Almost bedtime.

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A pleasant day, truly.  Couldn't get to work, but it was on my mind.  Did do a few little things.  Something is something, after all.

It is down to 79 outside.  Staying at 74/78 in the back of the house and hotter in this front room.  Upstairs, all closed up, with just a fan going, was 73/75, hotter near my bed.  But that's the side the sun comes up on, and it is right above the computer and gaming console.  So... yeah.  not sure which it is, but I think it's mostly just the sun.  The west side of my house has tree shading it, so... yeah.

Daydreaming, often.  Conversations with women.  Not just the romantic involvements.  Mothers, sisters, cousins, though some former lovers and women I... wanted to become lovers.  Women just... aren't men.  There is no equal, there is no friendships.  The closest one can get is kinship, and even that is pushing things.  Women are... plainly... mechanically, physically, spiritually, worldly based.

Go to church?  Sure.  Believe in Christ.  Yes.  Swear to serve, put God first, or Academia, or whatever it is they say they attest.  But, when it comes right down to it, they... won't sacrifice.  What is their is theirs, what is yours is theirs, what they can get is theirs... right or wrong.

As for honor?  It... goes back to the above.  Same with all virtues.  If she is taken care of, to within her wants, needs, and such?  Then those she claims are tended?  Then, maybe, she'll... think about being generous.  And, she doesn't love.  Not like men love.  Mechanical.  Though, sometimes, even if she isn't getting, she can perceive a day when she will get what she wants.  Lie to her, that... will often do.

But her whole idea of love is nearly quid pro quo.  Though, being neurotic or worse, as a general rule, that... doesn't always work.  Well, and being on the pill changes things really seriously.  Clouding a woman's, as is, questionable judgement.  Throw in drugs and/or drinking and... you get what we have today.

I even remember a 30 something, overweight, bawdy broad trying to flirt with me.  Tats and piercings, strange colored hair, overweight in all the wrong ways, if more modestly comparatively.  I didn't even give her more than a sideways glance, then just plain turned my back to her.  Red hot, she got.  Give a shit, I did not.  I was unhappy that she even spoke to me.  I'm guessing drugs and alcohol, possibly prostitution... when she can get a client.  I'm older, not desperate.

Hell, I don't even have a tat.  Wanted some, earned some, had a lot of pressure from my people to get some.  Even drunk as a skunk, I held my own.  In order to become an officer.  Back then, no tats.  Absolutely none.  I... didn't even become an officer.  I guess, once broken of the want, it just never came back.

Ac is on upstairs.  Just giving it some time.  Thirsty.  I'll check to see if I have water in the fridge.  If not, I'll just have a room temp one, and put more in.  Could put one in the freezer for a bit.  Cold would be nice.

I'm... looking over a vid that... seems familiar.  Hmm...  Yea.

Oh, to you who... may be reading?  And have a very long memory?  Not... that Rachel.  Just... no.  She was never going to work.  Fine woman, for someone.  Not... someone on my list.  I had become so obese I couldn't find the women I was... comfortable with, by that time.  She... wasn't ever even a thought.  I hope she is well, married, with a few little ones.  But... she wasn't on my list.