It is a trick to fast and work.

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It wasn't a lot of work.  So far, I showered, reset soaking dishes, then finally made it up on the roof with the small sander and got busy.  By the way?  Paying more for paint is worth every penny.  I will give what is painted a second coat.  Just for a smooth sense, and... because.  No absolute need.  I'll never go another way again.  It even covered the purple, first coat.  Wow.

As to the sanding, the untouched window dressing was all that really needed it.  I tried several areas which were painted.  The concrete like paint just laughed, suggested it tickled.  Not liking to be mocked, and to truly test, I leaned in like a bull on a tourist at the runs.  Nothing doing.  Still, I kept trying various areas.  No really doesn't always mean no.

Blood sugar jumped to 171 then fell to 138.  Crazy system.  I did get one ketonic down.  Will get another in a bit.  I can have two, probably three, of those a day.  My aim is to have one a day, more if I do more.  It helps, slightly.  Enough to bother to make it.  Hunger comes and goes, but mildly.  It shifts from hunger being the problem to phantom hunger, the habit of eating, becoming the problem.  I haven't yet gotten past that and something else.  Is it keto flu, or a real limit, I am hitting?

What a gig? Gag?

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Days are tumbling. It's the heat.  It is 88, again.  Not typical, actually. It is cool... for the time of year.  I am more familiar with 95 F days, in July.  August is cooler, if more in the lower 90's, and more overcast days.  But by then, heat tolerance is shot.  The cave is now staying about 75.  Which is too warm.  I may have to bring the ac down, set it up in a back window, and run the two for short, staggered spells.  Or give up on a day cycle, which I don't want to do.

I missed medicine last night.  I will take everything but carvedilol, doubling on that will take me down like a lodestone, for days perhaps.  Still, bp wasn't horrible for it, at 146/86, p. 83.  Blood sugar is the best fasting I have had in a while, at 148.  It is below the average I showed the doc, and should continue to decrease... should.  Plus, I have two more days of fasting, after today, on the schedule.  Should work out.

Oh well.

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Again.  I just can't climb out of the hole I have fallen into.  No worries, I'll get there.

Blood sugar is down to 122.  Ugh, but it is a major push to bring it down.  BP was good, gooder.  At 138/98 it is nearing reasonable.  I am draining well as well.  I have gone back down to two water pills.  A weigh in at the first of the week, or my gut feeling, will let me know when to drop to one.

Oh, I received something from amazon I hadn't ordered.  At first I thought it was a mistake.  Nope me, and my address.  Then I checked billing.  I hadn't been.  Initially I thought it was Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap.  I already use that.  On closer inspection, it turns out to be the above, minus soap.  Hand and body lotion.  Seemed fubar to me, but I'll try anything once.  Free, twice.

I... am extremely impressed.  I don't know how much it costs yet, but I'd be willing to pay a premium for it.  Why?  A very little actually does an excellent job.  I am perplexed why so many lotions fail so spectacularly.  And if you like the scent of mint?  This is where that is at.  -  Price checked, between $10 and $11, for eight ounces.  Considering a dime spot covers both legs, ankles, and feet, to and including the knees, with my alligator skin?  Inexpensive.  They also have other scents... lime, lavender, perhaps others.  Just saying.

I might yet shave and shower.  Try the lotion after.  Hunger returns, then fades.  It is mild, some of it is just in my mind... a want, from habit.  Some hunger is real, but not biting... not yet.  Whatever. Good night.

Yeah, not today.

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Simply too hot.  It isn't what the fake weather reports say.  It is 88, they are claiming 97.  Still trying for grobble warbling I see.  Even so, just too hot.  I may check in an hour, though light might be a bit scarce by then.  The problem is there doesn't seem to be a cooler day in the forecast.  Then again, this is from the bozo assclowns who have 100 year forecasts nailed.  I guess if they can't figure tomorrow's weather, going so long they won't even be remembered when they flop... and Soros/globalist money spends good today.

I WILL get dishes, a shave, and a shower.  Once those are completed, I'll think on more.  I did water the side yard just a bit, and will complete that later.  And a narrow patch in the back yard is being hit now.  I'm trying to... bring back the lawn.  With some help it is working.  More seed, and cordoning off some areas from being mowed until growth is next.  If I can keep up on the watering, yeah.

