.
A bit later. Yesterday was some effort and stress. So... okay.
I left the house mostly open. It was 64 near me, when I woke up, 59 in the main of the upstairs, 58 in this front room, 61 in the center of the house, and 66 in the back (north end) of the house)? Yes, but... strange. Everything is staying open. Outdoors it is 40 and overcast. I sort of expected it to be in the freezing range, with as cool as it is in the house.
Then again, while the furnace was clean off the first time, I think it only went down to 62 last night? The furnace setting that is. Not sure if it clicked on or not. With everything shut, it may have held heat more than it did last night, with the furnace definitely off and windows open.
I am dressed more warmly today. Not planning on doing too much. Maybe a shower, and more dishes at least set up. Perhaps some food items to the basement. Maybe sweeping in the bathroom and hall. Today is, mostly, a rest day. I need it. I have been to church, or shopping, or working, or to town, for this or that, every other day or so, for the last two weeks. I... need a breather, a little time with only small tasks.
I don't want to just stop. And I don't hurt as bad as I had been, no painpills today. I don't even think I will use water pills today. But I don't want to push too hard and get back to that place. That has been difficult. Though, too, I don't want to lose my place in line. I want to continue getting ahead in life, on the house.
The thing is, getting to it, sometimes. I can't work for long stints. Heck, in my current state, even gaming for very long isn't likely. I end up drifting around, looking for something, anything, new online. And, while it seems easy enough to just move on, do something, even just sort things in a corner, that all... from realizing and deciding, to doing, takes a lot of energy. More than you might suspect.
Still, that is sort of the goal. Doubt if I can to it all the time, every time. But to do it more often... every other, or third, time, might work well enough? It's a goal, a hope, a plan. It will fail horribly, and be terribly successful at other times. But, it is a forethought idea I'm trying to keep in my head.
To start, though, and usually in the mornings, I need to drift, surf, float around... while waking. It's just... sort of like my psychic coffee. Give it an hour or two. Then see what else I can be about. While consuming kefir and my actual coffee. Yea. I'll get to some small things today.
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Oh, a dream, and more. The dream was about a real conversation. It became known, to another, that I was single. And, the comment I receieved was... it can be very good to be single, because women are... complicated? messy? trouble? Something along those lines. And, by... someone who in saying that surprised me, in a number of ways, from several different angles.
No, I... don't disagree with him. I didn't disagree with him, to his face, or in my mind, or since. Women are trouble, and mean to be. Or... can't help not being trouble. They cause trouble, they look for trouble, they create trouble when it doesn't exist in nature. They have to be perpetually unhappy, and try to drag most other people into trouble with them. And, then, seem surprised they are... in some sort of mess, or three, or ten. They collect, and juggle, troubles.
And Lord be with you if you begin solving those troubles! They want their toils, difficulties, exasperations. They love those more than anything else. Yes. Women are, and choose to be in, trouble. My last woman wanted me to to never say that. Which... I ignored. If she wants troubles, I will not deny her, even should she ask it.
Still, even with that? I enjoy women. I just... don't care, about their troubles. I don't take it personally, nor try to correct, I just won't let her bring them into my part of our life. That is what sex is for. To some small degree. I mean, other than a very intimate showing of affection, bonding, having children, and... just mutual or singular pleasure.
So, while I agree, I just don't care. I think a lot of guys take it personally. Or get too involved. While men and women couples need to be a part of each others lives, their partner isn't their whole life. That's where a lot of guys go wrong. Trying to fix what ain't, technically, broken. She wants her misery, leaver her to some of it. Only if it interferes with your wants and needs. If so, then clean, clear, lock, load, and deal with it so that either she never brings you a problem, or you fix it good and well enough that it doesn't present again. Usually she will get the hint, and keep any favored problem out of your areas of operation. Or passify the presentation with sex, so that you tire before solving it... if she really needs to share it.
Yea, part dream, part thinking about it after, part realizing the actual conversation. Look, women really are trouble. From toes to ass to tits to brain, and everywhere inbetween. But, they are also a gift from God. Much as any pain, or joy. Or... mixed bag especially. Pain teaches, like nothing else. Pleasure, and potential, and procreation, are terribly wonderful graces. Yea, I... enjoy women.
As I told him, and others, I just need to find one who isn't married already. Or doesn't have a hoard of kids for one or several past guys. Or... such. And, who can and will have children.
Will it work? As I am going to suggest to someone who is thinking about all this? The world is a hard, dark, mean, place. If you are thinking of going there, finding a lover with whom to have children, and then trying that? Best go that way with God. Even then, your faith will be tested. But going there without God is a harder path still. No matter how much easier it seems. What was it Luther told his mother, when she thought of following him? Ah... living without the church isn't so bad, dying outside of the church is. Or... some such. Yea, don't even bother if you go Godless. You'll regret it, for there are things worse than death, by far. I've been there. Live there now, to a degree, but with God, all things are possible.
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