Had to laugh.

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Twice.  Three times?  Twice for sure.

At a fellow bloggers site, I read a word.  Waltersobchakeit.  There... was a definition offered.  But?  I... used to speak German.  Perfectly?  At one time well enough to pass, as German, in Germany.  Then I took the language up again, later.  But, no... not returning to even more than roughly conversable German.  Still, I dug in deep, looked hard.  I preferred weird words, with complex meanings.

Well, yea, awake.

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A very late start given that I was to bed by 19:30, or so?  Sometime in there.  Noon thirty!?!  Late.  I did sleep well.  Save that I didn't brush my teeth the third time, but couldn't get back up to do it.  So it was on my mind all night.  I kept hoping I would be able to sit up, go down, and brush.  Twice is okay, as long as it is first and last thing of the day.  It wasn't.  I had a meal and coffee after the last brushing.

So, yea, no.  I didn't get up.  Couldn't.  Once I hit the mattresses, I was done.  Mostly sleeping good.  As to that being on my mind?  Well, I wake during the nights.  A car, hoot owl, cat, dog barking.  I sleep lightly, but good?  Sort of, when the world is right.  My conscience is light.  Meaning, if I do something I think wrong, moral or in this case mechanical, it sticks with me.

A text and... back to trying helmets.

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The first times I tried on both helmets, I was feeling ill anyway.  And they are claustrophobia inducing.  So, when ill, and trying on such a device for, essentially, the first time?  It was rough.  So I gave it some time before going at it again.  As well, I hoped I would feel better.  Which, finally, I do.

The one helmet is wrong.  It is too big, and fits wrong.  The other helmet?  I had thought it was a bit big, too.  But, after trying it again, it seems right.  And fits mostly correctly.

Such strange... things.

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Is someone trying to say something?  Ask something?  Hits, that... pulled me in.

I don't know what this means.  I don't watch shows.  Not even this one.  But, sometimes, there is something seemingly sent that makes some sort of sense.  This one?  While I can't focus, make sense of it all, I... do remember... conversations.  Sometimes the seer isn't the key, but the lock.  The one seemingly in need of sight is the key.  You may not understand that, but I do.  I understand that in the way that whoever sent this... understands what it means... to them, me, us.

Difficult?

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Yes, and no.

I haven't been able to get going.  To begin chores.  To push, pull, grapple, wrestle, my way to things.  And, yet, I don't hurt.  Just... I am tired?  Unable to focus?  Something.  I keep trying to move along.  And I keep failing.

So many things to do.  Dishes, laundry, a shower.  Then, getting an inspection for the vehicle.  As well, pushing for getting someone in on tax arrangements for the property.

Hmm, perhaps they have better content?

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Oh, I... love the music.  When it is allowed.  Often all I get is very limited feeds.  Sometimes only, say, fourteen video options, few of them of any interest.  Sometimes there is nothing of quality or interest, and only a few videos even offered.  Music seems to be gone, for the most part.  New music.  Just... the same old things.  So, not happy.  Even so, for an hour at a time, or longer, I'll fish y.t. for new or interesting vids.

Sometimes I am surprised.  I ran into a video about gaming, in China.  The war on it, to a degree.  More?  I see that the Chinese war on gaming has some influence on gaming in the US, and around the world.  Our problems... are similar.  Solutions?  Different, to a degree.  Or... applied differently.

A bit odd, that.

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Down at, 13:30?  Or more like 15:30?  The latter.  Then, up at 21:30 until 1:30.  That I am pretty sure is close enough.  Awake, now at 9:30.  Life is better, but odd.

I was sleeping slightly cold lately.  Woke, in some small part due to the warmth of the night?  Though some of that is from eating too many carbs?  Still, I had added another blanket to my pack.   Actually, I had done that several nights before, but not in a way that initially helped.

Awake, very early.

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Dogs barking.  Motorcycles and other vehicles cruising and shooting through.  *voom! zoom! v-room!*  A strange night.  Thursday, so not even a Friday.  But one sure gets the feeling that Friday is coming.  And... the vibe that it will be a good one.  

