It took a bit.

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Between digestion and exhaustion, my world came to a very fast slowing down.  I... kept thinking about a shower.  Finally got one.  Now to dry off.  While upstairs getting some things, I took up the blankets and made the bed.  I keep trying to make it so that it will last being slept in by a giant just a bit longer.  Will know if this new plan worked soon.  Hey, I am of an engineering sort.  It isn't so much that failure isn't an option.  It's... actually guaranteed.  The only real question is... when!  I like pushing that limit.

Pain is back.  Harsh.  Headache, neckache, and other stuff.  To the point of nausea.  Not a migraine.  A wall-to-wall deep, solid, pulse of pain.  With kinks in the neck and shoulders.  Sometimes moving will cause those to sparkled, though doing nothing... they still send piercing pains from time to time.  Hmm, must be a nerve thing?  All good, it'll go in the basket for those in purgatory.  Trust me, they'll appreciate it.  I try to focus on the ones who have no other.  Those who have prayers being said for them, even masses done for their needs, need nothing from me.  I was alone... in there.  No prayers would be said, no masses.  Stuck... as here, or quite like it.  It does make me wonder, from time to time.

I do need to dry off a bit.  The ducks are up, the girls are fed.  I cleaned their pans twice today.  Refreshed their water.  A thing every time I shower, or every few days... whichever comes first.  Oh, I am making another pot of tea, and will make a final one.  Keeping up on my cold tea consumption is a bear.  Drinking up to three gallons a day, if usually more like two, yea... it takes a lot of work.  Especially with my reverse osmossis filling to slowly.  I really need to arrange that better.

Tomorrow, it is on to the other cage.  I'll do that as long as I can.  I figure I can get the three pieces in one go, but... maybe only two.  If I have energy after that, I will go to the outbuilding and tinker with blocks of remnants, to see about fitting and arranging the first cage.  It is possible to get one in and the other finished if only by parts.  I'll... keep at it.

Full.

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Dinner was good, but again, too full.  I didn't eat more than usual.  I suppose not eating a bit too often means smaller to normal meals can fill me a bit overfull.  I'll have plenty of leftovers.  Oh well.

No, no more work.  Getting to dinner took... a while.  Then getting it and eating it...  It is late, again.  It is nearing bedtime.

I did get the blankets upstairs.  The bed has been stripped, so as to be reset.  Every other, or third, day.  I would like to take a shower before going to bed.  I just showered yesterday, but that isn't the point.  A night shower, with a freshly made bed, means I can just get to work... whenever possible.  That is the goal.  A few hours of waking time, after getting out of bed.  Dressing right away, warmly.  Then to work when able.

I think I can get the other parts, for the next cage, together in one session.  As well.  I won't dryfit where it will be placed.  I will merely create a platform upon which it can sit... wide and long enough that it can take the cage... with enough room to provide adjustments as well as to be able to be set plumb... or plumb enough.

The difficult part remaining is figuring out how to put the thing together strongly enough to handle small herds of rabbits, and be able to be taken down with little more than, say, a rubber mallet.  I think... I see it.  I think it is possible.  A few remnants, with screws, to act as hitches.  And a few remnants created, far enough out of the way for the rest to swing, to act as catches.  I just made it up, mostly, so don't hate me.  I'm doing my best.

I actually enjoy working on these things.  I wish I had more money, and more energy.  I'd do all sorts of things.  Hopefully improving as I go.  If I could keep a schedule, I would try to get out and do projects for others.  Let them pay for the parts and pieces, and just provide the labor.  I wouldn't do more than a few projects a week, or a single larger one.  But... if I could, I would... tinker, make, break sometimes, and fix.

It might not be what I would have done for employ.  But in retirement, I wish I could.  Later.  Or... good night more likely.  I am winding down, and about to hit it like a cannon ball.

A good start.

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Finding parts, bits, and such always takes more time than expected.  Still, it went quickly enough, quickly than anticipated.  Not done yet, of course.  I don't even have one cage fully assembled.  What I do have is all the parts assembled, and dry fit, for the first cage.  I will need shims, wood levers, and a few other things to hold the thing together.  The hinges went in fairly well.  Finding a better place to chisel would be good.  I think, for now, it... will just have to do as is.

The dryfit went rather well.  As well, I measured for the second story, and added wood pieces for the side cage parts.  I'll have to add front and back remnants so as to create a platform, and of course a ramp.  As well, I will need to figure out a separation piece.  Well, and the other cage needs partially refit, as well as everything I am doing with this first cage.

A break.  If I can get back to it tonight, no need to walk back and forth, dry fitting, or such.  All I really need to do is resize those parts... for tonight... assuming I can.  It is about time for food.  I am having another fatted coffee.  It's only about 40 out there, but I went with it.  It was plenty warm, even for my hands.  A hot fatted coffee before starting allows for working in even a lot cooler weather, even if I can't use gloves.

I sure hope to get more done tonight.  I am quite happy with two or three hours, but would like to do more.  I am almost certain it is possible.  No guarantees.  But... yeah.  I am excited.  I honestly would like to try to get it done in plenty of time, before the last deadline.  I might even be able to pick them up.  At least the animals...  Probably.  I'd have to count my coin first, but... yea.

Later.

Late.

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It takes a while, some days.  But!  Today, and now, is the date and time!  I'll be getting out as soon as I finish the fatted coffee.  To work, at it as hard as I can.  Oh yes.  To it.  I am excited.

Fears and doubts, along with else, have bound me.

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Will my plans work?  Can I do them?  Can I stand?  Some of mind, some of body, some of... something else.  They weigh heavily, keeping me from getting to it.  So... tired, too.  But no pain today.

It has taken several hours to wake.  Dressing warm doesn't even really help.  Turning the furnace up can be as bad as having it too low.  Is there a better temperatures?  I think so, but it's not the same, day to day.

Still, after two and an half hours of waking, I am... getting there.  The girls have been fed, litter managed, ducks have received their dues.  I haven't eaten, but eating seems to drag me down lately.  I'll eat after a couple two or four items have been managed.  The plan is to install one hinge, by chiseling out a place on the faces which will be paired via the device.  After that is done, then begin resizing the last two sides.  Perhaps, if I can continue, one more set of side and base will be hinged as well.

If I can get to, or through, the second hinging, then I can get food.  And take a break.

I am making fresh tea, then will make a warm fatted coffee.  That should be good to keep me warm, give me some energy, plus not overload my system.  For as many calories as a fatted coffee has, it really doesn't fill me much.  That is, sometimes... at the start, a problem with keto.  Or, at least what I can manage with keto.  I have fried burger, with which to make a taco salad later.  That, actually, is filling.  Not the burger, but the salad and cheese.

It's to it today.  Oh, I put the whites on a second drying spin.  It should be done by this evening.  And, maybe, will be done and put up.  I think I took the blankets upstairs earlier... or they are ready?  My bedding arrangement has been perfect the last two days.  Not too hot, not too cold, and comfortable in all other ways.  I seem to slowly be sorting out the... little things.  It's really about the little things, truth be told.  Attend these, then the big things become manageable.  And, finally, with God's hand, all things become possible.  Start, however, with the little, the humble, with kindness.  Amen.

Okay, it didn't work out.

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I had a meal, later last night.  That kicked my feet out from under me.  I... crashed, hard.  I did get in some of the other pain killers.  They seemed to work.  Hmm... I wonder if they played a role in the crash?  Doubtful, but...  dinner and those were within an half hour of each other.  I know the food played a part.  Overate just a tad.

I tried a few tricks, but nothing worked.  Down, around 20:00?  No, I think it was 22:00.  I resisted the crash, but couldn't... get out from under it's thumb.  I could have kept awake, for... a long time.  But was already up too late, as my schedule is preferred to go.  So, I steered it into the ditch, crawled upstairs, and tucked in for a good nights sleep.

Sleep was beautiful.  I have learned to stay warm without getting too hot.  The girls visit, when I leave the door open.  While they do wake me, it's... I'd wake anyway.  To roll, to void, after an intense dream.  I simply don't sleep solid nights, save on rare occasions.  Plus, I love the little ones.  It is good to have living bodies around.  And, often, they visit right after a dark dream.  It's like they know, and know when to visit.

Oh, an oddity.  Since I have begun using towels on my pillows, I haven't had a bloody nose.  I was getting them twice a week, commonly.  I had to change pillows, and found the new pillow cases.  Then put the towels over and... that has been that.  Very strange, but I'll take it.

Today?  I'm going to, when I can get going, get to work on the cages.  That is all that is planned, for now.  If I can do two sessions, then I'll consider other things.  It's about 40, outside, or pretty close.  I wasn't terribly awake when I went to let the ducks out.  The door was open.  I was sure I closed up last night, but... maybe not?  Maybe I crashed too hard, fast?  Bleh.  So, it should be easy enough to work in.  Though I am hoping it warms just a bit more.  While 40 is fine for the body, it's cold for the hands.

Later.

Late, and slow, but... getting there.

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I will eat again.  Something.  Then, to it.  Showered, dressed, dishes and laundry going... ducks will be put in shortly... the girls fed before I eat.  It's working.

I haven't yet taken those other pain pills.  On it, soon.  Nothing fancy, just haven't gotten it done.  Will.

I am feeling slightly better than the slightly better of before.  Not great, just not as wretched.  Every bit better is good.  As noted, I turn pain over to those suffering in purgatory, so it's... not a complete waste.  And... going slow with the pain pills doesn't really effect work.  I can either do it or not.  All good.  I'll take them, anyway.  I have some responsibility to manage pain... reasonably.  It just isn't always possible.

