Which is worse, total exhaustion or insomnia?

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Never mind. Since I seem to be suffering from both. How is that even possible. Between sleeping 14 to 16 hours, I am staying up seemingly forever but in a haze on top of it. It is better than a week ago, and actually by a goodly bit, but not to the point where function has increased. I merely feel better, sleep a little less, and am more awake when I am able to be awake. It is purely just a sense of things at this point. The reprieve from medicines was nice, but not sustainable for real medical reason (and supposedly potentially lethal, both going off and then back on at full(ish) dosage, are potentially fatal and extremely dangerous, or so I was scolded, if I only felt and continue to feel better). I will give this slight cut in dose a couple of weeks. And if I am still in limbo, I will cut it a bit more. At least I have some... function, control, back at this slightly lowered dose. But it's still quite rough.

I am out of soda. I won't be buying more for a while. Once every couple of months I buy a 12-pack or case and enjoy. I drink it as fast or slowly as I like. Regular drinking was starting to bring my A1C closer to 6.0 so I have gone to intermittent consumption of the sugary stuff. I don't want to tip over 6. How odd though, that a few changes honestly did, essentially, cure diabetes. My A1C, if you remember, was over 11.0 for a while and may have been over 13 iirc, without soda and on medicines. Then medicines only brought that to 8.0 or 9.0. When I tossed the medicine and went to meats, home-cooked whole grains, rice, and beans, and just ignored it, and quit with the doctors for a couple of years, my diabetes was gone when I finally went back to the doctor. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know. But I certainly have another reason not to believe a thing out of doctor's mouth. They obviously don't know, at least about me.

I have ceased to be quite so grumpy about and disappointed with doctors. For all I know, when I say I am not a sheep, I think that may mean in more ways than just religious. I was built differently, made to be and act differently. I honestly sometimes have to wonder just how typically human I am. Which, of course, has lead me to speculation, being a giant being one of the alternative notions. And, I think that I have grown at least an inch and a half since my late 20's, early 30's, suggests I might have that as a medically definable thing, not just some mythological notion. So, yeah, I guess I have let them off the hook, if too, it means they cannot be relied upon. I must use them to my ends and pretty much ignore them. Though I was a bit miffed at being told I should have called. Of the four times I have called them I have never had good luck with getting help. What is there for me to trust? I am alone and will do what I must, for me. They certainly thave no means of helping me. I am a bit angry at their incrimination after their continued failures. I cannot boon failure with continued effort or belief.

Pretty beat up, I feel like a salmon who has made his run, spawned, and yet still lives and could make it back to the ocean... if. I. could. just... make it. Ugh! Hey, I will do what I can. I think it is the constant pounding that keeps me going sometimes. Later.