied to someone special to me much... all... strange things, some of which she knows to be true as she spotted some herself and actually informed me regarding. She does that. Cruelty, fear of the unknown, wanting to fit in, other things? I was able to fix that, but I shouldn't have had to do so. Sometimes she will brave the truth, mostly she will recant even what she knows at the slightest resistance. Perhaps that is just how most dames are?
Whatever. Thing is, when I woke, after all those things registered, along with the realization that my feet and ankles are not swollen (a triple bonus extra gooder spirits(tm) item, and another grand surprise), was that I might now be able to begin tracking time and date again. Yeah, it's been... that rough lately. Better? Even gooder(tm). Still in exhausted recovery, but, if I can escape sickbay, I'll give work a hell of a shot.
Good morning and day. Always double down... to the good.
A few things done.
.
.
Some passive some active. Often through a migraine. There remain to headache-inducing chores. Plus the actual work. Medicine, the right parts, are critical to restart. Yes, I had restarted, then ran out of pottasium and haven't been up to tackling the pharmacy/doctor problem. They are employees, not good ones. Chastised they will be. Okay, make that three headache inducing tasks... four... actually starting medicine too.
Meat for the week. A pack of chicken hindquarters (would have been two, but the last bacth was charred) and a beef and pork roast, small ones. Thirty dollars but it will feed me for a wee k and change, or until it goes bad? Migraine disturbed my cooking Zen. Still, got most of it, and most of it done as is preferred. It'll need to be stored as soon as it cools. Shortly.
I also started dishes, washing the first batch which is now rinsing. It won't be finished tonight. Migraine is keeping me grounded. Painkillers soon, but those rarely help without sleep. I did or started a few other things, but pain is nulling memory. Work is still planned. Pain isn't a show-stopper. It's foggy memory, lack of focus, and such which usually are the bricking mechanics. And exhaustion... where one of those starts and ends... I'll keep at it.
Gaming too. Gives me something to do when all else fails. Dying Light. Interesting, but difficulty ramps with no good way to manage it, at the point I am at. The death penalty is becoming excessively steep while the difficulty is becoming even more stout. Well, it is something. Later or good night.
.
Some passive some active. Often through a migraine. There remain to headache-inducing chores. Plus the actual work. Medicine, the right parts, are critical to restart. Yes, I had restarted, then ran out of pottasium and haven't been up to tackling the pharmacy/doctor problem. They are employees, not good ones. Chastised they will be. Okay, make that three headache inducing tasks... four... actually starting medicine too.
Meat for the week. A pack of chicken hindquarters (would have been two, but the last bacth was charred) and a beef and pork roast, small ones. Thirty dollars but it will feed me for a wee k and change, or until it goes bad? Migraine disturbed my cooking Zen. Still, got most of it, and most of it done as is preferred. It'll need to be stored as soon as it cools. Shortly.
I also started dishes, washing the first batch which is now rinsing. It won't be finished tonight. Migraine is keeping me grounded. Painkillers soon, but those rarely help without sleep. I did or started a few other things, but pain is nulling memory. Work is still planned. Pain isn't a show-stopper. It's foggy memory, lack of focus, and such which usually are the bricking mechanics. And exhaustion... where one of those starts and ends... I'll keep at it.
Gaming too. Gives me something to do when all else fails. Dying Light. Interesting, but difficulty ramps with no good way to manage it, at the point I am at. The death penalty is becoming excessively steep while the difficulty is becoming even more stout. Well, it is something. Later or good night.
Thursday, September 14, 2017
Beyond the migraine.
.
.
A few hours after the last post, a bit of a surprise, and the migraine was gone. Rarely do painkillers help, or that fast and without sleep. Eating over rather intense nausea makes me suspect food was part of the problem. But then I couldn't sleep until well after 7:00. No more work. Those empty every drop of mojo I have, and then some. Tack the tally for insomnia to that and, really, I am surprised to be awake, cognitive. Even so, if I can "boot" to full awake, all systems, otherwise, are a go for work. I will if it is available. The bathroom, vacuuming the spare, finishing the second worm farm, stove and counters... one, several, all, none?
So life hurts, exquisitely, from time to time. The price of admission, one gladly paid. At this point. Suffered gladly, though I am tending away from prideful, gleeful, notions. Humbly, prayerful, hopefully... mostly... will do. Good afternoon, day.
.
A few hours after the last post, a bit of a surprise, and the migraine was gone. Rarely do painkillers help, or that fast and without sleep. Eating over rather intense nausea makes me suspect food was part of the problem. But then I couldn't sleep until well after 7:00. No more work. Those empty every drop of mojo I have, and then some. Tack the tally for insomnia to that and, really, I am surprised to be awake, cognitive. Even so, if I can "boot" to full awake, all systems, otherwise, are a go for work. I will if it is available. The bathroom, vacuuming the spare, finishing the second worm farm, stove and counters... one, several, all, none?
So life hurts, exquisitely, from time to time. The price of admission, one gladly paid. At this point. Suffered gladly, though I am tending away from prideful, gleeful, notions. Humbly, prayerful, hopefully... mostly... will do. Good afternoon, day.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Stumbled into a migraine.
.
.
The room was finished first. In spite of the pain, a few more tasks were done. Couldn't do whole tasks, just short starts. Sweeping, but just that in the bathroom. Bedding from the guest room shifted to the dryer, but no more... if I thought I was at an end for the night when the ache seemed to have broken me for the night. I took a fistful of painkillers on my way to seek refuge in sleep. It just wouldn't happen. So, back awake. The suffering is wholly unabated, for now. A bit to eat, I reasoned, might help. If not it will be a brutal long night.
I will be looking for an opening to work, not holding my breath for it. Wouch is this one nasty. Hoping the nausea won't kill what I think will help, food. Later or good night.
.
The room was finished first. In spite of the pain, a few more tasks were done. Couldn't do whole tasks, just short starts. Sweeping, but just that in the bathroom. Bedding from the guest room shifted to the dryer, but no more... if I thought I was at an end for the night when the ache seemed to have broken me for the night. I took a fistful of painkillers on my way to seek refuge in sleep. It just wouldn't happen. So, back awake. The suffering is wholly unabated, for now. A bit to eat, I reasoned, might help. If not it will be a brutal long night.
I will be looking for an opening to work, not holding my breath for it. Wouch is this one nasty. Hoping the nausea won't kill what I think will help, food. Later or good night.
Something, anyway.
.
.
Today, it was thought, would be as any other for quite some time now. A nothing. Oh, there is gaming, but neither is that successful nor productive. It does stop sleep from eating me whole, there is that. I am well and truly stuck. So numb I can't tell if I have a fever, though I can plainly sense my organs grinding for... whichever reason(s) this time. Given all that, work seemed unlikely. Remember, though, as I have mentioned, if I see a chance, opportunity, open window, even with scant hope and faith... if I can grin I will try to bear it.
I hit the spare room. Didn't think I'd get far, if I was already surprised I was starting. Dig in as you can, I suggested to myself, if cautiously. I am in seriously bad shape. Mortal caution is well advized. Taking it slow, easy, I started in. After a shorter time than I would have believed I have most of it, and the big closet, mostly ready. A few items under the bed and about, to fit a box shortly to be rousted from the collection, then the carpet will receive a sprinkling of diatomacious earth and baking soda to be vacuumed tomorrow. Then I will move back to the bathroom. I am ahead in there over my last start. If I keep this pace, that room might be full finished yet today. I may also add a second worm farm yet today, as well as minor work in the kitchen... the stove and counters maybe? Might be wishful thinking, if that is the plan until it happens or doesn't. Later.
.
Today, it was thought, would be as any other for quite some time now. A nothing. Oh, there is gaming, but neither is that successful nor productive. It does stop sleep from eating me whole, there is that. I am well and truly stuck. So numb I can't tell if I have a fever, though I can plainly sense my organs grinding for... whichever reason(s) this time. Given all that, work seemed unlikely. Remember, though, as I have mentioned, if I see a chance, opportunity, open window, even with scant hope and faith... if I can grin I will try to bear it.
I hit the spare room. Didn't think I'd get far, if I was already surprised I was starting. Dig in as you can, I suggested to myself, if cautiously. I am in seriously bad shape. Mortal caution is well advized. Taking it slow, easy, I started in. After a shorter time than I would have believed I have most of it, and the big closet, mostly ready. A few items under the bed and about, to fit a box shortly to be rousted from the collection, then the carpet will receive a sprinkling of diatomacious earth and baking soda to be vacuumed tomorrow. Then I will move back to the bathroom. I am ahead in there over my last start. If I keep this pace, that room might be full finished yet today. I may also add a second worm farm yet today, as well as minor work in the kitchen... the stove and counters maybe? Might be wishful thinking, if that is the plan until it happens or doesn't. Later.
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
In spite of... possiblities.
.
.
Oh, I know. I have doubts, concerns. And yet I... at face value... which does take faith... of which I have little for men, a bit more for some men including a good neighbor and Vox (even Jesus can't be held in account for misguided, corrupted, or even spoiler followers). I, especially in the pangs of poor health multiplied with terrible rest, can cast about a bit.
The thing is, Vox is setting up a video information and discussion platform. I have said, and do believe he is a source for needed thunder. Men do need to wake, he can help. Calling them pussies doesn't seem to help. So much for my method. I have watched him take swarms of nerdy, metrosexual ass clowns, moderates, and even darker types and guide them to better places in the manhood, logical, and Christian ways. I'll vouchsafe this.
Like, agree, always? Christ doesn't always get that, less all other men. Yet, within that caveat, and beyond what he is doing for other men, his cultural war front... something he was reluctant to engage as recorded in one of his books, SJW's Always Lie, is something which is having a profound effect on that war. It isn't based only upon logic, but also history, other forms of reason, and simple (and not so) reality.
The thing is, he is opening a video center, as mentioned. I wish him great fortune and wish to spread the word while offering my endorsement... for what that might be worth. Here is a link to the official announcement. Did I mention he is a rather underrated author of entertainment prose as well? Anywhile, there you go.
Here is a link to the official announcement. I... haven't found how to do links well on ps4. As is, this all had to be manually copied, then laborously clicked in. I may have to check and edit to get it to even work... so be patient if your first clicks are ftf's.
-------
Ha! Sank the battleship on one go with one shot. Bitches!
.
Oh, I know. I have doubts, concerns. And yet I... at face value... which does take faith... of which I have little for men, a bit more for some men including a good neighbor and Vox (even Jesus can't be held in account for misguided, corrupted, or even spoiler followers). I, especially in the pangs of poor health multiplied with terrible rest, can cast about a bit.
The thing is, Vox is setting up a video information and discussion platform. I have said, and do believe he is a source for needed thunder. Men do need to wake, he can help. Calling them pussies doesn't seem to help. So much for my method. I have watched him take swarms of nerdy, metrosexual ass clowns, moderates, and even darker types and guide them to better places in the manhood, logical, and Christian ways. I'll vouchsafe this.
Like, agree, always? Christ doesn't always get that, less all other men. Yet, within that caveat, and beyond what he is doing for other men, his cultural war front... something he was reluctant to engage as recorded in one of his books, SJW's Always Lie, is something which is having a profound effect on that war. It isn't based only upon logic, but also history, other forms of reason, and simple (and not so) reality.