Well... yes...  I think it is about time to get the critters and then myself tended, and get to work.  I am excited!  I do love to work.  And, I am so curious to see if my plan will work.  It'll be a bit, as food will take a bit.  But... I think it will get going, and I should be able to get two to four hours in tonight... probably.  Later.

A beginning.

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It took a bit to start.  I set up laundry, but didn't run them until after a shower.  Then, on to a shower.  Dishes were loaded after, then laundry started.  I am partially dressed, while air drying.  I'll dress warmly, but not too heavy.  I would guess it is in the 40's or 50's out there, and I will keep pretty warm even with moderate work.  Still, I don't want to be too cool to start, when I go to start.

It is getting late, but so be it.  I have set the alarm for an hour and an half.  I will slowly dress as the timer ticks down.  Scrounging the web for... this and that.  Music has become static, nothing new in a while, or nothing which caught my eye... or... nothing which caught my eye that hasn't been patterned before.  And none of it fresh almost at all.  Still, from time to time, I look.

Oh, I forgot to take that other pain killer.  The aspirin has helped some, but it's still rough.  As I said, it's time to work, and I can.  Pain just can't be allowed to get in the way when I can finally work.  It isn't pain which keeps me from work, it is... a fog, or exhaustion, or such.  Still, to have the pain gone, or more gone, would be quite good.  It just helps a bit.

A bit of tea, with the pills... should be a good mix.  Unless it is fatal.  Oh, well, it wouldn't be the first time.  Have a great day, and later.

Brutal.

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Not noticed when waking, but slowly more apparent as I woke.  My neck is way out, to the point of a severe headache and nausea.  Well?  Well, so what.  I may take it a bit slower, but I will work today.  A shower in about ten minutes.  Blankets upstairs and whites into the laundry.  Dishes set up.  A bit of a rest.  Then out and to it.  It seems as if the sun is up and out, for what it is worth this time of year.

It is time to work.  Hurt or not.  I took aspirin around ten, to no good affect.  I bought a different painkiller, one that is good for swelling and fevers... I didn't have anything the last time I got severely sick.  Won't do that again.  They may not be the best with heart medicine, but they won't be used regularly.  Further, when aspirin fails, it is good to have something else to try... especially if I really need to get going.

The phone went off earlier, twice.  I just couldn't find it!  Then, a few hours later, I remembered where I might have put it.  I will... keep it there, as a regular night place, from now on.  It looks like V.A. or SSA called.  Or both.  Anyway...  I do plan to create a farraday cage, perhaps triple layered if I have enough material.  Definitely double layered.  There are some... tricks to it.  As well, eventually they will be trying to get through that, design a way to transmit through such systems.  Continuous testing is good, but other means of testing will be required.  Most likely, they will change frequencies, or create a scattered or focused transmitter which isn't constantly on, or easy to notice.  They want your data.  A recorder and transmitter is all that is needed.  Your software and hardware are owned.  Unless you control or contain... even then, understand, you are always heard.  If nothing else, God knows... and... you know.  Limits.  But them?  Fuck them.  If I can give them nothing, I will.

Unfortunately, I don't think a continuation for President Trump will change this, any more than it will build the rest of the wall.  Or... I would have voted for him.  Still, a Biden win would be slightly to much worse on this and that, and dozens of other scores.  Oh... so... why not vote Trump?  Well... because, if Trump is only going to slow the decline, but not stop the demographic invasion, then it becomes a death by a thousand cuts.  I'd druther just have the whole head chopped cleanly and neatly, or Civil war to ensue... maybe both?  Cheers.  As I said, I support Trump, but not enough to vote for him.  Only to defend his legal rightful win.  Let the people have their true say, and leave it at that.  His win, too, would be a sting to those who want to change America, making it a new USSR.  There is that.

Anyway... it's about time to begin beginning!  Yeah!  Later.

Very odd.

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I was awake until... 20:30?  20:00?  No later, I believe.  Only awake that late because I missed my nap, then decided to stay awake until dark to put the ducks up.  Then just could not sleep until even later.  I slept until 09:00.  I woke several times before, 07:00, then nearly or a bit after 08:00.  Waking wasn't possible.  The sun is out today, so that is helping.  Light!  Darkness, as with yesterday, made doing anything nearly impossible.  Or... it seemed dark yesterday.

Ducks have been let out, the cats have been fed, and I have had breakfast.  The goal is a shower, then what was planned yesterday.  I keep thinking I can, but can't.  I'll... keep at it.

I think the reason I slept so long was that it was so warm?  Yea, I think so.  It is rather warm.  Even yesterday, it was in the 50's, even with the overcast nature of the day, and quite early... when I was letting the ducks out, or maybe earlier?  I can't remember exactly.  Life is a bit... difficult lately.  Memory, waking, sleeping, it's all... mixed up.  Sleeping a great deal, not able to wake as fully as would be needed to work.  It'll... come around, soon enough.

I should set an alarm for a few hours, with the hopes of taking a shower right about then.  Then get to work on the cages.  I really think they could go together quickly, if the plan works.  But there will have to be some engineering on the fly, even now.  The plans are... reasonably sorted.  But there are always, and I mean always, problems.  Still, a few hours at a time.  I suspect I can get a side and the bottom hinged, and installed, in one run.

Getting the far end installed will be and engineering project.  I need to make it so that it can slide the length direction of the cage, to allow the hinge(s) to fold.  But it also has to be able to be pinned in, somehow, so it doesn't fall apart.  As well, I have to do something to deal with the gaps due to the lack of square of the building... and maybe the cage pieces being off.  Tricky, really is.  A solid piece of wood would work, but it might well make it so that the cage can't be taken down without tearing things down.  I don't want to have to rip wood and nails out every time I need to clean.  Many problems with that.

Still, I... have a notion in my mind.  A wooden extended open square, into which remnant pegs could be installed... just removing these as needed, then sliding the end into where the begs were.  Couldn't be a square, but could be an "L"?  Maybe.  I'll know more when I get to that point.  Installing it will take odd structural supports, on the unsupported corner.  But on the wall, it should be easy... easy enough.  Probably.

Those are the only two areas which will be more complicated.  The rest should be okay.  Later.

Quiet, I am told, is how I speak the best?

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Then they storm my castle?  Fine.  Mostly.  A... few points though.

Oh, right, it's... time to blog.

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I have been up since 06:30.  It is already 08:16.  I have just been reading, roughly, and watching vids.  Hmm, I think I forgot to turn the heat up, if that wouldn't have helped?  Nor hurt.  I'm... it takes a while to wake, some mornings longer than others.  I have enjoyed the waking time, if it hasn't been all that successful.  Still, I... think it is working, slowly.

Slow.

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Breakfast, just now.  I did put the blankets into the dryer.  The girls have been fed and watered.  Their litter?  Either last night as I was going to bed, or more likely this morning.  The ducks have been let out, a bit more food added to their container, and water checked... looks good.  Not frozen, and full enough in various places.  Oh, but I did refresh their small dishpan of water.  I quite enjoy the critters, of whichever species.

It was still pretty cool out there, just at or below 40.  Even indoors, it was a bit too chill, so I turned the heat up... especially after going out.  The goals haven't changed.  If... it will just have to happen when it happens.  I do believe I will nap, for as long as it takes, and hit it when I can.  It will happen, today.  I am just not sure when.  I plan on at least one session, maybe two, of an hour to two per.  Plus some work indoors.  A shower first, which should help me get going.

It'll happen.  I even espied the chisel I will be using.  It's the biggest bit I have, and inch, inch and an half?  Something like that.  Oh... for the hinges... so they will sit flush.

It's time for a nap.  Then a shower, a slight rest, and then to work.  After the shower, I will reset dishes.

Down early, and hard.

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It wasn't too much past that last post, at 19:00... not 17:00(?), when I went down.  Oh, I knew it was 19:00, if I wrote 17:00, but the mind and body... if I made that mistake... weren't fully cooperating at that point.  Not only did I do some things, but that is the longest I  have been awake in... weeks?  It was a double shot of the stuff of life.  Anyway, it was shortly thereafter, an half hour or less, most likely less and a lot less, that I was in bed and sleeping.  I remember my head hitting the pillow, and wondering how long it would...

The next thing I remember, it was 04:52, or :47, or :57.  I had waken to void a few times, but no recall of time.  I doubt if I even bothered looking.  I probably only looked that time because while doing, I got a charlie horse and had to stretch, stand, and walk it out.  Still, not time to wake.  I think I turned the fan off, and went back to bed.  The fan helps to sleep, and stay asleep, but it makes waking much more difficult.

Around 06:00 I started to begin waking, finally getting out of bed at about 06:30, give or take smaller change... ten minutes or less... probably.  Close enough.  I tore my bed down, adding in the clean blankets, while taking a few other blankets down to be washed, and actually already starting those as I wake.  I have one more blanket... bedspread really, to wash.  Then I'll be set for winter.

Today?  First... to wake.  I have a few grumps from yesterday.  Very slight lower back, leg cramps if I am not careful, and a serious weariness of flesh.  Not exhaustion, or tiredness, but literally a bit burned out.  No major problems.  But a few serious ones?  Something.  The hope is to do spots of domestic chores, mixed with spots of working on the cages, and resting when required.

I got the base removed from out in the outbuilding.  Plus wires trimmed where needed, and a few other things.  Plus, everything is back to the garage, where it can be hinges can be insalled.  I would really like to make a top and side and bottom and side hinged, but hinges are in too short of supply, and I need those for the tops.  I'm not absolutely sure they will fit, anyway.  Ugh...  One way or another, I will sort them out.  The goal is to be able to remove the bottom cage so as to scoop poop easier.  The method is immaterial.  Still, engineering on the fly is... questionable, at best.  Yet finding the method of the wheel... which has surely been done and documented before, would take more time than just figure it out.  Ach.

