Prayer and other thoughts.

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As prayer life increases thoughts regarding prayer grow.  Subjects, to include literally how and what to pray, why to pray, whom and through whom to pray, and what prayers to pray or how to better formulate prayers... almost overwhelming considerations... all join to begin a learning process.

I tell you truly there are well raised young ones who do better, if all incentives hold.  Instinct from habit, nonjudgmental acceptance, a type of innocence, a state of humility due to their current stage in life, and other things develop a superior ability.  I can't even recall all of the stages for a full prayer.  Humility in acknowledging the presence and greatness of God, a contrite gratitude for the forgiveness offered by God, simple yet profound gratitude to God for life creation and all, and a purpose for or with the prayer? Well, I prefer to include these things for each of the Trinity.  Still not sure I have that right.  More or less time for any area, time allowing.  Though not always is a full prayer the way.  A simple blessing, or prayer of concern, requested or not, and simple prayers for travel or this or that.

Now I learn there are as many as nine stages of prayer?  Well... what.  Oh, and I am only on stage one, maybe two or touching into three but not well?  If it weren't for some notions, including that the information comes from digging toward the goal, the ego could take a serious dent.  Still does, just not a sting which paralizes.  Oh, but it does lead me to mystics.  *le sighe*

The last part of praying to discuss is a major aspect I have been missing, requests, for self.  Hmm, pray for yourself, I used to question?  What do you need, if health and one other grant, are not happening?  Yes, simplistic, too simplistic.  What indeed!  Humility, to top the list though with patience prudence and others piling up, and with even wiser calls for faith hope and charity needed more seriously and soon.  It isn't that the prayers need to be either or.  I mean, I can pray for the health of one or many, the right intentions of the church, for the health wisdom and graces of priests nuns and the others, AND for strength in my weaknesses.

Yeah, so many prayers not being fully utilized.  Still, better to start now.  What good are prayers?  I can't say that I have seen a miracle from such.  I simply believe this to be true.    I don't count my life, for various reasons, including, if wrongly, I didn't pray to keep it, quite the contrary.  Although, one could say God acted, on my better behalf, through prayers?  I could easily abide that.  Miraculous if in an extremely convoluted way.  If it, I suspect, is the way of God's will very often.  His will, not ours.  Even should we pray contrary to His will, by praying to God we open ourselves, subject ourselves, to His will?  Yeah, I think so.

I think this will help.

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Logging my waking and sleep times, that is.  I may not be able to do much, though less without information.  About four hours down, waking fully at 1:15.  I nearly woke an hour ago.  Was able to park it for an extra hour.  The second waking was non-negotiable.  Just a sleep log.

Back to bed.

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Hours of mostly nothing. Blog to news to music sites, a show in bits and parts, dinner.  Nothing else.  Too tired.  On back to bed.  Just posting to note the time, 21:21.  Good night.

Okay. Note to self.

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Skipping through hours and days wrecks schedules for a while.  Actually thing are so messed up currently that no grasp or hold on uniformity by which a grasp could be ascertained exists or even could.  Hmm?  I mean, my sleep is happening in two to five hour batches.  I can't seem to track waking hours as I crash well before being able to actually sleep.  I am tumbling through time and days as an aerial acrobat who lost the bar.  I'll... have to hit, figure things out from there.  No idea when I will hit.  Have one more hoop shortly then one in a few weeks.

The note to self is, for the future, if again, this way doesn't work well.  It doesn't help regain a day schedule.  And it's a messy way to hit appointments.  However, if all else fails... as it had... it does develop an opportunity for the seemingly impossible if for a hefty fee.  Literal psychic confusion, nausea, exhaustion or enhanced exhaustion, and a complete loss of connection with time and place.

Still amazed it worked.  Was sort of working it anyway, just to obtain packages.  Adding on, this time, further for another objective, really titrated the price, by the minute. Had to be done.  Am still amazed.

I thought it was 11:00 when I woke.  Not so much, was 14:30, give or take a few.  Must have examined the clock earlier, while rolling back to sleep.  Sleep is rather good.  Not great, but not that horrible sleep which offers no rest, akin to attempting to slake thirst by drinking sand.  No, not bad.  More sleep and deeper, unbroken, sleep would be helpful.  If not, I'll get back to it as is, just at a slower pace.  Even it deteriorates, I can do that too.  Living this close to death has taught a patience, in some areas, which few can know.  Later.

Up a couple hours.

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Went to sleep in the neighborhood of 17:00, maybe plus an half.  Down hard, fast, waking every two hours for bio.  No clue why, didn't make sense with the inputs involved.  Then woke after five hours down and two wakes.  Beer.  Told the psychopathogen I only consume a snifter of bourbon, scotch, or whisky three times a month, max... now that heart medicine is actually helping, save on a blue moon or every third, when a triple shot of the stuff seems required.

True.  Haven't had a beer in... a year, two?  Carbs.  However, in my current state of broken ketosis, while shopping, and after the psychopathogen, beer sounded good.  Well, and thirsty as a dog.  No fluid with, need to remember to have a jug of tea ready to go.  I mean, at the store, I grabbed beer. Not the three cases I used to nab, just a twelve pack.  Two before sleep, four after.  Maybe back to bed soon, if beer has nothing to do with it.  Not sure I like beer, or more than two at a time.  Still, good to know.  A bite to eat while deciding if it is realy bedtime.

Zapped but good.

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Got everything hoped done, plus interest.  Later to the post than hoped, but well within the lines.  Other than being a bit off the rez from being so tired.  Naps and other manipulations allowed me to be up and out in spite of seeing my shadow, if my body and mind weren't the happiest about it.  Then on to the doc.  No time for the side trips and good thing, as it wasn't where I thought.  Sure I wrote the address, then promptly lost the note.  Always tired, add sleep contortions and it goes downhill quickly.

I tried to get instructions, did take the address, had little hope, on the phone (glad I decided to take the phone this time).  Pulled right in, if only intending to turn around and call again.  Nope, I was there.  The appointment was a lot less stressful than I had anticipated.  I followed along, then offered a shortcut, if he was interested.  I laid it out as well as I knew how, being as honest as my understandings.  Went fairly well.  I think.

Then the drill was returned , a few groceries were bought, and a meal was had.  Man am I tired.  Just a bit of time to climb down off the walls then off to bed.  Wow am I tired.  Good night.

Do you ever realize the fix is in?

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It doesn't matter which area, sometimes everything boils down to something(s), wanted or not.  In this case decidedly not.  A couple of particular saints keep populating areas of spiritual concern which...  I don't wish to entertain yet know I must.  Annoying in more ways than I can help you understand.  Trapped by my own incessant digging, accelerating greatly of late.

I'll not dispense with their names, merely suggesting they are mystics.  Already questioned in some ways, that is a bit frustrating. Of course, there are simple explanations, as well as the obviously not so simple basis.  Who would ever want to walk the way of mysticism?  It is the way of ridicule, which offers humility.  See, one of the mundane reasons, if tracked back from that other dark edge.  Mystics simply... have dubious reputations, even after bonafied.

Ah, but... in dealing with an order mistake, a few more inexpensive books.  Each covering three concepts my study has called for more understanding.  Not what I always might want, more areas of need, some might suggest desperate need... humility as a prime example.  Now, I do not abide total self debasement.  Fuller understanding before God?  Absolutely.  But suggesting I am nothing before Him is telling Him He does lousy work, for one of many problems.  I... don't always think all teachers get it right.  Pay attention but don't blindly jump off a cliff just because some says God wants you to jump.  He doesn't.  I think some miss the point of some alternate, indirect, forms of instruction and are then never directly corrected.  Psychology and philosophy seem to make up far too much of some education, and not the better forms of such.

A nap with a call to wake and inform.

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The appointment is the first of two.  Neither will be on my tab.  I would skip this one if possible. It is a bogus one with the fake medical branch. To suggest it will be frosty would be generous.  The evil those people commit for their silver even Christ laments.  Zero ability between one and the next to diagnose, no ability to treat, not a science which also means it isn't a medicine.  On the good side that gives me two weeks to get back on my fast... I've... gone a bit rogue, eating, if more drinking, the wrong things.  Soda, went with the pizza, neither of which... never mind.  I'll call it a foolish choice, finish, write it off, and not repeat or in this volume.  *urpp*  Ugh.

The alarm, from my second nap was two minutes from going off, so all good.  Now to shower then get to the post.  At tip of the top, I have two hours and twelve minutes.  I have no intention of taking that much time, perhaps an hour to be ready and out the door?  That is the plan.

Sure glad I was given the heads up that it was just a quack I was being forced to see today.  Would not have been a happy surprise for either of us.  Evil son of a...  When I was ever evil I didn't lie about it.  Didn't need to, sad to be a slithering, as required by weakness I guess.

Just a bit of time to wake.  Looks like it will work out.  Later.

A perfect nap.

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I was quite late in getting to it.  Not so much just an inability to sleep, but with the hope of a notion.  The hope that if I held out for an extra long time perhaps sleep would be extra long, at least compared to a nap, though maybe longer as a full sleep or longer yet.  No such luck.  However, when rest is so good, no pain before, during, or after, and a sense of being rested from said, despite not getting even the least of my extra wishes, I cannot be dissatisfied.  Perhaps another nap after some work?  Perhaps.

Other than the minor efforts, I need to get to the post plus make the appointment.  That is going to be tricky, but not impossible, more possible with a nap or two if  those are possible.  Ugh.  An early trip to the post would really help the odds... probably.  I cannot always know.  I'll pray and hope while acting honestly as I may.

Always more, and surprises.

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The surprise.  A text message.  An appointment at my usual doctor's clinic but not with him?  Hmm.  Not happy, still I keep my cool, call in.  Social Security arranged it, if from what I have seen didn't inform me.  I could have missed something though.  Don't know if I have to pay yet.  Called the contact on the ssa side, to no success, left a message.