The thing is, he is opening a video center, as mentioned. I wish him great fortune and wish to spread the word while offering my endorsement... for what that might be worth. Here is a link to the official announcement. Did I mention he is a rather underrated author of entertainment prose as well? Anywhile, there you go.
Here is a link to the official announcement. I... haven't found how to do links well on ps4. As is, this all had to be manually copied, then laborously clicked in. I may have to check and edit to get it to even work... so be patient if your first clicks are ftf's.
-------
Ha! Sank the battleship on one go with one shot. Bitches!
Sleep, for what It was worth.
.
.
I'll avoid complaining excessively. Stating that rest was not obtained in sleep. Not full deep rest. I am grateful that I did sleep, and wake. I have had far worse.
The toilet became clogged yesterday. My mind was not in a good situation for problem solving. Note to self and others... with a clogged toilet, turn off the tank fill valve, then tinker. It takes a messy long task (IF there is a slow drain)down to about a thirty second nothing of a job. *shakes head* Just was not well awake and could not force the issue. Still got it in time. Rare with this toilet, once a year or so.
I have been trying to drink less. Good and bad coming from it. Not sure drouhgting is sustainable.
Hoping to do more work today. If I can wake! Later.
.
I'll avoid complaining excessively. Stating that rest was not obtained in sleep. Not full deep rest. I am grateful that I did sleep, and wake. I have had far worse.
The toilet became clogged yesterday. My mind was not in a good situation for problem solving. Note to self and others... with a clogged toilet, turn off the tank fill valve, then tinker. It takes a messy long task (IF there is a slow drain)down to about a thirty second nothing of a job. *shakes head* Just was not well awake and could not force the issue. Still got it in time. Rare with this toilet, once a year or so.
I have been trying to drink less. Good and bad coming from it. Not sure drouhgting is sustainable.
Hoping to do more work today. If I can wake! Later.
Can't sleep enough.
.
.
It is more a failure to find or create a rested state. When an attempt to sleep enough is made that ends in failure. I simply can't sleep long enough or in tight enough cycles to make a dent. Actually it ends being worse. While pulling, mostly, standard duty is between dry and brutal, when I can, it is far better than the options. At least, so far, it hasn't been making me too grumpy.
I did a few things today and yesterday. Mostly starting or catching afew minor things up. I can't keep at it. I tire so very quickly, as when the body figures out winter has returned. Going to crash again shortly. Hoping to be ready to push a bit harder tomorrow. Later or good night.
.
It is more a failure to find or create a rested state. When an attempt to sleep enough is made that ends in failure. I simply can't sleep long enough or in tight enough cycles to make a dent. Actually it ends being worse. While pulling, mostly, standard duty is between dry and brutal, when I can, it is far better than the options. At least, so far, it hasn't been making me too grumpy.
I did a few things today and yesterday. Mostly starting or catching afew minor things up. I can't keep at it. I tire so very quickly, as when the body figures out winter has returned. Going to crash again shortly. Hoping to be ready to push a bit harder tomorrow. Later or good night.
Monday, September 11, 2017
I thought they got this machine as well.
.
.
I woke, started my routines, including beginning the long boot cycle for this system. I guess filling the ad queu is vital. As I go about other things, I pause to turn the television on, letting THAT boot, later choosing my id. Then, finally, if it all worked, and when I have finished with first things morning active dailies, I can sit and begin my e-dailies.
Not so this morning. Blank black screen. The machine was on, obviously running, but without visuals... exactly what happened with my computer. I thought either Vox is using his crew do rid certain people, or has lost control? Both? Or maybe not. I don't think he is at all who he presents, if he generally admits that. Does even he know his salt, or is he lost in possiblities? Not exactly active accusations... thoughts, concerns.
After some tinkering, a lot actually, it fired up. Running it too long? Are attempts being made to shut me down, by whom or what? Is video streaming to much for this device? I do know I need a better solution soon... or to just walk away. That won't get me off any lists. They never forget, even to desecration after life.
Back, for now. Later.
.
I woke, started my routines, including beginning the long boot cycle for this system. I guess filling the ad queu is vital. As I go about other things, I pause to turn the television on, letting THAT boot, later choosing my id. Then, finally, if it all worked, and when I have finished with first things morning active dailies, I can sit and begin my e-dailies.
Not so this morning. Blank black screen. The machine was on, obviously running, but without visuals... exactly what happened with my computer. I thought either Vox is using his crew do rid certain people, or has lost control? Both? Or maybe not. I don't think he is at all who he presents, if he generally admits that. Does even he know his salt, or is he lost in possiblities? Not exactly active accusations... thoughts, concerns.
After some tinkering, a lot actually, it fired up. Running it too long? Are attempts being made to shut me down, by whom or what? Is video streaming to much for this device? I do know I need a better solution soon... or to just walk away. That won't get me off any lists. They never forget, even to desecration after life.
Back, for now. Later.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
A shift to the right.
.
.
To the good, of course, for those of you with any familiarity with the books of wisdom, newer and older and of course biblical. For those who choose not to know, continue in your blithely blissful heathen ignorance. It suits some, many, perhaps most. At least look at some of the 'pretty' ancient stained glass windows or epic murals, those were made to give the dull, unwashed, and ignorant from any cause a chance too. Scroll up, as a fact. You... never even noticed before ? How blissful your world must be.
Oh, I mean I think health might be improving. I showered and all, then went shopping. Cat needs, food, a few extras. I don't fear running out of food. So far water has always been on tap. What does frighten is..? running out of toilet paper. Have you ever wondered what you would use if production stops. Leaves? Do you live in even a small town? Just how long before such became illegal on pain of immediate death or even a village became denuded of plants?
When I returned, I could only find three rolls. Being so sick I couldn't get out! I really worried. Being a man, however, even as luxuriously as I use the stuff, and three full rolls is a lot of paper. I was sort of used to being at my mother's. I swear women must not only use it as per normal, but also eat it and bath with it. Perhaps, like cats they also paw it to shreds as play and/or a passive-aggressive swipe at the man? Anyway... I did find a 3x8 of super extra big rolls. While that eased my mind, truth be told I Iike to have two of those. Two full could be close to a year supply, for a man. Less and much less for a women. They are natural heavy users. If they find a cache they zing up consumption. It's how they do, an aspect of them. Sometimes cured by putting them in charge of finances... if... that bears it's own tallies. Innit. *grins*
(whispered from a small distance) He's de debil. - No, but the "debil" is in the details, some of which is quite familiar. Plus... *grins* never le mind.
Anyway, I'll see about trash and other small work starts. It's Sunday, I am still in the weakening grip of something, and tired, so I won't attempt to bulldoze big tasks... just... start a few things, prepare for a few others, and bring a few things back up to where they were. Oh I bought a few new brooms. I am going to see if there is a good way to clean and maintain brooms while I am at things, soon. Not that expensive but why be wasteful if too, who wants to use a filthy broom? Later.
.
To the good, of course, for those of you with any familiarity with the books of wisdom, newer and older and of course biblical. For those who choose not to know, continue in your blithely blissful heathen ignorance. It suits some, many, perhaps most. At least look at some of the 'pretty' ancient stained glass windows or epic murals, those were made to give the dull, unwashed, and ignorant from any cause a chance too. Scroll up, as a fact. You... never even noticed before ? How blissful your world must be.
Oh, I mean I think health might be improving. I showered and all, then went shopping. Cat needs, food, a few extras. I don't fear running out of food. So far water has always been on tap. What does frighten is..? running out of toilet paper. Have you ever wondered what you would use if production stops. Leaves? Do you live in even a small town? Just how long before such became illegal on pain of immediate death or even a village became denuded of plants?
When I returned, I could only find three rolls. Being so sick I couldn't get out! I really worried. Being a man, however, even as luxuriously as I use the stuff, and three full rolls is a lot of paper. I was sort of used to being at my mother's. I swear women must not only use it as per normal, but also eat it and bath with it. Perhaps, like cats they also paw it to shreds as play and/or a passive-aggressive swipe at the man? Anyway... I did find a 3x8 of super extra big rolls. While that eased my mind, truth be told I Iike to have two of those. Two full could be close to a year supply, for a man. Less and much less for a women. They are natural heavy users. If they find a cache they zing up consumption. It's how they do, an aspect of them. Sometimes cured by putting them in charge of finances... if... that bears it's own tallies. Innit. *grins*
(whispered from a small distance) He's de debil. - No, but the "debil" is in the details, some of which is quite familiar. Plus... *grins* never le mind.
Anyway, I'll see about trash and other small work starts. It's Sunday, I am still in the weakening grip of something, and tired, so I won't attempt to bulldoze big tasks... just... start a few things, prepare for a few others, and bring a few things back up to where they were. Oh I bought a few new brooms. I am going to see if there is a good way to clean and maintain brooms while I am at things, soon. Not that expensive but why be wasteful if too, who wants to use a filthy broom? Later.
Saturday, September 9, 2017
Persistent.
.
.
Some say that about me, usually in a dark way as in weed. I write about the fever. It is mild asthey go. A few degrees of elevation only. Being that I run cold, literally, it might not register. I know it, feel it... exactly behind the skin and bones of my face. A week now? Or longer. I've hacked a few times as well. No other symptoms, save possibly exhaustion.
One more bill to pay, then finances need to be figured and sorted. Work as I may, too. All with caution. Do not wish to exacerbate this mostly sleeping monster.
There is something else I mean to do for my mother. Can't until next month, but that works. Then back to birthday, Christmas, and random occasional or need. She has mostly learned how to live on air. Well, and she makes herself useful. That... never hurts. People can love you all you or they want, but most won't, many can't, split out even a nickel unless not doing so would cost even more. Fair, not? Reality, cope. She is and has been useful well and long enough to have serious resources, which she very rarely, and not without great cause, employs. Better to gift her from time to time or deep in debt to her one remains. Some can live with and like that. I can't.
Later.
.
Some say that about me, usually in a dark way as in weed. I write about the fever. It is mild asthey go. A few degrees of elevation only. Being that I run cold, literally, it might not register. I know it, feel it... exactly behind the skin and bones of my face. A week now? Or longer. I've hacked a few times as well. No other symptoms, save possibly exhaustion.
One more bill to pay, then finances need to be figured and sorted. Work as I may, too. All with caution. Do not wish to exacerbate this mostly sleeping monster.
There is something else I mean to do for my mother. Can't until next month, but that works. Then back to birthday, Christmas, and random occasional or need. She has mostly learned how to live on air. Well, and she makes herself useful. That... never hurts. People can love you all you or they want, but most won't, many can't, split out even a nickel unless not doing so would cost even more. Fair, not? Reality, cope. She is and has been useful well and long enough to have serious resources, which she very rarely, and not without great cause, employs. Better to gift her from time to time or deep in debt to her one remains. Some can live with and like that. I can't.
Later.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Fried?
.
.
Yeah. A bummer thing. I don't think it was overworking, the heat, or even standard health issues. If correct, it is the illness my uncle had. I do wonder about... bad medicine. Anyway, I thought I had gotten over it. Not so. I guess I'll need to take it easy, tend myself a bit better, and just try to find or wait for healing. I'll keep at it, more slowly.
