A bit rough.

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Aches, here, pains there.  Nothing major, just many and all of medium level.  I'll take a pain pill, or two.  I took pill medicines late, but should get them all taken by bedtime.  Yes, I am remember to not take the little carvedilol pill.  I would have thought that would have helped by now, thought that may or may not be part of the problem?

After what I ate, I wasn't sure how blood sugar would run.  At 104, I suppose that is good enough.  With averages for the week, biweekly, and monthly running 107, 112, and 122, I... can't complain.  Well, some weight loss would have been nice.  Controlling for carbs, I would have thought, would have taken care of some weight loss.  Then again, maybe this isn't carbs.  

I have been changing which insulin I use, and how much.  Although, if my food logging is accurate, and I have been doing my honest and level best to make it so, carbs are almost completely eliminated, save for fiber, and from raw vegetables.  Well, even those are controlled.  It's more that they are the only carbs I am consuming.  I haven't even been having potatoes from time to time, or other starches, certainly not sugars.

It is sort of amazing.  And, yet, annoying.  We will see what ~1450 calories a day does.  On top of carb control.  Oddly, today?  I only ate about 1k calories.  I am a bit hungry, but... yea...  The off turkey turned me a bit off, from food.  I did try the wing.  It, too, was bad.  Oh well.  I am feeling hungry, but... probably won't eat more?  Actually, I should.  Celery sticks and two tablespoons of peanut butter.  I know, I know, but it IS Christmas.  Shouldn't go hungry on some days.  But have to be careful of else.  Carbs are so sneaky.

I am probably going to be to bed early tonight.  It's a nice, quiet, night.  My mind is at ease, and I don't think I am alone.  People seem to be at peace, at least hereabouts.  The quiet is amazing.  Yes, I can... sense it.  Goodnight, perhaps.  Maybe later.

A shared Christmas.

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A neighbor called to see if I would accept some of their meal.  I gladly did, and enjoyed.  Not sure how to log it, but today, I won't worry.  Tasty.  Good thing too.  The turkey drumstick I tried tasted... dated.  It was fresh, from the store.  And everything seemed right.  Even Sam walked away from it, after a few tugs.

I haven't tried the wing.  But I am a bit full, and time is running out.  I'll save it for tomorrow.  If it doesn't taste good, I won't waste time with it.  My guess is they didn't, where it was processed, get that drumstick packaged and in the cooler fast enough, or the cooler was subpar.  Just a bit bad.  I hate that, when I pay a real price for a piece of meat, to have it be bad.

I did reset the app.  Since I have been already over 200 average calories below the 1879 diet calories, and it is low carb to boot, I found a way to subtract that 200 plus another 230.  The app didn't like it, it says a grown male needs 1500 calories a day.  The problem is, that isn't allowing me to lose any weight, and I have been logging accurately.  If anything, I have been logging more than I have been eating?  Yea, I guess that wouldn't work for me.  But, still.

As mentioned, there were three or four days where I did eat less than 1350, or so, or even fewer calories.  I don't think they understand what sedate means.  And, my metabolism absolutely sucks.  Actually, today?  I doubt if I hit 1350 calories.  The turkey drumstick was less than a pound, and that was with bone, of which I ate little, once I realized it was off.  And, I only ate some of what was brought.  I... have limits, of appetite, these days.  I can only eat just so much, of almost anything.

As well, even on a feast day, I finished eating in four hours.  As to food?  I think I'll have to figure out how to add more veggies.  Minimizing butter or other flavor fats.  It's doable.  Steaming works well, and just a bit extra salt, which keto diets require anyway, though with some butter just not quite so much.  As well, pulling skin from even chicken hindquarter parts, and adding the meat to salads.  It won't be fancy.  But with blood sugar doing so well, the next trick is to lose some weight.  All I have, initially, to lose, is 36 pounds.

I was right, eating 1679 calories, per day, and I lost nothing.  Well see at 1449.  If not, I guess I'll have to go even lower.  Odd, though.  While I doubted I would lose weight, I thought I might... to.  Hoped.  We'll try again.  

I did text my brother.  Now plan to call my mom.  The other peoples I was going to contact, contacted me before I could.  All good.  Later. 

Turkey is going.

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I really couldn't find good instructions for turkey drumsticks or wings.  So, I am just going to make it up.  In the oven, at 415 F, initially covered, for 40 minutes (starting from a cold oven).  I will open them up, at that point, and put them back, open, for another twenty minutes, then flip them for another probably half hour.

Spices are typical.  Save I did add my hotter cayenne to the wing, just a very light dusting on both sides.  I don't, currently, have a working meat thermometer.  I had three, at once.  Two are just gone, one is broken.  Don't even look at me.  A bad neighborhood.  Anyway... So I'll have to go by instincts.  I'm guessing the wing will come out first.  But I want the skin crisp, on both.  And, of course, the meat well done.  Some things, such as birds, and pork, it's just best to do well done.

That will be it for food today.  Though, until time is up, until 17:00, I may eat to my hearts delight.  And, if it doesn't do the trick, I may eat celery and a tablespoon of peanut butter, and maybe a some fruit, with whipped cream?  Maybe.  As long as it is diabetic and keto friendly, today is a feast day.  Not going to push it, but won't go hungry, either.

I hope you all have something something coming your way for a meal.  Perhaps friends and family over, or a call.  And, if not, well... I've done that many years.  Find some joy in that, too.  I have usually enjoyed Christmas, alone and hungry.  You can do it, with a bit of prayer.  Be well, eat well, have a great day.  It's... up to you.  Amen.

Oh, I best get to chores.  I'll definitely save a bit of meat for the tom.  He won't be getting much from now on.  Once in a while, some extra chicken, or such... from time to time.  Though he will get dry cat food daily.  Perhaps it will be a good year for him?  I will try... better than it would have been, without a sponsor to be sure. 

Merry Christmas.

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Noon, and some.  Sore too.  I couldn't sleep well going back to bed.  And, my mattress was out of alignment, the top with the bottom mattress.  But I was so tired when I went back in that I didn't realize.  Like sleeping on a speed bump!  Which, in part, is why I slept so late.  Couldn't get good sleep.

