Saturday already.

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With only a few days a month requiring acknowledgement and specific action, what the word "Saturday" actually means.  Paired with Sunday, if to a lesser extent, it means some limits and some accesses.  I am trying to normalize as is possible with the rest of civilization.  Which means, to me, trying to work heavier during the week, and do certain things on the weekend... yard work is weekend work, for example.

I don't know that I can work today.  I really overdid it recently.  Then slept too hard, not rolling as I usually do, complicating it all.  There isn't a muscle group left untouched.  My ribs and lungs were abused well.  Even my heart feels tired.  The only thing not whining or outright screaming in pain, is my back.  Sleeping on the floor isn't perfect, but it has it's advantages.

I worked with a few more hoses yesterday.  All are, should be, drained.  Sprinklers are up.  Wait, there is another out there.  Putting up the drained hoses and last sprinkler should be possible.  The questionable part would be raking.  I am not even sure if there is anything down to rake.  I'll check.  Another option would be changing the mower deck for the plow blade.  The youngling has been doing that, but I... he will be going sooner or later.  I best...  If it weren't for my size, I... even then it is difficult.  I would hate to be a small man, even just my age.  With my health conditions though too?  Twice as brutal, four times?  Size... mitigates.

I went down a quarterish before seventeen hundred.  A good push into the afternoon. I woke a bit after twenty three hundred, but was able to stay down to a quarterish to midnight.  To hot.  Usually I take pj bottoms off.  Socks almost always have to go.  A t and unders or equivalent.  Even at 57º up there.  I have very good blankets.  Not many, but as good as they make.

I think this is my body getting used to the slow acting insulin.  I am drinking plain tea, and won't eat, for a few more hours.  I want fasting to be eight hours.  I didn't eat after fifteen hundred, at the latest.  My plan gives me eight plus an extra hour.  Always go a little over, if possible?

Oh, and something else I am trying.  My preferred sweetener, perhaps, dehydrates down to a concentrated form, which causes a strong insulin spike.  I tried plastic wrap over the bottle, with accesses for the dropper.  That proved both messy and ineffectual.  So, I am keeping to a small dropper bottle and keeping it in a sealable ziploc type bag.  So far it seems to help.  As well, I completely wash the bottle and dropper before every refill.  I am careful with how much is used, and don't use it during fasting... for now.  If my new methodology works, I may be able to use it any time, as it was advertised.

On to waking.  Good morning, day, and night, still, actually.

Rest is good.

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Cats and ducks tended.  A bit to eat from time to time.  Medicines of various forms, and blood checks.  I should add bp checks.  My initial bp test at the V.A. was 140/100, which I thought was pretty good.  They put me on a machine which ran it five times over ten minutes.  The lowest was 114/79, with an average of 128/85.  Pulse was high though.  Anyway, I should start doing bp at home again.

A shower this morning.  If I am going to take one- I should do it right away.  If I can get another shower tomorrow, I will get going on dishes.  If nothing else, they will be started.  Plus either the kitchen counters or the stove interior.  Who knows, maybe both?  But I will keep efforts small.  I really pushed it recently.

I had planned a nap.  Time sped by, the idea simply didn't get remembered.  I sure could have used one.  As is, I either have to attempt making it to mid midafternoon or just crash a bit early.  I'd like to make it.  Perhaps a tuna sandwich and a show?  The lower doses of insulin and new stuff are... so-so.  But, I didn't eat right at all yesterday.  I will give it a few.  Actually, all given, it probably isn't doing bad.  At 8 cc's per meal, it is keeping it between 130 and 144 as a high, other than breakfast.  Actually... not bad at all.

While the goal is several more hours up, I think this is a good night point.  Have a great rest of the day.  Good night.

Better.

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Sleep helped.  I figured out one of the more frustrating pains.  It has to do with the new sleeping arrangements, an angle I can find myself in.  Usually I have been sleeping through it.  But, being sore enough from it, I woke this time.  The rest of the aches and pains are legit, from working too much, too long.  Still happy with it.

A shower before long.  The house is heating.  I like two to four hours of heat, then back down to 66º until the next morning.  That is with it being in the 20º's and 30ºs.  When it begins hitting the 10ºs and below I will increase to 70º as a longer margin, in case the furnace goes out.  The business of living.

No heavy work today.  After a shower, perhaps a small load of dishes.  Maybe some straightening around my chair.  I might even consider constructing a light gate structure for the duck enclosure.  The heaviest work might be pulling the ac's from upstairs.

Eventually, when I can afford dowels, I will add sheers up there.  It further reduces light and heat, and allows curtains to be opened at some times without losing complete privacy.  But... not for a while.  I have no groceries and am down to $300 for the month, can only spend $250, have $150 more in bills, and three more trips to the V.A.  They reimburse, but... at their leisure.  It might be in a week, or three months from now.  So... no dowels.  On the good side, I am only behind on two small(er) bills.  Next month I should be back in trim.  Another slim month, but not this slim.

Hmm?  Well... A few days of better rest, then back to work.  Something is better.  Deep down in.  I will never be unbroken but I am less shattered.  I think I can work as I just did for a few days every week or every other week.  I could be able to catch up in the house, get the ducks better set for winter, and maybe clean up the yard for the year's end?  Some of it depends on weather.  At this point, getting hit with snow and it staying until May, even June, wouldn't surprise me.

Oh, ouch.

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Make it a triple shot of the stuff.  But why?  Did I really overdo it by that much?

I had an appointment this morning.  V.A. pharmacy.  Diabetes.  No great difficulty, being awake at 23:00, the appointment at 9:00.  A shower, and finally got the shave in.    Teeth got hit, as per usual.  This time I used a brand name brush.  Had been using generics purchased in pinched times.  Brand name, in this case, is obviously worth the money.

I drove the Cruz.  It was my first time on the interstate, and in such heavy traffic.  I never killed it, in the stop and go interstate traffic.  But I was so tired I did kill it a few times in the weird city traffic.  Oh, and I learned, if I want to go the speed limit(tm) through the pass, on the uphill sections i have to gear from sixth to fourth.

Oh, the deal was to go on less fast acting insulin, adding slow acting, at a bit less than were I was at on just the fast acting.  It was a good talk.  He likes it when we come to him with knowledge, our own plan, and improvement.  It has to kill them, trying to help someone who refuses to help themselves.  I blew him away when I described diabetes as the strangest but deeper form of starvation.

Anyway... Right.  I hurt as if I was used as a ping pong ball at national championships.  I lost.  Ribs, arms, lungs, heart.  What doesn't hurt is weary, with a lot of crossover.  On the good side it is 15:00, so bedtime.  I had hoped to do grocery shopping, maybe get a haircut, get keys cut, but no.  I did disconnect hoses, drain what was possible, and put two in the sun in hopes the will thaw and drain.  None seem damaged.

I also thought about setting up dishes.  But no, for several reasons.  I hurt too much.  The hoses busted my mackerels, dishes would be double.  As well, as I rest these next days, I will need showers.  And I won't be able to get to the dishes for days.  I way overdid, and today just topped it off.  So, I'm thinking Saturday to Monday before I can work again.  Good afternoon and night...  Oh, meds including the new insulin and brushing teeth, plus prayers, short as they may be as I crash.

Something is off.

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A bit feverish, aches and pains, cranky joints.  Some from working a bit too much, some from... a mild case of the flu or that long term flu-like illness that is always just under the skin, waiting to crawl out and get me if ill otherwise already, or having pushed things.  Yes, I pushed it too hard.

I will take it easy for a while.  Keep warm, sleep as needed.  Food?  Ugh.  Pretty broke this month.  But I am almost out of the woods.  I have some things coming in, regularly, if I am behind on that.  That and water are my final debts.  Next month will see me caught up.  Then to to keep it that way, try to save a bit... in case tires or something else big hits.  It's a dangerous world.  Being flat broke is a recipe for becoming roadkill... or a monster.

After food and a dose, blood sugar was 116 not fasting.  It dropped to 85 just because?  Anyway.  I need to eat shortly.  Definitely hungry.

Oh, a shower and shave.  Then?  Not much.  Later.

Sleeping is difficult.

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I was awake until 14:30, roughly.  I didn't have to push too hard to stay awake that late, but drifted the last half hour.  There is always a risk of insomnia when I begin to drift.  Drifting is that area between sleep and wakefulness.  As is it all worked well.  That part. Again, tonight, I struggled staying asleep.  I really woke around 19:30, but was able to mostly stay down until 23:00.  Better, but...

I turned the furnace up first thing.  A shower and shave, which I failed to get yesterday.  Still, it's the first miss in a while.  I've been showering daily for a while now.  I'll back that off to every other day now that I have enjoyed the luxury of ability, availability, and raw will for a while.

I am sore.  Yesterday was more work than initially considered.  Even my heart is a bit sore, lungs a bit spent... burning.  It wasn't just the one day, it is the cumulative effect of day over day through days.  Still, it was pleasing to get some work in, dig in, and be able to push for a bit.  But I am done working for a while.

The next project is a gate on the duck fence and roosting boxes for the birds, as well as bucket traps for mice.  Then to cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom, plus setting up the wire mesh cabinets and standing closet upstairs.  With me upstairs, and getting organized, plus being able to work in longer spits, I really might get ahead.  And, that drill, with various cleaning heads?  It takes a lot of the elbow grease work out of the worst of it.  I... think I can.

