Oh? Yes.

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I finally, whild unable to do much else, looked up some recipe ideas I have had in the back of my mind for some long time.  One thing at a time.

Up, an early late?

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It is 9:25.  I looked at one clock, then another, finally checking my phone.  Yes, it is.  I haven't been waking until well after ten, sometimes after eleven, lately.  So exhausted.  The cold, the dark, all the running and doing (within my capacity, outside of it lately it seems).  So, this early of a wake is a surprise.  If I had gone to mass last night, I would have been still asleep?  I would have done it if I could have.

It is 34 out there this morning.  One of the first mornings it hasn't been still freezing in... I'm not sure there have been warmer days so far?  Oh, probably.  A few.  But not for a while, when sort of expected to boot.  Still, it's brisk even so.  A bit of a breeze, or it seemed.  And still partly cloudy at least.  It is what it is.

I had a headache most of the night.  Rolling this way, then that.  Adjusting the pillows.  Going to just one.  Moving that from here to there.  It was a rough night, in some ways.  I finally laid flat on my back for an hour?  Then eased over onto one side, then the other.  That seems to have worked.  For the last three or four hours I slept in slightly more comfort.  But the night was sort of shot by then.

Teeth brushed last night and this morning.  Since I am going out more often, I am trying to keep up on my teeth.  Brushing twice a day, morning and night.  I still miss, from time to time.  Sometimes going to bed far too tired, sometimes waking up without actually being yet awake.  But, mostly, I am hitting it.

Trash and recycling out, first thing this morning.  Rebagged the empties, while at it.  Added more oil to the infuser, and lit the candle for that.  Should help.  Taking out the trash can be a smelly business.  Was this morning.

The dishes should just need another quick scrub... for for gits and shiggles than need.  Then a rinse and dry, and then an air dry.  Having cleared and cleaned the freezertop, they will go right to it when I get that far.

Sleep was better last night.  But I have to admit, my heart continues to hurt in a dark way.  I keep honestly wondering if I am dying.  Having a plain kefir this morning.  Pretty tart, but I am getting used to it.  I only sweeten it once or twice a week now.  Much better for me, this way rather than sweetened.

After dishes, a shower I hope.  Then, maybe, the last of the dishes to set up and run through today?  I can hope.  The goal is to get to mass tomorrow morning.  I'm usually not a Sunday type, but this is an important mass.  Trying to step up, keep up.  Obligations don't... aren't... so much an obligation for me.  The dying... not much expected of us, nor can there be.  I can't even work, or I would be working.  God does know.  Given what I believe I have seen, and where I have been, I wouldn't try to pull one over on God.  I do what I can.  He knows.  He knows I push, mostly.  Not past my will, beyond my flesh.  He lends strength to do even what I do.  Including just my next breath often.  All good.

Not sure I can make it, but will be set up to give it a try.  

So weak, tired.

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I can't believe how feeble I have become.  I don't know how it happened.  Is it the heart, or oxygen problems, maybe something else?  I simply don't know.  I keep trying.  And, sometimes I can do some things.  But I am losing ground fast.

I did get to the grill.  Not a lot.  Starting it up.  Doing a bit of seasoning.  And, since it looked good, smelled okay, and seemed right, I did cook, roughly, a plain omelet and some thin cut pork chops.  Then I cleaned it, then lightly oiled it.  I have bacon I may work up tomorrow.  And another batch of eggs.

I bought a lot of eggs when I was at the store last, with this in mind.  Mostly to practice.  No, it isn't as good of eggs as my usual.  But, the bulk buy will allow me much more practice.  I also bought ham, which is in the freezer.  Just a small block of it.  As well, hashed potatoes with which to make hashed browns.  Perhaps combining into a potato, ham, and cheese omelet.  Or... egg fry.

I let it cool, then shut it up, and down, for the night.  It was... interesting.

As well, I hit the freezertop.  While I didn't wash the dishes, I reset them to a hot soak.  Hoping to get that cleared tomorrow.  Then get a shower.  Can't make it to church.  I am really hurting.  Too tired, a bit ill.  Hoping to rest up, do some small bits of work, and be ready for church on Sunday.

Feeling so bad.  The cold may have made things worse, but it wasn't the main problem.  Sleeping cold might have, though, been a part of the problem.  It got down to 52 up there.  Where it has been mostly 57 to 63 upstairs.  So, that... might have messed me up.  Thankfully I did figure out how to start the furnace, and it started easily enough.

Oh, I could slice some of the little remaining of the roast, grill it, with cheese and onion.  Yes.  I would like to get as much practice, as quickly as possible.  Working with veggies, meats, buns/keto breads, and cleaning the various things off while seasoning along the way.  The flattop is much like my carbon steel pans.  Only much more open, easier to flip things, plus it doesn't put grease and oil into my air/kitchen/home.  I am really hoping to cook more outdoors than inside.  My guess is it is cheaper, as well.  Electricity has gone crazy expensive.

Well, on to bed.  Goodnight... to no one, since I don't think anyone actually reads.  Might show up, not sure... I should let them, if so.  If they aren't saying anything, they are just spying.  We'll see.  Later.  Goodnight... whatever.

Can't make it to church today.

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Just too tired.  I needed to wash dishes, take a shower, then get to town.  I... never even got dishes going.  Or yet.  Will still try.  There is hope.  But it is a bit late to make it to town for mass.  While I could still, perhaps, make it to the store, I am not sure I will, or would if I could.  Making it to town would be good, but not sure.  I still have to do dishes, clean the freezertop, get a shower, reset dishes for a rinse (I hope they are clean enough this time), then set them to air dry.

I never quite got over the exhaustion from the cold sleep last night, and cold run this morning.  Oh, and the clouds are back, darkening the world.  Just as soon as I get feeling better, by the world warming or sun shining, it goes dark and cold, and I crash.  So be it.

Still, planning to make a stab at dishes.  And cleaning the freezertop.  Then getting a shower.  But will I be able to finish the dishes?  Dress to get to town?  Maybe cook a meal?  I don't know.

