.
.
I kept trying to figure out laundry. It never happened. I kept thinking about it, but not seemingly able to do it, so I just... stayed awake. As if that would solve the problem. It's a psychic trap I can fall into. I SHOULD just go to bed as soon as I realize the problem. But like a starving wild beast which smells meat in a cage, when there is a simple task I should be able to do, but can't, I linger. Part of the problem is that I didn't believe fluffing would deal with the wrinkles. You can always toss in a damp towel, and hope, but I have never seen that work. I think some women do it just... the way children avoid stepping on cracks to avoid breaking their mother's backs... a superstition to deal with things they don't like but can't choose another way.
Never mind. The thing is that late was the hour of sleep. Worse, I forgot to set the alarm clock. No worries. My body had me covered. I woke at 8:30, easily. A bit late, but... considering bedtime, and what I have been doing, and considering all else, I will take it happily. Blogging, already, and with a plan for the laundry. I believe I am going to wash the whole lot over again, and then dry it in parts, again. That will be my morning wake. Along with gaming. I am merely grinding at the moment. I am hoping to grind six to eight levels. Which means... I best get to it. Plus I have some items to upgrade. Ugh. This game takes a great deal of grinding if you want what you want. There are better, and worse, places and points in the game to grind. But... if you want what you want when you want it, and yet to be able to play the game without perpetual death, then you have no choice but to do, rinse, and repeat. On the good side? You learn certain enemies extremely well. Grinding on my first 'toon has made this second playthrough... comparatively... cake. I have killed most bosses on the first round. I'm not so sure about the next boss, a pair of them actually, but... maybe.
After laundry is done, I will begin considering a trip to town. Shopping, and business, and shopping, and business. Hmm... real life grinding? Well... yeah. :)
Later.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Some of it.
.
.
The dishes have been done, a meal cooked as well. Fish and rice, though this time I added brussel sprouts. I added some in with the rice itself, some in the steamer tray with the fish... to see if there was a difference. Not so much. It really did add to the meal though, if you like bs. :) Next time I will add broccoli. This is working out well enough that I may go ahead and buy more frozen vegetables. They make for a more complex one "pan" meal. Fresh would be better, but if I had that much going on I'd be in heaven.
I will be doing the last of the laundry as well, before I sleep. I'll keep the load split, but fluff them a bit, each, to work some of the wrinkles out. Well, that's the goal. Plus, two loads gives me time to rest between them. With that, much will have been done in the last few days. Not a perfect run. I didn't make it into town. But that was doubtful from the start. Tomorrow? To town, if I can. Shopping. A blur of shopping. Here, there, everywhere. I had hoped to make it in Friday for business, but I just can't be sure. That might be too tight, but then... just maybe. Otherwise, more tinkering in the cave... cleaning and straightening.
It's been a good day, if a bit slow. The body is the problem, at this point. Focus is okay to good. Mental faculties are reasonable. The body just doesn't have anything to give. Not even when fed well enough. I did thaw meats, and will be grilling soon enough. A pot of beans would be nice as well, to go with the ham. Rice and quinoa would make a good add, especially with some vegetables thrown in. Just... something sort of novel, for my recent cooking notions anyway. I used to guarantee two, and usually three, vegetables a meal. I cooked five days a week. A veritable feast every night, I kid you not. Not the way to go if you want to even maintain your weight. But it was fantastic. Hmm, then again I was only 300, twenty pounds heavier. Odd, that, as that twenty pounds was four sizes larger in jeans. Weird? I guess you know where fat goes on me. Though I had water retention problems back then, too.
I best get to laundry. Good night.
.
The dishes have been done, a meal cooked as well. Fish and rice, though this time I added brussel sprouts. I added some in with the rice itself, some in the steamer tray with the fish... to see if there was a difference. Not so much. It really did add to the meal though, if you like bs. :) Next time I will add broccoli. This is working out well enough that I may go ahead and buy more frozen vegetables. They make for a more complex one "pan" meal. Fresh would be better, but if I had that much going on I'd be in heaven.
I will be doing the last of the laundry as well, before I sleep. I'll keep the load split, but fluff them a bit, each, to work some of the wrinkles out. Well, that's the goal. Plus, two loads gives me time to rest between them. With that, much will have been done in the last few days. Not a perfect run. I didn't make it into town. But that was doubtful from the start. Tomorrow? To town, if I can. Shopping. A blur of shopping. Here, there, everywhere. I had hoped to make it in Friday for business, but I just can't be sure. That might be too tight, but then... just maybe. Otherwise, more tinkering in the cave... cleaning and straightening.
It's been a good day, if a bit slow. The body is the problem, at this point. Focus is okay to good. Mental faculties are reasonable. The body just doesn't have anything to give. Not even when fed well enough. I did thaw meats, and will be grilling soon enough. A pot of beans would be nice as well, to go with the ham. Rice and quinoa would make a good add, especially with some vegetables thrown in. Just... something sort of novel, for my recent cooking notions anyway. I used to guarantee two, and usually three, vegetables a meal. I cooked five days a week. A veritable feast every night, I kid you not. Not the way to go if you want to even maintain your weight. But it was fantastic. Hmm, then again I was only 300, twenty pounds heavier. Odd, that, as that twenty pounds was four sizes larger in jeans. Weird? I guess you know where fat goes on me. Though I had water retention problems back then, too.
I best get to laundry. Good night.
Not bad, not at all.
.
.
How much can I do? I don't know, but the... light shines. Curtains are open, an easy morning as I wait for the package to arrive. I have plans to finish the dishes and laundry, get in another shower, then tinker on a few other things. And, if the package arrives in a timely fashion, perhaps a run to town. Mittwoch, is it? Yeah, then no window on when I have to be home. It's merely an energy use thing. Three stores have to be hit. Ugh... And I can't be sure that will happen. However, it is all possible.
I didn't get to bed until late. This time I didn't try to force an early wake, instead leaving eight hours, and change, to sleep. The last time I tried to push I... don't remember the alarm AND I slept until almost 11:00! Gah! That hurt my fragile ego. I thought I was mastering life again. That shook me just a bit. In any case, I woke very early, compared to the alarm. I guess if I don't push my body will, when it can, help out.
Good sleep lately. Fall and winter are spendrous for sleep. Medicines being on schedule doesn't hurt. But more, doing even little things, but significant things, helps too. Too much of a list and I can go blank and either want to sleep too much or too little. Balance is the key. Finding that balance isn't always possible. So, when I see it, on days like today, even if nothing got done, I would enjoy the day. Success, for me, cannot be weighed on action. Nor on contemplation. Merely being, with a clear mind and some wit, is success. Sad, in a way. Quite a let down. I had hoped for more. And, actually, I don't even think that this a truth just for me. Look at everything you have done and will do. Now weigh that against feeling right just being alive in the world. Yes, there is the hope, want, and effort to more. But, fundamentally... I think my proposal wins. Which is why so many people are miserable. Priorities.
On with it, after a bit more waking. Yeah, I don't really need it, I just... I am enjoying leisure this morning. Another hour or two and I'll get to things, probably. Later.
.
How much can I do? I don't know, but the... light shines. Curtains are open, an easy morning as I wait for the package to arrive. I have plans to finish the dishes and laundry, get in another shower, then tinker on a few other things. And, if the package arrives in a timely fashion, perhaps a run to town. Mittwoch, is it? Yeah, then no window on when I have to be home. It's merely an energy use thing. Three stores have to be hit. Ugh... And I can't be sure that will happen. However, it is all possible.
I didn't get to bed until late. This time I didn't try to force an early wake, instead leaving eight hours, and change, to sleep. The last time I tried to push I... don't remember the alarm AND I slept until almost 11:00! Gah! That hurt my fragile ego. I thought I was mastering life again. That shook me just a bit. In any case, I woke very early, compared to the alarm. I guess if I don't push my body will, when it can, help out.
Good sleep lately. Fall and winter are spendrous for sleep. Medicines being on schedule doesn't hurt. But more, doing even little things, but significant things, helps too. Too much of a list and I can go blank and either want to sleep too much or too little. Balance is the key. Finding that balance isn't always possible. So, when I see it, on days like today, even if nothing got done, I would enjoy the day. Success, for me, cannot be weighed on action. Nor on contemplation. Merely being, with a clear mind and some wit, is success. Sad, in a way. Quite a let down. I had hoped for more. And, actually, I don't even think that this a truth just for me. Look at everything you have done and will do. Now weigh that against feeling right just being alive in the world. Yes, there is the hope, want, and effort to more. But, fundamentally... I think my proposal wins. Which is why so many people are miserable. Priorities.
On with it, after a bit more waking. Yeah, I don't really need it, I just... I am enjoying leisure this morning. Another hour or two and I'll get to things, probably. Later.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Baby steps.
.
.
A shower and a shave. Trash gotten out. Dishes put to a fresh soak. A few other very small things. Just enough to show intent, I suppose. Insulin didn't arrive, so I get to wait for it tomorrow. I was hoping to try to steal my way into town tomorrow. Depending on when, and if, the package arrives, I may yet. A shower, again, first thing will make that more possible.
With the cat litter and trash out, I have been airing the cave out. I really have to get the trash bin to the curb this coming Sunday. I might be able to put one more sack in, without shoving, but... Yeah. Recycling shouldn't be a problem. But it would be nice to get everything to zero again.