I need to get a hair cut soon.  I also need to do grocery shopping.  Oh, and get my vehicle inspected and registered.  Ugh.  Always more.  Oh, and the mower off and the blade on the lawn tractor... if it warms a bit, or not.  Plus garden hoses and sprinklers up and in.  Bleh.  Later.

Done, mostly.

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The eggs are pickling.  I have half a dozen extra for meals or snacks.  I may boil anther dozen soon.  Oh, I tried one of the duck eggs, boiled.  Different.  Very rich.  I didn't care for it.  However it was the fifth egg of the night.  I was a bit tired of eggs.  However, I am almost certain they would make nigh on divine deviled eggs.  An... anomaly akin to me.  All eggs are bottled and stored.  The waiting is the difficulty.

I will pair the socks.  But, since I have missed a predawn nap, I will be staying awake as late as possible.  The hope is to be awake until at least technically afternoon, on into it if possible.  I will be checking on the ducks, feeding the cats and doing their litter, and hopefully showering and shaving before bedtime.

As for any other work?  I kept the stove clean as I went.  But the dishes need doing.  They are soaking, and in the sink since those are cleared.  I best finish those.  But, really, gaming and the internet are mostly all I can do.  I just best take down time.  I have pushed into potentially bad territory.

Blood sugar was up to 157 last read.  I will have something more to eat and another dose shortly.  As fast as it is going up, it is needed.  But I will be watching for a crash.  When it happens once, I am vulnerable to it for a while.  This time a simple meal, before I hit bottom, will fix it easily.  I have become a pro, when I listen to my body.  I was so focused on else, and so sure it couldn't be exactly what it was.

Yeah.  Still, I am doing miracles, dancing on my grave while juggling eggs and death.  What a gas.  Later.

Blood sugar crash.

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I was so busy doing or planning I didn't see it coming.  Well, and I had several eggs and two fatted beverages, along with only one dose of insulin.  Pretty typical foods.  It had been 189 fasting.  When I really felt something wrong, and checked, it had cratered to 57.  A big glass of milk, which was okay, and a bowl of mixed nuts.  I will check in fifteen minutes.

Still not feeling the best.  That is putting a crimp in the works.  If it isn't high enough, I may take a carb tab and go to bed for a bit.  Whatever.  Later or much later.
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Up to 113 but still feeling rough.  I can't believe two ounces of mixed higher fat nuts and twelve ounces of milk did, in an hour and change.

I'll go ahead with egg pickling.  The socks were dry, so I have them out for pairing.  One batch of eggs to be peeled, one last batch, a mix of chicken and duck, to be cooked and peeled.  The a shave, shower, and bedtime.  With the way clear, a whole batch only takes twenty minutes, give or take.  Especially with water being reused and with cool water already in a cool off tank.

In order to defeat the enemy?

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Or cook?  Visuals.  You have to see... the enemy, the kitchen sink, the stove.  To those ends work was required.  The drill an nylon bristles did quite well.  Still took serious effort, but not as much... if you can handle the weight more than the scrubbing, for me an easy trade.  *zoom!*

The eggs were soaking while I cleaned.  Then they were cleaned.  Almost three dozen.  They may or may not actually work.  They passed the float test, but that isn't absolute. Taste, but look and smell while peeling will tell first.  They get a ten minute run... I mean, I bring water to a boil.  I lower a basket of eggs down into the boiling water, which knocks the boil off.  Then I let it get back to a boil, set the timer for ten minutes, then pull the basket and put it into cool water for three minutes.  Eight minutes is fine, for quick eating, within the week.  I just wanted to try a tadge longer for pickling.  Who knows though, I may go back to eight minutes.

Just about to peel.  Two quarts and a half gallon jug are ready with the fixings.  That should hold four dozen.  Yes, more eggs will be cooked tonight.  I am finally catching up.  Yeah.  It is an easy enough job, now that the sink and stove top are clear and clean.  I just hope the eggs are good.  If this first batch is good, the rest will be.

A shower and shave in a bit.  No need for extra heat, working in the kitchen, and with boiling water, that handles any want that way.  Well, I best get to it.  After this, while setting the next batch, I'll check the socks.  Bleh.  I just realized, the pickled eggs won't be ready until, say, the 22nd... if I push it.  But they were good at that point last time.  I went through two dozen in two weeks or less.  They last better in the fridge, if you use plastic wrap.  Well, my fridge is dated and... I need plastic wrap.

Eggs.  Peeling.  Later.
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The eggs were perfect, both in doneness and goodness.  I sampled several, plus used all other senses on the remaining eggs.  All are put up, two dozen.  Another batch is about ready to go.  Since I use filtered water, reverse osmosis water, for cooking, I don't dump and get fresh... at least since the first batch was good.  These should fit in a half gallon jug.

Then I have the freshest eggs and duck eggs.  I want to do a dozen of each, pickled together as possible, to compare.  Duck eggs do taste... a bit swampy?  Sometimes.  Other times, if I didn't know, I wouldn't know.  Visually, though, duck eggs have a massive yoke, which is why the French adore them for baking.  If you like yolks, duck eggs might be for you.  I just wish I could still eat toast.  Hmm, may have to get back to keto bread.  Cup bread or other.  As long as it can sop yolk, and doesn't taste like cardboard.

The next batch is about to go in.  Wee!  Later.

*If you can't have a little fun, figure it out or go away.  Or I shall taunt you a second tima.*

Too early.

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Too little sleep that is.  Early isn't relative, however due to idiom versus literal, meaning can be lost.  I mean, I went to bed past thirteen hundred and am waking at twenty one hundred, if struggling to stay asleep since nineteen hundred.  I just couldn't stay down.  Reclining while wakeful, for me, is pure agony.

There is some back pain.  But rather than the horrendous thrumming sort it is more a stretched constant mild ache.  It is much preferred.  It didn't break into my sleep.  I think I woke merely out of habit.  Just because I stay up later, or even work, it doesn't mean my waking hour will change.  It may take a while to switch that.  Anyway, I don't need aspirin, or not yet.

Blood sugar is back up to 189.  Fresh tea is brewing for a fatted tea.  And I am hoping to begin boiling eggs shortly.  That and an insulin dose before long will settle things.  BP is going up.  Last night, just at bedtime, it was 170/105 with a pulse of 69.  My pulse keeps dropping.  And, yes, I have stopped the extra 3.125 mg tab of carvedilol.  That still means I am taking actually 31.25 mg, half day and night.  If I missed two days in some confusion over the weekend.

Today?  Other than pickling eggs and making a few for regular food, perhaps folding socks if they are dry, it is mostly a day of rest.  I am hoping to nap or sleep in a bit, well before but until dawn.  I see an opportunity to reset the day cycle.  The cool is my friend.  Sleeping in the closet helps... it more closely simulates night.  It is actually rather comfortable.  Later.

Not a bad run.

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I did finish dishes, those which had been set beforehand.  As well, laundry.  As mentioned, wool socks just go through a no heat air cycle, which wont dry them.  They need to be hung, and they are.  I fried an egg and had a third fatted drink, coffee I think, with insulin.  Blood sugar dropped to 87 then 83 just now.

The ducks were watered and fed.  The poor things sure want out.  Soon.  A gate is my next work.  The girls have been fed and their litter cleared.  The laundry was folded and will be going up with me as I head to bed.  Medicine was taken, in obverse... night meds as I go to bed, if in the morning.

A few other things, here and there, plus I stretched my day nearly to noon.  Oh, with the gate, I would like to turn a few containers into enclosed hutches for the birds.  I am not sure if they would prefer to share, or each have one.  I will create enough for each option and learn.  I need to start raking and bagging leaves for them as well.  Along with the bit of hay, it should work.  A last thing is to create bucket traps for the mice.  There are only a few left, I mean to change that.

I am tired and a bit sore.  Even my heart seems worn.  But I did get the project completed.  A lot of work, a new method of doing things, a clean body, fresh clothes, and a start back on the house.  It will definitely be several days, even to Monday, before I can work again.  Plenty left to do.  Good night and day.

Yeah, pretty much.

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Almost all of the dishes.  I overlooked a few pot lids and flexible cutting boards.  They are soak rinsing because I couldn't do more.  All else has been dried.  Much of it has been put away.  I will be going through cooking utensils, getting rid of most of it.  Now that I know how to cook with plain stainless, I looked for and found a few types of spatulas and such that I like.  Some of the experimental options just didn't make the cut.  And the utensils for coated pans is no longer needed or mostly wanted.

As well, I have washed all laundry.  I am just about to fold the loads that are finished.  Wool socks are fluffing.  That won't dry them but it will help them dry faster as I hang them out.  I was so close, had to be awake to finish dishes, and the last load was socks... as easy as it gets.  Plus, the feeling of being finished, if just for a day... moment.  Well, not even that but shut up.

I also got the bins pulled back from the curb.  I will clean the litter, feed the cats, wait to feed and water the ducks, fold laundry, then crash.  It will be a few days until I can do more, so I won't set up more dishes.  All good, that leaves the shower open for use.  A shower early after waking will help recoup.  I will be sore and tired for a while.

Blood sugar dropped to 80.  After a light keto lunch, it jumped to 172 or so.  Not 180, but close enough, so another dose, along with a few pieces of cheese and a fatted tea.  At an half cup of cream, I can have four of those a day.  Anyway, I'll keep at it.  Best get meds down too.  Later, or good night... day.

The plan continues.

