Well, improving.

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Struggling through.  I was able to stay awake until 14:30?  Or so.  I starte waking at almost 20:00, but was able to stay down until 22:00.  An hour or two here, an hour or two there, over a while, it is hoped that days can be had again.  For what it serves.  Lately, days have been rather dark.  Not nighttime dark, but dark enough so that it doesn't quite matter, or cold enough, or wet and cold enough, that it... feels like permanent bedtime.

Fine, though.  I'll keep at it.  Rough, extra tired from pushing, but... I like the struggle.  I have learned to embrace the pain, misery, and found the life is better if one just nods to that, acknowledging it, then shrugs and goes on.  It isn't even all that bad.  Just... something to realize.  If one must suffer, might as well take note just to show, the next time, that you can climb back up.  Or, if it becomes that time, that resting in the grave isn't all that bad either.  Suffer, until you don't.  But don't let that get between you and your goals, efforts... as much as possible.

Forgot to post.

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Was a bit chilly, when I woke.  A bit of a struggle waking, and staying asleep.  I started waking around 18:00, but had been up until at least noon.  So I wanted more sleep.  Not sure how much more sleep I got.  Perhaps a half hour, as much as two.  I just... don't know.  All good though.  I... woke when I couldn't sleep more, and laying down when I can't sleep is a misery.

Tea, to start.  And the last handful of walnuts remaining.  I forgot to check blood sugar until after I had eaten, and then tested right after.  Which... means the reading is definitely high, ten to twenty points?  More, or maybe a bit less.  Most likely more, if other than suggested.  It was 132... higher than wanted, but not a horrible number even if not.  A good number, most likely.  All the averages are dropping a few points every few days to week.  Back on track, mostly.

A few things.

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I really wanted to get the trash and recycling gathered and out.  I missed last week.  Though, there wasn't all that much.  Since I haven't been drinking canned water, or eating all that much, there simply wasn't much trash or recycling.  A few bags of each.  Still, it... was a lot of work, given how tired I am.

Gathered and out.  Very good.  Then a bit of a break.

Awake.

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Several hours awake, now.  I meant to check blood sugar, but eggs, tea, and meat sticks... and being too sleepy still to concentrate... lead me to eating before checking.  Medicine is in, down.  Tea has been finished.  Some water down, though more shortly.

Something different?  I had been drinking carbonated water, lots of it.  The reverse osmosis system had been down.  My friend helped get that working.  Then, I have been unable to get out to buy carbonated water.  And, with it so cold of late, I know better than to order it through amazon.  It freezes on the way, and half of the cans pop.  So... no.

Very little.

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All I truly got to, tonight, was boiling eggs, and peeling those after they cooled.  I did a poor job peeling.  But... did what I could do.  After, I ate four or five of them.  Very good, if quite broken.  I'll gladly take that.  I might have a few more?

Well, if I was to stay up a while longer I would.  I think I am going to crash, harshly.  Soon.  Now.  I just can't stay awake.

Struggled, again.

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To wake up took a lot out of me.  I don't know why.  I slept well, very well.  Warm, all night, without being too hot.  I do believe that little bit of space the boxy rectangular 4" base offers helps me sleep more warmly.  Just enough up off the ground, with an air barrier, so that the floor doesn't leech my warmth.  Which... allows me to sleep a bit more... softly?  So I don't sleep so cold, that I sleep extra hard, and hurt for it?  Or... something like that.  Just a first run.  I'll see in time.  Might also help with cooling, in the summer.

Fighting to wake, though.  It seemed like I was fighting all day and night.  The last two sleep cycles have been like that.  Rough.  Now, it doesn't hurt, or leave me completely exhausted.  It was just a rough experience to go through.  Once I woke, today and yesterday, I was fine.  There is that, at least.

Some efforts.

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The dishes were washed.  They dried and have already been put away.  Laundry was given a final spin, so is dry.  I had three items to put together.  Mini projects, really.  The first was the stand for the old tv.  But, first, I have to clear the coffee table, and maybe the end table.  Then to get those in there and begin... setting up, arranging, and else.  Not... yet.

As well, I bought stands, for the rear speakers.  So as to more easily and correctly setting up the sound bar sum total.  That I got to, done, and everything is in place.  I won't work on the sound for now.  I'm not... ready for that.

Up.

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I had to fight to wake.  Brutal.  I was trying to wake up since... noon?  14:00?  I don't think I made it awake until... after 17:00, 18:00?  Some time in there.  I sent a text at 18:05, but that was half an hour, hour, after I woke.  Brutal.  I tried everything to wake up.  I just couldn't do it.  Like wrestling with death, almost.

I have figured out how to stay extra warm.  Wool socks, for hip waders, fly fisherman use?  With liner socks to pull the moisture out.  That has improved live vastly.  I still have some chill, and oddities of temp.  I'm living in a body that is right on the three yard line to death.  That I am not frigid all the time is... something.  A little miracle all it's own.