My mother did find habanera, and is making salsa already! My cousins were there. She is who they have left, especially at this moment. All good, especially the eldest... who had started going his way, alone. His father dying may have opened something for the good. Yeah, I am getting it too. Anyway, one of them teased that they would eat all the salsa. I goofed for a bit, then hit on check and mate. None of them can even handle her hotter jalapeno salsa. Little dogs can't eat the big dog food! Ha!
I did find the number and bump the bug spraying. Now to get the cave sorted out. As well, I need to figure out medicine, pay a major bill, and learn of my finances sum total. Well, and a few other big problems to sort or solve. Including a new machine, computer. Just not sure a tablet would do. Later.
.
Yeah. A bummer thing. I don't think it was overworking, the heat, or even standard health issues. If correct, it is the illness my uncle had. I do wonder about... bad medicine. Anyway, I thought I had gotten over it. Not so. I guess I'll need to take it easy, tend myself a bit better, and just try to find or wait for healing. I'll keep at it, more slowly.
My mother did find habanera, and is making salsa already! My cousins were there. She is who they have left, especially at this moment. All good, especially the eldest... who had started going his way, alone. His father dying may have opened something for the good. Yeah, I am getting it too. Anyway, one of them teased that they would eat all the salsa. I goofed for a bit, then hit on check and mate. None of them can even handle her hotter jalapeno salsa. Little dogs can't eat the big dog food! Ha!
I did find the number and bump the bug spraying. Now to get the cave sorted out. As well, I need to figure out medicine, pay a major bill, and learn of my finances sum total. Well, and a few other big problems to sort or solve. Including a new machine, computer. Just not sure a tablet would do. Later.
He has died.
.
.
With how things have been I don't know when, exactly. It was during the day, and not really foreseen. He seemed to be doing well. He sent another of my uncles to do a few errands. When that uncle returned, he found his brother dead. My mother suggested, from his expression, that he didn't suffer... maybe he dozed and never woke. I am grateful to have had this last visit.
I didn't mention this, but I am pretty sure he wasn't seeing me as I generally appear. He has known me all my life, but... Something in his eyes, the way he looked at me. I've seen that expression before, in the elderly, the dying, sometimes children. I've not asked or been told what that is. Usually it seems pleasant, or at least not unexpected. Beyond that I don't know.
During my scheduling experiment, I failed disastrously. I am now just between sleep and waking, but in the most horrible of ways. Brutal. I'll get back to it when I can. Later or good night.
.
With how things have been I don't know when, exactly. It was during the day, and not really foreseen. He seemed to be doing well. He sent another of my uncles to do a few errands. When that uncle returned, he found his brother dead. My mother suggested, from his expression, that he didn't suffer... maybe he dozed and never woke. I am grateful to have had this last visit.
I didn't mention this, but I am pretty sure he wasn't seeing me as I generally appear. He has known me all my life, but... Something in his eyes, the way he looked at me. I've seen that expression before, in the elderly, the dying, sometimes children. I've not asked or been told what that is. Usually it seems pleasant, or at least not unexpected. Beyond that I don't know.
During my scheduling experiment, I failed disastrously. I am now just between sleep and waking, but in the most horrible of ways. Brutal. I'll get back to it when I can. Later or good night.
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
New schedule.
.
.
Sleep happened. When it became too hot to work or even think, before I zombified into that deadzone, I crashed. Sleep was good. Am in the waking stage. In another hour a shower shave and general start.
Back to the spare bedroom. I did much but there was so much to do! No plans, other than the bigger final goal, not overheating or overworking, eating, and keeping up on the usuals such as cat care... including attention. But, yeah, the sleep trick worked, at least this time. I am guessing when I burn out no trick will work save restorative rest over time.
A better interface is being researched, for easier better blogging. Until then this is as good as it gets.
Later.
.
Sleep happened. When it became too hot to work or even think, before I zombified into that deadzone, I crashed. Sleep was good. Am in the waking stage. In another hour a shower shave and general start.
Back to the spare bedroom. I did much but there was so much to do! No plans, other than the bigger final goal, not overheating or overworking, eating, and keeping up on the usuals such as cat care... including attention. But, yeah, the sleep trick worked, at least this time. I am guessing when I burn out no trick will work save restorative rest over time.
A better interface is being researched, for easier better blogging. Until then this is as good as it gets.
Later.
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
No way in hell!
.
.
Every step in every direction is a compound problem, not even including how to incrementally shift items through intermediate places toward a final point if just for this objective. Don't get me wrong, it is doable, perhaps even by me, only not in a week. I will keep at it but I am rescheduling.
I have been at it off and on most of the day. It is about time to nap, hopefully, then hit it later when the world and myself have cooled a bit. I am doing decent work at a decent pace, there is simply far more to do than I could see, vastly more. One day, task, item at a time. Including naps.
Oh, recycling was taken. Later than usual, double return duty. Trash was still there when I checked. If so, that bin can be brought back. Trying to keep up while catching up. Later.
.
Every step in every direction is a compound problem, not even including how to incrementally shift items through intermediate places toward a final point if just for this objective. Don't get me wrong, it is doable, perhaps even by me, only not in a week. I will keep at it but I am rescheduling.
I have been at it off and on most of the day. It is about time to nap, hopefully, then hit it later when the world and myself have cooled a bit. I am doing decent work at a decent pace, there is simply far more to do than I could see, vastly more. One day, task, item at a time. Including naps.
Oh, recycling was taken. Later than usual, double return duty. Trash was still there when I checked. If so, that bin can be brought back. Trying to keep up while catching up. Later.
Almost.
.
.
A slightly different tack might make it happen. I was able to sleep earlier, but not by enough to really matter. So thought went into how to... work with things as they are. Naps. For which a frigid bedroom is required, that is simply how I was constructed. As mentioned, if a walk-in deep-freeze were available or affordable to create and run? Yeah, it would be my bedroom. Seriously. At least in winter, with no vent in there, it is as simple as opening the windows.
It is not winter, so cranking the ac will have to do. The plan is to hit it as hard and long as possible, then stop cool a bit then crash as needed, cycling those as possible. While the full task seems impossible, that doesn't mean I am surrendering. Geronimo? As always.
There are other tricks and methods being explored. I may lose, but it wouldn't be from a lack of effort.
Today? The spare bedroom, half of the living room, finishing the bathroom, and doing light follow-up in the computer/front room. Gotta happen. Later.
.
A slightly different tack might make it happen. I was able to sleep earlier, but not by enough to really matter. So thought went into how to... work with things as they are. Naps. For which a frigid bedroom is required, that is simply how I was constructed. As mentioned, if a walk-in deep-freeze were available or affordable to create and run? Yeah, it would be my bedroom. Seriously. At least in winter, with no vent in there, it is as simple as opening the windows.
It is not winter, so cranking the ac will have to do. The plan is to hit it as hard and long as possible, then stop cool a bit then crash as needed, cycling those as possible. While the full task seems impossible, that doesn't mean I am surrendering. Geronimo? As always.
There are other tricks and methods being explored. I may lose, but it wouldn't be from a lack of effort.
Today? The spare bedroom, half of the living room, finishing the bathroom, and doing light follow-up in the computer/front room. Gotta happen. Later.
Monday, September 4, 2017
I am thinking not.
.
.
The heat is back at full velocity. It's wrecking me. Things are getting done, just nowhere near well or fast enough. I'll give it until Wednesday, I just don't believe so. The dishes, bathroom floor and sink, laundry if it needs finished, and a few other tasks are done. The heat is really killing it for a large push though. I might try to sleep through the heat, if I can't always sort that out as I would prefer.
The trash and recycling haven't been taken. Is it a holiday? Other neighbors had theirs out before me. Maybe habit... or need. I'll leave it another day, then call if it remains.
A bit of gaming as the ac works the bedroom, then I'll give sleep a chance. Later or good night.
.
The heat is back at full velocity. It's wrecking me. Things are getting done, just nowhere near well or fast enough. I'll give it until Wednesday, I just don't believe so. The dishes, bathroom floor and sink, laundry if it needs finished, and a few other tasks are done. The heat is really killing it for a large push though. I might try to sleep through the heat, if I can't always sort that out as I would prefer.
The trash and recycling haven't been taken. Is it a holiday? Other neighbors had theirs out before me. Maybe habit... or need. I'll leave it another day, then call if it remains.
A bit of gaming as the ac works the bedroom, then I'll give sleep a chance. Later or good night.
A new sensation.
.
.
No, nothing funny in any form of that term. Overwhelmed? I think that would be it.
I couldn't do as much, or more what I had hoped last night. Other things were in the way. I did get the bathroom sink, floor swept, toilet cleaned, and redid the dishes... which I set to a final fresh soak this morning. Dishes were in the way, laundry had been forgotten and it was critical to finish those, and then, being Sunday, trash and recycling had to be wrangled. I only ended up doing recycling last night, right to the curb. I hoped I could do trash in time this morning... check. More of it than I had supposed.
The bed is *cough* made. Shut it, mother. I am presentable(tm), ditto mom. Breakfast, eggs and chops, was enjoyed. Dishes were reset. Trash fully collected and out. After this and a break and resetting laundry drying or a fluff, laundry, a shower and shave, mopping the bathroom, then another break then into the spare bedroom. A little attention will go to the room I hit yesterday and the kitchen.
Damn straight. Even mostly dead, given a reason and back almost to my feet there is a chance I can still do a bit. I can't go in lightly and have a chance. Wish me luck, help, or bes get out of the way. Later.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Certainly. Right?
.
.
What? Come again? It sounded good. Spraying for bugs, then quarterly thenceforth. Costs were right. Safe once dry. It also gets mice, which the girls aren't doing anymore... probably due to them finding one too many poisoned ones? I think so. So... what could be bad about that? They will be spraying outside, and in! I may need to delay. But, for now I am acting as if the preps can be made in time. That will mean a lot of work. Every room needs pretty serious effort.
Good, if I can do it and not injure myself or worse. I hit the computer room a bit this afternoon. It isn't finished, but as is they should be able to do their work. I will hit the bathroom after a break and meal. That was already on my short list. The aim is to hit the bulk jobs in a rush, then when I can't rush go back and sort pre-hit areas more thoroughly, slowly, and deliberately.
With my recent resolution, which is going better than anticipated so far and this early on, my plan to order a dumpster to get rid of much, to have purpose, and to clean myself? All good. Thing is the deadline is next Saturday. *shrug* If Wednesday rolls around and I am not 45-50%, or more like 65? Then I reschedule. Done. I want it DONE, so I will be gunning for it.
If I finish those two rooms tonight, I then have six and the difficult rooms remaining. Plus I'll need to go back over everything. An eye will be given to organizing and sorting what to be rid. The challenge as it stands. I accept, with trepidation. Good night.
.
What? Come again? It sounded good. Spraying for bugs, then quarterly thenceforth. Costs were right. Safe once dry. It also gets mice, which the girls aren't doing anymore... probably due to them finding one too many poisoned ones? I think so. So... what could be bad about that? They will be spraying outside, and in! I may need to delay. But, for now I am acting as if the preps can be made in time. That will mean a lot of work. Every room needs pretty serious effort.