Then on to bill paying.  The first one, I thought $75 and this month was due.  Instead I was informed I have a $6 and change credit?  Okay.  Finally mortgage was paid.  I will check on that as I paid last month, with money in the bank, but it didn't go through.  In one sense it doesn't matter, in another sense it really does.  From now on I have to check until it goes through or it becomes obvious it won't, then handle it.

After several broken operations with various companies I am beginning to realize they break things, to force unneeded contacts, so they can sell my contact information to the bogus callers... the ones offering 'vacation packages', 'debt payments', and other junk.  Any contact gives them the ability to sell your data for three to six months.  Make that illegal, with $10k per contact, for the info seller and buyer, plus up to 5 years in prison, sequential, per contact.  A few hits would end it.  Laws are stupid.  But having no laws is worse.  If you have laws, but can't or won't enforce them, get rid of them.

Finally, just in time, I called my mom.  It sounds like she is doing better.  Perhaps a bit lonely.  Or maybe just tired.  Being a widow is a tough gig.  He little dog helps, but life is difficult alone, far more for dames, just is.  I'll keep her in more of my prayers.  Not much else I can do.

Work?  I'll get to it.  I am almost sure I will get caught up, if maybe a nap first.  Just that mix of calls wore me out.  Later.

Just waking.

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While sleep seemed pleasant, waking at this time isn't.  I can't be sure when I finally went to bed if I suspect it was much after my last post?  Further, I thought it would be a nap, perhaps a long nap.  As it happens it ended as not just a sleep but an extended one!  How am I supposed to schedule something when nothing works as it should?  There is some hope that if everything keeps working as it isn't planned, and against my will, intent, it will work out.  Yeah.  While seemingly extremely unlikely you would be amazed how often that truly works out.  Exactly so.

Today?  Waking.  Shower and shave.  Bills.  Then setting up dishes and pushing them through plus wiping surfaces in the kitchen while finally completely clearing the table top and doing a bit more in the kitchen nook.  While I don't think I can do  a great deal, if I can fully catch up AND do a bit more, without adding to the mess, then I will be clear and more.  Further, the rest of the work this week, little or much, is all on the plus side.  Sometimes that adds incentives to the efforts.

Oh, part of the problem?  Relative heat, it is or was raining all night!  Raining in January? It's a terrifying prospect hereabouts, should it snap freeze I could only imagine the ice problem.  Raining?  All night?  But that also means it is or was well above freezing, which does throw my ability to sleep off.  I really need a freezer compartment add-on, to sleep within.  Hmm, I wonder how much?  Seriously.  Could use it for other things, as well, you know.

Later.

Crash landing.

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A crash of the best sort.  After that final bit of laundry, and collecting every dirty dish and else onto one counter, ready to be soaked for the first wash after my shower after I finish waking, if with eyes dried as if I had been tearing sand, sleep happened so fast and hard it was as if a switch was flicked and the universe landed on me.  *click*  Absolutely beautiful, as sleep should be.  If I could force that much work out of myself to such ends... hmm... then again, even often when nothing is done, I have done that, often.  Sometimes just being alive is that much work, netting similar results.

And sleep was as deep as it was instant.  When the lights went out they stayed out.  That black box of dark gooey wonderful nothing was fantastic if a bit short.  Didn't wake rough for it though.  No pain or fog, if... I may go back to sleep shortly.  May have been the 60/40/20 volt 3/6/9 ah flex batteries delivery which woke me?  Possible, even if an hour or two later... if my mind hears something, but can't immediately wake me?  It creates a message on a feedback loop.  While nothing was due today, when I woke I knew to check.  Those batteries will keep the table saw, recip saw, and drills in their most stressing tasks at full propably to overheating before running out of power.  Adds a ton of weight, but well wort it.  The 20v(18, actually) 3ah batteries which came with the kit will do most jobs.  I may even purchase 1.5ah batteries so everything, if needed, could be powered at once.  Not for six months or more, need to recharge finances, toolwise to be sure!  Ugh.

Anyway, yeah, maybe back to bed.  Sleep was rather short.  While I seem quite able to push into new hours while trying to push my schedule into daytime, pushing my wake time is a serious limit, has some sort of serious cap as to how much it can be adjusted, and how quickly.  Usually I can't go back to sleep.  This may be a bonus for pushing to sand tears yesterday... if it works.  Hmm?  Well, good night, again, I hope.

Awake until my eyes burn.

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But not without purpose on top of reason.  The dishes are finally done!  Ugh but I hate washing dirty dishes just shy of the objects of art themselves.  As well, I do believe laundry, which has all been dried, will be folded or hung, with the small start to the next load(s) going back.  The nice thing about changing bed linens as regularly as possible is that it reminds to do else laundry.  Heck, I haven't run out of... any clothes since I started this new schtick!

The other thing about staying up is it is opening the way to make it to the post Wednesday... hopefully.  Far too... not today, probably not tomorrow.  Flaggation has limits, which is stretched to well into pain as is.  Perhaps too far.  Besides, the next, and perhaps last batch arrives Wednesday.  I don't think I can juggle and make two pushes on the same schedule obverse.  After which I'll take some serious downtime.  As to snowshoeing?  I don't consider that spit of snow an actual snow.

Not bad if it is seriously uncomfortable pushing this far.  Not just the good kind, but heading, or really well into the bad kind.  But I am stuck, like a dog with it's teeth and jaws buried too deeply into the rag toy.  How to stop!?!  No worries, probably.  Good night, morning, and day.
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Done.  Watched a show while letting the house, my body, and the bedroom cool.  I am looking forward to a shower when I  wake, then setting up a very minor batch of dishes while finishing the kitchen.  Then no cooking for a while.  Could grill, outside, though.  Ugh.  Other than pushing my day back around, that's it until Wednesday.  Pftftfta but I am tired.

More, and more yet.

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Well, certainty can never be owned.  I have food to digest.  I am wearying.  And yet I have confidence... feedback from a particular prayer.  A rare, very rare, thing.  I wasn't asking to do more, if that was back there, separate from the prayer.  The notion wasn't being excluded purposefully, it was a different tangent.  I was merely offering what had been done, and what might further be done, to His glory, and being thankful for the opportunity.  I got a sense that more would be done.

I am sure my prayers must seem odd, even to others who pray.  Since most who read here don't know me personally, even some who might presume, I don't mind discussing my prayers, by the way.  Not bragging, how can a humble grateful supplicant have pride in submissive offerings?  Anyway, so, I received what seemed as a divine allowance.  Joyful at the time, but with a bit full of a belly now?  :p  Oh, I'll see to my side of the promise.  :)

Ah, something else.  Beside rosaries, chaplets, and such, I have been researching other books and slowly purchasing them.  The last book was distinctly not what I had hoped, turning out instead into exactly what I may have far more greatly needed... a more sure path to Masses!  It's complicated, if also not.

I had misunderstood the book to be a list of prayers used in mass.  I often feel lost in mass.  I was hoping to clear that up.  No problem, I have missals arriving, in various forms.  Initially I considered returning this book, but... while in hand I decided to examine just what it was that I did hold.  Hmm...  The title, a seeming perplexing, or mundane sounding, or... "A Prayer Book for Eucharistic Adoration".  Hmm...  So...  A bit of examination, then, of course.  Must be foggy, though while intellectually familiar, much of this is mechanically new.  I have never done some of this.  The rosary is still really new!

What this is, for hopefully just non-Catholics though, well, I guess as a noob I shouldn't harsh any mellows, is a book of prayers to be said in the chapel where the Eucharist parts are held.  Explaining further is not easily within my vocabulary, may have strayed as is.  The thing is Catholicism teaches, and I abide, that Transubstantiation occurs when the bread and wine are blessed, that these become the body and blood of Christ.  As such, they are kept in a special container, which has it's own area, chapel, for adoration before or after Mass.  I understand these things, I just don't have the words at full command, and perhaps not every last exact detail.

Well, okay Doom(ster), you might ask, how does that help?  Ah, key words "before Mass".  The addorations often occur an hour before mass.  But being a little late or early isn't a problem.  As with libraries, just enter quietly, respectfully.  Silly me, I was invited to this but did not understand and in my straight bullish if unintending nature flustered the bird so she didn't fully reach out and explain.  So sad, though things in their time?  Oh, and should I be very late, usually I might still be in time for Mass.  See?

Why all these seeming games?  Because time doesn't work the same for us, or even the internal and external me.  Inside, time ticks by as if moments were decades, a day as a thousand years. Outside, however, when I target a time, date, and place and... so often I set in my daily eternity watching the appointment approach and then depart with no ability to even call in, IF I even happen to notice.  Autistic of some sort, in some way, or... something.  So... this could improve odds.  Some days I just can't act, or won't remember.  On the days I can understand and function, this.  I am keeping the book.

On a side note, much of what was ordered was held up a long bit.  I really wonder about things.  I do believe the blessed rosaries will show back up, if most likely not until after I have a pile of blessed rosaries and a few other things ordered.  Yeah.  I... think just so.  It will get fixed.  That one and the help can get smart but won't win out.  Later.

I recently viewed this but even then didn't get it.  When going in the right direction, not just when in hell, keep going.  How strange how things pile up, and on, when seeking after being called to grace.  It IS exciting.  Amen.

A mild start.

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Dishes, a shower, cats fed, their water system checked and filled, plus a bite.  Laundry shouldn't be a problem.  As to food?  It would have to be easy, not fast.  I think the only fast food would be McDonalds, which fell below even my standards.  Food shouldn't have the scent of the dead.  I still like, or liked, their fries, if even those had fallen through oil changes, supposedly to satisfy a vegan lawsuit if probably losing the suit on purpose to use cheaper, inferior, oils.  Still, if I can get things together and get out, I should be able to find a few things by which to cook without fuss or mess.

