I don't know.

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Something is wrong, if I don't know if it will be fatal?  Perhaps it is just what going through high summer is like, with ac.  I am able to be more aware.  And, while the air conditioners make life bearable, the oppressive heat is still all around.  Step outside and I just about go blind, in the day.  But, it's more than just blind of the eye.  The heat hits so hard I end up having to go back in and sit.  It's murder out there.

I could only imagine what living in that, full time, must be like, and must do to people.  It takes you right down to the sheer basics, animal instincts, and a meanness that is dangerous.  Assuming you can survive it.  Any extremes, heat, cold, altitude, all... change the human body and mind.  You become more able to survive... assuming you do survive.  But at the cost of some of your humanity.

I've... been there, done that.  Living in Iowa seems a pleasant place, but the extremes there are severe.  And, I lived there before ac was a thing, for private (middle class or below) homes.  Even heat was limited, in homes.  People worked half to be able to not heat their homes as much as anything.

Cool enough.

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If later.  Around 3:30, it got to 57.  Not terribly cool, but cool enough to open things up for a bit.  I won't keep it open too awfully long.  A shower, and to bed, is the plan.  But I have to finish laundry to get to it.  I have some pants in the dryer.  They were in the wash possibly overlong.  Hope they dry out okay.  But, the towels are in the wash.  Either way, those will go into the dryer shortly.  If the pants have a strong smell, I'll just wash them again, and with vinegar.

I am back to playing Dark Souls 3.  I just won't, can't, complete a few of the dlc's.  The bosses are simply too difficult, and I am burned out.  I'm not interested in playing so often, and not seeing a way through.  I did beat a few other bosses which were like that, but... I'm done.  Mostly, now, I am trying to get the last trophies.  To finish the game I will have to play it part way through again.  Bosses drop something which can be used for spells or weapons.  I need some of those things.  I think, no matter how you do it, you have to play through at least twice.  Or once and a half?  Not exactly sure.  Maybe even three times?  Will find out.

The only thing bad about playing a second time through is that those bosses I can't beat on the first level will become impossible.  If I can't beat them on the first play through, I won't be able to on the other playthroughs.  The monsters get more hp, do more damage, and take less damage, or some combination.  And, I gain nothing, save starting out a bit more well set up than the first game.  Early game is slightly easier?  But late game... becomes unlikely.

I thought I was going to crash.

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Sort of did.  Just not all the way.  As the place cooled a bit, I got it.  The heat, through the day, raw, was too much.  It crushed me.  But, cooling since then, has helped.  I was almost falling off my chair.  So very tired, and still hurting though too.  But, no, I think I'll be up for a while.  Still a bit heatsick, but have had much worse.  This was half a day, when I've had it for weeks, or months really, yea... that was rough.

Gizzards are going.  Might be done?  Nope.  But, will be shortly.  

I checked about half an hour ago, an hour?  It was 74.  Too warm to shut things down and open up the house.  Just now, it was 69.  Still too warm.

Stupid.

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I crashed, hard.  Thought the windows up there were closed.  They weren't.  Turned the ac on, little that did.  It was hot up there, when I woke.  Chest, whole torso really, feels like someone had been walking on me.  Even arms and legs are sore.  Strange.  Whatever.  I am awake.

Warm to hot down here.  Ac was turned on.  Windows were checked, and are closed.  I left the ac on upstairs as well, if I did close the windows.  I may end up back in bed.  The only reason I am not in bed now is because it hurts to recline.  So, I'm up, for a bit.

Sassy was fed, first thing.  I'm heating water for coffee, will reset her litter boxes when I go to make that.  I got her fresh water yesterday, five cups.  So she should be good until tomorrow.  I try to remember to change her water every other day, in this heat.  And, it's paying.  She had been becoming a bit disheveled.  Extra clean, and more, water, seems to help her help herself.

Yes, I hurt.

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Medicine isn't helping.  Painkillers aren't doing anything for it.  My chest, like heartburn, only higher.  Not a g.i. thing.  Heart, definitely.  It's tired, people.

On to bed.  Been gaming.  And doing small bits of work.  Not much.