Dishes should be easy.  Shaving won't be bad.  And the shower should be really good.  Hunger pangs earlier.  Need to mix the ketonic (a combination of three powders/crystals, an oil, and warm to hot tea).  Yes, the tea is hot.  That stuff... can help.  Cuts hunger, or offers some energy.  I really need to make bone broth.

Even hot, it's a good day.  I think I'll run the ac for a bit.  Later.

I love it when fasting is... cake?

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Talk about not having your cake, and not eating it to!?!  I... think so.  When fasting is easy, life is better.  The start of the second day and all is well.  Blood sugar finally got down to 145 last night, early this morning actually.  Fasting draw was 201 or such.  No idea why, really.  I'll do what must be done.  BP is fantastic, at 123/86 with pulse at 44?  Maybe I am learning to Zen again.  You would be amazed what you can train your mind and body to do, if first you have to part from them.  Death gave me that opportunity, many times.  So much so, they are... sometimes foreign to me.

My mom called.  She is pleased with her blender.  It was spendy, but can probably handle small, single loaf, bread dough.  Firetruck red, so she won't lose it.  It sounds like she has work lined up for me.  All good.  Using a tractor scoop to get limbs cut, painting roof fronting, more I am sure.  "Afraid of ladders?"  Heck no.  It will be good to help.  I am taking some of my tools.  Life is good.  Hmm, I should get to my windows... extra practice.  And find a hat to keep the sun off.  She has to have a way for me to cool down.

As well, I remembered my bills.  I paid them over the phone before calling my mother.  I also got the mailing address for the one that charges, even for a bank drat.  I may start mailing that in, then decide how much to pay extra, get it automated, possibly sending more in, if I have more than more *wink* at the end of the month.  Triple down, if I can go without so much Amazon.  Arghhhh!  I am thinking one and two thirds on auto, the enough to double or triple pay, depending how the month goes.  We can't, but I can.  Hup!

Yeah, dishes, sanding.  I know... echoing.  But, for sure tonight?  Yeah.  Right.  Later.

Oh, well?

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Dishes?  What else?  Oh, trim... inside, of the outside, windows... the trim next to the glass panes, on the exterior portion of the window.  Some things take a passel of words to convey, or perhaps a few technical words possibly not found in any particular dictionary.  Hmm?  Never to worry.  I mean, I did start on dishes, then sort of fell down.  I'll... get them yet.  But the trim I skipped.  It was 90ish F most of the day, and still 80 as it was growing dark.  Nope.  Just... nope.  As it cools, I may do a bit of prep, so if waking, light, and cool converge, I will be ready.

Fasting is going well.  I seem to be unable to drink as much as usual.  Strange.  Which means I haven't brewed fresh tea, which while warm is what I prefer for my ketonic... the powders mix better and the warmth brings out the flavors more richly.  Yeah.  If I run into that problem in the future... I need to introduce an override or bypass routine.  I am doing that much better in recent years.  Everything from recently learning to take medicines properly when I miss a day of sleep, to brushing regularly, or taking my meds backwards when I lose my day schedule.  I... can learn, train myself.

Blood sugar is coming down.  It's still high, higher than the average I showed the doc, honestly at that time.  I'm not going to worry.  It'll do it's weird thing, I'll just test four times a day, five if my day stretches long, double if I do a double day.  BP is middling ugly as well.  Annoying.

A time of fasting.

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Blood sugars remain ugly.  BP remains middling ugly.  Medicine is taken rightly, foods that have been tested out remain the menu.  It just doesn't seem to matter.  Then again, this isn't completely a surprise.  Perhaps volume, if I don't think so.  I still suspect the brots did something really off.  Something strange about those...

So, today, back to fasting.  The goal is to fast through Monday, at least to it.  If needed, then again next Thursday through Monday.  I will hammer this back in shape.  Oh, I gained 15 pounds in three days when I was having blood sugar problems.  I was drinking less, but enough less I wasn't priming the pump.  So that gallon to gallon and a half per day mostly stayed... enough of it.  I doubled my dose, but have again added another tab... just to push more.  When the pump becomes un-primed, it must take a little more to get the pump flowing again.  Been on this high of a dose before.  All good.