Absolutely floored or I would have called my mother.  It sounds like she had the flu.  One of my cousins was staying to help with things.  The most unlikely of them which... somehow works as it should for my clan.  A family with many lost causes who, through graces high and low, a word or two from one or two other lost to another, and an opportunity. Extracting a cranium from a dark place and on to doing good.  Not written as a darkness but as... a blessing.  I'll call tomorrow.

I may be at the end.  Or I may get out for food yet.  Or just maybe I'll do that and still do more.  Trash could go, but not until I return.  Ugh.  I think I checked mail Friday, but will look again, on my return, just in case.  So, yeah, I'm going... sometime.  Later.

Nothing doing.

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Good plans, solid intent, all systems otherwise operational, green lights across the board, but something vital is not working.  An all stop of function spiting an all ahead command and system setting.  I'll keep at it.  Today is the next day.  While Sunday, with nearly a week of virtual Sundays in a row at my back, I'll take work if I can get it.  God simply has to see the plight.  Then again it is not God who is the concern, Christ knows... both my heart and the nature of men.

Same plan.  Dishes, laundry, a shower and shave, and to finish the kitchen.  Oh, out for food, perhaps?  If, later, and I get some of this done, should I believe it will help continue work?  Then I might go out for food, fast or some sort of easy to fix food.  Someone keeps bumping a post about the troubles with work while fasting.  Especially at my level of it.  Yeah, I get that.  It's just that I am sort of stuck with it, sort of.  I'll figure my way out of the pretzel knot I seem to be in.  Thing is, I realized the other day, it will take several days to a week to eat my way up to a normal feedbag status.  The stomach has shrunk.  If only the waisteline would follow.

I think, perhaps, today is the day.  I'll feed the girls, fix a bite myself, finish waking, then try ketone crystals while trying to hit work.  Hmm...  Yeah.  Later.

Snow and other shoveling?

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Not a deep snow.  I believe the shovel will do.  The wind doesn't seem to have shuffled it, looks to be a steady two to three inches, and lighter if not quite a powder?  Light as valley winds, as with small brooks, it doesn't take much to do much.  And around a house or between two buildings it can really tear.  I'll get to it shortly.

Ah, the other shoveling?  With days finally turning into nights, if that was an excellent run of day hour life, I need to push back to days.  I shoved... hmm... just guessing but seven to ten hours into the schedule.  Need to double that.  Have stuff at, and headed to, the post.  Further, just having days open opens possibilities, the world really.

No work yesterday.  But no more messes made.  Actually I did a small amount of sorting, and a few other if very small tasks.  Those actually add up, as long as they aren't being buried by anything else.  They aren't.  If dishes, the very little left to do in the kitchen, and laundry can be finished, and I shower and eat out plus perhaps pick up foods of leisure for a bit, I... might... get back on the pitcher's mound and bat one into the lot.  Yeah, a man with a  thousand faces plays a slightly different game.  Can't win, can't lose, but the show must go on and all that jazz.   Heeeey, batter, batter, batter!  Hmm?  Never mind.

Well?  It seems the lawn machine is at it.  So shoveling isn't an albatross.  Still have to do much, then shower, before attempting to go out like the brave mouse I must seem.  I wasn't sure there was enough for it to work.  Sounds like it.  I'll salt a bit after.

On to waking.  Yeah, just woke.  Hmm, maybe just five to six hours added in?  Maybe.  Yesterday, more all told, probably.  The problem with fog isn't just psychic visibility, but also memory.  If an extra long nap can be put in, and the same pushing tomorrow, perhaps I can have mornings, roughly, through the first parts of this next week?  Maybe.  It's the medium term plan.  Good afternoon.

Believe as you wish.

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Oh, I understand.  Standing flat-footed, tossing grenades while laughing, then you think you saw someone chuck a nuke.  Oh, but you can't do that, it is suggested.  That isn't funny, and besides, and for realsies, feelings, dude!  Hmm?  Oh, a bit of blowback from comments.  At one time, before some understanding occurred, I might well have backed off.  Could be wrong, but...  By the way, has California been put out?  Sure could use the heat elsewhere innit.  Told you.

Well?

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Not much.  I did go out for food.  Because.  Actually there was a reason.  I thought food might help but had no ability to cook.  Sometimes, assuming I can get out, a bit of food can start the engine.  No, it didn't work.  Doesn't mean I quit, not even today.  It just means not yet.  I may, if need be, try the same trick, with slightly different variations, in the next few days.  Still fasting, just not using scant available energy to cook.  I'll give it a few more chances.

Hey, I'm not seeing anything, but...  the queen... ...long live the king?  Just something that's been... itching my bean.  Could be dead wrong, early, though they don't always say until fixes and jockeying have settled a bit.  Modern times tG for refrigeration and makeup.  *itch*

Burned out.

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Not from too much work, or too little.  My fuses just aren't reliable.  Medicine is on target, has been for a long time.  I am right with the feedbag, not to heavy or light, if I have been thirstier than more recent norms.  Since I have rarer fully conscious moments, absolute will over things like fluid intake is limited.  So it is better, definitely, to adjust the quick fix, then perhaps attempt to find the major malfunction then bring that into line.  Sleep is good, or as good as I know how to manage it.

Pain?  Always there, lately.  Only sometimes severe in the mornings and as bedtime approaches, and once in a while as a waking force during sleep periods.  I haven't felt the need for painkillers in weeks, I think... thought about that a time or three but skipped, and rightly as the pain passed shortly.  Not much else to do?  The next time it snows, however, I plan to get out with the snowshoes.  Depending on how deep will decide the location... temps don't really play a part.

I finally bought a long desired kit.  Cordless power tools.  As well, on the way, about the most powerfull batteries they take.  This should make some of the work planned for this summer happen a lot more smoothly.  Reroofing almost two outhouses, bolt work on  the main roof, and maybe a few other odd jobs.  They just opened a world to me.  I'll keep the corded versions, for when serious power is needed, and that does happen.

A few things to check, something unnecessary may have been ordered.  If so, I'll return it, but merely to purchase, finally, a router, a smaller if not tiny one.  The ads for kits are confusing, out of date, if often to the benefit of the consumer...  I thought the drill that came with the kit was hammer only, not so.  Ugh.  Still, love making sure, if buying tools or a few other items, I get what I want, especially at certain prices.

I wasn't able to do the refrigerator, dish washer, and microwave this year so I did this instead, at a quarter to third the cost.  So :P  the only thing I really wanted but forgot isn't a tool, a heater.  I do have a propane burner, but that... isn't ideal for indoors, unless it is piped in.  While kerosene heaters don't have an absolutely perfect rep, of the options with reasonable qualifiers of price, cost of fuel, shelf-life of fuel, and a dozen others it comes out way ahead in getting emergency heating in my home the soonest.  Not sure I can do that yet this month, but it is next on the list.  Well, and fuel tanks and fuel.

Today?  I am hoping to just finish dishes, fold and put up what laundry is left, and finish the kitchen.  What a disaster of a week, as to intent versus results!  At least I never quit.  I kept ahead, on a sliding scale, I enjoyed if that required a touch of compassion for self.  I won't complain, or write the week off whole.  And there is today, tomorrow, and next week.  Amen.

Awake, but what to do?

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Not a horrible start, just a lopsided one.  Going to bed in Picasso-land, waking up where Dali thinks?  Nothing seems quite as it should.  Good sleep, only one mild dream which has been forgotten, only mild various pains, it is the mind or senses which seem out of sorts.  Hopefully a bit of waking will help.

Still planning on dishes, kitchen cleanup, laundry, which then leaves me to the front room.  My efforts have not been all that impressive, if the body and mind haven't been in good shape.  Some days it isn't the marathon, or even the list of chores.  Some days the great task is simply working up to being able to plan, or even just getting out of bed with some hope the day will sort itself.  Trust me, as often as that has happened, I know, it will sort itself... whether you believe or remember matters not at all.

I think I am back to fasting.  Two small meals less than six hour apart is the current practice.  I really would like sides, from time to time.  Beans soaked, so another batch of refried beans for today, this week, and by freezing half next or the following week.  Salad, darker green, would be good, but that doesn't last well.  And there is always the matter of dressing.  I just wish I could set up a couple of simpler lower carb side dishes?  Hmm?  Oh, fine ask, especially out loud, and you will receive... homework!  God helps those who help themselves.  Oh, since fasting, I suspect I will be trying the ketone crystals and such.  An half an hour befote diving in, no more than twice a day?  I'll look over the instructions.

With finances ordered for the moment, I will set up an appointment with the doctor and a masseuse.  Why a masseuse?  I found that she will lower my bp more than the doctor and all the medicine he can give that I can take for less than a 90 day supply of any of the several medicines I take, which may end up helping diabetes.  Right.  I'll start out half an hour a month, might double that.  Trouble, as with all things, is keeping up on schedules.  Perhaps if I can schedule days before.  You have no idea how troubling it is to not be good at keeping a simple appointment.  Makes one not wish to even try sometimes.

Oh, my rosaries have gone missing.  Shouldn't have, were right beside my bed.  Any place I might have put them has been checked, if I am sure I didn't take them anywhere.  I swear, sometimes...  I have been, of the side, digging and looking for them.  Gah!

On to waking.  Juggling thought, potential actions, consternations, and else has stirred the blood.  A few calls, or waking and then those, and probably more.  Yeah.  Opportunity seems more real.  Good morning and day.

Not so much, if there may be a tomorrow.

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May be a tomorrow?  Well yes.  Who ever knows.  No concerns other than the current suspension of reality in which I live.  Just a general thought.

No more work.  I have reviewed a number more Catholic videos.  Some I felt called to examine, a few I really did not wish to view or more hear.  It is often the ones which generate a negative reaction just to the title which do the best toward the goal of approaching God in His way.  My way isn't full, right, successful.  Oddly, I have noted that what I imagine will be a flogging ends up being... good.  Oh, yeah, there might be stings and barbs, much as removing cactus barbs, various thorns, or other harms, but healing and relief follow swiftly or immediately.  Limits, I am not up to perpetual sessions.  And yet I am pleased with what God is leading me to and through.

