Before the alarm.

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I love beating that stupid beeping in the morning. Now, I quit with the 6:00 nonsense and went with the more, for now, sensible 7:00 wake up, but even that is new. Until three days ago, 8:00 was the theoretical wake up time, at least that is when the alarm went off. Wanting to shake things up since I was failing to wake until 9:00 to 10:00, I set the alarm earlier. When I tried, yesterday, if with too little sleep, to jack the alarm back another hour, pure failure. Then again I didn't get to bed until 1:30 last night. All this chatter about an alarm clock setting? Well, yes. But more, it shows, again, that when I am better, I can actually reverse an ailing sleeping pattern. Something I have never been able to do before these medicines. It used to be a horror, similar to people who wet the bed, sleep walked, have epilepsy. Being able to move my interior clock in the reverse direction is like a stutterer making it through a full sentence without stuttering after months or years of having the problem. Does it mean I am fixed? Only the future will tell.

Some of my morning stuff knocked out. But now to blogs and news. The one wonderful thing about being up a bit earlier, and why my goal is 6:00, maybe even 5:00, is that I get a head start on the world. I need a head start because it takes me sooo long to wake up and get going far too often. I actually don't mind being up well before dawn. That sort of feeds my need, or the reality of, being a bit of a night owl. But too, I get to watch the sun come up, I get to feel as the earth warms that way. New things for me.

I have noticed something. As I am in the process of connecting with the Church, getting back in there, and doing my thing there, celibacy has become far easier. I have no idea why, not in simple words I could convey. Further, it sort of crept up on me. I didn't think going would help in this affair at all, I made no contingency, had not intent other than my normal intent. I can say it is a spiritual thing. I have sinned in these ways once since returning, early on in the return, and that was a true sin as I was being specifically... lustful, willful, forcing it. Sometimes when I sin in these matters, it is just a hunger, out of control, while I am half asleep or otherwise too weak to resist. This recent time it was me being specifically sinful. Since that time, maybe two weeks ago, I maintained control quite well. How odd. Now if I could just learn to not get angry. In traffic, at inappropriate times for inappropriate things, and learn to handle my anger more properly when I do have it rightly. Not that I am a basket case, but I can become flip, terse, or slightly unfair... petty, about my anger. Oh, I will never be sinless, but if I can reduce my sins I will be quite pleased to do so. Am I suggesting becoming a sheep? No, though there is that. I am thinking more of becoming less feral. Are those the same? Not quite, but I think that both are in the same direction. It is time. I am not in the wilderness anymore. I am home in more ways than I have ever known before.

Wee! I am up before the sun, can wake and think, write and read, and still get to my daily tasks in time to not be rushed! Oh I love days like these. I hope to make every day a day just like this. I think I found the proper speed for weekends too. It will take some time getting used to it. I didn't just quit but then I didn't bust into sprints every time I wanted to do something. Low, slow, and even. As I get better at it I would like incorporate that into even my weekly affairs, more so as I tire. The Lord knows I am doing everything I can to rise, to improve in all ways, and to... do? Yes, to do what is needed, to do what is wanted, to do it right and to do it on time. My prayers have been full of joy lately, offering my successes instead of failures as sacrifices to God. And it is very good.

On to reading. Have a wonderful day.