Sleep.

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Not much, but full strength, one stop.  I went down a bit after noonthirty and just woke at about 18:00.  So... given that yesterday, I believe, I was up at 15:00~16:00, give or take, that is another twenty four, and change, hour day... along with a shorter sleep cycle.  Oh well.  The freezer is chilling nicely.  I have everything set to go for that, all is paid.  One of the peoples had to pay their part of the processing.  That wasn't intended.  So... I have a fix in for that.  Thank heaven for friends, innit?

Bruised and bloody, from the struggle.  Innards feel like I've been boxing for the last month.  A bit of fog has taken up residence in the mind.  Nothing, either of them, that I can't work through a bit.  A bit punch drunk, but that is to be expected.  That I can, mostly, still spell, type at speed, and function for the majority, says something.  I remember, even before being ill, pushing myself to this point, and beyond, more than... you might imagine.  Idle hands are the devil's tools, or somesuch.  Now, while my hands sometimes did his work, according to some, it wasn't thoughtlessly.  No idle, aimless, or reckless devilry was... well... to be at hand.  Anything I did I did with a plan... if as I have said, plans just get you out the door and "there", usually falling apart in the mildest of breezes.  What next?  Don't die... that becomes the plan.  Loved me some olde school gunhouse rock.  Or... so I say.  It's why, no matter how bad my 'Harley Quinn', she was never but a pillar of salt next to me (Lott's wife thing).  Insanity can't beat pure, healthy, logical, hard will at doing bad things, even if to bad people or their kind.  Even so, my damsel, sometimes in distress of mind, was a good fit... back in the day.  Though, I tell you this with nary a harsh note or doubt... all dames are slightly off kilter, especially when helping you plan to plant a bomb in their temple of dreams.  *wink*  Madness willeth ensue.  *grins*

Hmm...

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I did get five, maybe six, hours of sleep in yesterday.  A bit from, say, 8:00 to 10:00, 10:30... then a bit from 13:30 to, say, 15:30 to 16:00...  Been up since.  The beef is in, but I am not quite ready for it.  I didn't get a call, but found out.  Needed the freezer.  So I asked for a bit of help and got it.  Went it with them this morning, put it on my store card, out of caution.  Then sent a check to pay for the butcher fees, so they can pick it up today.  Friday, is it?  Okay.  I was thinking it was Saturday.  Spinning double days with only a nap or two, and burning days like Sherman burned the South.  I just won't, can't, seem to break, die, sleep, or quit.  And, no, it's not bedtime yet.

Fire, in my dreams, anyway.  Blood.  You asked for it, take it.  While, even now, you can fight back, if you will and have the means, you shouldn't have had to fight.  Your dear leaders have betrayed you and you chose to be betrayed.  It probably won't affect me too much.  Until, as it looks like it's attempting to do, the government uses terrorism to go after us.  That will not protect anyone, only leave you all much more vulnerable.  I really have to figure my way out.  Just far enough that the lame and lazy, who are afraid of the real culprits, won't necessarily want to walk into a lion's den 'out there'.  We'll see.

Just watch yourselves out there.  Your government is too busy watching you.  Because, you know, you are a bigot and racist... to watch the people planning to murder you.  They are even now, including the GOPers, looking at rescinding your gun rights, as they say it, because you are just as bad as your murderers.  Gotta clean house folks.  McConnel needs to go.  He didn't get that he barely made it through the election, and only because he promised to be good.  Get him out of there.  If a Dem replaces him, at least it won't be one of "yours" stabbing you in the back.  The whole den of vipers are selling you out.  In more ways than one.  Just... watch yourself out there.

Later.
[untimely post, forgot to past this as per the time stamp... fiddling with it, too tired to get it right]

Ah, good.

