Goals, sometimes versus realities.

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As with tonight... today?  The goal was to be awake until 18:00.  I think it was more like 19:00 or nearing 20:00? when I got to bed.  It just took a bit.  I did get the shower taken.  And a few odd last things.  Then had to drift down and to sleep.  But, that's not... bad.

The second goal was to sleep until between two and four.  I started waking at midnight.  Usually I can stretch two hours, with some effort.  Not tonight.  I kept waking, and waking, and waking.  I'll bet I woke five times before I simply couldn't go back to sleep.  I only made it to 1:05.

Still, neither was a total, horrible, miss.  And, while I didn't get everything done, yesterday, more toward the end, than I had hoped?  I... did okay.  I just ran out of steam.  I did get a nice small batch of efforts done.  And set things up for a good start this morning.

First thing?  Weighin.  I'll probably start doing this once a week.  Or... if it is worth it.  Since I'm not trying, I'm just watching.  If it keeps dropping, it is worth watching.  If not, I'll... back off.  Today?  I dropped from 265.8 to 262.8.  I think that has been this week.  Three pounds?  How?  I am not working that much, nor eating that little.  I am, mostly, watching what I eat, or trying.  But haven't I always, and for a long time?  I... have some suspicions.  Still, quite nice.

A few alterations to the plan.

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I couldn't sweep, so mop, in the areas I wanted to hit.  A bit too much to do to get to it.  However, I did some of what was in the way, as a start.  As well, I switched over to get a bag of trash and a bag of recycling out.  Then rebagged those bins.  Not bad.

I did get dirty laundry out of the bathroom.  Removed the hose by which I used the hydraulic jet sprayer down the drains.  I'll have to bring that back, later.  But, for now, it was in the way.  I took the shop vac out and emptied it's tank.  After the shower I do think I can get that filled with chlorinated water.  Get it started at being cleaned out.

Alright, later and doing okay.

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I haven't gotten to work, much.  I did clean off the freezer, but not just the top.  It needed more work, so I gave it more.  I washed down the front and side which are exposed, and... were needing some care.  Well, and the top too.  Very good. The dishe will get hit shortly.  This task wore me out a bit.  Because beside a dish rag and elbow grease, I also used a drill with a brush which also required some elbow grease.  Pure dish rag cleaning just wasn't getting some of the older stuff.  Done!

But, yeah, dishes shortly.  I will definitely kick out one of the dishpans, drying it, after a refresh of a hot rinse.  The other groups?  Probably a wash and reset to a final soapy soak.  Then, before bedtime, a finish wash, then rinse, dry, and set out for air drying.  All good.

I have been keeping Sassy fed, her litter managed as well.  Her water was replaced yesterday, so it's got another day or two.  Well, and giving her itches, scratches, and general attention as I walk by.  Sometimes she looks up at me, as if she thinks she is in trouble.  I... can't remember the last time she was in trouble with me.  I just let her know she is good.  Besides, she is usually right.  Seriously, if she is giving me problems, it usually turns out I didn't do something I should have... her litter is bad, her water needs changed, or I haven't fed her rightly and recently.  I... don't get mad at her, when she fusses, anymore.  I just go check her world, and figure out what she needs.

I already had vinegar with water.  So, that is it for the day.  I did check my blood sugar earlier, it had fallen to 223.  Just now it is sitting at 233.  I have to remember that my blood sugar usually rises through the day, no matter what else.  Usually.  But, that is still a drop from the just previous read of 245?  Or so.  Bleh.  I will say, the vinegar is having... very unusual effects.  I would never have believed.  Then again, these are just initial datapoints.  Have to see about fasting blood sugar tomorrow, and through the day, and from then on for a bit.  But... it does look promising.  Who knows, though.  Perhaps it will work great for a day or two, then just up and stop.  I'll... know in... a while.

Hmm.  Went to take a leak.  Got busy.  Did the dishes.  The two bigger loads did need a refresh.  But they should be sparkly when finished.  The smaller dishpan worth of stuff was good.  Just a warming with hot water, drying, now air drying.  While at it, I got the wet/shop vacuum emptied.  After the last loads are finished and out of the way, I'll shower.  But, after that, I'll load the tub with hot chlorinated water, vacuum that up, and leave it in there overnight.  Emptying anything possibly left in the tank down the drain.  Possibly along with a bit of drain cleaner.  Then, tomorrow morning, hit the drains with the water jet mechanism... to definitely push out any residuals, while hopefully cleaning out the pipes just a little?  One can... try.  My mother suggested it.  I just haven't gotten to it, yet.  Needed to rest a bit.

So... yes.  A... good day.  Not much done.  I couldn't do much.  But more than I was honestly expecting.  I keep checking the kefir.  I changed the bottles, so need to wash out the old ones.  After the shower, those will go in for a soak, along with some other dishes and bottles.  Hint, don't put relatively clean, new, jars in with acutally dirty dishes.  Bleh.  Live and learn, if some time back.  Years ago now?  Probably going on a decage.  Odd how pain serves memory so well!

Yeah, after the shower, I will set up another batch of dishes.  If before the shower, I will sweep the areas first.  I'll... get to things.  Life isn't bad, when I can work.  I am also trying to stay awake until 18:00, then wake around two or four, if I can stay down that late?  Trying to get days and nights back in order.  I have... other systems possibly coming into play in order to see to that a bit better?  We'll see.

Again, well?

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Okay.  I checked blood sugar closer to when I ate.  To make sure it hadn't continued to drop, or risen.  It was 229 just before eating.  Cool.  Three points wasn't a real difference, but it's... good to know.  So, I went out, got the griddle going, set up my helper tray... with foods, laser thermometer, fats, etc.  And then got to it.

It is taking some time to learn this thing.  First?  You have to have fats.  Just... add them.  I don't care what you are cooking.  Seed oils would be easier, but I don't use those.  Coconut, in the "winter" is a bit of a pain, so I only use that sometimes.  Mostly, currently, butter and tallow.  Thick.

Okay, pudding, proof?

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Not so fast, junior.  However, a strong initial datapoint?  I would say so.

Blood sugar.  It was better, mostly, than at any time recently... in the last four days since I have started testing again... after breakfast, at 287.  I had a vinegar water mix (red wine this time).  Then, just recently, nearly two and a half hours later, I tested again.  And?  226.  That is a 61 point drop.  Very nice.

It is almost time to have another meal.  Eggs and... something.  I may go bad, and just have corned beef hash... canned... with the eggs.  Why?  Well, I currently don't have anything else.  Cook it in tallow, or coconut oil.  Then have eggs in similar.  I am currently using coconut oil, tallow, or butter.  I would like to make and jar up ghee.  We'll see if I get to it.

I need to wash pint and quart jars, to do a number of things.  But, first, I need to wash the dishes otherwise in the way.  Which I started this morning.  So, there is hope I will get to those jars before too long.  Maybe even today.

I also need to purchase some strapping, to hold the pipe up.  Where the patch was replaced.  It... the new patch, which I am grateful for mind you... isn't as... good as the last patch.  I think I need to go in, and look around at HD and Lowe's.  It DOES tighten down, fully, unlike the other one.  The bands go further.  But, it is still a bit big for the pipes, technically.  But, the pipes are old, and the world is crazy, stupid, these days.  Not sure they even make the right sizes, necessarily for anything, these days.

I can't get out for a while.  A bit low on cash, and a bit tired.  Hopefully some work, some cleaning, a shower between batches of dishes, cooking, feeding and tending Sassy otherwise?  Yes, I think so.  But, I can't get out.  Mass, it is hoped, if at all possible.  Saturday, or Sunday, early or late, as is possible.

But payday isn't until Monday.  Hmm... might get out before then?  Maybe.  There is... something else I would like to do.  Though... maybe Monday would be better, for that, even so.  Ugh.  A bit confused, tired, and such.  I'll... think on things.

Dishes were set up a while ago.  I think I'll hit them, right after this.  Then, reset them.  I am guessing at least one load will require another wash.  One load is rinsing.  But will rinse twice.  The other load?  One is a huge load, one is a small load, and the rinsing stuff is small, which is why I went with three.

Oh, but I need to clear the freezertop off, first.  And probably wash and rinse it.  No major issue.  Most of what needs to be moved is big, and easy.  And it isn't really dirty, hasn't been used, just needs... a refresh.  Then I can hit dishes a bit later, after breakfast.

With the dishes finished, that set, I'll get a shower next.  If I can, after that, I'll set up any remaining dishes.  And or the jars.  Not sure how many dishes remain, after this load.  Jars?  Since I want ghee made as soon as possible... after finding a lot of simple butter (just cream and salt) on sale, I bought... ten pounds?  Not sure how much ghee that will make, but I have heard it will make about a pint per pound.  Assuming I don't burn or otherwise ruin it.

Yeah.  I'll see.  Oh, I also need to clean out the shop vac.  Wash it out, try to clean it as much as possible.  Then vacuum clorinated water to help clear and clean it.  Gotta take care of your tools, if at all possible.

So... there you go.  But, the vinegar may honestly bring down blood sugar, which... roughly indicates some drop in insulin.  Curious.  I'll see what future datapoints indicate.