Do what it takes.  If you don't, they will.  Fasting isn't so bad, especially if you have extra to tide you over.  I would like to push both the length and activity level.  The ketone gunk might help.  I keep forgetting it.  It tastes odd, and helps mildly.  But I haven't seen huge gains... marginal only... which means only slight gains.

I may also have to return to full keto.  What's not to like with keto?  All food loses flavor. While that limits temptation, since it all tastes like cardboard... who wants to eat cardboard!?!  Ugh.  Trying to figure the world out, two seconds from death in any direction, is trick.  Well, they say I am close to death.

After searching, many times, for the book I was reading as a devotional and failing to find, I gave up and reordered.  It arrived today.  As well, it's curtains, for me.  Doc.  Well, some of them.  For upstairs.  As well, now that I have mostly figured out water kefir, I ordered more bottles, which arrived, snap-tops, resealable button tops, 16 ounce, strong enough to hold serious fizz.

I'd best get the ketotion, medicine, tea, and then on to my waking and life.  Today?  Dishes, and window inside trim sanding.  Anything else will be incidental.  The trim will have to be later, it is hot, and as any cat on such a tin roof might know?  Youch.  Later?  In more ways then... three, somehow.  Don't cross your eyes!  Dot them!  To a tee?

Cornish game hen, with a twist.

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Several twists.  First, spatchcocked, then grilled, finally basted with coconut manna (butter).  Done perfectly this time.  However, you can keep the coconut manna.  It wasn't overpowering, on the good side.  It had a heavy fatty taste, even grilled, that just...  Now, I did baiste almost as it was coming out.  Maybe that was the problem.  I plan to experiment with it as a food and lotion stuff.  Yeah.  I am trying to find double, even triple, duty stuff.  I wonder if this would work as gun grease?  Seriously.

Anyway, tentatively not giving the nod on this for that.  Although, I finally found a use for my tiny cast frying pan... as a butter, of whatever kind, melting and basting device.  I have several, if the next size would be better for two, or three small, eggs.  I bought a group of them out of curiosity, and because I love cast iron.  It feels... real.  So much of what I find in this place is insubstantial, seems weak, feels too light, reminds me of death.  I want more life, Father.  For myself, and my things.  Iron.  It's not perfect.  It is better.

It was 82, I think, last I checked.  Probably warmer now.  It is 73, and points, inside.  When it feels too warm in here, stepping outside, sitting in the shade until some comfort is obtained, then returning inside does the trick.  It's, really, the perfect weather for the 4th, as an Iowa boy.  No humidity and all is good.

Hmm...  I'll try pork in a bit.  I purchased pineapple, canned, with no sugar added.  I am thinking of trying that on top, just to see.  It's probably beyond the pale, even should they be telling the truth.  Pineapple is pretty sweet.  It's a feast day, it happens, and I am still testing.  Plus with blood sugar gone wild anyway...  I will wait until my blood sugar has time to settle, say three more hours, so I have a flat starting number.  If my sugar is high, but it doesn't spike much, I have a initial positive result.  It takes a number of results to begin making a conclusion... Barring catastrophe.  By the way, when are the French going to learn to write proper (US) English?  :)  It's our national birthday.  What better day for some international incidents?

Back to music, resting, and gaming.  Good day.

The 4th!

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First things first.  BP is a little high, blood sugar is and has been ugly.  Nothing I am doing is working.  Multiday fasting will probably work, but not today.  Today is a feast day.  Pork ribs and a spatchcock cornish game hen.  Last one was grilled whole, someone, over at Ace's (should it be Aces'?), reminded me of the method.  For a 24 ounce bird, it's mostly bone.  I think being forced to peck through the bones for meat makes the meal... much better, sort of like shelling pistachios.

I did not get the flag up.  I'll... it'll get there.  I hate when I remember the important undone tasks in while-waking dream storms.  You can't make me feel more guilt or shame than I already know.  And you probably have no true idea of what might, or even should, grieve such a one.  I do.  Know, that is.  While I won't beat a dead horse, I do know the faults and failures, and try to fix, do, change.  And, slowly... I fix, do, change.  If never will I have all of it.