I have also been looking at looking for things to work on the grill.  A water bottle, perhaps.  A container for fat, or bottle for oil.  I could use light olive oil.  It isn't perfect, but it's better than the seed oil options.  As well, I'd just like to get out and tinker on it.  Just... because.  But, if I liked what I saw, I might even grill a meal.  If... things worked out well enough.

I've been eating grapefruit the last few days.  Bought fresh, and quite good.  The first one I ate in the more civil way... slicing it in half, then cutting the tenders.  The other two I simply peeled and ate in sections.  I much prefer the section consumption.  You do have to get your hands dirty, but that's fine by me.  I haven't had one in... years.  Three, four, five?  It's been a while.  I sure enjoyed.

I'll game a bit, turn up the furnace in order to attempt to warm in order to get on the dishes.  Have a bit of kefir.  Love that stuff, perhaps reset it if there is space, or eat another dose later to make room.  Maybe make a french press coffee in a bit, which also warms me, and gives me a little goose to get going.

I will pray, even if I can't make it to church.  I can only do what I can do.

It looks like someone might be visiting.  Can't be certain.  They aren't leaving digital tracks that make sense.  Some of the tracks look like they could be mine.  Though... I have doubts about that.  But some of them aren't... mine, for certain.  Never can tell.  There were some people who were given access, last time I cut out.  Not sure if they would remember, or know how to access.  It's been a while.  I just don't know.

Very rough morning.

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I... couldn't wake up.  Had to really push.  Sassy was downstairs bawling, meowling, her fool head off.  I checked the clock.  Almost ten?  Why?  Why was I having such a difficult time waking?  I didn't know.  But I woke and started something small, upstairs.

The shoelaces arrived.  And, with what else I had bought, I looked them over.  The ones I bought at Al's weren't up to snuff.  Nylon?  Or something.  Good for some things, perhaps better for hiking when in rain, or through streams?  Or... something.  But, no, not what I wanted.

The ones from amazon seemed a bit better.  Not as good as the original, but better than Al's, and longer but not too long.  Ugh.  It's... as good as it will do for now.  So, I put the 55 or 56 inch laces on the Keen boots.  And, yes, it works.  But, rather than using any of the new, I used the old boot laces on the Keen shoes.  The boot laces are a few inches longer, so worked perfectly on the shoes.  I may see if Keens sells laces.  Afraid of the costs, to be sure.  But they are fantastic laces, just too short for what they come with.

All done.  Started and finished.  Wore the boots today.  Got downstairs.  Fed Sassy first off.  Then browsed the web a bit, and began gaming.  Something was just off.  I felt so cold!  Turned the furnace up, from 70 to 74.  Nothing, it just didn't seem to help, at all.

Then the doorbell rang.  Unusual, but I went and looked.  A package.  The metal lid for the flattop grill.  Between that and the burlap cover, it should help me keep that in better shape.  As I was going through the house, to get out and put that together, I checked the thermostat.  It was indicating 74, but reading... 61?  What the...

I decided to go look in the basement.  Perhaps the filter is filled already, or maybe the furnace was off?  Or...  I... didn't know.  I didn't know what to look for either.  But, to it.  Down I went.  Okay.  It was the furnace.  She was off.  The flip of a switch and she was back to it.  Ah...  It still took a bit, but it did warm after a bit.  Further, when it hit 74, after being so cool, I turned it down to 72.  Which was almost too warm even then, until I got used to it.

Then out to put the lid together for the flattop.  It either went this way, or that way.  There is, technically, a right and wrong way.  Though it would work either way, just that the writing on it would be the wrong way.  Too tired to think it through, so I just... flipped a coin (not literally).  And it worked out.  Then I installed it over the flattop, put the tarp back over the whole kit, and there she be.  It is sunny out, 

Or... was.  Clouds are back!  Gah!  So I may figure out a place to put it, under somewhere.

But, first, I need to do dishes... at least give them another shot.  Then set them out so that I can shower.  Hoping to make it to another mass today.  Probably not tomorrow.  But, then, Sunday too.  While I didn't make it much this week, I am making up for it.  No guarantee about today, but that is the plan.  Then a small bit of shopping.

I have a friend, in the KoC, and church, who has difficulties.  One of them, as with all bachelors, is keeping up on the house.  Cooking causes a mess.  Oil spatter, smoke, cooking smells.  For me, this flattop grill, along with the regular grill (once I get coals again), together will allow me to do a lot of my cooking outdoors.  I'll, mostly, if I used the oven, use it for a warming box... well, and roasts.

Winter or summer, I can use the grills most of the time.  Even if I am cold, cooking is a warm project.  And, I... seem to tolerate the cold well, for short spits anyway.  I may have to suggest this to him.  Even let him practice with it, to see if it works for his needs and wants.  

Sure, there is an initial outlay.  And there are ongoing costs, in propane.  But the savings on electric (which is crudely too high these days) and the ease of cleaning and else, a flattop might well pay for itself, especially while keeping the house cleaner, and allowing less expensive foods.  Yes, it does cost as much as an inexpensive oven.  But it is far more versatile, especially with the grill on this one.

When can I get to seasoning the grill?  I can't be sure.  I'll want the weather to be better.  I'll want to be in better shape... not so exhausted.  I just don't know.  This coming week, sometime.  I'd love to do it today.  Probablem is, I don't have the lard or other fat I prefer.  No, I won't use canola, rapeseed, grapeseed, or other processed oil.  NO!  I need lard or tallow, non-hydrogenated.  I may look in the store.

Could use bacon?  I don't think that works.  It needs the processing oils burned off.  Could put bacon on raw.  Get the fats from that.  But, the bacon would be a loss (to my mind, I wouldn't use it).  Have you priced bacon recently?  Yea, no.  So, I will look.  I do have tallow as said coming.  But it won't be here until Monday.  Scratch that, Thursday.  I want to at least be able to get to it before then.  Which means I'd still like to see about finding lard or tallow locally, that is quality, unhydroginated, perhaps even today.  I dont' worry about it being grass fed/finished, or non-gmo.  Don't give a shoot about that.  Just unhydroginated, and without any extra chemicals... just rendered fats.  Nothing more.