Still, all good.  Still thinking about that dream last night.  It is as if my eyes are still dilated beyond the planes of flesh.  As if still seeing into the sun... Sun.  I can see why, if others had 'dreamed' of being in His presence, without knowing Him through Christ and the book, might well think He is the sun god.  Without context... yea.  And... such dreams are not... easily set aside.

Wasn't there a pharaoh who believed there was only one true god, and that it was a sun god?  I think, through history, there were others who made similar claims.  Gilgamesh's wife had similar things being presented, but she was an creature of altogether evil, if you ask me.  Anyway...

Their litter, first thing, then fed.  When I wake this late, I will feed them.  Next, I have breakfast going.  It will be late, but Hopefully within the hour.  Then, to eat the rest by 17:00... to eat all within the four hour range.  A call and a few texts.  Don't wish to disturb.  Never sure when to send, trying to not hit their meal times.  But some eat it at noon, others in the early afternoon, and some don't eat their feast until regular dinner time.  It's... a trick.  I'll do my best.

Blood sugar is 96.  Oh, but it doesn't look like I am losing any weight?  Then again, I weighed myself at the end of the day.  But, fully unclothed, I weighed 276.6?  Bleh.  I have averaged nearly two hundred calories under the supposed weight loss calorie count for the last nine days.  So... I'll have to begin cutting everything all over again.  BUT!  I did maintain.  So, potentially, I know where the zero is.  The trick is to figure out what a maintenance caloric intake is... at that level, THEN, figure out how much I really need to cut.  I will tinker with some of the programs, see where to go from here.  But, it's a start, and I did very well.  It should make a four hour eating window, for intermittent fasting, much easier.

Thankfully, there have been days I have gone five hundred less calories, and even less, without too much difficulty.  Though I have to admit, I will most likely have to eat higher fats, to tolerate that much lower calories.  Not for the necessity to burn, but for the satisfaction.  Proteins aren't... satisfying.  Carbs and fats are satisfying, if carbs are short run satisfactions.

Oh, but on the good side?  Blood sugar is... very well controlled.  Sure, I am using insulin.  But, I have always been using insulin.  I have done this before.  For whatever reason, this is working for that.  Now to get weight loss as a part of it.  Yes, I think it is possible, maybe.  It just won't be as easy as it seemed like it might be.

It does look like it snowed, but certainly not five feet as some were suggesting.  How much I can't yet tell.  Cats first, then I forgot to step out to see.  One second...  Ah, it looks like, whatever we got, only about an half inch remains.  And, it is 35 out there, so it won't last long.  I may get the plow going today, just to... make sure it doesn't ice over.

I had as good of a Christmas as one could wish, at least as an adult.  A dream?  Okay.  A wonderful one.  Amen.

Going to bed clean.

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Nothing like dreaming of God to make one wish to be in top order.  Even if just going back to bed.  Cleanliness may not truly be next to Godliness, it just isn't on the same plane.  But it is a grace, for here, to allow a moment from our fleshly humilities... one of them being able to be unclean.

On back to bed.  For a fine sleep.  And pleasant Christmas morning.

Blood sugar is 71, but honestly, I am not worried about it.  It isn't crashing, it is just low, perhaps a normal through the night?  I suppose, if it drops, I have things to fix that, up there.  Goodnight.  And... good morning.

Such dreams!

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I had thought I would dream of some Christmas past.  A time, as a child, or youth, when family, friends, gifts, and food were in plenty and generous.  If, of course, I dreamed a thing.  I suppose, when I was a child, I did as a child.  When I became a man, I put these things away and took up things as a man.

No, my dreams were of speaking with great theologians, doctors of the church.  Though, to be honest, our conversations were short.  We... weren't gathered to do exposes on our understandings, or discuss what we thought were the best or most sure notions regarding various considerations.  We were there, waiting, for His birth... in a time before that time.  We knew, even at His conception, our Lord had won.

It seems we waited a near eternity.  When He was born, our joy was great.  Oh, we did discuss things.  We did talk.  In quiet moments.  If mostly focused on what was about to happen.  Imagine, once a saint, safely in heaven, taking pilgrimages through time... to be there... to see.  And with the ones you love.

------

The next dream was to be in God the Father's presence.  As a son before his Father.  Adoration, praise, prayers, directly.  How could this be.  Tears of joy, and of sadness, wiped away.  Humility, but that too set aside.  Averted eyes, but brought to look into His glory.  I could not see until I could not fail to see.  But what I saw was too much for... me to know here.

------

I am sure there is more, but I can't... give more.  Swallowed in moments, or eons.  I'm not sure there is a difference there.  I didn't even mind returning.  Who can worry, after seeing.  Being crippled, in pain, unable?  It's... okay.  It's really okay.  I woke, not able to go back to sleep.  I'll get there, soon.  Just wanted to write these things, and maybe take a shower.

Chores and a gift.

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Their waterers still had water, and were still running, so all was good.  It's a cold day, in that it is wet.  But the wind had died.  If it may be sprinkling.  All good.  A little extra water, one way or another, isn't a bad thing.  We could definitely use the moisture, one way or the other.

I looked around for nesting boxes.  Found, without difficulty.  Then I had a few other thoughts.  I had an old pillow.  It's been washed, is clean, but was just a bit... dated... so it had been replaced.  I thought to use it, but it just wouldn't fit well.  A bigger box, set of boxes actually?  Well, that wouldn't have worked all that well.  It would have become too big, and really, I'm not sure that would have sized well enough.  So, instead, a cozy blanket purchased for when the Sassy was smaller, but no longer really uses.  Well, or when Sam insisted on scratching, and... that wasn't working for me.  Some such.