Good, if I can do it and not injure myself or worse. I hit the computer room a bit this afternoon. It isn't finished, but as is they should be able to do their work. I will hit the bathroom after a break and meal. That was already on my short list. The aim is to hit the bulk jobs in a rush, then when I can't rush go back and sort pre-hit areas more thoroughly, slowly, and deliberately.
With my recent resolution, which is going better than anticipated so far and this early on, my plan to order a dumpster to get rid of much, to have purpose, and to clean myself? All good. Thing is the deadline is next Saturday. *shrug* If Wednesday rolls around and I am not 45-50%, or more like 65? Then I reschedule. Done. I want it DONE, so I will be gunning for it.
If I finish those two rooms tonight, I then have six and the difficult rooms remaining. Plus I'll need to go back over everything. An eye will be given to organizing and sorting what to be rid. The challenge as it stands. I accept, with trepidation. Good night.
Saturday, September 2, 2017
Thank God it is...
.
.
Well, I know the phrase suggests Friday, for my money Saturday works. The weather has something to do with it, the bulk of the exaustion is due to pushing so hard after such a harsh and long fall. Still, trying to slow without stopping. Laundry is moving along. Less than I had thought, which adds to impetus. A shower and shave, cleaning the bathroom, after a bowl of chili and a few dishes? At least a jab toward those ends.
The hope was there to get to confession, then mass. Just can't do that today. Back on track for that though. Soon, very soon. I need and want it. Clothes and shoes need to be arranged. While the feet and ankles are good, if going to church regularly is to start, the need for shoes for "fat" days will be required. Thankfully clothes aren't usually a problem that way.
Called my mom. Asked if she could make habanera salsa. Asked for no sugar. No problem there, she doesn't ever add it. I suggested I'd take a lot if she was up for it, and that while I couldn't help, I would gladly pay to cover costs and plenty more. The woman likes requests and offers. If she doesn't need, or cash, or now, she has a string or three for in time and need. She lives on shoestrings but makes out better than seemingly possible. Though I think she was happy with my gifts, work, and sharing this visit and ongoing. She had suggested she needed a few things. On the way and plus. Still gladly pay for a small horde of red hot gold, and be grateful for the work. And she'll love being useful . It's how mothers do.
I best have that bowla, then get going. Later.
.
Well, I know the phrase suggests Friday, for my money Saturday works. The weather has something to do with it, the bulk of the exaustion is due to pushing so hard after such a harsh and long fall. Still, trying to slow without stopping. Laundry is moving along. Less than I had thought, which adds to impetus. A shower and shave, cleaning the bathroom, after a bowl of chili and a few dishes? At least a jab toward those ends.
The hope was there to get to confession, then mass. Just can't do that today. Back on track for that though. Soon, very soon. I need and want it. Clothes and shoes need to be arranged. While the feet and ankles are good, if going to church regularly is to start, the need for shoes for "fat" days will be required. Thankfully clothes aren't usually a problem that way.
Called my mom. Asked if she could make habanera salsa. Asked for no sugar. No problem there, she doesn't ever add it. I suggested I'd take a lot if she was up for it, and that while I couldn't help, I would gladly pay to cover costs and plenty more. The woman likes requests and offers. If she doesn't need, or cash, or now, she has a string or three for in time and need. She lives on shoestrings but makes out better than seemingly possible. Though I think she was happy with my gifts, work, and sharing this visit and ongoing. She had suggested she needed a few things. On the way and plus. Still gladly pay for a small horde of red hot gold, and be grateful for the work. And she'll love being useful . It's how mothers do.
I best have that bowla, then get going. Later.
Friday, September 1, 2017
Cold, for so early.
.
.
I woke around 2:00. Knew then it had really cooled overnight. Inside, it read 71-72. Not cold, but a large drop given the rock nature of my home's construction, the season, and all else. I didn't check the outdoor reading until 8:30 or so, 46-48 F. Sun had been up for a couple hours. Wild. Yes, that means, on top of pushing the last few days I am moving a bit slower. All good, this is a rest day. A very few last dishes, a shower and maybe shave, small loads of laundry... only as fast as I can easily fully complete, and maybe hitting the bathroom hard. More? Less? It's just a rough plan. Absolutely no guarantees. On any of it.
A resolution. In hope, faith. First, to be dressed and clean enough(tm) for company as a first thing when I wake. A minor addition here as I write, and something I was starting before my trip, to make my bed daily, changing sheets weekly. And then working on getting then keeping these front two rooms company compliant(tm). Some of it will take time. Some of it has been happening for a while, mostly. All of it will need practice, sometimes great effort, and a bit of trickery from time to time. Appearances may be hollow, if hollow can be better than nothing... especially to a shadow, even a shadow of light. So... don't just sit there, pray!
Already had a few eggs and toast. Well enough back that a snack is in order. After that, I may track a few tools such as my carpenter's square a compass (not that kind, though that can be employed in the correct plain) and some others so as to figure the angle(s) needed for mocking up triangular blocks for curtain rod hardware. Should be easy. With a circular saw, 2x4's, assuming the angles are good and are recreated rightly. Did I just read "snack" somewhere? Later.
.
I woke around 2:00. Knew then it had really cooled overnight. Inside, it read 71-72. Not cold, but a large drop given the rock nature of my home's construction, the season, and all else. I didn't check the outdoor reading until 8:30 or so, 46-48 F. Sun had been up for a couple hours. Wild. Yes, that means, on top of pushing the last few days I am moving a bit slower. All good, this is a rest day. A very few last dishes, a shower and maybe shave, small loads of laundry... only as fast as I can easily fully complete, and maybe hitting the bathroom hard. More? Less? It's just a rough plan. Absolutely no guarantees. On any of it.
A resolution. In hope, faith. First, to be dressed and clean enough(tm) for company as a first thing when I wake. A minor addition here as I write, and something I was starting before my trip, to make my bed daily, changing sheets weekly. And then working on getting then keeping these front two rooms company compliant(tm). Some of it will take time. Some of it has been happening for a while, mostly. All of it will need practice, sometimes great effort, and a bit of trickery from time to time. Appearances may be hollow, if hollow can be better than nothing... especially to a shadow, even a shadow of light. So... don't just sit there, pray!
Already had a few eggs and toast. Well enough back that a snack is in order. After that, I may track a few tools such as my carpenter's square a compass (not that kind, though that can be employed in the correct plain) and some others so as to figure the angle(s) needed for mocking up triangular blocks for curtain rod hardware. Should be easy. With a circular saw, 2x4's, assuming the angles are good and are recreated rightly. Did I just read "snack" somewhere? Later.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Well?
.
.
Between over planning, previously overdoing, and a weather system which moved in, I won't get to it all. Well, and the dishes... I thought they were ready for a rinse then drying. Nope, had to be washed then rinsed and finally dried. A lot of dishes.
I did finish those, got the laundry back for later, put up one rod gizmo, did some general cleaning here and there, ate, and a few other things. More, more will yet be done... just not all of it. I may be regretting my push to days, too hot. Ugh.
I'll get to things, soon or late. Keeping at it. Later.
.
Between over planning, previously overdoing, and a weather system which moved in, I won't get to it all. Well, and the dishes... I thought they were ready for a rinse then drying. Nope, had to be washed then rinsed and finally dried. A lot of dishes.
I did finish those, got the laundry back for later, put up one rod gizmo, did some general cleaning here and there, ate, and a few other things. More, more will yet be done... just not all of it. I may be regretting my push to days, too hot. Ugh.
I'll get to things, soon or late. Keeping at it. Later.
Mostly a day of rest.
.
.
The last few dishes, a shower, and cleaning the bathroom sum total are the bigger tasks; a few curtain rods, a meal or two while food lasts, and some cleaning in the kitchen as minor efforts. As well, prepping for painting the bathroom... which also means work on the wall... drywall replacement... and maybe cupboard door work; getting clean but unfolded clothes from before the trip ready to wash-freshen then tend rightly, plus laying a general plan to get things back to order around here.
Who ever knows? It is not about knowing though. Doing, as one may... in faith? Well, that is my way, gig, story. I'll stick with it. If you want, you could add these efforts to your prayers. I'd be eternally grateful, if I might have a (good) alterior motive to that request.
Get to it people! And good morning.
.
The last few dishes, a shower, and cleaning the bathroom sum total are the bigger tasks; a few curtain rods, a meal or two while food lasts, and some cleaning in the kitchen as minor efforts. As well, prepping for painting the bathroom... which also means work on the wall... drywall replacement... and maybe cupboard door work; getting clean but unfolded clothes from before the trip ready to wash-freshen then tend rightly, plus laying a general plan to get things back to order around here.
Who ever knows? It is not about knowing though. Doing, as one may... in faith? Well, that is my way, gig, story. I'll stick with it. If you want, you could add these efforts to your prayers. I'd be eternally grateful, if I might have a (good) alterior motive to that request.
Get to it people! And good morning.
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
More, as expected.
.
.
Mail, after the shower and shave. As well, I watered the plants also using the shower humidity to give them a bonus. Then set dishes to a fresh soak. After mail, to town shopping. Everything and then some. Watermelon, which... after a fresh few slices... has been diced and stored, surprising even myself.
Everything went up and away quickly. I am fried, though. All good. A bit of gaming as the bedroom cools, then I'll crash. Good night.
.
Mail, after the shower and shave. As well, I watered the plants also using the shower humidity to give them a bonus. Then set dishes to a fresh soak. After mail, to town shopping. Everything and then some. Watermelon, which... after a fresh few slices... has been diced and stored, surprising even myself.
Everything went up and away quickly. I am fried, though. All good. A bit of gaming as the bedroom cools, then I'll crash. Good night.
Very good.
.
.
Much has been done. The work load has slowly been ramping up. Yesterday and Monday were about equal. Today is looking to equal those combined, perhaps more. So far, I finished the remainder of the initial dishes, washed the last group but am waiting to take a shower before soaking those, a huge load of laundry was completely cycled and is all folded or hung and put away, plus the chicken was roasted... so far.
A shower and shave, checking the mail, then? I suspect at least three more decent sized tasks. As well, I mostly have days back, if the heat and nature of high summer are getting to me.
I need to shop, grocery and hardware... window latches, rails/rods, and wall mounts for the rods. I'll have to do some mock-up, as some walls are angled. Uhrm, I guess that means I am nearly back to it.
Oh. Something I found out while home? I AM read there, and by far more than I would have imagined. Not just family. These are folk who knew me, and some of the stories here. Worse? They... have conspied and compared notes, even people who I thought didn't talk, I thought they were enemies. Bah! So much for enemies these days. That... throws me a bit. Rainman? Really? What throws them is how much I don't lie. They still won't go for the Z-axis stuff, yet. Not my circus.
Later.
.
Much has been done. The work load has slowly been ramping up. Yesterday and Monday were about equal. Today is looking to equal those combined, perhaps more. So far, I finished the remainder of the initial dishes, washed the last group but am waiting to take a shower before soaking those, a huge load of laundry was completely cycled and is all folded or hung and put away, plus the chicken was roasted... so far.
A shower and shave, checking the mail, then? I suspect at least three more decent sized tasks. As well, I mostly have days back, if the heat and nature of high summer are getting to me.