That is the plan.  If I can get an hour or two, just on cages, even four days a week, I may well have it done even this week.  Though, definitely, by the... hmm... she said Saturday the 4th.... either Friday the 4th or Saturday the 5th...  I'll... clarify...  Anyway...  I will be done by then, for sure.  Even if I have to do a few minor or even major rebuilds.

I... do have chisels... if need be, I can score and remove wood for better hinge fitting, if thickness is a problem.  Oh... just... thinking.  I have been wanting to chisel something out... just not on a clock?  Yeah, maybe.  Anyway... later.  I best get to waking.  Then a shower and breakfast.  Then digesting that.  Then on to work, by... sometime before... or after, thank you Loretta... lunch.  :p  Later.

Monday... Okay.

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I received a visitor.  On their way to do some things, wanting to know if I could go along.  Of course!  A bit rough, but mostly ready.  So, on to town.  Business.  As well, while in town, I was able to get hay and wood chips.  Plus, help with a few things.  I am a bit on the jealous side... he got a welder.  Ah, well, it is the better form of jealousy... the non-begrudging sort.

Then, back to do some works.  I did some minor work on the hutch, then helped him... lightly.  I was running out of steam.  So, I did what I could to help with his projects.  A slower pace.  It is what I could do.

A call, from the rabbit lady.  First to my friend.  He gave her my contact information and then she called me.  Last I thought, it was Sunday today... so...  But, I made her a deal she... probably... could have discounted.  But she was kind, and has allowed me two more weeks.  It WILL be done.  If I have to beg help, offer a soldering stations, promise the first batches of rabbits... whatever it takes.  Or I lose everything.  I want them, for many reasons.  A secondary, stable, food source is part of it.  There is potential for furs.  And... just... a bit of an added livestock hobby.

I ended up doing a bit of work on the hutches today, and helping out a bit.  I am... satisfied, if also quite tired.  I think things started at about 9:00?  Things just finished up, for me, around 18:30?  I... took breaks, wasn't working, even standing, most of the time.  Mostly just... in attendance, though quick with a wrench or socket, putting a light on this or that, and helping as possible.  Well, and talking his ear off, when I'd forget.  Most... humans... men anyway... tend to get earaches when they hear too many words per hour!  I can overspeak in about... 13.23343243208094 seconds... for the whole hour.

Actually, I can outchat most dames.  Which... is a bit embarrassing... until it's not.  I don't see people very often.  I have... a lot I have considered.  I am curious what people think and why.  And much else.  It's like a cloistered monk, who has taken a vow of silence... voluntarily or through isolation... and gets to speak for days... to anyone who will listen... at random periods of time for random periods of time.  I've only spoken to... four people... including cashiers... maybe five to ten people in the last few months... and for minutes rather than even hours.  I can do it, it just explains... some things.  Not an excuse, a reason.

Anyway.  When I realize they are going into shellshock, I button it for as long as I can remember... before the shelling begins anew.  Oh... I can talk through the universe, and back again.

It's about time for bed.  I am truly enjoying the new sheets.  I think, at least for a time, I will keep a top sheet as well as bottom.  Some nights I might tear the bed up, some nights not.  Worth the risk, I think.  Good night.

Up.

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It looks like the Trump presidency is turning up the heat, and going on the offensive.  They had to wait for this, and that, plus legal sparring takes time... things have to cook to a point where they can be argued, sued, handled, or announced.  It... just takes time.  I am not a patient man.  I wanted it, and now.  Belief is weak, especially in politicians.  Even president Trump.

Yes, I am on his side.  I didn't vote for him.  He didn't build the wall.  He won't build the wall.  Still, given the fraud I had zero doubts about from the start, and what that meant for the future, I have no choice but to support him.  He is right.  His claims are legal, binding, and etc.  However, that means nothing if you don't have physical and legal defense that can withstand what is being thrown his way, even attacking his legal teams... one already took the ticket and sold out.

Supporting president Trump is not a safe thing.  If he wins, decides to fight through, he will... possibly... go after those involved with the conspiracy.  The little fish?  Probably not.  The double voters, who live in two states, and others?  Doubtful.  Though he should strip them of their claim to a vote, ability to contribute to candidates, and their ability to participate in elections... but I don't see that... assuming he wins.

He won't be able to strip the bureaucracies of Trump-supporter haters.  We will still be facing their wrath and hate.  Remember, a large swath of government bureaucrats ARE antifa and/or blm.  So, supporting him has few upsides, and a lot of downsides... for those of us who depend on one system or another.  Heck, the medical field is filled with American and Trump haters.  Haters, not dislikers.  Believe it.  From x-ray techs, to accountants and front desk people, to the doctors and nurses.

So, yes, risks.  And... no matter how correct he may be, if a nation is corrupted, from courts to representatives, to the military... and there is some of that, probably a lot of that... to police forces... being right comes down to what you can defend.  The people, obviously, are with him.  But there is a limit in what we could do.  Coordination, etc.  He will have to depend on what is still American, and legal and moral, to defend his claims, and support his legitimacy.  That is more the catch, for me, than anything else.

Will he win?  Win lose or draw, he has my support until this has been sorted.  I still won't vote for him.  I will merely support the will of the people as legitimately voted.  Nothing more.  Until or unless he builds the wall, pretty much completely.  And raises it another ten... if it is failing.  Plus, keeping border patrol active and at similar levels, with even more lethal capacity.  Run?  Die.

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On another topic, it seems I have been shunned.  One of the catholic pages... I'm all but sure... decided a recent post was a bit too much.  Either that or they have been censored.  Being the only page to no longer be available, I am suspecting it is the former.  So be it.  I made no such claims, merely noted an anomaly which might indicate someone else did, or was jacking with me.  Still, you gotta do what you gotta do.

At first it stung.  But... stings are good.  They made me wake up and think about what I wrote.  If I indicated more that what I present here?  It is a miss-reading or miss-writing.  A, there are no living saints, b, I wouldn't count myself among such if they existed... too flawed, c, it actually frightened me to think someone else might have thought such a thing... made that connection.  But, as mentioned, you do you.

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Oh, today?  Well, to it if I can.  I have managed the cold.  I have slept a goodly bit.  It feels like days of sleep.  I'm not in good shape, but I'm not in great pain or exhaustion.  I'll.... I'll do what I can.  A shower shortly.  Dishes and laundry have been ongoing and nearly done, and will continue.  And, hopefully, out to the cages.  Tick-tock.  I seem out of time before I realize I am being timed!  Ugh.  Later.

Just enough.

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Awake time.  Just enough to get the ducks in.  They didn't want to go in.  I was able to get the indian runners and the muscovy drake in.  The muscovy ladies just would not go in.  Fine.  They can get in on their own, so I don't worry about them.  Herc has a heck of a time.  Between his week flying and that by the time he decides to try to get in, he can't see... it's too dark, he and the runners are the only ones which need put away.  Still, I would rather the hens go in too.  Refuse, they do.  So be it.

Wast it 17:00 or 18:00 when I went down?  After staying up to put them in, I lost track.  Something about... pushing too far past needing to sleep can make getting to be difficult.  I woke a bit before midnight.  I'm not sure I am awake for the day, I have no real control at the moment.  Sleeping six, twelve, eighteen, even longer, hours in a row, then being awake for just four to eight hours.  No control.  Nor do I have any idea when... it is.  Days are going by at a moment, or I seem to be awake for days.

I can sleep through a day whole, but when I am awake, even for short periods, it is as if that few hours lasts a week.  Odd how perception can be.  It's as if a record is put on the wrong setting, or a tape begins to stretch.  Time... the perception of it... alters.  The thing is, asleep or awake, I am so very tired all of the time.  I don't know when it is, or... was... will be?  Lost in some sort of ether time-space anomaly.

I have fixed, for the now, being too cold.  For now.  I'll get going on other things soon.  Soon?  Soon.

Later.

So very cold!

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I had been fine, lately.  Not today.  I am absolutely freezing.  It isn't even all that cold outside... or wasn't?  It's just above freezing, so... not really all that bad.  I don't know.  I added extra layers, missing one as a shower is still in the hoping.  Then again, replaced it with only a slightly less warm option, plus turned the heat up.  It doesn't compute.  Ah... probably the moisture.  No... it's reading 37% humidity... at least indoors.  But when it's wet outside, and above freezing, that moisture seems to get right into the bones... carries on every breeze, creeps through even layers of clothes.

Freezing.  Toe hurting type of cold.  Even have a warmer jacket on.  Finger are cold.  Blarmy.  A hot fatted tea or coffee, or two... would be good.  I'll get on that.

Oh... someone is trying to signal... something.  I had heard of this, just... hadn't... thought... things through.  Okay, yea, I hear you.  True?  I don't know.  I only write what I saw.  I don't even always consider... everything... all the way through.  I don't think any more about some of what I perceive, or do, or whatnot... than I think abut putting on my boots, or brushing my teeth, or such.  It just happens, and I seem to be roughly involved.

As I slip back to sleep...

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I remember someone who wondered about my guilt.  Questioned it.

Guilt?  Oh, yes.  They saw it as a weakness.  I see it as a gift.  Not the bearing of it, I hand it over as well and responsibly as possible.  But there is always... a bit of it around.  Confessing a sin, while that is good, there is often still a yearning for the sin confessed.  So, not always can the sin be fully surrendered.  Perhaps, over time.  With effort and will and work, it can eventually be rooted and burned entirely.  So, guilt will remain, to some degree.  For me, for now.