While waiting for the package tomorrow, I hope to finish the dishes and the laundry, and... put the tools up from the bathroom job. No, I never did get those put up. Bleh. Small things, little plans, all good. At this point, it's as much as I can do and hope. I could blame gaming, but that just isn't the case. I have been like this several times, off and on, most of the summer. It's not medicine. I've been pretty good with that unless I hit bottom otherwise. It still amazes me that I can go cold turkey on that stuff, and usually just pick it right back up three days, even a week later. I know I can't pick it up a month and a half after quitting, not easily. I do know I can go about a week and an half. Not sure where the cutoff is but I'd rather not figure that out.
Yes, medicine is ongoing. Rather well, considering. A few nights missed, a day here and there. Given my condition, I'm actually impressed. The insulin has gotten old. There was some phone tag problems. They couldn't catch me and I... couldn't respond. Eventually it worked, if the package arrives. I'll start a new vial at the beginning of the month, at a cut dose. No choice.
Well... that's it in a nutshell. I ought to do a post on Dark Souls, the game I am currently playing. I initially had mixed reviews, mostly favorable. I have a more positive take after starting, and running, another character through. As far as games go, it's not as difficult as some might suggest. It's not easy. But there are usually many ways to do some things, but within a rigid base of mostly fail. You won't get through the game by accident. I'll think about posting just on it.
Oh, in a recent conversation, someone suggested that I make things complicated. This is not true, not at all. I only notice how complicated the world is. If you wish to understand, I have a little... example. It will take a bit of work, but if you really wish to understand you may. Learn to solve one of the simpler calculus problems. It will... take a bit. But... Now, understand, that math problem, and the most complex of it's nature, can solve less than a percent of the types of problems it was created to solve. Life is very complex. We can choose to see it as simple, but it's not. Even the words in the bible have... many meanings. Read a verse, a particular one with great meaning but about which you are unfamiliar for the most part, every Sunday for the next month. After reading it, write down your understanding. Then, each Sunday, do the same, but without referring to your notes. Then, at the end, review your notes. Even with an exact translation, which we don't have, can't have to a degree because of language differences, phraseology that is lost to us, social contexts that no longer exist, and such... we still wouldn't completely be sure of the meaning. For example, Christ did indicate one man, one woman, as to marriage... but in a time when a man often, perhaps usually, had several wives, but without saying anything negative about having multiple wives. A trick or a truth? Complex.
It is bedtime. Good night, sleep well. I will.
.
A shower and a shave. Trash gotten out. Dishes put to a fresh soak. A few other very small things. Just enough to show intent, I suppose. Insulin didn't arrive, so I get to wait for it tomorrow. I was hoping to try to steal my way into town tomorrow. Depending on when, and if, the package arrives, I may yet. A shower, again, first thing will make that more possible.
With the cat litter and trash out, I have been airing the cave out. I really have to get the trash bin to the curb this coming Sunday. I might be able to put one more sack in, without shoving, but... Yeah. Recycling shouldn't be a problem. But it would be nice to get everything to zero again.
While waiting for the package tomorrow, I hope to finish the dishes and the laundry, and... put the tools up from the bathroom job. No, I never did get those put up. Bleh. Small things, little plans, all good. At this point, it's as much as I can do and hope. I could blame gaming, but that just isn't the case. I have been like this several times, off and on, most of the summer. It's not medicine. I've been pretty good with that unless I hit bottom otherwise. It still amazes me that I can go cold turkey on that stuff, and usually just pick it right back up three days, even a week later. I know I can't pick it up a month and a half after quitting, not easily. I do know I can go about a week and an half. Not sure where the cutoff is but I'd rather not figure that out.
Yes, medicine is ongoing. Rather well, considering. A few nights missed, a day here and there. Given my condition, I'm actually impressed. The insulin has gotten old. There was some phone tag problems. They couldn't catch me and I... couldn't respond. Eventually it worked, if the package arrives. I'll start a new vial at the beginning of the month, at a cut dose. No choice.
Well... that's it in a nutshell. I ought to do a post on Dark Souls, the game I am currently playing. I initially had mixed reviews, mostly favorable. I have a more positive take after starting, and running, another character through. As far as games go, it's not as difficult as some might suggest. It's not easy. But there are usually many ways to do some things, but within a rigid base of mostly fail. You won't get through the game by accident. I'll think about posting just on it.
Oh, in a recent conversation, someone suggested that I make things complicated. This is not true, not at all. I only notice how complicated the world is. If you wish to understand, I have a little... example. It will take a bit of work, but if you really wish to understand you may. Learn to solve one of the simpler calculus problems. It will... take a bit. But... Now, understand, that math problem, and the most complex of it's nature, can solve less than a percent of the types of problems it was created to solve. Life is very complex. We can choose to see it as simple, but it's not. Even the words in the bible have... many meanings. Read a verse, a particular one with great meaning but about which you are unfamiliar for the most part, every Sunday for the next month. After reading it, write down your understanding. Then, each Sunday, do the same, but without referring to your notes. Then, at the end, review your notes. Even with an exact translation, which we don't have, can't have to a degree because of language differences, phraseology that is lost to us, social contexts that no longer exist, and such... we still wouldn't completely be sure of the meaning. For example, Christ did indicate one man, one woman, as to marriage... but in a time when a man often, perhaps usually, had several wives, but without saying anything negative about having multiple wives. A trick or a truth? Complex.
It is bedtime. Good night, sleep well. I will.
Monday, September 22, 2014
The mind is still present.
.
.
The body is not. Or they are out of sync. Something. Another nothing day.
.
The body is not. Or they are out of sync. Something. Another nothing day.
Pretty dead but not completely.
.
.
I made it to bed at a more proper time. I think around 21:00, almost. I set the alarm for 6:00 and woke ahead of time, as I prefer. Just a bit ahead of time. Then again I don't care if it is just two minutes before the alarm, being up and turning off the alarm before having to hear it is a wonderful thing.
Not much done yesterday. I did reset the cat litter boxes, and reset the soak on the dishes, and made grilled cheese sandwiches. None of it was as simple as it sounds, of course. There was always something more to do with it... washing the litter boxes, washing the pan to fry the sandwiches, and such. But almost nothing else was done. I'm a bit cooked, for whatever reason. Maybe too much too fast Saturday? Maybe. I'm pretty shot today, too. But... I am awake and alive. I haven't been. This is a good thing.
My package didn't arrive today, so I will be home again tomorrow, waiting for it. Wednesday will be my first chance to get to town. As I suggested, it will, whenever I do get to town, be a burst shopping run. Coffee, tobacco, cream, milk, the basics. But each is at a different store, so it is going to be brutal. Then a few days down before I must get to town for business. Business, business, business! Gah! I'm late, almost over-late. Gotta do it.
I did make another set of sandwiches today. Tuna melts. Nothing fancy but it works. I can tell I haven't been eating enough. The tp had dust on it! Yeah, not nearly enough. Even with food coming in... If I don't eat otherwise, those meals are stored and used extensively, not being let go until I begin to eat more regularly. You would think I would stopper up, but that only happened back when I wouldn't eat for weeks, or more, at a time. For as weak as I am, I have a heck of system. Without the heart problem I would have gone very far. Then again, where I was going was... quite dangerous. Not sure I would have made it very long with a good heart. Odd, actually funny, if you think about it. Saved by heart failure? :)
Well... on to the rest of my day. Good day.
.
I made it to bed at a more proper time. I think around 21:00, almost. I set the alarm for 6:00 and woke ahead of time, as I prefer. Just a bit ahead of time. Then again I don't care if it is just two minutes before the alarm, being up and turning off the alarm before having to hear it is a wonderful thing.
Not much done yesterday. I did reset the cat litter boxes, and reset the soak on the dishes, and made grilled cheese sandwiches. None of it was as simple as it sounds, of course. There was always something more to do with it... washing the litter boxes, washing the pan to fry the sandwiches, and such. But almost nothing else was done. I'm a bit cooked, for whatever reason. Maybe too much too fast Saturday? Maybe. I'm pretty shot today, too. But... I am awake and alive. I haven't been. This is a good thing.
My package didn't arrive today, so I will be home again tomorrow, waiting for it. Wednesday will be my first chance to get to town. As I suggested, it will, whenever I do get to town, be a burst shopping run. Coffee, tobacco, cream, milk, the basics. But each is at a different store, so it is going to be brutal. Then a few days down before I must get to town for business. Business, business, business! Gah! I'm late, almost over-late. Gotta do it.
I did make another set of sandwiches today. Tuna melts. Nothing fancy but it works. I can tell I haven't been eating enough. The tp had dust on it! Yeah, not nearly enough. Even with food coming in... If I don't eat otherwise, those meals are stored and used extensively, not being let go until I begin to eat more regularly. You would think I would stopper up, but that only happened back when I wouldn't eat for weeks, or more, at a time. For as weak as I am, I have a heck of system. Without the heart problem I would have gone very far. Then again, where I was going was... quite dangerous. Not sure I would have made it very long with a good heart. Odd, actually funny, if you think about it. Saved by heart failure? :)
Well... on to the rest of my day. Good day.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
To bed late, up early.
.
.
What?