So tired.  Even now that I am warmer.  Not sure I can make it today.  It's already 13:00.  I'll hit the dishes, work on the freezertop, then see if a shower can be taken and if I can make it to mass this afternoon.  I'm... certainly trying.

I did get in.

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Mass, at 17:00.  Oh, I wasn't sure I was going to make it.  I was falling asleep in my chair from noon to 15:00.

I didn't get much more done.  I did reset the tarp out there.  It wasn't a lot of work, but some.  I used hiking poles as spreaderes, from on top, along with bungee cords.  Really, I got it to much better shape.

Why so tired?  I can't say.  It wasn't what was done earlier.  I had done very little, only helped.  Was so tired before and after anyway.

Still the grill is put together, and moved somewhere better.  The sun was out, and no rain or snow today for the first time in... I... can't remember.  Two weeks?  It seems like it.  But it is still cold out there.  I think it got up to 28, but just for a short bit.  Then it went back down to the 24 as of when I left, I think.  If it remains 24 as I returned.

I did do a bit of shopping.  Oh, and I got the laser thermometer working.  I ordered one.  With the help of my helper, the thing now works.  I will give him this one.  Now I know how to fix them in the future.  Another one is on the way anyway.  I'll keep this one until the new one arrives though, so I can experiment with the flattop grill.

So very tired.  It's just about 21:00.  I think I'm going on to bed.  I'll leave the door downstairs closed tonight.  I've let Sassy up the last few nights.  I need a break.  Especially if I am going to try to make a few more masses this weekend.  Tomorrow and Sunday is my plan.  Yes.

I am so glad to be back in church.  Even if it is difficult, I like being back in, getting the Eucharist, praying, and participating.  I am learning things.  Not sure if memory will stick.  But... I'll do what I can.  I will begin looking for ways to know what songs are to be sung, how the mass goes, and such.  So I can participate more fully.  As is, I am lost in there.  Everybody had to start somewhere, or restart.  Amen.

Help... helped.

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I woke, but was not moving fast or well.  Even then, it took a text to get me going at around eight.  Eighteen after.  Awake?  Am now.  But just barely.  I don't think I went down until around 21:30 give or take small change.  If memory serves.  I slept okay, but with the fistfull of waterpills still working from early in the morning, I peed all night.  Filled a three liter pee jug.  So didn't sleep perfectly.

And I am tired this morning.  It was a difficult world this morning, and last night.  Legs are like pins and needles, burning ones.  When the skin retracts, after having been bulked out with fluids, it hurts.  Just as while it is ballooning.  So, between gaining and losing water weight I definitely go through foot, ankle, and leg pains.

Still, I... got up, dressed, and was ready.  I asked that he bring rolls, potato rolls.  I sliced some of the roast thinly enough for sandwiches... which were had when we finished.

We... mostly he... got the furnace arranged so that it holds the filter correctly.  There is just a bit of wiggle, if I think that is normal.  I may work on adding cardboard shims to tighten that up.  And I will look for more new filters.  I used the last one I had anyway.  And those need to be changed every three to four months.  I will probably go with a mid-tier merv.  See how that works.

After that, we got to the flattop.  I had obtained two new propane tanks.  One is fresh, the other seems to have been replaced with an old one, and empty.  Oh well.  But, the grill is together.  I helped, in small ways.  He doesn't like help, usually.  But, when I help, it usually... is works out well.  I really couldn't do much today, but I could hold the cart at a better angle for assembly, and a do a few other minor things.

I was honestly having difficulty standing for as long as I did, while he tinkered today.  I am very tired, worn.  My legs are burning from standing.  Not... sure why.  I was totally exhausted by the time we finished.  The mushrooms and sandwiches worked well.  Homemade mayo, and mustard.  Which he thought were okay.  He passed on the mushrooms... more for me.

I'm having a bit of kefir to finish off lunch.  Then?

I don't know.  So very tired.  I have dishes I would like to run through.  But the freezertop being cleared and cleaned first is a requirement.  Then, perhaps, a shower?  A trim before that?  There is a mass tonight.  I am hoping to make it.  It seems there are many special masses to the end of the week and on through to Sunday, of course.  I am going to try to make it to two or three.  I know, required.  I also know, if I can't stand, I can't get to church.  And... that is difficult at the moment.  Not sure what is wrong, but... will... try to push on through.  If I can make three masses, I... will be happy.  And, I am back in good standing, so it does mean something.

It was 24 out there, last I looked.  The sun is out though.  Shining nicely, on a frigid (for April) day.

I need to get the house cleaned back up.  I have let the kitchen fall, but I was doing things.  And I have worn myself out fairly terribly.  I'll keep at things.

I did figure out the tarp, as I may have mentioned?  It is up, out there.  But I brought all else in.  I think the new straps are due to arrive today.  For the hammock.  We'll see.  With it not snowing, and blowing, I may try to get out there.  I'll rig a pee jug up, too, so that it hangs, and I can just use it almost like a hanging urinal, pull it inside the flaps for privacy.  Yea.  This time, though, I will try to rig the hammock, sleeping bag system, and underquilt much more correctly... and lower.  Tiptoeing it out of the hammock, while having to pee, in the dark, cold, and sometimes windy and wet?  No thank you.  Still, I... think I could really enjoy sleeping out there.  Fresh air is wonderful, if nothing else.  Though maybe the air filter will really help.

Sore, tired.  My heart hurts today, for some reason.  I was good yesterday, but it has been bad for a long time before.  I really wonder if I am about to die.  This is... worse than even what I am used to.  I don't think it would be a bad thing.  But, I'll leave it up to God.  

Tomorrow?

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Will find out soon enough.  That is the plan.  Setting up the grill, looking at the furnace filter area, and perhaps checking out some notions regarding the new tarp, with the boxable ends.  Well, and showing off just a bit.

While I have backslid, on the house, in some areas, I have gotten ahead in others.  Oiling and greasing this and that.  Getting the new rollers in on the garage door.  Clearing the bathroom and bathroom hall, and sweeping.  I may mop in there yet tonight.