Oh, and I am beginning to look at other fermented foods... fresh sauerkraut, kimchi, beet kvass, and a few other things.  Just... foods I can eat, and with a good conscience.  There was a time I wouldn't have believed I could eat even plain yogurt.  I am so far past that.  Now, other things I didn't think were possible are now lining up, and I think I'll be able to do.  Mostly going carnivore, but I'll bet even a lion, from rare time to time, gets a load of grass or leaves that just gets in the way.  I'll just aim a bit better.

Learning, slowly.

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So many things to learn, so few good sources with all of it together, and correct.  I learned a few thigns last night.  Some of it was review, some of it was new.  Oils, cooking oils, or fats... a review.  Sure, yes, I know, seed oils, for the vast majority, are simply terribly unhealthy.  Animal fats, for the most part, are better.

But, some things I learned, and was backed up by other of my own research?  There is one vegitable oil that is good, coconut.  If it is processed cold, virgin.  As well, while avocado virgin, cold pressed, oil is good, it is NOT good for cooking.  It has such a low smoke point, that using it to cook, minimum of 300 F is needed, and that makes avocado oil toxic.  Good for cold uses, such as in salads.  If the avocado oil is made to be sold for cooking, and is plain tasting?  It is just as bad as seed oils.  Ugh.

The best, from what I could find, is ghee.  It has a high smoke point (over 500 F), is of animal fats, and hits every positive health need and want.  Super.  I am hoping to get my shit together, and get some ghee made up.  I'll... add a vid.

Oh, but something else I learned?  The best oil or fat for deep frying?  None.  Don't deep fry, certainly not regularly.  Quarterly?  Okay.  Not the best, even so, but... okay.  Life happens.  Oh, and for best oil?  At that point, it doesn't matter.  Peanut is probably easier to find, cheaper.  But from a health standpoint, it doesn't matter.  Further?  Don't filter and save the oil.  That is far worse.  Just don't do it.  Bacon grease is different, that you can do.  But that is rendered, not truly deep fried, or refried.

I did call.

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Last night.  My mother.  She didn't answer.  She did call back a bit later.  A nice, simple, talk.  Foods we have been eating, places she has gone, work done.  I try not to disagree.  She takes it personally.  So I just nod and agree.  Still, got caught up a bit.  Oh, and don't rush her through, or change the topic?  I do my best.

Eggs on the griddle, and pre-baked potatoes backed again.  Good.  Two kefirs, so far, and a coffee.  Still tired.  The food made me more tired.  The coffee helped a bit, but that is passing.  I may turn kefir before long, or after a nap.

I am supposed to be receiving packages today.  Just not certain they are going to show up today.  Usually they are listed as being delivered.  None of them are showing that.  We'll see.  I'm not worried about a day.

It grew cold out.  I think, before I went to bed at a bit after midnight, I looked.  It was 36 or 34.  Above freezing.  This morning it has been 30 or lower.  Rain has been hitting too.  Surprised we haven't had more snow.  Many higher up?  I just can't be sure, but I suspect so.  It almost has to have snowed.

So tired.  I did a lot of work these last days... week really.  From using wrenches, to clearing hallways, to... so many different things.  I don't mind, if I can do it.  But, over time, it causes a crash.  I'm trying to keep from crashing, just not sure that is possible.  Even so, as mentioned, all good.  I avoided, this time, on this thing, a big bill.  A potentially huge bill.  What's worse, the bill(s), some of them, one of them for certain, wouldn't have helped the problem, at all.

I texted my friend.  He may be bringing the parts by today.  I had promised him something, I kept forgetting to give it to him, and he forgot to ask.  All good, things happen when they happen.  I think I have to nap.  So I'll let him know it's ready for him, and where it is.

Bleh.  I'm shot.  I have to go down.  Still have the window open up there.  May keep it open, and close the door.  Try to keep it to just a nap?  Not sure that is possible.

Up at twenty two after midnight.

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I attempted to sleep more.  Actually, my body was trying to wake up by 21:00.  I did well to make it as late as I did.  While I was awake until 17:00, my body is used to going to bed at nine, at the latest, and pushing it even then.  So, it... wants to wake up in a more normal time.  Pushing one way, then the other.  But... okay.  There is hope I can push back into days, and with an easier life, keep to days again... for a while... until the heat becomes excessive.

Though, perhaps, I can get a window installed, and a bigger ac unit in that window, in the spare bedroom, and use that for the downstais.  With one upstairs.  So that I can... live in some semblance of comfort.  Maybe.  We'll see.  I'd have to buy the window, then get it installed.  Well, after pulling the old window.  Ugh.  I might be able to do the latter, but the installation I would minimally need help with.  As to buying, of course that is on me.  Would be a good thing, that old window is a serious heat and cooling leak.  Might consider a hood for that window, too?  Money, money, money.  Maybe not.  But the window, and an ac for it... a big one... yes.

Oh, right.  I did get the tub cleaned, mostly.  And a shower after.  Fanstastic!  Love that.  I may get another shower in sometime today.  And, perhaps, work on the tub a bit more.  No laundry until the replacement parts arrive, and are installed, but that is good.  I can get to dishes, and another shower before that.  All good.

It seemed colder, when coming down.  I had the furnace at 68, but it was colder yet.  So I turned it up.  Later, it... still seemed cold, so I added a few more degrees.  Usually it kicks right in when pushing it up.  Had it the first time?  It sure wasn't this time.  Hmm...

Then I remembered I had looked at the filter, in the furnace.  Have to shut the furnace off when doing that.  Didn't turn the furnace back on.  I went downstairs.  While down there, I grabbed the flashlight to check the water.  I have a container down there, to catch water from when opening the patch.  I wanted to see if water had flowed back from the long shower I took.  Just... to make sure.  Nope, it all went out, or so much of it that any backflow would be neglible.  I looked at other places to see if anything was leaking or such.  Nope, all good.  

Then I completely forgot what I had really gone down there for.  I... was sure there was something else.  I just couldn't remember.  So, I came back up, all the time knowing there was something else I was supposed to do.  As I was sitting here, freezing, I kept...  Ah!  The furnace.  It is back on and all is good in this morning.

I have been thinking.  I may pull some money, from here and there, and pay off some debt.  It has been accumulating, as have the good side to the balance.  I don't want to completely empty everything, but I do want to shut some things down.  Or get closer.  Plus, that opens up some things for other plans.  Ugh.  I'll do that after payday.

Balancing, juggling, working, losing weight, eating better, learning to cook on the griddle, so many new and old things going on.  So many plans coming into play.  Life is confusing.  I am feeling better, mostly.  But worse, in some ways.  Life is difficult for me, but improving in odd ways.

Oh, and swimming.  But, I have to wash my swim gear.  Trunks, towels just for that, and such.  I am hoping to get in the pool this week.  Maybe just keep it at twice a week?  As well, I am serioulsy thinking about getting back to weights.  Just here at the house, at least until I can do more serious weights... then maybe see about the gym at the U, or elsewhere.

And, this month, if it warms, I'd like to take out my front seats and clean the Xterra down to the brass nubs.  Clean, vacuum, stain removal, wet vacuuming after scrubbing the inside, the works.  We'll see.  This week, next month, the month after... soon.  I want that filthy girl squeaky!

Something to eat?  Today?  I ought to see if the pork is still good.  It has been marinading for a long time.  Forgot about it.  Doubt it could be still good, but perhaps marinades... preserve?  Will find out.  Just hoping I don't get a snoutfull of horrid odors.  On to... something.

Well!

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I was able to be awake until he showed up.  And, I helped, a bit.  Had to go in to town, for parts.  Par for that course.  But, before we left, we opened up the past repair spot, and got the snake up in.  Plus, it got the blockage out.  Not much of a blockage left.  Hard to believe that wouldn't vacuum, pump, or just drain past.  Must have had some rough pipe in there.

But, got it flowing before we left.  The thing is, had to destroy the patch to gain access.  And, had to remove the drain assembly, in the bathroom.  Because it was broken.  Yep, the tool I suggested did work for that, after a bit of effort.  A smaller sludge hammer, and a propane torch, one or both, got the thing settled in and turning.  So, that too is changed.

Not a bad gig.  Not bad at all.

The patch replacement purchased does not work, however.  But, that is far enough up the drain so that I can use the kitchen sinks, bathroom sink, and tub.  I can't do laundry.  Which is fine.  He is going to try to find what is needed, and have it here tomorrow.  If I am not awake, he'll just set it out for me.  And I might not be.

I have burned up fairly harshly.  It's 15:19, and bedtime is nine.  So, yeah.  And I can't go to bed right now, yet.  I have to... come down.  I would love to take a shower, if that would require cleaning the tub first.  But, having cleaned it down to the shine recently, it may clean up really well, and quickly.  Oh, and I really want to take a shower.  It hasn't been available for... a week?  Or close.  Sure, sitz baths, but that... just doesn't do.  Nasty.  Gnarly.  But... something.

Though I haven't even done that for the last five days.  I have been working too hard and long to have time for cleanliness.  Good to be a man?  Well, at least we don't have... issues.  Mostly.  So, yeah.  I will cool off a bit, get some water and electrolytes in me.  Then clean in a bit.  And, finally, shower before I head off to bed.  Oh, having short hair, if nothing else, makes drying off after a shower a very pleasant thing.  Amen.

Still, it'll be a while for me to cool off internally.  It just takes a while.  The shower will help cool off, but cleaning the tub will break my balls again, especially this late in the day, and after having worked hard already.