I don't know. Not a typical combination, but there she is. I was having trouble getting both of those large loads to dry. I muddled through the first, but the second... after a number of tricks and methods that each lead to failure, I finally broke that last load into parts. As it turns out, I was too tired by the time I put the second load in to mess with the first half. So, that is on the menu, as well as finishing up the dishes, getting a shower, and tending the trash, recycling, and cat litter. I think I can do most of that. I think I can do all of that. But then, full plates are always a challenge. It was nearly 1:00 when I went to bed, almost 6:00 when I woke.
If I can get my work done today, tomorrow will be a light day. Light cleaning, picking up, small sorting. I have to be home Tuesday or Wednesday as I have a package coming in, one I have to be here to receive. Why they couldn't give me an exact day I don't know, but they couldn't, wouldn't, or at least didn't. I will spend those days on cleaning up as well. Light, as I am hoping to make it to town twice this week. Once for shopping in a dozen places, then later in the week to visit my friend. Friday or Saturday for the latter.
I'm still in a minor fog. But it is one I can work, if a bit blindly, through to a degree. I've already had breakfast. Simple rice with butter, but it is something. I need to thaw some meat. Fish is good once in a while, or good enough when steamed. It's just not a daily thing. Hamburger to add to rice, or quinoa, would be fine. Something to grill perhaps. Just something, more meaty, to have on hand for a quick or slow meal. I really need to grill once a week, enough meat for the weak. Acorn squash is great on the grill, too. Lots of veggies do better with a little smoke and char. It adds a little life. Still, blindly I live, often, so getting to it is a whole other issue. For now I seem to have found my feet.
Well, on with it, I suppose. A few more hours to wake, then I will get to things by, say... 10:30... a couple of hours to recalibrate for the day. Later.
.
What?
I don't know. Not a typical combination, but there she is. I was having trouble getting both of those large loads to dry. I muddled through the first, but the second... after a number of tricks and methods that each lead to failure, I finally broke that last load into parts. As it turns out, I was too tired by the time I put the second load in to mess with the first half. So, that is on the menu, as well as finishing up the dishes, getting a shower, and tending the trash, recycling, and cat litter. I think I can do most of that. I think I can do all of that. But then, full plates are always a challenge. It was nearly 1:00 when I went to bed, almost 6:00 when I woke.
If I can get my work done today, tomorrow will be a light day. Light cleaning, picking up, small sorting. I have to be home Tuesday or Wednesday as I have a package coming in, one I have to be here to receive. Why they couldn't give me an exact day I don't know, but they couldn't, wouldn't, or at least didn't. I will spend those days on cleaning up as well. Light, as I am hoping to make it to town twice this week. Once for shopping in a dozen places, then later in the week to visit my friend. Friday or Saturday for the latter.
I'm still in a minor fog. But it is one I can work, if a bit blindly, through to a degree. I've already had breakfast. Simple rice with butter, but it is something. I need to thaw some meat. Fish is good once in a while, or good enough when steamed. It's just not a daily thing. Hamburger to add to rice, or quinoa, would be fine. Something to grill perhaps. Just something, more meaty, to have on hand for a quick or slow meal. I really need to grill once a week, enough meat for the weak. Acorn squash is great on the grill, too. Lots of veggies do better with a little smoke and char. It adds a little life. Still, blindly I live, often, so getting to it is a whole other issue. For now I seem to have found my feet.
Well, on with it, I suppose. A few more hours to wake, then I will get to things by, say... 10:30... a couple of hours to recalibrate for the day. Later.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
That's more like it.
.
.
Two very large loads of laundry have been washed, the last is in the dryer. Everything was hung or folded from the load that is done. As well, I did a lot of the dishes. They have been washed and sit in a rinse until I get the last bit of energy to finish them, after finishing the laundry. While I was at it, I cleaned and set up my rice cooker, and rice and fish should be done in twenty minutes. After I finish what I have started, however, that will be it for the day. The only other thing to do is to stay awake until at least 18:00, though 19:00 to 21:00 would be preferable. I don't want to push though, as pushing, at times, on top of a relatively heavy load for the day, can cause problems.
Further, I am finally able to hit the game again, at least rightly. I had thought I had hit the maximum of my capacity in the game. Not so much. It is just that I was as bound in real life as I was in the game. When I started planning, and doing, the bottleneck in gaming opened. Three bosses that had been ripping me up I took down in three single shots. I didn't do anything new, or different, I simply hadn't been in a state of mind to do what I meant to do as well as I had meant to do it. Everything was off. Basically, save for the final boss, I am done with the game. Replay is reasonable. You keep almost everything, but the game becomes... much more difficult. The trade-off with increased difficulty is increased payout, by a 1:2 scale, give or take. Initially, that isn't much of a trade. It is only over time where the pay-off begins to overcome the advanced difficulty.
An advantage to playing the increasingly hard game levels is that, should you choose to play another character type, you will gain skills that carry over. And, yes, this game... most likely, will be my winter hold-over recreation. I hope it isn't the only one, snowshoeing is still on the menu, as is scouting camping opportunities and locations for the future. I need to find where it is safe enough to camp, and whether I can get there. Or, more, how long it would take me given the load needed for a couple of days out. In the summer it isn't as much of a problem. But in the winter... You have to have enough to survive, then some, and some back up for when everything goes wrong. But you still have to be able to carry it all. So... Scouting and learning to walk that way, are on the list. Perhaps next year I will begin looking for a true four season tent (really only three season, but it means winter worthy). And, perhaps, learning more about what is needed, what is required, what "luxuries" really work, and begin exploring my tastes just through day hikes. Gearing and learning in a smaller way along the way.
I only have one major purchase still to go. A heavy duty wheat grinder. After that, I can pretty much play with my money a bit more easily. Setting some back for play, but beginning to save, and maybe put more on the house and car. A four season bomb shelter tent is on the longer view, but before that, a Nikon D7100 with at least two lenses... as standard and a telephoto. And classes... One place, locally, that sells them, offers the classes for free, with purchase and a photo print bundle. I've checked their deal, it's legit. After that? I need to figure a few things out. Perhaps have cleaners come in once in a while. House cleaners. I can't afford an impeccable cave, but I wouldn't mind a little help once in a while. Clean a room and it inspires me... to do a little more, for a while anyway...
Well... On to lunch. Later.
.
Two very large loads of laundry have been washed, the last is in the dryer. Everything was hung or folded from the load that is done. As well, I did a lot of the dishes. They have been washed and sit in a rinse until I get the last bit of energy to finish them, after finishing the laundry. While I was at it, I cleaned and set up my rice cooker, and rice and fish should be done in twenty minutes. After I finish what I have started, however, that will be it for the day. The only other thing to do is to stay awake until at least 18:00, though 19:00 to 21:00 would be preferable. I don't want to push though, as pushing, at times, on top of a relatively heavy load for the day, can cause problems.
Further, I am finally able to hit the game again, at least rightly. I had thought I had hit the maximum of my capacity in the game. Not so much. It is just that I was as bound in real life as I was in the game. When I started planning, and doing, the bottleneck in gaming opened. Three bosses that had been ripping me up I took down in three single shots. I didn't do anything new, or different, I simply hadn't been in a state of mind to do what I meant to do as well as I had meant to do it. Everything was off. Basically, save for the final boss, I am done with the game. Replay is reasonable. You keep almost everything, but the game becomes... much more difficult. The trade-off with increased difficulty is increased payout, by a 1:2 scale, give or take. Initially, that isn't much of a trade. It is only over time where the pay-off begins to overcome the advanced difficulty.
An advantage to playing the increasingly hard game levels is that, should you choose to play another character type, you will gain skills that carry over. And, yes, this game... most likely, will be my winter hold-over recreation. I hope it isn't the only one, snowshoeing is still on the menu, as is scouting camping opportunities and locations for the future. I need to find where it is safe enough to camp, and whether I can get there. Or, more, how long it would take me given the load needed for a couple of days out. In the summer it isn't as much of a problem. But in the winter... You have to have enough to survive, then some, and some back up for when everything goes wrong. But you still have to be able to carry it all. So... Scouting and learning to walk that way, are on the list. Perhaps next year I will begin looking for a true four season tent (really only three season, but it means winter worthy). And, perhaps, learning more about what is needed, what is required, what "luxuries" really work, and begin exploring my tastes just through day hikes. Gearing and learning in a smaller way along the way.
I only have one major purchase still to go. A heavy duty wheat grinder. After that, I can pretty much play with my money a bit more easily. Setting some back for play, but beginning to save, and maybe put more on the house and car. A four season bomb shelter tent is on the longer view, but before that, a Nikon D7100 with at least two lenses... as standard and a telephoto. And classes... One place, locally, that sells them, offers the classes for free, with purchase and a photo print bundle. I've checked their deal, it's legit. After that? I need to figure a few things out. Perhaps have cleaners come in once in a while. House cleaners. I can't afford an impeccable cave, but I wouldn't mind a little help once in a while. Clean a room and it inspires me... to do a little more, for a while anyway...
Well... On to lunch. Later.
Much? No.
.
.
