I don't get it.

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I did make it to my appointment, and actually an hour early. My ability to... figure things out right now is rather limited. I ended up going early before I ended up not going, I guess? I have no idea why I went so early. I may have been failing, unable to think straight, and believed being on the road would see me there. I just don't know. And, really, I don't care.

When I got there, I was told that they had tried to reach me to let me know the appointment was canceled. My phone was on, so I am not sure what happened. The lady, and I trust her, said she called twice and left one message. My phone shows, now, only one call. No, really, I do trust her. Phones, all phones I have had, will sometimes not patch through calls. Bad software, one of the towers too busy, who knows. In any case, since they couldn't contact me, they had another nurse fill in.

They did an EKG. I am not sure if they did one in SLC or not. The number of tests that have been done leaves me not sure what any particular thing is. You might be surprised how similar different tests appear to be. My blood pressure was 160/140 and my pulse was about 107 or something, with oxygen at 92% to 93%. I was speaking with the nurse, asking for information. She really didn't have much to offer. I said I needed more information for planning, as it has been suggested that I am dying and it could happen at any time. She almost guffawed. Then asked why I would think such a thing. I said, well, it could be the enlarged heart both ventricles mind you, the hardening of the heart a test had suggested (though didn't we already know that, ha!), the low blood flow through my heart another test suggested, my liver and kidneys showing signs of failure, the liter or two of fluid in each lung, the high blood pressure, or maybe just a sense of doom. Or, maybe, a smattering of all of those things. She actually did stop and think there for a second and never spoke of the notion again. Actually, oddly, she let me show myself out. Usually they bring me up. I always feel as if they feel the need to monitor me out, so I don't steal or die or... something. Other than it being odd I did not mind.

I stopped in town, on the way home, to deposit some checks. While there I decided to stop at my favorite restaurant. A big meal was had, more than usual. I ate half of it. I also ordered shrimp ceviche for take out. Two meals are in the refrigerator ready for later meals. Oh that is so good. And even with only half a meal in me, I am stuffed to bursting.

I don't think I could have mowed today. But the choice is not mine. It rained, heavily, right until I returned and everything is quite wet. The sun is peaking through, but I have a strong sense that rain will again fall and shortly. This is one of the grayest springs I can remember. I am not looking forward to a sudden dry hot summer though, either. A little bit of transition time makes the weather so much easier to tolerate. That is not for us to decide. Deal with it I must.

Good day.