I could do little else.  If, quite often, just pushing the mind alone without potential castigations when this tired is no more possible than work.  I hope He is well pleased.  I certainly am, if to His glory in this.  I am finished for the night.  Work, sleep, and pray well through your night.  Good night.

Naps can help.

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After, right after, the last post, I think, I saw a need and opportunity for a nap.  Took it.  Usually two hours, as was this one.  Some nights, even naps, are so full of dreams it scarcely seems I could have slept.  Sometimes I don't feel rested, or as rested as could be hoped.  Being perpetually exhausted for thirty years means the sense of feeling rested is by very small comparative degrees, as if in vision I had monochrome versus most people having effectively a infinite color palette.  Anyway.  While I did wake beter rested, I also woke with so many dreams and thoughts on my mind that I simply couldn't put anything together, mutter something to the effect, to God, that I have limits.  If He wishes understanding that He must be patient and His messengers must be ordered.  For some reason I sensed it was from God.

Awake, better rested, if with no idea what that was about.  I changed the wash water and ran the last fresh water through to clean the brewer, and then put the laundry through a tumble to freshen before changing out.  Then this.  It might not be all that interesting.  And yet, perspective.  There isn't any health to work with, it is almost all will.

A reasonable beginning.

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Still tired, as if I haven't waken fully.  Some small discomforts persist.  And yet the list is being whittled away.  The plants received more water and time to use or enjoy it.  Laundry was started.  After settind dishes to a hot soak and putting the plants on the shower curtain bar to enjoy more hot moisture, the laundry was rotated.  A vinegar run for the tea brewer, several as it will turn out, is on it's second run.  The rest of the kitchen just needs surfaces washed, to catch up.  Some of that will be messy but really not too bad.

Can I get through that and on to the front room?  As early as it is, possibly.  But two loads of laundry to fold/hang, a medium load of dishes which will take two washes to clean right, washing surfaces, plus a meal or two?  Hmm... maybe not.  If I do get to that room it will be just to vacate boxes, perhaps finish a minor step in the construction of the computer table.  The old one has to go.  Hmm... probably not if I will angle toward that.

I can't be sure if any visitors are familiar with St. Thomas Aquinas.  I know I have heard of him long before I was Catholic, or understood that I was.  Natural law, though other reasons, have drawn him to my attention since quite young.  Approaching his works, since he was Catholic, while I wasn't, was a tricky endeavor.  Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, these were more allowed if not as... they were obviously inferior, to my mind.  And, yet, he is Catholic, no "was" about it.  A seeming danger, betrayal, inside and out, more so when young and adults held more respected sway.  And yet vastly superior.

I have been finding various parts of his works before me since I was 12, perhaps as early as 10.  Wondering wandering thirsty daring minds always end up at certain doors.  A passive and yet not notion is that all roads lead to Rome.  As with much I often get the sense that, while I have been seeking, all my life, I keep finding a day late or a dollar short... or both.  Aside from that, opportunities seem to arise.

Can't argue with good sleep.

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Late, but then it was quite late to bed.  Not much pain, nothing great, only a few small areas and types.  All good.  A bit groggy but consciousness for the day was minted moments ago, rarely is it otherwise.  Plans are being formulated.  Wednesday?  It was Wednesday when I went to bed!  I'm getting ripped off?  No, actually I'm getting a two for one, sometimes more with naps.

I stayed up later and later, willing things done but with no more force of will than a bird's hatchling, chirping and squawking, without the strength to do anything.  As vision tunnels, that can become an insomniac trap.  For the most part I realized the error rather quickly and went on to bed.  A made bed, after showering, and with the ac and regular fan which had cooled the room to a glorious 46 F.  Oh, after the heat, or sense of it, that last was the most welcome... as a just heat-treated sword being drenched in water... wonderful.

I noticed the plants were looking a bit limp this morning.  Well greened and healthy otherwise, so while I wake I gave them a short shower, will leave them in the mild sauna space, then probably dose them better shortly with a longer shower... letting that first soften all in readiness for a deep soak.

I suppose I could begin laundry after the next watering, with plans to set up dishes afterward.  The only goal is to get the kitchen back in order and then begin in the front room.  I'm not up to hacking my way through two areas and types of work at once.  Plus, I have found, to the positive or opposite, whatever an area presents is compounded and the kitchen is true that way moreso than other rooms.  I am sure I will get to the front room yet this week, perhaps finishing it.

Still seems a bit warm.  I don't trust to turn the furnace down further.  I like having some breathing room should the furnace stop, and I am never sure about the temps near pipes.  Well, and I have seen some thermostats/furnaces stop functioning two degrees cooler.  I've seen that often enough I suspect it is, or was, some system limit, though whether a manufactured, practical, or mechanical limit I never learned.  Possibly a thing of the past, if this system is quite old.

What?  Right.  Chattering to be sure.  On to visits and what passes for news.  Good day.

So slow.

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No real complaints.  I knew there was far too much to do on the list.  I am surprised, in my condition, that I have gotten the first sets of dishes completed, some cleaning in the kitchen, sheets changed, and all laundry back.  I need to be up for a bit, to dry off and hopefully to set the last group of dishes.  I have to wait on more hot water, or at least to catch my breath.  Oh, I closed up and refrigerated the kefir.  It was moving fast and I don't have enough store milk to mess with it.

Pretty much chewed through my gas tank, hit the reserves, then blew on through fumes.    Not sure if that will grant me the rest of the dead or the agony of the undying.  All good, wouldn't change a thing.  Hope to keep going tomorrow.  Even if it hurts, sometimes pushing through is still possible.  I think it will work out just fine.

I seem to be burning up tonight.  Not really a fever thing, just sensitive to the heat.  Turned the furnace way down, still feel like it's summer in Iowa... on a moderate day, if that is still brutal to me.  Hmm?  Oh, the rosary and reading.  I think I can do those while my hair dries.

Good night.

Smooth.

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Some good tidings so a few things are moving ahead.  Small bits of work, currently cooking.  Three meats were out, pork, beef roast, and chicken.  Only the chicken remains to be completed, at least to general doneness.  The rest will be crisped as needed, save the beef which simply needs heated.

I didn't mention, but when I explained what happened with the milk, my store backed the product.  Now, I wasn't there to get free milk, only to find out what to do next time.  I won't take them up on their offer, as one gallon per visit is too shy, since my visits are not frequent enough to... if I need milk, even for kefir starting, I need several, at least two.  Might see if they will go with me buying an extra or two... I have what I have going plus new kefir crystals arriving Friday.  That's a lot to be feeding.  My fridge is both cold and clean enough. The problem was the milk, every bad jug was opened the day I brought it home.  Still, impressed that without proof they would do that.  Been shopping there a lot of years and this is my first return, if honestly that wasn't even my intent.  So...  :p

I just had some of the pork.  Oven broasted, then a few strips crisped out on the grill.  Yeah, it takes a bit out there, and dang but does the doorJam rock get hard and my foot soften to it in the cold.  Especially when wearing sandals German style, with socks.  Oh how I used to laugh.  Crow might be best served cold, but I prefer it just a bit warmed.  Not my call, sure was my toes!

I am hoping to get the dishes soaking finished, hit a shower, then set up the next batch of beans to soak, and clean the kitchen.  I really can't be sure?  While dinner is sorted, I do believe I'll get to the rosary for the sis I know the least.  Oh, I know, faster, hurry, yesterday!  But, no.  And I assure you, God absolutely knows why.  Probably moving too fast as is.  For short times He seems to cover that.

As to things lately?  At least in these more recent days, years, I do get it.  Nothing like suffering seemingly frozen, or burning, alone.  Oh, I checked burn rates with temperature the other night.  While time of contact and temperature have a correlation, if what I read is true, any contact with objects 140 (F, I think?) is supposed to cause instant 3rd degree burns.  Perhaps the skillet hadn't gotten to 275 in the hour, or maybe it wasn't a full hour, just a half?  Though... I've done other like it, if I have also learned not to test.  Something though.  Perhaps God simply spares fools forced to wander without all awareness.  If sometimes, more in years past, I wonder just exactly where I am.

A pretty good morning.

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It might be a noon thirty start.  Not sure but I may be pinned, mostly, to my chair today.  The pain is quite mild, mood is good, and fog is light.  If those things aren't in that order, resting doesn't take place.  I suspect I need rest.  That doesn't mean I won't work.  It simply means, of the three general areas, only one, and mostly in one zone, will be entertained... catching up on dishes and in the kitchen.

Work won't start for a couple hours, if it starts.  Simply the basic physics of my physiology coupled with various variable highs and lows.  Still, I have solid hopes.  As well, reading should be available again today.  Fog is the main impediment to that, not a problem so far today.

If it weren't for the really hard times I wouldn't enjoy what most of you probably consider normal times.  Nominally pain free, clear thinking, with only light friction against thought or action.  What baffles me is how close those two different examples of wellness can be... hours, even moments.  It's like having a house lowered on you, then lifted, at odd times, without sense.  Doesn't seem fatal.  Whatever.  Later.

Oh, if you are interested in helping?  Now or ever?  Even a short prayer to the God of Abraham though not the one said to be the same god by Western fools while denied by the Eastern monsters, save when it allows there terrorists passage.

When all else fails.

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Not that I wait until all else fails, merely, again, when all else fails I reach out in faith.  I do not seek relief from pain, or request more pain as some suggest... I don't think some knuckleheads know whatfor they chatter.  I merely look to God, as an old hound might look to his Master.  Remembering good and true things, times gone, now, and yet to be.

I understand that this suffering could be lifted.  I have absolute faith in my Lord.  Enough even to know that if neither surcease nor death is granted that it is both God's will and with purpose.  So, I seek deeper understanding.  While reading is limited there are other means.