I did open the curtains. That... wasn't a metaphor by the way. Actually, I handled that most of the day, if I didn't open them all of the way. Planning... and I saw an opportunity to push my day through into a real day. I was able to stay awake until 18:00 and some goodly change. A major success. I saw the potential for it, and though I had other intentions... priorities. Getting a day shift back into the game is bigger than doing a few tasks, no matter, almost, what they might be... unless vital for survival. But... when eating and drinking aren't vital for survival... I just don't encounter such things often, and when I do, oddly, my body quickens so as to manage or hardens so as to survive it. It's not something I even need to contemplate. Going down a floodstage whitewater run taught me just how hard I am. I don't think I broke a single rock, but I sure gave it all I had, many times. I didn't even bruise. Then again, I was in the cold cycle! :)
I woke around 4:00. Sassy was being a little monster. Normally I don't mind. But... yesterday, in celebration to my newfound intent, and some will to spend on it, I had fed them twice (soft, remember... I always keep their hard food available). So, when she was harassing me all through the night, waking me at least twice, when I got my stones ready to throw, I grabbed the little beast (not painfully, but surely) and relocated her outside. Brat! And, I told her when I let her in an hour later, that if she went native again I would toss her again. Yeah, she knows what I said. And she knows I mean it.
Never mind. To start the day, I didn't want to just... wake. Dishes were set to soak. Not all of them. Some that where in there, some that were out. Not all, but a start. Then I collected laundry, perhaps not all of it... again, but enough to begin. I need daylight, I need clean clothes, and I would like to be set to begin having a meal a day, extra some days but just standard on all days. Beside collecting clothing, I put the first load in, then checked to make sure the dryer was clear. All good.
Now I get to sit for a goodly bit. The laundry can sit for a bit, when it is done. I will game for a while, a couple of hours, then cycle the laundry. Then sit again, do the dishes, sit again, and hit the laundry. I might get six or eight cycles of effort through, I might get four. I just want to make sure that at least the washer is emptied and dried out, whatever else happens. As well, I plan to get the trash and recycling queued.
Ugh, but I am running low on some primary items. Coffee, tobacco, cream, and milk. I might have to make a super sekret run and jump into town. It'll have to be fast, hard, and nothing else. If I can do it. Crap sandwiches, that means a shower. I just took one yesterday, but... I just won't go into town unclean. I am sure I smell a bit off, because of living in... a temporarily fetid world, bachelor land of the worst order at the moment, but why add to it. Then again, I obsess. Hard to know and no one will say. The fears of a single man. I suppose even women worry about such things?
Oh, by the way, I did finally order a heater for the garage. Nothing fancy. It's just a minor propane heater, Big Buddy, or somesuch. The hope is, in the winter, I can use the shop. Perhaps, if it all works eventually, even lift weights as well. The thing is, it opens the window of opportunity for garage use, for many various things. I have a couple of canisters of propane, at the moment. That should last me most of the winter, I suspect. A few hours here and there, when I can. Uhrm, and a good way to heat the auto if I should need to take a road trip, if that usually isn't too much of a problem, it would be a nice touch.
Well... on to my day, and you to yours. Make it a good one, give that a shot, or just hang on for dear life, limb, and the pursuit of a quieter time and place. Later.
.
I did open the curtains. That... wasn't a metaphor by the way. Actually, I handled that most of the day, if I didn't open them all of the way. Planning... and I saw an opportunity to push my day through into a real day. I was able to stay awake until 18:00 and some goodly change. A major success. I saw the potential for it, and though I had other intentions... priorities. Getting a day shift back into the game is bigger than doing a few tasks, no matter, almost, what they might be... unless vital for survival. But... when eating and drinking aren't vital for survival... I just don't encounter such things often, and when I do, oddly, my body quickens so as to manage or hardens so as to survive it. It's not something I even need to contemplate. Going down a floodstage whitewater run taught me just how hard I am. I don't think I broke a single rock, but I sure gave it all I had, many times. I didn't even bruise. Then again, I was in the cold cycle! :)
I woke around 4:00. Sassy was being a little monster. Normally I don't mind. But... yesterday, in celebration to my newfound intent, and some will to spend on it, I had fed them twice (soft, remember... I always keep their hard food available). So, when she was harassing me all through the night, waking me at least twice, when I got my stones ready to throw, I grabbed the little beast (not painfully, but surely) and relocated her outside. Brat! And, I told her when I let her in an hour later, that if she went native again I would toss her again. Yeah, she knows what I said. And she knows I mean it.
Never mind. To start the day, I didn't want to just... wake. Dishes were set to soak. Not all of them. Some that where in there, some that were out. Not all, but a start. Then I collected laundry, perhaps not all of it... again, but enough to begin. I need daylight, I need clean clothes, and I would like to be set to begin having a meal a day, extra some days but just standard on all days. Beside collecting clothing, I put the first load in, then checked to make sure the dryer was clear. All good.
Now I get to sit for a goodly bit. The laundry can sit for a bit, when it is done. I will game for a while, a couple of hours, then cycle the laundry. Then sit again, do the dishes, sit again, and hit the laundry. I might get six or eight cycles of effort through, I might get four. I just want to make sure that at least the washer is emptied and dried out, whatever else happens. As well, I plan to get the trash and recycling queued.
Ugh, but I am running low on some primary items. Coffee, tobacco, cream, and milk. I might have to make a super sekret run and jump into town. It'll have to be fast, hard, and nothing else. If I can do it. Crap sandwiches, that means a shower. I just took one yesterday, but... I just won't go into town unclean. I am sure I smell a bit off, because of living in... a temporarily fetid world, bachelor land of the worst order at the moment, but why add to it. Then again, I obsess. Hard to know and no one will say. The fears of a single man. I suppose even women worry about such things?
Oh, by the way, I did finally order a heater for the garage. Nothing fancy. It's just a minor propane heater, Big Buddy, or somesuch. The hope is, in the winter, I can use the shop. Perhaps, if it all works eventually, even lift weights as well. The thing is, it opens the window of opportunity for garage use, for many various things. I have a couple of canisters of propane, at the moment. That should last me most of the winter, I suspect. A few hours here and there, when I can. Uhrm, and a good way to heat the auto if I should need to take a road trip, if that usually isn't too much of a problem, it would be a nice touch.
Well... on to my day, and you to yours. Make it a good one, give that a shot, or just hang on for dear life, limb, and the pursuit of a quieter time and place. Later.
Friday, September 19, 2014
First steps.
.
.
When coming out of shadows, a trick is to not come out too quickly. The light is blinding, the heat is overwhelming, it is all too much. A short time in the light, in this case literally, will begin with pulling the shades as long as I can handle it. The goal is to open them up most of the time. As well, I need to begin keeping my mind in the world. I need to look for small tasks, and do them. Cat littler and the trash, as examples, but other things too. Phone calls, business, cleaning, and... other things. Yes, these went away from thought for some time. But just a few things each day. As with eating or drinking, or more both, when those haven't been done in too long of a time. Too much is very little, so consuming slowly is vital. More damage can be done by going to fast than waiting a bit longer. The odd thing is, both physically through food and water or mental deprivation, and I have known both, is that after the natural hunger is gone, when consumption begins again, the hunger is the absolute worst. Great control must be administered.
Today? I would love to get to town, but that simply isn't possible. It would mean showering, dressing, driving, plus planning an itinerary, then fulfilling that. I have much to do in town, business here, business there, a card to send, shopping, visitations. But... it's too much. I'm not even ready, physically, to be outside. So... perhaps soaking dishes, maybe gathering trash and cleaning the cat litter, perhaps policing the place a bit. A task here, stretching but just a bit. It's like walking on legs that have fallen asleep. You don't take the stairs, you don't run, and you don't hike a dangerous ridgeline. Small, careful, well-chosen steps. And so it goes.
I have been inactive, so far, today. But in that, I have been gathering my resources of wit and will. I have begun planning, thinking about how to do what I need to do, and what it is I actually need to do. As well, prioritizing is taking place. There is too much to do quickly, even if I had my legs under me. So... priorities. But those don't just create themselves, and there will be interference at every step. I'm on it though. I sort of have a rough plan. Monday to Wednesday I will be in town. But I will need to tend some things here first, while expanding my capacities, and then focus even so. A short, easy, shopping trip. Then, maybe Friday, business. Nothing big, I can't do it. Too weak. First the house, and my flesh, some food, and some small works. It's the way it has to be.
Later.
.
When coming out of shadows, a trick is to not come out too quickly. The light is blinding, the heat is overwhelming, it is all too much. A short time in the light, in this case literally, will begin with pulling the shades as long as I can handle it. The goal is to open them up most of the time. As well, I need to begin keeping my mind in the world. I need to look for small tasks, and do them. Cat littler and the trash, as examples, but other things too. Phone calls, business, cleaning, and... other things. Yes, these went away from thought for some time. But just a few things each day. As with eating or drinking, or more both, when those haven't been done in too long of a time. Too much is very little, so consuming slowly is vital. More damage can be done by going to fast than waiting a bit longer. The odd thing is, both physically through food and water or mental deprivation, and I have known both, is that after the natural hunger is gone, when consumption begins again, the hunger is the absolute worst. Great control must be administered.
Today? I would love to get to town, but that simply isn't possible. It would mean showering, dressing, driving, plus planning an itinerary, then fulfilling that. I have much to do in town, business here, business there, a card to send, shopping, visitations. But... it's too much. I'm not even ready, physically, to be outside. So... perhaps soaking dishes, maybe gathering trash and cleaning the cat litter, perhaps policing the place a bit. A task here, stretching but just a bit. It's like walking on legs that have fallen asleep. You don't take the stairs, you don't run, and you don't hike a dangerous ridgeline. Small, careful, well-chosen steps. And so it goes.