I need to shop, grocery and hardware... window latches, rails/rods, and wall mounts for the rods. I'll have to do some mock-up, as some walls are angled. Uhrm, I guess that means I am nearly back to it.
Oh. Something I found out while home? I AM read there, and by far more than I would have imagined. Not just family. These are folk who knew me, and some of the stories here. Worse? They... have conspied and compared notes, even people who I thought didn't talk, I thought they were enemies. Bah! So much for enemies these days. That... throws me a bit. Rainman? Really? What throws them is how much I don't lie. They still won't go for the Z-axis stuff, yet. Not my circus.
Later.
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
Better?
.
.
A bit. A lot, actually. Still not back to it fully. Better is the correct term.
Dishes are nearly finished, from before and after the trip. I am watering the front lawn, finally, again. This will only be the second time since returning. At least it isn't a total failure. Though I may have lost the jerusalem artichoke. Just couldn't get to things. It helped that it was exceptionally cool those first weeks after returning.
Food has been scant. A good thing as things stand. Feasting on starvation seems wise for some things. I am at 260, last I checked. In spite of weighing more than my previous low I have lost much more in volume. At 240 I still wore xl underwear and had two notches remaining on my belt. Now I fit large and have no notches left. Very strange.
Doing real cooking again. Black beans, from dry. I worked with them carefully. I watched, tended, sparing no effort. I wanted them right for once. I got it! I think one of two things (or both) have been the problem. Mainly, I believe, I was boiling them. That simply toughens them. This time, after bringing it to a boil, I backed it to a right mild simmer. The other thing was skimming. Now, I always skim my beans, once or twice. This time I skimmed them every half hour. I always check beans on the half hour anyway, so that was just a minor add. It still takes longer than others suggest, but these were good and more! I have enough for beef and bean burritos and a decent batch of chilli. I even stored the beef and beans, plus put the pot to soak and cleaned the frying pan. I'll finish those today an roast a chicken tomorrow. When that all is gone, back to feasting´ (´ = not... never mind ).
Bills! *shrug* The Lord knows I try. Later.
.
A bit. A lot, actually. Still not back to it fully. Better is the correct term.
Dishes are nearly finished, from before and after the trip. I am watering the front lawn, finally, again. This will only be the second time since returning. At least it isn't a total failure. Though I may have lost the jerusalem artichoke. Just couldn't get to things. It helped that it was exceptionally cool those first weeks after returning.
Food has been scant. A good thing as things stand. Feasting on starvation seems wise for some things. I am at 260, last I checked. In spite of weighing more than my previous low I have lost much more in volume. At 240 I still wore xl underwear and had two notches remaining on my belt. Now I fit large and have no notches left. Very strange.
Doing real cooking again. Black beans, from dry. I worked with them carefully. I watched, tended, sparing no effort. I wanted them right for once. I got it! I think one of two things (or both) have been the problem. Mainly, I believe, I was boiling them. That simply toughens them. This time, after bringing it to a boil, I backed it to a right mild simmer. The other thing was skimming. Now, I always skim my beans, once or twice. This time I skimmed them every half hour. I always check beans on the half hour anyway, so that was just a minor add. It still takes longer than others suggest, but these were good and more! I have enough for beef and bean burritos and a decent batch of chilli. I even stored the beef and beans, plus put the pot to soak and cleaned the frying pan. I'll finish those today an roast a chicken tomorrow. When that all is gone, back to feasting´ (´ = not... never mind ).
Bills! *shrug* The Lord knows I try. Later.
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
The rest of the story...
.
.
On several matters, some updates, and such.
Do mothers really flirt with sons? Hell yes! Not with end intent, mind you. Initially just to pick on us, then to teach and harden us against simple "hussies". They attempt to battle harden us as they can. Love really is war. While doing their various routines, and "shit" testing (real term, look it up), they decide if we are "good enough", do a general ranking, then maybe put a contract out on us. If for no other reason than that a settled son is a good for her.
I must have passed muster. I had about seven...opportunities. None would do. Two were currently married! What about practicing Catholic is confusing? Only one was, technically viable, if only on one of the three major measures. Those? Nubile. Attractive enough and willing to give that first meaning. Then, being able and willing to be wed in the Catholic church. Impossible you say? Cool, I say. I don't expect to find a wife.
I am good with that. My mother, at least one other indirect player, and a pasle of dames are rather... put out. Women join, then go to foodwarfare. If I am correct, this has been happening for a while. That is over. I am getting much better, if still recovering. No food from outside, and I am even changing how I shop. Paranoia? We've been over this. Piss off with pseudo pop-psych. I'll do what is plainly, obviously, good for me. No mom-food in two weeks, and even w/o antib's my legs are water free and new and old wounds are nearly healed. After those wounds wouldn't heal for, what, six months. Coincidence? If so, no matter. The world is changing.
Mothers, women, the sisterhood... enrage it you'd best be ready to cut them off, out, and excise the whole lot as needed. You will always be on that groups short list, and that may well follow wherever. I suppose I may be forced into the he-man women-haters protection system. Not seeing much loss if those seven women is all left for me, well that and being fed to death and mutilation.
Ah, something about the ghosts... somethings... I used to think the girls didn't see them. Turns out? They do. They just became practiced at ignoring these... things. Even sounds. I suppose, while away the ghosts/spirits weren't here. The girls fell out of practice. I've caught both of them, several times each, being startled then quickly hiding their reactions and seemingly putting effort into ignoring what was mutually heard and/or seen. Little scaredy-cat traitors! At least I finally know. You need not believe yourself, scaredy-cat. But for me it is terribly good to finally have some external confirmation I personally trust... at least as to veracity Little bitch cowards!
I would add much more detail on some of this, but the ps4 is quite subpar. Simply it is all I currently have.
.
On several matters, some updates, and such.
Do mothers really flirt with sons? Hell yes! Not with end intent, mind you. Initially just to pick on us, then to teach and harden us against simple "hussies". They attempt to battle harden us as they can. Love really is war. While doing their various routines, and "shit" testing (real term, look it up), they decide if we are "good enough", do a general ranking, then maybe put a contract out on us. If for no other reason than that a settled son is a good for her.
I must have passed muster. I had about seven...opportunities. None would do. Two were currently married! What about practicing Catholic is confusing? Only one was, technically viable, if only on one of the three major measures. Those? Nubile. Attractive enough and willing to give that first meaning. Then, being able and willing to be wed in the Catholic church. Impossible you say? Cool, I say. I don't expect to find a wife.
I am good with that. My mother, at least one other indirect player, and a pasle of dames are rather... put out. Women join, then go to foodwarfare. If I am correct, this has been happening for a while. That is over. I am getting much better, if still recovering. No food from outside, and I am even changing how I shop. Paranoia? We've been over this. Piss off with pseudo pop-psych. I'll do what is plainly, obviously, good for me. No mom-food in two weeks, and even w/o antib's my legs are water free and new and old wounds are nearly healed. After those wounds wouldn't heal for, what, six months. Coincidence? If so, no matter. The world is changing.
Mothers, women, the sisterhood... enrage it you'd best be ready to cut them off, out, and excise the whole lot as needed. You will always be on that groups short list, and that may well follow wherever. I suppose I may be forced into the he-man women-haters protection system. Not seeing much loss if those seven women is all left for me, well that and being fed to death and mutilation.
Ah, something about the ghosts... somethings... I used to think the girls didn't see them. Turns out? They do. They just became practiced at ignoring these... things. Even sounds. I suppose, while away the ghosts/spirits weren't here. The girls fell out of practice. I've caught both of them, several times each, being startled then quickly hiding their reactions and seemingly putting effort into ignoring what was mutually heard and/or seen. Little scaredy-cat traitors! At least I finally know. You need not believe yourself, scaredy-cat. But for me it is terribly good to finally have some external confirmation I personally trust... at least as to veracity Little bitch cowards!
I would add much more detail on some of this, but the ps4 is quite subpar. Simply it is all I currently have.
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Someone thinks...
.
.
Hmm... Well? I have been sent indirect communications, in a number of ways, to interesting (to me) sites, books, etc. If that is advertising through my wall of ad-hate? I'll take it. Okay, though, I should admit... I hid from it for a while. Why? Too close to the heart, or possibly. Example? While these didn't bug me, they are mighty on-target, here is one. Scratch that...can't add a link on this. One was to a book about Pythagoras, written in the mid 1600's. The other another book, though more or truly, esoteric.
I have, cautiously begun tracking and will start... playing ball. Why? Saw lines in book from a poet who remembered me before and after he could have known me... us. Fine, I will type it in, and source it. Not exactly sure where to start or stop, I'll do my best.
"They saw the serpent temple lifted above, shadowing the island white:
They heard the voice of Albions Angel howling in flames of Orc, seeking the trump of the last doom"
It does go quite on. To many that means exactly nothing. To some, including my secret sender? It has much to... say, suggest, or... something. Even the blind who read here can gladly see that a poet (William Blake) has just written some potentially very modern history... of a sort... even if it is only as he and I, perhaps, who say it. "Hush little darling, now don't you cry." You may, as I when I must, simply deny. Or shut up and take it. Reality is, can be, hard. Impossible for some. Me? I shall endeavor to percevere.
Enough for now.
Wait. Thought to update health. No bloody noses for a day and an half. Gladly, too. Drank more of my own gore in those days than in the last 5 years combined... hate to bitch, but could have used garlic. A twofer? Maybe. No migraine for two days . I am not doing well taking medicines, missing half nights and one day in just the few days I have been trying. Goes to condition. Still it is helping. I'll keep at it. Oh, and the moving thing? Don't believe everything you read. Oh, that has gotta hurt. More to come on more fronts as well. Though you... never really know when dancing in the pale blue... with Orc.
One last thing. In the last week in Iowa the ghosts/spirits found me or.... whatever. I did several things to check. Maybe it was stress or general poor health. I don't have the tools to check that (but neither do the "pro's"). I did my best and it sure seemed real. So I thought I'd have a month off here. Not so much. Like giant dark blurs, usuall but not alway off to a side. And other things. Perhaps I am simply close to death? Dunno. But they, assuming for argument they are real, are with me now. Want to see? Literally? Raise your hand, as you did in school. Just raise it, with intent, then let your arm down. No promises, no time-scale. Though if you don't see anything in two weeks... you probably won't .
They aren't and weren't back in droves, as recently. Curious to see if this is just a ping/drive-by, or if this has legs or even serious legs. Still don't know if I am haunted or a nexus of some kind... or maybe just very close (like another serious coughing spell/stroke) from "there".
Well, now that is all. Good night.
.
Hmm... Well? I have been sent indirect communications, in a number of ways, to interesting (to me) sites, books, etc. If that is advertising through my wall of ad-hate? I'll take it. Okay, though, I should admit... I hid from it for a while. Why? Too close to the heart, or possibly. Example? While these didn't bug me, they are mighty on-target, here is one. Scratch that...can't add a link on this. One was to a book about Pythagoras, written in the mid 1600's. The other another book, though more or truly, esoteric.
I have, cautiously begun tracking and will start... playing ball. Why? Saw lines in book from a poet who remembered me before and after he could have known me... us. Fine, I will type it in, and source it. Not exactly sure where to start or stop, I'll do my best.