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I finally crashed.  I have no idea when that was.  After my last post, and by some number of hours.  My routine hit a snag, a secondary subroutine tried to kick in to keep me going (if against my actual will) but failed, I think my systems attempted another reboot or two.  Finally, simply like a machine out of memory space, I crashed.  All good.  I needed, and wanted, sleep.  If I can figure some things out, I will do well enough.  First is how to get enough sleep stacked to do physical things, like get to town, do dishes, begin in on the kitchen again.  For while I have been quite awake, and mostly quite aware... if a bit, hrm, off... I mostly can't physically function.  I my body simply needs more sleep.  Has to have it.  I have to catch up and keep up for a bit, or sneak out at an optimal moment at the right time of day... which I haven't seen for a while.

I'm not trying to be tricky, sneaky, or crafty.  I'm merely, sleep cycle wise, sort of caught in something.  Much like meeting a wave in the ocean.  You want to go that way, it is going the other way.  You go with the wave.  If it's a rip, it might well take you far out.  I have learned, with this, to go with it, just keeping my head above water, not do else until it lets me go, then reassess.  Sometimes going back in to shore is easily possible, sometimes it's best to look around for help.  Shore is just too far, perhaps.  Sometimes there is no help, so caution and an easy pace are needed.  I haven't died so far.  And, yes, I could see how this can kill.  Both directly and indirectly.  Though, to be honest, I think struggling is more important, and healthy, than otherwise.  Is their a choice?  Yes.  Very much so.

Life is not easy, not always.  It has gotten better.  Add what I wrote above to nearly no memory through it all, an inability to eat... for various reasons... for weeks at a time, the wrong medications and sorts of medications, and no real understanding of why things are happening.  Yeah, it was a rough many years.  Now I just go through this a few times a year, if up to months at a time.  I can actually get things done now.  It's no longer the sum of my life.  Though, when I suggest better, I mean it simply isn't as bad as it has been.  It isn't normal or good, it just doesn't hurt and I don't feel lost.  I understand what is happening and can sometimes plan around it, a bit.  Though, this time, it's a bit worse.  I think I might  be coming back around.

Later.
[untimely post, forgot to past this as per the time stamp... fiddling with it, too tired to get it right]

That isn't cool.

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I didn't make it down until... two or three hours after that last post.  Then I woke at... 10:30?  Give or take.  Oh well.  This is bruising.  I'd like to make it to town, not sure that is possible.  While I am awake, I'm not in good shape.  Think salmon on a salmon run, the ones who make it... or so far.  Bleh.  Twice.  Later, unless I can get more sleep in somehow.

Must be tuckering out.

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It's just past 3:00 and I may be going down.  Hard.  There are a few things I want to do first.  Trash needs to go out.  And while I won't quite take a shower, I will set up for it in the morning.  Morning being a very relative term.  A bit more gaming.  I may be running out of amorousness for the game.  Not a bad run.  I won't say I am done with the game, I just realize it's mostly going to just like what it was, only slightly different.  There isn't much new left for me to find in the game.  The story line?  No, I haven't finished it.  But that is usually weak in these games.  It's a minor draw to keep one going, not much more.

Usually I 'fall forward' when I fall from sleep.  But this push thing, it's... incredible.  Somewhat, at least for many years, pretty much unprecedented.  I honestly think it's because I am on no medication.  I quite seriously wonder if they were mixing the medication with... whatever.  Who knows what they were really giving me.  Honestly, you can't trust doctors, pharma, .gov, nobody.  Never could.  I guess, perhaps, there seemed a time when you could.  Only if they think you will fit in, do as you are told, and eat their propaganda.  When you walk on your own, when you leave the pack, when you denounce the cull... well... you get what you get.

I'm hoping to be in to town this week sometime.  Not sure it will happen.  Needs to happen.  Bleh.  Minor shopping, if that isn't the main thing.  I don't have to be in early, though... before dark or thereabouts... if that is rather late afternoon.  Bleh.   Twice?  Yeah.  I'm just not feeling it.  Later, or more likely good night.

Backing it down.