Aye, but that guilt is the blessing of the knowledge of salvation, the wanting of it, knowing what is wrong and rejecting it, if not quite fully yet, and more.  It is a mark that one is on the path.

Besides?  I could sense her guilt, and great shame.  She remembers things she has done to "prove" various things.  Things she didn't want to do.  Things she knew were wrong, on many levels.  Evil.  She knows it.  She could bury it from herself, but not from one such as me or that bit of her who knows God.  I even... saw some of her great guilts, even for just injuring herself... not just the injuries, but how they were done.  Though there were... others.  And, yes, she knows.  She just refuses to acknowledge what she knows.

Terrible things to see.  Be glad you can't see.  The most beautiful women can be the worst of monsters.  Know that.  I have seen it, plainly.  I'm not sure they have control anymore.  Some of them.  Though... this one... I did tell her there is a way back.  And, for her, there is.  If... she chose it.

So... guilt?  Well, it's as with slavery to God.  It is the least of the best, but on the way.  When I cannot do God's will, I attempt to be His slave.  When I cannot fully release the want of a sin performed, I can nurse guilt.  The lessor ways, the "easier" ways (so it seems, but truth is, letting go is far easier, when done rightly).  As with being a slave... better to become a servant, then even on to a child, than to remain a slave.  But that takes... training, learning, will, strengthened virtues... or surrendering to the darkness and going on to deaths of various sorts.

Such... thoughts.  It... must be Sunday?  Ha!  Who would have guessed.  Oh, and amen.

The phone...

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I finally figured some things out on it.  Calling my mother, yesterday, was the easy thing.  Adding a few contacts was next.  Not bad.  Then to texting.  Oh... what a horrible experience.  I can receive texts, but sending return texts... probably won't happen often.  No punctuation marks, not even a period... or not quickly, that I can see.  You have to go to another menu for those.  No... just... no.

I won't text often, but that is fine.  I have a number now, and can make a few calls.  And receive calls.  And receive texts.  A very good start.  Cost a lot, but that was plan and phone, so... all good.  With no sell-back value, I am going to tape over the camera.  It's not a good one anyway.  Just understand, your camera isn't really for you.  Even on these simple phones, it can be a viewer or a camera for... whoever.  Heck, they can probably take pictures with your phone and send them to themselves, or people on your list.

That fob, recently fired for masturbating in a virtual meeting?  I'd bet dollars to donuts he was jacked.  Not that I care about that one.  The ones who dumped him wanted the slot for a young, lesbian, zit of color?  Or, just didn't like that he looks like an old white guy.  He isn't, but close enough at this point.  Yea, believe as you wish.  Not your camera, phone, or mic.  You just carry it.

I did text my mother and a friend, to let them know.  I think, from now on, putting contacts into the phone?  I'll call, whoever, first.  Then add that call in as a contact.  It's not fun to create contacts on these phones.  They aren't well suited for much.  I can see why my mother hates these, for certain things.  They are simpler, but are they any more secure?  Won't be using them for as much though, so... it's more about getting your phone number jacked.  Even with my smart phone, when it was relatively new, that was done locally... if when living in Logan.

Ugh, not sure I'm ready to be awake quite yet.  So much sleep, still tired.  Can't quite wake.  I will reset the laundry and dishes, then crash for a bit longer.  Later. 

So tired.

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I stayed up long enough to get the birds away.  I can get them to go in earlier than sundown, but it takes a bit of patience.  A novelty I am not currently in possession.  I also put one more load of laundry through.  The woolens are dry, but I had a few other things to hang to air dry.  And the two blankets were put into the dryer.  I'll be checking those shortly.  Probably another run for them.

I did put the new sheets on.  Wonderful.  Quite nice.  I'm not sure a top sheet works for me.  I roll like a bear, often.  As well, I kick my feet out for cooling from time to time.  The top sheet ends up in a ball... somewhere.  I am going to keep trying it.  It has nice qualities.  Tucking doesn't work.  Anyway...  After this set of blankets is finished, I will wash a few more, until all of my blankets are clean for winter.  I am rethinking adding another set of pillow cases to the pillows.  Doubling up just... seems better.  I don't, technically, need it.  I just think it will allow the pillows to last a bit longer, and stay in better condition generally for their duration.

I have no idea when I went to bed.  Perhaps 19:00?  I woke several times through the night, but it didn't really catch, until about 04:00.  I sit, after fussing with a few things.  I'll get to laundry, then litter, and reset dishes?  Shortly?  Ah, and fresh tea.  Perhaps something for breakfast.  I think I missed slow acting insulin last night.  It's difficult when all I am is crushingly tired.  Can't see through it.  See some things, do what I see... or what I can of what I see... then crash so hard tomorrow and today merge into yesterday before I can wake!  Bleh.

I'll... see about things.  Later.

Well? Not nothing!

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I... was out of bird feed.  I thought the place was open, so went in to check.  Apparently... they aren't usually open on Saturdays.  Today was my lucky, and their unlucky, day.  They are behind, for whatever reason.  So they had to be there.  Office staff wasn't in, but the guys new the program and were able to get me out the door with enough food to keep the birds in feathers.  There was just enough to feed them today, just.

There water was thawed, or could be opened easily, this morning.  So, that was all good.  I will be leaving food in with them, from now on, overnight.  Plus water.  I just wish I had a plug or three out there, one definitely, for a water heater.  Nothing too potent, just enough.  And, I might pull the pool closer, and fill that sometimes.  Not all the time, just... sometimes.  A treat.  The indian runners love their baths, spring, summer, fall, and winter, snow, shine, hot or cold, but really only once in a while.  The muscovys don't bath at all, from what I have seen.  Air baths though... they do love that.

I went on in to town, to check on the phone.  Just in time, it seems.  I got my old number back, and a new flip-phone.  Nothing fancy, but it still cost a pretty penny.  Meh.  I let it charge.  It had to update, several times?  Then I called my mother.  Woke her, but she was torn between talking and sleeping, so we danced a bit through both.  *grins*  She will be calling back tonight.  Make sure it works.  So... two... deadlines... managed.  I am not sure how much longer  the phone had, but it had to be running down... to keep the number.

It's a pain to put the numbers into, but I will get that when I can.  So... tired.  You know it.  I just can't do much.  Headache, hungry, thirsty, sore, tired, frustrated.  I'm getting nowhere.  Nowhere at all.  I... yeah.

So, what?  I don't know.  I... can't get going.  Crashing.  Hard.  I'm wrestling with it.  I have coffee brewing.  Going to try.  Suspect failure.  Later.

She asked.

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First, a few warmups.  Just... go with it.

Between dreams, thoughts, and... visions.

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Just... a collection of thoughts and vids.  Makes sense to me, good luck for yourself.

Awake, again.

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I took my blood sugar, after waking earlier.  It was 136 at ~19:00.  No food since, sleeping most of the time, though I did take slow acting insulin as I went back to bed... whenever that was... a few hours after, so between 21:00 and 23:00, weighted more probably to the earlier range.  Waking, blood sugar is 256 double fasting.  Ugh.  Well, I'll keep at it.

I checked the ducks, and their water out of curiosity.  They are fine.  Their water has some ice, but wasn't iced through.  I broke it up.  I had thought to put food in with them, but... nah.  Not without water.  Further, the water may freeze solid before the sun comes up... if it comes up.  If it stays overcast it will, mostly, probably, be okay still.  I just don't want to feed them without being sure they will have water.  I'm not sure that is a thing, but... suspect it may be.

I am planning on another shower.  Then another load of laundry and dishes.  I brought down some of the blankets, and pillow cases, plus put on new pillowcases.  I was using one of the blankets as an impromptu sheet.  But with the new sheets in, and washed and dried finally, I will get those on.  I have enough for two sets of bottom and top flat sheets.  If they are suitable, and I like them, I will get a few more.  The pillow cases are fantastic as well.  I have enough for four changes... three changes plus one set on... something in there.  I have decided to use them on singly.  I had been doubling them.  It just isn't necessary.  It wouldn't stop bleed throughs anyway, merely double the number of cases which have to be washed.  I have towels for when I'm having bloody nose issues.  And they seem to work well.

So... yes.  Breakfast, as well.  Soon.  After a shower I think.  The ground is... it looks snowy, but is really more ice.  It was slush that looked like snow, then just froze down.  Crunchy.  I should salt the driveway.  That is about as much as I can do, initially.  The plow won't help with this much.  It is supposed to warm, though next week?  If... they tagged it correctly.  Later.

Was so tired.

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It doesn't take much to kick my legs out from under me.  It was a reasonable effort, this morning, though.  I tried to get to bed around noon, but it took until 14:00... give or take smaller change.  I woke at around 20:00.

Ducks.  Always, as soon and quickly as possible, I get out, do a head count, and shut them in.  Usually food in with them, but not tonight... or yet.  It is snowing.  Their food was out in a container in the yard and got all wet.  It snowed and rained tonight.  It was falling out of the trees by the snowball!  Ugh, as if I took a shower, just being out a minute or two.  And, yes, one hit exactly correctly to melt down from the back of my neck to my chill factor!  Wee!

I will probably get them food before too long.  For the next days or week, until this stops, I'll keep their food in the hutch.  I have been getting them water, so far, about three times a day.  It isn't all completely fresh, there isn't a lot of it, but it... is staying unfrozen with the frequent refilling... Actually, I should dump it at night.  No reason to put water in with them.  They don't use it when it is dark, and it will be frozen by dawn.

