.
I... can't remember exactly when I went to bed, though it was nearing or just
after eleven. I... wanted to stay up longer. Maybe did, for a
bit? No later than 13:30? I... think I fell closer to the
previously stated hour. Trying to push on back through. But it has
been so cold. And the game is eating me whole.
It was down to 66 or even 64, before I surrended. Closing the house up,
turnin on the furnace, up to 72. My fingers hurt, my fingernails hurt,
for the cold! I was dressed well, warmly. It didn't matter.
I was drinking hot coffee and tea. And, that helped, for moments.
I just couldn't take the cold anymore.
It was 68 in this front room, 69/67 upstairs (which was closed from
downstairs). Of course, it was 72 in the main. Which... was nice
for a good bit of time. I turned the furnace on around five or six, when
it was 40~41 outside? Crazy, right?
I woke at around 17:30. Betwen then and 18:00, I checked outside.
It was 58. But, clear, finally, and dry. It has been raining for
the last day and an half? Or so. Cloudy, raining, and cold as
could be. It looks like the mountains got even more snow.
Beautiful. Terrible. Unnatural. But... this, too, I
understand.
Dreams. Women, times, places. Things which haunt, and frigthen,
even me. It is... not hell which frightens me... but heaven. Not
for... bad reasons, for good. Have you ever received a dear gift you
truly do not deserve? And known it. And, protested, to a
degree? But accepted it, graciously? Then... you have the smallest
inkling of my fear.
Well, and those who are there. I... know at least one. Though I
suspect I will remember... others. I hope for more, but one may never
know. Know why, or why not, beyond that.
As much as I love her, my saint of the yellow rose? I fear her. I... made mistakes with her... in the right, and wrong, ways. Yet, she seems to love me anyway.
As well... the memory of one whom I adore. Time will not change that.
The pain of love... is worth the risk, even so. Keep... what you kill.
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