To bed?

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Almost five.  Just couldn't sleep.  Why though?  A small part?  I... was waiting for it to snow.  Really.  I was all but sure it would turn to snow.  At about two, though, it had warmed, to 31.  And was still raining.  But the icing had diminished.  Though, just now I went and looked.  I didn't check the temp, but... it's snowing!  I... knew it would.  Suprised it took so long.

Though, that wasn't the real reason, or majority of the reason, I am still awake.  My legs.  After two days of serious pain, tonight has been pleasant.  Two painpills when I woke up.  So those have worn off.  The compression socks, thigh high, and warm knee high cottons, with shoes and warmer clothes on, has really helped.

Oh, there is still some ache in there.  From time to time.  But they don't hurt most of the time, even when I get up or sit down.  Mostly sitting, albeit.  Not pushing.  I did some cooking.  I did a bit of bending and kneeling, while getting trash and recycling together and out, and a few other minor things.  But I have been going easy on the legs.

I have been enjoying the lack of pain.  It's... so rare.  And, again, my heart doesn't hurt, or feel worn, tired.  That is so unusual.  It does give mild pause, concern.  I have lived with a tired heart, a broken heart, for so long... I'm just not used to the lack of pain or weariness.  I have died three times.  Toward the end, pain always ceased.  Or... that is how I remember it.  Makes me nervous.  None of the other... symptoms match up.  Not terribly worried, just a bit worried, slightly concerned, and just a bit bamboozled.  We'll see, I guess.  Or... not.  If I die, only, here, you might know.  If... you know me.

No worries.  Life, or death, are gifts from God.  Both.  Might not think so now.  But, you probably, if you had had a choice, would not have chosen to be birthed.  My guess is that was... quite a horrible thing.  Which is why we don't remember it.  At least, having died a few times, I'm not so... petrified about the event.  I just hope it isn't a stroke or heart attack which disables me, so that I die of thirst.  Though... it could be.  Though, even that?  Well, I know it only goes on for just so long.  My problem is I seem to be able to survive a very long time with very little for inputs.  I have slept for days, without water.  I know it is possible.  How long conscious?  I don't know.  Still, as mentioned, I know there is a limit.  If, too, time, when ill, is... very strange.  Hours can seem like days, days like months, without a way of accounting.  Time can stretch, or seem to.

So, days and nights are in a bit of a spin.  Staying awake wasn't just a problem of tonight.  It has been going that way for a bit.  Extra effort has begun the process.  Though the warming teases, then cooling, have frustrated my attempts to adjust.  The cool makes it difficult to fight.  I'll keep working on... digging in, trying to keep to days, or pushing on through the night.  If, most likely, for now, I may be stuck with a slow grind around the clock.

Oh well.  To bed before too long.  Goodnight.