Oh, but having the drain cleared, and not having paid $500 to a $1k, or more, is... good.  Absolutely exhausted, but I have had worse.  This... is the good kind of exhaustion.

It had gotten up to 55, at least.  Then a thunderstorm moved in, with rain, and it dropped to 44, at least, so far.  But, rain?  Rain is fine.  Just hoping we don't get more snow.  Though, perhaps, we need it.  Amen, and again I say amen, brother.

Yea?

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I did get the two versions of my attempt to clear the clog done.  Neither worked.  So?  I'll probably need to empty the wet vac, then get it going to get the last of the liquid out of the tub.  I can get it drained down to the drain, and below it really.  Not sure how much liquid is further in, but I guess I'll find out later.

I contacted my friend.  He thinks he might be able to come over to help by this afternoon, around 13:00?  I guess I'll have to figure out how to stay awake.  I asked if he knew about the tool I needed, and possibly a replacement drain for the one that isn't working.  He thinks that might be possible, to pick those up on the way over.

I did wash up, and got things set aside.  Though, really, I would like to empty the wet vac, then get it back in and finish clearing to below the tub level.  THEN wash up again.  And, finally, get to another meal.  A few eggs, sausage, and some bacon.  Nothing fancy, but it... would be quite good.

Some things.

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I emptied enough of the tub to work on draining the rest.  Then, cut some rag material up, to use to block the drains and drain connections... the sinks, tub overflow, and laundry drain pipe.  How well that will work, can't be sure.  I added pans or buckets of water over the rag stops, hoping that will help.  I may tape over the laundry drain as I do so with the overflow return in the tub.

So, I have almost everything done, those last ones involving taping.  I had to empty the wet vac.  I am hoping what is in there doesn't overfill it again.  I may do a partial voiding of the fluids in there, dump that, then try to add rag material to the drain, so as to keep all the suction just in the drain area, not taking out of the tub... as much as possible.

I want to eat again.  I have a few more sausages I made the other day, defrosted in the refrigerator.  And, of course, more eggs.  Using just one burner strip (I have four) to cook another "breakfast" would be good.  I want to try to vacuum out the drain first.

If it doesn't work, I'll make a bit of food.  If it is successful, I'll see if I can clear the blockage... if the vacuum pulls it close enough to attempt to extricate it mechanically.  I don't think the vacuum will pull it out fully.  I doubt it can pull the clot up.  But, maybe, get it into the neck area, where I can used hooked hangers, or such, to pull it the rest of the way out... as a best case scenario.

Either way, the tub will again be drained.  Hmm... while all the drains are plugged, I may attempt to plunge the tub.  That... might work too?  I'll find out, I guess.  In any case, if the plunging and wet vac fail, I'll call it off.  At least for a bit.  Wash up, then get to another meal.  I'm not terribly hungry, but am trying to keep protein and fats at a higher level, as I try, again, to get to carnivore/keto.  The weight loss, at my odd eating habits of late, has me intrigued.  I have been trying to lose weight for years, and kept failing.  Some successes, at some times.  But not a long period of success.  Something is working, now.  And, in a strange way, I would like to feed that success.

Oh, I looked up kombucha, again.  I had to look through several vids.  Some of the people make it look like a major science project.  If you run into that, look around.  Some people, too, make it seem like an easy sloppy guesstimate.  I avoided those as well.  I found one that didn't suggest I was required to buy a bunch of equipment, or spend weeks or months getting it to work.  Everything needed I have, actually, with her... save for the scoby (the living thing which eats the tea and sugar, fermenting those).  

As well, I looked up how to manage a scoby hotel... to keep it going.  And, how to create a scoby from near scratch.  Scobys aren't that expensive, or now.  Maybe they were at once.  Still, growing your own would be less expensive by far... half to third, or even less.  And, the ingredients are local.  So no shipping would be required.  I would guess a local whole scoby would be more expensive than online.  As for time?  I think local, either way, would be faster.  So... yes, I am thinking about it.

The only thing I would like would be gallong jars.  I have half gallon, and those would work.  But the gallon jars would allow more, faster.  Three or four of those, so I could have one for a scoby hotel, one in progress, one clean and ready, and another in reserve... or even for a second scoby hotel.  Things... like these, despite what people tell you, go off from time to time.  And, redoing is expensive and takes time.  Ugh.

So... not just this or that.  Trying to get through some things.  Doing okay.  Yes, not bad.  It's almost six.  Will try to stay awake until at least nine.  Though, if I can make it to noon I will.  Oh, and will check to see if my friend will be by.  That I have been working on things, on my own, may... give him more cause to attempt to help.  The only problem I have is being awake when he might show up.  Ugh.

I'll... get to something, before too long.

Breakfast.

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Corned beef hash, but the whole can not half.  And four eggs.  I wasn't able to get the hash to brown as I prefer, but it was cold out.  As well, I was trying to use just one burner strip.  So I couldn't jack the heat too high.

I hadn't cleaned it, last time I used it... the griddle.  So I needed to clean it tonight, first thing.  I cleaned the whole thing, if that wasn't actually needed.  Then oiled it.  Let it cool.  Then heated it it for cooking.  After that, I cleaned it again, and oiled it, after using.  More or less experimenting.  To be honest, it cleans up well, rather easily, before or after, or both.

The food was good.  Nothing to complain about.  Corned beef hash, out of a can, is probably not at all healthy.  But it is easy, and I would call dirty keto.  Simply not the best food, if better than some other things... mostly.  After, I had coffee.  No sweetener, with anything yet today.  And I plan on not having anything sweet.  I had something yesterday.  I think Tuesday should be the next time, or Wednesday or Thursday if I can push it.

I'll rest and relax a bit.  Then hopefully figure out how to close off all drains so that the wet vac can be lodged into the drain, and such the muck up and out.  We'll see.  Quite a bit of water has backed into the tub.  So I'll probably need to pull most of it, and emptying the tank, before trying to suction the clog up.  With everything closed up, if that doesn't work, I may try to flush it, through the tub drain, with the water jet item.  Can try.

A bit tired.  Really tired.  Oh well.  I'll keep working on things.

If these things don't work, I may attempt to insert one of these water jets into another access port.  I fear leaks sprining in the drain line.  But, I... will just have to try and see.  Figure it out.  If none of these work, I can try to find a closer access, and attempt to open that and get the snake in from the other side.  There is also a possibility of accessing the tub drain, from the built in shelving.  And try to open that at the t, and get the snake down through there.  Ugh.

I'll see.  I'll... try several of those tonight, maybe a few more tomorrow if nothing works.  I can only try for just so long.  Then I need to take a break.  But I have been keeping at it lately.  I'll keep trying.  But, first, a bit of a down time, to let food digest.

Up later again.

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I did make it to a quarter after nine, or later.  It was a tough row to hoe, but I made it.  Sleep was pretty good.  I did pee two or, maybe three, times.  Better than usual, not what is hoped.

Since waking, I fed Sassy, cleared her litter box, cleaned out three of the pee jugs, but will probably get the other two cleaned out yet tonight.  Will also refresh water for Sassy.  It's still relatively clean, but I go by cleanliness and time.  Time is up.

I am hoping to make a few eggs and corned beef hash.  Perhaps half a can, putting the rest of the stuff up for tomorrow, or later?  I have some nearly done bacon I could put out there, too.  Live works well with a bit predone, or set up to go.  Currently consuming three cups of kefir.

I reset the kefir, too, earlier.  Pulling another dose of kefir grains, and storing them in the freezer.  I should have enough, currently, for four restarts.  Which I will probably use in June or July.  Resetting the whole thing, while keeping up with the old.  I just believe that kefir needs to be totally reset every three to six months.  It just does.  I am ready for the next two switches.  But, will use the old until the new is ready again.  If not for health reasons, for taste and texture reasons.  Kefir gets a bit tart, even for me, after a certain amount of time, even if it doesn't actually go bad.

I am now using about two gallons of milk a week.  Down from three.  And, using about a quart of cream.  Still, that is $25 a week, for the raw stuff.  Worth every penny.  Raw, unhomogonized, non-pasteurized, and quite good.

I have been thinking about how to increase the pressure, for the wet vac.  I am thinking of stuffing cloth in the overfill spout, and taping it too, then adding rag material into the drain area, so as to cut off all air access, save for the vacuum.  I really want it to pull the clog up.

If that doesn't work, I may try to put the hydraulic...

Okay, what I did do was hook up the hose to one of the hydraulic rockets, then put that in the sink drain.  I let it run for a bit, then checked.  Nope.  Just backed it up into the tub.  So... in time... I'll have to vacuum the water out, but this time I'll do a few other things.  But, thit time, I will close up the other accesses as best as I am able, then try to vacuum.  There are... five drains... six maybe including the laundry drain.  I'll block those off, using heavy pans with water in them, and rags... or rags and tape on the tub overflow opening.

Ugh. Well, I gave it a try.  And, while full of water, I tried the plunger again, to absolutely no good.  But, I did it.  Then again, I could try the plunger after blocking off all the other inlets.  That might work.  Worth a shot.  What a slog.

I washed up, after doing that.  I am thinking eggs, bacon, and corned beef hash would be good.  I would like some food.  More food, if you included kefir.  I'm... not sure I really count kefir as food.  It's a... strange thing.  Like mushrooms, when considering vegetables and meat.  You drink kefir, it just isn't a solid thing.  More like a thick fluid, but with more calories, if not a lot more.

