No, I am going to work out.

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I'm about to start the laundry and do some of the dishes.  When the laundry is done, I'll manage that then hit the weights.  I'm going to hurt anyway, might as well capitalize.  Then I'll finish the dishes and see what I can do in the kitchen.  I'll get that bath in, as well, then sleep.  Tomorrow, if I can roll out, even if roughly, I'll be in town to check on those things I want, and then take a hike, with the pack.  Monday will be my first day on the water.  I should have everything geared, and the anchor trolleys set up, on on each side, and three anchors... a light, a heavy, and the stick.  I'll practice with each, in slower or still water, to see what the anchors do, practice where to use which, and how. [from the night I actually posted]

It is going to hurt anyway.  Even if I do nothing.  Avoiding pain won't do a bit of good.  Not that I have been, just haven't been able to stay awake long enough to get into real pain, other than whatever my body naturally delivers.  My body is good, but when I am awake enough, what I can do makes my body's natural efforts, along with illness, seem lame.  Yes, I hurt.  A lot.  Time to dig in.  It's my duty.  It's life, or at least my life.  No one to fight, so I will fight myself.

What I will be releasing is terrible.  I sometimes think I caused my heart condition, because I was so far along certain paths.  And... that might even be true.  God, though too, works in His mysterious ways as well.  Still, it is time to release the Kraken. or whatever it is.  No, it won't be a problem for you, unless you corner it, attack it, threaten it.  Then again, it already is.  The difference between this fuzzy pseudo weakness from being out of shape and ill to death's door would not spare you should you corner that.  It would scourge you of flesh and soul and toss you on the heap with the rest.  While I can't dominate God's children, I am quite free to defend myself within conscientious limits.  Nothing for others to fear, just something I need to open back up in order to escape.  Best to not be in the way.  Though if you want to strengthen yourself, it's safe enough to follow, or follow suit... unless you are in my current sort of condition.  Here is something along the lines a of a dam version.  Weaker, milder, easier, being of the feminine.  The masculine is much greater. 

My life, from hereon in is living, which means I'm in it for the pain.  It's the only way out, until I can recreate a place where I can rest, from time to time.  It's going to be hell, but better than the soft hell of compassionate genocide, medical care directed at the grave, and bureaucrats and the murderous help they offer.  Best to be an animal, and alone, than to be owned and crushed to weakness and death of the most unnatural sorts.  Yes, I will work out.  I'll be adding weights to the dumbbells tonight as well.  Hiking tomorrow.

Doom is back in business.  Fuck the pain, or bring it on.  It's the only way out.  At least I don't have to gnaw off a paw, and I know what to do with traps.