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At some point I will hit the wall.  The faster I am going the less likely I am to see it coming.  Sometimes it is just a slowing down, sometimes a blackout that lasts for hours to months.  Even while I continue to post, I am not always aware of the space and time around me.  Sometimes I have literally forgotten my name, if that only happens a few times a year now, or more a few days a year all in one go.  Probably.  The problem is I can't always remember I forgot.

Until I hit the wall, I will move as quickly as I am able.  The new load of dishes has been hit and reset, laundry has been cycled, the cats have been fed, the house is cooling, I am adding, removing, or changing clothes as required to no freeze or burn.  My feet needed socks, after air drying, but just liners.  As the house cools, I will put on wool socks.  And, yet, the t was getting too warm so I went to a muscle shirt.

In an hour I will give clothes a quick extra spin.  They are almost never quite dry on a first run.  Humidity has been very high, for hereabouts, lately... between 45% and 55%, even higher.  Which, with low or fluff as standard settings, is why.  Then finish the dishes.  Then pull the clothes and shift loads.  Finally, I will put as much of the next or last load of dishes in.  With a counter set for processing, and the drill with the scrubber, cleaning to drying goes very quickly.  The drill weighs a ton, but sometimes it can be rested, bringing dishes to it.  Otherwise it is just a good workout!

As to how much of that plan can be done today, or all at once, that I can't say.  My back... actually... for all I have been doing?  I am thinking sleeping on the floor is paying off.  I am not completely through the discomfort of sleeping on the floor.  However the pains from that makes work easier.  So, yes, well worth it.  Anyway, I am moving along quite well.  Oh, only finishing what laundry is going.  The last load is for tomorrow... or later in the week.  Probably.

All blather?

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I woke rearing to go.  Plans set.  If not an exact plan, something something about specific chores.  As I sat, waking, I began to believe otherwise.  I wasn't even sure about a shower.  Then a potential salvational hail Mary plan.  A simple plan, turn up the furnace.

K.I.S.S. -  keep it simple, stupid  When all is failing plans have to be simple.

So I sat.  The warmth did it's thing.  Finally an extended plan developed.  A shower first.  I wanted the hot water, without doubt, to extend what the furnace was doing.  Then dishes and finally laundry.  Oh, and then to turn the furnace back down so as to not overheat when I begin working.  Done.  All set up.

I have a timer set to feed the girls.  At which time laundry might be ready to switch.  I have two, if small specialty, loads after this smaller poly-cotton standard load.  Dishes? What is left are bigger items.  I think one load after this, though maybe two.  Quart and half gallon jugs take up a lot of space.  I am finally clearing some things out.

I was almost sure today would be empty.  Maybe not.  Oh, and fresh fatted coffee, insulin, and plans for, perhaps, an egg tuna roll, or maybe just tuna fried in ghee, with mayo and salsa.  Oh yeah, something like that.  I am hoping to boil a lot of eggs, mostly for pickling, as well.  Though a dozen or two just for eats would be good.

No promises.  I am already beyond surprise myself.  But, there it is.  Now for gaming as the world cools.  Oh, a shave as well.

And my teeth, for as much coffee and tea as I drink, are really looking good.  Brushing three times a day, though, is only part of it.  After a few weeks of morning and night gargling with a water, salt, baking soda, and iodine mix, I continue using that one morning and two bedtimes a week.  Plus, once or twice a week at random times in the day I add baking soda to the toothpaste.  They will never be bleach bone, but they do shine and have stopped falling apart.  Oh, and I don't use flouride.  That stuff not only doesn't help, it is both a poison and a tool for dumbing the population down, as is vegetarianism and veganism.

Later.

A fantastic sleep.

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I moved my bed into the closet.  No joke, one way or the other.  It was in order to shut out the light, a bit anyway.  The folding doors have slats.  Between the curtains and doors, sleeping in the day is better.  A bit more cramped than anticipated, but it will do.  Rather cozy, in the good ways, too.

I have switched morning and afternoon pills for now, again.  Taking water pills just before sleep is a recipe for poor frustrated sleep.  I had thought I was back on medicine, but kept slipping.  It is amazing how confused the mind can get.  Just exhaustion.

Blood sugar remained 140 plus or minus a few through the day... night.  No need to treat, according to the plan.  It is 207 as I wake, definitely fasting after nine hours down.  A leftover fatted tea, the last bites of cheese from yesterday, and soon a hot fatted coffee as I wake.  Plus a dose of insulin.  Then a shower and shave.

If I can work it, I will get dishes started, begin a new load of laundry, and begin cleaning the bathroom.  Perhaps a warmed tuna sandwich later.  And, if possible, to bed early.  The key fobs from amazon arrived.  I would like to get them cut soon.  Hopefully I can finish the dishes and perhaps two loads of laundry?  Three?  Oh, and bring the barrels back.  Looks like it was only a trash day, but recycling wasn't full so no problem.

A good start to the week.  Hopefully I can keep it up.  I need to put a gate on the fence, bury a duck, clean a kitchen and living room, then get back to working on the bedrooms.  I am alive again.  Mostly.  Oh, crap, I forgot all about walking.  I will... get to that soon too.  Not excited about it, but I am in some ways... hopeful?  Maybe, or something similar?  Later.

Most of it.

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As a last thing, a shower.  No shave yet.  No dishes set up.  I want another shower when I wake, then a shave, then I will set the last load of dishes, give or take, to soak.  I checked the ducks.  They had plenty of food and their water is fresh from last night.  I will feed the girls shortly.  And I would like to check on the other insulin from the V.A.

I can't  quite go to bed.  Beside the call, I am a bit jumpy from the work.  Blood sugar was only 140 so no insulin was used.  I did have sliced mozzarella and cheddar, with the fatted coffee, for breakfast... or dinner really.  I may put some of the dishes up as I head to bed.  Or not.  May crash.

It was 26°, not 28° F.  It remains so, at least to 8:30.  I am looking forward to more work later, if possible.  I am hoping work will allow for good sleep.  No cats allowed!  If Sam doesn't yeowl the next few days...  I can still hear her, it just doesn't bother me so dreadfully a floor apart.

A bit of gaming, perhaps a few dishes put up, a call, brushing teeth, and hopefully a good sleep?  I'll know shortly.  Good night and day.  You will be in my prayers, one way or the other, friend.  Even if the term, friend, is used lightly.  Friend.

So close.

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Dishes are half dried and put up, half dried but air dry finishing.  Laundry is all folded and put upstairs.  I don't yet have a place to hang shirts, so for now I will be living out of baskets.  Underwear, shorts, pj's, and pants get folded, socks are paired and tucked together, shirts are usually hung.

Trash and recycling were gathered and out, after dealing with cat litter within fifteen minutes of the last post.  Less trash to go than anticipated, more recycling.  It is all at the curb.  No fresh laundry has been started.  No dishes have been set up.  A shower and shave first, not sure I can do those, any of it.

A fresh coffee is going.  A fatted drink, then blood sugar check, and a dose if required.  I found an mre cookie.  I knew one had been misplaced.  I really didn't want to eat it, but the surprise find, and carb withdrawals won against my better judgment.  Oh well. That should be that for a while.

I'll sit and chill for a bit.  At 66° in the warmer section of my home, I am pouring heat, but comfortably.  The trick, for me, is to keep it cool but dress to be comfortable.  Then keep it cool.  Then I can work without overheating to the point of sickness.  If the furnace could be trusted I would run it to the mid 50s, and still be quite comfy with just socks and albeit warm pj bottoms and a short sleeve t-shirt.  Oh, it was 28° F out there this morning.  Comfortable as listed even out there, with flip-flops.

Later or good night.

Moving right along.

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Half of the dishes dried but finishing air drying, the rest reset.  The whites were folded, towels up, clothes will go up with this last load washed, dried, and at my feet about to be folded.  Beard was trimmed.  A few other things?  I am actually surprised.  As slow as I am going it is getting finished quickly.

After tea and sardines, blood sugar is up to 139.  I will try it their way, only dose at 180 or higher.  Once I receive the other insulin, the once daily, I may cut the dose.

I need to get the trash out.  I don't think there is enough recycling, but I best check.  They arrive early, sometimes both trucks.  I was going to fold laundry first, but morning is coming at me too fast.  Cat litter has to be sorted as well.  Bleh.  Stupid stuff, if a part of the program.  Well worth the doing so as to have cats.

I'd best get the trash out, check recycling.  After dishes, a shower and shave, then most remaining dishes in for a soak.  I sure like the drill scrubber.  It really works well.  I may need to use bartender's stuff on tea stains though.  It makes cleaning the half gallon and small mouth jars a lot easier.  Tea stains don't count, not for cleanliness.

Best get going.  Later.

Slow but onward.

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All whites were given a spin, tea was set then a fatted coffee was made.  A dose of insulin was taken.  I viewed the blog, looked for movies to watch, and played games to wake.  That took longer than foreseen.  As I stirred for tea, I decided to get back to it, before enjoying tea.  Blood sugar is down to 91 from 232 fasting.  Weird.

I had a plan, it stuck and served well.  I hadn't included laundry because that hadn't been a part of even the big picture at the very start.  Anyway...  With laundry I decided to let that warm and fluff again.  Then to the freezer, clearing and cleaning.  Finally I reset the dishes to a fresh hot soak.

