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After a really weird week of sleep and waking, I am, mostly and sort of... not to be too technical, on track for days. I have been staying awake until between 17:00-ish and 21:00-ish the last few days, and waking between midnight-ish and 3:00-ish. The trick, this time, is to catch the days, slow the sleep migration, and hopefully fall into orbit near a 21:00-23:00 bedtime and a 5:00-7:00 wake time. While the rotation of sleep, or more the torque behind it, seems a bit high even this time around, I believe I have more of a grip on life and I believe I can grab the psychic monkey bars as I come around. I believe, finally, I will be back on days. For a while. Gah but what an endeavor to do something many of you take for granted. The next time you wake up grumpy because you are still tired? Be glad as hell you can be grumpy. It means you can control your cycle and be awake. If you ever lose your grip on that, life becomes a bit hellish. If it weren't for some grocery stores being open 24/7, there are times, without having someone shop for me, months and even nearly half a year at a time in my past, where I simply wouldn't have been able to shop to feed my face. No control, mostly. If it is getting better.
Never mind. I am not only out of bed, I'm awake a goodly bit. Heck, I'm even just a tad feisty (in keeping with the haiku theme, and if as explained it can be misinterpreted). It will still take just a bit to figure out what I am going to try to do today. At least I am to the point where I might get some real things done. I am not exactly being put in by the coach yet, but I am on the bench and off the injury list. That's a start. Oh, it feels good! I have some things still on my lists. There are basics, such as dishes, laundry, picking up, and such. There is... plenty to choose from there. Beyond, there are projects. I did a bit more digging and might have found something to check on my sink faucet. The problem isn't the screen. The internals can get sandy or have bits in them too, though. The thing will be to find my exact model of faucet and figure out how to open it up. That would be a lot better than having to remove the whole thing, plus the cost of replacing it. I fear I may have to remove the whole thing, but there is hope that isn't required. I hate waste, expense just happens to be a part of that. It's a tricky faucet though. Normally I would know how to disassemble something by sight. This one has a handle and ball joint that comes from the top and controls the water flow from a range from hot to cold, so it doesn't have an assembly just for the faucet, separate from the knobs, a tower. I also see no easy or obvious way in to the housing. I see, to my naked eye, no way in at all, actually, anywhere. As well, I would like to eventually begin trying my hand at copper sweating to begin the plumbing project, then on to replacing the water heater. Finally, I would like to get outside. There are two projects on the books out there. First, spading a small spit of ground to plant those seeds. If I were a seed, and there was no room indoors, I would at least like the- even if unlikely- chance to grow outdoors. Life is special, important, worth great chance, if not at all costs. There are limits. Finally, I will be eventually working to level the ground in which the new hydrant was buried. Work work work work and work.
While helping my neighbor with the barrels, something... came back to life. Transferring some of the internal struggles to the external world was... relaxing. But more, it lit a fire that sometimes falls asleep. Never have I lost the ember of that fire, only... it doesn't rage and allow for a greater grasp on life. I got a taste of it, if a very small one. But I saw around the corner, further on that path, and I wish to find myself to it again. Swimming was doing that. And I was braving the burn for it well, until I pretty much went broke doing it. Always, limits, this that or the other. Gah! While I was helping, I saw the intensity of my neighbor's need to finish the project. It is hard work. He works two jobs, so was getting off his day job to do this on top of it. And yet the burn of need, to feed his family and tend his life, duties, commitments, was strong. I want that. Again. It is a most potent mortal magic. The next time I help him, I want the capacity to have and put a heart into it. No, I did okay. I really put in some serious effort. But I have an almost bottomless pit of heart to bring when I am full up, I could access very little of that. How much my broken physique will allow, of course, is one of those fucking limits I keep running into. As I push though, I see my flesh yielding... healing... It is so frustrating, like having a big vehicle nearly boxed in and having to oh-so-carefully move forward a few inches, then back, and so on, until finally extricated. But I am getting there, I think? I just need long naps from time to time, I suppose.