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The goal is to get a solid idea about when I sleep and wake, thus how long each is happening.  Then figuring out how to control the times of each.  I don't need more sleep, or much more.  I do need less time awake, by four to six, even eight, hours.  A fourteen to sixteen hour day is fine, and six to ten hours of sleep is good enough, more so if those balance into twenty four hour packages, and become as repeatable as possible.  Being tied to the sun, being highly subject to changes in the weather, the faster and stronger the change the more vulnerable, and some other things, mean I will never really... on my own... create a regular schedule.  I can do better and worse.  That's as good as it gets.  Thankfully I don't have someone stuffing me with pills for convenience of staff, operating hours, etc.  They will murder you, ostensibly out of compassion, if they get their hands on you.  In all honesty, medicine is one of the final solutions.

I have been trying to buy working shoes/boots that fit.  I did find a pair of boots that fit, about a year ago.  Bates...  With my feet swelling I need more room.  I used to wear 12 slim/average widths.  Now?  I am doing 13/14 wide to extra wide, depending on the maker.  Though after trying many shoes recently, looking for steel-toe work shoes... not boots I decided... I was beginning to think they simply don't make them... or my feet were worse than they seem or than I thought?  Nope, just so many Chinese manufacturers putting out anything and everything, with no clue how to size a shoe/boot.  I got a pair of steel-toe Keen sneakers.  Perfect!  They might even be a bit big.  And yet, for now, they will do.  And they will easily facility my thick wool socks, if I need to work in the cold.  I may, eventually, sneak down the size, go with a standard with... or cut to 13s?  One or the other.  I'll know more after working in them for a bit.

What for steel-toes?  The trees.  Working with  the wood.  I don't have anything that is good to climb with.  Sneakers aren't perfect, but they beat duty type books, hiking boots, or anything else I have.  Both the climbing and the arbor work make this shoe perfect.  And I love steel toes.  It's a... an... understanding... of the world, of war, of work, of life.  If your going to play hard, work hard.  And if you go hard, not home, then wear the right equipment for the work, or play, both if you conjoin those.  Can be conjoined if you do it rightly.  *wink*

Today?  F... Uhm, I mean, no clue.  Still haven't figured out what the heck is going on.  Time is off, sleep is crazy, women and war are raving in my sleep, stirring memories I had locked away.  Even daydreams, if no visions other than in those.  Yeah, there is a difference between a daydream and a vision.  It's sort of like the difference between driving on a computer and driving a real vehicle.  The vision is more the latter... as I see things anyway.  At least, when driving at high speeds.  Focus is... different.  The computer can't quite simulate the real, the vision is a form of the real, sometimes more terrifying than the real because you didn't choose to be there, what is happening is foreign to you (or may be), etc.  Very different things, if you were ever at all curious.  And, dreams are more akin to daydreams.  Not quite... manufactured from the same stuff, but in the one you are much more aware of the waking world... usually.  Even though I can be conscious in sleeping dreams, as I noted, I often just let them run their course, so sort of sleep on, or go back to "sleep" if I become to present in the sleeping dream.  Whereas with daydreams, I am very aware and can't really change that.

Oh, hum?  Later.  Sheesh.

The teams gather, a time it will be.

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It had to happen.  So it will.  Well, that's what I am seeing.  It's ramping.  But this admin is on the side of letting them in, exclusive of vetting while keeping the border open.  It's not as if they are coming, they are here.  It's a matter of... not sure.  It isn't exactly what it seems.  They are merely attack dogs.  There is purpose, has nothing to do with simple terror.  Watch money, watch stocks, watch everything else.  Distractions.  I'm not even sure if the ugly mutts know they are mere blood fodder to distract the masses?  Doubtful.  Still, their targets are no different.

Ouch! Right?

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Not sure about it being right, but it is true.  I've been running twenty four hour days for... a while now, eighteen before that for a bit, sixteen for a bit, and it all started with back to back forty eight hour runs, with nine hours of sleep between them.  To say my body isn't a bit worn would be an obvious lie.  Even so I can't seem to slow this missile down.  Migraines are... well... nearly appearing.  I'm surprised I'm not having them daily.  So far they have simply approached, then parted, with me doing no more than noticing and giving them ugly looks.  Painkillers every third day, today was the day.  Over the counter, mind you, I have no access, or interest, in anything stronger.

