Late...

.

.

But, with the nap, and the cold, and rain, it should work out well enough.

I had a keen supper.  Roast beef, sliced thin, with peas and green beans, and gravy.  Really good, to be honest.  The only thing that would have made it better would have been potatoes.  I did add fast acting insulin, but it didn't lower blood sugar at all.  Which is odd.  Everything I ate was low carb, and I didn't eat much of it.  So... a second fatted coffee, a can of sardines, and another dose of insulin.

Strange daydreams.  All day, really... as may have been noticed.

I dreamed I had died, for a short while.  This time I don't think so.  I... think I have been to that edge, before, possibly over it.  Today, though, was just a dream... while awake, mostly.  The weather, the cool air, the rain...  just a strange confluence of events which made such a dream come about.  I didn't mind.  It was... comfortable.  Besides, I had the feeling, that when I die, I am just... well... it's what you might consider a nap.  Get old enough, and naps are... not a luxury, a requirement.  As is death, for some... very old ones.

I did call my mother today.  Just to check in.  Trying to not be... difficult.  Just... checking in on her, from time to time.  As I have suggested to others, with children, or the elderly, whether sainted or not, they need to be treated as if so.  Just... trust me.  Do that thing and you will understand other things, even if you are far from sainthood.  Trust, or don't.  You have been advised.

Still a bit rough, regarding ribs.  The odd thing is, hitting my torso doesn't cause increased pain.  Well, I suppose I could hit hard enough, but... that it doesn't increase the pain in the ribs... add to what is there?  If I hit myself hard enough to hurt myself, it would be a new pain.  That... doesn't make sense.  Still, it's... good, I guess.  It isn't psychosomatic, though, either.  Not sure... what it is.

I am adding water pills, wondering if that might not be it, or some part of it.  It... might even be helping.  My feet feel better.  And the ribs have been feeling slightly better, or... different.  Will see in a day or two.

Raining, again.  It did stop long enough for the sidewalk to mostly dry off, or seem to do so.  But it has been raining again, for at least an hour?  I didn't realize it at first, so no telling how long it has been raining.  A pleasant thing, to sleep to, during.  At least for me.  Goodnight.

Oh... and... to be honest?  The problems aren't what you might presume.  Imagine if... someone could know what you think, feel.  And... know what everyone thinks, and feels, about them.  I think you know.  I think they know.  There is something about it... it's not a two-way street, but the one way is noted by... all.  They know you can read them.  Hate you the more for it.  Can try to shut them out, or close them off, but it all leaks through.  I... know...  Trust me, it ain't pretty.

And, I would have allowed for your wishes.  It's just not in my hands.

Keep what you kill.  I suspect that is why.