I opened up just a bit.  It got down to 57.  But it's bed time.  Never did get all the windows open.  Some.  Closed now, if ac is off downstairs.  It is on upstairs.  Bedtime.  Gosh, I hope I can rest.  Long or short.  Goodnight.

A difficult day.

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My heart, it hurts.  A cough, in there too.  A dry cough?  Sort of, dry and yet developing spit.  Not large amounts of phlegm, just... creating spit when I cough.  But, that hurts the heart more.  Strange.  Again, when I bend, feeding Sassy, or clearing her litter box, it feels like my heart is going to fall out of something.  A very strange thing.

It's not the worst I have felt.  But it is happening more frequently, and is in that "bad to worse" zone.  I am getting plenty of sleep.  Gaming is actually somehow improving bp.  Not by a lot.  Though it seems keeping busy, in whatever manner that I may, helps?  By the numbers, yes.  Though, is the stress doing damage?  Dunno, maybe.

*ring*

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Hello?  Surprised voice... "Your up!".  I think, I am now.  Brother the main called.  He looked up friends from when we lived in Akron.  Colorado, not Ohio... or else.  The kids of the men who owned and operated the Norka.  No yolk?  It was a restaurant, bar, and hotel.  Motel?  A multistoried affair.  Fancy, for a cow poke, dirt farmer, sort of area.  Not mocking, I was a street rat, if in a small rural town sort of way.

The last post by any was in 2019, or so.  Facebook, maybe another?  Marines, for one, and a few kids.  Oh, and the son of the man who ran the grocery store, same town.  Hard work, lots of it,  Yeulenhops?  I have no idea how to spell that last name.  They, save for one of the four he found, were good friends, great friends.  One I got in a lot of trouble with.  His daddy paid off his sins, I worked mine off.

No contact, but it was interesting.  Oh, and a girl, from back when.  She was hot.  Mexican.  But, like that ever really mattered.  My brother, that brother, is half.  I'm a double breed.  Mom is a high yellow.  Shit is what it is.  Not only was she hot, she was tall, like six foot?  I dreamed of her Jennie, all I'm saying.

Cooling.

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I checked about an hour ago.  It was down to sixty, at 23:30 or so.  So I opened everything up.  I had turned the ac on for a bit, but later, like around 20:00?  It was starting to warm in here.  So it really hadn't been on long.  And, upstairs had just been closed up and left, with a few fans going.  It was 79/79 upstairs.  I opened the windows and boosted the fans.

Still warm in this front room, and not chilling in the rest of the house.  But, not terrible.  Cheese, and gaming.  Cheese arrived today.  I have found that one of the tricks is to have cheese, by itself, from time to time.  And then sometimes cheese and salami.  It's less... problematic, for my g.i., upper or lower.  That and coffee.  Helps... keeps things moving.

Oh, and I got the last of the salami cut and packaged, then packaged those.  It is supposed to... cutting, bagging, and freezing... help the salami to last six months.  I'll see.  Once a month, maybe twice, I'll pull out a chunk, let it thaw, and see.  If it works, this will help.  My favorite salami is often just not available.  It isn't terribly expensive.  Terribly.

Interesting.

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No idea when I went to bed.  Earlier.  Around dawn, some time between five and seven?  I couldn't stay up longer.  Zapped.  Beautiful night though.  It got down to 71/73 inside?  Crazy cool, for this time of year, and only 55 outside, but there was a solid light wind for much of the night, until around three?  Give or take.

Anyway.  Up at 16:00.  It was 79/79 upstairs.  I had closed the windows, not turned on ac, but did have the fans on.  I MUST be acclimating to the heat.  No, not even uncomfortable.  Not a sweaty blob, not a mess of a man.  Just... a nice, clean, easy wake.  Rested, well rested.  Comfortable.  That is absolutely insane, sounding, to my ears.  I remember, even just this year, when 73 room temps were making me queasy, ill, sick.

No, I didn't get another thing done last night.  A shower, first thing, today.  Or... first thing I can do?  I did bring the garbage bin back from the curb, while checking temps.  It's 90 out there.  May have been hotter, but I don't think so.  Doesn't have the feel as if it cooled.  Could have, but don't think so.

Moving along.