The notion that humility is not a strong point keeps bugging me.  I greatly respect that grace.  I do examine methods to enhance it.  Some people do not advise well.  I greatly wonder if they follow their own prescriptions.  Doubts.  Visceral self-debasement... or turning one's self into a rug, neither is wise or good.  I do seek, and will find.  For now, knowing I have an unholy thorn in my side will keep me on the trail, and add to prayers.

In time the suffering has ended.  I believe sleep may happen.  Gratefully, but not just for the rest, but for the allowance of preparation for His will through the discomforts.  A dog, animal, I may truly be, but called to be His beast, somehow.  Amen and good night.  Blessings and prayers.

Hard night.

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To bed by 19:00: back up by 21:00.  Headache and just not feeling well all around.  I don't have many options.  Can't think straight to do much even if there was something available.  Prayers were offered before sleep and after, twice.  I will try to go back to bed.  Aspirin did nothing this time.  Just one of those nights.

Good night, perhaps.

A special new week?

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The first new week in the new year.  Is that truly special?  I suspect it is at least if you understand it all, more so if you are young enough to believe... or maybe have become old enough to have returned to your childhood to a degree?  I think I might be stuck in a more doubting age if partly through the fog and other limits of health.  There are graces unique to each station in life, as well as faults.  I suspect being ill slows maturity, changes how it occurs.  Not bad things, as sometimes, for example, if roots can't go so deep, they can branch better.  If one keeps at it, the volume will be at some competition or more to raw depth.  Not all parables work out exactly, and you should know this.

This morning?  Have you ever sparred?  Specifically with a guy who means to work your torso, one who is better at delivery than you are at defense?  I have.  I think the school was Billy Martinez Elementary, in Greely.  A good friend in my class boxed, his whole family did.  I wasn't allowed, and wisely as I see things now.  However I did spar, probably without permission.  *cough*  It was more head problems that was a concern, much mitigated with headgear and strict coaching.  Torso practice wasn't seen as a problem at all.  I was too big to spar with my friend.  It was his second or third older brother, whichever was working that day, who I was set to work.

I mean that my torso is beginning to seem comparatively more solid after a few weeks of pain in the torso as it did from sparring.  The body changes.  Never becoming immune, but effectively immune to one's weight class and maybe a level or two higher weight classes, but among those who don't practice punching.  My situation is from tightening, contracting, from internal pain.  Not sure if that is the same, or if it just feels like it.

I finally turned the ac unit's fan on.  It said the air was 34 to 36 F, if I am sure it wasn't.  The house temp was throwing the reading off.  I set the timer for two hours with the ac fan.  I also used the regular fan.  Waking well after the ac fan stopped, the room  was 50 F.  Not quite as cool as I had hoped, but definitely better than the high 50's to low 60's.  I did sleep much better, keeping the regular fan going all night.

I never got to everything.  Dishes got hit once, the toilet was well cleaned, then that was that.  Oh, well, medicine was set for this next month.  I have been doing rather well with medicine.  Setting it up not always so much.  It takes focus.  Sometimes I could only set things up for a few days, sometimes a week, or two.  Stop-gap, doing what I could.  Finally, all set and on full doses as I have been for... nearly since late August, October? Not absolutely sure, doing well for months.

Now to wake, feed the girls, then get to dishes.  The real goal of the week is completing the front room, then catching up in the kitchen.  The rest of the kitchen is for next week. Later.

Late waking, of course.

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With three hours last night and five or six the previous evening chunked out of a sleep period some extra sleep has to be found.  Sometimes I can suffer through.  If travelling, visiting folk, to an event, even to see family.  Adrenaline floods, if not a terribly negative thing.  That usually improves health unless extended too long.  Though no matter, I will end up cratering.  I guess, in truth, there is always a price.

I had been doing days well.  That had, very slowly, been slipping.  These recent events have caused a three hour loss.  I don't think I can fix that if I might be able to hold to that... unless I keep having night wakings, or if the temps rise.  Spring, even simple warmer weather, will bring chaos to my rest.  Sleep and relative heat don't mix.  On the good side, as I have become healthier I have been able to adjust to heat, up to a point.  Ugh, just not a summer ogre, mostly, even so.

Today?  I don't known that!  It is Sunday.  Without potential requirements work is not planned.  One bag of trash, but it must at least be put out.  I would like to find more to add to the bag for a full load.  Just... well... to remove some things and because I pay either way?  Yeah.  Non-use isn't saving, it is wasting with even just clutter to go.  Ugh!

I would like to catch up on dishes and shower.  I am not quite up to church, but I think confession, then mass, then as possible.  Perhaps that isn't as possible.  Perhaps it might be.  Life won't be filled with choices, as you may know them, if food to include fasting, medicine, and greater prayer including the rosary are... opening a few more doors.   Might lead to more, out the door or just more in my cave.  As even Jesus said, Father's will, not mine.  Sometimes suffering is to be one's calling.  Amen.

If you happen to make it, a prayer of thanks on my behalf would be appreciated.  Later.

Hmm? Oh, well, it just is.

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No pain.  Simply no longer asleep.  Thirsty.  Too warm hereabouts?  Tonight, I think so.  Even with the fan, my sleeping chamber is only getting to the high 50's.  Yeah, that's like spring!  I may have to see if the ac fan, on a timer, will help.  Oh, I know, many of you wish for this sort of heat wave.  If I weren't sure some neighbors, especially the female varietal (men would too, but the 'know' better while woman are simply violent :P ), I'd trade you.  Now, mind you, it's NOT in the upper 50's outside!  That is simply as cool as it has been getting in that unheated room (actually heated through radiation from the stone wall of the original stone house to which it is now attached).

Very thirsty.  I'll tank up, probably a gallon and an half.  Thirsty!  I did get, finally, one batch of kefir to create grains large enough they didn't go through the strainer, barely.  Two weeks of working with the stuff, or more, mostly just cutting kefir in with new milk.  Even so, these grains just won't do.  The other stuff, which used to grain up, is no better.  That stuff, when I get it going, usually cuts thirst.  Haven't tried the whey yet, curious about it.  Sure cuts lactose, if milk doesn't seem to ding diabetes all that bad for me.  Can be large variances.  Though, too, when I quit my artificial sweetener then lactose might become the next weak point.  So... kefir.  Still, this time I went for the wrong starter, but it was the only one locally.  Oops.

Dreams.  Five days, one week, those words were the whole of the dream.  Not the first time I heard that.  Last time, a song was found which explained that dream with, initially, visuals and a sense.  After some time of listening I finally heard those exact words.  Yeah, I don't always understand right off.  Sometimes I never get what it was all about.  You might get it better or before me... if I'm not sure that understanding leads anywhere?  Certainly not always to me.  Hmm?  I simply don't know, not sure I want to know.  Especially if you saw the things I don't write about.  If I suspect those are, eventually, for me.

Oh, I meant to ask the other day.  Is 275 degrees F considered really hot.  I had a cast iron skillet in the oven while bringing it to that temp for the carnitas.  It was at that temp for about an hour, so I'm pretty sure the skillet was.  I was able, without thinking, to move it from the oven to the stovetop.  Now, when I realized what I had done I checked for damage.  None.  So I checked if I could do that consciously.  No problem.  Though maybe 275 F isn't really that hot?

On to net snooping until sleep can be found.  Finishing up the album from the other night.  Not all bad.  Later or good night.

Dinner?

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The food is okay.  The refried beans were the best of the parts.  The pork isn't too bad.  These tortillas...  not my best.  More of a cooking issue than else, if rolling them into more like a Texas shape than round?  That doesn't help.  The first parts reheat well and quickly, tortillas from my shot at it, either need to be kept as dough or tossed once cooked.  Perhaps they can be frozen once cooked?  The only thing is the food is rather, hmm, filling.  On the good side a smaller portion is all it takes.  I went small, with no seconds, and I am well satisfied.

I wonder how much I have gained.  The last time I weighed in I was down, if no rounding whatsoever, into the 250's, 259.8.  Well, it was something.  I haven't been fasting, working, and...  Well... Oh, I'll get back to it, and much further along.  Not so much a thing of pride, more a result of changing how life is lead.  Health will always cause troubles.  It is just that as life smooths out, this will take care of itself in time.

It is bedtime.  Prayers first.  Hopefully a simple sleep tonight.  I must admit, I... had a feeling, later, that the pain I was feeling was from people being murdered out there.  Not bad guys on bad guys, but good people for the wrong reasons.  Iran?  Doesn't sound like that many, but our media is pro-oppression, anti-people.  Actually that is where I thought even before I eventually heard some snippet in some foreign source.  I am keeping my prayers with them, and Catalonians.  May God be with those who choose their own way despite murderous regimes.  Amen.

Good night.

Better, and another dream.

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Beside the discomfort which woke me, thirst needed to be managed.  A gallon was consumed in that short bit awake.  Half tea then on to water, which, lately, is about what I drink a day sum total, or as little as half that.  Whatever else, between the care and tending, then going back to sleep when that became an option, today is better.  Still a bit ragged on the edges so no endurance or speed trials will be arranged.  Perhaps slow shorter work efforts, a few mild meals, and an earlier turn in might be good.

As to the dream?  I don't believe sinning in a dream counts?  Anyway...  In the dream I was sent a special offer from one of the luxury Vegas places.  Their highest priced suite and amenities at their typical price.  It was sent to my brother, though at my address.  I called them, without calling him, and they agreed to let me take over the offer, if they... might have been allowed to believe I was my brother during the call.  No, I didn't lie, I simply didn't correct.  Yes, yes, I know.

Now, I looked over the package.  The lodging, which was actually...  Hmm, I have an average sized home, or before mcmansions became the norm.  This suite was at least double, possibly each floor, my whole house.  Just a rough guess, from provided info and online searches.  A week, or five days, stay, a masseuse, even an escort for the evenings.  I checked their totals, that seemed... doable.  So I checked on something else, a tailor to make a suit for my final night there.  That was going to be nearly a third of the cost, but... wow.  So?  So I bit, planned, went.