The timer will go off in the remnants of the half hour since the laundry started.  I will then fold the towels, resetting the timer for a couple hours.  The dishes should be ready by then.  A show while folding, gaming after folding.  I usually can't stay interested in movies or shows long enough to watch a complete thing.  Same with gaming.  Ugh.

I best make sure I set the timer.  After these, I will get trash and recycling out, then get a shower and shave.  Hmm, might clean up with the trimmer before shaving... makes it easier.  As soon as trash is to the curb, if I can and want, I will go to bed.  Might not be able, am open to it.  Later.

Stupid cats!

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Actually just Sam.  They are fed well, so it isn't that.  I am not going to let her up anymore.  She went through several fits of yeowling.  I chased her several times, yelled, threw things, it didn't matter.  She was a pest.  And when I really need sleep.  When I can finally do some work, especially if it is all I can do and more, I need solid sleep.

I didn't finish laundry.  I did get the final load into the drier.  It should be done.  The last loads are towels, should be easy.  No more laundry today.  The dishes soaking, a shower and shave, trash and recycling out, then setting up more dishes.  I need to clear and clean the freezer top, to act as my counter.  Not much needed, just an extra few steps.

At 232 fasting blood sugar seems to have settled.  I'll get tea going, for a fatted tea and dose.  I need to shop soon.  I really am all out of food.  I don't want to fall back on mre's.  After reviewing the packaging on those, I must assume .mil intel was pivotal in their design.  No matter what sort of diet you are on?  This is bad for you.  And, if something doesn't have or need sugar, they add it or a tasteless equivalent.  They aim to make this stuff bad.

Meat is so expensive now though.  Fresh vegetables are close, if at least you can freeze meats.  The good stores won't be open until tomorrow.  All I know is Walmart is the same price on meats but are far inferior the few times I was in a pinch and tried.  Their steaks are hard, weird.  There burger has organ fat, and... other stuff sometimes.  I suppose, for someone from south of the border, used to open air meat markets, that is still superior.  Even if cautiously, I stick to real stores and butcher shops when able to buy in bulk.

First to wake.  Meds, aspirin, fatted tea, a dose, waking, then...  I won't reset dishes quite yet, but I will put the towels all in for a warming spin.  Later.

Not all of it.

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As usual.  As well, a whole day was lost to extra sleep.  If I see that, I can handle things, like medicine.  I didn't see it this time.  I will fix it here on out.

Blood sugar is staying at 225 or up to 250.  Another day without, then I will try dosing again.  No reason to check bp until medicine is regular again.

No dishes, but they are planned.  I finished two loads of laundry, have one nearly dried, then a small one to be dried.  I am hoping to at least finish the ones in the drier, if I would really like to clear it all out.  Dishes when I wake.  I did reset their rinse.  Bedtime shortly.  A call to my mom, hopefully she is available.

Good night, morning, and day.  Oh, hey, if you find yourself in church, would you add a prayer for me.  No need to tell Him, He knows.

Getting ready.

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The goal is to finish the dishes already going, get another load going and washed, do two more loads of laundry to completion... one complete the other just needs finished drying and folded, another shower, and trash.  I think it is possible.  I won't be working on the mower, probably.

Tomorrow will be a light day.  Perhaps the mower, getting trash to the curb, cleaning up a few small spaces, areas.  I am hoping to go walking this Monday.  Plus hitting the bathroom.  Sleep is very off, but from day to day.  I am not stuck on third shift, I am stuck on swing shift.

Ugh.  Blood sugar was 225.  I will just let it run a few days, see what is happening, then go from there.  Later.

Not all of it.

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Two loads of laundry, one drying, one folded.  Dishes washed well, then set to a rinse.  A shower taken.  A very good thing.  It is about time to sleep, for a while.

Blood sugar, with nothing but tea, has risen.  Going to 139 then to 149 just now.  I am holding off insulin until... until... I am not sure.  It is being so strange.  Hmm, they haven't sent the other insulin.  I'll call about that Monday.  Definitely bedtime.  Good night.  Oh, I need to brush my teeth.  I've been doing pretty good at that for most of this last year.

Good night.

Odder yet.

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As mentioned, I stopped treating diabetes.  I continued to eat keto, at normal portions when it was time.  My last reading was 240 and 225, I measured twice as I couldn't understand, or more didn't believe it was that high after dosing while eating correctly. Two hours after those, blood sugar is at 116.  I did eat, and had a fatted tea.  BP remains pretty much unchanged.

Parts have arrived to put flasher/strobes on the riding lawn mower/plow.  Not for mowing, though good for driving through town early or late.  A project which should go smoothly.  I was careful with my purchases, kept the kit simple.  I am looking forward to working on it, probably tomorrow.

As well, a load of laundry was put through and dishes were reset to a fresh soak.  The cleaning system should make dishes a breeze.  There are parts for pots, pans, flatware, and just about everything but tiny or really delicate.  I don't have much of that.  What I might have will be retired by my new system.  *zoom zoom!*

Yea, I will get the dishes and laundry finished yet tonight, plus get a shower.  Later.

Blood sugar is just crazy.

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Bp is stupid too.  Bp is remaining above 150/100 if pulse is dropping closer to 70 each time.  I will cut the extra 3.125 mg tab.  That must be it, part of it.  Blood sugar is staying 225 or higher, eating correctly, dosing heavy or light.  I may stop the stuff for a few days, perhaps fast as well.  Nothing but solid keto in, doesn't make sense.

What is stranger is it does, randomly, drop.  Then without food or even tea, it will climb.  Or even when sleeping.  It is bedtime I do believe.  The ducks... I just closed them in when I found them in the coop, with food and water.  I will feed the girls as well, again.

Hmm, I may hit dishes.  The bottle cleaner has arrived.  Yeah, on a drill, it will strip scale, or other stuff.  I just hate scrungy glass.  Later, since I will be doing dishes.  Might as well reset them, and do a load of laundry.  Bleh.

Ill news.

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While napping, a call.  Neighbor son number three, letting me know one of my ducks was dead.  I... had a strange feeling earlier, woke me.  Wanted to check the ducks.  Couldn't fully wake to do so.  Even now knowing, I just wanted to go back to sleep.  If one was down, I suspected all would be down.

I couldn't sleep.  But I couldn't get going quickly either.  I was still tired.  I didn't want to see the one.  I didn't want to see them all, if dead.  Still, and in any case, I actually moved as quickly as possible toward the inevitable.  It took an hour, two?  Oddly, given all, that was quite fast.  I don't handle death well.

It was one of the hens.  She looked to have been run over while fleeing.  There were no marks, or feathers.  She sure looked to have been chased.  I went looking for the others.  If it had just been a natural thing... but no.  I found them hiding in the hutch.  I will have to finish their enclosure, eventually working on a covering.  As well, younglings next spring, possibly to include geese, a few for defense.

It is a relief to not have lost them all.  I will bury this one soon.

Oh, bp is 150/110 pulse 71 and blood sugar, which had dropped further on it's own to 119 right before the nap, has climbed to 241?  Crazy.  Doing what I can.  Later.

A nap.

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That is the plan anyway.  It has been a bit rough.  I have had worse.  I am almost certain it is a mix of increasing carvedilol and blood sugar.  It dropped back to 146 after the last dose with a fatted coffee.  I am almost afraid to tinker with it.  Yeah, I will leave it alone until this afternoon.  BP is 155/101 pulse 74.  That also doesn't make sense.  I haven't missed a medication in at least a week, probably closer to two weeks.  Perhaps it is somehow connected to high blood sugar?  The pulse is strange, if... I think... in the good way.  I think low pulse indicates the limit for carvedilol.  I'll... read up on that soon.

Clouds are moving in, but it isn't exceedingly dark.  It is up to 48° outside.  I can keep the house 66°, until it becomes much colder, 70° when I am awake.  It is 60° upstairs, though I still have the air conditioners in.  Not sure how much difference their removal will make.  As well, opening the through vent and removing the barrier material may make a difference.  Heat does rise.  But it isn't that big of an opening.  I will find out about fall and winter trim, upstairs, this year.

This summer on, I have a different set of tolerances and somewhat improved health, if age has become more of a factor.  I am learning, and able, to dress better for whichever season.  More, I am tolerating each season a good deal better.  Why it took so long to get to this point?  Some of it was due to my (continued) distrust, some of it was due to the reason for my distrust.  It is today.  I start there.

Yea, a nap... soon.  Later.

Up early.

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Bedtime ended up being late.  Wanted to check blood sugar again.  It wasn't until 1:30 that I went down.  I woke at 3:30, then roughly every half hour after until I gave up at 5:00 and rolled out.  Sleep just wasn't doing any good.  I am not feeling well on top of being exceedingly tired, if not in the sleepy sort of that.  It is flu-like symptoms.

I don't think it is the flu.  It is some long term, usually subdued, illness that never quite goes away.  It hides just under the surface, waiting to emerge whenever the chance presents.  Some jungle gunk?  A remnant of an experimental vaxx from the Navy?  Dunno, I just know the specific profile of symptoms.  A handful of aspirin, rest, and fluid.  I have never gone to the doctor about it.  By the time I could get in it would usually be gone.  I have this funny feeling that it had something to do with my bad heart.

Blood sugar was 143 fasting.  So I had a small keto breakfast with an half insulin dose.  Two hours later, and change, it had climbed to 225!  That makes absolutely no sense at all.  I am having a fatted coffee and a bigger than usual dose.  I won't do bp until later, I just took morning meds.  It takes a while for them to work.