I also found some actual house insulation, for between the boxes.  A perfect, tight, fight.  I'm not absolutely sure it will work for him, but maybe.  It is out there, as is... was... a bit of leftover steak.  I really didn't want to give up the steak, or share with Sam.  Sassy too?  Never sure if she partakes, but there is enough.  Sam doesn't finish, or immediately, and it ends up gone.  Yet, somehow, I never see her eat my food.  Strange how... cats can do that.  It's as if she doesn't want me to see, so I don't see for her will, if partly against mine?  We are an off family, but it works.

I'll see tomorrow, if he is sleeping in there?  I may put it back, further in, though.  It may be a little exposed for him?  Still, I have done, for tonight, what can be done.  I suspect he may realize he is well considered, and appreciated, if he knows not why.  Who can ever know.  Oh, no worries, it isn't enough to feed him completely.  But it will help, especially as he is still growing.  It'll mean a missed meal isn't so harsh.  It'll mean growth, and health.

Blood sugar is 107.  Just a touch high, but... really?  After 1,773 calories today (it is a feast day, and still below my weight loss plan by 146 calories!), in less than four hours?  I'm good with that.  Definitely eating the right foods for some control.  Night medicines shortly, and on to bed by 20:00?  Well, that is the plan.  

Goodnight.  Dream well.  Even if beyond Christmas presents under a tree, a morning pj raid on those things, candies and sugar plums and such... dreams can sure take one back.  May you... remember... the good ones.  I still remember my grandpa telling me he had helped Santa, who got stuck in the tree outside.  In his union longjohns, no less.  My brother and myself got our first bikes that year... in Royal, I do believe... my fourth Christmas, I think.  Red bikes, with training wheels, and those fluttering things from the handlebars, if those were chrome, other than the white rubber/plastic grips.  Never did know what those strips of plastic which flutter were called.

Anyway.  Sleep well.  Dream well.  See you in the morning.

In four hours.

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I do think if I am going to attempt to consume my meals within four hours, eating the big meal first is best.  Oh, and after that meal, before my next part, a snack really, I did a blood sugar test, 92.  Very good.  I'll test later.  I even remember vitamins and electrolytes.  Plus, now, salt, sea salt.

I have some suspicion that keto is put off by insulin, especially fast acting insulin?  In any case, as I use less and less of that, ketosis begins to take place.  And, because of offsets and slow acting insulin, plus the fast acting I take, ketosis takes longer to be processed.  Which means the difficulties of late have been keto related, not bp, the flu, or else.  Though barometric pressure might has something to do with it yet.

One of the cures is adding a bit of salt to the diet, temporarily.  Though salt deficiency is a potential problem with keto.  I do take vitamins and minerals, plus extra minerals of certain sorts.  For the water pill(s), and for keto, both which can cause opposing body fluid issues, and yet the same symptoms and end problems.  You would think they would cancel, if I believe they expand the extremes of the other, making control a bit tricky.

So, I do what I can.  Chores, or at least a water check in a bit.  Plus a bit of Christmas Eve dinner for little black tom out there.  It is good to be appreciated, and he is.  Oh, I may have to get him a sleeping box... see if he likes it.  A box in a box, with insulation between, and an old blanket inside the inner box.  Who knows, he might even become a minor pal.

I'm saving Christmas well wishes, for the most part, until tomorrow.  I always have a good Christmas, and Christmas to a degree, is every day.  It celebrates not a buying time, or gifting time, save that the latter is meant to resemble my Lord's gift, the greatest gift.  Or, really, the beginning of it.  No, it is a celebration of the birth of... Hope.  Imagine, one borne of darkness, brought to light.  Nothing but blinding.  Not a gift, at first, as Saul, who saw to become Paul.  So I saw.  Anyway... believe or else.  Every day is Christmas, as much as my tale is a truth.  Perhaps just to me?  Perhaps.  Believe as you wish, I know what I must.  Blinding Light, daily.  Through which I now see.  Amen.

Anyway... it's about time to check on the rabbits, warming a handsome little bite for the black tom.  Oh, and to get a little nest for him.  Warmer, in the mid 30s, but now with wind.  And moisture from melting.  I'm sure he'll appreciate.  Later.

Rich.

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Ribeye.  For Christmas Eve.  A bigger one.  That and a salad.  Oh, and I finally tried the crisps, keto crackers, as croutons.  Very good, actually.  Reminds me more when restaurants would put crackers in with the salads they offered, then true croutons, but... I... enjoyed those, and then.  Of course, back then, they cooked with real fats and butters, and were considered unhealthy.

It was a bit much for me, alone.  So Sam got some, and I am saving a little piece to reheat and take when I check waterers.  It was 35, or so, last time I checked out there.  The world is slowly melting.  I hear we may get serious snow, though whether here, exactly, or just nearby, I can't say.  I don't really get that sense, but that doesn't mean not... it just means I don't sense one way or the other.  Actually, if I were to go by my senses, I'd say we won't get much.  Difficult to know, though, always.  Even when I do feel, it... doesn't work that way... or every time.

I am not sure I enjoy having the heavy meal early.  I'm not sure if that is the better way to work this.  All I know is, for today, I am trying it.  Sam sure enjoyed her portion.  I wonder if Sassy will have some?  They are strange girls, taste-wise.  What one likes, the other doesn't necessarily like.  I do like sharing with them, though.

A few beef sticks, and chees slices for what would more pass for lunch, being the middle meal.  Then a chia breakfast for supper.  Turned around a bit, but all good.  I am using a timer in an attempt to not run too late.  Perhaps, even, with my heaviest meal down, to attempt to finish eating within four hours, instead of six.  I'd really like to punch that timetable, so as to have time for any kind of error, and still be within the six hour window of intermittent fasting... but also to, if I do well, get a bit extra on the fasting front... a few hours a day adds up.

I did review the thoughts from another keto guru.  I keep reviewing things.  The problem with 150, or a weight loss portion of 141, grams of proteins a day is that I can't find a way to get that much protein down without using protein powders or such.  Which... I question.  Or, at least, not get that much down and keep fat lower.  I can eat ribeyes all day, but that will be a lot of fat.  And, lean proteins are... somewhat dubious.  Chicken breasts?  Not... doable.  I suppose, I could remove the skin from chicken?  Crisp that for later, as I had been doing.  That is... quite nice.  But, to keep the fat down, I couldn't eat all of it?  Though that might make a really nice crouton type thing for salads, too.  And, without dressing, just that crisped and spiced?  Maybe.