An unusual event.

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Pain.  Oh, I know it regularly.  What changed since heart medicine, at least when I can stay on it, is that pain , once I am asleep, won't wake me.  It has been some time since this has happened.  It is the same discomfort that has been disrupting mornings and much of the last day.  A weariness suffering.  Something difficult, deep inside.  I've had much worse so I don't have imminent fear, just frustration.  I will take aspirin and do a post with little else to do?  Okies.

Strange dreams lately.  The other night I dreamed, while driving, in a complicated triangular section of highway, in an odd set of circumstances, I ended up going off the road.  The area had a set of inclines, cliffs of various slopes, each of a great distance, say 500 feet, and six or seven 'runs' (I actually live in a valley, on it's floor mind you).  I was, somehow, watching my own accident from a news helicopter which was incidentally in the area and caught the whole thing, as if I was the cameraman.  At first, in the dream, I couldn't accept that it was me.  Then I was sure I would live, after the third slide, then fourth... finally, on the fifth long slide, I came out of the vehicle, could tell it was me, and was certain I was dead.  What was strange is... The body looked nothing like me in real life.  And I can think of almost no place like that.  I suppose the Twin Peaks in Colorado is about the only place I know that might have a slide range and steepness that could offer what I dreamed.
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In a dream tonight I, through an odd set of circumstances met a couple who had bought one of the other homes on the list when I had been in the market.  Now, the home was not real, but I dreamed of it then... how strange, at least to me.  In any case, one thing and some others breadcrumbed me to the area, then to them, and to more.  As it turns out, flooding was encroaching.  I met the mister, first.  I think some sort of bread concern had brought me to the area. They weren't involved but did guide.

As they told me how to get where I was going, being me, I mentioned having looked at a home, on a nearby corner, I had considered buying.  They described on, in query.  It sounded correct.  They believed that to be their home, and offered to show me.  Having taken care of my other concern I was quite happy to go see.  Well, and as rare as I am able to socialize I really do take what opportunities to do so that present themselves.  And they were a charming couple.

I remembered the place, mostly.  They had done well with the place.  Stone, as my home, probably just as old.  About to go under the approaching flood waters.  They asked me where I ended up buying.  They had looked at my place as I had their home.  I think we chose our homes for the same reason, just the other side of the coin... I wanted the country, they wanted city.

I was touched by their situation.  Initially I offered rosaries, then realized they were probably Mormon, and suggested I meant no offense.  My mind was already working on more than rosaries though.  Turns out they weren't offended, at least because they were also Catholic.  Well, okay.  Either way I had already decided to offer them lodging.  Cost, they asked?  Their share of utilities, helping with the place (I was honest), and letting me mostly alone.  If they were church goers, a ride or otherwise together would be kind... if I was ready on their time.  The deal was struck, however it would end.  I think it went well.  As the dream was ending I was helping them clean and repair their place.  We had them fully evacuated before it hit, so it was mostly just washing, sweeping, mopping, then literally rinse and repeat.  A rather pleasant dream... in one sense.

Feeling better?  Enough?  Will attempt to go back to sleep.  If not, I have some rosaries to perform, if only one at a time.  No, not for the dream, for some ladies, for their health.  I was going to anyway, but got the go-ahead as well, just... haven't been able to do all scheduled events.  If not tonight, soon, Lord willing.  Good night.

A complicated day?

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Pain, then exhaustion, then health seeming issues.  All problems were health, not all presented as such.  A bit of a nap later, around noon or later.  Bits of work through the day.  And, finally, dough was set up, and the rest is set to go.  The beans were heated a bit early, an easy fix.  The pork is ready to be crisped once the tortillas are heated and set.  Nothing fancy, just foods from my childhood or that I have learned to like since, but homemade.

Actually, if I get through the computer room next week?  I don't know.  If I do really well, in two weeks, have the front room and the kitchen completed?  A chocolate cake, even the frosting, but cream cheese based.  Hmm?  Oh, no, not all myself.  A three layer?  I will take a big piece of it though.  No coconut, or anything weird!  Just moist and chocolate, and totally homemade.  If.  Not just a poem.

Well, the dough is ready.  Dinner is just around the corner.  Later or good night.
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Good thing I noticed.  Either the device failed to log the publish button or...  No, I am sure I hit to publish.

The meal was good.  I... tortilla/flatbread takes practice.  The rest was pretty good.  Actually, other than one burned a bit even they turned out.  Half of the dough was wrapped and frozen.  Can you imagine the time before even refrigeration?  All food was absolutely fresh, dried, or partly rotten so that the bad had to be shaven off to get to the good or better.  Yeah, they lived.  Thet learned to cover bad, to do without, and many did die at ages, in ways, and in numbers that don't make sense to you.

I tell you, every time I... well, I thank God often, vigorously, every time I think of such things.  There was and will be better times, better than imagined even in faith to those who choose God through the Son.  Obviously not yet, some live less well than most would wish to imagine.  If my faith is true, then even the willfully faithful lead hard lives in these times.  Still, not forgotten either.  Still grateful, that merely be a testimony from such a one.

Full.  Difficult to know portions with a new food, or one which hasn't been eaten in so long.  I'll have to rest just a bit, then put things up.  Good night.

No nap, or else.

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Sleep wouldn't happen.  Work isn't happening either.  I did get the recipe written out.  I then started on the dough.  Measuring butter correctly from the butter logs I sometimes purchase it is rather difficult.  It is easier to melt it and measure.  But when cold chunks are needed as the final ingredient portion it seems best to guestimate.  The thing is, just dicing the butter and lard made them too warm.  Back in the cold, the freezer this time.  I'll check after this.

I had hoped to get to the store, for cheddar.  It'll be a week or three before I'll be out again?  If the senses and functions don't change, that is probably true.  I am hoping to hit and finish the computer room next week.  If that goes fast, then maybe back to the kitchen.  Leaving the house is a lot more work than most sorts of effort, save on a rare day all else just falls into place.

Wow, so tired, not feeling the best either.  I may try a nap again.  Later?

Not a great morning, again.

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I finally got over the fact that I kept waking, alive, of flesh, perhaps ten years ago or so.  And, since medication... the right kind, as good as they can offer and I can tolerate... I am almost becoming accustomed to waking without grinding soul crushing pain that I knew for decades.  It... is better, but better is marginal.  Today, like yesterday, waking to pain.  More today.  Like yesterday, even if significantly worse, it will pass.  So many years, decades, when that was all I knew.  Worse, told it was all in my head.  No, I know not to trust doctors, less so the fake ones.  You know who you are.

I've been awake for a while now.  Not over the pain, not awake, not much.  What passes for news has been reviewed and dismissed.   A few spots where a chuckle or note on such, usually more precise, concise, and accurate can be found have been visited.  Music sources have been examined.  Being frozen out, or have they gone to pay channels on top of all, and they wonder why I wouldn't consider pay to view?  I can look away and kill the volume for as little as seems available... at least until I can get a machine running which will do that for free.  Bleh.

Perhaps I am grumpy.  If I suggest if people would stop trying to push things, ideas, people, and products I know to be bad or false I wouldn't have a problem.  Actually, it is only the governments' desire to force disparate peoples together so companies can grow rich as much on the divides as products which is the root of the problem.  If you can't choose not to publicly associate then you don't honestly have the freedom of association.  Why do you think schools no longer teach children the basics of their freedoms?

Anyway.  As soon as possible I'll start things again.  I did get some of the dishes washed.  I did clean the kitchen... to pre-cooking status.  There is more cleaning to do, soon.  I got everything stored for the night.  I did put a portion of lard in to chill.  Tortillas should be fast.  I may use the press, but not as a finishing process.  After that, just roll them out.  Not looking for flat bread but thinner tortillas.  Even as flatbread that is rather small.

I have to admit though, after feeding the girls I may go in for a nap.  Just not sure I can stay at it this morning?  Later.

Not quite as easy as I thought.

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Easy?  Actually it is easy.  What I mean is not as...  Each part demanded more of my time, all along each dish, than I had supposed.  With practice it is possible I might have gotten tortillas done by now.  As is the refried beans are done, and for the first time in my many tries they are every bit as good as I have ever had them.  Simple and yet not.  The pork has, by the clock, about an hour and an half.  I just checked them and will again in an hour.  Checking new foods or foods new ways often is part of the learning.  Oh, I added too much lard to then add peanut oil... new processes are all on a learning curve.

I am deciding whether to start tortillas tonight or just hold off and do the finishing of all tomorrow.  I probably have the time.  Ah, but I want to chill the lard.  The butter is chilled.  The freezer would chill it quicker, but lard does not cool fast.  Hmm?  No.  I will figure how much lard to chill though, and set that to chill for tomorrow.  I'll keep on the kitchen, and figure out how best to store the meat unti tomorrow.

Not bad.  No major problems.  It was mostly steady work, as well as I could do, with good outcomes so far.  A few more hours and things should be almost done and cleaned for the night.  If it is as good as I suspect at closing time tonight tomorrow could be a reasonable end to a good week.  I am even possibly going to catch up on dishes before the night is through and tomorrow just to punk sloth.

Good night, don't suspect I'll be back this eve.

Going along fine, mostly.

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Only one unplanned event for the day.  The dutch oven was soured.  When I store cast I usually leave it with fat.  Sure, that goes rancid but I can fix that.  Rust can't be fixed.  Still, easier if I would have started on that yesterday... not sure the lid can be worked.  The body, yes.  One shot of oil and frying off waste potatoes then a couple of fresh oil temperings and I believe it will work.  Well, there is aluminum foil, the cooking is at a low temp, so all good.

The beans are all good.  I know I wrote three hours, meant half that.  Maybe I was adding in the pan frying time?  Which is part of the reason I had to use the dutch oven.  The skillet is mighty shallow though too.  Somewhere in there tortillas.  I am experimenting wit half lard half butter, works well with pie crusts.