I had hoped...

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To get to more.  To get down underneath and figures some things out, or try.  The problem is, even if I didn't do a lot, it wore me right out.  Though, really?  I am surprised I did what I have done.  The hallway is much clearer.  The wet vac is set to vac wet, and has been used to empty the drain down to some degree.  And has been used and emptied once.

As well, I learned some things, at least topside.  Several topics have become understood.

I have had something to eat.  Trying to go clean, and clear, keto... leaning more into the carnivore diet.  Not the lion diet, I can't afford it.  But the carnivore with kefir.  Although, if I can learn to eat less often?  I might be able to go lion diet, perhaps even having steaks once or twice a week.  Mainly because I won't be eating as often.

Even with the potatoes, and else, this week.  The truth is, I haven't been eating nearly as often.  I simply don't eat, usually, more than once a day.  And, that being, say, three eggs, a bit of cheese, some sausage or bacon, and that is it.  Well, kefir, and coffee with a tablespoon or three of whole raw cream.  Still, that is pretty low on the calorie count.

Most of the time I am not going hungry.  Sometimes, but because I am busy, too tired to cook, or such.  Mostly I just don't feel the need to eat.  And, yes, I can live with that.  It won't kill me, as... long as it doesn't kill me.  I could, in some situations, go without eating for days, weeks, months, and probably much longer.  I'd want to tend my actual nutritional needs, through supplements and vitamins (possibly more through food if that is possible, or required).  But, yes, I can go a long time without eating.

I used to go months without eating.  Didn't lose much weight, ever, because I simply didn't have much metabolism... which was why I was sleeping.  But, if I can stay awake while fasting a lot?  Yea, I can lose some weight.  Am losing weight.  I thought I would check.  The last time I weighed in, a week or so ago, I was 273.x... x being... something between .3 and .8?  Like that.  This time?  I just weighed in, and I am at 265.8.  So, around eight pounds off?  In a week, or two?  Odd.  And, before the eight pound loss, I am down from 288 to 285 before that, say a month ago?  So, down... nearly twenty pounds in about a month?  Okay.

Very strange.  Not sure if it's because I am improving or dying though.  I'll find out before long.  As I have said, I have given up on losing weight.  That isn't why I am eating as I am eating.  I'm not hungry, or am too busy doing other things, or can't get the dishes clean, or... cook... or else.

I had hoped to make eggs and corned beef hash tonight, this morning really, but that just isn't going to happen.  Too tired.  I had hoped to push my day through, until later in the morning, possibly noon.  But that can't happen.  Too tired.  The work I did wore me out.  Am trying to stay up until eight or nine, another near hour or two.  I'll see.

No more water.  I didn't end up drinking any r.o. water.  But I did drink less carbonated water, trying to only drink when I am thirsty.  As well, I did add electrolytes to my water.  I did drink two coffees, but with fewer grinds, less of a caffeine load.  Yea, I will try to be up for a while longer.  I would love something to eat, but it's just not going to happen.  

Still not going fast.

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Even so, I did get the hallway cleared, at least enough to get the massive shop vac, full of fluid, out.  Then I got to vacuuming the water out.  I had hoped the blockage would come up with the fluids, but it just didn't do so.  However, I was able, then to see well down into the pipe and curve.

Ah, that is why the pipe wrench didn't work.  It broke off and down into the drain pipe.  It didn't go down, at all.  I'll fish it out in a bit.  And, my fear that the drain was too small to remove conventially might be wrong.  I will need a different tool for this process, one with teeth, which twists down into the drain fitting, then sockets out the fitting.

With the area open, and having figured those things out, I tried, again, to get the snake down into the opening.  No such luck.  It won't go down the overflow or down the drain hole.  It just can't get around.  So?  It looks like I will see about opening up some piping down there.  In order to get the snake up that way.  It will be difficult.  I'm not sure it is possible.  There is only one way to find out.

It will be messy.  It is unlikely.  I may not even be able to get in there.  Even if the pipes are available, I can't be sure I can get to them without cutting.  Though I do have the sawzall.  The problem with cutting, is fixing when I finish.  Though if it is iron, I am not sure I could honestly cut through, even with a sawzall.  I may have to call in a plumber.

It looks like the drain pipes zig-zag quite a lot.  So I am not sure, if I open up lower on the feed (further into the house) that I would be able to get the snake to feed up the line.  Ugh.  I will find out before long.  At least I am making some progress.  And, I do have some possibilities open to me.

I am hoping to have some help Monday.  No promises.  Why help?  I... run out of energy.  And, two brains are better than one.  We'll see.  I'll let him know what I have done and what I have found, tomorrow.  Give him time to think.  Oh, and see if he might know of a patch for a bigger waste pipe, if that is what is needed to be cut.  He has... access... and knowledge... plus information sources beyond my ability to suss.

I'll sit for a bit.  Then go downstairs and see what I can sort through.  Perhaps opening up a past repair on the drain line a bit deeper in the house.  Though the water may flow back to that, but I have buckets, and will be careful with the drainage.  It's difficult to make any sense of it, down there.  Some of it is buried, some of it is out.  But which is which?  I think the toilet is visible, but the tub and sink drains aren't?  Bleh.

I'll see if I can figure those things out in a bit.  Then, maybe, after that, clean up and make something to eat.  An cheese omelet or two, some sausage or bacon, and... something else.  But, first, coffee.  I need more coffee.  Starting to fade, but I have things to do.  Two coffees is unusual, but not terrible.  And, really, the twelve ounce bag has lasted since near the beginning of the month.  So, I... don't mind that way either.

This pack was french roast.  The next pack is espresso.  A bit stronger.  I'm looking forward to that.  But, yea, only say four to five cups a week, usually.  And few sweetened.  This one, with the fat, will get three drops of my favored.  It helps, when I am trying to use it to keep my awake and going.  Odd that.  Maybe I drink sweetened coffee faster?

Not fast.

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But I am... slowly... getting there.  I found the wet vac.  Then got removed the filter.  Only one in it this time.  Then just now emptied the dust from the bin.  I then set it back up by putting it all back together.  After which, I moved it to the bathroom.  Not... all at once.  I'm moving slowly, as I mentioned.

Since then, I opened a path from the bathroom to the outdoors.  The hall might be a bit congested, so I may need to do more.  But, I got a nice chunk of the way cleared.  I will probably just do more, completely clear the hall, rather than have to mess with that while trying to get a load of water out of the house.

Still, it's a good start.  Sassy has been fed twice.  I will check her litter after this post.  Her water is still good, so that is that.  I will probably change that out tomorrow, good or not.  I try to change that every two or three days, depending on how much she is using and the weather.  In the summer, if it every heats up, perhaps I'll do it more like daily to every other day?  We'll see.  Easy to check.  Just pour some in the hand.  If it is still good, clear, water, it's okay.  But, for me, the trick is to never let it get slimy.  Ever, never.  It happens a few times a month, but that... makes me feel awful.

Hoping, after litter, and a rest, to then clear the hallways to the outside.  If that doesn't beat me up too badly, then get to pulling the liquid and whatever else out.  Hopefully that will pull the blocking material up with it.  Then, perhaps, I can either take the cross sectional drain out, and get the snake in.  Or pull the stuff out with needle nosed pliers?  I'll see.

A cup of coffee.  But I am attempting to keep that to once a day, at most.  And, I have had several bubbly waters.  But, from now on, I will try to stick with cooler reverse osmosis water.  I keep a half gallon in the fridge.  I may have to add another half gallon jug, to keep up.  The idea, at this point, is to drink only... or mostly... fresh water in the latter part of the day, and to stop drinking after whatever is passing for afternoon... on a regular day, assuming a wake at six and a sleep at 22:00, say stop drinking around 17:00 to 19:00?  Something like that.

So, I will get some water shortly.  I am feeling a bit thirsty.  If I can't take it easily, I'll add just a smidgen of electrolytes.  I have several types, all are keto/diabetic approved, so no sugar(s) or carbs, or even things which mock those and can act like them.  It's as good as I can do.

As well, I need to start trying to drink less, sum total.  But, one thing at a time.  The goal is to drink the right stuff, at the right times, so that I am not terribly thirsty or literally being required to pee often due to the amount of fluid.  I... will keep at it.

All good.  I am hoping to clear the drain, tonight, one way or another.  It might not work, though it may.  If not, I'll do a bit tomorrow.  Though, I should be able to empty the tub.  And work with the drain cap screwed in.  If that doesn't work, maybe find a way into the drain from underneath while trying to get the snake in and up from that direction otherwise.  I'll see, I suppose.

Litter, a rest, then clearing the hallway.  Hopefully, right after, in to get the fluids out.  Or after a break.  Something to eat?  I'd like a meal.  I had sardines earlier.  But I want something else.  Oh... maybe some kefir while I rest.  That would be good.  And, yes, I am still going without sweeteners most of the time.

Awake again, if late.

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I have been awake for an hour and an half, or so?  No, more like forty five minutes?  I think the latter.  So since a quarter to twenty hundred.  I am glad I sent the text, about possibly missing mass tonight.  Because, yes, I... had zero chance of waking in time.  And I did try.  It just... didn't matter.  Effort is nice, reality is what it is.

I have been sipping and waking.  Thinking, planning, and even doing a few small things to get ready to... rumble!