It looks like a nice day.  It was right at 32° at 5:00.  Here at 8:34 it is 35°.  It doesn't feel that cool... cold.  Neither the ducks nor I seem bothered by it.  Two fresh eggs as well.  Later.

That was quite a hit.

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Blood sugar was 238, down from 261 waking.  I have been eating keto for going on the second day.  I hit a second, large, dose after the second reading.  I was starting to feel ill.  Almost as if my blood sugar was cratering.  But that couldn't be it.  So I waited for the timer to ring, then checked.  At 71 I think that really was the problem.

It isn't the lowest number I have seen.  And, when blood sugar is more stable it usually wouldn't be a problem for a few more points.  It is both the relative low compared to recent highs.  A drop of 167 points in an hour and a half, plus being 350 or so for several days... big changes, fast changes.

I am avoiding carb tabs.  The spike can be severe, if it doesn't last long.  A tuna sandwich, using keto pita, plus a glass of milk.  So tired from the crash though.  Still feeling a bit woozy.  I want to check blood sugar again an hour after eating.  Then I will sleep.  I have carb tabs up there, just in case.  So tired on top of already being exhausted though.  Later, or good night.
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Good call.  Food brought blood sugar up to 91.  In one sense that is still a bit low.  Especially only an hour after eating.  It will go down after this.  I am feeling better, but still plan to go on to bed again.  Better, but not well.  That drop really took it out of me. As mentioned, I keep carb tabs up there, and seem to sense a drop coming.  I won't question it again, after this.  Though, usually, blood sugar rises for me through the night as I sleep.

Good night.

A touch too much?

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Brutal.  Sleeping very long.  Snoring?  The back of my throat is dry and sore as if I had been snoring.  A rare thing, with an easy to sense symptom.  It happens when I am tired beyond reason.  I was, am still, extremely tired.  I kept waking today.  Some aspects of flesh and mind had slept enough.  More sleep seemed an agony.  And, yet, I could not break the spell.

It, from what I could see when finally able to wake, was a fantastic fall day.  It seemed more a fond memory of a summer day than harkening to days to come.  It would have been a great day to get out.  Though from this weather to colder is my element... down to negative twenty, perhaps to negative forty.  As long as I can get through the gloom, the weather is mine.

Part of the problem may be that bit extra carvedilol.  It may be the straw that broke the camel's back.  Though to, it my be blood sugar.  Being mostly broke toward the end of this month, and having eaten else, I was down to mre's (meals ready to eat), old soup, and crackers.  I controlled it for a bit, but at some point all attempts failed.  It has been high the last few days.  Today I am back into keto, and dosing, but it will take a while.

I will give the extra carvedilol another week, in case it is diabetes.  I was hoping to get two more small tabs in.  It might not be possible.  Got to give it time.  This stuff does work, if at a cost.  I am doing what I can.  Perhaps missing perfection, but that isn't available even to angels or saints.

My brother called today.  Since I have figured out controls for my phone, which excludes non-contacts from ringing through, and to keep myself available to calls/texts for help, my phone is with me when sleeping in the day. I like being more available.  I was a bit worried about him.  He might have thought I had blown him off recently, rather than just be tired lately.  I'll try to keep more in touch.  Oh, now to figure out how to get it to shut off at night and turn on in the morning.

I do my best.  I'll keep at it.  Later.

So tired.

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Weary i ways I can't put rightly in words.  For there are no words which convey the depths, level, complexity, of this vex.  I have had worse, but as with pain, memory cannot capture these things, as pictures fail to capture pets or even people.  Look back through photos of lost pets, friends, and family to get an understanding.

It is a combination of fall and the continued titration.  Carvedilol is extremely potent stuff.  With pulse hitting sub 80s regularly, I am probably on the verge of maximum.  It is turning into a beautiful fall, if a slightly cool one.  Cool is good for me, but it is a gift with a cost.

No, I haven't gotten out to walk.  Something comes up, or... Yes, I will.  But I really can't do a lot in a day.  And, as mentioned with walking initially, I can't do something exercise wise or like daily.  So, if I do and am worn, I won't walk that day or the next.  And, as for my part, I would rather be out doing something real, if the opportunity presents, than just walking.

Oh, found my car keys.  But I found them where they couldn't have been.  They were in a place I checked every time I looked, usually a first to third place, and on top of paperwork from last week.  Very strange.  Ghosts or sneaks.  Don't care now that they are back.  Will get two more sets, plus some chipless.  Have not lost my other car keys.

Ugh.  A bit worn.  Just getting to town pounds me.  I need to get groceries soon.  I am tight, financially this month, but am nearly caught up.  I am still behind on one utility bill and milk.  I can get milk, and put some, and extra, on the utility, and actually eat this month.  But that is mostly all, and just.

Next month I can breath for the first time in a while.  Ugh.  Yeah, too tired to blog.  Will, try to do more again.  Later.

Without comment.

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At some risk.  As it arrived.

If you do not wish to know?  Don't look.  I see what I see, and it goes here.

Not mine.  A part of it?  Which part, if so?

Fog.

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Without looking at the clock, I just kept expecting the sun to show.  At some point I started to worry.  Is it already that late in the season?  Had dawn slipped into midmorning?  Finally I simply had to see.  Not a light fog, a thick one.  One a thought could be given to getting a bowl of it.

By seven thirty enough light was trickling through to safely let the ducks out.  Only one had layed an egg.  I suspect low light will do that.  They were really happy to be let out. The cats have been fed as well.  And given a snack.  I don't think Sassy can lose weight, at this point.  Still, perhaps she can keep from adding weight.

After a dose, a fatted tea, and two hours, blood sugar had only dropped to 173, five points.  Very strange.  So, a meal and a bigger dose.  While I want to nap, or more, I want to see what is happening with blood sugar first.  I need it to be going down, or hit it again.  There is no good reason for insulin not to have worked.  BP is 137/91 with a pulse of 78.

At least there is some sun.  Or light I should say.  It helps.  Later.

A bit tight this morning.

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Not sure what the problem is, exactly.  A grand headache as a base symptom.  At least it isn't a migraine.  Mostly from stiff neck muscles.  Sleeping at the wrong angle?  Some nights no correct, or good, angle can be found.  I think last night was one, for I did try.  Down at 21:00ish, awake at 3:08, with a .mil sort of dream to match.  I love it when a plan comes together.

In the dream, I met a soldier, became friends.  I also got to know his commanding officer, as a friend as well.  As they were heading to their next duty station, in Tennessee, I talked myself into driving, helping drive, out that way.  Then wanting to back out.  In the dream, as now, I was a bit low on cash, it was the end of the month but the next month was going to be harsh as well.

He sort of kept me to my promise, so... a promise is a promise.  Half way  there, they said it was all good, not to worry about costs, but didn't explain.  When we arrived, they hooked me up with temporary housing and explained.  About ten of the soldiers, and the c.o., were retiring and going into construction.  They thought I could be useful.

As the next week went on, my job was clarified.  They realized I couldn't work actual construction.  But what I could do was be a tool and expendables master.  What I couldn't do, I could arrange.  Part time, rent, gas, a truck, and else, rather than pay.  I wasn't sure, for a number of reasons.  Turns out they already knew everything.  Didn't care as long as it stayed private.  All good.

It was good to work with .mil types again.  These really were the best of the lot.  Hard workers, willing and able to think on their feet, learn, and teach.  In time the company picked up a company of vets, in many fields, uptrained or shifted, overlapping and covering new areas, until we could build or destroy just about anything.

And the feel was the good parts of the service without the bad... the brotherhood and hard work without shit pay and long spits away from home, or so far and out of touch. A very good dream.  Yes, I love to work, it just isn't possible in real terms.  Waking, without choice, at 3:08?  I will need a nap, probably, hopefully, before dawn.  Though, possibly, either way, my day is already shot.

Meds are down.  Blood sugar is 178 fasting.  Oh, and... I woke to a clock ticking.  A gentle, rhythmic, clicking mechanism.  I realized, first, that all of my clocks are digital.  Then that it was my heart.  I was pleasantly surprised.  It was my heart.  Until this time, any time for a very long time, that I could hear it, it was as thunder.  This time it was as a precise best German craftsmanship timepiece.  What a beautiful sound, metallic sounding, and so meticulous.  BP is 146/90 with a pulse of 78.

Good morning and day.

The rain is finished.

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It stopped for now.  The sun was out for a while.  I noticed when I put the ducks up.  Perhaps before?  Definitely by then.  Seemed pretty cool, cold really.  Sunshine will, could, help.  It was good to see some sun after an intense set of rainy days.  It was incredibly dark, and the amount of rain was spooky.  It almost had to have flooded some places?

Then again, even if a bit of a downer, to see it storm like that was neat.  I love weather events and that certainly was one.  We very rarely get extended events here.  Lightning and thunder?  Oh yes, both of those.  The times I watched, when thunder could be heard, lightning couldn't be seen though.

A bite to eat.  Down to mre's.  I need to figure some things out.  After bills, food this month.  We will see.  I really need meat, but that has gone off the charts.  I have to go with canned veggies, for most of it, or it gets wasted.  Bills, food, and cat litter.  A last rough financial month, mostly.

I am already ready for bed.  I am hoping to wake at a reasonable hour.  Then finish off dishes, take a shower, rest and wake, then go for a walk.  It is a reasonable hope, plan...  Good night.

Depressing weather.