I have to admit, president Trump... is superior to even what I suspected.  I did have some concern that populism and ego might be the limits of, to, his time in office.  I easily see he has clearcut pro-American goals that supersede those limits.  Further, those weren't what I thought.  They are elements of his game.  Like all men, he struggles with ego, but that is a small personal thing, one he manages well, in my humble opinion, especially given his station.

I do worry about him putting a lefty in the scotus.  When Schmuck Schemer fights against a woman, he is more likely saying who he wants, or what he wants.  Something he should be denied.  Women are fearful malleable weak creatures.  Gave in to Satan quickly, easily, dragged man down with her.  I just hope Trump... he knows.   It would be a trade of some sort, not a good one, especially with that party committing suicide.  Don't surrender now, Grant.  Some associations can't be fixed.  Who would have thought the right party then would turn into such a whiney, self-loathing, anti-American, group of Sodomites?  Sad.

Yes, America is looking better.  But Trump's fixes need to be made law, Dem ruinations such as Zerocare need to be eliminated.  President Trump's appointments need to be shoved through.  Establishment GOP need to be denied entry *cough* Romney *cough*.   Others need to "retire"... many are leaving, as Ryan partly and others completely, if not enough  *cough* McConnel *cough*.  Still, the road back from hell isn't an easy one.

We haven't yet hit the impending economic collapse.  Fed spending is what is artificially sustaining.  It isn't the economic driver, as Zero tried to make it.  The spending is merely an umbrella to buy time to rebuild, design, focus, and unleash the only possible economic engines of commerce, production, construction, and such from the private sector.  We will get hit, hard, often.  It is a matter if we have cut the swill of social socialism and crony capitalis enough that we don't collapse from what is due, coming.  Though, if we go?  They all go darker still.  They know it.

More winning?  Sure.  But for now, have yourself a fantastic, hopeful, patriotic, family and friend filled, delectably edible, celebration of the birth of the nation that has brought light, in a thousand ways, to every corner of this dank, dark, retched world, or died trying.  And remember to thank the soldiers, marines, sailors, cops, and others, who do stand against the filthy darkness so you don't have to face the dragons yourself.  Amen.

A bit, so far.

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A bit of simple rest got me over the want of a nap.  So, after doing my regular affairs, and cooling plus relaxing, I started a bit more.  The new garden hoses arrived, so I was able to bypass the broken hose.  As well, I installed the timer and delink devices, so as to be able to keep the hoses connected, and switch them, and even the timer, with ease.

With it being overcast, or was, I started watering.  Of course, this time the sun sort of came out.  I turned it all off, if I may move things a bit and give a soak to a slightly different area tonight. It is helping, but it will never quite make it without more shade, and perhaps fertilizer, maybe else?

I had to call my mother, though it is good to check in, it regarded an exact address check, for a delivery.  Her birthday present, one of them, for this month.  Surprisingly, a name brand.  She is usually a very country girl, and usually right.  But sometimes she finds a quality item, and knows from experience that it isn't just a name thing.  I am just proud she, mostly, wasn't afraid to ask.  Of all the cooks in the world, she has done the most with the least.  It is good to get better tools in her hands.  Pleases the soul, and many bellies even to this day, and so long as she lives.

As well, and finally, Duluth returned the money.  I was tempted to not buy again.  Save that their belts, while spendy, are truly the best belts under the sun.  And, the other things I like from them, even for the price, are excellent.  I just can't hate them.  So I ordered belts again.  I don't even need to throw the fifteen year old one away.  I can just use that for around the house.  Yeah, they are that good.  I am murder on regular belts.

Up and over.

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With such a long, hot, busy, exhausting day, I wasn't sure how things would work... through the night, or waking today.  I ended waking at a weird early time.  Perhaps I already wrote about it?  Waking after a short to normal sleep period.  I then crashed, hard, around 1:30.  I fell too fast to set an alarm.  I woke at 9:30, an half hour before driving was planned.  I really wanted to tuck back in but didn't.

Up, hair fixed, medicine, dressed, and teeth being brushed when the knock came.  I got the grill going, then we headed out.  It was better, but not stellar.  It just takes time.  Then a steak dinner.  And right as he goes in to get his braces out.  *grins*  I bet his ortho (is it) will be happy with that.  Driving and work next time, and a... chat.  He has broken two hoses and the brass splitter.  He... has some work to do, off the books.  Repairs.