There are a few other things that have been improved.  I had hoped to have more done, but I needed today as a mostly off day.  And I took it off, mostly.  By Saturday, I am hoping to have the things listed done... if those won't really be noticeable.  But, too, get the kitchen table cleared, and maybe clearn the kitchen floor, and get it swept.  Maybe the hallways too... and laundry room/hall?  We'll see.

I am doing well.  Even today, I have done things.  Little things, but with solid improvements.  If I can get the freezertop cleared and cleaned, the dishes that are in there finished, and the laundry dried and checked yet tonight, I... will have done a pleasantly mild but solid day.

I... don't know how this is working.  It really was hurting yesterday, but I am doing well today.  Yes.  And, next week, even more.  The problem I have with the kitchen, and hallways/laundry room area, is where to put things!  Ugh.  I'll see what I can do.  Though, I have a lot more space up here, in this front room.

Those things would crowd this room back up, but would leave those areas clear.  So... as I sort things, that might not be bad?

I also checked swimming times.  Lap times are a lont way off, or right on, the mass time.  I might be able to make it in for the half hour swims, if I can get in right away.  Or I will have to figure out other ways, take much more time in between swimming and mass.  I don't want to have to drive home.  Too expensive.  Perhaps I could hit the library, or just read something I have, or... I don't know.  Trying to find cheap timekillers for between swimming and mass, if I end up needing three or four hours.  Ugh.

Oh, I didn't find my swimming gear though.  So... not tomorrow.  Swimming anyway.  But, maybe mass?  Depends on how long the efforts take.  Not sure... when, just in the morning.  Easy for me, since I have been waking around five to seven.  Ugh.  I'll try to get to bed as soon, and shortly, as possible.  So waking will be easier.  But I'm not hurting, so perhaps I won't need a twelve hour sleep tonight?  We'll see.

The waterpills really helped.  I voided a lot of fluid.  I would guess I zipped out a gallon and a half, or more.  That, too, has helped me feel better.  I may do three more pills tomorrow.  Then go back to normal.  Not sure why it was being held, but will take care of it.  Compression socks, the pills, and drinking as much as I need to as well.  I don't want to be choking on thirst to lose that water.  Tricky business.

The flattop grill arrived two days early.

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No worries there.  Always good to have it arrive early.  But, there isn't a good shot at getting it together solo.  I had to get the heavy duty appliance dolly to move it from the front porch to the back.  Way to heavy.  Even that was a trick.  Just getting it up, then leaning it back onto the cart was... some effort.

I am checking about help on some things.  Looks like, perhaps, tonight or tomorrow morning.  Get the flattop going, then perhaps begin figuring out the furnace.  Yes.  That should help a lot.  A lot of dust in there, so it will never be perfect without pulling it and redoing things.  But... it... will help, for now.  Oh, and I may see if he might be interested in adding a humidifier to the unit, or even consider helping install a new unit later this year... say before fall?  It might or might not be something he would be willing to do.  This would give him time to review the technicals, and see if this might be doable for him, or not.

I think, with central air, that would absolutely have to be done by a pro.  It would be a fresh, first, installation.  Unlike the furnace, which would be a replacement.  I could pay him a hefty fee, and still save a ton buying the unit and helping.  Perhaps.  I may get a quote, however, just to make sure.  And, let them know, I am looking at doing it myself.  See if they wouldn't come down some.

Risk?  Reward.  Risk is what it is, as is reward.

I did hit the dishes again.  Not sure that will be enough.  Will find out in an hour or so.  That is the majority of the remaining dishes.  Still some more, but bigger items.  Need to hit the freezertop.  When I sliced the beef yesterday, a lot of blood ran.  I cleaned, but not enough.  I'll get that tonight, so I can do some food things tomorrow.

The sun came out!  Earlier.  I just went to look out and enjoy and...  Clouds closed back in, plus it started snowing again.  Oh well.  I did get to see the sun for just a spot today.  Yes, yes that helps a good deal.

I am hoping to finish dishes.  Oh, and I need to put the wash to going.  Then get that dried yet tonight.  I am thinking a bit more of the roast, sliced thinly, with a twice baked potato.  Yeah.  Any other work?  Maybe to mop the bathroom and bathroom hallway.  That would be good.

Just a few lighter things.

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While I did change out the rollers, for the garage door, there were a few bolts missing.  I asked someone to pick those up, if he had an opportunity.

As well, I hadn't oiled the wheels and stems, so I went looking for spray oil, silicon spray, or deep penetrating stuff.  Which I ended up finding, both the latter.  Which coveres the former most as well.  Deep pentrating oil is still... just oil.  So, I grabbed that and went out.

The problem?  I got the door lock, for the garage door, working.  However, the handle on the outside doesn't work.  Or is locked and I don't have the key?  So... I had to try to use the side door.  But, the lock on that was really giving me fits.  It didn't want to let go.  I did give it a bit of a spray, but it didn't really help.  Still, I got it.

Then in, I sprayed the garage door tracks, and the wheels, plus the bars going to the wheels from the elbow joints on the garage door.  Wee!  Now she spins.  I had thought it was just here weight, the garage door.  But, no, this really makes lifting it a breeze.  

Then I went back to the deadbolt on the door.  Locked that, unlocked.  Still pretty tacky.  So I hit it here, there, front, back, worked it while spraying, after it was sprayed.  Gave it a bit more.  Hoping it will improve.  Still a bit sticky, if not as bad.  Tells me it probably isn't just the lock mechanism.  The bolt may be dragging, the door may be hanging, something else is causing physical friction or blocking.  I've done what I will for that for today.

Though, while with the oils, I went around to all the doors.  Several locks and other security devices have been tacky.  I gave everything and it's uncle a spot of oil, some working around, and testing.  Seems good, for now.  It's as much as I will do for now.  Happy with it.

Before all that, though, I got the dishes which had been soaking a shot.  A lot of grease in it, so they will need another soapy soak and wash.  Hopefully that will be enough.  I'll find out in an hour or two.  I'm not pushing today.  I am taking it slow.  Sounds like work, but it was all, mostly, rather easy.  Even lifting the garage door, at this point, was easy... easier.