Back to the dutch oven.  Later.

At altitude, cooking takes what time it takes.

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The truth is, wherever you are, actually, and whenever?  With cooking, and women, there you go.  Some things take time, and their own time.  Humidity, temp, altitude, cooking method and cooking temp... so many variables... cooking by time is a luxury of great experience and rough even then.  By all of which I mean the beans are on.

I will begin with the pork in a bit.  Unlike the video, I plan on baking it in enough fats for the original application, though a mix of lard and peanut oil.  If I could find the exact fat I wanted to do make my own lard(and tallow), or even lard I had more confidence regarding, I wouldn't mind full lard.  I consider what I have vastly better than vegetable lard, and the mix better.  But good lard or tallow from the right fats is three steps above what I use.  Butter would be okay, it's just that all fats don't work for all dishes.  Out to do ghee, actually, with right butter available.  I'm not sure what temp the fat needs to be so as not to drench into the meat.  I'll have to dig on that a bit.

After that is set up, a rest, then tortillas.  It'll be quite a bit of work, and will end in a feast for several days, even with half frozen for another time.  Bummer, couldn't find the cheese I liked, at the right price, then lost track in the right store.  Oh well.  The beans are smelling good.  They have, very conservatively, three more hours.  No rush on anything, or yet.  Later.

Today?

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I know some things are in the works.  Beans to be drained and cooked shortly, pork shoulder to be chunked and that started.  Then tortillas to be put together, in about that order... When I can start anything that is.  It isn't anything getting in the way it is a sense of no sense.  One might claim that as nonsense, which if the claimant could uderstand would get you much nearer to the facts than you might choose to know.  All good, the fewer who know laments of the accidental transcendental the better.

I slept well.  Waking to minor pains which evaporated with the strengthening sun.  A sleepiness remains.  It is being engaged as may be.  As things go, bedding change, perhaps another shower, and cleaning forward and back as I cook in the kitchen.  Oh, morning prayers after stripping and remaking the bed, a rosary and reading during a break in there. I have offered two out as Christmas gifts... didn't hear if that was wanted for sure, but when is God's work often overtly sanctioned?  :p  I'd like to get cracking on the beads... I am thinking daily for lent?  Not as an end but as a beginning.

The third and final package arrived.

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Well!?!  Yes?  Yes.  I... had forgotten that there were three on the way, even while realizing that the whole time.  Somehow.  Two arrived in the mail.  In spite of not remembering what I knew, I expected them all in the mail.  Huh?  Don't look at me.  Don't even look at me, and don't tell me I didn't tell you, warn you, and not once, twice, or thrice, but often and in many ways.  Now imagine what I go through, and worse those who try to be near me.  It's not a trick, just an alternate reality?  It isn't a willful thing, whatever else, it just is.  On the good side, even if I was being patient I no longer need to be.  :p

To town after returning to drop off mail and packages then feed the girls.  Woke so late, so slow blogging and showering, I had to get to the post.  Didn't want want them to suffer for my faults.  All good.  Had to get the shopping list as well.  I got the list but still haven't found it since.  Bah!  Who needs lists.

You all know the trouble with women.  I have spared neither word nor thought on these small troublesome creatures.  Past, present, spirit, flesh, mind...  Well, that is...

A bit rough this morning.

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Sleep was complicated.  Dreams, waking more than usual, odd sleep, unable to get comfortable.  Not the worst of nights, just the worst since the last spell.  Exhaustion and fog are becoming a bit of a threat again.  I'll make an attempt through prayer, seeking the right amount of activity and food, and else, to maintain.  With a heart that is at replacement value for nearing the 3rd decade there are some days that won't be smooth.  Some weeks, months.  Still, I have learned to do what they say can't be done.

Running a bit late.  I did get a shower set of clothes ready and back, then took medicine.  With all else and plans, anicin was added to the schedule.  Blogging to wake just a bit.  Mail needs to be checked, a package, two?  No, these were ordered, except for that other one.  But I knew of it.  Not when, technically, if even surety isn't always sure?  Well, that is my story, what I see, such.

Oh, after the shower, and post if I can make it, I'll change bedding.  I tell you, having fresh bedding and being on that weekly(ish) has been a fine thing.  I had some, but not flannel.  That isn't a luxury.  Oddly, with one extra set?  I never fall behind.  When I have only had two I always fell behind.  Is three sets for each predominate heat spheres a luxury?  Not if that is what it takes to keep up.  I am not convinced that cleanliness is Godliness.  I am nearly convinced that is a pagan misconduction of the divine, divinity being spiritual, not of flesh.

Oh, I know what you, and I, have heard.  As with all that is heard that is false, it is false no matter how often, solidly spoken, or by whom.  Still, sloth is not the way either.  A near requirement of my condition at times, possibly a price for such preening pride in a mighty physiche, more so when well cleaned.  Humility.  If the choice is to learn that here or in purgatory, or pay the price here than there.  *bows head, here Lord*  Hope, work and pray to not have even that final, most difficult, step to heaven.  Fire, I can still recall what was next.  Still, while not Godly, I will diligently work at cleanliness, simply to be less offensive.

I suppose I best get at it.  Speaking with my mother, and listening to a yahoo Geranimo priest out there, I have it that on a day when the rosary may not be possible, three Hail Mary's, perhaps a few of the other rosary prayers, mixed with regular prayers, will be... not a replacement but better than not.  So... just thought I'd pass that on.  Don't really like the 'cliff note way' but between that and nothing?  Later.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow?

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Work, it is hoped.  I did have plans but those plans were developed before what was realized today.  No food.  Not that I am completely out.  What I planned to make isn't all on hand and thawing meat would take more than a day anyway.  Pork tortillas with refried beans is the promise if I did what I did.  Which I did.  I do have hamburger, which I fried tonight, as a choice with tacos or with nachos.  I made a list and almost made it out tonight.  Not quite, so frying the burger was a smaller opportunity, and it probably saved it.  I... forget.

So, after a bit tomorrow morning, the goal is shopping.  Lard, a few spices, large bags of dry beans, and such.  As well if I can find half gallon big mouth jars, for kefir and homemade sauerkraut, I'd be in the red... right red.  The kefir, of both sorts, is finally setting up, but I'm not getting great crystals out of either sort.  It just isn't doing well.  I've been keeping the heat up, for days now too.  Thankfully with the door shut and the fan, I can keep it moderately comfortable at 50 or less while sleeping.

I'll keep on that, if I think I need another couple gallons of regular milk.  It is working best with kefir.  I did try raw but it just didn't do anything.  I won't use the kefir from it, check cholesterol changes due to pressure homogination.  Yeah.  I will try to develop enough milk kefir grain to have another batch if the first raw milk group fails... if they would start producing!

Hoping I have cheese, to go with a small bowl of burger.  Then to let the main portion cool, put that in a container, up, then on to bed.  Fasting, not tomorrow, Thursday.  I plan to work Thursday but will try the keto crystals, I believe to be taken an half hour before beginning efforts.  Oh, why not the Catholic form of fasting?  Because this is a medical fasting aimed at blood sugars, and diabetes.  It works, so long as I don't crash out of potassium, and other electrolytes.  I have to go without foods for longer periods, plus low carbs.  Right, in my future fasting no artificial sweeteners.  It looks like either that is no longer functional as it had been or it has been compromised.

Yeah, looks like a few new invisible viewers.  One seems to be seeing who is looking.  Or not, if I think so.  You.  Amazed you have the time.

Hmm?  Oh, right, something to eat, I hope.  Good night and God bless.  Travel well.

Oh, and a song about some of my first thoughts on some things.  Not how I see things, not fully, now.  Doubt if I will know much while still here.

Dreams and a strange life.

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I had forgotten when I woke.  Usually that is the end of a dream.  Sometimes, rarely, it might repopulate my mind through a daydream.  In this case, an extraordinarily rare thing, the dream came back whole.  Not a lengthy dream, not complicated, if to some profound.  Or, well, perhaps you must feel about it as you will.  I forget so few see with your eyes closed.

I had packages coming in the mail.  I had not ordered them and yet I knew about when they would arrive.  I could remember the future better than the past, if nothing could quite be perfectly known.  Even in this post-heaven tomorrow, which reminded me greatly of the days before the fall of man, was not the magic future tech dream which many moderns envision.  Perfect is not absolute?

Some things were definitely different.  If that was as much due to honest innocent right intent as the fullness of other virtues, such as patience, prudence, and such.  Is the package there, at the earliest day and time possible?  No?  Wait longer.  So very different in every way.

I did notice my self there was not clothed.  Knowing where that was, and having some maturity here, and being in my prime of health, fitness, and age there, I only flushed a bit, with a touch of jealousy.  I, there, then noticed me here now and put on some color of righteous anger.  Taking my knowledge of sin there was quite out and the dream was ended.

Not just remembering the future, but knowing other minds, moving objects or self, the mind and soul in a sinless world, recoupled to flesh is... if that is the truth of things... I do, more than ever, look forward to it.  If that was true, and some of what I see and sense about me is correct... I have some suspicion I am closer to before and then than now.  I seem to connect far more dots than I should, or have actual knowledge regarding.  That could be a bad thing.  Depends on the source.  I don't seek, even avoid, can't help but stumbling right into it, sometimes embarrassingly.  Ugh, sorry about that... actually many of you.  Don't think I try.  Mike.

Oh, from what I have heard, some aspect, The Adam Notion as I will call it, is considered probable in certain circles... from experiences which can throw light on darkness.  If... I am pretty sure... never mind.  Such is for one above all our paygrades.  As I mentioned years ago, along the lines of this video, and as then now say it wasn't centuries but back before sin or much closer to that time, man was and will again be... more.  If I see it is from natural sight, only shameful in a world hiding in lies.  So be it.  I long for not just the home I have found here, but the fullness of what I occasionally even know there.  Amen.