Today?  Resting.  I have pushed far too hard these last four or five days.  I need rest.  It's a cool day, at 64 F, last I looked.  Mostly overcast, with a mild breeze last time I was out. Now to strip to shorts, t, and house flops.  Then daily do's, news, and on to gaming, or a nap.  A nap will happen, soon or late.

Later.

Rough day, wake.

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What a mess.  Too little sleep, dehydrated, overheated, hungry, and bulling on through?  There was a price.  My blood sugar sot up, and the meal and fluid exacerbated that, spiking to 300/275.  (I did a second test, not trusting the first, not sure which to believe.)  Then I crashed so hard I think I hurt something... no, not really if almost.

I thought I would sleep for days, or at least half a day.  Nope!  Seven hours and I popped out of bed like a perfect ice cube ejected out of it's mold.  It pretty much hurt right then, but the bed was finished with me.  No going back.  I am tempted to take aspirin.  I like to hold off, though.  Reserving that for persistent, harsher, pain.  It makes the stuff very effective when something is on the edge of tolerability.

I immediately checked the outside temp.  It was cooler than indoors already, barely.  Good enough.  Everything was opened save the window on the sunny side.  Way too much heat, even with the fading sun.  It is time to open that window.  Sundown is heaven, hereabouts.

Ah!  My bad about the boss.  He didn't just forget, or get busy.  He was camping last week.  He told me, too, I just... reckon time... differently.  I thought he had already gone, last week.  So... lessons are back on.  At least I... didn't have to eat too much crow.  A minor apology seemed appropriate, and to suffice.  My can I be a big baby.  Oh well.  At least I... left room to sort it out before harm.  Though, I was trying to be understanding... I thought, maybe, he got in too deep, too many jobs.  All good.  Only the cap toe, not the whole shoe...  *tap dancing with the devil...*

All things are getting better.  The pains are easing, the cave and bod are cooling, blood sugar is at 185, food is being planned... the same old regular, ribeye, corn, potatoes, and fresh milk *WOOT*... medicine is down, plus I finally added the extra minerals to my kit and going to need them with double water pill dose.  Oh, I best brush.  For why though?  Fie, for now, I will continue.

I am hoping to sleep earlier tonight.  Even a nap would do.  I want to be ready to drive tomorrow, and do some other things.  I may have a bargain for the boss... a deal he can't refuse.  We are all momma's boys, in even our darkest hearts.  Some run from it, wrestle with it, face it, or else.  Just best to take it like a man, for whatever that means on any given day.  Yeah, cooties and all, I suppose.  It's a trap!

We'll, I best brush, open the lee window, and get the grill hot.  Hmm, not the grill quite yet.  I must thaw steak.  Good evening.

Still awake.

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No choice.  I thought the doctor appointment was tomorrow.  At about 4:30, I checked my email.  Yeah, well, too late for me to back out fairly, to the doc.  A shower, my readings/devices, dressed, and then out.  I was nervous.  Blood sugar has drifted up, averaging 151 or so.  He was fine with that.  BP, which I lost track for these problematic days, was around 122/82 or such.

With the tester data, and the V.A. a1c, he didn't see the need for more labs today.  Cool. I do seem to be retaining water, so upping the dose on the water pill.  All good.  Should have realized to do that myself already.  I let him know i upped carvedilol, and started losartin.  I think he was impressed.  Asked me how I did it...  When I saw him two months ago, my bp was 224/126, pulse 120-145, and blood sugar hitting over 400.

Fasting, of two sorts, and care with foods.  Yeah, I think he was impressed.  I asked if he could tell I had started brushing my teeth.  He said he couldn't.  I guess I assumed I had to have bad breath.  Nope.  He said he would have remembered.  Odd, but okay.  Oh, and I asked for and received handicap tags.  I just had to get them processed.

Then to the library.  The return labels printed perfectly, quickly.  Then the package finally was sent.  Crazy.  The disability cards were obtained next.  I'll only use them rarely, when needed desperately or if gasoline is going missing at a particular place.

After four hours, in the heat, without anything to drink, my blood sugar jumped to 212 or so.  I was hurting.  Something to drink and eat quickly after returning.  Trying to make it up to mid afternoon or later, to reset the internal clock, maybe.  Rough, long, hot day.  Later, good night.