It was 18 degrees, as a starter, most of this morning.  I didn't see pre and just post sunup, this was later, say about 08:30~09:00... or so.  Oh, and it is a very wet snow, from being intermingled with rain, or raining first, or... whatever.  Unfortunately, there isn't enough for the plow to really take.  Or even a shovel?  It's pretty thin.  

It's sort of just a nasty thing.  More like an October thing, usually.  While we haven't had a summer, late fall and early winter have been strangely mild.  Next week is supposed to warm up again.  It should have turned, snowed us in maybe a bit, then now be a mostly hard cold, closed for winter, sort of thing.  I'll take it though.  I love my winter, I just have things I am trying to do.

As for work?  Like it or not, after I get waken, if I am definitely up, I will get out and begin working.  I am pretty sure I can get the last three panels done, plus remove the other panels, and hopefully get one of the cages pretty much installed.  I think I can, at least, when I begin work.  I know.  I'm so rough.  I do what I can, which has been very darned little.  Later.

A start.

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A couple of out of place things done, but very good.  Boss visited, bearing gifts, offering to get the plow going plus checking a troubling breaker, and in need of a saw... and kit.  All good, very good.  With the chains and plow on, and mower deck off, if it snows I won't, necessarily, be stuck.  What with the garage turned into a workshop, the vehicles are out of doors.  I had hoped to rent a garage for one of them, by now, but... no chance.  Money, money, money, push, shove, go, stop!

I did help, as was able.  And, I got the dishes reset and laundry going.  Plus, the laundry, being woolens, has been washed and set out to dry.  I have a little collapsible rack dryer for smaller items, which has been pulled out and employed for it's purpose.  Mostly socks, but a few wool watch caps.  I was just about to hit dishes, when the visit started up.

I was also making brats for breakfast.  They got a little overdone, what with the mower switch.  Still, good enough to eat.  Dishes will just have to wait a bit.  Ducks are watered and fed, but need to get more water out.  Freezing out there.  I'll have to begin watering them several times a day... as often as I remember, really.  A couple gallons, at least twice a day.  I really would like to send a runner, to create a 40 amp subpanel in that outbuilding, to add a water heater of some sort.  And a light or two, plus a few sockets.  No lights for winter eggs, just for seeing what I am doing, counting my fowl friends, and such.

Amazing how much that wore me out.  I'll... get to more, soon.  Oh, I think I have a better idea about the panels... for the caging... so as to have access to underneath.  I will keep the one back, side, panel in.  Solid.  I will then add hinges to it, attached to the bottom plate screen.  I will make the far, outside, side, plate a push in, pull out, sort of deal.  Yes, I think it will work.  I can do that with both big cages.  If... I can get to it!  Ugh.

I will start as soon as I can.  A bit worn, as mention.  But I have done a nice little bit today.  Perhaps a nap, then more later.  I think I can.  I'll keep pushing, as well as I am able.  Later.

Oh, well, awake, again.

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When did I go to bed again?  I have no real clue.  I think I woke at 19:00ish?  Dealt with the ducks and girls... did a bit of domestic work?  Down by 21:00?  Midnight?  I would guess those were the boundaries.  Just a guess.  I couldn't work, so might as well sleep.  That, for now, is t he game plan.  Otherwise I am always tired and drain batteries being awake.

One thing that might help is being warm.  So, dressing warm and... oh right... turning up the heat first thing... are the way to go.  So, I will turn up the heat.  Dressed moderately warm, though could do better.  A second layer on the legs.  Two one the feet already, Two tops, plus a housecoat... a warm one.  Sort of okay, but not quite.  Warmer!

Then a shower.  Hmm, probably breakfast first.  And a fatted tea with it... or coffee.  I was planning to order more instant coffee, but they jacked the price again.  Not an issue.  I just won't buy.  Even if I run out?  Coffee, at this point, is a luxury, not a necessity.  I can easily go without coffee forever, at this point.  And, if they mess with anything else, I have gone caffeine free for an extended period.  It wasn't convenient, but doable.  I just slept a lot more.  I am medically retired, can't do all that much anyway, so... *shrug*  Don't bet against me, you lose.  We are all watching now, and have little to be stolen.  Guess, but guess again.

I am sure I can get to work today.  A few light loads, at least one out on the line... probably both.  Dishes quickly, as I sort breakfast.  Then a reset and dishes done after breakfast and a break, then right before a shower.  Hmm, and whisker trimming first thing, maybe an actual shave later.  Cats fed, ducks out as soon as the sun is up well enough.  Ugh...  I think so.  Probably.

THEN getting to construction?  Yep.  I am guessing I can get the morning stuff, plus two breaks in, before ten.  Then hit it at ten to eleven?  It's the goal.  I am hoping to have the three pieces reset by noon.  A good long break, or nap.  The removing the other parts, scooping more poop out.  Then resetting at least that one cage, perhaps framing in a base for the second cage.  I... think so... perhaps.  Then, tomorrow, putting in the final cage.  And, maybe, beginning on the smaller cages.  Those might go very fast, being able to measure, frame, and construct, all in one place.  Framing them in will be vastly easier.  I can create the squares, then simply devise a square platform, rather than trying to build around a 15 degree out of trim  wall.  It's the plan.  Wish me luck.

I keep expecting news from Trumps impending victory.  They are still stalling the count, to give the left and deepstate time to imprint a Biden win on the masses.  It... doesn't look to be working.  Who knows, they might get it done.  But it will be, at this point, by brute force against the majority who know they are about to permanently have their input in national affairs stripped from them.  They seem to go along with much, as long as they have a news outlet to seem sad with them.  I think they botched FOXes outing as anti-American.

We will see.  If Trump escapes the fraud, he'll have a chance to reset things.  Will he?  I... fear not.  He seems more worried about a second term than making things right and fair.  I like him, mostly.  Not enough to vote for him, he lied, didn't do the one thing he promised that I wanted.  Cool.  Biden will simply hand it to Harris, who will receive marching orders from China.  Not sure that will last.  All good, it may well go to civil war whichever way it goes.  Cool.  Not the best of things, but it's... baked in the cake, at this point, as they say.

Later.

Well?

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Back to napping, fortunately or not.  I... can't get going.  So, rather than waste my time being awake when I can't function, I will go on back to bed.  It will work out, soon.  I hope, and pray.

I did some looking.  More on rubik's cubes.  Advanced methods.  Mind you, I made improvements to the basic method on my own.  And learned many moves, so that I don't actually have to think to do, I know.  However, improving much beyond where I am will take special fingering, and more advanced methods and algorithms.

Sleep was later than hoped.

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Couldn't do it.  So, waking is later than hoped.  However, life is improving.  Some sun helped.  It had been days?  Yes, nearing a week, or so it seemed.  No sun is hard on my system.  They try to gaslight, calling it SADD.  Truth is, it is natural for any and all mammals.  When it gets dark, and cold, as a general rule, we look for shelter, store up food or fat, and try to sleep it off.  It simply isn't... natural, for us to be awake when we can't see or act easily.

I suppose, when there were few, travel during the seasons was the thing to do.  As tribes took over areas, and became hostile about food and territory, movement stopped being an option.  Then storing and sleeping became all that was possible.  Well, and fattening.  Some human types up north remain rather chunky, as is possible, and probably naturally store more as winter approaches... if possible.  A vegetarian can't really store up, if in native realms, those are also known as bad hunters.  And women without men.

Can I get to work yet tonight?  Maybe.  Unlikely, at least outside.  But I might be able to hit the indoor work, and be ready to tackle it hard tomorrow.  I am feeling like work, if it is still a bit difficult.  I did some today.  Would like to do more.  I'd like to wear myself out a bit, so I can sleep earlier and better.  There is a chance.  But, without having to go anywhere tomorrow, working should be easier no matter what.  And, another shower.  I'll trim the whiskers tonight, and be ready to shave, as well, tomorrow.

Hmm, I'd like to do my watchcaps, and other woolens, as well tonight.  Plus finish the dratted dishes, and reset another load.  Well, and manage what has been dried.  I'm not sure what is up with food, meats, and all, but I can check on that too.  Little bits, of this and that.  I got the ducks in, and they are all in this time.  Herc won't, probably, mess with staying out again.  He's still a young one.  I... understand.  Can be fatal for boys, more so than girls... if boys are self deadly just as a general thing.  A gift to dames, if one they rarely even appreciate.  Later.

Ah, well, we'll see.

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Breakfast, a shower, to the post office, then to the bank.  No money, so... nothing else this month.  As to cage work?  It... could happen.  The sun is out.  It is a winter day, if not the worst of them.  But it is fairly cool, even cold, out there.  I am dressed warm enough to get to some things... if I can get to some things.  Oh, and Herc is back.  

I am sure it was him, out there.  He was whimpering like a lost boy.  I went out, searching, but with his coloring, and nature fear, he was impossible for me to find.  A hunting animal wouldn't have had a problem finding him, however.  His scent... and their better night vision.  Still, his mottled coloring is... impressive... as camo.  Still, I'll make sure they are in, from now on.  If it gets too dark, he just can't find his way in.  And he isn't as good at flying as the girls.  He is a very big boy.

Yeah.  I don't know.  A nap, then hopefully some work?  I can't work right now.  Just had another meal.  Ugh.  A nap might be possible.  I am feeling better.  So I might be able to keep it just at a nap.  Hmm... I'll think about it.  I think there is some hope to get going, sooner rather than later, and do some serious work.  Dishes are just reset.  And a few loads of laundry have been put through... one finished drying, probably, the other just washed.  Yeah.  I'm... starting.  But... $26 in the bank?  Something seems wrong.  *sigh*

Later.

A new start, day?

