A rather cooler morning.

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I wasn't sure if the storm, and cool, would blow through, melt away.  I firmly expected it to no more than stay the same.  But, at 46 this morning, I would say it definitely dropped a decade of degrees or so.  And, I'm not certain that is as cool as it will get this morning.

It's about 5:30 as I get to this.  Woke a quarter after or so.  A few minor tasks first thing.  Sassy, food and then litter.  Dirty clothes collected from upstairs and the bathroom, taken to the wash room.  Coffee water set to heat, then made.  The beginnings of a better day.  To be around a quarter after twenty hundred?  Give or take, so nine hours down.

As exhausted as I was, after pushing and pulling to get out, and really trying to get to the store since... Friday or Saturday at the latest as well, I was completely washed up.  I woke, yesterday, at two, or three, I believe.  Didn't get down until that late, for pushing to get out, then having to back off the pushing... which takes a while.

Wearing compression socks again.  Brutal as that is.  But, it is doing it's job.  Getting water out of the lower body.  From losing weight, my right leg, sometimes both, "fall asleep".  No padding?  Well, and getting the water out.  My body will adjust, soon, I hope.  It's weird having (mostly just the skin, outer layers of meat maybe) be numb.  I may try sitting differently.  Already using padding, so not sure I can add to that part.  Strange, this life we are given, lead.  No use complaining, best to get to treating things... at least when able.

I have to be able to think.  Then, when I can think more broadly, consider.  What could be causing this.  As mentioned, I think it is weight loss.  Or more, how that impacts my body when I sit and sleep.  It isn't just from sitting, it happens at night too.  Not all the time, just most of it.

I even have two different types of chairs.  One is an office type, "comfortable" chair.  With plenty of padding on it's own, but also with a blanket on it, and two seat cushions.  The other chair is a rigid oak kitchen chair, with an official chair pillow, as well as a chair cushion.  As for my bedding, I am using a double mattress, folded, and a single mattress extra.  Each is suggested to be 2 1/2" to 3", per side used.  So, technically, I have 7 1/2" to 9" of padding.  But, at even 250 now, that's... pushing things.  At 280, though, it should have been worse?  Odd.

All I know is, it's an odd new thing.  Not from a stroke, no other symptoms.  And it's the bottom, not left or right, of my body that is being odd.  Hmm... I may take the padding off the office chair.  Add a donut I bought for a particular issue in times past.  Too much cheese can... cause issues.  Strange that it didn't do it these two last stretches?  No, I think, at one time, I was eating cheese and salami almost exclusively... for a goodly while.  Yea.

Upstairs and down... upstairs, 68/69 cooler near me for an odd change, downstairs 69/69, and as mentioned outside is 46.  I left both open through the night, never turned the ac on as the warmest it got here, yesterday, that I read, was 66.  Leaving it open through the morning.  I usually close up when it hits the 70s, low to mid.  Unless I think that is as warm as it will get.  But I have to be pretty danged sure.

Dreams, of women.  From when... we thought we could be friends.  And were, for a bit.  I want to like women.  I think they want to like men.  But that just... never works out.  Eventually, tooth and nail, fang and dreadful delights.  And either both parties run away, run away fast.  Or someone gets pregnant.  Or... both.  That's the natural instinct, or mine.  Shouldn't have been raised by a woman.  They know it's a trap, it's just... when married, they know that the trap is... the right thing.  The whole thing is a rigged trap to saddle men with women, and women with children, and thank God for it.  But single women don't... work that way.

Initially taught how to wiggle, but not why.  When I realized why, I ran the faster.  It... didn't stop nature from taking it's course.  But it did... let me off a lot of hooks.  Hooks... I... should have embraced.

Here, now.  There are... pleasantries, about being free.  And frightful costs and duties.  Being alone in this world is being a target.  Two helps, nominally.  A family helps more.  But, even then, a soft target to one's own family, give and take.  But... that is family.

On to waking.  If you have family, hold them.  Even when you can't stand them.  Understand, you are the problem.  Especially if you can't stand any of your family.  Amen.