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A short term fix is to turn the furnace up a bit.  Well, and to not fight sleep.  Fix?  Not quite, perhaps more treatments.  There is no cure for melancholy.  Less so seasonal.  The sun went away for several days, it has been pouring, and it was 38° this morning... if my morning was 14:00.

I had the furnace at 72° overnight.  It was 63° upstairs, which is a extremely good sleeping temperature.  Waking was a little shaky, but once down into the warmth it was much better.  I even needed to turn the furnace down to 70°.  I may turn it down further through the day.  If I could do regular days, I would set the furnace for a morning warmth.  Long enough to wake, warm, shower, dress, and then have it at about 66°.

Blood sugar is 171 fasting, but I haven't been eating right, so it is actually better than anticipated.  I will check bp after meds have had a chance to do their thing.  I talked them into adding just a bit more carvedilol.  I have added an extra of the small dose at night.  If that goes well, a morning dose will be added.  At nose-bleed dosage already, tiny titration is required.

Monday, tomorrow, is walk day.  I should get rain gear, a canteen, and perhaps a minor pack set up.  I don't really need a pack, but I... if I am going to walk, I might as well gear up for hiking or even snowshoeing.  Plus, it adds an adventure element to the program.  Now, if I don't have it all together, I will just go anyway.  I am sure I have rain gear somewhere right handy.  And, if a bit larger than warranted, I have several steel thermos jugs ready... more for V.A. travel days... but stuff in a pack and go.  Boots and shoes are ready.  Monday.  Later.

I made it to ten-ish.

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Perhaps an half hour past.  I called my mother.  She is sounding much better.  Chiropractor, she says.  The guy has been in the area since I first got out of the service. Back when I absolutely didn't believe in them.  It's not that... I buy their schtick fully now, only I have seen it fix what medical says doesn't exist.  They are all half-shills and shysters, selling cures to ailments only they can diagnose.  Half right, three quarters bullshit.  They have come up, docs have gone down, both are considered too self interested advisors.

Still, it was good to hear her chipper.  Tough old bird, has been all my life, but by realities she wanted no more than others wanted.  Pain makes you delicately powerful, too powerful, too delicate.  She is even back to work.  It is very part time, but enough so she isn't choking on nickles, dimes, even pennies.

Sleep was fantastic.  I just woke at fourteen forty five.  Tired from recent efforts.  Lungs burning a bit, chest and all tight, but in the good way.  Driving in hard fast mean traffic, after not driving for months means white knuckle driving, which tightens everything up, wears me down.  Plus all that running around, talking, explaining, to often hostile seeming people.  And various early efforts.

Don't get me wrong.  I am jealous of my mother.  I would work part time if I could.  My sleep patterns eat me.  A boss needs an employee at specific times.  Not when he can be awake, and then if he can work.  I am grateful for the pushing, and that I could keep at it.  I will take opportunities as possible.  Especially now that it is cooling off.

Ugh, four appointments coming up.  Three next month and one in early January.  On the good side, a1c is 7.1, down from 7.8, down from 10.3?, down from 11.9?  Something like that.  BP keeps jumping up and down.  If I haven't slept enough, best not check it, 158/99 if pulse was 71.  Without eating or dosing, blood sugar went from 80 at my first waking to 150 now.  Yeah.  Still, 150 is a better fasting number even itself.

Hmm... on to waking.  Later.

Who needs sleep!?!

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Who am I kidding?  Why I couldn't get to sleep until four, why I am waking at change before eight?  Raining.  A cold fall rain.  I feared freezing rain.  No, it's 45º.  A darned cold rain, I found, as I also found a hole in the roof of my back sloop porch, right on the way to check the temp.  Actually the leak is in the middle of the door just outside.  Sabotage for locking the back doors.

Sleep was good.  Can't figure out why I am not still sleeping.  I am still rather tired... to the point of that being painful.  I don't understand, but will take it.  I prefer real mornings, if I seem allergic to them.  I best get fresh tea going, the warmth will be welcome.

Now, on the good side, fasting blood sugar is 80!  It is truly fasting.  It has been eight hours since my last meal, more.  However, this is more like 'midnight' in my schedule than a real morning.  So...  It's...  If it is 80 to a hundred for the next few mornings...  I mean, neat but likely an outlier.

If I see, hear, a break, I'll let the ducks out.  The love to just stand in the rain.  And 45º to them is like 75° to us?  I will keep there food just inside their hutch, keep it dry, remind them they have a dry place if the want it.  Silly birds sometimes.  Later.

Busted, dripping pain, but...

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Lots of things and places hurt.  I am so tired most of it is a blur.  Oblivion without obliviousness?  Yeah.  Still, pleased with what brought me here.  Two minor outings and an honest start to dishes?  Yeah, but for a start I will take it.  Aspirin!  I hurt so much but can't understand where or how.  I just know a diffuse wall, or waves of pain?  A bit of both, like being in fog with rain, both of which induce differing sorts of pain, often overlapping!  Brilliant, as suffering goes.

I forgot to lock the ducks away.  Which happens.  So far they survive, the remaining ducks.  If I didn't mention, I realize all three of the hens are laying.  One of them is kicking out terribly malformed eggs, I now realize.  One of the hens was hurt but not killed by the dog, I wonder if that is the problem.  I won't cull her.

Oh, no walking today.  Monday.  And, thankfully, it is cooling.  I can deal with the cold, even severe cold, better than even 70º weather.  While I have learned to live in 70º plus temperatures, working in it is dangerous, or can be.  I turned the furnace to 70º last night, forgot to turn it down... so used to sub-70's that it was too hot this morning, right through the floor.  Oh well.  I am giving them a shower this morning... they so love the sprinkler.

Blood sugar keeps lowering a bit per day.  Seemingly better yesterday, but with sleep and dosing, yesterday morning wasn't a real morning.  From the mornings before, it continues to drop between ten and twenty, day over day.  BP IS 139/89 with a pulse of 77 first shot, right arm.  I am certain I could shave at least ten off each by switching arms and prayer, but this... is good, especially knowing what I just wrote.

Did I start tea?  Warm fatted coffee sounds delicious.  With it cool out, having been out, and with a door ajar without a lid, it feels cooler.  Hmm, a fan might help too.  Once I get used to the cool, even 70º becomes oppressive.  Ogre?  No.  Frost or storm giant, to be sure.

Hmm?  I think that is about it?  Yes, yes indeed.  Be well, be good, and... enjoy, even if it hurts to do so.  Trust me, I am a doctor.  If I tell you to do, without crying, what I cannot?  I advise you merely contemplate the beautifully contrarian seeming truth on your private tree of woe.  I will always be with you, in spirit, in joyful suffering.  But more, work if you can.  I am hoping to finish dishes, and maybe a load of laundry, today.  Tomorrow at worst.  Yes, be well... even if you aren't!

Not just sitting around.

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As busy as life gets it has been for the last few days.  So, too, tired.  Too tired to post.

Yesterday, starting midafternoon, I went along, mostly for a ride.  Though if you are going to be taking water samples from four foot dig wells, having an ogre, at least a relatively non-hostile one, around can be helpful.  I can act as an standing anchor point to even a humble two hundred pounder.

Around we went, doing this and that, until nightfall.  I was utterly spent, as much from being outside as any activity, but glad for it.  So, no blogging.  My sleep patterns are twisting as if in a tornado.  I couldn't sleep until nearly three, but had to be to the V.A. by almost nine... primary care, new doc.  I made it.

I had started trusting, in a limited way, my last doctor.  This new doctor has benefited from that.  I refuse to just go along, with everything.  But, after an explanation, I have gone with one suggestion, a holdover from my last doc, am going with another offer tentatively, but am initially and probably finally refusing statins.  I did concede to review the specific medicine he would be proposing.  And so I will... antorvastatin if I read right.  Block print, I bet he can't write legibly in cursive!  :p

After that I had to put in for travel, pick up medicine which requires two lines... short ones today, get blood lab work, and remembered to locate and utilize information allowance office to get social security administration my last two years of files, plus open my files to any other requests from them.  It's as much as I can do.

The drive home was harsh.  That was a lot of running, a long drive earlier, and little sleep as was.  I let the ducks out, fed the cats, sat for a bit in an attempt to gather wits and thoughts to post, but ultimately spent ten minutes watching vids until I crashed so hard my ears are ringing.  I have no idea when I went to bed.  I have no idea when I got home.  I woke a bit after twenty two hundred.  Well rested if quite tired.

Oh, the doc asked me to start walking.  He requested an half hour five times a week.  Request denied out of hand.  Not possible, at the very least not yet.  I did offer three times a week.  If I can't start today, I will start Monday.  I have no faith walking will help of or by itself, but it might be a gateway to swimming and hiking.  If even those are limited, they... have some minor potential.

So... there you go.  At least you know I haven't just encamped seclusion and the great big empty.  Ugh, though, but glad for it.  Later.

Better stats as I head to a nap.

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Nap?  Who knows.  Anyway...

Blood sugar went right down with a standard dose.  It went to 127 then 119 and back up to 135 after a meal per the first two numbers and several hours after the last meal.  I did do an eight cc dose with the first read and meal.  Trying to keep the numbers in trim.  Right, wrong?  Or is it just the numbers that count?

BP was a bit better, at 134/84 with a pulse of 77.  That after somewhat intense gaming.

It, neither, always makes sense.  Usually they follow food and medicine, right until they don't.  Very good numbers, given everything.  Ugh, though, it's been a slog.