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It has been a very bad few days, weeks, longer...  I get going, or almost, then fall.  Falling for days.  Sleeping long hours, waking only a few.  No matter how hard I push, nothing has been giving.  I don't hurt, not much.  Some usual aches and pains.  Well, and I ripped my hands up pretty good on the cages.  Metal bits and splinters left my hands a bit of a mess.  I wore gloves for what I could, which helped.  But the gloves were in the way sometimes.

Blood sugar is slowly lowering.  At 236 fasting, with careful dosing, and better eating, I am getting to 150, and lower probably, but without crashing.  Haven't crashed for a few days, anyway.  Between dark days, the cold of about 26... at night... and else, I haven't been able to do more than sleep and sit.  It's on my mind, but the body just isn't able... at the moment.

Eating has helped.  Eggs aren't my favorite, so insubstantial.  But they are far better than nothing.  Adding in sausage, having toasted rye from time to time, fatted coffees and teas, and the chicken... if that is gone.  I haven't been able to cook.  Perhaps today?  I will be taking very needed shower shortly, after breakfast.  I will be working on the cages today.  And, perhaps, a bit more.

So much to do, though.  Cooking, cleaning, laundry, cages, vacuuming, and all else.  It's a lot of work.  I am behind in every way, and have been for months... since before the fall.  Still, there is today, and tomorrow, until there isn't.  A breakfast and shower will help.  I'll turn the heat up a bit, too.  That helps a good deal.  I haven't even been able to play games.  Oh, well, the rubik's cube... but that's minutes at a time, and I can't play that for too long.  A few iterations, then an half hour or day off.

Oh, the drake is out, perhaps gone?  I thought I heard him out.  I turned a few lights on, in hopes he can find his way back.  Not sure if he left, or wasn't in, or got out but couldn't get back in?  All the ladies and, of course, the non-flying elder drake is in.  I worry about him.  He is a big bird, but there are a lot of things which could eat him easily.  Later.

Almost 03:00.

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Bedtime was... 15:00, or later.  How much later I have no idea.  I meant to look, once I got upstairs, for an exact number.  I got in, tucked, and crashed before I could even remember.  The notion crossed my mind, that I had meant to do that, as I was blanking.  But... at that point, which was almost instantaneous anyway, was neither a call or regret, only a soft, blurry, memory of a thought from earlier.

I woke a few times.  Softly.  I dreamed the deaths of a few people.  One, a woman, I have met through locals.  Not a potential or anything, just... a family or family friend.  I... she was negotiating.  It wasn't her time, she said.  She had things to do.  Her family!  Ultimately, she didn't want to die.  There were responses.  I am not sure death can or will give more time.  I don't know... how that ended.  If... I suspect she died.

The other was a fellow, out, going fast.  On a motorcycle?  in a car with the windows down?  Something.  At this time of year?  Well, anyway, he... didn't do well.  Ice patch?  Bump in the road?  It... wasn't going to go well, in any way.  He didn't speak, things were happening too fast.  But he resisted death with all his might.  Again, I don't know the conclusion.

Was I death, or merely with him?  I wasn't in this form.  When we see people, they appear as ghosts to us.  Like the Nazgul, in the movies.  That is, when we even notice you, which isn't all the time.  This world of flesh is tainted, insubstantial even to the spiritual, for the sin that abides here.  When you are fully connected back with your soul, and back in perfected flesh, then will we know each other as we could.  Though... there are... questions.

Who would need war, or death, or famine, or else, beyond the veil?  Still... I am almost certain God says we will have a place.  As Pinocchio... an unreal, but willed and servile child, given form, then purpose, then finally life?  I can't say.  I only know it would be... a thing.  I have greater faith in God than I do in my doubts.  There is that.  Though, either way, I would serve to my end, grateful for the opportunity to be a part of the means of Truth.  Aye.

Oh, but this wasn't my brother, the rider.  This was an angel, I do believe.  The one who ends men at their time.  Thanatos, or the death women?  I don't think so.  Oddly, I believe there are various aspects who present death to man.  To the damned, the death they deserve... not in pain, necessarily.  Rain will fall on the roofs of the houses of all men.  But... the death one gets comes from where you are going.  Until the Apocalypse.  That... is a different form altogether.  The words means different things, if the ends are similar.  In the Apocalypse, death is more often a gift than a curse.  As with the angel of death.  If rarely seen that way.

Hmm... that lot of work makes me hungry!  Don't hate me.  Trust me, the options are... far worse.  A grace, even if a coup de grace.  I'll have to get to breakfast, then a shower, before long.  Good morning and day.  Later.

Still awake.

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I'll check, outside, shortly.  Ice, snow... something was out earlier.  Probably still out.  Vehicles passing the window sound to be kicking up fluid.  Plenty of vehicles, so they might be melting what is on the road.  More, but not too much more.  Snow, no longer a skift or flow, but with some depth.  Oh well.  Not much I can do, one way or another.

Ah, well, it looks to have partially melted off.  Yes, still, still, awake.  Can't sleep.  Need to sleep.  It is starting to hurt.  Hmm... I'll... think on it.  Work on it.

Blood sugar was ~450ish fasting.  So, I gave it a bit more of a goose, 25 cc's, I think.  Along with breakfast.  I have really been enjoying eggs... an omelet this morning, with fresh onion, cheddar, and rye toast... plus a fatted coffee.  I tested a few hours later.  Couldn't eat, just checking.  It was 223.  I was about to give a decent dose with a fatted coffee, but decided to check again... often it won't change.  It has been four hours after fasting, eating, then checking again?  Something.  Should have been settled.

A very good thing I checked.  It had dropped to 149.  Not perfect, but not bad.  Further, dosing.  Wisely?  I still gave it an 8 cc dose.  Just... because.  And I am having a fatted coffee.  So... it's good.  I may have a green pea and scrambled egg mess as I go to bed as well.  Too many eggs, but they sure taste good after a lengthy hiatus.  Yeah.

Ah, as to rubik's cube solutions.  I... have been slowly improving, if just mechanical speed.  I haven't, yet, altered my methods further.  I may try a bit more... a medium set of solution improvements.  As is, I can... perhaps usually do... solve the cube in under 1:10.  Not bad... but not great.  As to world record?  I wouldn't mess with that.  Last I heard it is under three seconds?  Definitely under four.  I have to wonder what they take to get that... chemically.  Yea... I think so.  It'll cost them.  Though, the testing is so secretive, I have some... doubts... as well.

A few more.

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Never sure how to take.  As a jest, an accusation, a promise, a presentation?  Is it from anger, spite, jealousy, hope?  I just... never can be sure.  I see patterns, and... present as I see them.  Some are simple algorithmic echoes.  Others?  I sense... thought, to them.  A connection, to someone.  They are pointed.  It's how I do.  A few more.  All presented before, if some not for a very long time.

Sometimes the songs... just pop and fit.

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New and old.  Just two.  But... they brought a smile to my face, and so well fit the dreams.

A lot of sleep.

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No real choice.  I went down, somewhere after 09:00, but before 13:00.  I just... don't know when.  I woke at 17:37... the ducks.  No bark this time, waking was natural and so much easier.  I put the ducks in, bolted the door, and went back to bed.  It is just almost midnight as I wake.  Oh, I woke at various times.  Various past and potential women on my mind.  Haunting, teasing, denying, whatever.

I have things to do.  If need be, and able, I will nap in a few more hours.  Or... if possible, go right on back to bed.  Up to feed the girls.  Check their litter and water.  And, well, it seemed time.  But the time is so wrong for potential tomorrow.  Time will tell what is able to be done.  It looks like we got snow, too.  Bleh.  I'll... have to figure that out on top of else.

I am not worried about the ducks, they have relatively fresh water and food in with them.  I will want to check the water, make sure they could break through... or replace it.  It has been freezing, but thinly so far.  Ugh.  But with the dark, from the overcast, I may just leave them in.  The hungry things begin to realize scarcity about now, and... begin tasking risks by near-day hunting, if they feel the need.  Winter is hungrier than summer... and it hasn't been much of a summer.  Later.

Oh, right, a visitor last night.

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I know which one it was.  She had a way of doing that, when we lived together.  Even when we had stopped being lovers, she would... crawl in with me some nights.  Difficult.  But... I have... a will... you can't imagine.  Was she testing me, or... loving me, trustfully?  I never... worried.  I just did what I do, did, as I felt called.  And, I loved her, without sex.

I was awake, I am sure.  I felt the covers lift.  At first I thought it was one of the cats.  But... no... the door was closed.  It was when she crawled in, if keeping to her area, that I knew.  I... always smiled a bit.  I suppose, in these times, it was as if a daughter crawled in.  Good to have the company, but... love in a different form.  I just enjoyed having her company.

I didn't let her know I knew she was there.  She might have slipped away.  I am not sure if she knew she was here, though I am certain she knew she was with me... the part of her that was here.  I just... smiled... and went on back to sleep.  Later, I woke, with her cuddling up.  I just left it at that, and went back on to sleep.

It hurts, a bit, to love so well, even rightly, and to yet to be so far apart.  It was a good night anyway.

I have the dishes out, ready for a shower.  But it is so dark!  I had another meal, and will take more insulin.  Blood sugar is staying right around 250.  I can get it lower, but not easily without crashing it currently.  I'll keep working on it.  Thankfully, I found more carb tabs upstairs.  I have ten, just in case, but that's it.  If, when, I can make it back to town, I may try to purchase more.  I need vitamins anyway.  It's finding a store that doesn't require a mask.  I may call some of the drugstores.  Walmart is a place I will no longer use.  Amazon has jacked the prices, and slowed delivery to a week or two, with prime.  They may have to be let go as well.  Without the speed of delivery and reasonable prices, they lose all value... at least to me.