Ah, that might be it.

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My sixteen, then eighteen hour days are turning into twenty four hour runs.  Sleep isn't keeping up.  Down half past eight, up at 15:00, feeling like a suit that's been in a cramped suitcase for far too long.  No idea what I am supposed to be doing, everything hurts, and I won't be doing much.   Oh, something about getting out today.  I have a ton of reasons.  Wanted to be out days, ago, a week maybe.  Just hasn't happened.  I can't remember why, quite yet.  It will come to me, along with some guilt and disappointment.  No biggy.  I've learned to ride those waves too.  Dead men aren't supposed to feel, shame or otherwise, but I do.

A shower, I hope, before long.  I can't, quite, wrap my mind around much else.  Oh, just a rough day, and spell.  I do have better, and much better, and usually, to be honest.  I still hope to figure out how to climb the trees, using rope, before long.  And get a little campsite set up out back.  For now I'm in suffering mode.  At least I'm not sleeping all the time.

I... had sensed something big coming, it seems it did arrive.  While gay, their were 49 to 50 murdered, another 50 wounded, all give or take, you know how numbers aren't .gov things.  Not that a lot of people honestly care though.  Having teh queer shoved in the face, forced on children, pushed even to the privacy of bathrooms, has really ended any compassion people have had for these types.  The honest truth is, if Americans don't force certain things back off the screen, someone else will it seems.  Dems have hired muslims to clean house.  Gays are giving Dems too much of a bad name, especially with minorities.  Or, perhaps, islam is proof that whites are losing control of the party.  If is wasn't them, however, it would have been someone else.  Dem, and even the Rep, parties, now, need brownshirts.  To create chaos from which to attempt to draw power, and to hit the lowly for not getting in line for the cool-aid they are trying to shill.

Oh, while I did see something big?  That... isn't it.  That's the start, most likely.  Queers first, but look to a hospital, or school, sporting event... big casualties.  And they will be part of security.  Hell, might even show up within the police forces.  Isn't diversity grand?  If this takes off as expected, you will know your politicians should be tarred and feathered, or outright hung, cut, drawn, and their heads set upon sharp pikes around the White House.  You might even do it.  If so, God bless you merry souls.  It's coming.  But then... you elected it.  If you go that way, I'll be with you in spirit.

Back to... something.  Later.

Crap sandwiches and razored roller shoes.

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Life is spinning.  Time is... simply off any hook.  I am attempting to regain control.  The sun has been down, and it has been cool... which is fantastic after that jump to the 80's, at least, in the first week of summerish weather.  However, that on top of me running the ship at breakneck intent, while sleeping too little, and... you have the makings for several things.  Right now, I am just keeping on keeping on with no idea... when where or how.  I look at the time, but that gets lost in my mind.  I can't remember when I went to bed, or got up, unless I blog it.  But even then, finding it is difficult.  First paragraph, from now on, and when I go to bed and when I rise.  I need a clue.  I woke just at noon thirty today.  I can't be absolutely sure when I went to bed, but I think it was closing or past 4:00... within an half hour either way.  Yesterday?  I think I went to bed at... no clue.  Maybe it's in previous posts.  Okay... it looks like I went to bed at (in real time) around 7:30~8:00 yesterday morning.  Yeah, the day I took for Sunday, thought I had missed, so... yes.  Though when did I wake yesterday?  Actually, just as I am waking, I am not sure I am writing any of that rightly.  I'll think on it.  Bleh.

Today?  Trash out, recycling if that's the day.  Grilling meat later, much later... after supper.  A very quick hit on the bathroom would be nice, then a major ding in the kitchen.  Oh, yeah, it needs it harsh.  And maybe a load of laundry.  A shower, too, if I can.  Showering every other day lately, which is good when I can, for a while... then back it down just a bit or I dry out.  Daily is a true luxury, once in a while, on showers and baths.

