Oh, urhm, sweet dreams.

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My dreams have gone in many directions.  I am not remembering them, always.  Relics of the notions remain, and have been being expressed.  Among them, some... guilty pleasures from dark days gone and done.


I remember some of the women who I once knew.  Of the many, only three were marriage material.  One I knew when we were too young.  The gap was closing too fast, so I spared us my lust and left her clean, but dropped her hard.  Meh, she got over it.  Or, still loves me, if she could.  The next was to be mine, and I hers, but fate chose a different truth.  After her I thought I was dead.  Of course, life deteriorated.  I knew women before and after each of those.  But after the middle wife grade woman, I sort of... went bad.  The other is...  Well...  She just is, for now.  You think I scare you.  A good woman scares... the hell out of me.

Three of many.  The others varied, from slightly dent and ding to... well... into my darkest of class, only female.  Know that even Lilith and daughters are drawn to raw power.  I have seen some of those since.  It isn't just my Cinderella who thought love could be renewed.  Some of the darkest of my past flames believed something could still be kindled.  Tempting.  Always.  At one time, I did try to go back.  It never works.  Never, ever, always not, no.  If it didn't work in the first place, it cannot be fixed.  I always found that the reason for our parting was struck upon almost immediately, and to the same conclusion.  Also immediately.

In my dreams, I have seen some who want me back.  Women I loved for the very reason that it would be short term, for my part.  Especially among the darker hearted women I have known.  At least one came to me in my dream, offering her evil beauty, offering me another chance.  In real life, as in dream life, I will not go back.  Her song swayed me not a bit, nor her sway.  I knew, in the dream, that she was as dark as I remember, for she cared not.  A siren.  The thing that gives me the greatest mirth, is that my dark loves knew that I always came out ahead.  Always, with them.  In an unsharing, uncaring, relationship, after I had chosen a darker path, and loves, I was a taker, and far better at it.  They knew.  Still, their love was hollow.  I suppose evil women prefer to be used more, just as good women prefer to be more useful.  And, in the home, they are.  Now, there is only room for good women anyway.  But those hips, man.  I'm telling you.  The fire hasn't all been about dark things stirring.

Never mind, just sorting some thoughts as I get ready for sleep.  It probably isn't completely coherent.  Exhaustion does that.  I'll review the material when I wake, revise and edit.  But for now, it is something for you, and me, to consider, as sleep approaches.  Sweet dreams indeed.  Good night.