Hey, I actually knew!

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Knew what?  I knew Christmas was arriving, kept it in my mind, and fully knew on the eve and day.  Not a health issue, more a particular man gene?  I suppose some rare woman might have it but I've never known one.  They seem to remember everything, when, who, and how.  Which... I mostly see as a failing anyway, leads to grudges.  I suppose knowing the day, date, and significance is a good thing, and even poorer health than what I have now played a part.  All I am saying is, without help I kept the events in live memory for goodly weeks, perhaps a month, in mind.  Didn't get out cards as I would have, but money and health things didn't favor such.  Next year?  One can hope.

Yeaterday was the usual refuse pickup day.  Wasn't sure if today, so soon, would be it.  A quick scan told me probably so, and recycling.  Grabbed what was in and out, done.  Sure is cool.  I wish I could pack in more, I just don't have it ready.  Through this week I am hoping to liberate much else... or some else.  Bit by bit, room by room, I should eventually have the place cleared.  A large recliner in here, a lot more open space, a change in life and pace, reading more than else.  Perhaps other changes in time.

Starting up today?  If I can.  I am in rough shape so far today.  No pain, mostly.  Just slow and rusty.  No physical limits, unless you count psychic fog as physical... given that I count it as a heart issue I do.  I am thinking more tomorrow.  Perhaps a few minor things today.  Starter projects.  But the areas I worked are still staying up, even improving by fractions since work hasn't stopped.  Bleh.  Still it would be good to complete those two rooms down to base then start on a new area or two.  All done by spring, save final riddance, that depending on when weather permits a dumpster for a fill or two, some furniture to go which requires a lot of space, perhaps?  I think it is doable.  Not, probably, starting today.

I can do certain routines, if even those slip if fog is too heavy.  Limits I used to believe mental so would... go too far to beat, unsuccessfully.  Now, patience.  If that, as with all virtues, doesn't start at home than it probably isn't what it seems.  Still, push has to exist beside it.  Prayer to guide which and when.  A bit today, more, probably, tomorrow.  Later.

Merry Christmas.

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As the day has progressed I have considered what to post.  There is music, holy songs for this day in His life.  I could not find the right song sung by the right singer or group.  I did look.  The way seemed blocked.

I can't add to Christmas.  However, as I aim toward a truly more virtuous life I have found others who have added to my life faith.  Not all material is for those who aren't Catholic.  This, however, is one.  Virtue, regardless, is only problematic if you know the difference between good and evil and choose evil or if you don't choose to differentiate.

Exciting?  In a word, if you really want to improve?  Yes.  I was honestly a bit surprised.  Not because I doubted what I suggest but because my health isn't peak.  I am somewhere around a third full, mostly not well.  No pain, just not much function, resolve, focus.  I was able to listen and understand until the last five minutes, mostly.  I was surprised that I do some of those things already, if too weaknesses were laid bare.  Anyway, if you want ideas to improve, there they are.

Merry Christmas Eve!

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So tired, in a good way.  Munching on Christmas treats, a call home, and ready for bed.  Perhaps no decorations were set out, but the crucifix and bust of Mary are always visible.  Prayers, of course, and the final ones of more import both this evening and through tomorrow.  As well, perhaps a call to my brother and his family, if that goes through.

May this Eve and the grace of tomorrow fill you for this year and for years to come.  Good night.

Curiosity.

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I have heard from the church that curiosity is dangerous.  Hmm?  Well, there is a truth to that.  It is also, clearly, wrong.  Curiosity as to the scratching at the door to my hardened heart is what led me to worship God.  Some suggest that because I do not attend church or other functions almost at all, or sing out loud, or such, that I truly haven't become faithful.  They seem to forget for my writing that I should have been dead thirty years ago and am not fully alive as is.  Just getting to town for groceries once to three times a month, and rarely exactly when I would wish it even then should explain much.  Sometimes I have starved with only a few miles, even blocks, between myself and a store.  Anyway, back to curiosity?  Well, curiosity is merely a tool.  It is only bad when seeking an easy way out, much as the way of lies to avoid punishment.  Curiosity in that direction will end up murdering your soul.

Curiosity led to an exploration recently.  I have always been curious about what an actual exorcist does, has to say, and advice he would give.  No, I didn't go seeking.  It... the video found me.  I didn't realize who, what, the speaker is, does, until... well until I did.  Surprised but... curious.  Couldn't listen to the whole thing at once.  Initially wasn't sure it could hold my interest the whole distance through.  Actually easily, only my limits on focus required me to break it into thirds.  Pretty good for me, most movies of half that length are quartered.  I plan on hearing the rest.

If you want to hear the first of several(?) talks by an actual exorcist here you go.

Working and fasting don't mix.

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It wasn't that much work.  Apparently enough to create a hunger cascade I could not control.  By then only food would work.  I did help, a small bit, with putting weights on the back of the lawn tractor, also finished dishes and put the curtains up, finally helped with the air compressor.  So, sum total, for having fasted two whole days, yeah... I can see it. So, multi-day fasting is over for this week.  Two days was what could be done.

Back to daily fasting.  The plan is to do three days next week.  This time I may plan for work, but this time use the keto stuff.  Experimenting is fine, even failure at this time is not only fine but to be expected.  So long as I learn, codify that learning into my system, all good.  It has never been failure which has defeated me in the long run, it is my shame of it to the point I deny then fail to learn from it.  Only raw success has been better at leading me to ruin.  Yes, crazy but absolutely true, for me.

Still rather tired.  Not all from fasting, the season, lack of sun, and hit and miss medicine all lend wind to my face.  A nap before long?  Probably.  Though back to the computer room next chance.  I'll stick with that until done, then the kitchen.  Then?  I'll have to see when I get there.  Later.

To town.

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Love having tools and equipment.  As the compressor was being rung I added hose and just small standard kit.  No painting, socket, or nailer equipment yet.  The compressor was a bit of a haul, especially while fasting.  Sure was glad to have help.  It's a beastly machine, should be pleased with it.  On the way back also stopped for milk, storebought.  Seems good this time.  So kefir is going again.

I am shot.  Fasting and any larger effort beat me up.  I suspect a change to pj's, then very probably a nap.  Oh, I never did try the keto crystals.  I don't think I have seen all that much success with it, if I'm not sure I was trying for this.  I may have, initially, just believed it was merely a jumpstart for ketosis, not realizing it might act as a source of energy.  Too late to use it now, I am totalled, don't want to energize.

Tomorrow, or if I wake in a bit, I'll try the stuff.  Wow am I done for now.  Ugh.  Later or tomorrow.

That's more like it.

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It was a terribly slow start.  Out of bed late, took extra time to near waking, even then work has been slow.  I did finish the dishes and hang the curtains out back.  I might have done just a very few minor tasks besides as well.  About half way through hunger pangs hit, strongly.  More like a punch to the guts.  Thing is as hard as they hit was about as short as they were.  I suspect they will be back from time to time.

A break then a shower.  I didn't realize we were getting fresh snow, and a lot of it.  The neighbor boys, #1 and #3, are out taking care of it.  No, I'll get to it myself.  I just have to beat them to the punch.  It'll happen.  Without school and wanting to get their part done too, I just can't beat rabbits.  Turtles win over the long haul, if you believe such?  Especially turtle-rabbits, Doc.

Yeah, I think I'll stick with the computer room today.  At least until I have the boxes cleared, the new computer bench completed, the computer rigged, and the loveseat out there?  Today?  Dunno.  I just think, at this point, I have to begin sticking to areas or I will loose track, slip, perhaps end up sliding backwards.  The only thing I will do in the kitchen is wipe a few areas down so as to keep even.  I did the dishes after my last meal, but not the cleaning.

Ugh.  Later.

Yeah, but fasting is shorting intent.

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Fasting isn't too awful.  It does sap the will though.  It seems strange that it doesn't hurt, day fasting really must be good prep for this.  I learned to eat through mid-day rather than in the evening, which truly helped activity.  But what to do... oh right, ketone crystals, or whatever they are.  They are supposed to both jumpstart ketosis and provide fasting energy.  It is slightly easier in warmer (though not excessively hot either) weather.  Both extremes of temp tax the body even without function.  Something else with fasting?  My normal high resistance to the cold is reduced.  It was 15 degrees out the other day and that seemed chill to me.  Though perhaps that is age too, or some combo?  It worried me, still does a bit.

Work has been very light and slow.  The body is part of it, I would say 70%, but lack of focus plays a large minority part.  No complaints, just notes for myself and any other poor fool who is thinking of going this way.  I don't think it's a bad way, mind you... just that most of us are fools, and poor too... one way or another.  :p  Now, my problems will differ.  I would guess that lethargy might exist for all who try this.  Most of you don't have a heart at replacement values as a 600 pound ape riding you to your grave on top of fasting.  It really isn't all that bad, if the chill is creeping in and I'm not warming so well, which is a triple hammering.  Doable though.

I am hoping to hit the curtains, what remain, today.  The neighbor may be helping me get the air compressor.  I have just a few dishes remaining.  A shower... planned yesterday but exhaustion punched me right in the nose so that dishes were never even finished.  As well, a few boxes from the computer room to the upstairs and more fussing in there and the kitchen.  I did some things yesterday, just not as much as hoped, not fast, bleh.  I'll let you know if the keto gunk helps.  Oh I have started the vitamin b5, it is also supposed to help with lethargy while fasting.

Yeah.  I am hoping for a longer fast fairly often.  More like a week between them, if I keep them shorter, a couple of weeks if I make them longer.  I suspect longer fasting would be more efficient but will need much more careful monitoring.  If fasting goes well, and things look good Sunday, I might add a few more days on.  The extra days would be in Christmas celebration.  I'll know soon.  Too bad I haven't dropped weight, but to lose weight you have to burn and reduce intake, if as mentioned weight loss isn't an actual goal just a potential side effect.  At this point, stage, in life it really doesn't matter.  Later.