I did make another run.

.

.

Tired.  But... I wanted a cuppa.  That french roast, in a fresh press, with a touch of real whole cream?  Yes.  And I needed it tonight.  

New potentials make me nervous.  It would be easier to be declined.  More difficult to be accepted, and all that means.  Well, and attendance.  It's... a difficult clan.  And, not all, even who could or would nominally be allowed, fit.  I am on the edge of being outside of most every group, for... many reasons.  Don't think I don't understand.

After returning from the second run, I made a steak and potato dinner.  As well, I had a cup of the good stuff.  May have another.  Love that coffee.

I had hoped to get some work done, but that may not happen.  I should have been able to handle a trip, or two, and visit.  It wasn't just that.  There is more... to some things than I can describe.  Something about when more than several gather, if of a different sort.  It's been a while since I have been in such company.  I forgot how high that can make one, or how far one can fall after... if it's been a while.

Fried.  Still, I did set up dishes for tomorrow.  A soapy soak.  The goal is to wash, then rinse, then get another shower tomorrow morning... or whatever passes for morning.  Then try to do even more.  Working on the bathroom, working in the hallway, breaking down boxes... things.  Not sure if it is possible, but it is being planned.

I can't quite get to bed yet, though, either.  Something about those highs and lows... change things.  While I was given treatment, I wasn't ever involved with groups.  For... again... many reasons.  I think those who have, have become part of a clan, and learn... things.  Perhaps, in time, becoming clan leaders, learning to beat the drum, control the rhythm.  I ran into that tonight.  Knew what it was, couldn't quite extricate myself.  Though, being singular, different, I... will learn to control... some of that.  Like a drug.

It's why I belive in berserkers... without any drugs needed.  It's in the blood.  Those who have done some things are permanently different from those who haven't, can't, won't.  Different tribes.  Different rules.  Different natures.

Coffee!  Later, or goodnight.