Did you ever see too far?

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Perhaps it was seeing to cosmic inheritance too soon.  Maybe seeing falsely.  Maybe one sort of corruption, or another.  I was so sure.  When I found her, I knew.  I was going places.  I was doing things.  Then I was alone.  I couldn't think.  I stopped being able to remember.  I was dead before I died, only moving forward through momentum.  Such grand momentum, it carries me to this day, from time to time, when my feet can keep me up.  I DO remember... some of it... sometimes.

Deprivation wasn't working.

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With a fasting blood sugar at 188, then the next read, two hour after... still fasting... at 202, I had to think.  What else changed?  Hmm, less fluid.  A lot less.  From two to four gallons a day to, perhaps, a gallon plus up to another half, max.  It's rather difficult to drink, for me, without at least an occasional sweetening.  And?  And cutting food.  Both based on numbers that went crazy, due to bad brots.

Okay.  So, if it was the brots, and I wrongly cut food and fluid, if I go back to drinking much more and eating the right foods regularly... could that fix it.  Fasting wasn't helping, nor was running dry.  Worth a shot, and I was tired of pushing and pulling.  So... I ate.  A goodly meal.  And started sweetening every other tea.  Within the hour, my blood sugar dropped to 183, then rose to 198, then dropped to 140 and just now down to 125.  Why do I feel like I am playing Go with my body?  Uhrm, because I am.

So?  So, dinnertime!  I've got the grill going, just to heat some already grilled meat.  As well, green beans, and three or four eggs.  Sizes vary a bit with "wild" eggs.  I think it was a lack of fluid, but food irregularity was adding to the problem.  Of course it may have been linger syrup, other issues, or a combination of knowns and/or unknowns.  It may not be solved, this could be a fluke.  Time is a distant relative to the Truth.  May do for now, soon.  Huh?  Give it a while.

I did water the front yard a bit tonight.  It is all looking a bit better, and will until the world heats back up again.  I best check the grill, put veggies on first... they take longer. I may not be a grilling godfather, or yet, but I am learning.  I will do if a true patron of the man-cooking arena is not to be found.  I know that good food isn't about my feelings, but about satisfied bellies.  I'll make it as guests, or myself if I am it, prefer... with a smile even if I have to do it over and again.  Though, too often, same one, invitation list, scratch.

Well.  Have a great evening, night.  Uhrm, morning for some of you.

Going off schedule is rough.

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No matter what, I had to go off schedule.  Either sleep or food had to be missed.  Actually, it turned out that a bit of both was lost.  I did get a full night of sleep.  Only after staying up too late.  And, a shorter sleep, between six and seven hours, heat woke me.  It's not really hot, 78 F or so, in the early afternoon.  Only 73 in here.  And, yet, you can feel the increase in intensity.  My body hates sleeping in those conditions.  Better to cut sleep shy then get heat-sleep sickness.

Fasting blood sugar is high.  Not as bad, at 168, if not great.  After four hours, after supper, my blood sugar had only gone down to 148, so I didn't end up eating again.  As well, today I will not eat until/unless blood sugar drops to 135 or less.  I don't want to fast.  If required to manage blood sugar then so be it.  It seems I can do it.  I can't do it and get much done.  But I can do it.  I am still suspicious that more is going on that appears the case.

I have been keeping up on brushing teeth, medicine, on top of other usuals.  I had to get out of bed the last two nights, to brush, and last night for medicine as well.  Both were harsh, but last night was brutal.  I don't care, as long as it gets done.  Roll, remove cat, remove blanket, roll and twist... are eyes open?  Open eyes, check.  Etc.  All good.  I sleep better with those things done.  I haven't missed a medicine back to two, maybe three Mondays ago.  Not bad.  Brushing?  I haven't missed morning and night for a month, more.  I have missed a few 'lunch' brushings, this month, two I should guess.  Not bad.

Trash today, what little there is.  A shave and shower, maybe bedding and laundry?  We'll see.  Some of it might depend on food.  I can do some, but without food, I do slow down a bit.  A lot, sometimes.  We will see.  Later.

So far so good.

