Thrombosis.

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No, not a medical diagnosis.  I never did know what the word meant.  I created a meaning for it, a specific sort of pain.  It is very doubtful, just by the odds, that my meaning and the currently given meaning, are connected in any way.  For me, the word means an ache, as if in the middle of bones.  But can also be in the middle of dense muscle, as an ache the reverberates.  It is not an intense pain, just a constant and somewhat powerful one at it's crescendo.  Over time it really adds up.  I'm sort of used to it.  I've had this a lot over the years.  But that is the pain(s)-(if you consider each a separate pain) I am suffering from yesterday on into today.  It's milder.  Getting out made it worse.  If, with pain, making it worse can, at least for me, help burn it out.  I never know the causes.  And they aren't usually, or always, something that will keep me down.

The pain won't keep me down today.  It is illness that will do that.  I will be at my regular insulin dose tonight.  I have some food and may try quinoa again.  I said I would do that a day or two ago, it just didn't work out.  If I can make one minor batch of the stuff, and make it come out right, I will be quite satisfied.  If I can do a minor batch of dishes, I will be happier.  And if I can get a load or two of dishes through I will be ecstatic.  Not holding my breath.  Which, right now, would hurt more anyway.  I don't mind suffering, but I don't appreciate adding to it for no good reason, at least in the mind of a pessimist!  ;P

I just need a bit to wake up.  Coffee shortly.  Writing and reading.  I honestly think, some days, that death would be better, and a fairness.  But I know that suffering my, sometimes, just be my duty in life.  Seriously.  I know I deserve it, if I don't think that is even how God works.  To a degree, life, and work(s), is suffering at this point.  Winning, losing, loving, not liking, living, dying, all at the same time, and in an imperfect package in a fallen world.  Gotta hurt.  Still, I have agreed to life, and all that goes with it, so help me God.  It is, more so for some, harder to live than to die, in more ways than one for some of us.  Then again, I have always been a lousy better who comes out ahead in spite of myself.  In this more than in any other bet I have placed.

Later.