Still, I haven't figured out a way to get that much protein into my diet.  And I really don't like, or trust, powders or bars or such.  Anyway... I am continuing to sort these things out.  As well?  The percentages given don't seem to be matching the calories suggested or the grams by ratio.  Ugh.  I think someone, most people, suck at math.  I'm not great at it, but I know 33% doesn't equate to over half the calories, 4 to 9 ratio or not.  Perhaps the opposite, or closer to it.  But, not if dealing with calories, only percentage of what is eaten?  Trust me, yes, I believe so.

Hmm... let me think out visual...  33% of say fats, carbs, proteins... but by mass? macros? calories?  I'm not sure mass works here, or in a way I could conjure.  But, macros?  Lets say you were eating 100 grams (scale as needed by your dietary guides).  That would mean 33 grams would be fat, and a third, but 33.  That would equal 33 grams of fat x 9 calories per gram, so... 287 calories.  Since carbs and proteins are the same number of calories per gram, and equal 33%, they would each come out to 132 calories.  So, total calories would equal 551 calories per equally distributed macros.  However, from this side, fats would be 52% of calories.  See?  Gotta be clear which side of the mark you are using the percentages, because they really don't make sense both ways, to each other.  Clarity, people.  And accuracy.  

My new new plan is... 91.7 grams of fat, 113 grams of protein, and 20 grams (or less) of carbs (allowing for 20 grams of carbs in raw fresh veggies, fruits, or fibers as well).  So, actually, 91.7 g-f, 113 g-p, and 20(up to 40) g-c.  Ugh, but that variable makes it ugly.  Still, min-max?  Right?  Right. 224.7 grams... but that is useless, it has to be in calories, or it's a + b = ???.  So... calories...  1,357 low to 1,437 high calories, and percentages are... 60% f-l, 33% p-l, 6% c-l, to... 57% f-h, 31% p-h, 11% c-h... l being 20 carbs, high being 40 carbs.  Ugh.  But, if as mentioned, it doesn't work from the calorie side of it.  Which is it's own tricky widget.  

Well, assuming I use this plan... which... I have decided to do.  Then again, I looked at, say, a chicken thigh or drumstick, minus the skin?  That is between three and four to one protein to fat.  That... is doable... if I could handle that much chicken, without skin.  Ugh.  I suppose I could go with leaner hamburger, or even ground turkey.  Well, with any ground meat, it depends on how lean.  At 90%, burger is over 2 to 1, protein to fat.  Still... I'll... see how this new new works, as to practical ability.  While also working at getting more protein in?  Yes, yes, fine.

The thing is, often, the suggestions for this and that don't work as they suggest they will.  Remember, as a child, being duped as to how fast Santa would have to fly?  To, eventually, either realizing the numbers weren't... possible, even at the speed of light, or perhaps worse, growing up to realize it just ain't so?  At least I sorted it out my way.  Oh well.  Well, I will sort out my diet, since others seem not able to do so.

Finally!  I have my mind, app, and menu set up.  Well, to a way that actually matches mathematics with application... if user error may be involved.  Keep it simple, stupid?  Aye, at least... walk until you can run, right?  I will work on increasing protein, decreasing fat, while balancing carbs in that nebulous large variability within variabilities.  Bleh, double bleh.

I do love this app.  It allows me to set things up fairly easily, from goals to % of goals, and a few other things I haven't quite started tinkering with.  The only thing it really doesn't do is make sure the percentages, for example, match with the actual numbers... in calories.  So... yeah.  But... it's not bad.

Numbers, math, on Christmas Eve?  Yes.  Yes.  No time off for good or bad behavior.  You are welcome!  Later.

So...

The good and bad of early.

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Waking up early, that is.

The bad?  Well, if you don't eat until noon?  Hunger can kick in.  My stomach is growling.  Possibly, in part, due to the requirement of a late meal.  I threw things off a bit.  Still, I get to feel the hunger, from around six until noon.  And, yes, it is showing.  As well, I am beginning to tire?  In part because it is dark out there, still.  On sunny days it is a bit easier.  In the summer it can be excessive, until I crash from cumulative sun overdosing.  In the winter, it starts out that way.  This year has been rather good, on that, though.  But, today, it is a bit rough.

The good?  I was able to get to chores before I have even been waking!  I love to get chores early, around sunup or give or take an hour.  I hate when the day has ticked a large or even larger part of the way through.  And the rabbits love an early visit.  They just... I can tell.  When later they are... grateful, but not pleased.  When it's around sunup, they are... ready.  And quite pleased.  Plus, as I finish, it is about time to feed the girls, when this all works out.  

I get their litter first thing, these days.  Often clearing their litter again, right before 'breakfast' at noon, and then, before going to bed.  By the way, clearing the litter multiple times a day, even just twice, makes it last much much longer.  If I forget, for two days?  It all has to go.  If I tend it three... probably twice a day but definitely three times, it lasts forever!  I started with three smaller bags, and in two weeks have only had to 'sweeten' it with two bags, one just yesterday.  And those boxes are peculiarly pleasant even still.

The girls absolutely treat me like a king when their water, food, and litter are maintained to their standards.  And it makes it easier for Sam to tend her old self.  I like to think she continues to live because life is worth it, and she feels loved.  And I work toward that end, in many ways.  Well, there is their alarm.  Time to feed them.  Later.

Oh, but bp was 123/82 with a pulse of 69.  Check.  Giving the meds some time, and allowing for waking up?  One or both of those seems to help.  Yes, chores are done.  And the tom got some food too.  I'll probably feed him daily, twice if there are meat leftovers to go around.  I could hear him, in there, fussing.  He knew food was there, but didn't like company all that much.  :)  I love the way he hates me.

Magic.