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Not quickly, but... given the givens, not bad.  Trash collected, and out.  And I'll look, see if neighbors are taking recycling out.  Probably not, but... I'll... look.  Neighbor number one says no, but... I... just am hoping.  Sassy has been tended, well.  She seems happy with things.  I am pleased with her.  She is a very good friend.  Puts up with me, mostly, too.

Whiskers trimmed.  May just take them all the way off.  I don't know, thinking on the matter.  A shower soon?  Soon.  I am hungry, just really don't have anything easy, and don't have the energy for more.  Should get more out thawing.  Hoping for a sale on burger soon, running low.  If I see a good price, I'll try to get thirty to fifty pounds.  If a seriously good price, I'll double the high end.  Two pound packs works well.  One pound is good, but... I'm finding that to be a bit shy, these days.  Sure, that's only twenty five packs, but the packs last for three to five days.  The way I do things these days.

Yes, a shower.  Maybe finishing the trim.  Checking on recycling.  Resetting dishes.  Turning laundry.  No fresh start of things to wash, just putting what is in the washing machine into the dryer, and taking what is in the dryer up to be processed... and maybe more.  I have... excess still in the laundry room, if I have been going through that these last few days.

Cooling down nicely.

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Just before 23:00, and it was 66 with a solid breeze going.  It sure feels like a goodly bit of cooler air is coming.  Though... you just can't ever be sure, here.  Still, it felt so good, I opened up the cave, upstairs and down, turned off ac's, if I am leaving fans going for now.  If it cools enough, I may even shut those off.

I did start in on the tub, getting that clean... cleaner.  It needs more work than I have got to give it, but this is a start.  A shower, in a bit.  I haven't hit much else.  Trying to get something done in the game, in order to try some bosses again.  I am stuck on the two most difficult bosses in the game.  I'll... put out a vid on one of them.  Or, two vids.  Been looking for a way.  There is supposed to be a way to cheese that boss, but it must have been patched.  They are saying that it hasn't been, but it has.  At least for some of us.

Down about eight hours.

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When I awoke, I got right to some small chores.  Sorting socks, a few towels for the kitchen and bathroom... large and small, sorting underwear to a degree, and some clothes... all of which turned out to be winter wear, but that's fine.  I matched a bunch of socks.  Didn't fold the underwear, but have them in a pile.  Towels were folded, sorted, and brought down for use.  Winter clothing went on the pile of other winter clothing, hanging over a rack.  A... good start.

I left the ac on, so that I can get to some more work up there later this evening.  I never got to more work, other than running the dryer one last time, with that second to last load, to make sure it was dry.  I'll get the other load over tonight, and have that which is dry ready to go up when I head up to manage more things upstairs.

After the shower, I'll get dishes back in for a final soapy soak.  Probably doesn't need it, but... I like things absolutely squeaky clean, especially glass.  Pleasing on the eye, and tongue.  Oh, I may trim, too.  But first, I best feed Sassy?  Maybe I already did?  I think I did, and took care of her litter boxes.  Fresh water just yesterday.  So... all good.

Not much more.

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I did get the laundry dried, the one load.  I'll take that out, and upstairs, while I go.  Putting the next load in.  I'll also get a shower taken.  Love those.  Then set up dishes for a final soapy soak.  Upstairs, I'll do a bit of sorting of clothes, what I can do, then on to sleep.

Last I looked it was only 76 outside.  Cloudy, darker weather moved in.  No rain, not yet.  But it sure feels like that could happen.  It'll either do that and pass, or just give some shade, thus cool, then pass.  Storms don't last long here, save maybe in winter.  Not even August and it is already clouding up again?  Okay.

I also called my mother and brother.  I try to space my calls.  With mother, I try to go four to eight days.  With my brother every two to four weeks.  They get... persnickety when I call too often.  I have no news, and that is what they want.  They so often forget I am alive for no logical reason or purpose, save if God has one, or more.  He hasn't shared that with them or me.  And, yet, they... want me to... be more, do more.

Maybe?

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I got the recycling to the curb.  Then remembered... it may be a state holiday tomorrow.  Something something, the end of July.  They do fireworks, and else, like a local... or state really... fourth of July redo?  Uhrm, looked it up.  Pioneer Days, and celebrates when Mormons came to the Salt Lake Valley area.  It is on the 24th, I think they have a long weekend for it?  But, that means trash and recycling won't be being picked up.