Warm, that's part of it.  As I sit here at the computer, which has been off for... four to six hours?  It is reading 73.  That's the warmest I have seen it in weeks.  Even with the computer on and into the early afternoon.  It's only 64 upstairs, though, so... just not sure why I couldn't sleep.  That is pretty typical.

Food!

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Nothing too fancy, mind you.  A thinner shoulder chop and a few burger patties.  The chop and one patty is all I could eat.  Will put the other two patties up for later, or tomorrow.

A shower was had.  Quite nice, really.  Then laundry was reset.  I'll probably wash it again.  It sat for a while.  Ugh.  As well, I set up dishes.  Not sure I'll get far.  Probably that is that for the day.

Got it!

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The packs are 3~4#s.  I asked, specifically, for three pounders.  For as many as I want, they have to grind it.  Twenty packs, to pick up Monday.  And, they are 85%.  To be honest, by taste, 80 to 85 are best.  As 70 is a bit greasy and 93 is just too lean.  Can add butter, to lean.  Can drain greasier burger.  But losing weight, or adding cost.  By price, this is a better percentage.

Now, I discuss these things.  Check to make sure they know that I want three pound packs.  And, limit the price... get a quote written before I start.  I don't mind a few dollars in either direction, but not fifty, or a hundred, or double the seeming price per pound and what was ordered.  I get a price checked, and printed, on the order before hanging up.

Nope.

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I keep looking.  Hoping to find a better price on burger.  It's running $4.59 per pound, for 80%, in stores, on the shelf.  Not the best, either.  It seems, when ordered, it is better.  Much better.  But, at $3.99 it seems good.  Not as low as I would like it.  Further, only in family packs, which I would guess is five pound packs required weight.  Why they can't put them in smaller packs, especially when ordered in larger amounts, I just don't understand.  Bureaucracy standing in the way of sales?

I keep looking.  Not seeing great sales, really.  And even at (honestly) $4 a pound, that burger isn't a great price.  I may see if they would be willing to package them in three pound packs, if I would be willing to buy 20 packs.  That would get me back into burger.  And better burger.  And, I have found that two pounds is too little.  Three pounds gets me enough burger for three to five days... if eating nothing else.  Though, a week or two, if I pull a meal or two of steak and a pack of two meals of chops, or similar, with it.

Better.

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Better in ways I can't quite yet fathom.  Having just awaken.  It is like I have been breathing more oxygen.  For a while.  Not perfect.  Not as it should be.  But so much better that there is definite light at the end of the tunnel.  No wheezing.  No heart stuttering, heavy thumping.  Bodily pains are mostly gone.  I rolled enough that there are only a few spots which seem "asleep", and not completely.  Just... a dose of that sort of death, not the full measure.

The wound on my leg remains.  And it burns.  But, it is remaining scabbed.  I have some belief that it will heal.  Why the burning?  I have some ideas, none of them pleasant.  But, if I am right, and things are arranged so that healing can happen, this will get better sooner.  Just blocking off sewer gasses.  Allows oxygen to be consumed, more than else.

Yes, on to bed shortly.

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Not much else done today.  I did get out for cash, and food.  Fast food while out, but I bought meat.  Just... a bit.  Until I can get to thawing what I have.  Yea, I know.  Should just get to it.  But... some days I can't.  Today was, mostly, a can't do day.  I did get out, ordered pizza.  Got cash.  But was so wasted it was difficult to even do those things.

I am worn and weary.  Things just aren't good.  I am hoping, with the toilet in the spare bedroom plugged, and airing the place out over time, that I will be able to get back on my feet a bit.  Though, who knows.  Maybe I have destroyed my health.  Or, maybe, the heart has finally... sort of ended things.  I'll... just have to find out.

A few things.

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It was a bit cool, but I opened up anyway.  And, yes, that helped.  Fresh air, needed.

Received a call from dental.  An appointment before too long.  They have been slow about getting V.A. allowances of late.  Though, it may have taken at least this long to get in at SLC.  So, no real slowdown.  Just how things are, lately.  I suspect they may try to get me an extra, early, return visit after looking around in there.  We'll see.  If I have to, I may see if I can afford a visit if they can't get that.  It's... needed.