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Not 20:00, or even 20:30.  Still, but 21:00 pretty much exactly.  To bed.  I was worried about blood sugar, but felt enough better than I went on to bed.  I slept well, mostly.  Neck, ribs, head, and shoulders, however... I couldn't find a right placement for sleep, so it was a bit of a rough night.  Finally, around five, I woke and worked on a better sleeping arrangement... and it worked!

I didn't think the new arrangement would do much.  Too much sleeping wrong for a few minutes to hour or two to correct.  Still, at least I was in a better place.  About a quarter to six, I woke.  A, that... is super.  I had been hoping to wake earlier.  And, b, that was a short sleep in a better position, but it did help quite a lot.  Even so, painkillers first thing.  I am hoping between that last near hour of better position, and painpills, I might have a better day than yesterday.

Medicine down, with the painkillers.  And my absolute record blood sugar, at 84 fasting!  I won't worry about blood sugar until 'breakfast', at noon.  Haven't decided what I am having.  But, I may have my heave meal at noon?  To see if 'breakfast' is good.  At noon, especially waking at near 06:00, is not a true breakfast, it is just the time when I happen to break my fast?  Right.  So, having the heavy first might not be bad?  I have a steak, the one for the week, thawing.  Or probably thawed.  That and... salad?  With cracker croutons?  And some cheese?  Sounds good to me.  Not a lot of cheese, perhaps a quarter of a cup, of parmesan?  With italian dressing?  Really, sounds good to me.

Then, perhaps, a few meat sticks and cheddar slices?  Then, possibly, half a chia breakfast, or whole?  Something like that.  Nothing fancy.  But it is definitely doing the trick, innit?  And 84 blood sugar, especially fasting?  I... never would have dreamed.  And, I am not crashing.  It's... stable.  That number does cause me some fear, but... I... am going with it.  Leaving it, trusting it.

I did eat about a cup and an half of yogurt, with two small containers (4 ounces each, I think) of low-carb(ish) fruit bowls... pineapple and passion fruit, sweetened only with stevia... or so it says.  Plain yogurt, otherwise.  Oh, I didn't log that.  I'll have to add that.  Yes, I'm... a stickler.  And, while it did throw my intermittent off, tending blood sugar drops is higher priority without question.

Oh my word.  I wouldn't have believed blood sugar could be this well managed, without becoming a terrible monster in the other direction.  I definitely feared it.  Then again, this is one day.  Or two... or... a week.  When it becomes a month, or three, or a year... then we will talk.  Still, it is being managed.  I can't say I am doing all that much, but I am doing what I can.  And tracking it.  I still... don't... understand.  But I will take it!

BP is a little high.  But two things... first, I am altering the conditions of the contract, be happy I don't change things more.  And, it hasn't been given time to work, so it... often is a little high first thing.  I'll... do a read later.  Really, if I have to do several rereadings, I... don't like it.  Besides, I'm lazy.  Still?  This bp is better than when I was on my most stable platform medication, before adding new stuff, and at the worst time to read it.  So... it's... better.

As well?  It is 32 F out there, on the thawed side.  The moisture, even on the ground, is thawed... wet... not frozen.  And, yes, 32 can go either way.  So, when I go to chores, I'll bet the waterers are much closer to empty.  The rabbits will drink last bits through the night, just not much, especially if they freeze quickly.  All good.

To be honest, it is a pleasant day out there, for this time of year.  A good start to a Christmas Eve.  Hmm?  Ribeye on Christmas even, turkey on Christmas day?  Not a bad deal.  Probably one of the better Christmas feeds in... well... quite a while?  I don't actually remember.  But I think so.  Oh, and Merry Christmas Eve.

Something is really wrong.

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BP is 122/79 with a pulse of 80.  So, nothing wrong there.  Blood sugar is 74.  A little low, but I shouldn't feel this awful at that level.  Fruit and yogurt, I hope, will do it.  Neck is cranky, a headache might be on the way.  Bones, really, in the neck and shoulders, which seem to be getting worse.  And, I did drop the 3.xxx mg carvedilol tab tonight.  There is some sort of weather pattern moving through, maybe it has some sort of effect?  I need to get a barometer.  See if that isn't it.

Flu-like symptoms, a bit of a fever, mild this and that.  But things that aren't flu-like.  Ah, remember when I said I felt like it was altitude sickness?  There you go.  That is exactly what it feels like.  Breath, difficult to keep and catch.  Tunnel vision.  And, everything takes a long time to do, and is difficult to do.

I did get the trash and recycling together and out.  Well, to the bins.  As well, I got the plastic cleaned off the racks., mostly just going with the foil.  After I clean those, and the oven, I'll darned for sure put that back on.  I do have holes in it, but so that one leaks on the other, mostly, without leaking on through unless there was a large amount of fluid involved.  This plastic wasn't very viscous, so didn't get on through.

I'd like a shower, but don't think that will happen, not tonight.  Tomorrow, first thing, it is hoped.  And, I am not going to fuss with staying up, babysitting the blood sugar reading.  I'll just eat a good cup and half, plus two fruit containers, and call it good.  If I hit a hard drop, I have candy up there.

Oh, and... while it is windy out there, it was 32 when I took trash and recycling out.  Plus, the world was... melty.  Wet, still, not freezing over.  I am sure it will by morning.  And, I'll be to bed by 20:30.  Would be right here at 20:00, but I need to eat something, and I am a slow damned eater.  I almost wish I could eat fast, as I used to.  Though... come to think of it... I have never been a fast eater.  A few exceptions, but not a norm.

Goodnight.

Good, and yet rough.

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Everything feels achy.  As if I had a flu.  Only, it's not that.  It is low blood pressure, I really do believe.  Maybe lower blood sugar too?  Maybe.  Food was eaten before 18:00.  So, all good that way.  The goal is to be in bed by 20:00, or so.  It seems warmer, if I forgot the furnace on high all night, and then just left it higher through the day.  I will lower it tonight.  That might have been the trouble with sleep.  Perhaps it really was too warm, or to what I have gotten used to.