"They saw the serpent temple lifted above, shadowing the island white:
They heard the voice of Albions Angel howling in flames of Orc, seeking the trump of the last doom"
It does go quite on. To many that means exactly nothing. To some, including my secret sender? It has much to... say, suggest, or... something. Even the blind who read here can gladly see that a poet (William Blake) has just written some potentially very modern history... of a sort... even if it is only as he and I, perhaps, who say it. "Hush little darling, now don't you cry." You may, as I when I must, simply deny. Or shut up and take it. Reality is, can be, hard. Impossible for some. Me? I shall endeavor to percevere.
Enough for now.
Wait. Thought to update health. No bloody noses for a day and an half. Gladly, too. Drank more of my own gore in those days than in the last 5 years combined... hate to bitch, but could have used garlic. A twofer? Maybe. No migraine for two days . I am not doing well taking medicines, missing half nights and one day in just the few days I have been trying. Goes to condition. Still it is helping. I'll keep at it. Oh, and the moving thing? Don't believe everything you read. Oh, that has gotta hurt. More to come on more fronts as well. Though you... never really know when dancing in the pale blue... with Orc.
One last thing. In the last week in Iowa the ghosts/spirits found me or.... whatever. I did several things to check. Maybe it was stress or general poor health. I don't have the tools to check that (but neither do the "pro's"). I did my best and it sure seemed real. So I thought I'd have a month off here. Not so much. Like giant dark blurs, usuall but not alway off to a side. And other things. Perhaps I am simply close to death? Dunno. But they, assuming for argument they are real, are with me now. Want to see? Literally? Raise your hand, as you did in school. Just raise it, with intent, then let your arm down. No promises, no time-scale. Though if you don't see anything in two weeks... you probably won't .
They aren't and weren't back in droves, as recently. Curious to see if this is just a ping/drive-by, or if this has legs or even serious legs. Still don't know if I am haunted or a nexus of some kind... or maybe just very close (like another serious coughing spell/stroke) from "there".
Well, now that is all. Good night.
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Closer.
.
.
Closer to death. Every health issue I have is maxxing in the negative. B.P., pulse, blood sugar, and maybe some other things. On top of those is reacclimation and either pneumonia or the flu... or both.
I thought to hold off doing anything for a while. But I had to deal with business and the doc. I rested otherwise, holding off medicines. Nothing was improving. It was all getting worse, the coughing was exacerbating everything. I feared what medicine would do. It was my only play left.
Miraculously medicine helped. I am far from back to trim. The cough occurs with regularity, I am having explosive bloody noses and migraines still often if both frequency and intensity have much diminished. Ido have a low-grade fever, not from the leg infection but from the flu/pneumonia/flu+pneumonia, easy to tell as the leg is healing.
Oddly, I have lost 20 pounds. I ate grandly at my mom´s home. And it was mostly the wrong stuff. That doesn't make sense. Oh, and found my invitation. It was for July, 29th. So either I was not really invited or fill in the blank as to what else might have gone wrong. I will call if I ever feel good again.
This sore throat and fiery lungs aren't helping, and I am still sore as hell from the extended driving due to construction and getting lost in that a few times. I am not healing with all else wrong.
I´ll keep at it.
One last thing. In two years, maybe four as things can go, assuming I survive this and time, Iwill be moving. Ilove the notion of Alaska if Iam not sure that is possible. Something could dramatically speed or slow the process, mind you. I have simply realized some things. Gotta go.
.
Closer to death. Every health issue I have is maxxing in the negative. B.P., pulse, blood sugar, and maybe some other things. On top of those is reacclimation and either pneumonia or the flu... or both.
I thought to hold off doing anything for a while. But I had to deal with business and the doc. I rested otherwise, holding off medicines. Nothing was improving. It was all getting worse, the coughing was exacerbating everything. I feared what medicine would do. It was my only play left.
Miraculously medicine helped. I am far from back to trim. The cough occurs with regularity, I am having explosive bloody noses and migraines still often if both frequency and intensity have much diminished. Ido have a low-grade fever, not from the leg infection but from the flu/pneumonia/flu+pneumonia, easy to tell as the leg is healing.
Oddly, I have lost 20 pounds. I ate grandly at my mom´s home. And it was mostly the wrong stuff. That doesn't make sense. Oh, and found my invitation. It was for July, 29th. So either I was not really invited or fill in the blank as to what else might have gone wrong. I will call if I ever feel good again.
This sore throat and fiery lungs aren't helping, and I am still sore as hell from the extended driving due to construction and getting lost in that a few times. I am not healing with all else wrong.
I´ll keep at it.
One last thing. In two years, maybe four as things can go, assuming I survive this and time, Iwill be moving. Ilove the notion of Alaska if Iam not sure that is possible. Something could dramatically speed or slow the process, mind you. I have simply realized some things. Gotta go.
Thursday, August 3, 2017
One more, anyway.
.
.
Post that is, while I am at it and it is available. I used this device to create a rout home. On both sides is Logan, on a highway 30. Yeah, I didn't even know Iowa had a Logan. I also made a reservation for a stay tonight. Reservations are good, but finding the place can be a trick. While I was on the machine, I decided to post.
I had mom wake me this morning, to see her off and say farewells. She cried up a storm, couldn't help it. All good, that is how they reset, sort, and such. It'll hit me, perhaps, when I am home and well rested. All good. I have most of my stuff packed and out. I just had a few items for use and wear today, a fan, monitor, and screen to pack and put in as last items. Oh, and some canned goods to take as well, salsa and such. More, I am told, will be made this fall for me to take next spring.
A rainy day. One of only a few since I have been back. They are nearly at drought levels. But a storm on my way in, and out, may lead to better things for them. Not sure they will get an earthquake. I either get those wrong or the timing is way off on those. Dunno. Everyone seems to have a weakness, flaw of particular note. And, while I see, I see for my purposes, not for... others.
I am tired, as if I ran a marathon. More, as I rested up from it, and through it, I got settled. Now to pick up and finish the race is the hard part. Two days of ugly driving. A night at a strange place in a hostile world. Then back to the world I know, or knew. All good. I am ready, if I am rather worn.
When home? Ah, I promised I would get the kitchen sink and plumbing to trim first thing. So a call, and shopping for a sink faucet, a high one. I will just have a plumber do it. Replumb underneath, the drain, and put in the faucet. Then I will check on fees for a dumpster, while beginning to set things aside to be removed. As well, I may begin shopping for a big/tall man's recliner. I really need to figure out how to get the feet elevated more often. Lots of other things to do, but not much else will happen until I have rested up a bit. I feel, honestly, as if I have run a marathon and now have to run home too. I'll... get there.
Time to pack up the last few items and hit the road. I wrote the instructions, and will by more exact maps for Iowa and Wyoming... rather than the general regional map which simply doesn't have many small towns on it. I made it, I suppose. And would make it back. I just like a little more surety. Good day, perhaps goodbye?
.
Post that is, while I am at it and it is available. I used this device to create a rout home. On both sides is Logan, on a highway 30. Yeah, I didn't even know Iowa had a Logan. I also made a reservation for a stay tonight. Reservations are good, but finding the place can be a trick. While I was on the machine, I decided to post.
I had mom wake me this morning, to see her off and say farewells. She cried up a storm, couldn't help it. All good, that is how they reset, sort, and such. It'll hit me, perhaps, when I am home and well rested. All good. I have most of my stuff packed and out. I just had a few items for use and wear today, a fan, monitor, and screen to pack and put in as last items. Oh, and some canned goods to take as well, salsa and such. More, I am told, will be made this fall for me to take next spring.
A rainy day. One of only a few since I have been back. They are nearly at drought levels. But a storm on my way in, and out, may lead to better things for them. Not sure they will get an earthquake. I either get those wrong or the timing is way off on those. Dunno. Everyone seems to have a weakness, flaw of particular note. And, while I see, I see for my purposes, not for... others.
I am tired, as if I ran a marathon. More, as I rested up from it, and through it, I got settled. Now to pick up and finish the race is the hard part. Two days of ugly driving. A night at a strange place in a hostile world. Then back to the world I know, or knew. All good. I am ready, if I am rather worn.
When home? Ah, I promised I would get the kitchen sink and plumbing to trim first thing. So a call, and shopping for a sink faucet, a high one. I will just have a plumber do it. Replumb underneath, the drain, and put in the faucet. Then I will check on fees for a dumpster, while beginning to set things aside to be removed. As well, I may begin shopping for a big/tall man's recliner. I really need to figure out how to get the feet elevated more often. Lots of other things to do, but not much else will happen until I have rested up a bit. I feel, honestly, as if I have run a marathon and now have to run home too. I'll... get there.
Time to pack up the last few items and hit the road. I wrote the instructions, and will by more exact maps for Iowa and Wyoming... rather than the general regional map which simply doesn't have many small towns on it. I made it, I suppose. And would make it back. I just like a little more surety. Good day, perhaps goodbye?
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Getting ready.
.
.
As I pack, and bring it all together, I am thinking. I have had a pretty good stay. I know my mother doesn't get it all. I think she is starting to get some of it. Who I am, what I want, where I am going, how things are. She has not understood, or believed, until now. Not that she absolutely believes, but she is beginning to see that, as straight as I can tell it, I have. Though as I have gotten better, some of the memories have been cleared up, at least a bit, for me. I can't be certain about some things, never will be absolutely sure at this point. Still, she... is beginning to understand. Which makes it easier for us to be around one another.
This has been a good trip. It is probably the best visit since I have been an adult, and the longest. AC, in the upstairs window, the ability to just say when I have had enough, and the willingness and ability to mostly do what was requested... if on my timeline... also helped. It was good to get her home a little more as she wants it. I even did finally seal the gutter seem that was leaking and lower the ends to allow better flow. It's not perfect, just better.
We spent a long time in dealing with my uncle today. I am on his side, so long as he understands. A nursing home, or other facility, by force, is not a good thing. As long as he understands that staying home, alone, means death... I don't advocate death, but I am not sure a nursing home will be salvation either. I just wish they would get ac in his home. He had other problems in that house too, which weren't treated well or timely. Still, if he is, and I think he is, understanding things, then letting him choose is best. The homes just want whatever money they can get. The medical just want a new paying customer. No one, honestly, cares. Still, it really isn't my call.
He has had four close calls in this last month. He is feisty, ornery about it all. But I think he really does get it. He doesn't like it any more than we do. I don't think he really wants to die. But he also doesn't like being poked, prodded, and pushed. And they do that in there. They sort of have to, mind you. But it is annoying, and encroachment, a test. I am simply praying and leaving it God's hands, my mothers hands, my other uncle's hands, and hoping it works to God's will. Well, and learning. I may have to go through this with other family, such as my mother, and may end up on the receiving end in time.
I best get a few more things in the vehicle, do a bit more packing, then listen to some more music before eventually finishing and crashing. Good night. Oh... I don't know when I will post again. It won't be until I receive my phone refund, or know it will be arriving and am sure I have enough on hand to work it. If I can find a device that fits my bill, at all, that is. If not, good bye and good luck. Just remember, if something like me can be brought through, and I believe I have been, there is.... probably room for you.
.