Not sure, if it arrives soon, whether I will get to the kitchen sink drains or not today.  Though, if I do, I will probably only start out with one.  Make sure it fits.  If it does, and is watertight with the method I use... after several days... then get to the other one.  If not, send them back.  Hmm, sounds like everything just showed up.  Goody.

Bits and pieces.  Not a bad day, for a light day.  I need lots of breaks.  I tire very easily.  But, my heart hasn't given me much fuss today.  It isn't straining, hurting, or excessively tired.  But I don't want it to get to that point either.  A nice, level, easy, day.  Oh... one load of laundry.  Something I need to test, make sure it works for me.  I'll bring in the deliveries, get the laundry going, then do some gaming.

Lost.

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Losing?  Losing.  Don't know where it went.  Hips to ass?  Fifteen pounds, gone.  Odd.  I am not dieting.  If I am eating differently.  More kefir, or... a regular amount.  More like a quart or so a day.  More meat, in the diet.  Though not excluding veggies completely.  Salads, of various sorts... fresh veggies steamed or raw with salad dressing or hummus.  Still, mostly meat.

As well, I have cut coffee and tea intake.  Stronger, but less.  About four dosers during a day, maximum.  Trying to cut back more to two or three.  Using a french press to make it just so.  As well, trying to eliminate sweeteners, mostly.  A sweetened drink a day, every other day.  And, using less.  Even keto sweeteners have limits.  So, the less I use the better.

It was a nice surprise to see yesterday.  If, as I suggested, my diet isn't for weight loss.  I have given up on that.  Who knows, it may all come back next week.  It... can do that.

A few tools and parts are arriving today, if... what has been suggested by the sellers is correct.  Parts for the kitchen sink, a tool for the bathroom tub (the replacement parts for that will be next month), and a few other things.  Not sure I will get to those today, but hopefully yet this week.

The flattop grill is supposed to be here Friday.  Depending on the time it arrives, I will attempt to assemble it when it arrives.  If it is too late, I'll try to get it together Saturday.  I want to stop at the store before then, pick up non-hydrogenated fats... either lard or preferably tallow.  Not sure if they will be available.  Could use butter.  Don't trust storebough ghee.  Every type I have bought, from regular stores to "health food stores", the ghee has been mixed with other oils, and probably the kind you really don't want to eat (seed oils, or soy).

I should get to making ghee.  As the house is coming together, doing things like that, and rendering tallow and lard should be easier.  I'd like to have, say, six pints of each of those fats.  I could do bacon greese, but I'm not sure that is the best either.  Although, with a flattop grill, it will be vastly easier to obtain bacon grease than from a pan.

I have two propane tanks.  Might, through the summer, buy a few more.  Four would give me some solid cooking time.  Six would be better, but... so much money.  Though, over time, possible.  Then I could cook outdoors much more often.  Use the oven, more often than not, for a heating box while cooking various foods.  Though roasts will always require the oven.  Or the charcoal grill.  Hmm, I need more charcoal though.  I have run out.  Cooking outdoors will help with the house a great deal.

Yea.  Life seems to be coming back into bloom.  I am not waiting for spring to... spring.  I am just going to bulldoze my way through, even if I don't feel like it, it seems.  I am amazed the weather hasn't wiped me.  More light, even if I haven't seen the sun in... a week?  Two now?  It's been a while.  And it remains cold.  It was 24, hit 28 just now.  Might get up to the low to mid 30s yet today.  But that is still very cold for April 5th!

Still, if I can push on through, and keep things up, I will get going.  I will try to stay with it.  I will rest when needed, push when I can.  And, really, I am doing well.  Even if I get the sense death may be close.  Pushing too hard, but I can't... stop.  I didn't do because I couldn't to this point.  Now I can't slow it down.  Something is pushing me forward, through pain, exhaustion to the point of suffering, bruising, and else.  I... can't stop.  Well, I suppose, if I die I will stop... here.  I think I'll be busier dead than I even could have been alive.  Just... the way things go.  But, I am looking forward to it, oddly.

A twelve hour sleep.

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.

Much needed.  I pushed too hard recently.  Beyond physical exhaustion, the heart is so worn I have some concern.  As well, fluid was drastically collecting in my legs, ankles, and feet.  While compression socks back on, if after only a day off, I will take a few remaining waterpills today.  Say three.  And, if that doesn't do what is needed, five tomorrow.  No, I just went with five today.  And, probably, three tomorrow.  Then that should be good for a while.  

I checked first thing, outside, this morning.  It is 24 F.  It looks like some snow came down last night, but almost nothing stuck (to the driveway, difficult to tell out in the yard).  The driveway remains very clear, if not 100%.  Still around... 85 to 95 percent clear.  And what has snow just has a very light dusting sticking to it, along edges.

A few last orders coming in.  Some for the flattop grill, which itself is supposed to arrive Friday.  Some for the hammock gear, improved equipment.  Then I'll be on a financial diet for the month.  But I will have some things to tinker with.

Oh, after putting the garage door rollers in, I'll need to look around for oil.  Just a light coat of something or other.  I may do more tinkering with the folding doors, upstairs.  I really hate that they aren't well squared.  I think the bottom hinge plate on the left side is too low.  Maybe both of them are too low.  Not... sure they did anything but shove them in, at ground level, and call it good.

I will be receiving new drains for the kitchen sink, as well.  And a few other parts and pieces.  Those will go in when I can, probably yet this week, maybe yet today.  And I received a sheet metal bending tool, in order to tinker on the part of the furnace ducts which contain the filter.  It doesn't stay in there well.  I'd like to get that sorted.  Other parts and pieces are also arriving, in my final orders.  I may be able to really get some things sorted.  Little things, but things which have been on my mind for a long time.

While I hold my breath until next month, I will be trying to get the house clean, get to mass, and get back into the pool.  Something I will do today is find my swimming gear, get it washed.  Find a carrier for the goggles and such.  And have it all ready, while getting my mind ready.  I am hoping to be in to both mass and swimming soon.  Oh, I best check the swimming schedule, to see what would be the best times.  I can do that first thing.

On to my day.

A bit.