We'll see.  Working that mojo while that mojo ain't working is... tricky.  Sometimes the old retired Coyote still has enough magic to pull it off.  I'm just not a housekeeper, though, to top that program off.  I finally have finances in order.  If I were staying, for sure, I would figure out how to get the place clean, top to bottom, then have someone come in a few times a week.  Couldn't do it all, but it would provide incentive and help.  Seeing a clean spot, a new one, in an unclean place and... it seems wrong, so something kicks in.  Sometimes.  Either way, anything would be better than this.

Later.

I do try.

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Tonight, the idea was to get to bed early.  Early enough to be up early enough to be out early enough to be there in time to help.  I threw everything off by pouting in cooking the duck so late into the morning.  Almost 3:00 and I am just going down.  I'll still set the alarm.  Who knows.  I made plans to sleep earlier, even saw the potential.  It came and went and here I am.  Always hope.  Doubt, great doubt, but hope.  Hope is, really, just another word for tomorrow.  In one sense.  Tomorrow is until it isn't, and, in all the history of the earth, most people's tomorrows have already passed and there were fewer tomorrows then there was no tomorrow, in earthly terms.  Never mind, blathering as my brain shuts down.

Oh, I did heat some of the duck.  A cast skillet, ghee, this and that, at 350 for an half hour.  Look, if I am going to go through the effort to make a somewhat finer meal, then I am going to reheat it with respect.  A microwave would take the crisp right out of the skin, and might make the meat and veggies taste a bit off.  Some can do that, I am not, generally, among them.  It was quite good.  Not much meat on that bird.  Even at 7.2 pounds, I'll bet there wasn't more than two pounds of meat, max.  Ducks must have some seriously heavy bones.  Still, the a wing and hindquarter, and breast, by two, is four meals of sufficient portions for myself.  I'll not complain.

I do suffer.  If I were sleeping harshly I would be suffering too.  I go through these phases.  It will pass.  I might, if I can, even work through it, or otherwise by it.  Cranky muscles and bones.  The only way I can be up so long, and it is often running eighteen or more, as I have been watching more closely, is to do little else.  I really would rather be awake than in that fog.  The price, of  course, is pain.  I'm good enough with pain.  It will pass, for a while, soon enough.  Suffering, in some way, to my mind, means one is doing something.  And I am.  Good night.

Now to bed.

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The duck was quite good.  Not perfect.  It has been a while and I am at altitude.  And, oddly, it seems to have cooked faster than indicated.  Wha?  Yeah.  A bit overdone.  Not terribly, inedibly, overcooked.  Just... a bit over done.  Now the skin?  Ah, that was duck bacon at it's finest.  And the veggies were great.  Glad I remembered mushrooms, both at the store, and while cooking.  The turnips just... didn't go with duck.  I think you need beef or... not sure what else... but beef works with turnips.  The rest of it is grand.  A feast.  And, yes, mother, I did get what I could off the carcass and store it away with the veggies I will be eating.  The turnips will be let out, not kept.  I wish I had enough going to further roast the carcass then make stock.  I'll have to settle with what I have done.  Should feed me for most part of a week.

Sleep is just off.  It's just the way it goes.  Gets hot, on top of it, then cools down fast and hard, and darkens.  I'm being played like a sadd fool, which I obviously am.  S.A.D.D., not a mistake.  Too hot or cold, to light or dark, or sudden turns, and I nosedive.  All good, paybacks are... wait, who would I offer the payback?  God, seriously, doesn't micromanage and adjust weather.  Even if He did, you can't quite do much to Him.  Murder Him and He just walks out while opening the gates to heaven.  Lucifer, if he could, might well try to adjust the weather.  He just doesn't have it in him.  So, no payback.  I guess I'll just have to fiddle around as I may.

Good night.

I gave it a shot.