It's bedtime again.  I tried to get going, but there is no way for me to do so.  Later.

Sleep, much needed, had.

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Finished for a while?  I can't say.

Not sure when I woke in the literal morning, or how sleep went before that.  I may have posted about it, but can't focus to read.  What I do know is, I went down, yesterday afternoon, around 13:00~14:30.  Waking to barking at 17:30... right at dusk... if because of the sun being lower or cloudy, I... couldn't make out for certain.  I wanted to go right back to bed, but between twisted innards and some other things, my want was not possible.

Down, though, at about 21:00.  And, now, getting back up at 04:00.  I thought it was 05:00, but... the upstairs alarm was on the incorrect timezone... a simple bump.  One of the flaws of that alarm.  Though... it... so many different buttons can be bumped, I have to check that it is on my time zone, that it is in the 24 hour config, and some other things.  So... using it means I have to come more fully awake.

Today?  A few more dishes, laundry, egg casserole, burger crumble, eating, and back to working on the cages.  I want to pull what has been put in.  It shouldn't be too much trouble.  The reason?  I want to make it so that the bottom and one side screen can be pulled, in order that I can clean the poop out.  Otherwise I would have to crawl under there.  Not... going... to... happen.  So... I need to craft installation for... if not complete removal, at least hinged action so as to get in there.  Bleh.  But... think ahead or try to juggle bowling balls, eggs, and pool balls later.  Choices.

 I have two drummies left.  That might be a breakfast start.  A few hours, on a timer, then I can tinker with dishes, put in a load of laundry, and begin the casserole.  Another rest, then to the ducks and girls... feeding and else.  Already handled their litter, so.  Oh, anyone else noted that the grocery bags have improved.  They were either sabotaging them, store employees or management, both?  Or they were buying more and more inferior bags, with holes in them, easily torn, etc.  I finally noticed, if actually by deviation.  Today was the first bag in... a very long time... that I found with a hole in it, while clearing litter.

Yes, work, and more work, if possible.  The dark makes it difficult.  Not sure if it is still overcast, or will be, but... it's possible.  I'll do what I can.  Later.

Dog. Barking.

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I was still quite asleep.  I still need to be asleep.  I heard the barking.  It was very close, aggressive.  Out of bed, as fast as I could.  Dressed and downstairs.  It still probably took five minutes.  Out the door.  No dog.  The barking had just been for an instant.  The ducks were all in.  But, that they were all in tells me that, yes, there had been a threat.

Everyone looked good, no blood, feathers, or guts... that I could see.  Still, better safe than sorry.  It was just getting dark.  Usually they would just be near the hutch, not in it.  All good.  Safely, or as safely as possible, stowed for the night.  Can't see Herc at night.  He is mostly dark, with few flecks of white, mottled.  Invisible, almost, unless you have night eyes and a visual scent to go by.  He is nearly a thirty pound bird.  So, yea, well camoed.

Oh, but it hurt to wake.  I am still dead tired.  Rising so quickly, for defense, leaves me with a terrible headache, aches everywhere, and a harsh stomach ache.  I ate rightly, but too rightly and too well.  Can't go, yet, but it's brewing.  Which is why I hadn't been eating... digestion takes forever.  I'll... remember that with my next meals.  Smaller bites, fewer of them.  Oh... diced onions, in the casserole, too.  Yes indeed.  A regular rectangular pan will provide enough squares for two meals a week.  Cheese melted on top of some of it, as I warm it in the oven... on broiler if I want a cheese crust.

Now to settle, perhaps 'go', then get back to bed.  There is no way I am in shape to stay up.  Sleep!

I thought...

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Well... I thought... it was someone else.  And, while it was, she thought it was her.

I may have overeaten.

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Oh, but it was delicious.  I haven't had a good real whole full breakfast in a very long time.  The eggs where slightly overdone, but not badly.  There was still some runny yoke.  The sausages are as perfect as I have ever had.  And the toast was just right.  Fatted coffee and a glass of milk as well.  I suppose a small dose of fresh fruit would have been the topper.  But... I won't complain.

It isn't even that I ate a lot.  It's that I haven't eaten a whole, good, full, meal, in a while.  Two to three small pieces of chicken, or a fatted coffee, or a portion of grapes.  Between lack of hunger and inability to digest food, or cook, or... too busy, too tired, too ill... it's been a no-go.  So, yea, it was a treat.  But I am beginning to crash.  My body is hung up on dealing with that food.  Not a sugar crash, at least.  Just... the digestive tract of a dragon.  Like a snake, but with legs and wings.  *wink*

I did get the recycling to the outside barrel, but with two very small, partial, bags, I didn't bother taking it to the curb.  Remember, energy is scant.  I was hoping to save up to work.  Which... I don't think so.  Plus, it's cloudy, which isn't helping.  Ugh.  I'll... do what I can, when I can.  No extra dishes done, no laundry.  I will put the sausages up, deal with a casserole and pickling eggs later.

Still, not bad.  I think the food, in time, will help more than it has hurt.  I need food to work, even if it takes downtime to digest.  And, later, I'll have egg casserole, if nothing else gets done.  That should last a week or so.  Especially if I get the burger cooked, so to make taco salad and... else.  Food is a fundamental.  Batch is the only way, though, if I want a chance at work.  Can only do just so much.  Later.

Link sausages.

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It's been a very long time since I had some.  Longer still since I cooked my own.  Travel food, sometimes, when on the road.  Along with else breakfast type foods.  I used to think they couldn't do as much bad with breakfast food, but... oh yes... they can, and do.  Started getting heartburn every time.  The fats they use... or what passes for fats, and the ingredients in the food?  Yea.  Might as well go to a candy store, with as much sugar and else they stuff in even breakfast food.

I will have two, fresh, as I finish the others.  Going to cook them all.  four with breakfast, a portion for an egg casserole, and a portion for adding to pickled eggs?  That last is a hope.  It means boiling, peeling, and pickling eggs.  I won't do too many, an half gallon worth of the mix.  It doesn't last as long, or well, as they suggest.  The texture turns bad.  Might still be good, but it... yea... no.  It lasts a month, maybe two.  No matter where you store it.  I prefer the counter.  In the fridge, it takes on... odd flavors.  My fridge is old, but it would anyway.

Done!  And?  Perfect!  Sausage has to be fully and well done, but burning it to charcoal, even partly, really isn't good.  This is just at that stage before juice all goes.  Done, absolutely done, but not desiccated.  Oh, and far, vastly, superior to greasy spoons.  For as much as they charge, that really shouldn't be that way.  Who even eats there these days?  No wonder there are so few eaters.  Especially the chains.

I am really looking forward to breakfast.  I even purchased bread.  Rye is the lowest, so I bought two loaves to compare.  I know which one to buy next time.  It has 17 carbs, before dropping for fiber... which is heavier that the other as well.  All around better.  Still, a rare treat.  But, okay.  I... just can't do a perfect keto.  I end up eating right, right until I end up eating everything.  Plan the fail, guide to a better bad, and pray it will do.

Oh... I have the recycling ready to go out.  I should check.  It might be too late, or not.  Not sure if there will be two sacks with the one I take out.  I'll check and... hope... whichever way.  Later.

A bit of it.

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It reads 26 out there.  And there is a brisk wind, probably 6~8 knots steady, from the north... perhaps slight north west.  But it didn't seem all that cold.  I got the cat litter reset, swept under them, and put mats down.  I purchased, hopefully, catcher mats, for anything they track or kick out.  They are larger than anticipated.  Measurements, online, aren't... always... very accurate.  So, I have an extra, which is good, and plenty of overlap, which is also good.

Trash has gone out.  Mostly litter.  The stove top has been cleared, to be cleaned later.  Yipee!  I can finally, soon, probably, get back to cooking again.  I'd like to fry link sausages.  A few fresh, with fried eggs this morning.  A few sliced into rounds for egg, sausage, cheese, and... ... something? casserole.  And, probably, a few for the freezer?  Or should I simply freeze half?  I got them in a bigger lot.  Anyway...

As well, I'd like to fry some ground meat slurry crumble... turkey, burger, pork, whatever ground I have... in some sort of mix.  For taco salad, to add into other things... even with eggs for an meat and cheese omelet.  Who can ever tell what that will go into.  I don't spice it much, but you have to salt it.  Fried ground meats, unsalted while cooking, always have a hollow feel and sense to them.  Perhaps mildly spices with onion and garlic powders, and perhaps some heat and or another spice or three.  Not everything, but things I use in almost all of my meat crumble recipes.  I rarely add cinnamon or clove, for example, so... no... not in a three pound lot.

Bit by bit, I can do more this morning.  The trash is out, and to the curb.  There might be more, can't be certain... if I think... I am done with that for the day.  Other than sacking the bins back up.  Though, perhaps... recycling?  As well, dishes, then a shower, then more dishes in... what was on the stove.  Bleh.  But they are pots and pans, and will be few and easy.  Hmm... I wonder if the angle grinder might help?  Dunno.  Been thinking about it for a while.

Still, a good start.  Tuckering, so I'll sit for a bit.  I'll set the alarm for an hour or so, and check the recycling.  Even just getting it bagged for sure, and out, would be a good thing.  To the curb if I add a bag and there is also one still in?  Yea.  I'll... just... rest a bit.  Later.

Oh, so much better!

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No, not even close, yet, to good.  Just... better.  You don't know what bad is until you have had worse.  I was four or five stages on into worse, by magnitudes, not increments.  I am now... two stages into worse?  Something.  BETTER!  Not good, BETTER.  A lot better though.  Magnitudes, not increments.  Three or four to the improvement.  Much much better.

