An explanation.

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Reviewing my posts, I realized I probably indicated something that might have been confusing, not to mention shocking. One of the playlist videos was Queer by Garbage. I thought the video itself would be clear, but I must remember most people have no notion of things sexual, to a degree, beyond hetero and homosexuality. To answer a possible question, no, I have never had sex with a man, or even an interest in such. And yet I have had very queer relationships, with women. Or, at least I have had women try to engage in such with me. No, that has nothing to do with anything pertaining to my end parts. What it has to do with is women who "like to be on top", among other things. And, actually, I didn't allow much in that way.

Women, who have let go of morality, chastity, and such, end up being far queerer than any two same sex couples could imagine. It was never my gig, but such women are easily available. While exploring the feminine world out there, I ran across all sorts of things. At least a third of my lovers were, or so they said, lesbians. But worse, some women have the absolute freakiest needs or wants really. I won't go into details, but from some of my explorations, I believe there is something to the notion of Lilith. I was simply looking for a solid normal woman, and really, they are very rare. And even they, if not chaste, even in marriage, can become monsters.

Some people have lead such normal lives that they have no idea how deep that pool is out there. Being a curious, and for whatever reason successful, lover, I found myself in some of the weirdest situations. Learning quickly that I was at the wrong place, I moved on. This was back when the concept of equality was something I actually thought could be real. It can't be, as I know things now. And the only way to have a mostly straight relationship with a woman is for the man to lead the dance. And, really, to marry before that.

No, I still have a... different view of sexuality than the typical man. I like drama queens, I enjoy fertile imaginings, I am bestial if not sinfully (think animal, organic) in my approach to sex. And, while I like women, I know they can't be let loose, not completely. Nor can my passions. Therein are some of the fires of hell. Let us say I have an interesting take on such, but that I have learned to temper things. It has taken decades, and two periods of celibacy of which I am currently in the last of those, to find some sanity there.

I find it funny that my docs suggested that someone in my condition might be killed by sex. They certainly are not talking about me. You will simply have to trust me. If I stop being able to have long, hard, wonderful sex... I will be dead. I am feral in this way. At 80% heart failure, I can still... work that system like a rabbit and for long sessions, if I do everything in my power to avoid doing so. Dancing with yourself, as Billy Idol might suggest, is a sin, and against my will, if too occasionally beyond my control. That should tell you something. Anyway, that might clear up any... questions. Just remember, exit only. It's not just a motto, sexually, it is all I have known or been interested, for my part.

Like speaking to children. So be it.