I am learning how to manage more things.  Cold, pain, thirsts, hunger, and right nutrition.  Would these things work for anyone?  I have to think, as close to death as I am, if this helps me?  It would be a 'miracle' drug of a system for a generally healthy person.  But a generally healthy person isn't going to bother.  We never tend to take care, until we have no choice.  And, in my case, it was even more.  I lost my health, but too, I couldn't die, or yet.  So... I get to live miserably, or even more miserably.  I choose to... do what I can to live as well as possible.  I do, but it's... still so very tight.

I thawed bread, so had pb&j sandwiches, and the last of the pickled pork hocks, for breakfast.  With a fatted coffee.  Not exactly ideal, even if technically keto.  But... it... was something.

I got the phone number for a man who has helped me.  I had a gift for him, a tool set.  Not a major one, more electrical.  But... in thanks to quite a few things, and to replace something he destroyed while helping me out.  It may take forever.  But, if I remember, and stay alive, if it takes years, I may return some for of gratitude.  Some people really double deserve it.  They help a lot of people, for no charge.  He is among those folk.

Oh, and I asked if he might be able to help with some things with the house.  Not that I will, but I may, need some help.  He thinks, so, possibly, at times.  Will see.  Just... lining up resources.

He... hasn't seen me in years.  I almost think he thought I was somehow someone else.  The last time he saw me I was closer to 340.  Now I'm running between 210 and 230.  So... yea.  And... my age.  He... didn't... quite... he may have thought I was joking.  Nope.  I'm... around his father's age, give or take up to a dozen.  Good to be thought younger.  Still, had to laugh.

Got more shoveling when I got up.  Wouch.  It got heavy.  We received nine inches total.  As well, it rained, and got up to 40 F?  Crazy.  So, that snow that came down after I finished was absolutely full of fluid.  Ugh.  Still, I did what I could.  There was no way I could have done more.  So was quite thankful when the neighbor showed up on his atv, with plow, and cleared the rest.  I was afraid it was going to freeze solid, and just become a temporary driveway glacier.  Trust me, I've... experienced that before, coming from Iowa.

Anyway...  All good.

Now?  Some gaming.  Oh, I'll put dishes up first.  I wont' set up more dishes to soak, until after taking a shower.  But there is that.  I... may put the dishes up first thing, right away.  Then game for a bit.  Later.

Coffee.

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Would like something to eat.  Haven't gotten to eggs yet.  So... coffee, for now, will do.  But I do think eggs will be enjoyed before too long.

The dishes finished.  The machine opens up, in part of the drying method.  It's not perfect, but isn't bad.  I'll check the laundry shortly.  Probably run it one last short spin, to make sure.  Always have to make sure.

Salmon and lamb chops.

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Grilled.  But?  I just didn't enjoy either.  Perhaps salmon doesn't freeze well?  Or lamb?  Freshly thawed, from last night.  So they shouldn't be old.  Were put up fresh.  I don't know.  I am not the most pleased.  Can't, won't, finish either.  I had to half pound, skin on, filets, and two lamb chops... tiny as they are.

I didn't salt or else, before cooking.  Adding salt and pepper when finished.  The lamb definitely wasn't overdone.  The salmon, maybe, but just slightly.  I just didn't like the flavor.  I'm going to have to figure out some way to eat those, in a recipe of something.  Keto rice or pasta?  With a butter and lemon sauce?  Or... possibly with keto tartar sauce?  Bleh.

Cool, cold really.

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Plus snow.  For the first time in... a while.  Even with the furnace left to 72, the upstairs got down to 52 midday.  Oh, it was 18 F out there.  I didn't wake up until about 15:00?  Give or take a half hour.  I kept trying to wake up... noon, eight, and such.  Couldn't do it.  Used the tricks that help, to no good.  Too cold?  Well, and dark.  I have serious limits at handling changes in the environment.  I do my best.  Have limits.

The dishes were done, and dry, so I put them away.  I put the laundry in the dryer, and let it spin.  Will give it a final spin shortly.  As well, I'll get what is soaking drained and into the dish washer.

Still awake.

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Six o' five, as I start this.  A bit of work, some gaming, and a blood sugar check.

Dishes.  I got a bunch of things in.  Things I... thought I might end up having to throw away.  And, may still, or gift.  Half gallon jars.  And some quart jars.  Had been using them for kefir... Which... with some thing arranged, I may get back to... that really helps with... the body, and the gut.

Frustrating.

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Blood sugar was 122 this morning... or... fasting test.  I used to be able to bring it down, with what I ate.  Or drank.  Using allulose and liquid sucralose, combined, in a fatted coffee, tea, or chia tea breakfast as this morning.  But, no.  It is going up, lately.  Not... hugely.  Just to 138 today, 145 (or so yesterday), and such.

Now, it does go back down by bedtime, to as low as 108 (so far).  All the numbers are declining over time.  Still, for the last year?  Fasting draw was usually my highest of the day.  Then a bit lower would be a few hours after eating my first (often only, even now, meal).  Then, would lower much more just before bedtime.

Whup!