Sore, actually, as well.  My muscles hurt.  Doesn't make sense.  Every little thing I do wears me out, as if I was doing heavy workouts by just carrying a bucket of water, or getting supper going.  I tell you, it doesn't make sense.  Especially with the numbers being so good.  At least I have been able to do the little things.

I am hoping to get trash together and out, and maybe  shower.  Well, before I can get a shower, I'll need to clear the grates... from the oven.  Hopefully it will all just peel off, the plastic on the aluminum, some of it probably wrapped around the wire.

I purchased something for the house.  Candle powered essence diffusers.  Soap stone, carved.  Not all that fancy, but... decent looking, especially when lit.  I had to look up how to work them.  Easy enough.  I have some essential oils from the past.  And, being the season, used frankincense.  Just one going.  But... it's... something.

I'll need to do more than that, but... for now... it is something.  I have a decent selection of essences.  Wasn't sure what to do with them, after some things I had planned fell through.  This will work.  Hmm, on to seeing about getting trash out, and managing litter.  For all my problems, I have been taking care of things fairly well lately.

Just not caring for the house much.  I'll... keep trying.  Goodnight.

Unimaginable?

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Had to check.  BP is 115/78 with a pulse of 76.  Blood sugar is 112.  Those are supposed to be good, but... I'm feeling not so well.  Ah, I forgot to stop taking the smaller carvedilol pill.  Too late for last night or this morning, but tonight...  Forgot?  Or was simply not sure it was at that stage?  I make up my mind, sometimes, then reconsider.  Definitely taking it out of the menu tonight.

I may have 4 to 6 cc's of fast acting, with lunch.  Which I can eat now, really.  I have to have my last meal by 18:00, it is just 14:46, and... yes.  I plan on a snack, too.  Peanut butter (keto friendly, no added sugar and good simple and few ingredients), to be used with celery and baby carrots.  Might have those right after the sardines and crackers, to wash the fish down a bit better.  I do like sardines, I really don't like sardine burps!

With it being as warm as it is, I won't bother with a later chores.  I can tell, from the sound of the vehicles going by, that it is still thawed out there.  And, with the tom given a good meal, I am not worried about that.  That, in any case, is just a... second thought.  He isn't on my absolute list.  Anything he gets is just a kindness.  Mostly he will get dry cat food, maybe leftover canned cat food.  Only on rare occasions will he get warmed/cooked meat.  Christmas will be one of those days.

I wouldn't feed the girls meats, but I have to live with them.  It isn't good for them.  They really do need raw, fresh caught, meats.  Still, if I don't share, I... hear about it for weeks.  Women, whether cat, dog, human, or else... have issues with "sharing".  Ha.  Sharing?  Something like that.

I best check on what is thawing.  I am hoping for something good tomorrow, and Saturday.  Thankfully, I bought two of each turkey legs and wings.  What was ruined in the oven yesterday was supposed to be for Saturday.  What a waste!  It does make me feel bad.  But, oh well.

Very good numbers.  I still can't believe they are so good.  I am going to be honest, I have eaten and taken meds this well before.  Why it hasn't worked?  Very good question.  Now, am I losing weight?  Doubtful.  But... at this exact moment, that isn't the issue.

I am not feeling really well.  I think, at least, the bp is too low.  I'll... work on that though.  At least I am able to be consciously aware, and considering options.  Making decisions.  But, not too quickly.  Better to procrastinate just a bit, when dealing with medicines which can kill you... or worse.  Yes, there is definitely worse than death.  

At this rate, if things really do work, and I can manage numbers, food, health... summer... if I can acclimate as well as I did last year, might be a really good summer.  Perhaps the best summer I have ever known as an adult.  When I was in the Navy, I was working hard all the time.  There really wasn't time off, or vacations.  Then, when I became ill, it's been rough or worse since.  Summers being worse than all else.

Could you imagine, thirty five years after falling ill, finally being able to enjoy a little bit of life?  All that time, wasted!  Meh, water under the bridge.  I'll keep at it, I'll tell you.  I have hope to have a little bit more to life than what I have seen as an adult, or imagined for decades.  Amen.

Warm out there.

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Well, given the givens.  It was 36, and I read it carefully.  Things are melting, if not quite going in a hurry.  I tried the hydrant.  The handle lifted, but nothing flowed.  I left it that way, meaning to get the heat gun out and get it going when I finished chores.

Their waterers had been frozen, but were in the process of thawing.  I don't think the nipples were running clean, but most of the volume in the bottles were liquid.  And, it looks like they drank most of the water yesterday.  All good.  And, I left a fresh, warm, hank of meat for the feral black tom.  Usually he bolts when I get in there.  This time not so much.  I could hear him back in a corner.  Wasn't happy with me so close, but sure liked the smell of warm meat.  I talked at him a bit.  Couldn't see him.  He lightly growled, a time or three.  All good.  I like the lad.

As I was doing a few last things, inside, I went to wash my hands, but the water was very slow.  Ah!  The hydrant must have started running.  And, yes, it had.  So, I got the girls fresh water, then filled two buckets for setting up waterers for the next few days.  Plus, I already refilled all the waterers from yesterday and maybe before.  So... all good.  All done.  But... 36?  In later December?  I'll take it.

Oh, well... Breakfast is getting ready.  Late, but so be it.  I should be able to eat the planned meals by 18:00.  The thing with intermittent fasting is, you really have to have the start, and end, times be accurate, or you miss the benefits.  Not like it is a major difficulty, at least in my situation.  Just, if I start, say, at 13:00, then I only have five hours to eat.  

Which is why I would really like to get to four hours.  That actually gives me a little time, on either side, if I miss.  I really don't mind, in that case, a five hour eating schedule one or two days a week.  It gives me some slack.  Whereas six hours is pushing getting any benefit, so one hour more does mean a lot.  Bleh.  The thing is, it takes some mojo to get to eating enough calories with the right macros in four hours.  As is, I am having to cut back on calories, and macros of course, in order to do six hours.  Can I put that in four hours of feeding?  I... maybe.  Not quite yet, but maybe.

I best get to eating.  I am having sardines again, for 'lunch'.  Then the last portion of pork for supper.  It's... getting old.  But it has served me quite well.  Later.