I have been inactive, so far, today. But in that, I have been gathering my resources of wit and will. I have begun planning, thinking about how to do what I need to do, and what it is I actually need to do. As well, prioritizing is taking place. There is too much to do quickly, even if I had my legs under me. So... priorities. But those don't just create themselves, and there will be interference at every step. I'm on it though. I sort of have a rough plan. Monday to Wednesday I will be in town. But I will need to tend some things here first, while expanding my capacities, and then focus even so. A short, easy, shopping trip. Then, maybe Friday, business. Nothing big, I can't do it. Too weak. First the house, and my flesh, some food, and some small works. It's the way it has to be.
Later.
When the time comes.
.
.
I gave my body and mind time to work out whatever is wrong. As wild beasts, they must be given some room to be what they are. But they are not choosing to simply get it out of their system, they are seemingly choosing to try to make what is a systemic norm. I won't allow it. So, over this weekend, I will be using sticks and carrots, whips and graces, push and pull, to bring my aspects back together and put them into alignment with my will and goals. Sometimes I really have to let these things go. Much as parents with children. There simply comes a point where that is not working and a... change is in order. That time has come.
I doubt if some can see the difference, from the outside. On the inside, however, I know the difference the way a concert pianist knows his mistakes even if those listening do not. It isn't just about how I interact with the world, though there is that. It is how I am working inside. I am sure health is part of the problem. It isn't the problem, though. Health issues are more like the pebbles one can't seem to keep out of the shoes, and just a little too small of a water supply, on a long footbound journey. It is a distraction. Sometimes it is good to be distracted, sometimes it prevents... solutions, options, or opportunities, from being seen when they might otherwise be seen and utilized. No, Johny really isn't a normal little boy.
Waiting. I have... things to do, perhaps, even yet. Late might be the hour. God has quickened me, here, in this flesh, before. He may do it again, if the time comes. Doc's doubt, and I suppose they should. As do others. Even I have some doubts. But I have felt the wounds, I have seen the deaths, and I look at myself in the mirror often enough to know. I am here. I couldn't be. I suppose, though to, I will only be called if the time comes. Until then, I must live in a mothballed status, and keep the trim, some parts functioning, and balance. So... I will do what I must to right my ship. The current status is unacceptable.
A few hours to wake. A bit of coffee. Then I begin laying out the plans to revitalize my existence and put much back into specs. It's a man's man job. It means waking the dead, controlling the beast, outwitting a brilliant but recalcitrant psyche, and doing what must be done over what is. Urhm, it is going to hurt. Though... you know me and pain. Love me some good old fire and chaos of the senses. So, hi ho, hi ho, into battle I will go. Later.
.
I gave my body and mind time to work out whatever is wrong. As wild beasts, they must be given some room to be what they are. But they are not choosing to simply get it out of their system, they are seemingly choosing to try to make what is a systemic norm. I won't allow it. So, over this weekend, I will be using sticks and carrots, whips and graces, push and pull, to bring my aspects back together and put them into alignment with my will and goals. Sometimes I really have to let these things go. Much as parents with children. There simply comes a point where that is not working and a... change is in order. That time has come.
I doubt if some can see the difference, from the outside. On the inside, however, I know the difference the way a concert pianist knows his mistakes even if those listening do not. It isn't just about how I interact with the world, though there is that. It is how I am working inside. I am sure health is part of the problem. It isn't the problem, though. Health issues are more like the pebbles one can't seem to keep out of the shoes, and just a little too small of a water supply, on a long footbound journey. It is a distraction. Sometimes it is good to be distracted, sometimes it prevents... solutions, options, or opportunities, from being seen when they might otherwise be seen and utilized. No, Johny really isn't a normal little boy.
Waiting. I have... things to do, perhaps, even yet. Late might be the hour. God has quickened me, here, in this flesh, before. He may do it again, if the time comes. Doc's doubt, and I suppose they should. As do others. Even I have some doubts. But I have felt the wounds, I have seen the deaths, and I look at myself in the mirror often enough to know. I am here. I couldn't be. I suppose, though to, I will only be called if the time comes. Until then, I must live in a mothballed status, and keep the trim, some parts functioning, and balance. So... I will do what I must to right my ship. The current status is unacceptable.
A few hours to wake. A bit of coffee. Then I begin laying out the plans to revitalize my existence and put much back into specs. It's a man's man job. It means waking the dead, controlling the beast, outwitting a brilliant but recalcitrant psyche, and doing what must be done over what is. Urhm, it is going to hurt. Though... you know me and pain. Love me some good old fire and chaos of the senses. So, hi ho, hi ho, into battle I will go. Later.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Wandering the byways of the nether.
.
.
The nether, science finally concluded, doesn't exist. Or, more precisely, the nether is more precisely defined. Pick which answer you will, they will go with whichever suits their fancy. None of them, from experience, actually know. Not the point, or even a point, to my topic, just a side note. When dealing with enemies, as I like to say, real enemies anyway... kick em' when they're up, kick em' when they're down. Repeat as necessary. Any "profession", advocacy, belief system, or such that is contrary to God in it's aim is an enemy. No, science doesn't have to be that way. Debate God? I do that. I wrestle with Him sometimes daily. If I don't like something He says, we go to town. He has no problem with that. Heck, that is how He won me over. He's... well... He's good at this. Better than I, by far. And, He doesn't mind a bit. Pummeled, psychically bruised, sore of body, whimpering in a corner, He just suggests when I am ready we can go at it again. Sometimes I don't even give Him a chance to finish before we are back at it. I'm not a damned quitter! *grin* Science couldn't ever win, so they quit. Big babies if you ask me. Some, at some points, have weighed such things. But it is lost on the new breed.
.
The nether, science finally concluded, doesn't exist. Or, more precisely, the nether is more precisely defined. Pick which answer you will, they will go with whichever suits their fancy. None of them, from experience, actually know. Not the point, or even a point, to my topic, just a side note. When dealing with enemies, as I like to say, real enemies anyway... kick em' when they're up, kick em' when they're down. Repeat as necessary. Any "profession", advocacy, belief system, or such that is contrary to God in it's aim is an enemy. No, science doesn't have to be that way. Debate God? I do that. I wrestle with Him sometimes daily. If I don't like something He says, we go to town. He has no problem with that. Heck, that is how He won me over. He's... well... He's good at this. Better than I, by far. And, He doesn't mind a bit. Pummeled, psychically bruised, sore of body, whimpering in a corner, He just suggests when I am ready we can go at it again. Sometimes I don't even give Him a chance to finish before we are back at it. I'm not a damned quitter! *grin* Science couldn't ever win, so they quit. Big babies if you ask me. Some, at some points, have weighed such things. But it is lost on the new breed.
Monday, September 15, 2014
I'm still here.
.
.
Sleep has been really off. Four hours every fifteen to eighteen up I'll go do. So... my days have been... odd. Gaming, at least, fits in well enough. It means I am doing something while doing nothing. While at it I am developing an epic character. A lot of hours in. But then, I can't do anything else, so...
As for the game, I found early that if your console is connected to the internet, it is an multiplayer game. People can invade, and I suppose you could invade other player's games. Not my gig. So I keep it unconnected. Now, when connected, other people can leave messages, warnings, and such. Playing offline I don't get those. Fine by me. While often helpful, they are also annoying.
It is a crazy game. Some of it still doesn't make sense. It is really too big to memorize, though you might get an idea of what is going on. I am about a third of the way to understanding. Some of the understanding only really comes from play various "classes", types of character. I'm playing a mage-sword, mostly, with a bit of the thief style thrown in. Light armor, fast, but also fragile. A scout, if you wanted it in modern terms. Only, there is no army.
I missed supper last night. I tried to stay awake for it but fell off a cliff at about 18:00. With my sleep patterns, I can only do just so much. I can push my bedtime, as variable as that is, only an hour, maybe two. Which I did. But that was that. It's like a hammer comes down. I'm lucky to shut off the machines and make it to bed. I am surprised I remember the time. Usually, when I go to bed, or wake up, I am clueless. I look at the clocks, my phone, everything I can, but the time usually doesn't stick.
Another week of this and I'll figure something else out. I put up with problems for a while, then I solve them if they don't go away on their own. We'll see. Perhaps, as I am nearing the end of the game, that will help. When I fall, if I can, then am, gaming, I can... sort of become obsessive. Get it DONE! Now, there are replays, but those are simpler, in a way. The game will get harder, but the... modes of attach, weaknesses, and exploits, remain the same. You just have to use them more often. Your opponents merely take more damage before going down. Not sure I'm up to some of that. Making a hard game longer is tough in my condition. Short, easy enough, and sweet, or I have to skip it.
Just thought I'd put something out. Now back to the dungeons! Later.
.
Sleep has been really off. Four hours every fifteen to eighteen up I'll go do. So... my days have been... odd. Gaming, at least, fits in well enough. It means I am doing something while doing nothing. While at it I am developing an epic character. A lot of hours in. But then, I can't do anything else, so...
As for the game, I found early that if your console is connected to the internet, it is an multiplayer game. People can invade, and I suppose you could invade other player's games. Not my gig. So I keep it unconnected. Now, when connected, other people can leave messages, warnings, and such. Playing offline I don't get those. Fine by me. While often helpful, they are also annoying.