Plus, they have parades.  It would be rude to put the bins out.  So... I won't.  I will look, make sure the neighbors haven't put theirs out.  But, yeah.  Okay.  Still, I'll get the trash out, to the bin.  And just have those ready to be go when... when it's time, I guess.  I am sure I have mistakenly put them out.  Probably on the 4th even.  I'm just... not always aware of... the world out there.  So few, and loose, connections with people.  I just... don't know when, or what, is happening.  This time.  This time I remembered.

The goal, next, is a shower.  Then to put the dishes back in for a final soapy soak?  Sure.  And clean off the freezertop.  And, do some laundry.  Nothing fancy, not a lot, just... some finishing touches here and there.  And, to bed by anytime from eight to noon.  Trying to push it later, not succeeding.  Sometimes I just can't push.  Or... pushing does no good.  I'll get a bit more done.

Oh, it's not cooling off, at all.  It is still right at 68.  If it doesn't cool off much in the next few hours, I'll just close up shop, and turn the ac on.  It's difficult to work in this warmer weather.  And, when I turn the ac's off, at 68, it just warms the cave.  It's 74/76 downstairs.  Probably similar upstairs.  I need it, prefer it, just a bit cooler.

Not a lot?

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And, yet, far more than I thought was going to happen.  I have been making plans, as such, almost every day, or every other day, or so it seemed, for weeks, months.  No doing.  Still, when I can think of it, I begin planning again.  No different today.  Well, the difference was that I was able to act on the opportunities.  No more, or less, than I would on any given day, if I could.

Whether I simply forget, lose the thought.  Or whether I physically can't act.  Often the plans don't see fruition.  Though, in part, with the ac functioning downstairs, and upstairs too, even with the extra heat of high summer, in spite of those things, I have acclimated, to some degree.

Most days, for the last... month... two?  More like two?  I see spots, like when you aren't getting enough oxygen.  Stars, sometimes, too.  Like when you are going to pass out?  Right.  Imagine living right on that edge, and for so long?  A few days without, but those... even those are just rest days.

*cough*

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Bullshit.

*cough*

Up, well.

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Not sure when I went to bed.  Around sunup?  Or, no, I think I made it to nearly ten... right?  I think I commented that it was already 79.  Yes, I think so.  To bed right after that comment.  up at 19:00.  But not just awake.

I tore into the clothes, clean, I had scattered around my room.  Matching socks, putting underwear, short and long sleeve (or really winter and summer) clothes into piles.  Digging down deep.  I pretty much sorted everything.  I may just wash it all.  But, in small discreet loads I can keep up on, sorting and folding as needed, as I go.  Even bagging clothes... putting clean things in air-tight bags.  Yes.

Getting clothing sorted, and clean, put up.  Then getting on to cleaning the room, generally.  But, just a piece at a time.  A bit when I wake up, a bit when it cools.  As is, after I finished, I opened things up, for fresh air.  It'll be too hot to work in until much later.  Then again, it was already a bit too warm.  It was 77 near me, with the ac on.  It must have been a hot one.  But, I did sleep well.

Brutal already.

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It is just past nine and already 79 outside.  While that is, most likely, normal for this time of year, this hasn't been a normal year.  Yes, it will be a hot one today.  The ac, upstairs and down, will only slightly blunt the hit.  But blunt it enough that I can live, and sleep.

I won't be up all day today.  Should have been in bed hours ago, but was enjoying the morning cool, and fresh air.  Started stirring, to get on to bed.  Got upstairs to shut windows and turn the ac on, finished closing up the downstairs and turning the ac on as well.  No, I won't just let it bake.  Then it takes days to get the house cooler.  No.

I keep thinking of calling my brother.  Curious how his project is going.  The hood of one of his vehicles was flaking.  So?  So he sanded it down, with plans of repainting.  Tried to do the sanding by hand.  Gave up on that gig, got a sander.  Last I heard he had the thing stripped, sanded, with the base sub-coat on, and that sanded.  But was waiting on the final coat?  It's a luxury car, they will mostly likely be giving to their eldest daughter as she goes out on her own.