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Days and nights are spinning.  Up around 16:30? Ish?  When did I go down?  No idea.  After five?  Easily.  But no later than eight?  Most likely.  When you are up far too long, the mind doesn't quite grasp time, or the movement of it, or light, or dark.  It... just... closes down on itself until nothing is everything.  Or... such.  Mine does, did.

It is cold out there.  It must have gotten bitterly cold?  At around 17:00 it was 20 out there.  This is the warmest part of the day.  The sun was out, shining all day.  But cold.  Upstairs was down to 48!  Ugh.  Part of what is throwing my sleep.  Not too cold, for me, just too cold after a warming for a bit.  Change, hotter or colder, throws me.  What temp it got down to out there, for it to drop to 48, is anyone's guess.  But I'm suggest at or near zero, or below, and for a goodly bit of time.

Strange thoughts...

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Videos, really.

Patterns emerge.  I watch.

Not feeling well.

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Not sure what the problem is.  Too warm?  A bit, but not feverish.  A bit green about the gills, as they say.  Not having nausea, just an uneasiness that lightly resembles that.  Weak, as in muscular incapacity.  A bit foggy of mind.  Nothing serious, just... especially as a collection... a bit off.

I'm not sure what to do about it.  Had hoped to get some work done today.  Nothing was done.  I didn't cook, either.  Coffee, fatted... and some meat sticks.  Not much, but I'm not all that interested in eating.  Would eat, if I could get to it?  Maybe.  Yes, something for dinner would be good.  Or lunch.  I don't think it will happen.

Never sure.

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Someone was... is... saying something.

What it ever absolutely means?  God, only, probably knows.  For even the thinker, often, of mortal means, knows little.  Thinks he does, doesn't.

Up, and rather early?

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My days have been in a serious spin.  The goal has been to make it back to morning.  One forty eight hour pull in there.  A few off time wakes.  This and that.  And... to bed by 23:00 last night, or nearly.  Up at 9:30 this morning, give or take.  I started waking around 8:30... ish.  Working on it.  Headache, from sleep being so wildly off and changing schedule so fast.  If one of those headache types that will pass before lunchtime.

Back to carnivore, enough anyway, to lower blood sugar.  It is 129 fasting this morning.  The first sub-140 (mostly, and I think) in months.  Since I started experimenting with more veggies and some keto stuff.  Those things, in any amount whatsoever, just don't work for me.  I have to do, mostly, carnivore.  Thankfully, herbs and spices are fine, salads are fine (assuming the dressings are made from clean fats and clean ingredients), and just a few veggies are fine, if more rarely.  Even cabbage has to be on a limited basis.  But... that is true of cabbage no matter what else?  It's a self-limiting food.  Once, or twice, a month... then spread over a week per head, or such?

Mushrooms!

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Thick slices, fresh, with butter, garlic and onion powder, fresh ground black pepper, and when they finish, salt.  A fairly large amount of them.  I found these larger packs of them, at Sam's Club.  Wanted to try them.  The first group I'll try are white (big) button, the other are decent sized champignons?  I... don't know those.  From Canada, or something?

When finished, with pats of butter and else, the white buttons look more like a brown mushroom, and taste pretty good.  I wanted to see if they are okay for blood sugar, so will be eating the packs over the next few days.  Delicious, there is that.  Next time, I'll add really hot spices.  I don't like that every time.  But, if it works, every other time?  Or so.

Good with steak, or salad, too.  Reminds me...  I need to make salad dressings, of several sorts.  I have cream, cream cheese, and sour cream.  Plus (I think, and rather clean) keto ranch flavor to add to the fats.  And a blue cheese or two, if they are still good?  Will find out.  As well, all the fixings for a solid oil and vinegar dressing.  With cooked, or even raw, mushrooms, life is good.

I'm finding more and more of the rarer items.  It sometimes takes a while.  There is one that, in spite of spending weeks in the area, I have only found one.  And, there are a few from a certain state of the game which is no longer available to play.  Things changed, sometimes in grand ways.  And old foes are no longer available to "farm" for their equipment.  Nothing to be done, but will remember going into the next game.

On top of finding the last farmed items, and finishing any quest lines which may be open, there is finding a few thing which are just hard to find otherwise.  Resources, special potions, and such.  I am getting close.  But, before I can move on, I need to figure out how to beat the final boss in the dlc add-on portion of the game.  Not sure it's possible.  Can't seem to solo it, or do it with the help allowed, or with other people.  Not sure how to get it.  Though, as mentioned, I haven't tried healing a helper.  That... might do it.  Assuming I can survive doing even that.  Bleh.

Big ol' pieces of mushroom... herbed gently, but rightly.  Very nice.  Later.

Or good night.

Trying to reset, regain strength.

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Sleeping when I want.  No requirements, for now.  Just... if I am tired, when I am tired, sleeping as much as I can, and need.  While awake, only doing little things.  From fixing food, tea, coffee, or... something.

I hoped to get a shower in, a whisker trim first.  It didn't happen.  I showered yesterday, so I'm good.  But... for several reasons, I'll get one when I wake up.  I don't terribly need it.  I am just hoping it will warm me, and set me on a better path forward.