It is a crazy game. Some of it still doesn't make sense. It is really too big to memorize, though you might get an idea of what is going on. I am about a third of the way to understanding. Some of the understanding only really comes from play various "classes", types of character. I'm playing a mage-sword, mostly, with a bit of the thief style thrown in. Light armor, fast, but also fragile. A scout, if you wanted it in modern terms. Only, there is no army.
I missed supper last night. I tried to stay awake for it but fell off a cliff at about 18:00. With my sleep patterns, I can only do just so much. I can push my bedtime, as variable as that is, only an hour, maybe two. Which I did. But that was that. It's like a hammer comes down. I'm lucky to shut off the machines and make it to bed. I am surprised I remember the time. Usually, when I go to bed, or wake up, I am clueless. I look at the clocks, my phone, everything I can, but the time usually doesn't stick.
Another week of this and I'll figure something else out. I put up with problems for a while, then I solve them if they don't go away on their own. We'll see. Perhaps, as I am nearing the end of the game, that will help. When I fall, if I can, then am, gaming, I can... sort of become obsessive. Get it DONE! Now, there are replays, but those are simpler, in a way. The game will get harder, but the... modes of attach, weaknesses, and exploits, remain the same. You just have to use them more often. Your opponents merely take more damage before going down. Not sure I'm up to some of that. Making a hard game longer is tough in my condition. Short, easy enough, and sweet, or I have to skip it.
Just thought I'd put something out. Now back to the dungeons! Later.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
That's the way it should work.
.
.
I woke, at some time or other. I think 20:30. No idea when I went down. I didn't set the alarm because... it doesn't make sense. If I need sleep, and can take it, I will. Usually I am waking in four hours. *snap~awake!* So, I just have to let it be. I was feeling good enough. Hungry. Thirsty... for coffee. Bleh. I ran out of milk and cream, so was using dehydrated, since I have used my supply of canned milk. Note to self - buy canned milk the next time you get to town. That dehydrated stuff is pretty wretched in coffee. It's not bad on it's own, even better when mixed than cooled (mixes easier with warmer/hot water). And it is a ton better tasting than most other brands and types of powdered milk I have tried. But, all in all, only for cool drinking, and cooking/baking. It's just not a good coffee thing. The bitter of both seems to increase too greatly, and it increases the acidity in coffee. Normally I can handle the acidity in the coffees I like, but not with this stuff in it. Double bleh.
So... Before I could think about it, and actually probably because of that, I got a shower, dressed, and was heading to town before I realized what was happening. Actually, I spent a bit of time waking after the shower. But I did shower right away. Then gamed for a bit to try to get my brain bits sorted. I wanted to be in to hit my preferred grocery store. It closes between 23:00 and midnight, perhaps different times by which day... open later on the weekends? Never sure, and they were recently bought out, again, so... But the clock was ticking. I left in time to do my shopping and get out, by 23:00, I believed. And, so it went. Then a trip to McDonald. It's all that is open, I needed food, it's inexpensive enough, and I get enough calories to actually do something. When you weigh 300, and it isn't all fat, you gotta feed the machine or it won't run.
Actually, I have had a young woman take my order at McD try to suggest that I was eating to much. I explained, that at my weight, I should be eating between 3600 and 4200 calories per day. I asked her to think about this. If she took a backpack, and loaded it with whatever weight necessary to make her weight plus the pack total 300 pounds, then walk around... forever. Now, I asked her, did she think she would need to eat a bit more. Well? Now, you think about that. I burn the same number of calories from my mass as you would if you did such. When I lift my arms I am lifting a good solid 30 to 40 pounds. Both arms up and I am lifting half a man, all of a pixie, or the less curvy parts of a standard woman. :p I need calories. Protein, then fat, are my primary dietary needs. Carbs are the last in line. Meat, meat, meat, potato, meat, meat, vegetable. *cough* I rattled the story off so fast she went to think about it and vapor locked. Cute though. I'm not a dumb giant.
Oh, but it was nice to see women out tonight. I don't know why, but I had the most pleasant of time with the womenfolk I met. At the store, both workers and shoppers, and at the 'staurant. Nothing fancy, just... *big eyes and smiles* "Hi!" Well... hello back! :) Love me some dame interaction. I might be harsh and all, but I love teh fluffy udder people. :) Young, old, pretty, ugly. Look, a smile, maybe a blush, even coquettishness if not too brazen or uncomely, and I'm a happy man. I don't even mind a bit o' peevishness if I am seen to have done something mildly unforgivable to the woman mind. Crossed arms and a bit of a facial set in mild annoyance is all good. More so when I know what I did, enjoyed it, and would probably do it again. Actually, if I get that reaction, I know exactly what to do every third or fourth time. I get attention, too. Gee I like that. I just wish I understood why.
Back to gaming, though I think I will set fresh coffee going, and maybe use the dregs for a fresher cup while I wait. I hate to waste, but I can't stomach the coffee sitting there, with dehydrated milk creamer. I'll dump that and start life over, the right way. I have meats thawed, and when I get to it, will start up the grill and do some of that, tonight or tomorrow. Life can be so good when you can just get it done without having to crawl, or fight, or push, or... do all that and still not get it all done. I'll take it. And a few smiles, blushes, salutations, and other feminine attention was quite a splendid add. Later.
.
I woke, at some time or other. I think 20:30. No idea when I went down. I didn't set the alarm because... it doesn't make sense. If I need sleep, and can take it, I will. Usually I am waking in four hours. *snap~awake!* So, I just have to let it be. I was feeling good enough. Hungry. Thirsty... for coffee. Bleh. I ran out of milk and cream, so was using dehydrated, since I have used my supply of canned milk. Note to self - buy canned milk the next time you get to town. That dehydrated stuff is pretty wretched in coffee. It's not bad on it's own, even better when mixed than cooled (mixes easier with warmer/hot water). And it is a ton better tasting than most other brands and types of powdered milk I have tried. But, all in all, only for cool drinking, and cooking/baking. It's just not a good coffee thing. The bitter of both seems to increase too greatly, and it increases the acidity in coffee. Normally I can handle the acidity in the coffees I like, but not with this stuff in it. Double bleh.
So... Before I could think about it, and actually probably because of that, I got a shower, dressed, and was heading to town before I realized what was happening. Actually, I spent a bit of time waking after the shower. But I did shower right away. Then gamed for a bit to try to get my brain bits sorted. I wanted to be in to hit my preferred grocery store. It closes between 23:00 and midnight, perhaps different times by which day... open later on the weekends? Never sure, and they were recently bought out, again, so... But the clock was ticking. I left in time to do my shopping and get out, by 23:00, I believed. And, so it went. Then a trip to McDonald. It's all that is open, I needed food, it's inexpensive enough, and I get enough calories to actually do something. When you weigh 300, and it isn't all fat, you gotta feed the machine or it won't run.
Actually, I have had a young woman take my order at McD try to suggest that I was eating to much. I explained, that at my weight, I should be eating between 3600 and 4200 calories per day. I asked her to think about this. If she took a backpack, and loaded it with whatever weight necessary to make her weight plus the pack total 300 pounds, then walk around... forever. Now, I asked her, did she think she would need to eat a bit more. Well? Now, you think about that. I burn the same number of calories from my mass as you would if you did such. When I lift my arms I am lifting a good solid 30 to 40 pounds. Both arms up and I am lifting half a man, all of a pixie, or the less curvy parts of a standard woman. :p I need calories. Protein, then fat, are my primary dietary needs. Carbs are the last in line. Meat, meat, meat, potato, meat, meat, vegetable. *cough* I rattled the story off so fast she went to think about it and vapor locked. Cute though. I'm not a dumb giant.
Oh, but it was nice to see women out tonight. I don't know why, but I had the most pleasant of time with the womenfolk I met. At the store, both workers and shoppers, and at the 'staurant. Nothing fancy, just... *big eyes and smiles* "Hi!" Well... hello back! :) Love me some dame interaction. I might be harsh and all, but I love teh fluffy udder people. :) Young, old, pretty, ugly. Look, a smile, maybe a blush, even coquettishness if not too brazen or uncomely, and I'm a happy man. I don't even mind a bit o' peevishness if I am seen to have done something mildly unforgivable to the woman mind. Crossed arms and a bit of a facial set in mild annoyance is all good. More so when I know what I did, enjoyed it, and would probably do it again. Actually, if I get that reaction, I know exactly what to do every third or fourth time. I get attention, too. Gee I like that. I just wish I understood why.
Back to gaming, though I think I will set fresh coffee going, and maybe use the dregs for a fresher cup while I wait. I hate to waste, but I can't stomach the coffee sitting there, with dehydrated milk creamer. I'll dump that and start life over, the right way. I have meats thawed, and when I get to it, will start up the grill and do some of that, tonight or tomorrow. Life can be so good when you can just get it done without having to crawl, or fight, or push, or... do all that and still not get it all done. I'll take it. And a few smiles, blushes, salutations, and other feminine attention was quite a splendid add. Later.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
I honestly can't believe how beat I am, and have been.
.
.