Well, maybe not rumble, but it may sound like it.

Called mom.

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Still awake, here at nearly a quarter after eight.  I won't make it to mass tonight.  I could have figured out a way to wash, to be clean.  But I can't figure out how to be awake.  My days and nights have begun to spin, more so in the last few days.  The cold, the dark, caught up to me.

It is 36 outside now, but got down to 28 or 29.  Then started warming to 30 then 32 before sunrise.  Unusual, but that has been happening a bit lately.  Very unusual.  Warm winds must be coming in.  Not high winds, well, fast winds.  Perhaps though, literally, high winds.  Up in the higher air levels?  Don't know.  All I know is three or four times this week I have seen it begin to warm just before dark.  Oh, it happens.  Just fairly rairly, until lately.

She didn't have much time to talk.  She just doesn't talk for long these days.  Her guy friend is coming to pick her up for a day or two.  Or the weekend.  It's raining, or a rain snow mix there, now.  They must be getting what we got a few days ago.  It was 40 there yesterday, same as here.  Sounds like they got a few warmer days, then back down into the much of winter/spring weather with the rest of us.

She may just not be able to talk long these days?  I don't know.  It just is what it is.  I have tried to discuss what I am doing, how I am feeling, and the weather.  I have tried just to listen to her stories, and ask about some things.  I have tried mixing my stories in with what she is talking about.  She just... doesn't... talk much these days.  So, I'll just have to talk once in a while.  And she doesn't call anymore.  I don't know the cause, or such.  It is what it is.  Always was, mostly, though, too.

I'll write a text.  Had considered doing something at mass a few days ago, but my schedule changed so hard, so fast.  I was going to bed around 5:00 for several days.  Even fought back to 3:30 one night.  But then lost it these last two nights.  There is no way I will be awake in time tonight.  Further, my sleeping cycling is leaving me busted, but making making it to church at any of the times available impossible.  If it slides a bit more, maybe I can make a Sunday morning mass next week?  Cricky but this can be annoying.

I saw a few courses which seemed interesting.  Physics courses, of several types.  I'd like to go through them, or certain of them.  Plain physics, maybe up to engineering physics.  Though to do an engineering physics I'd need to review some math courses.  At least calculus, but maybe algebra, trig, and geometry before that?  Not sure.  May look at the simple physics course, first, then poke around in the engineering physics to see.

I have stored the courses on the side, and along with Spanish, which I plan to work every other day (heavy) and lightly in the between days.  Initially just reading, listening, and repeating.  Words and simple phrases first, then adding in trying to create responses to phrases, and working on grammar.

My Spanish is very weak.  But my general language skills are pretty good?  Basically, to learn a foreign language, you have to first, oddly, learn your primary language to a far more precise skill level.  THEN you can move on to digging into the foreign language.

Though, too, once you have mastered a few languages, something... changes.  You begin to be more open to the way of thinking in a foreign language.  Though, in truth, even if you become fluent in a dozen languages, you... are... always a learner.  Though, this is also true even in your own language.  You will never master a language.  I almost think the better you become at language, the less you (or I anyway) feel like conversing.  The rules, laws, ways, and even myths and legends of languages can suffocate communication.  It's like reading a map and compass and getting lost for it?  Or the idea that the more you learn the less, you realize, you know?  Somewhere in there.

Anyway, I will keep going, into Spanish.  I have found a more serious manual on the tongue.  More aimed at advanced users, even advanced Spanish as a first language speakers and writers.  Still, I... think that is what I want.  I will have to leave go on some things, choose my battles with the book.  But, that is where I will... find mastery... of certain aspects.

I keep looking for plumbing videos, but really haven't found any which help any more.  I know it is just a blockage.  I am hoping my friend will be able to make it Monday, just for a second brain, and second pair of hands, as I work things.  The problem is that the tub is NOT draining.  Not at all.  *sigh*  And it has all that nasty stuff down in there.

I may see about cracking a pipe open down there, to let it drain into a bucket.  Then seeing about getting a snake up and in.  If I can stand, when I can wake, as I may.  Ugh.  But, now, I'll just send the text, then go on to bed.

A bit of a look.

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Looking down the four inch exit pipe, drain cleanout area, and?  It doesn't look backed up.  It definitely isn't backed up.  Which pipes are blocked was sorted.  The toilet, when flushed, shoots right on through.  So, it definitely isn't backed up.  But the other drains seem to have problems.

I had used one sort of drain cleaner.  To no success.  Another was found, when my friend visited.  And that one was eventually used.  It looks like some of the pipes just have some sort of blockage.  If it isn't the septic tank, then I would like to try to solve it myself.  Especially since all the drain pipes are easy enough to get to, from the basement.

I have a sawsall, and other cutting tools, and a couple of house/home/plumbing etc. stores near by.  There is also a repaired piece down there, that should be easy to remove and replace.  I suspect, if that gets taken out, it would both be easy to fix, and would probably allow even my shorter snake in to clear whatever the problem is.

There is some hope that it won't be quite so expensive as first thought.  And, if I figure it out, problems in the future would be easy.  Before I get a plumber, or septic tank company in, I want to see if I can do it myself.  However, I would like to find my septic tank in any case.

A bit of a headache.  Why?  Not sure.  I closed the bathroom, and have the window open.  That stuff doesnt' smell all that good.  But I think the headache is from trying to help.  I didn't do a lot of work, but enough that it stressed me.  Just the way of it.

I will try to let it drain, and get in there tomorrow, or when it drains down.  Once it drains down, I am hoping to open up the fixed area, and begin with the pipe snake.  I've got to be careful, there may be fluide backed up to that point, even if it is down in the tub.  Ugh.  So, yes.  But, a bucket, some reasonable care while opening it up, old clothes for working, and an extra layer or two, plus an old jacket.  Maybe goggles over the glassses.  I might have a larger face covering too.  Not sure.  Not a mask, that wouldn't help with liquid anyway.  But something.  Preferably solid and plastic, like an open face cover.

I am really hoping this goes down, and I can get in and find the problem.  That would save me hundreds of dollars.  Maybe a thousand.  They charge... whatever they charge.  Whether it helps, or not.

Oh, my friend tried to use the tool to remove the tub drain, in an attempt to put the snake down there, one way or the other.  But that just didn't work.  The tool didn't have enough grip to open it.  Hmm, I may try another method, after it drains.  Pliers, slid down in, then turned with something else.  Or needle nose pliers.  Not sure though.  The trap is on very tight.

Alright?

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Up at 16:00.  Tried to wake earlier, it just couldn't happen.

By 16:30, I was able to begin calling.  It turns out that none of the numbers I had worked, or as planned.  The call to the sceptic tank service ended up being the wrong place.  I did find the right number, but could only leave a message, which I did.  And, the number to the health department didn't... prove successful.  They sent me to another department, which sent me to another department.  None of them dealt with the matter at hand.

However, finding the right number for the sceptic service will help.  I will keep calling until I reach him, or he calls back.  He was the one who knew the number for the department to start with.  I just lost that number, and have been trying to find it since.  It's his business field, I am sure he has the number for certain.

I am hoping to get the tank emptied maybe even by Wednesday.  Depending on his availability, and finding the tank first.  Life will improve with that managed... I hope.  I still haven't heard from my friend, about helping.  I'll text him again tonight.

Looks like Monday at the earliest.  Though, over the weekend, I may try to find it myself.  If I find it, I may yet have to try to dig it out, open down to the access.  Snow has been too deep, until days ago.  Not even sure if some of the ground is still frozen?  I guess I'll find out.

It has been raining today.  It is 40 F outside.  That is probably the high for today.  I wonder if the rain, snow, and melting is slowing the draining?  Don't know.  It may just be that the tank is just too full.

Okay.  Information back from my friend, and another source... with a 24/7 number.  I called them.  They, too, won't empty the tank without it being both found and uncovered.  And, they charge more.  But, they did have a number for me to call, and a name to ask for.  But, being Friday night, it's too late until Monday.

Oh... but... my friend is visiting now, so will help me see if I can find it.  We'll see.  Ugh.  Later.

A few more vids.

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I was able to get through the thousand.  There were some which were a stretch.  Surprising few.  Mostly the longer more complicated words.  I learned to, if it was very long or with serious linguistic switchbacks, to stop the video and just look at the screen.

Learning a language.

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"Learn Spanish in 10 minutes!", "Learn French without memorizing!", all sorts of strange things spew in banners, offering to teach easily and well.

I have learned French and German, at one time, up to basic or even to middling levels of ability.  As well, I learned some Italian and Spanish (Castillian), and recently began praciticing Japanese.  So little remains.  Some skills remain.  Trilling, rolling r's, things like that.  Not... fully, but there are some things which cross languages which do lightly remain.  Some numbers. in some tongues, remain.  I can still count to, pretty much the millions, in German, from one up if I had the time.  Mostly.

I have to laugh at the promises of videos and books.  Learned too much to not know better.  It isn't just learning a work, such as gift.  That word means what is commonly understood, but just as with English words, but, in German (iirc) it also can mean poison.  So... really, you have to know more than just the common (or uncommon?) meaning, but best to know the whole of it.

Oh, sure, even in English, there are things which take learning.  Double, and more, entendres (which we stole from the French, but in whole or part?), and other languages oddities.  Double speak, hidden intentions meant to be only known within groups, etc.  Language just isn't straightforeward.  And, more, some of that is incidental, some of it is with absolute intent.

