Awake, a bit early.

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What time did I go to bed?  19:00?  21:00?  I would guess closer to the latter.  Up at 3:30.  I had to fight to stay in bed for the last hour.  Just couldn't keep to it.  An alarm, on the stove, set.  I'll feed Sassy at around five.  Water for the french press is heating.  Probably hot enough.  I... am blogging, and a bit tired... for not being able to sleep longer?  Bleh.

It is 52 outside.  With windows open and fans going, it is 68~69 in here.  So... yes, summer is kicking off.  I am never ready for it.  But it is a softer start than even the last few years.  Both later, and easier, so far.  But the days are getting to the 80s.  And, possibly, with more heat to come, sooner or later.  Probably sooner.  I can't complain.

Will I anyway?  Not really.  I just realize I am... in some sort of trouble.  When the cool is too cool, moderate isn't "enough", and heat is too hot?  The... problem isn't the weather.  It's me, or my health.  I am in some sort of funk, again.  Worse than before?  As I have mentioned, I doubt that it is worse, it is more that I am more aware?  Right.

At a time, I could simply sleep through these bad periods.  Did sleep, for nearly months at a time.  Waking every few weeks to even as little as once a month, in order to feed.  I probably woke more often, to pee, and drink.  But, really, sleeping for days straight wasn't at all unusual.  And, often, I wouldn't remember getting up.  So don't know just how long I could, or did, sleep at a time.

And, even more recently, while I stopped being able to sleep through the rough patches, I did... forget.  I was aware, within small bubbles of time and space.  I would remember a day, while in it, mostly.  But my memory couldn't count, or account, for other days or weeks or months in the series.

Now?  For good or ill, I am aware that I am not functioning.  Oh, but... no pain?  Very... strange.  Well, other than the heart being squeezed like an overripe plum in the hands of one with an iron grip.  But, that has been how things have been for decades.  Nothing new there.  What is new is that my kidneys, liver, and other organs, aren't feeling they are on the verge of failure.  Not sure if medicine was causing that, or if the medicine fixed something enough that that doesn't happen anymore.  I simply don't know.  Though... I don't think medicine will ever fix anything.

At the very least, in these times, medicine doesn't seem meant to be a cure.  Heck, I think most are aimed at either causing eventual death... after the proper amount of milking of the victim... or will cause other issues, which can also be "treated".  Which combined will lead to death.  Then again?  Everything, in this timeline, leads to death.  I'm just not sure if medicine is meant to extend, or diminish, that line.  If I would guess you have to be wealthy as Jagger, or the ten heart replacement Rothchild, or Henry Kissinger type of rich to be kept alive at all costs.

Then again?  While I don't want to be put down, I also don't want to try to live forever.  My guess is, those people have something to... fear... hereafter.  And they damned well know it.  Can't be sure, but it seems that atheists, and a few other various sorts, terribly fear the grave.

As with many things, I simply want the... econo path, not the end path, not the reaching for forever path.  Then again, I suppose I have it.  The only good medicine, for the poor, today, is no medicine.  Or... almost none.  I... have some things, for some things.  I pick and choose from what is available myself.  It's... what remains to me.

The medical that was available, until the mask mandate, wanted me to be involved with an audio townhall type meeting?  No, they don't treat me anymore.  We don't really have any association.  They are woke, and still on "teh stupid" of covid.  No, we don't have anything to discuss.  I have learned that every time I talk to these cocksuckers, I get in some sort of trouble.  So I won't even mention their name, these days.  Just... no.  I won't talk to them, either.  Privately, publicly, on the phone, in a paper form.  They track, store, and either ignore, or attack, any who don't like what they are doing.  I... have no time or reason to be involved with them.  Though, from the sound of it, participation rates have plummeted, so now they want us back.  But won't change why we don't go.  I'm... not the only one.

Today?  Dishes, the drain?  Maybe, with the game out of commission, for the moment at least, and being brought up to some speed by gaming, maybe I can get some work done?  While I am doing better, it has only been to the level of gaming... not really working... recently.  I really am in a ditch, sort of gasping for air.  I'll see.

Oh, when I dropped the ps4?  I dropped it on my foot, big toe.  I was sure it would bleed like a pig stuck, but, no.  It did shove some skin, but didn't cut?  Very odd.  Or, more, shove cuticle material.  And, it hurt at the moment.  I was sure, this morning, I'd have a tom thumb of a big toe... swollen, black, etc.  Nope.  It... is fine.  Doesn't hurt, isn't swollen, and never bled.  Very... odd.  God seems to love fools.

Oh, and blood sugar came down to a reasonable number, after two kombuchas yesterday, and the very high numbers I was getting.  I still feel hot, in part I think from the sugars of that still coursing through my veins.  I'm telling you, sugar and it's like is as addictive as any narcotic, it just isn't as lethally toxic as quickly.

Oddly, blood sugar is lower this morning than the last three mornings!  Not great, at 228, but better than the days after sweet corn, and much lower than a few hours after drinking (the first bottle) of kombucha.  Just meet, today, mostly.  And through the week.  On to the morning.