But I don't want to bother him, either.  I have been calling my mother more often.  Every four to eight days, give or take.  If she sounds... flustered, I wait longer the next time.  I don't want to bother her.  Just to check in, let her know I care... if from a distance.  Might send her flowers this coming month?  Maybe.

Received a text, offering up to $1k a week to allow Bud Lite advertising on my vehicle.  Had to laugh.  First, no, they wouldn't do that.  They are just seeing if people would sell out, and probably experimenting with the amount.  Offering some portion various amounts.  But, no.  Even if I believed them, I am not interested.  At a minimum, they would have to clear their executive panels, apologize for their horrible mistake, reset their whole advertising schemes and personnel, then... I'd think about it.  Had to laugh.

Oh, and blogger has hidden either a post or my whole blog behind something.  I don't know what they are talking about.  A complaint.  But no one is visiting, so they are just being wankers.  It's just another political attack on... not even a conservative, but a guy who definitely isn't on "their" side.  I asked them where the post is, I can't even find it... from their link.  Not sure what is up.

With them doing censoring for the government, both they and the government have to come under attack.  From the Supreme Court, the lower judiciary, congress, and the president when we get an elected official back in that office.  Either that or we become China.  Don't... think that's a good thing.

Hmm...  I'd like to play more.  But I'm pretty much hitting bosses I can't beat.  Well, some haven't been beaten the way I have been playing.  Others just look too difficult, so far.  Not sure I'll finish the game.  The last bosses are just too difficult, and I'm not seeing a way to straight fight, or cheese, that works.  Perhaps I'll take a few days off, rest.  Then try another time.  Or not.  Just... this, these, aren't fun.  There are variations of fun, these aren't those.  Oh well.

Yes, on to bed I think.  Good... day and night.

This front room was so hot!

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I kept checking outside, to see if it had cooled.  Finally, a bit ago, it got to 62.  Not exactly sweetly fresh, but... better than the low 70s, or high 70s of much of the night.  It's nearing six, so it won't be much.  But, for that, I opened things up down here and it is cooling.

If it is even 70, or warmer, no need to bother opening up.  It just won't help.

It has dropped six to eight degrees, since I opened up.  Nice.  Not... in the main, that stays between 73 and 74.  It was 82 or 84, is down to 76.  Could go lower.  I want to sleep, but would rather burn sleep time getting the house a bit cooler.  Not sure it helps, but... worth a shot.  Especially if I can do it without the air conditioners.  Get it cooler, chill it down a bit, close it up.  It'll... still be in the high 70s when I wake.  Though, maybe it would have been worse?

Gaming.  Almost done with the game.  Main game.  Then I have to finish off the bosses in the dlc I have (mostly) otherwise completed.  Getting my ass handed to me, so I haven't been terribly enjoying these last portions.  Leveled up, hoping that would help.  Not... really.  Well past meta, doesn't matter.  As mentioned, I think, randomly... per boss per player, most bosses require a certain number of deaths.  It's just the way of it.

I'm only still playing because I want some cooling to happen.  Which means I am pushing it.  So be it.  On to the second to the last boss?  I think so, for the main story.  Ugh.  Oh, but I think I found where a titanite slab is.  Never mind, just a good thing for the game.  Later.

Stayed up very late yesterday.

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Late?  Well, for my current sleep cycle.  Was waiting for milk and cream to arrive.  Didn't want to leave it all open, while I slept.  So... stayed up.  It's usually here earlier in the day.  Not yesterday.  The man who brought it had many events and affairs.  Looked beat.  It was 95, here.  Where he was, it got to 105.  This is a cooler part of the valley.  He... looked... lobsterish.  But, good for it.

He has me by ten years, to the younger.  But life is starting to catch up to him.  There is no way I could do what he does, but... I don't think he would survive my heart problems.  I am not sure either of us is in a great position.  Working to death, or just being so close to death unnaturally?  Choices, though?  Neither of us have choices.

He has a wife, family.  And, those on top of a summer and rest of the year job, plus... extra.  On top of being father, king, boss, and joe shit the rag man catch all, to whatever else is left over.  I'm... proud to call the man friend, for my part.  Jealous of what all he does, and, yet... I get exhausted just hearing about it.  In an absolute way, we aren't... much different.  We are both sliced to within an inch of our lives, handed over what little we have left.