Wow!

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I wasn't sure it was possible.  Out of all the years, and trying, even watching my food intake, my fasting blood sugar remained high.  I was always suspicious there was a bad actor involved.  I am thinking more so now than ever.  Now that getting into the house is a bit more difficult, perhaps it just isn't happening.  Well, and a few other things.

Blood sugar is 92 fasting.  That is the first, and only time thus far, blood sugar has been below 100 fasting.  My next record was 103 a year or three ago.  If the next is 104, 106, 108(?), recently.  So the trend is there.  This isn't a fluke.  Is 92 a bit low?  Not really.  anything between 80 and 100 is just fine.  Now to keep it there during the day.

I won't call it cured, at all.  But it... is... better.  That, of course, currently, requires medicine.  The hope is to eventually get off medicine.  But, for now, that is the way of it.  Still, gotta watch it, make sure things can work as they do.  Will intermittent fasting become a problem?  Can I lower the dose over time?  Will I have to?  How will keto work with it, in the long run?

Some say keto and intermittent will fix this.  I'm not so sure.  I'm honestly not convinced it will actually help lose weight, or help with the heart.  I think it can help with thinking, but thinking doesn't get me to work.  Even when thinking is clear, if the body doesn't work, it just doesn't happen.

I did make it to bed earlier, at 21:19?  Give or take small change... it was in the teens after the hour.  I set the alarms, which are still at 07:00 and 08:00.  But, man, I could not get up!  I knew the alarms were useless, so just turned them off on what would have been the third snooze bump.  On the good side, I woke an hour earlier than yesterday, if I went to bed at 23:00 to 24:00 yesterday.

Still, that I was able to get to bed earlier, and break the later rising pattern, there is actual hope that I can pull my schedule back... for what good it does me.  If... that isn't the point.  It's a matter of being able to use willpower.  To focus that and move it toward success in life.  It means I am less dead than otherwise.  If I have to be alive, I would like to be able to use my will toward right ends.

Dreams, all night.  I know the superintendent (or was he just the principle) worked to make sure our teams lost.  Football, basketball.  Did he get paid?  Or was he given some sort of access?  Lots of money involved, even in highschool.  We played against teams with seventy players, and only had as few as eighteen?  Even so, he worked against what little we could do.  I know it.  I have dreamed about it before.  I hope whatever he got, rots whatever ill gains he thought it was worth.  He hated me for sacking an average of five plus sacks and game, and two turnovers, against impossible odds.  He truly hated any of us, who were successful.  Which is why I didn't get the basketball, and was never thrown the football... if though too, his quarterback couldn't throw the ball to save his life.  Maybe he actually tried?

Sleep was a bit rough.  I thought I two pillows was too much, oddly.  So I pulled one.  Nope, two was better, if not very comfortable.  Then, the blankets.  Too warm, too cold, too warm.  I couldn't keep up.  And I peed a lot last night.  Only twice, but I filled half the three litter pee jug.  I had been down to not going at night.  Then again, I started retaining water, and had to bump the water pills.  Ugh.

Anyway... a very good blood sugar, and a bit of an earlier waking.  With hope of getting to bed around 20:00 tonight?  If that is what it takes to wake earlier, sure.  Though, really, if I sleep well, 21:00 should be fine.  I should, when in normal times, wake at around 05:00 to 06:00.  I just needed more sleep last night.

Well, all good.  Some hot tea.  Meds are already down.  I'll get the girls litter, and add fill.  Been keeping their litter nearly pristine, three cleanings a day usually.  Keeping them fed, and watered rightly.  Same decent care for the rabbits.  And, refilled their waterers last night.  So, all is ready.  Might get right out, right now, get them managed.  Later.

Maybe?

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I have been playing Dying Light, and it's dlc game.  Part two is coming out soon.  Or... is supposed to be released in February.  I was as much catching up, as seeing if I wanted to play the second part.  And, while I do enjoy the game, I may wait to see just how trashed with political correctness the thing has become.  I may hold off purchasing.

Now, this game has a lot of little side things in it.  There are no clues, really.  You might happen to find something, but have no idea what it is or could be about, until you seek online.  I am sure there are a few things I didn't find.  But I am trying to find any last quests, or clues.  The only things I won't bother with, in the game, are challenges.  The reason I won't bother with those, is they are somewhat rigged.  Further, since the game requires coop playing to get the trophy, I can't get the overall trophy.  So... might as well not do the things I don't like to do.  I wish they would do a grand trophy for those of use who don't play online/coop.  I just don't do that.

Blood sugar is 98.  Good enough.  Will have to see what it is tomorrow.  I ate around 1,500 calories.  And, probably less, as that was what was scheduled.  I didn't eat all three crackers allotted.  And I only ate probably five or six ounces of pork.  Between cooking down, and feeding Sam, I... ate less.  I'll keep the numbers up, as I didn't measure what was lost to heat or given to Sam.  Even so I am stuffed.

I did check the rabbits, if not mentioned.  Their water was still going.

Oh, and did a major mistake.  I put what was thawing, for meats, in a plastic bin, into the oven.  Then, later, forgot and turned it on.  Melted the plastic bin, and probably cooked all the meats... probably overdone.  But, in plastic wrap too, so... no good.  I'll toss it all and not do it again.  Yes, melted plastic smells horrible.  Thankfully I keep foil on my oven shelves.  While some still got through, most of it stayed with the foil.  Oh well.  I have a new batch of meat thawing.

I think it's about time to go on to bed.  Or near it.  I am a bit hungry, still.  I think because it is so cold in here?  Even with the furnace up, it is really cool, cold.  No, cold.  I definitely feel cold.  Hmm, tea, warm tea, might help.  A cup or two, while I settle for bed.  Goodnight, I hope.

Finished by 18:00.

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Just, but I ate everything by 18:00.  From noon until then.  Actually, a little after noon, but that works out well enough.  Sardines went well with crackers.  And, for supper, I just warmed a chunk of pork roast.  One remains.  It was about 8.85 ounces, or such.  But, after heating, it was down to just a bit over 7.5 ounces.  