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With a morning event coming up very quickly, and an evening event after that, I was hoping to work out my schedule.  All I did was bungle it.  Being cool, however, and with the bird thawed... it was nearly thawed anyway.  A short soak finished the process.  It is now in the oven, has been for nearly an hour and an half.  An hour remains, with a strong amount of give an take.  In the higher elevations food usually takes longer, and then some.  If you learn to go for a doneness, and learn that, and are patient, it'll get there.  Along with it are red potatoes, carrots, turnips, rutabaga, and celery.  The scent is quite nice.  I didn't herb and spice it all up.  Salt, pepper, and the veggies, that's that.  Oh, right, mushrooms.  I added those here at the near end of the process.  Baby portabellas and something else.

I had worried I had totally missed the morning event.  I got my days mixed up.  Easy to do when days and nights are becoming on odd ends of the day, the days become excessively long, and sleep cycles either run really short or long, each providing a slightly different problem.  It was because I thought I missed that I pushed the bird on through.  It needed cooked, I thought I had the time since I thought I had messed up.  With it as it stands, however, I have probably killed any chance I might have had to make the morning event.  I'm still hoping, and will work toward it.  I simply have serious doubts, more so now.  I hate when I mess up, not because I messed up but because I thought I had messed up so just do whatever only to realize I might have still been on track.

Yeah, it's a bit tough sometimes.  Still, being awake and doing something is better than that terrible three day a day cycle I broke from.  Ah well.  Later.  Probably good night.  While I have to wait for the bird, and then eat some and put the rest up, I doubt if I'll blog more.

Sleeping later and later.

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Knew it would have to happen.  And yet, I have done quite well, on days, if to no good, but for some time now.  The heat, I suppose, and how I am running things.  I almost woke several times.  Just could not focus.  Not good, need to be up early Sunday.  Bleh.  Not sure I can, will try.

Would have slept longer.  Three shots, quick succession, to the south, 1,000 feet?  No more than half a mile at the most.  Not worried, not here.  Just noises out here sometimes.  It's a small town, but a country town.  Not the wild west, just... the country.  Not every day sounds, just sometimes.  Still, woke me.

I keep getting the feeling that something wicked this way comes.  Not here, exactly, probably.  You never can tell who all is involved in such things.  People with earthly power are rattled.  Their attempt at forcing things is going downhill, as is their grasp on wealth and power.  People have finally started getting involved, and balking at the leash and whip.  They are becoming desperate.  It isn't just the handlers, it's their mutts even more.  They love their little bit of golden access, and don't want us plebes interfering with their fatted golden goose, which just so happens to be the middle class, which they have mostly eaten.  Yeah, that never works out.  Thankfully, it's the one group that, when losing all their toys, might actually be able and willing to fight back.  Unless it goes on too long, then they just become part of the working poor, or less.

So, will the super rich be pulling strings to make something bad happen?  Will it be their puppets, in order to create enough chaos to remand power, suppress elections, etc?  They won't do it directly, they will use their feral allies.  This admin is directly related to those, and this congress is owned by those super rich.  Done it before?  I honestly don't think so, not the big hits.  Little ones, sure, maybe.  These people are desperate, now that we don't just take what they offer and be happy for glib words with no substance.  Not really my gig, life is odd off heart meds.  Still, I write what I see.  And I see bad things being fomented.  Much death and blood.  Though, too, I get the feeling that they are realizing it will come back to bite them.  Much as the 'anybody but Trump' crowd (same crew, actually), are learning that their stance is both outing them, and killing them... politically.  Even so, the lazy brutes who have owned power in US politics for a long time might not care.  Desperate is just that.

I've collected some music, as the notion hits me from time to time and I go looking.  Just, not yet.  They are being squirrely.  Unsure.  They honestly don't know what to do.  Everything they have tried has failed.  They have had all the press, and favorable press, for their pushes.  They have economic, political, social, and all other levers at their command.  Even that is backfiring.  Surandon and Barr are even in for Trump.  Yeah, those ones.  He is getting the very oddest of endorsements.  Online, that includes Vox and myself.  Very... eclectic... support.  Now, admittedly, fringe.  But the odd thing is, it's not from the fringe out, it's from the fringe in.  If Trump hasn't had a team working on this for ten years, then I will say, I do believe he and they are verging on genius.  The system he is running is working, though I suspect in part because it isn't supposed to work.

