Really worn.

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Immediately understood.  Most pain is behind the blank cover of numbness.  Thank God.  The tip of the iceberg breaching that plain is yet a bounty.  Yet a gift if one understands, or desires understanding, about worldly detachment.  Far better to carry a ready dose of pain than to live pridefully painlessly.

The simple humility it affords is the starting point, but leads to a communion with martyrs, on to a real link with the truest holocaust.  Not worthy, if who is or can be?  Even before all was known, they He chose knew they were unworthy.  Or, who else He chose.  I, too, was chosen, called even from the dead, damned.

So tired.  It took an hour and an half to finally wake!  I struggled, pushed, pulled.  I had to pee so bad on top of it!  Such a miserable time of it.  The ducks are out, eastern and back windows are shut.  Cats are on a timer, to be fed two hours after waking.  I think I found fittings, for the sprinklers, last night.  But I couldn't find the curtains.  I will seek those today.

Blood sugar was very good, at 132 fasting.  They want it around 80 ~ 100 fasting.  My method, to them, is the hard way, madness.  But my way absolutely requires control starting at the mouth.  At the third, nearing fourth, stage of kidney failure, why would they offer a pill to worsen that.  What was that mash song?  Ah, Suicide is painless.  No thanks.  My way is difficult, but it is true.  No gimmicks.

Fasting today.  And right off the bat, for only the second time this week... month even, I feel hunger.  It will pass.  But why hunger?  I ate just last night.  Bleh.  Fasting until breakfast on Saturday.  I will only be checking blood sugar in the morning, at noon, then bedtime unless I sense a negative spike.

I will check bp in an half hour.  I like to give medicine some time.  Dishes, and another shower, perhaps at least a trim?  Maybe.  Then on to looking for the curtains.  Later, connecting hoses for watering tonight and maybe raking the rest of the lawn, the side lawn is all needing raked actually, but... yea.

It was 56 F, at about 7:30.  It is 70 in the main, 67 in the other part, of my home.  Still cool enough to bring in outside air for now.  It should be interesting to see what having the upstairs with curtains, and cooled... how much effect that will have.  To be honest, if I can keep to sleeping at night, it won't be ac'ed much.  A few hours before bedtime, a few hours during on a timer, and that will probably be it, especially now that handling even 80 during my waking time isn't a terrible imposition, especially if I can cool down at night.

I best get to waking.  Good morning and day.