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I wasn't sure what to honestly expect.  The last few meals exploded in my face.  I am more and more sure it was the brots.  Dinner was very good.  The cornish game hen was fantastic, if a bit overdone.  If I have to go more one way or the other, I prefer extra crispy, especially for fowl.  I also had a slice of beef.  Chuck roast, grilled as well, but nowhere close to overdone, if not underdone either, just right.

Blood sugar went up to 161 from 132.  It has probably risen as high as it will go, and in an hour it should be on the way back down.  If I am lucky, and it doesn't explode, it may be back down to the premeal number.  I'd really like another full meal, but I think not.  A small bowl of pistachios, or fruit.  Not more.  Then back on to bed.

I sure hope I am back on schedule.  I won't have to reschedule.  I will check everything I buy much more closely.  Corn syrup in brots?  Poisoning us, intentionally.  The meat tasted wrong, underneath.  I wonder if syrup allows them to use what should be called bad meat?  Thank you, FDA.  You should be outlawed.

Good night.  I'll write a report in the morning.

Ugh, finally.

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I have been testing frequently.  I am really not ready to fast.  As with yesterday, I set a goal, before eating.  Instead of the 150's, I lowered it to 135.  And only unsweetened tea has been consumed.  I'll do every other read, as it covers everything, and was similar to yesterday.  Fasting was 195, then 222, 161, 143.  At which time I realized  I would hit my goal, so accelerated thawing of a few things.  A final read of 132 just now.  No potatoes, no fruit and cottage cheese, just meat and corn, and a smaller meal.

I still don't exactly know what went so disastrously wrong.  The brots suggest there is only one sugar.  I don't think so.  Or something else changed.  Did I pick up a lite, rather than unsweetened?  Did they mislabel something?  Too much of something, or a mix of things?  I will see how this meal works.  If the reading is back to nearly 132 in three hours, I will have a second meal, then stay awake until the blood sugar drops to, or below, say, 135?  Or, I'll give it another hour, failing the wanted drop, I'll just go to bed.  Yeah.

I simply am not back up to being able to fast again yet.  Not of body, not of mind.  And, yet, I had a blood sugar problem.  I'll do what it takes to not be on insulin.  I don't believe doctors, they lie all the time.  Every time I offer them some trust, they fail.  No insulin.  And I'll stick with higher fats and proteins, occasionally veggies.  Salt as I desire, as usual.  Sure am hungry.  Later.

Almost.

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The first woman I could have had has been haunting my thoughts this week.  Usually these pass.  I try to ignore these sorts of thoughts, memories, or just enjoy or suffer them quietly.  I have to write about this one.  Every time I turn around, look closely at something else, or look away, there she is.  No, I will try to ease her from my mind through my blog.

She wouldn't have been my first lover, if we had gone there.  No.  What she would have been was my first love.  A very different thing.  A love is owned, a lover is had... once or several times.  She was the first possibility, as a man, to have, own, a woman.  It would have led to marriage, children.  I knew she was open to me.  I was interested.  It was a serious, often unspoken, series of events.

Ah-ha!

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I found some of the problem.  Brots, Johnsonville, they add corn syrup.  As expensive as they are...  On the good side, they were a trial, one I didn't like.  I will see if the neighbors want them.  The remaining packages are still frozen.  Yeah, but, could that still be tagging me?  I ate five, over two days.  Two, two suppers ago, one as a snack yesterday, and two for supper last night.  Maybe.  It is just odd that blood sugar keeps going up today, only drinking plain tea.  I guess I am back to fasting, at least until I hit the 130's.  Yeah, added corn syrup, and manufactured in sugar (in bread, etc) seems to really bash my diabetes, whereas adding sugar, or even having a soda, doesn't... or as much.  Something about what they add, or how they add it.

When did they start pouring sweeteners into brots?  Maybe they have for most of my life?  Are they somehow adding it to raw pork as well?  I'm not sure.  I just don't trust... anybody... at this point.  I'm throwing the rest of the pork I recently bought and cooked. I haven't had this problem with other batches bought.  Though I am not sure that is the problem, just an abundance of caution.

I was thawing a cornish game hen.  I had to go check that, and the raw pork.  Thankfully neither indicates anything other than meat.  Who ever knows anymore?  I'd like to try to grill the hen.  I'm not sure how well that will work.  If it does work it will be fantastic.  I am hoping to be eating by tomorrow.  Later.