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Added fuel. Was pretty low. Grabbed a few burger. Enjoyed with water. Got to the post office. Good thing, it was rather full.
I couldn't go shopping. In part because I am bit too tired. The last few days, weeks, months really, have been... difficult. All good. I'll make it. But, for now, I'm a bit shot. As well, the crowds! I looked at several stores. Absolutely cram packed with folk. At least around here, for the most part, people are... more civil. Some of that is slipping, but not all of it.
Something I don't discuss, is... whether for reals or not, I can see sin. Or... what passes for it in folk. Seeing a woman regretting smacking her cat, or kid, especially when she realizes she smacked the wrong one, or wrongly totally. Or a man who saw money somewhere, and took it. I don't mind those. If there is regret, and a wish to improve, make amends if possible.
But seeing those who sinned, and relished in it. And still do. They think no one knows, and... I suppose No One does know? I don't want to see these things. I don't see them in everyone, or always. If true, I don't see intentions, desires, thoughts. Only... actions taken.
I feel for priests. Though... many sins are rather mundane. Some are serious. Worse, some are enjoyed. I am sure it takes a confessor time to get his feet. To perhaps even knowing when they should... insist on more, from the sinner. Don't bring me the same serious sin, week after week. If you are that flawed, you need to find strength, resist.
I am no confessor. I just want nothing to do with some of the things I see... or seem to see. And, in a crowded space? I just won't generally go there. Don't worry, my chances of seeing your sin, without you obsessing about it, or directing it my way consciously, are slim. Keep your mind on business, family, the good things. I'll never know.
And, even if I see, I have to act as if I don't see, know. Not... admissible in a court of law, ring a bell? But that doesn't mean I ignore completely. I just can't be a judge, or jury, or even an executioner. Save should I actually catch someone in a despicable, illegal, act.
To be honest, the prideful sinners are the worst. Next are those who struggle so with guilt. There is a way to alleviate that. But I can't tell them. Scrolling through someone's phone, or computer, could get you in serious outs. Scrolling through their mind? If they knew, they'd very possibly murder you. And... maybe rightly.
I wouldn't call it a gift. If I were a proper priest, and helpful to my flock, perhaps. But... as a laymen, and a dark one at that? Hmm. I did ask God to take the stigmata away. And... after a few years, mostly, He did. I may ask about this too? This one is more painful than that one. And seems even more useless, and lost on me.
Is it my nature, or... something else? Anyway. I wasn't ready to see that much sin. What is it about holy holidays that brings this out? Being around more people, of a sudden? The stress of the change, of seeing old friends, loves, family? Worry about gifts, and food, and all else? I... will add priests, for this particular vocational aspect, to my prayer routine through the end of the year.
We do this to ourselves, every holiday, reality never meets expectations. Then as flawed humans, we beat ourselves up over something we can't control.
ReplyDeleteSinners, sometimes you want to take an Axe to them, other times give them a 20$ and offer a "nice day". Other times you just look in the mirror, and say why me?
Recent post I mentioned feeling "well", had a slight sore throat, thought "just slept wrong and snored myself a sore throat"... Nope, one of the kids brought back "something" from whence they came. Full blown needles in the throat territory, took 2 of every vitamin in the cabinet, too late. Could use some Blackberry Brandy. (If only)
Woke after 5hrs, got up to see whatssup, petted Sasha (she was "overwatch" on the stairway), decided to check in here while up. Throat isn't as bad now... maybe I WAS snoring around? my c-pap?
Yesterday said "Merry Christmas" to the Indo/Pakki in the "Stop& rob"... Neither of us burst into flames... He smiled, nodded his head and said "Merry Christmas to you too".
Seasons Greetings indeed.
Don't know if I'll stay up or back to bed, tough decisions.
May peace be upon you.
Sore throat here, too, recently. Pretty sure, at this point, it is just a dry air thing. But, for a while, wondered if it wasn't something of the seasonal sickness variety too. Never can be absolutely sure. The flu can stick around like in-laws, of the worst kind. :p Even when gone, they can call?
ReplyDeleteYes. Just relax around Christmas. Have you ever seen the old movies, when father really did know best? Much of the time he just smiled, shook his head, and... went about his way.
Men are the breadwinners, and enforcers. We aren't there for feminine traits. Even if women aren't half as good at that as they think. They just don't have the physical capacity to brutality (generally). They push that on us. Their malformed sense of justice (in both directions) and incoherent followthrough just makes them seem "nicer". If you follow the etymology of the term, "nice", I would concur. :)
Your sons may some day sort it out, when they have a brood. Your daughter never will. She probably can't. And, even if she can, the chance she would ever be sorry is... well... like cats. Never, ever, sorry. Not really. Even if they say it, it's only saying what they think someone wants to hear in order to move on.
We have our problems, only democrat type men are like that. There would be a lot fewer of those, too, if women weren't allowed to vote. Voting isn't a right, by the way. But... not the point.
Anywhile... Just woke up in a roar? Dreamed... dealing with women all night, in several ways. Daydreams yesterday. Might write about those, if I can remember some of them. *grins*
I don't hate women, I'm just not going to lie to cover for their naked problems... if... being naked isn't one of them, until it is. :p