Part of it has been sleeping at will.  Well, and pushing to be awake as along, per awakening, as possible... up to a certain point.  Going to bed tired, literally not by feeling, is the only way to sleep.  Staying up too long becomes insomnia, and sleep becomes impossible.  Sleeping too long becomes... another form of insomnia.  As well, trying to do what is possible, and maybe just a bit more, while awake... dishes, laundry.  They may seem, even be, trivial.  But they help immensely.  Even if I have to shove to do two or three little chores, or parts of chores... something is vastly superior to nothing... when I can realize to do.

Trash.  It's Monday morning... thankfully early.  I gathered the trash for the upstairs bedside bin... which has been full for... a while, a long while.  Got it!  Now to get what is downstairs, or... that which is amenable to quick disposal... bag, barrel, and curb it.  Recycling?  I don't think I have enough.  Maybe for a single bag?  Maybe.  But, yeah, trash.  And, after, reset the dishes and put the other dishes away.  This time for sure.

Blood sugar is 285 this morning.  High, true, but down nearly three hundred from when I started back up, just a few days ago.  So... yeah.  Still, I have to be very careful with doses.  I am going down and just hitting 10 to 12 cc's, daily.  With my diet, and what is becoming a keto body set, I am a cheap insulin drunk... and I don't have tabs.  Food works, but it's a long painful process to get blood sugar back up... it pretty much kills the day that way.  Tabs aren't good, but they are fast, and after an hour or two I am usually back on track to whatever I might be capable of doing.  Choices.  I have... things to do.

A shower before the dishes.  Work, perhaps two sessions, this morning... on the cages.  A bit of business.  Hopefully more work this afternoon, on the cages.  I'll keep at it.  Feeling better, even if it is just for moments as I wake, sure helps.  I'll tinker as I wake, set an alarm for an hour or two out, then hit it.  I thank God for every opportunity, fleeting as they may be.  And I... think this one will work out.  Later. 

Such a very fast response!

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Oh, I'll... draft this.  A bit late, but... it'll still be noted as very timely.  These, as they are patterned, and from long long ago, or new... some of them... showed up almost immediately.  Actually... no... not almost anything.  They were there right away.  So, I... captured and will set them out.  This would have been published at just before 10:00, if that doesn't mean much... an hour or so after the last post... (the post before that, actually... time... isn't what it seems).  I wanted to give things more time.  Just... because.  Anyway...

Reading and feeling are not congruent.

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Congruent?  They don't match.  They disagree.  After a meal, if just after, blood sugar is at 151.  But it still feels like I'm having an insulin drop.  A severe one.  Still dizzy, nauseous, fevered, and some other things.  Mushrooms with some leftover chicken, not a lot.  couldn't eat very much.  I ate a reasonable amount to call it a full meal, but just.

I am not sure what else to do.  Go take a nap?  I am not sure that is a choice.  Falling, quickly.  Not sure that is the best idea, not, as mentioned, necessarily a choice.  Muscles are burning.  It's an odd thing.  Not doing well, not at all.  I have had worse.  I have also, and usually, had better.  I wish I had more carb tabs.  I may check the medicine cupboard... there might be some left.  I just don't think so.  Even hiking out to check... I'll... need to get prepped for the energy burn.  Tired.

Yeah, I think on to bed.  When I can regain enough energy to check the cupboard, and elsewise get going.  I'll... get there, soon enough.  Good morning, day, and night.

Awake but...

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Well?  It's been... touch and go for a while now.  Why?  A dozen and one reasons.  A thousand and one?  Can't seem to live, or die.  Feel awful?  Feel good?  Doesn't matter, can't get to things either way.

I keep thinking it is much later.

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At two, I thought it would be about five.  At three thirty, I thought it was like... six, maybe even nine.  Ugh.

I haven't been able to do much.  Still very... off.  I did fry mushrooms.  Oh, by the way, I did get butter.  AND...  I had butter, canned butter.  I don't have a lot of it, but I have enough that, once in a while, if I am out, I can't seem to get to town, I can get some.  I did that in the middle of last week, plus did order butter but forgot I had ordered it... so thought I was out?  Never... mind...

A bit oversalted.  Hunger has a way of dealing with minor culinary faux pas, and that worked this time.  While good, it isn't quite enough.  But just getting up and going to cook even little bits is difficult.  I have been trapped in my chair for hours.  I have been hungry since I woke.  I don't know if I have enough going to get back to the kitchen.  Not sure what to cook if I do.

I would like to brown up ground meats, for taco salad... for with cabbage... and... who knows what else.  As well, I'd like to fry link sausages, and with that, cheese, and more mushrooms, make an egg casserole.  That sounds fantastic, but a lot of work.  I need to clear and clean the stove top.  I think I have pans, it's just what is in the way otherwise.  Yeah.  So hungry!  So... lame.  So tired, ill, off.  Ugh.

It looks like yt is taking a time out.  They are waiting, to see who finally actually wins.  They may well be destructive against their enemies, either way.  But... they may be careful if the "wrong" guy wins...  Still, someone, or something, is leaving little notes.  Questions, doubts, inquisitions, offers?  Who knows.  I'm not sure I will put them up, but maybe.  Not yet, now...

Oh, by the way, Trump isn't done.  He... has a few choices to make.  He could just walk away.  He may play civilly and win through the courts.  Or he could go scorched earth.  He seems to fear scorched earth.  Not sure it's in him, even for some greats costs... though I may be wrong.  Playing golf?  One way or the other, he isn't too worried.  Even allowing an invitation to join in a wedding party, for pictures?

If he doesn't fight this, and win, democracy in America is over.  America is over.  Everyone knows Joe didn't get more votes than Obama.  Heck, Obama didn't get nearly as many votes as he got.  McCain and Romney simply knew their places.  Not... a good thing, mind you.  If he allows this level of cheating, we will become a Chinese protectorate, Taiwan will fall, hell, Australia may well be rezoned as Chinese.  No great loss there, just... the idea.  Japan, too, will be lost.  If... that would be an actual loss.

And expect much more where it exists, and many more areas, to be attacked by the "US".  The wars will never end.  As with empty Chinese cities, empty wars are a means of spending tax dollars, enriching crony friends and allies.  Africa will be flooded, as well, with Europeans, US, and other national armies.  I don't even think they'll bother to make them covert.  Lots else.

In America?  The dems are already making lists of their enemies.  The repubs, who agreed to play nice for more illegal alien slave workers and federal bailouts?  Won't be around to enjoy those.  Even Amy will be removed, or made irrelevant, even if she did betray Trump.  It's... not enough.  Once they know they can print to 200% of the electorate to cheat, republicans will never win again, everyone will know it, and only the corrupt will hold any lever of power.  Republicans and independents will be removed, and as roughly as they are considering removing Trump... or worse.  Don't be surprised to see live executions.  Antifa, blm, released... allowed... to do as they wish.

I am surprised to see it move this far and fast.  But, here we are.  The war is upon us.  The question is, how far will the legitimate government go to defend Americans, and how far will the traitors go?  I don't think either side can back down.  The left would eat each other, pretty nearly literally, for such.  If Americans back down, we no longer live in America.  We have become the world.  What people wanted to move here to get away from.  Time will tell.

Some things have improved.

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For a bit, even doing the rubik's cube regularly was becoming impossible.  Couldn't maintain cognitive function.  I could do between zero and three in a row, before breaking down.  Then, in the next set, I would get worse.  Until I couldn't get the speed sets done, and had to go back to the initial, simple, sluggish, slow, methods, of completing the cube.  I could still do them, but... not the fast way, and not well even the slow way.  It was taking three to five minutes to complete them.

Now I am back to somewhat better function.  I can do the fast way, multiples of multiples, at a time.  Doing them in sets, with music in the background.  For a song lasting, say, 3:41, I can easily do two, and nearly three.  Or stop at two, reset, and with two completions and two resets, end at about 2:20~2:40 timestamps.  And, I can do it for, as many songs as I can line up... and bother listening to...  For a song lasting 8:06, I was able to do six completions, plus five resets... after having done three shorter songs before.

I am still tired.  I am sore, as well.  Losing ~50 pounds in three days is... probably... physically difficult.  Even if I nominally weight between 260 and 280.  I think I still have extra fluid, so I probably weigh a bit more, even now.  Still... that's... a lot of body mass going away.  It's going to hurt.  Had to happen though.  I can see why I haven't been working well.  Even just with wet lungs, breathing is... difficult.  With wet everything, I... am surprised I didn't die.  Some failure, or other.  I'll keep at it, as I am able though.

A few days of work, with what is done, should probably get it finished.  Even at the pace of yesterday.  A few hours a day.  Yeah, I... asked my friend to send a text, and the remaining debt, plus a nice chunk of apology change.  Not sure it will help, but... it may soothe... anger.  It depends on if space had become a premium for her.  Money isn't everything, but if coming from poverty, it... may mean a bit more?  Better than some options, to be sure.  Humility, too, might help.

I would go back to sleep, the way that I feel.  But I just can't.  Sleep isn't possible.  Work isn't really doable, either.  I don't want to listen to music, I don't want to... probably can't play games, it's just... I guess I get to hurt, and do little things as able.  I did reset the dishes.  Perhaps watching a video?  Maybe, it's about at the level of capacity.  While I can do rubik's cube solutions, that actually hurts... adds to the headache.  I just... it was something to do before I realized it was adding to the suffering... while I was waking.  Bleh.

Oh, medicine.  Later.