Ah, but some geekery today, too. Just to show that I am not just beast or gimp. As if I really care what others think. This blog is more a diary than... a sharing. Which is why it is about me. More so when there are echoes of a past and little else. Getting things down, out of my head, or highlighting the things that make me smile, grimace, laugh, dance, shout, and sing empties space for a bit more life, clears and cleans the ideas, and such. As well, when I write goals, projects, tasks, they take on a life of their own and the chances increase a bit to a lot that they will be done. So, on to bats, and to a degree birds through a specific comparison. This video makes me want to find my various math software, matlab and another, and see if I can get it up and running to kick around in diffy q, calc, and the mapping of some of that. Yeah, pure geekery, but... shut up.
This one is just an extravagance of geekery. There is no real point to it, which is a fine geek-craft all it's own. It looks to take about 7 seconds to burst a hundred balloons, which means, roughly, 14 balloons and change are burst per second, which is ~7.140 miliseconds per balloon. Don't just eyeball the math, it'll fool you into thinking I am off by a lot. I guess I never wondered how long it would take a blue laser to burn through a balloon. It isn't a matter of lack of curiosity so much as a lack of time to ponder the numbers of things with which to query. While I don't have the exact times, so this is rough, it is... close enough for my purposes. Perhaps it is on the vid and I just missed it. No worries. This is just fun geekery for the day.
Just in case you thought all geekery is all about fun, math and physics games, and other such nonsensery though, I present...
Well... on to putting the finishing touches on my wakey-wakey cake. And... you darned kids get off my porch unless you come bearing haiku gifts! *grumbles* Have a wonderful day.
The good news about BMan is that it runs pretty much 24-7, if the activities vary by the hour. Whenever you're awake, something somewhere is happening.
ReplyDeleteFor my part I intend to split my day with as much afternoon nap as I can muster, in order to dance later into the night.
Oh, like I said, when in such a situation... sleep isn't an issue. Now, while that does keep me going? I couldn't handle it for weeks on end, let alone months. It will provide enough stimulus for me to... probably amaze you.
ReplyDeleteI will nap when I need, or when it is too hot to think if I can. I will also probably sleep 4-6 hour shifts each day (or that will be the goal if I can). On subs I slept right through all the alarms, buzzers, whistles, and the rest if I had pushed things. Which I did often... if my sleeping habits caused consternation among 'teh' bosses. Remember, here, now, I am lucky if it warms to 70 F. That... has a huge impact on my sleeping. That and it being cloudy often this spring. I do want to explore as much as possible, if without going so fast that the things that interest just become a blur when I find them. But too, can't do it all. The economy of choice, and chance?
The only thing that worries me is getting around. I can walk 3-5 mph forever, almost literally, with a pack, some food, and water. Desert, plains, or flatlands anyway, mountains and hills would slow that pace, or bust me up. But biking... I'll have to learn that again this summer. And I might tire more easily, getting older on top of the heart, even with meds if those can be a bit difficult to swallow too, regarding fitness.
Still, I think... you will be pleasantly surprised what I can do in the short haul. And my emotional stability doing it. Not saying I won't grump, if I think you are probably better at that, being the resident 'old man'. :p I do worry just a bit about slowing you down, though feel free to go on. I'm hoping to do a some things as pals, a few things just solo. Then share tales of our various brave Ulysses events. Hard to tell how it will all work out though? Should be interesting.
I've figured with differing sleep schedules, energy levels, and possibly interests, we'd be going our own way much of the time; comparing notes when we got back to the camper. Certainly events or destinations of mutual interest we can hit together.
ReplyDeleteAh. You must remember, when I say or write anything, unless in the throws of something, I... use great reserve. If it rained to the point where I was forced to escape my home, I might easily simply indicate that it is a bit wet outside. Again, save when melodrama takes hold. Then I would cry a river about... well... the river.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, plans are fantastic to make but who knows what will happen. I find the world and folk quite intriguing that way. And I often plan not to make plans, other than travel, infrastructure, and time cap ends. The rest just sort of works out as it will. Not always by choice, but I have learned some modicum of patience. Ugh. That wasn't really by choice either, come to think of it. Nice to have, but expensive to obtain.