I checked the rabbits, before dinner.  Their water was still good.  So, that is that for the night.  Any later and they simply don't drink more water, so the jugs get frozen full.  I haven't ruined any waterers doing that, so far.  And would prefer not to ruin some.

Nothing left over for the tom, but I'll get him a piece of meat when I do chores in the morning.  Heat it up, too.  I really wasn't going to get Sam anything, but... she begs well.  And, it is rather rich.  Plus I have had quite a bit of it this week.  So I gave her nearly an ounce.  Slicing it into small pieces.  Sassy just won't eat it.

I'll get them one more meal before bedtime.  I am still hoping to be on to bed earlier than 23:00.  If I can get there by 20:00, or even 18:00, I'd do it.  Will have to see.  Later, or if unlikely, goodnight.

What about them apples.

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Called my mother.  And... she picked up.  She has been out shopping.  I think a nursing home would be more difficult if she couldn't get out.  And, when she gets out, she shops, and sometimes cooks.  Might even help with cleaning from time to time.

She sounded healthy and happy.  I told her what I was planning for Christmas supper, and she had some advice.  Well, I consider it a heads up, I always have to see for myself.  Gristly, she said, the tip of the wing.  I'll find out.  For me?  Sometimes I like gristle.  On pork ribs, and some other things.  I really enjoy chewing gristle, if there are limits.

Being successful, I decided to call my brother.  I... wasn't sure about some things, but... that... isn't always the point?  Not only there, but he had time to talk.  He is busy, with a family life already.  But, now, with the inlaws living there, and having many medical issues.  He is their cab, and probably chief cook too?  Well, he's the house manager.  Thankfully he gets along with the inlaws.  That helps a lot, especially when they need a lot of help.

It is good to speak with folk.  I'm never sure if it works quite right, or will.  But, when it does, just... so be it.

I'll get crackers and sardines shortly.  Then, with what is left, fill some of the calories and else with pork.  I'll probably cut a similar hank of the roast off, if Sam and the feral tom will get some, or have it left for whenever it is time to feed whichever one.  He has to know I left it.  He can smell me a mile away.  :P  Even when I shower?  Most likely.

So cold in this front room.  Even in the main, warmer, rooms, with  the furnace jacked, I... am feeling cool.  Even with it ten degrees warmer than it has been!  Bleh.  I don't know what the gig is.  Just that I am cold.  Oh, blood sugar is 120, so I'll have 4 to 6 cc's of fast acting with my next meal.  Later.

Another day.

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Rabbits were ready.  I was right, before, to not put water out in the evening, after dark.  They simply don't drink it.  So... I really need to get their food and water out really early, then check it by, say, 14:00 to 16:00.  That would be as late as possible to put out water in such a way that they would drink it.

It is good to have their waterers ready, and the food pail ready as well.  So, when I finish chores, I generally try to see to those things.  Can't do much about frozen waterers, but can put them in a bucket of water so they thaw faster.  And the food bucket is an easy thing.  Save that I am usually tired from doing chores.  Really am.

I'll get the tom more food as I go out tonight.  While I will feed the girls from my extra, I will save some for him, too.  I may take the leftovers out in the morning, nuking whatever for just a bit, so it is warm.  He may never trust to come near me, but he will learn to watch for warm food.  I'd lay money that is better than anything he has ever known.  Might not understand it, but... he'll learn to watch for a kind deed when it's available.

It is 20 F, out there.  Not as cold as it was, but there seems to be a bit of air movement, or wind.  Not the same things, necessarily.  But with similar results... making it seem cooler, colder actually today.  As cold as the 10 to 12?  No, I don't think so, at least if wearing gloves.  Still, cold out there.

Ah, right, bp.  It was good, today, at 115/83 with a pulse of 76.  A bit low, this time, again.  I may check a little later, so see what it does several hours after medicine.  This may be too low.  But there are things I can do about it.  The thing is, while working on both bp and blood sugar at once, as well and sorting out food, and going on a weight loss diet, I'm not sure... I want to give things more time.  If possible.  If I am crashing too heavily, I have to change things.  I am right on the cusp of that, but... not quite.  I really do want to quit this medicine, but it seems to work, and I have a few other options.

Okay, fine.  I am going to stop taking the smaller carvedilol pill... as a trial.  There are other things I could do, but this would be the easiest, and is likely the most difficult part of my medicine regimen to take, and does the least as to effectiveness.  And, wouldn't be difficult to start back up if it's more of a loss than suspected.  So, starting tonight, I'll be cutting that.  And, for a week, I won't bother with bp.  Then I will see how it has worked out... unless something goes wrong in the interim.

I sure feel weak.  Not sure why.  Then again, winter solstice just happened.  It might be that simple.  I definitely hope food and stats eventually start adding up to a bit more activity.  I am feeling better.  I almost never hurt lately.  Though, to be honest, the cells in my body seem, still, to be lacking something.  Perhaps they are so used to high levels of insulin they don't quite have running without quite down?  Or, maybe, the lower bp is still a new thing.  Perhaps both?  I haven't had bp, pulse, and blood sugar all low at the same time since I've been notified that they were problems, and low altogether.  Or, really, as low as either is, ever.  So... there are bound to be issues.

Well, on to the day.  I'll have to ease into the day, if I can do anything much.  More gaming, in an attempt to wake better.  Lunch before long... sardines and crackers.  One or maybe two cans?  Depends... set for 200 calories of sardines, though if the cans are less, could go with celery and peanut butter as a side.  It's sort of fun, when you realize what you need, to negotiate through.

I will be doing more research on protein.  If I need not just a certain percent, but an actual amount, I may have to sort that out.  As is, I am having a difficult time getting enough protein in.  I can get, usually, the percentage.  But not 141 grams (a weight loss amount, based on 150 if just maintaining).  If, below that, the body scavenges itself, or maybe I need the whole 150, then... I'll have to figure that out.  Everyone seems to have a different story.  I need something more sure.

Later.