Way late.

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Oh well.  Good night.

Brutally hot.

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No, not as hot as it can get.  Just, only a week and maybe change from the 60's as highs, it's hitting mid 80's perhaps low 90's.  Even so I am not suffering too much, or yet.  At least if I don't work up a sweat.  Then again, even that wasn't so bad.  Nothing fancy, a trip to town.  Two packages to be returned via UPS plus a shopping trip.  With the duck thawing, I wanted specific veggies.  Carrots and celery, plus red potatoes, turnips, and rutabaga... then a few regular items.  Everything went spiffy.  I almost missed UPS, they had just about lowered the inner metal gate.  I was quite grateful for their allowance.

I stopped at BK.  Hot.  No real complaints.  Usually they have ac going, though that may be corporate and economic reality?  Hot.  Still, the ladies were good enough and, even with the brain in minor melt down... if more from previous running around... it all worked.  A quick bite just to keep things going.  A big bite, but quick.  Oh, while there I saw a mouse... heard... can't be sure, maybe both... roar.  Oh, well, yes.  Blushed, I did.  And, yet, warmed.  A different way.  Then she realized what she had done and quieted back down.  Wonderful.  I think I fell in love for a few minutes.  Dolls'll kill ya.  But you'll die happy, even if chaste, sometimes?  Yeah.

I got home, unpacked, all good.  I was heated, but that left quickly.  I still have boots and socks on!  I... must be changing.  Then again, I'm not on medication anymore.  Nothing.  That might be it.  Medicine might have been the problem.  Oh, well, I still look like a blood orange, sometimes in the heat process.  But It's a lot less painful now.  Just a thing.  Later.

Tap dancing with the devil?

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Aye.  All do it.  Even God.  Oppositional or obediently, I suppose.  Though I tell you this, even if you abide Satan, you will do God's work.  Even if you do the greatest evil, even if you murdered Christ, you... do God's work.  It's not that God forces you, it's simply that He can't lose.  He can have His pie, and eat it to, unlike the rest of us... unless we follow.  You learn to walk His way, you will, in time, simply understand.  And, yes, I do.  I can't do all those sweet tricks that are truths of heaven yet, not all of them.  But I can... obviously... do some things that are... unknown to many.  Even just being alive.  If I died today, just that I have lived this long alone is... not... usual?  Yes.  And yet, today or tomorrow, I will probably be climbing trees, swinging in the wind, with a chainsaw.  *wink*  So, dancing with the devil?  If you aren't, you simply don't understand, or you don't believe in the devil.  Neither of which is my affair.  I've warned you.

Today?  I don't know.  Still deep in the cup of the game.  Running too long of days, sleeping is a bit shy.  And, yet, it is far better than being lost in that middle ground between sleep and wakefulness that is such a wasteland.  I have been eating at least daily.  I have duck out, to be baked, before long... probably this evening.  Oh, and I finally got around to experimenting with the hard, hard, black tea and cream mix.  As I suspected, the hard black tea pairs very well with cream.  Even without sweetener the tea with cream had a very mild flavor of... strawberries?  A berry very like that.  Not quite direct, so difficult to get a handle on.  But very good.  I have decided, as well, that I need another freezer.  Ugh... Have to get out sooner or later, then, to get that.

Other than those things, I have mostly just been gaming.  Well, later.

Well? Mostly.

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I have said eighteen hour days.  And, sometimes.  Though I think it was more like sixteen hour days.  My bad.  Sometimes I just get the numbers wrong, add incorrectly... or subtract or sich, other times I'm just not seeing perfectly clearly.  Still, the... it's usually in the ballpark.  At least as I understand or see things.  I did do an eighteen hour days yesterday.  Though, untypically as of late, I slept ten hours last night.  Hmm... wait, miscounting again.  Down at 2:00, up initially at 8:00, then back down for two more, waking at 10:00.  Actually, just eight hours of sleep?  Okay, I feel better.  I don't like waking that late, but when I am pressing that hard, and it is still only eight down, I guess it's okay.  See what I mean?  Easy to get messed on the numbers, without clearly thinking every little detail.