As well, between languages, the verb for, say, to eat?  May not be the same meaning.  Eating, in one language, may be about consuming food while in another language it is about the rites associated with eating, not the consumption itself.  What things really mean don't always translate, exactly, directly, or even nearly.

To be honest, my goal is to start learning Spanish.  The thing is, I'd like to learn Argentinian Spanish.  Which is... more like old English, or maybe middle English, to the English or American.  Which... can be considered different even one from the other?  Yes, I think so.  It was a Spanish dialect transferred before Spanish went through serious revisions.  And, for whatever reason, it didn't change in Argentina as it did in Spain (as well as in most of it's current and former colonies).  Sort of like the differences bettween American, Britis, Australian, and other sorts of English, only much more pronounced.

What I am saying is... I have no real idea of how or where to start.  If I start with standard Latin American Spanish, that is probably as good as it gets.  But, finding lessons for even that is odd.  Even Mexican, Ecuadarian, or Brazilian forms (assuming those countries still speak Spanish, only as blind, possible, examples) would be rather different.  So, which to even start with?

And they wonder why most people don't give it a go?  I have pulled some things down, collected sources, am considering what to start with, or how to begin...  Looking over, and listening to, the top 1000 words, or 200 phrases?  Or beginning with just lessons in a book?  The problem with these, as other things, is figuring out how to learn to speak AS I learn the rest.  Gotta be mixed.

Awake.

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Not as bad as it could be.  I feel better.  I feel mostly rested.  I don't have a lot of energy, almost any.  And, yet, with the rest, life is better today.

I can't really get to dishes, or laundry, or a shower.  The water backs up, quickly and seriously, if I use almost any water at all.  I have dried a drain cleaner, the plunger, and else.  It just isn't going through.  Good thing this coming month is when I am going to get the septic tank cleared.

I found the department... county? state? region?  I think it's regional, as it covers several, three I believe, counties.  But, I found their contact information, after digging and asking around.  I called, as soon as I located the number.  Of course, they were closed.  Not their bad, but mine.  I couldn't wake until 15:38 or such, and between waking up time and the time it took to locate the number, by the time I called they were closed.  And, really, being there until 17:00 is rather good... for any day office hour busisness or department.  Tomorrow.

I am hoping they will know where the tank is.  If not, I have a standby method by which to locate the tank.  I have old lawn hoses.  Apparently, one way to locate the tank is to put hoses down the four inch access point, making sure it is going the right way, and let the direction and general length guide you.  The tank is usually rather close.  Just a matter of where and exactly how far.  Still, would much rather just have them tell me, say, fifteen feet south of the back of the house, and twenty feet to the east of the garage, roughly, or some such.  Much... less fuss and mess.

On the good side, I can pay for this out of pocket.  It will lower my savings.  But... that's how it goes.

Oh, on the good side?  The bathtub actually does clean up well.  It won't need to be painted, or fixed up, or else.  The cleaning went very well.  It is messy again, but mostly just backed up coffee grinds.  Not the worst of it, but a limit as to water use.  For now, when I need to bath, I just fill a dish tub with hot water.  Should do two... one just for rinsing.  Anyway, that is how it has to be for now.

I am definitely hoping that the clean out clears the way.  Who knows.  If not, I'll take care of whatever else, right then.  Ugh.  Actually, I might see about calling the guy, again, tonight.  And scheduling for as soon as possible.  Could even do it yet this month... if he has the time.  But, I would like to find the tank(s) before he comes over.  

While thinking on the matter, I looked up his number.  Put him in the phone, and gave him a call.  Off duty.  So I'll call him tomorrow.  I didn't leave a message, will just call tomorrow.  After I call the other place, to see if I can find the tank solo.  If not I'll see about getting help finding it before he comes.  Still, I'll call him either way, tomorrow.

As to what else to do?  If I can go on and get to things, I'll sweep the bathroom, and the bathroom hallway.  As well, begin working on clearing the kitchen table and the floors in the kitchen area.  Maybe sweeping those.  And, very possibly, at least mopping the bathroom and bathroom hall.  Can hope.

I do feel a bit better.  Not all that much gumption to me, if maybe some.  It only got to 40, from what I saw, today.  It is already down to 36.  So be it.

I have unhooked from just about everyone I have ever known.  If... someone calls, or makes contact, I will respond.  If I have need of help, I may make contact.  But, basically, I am walking away.  Or, really, letting them walk away.  It's just the way it seems it was wanted.  I have some goals, plans, ideas.  I am working at some things.  But... I'll see how the world turns out.

Cold out there.

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April 20th, and it is 24 degrees outside, F.  Sure, it could be colder.  But that is below freezing nearly into May.  The warmest I have seen it, so far, is 61.  That was for one day.  Then it started dropping.  I think it only hit 40, today, here, by my readings.

The fields, mostly, have emptied of snow.  I still have a solid patch of snow out behind the closest outbuilding.  Not sure about the garage, but definitely where the birds had been.  Just a twenty food square patch behind it.  Still, some of it is probably six to eight inches deep.  Strange.

I did get out, and got the griddle going.  I fried onion and mushrooms, then made four smash burgers.  I think two, and smaller ones, is the best bet.  Four ounces, by two, with cheese added.  With or without onions and mushrooms.  No real need for buns, keto or not.  A please meat pancake stack, with cheese for an add.

As well, I would guess all sorts of veggies could be cooked on the griddle as well.

I didn't clean up tonight.  But I only used two of the four cooking lanes available.  And, used butter, or the fat from the burger.  They will need to be cleaned.  But I think I could just clean those cooking lanes while cooking on other cooking lanes next time.  Further, I think I could probably cook on just one lane, from now on, at a time.

I really have stopped eating quite so much.  I really only need to cook a meal once every other day.  Between coffee and kefir, even without sweeteners, that is filling me well and truly.  I do drink plenty of water a day, if still not all that much compared to when I ate more.  Something seems to have changed.  I'm not losing a lot of weight, or I don't think so, or down from where I fell in weight.  But that may happen over time.  Especially if I could get to swimming.

The problem is, swimming is... difficult.  Just waking up has been difficult.  It's a bit too cool lately.  Hoping it warms, even to the 60s.  That would make life a lot easier.  It was 30 out while I was cooking, which was a bit raw.  Not sure if the extended cold is getting to me, or... if it just wouldn't matter.  Maybe the cold, no matter when, has started taking it's toll.  No real warming in there.  A few days of warmth can help.  But, that one day, then back down into the 40s or cooler.

China definitely shut things down.  As has much of the rest of the world.  Everywhere, but America, is loading up on oil, and whatever else.  But, then backing down from production.  Topping off, and backing off.  Europe simply doesn't have a choice, India and China have a bit of a choice, if it's not... a sellers market.  Yes, the world is changing.

I am beginning to wonder if Trump didn't just, to a degree willingly, hand over power to Biden so he wouldn't have to deal with the fallout that was, without a doubt, on the way.  No president, perhaps, could have weathered that well.  And Biden was quite willing to think he cheated his way in.  There, of course, were payoffs... and risks.  It may be a once and done thing.  I'll see.

I thinks it's about bedtime.  A few painpills though, first.  Then some time to let food settle.  Still a bit full.  Then on to bed a bit earlier than yesterday?  Maybe.  The world has gone downhill.  Some think things could be different.  I am becoming suspicious that America is in no worse shape than anywhere else, and probably in better shape.  But... that's... not saying a whole lot.  And, for most people, it isn't going to matter all that much.

Best have friends and family close.  The rest of use are... targets.  And, when everyone is starving, even having food stored will only be as valuable as one is able to protect it.  I already can't.  The worse it gets, the more dangerous people will get.  Yea.  Not sure going overseas would help.  But, having nothing to steal would make me less of a target.  At least unless... until... cannibalism becomes accepted.  Some think that would never happen.  It will happen in cities a few days after the free food and else fails.  In the rural?  Maybe a week?  Perhaps a month.  Though it may depend on who you know.

Hmm... on to listening to, looking for, music.  Someone has been digging, way back, somehow.  It has been showing up in my feeds.  But it isn't showing up on my blog.  Not sure how much locking out viewers does in truth, despite appearing to not be visiting.  I have mentioned that people visit without it showing.  May still be the case.  I know .gov and .mil can see through, read anything.  Just wasn't sure they would.

Yea, right, okay.

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I've been awake for four hours or so.  It's running late, already 20:17.  So I wasn't awake until later afternoon.  Sleep was good, mostly.  I wore compression hose for all day yesterday, then went on to bed with it.  I needed them.  Been going better.  I think, beyond just keeping fluids out of my legs, it is somehow helping my heart.  I am peeing less, but so too drinking less.  It's working.

There are problems with it.  It does hurt to wear these.  And, yet, the pain is less than the comparable pain.  From the lack of headaches, to the lack of other, different, pains in the legs.  As well, the heart hurts a lot less and seems to work better.  It's not a matter of pain, it's a matter of which pains, where, and how those may be impacting my life... longevity... and such.  Better.

Still tired.  Still having problems.  But... seemingly better.  The cold, and dark, and probably wet... whether from melting, rain, or snow, and just the feeling that winter still hasn't really gone, are all adding to the difficulty.  As well, the sceptic tank is having problems draining.