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It's a rough day.  The heart really is thumping.  Tired, for it.  Though probably from else as well.  Had to push, started late, got to some of it.

The first thing was a shower.  Well, after shoveling the driveway.  So, okay, I should be tired.  Before showering, I swept the bathroom and hallway as good as I could, and cleaned two of the pee jugs which had started accumulating.  It just happens, when I can't get going.

After the shower, I set up three smaller dishpans of dishes.  Then got dressed and out.  First to the pool.  Purchased a pass.  Had to take that one back, it was a day pass.  I wanted the semester pass.  I am sure I said that.  College kids hate older people, especially older men.  They'll get their turn.  Wait until they cut their nuts off and find out they are still hated.  Hahahaha.  Yea, it's... going to happen.

Anyway, done with that.  I had meant to get to shopping, but I was just... done.  Tired.  Crashing.  I did have a burger.  No, not the better one.  I just ate at what was at hand on the way out of town.  Some brown sugar trying to talk jive.  I settled that quickly.  Funny how they tighten up and speak English when shoved just a bit.

Then on to home.

Oh, and I did something else before the shower, after the driveway.  I have one of those folding doors, in my upstairs closet.  That thing hasn't been right since I moved in.  I just... didn't want to mess with it.  Finally, today, I got to it.  It isn't perfect.  But I am not sure it can be perfected.  I think the doors themselves are slightly warped.  But I did get them so that they close without bumping, and neither drags on the carpeting.

And, when I got home, after else, I changed the garage door rollers.  There are a dozen ways to do it.  I just bent the trackes, pulled the old rollers, put the new ones in, then bent the track back.  Yes, it works.  It was a bit more work than I had intended.  But, and yet, now it is done.

Wiped out though, currently.  I may have pushed too hard.  I know I pushed too hard.  I will take tomorrow off, mostly.  I may try to get my swimming gear together, and be ready for Thursday?  Perhaps.  The hope is to get in to mass, and swimming, with the shortest wait time between the two.  I'll... look that up.  And, the long term goal, is to swim and get to weekly mass twice a week.  If I do really well, perhaps in a year get to three times a week?  Not sure I can make it, but... that's... what goals are.  Hopes.

Had hoped to make it to mass.

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Too much snow.  I have been working on clearing the drive since I woke.  A bit here, a bit there.  It is done, but it is 11:30, as I catch my breath.  I need a shower before going to town, at least to mass.  But mass is at noon.  So even getting dressed and in would be... unlikely.

But, I did get the driveway shoveled.  There is... that.  Didn't beat me up too bad, but it did beat me up.  I had to go over what I shoveled earlier.  It hadn't completely filled in, but there was enough that it really needed to be removed for me to feel right.  It did warm from, say, 25 first thing, to 28 to 29 this last outing.  Not a large shift, but some.  And, some of the drive I had done earlier collected more snow, while other parts from earlier clearing had melted?  Very strange.

I left the tarp out.  There has been a goodly amount of snow collected, and then falled down from that.  Not like a ton.  And, some of it seems to melt, or simply be deflected.  Snow is mostly falling straight down.  Which almost makes me consider trying to sleep out there tonight.  Or... not.  Though, even if the wind picked up, and blew it into the enclosure, unless the volume really picked up, and the wind really whipped up, I don't think it would be a problem.  At least, not for one night.  A few nights, out on the trail, wet after rain after snow, and it could get really miserable.

Though, too, if I was out on some trail, I am sure I could find a better angle, against the wind.  So that it wouldn't get in.  As well, I have a tarp, with closures at the end, so as to encapsulate the sleeping area.  Yea, it's worth it.  I am also getting better tree straps.  Currently using a strap with sort of steps in it.  But that can't be set up in an exacting way.  I would guess there is six inches between steps.  There might be some other way to arrange that, but it would always be... difficult.  I ordered something that can be cinched, down to an exacting measure.

But, no, not tonight I think.  Still, might try to get out.  First, to get swimming going again.  Then to do a bit of shopping at my other store.  Lemons.  I never did get those stored.  I would like to buy enough to do so today.  With the house in better shape, doing little extra things like this is easier.  And, then, clean up after... plus a little extra cleaning while at it.

Oh.  I did slice some of the roast very thinly.  Then heated it in a foil pack in the oven.  Much much better.  It is still chewy, but when cut thin enough it's more of a feature than a bug.  It gives one something to bite into, whereas many meats, cut thin, simply don't have any substance.  And that beefy flavor really is pleasant.

I don't really need a shower, today.  Save if I were going to mass.  But I do need to dress a bit more appropriately.  And, while I have caught my breath, I... need just a bit more time to rest.  The drive wasn't a huge mess, the snow wasn't heavy, it was only about two inches.  But... it... got to me.  Maybe to town, maybe not.  

Who is saying "shh"?

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Who is there.  I hear the knocking.  But I can't remember who I see when I go to that door.  No, most of you wouldn't understand.  I do, mostly.  I just don't know.

Though, more than one.  Odd how... that can happen.

Who.

Down early, up late.

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Why?  The dark, cold, wet/damp has simply caught up with me.  I am having a heck of a time keeping up.  Tired.  Sore, even.  Not sure what I have been doing, but my forearms and wrists hurt, as if I strained them... used them beyond their capacities.  Cramping, in there.  Down at 20:00?  Or earlier.  Not awake until 6:00.

Dreams.  Discussing some things, the past, the Navy, how things happened, what happened.  There are still things I simply don't know, don't understand.  Maybe just the heart, the shutdown of it, initially, was so fast and nearly absolute.  Confusion.  Memories that they say aren't real, yet treatment for those false memories?  Diagnosis of those?  I can't tell you what I am not certain about.  All I know is I should be quiet about anything in there.  If the official line is that it was false, trying to suggest otherwise is nothing but trouble.  Check.

I did finish the roast yesterday.  It was tasty, but damn is it chewy.  I'm thinking ribeye tasting shoe leather.  The suggestion was to cut it thin.  I didn't.  Next time I will definitely cut it thinner, a lot thinner.  Not sure the imbedded garlic did it any favors?  I won't do that again.  I thought I loved garlic.  And, maybe I do, in some things.  But not in everything.  Though I will say I think the organic garlic was worth the trouble to obtain and spend to obtain.