I have been cleaning and cycling my tea jars tonight.  I wasn't up to much else.  If stats are any indication, and sometimes they are, the future holds real opportunity.  Summer is gone, with it the heat.  I can dress for the cool and cold better than anything regarding heat.  And tolerances and relearning to layer clothing has truly improved life, even in high summer.  The darkness is another matter.

A nap, perhaps more.  Sleep and waking aren't tracking well, but if called, I might be able to get things together... with lead time.  Possibly.  Later, or much later.

Again with the blood sugar.

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After getting it to plunge quite strangely, without food, it started rising after that initial meal.  I let it go until after six hours of not eating, it had reached 145.  I had a meal, took a normal dose, and this morning (afternoon to normal folk), as I woke, it is 180 fasting.  Annoying.  But I won't dose below 150ish, give or take and considering trend.

BP is 145/100 pulse 75.  Better.  Oh, I really need to... no, I'll... I've got it.  I sometimes forget the left hand, so focused on the right.  It's all good when it's all good.

Sleep was good.  I did some dishes, and will soon tell of a new man-method.  I also finally made it to the post.  Our new postman is tolerant.  I pushed it a bit far this time, through failure not orneriness.  I need to not do that... find a way.  Don't test good things.

Ah, the man method...  for washing dishes.  I purchased a set for car washing using a drill.  I have never gotten around to using those for the intended purpose.  So, 2 + 3 +5 = 10, of course.  I pulled the system out, attached it to the drill, and... zoom, zoom zoom zoom!  Now, it won't work on everything... namely the inside of bottles... which I am looking into changing.  But pots, pans, cutlery, utensils, the outside of bottles, and a few other things?  ZOOM!

What it costs in arm strength it saves in bent back time.  It does well.  I suspect a copper wire or steel brush can be attached just through pressure coupling for more serious scrubbing, as well, a barkeeper's or ajax powder can be used for lighter, more delicate scrubbing, or on reflective stainless.  Yeah.  I haven't done a lot, yet.  Still wasn't up to it.  Today.  If it is worth it, for the rest of you bach's out there, with power tools... and no dishwasher of either sort... there you go.  Plus, it will be exercise.

Oh, as the world cools...  I was a bit fearful the upstairs would get too cold.  It was getting to 61º up there.  Which, mostly, is okay.  Sometimes the heart or diabetes causes a weakness to even that mild of a cool temperature.  Then again, 71º can be a bit cold to me, with certain givens.

As it turns out, if I set the furnace to 70º, without opening the foot and a half vent, the furnace keeps the floor region about 68°, and the waste high temperature about 65°.  In the winter, at times, I want the furnace on, to offer a buffer in case of an extended power outage.  I really need to figure out a solar alternative, say a 100 watt system, dedicated as backup.  The furnace runs, it simply doesn't have a forced blower, in a grid down.

Tidbits, perhaps chuckles, for your day.  Good day, afternoon.

Blood sugar is acting up.

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Waking blood sugar was 151 definitely fasting.  I had a fatted coffee and... something else, something keto and light, plus a light dose of insulin.  I wasn't sure about the insulin, so I added a fatted tea (more like an half cup of cream per, as I am cutting calories).  A few hours later, blood sugar was 193 (hours after finishing all foods)!

So, I hit it a dose and an half, having a tuna sandwich (with a keto flatbread) and glass of milk.  I needed a nap.  Waking two hours ago, feeling a bit off, I checked blood sugar.  No wonder I was so groggy.  It was 59 about four hours after dosing!  I hit the last dose so hard because it should have dropped, not risen.

I had a bite to eat.  I avoid the carb pills, because they jerk things far too high.  I have them, and will use them for certain times and circumstances.  No, I went with food.  An hour later, it was to 82, two hours later it is up to 123.  That is quite a jump, I'll keep a close eye on it for the next few days.  A few extra checks and checking precisely rather than loosely.  I do what I can.  Later.

Such a strange girl.

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Observant too, I should think.

Dream a little dream... of dinner?

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Dinner?  I don't remember which meal, or snack, whole meal or single food... all I do remember is waking with an overflow of salivation.  Drooling.  It was the amount of fluid flowing that woke me.  Impressive.  Well, that and a hunger that has grown since. A fatted tea, as soon as the fresh spot of it is finished brewing.

Blood sugar is better, at 151 fasting and the average finally back down to 132 for the week.  When blood sugar, for any reason, is high... with more insulin on hand, I hit it hard, often.  I am not having to be stingy.  And... that is working.  Partial fasting wasn't helping, nor the smaller doses.  With it where it is at, a 15 to 20 cc dose is reasonable.  My physical size simply requires more.  Bp is off because I missed meds last night.

No, I don't like insulin.  But in my recent condition it is the only thing that offers some control.  If I get back to a better place, fasting may be brought back to bear.  My arms have increased another quarter inch in girth.  I definitely have an unusual growth ability, especially at my age.  If that might be a bit of a problem by itself.  Going from 14 1/2" to 15 3/4" in a week from a few hours of work and play?  And, yes, the measurements are spot on.

Dishes... I need to hit those some time today.  Perhaps put a single load of laundry through.  And a shower would be good.  The dishes will take two hits, and a rinse.  Oh, the post!  I have a package in!  I... lost track.  For now, the ducks will be put out, then cats fed.  I am only giving out two thirds of a can, saving some back for Sassy, as a later snack.  I am trying to get her to lose weight.  The trouble is, when they fatten, like people, getting it off is murder.  Later.

Finally, some work.

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To say the place is a mess would be putting it nicely.  I haven't been able to work.  And work is difficult when possible.  Changed out cat litter and swept that area as a part of it.  I went through dishes, fitting what I could into the bin.  Then as much trash as could be found was collected, bagged, put in the bin, and taken to the curb.

It wasn't that much work, but it was all at once.  I am hoping to be to bed by midnight. Far earlier than the last three or four nights.  I did everything in about an half hour.  If I had been thinking, I would have taken a shower first, at least before soaking the dishes.  I will wash off tonight, just not the best, or easiest way.  I'm trying to clean up daily, more so.  Every other day if not possible.  But daily is my ardent intention.

Blood sugar was high this morning.  I've dosed well twice, then a mild dose later.  It's been working.  I also checked bp, finally.  Not perfect, at 125/105, pulse of 91.  It sure beats 150s/120s, much better than 210s/180s.  Choices.  I have only been on full dose for about a week now.  So... yeah.  I am good with it.  I am doing what I can do.  And it is all heading in the right directions.

I called my mother.  She sounds tired, thin.  I know that.  Still, a call and big and small talk, and a long familiar voice, helps.  I tried to keep it cheery.  Yeah, some days.  I wasn't perfect, but... got back to better the few minor strayings.  Fall and spring... good, beautiful, temperate, but... with change follow moods.  Cheers!

Almost bedtime.  Another hour, because.  Good night.

She rang?

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Shes didn't wish to be left out of contemplations?  So it is, or... isn't?

Who?

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Who, exactly, is it they see?  I see what some see.

So very sore and tired.

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The weather is playing a strong part.  But getting out and doing, after an exceptionally long nearly complete downtime is playing it's part.  I would say those are eighty percent, with the rest of it getting used to medicine.  My muscles are still repairing, tight, burning sometimes.

My arms went from fourteen and an half to fifteen and an half inches around.  With little to do, I entertain curiosity.  I just happened to have recently measured my arms, so had a basis with which to compare.  I am not sure how much growth is normal, or through what effort.  I suspect that is a lot of growth though.

Sleeping on the floor is still a bit tough as well.  I am continuing.  I am ordering an inexpensive floor mat, when possible, to see if it makes such sleeping... easier.  It... I don't know.  As I remember, it took several months to get used to it, at tech school.  Then it was really good.  I'll have to decide if it is worth the struggle.

Blood sugar is still high, but sub two hundred and twelve points less than yesterday morning.  I'll keep at it.  The bloody nose lasted until bedtime.  That is the longest bloody nose I remember.  I had to stop taking aspirin weeks ago, because it was causing nearly daily bleeds.  I hope this was just a fluke.

I'll let the ducks out, feed the girls, and set a fresh pot of tea so as to have chia and a fatted coffee.  All as warm as possible.  Another cool, perhaps rainy day.  Warm food cheers like little else.  Good afternoon and day.

A day of resting.

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A bit sore and tired.  It has been raining every time I have listened or looked out.  It may have stopped?  If it had, by sound, it is back at it.  Last time I checked it was ~45°.  It was that temperature outside every time I checked.  Indoors, the main and upstairs have been staying right at 67°~ 68°.  Up front is and has been 63°.

Blood sugar, after a single dose and meal, dropped ninety nine points to 96 a few hours later.  A few hours since then it is 95 without having had anything but plain tea.  I have had a bloody nose for ten hours.  It just won't stop.  For a few hours, both were bleeding.  And, no, I don't pick the thing, I use facial tissues.  Odd, with humidity... it has to be high with this much rain.

A fatted tea, several ounces of cheese, and salami will be supper.  I will test several hours later.  I doubt if it will be high enough for another dose, which doesn't make sense.  Even when on pure keto recently, I was needing 20 cc's three times a day.  When I wrote differently, it was to not exceptions.

I wonder if being on full heart medicine is the difference.  As mentioned, I don't believe I have diabetes.  I think I have partial organ failure, like a rolling brownout, hitting whichever organ(s) my body thinks is up to taking the hit.  It looks like diabetes, but medicine acts strangely.  Heart medicine seems to be far more important.

