Up, an early late?

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It is 9:25.  I looked at one clock, then another, finally checking my phone.  Yes, it is.  I haven't been waking until well after ten, sometimes after eleven, lately.  So exhausted.  The cold, the dark, all the running and doing (within my capacity, outside of it lately it seems).  So, this early of a wake is a surprise.  If I had gone to mass last night, I would have been still asleep?  I would have done it if I could have.

It is 34 out there this morning.  One of the first mornings it hasn't been still freezing in... I'm not sure there have been warmer days so far?  Oh, probably.  A few.  But not for a while, when sort of expected to boot.  Still, it's brisk even so.  A bit of a breeze, or it seemed.  And still partly cloudy at least.  It is what it is.

I had a headache most of the night.  Rolling this way, then that.  Adjusting the pillows.  Going to just one.  Moving that from here to there.  It was a rough night, in some ways.  I finally laid flat on my back for an hour?  Then eased over onto one side, then the other.  That seems to have worked.  For the last three or four hours I slept in slightly more comfort.  But the night was sort of shot by then.

Teeth brushed last night and this morning.  Since I am going out more often, I am trying to keep up on my teeth.  Brushing twice a day, morning and night.  I still miss, from time to time.  Sometimes going to bed far too tired, sometimes waking up without actually being yet awake.  But, mostly, I am hitting it.

Trash and recycling out, first thing this morning.  Rebagged the empties, while at it.  Added more oil to the infuser, and lit the candle for that.  Should help.  Taking out the trash can be a smelly business.  Was this morning.

The dishes should just need another quick scrub... for for gits and shiggles than need.  Then a rinse and dry, and then an air dry.  Having cleared and cleaned the freezertop, they will go right to it when I get that far.

Sleep was better last night.  But I have to admit, my heart continues to hurt in a dark way.  I keep honestly wondering if I am dying.  Having a plain kefir this morning.  Pretty tart, but I am getting used to it.  I only sweeten it once or twice a week now.  Much better for me, this way rather than sweetened.

After dishes, a shower I hope.  Then, maybe, the last of the dishes to set up and run through today?  I can hope.  The goal is to get to mass tomorrow morning.  I'm usually not a Sunday type, but this is an important mass.  Trying to step up, keep up.  Obligations don't... aren't... so much an obligation for me.  The dying... not much expected of us, nor can there be.  I can't even work, or I would be working.  God does know.  Given what I believe I have seen, and where I have been, I wouldn't try to pull one over on God.  I do what I can.  He knows.  He knows I push, mostly.  Not past my will, beyond my flesh.  He lends strength to do even what I do.  Including just my next breath often.  All good.

Not sure I can make it, but will be set up to give it a try.