As I pack, and bring it all together, I am thinking. I have had a pretty good stay. I know my mother doesn't get it all. I think she is starting to get some of it. Who I am, what I want, where I am going, how things are. She has not understood, or believed, until now. Not that she absolutely believes, but she is beginning to see that, as straight as I can tell it, I have. Though as I have gotten better, some of the memories have been cleared up, at least a bit, for me. I can't be certain about some things, never will be absolutely sure at this point. Still, she... is beginning to understand. Which makes it easier for us to be around one another.
This has been a good trip. It is probably the best visit since I have been an adult, and the longest. AC, in the upstairs window, the ability to just say when I have had enough, and the willingness and ability to mostly do what was requested... if on my timeline... also helped. It was good to get her home a little more as she wants it. I even did finally seal the gutter seem that was leaking and lower the ends to allow better flow. It's not perfect, just better.
We spent a long time in dealing with my uncle today. I am on his side, so long as he understands. A nursing home, or other facility, by force, is not a good thing. As long as he understands that staying home, alone, means death... I don't advocate death, but I am not sure a nursing home will be salvation either. I just wish they would get ac in his home. He had other problems in that house too, which weren't treated well or timely. Still, if he is, and I think he is, understanding things, then letting him choose is best. The homes just want whatever money they can get. The medical just want a new paying customer. No one, honestly, cares. Still, it really isn't my call.
He has had four close calls in this last month. He is feisty, ornery about it all. But I think he really does get it. He doesn't like it any more than we do. I don't think he really wants to die. But he also doesn't like being poked, prodded, and pushed. And they do that in there. They sort of have to, mind you. But it is annoying, and encroachment, a test. I am simply praying and leaving it God's hands, my mothers hands, my other uncle's hands, and hoping it works to God's will. Well, and learning. I may have to go through this with other family, such as my mother, and may end up on the receiving end in time.
I best get a few more things in the vehicle, do a bit more packing, then listen to some more music before eventually finishing and crashing. Good night. Oh... I don't know when I will post again. It won't be until I receive my phone refund, or know it will be arriving and am sure I have enough on hand to work it. If I can find a device that fits my bill, at all, that is. If not, good bye and good luck. Just remember, if something like me can be brought through, and I believe I have been, there is.... probably room for you.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Dames.
.
.
I was just thinking... mothers, sisters, daughters in time, loves and lovers, they all share a certain aspect. A meanness that is ruthless. It is a bit of a test for men. If they won't cross that, the woman knows the man will either become a lapdog type or won't even be worth that. He can be turned into a drone. Those who cross it, cancel it, and don't miss a beat? That is how men are measured in a woman's world. If he can do it without violence, that's the golden boy, with violence he is the bad boy, perhaps there are other rankings. I doubt if women even realize they are doing the testing, or know, consciously, the results. They just "do", and then work on what remains.
Women have to test. They, before doctors/medicine took over fitness testing, women did that work. And, if a man fell ill, and was't likely to recover, unless he had means... such as stored wealth he still controlled well, or thick family lines which still loved him, they would put him down. The testing isn't just for that... limited resource use, but also for breeding. Women only want the very best, more so that their kids have a chance at more, or better, or simply a real chance at survival.
Until my health improved, I didn't realize that even my mother was doing this. All women, kin or not, take jabs at testing a man, if they get the opportunity. Now that I am well, and realize some things, I have been understanding that my mother isn't "just a "b...."", but is testing. They do it by nature. I... have been treating that differently, now that I realize. Oh, I knew it with other women, just didn't realize that was her gig too. Of course, they... can end up crying. But this is good for them. They have that as an outlet, for a reason. Once cleared, they are right as rain and have the data they were seeking. I think, finally, she is believing some of my story, now that I have come, to some degree, back into my rights. She knows, if not true, it could have been. As good as it can get unless she had been there, I think. Yeah... there is music for that.
.
I was just thinking... mothers, sisters, daughters in time, loves and lovers, they all share a certain aspect. A meanness that is ruthless. It is a bit of a test for men. If they won't cross that, the woman knows the man will either become a lapdog type or won't even be worth that. He can be turned into a drone. Those who cross it, cancel it, and don't miss a beat? That is how men are measured in a woman's world. If he can do it without violence, that's the golden boy, with violence he is the bad boy, perhaps there are other rankings. I doubt if women even realize they are doing the testing, or know, consciously, the results. They just "do", and then work on what remains.
Women have to test. They, before doctors/medicine took over fitness testing, women did that work. And, if a man fell ill, and was't likely to recover, unless he had means... such as stored wealth he still controlled well, or thick family lines which still loved him, they would put him down. The testing isn't just for that... limited resource use, but also for breeding. Women only want the very best, more so that their kids have a chance at more, or better, or simply a real chance at survival.
Until my health improved, I didn't realize that even my mother was doing this. All women, kin or not, take jabs at testing a man, if they get the opportunity. Now that I am well, and realize some things, I have been understanding that my mother isn't "just a "b...."", but is testing. They do it by nature. I... have been treating that differently, now that I realize. Oh, I knew it with other women, just didn't realize that was her gig too. Of course, they... can end up crying. But this is good for them. They have that as an outlet, for a reason. Once cleared, they are right as rain and have the data they were seeking. I think, finally, she is believing some of my story, now that I have come, to some degree, back into my rights. She knows, if not true, it could have been. As good as it can get unless she had been there, I think. Yeah... there is music for that.
Monday, July 31, 2017
A gooder son.
.
.
Not the best son, but a better son. I am not economically successful. And I am difficult to work with. At least now we understand why. As well, I am doing enough better so as to work better and more. This last helps my standing as a son. My mother, in some ways, is old school. Men work, women feed.
I helped paint part of the first room and most of the second room. This, besides being a thing she wanted desperately, was something she really shouldn't have been helping. I simply wasn't sure what I could do. She had to do the organizing. But the actual painting was a bit much for her. After painting the first room, I realized I could paint well enough, so did most of the next room. This pleased both of us. I like to work. I more have trouble organizing. She is good at that part of it.
As well, I cut branches so that she can park without scratching her vehicle, mow without having to duck, and removed a few shrub-trees which were becoming a nuisance. Oh, and just today I cleaned her gutters, changing the heights of various places so they should drain better and calking a seem that was dripping on her.
Beyond those things, I took care of most groceries, gave her some money for utilities, helped with the dishes and cooking chores, among other things. Domestics really isn't my forte. But I can help, and did, from time to time.
We have had a few arguments. When it gets too hot, that just happens. And yet this has been one of the best visits I can remember. I am doing my level best not to leave on a sour note. We used to do that. My brother does that. It is good.
I am planning on returning next spring, for a family swoop in to see my niece's graduation. I have not met my brother's daughters. I have only seen my brother twice since his wedding. We will, if all holds, be in a small caravan of folk heading south for the graduation. And, when we return, I asked... tonight... if we can begin planning a family reunion. I can't do the calls and such. Not my gig. But I can be her legs. I can do actual work, as needed. Between the two of us, and perhaps a lady cousin, we might yet have a family reunion... perhaps the year after... so two years hence, give or take.
Yeah, now that I am not just a mental, i will begin being a part of the family again. Believing I was crazy kept me from being involved. I even passed up some opportunities at good women. Yeah. They really did mess me over by lying about the nature of my illness. Whatevs. I'll heal what I can, and redo what I can. It's been good, perhaps it will be better from now on... mostly.
.
Not the best son, but a better son. I am not economically successful. And I am difficult to work with. At least now we understand why. As well, I am doing enough better so as to work better and more. This last helps my standing as a son. My mother, in some ways, is old school. Men work, women feed.
I helped paint part of the first room and most of the second room. This, besides being a thing she wanted desperately, was something she really shouldn't have been helping. I simply wasn't sure what I could do. She had to do the organizing. But the actual painting was a bit much for her. After painting the first room, I realized I could paint well enough, so did most of the next room. This pleased both of us. I like to work. I more have trouble organizing. She is good at that part of it.
As well, I cut branches so that she can park without scratching her vehicle, mow without having to duck, and removed a few shrub-trees which were becoming a nuisance. Oh, and just today I cleaned her gutters, changing the heights of various places so they should drain better and calking a seem that was dripping on her.
Beyond those things, I took care of most groceries, gave her some money for utilities, helped with the dishes and cooking chores, among other things. Domestics really isn't my forte. But I can help, and did, from time to time.
We have had a few arguments. When it gets too hot, that just happens. And yet this has been one of the best visits I can remember. I am doing my level best not to leave on a sour note. We used to do that. My brother does that. It is good.
I am planning on returning next spring, for a family swoop in to see my niece's graduation. I have not met my brother's daughters. I have only seen my brother twice since his wedding. We will, if all holds, be in a small caravan of folk heading south for the graduation. And, when we return, I asked... tonight... if we can begin planning a family reunion. I can't do the calls and such. Not my gig. But I can be her legs. I can do actual work, as needed. Between the two of us, and perhaps a lady cousin, we might yet have a family reunion... perhaps the year after... so two years hence, give or take.
Yeah, now that I am not just a mental, i will begin being a part of the family again. Believing I was crazy kept me from being involved. I even passed up some opportunities at good women. Yeah. They really did mess me over by lying about the nature of my illness. Whatevs. I'll heal what I can, and redo what I can. It's been good, perhaps it will be better from now on... mostly.
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Sleep eventually.
.
.
It never really cooled much. Without ac up there, I think the high 70's is as low as it will get. I suppose, with the fan, and getting tired enough, I finally fell asleep. I will figure it out. I slept well when I did sleep, if I am still tired this morning. Starting meds and sleep delays both are playing their parts. So it is, and will always be, in my condition. Just another thing on another day. All good, or not, it is what it is. Honestly, I am thankful for what is.
Not only has the swelling been nearly eliminated in my legs, but one of the wounds has, almost miraculously, healed since I started my trip. The other, what had been large tear which wasn't healing, has shrunk and is on the way to healing. I have done nothing different, for the wounds or the swelling. I don't know the fix(es). I just know I am well pleased.
I put my mom's dog out for a bit already, but would like to shower and get him out for a longer walk. I have gone north and west, I think... not quite sure in this town but I think so. In any case, I plan on going a different direction with him today. I am hoping to get walking with him several times a day, and for longer distances. Who knows. I'll do what I can. He sure enjoys getting out, I like the company and the walks as well.
I promised I would weed whip today. I would also like to have the dishes, the few there are, finished and away when she returns. Odd how such things aren't noticed. But that... isn't the point, always. Much as with prayer, when they are silent. Sometimes public prayer is good, but sometimes it really is just between me or you and God. As with good deeds in general, quite often. I hope to do a quiet little task or two each day, plus the other stuff, and a few listed items. It's... a goal.
Good day.
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
Too hot.
.
.
I purchased a fan for upstairs. It makes it feel better. I was up there for a while, unable to sleep. I didn't quite understand. Then I checked the temp. While the fan makes it feel better, the truth is it is still 78 up there. No matter how one dresses some things up, they just won't work. I may have to further purchase a small window ac for up there, close it up, and use that as needed. I know I can sleep at 70, maybe at 72, possible 74, but not at 78. And I need my sleep.
While I have misplaced some of my medication, so been off it for a few days, I have somehow nearly completely drained of fluids. I would have thought, with the added heat stress, drinking "bad" fluids, eating the wrong foods until I can sort things, that I would be even worse than before. Nope. My feet are down to normal. I started back on medications tonight, resetting the spare medicine container. Though I cut the water pill to just one. I fear what two might do, with me being this low on fluid.