I contacted someone, to help maybe find the tank next week.  And, am hoping to wake up tomorrow, early enough to call an office which might know where the tank is located.  I won't be able to get it emptied until I find it, and then until payday.  But, that... should be possible this coming month.

That will mean I probably can't get a larger bin here, for getting rid of things, until June?  July?  We'll see.  But, yes, I do have things planned, and a bit of a schedule in place.  However, if I can get back on my feet, I might be able to get things ready to be taken out to the bin next month.  I'd like to have, say, three or four loads down stairs, or otherwise to the frong room, and ready to go, by June, or July... the earlier the better.  

Even if it just sits there for a month, having it ready would make getting rid of things far easier.  Just have it automatically set to be picked up.  Having it ready for a month of loads.  Then, continue to get things ready to be tossed through the month.  If I can get two months of loads out, I could then clean so much easier.  And, get things packed for storage, or taking with me, should I decide on a longer path.

Renting the house?  Sure.  And maybe for cheap, just enough to cover costs while I explore the possibility of moving.  The Philippines?  Argentina?  Cambodia?  Thailand?  Some places to visit.  I could even afford the cost of paying the house, at least if utilities where being paid.  Want someone in the house.  But it has to be cleared, cleaned, and maybe a few things worked on until then.  Ugh.

Yes.  Even so, it would take a few years to get this arranged.  And have enough money to travel.  I would just create an account they pay into, for paying the mortgage.  And I would put an equal amount in, just in case they failed to pay.  Charge enough to pay mortgage and a half, and have enough of my money going in to cover simple mortgage in case needed (and the place vacated without me being told... which is why 2 1/2 times monthly is required for deposit... first, last, and deposit).  Hate to do that sort of things, but keeps the riff-raff out and makes sure they really don't want to sneak off without saying).

Can only do it this way, with the government cheating landowners these days.  Can't trust the government.  Or people.  I'll see.  But that is sort of the rough plan, as of now.  Selling the house doesn't seem possible.  So... yeah.  If I want out, that would be as close to the gig as possible.  Just keep the house until it's value increases, or it goes underwater and can be just let go... or banktrupcy... or such.

Between the government currently, and coporations getting all the handouts while being covered, there is no good way for typical people to get ahead.  Thankfully, given the small sliver of a chance I have, between income and expenses, even with inflation, I... might find a way to make do or even sneak out to where my money spends better?  I'll know in time.

In such rough shape though.  I do worry.  Can I honestly handle getting out, even if everything else worked?  Don't know.  I'll... try, push, see.  One of the benefits of getting out is the possibility of medical.  That might be helpful, or not.  Not sure, exactly.  Funny thing?  In the Philippines at least?  You can just buy medicine.  Don't need a doctor.  There are limits, but for heart medicine, if it's available, they will sell it over the counter.  And doctor visits aren't too expensive, nor is testing.

Yes, I'll... see.

I made it.

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They want more information.  So, next time, I will have it.  I have to find it first.  But I know I have it.  Still, I think I want to check some things out.  I sent a missive, to arrange a few interviews.  Just gotta make sure some things fit.

I did have to bust my balls, a bit, in this cold, dark, damp day, to get there.  Only to be told I need more proof.  Though, yeah, I get it.  Still, they botched my discharge papers, and on purpose.  There is a lot missing.  Even... from what they admit.

It is cold.  It was 35 or so when I returned.  While it has rained a lot, it didn't freeze (or not until recently, after returning home).  It did change from rain to snow, well above freezing.  So it didn't ice or slush the roads.  Thankfully.

So tired.  Not too sore.  Not bad, really, other than being a bit tired, having to push to get things going.  Well, and there are little problems, here and there.

I still get the idea that someone... still remembers.  Remembers some things.  Remembers me.  Though, too, I think someone still sees.  Or... seems too, leaves tracks, recalls.  Fifteen hits, on my blog, for the month.  Not sure if that is some failure in my system to block it, or... someone still visiting, from time to time.  Can't be sure.  Not sure if blocking means as much as I think, either.

Rained... raining.

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Yes, definitely.  It is 33 out there?  Give or take.  Coming down, currently, in sheets of very small droplets.  Looks to have been raining on and off all day?  I can't be certain.  At least it isn't snowing, or yet.  The terrible thing is that it is just on the cusp of it, and freezing.

My heart doesn't hurt this "morning".  I do have a minor headache, I think because I am congested.  Better than other options.  Blowing my nose helped.  It took a while, when changing from picking to blowing, for that to work.  And, even then, sometimes it doesn't work.  But I go with just blowing.  There are many reasons to never put your fingers in your nose.  Now, like it or not, I keep facial tissue in stock, just like toilet paper.  I would guess exercise would... help with what yet troubles me.  Or... if I were healthier?  We'll see.  Swimming, when I can start up, might work.

I had hoped to get to a smash burger today.  And, I am sure I might be able to find a place to cook, with cover overhead.  Probably.  We'll see.  I will buy regular buns, for now.  But, in time, would like to work at making my own buns.  From dough, of a keto sort... coconut, almond, and egg whites or other flours... or flour replacements.  May go more for taste than absolute lowest carbs?  Or, have two different types, so I can mix and match for various reasons.  The nice thing about burgers, smash or not, is they have no carbs.  Too bad I just can't eat them like pancakes, but it doesn't work.

Things coming up.  Trying to get up and going.  Having trouble doing so.  Did find my swimming gear, but it all needs washed.  Which I may start at today, after a shower.  Brushed my teeth, fed Sassy, changed her water, need to redo her litter.  Kefir is about ready to change out, but I need to eat some in order to make more room.  Always something.

I have been eating far less lately.  Not... from trying.  Just not all that interested in food.  Nothing tastes all that good either.  Usually a cup or three of keto, half at a time, through the day... a double or triple french press and cream, and then a food meal most days.  Though that may just be a couple of cans of sardines, or some roast and squash.

Not a fast day, but up earlier than yesterday, and several days hence?  I think so.  When I saw the time, I read 2:30, and knew it wasn't morning.  But it was actually 12:30.  In any case, I jumped out and... I wanted to be awake by no later than 14:30.  Well, I beat that, if I have a headache for the mistake.  Might have had one otherwise, if not as bad, I think.

I keep looking at expats in Argentina, the Philippines, and Cambodia.  Reviewing costs of living, complications with moving, various good and bad things about the places.  Cambodia would be tough.  Hot and humid, that's the main problem there.  Philippines would, likewise, be a hot and humid place.  Argentina can be from winter to summer, if their winters up north in the country, near their capital, are rather mild... or probably compared to even where I am living.  But, go south and I am thinking winters could be as bad or worse.

Crime and such?  About like many places in the US.  Around here?  More property crime, thieving, than else.  So, probably more crime there, but not by much in the way it would affect me.  So, similar, actually in any of those countries.  Thieving, when I am gone.  Size can matter, unless they have numbers and no eyes upon them.  To some degree, that is on you to tend.  But, can't be at home all the time.  If you have anything of value, or even food, they'll come for it.  Either clean it out, or take small amounts of anything and everything, as they do here.

In two of those countries, there is a fair chance at finding a woman, a... viable woman.  In one, they are a bit more... simply available.  In the other, they are available but more serious.  I have heard nothing of the availability of women in Argentina, so I just don't know.  Yes, I... would be looking for a woman, a wife.  Not interested in the red light zones, or just passing a woman on through.  But, not interested in just jumping in, either.  I'd want to... get to know her, trust her.  Without sex, initially.  As with here, no sex without marriage, but no marriage without spending lots of time with her, getting to know her family, and such.

I even looked at flights.  One way would be between $1k and $2k, max.  Though I think I would be required to have a flight booked in and back (if I can probably cancel the return flight if I end up deciding to stay, obtaining a retirement visa).  I would have to hit the place, on my feet, though.

I would have to get a place to stay for two weeks, up front.  Then, maybe take a day or two down, but try to get out looking for housing almost immediately.  You can probably get a decent place for $25 to $45 a day, but that is still a lot more than a rental.  A decent rental, in either country, could be as low as $200 to $500 a month, so yeah.

I wouldn't really want a pool, or gym, at the place, so will be going for the lower end on those prices.  But, that would mean finding an olympic pool to swim at, and a gym though hopefully with a trainer.  Not interested in classes.  The other thing I would spend time with is language classes.  If I am going to a foreign country, that is on me.  I may just find tutors, or language exhage operations.  Where we take turns teaching, or speaking, the other language.

Not sure if the Philippinos speak Spanish or their own tongue most?  I'll look into that.  Argentines speak Spanish, but have four or five other languages.  The Spanish they speak is unique to Argentine, more so that most S.A. countries.  Of course, Cambodians speak their own, very individual, language.  That would be the toughest to learn.

As well, moving to Argentina would be rather isolational.  I mean, moving from there, then trying to visit the Philippines or Cambodia, would be quit difficult.  While moving the the Philippines or Cambodia would make visiting the other country far easier.  Well, and a few other island, or Asian nations far easier.  I would like to visit Vietnam.  Probably not to live, but to see.  The same with Taiwan, and a number of other nations.  A month, or less, visit.  Not really... siteseeing, more... exploring what passes for the more favored, or out of the way, places.  Not as a tourist?  Not a common tourist, at least.

