Awake a bit before two.

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A few hours have gone by.  Someone was looking at some interesting, to me, musical posts.  A handful of them.  I wonder if that is why the skinwalker video popped, out of the blue?  Oh, I think I was born with that, or something like it, in mind.  But no telling about tastes?  I... decided, strangely, that I... prefer the divine.  The true, the good (real good, not our claims of or to it), the beautiful (not just in a fleshly way, but there are... sometimes... corollaries), and other such.

I went seeking that.  And, God forbid?  I found it.  But... He didn't forbid.  I was caught attempting to steal food off His table.  But, that... is precisely all He asked of us, that we consume Him.  Being caught, doing His will, was... not a problem.  Though, there... is a better way.  And, He wrestled me to it.  He is rather... strong.  If you want Him in your life, in you, there... is a price.  Just your life.  But, that was something I had been trying to throw away, by that time, longer than some college kids had been alive.  So...

Still, that's... a high price.  Because it isn't insta-kill.  It's... a slow death, in service.  More to others, than to Him, mind you.  Or... to Him through them, and the reverse.  Obverse?  Something in there.  I can't serve, much.  But I can pray.  And I can serve the dead, in purgatory.

A skinwalker?  I think there are things there.  But one which turned from it's born nature, found the divine, and died to himself.  Yes.  I think so.  Hated, for being what I was, and more so for what I have become, oddly.  Hated by both sides.  Now I understand the Christ more than most can.  And, I am grateful for the hatred, if I won't abide it.  Hmm, maybe I'll end up on a cross.  Even with a bad heart, I just have sense that, if so, it will take a very long time to die.  Might have to break my legs to cause me to bleed out, as they sometimes did.  If... I'm... pretty sure, that won't make the death any quicker.  God... would allow my long death to be a witness to His glory.  *grins*  Not gallows humor, just... nice to be so well thought of by such a Being.  And I don't mean that harshly.  If, it's just in my mind, at the moment.  I have no proof, just a sense.  Either way, I am comfortable with that.  Which is why I still live, to this day if it is true.  Amen.