Dinner time.  Later, or good night.

Late but awake.

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I woke at 7:30.  Pulled the curtain, took a look outside.  It didn't make sense, as if an artist based on the general palate of Picasso, using color rather than form had rendered the day.  It was horrible, my mind closed back in around itself.  I slept until Sassy braved the steps to know food is needed, and begging isn't above her proud lineage.  That cat can sing for hours!  Fine, and fie.

Ducks are let out.  It is raining, and 45°, but they are ducks.  I, for the last three days, have been getting one egg a day.  Today I got three.  Perfect, huge, a true eggshell to warm light golden, whole color.  I think they had been molting, for an extended time.  They probably can't lay for too long into winter?  Who knows.

Blood sugar is high again, as usual.  But it sub 200.  It's only done that once since I messed up food, then did it again recently.  I can easily have burgers, just no bun... and fish or chicken, just not with breading.  I used to be able to do those in small amounts, but not on insulin.  If I could keep up on fasting, that would be the better way.  It isn't the difficulty involved, it is remembering.

Late awake.  I will try to be to bed early tonight.  I have been slipping.  Brushing teeth is back on schedule, medicine is into a week, at least, since a miss... probably two weeks. It is nicely, regularly, cool.  Sleeping on the floor is going well, and I am eating more regularly.  If I could stay away from carbs...  Later.

Tired and sore.

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I was asked if I could help yesterday.  Maybe by ten.  So... I woke at eight thirty, showered, and had a fatted tea by a quarter after nine.  It didn't happen until past seventeen hundred.  It ended up just being a ten minute job, but one that would have been thirty hard minutes solo.  I considered it more a favor than work.

Actually slinging clays after was more exhausting than the work.  Even so, it was good to get out.  Will do so as possible.  It was a good day to be out.  And while the work was short, I know it helped.  It is good to be considered useful.  Even pitching clays and popping of a few rounds was good.

As noted, I am sore today.  It is a good thing.  The ducks and girls have been fed.  I woke late, gravity was harsh this morning.  I did get an alarm clock and it's radio signal device linked, set, and synced.  I had been looking for the receiver for a while, then the small screwdriver set, then batteries, then... took forever to get it all together.  Finally, everything together, the time, the energy.  Had to just figure some things out, but done.

I was so tired last night I didn't brush my teeth.  After brushing most nights for a year now, save short hard down times, missing is horrible.  It will happen if I push too hard.  Usually three times a day now, sometimes four.  Brushed already.  Would love to shower, to tired.

A fatted tea shortly, heating up chicken after that, then mostly resting today.  Life is good.  Later.

A bit weary.

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Given that medicine was just topped as to dosage a few days ago, and I did a bit of work out in the heat yesterday, plus I started sleeping on the floor a few days ago?  Really, not bad.  I am not as tired as I can be just on a worse general day.  Now, I was crushed yesterday, by the time we finished.  I recovered well, oddly.  I've never done that well in my memory, since becoming ill.  Ritalin, in tiny doses, made it resemble that, but at a serious price.

I couldn't work today.  Probably not tomorrow.  But I don't have a lot of pain.  So weird.  Oh, and I tanned, a lot.  If the sun was out I would have burned.  I need to wear long sleeves and a serious sun hat.  Avoid the sun-blocker clothing.  I will, and will advise it, bad stuff.  No sun-blocker chems either.  Mechanical, pant legs, long sleeves, layers if needed, gloves, and a good head covering.

I am able to game.  And focus on shows when switching between the two.  I can read with some reasonable clarity.  A good day.

Blood sugar started out really high.  A dose took it from 209 fasting to 131 several hours after food and a dose, then on to 102 with nothing else to eat or dose.  Strange how that works sometimes.  I have been struggling, with higher doses, lately.  Work helps.  But pizza should have... never mind.  I am hoping chicken thaws.  Will grill if so.

Today is very cool.  The storm which toyed yesterday, preceded by a warm front, made more than a promise.  Rain and cool temperatures.  It was 40... something... this morning... eight or three or two?  It is 65° currently, or so.  I work much better in the cool to cold.

It's a good life, for as rough as it can be.  I hope... opportunities expand.  A bit more if, as, possible.  I am seeing possibilities.  Good day.

Down late, up late.

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A few hours of work and I was afraid it would hurt to sleep and waking up.  The fear kept me up.  Strange but true.  Well, that was part of it.  The other two parts were the chemicals produced in my body to work and from working act as a pleasant stimulants, and it was still 75° well past 21:00.

I turned both ac's on before showering.  While it was only 70° upstairs, with me in it, an added 2° to 4° isn't impossible.  I was absolutely caked in salt.  And in spite of having washed completely, and I do mean completely, yesterday morning, it was as if I hadn't showered in a week in the nethers.  Not used to working.  Anyway, after the shower and drying off, I actually only crashed because the internet stopped functioning.  I know how to fix it, it... it was time to go to bed.

I left one ac on, the good one, said a short but solid prayer, and went to sleep.  I didn't sleep quickly.  I had to, gingerly, find the right several positions into which I could roll and lay painlessly, or more so, which took a bit to sort, then drift down through the various pains.

As I woke this morning, I came to consciousness as purposely slowly as possible.  If I was in great pain, I didn't want that to flood all at once.  If you have never been dead, you have no idea what waking into devastating pain, agony really, can truly be like.  From my sojourn into quickening, I have learned to awaken about an organ at a time.

Actually, I am feeling a bit tight but... good.  I was able to get off the floor easily.  I took my time, and let my body take the easy way, which probably wasn't necessary.  Still, no reason to push.  I am awake and well.  Sore to be sure, but little more than middling bad days after having done nothing.  Clean, feeling pretty good, and satisfied in having helped complete a useful project.  All good.  Later.

Work!

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A neighbor needed an extra set of hands.  Luckily I was awake and aware.  Up a bit late, but good enough.  He wanted to create a pen for his turkeys.  He had a smaller, mobile, pen.  It just wasn't enough.  So he envisioned a 20' by 20' pen, as a run for his 5' by 7' mobile enclosure.  A bit of work.

Pounding t posts, unrolling and wiring screening, in the 82° outdoors.  Mostly cloudy, with a storm brewing, at least the direct sun wasn't hammering us.  And fresh breezes helped.  A long, for me, day.  I was happy to help.  I wasn't just hands.  I helped idea-wise too.  Further, our mechanical ideas are similar.  If one of us thinks of a method, the other might well have stumbled on it in time.  I think I surprised him a few times.  Both with ideas and being johnny-on-the-spot with tools and parts.

It was good to work.  I need to get my cold/hot drink containers cleaned and set up.  He may ask for help in the future.  I may even be taught to drive a tractor.  I can't help much, but a few times a week, just to hold things, to get out.  It is good, even just a bit.  To think, to work, to help.  I'd do it for pay if I could do it enough.  It just... but I might be able to do a bit.  Will see.  The more difficult part is just being awake at the right times and aware of contact attempts.

I blistered and burned through those quickly.  I must remember gloves.  A great few hours anyway.  Fried.  Another shower, then gaming, then to bed early.  Awesome.

Oh, blood sugar was 225 this morning.  After breakfast and a standard dose, it dropped to 122.  Had a few pieces of pizza for supper, it is up to 169 but I didn't have insulin.  I'll dose as I head to the shower, check it in a few hours.  Ac will be set to go, then turn it to fan as I go to sleep if it is cool enough.  Later.

Perhaps.

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Blood sugar is still pulling left... high, wrong, bad, that is.  Again it started out at about 176, then after a lighter dose and fatted coffee plus several hours, it pushed to 196 again.  After a bit more to eat, and a larger dose, it is down to 140.  I plan on another, last, meal and another dose, possibly two more doses.

Last night I finally decided I had had enough.  The cot, you see, has finally become too uncomfortable.  It is made to handle nearly two hundred over my weight.  However, I am... dense.  Well overweight, but at 280 with a 38" waist and 52"~54" chest, it doesn't look (quite) as bad as it sounds.  On the odd side, it means I more cut into the cot than am distributed over the whole thing.

I suspected the floor would end up being more comfortable.  Still, I constructed the underlay with care, to include a powerful pillow under my lower calves.  Elevated legs, docs asked for it, that has become a sleep thing since my first attempt at sleeping on the floor.  Anyway, I wasn't too sure after settling in.

It ended being a much better sleep.  I have aches, but fewer of them, milder pains, and in new spots.  I suspect these will pass.  It was far easier to roll.  I probably didn't roll as often as I wanted, but I am not used to the allowance.  Rolling on the cot was expensive, consumed too much energy, was difficult, and could be painful.  As I get used to the freedom, I will use it.  Getting up off the floor wasn't too bad, either.  Oh, and I think Sam enjoyed it a lot more too.  If, as is typical with women, she kept stealing MY BLANKETS!  Human, feline, on some matters there is no difference!

 Meds are going down well.  A bit tired.  More tired?  No, if not exactly perky.  If the sun is out, I'll open up.  After a nap.  I have trimmed the whiskers, now to shower and shave.  I have been brushing my teeth again since starting medicine again.  Cycles.  Still a month off with nine or more months on at two to four times a day is far better than several times a week or even month.  Heart medicine, when all was set, and while I can keep on it, really has allowed improvements.

Lunch then a nap?  Sounds like a plan.  Later.