Whaught?  I don't know.  Just saying, correcting errors.  Mostly just for me.  Though, just in case one of you is paying really close attention to details... there you go.  I hope that remedies things for you.  What, Precious, is "whaught"?  Ah, well, that is either ye olde timey "what", or Doom spooftalk.  I initially spelled it with an "o", but that didn't seem right.  If that helps you discern?  Scoot, on this topic, for now.

Grilling worked well.

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Actually, pan frying has been quite good also.  I've been hitting it out of the park, as far as cooking.  Though, perhaps, my taste buds are functioning.  Sometimes, when I don't seem to like food, I suspect, at least part of the time, it's because my senses are depressed, not working well.  Still, cooking food correctly certainly helps.  Ribs and one of the flap steaks this evening, another flap steak and several eggs for breakfast, with one cooked steak remaining.  I might turn that into a rice dish.  Oh, and I should make more tortillas.  Easy, stores in the fridge and freezer for varying but reasonable times, and cooks up in a flash.

Grinding, then using corn starch, on my cheese... storing that in the freezer?  Works exceptionally well.  I still would like to get that used up in a couple of months, which is very probably... as long as I keep it on top.  It works with mild cheddar.  Next I hope to try it with pepper-jack.  Not all cheeses are equal, some just won't work with this process.

Much warmer today, and yet not too bad.  I'm not sure why it isn't ripping me up.  Or maybe it is?  Yeah, I can be that oblivious at times.  Though I honest think I am doing fine.  At least until I work up a sweat then can't come down, cool off, well.  That is a bit of a claustrophobic thing.  Trapped.  A shower can help, if at that point I can wrangle myself in to take a shower.  I have the ac going, and the fan.  That should allow a good rest.  Good night.

Awake and... something.

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Mornings are always bland.  I stayed up way to late, but woke well enough and early enough, given the givens.  I realized why I couldn't sleep.  Too warm.  The thermostats were reading that it was between 73 and 74 F.  Now, that isn't exactly hot, but for me, and since it has been a very cool spring, a few degrees up makes all the difference.  Not sure why it was so warm, it was cooler outside.  It must be the cave soaking up all the rads of a much longer sun day.  I'll have to begin playing with windows and fans.  Last night, when I realized the problem, I did a temp fix.  I'll try to be ahead of the game here on in.  Though, at some point, between the extra light getting to me, and the added heat...  Well...

Not much planned today.  I am hoping, though, to kick things around and push through this coming week.  A trip or two to town, perhaps up in the trees with the saw again, and if that goes forward, than on to setting up the hammock and other kit, for practice and fun.  I have ordered some equipment that should make tree climbing easier and a bit safer.  Those trees rip the body up, that wood is very hard... don't care if they call the pine soft wood.  When alive it has very little give.  I am excited to finally be getting back to it, if I can.  We'll see.

I fried two chops yesterday.  One for breakfast, with eggs.  One later, with rice.  Fantastic.  I have learned pan frying, at least for chops.  My cast was seasoned well enough so that, even after frying the chops, I was able to fry the eggs easy over without any issue.  Today?  I have ribs and flap steaks to grill.  Those should last me several days.  Though... when it's been a while since I've eaten ribs... those might go down in a single leap.  Leap?  What does a three hundred pound gorilla say?  Anything it wants, so hush your pie hole.

By the way, I need to find a barbecue sauce, rub, or recipe for sich.  Fresh pork REALLY goes well with the right fixings.  I like it straight up as well.  But a wonderful rub or flavor cooking gravy would be very kind from time to time, just to switch things up.  I'll work on it, and keep you vested with my findings.  I already have some ideas about how to work the ribs and other odd cuts.  I so love playing with my food.

On to the day.  Good day and get off my porch!