Do I know what I would be looking for?  No.  I may even just have to keep the house.  I may rent it, too.  Or try.  But, I could afford it being empty, and pay the utilities, which should be near nill, if need be.  But, if I could rent, even for the cost of mortgage, and not have to pay even the low utilities, that might be better.  Ugh.

So many thoughts.  I just don't know.  Would it be a new lease on life?  Or a death sentence.  I just can't know.  I hope I get to find out.  I best get going.  Perhaps some kefir, then a shower.  Then set up some dishes.  Oh, and clearing the litter box.  

Okay?

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It's a bit difficult.  I did wake around 14:30, and change.  But I have been having a lot of difficulty actually waking, so as to work.  My heart is sore, tired.  Painpills don't seem to be helping anymore.  I can't even game.  I just don't have the energy or focus.  It is very difficult.  Although I am waking up, every day, on something like a near normal cycle.  That IS something.

Often, when in this kind of shape, I can't stay awake for long.  Sleeping in several cycles a day, or simply sleeping days at a time, only waking a few hours at a time, is... what I would expect in my current condition.  The difference between then and now?  I am not taking medicine.  Medicine can help, but it can hurt too.

I think, when I used to get that way, I would end up going off medicine.  Which... is what was needed.  Then I'd have to beat myself up, try to get back on medicine, and when I finally did it, spend a month or three getting back into shape.

To be honest, I think medicine would keep me alive longer.  Just... not in a better life.  The ups and downs caused by medicine made life much worse.  As is, while I do have ups and downs, they are fare less variable.  The ups aren't for as long, nor as good.  But the downs are definitely not as deep or bad (until I die, but that would happen either way).

Still, not sure how long this down will last.  It has been in full play, pretty much keeping me pinned, for the last two weeks.  And, while that feels like a long time, the truth is, when I would go down on meds, I wouldn't even notice two weeks.  I would be down for months.  And down further.  It would hurt more, too?  I think so, if in different ways.  The heart didn't hurt, but organs, bones, muscles, and such, did.  Strange.

Yea.  I am going to attempt to dig out of things.  We will see.  Push, shove, grovel, go prostrate in prayer, work my way to things again.  We will see.  I will do what I can.

I did hear back, from the KoC, about changing the meeting date.  It didn't sound promising, but at least I was heard and the query will go forward.  One can hope.  Though, no guarantee I will be accepted into the other group yet either.  But... I will find out soon enough.  

All I can do is try.  I will fail often.  That... is what it is.  The next time, I will try again.  I won't quit trying.  When I die, then I will be finished with these efforts, and will most likely move on to other efforts.  I... don't worry.  I do what I may.  I leave some aspects in God's hands, some things in my hands, and what was as something to be forgiven or accepted.

I'll get a shower shortly.  Then make plans to do some work in the kitchen and sweeping and mopping in the bathroom and hallway.  Oh, and dishes.  I'd like to punch through at least two dishpans of those, and set up another set.  If I could catch up, and begin mostly cooking out on the griddle, life could be much easier.  And, then, I could get on to doing more in and out of the house.

Not an early rise.

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I think it was around 14:30.  Days and nights are twisting.  The cool isn't helping, if I don't think high heat would help.  If ti would gently warm, that might be good.  Not sure when I went to bed, but It was at least 3:30, if more like seven or eight?  Or later?  I... just can't be certain, save that I was easily up to 3:30.  Most likely later.

Dressed, if not very ready.  Several layers of clothes, as it still seemed cool.  Sassy fed, her litter cleared.  A bit of kefir for myself.  So tired.

Had hoped to go to church, but still had the sniffles, and could barely walk.  I missed the morning one anyway.  There is an afternoon one, but, as mentioned, the sniffles and exhaustion kept that from becoming a possibility.  Prayers.  That is what I can do.  If even that is pushing it.  Groups of smaller prayers... for the church, for the world, for people good and ill, and all the rest.  Good to pray for those who believe in the holy, better to pray for those who currently are in line to lose their souls.  Especially those who are damned, but cloak themselves in the trappings of the holy.  Prayers indeed.

I had to check.  It is, was, 61... an hour ago.  Well above the low 50s, but it sure felt cool.  Even so, I opened up windows and turned the furnace off.  I did check the furnace filter the other day.  It's still in good shape, holding well, and really not wiggling, jiggling, or otherwise causing trouble.

Now, as to diagnosing the cause of the symptoms?  I almost suspect it is a bit of pollen and a bit of a headcold.  I simply suspect it's parts of each.  A few more days and life should get better.  I just think so.  But it won't be today.  Still going through boughts of sneezing, dripping nose, congestion.  Though opening the house doesn't seem to have cause it to worsen.

I keep hoping to get back to work.  In the house, in this room, on to swimming, cleaning the Xterra... but it just isn't happening.  So very tired.  And more.  Ill.

A nice coffee.  Some kefir earlier.  I'll reset the kefir later.  I used some of the drian cleaner I got a year or two ago.  The drain is slow.  Not sure this stuff will work, will find out.  I really need to locate the septic tank, then get it pumped.  But, even now, there is still possibly too much snow out there.  And, then, I need to locate it.  I'll call a place tomorrow, which might have the location.

This coming month, or the month after.  Ugh.

Ah, but I am really cutting down on sweeteners.  All I use these days is keto stuff, but even that is hit or miss.  Straight kefir, straing coffee with cream.  No carbs, or strange sideways carb loading through the keto sweeteners.

The heart still hurts.  I'll do painpills, again, and for a while.  Hopefully, if things warm up, and I get rid of this sneezing and the sniffles, I'll be able to work again, heal a bit.  I'll see before long.

Late.

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I was awake late, so I suppose it makes sense.  Though, really?  I am doing poorly.  Feeling off, a bit ill.  I have had much worse.  Though had been doing better lately.  Frustrated with how I feel, how I am doing.  I keep trying to push through, I just can't seem to make it very far, or very well.

A bit of a headache.  So more painpills.  Trying to keep the dose lower, at this point.  But I... am trying to push through, and painpills have been helping.  The Vick's is still being used, from time to time.  As well, the diffuser.  Not sure that really helps, but it does make the place smell better.

I did eat, twice.  One normal sized meal, and a smaller one.  A bigger cup of coffee, and a couple of doses of kefir.  I reset the kefir tonight.  And hope to do it again tomorrow.

I had warmed the house to 74, but turned it down to 70 a few hours ago... at midnight?  No, 23:00 I think.  68?  70?  If I haven't turned it down to 68, I will.

I think it is time to go on to bed.  I've been thinking about the time they put me in a coma, and coming out of it.  The pain.  They say you can't remember.  And I suppose that is true.  But I can remember the horror around it.  I think that was the worst I have known.  Pain teaches patience, and other things like it.  Humility.  You never really recover, in some ways.

Even so, I am glad to have gone through it.  It... gives me empathy.  Not just for humans, for many creatures.  And for more than just physical pain.  There are people who have known far worse.  And live with far worse from that.  In one sense, that horrifies me.  In another sense, I have a form of... jealousy.  It's an odd thing.  Perhaps not as literally as that sounds?

It's all gone.

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At this point, there aren't any movies without a black in it.  There isn't an advertisement that doesn't have a black, gay, or lesbian in it.  Often that is all that is in them.

I was wondering, for a bit, if that is because the general approval was there?  I hoped not, but... couldn't quite tell.  Then it became clear.  They are trying to prevent you from watching television and movies, reading magazines, even driving cars.  They don't want you to be a party to the world as you have known it up to now.

It's... not just the common, and easily seen.  From auto companies charging far too much for vehicles, adding extra to some vehicles, or all vehicles.  That while pushing vehicles nobody wants, electric, even hybrid.  The longevity, and even fueling, of those vehicles, both in access and time required, is impossible for real people, in most situations.

The price of beef, the cost of simple things from hunting to fishing.  Everything is being made unaffordable.  Though, even too, the media, including bloggers, seem to be all government operatives.  Even the ones I thought once were at least neutral.  Nope.  They are all pretty much government operatives.  Some are the the young turks, some of the whisky pete types.  None are legit.  That includes the more extreme, on either side.  You don't have friends online.  They are all controlled, it's more a matter of by whom.  Even when they seem to be on the same side, whether it is China or Russia who owns them, rather than just being against America?  Right.  Nothing is what it seems.

As for me?  I am just looking for the truth.  This is part of what I am finding.  They are shutting you down, and shutting you up.  You don't have friends.  And, while I include myself, I am also not an able enemy.  I don't have a way to hurt you.  They do, and will.  Which... is why I don't write publicly at this point and going forward.

If I could find a way out, I would get out.  I am pulling back from  family, as they can't be trusted either.  They may be... a part of several problems.  What isn't secular seems to be atheist, even in the church.  I'm backing away from a lot of things.  I'll still have involvements, but very reduced ones.  Nothing personal.  Religious, but that doesn't necessarily include anyone in or out of the church.  It's a God thing, not a thing of fallen, and chosen to be fallen, men... and, yes, I include women in mankind.  Worse, probably.  

Looking for a way out.  But they are trying to shut you out, down, off, and under.  And doing a very good job at it.  The thing I don't think they understand is... you should be very careful what you ask to receive.  Your wishes may be the last thing you ever want to receive.  But... I can go there.  Am going there.  Perhaps you should consider giving them exactly what they want as well.  You might be amazed at how well that works out for us.