Very sore, but awake.

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Pretty much everything hurts, again.  Not as bad as a few days go.  Perhaps a little worse than yesterday morning.  Neck, arm, ribs, midsection, legs.  My right arm isn't as asleep as it was, but my neck hurts more.  Legs?  Odd, partly asleep, about as they were.  Rough morning.

I dreamed I spoke with another aspect of me.  One which only happens, usually, as I go to sleep... when the lights go off.  Woke up this morning, because as I started waking, the sun wasn't up yet.  Around 5:30?  Or so.  Grumped about the pain.  But, really, today is better.  Better than when I go to sleep.  Better than three days ago by a lot.  Improving.  You can't tell "people" who have not become familiar with suffering, how to find comfort in it.  It either happens over time, or they suicide.  Some people will never be able to suffer well.  If I couldn't initially either.  Suicide just didn't work.

I didn't even bother.

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While resting as I prepare to sleep, I looked over vids.  A few new ones, but nothing interesting.  Then I saw a few.

In one, there were cartoon chicks, talking about men.  One of the gals was saying that her guy didn't cry watching the Titanic.  Her friend asked if men even had feelings.  Oh, I laughed.  I did.  That kind of feelings?  No.  If a woman is mad at you, she could watch you bleed to death and not care.  How they count feelings has nothing to do with ethics, goodness, or else.  Had to laugh.

Fast food.

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Not great, but I had to get something in.  And, yes, it helped.  Not great, but... something.  Having trouble.  The sweats, nausea, plus exhaustion from the last few days.  Not perfect, but... something.  Now to figure out food for later in the week.  Get some packages thawing.

While out, I sat the bike for my first time.  She has some haunches, I'll tell you that.  I have been watching, seeing how other guys got up on her.  One was was to use the foot brace as a lever, down at the angle of the kickstand, then with the extra height added, kick over.  She has saddle bags and a center luggage pack.  So, it's... more on top of higher.

Keys.

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I hate having only one set of keys... for anything.  I can only imagine how much a new starter would be.  Or... whatever it would take to get keys made.  Or how long it would take.  So, a call.  There is a Kawasaki dealer nearby.  If they are mostly for dirt bikes and atvs.  Though, carry a fairly large line of other brands and items, mostly all along those lines.

Strangely, they didn't have a price, or parts, for that.  The parts guy will be checking in on this.  It might be extremely expensive.  Like... $125, or even more.  Or, maybe, if they are hitting hard enough times, they will be legitimate with pricing/services and they'll choke on a mere thousand percent mark up and charge $25 for a set.  I'll find out before long.  Though I may have a few other places to try if they are going for five thousand percent mark up or more.

A bit better.

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Nausea remains.  It has been persistent for months.  Too much coffee?  Coffee doesn't help, that anyway.  But, it's what I have.  I haven't been eating well, or much.  Coffee is what is filling in, with heavy cream.  Well, and keto sweetener.  It's not perfect, or much, but it's... something.

Along with the semi-permanent nausea, is that sense of...  confusion, distortion, when pushing past the fear of heights, the fear of falling, and being near the edge of a high building, or up in a fair ride.  Dizziness, upset stomach, the rest.  Only, it almost never goes away.  Sometimes I get a minor break from it.  But it's pretty much always there.

Truly harsh.

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Down right around 21:00, perhaps a little before, or after.  Everything hurt.  Well, a lot of things hurt, and fairly harshly.  I didn't get painpills in.  I remembered them, when I got up there, but couldn't, wouldn't, go back down for them.  Exhaustion was greater than even pain.  A few in with medicine this morning.

Up a bit after eight.  A quarter, half, something.  My legs were "asleep", as with my right arm.  Legs are back, without too much trouble.  But my right arm is snoozing right along.  Can still use it.  Wouldn't want to bet fine dexterity using it, not for my life or even a few dollars.  It might be there, but... no certainty.