Unlike the nuts.  I tried roasting those with less time.  I have tried them straight out of the packages.  They aren't good.  They don't taste roasted.  Old.  Were they frozen, then refrigerated, to extend their life, but lower their quality?  Far too expensive to throw away, but they can't be eaten.  So, no, not all organic is worth the price.  Few organic items are worth the cost.  Very few.

Snow.  More snow, I should say.  It has been snowing for the last three days.  Mostly melting off, save for slight increases in some places... over the patches where snow remained.  But, today, we got about two to three inches which stuck.  It isn't all that wet, but it isn't quite powder either.  I blend.  I cleared a part of the drive, and the sidewalk, plus a path along the whole of the driveway.  Not sure if UPS is supposed to arrive with a package today, but... wanted to open up what I could just in case that was the case.

Well... on to something.  A shower.  Dishes.  and some more cleaning, here and there.  Hopefully sweeping in the bathroom and hall, then mopping.  I had best sweep before showering, then mop after showering and setting up dishes.  Perhaps workin on clearing the kitchen table after that?  And, just maybe, sweeping in the kitchen... or more, clearing the floor to then sweep, perhaps tomorrow.

I am hoping to get a good deal more set up, cleared, and cleaned this week.

Sassy is hungry.  Best get her some chow.

Nope!

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.

No major issue.  It just really wasn't recycling day.  I gave it until mid afternoon, then brought the recycling bin back in.  I saw them empty the trash bin, so had already brought that back much earlier.  All good.

I haven't been able to do much.  I did get the hammock, and all else save the tarp, back in, and either set to air dry or given a very short warming dry in the dryer, on the lowest setting.  So that will be ready if the weather cooperates.  I could sleep out there, in the weather.  It wasnt' that bad.  It's, just... for my first shot I don't want to, especially with the wind coming from the north, mostly, right into one of the openings.

I washed my various compression stockings last night.  I wanted to see if the washing machine, on delicates, with the socks in washing bags for delicates, would work.  And, yes, it looks like it.  Darker socks and else first.  Then lighter colored ones this morning.  Then I hung them up to air dry on a portable, foldable, rack... in the bathroom where there was more room, and so that wouldn't get in my way while working with the bulky camping gear back there.

Some of them are dry, and have been collected, and paired if necessary.  More to go.  But they should be done by bedtime.  I meant to put some compression socks on, but they were all in, or about to go into, the wash this morning.  Tomorrow.

Oh, and I did look up ideas on how to cook the sirloin tip roast.  And, I got busy on that.  Garlic, pealed (and slightly crushed for my part), put into slits in the meat, top and bottom.  Onions, sliced into thirds, put on top.  The meat was salted and peppered, and given an hour for that to tenderize it a bit.  It... does.  The all in, with butter on top, the onions in that.

I went 450 for fifteen minutes, on both sides, to sear it.  Then lowered the temp to 325, I believe (F, of course).  I hooked up an internal thermometer with an outside reader.  I also set an alarm for forty five minutes.  Aparently this roast makes for excellent sliced deli sort of meat, for hot or cold sandwiches.  Not sure I would use it all that way, but would like to try some that way.

Good also as a simple roast.  A bit tough, so longer and slower cooking seems to do best.  I am curious how this will turn out.

Not much else for work.  I am rather tired, not doing the best.  A shower, perhaps, this afternoon?  Perhaps setting up dishes after?  If I get that far, perhaps one run through of the dishes before bedtime?  All maybes.  I'd like to get all that going, even some would be good.

Tomorrow?  I am hoping to mop the bathroom and the hall to it.  Perhaps sweeping them both first, again, just to... clear things.  Then mopping.  As well, dishes could get going, perhaps finishing what I may start tonight.  Then going through another set.  I'll be nearly caught up by then.

Oh, as well, I have been using the essential oil infuser to help with the scent around here.  I have noticed that most people have... something somthing going on in their houses.  I think, for the most part, naked houses are... stinky.  It doesn't matter if a good wife lives there, or a very clean family.  People, and our processes, food, trash, laundry, else... well?  We... smell.  So, yeah.  A bit of odor care really does help.

I'll check on the roast.  Won't peek, until the alarm goes off.  But can look through the glass, see what temperature it is.  I am taking it to 125 F.  Then I'll pull it.  It may well get up to 135 resting.  I will find out.  Curious, for future cooking.  Not all work the same.  Size and shape, weather conditions, humidity... all can play an impressive roll in changing things.  But... one can get a general feel for these things, over time.  Every meal is an experiment, even if it's not supposed to be.

I... finally did.

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.

Or?  I gave it a first shot.  I didn't stay, but I went, for a while.

Hmm, you ask?  Ah.  Outdoors, in the winter, in the hammock, with a tar over of course.  I did use the underquit, the handwoven ridgeline I crafted a while back, my double sleeping bag, if I thought there was another part to it?, and... I think that was it.  I set it all up, with some y.t. help, last evening.

Staying light so late these days, I wasn't in it until after taking the trash to the curb, even then a few hours more along.

There were, are, problems.  The underquilt isn't on... perfectly.  I couldn't get into the sleeping bags, and zip them up well.  The whole hammock is too high.  And... other problems.  But, I was doing it.  Doing well in it, to be honest.  I think it was about 25 during most of the sleep, with between a breeze and a wind from the northwest by north, as much more northerly than not by far.  And it was snowing.

The way I have the attachment pole set up, the wind and snow were blowing in.  The pole is cemented, so it's... not... something I could really change, or very easily.  So, it was what it was.  Now, I could probably have altered a few things, regarding set up, which would have helped.

I did readjust the whole thing two or three times.  The problem, in part, was I didn't initially know what was wrong.  I just, as a first timer even, initimated that something was not as I would wish it.  So, not fully understanding the problem, finding a solution was going to be a luck thing, mostly.  I did not get lucky, punk.  At least I still have my head attached.