Oh, I've gotten some things done this summer. Far fewer than I had hoped. Sometimes I just pushed through, other times I breezed through. Overall, though, I've been getting my ass handed to me. I've been down a lot. On the good side, I realize to my satisfaction, that it hasn't been laziness. And, even when down, I haven't just stopped. These have been some of my best down times. Sure, there is a general disassociation with the outside world, fairly strongly. But inside, which is sometimes all I have, wasn't also empty, void, quiet. Plus, I keep trying. I don't think I have just sat back, on the inside. What's the difference between a sleeping turtle and an awake turtle? A lot, actually.
I'll keep working at it. I do fear fall and winter a bit more than usual. Then again, this summer was much cooler. More clouds, more rain days, it added up. I am fragile to change, it seems, and the cool more than heat, up to a point. We'll see. I would really like to try out the snowshoes. Sure, a lot of work. But if you can get the hang of it? It's... still a lot of work. However, the snowshoes aren't just for their own use. There is an end to them. I have dreamed of camping up there, in the mountains, in the winter. Might only do it once, or maybe even for a season. But I have to do that, if I live long enough to get it all together. I still want a solid four season tent. I believe I have the rest of the gear. I just need to learn to use snowshoes, at least. Well, and where to camp more safely, avoiding avalanche lanes and such, as much as possible. The gig is not to die out there. And it isn't about risk. It is merely to, for several nights, look out over the scenes before I sleep.
Yeah, but... We'll see. I do have to do it alone, for a number of reasons. Though it wouldn't be horrible to have camping neighbors not too far away. Just dreaming, for now, but... Nap time. I think I've been up all night? I can't honestly remember. I know I took a "nap" yesterday early to mid afternoon. Hmm... My naps have been my sleep. Two four hour stretches, with somewhat longish wake times. Just odd... Anyway, on to a nap. Perhaps I can get out this afternoon. I'll check to see if I have taken my medicine, and do so if not. I've actually been doing alright with those, somehow. Yeah, later.
.
Oh, I've gotten some things done this summer. Far fewer than I had hoped. Sometimes I just pushed through, other times I breezed through. Overall, though, I've been getting my ass handed to me. I've been down a lot. On the good side, I realize to my satisfaction, that it hasn't been laziness. And, even when down, I haven't just stopped. These have been some of my best down times. Sure, there is a general disassociation with the outside world, fairly strongly. But inside, which is sometimes all I have, wasn't also empty, void, quiet. Plus, I keep trying. I don't think I have just sat back, on the inside. What's the difference between a sleeping turtle and an awake turtle? A lot, actually.
I'll keep working at it. I do fear fall and winter a bit more than usual. Then again, this summer was much cooler. More clouds, more rain days, it added up. I am fragile to change, it seems, and the cool more than heat, up to a point. We'll see. I would really like to try out the snowshoes. Sure, a lot of work. But if you can get the hang of it? It's... still a lot of work. However, the snowshoes aren't just for their own use. There is an end to them. I have dreamed of camping up there, in the mountains, in the winter. Might only do it once, or maybe even for a season. But I have to do that, if I live long enough to get it all together. I still want a solid four season tent. I believe I have the rest of the gear. I just need to learn to use snowshoes, at least. Well, and where to camp more safely, avoiding avalanche lanes and such, as much as possible. The gig is not to die out there. And it isn't about risk. It is merely to, for several nights, look out over the scenes before I sleep.
Yeah, but... We'll see. I do have to do it alone, for a number of reasons. Though it wouldn't be horrible to have camping neighbors not too far away. Just dreaming, for now, but... Nap time. I think I've been up all night? I can't honestly remember. I know I took a "nap" yesterday early to mid afternoon. Hmm... My naps have been my sleep. Two four hour stretches, with somewhat longish wake times. Just odd... Anyway, on to a nap. Perhaps I can get out this afternoon. I'll check to see if I have taken my medicine, and do so if not. I've actually been doing alright with those, somehow. Yeah, later.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
I'm still not dead.
.
.
To the world, in ways, at times, of course. At least I can speak. A few visitors visited tonight. One I had seen most recently. She was giving a presentation so did not recognize me. She was impressed that I remembered her, even where she was from... something she had offered during her presentation. I was a bit surprised. She is pretty, but that wasn't what allowed me to remember. I expect women to be attractive. No, it was that she had a strong and good sense of herself. It isn't strong women I dislike, it is women who try to be men that I dislike. She was not that. Satisfied in her sex and comfortable in her skin. And well spoken. Yes, yes, I do judge, and harshly. If I give you a good grade, be thankful. Not to me, to those you chose to abide in your training for life, education, and such. And, maybe, have a little pride that you could, chose, and did accept right teachings. Could, chose, and accepted all have to come together, no one will work alone or in two-sets.
Arrangements have been made for another visit. I had it written down, couldn't find my cellphone. Found my cellphone, now I have to find the writing. Teh Bother! I best do that before I forget. Huh? Never mind. Ahha! There it is. I'll do it right now. Almost messed up. The 7th, the 17th, the 27th... or while we are at it, July, September, January... what's the difference! Never mind that, either. Some people are sooooooo picky! :p While speaking of late, early, or otherwise inconvenienced by time and it's dictates, I need to get my mother her birthday card. She is a patient woman, so her doctor says? Actually, I think that IS all the same, save when you get to plural and another form... patients versus patience. That you ought to mind. Just saying.
I am doing well. I'm just not doing much. I am sure there is a plan, simply no one has told me and if it's my turn, I haven't played yet. It's good, just not functioning. The game is going well, but I am not sure where to go, and the places I think I want to go I can't find. Which, actually, is why I am sitting in front of the machine. Why, then, am I blogging? I don't know, it's a real question, to you the reader! Don't even look at me that way, Lucy. Just answer the question, and, yes... I can handle the truff! Well, what of it I will allow as a truff. When I can handle it, mostly. That's probably why time and date stamps don't work with me. They get in the way of me getting out of the way? Yup! Told you I could handle the truff. :)
Well... on to... figuring out what I was here to figure out. Do have a fine evening, good night, and maybe just a touch of teh goofy. It's good, once in a while. Later.
.
To the world, in ways, at times, of course. At least I can speak. A few visitors visited tonight. One I had seen most recently. She was giving a presentation so did not recognize me. She was impressed that I remembered her, even where she was from... something she had offered during her presentation. I was a bit surprised. She is pretty, but that wasn't what allowed me to remember. I expect women to be attractive. No, it was that she had a strong and good sense of herself. It isn't strong women I dislike, it is women who try to be men that I dislike. She was not that. Satisfied in her sex and comfortable in her skin. And well spoken. Yes, yes, I do judge, and harshly. If I give you a good grade, be thankful. Not to me, to those you chose to abide in your training for life, education, and such. And, maybe, have a little pride that you could, chose, and did accept right teachings. Could, chose, and accepted all have to come together, no one will work alone or in two-sets.
Arrangements have been made for another visit. I had it written down, couldn't find my cellphone. Found my cellphone, now I have to find the writing. Teh Bother! I best do that before I forget. Huh? Never mind. Ahha! There it is. I'll do it right now. Almost messed up. The 7th, the 17th, the 27th... or while we are at it, July, September, January... what's the difference! Never mind that, either. Some people are sooooooo picky! :p While speaking of late, early, or otherwise inconvenienced by time and it's dictates, I need to get my mother her birthday card. She is a patient woman, so her doctor says? Actually, I think that IS all the same, save when you get to plural and another form... patients versus patience. That you ought to mind. Just saying.
I am doing well. I'm just not doing much. I am sure there is a plan, simply no one has told me and if it's my turn, I haven't played yet. It's good, just not functioning. The game is going well, but I am not sure where to go, and the places I think I want to go I can't find. Which, actually, is why I am sitting in front of the machine. Why, then, am I blogging? I don't know, it's a real question, to you the reader! Don't even look at me that way, Lucy. Just answer the question, and, yes... I can handle the truff! Well, what of it I will allow as a truff. When I can handle it, mostly. That's probably why time and date stamps don't work with me. They get in the way of me getting out of the way? Yup! Told you I could handle the truff. :)
Well... on to... figuring out what I was here to figure out. Do have a fine evening, good night, and maybe just a touch of teh goofy. It's good, once in a while. Later.
Beastly nap.
.
.
I set the alarm for a two hour nap, yesterday. The nap happened like a bomb. I slept so solidly, so completely, and yet dreamed in there wall to wall. The rest was good, just odd, and right through the alarm. I slept for four hours, hard. I went down at around 12:30, setting the alarm for 15:00. Usually I wake up before the alarm, in an hour and an half, maybe two. Even if I'm not doing much, my body just isn't into sleep.
I was at a point in the game where it was exceedingly difficult. The most difficult "boss" in the game, because there were two bosses. I dragged my feet about doing that fight. I just wasn't sure I was up to it. Gamewise, sure, when I am at peak. But I wasn't even close to peak. However, when I can't do the hard things, I can often do the nitty and picky stuff. And, so, I did. I leveled, farmed, ranched, did some more leveling, farmed some more for this or that, and, finally, I hit it this morning. Done. I may have overdone the extra work, but I wasn't ready for what looked like a very long fight. Even when I did go in, I wasn't sure I was ready. Enough deaths told me... actually, that I was ready. Huh? Well, it's a matter of how you die, and how long you survive, plus what you learn. This game is... well... you will die. Frequently. If you get one shotted a few times, you know you aren't ready. If you last a while, going in blind, and without all the assets because of their costs... Then you... might be ready. Not only ready, but done! Now, on to more dying!