On the other shoe, so to speak, I seem to have obtained a pretty hefty foot fungus. I'll be working at erradicating that, if possible. Perhaps the more recent, and severe, swelling left my feet vulnerable. I have heard that daily, or twice daily, soaking in an apple cider vinegar and water mix will fix it, in a month... along, perhaps, with vix vapor rub? Anyway, I might give that a try. If I can find a foot bath that fits, or something that will work beside... hmm... one of those storage totes... but will require a lot more fluids. This world is not built to be convenient to even pseudo-giants.
I said I would get the weed eater going tomorrow. She has an electric. It may not be a single shot, as today it was 90, with high humidity, putting the index up to 100... a bit dangerous for pets and gimps of various sorts, and the young and old. I can probably get to it if I don't push too hard or long at any time. Probably. I'll be giving it a shot. It is actually too hot to take her dog out, at least until later. I have been walking him from time to time, for both of our sakes.
While I won't take care of complete care and feeding, I would like to see about walking more and more, and doing some of the care. In consideration of obtaining a dog myself. I could use the incentive to walk, and pal on the road. But it can be a lot of work on all ends. Dogs need and want a lot of time and attention. Perhaps too much time and work. Even a small dog needs quite a lot of time and a moderate amount of attention. Though they walk much better than cats... which, on a leash, produce more like a drag... which is illegal in many states, immoral in even more. ;p
I have been trying to make myself handy. Not sure living together would ever work out though. She loves to work, And loves everyone else within a two square mile area to work with and for her. I have let her know to make lists. And, if she asks for something, do it when I am already up or getting up, not when I am in the middle of something. She has done better with that, so far, mostly. But that will always be a challenge for her. Still, I think, with a bit of patience and effort on both sides, it might be possible. While she is healthy enough. And well worth it, with some pains to keep it sorted. I just don't see her really doing it. Oh, and she could go to my brothers for longish spells when it gets cold there, or just because. I could probably keep up, for a while, if the place was mostly in order... or even afford help for when she was gone.
As I suggested, I have doubts about the veracity of her consideration. But if she really gets to that place, I'd do what I could to make it happen. To that end I really need to get back to work on cleaning and clearing when I return home. I'll definitely be getting a dumpster in when I get back and clearing much out. Then cleaning harshly and powerfully. I may not get it all up, and keep it up, but I will approach that and shut some areas off, then hit a room every other month or something. Ugh but housekeeping is just not my forte.
Not sure what to do tonight. I would love to sleep, want it, but it's just too warm. There is the couch, down here, but it is a bit too small and uncomfortable for me. I may go up, read, and hope it just clicks, in time. Good night.
.
I purchased a fan for upstairs. It makes it feel better. I was up there for a while, unable to sleep. I didn't quite understand. Then I checked the temp. While the fan makes it feel better, the truth is it is still 78 up there. No matter how one dresses some things up, they just won't work. I may have to further purchase a small window ac for up there, close it up, and use that as needed. I know I can sleep at 70, maybe at 72, possible 74, but not at 78. And I need my sleep.
While I have misplaced some of my medication, so been off it for a few days, I have somehow nearly completely drained of fluids. I would have thought, with the added heat stress, drinking "bad" fluids, eating the wrong foods until I can sort things, that I would be even worse than before. Nope. My feet are down to normal. I started back on medications tonight, resetting the spare medicine container. Though I cut the water pill to just one. I fear what two might do, with me being this low on fluid.
On the other shoe, so to speak, I seem to have obtained a pretty hefty foot fungus. I'll be working at erradicating that, if possible. Perhaps the more recent, and severe, swelling left my feet vulnerable. I have heard that daily, or twice daily, soaking in an apple cider vinegar and water mix will fix it, in a month... along, perhaps, with vix vapor rub? Anyway, I might give that a try. If I can find a foot bath that fits, or something that will work beside... hmm... one of those storage totes... but will require a lot more fluids. This world is not built to be convenient to even pseudo-giants.
I said I would get the weed eater going tomorrow. She has an electric. It may not be a single shot, as today it was 90, with high humidity, putting the index up to 100... a bit dangerous for pets and gimps of various sorts, and the young and old. I can probably get to it if I don't push too hard or long at any time. Probably. I'll be giving it a shot. It is actually too hot to take her dog out, at least until later. I have been walking him from time to time, for both of our sakes.
While I won't take care of complete care and feeding, I would like to see about walking more and more, and doing some of the care. In consideration of obtaining a dog myself. I could use the incentive to walk, and pal on the road. But it can be a lot of work on all ends. Dogs need and want a lot of time and attention. Perhaps too much time and work. Even a small dog needs quite a lot of time and a moderate amount of attention. Though they walk much better than cats... which, on a leash, produce more like a drag... which is illegal in many states, immoral in even more. ;p
I have been trying to make myself handy. Not sure living together would ever work out though. She loves to work, And loves everyone else within a two square mile area to work with and for her. I have let her know to make lists. And, if she asks for something, do it when I am already up or getting up, not when I am in the middle of something. She has done better with that, so far, mostly. But that will always be a challenge for her. Still, I think, with a bit of patience and effort on both sides, it might be possible. While she is healthy enough. And well worth it, with some pains to keep it sorted. I just don't see her really doing it. Oh, and she could go to my brothers for longish spells when it gets cold there, or just because. I could probably keep up, for a while, if the place was mostly in order... or even afford help for when she was gone.
As I suggested, I have doubts about the veracity of her consideration. But if she really gets to that place, I'd do what I could to make it happen. To that end I really need to get back to work on cleaning and clearing when I return home. I'll definitely be getting a dumpster in when I get back and clearing much out. Then cleaning harshly and powerfully. I may not get it all up, and keep it up, but I will approach that and shut some areas off, then hit a room every other month or something. Ugh but housekeeping is just not my forte.
Not sure what to do tonight. I would love to sleep, want it, but it's just too warm. There is the couch, down here, but it is a bit too small and uncomfortable for me. I may go up, read, and hope it just clicks, in time. Good night.
Monday, July 3, 2017
Home.
.
.
I made it back fairly easily. It really didn't cost all that much. I enjoyed the drive. I made it in time for all needed. Though I was pushing things. Too many hours on the road, too little sleep... just could not sleep. Typical of when I travel, it seems. Whether to Burning Man, local or main, home, or anywhere. I slept very little in the two days leading up to the drive and very little the next few days. Finally, sleep is normalizing. Heat was a problem last night. I bought a fan today. Maybe that will be enough. If not, maybe a small window air conditioner. I need sleep, and I need to be cool enough to do it.
The humidity is higher, but it really isn't bothering me. The heat is, or can. At least at the moment. The drive was good for me. I have been having a huge problem with swollen legs and feet lately. While the house shoes are helping, for some reason, driving allowed me to lose almost all the fluid buildup. My feet and legs look normal! I haven't even been taking my meds regularly. Strange. I'll take it.
I get the feeling, however, that I am not terribly welcome. I may be being... seeing what isn't there. I just don't think so. I definitely believe I am not terribly welcome. This is the shire. Even if I happened to be Gandalf... only some of the locals care for me. Not even family. Though I was adopted, there might even still be that. Though it is more. I do think I am read. Why read if it is so upsetting? I write what I write, believe what I do, and see, dream, and feel as I put it. That won't change. So... why bother?
There is mother. While she is difficult to be with, at times, I am finally convinced that she does love me. Yes... I... question everything. I had to. I still have to. I've been through too much to take anything at face value, or just trust. You get what you earn.
Perhaps I was a bit off... at the gathering... having driven too long and stayed up too long. My body may have just been... unhealthy. Maybe I smelled a bit off. Though I really think it is this blog and my notions of things that saw me pushed to the outside and excluded. I don't mind, in one sense. The initial sting was harsh. That passed. I might still see a few family, who seemed interested. Most I... will simply understand.
I have been doing little bits and pieces to help out here. Sometimes an idea, sometimes work, I do make the effort. I even bought a small took kit for my mother. If I am going to do stuff, I need tools. But they are good for her to have on hand as well. Not all potential handy-men have tools with them. Sometime this next week, I will even be replacing a window pane, the old fashioned way and type. I like to do these sorts of things. Especially with someone else, mostly, keeping up on the house. I'll even split out some of the cooking, cleaning, if more lightly in those areas. Just the way it is.
Whatever else, I came to see my cousin buried. She came to me so powerfully. It tore me up. Real? It was to me. I got to see her set to rest. Even if I felt the need to defend myself, and be on hostile ground, to more of a degree than I thought would happen, I... pay that price gladly. I feel right with her about it all now. I can't help these things. Not sure I would if I could. I just wish... in time...
I also saw my uncle, the one who fell ill. He is doing better. Not home, as I was told. Only back at the local hospital. I will see him again, off an on, before I go... if such is available. He is, most likely, going to a nursing home, at least short term, until he heals and can walk. Stubborn. A trait of the family, like it or not. Even so, we don't always win.
I may post, from time to time. I don't have my own new item, but that may be in the offing. I did fix my mother's machine, so... Be well.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
So much to do.
.
.
So little time. I think those are the rules.
Was worried about the doctor. Finally set that up. It was timing. When I get back is soon enough.
Set up lighter hoses for watering. Watered lawn for the first time. Had to cut it short, harshly. That should help with weeds, if it might burn the grass. A price and risk I see as reasonable.
I need to get dishes and laundry, packing, and as much straightening as possible, plus have plants, cat food and litter, and worm food all centralized. It is getting hot on top of things. I’ll do what I can. Oh, and a chore list. The doc was the big headache. If that went south, no driving... legally.
.
So little time. I think those are the rules.
Was worried about the doctor. Finally set that up. It was timing. When I get back is soon enough.
Set up lighter hoses for watering. Watered lawn for the first time. Had to cut it short, harshly. That should help with weeds, if it might burn the grass. A price and risk I see as reasonable.
I need to get dishes and laundry, packing, and as much straightening as possible, plus have plants, cat food and litter, and worm food all centralized. It is getting hot on top of things. I’ll do what I can. Oh, and a chore list. The doc was the big headache. If that went south, no driving... legally.
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Tech problems.
.
.
Either the monitor, cable, vid board, software, or worse is wrong. I will, when I can, get in to buy a new cable. Until then? I am using my ps4, which is painfully slow and annoying. Just saying I am not dead or really ill. Some have complained when I go without some word.
If it isn‘t the cable... it might be a while. Might go with a tablet, dump computers, and see if that is enough. So long as it has wifi, can hook to a monitor, mouse, keyboard, and printer, should be enough.
Now you know. Later. Maybe much later.
.
Either the monitor, cable, vid board, software, or worse is wrong. I will, when I can, get in to buy a new cable. Until then? I am using my ps4, which is painfully slow and annoying. Just saying I am not dead or really ill. Some have complained when I go without some word.
If it isn‘t the cable... it might be a while. Might go with a tablet, dump computers, and see if that is enough. So long as it has wifi, can hook to a monitor, mouse, keyboard, and printer, should be enough.
Now you know. Later. Maybe much later.
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