Now that I know what the problem is, finding a solution will still be a bit of a trick.  It's just not that simple.  Solutions are engineered, not just known, not scientifically solved.  Science can't wipe it's own ass, it certainly can't solver a rigging problem.  And I have little interest in theorizing why it isn't work, or what my solve it.  I merely wish to fix it, and will... through engineering.

Still, I did well.  Even with all the problems, I slept warmly enough, on my side, in a half fetal position.  Pulling the sleeping bag parts up around me enough, putting on a cap, and using my plastic houseshoes... which I wore out there... as pillows?  Yea, they worked well enough.

My problem?  I had to pee.  I always, or often, usually really, have to pee at night.  Two or three or ten times.  I had nothing out there.  I suppose I could have just peed off to some side, or out in the yard, or... such.  But that wouldn't work long term.  To be honest, I may need to have a pee jug out there, rigged to hang from a branch or such, and use that.  Again, really, an engineering problem.

Still?  Proof of concept, for me.  Even with so many things wrong, and something important lacking, I was able to sleep out there, rather comfortably!  I will be..; working on teh rigging, sorting the pee jug, practicing with the sleeping system, and doing else.  But, yes, I can do it without freezing to death, or sleeping miserably.  At least in the 30s.

I will bring the kit in, today, sometime, and put in in the dryer on the lowest heated setting.  Just to dry it out a whiff.  Though, if snow and rain and wind are continuing from the north, I won't go out.  I'll pull everything, dry it all, and put the experiment on hold until there are better circumstances.  I suppose I could try to jerryrig a door, or closure to the north.  But, I... think that would be noisey as hell and would be very tricky to get right.  There are tents with end closure options.  I am looking at those.  Add privacy too.

Still.  I did it!  This is, finally, a start on making the dream that drove me out here real.  The dream of winter camping up in the mountains.  If I push through, at make it out this winter?  I'll be very cautious, speak with the rangers.  The chances of an avalanche, even on places which are normally safe, is extremely high.  So, caution is the better part of valour, in this case.  I don't wish to die out there.  Though, there is always risk.  Mountain lions, bears, avalanches... people.  Life simply isn't safe.  If too, most people die fifteen miles from home.  Which... why?  Just move!  All I'm saying.

Still, finally, a start.

It is still snowing, from time to time, this morning.  It didn't, mostly, stick to the driveway.  But it is gathering on the old snow and what grass had found it's way clear.  There is probably two inches from when it stopped melting and started being able to gather again.

Oh, one note, about sleeping in sleeping bags.  If you want to get a trunk, torso, workout?  Sleep in a hammock.  It just... does something.  From the short time I was in, I think two hours, my midriff is... a bit sore.  Why?  I can't say, for certain.  I only know what I know.  Sleeping in a hammock will tighten your abs.  Absolutely no doubt about that.  Just for that reason, I am stoked to figure out the other problems and get back in the saddle.  Some pain is... preferred.

Not much.

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.

No shower, no dishes.  A few coffees...  Kept up on water...  Fed, watered, and tended the litter box for Sassy...  Not much.

It is snowing and cold.  Well, 36 and lower.  I think 36 was around the high.  It has been snowing most of the day in any event.  It hasn't been sticking, mostly melting.  But, as it gets colder tonight, perhaps it will stick.  A pleasant day, mostly.

I did get the trash and recycling out.  Hmm, I don't think it is recycling tomorrow.  Oh well.  Better safe than sorry.

It is still light out there!  Even with the snow, and of course being densely overcast.  So strange.  I probably should be, normally, in the 40s to 60s, not the mid 30s down.  The water should be good, if they don't spill it all.  May have to, I get that.  But shouldn't if they don't need to.  Can't trust the bastards, not even in a red state, for whateve that means these days.

Oh, it's about bedtime though.  A different sleep arrangement, for the night.  I'll... write about it soon.  Goodnight?  To whom?  I... don't know.  Nobody visits anymore, most can't.  Those who can, don't.

Oh, but I did call my mother.  Since she called the other day.  I won't generally call her, unless she calls first.  I gave her some advice about a frog, in her throat.  Vinegar, in water.  Perhaps with a touch of salt.  Experiment with doses, vinegars, give it a try.  It might not work, if her's is a respiratory illness, though maybe.  I texted my brother but heard nothing back.  I didn't think I would.  Yes, goodnight.  If just to me.

Up late.

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.

I didn't go to bed late, or all that late.  Between 20:00 and 21:00, I think?  But, I took two long trips to town, did some heavier cleaning, went to mass, and... other things?  It... was a longer harder day.  And, I am tired from the rest of the week.  Right down to a very sore, hurting, heart.

I didn't wake, finally, until 5:30.  I only got up then because I felt it was very late.  And, as per my recent schedule, it is.  It was about two hours later than the recent usual.  Still... not terrible.

I fed Sassy first thing.  If I wake at 3:00 to 4:00, I'll wait an hour or two.  But if I don't wake until 5:30 or later, I'll feed her first thing.  Just... trying to play fair with her.  Cats are very regular animals.  I think most animals are, once they become... domesticated to within their capacity.  Though cats would push it, at times, if they could.  They will try to wake you earlier, to get food.  Which is why I usually don't feed them for a few hours after waking.  It removes the immediate payoff of waking me.  And, that actually works well with them.  If I could just wake on a regular schedule.

I have never been good at that.  Nighttime allowed me to... be who I was, or wanted to be, potentially without interuption, punishment, brutality.  The... training, to be who I was supposed to be, was brutal.  So, yeah.  If there may have been health issues involved even back then, too?  Maybe.  But, with the heart added on, keeping days and nights, save for short periods of time, is... literally impossible.  Especially when I work.

Oh, while I have given up on Japanese... the call to it diminished beyond my ability to sustain the effort... I am thinking of attempting to learn Spanish.  More Argentinian Spanish, but alos try to dip my toes into Mexican Spanish.  There are... many reasons.

The hope of moving to Argentina, or visiting.  And maybe Ecuador?  But, too, many locals and Catholics speak Spanish.  There would be some opportunities.  And, depending on which Spanish they speak at the masses for the Spanish ones, that would be an oportunity to learn... hear and learn.  And make new friends.