The game isn't as difficult as it seems, and yet is much harder than that. Taking your time, unless you can't. Moving in slow motion, but the monsters do too. Timing is crucial. The only way to learn it is to die enough. But you must live long enough, and be successful enough, to put what you learn into practice. It's almost more of a mind game, a game of nerves, than it is of... It is a good game. Although, through it's methods, I keep developing new curse forms. I was, indeed, a sailor.
I'm about to take another nap. I just want to find a place in the game where stopping seems reasonable. Later.
.
I set the alarm for a two hour nap, yesterday. The nap happened like a bomb. I slept so solidly, so completely, and yet dreamed in there wall to wall. The rest was good, just odd, and right through the alarm. I slept for four hours, hard. I went down at around 12:30, setting the alarm for 15:00. Usually I wake up before the alarm, in an hour and an half, maybe two. Even if I'm not doing much, my body just isn't into sleep.
I was at a point in the game where it was exceedingly difficult. The most difficult "boss" in the game, because there were two bosses. I dragged my feet about doing that fight. I just wasn't sure I was up to it. Gamewise, sure, when I am at peak. But I wasn't even close to peak. However, when I can't do the hard things, I can often do the nitty and picky stuff. And, so, I did. I leveled, farmed, ranched, did some more leveling, farmed some more for this or that, and, finally, I hit it this morning. Done. I may have overdone the extra work, but I wasn't ready for what looked like a very long fight. Even when I did go in, I wasn't sure I was ready. Enough deaths told me... actually, that I was ready. Huh? Well, it's a matter of how you die, and how long you survive, plus what you learn. This game is... well... you will die. Frequently. If you get one shotted a few times, you know you aren't ready. If you last a while, going in blind, and without all the assets because of their costs... Then you... might be ready. Not only ready, but done! Now, on to more dying!
The game isn't as difficult as it seems, and yet is much harder than that. Taking your time, unless you can't. Moving in slow motion, but the monsters do too. Timing is crucial. The only way to learn it is to die enough. But you must live long enough, and be successful enough, to put what you learn into practice. It's almost more of a mind game, a game of nerves, than it is of... It is a good game. Although, through it's methods, I keep developing new curse forms. I was, indeed, a sailor.
I'm about to take another nap. I just want to find a place in the game where stopping seems reasonable. Later.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Noon?
.
.
My how time flies with only, I think now, four hours of sleep. A nap isn't due, it is overdue. Medicine has been taken. I checked, and at first thought I missed a day. How was that possible with me, just recently, vowing to keep a close eye on it? At first I was baffled. Then I realized it. I merely took the medicine out of the Saturday instead of Sunday when starting on a new med-set. That disturbed me, there for a bit, while waking.
Not much else. Another shower, after a nap. Maybe to town much later, or earlier. Hard to tell, or plan, with this, that, and the other thing transpiring, scheduled, or in affect. A stop at the grocery store, though, beside business, I do have some shopping that requires business hours. I need to get to town, or need it even more. Yeah? Tell that to the chief engineer with a busted engine? Yes, something like that. It's too bad they can't just yank it and fix it. I'd even lay on cinder blocks for a while, if that was required. But I'd expect new rims and tires. :p
Nappy nap time. Later.
.
My how time flies with only, I think now, four hours of sleep. A nap isn't due, it is overdue. Medicine has been taken. I checked, and at first thought I missed a day. How was that possible with me, just recently, vowing to keep a close eye on it? At first I was baffled. Then I realized it. I merely took the medicine out of the Saturday instead of Sunday when starting on a new med-set. That disturbed me, there for a bit, while waking.
Not much else. Another shower, after a nap. Maybe to town much later, or earlier. Hard to tell, or plan, with this, that, and the other thing transpiring, scheduled, or in affect. A stop at the grocery store, though, beside business, I do have some shopping that requires business hours. I need to get to town, or need it even more. Yeah? Tell that to the chief engineer with a busted engine? Yes, something like that. It's too bad they can't just yank it and fix it. I'd even lay on cinder blocks for a while, if that was required. But I'd expect new rims and tires. :p
Nappy nap time. Later.
A bit of sleep.
.
.
Four or six hours, I can't be sure. Enough, for now, in my condition. All that I can get in any case. Perhaps a nap, later in the morning, in an attempt to keep the sun in my day. You have no idea of the complexity of the game I play, the foes I fight, or just how successful, in many ways, I am. I don't give proper credit myself, even knowing, usually. On this day, at this time, I am pleased. I am not in a coma-like state. Given the condition I am really in, that is impressive. I've 'slept' for months, even a year, in this condition. This is a new high for an old low.
.
Four or six hours, I can't be sure. Enough, for now, in my condition. All that I can get in any case. Perhaps a nap, later in the morning, in an attempt to keep the sun in my day. You have no idea of the complexity of the game I play, the foes I fight, or just how successful, in many ways, I am. I don't give proper credit myself, even knowing, usually. On this day, at this time, I am pleased. I am not in a coma-like state. Given the condition I am really in, that is impressive. I've 'slept' for months, even a year, in this condition. This is a new high for an old low.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Not much.
.
.
A shower. Those are quite nice, more so when overdo. I've been keeping a closer eye on medicine, as well. That was slipping. Just a bit, and after everything else went south. But not today. And I stayed awake for dinner. Very small things. But of no small significance. When the mind shuts down, and the body isn't able, focusing to reach the world and do actual things is truly amazing.
I am pretty exhausted. I can't remember when I woke, but it was early dark. I remember having been awake for a while before watching the sun begin to peak through, I think... I think that was this morning. Then again, it might be a bit of a gimmick. One day, day, doesn't make daytime the regular. It is a day, one day, on schedule. I will take it. I have business that requires daytime operations. And I have to be in shape to operate in that time. A few days, perhaps, maybe more, but soon. A day trip to town. It is cooling off. While that unbalanced things, it will make getting out easier.
I have three or four projects finished, minus assembly in a few cases. I have one more major purchase, a solid grain grinder, and tidbits for it. Then I will begin laying up supplies for some of the home projects, the en suite in particular. Flooring materials, down to the subfloor, paint, a new vanity or some notions along those lines, a medicine chest... lighted or with some sort of lighting in there. I have the new toilet, I just need a sink and faucet. I might go just a tad fancy, but not gauche. Actually, I might use thick lumber of some sort, lacquered, attached to the wall, as a shelving vanity. I will have the supplies, for a number of jobs, if I can ever get to it. If not, the next owners can figure it out. Though, I suspect, over time, I will get it done before I die. I will have the supplies laid in anyway.
Oh, right... I want to discuss some options that might allow me more access this next time I visit my g.p. I need a little help getting going. I suspect she has simply been fibbing to me, but... we'll see. If that fails, I may have to cut my allowance and spend on a private doctor. Sometimes you just have to do it on your own. However, to get her on board, if that is possible, I will need to start tracking my stats. All of them. Sometimes, if you do them a square, they return the favor. Not always, but it does up the odds. Besides, I should be doing that anyway... for myself. Just not every day. That gets excessive and old? Yeah, but... even then, I probably ought to do it as a show of good faith, for my current, or future, doc.
Oh, right, bedtime. And it is actually evening! Good night.
.
A shower. Those are quite nice, more so when overdo. I've been keeping a closer eye on medicine, as well. That was slipping. Just a bit, and after everything else went south. But not today. And I stayed awake for dinner. Very small things. But of no small significance. When the mind shuts down, and the body isn't able, focusing to reach the world and do actual things is truly amazing.
I am pretty exhausted. I can't remember when I woke, but it was early dark. I remember having been awake for a while before watching the sun begin to peak through, I think... I think that was this morning. Then again, it might be a bit of a gimmick. One day, day, doesn't make daytime the regular. It is a day, one day, on schedule. I will take it. I have business that requires daytime operations. And I have to be in shape to operate in that time. A few days, perhaps, maybe more, but soon. A day trip to town. It is cooling off. While that unbalanced things, it will make getting out easier.
I have three or four projects finished, minus assembly in a few cases. I have one more major purchase, a solid grain grinder, and tidbits for it. Then I will begin laying up supplies for some of the home projects, the en suite in particular. Flooring materials, down to the subfloor, paint, a new vanity or some notions along those lines, a medicine chest... lighted or with some sort of lighting in there. I have the new toilet, I just need a sink and faucet. I might go just a tad fancy, but not gauche. Actually, I might use thick lumber of some sort, lacquered, attached to the wall, as a shelving vanity. I will have the supplies, for a number of jobs, if I can ever get to it. If not, the next owners can figure it out. Though, I suspect, over time, I will get it done before I die. I will have the supplies laid in anyway.
Oh, right... I want to discuss some options that might allow me more access this next time I visit my g.p. I need a little help getting going. I suspect she has simply been fibbing to me, but... we'll see. If that fails, I may have to cut my allowance and spend on a private doctor. Sometimes you just have to do it on your own. However, to get her on board, if that is possible, I will need to start tracking my stats. All of them. Sometimes, if you do them a square, they return the favor. Not always, but it does up the odds. Besides, I should be doing that anyway... for myself. Just not every day. That gets excessive and old? Yeah, but... even then, I probably ought to do it as a show of good faith, for my current, or future, doc.
Oh, right, bedtime. And it is actually evening! Good night.
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