On to supper.

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I... left my suv running, in the driveway.  What... two, three, hours?  When I realized, I got out, put her up, then shut her down.  Always surprised how little gas was used.  At first, I was thinking that was right from picking up gas, and back.  Which even then wouldn't have been much gas used (in travel, and in idling).  Then I realized, I've been to town twice.  So... it's like idling for that long used... pretty much... no gas?  Yes.  Still, it worries me to have it idle for that long.

I then was looking at my phone, saw that I had messages.  I've been in pretty bad shape, so just didn't notice.  A few from my mom.  Okay.  One of them has her new number.  Apparently, it was decided that she wouldn't use her old number.  Okay.  But, in trying to reset that message, to listen to it again, I hit the erase button.  It's just one up, and I'm not in great shape even today.  So... I got six of the ten numbers.

I texted my brother a few hours ago.  It looks like he is ignoring me.  Okay.  Not much I can do.  Was going to try to call tonight.  I am more sure she wouldn't be doing anything tonight.  Perhaps over to her friend's home?  Or not.  He does what he can, but he is up there too.  Sometimes I think mother forgets that the whole lot of people she knows is... about at our ends.  I won't tell her though, someone has to have hope.  :)

Hopefully she will call me again, leave her number.  I wanted to call when she was less likely to be busy.  Or worn out.  If going shopping crushes me, I am sure just being with a room full of people, even her beloved, absolutely wipes her.  I... try to do things for her favor, when I can see ahead to it.  Not... a good son.  As good of one as I may be.

Brother?  May be holding a grudge, or dying himself.  None of us are in great shape.  Holding on by shoestrings, though thinking everyone else is better, or fine, and just assuming I am being a jerk... just because I can't keep up on things, and run things like a champ.  I don't mind.  I've sinned as such before.

Meh... do what you can.  Know you were honest in your efforts.  And let it be.  God knows, and I don't try to prove my way, or argue my way, to being right... even if I were right.  Which... I don't even assume anymore.  Besides, it isn't about a minute ago, it's about the next minutes.  I can't change the past, I can only attempt to be rightly present now and as I go on.  Some memory, some forethought, presence in the now when possible, patients with others and self, and a smile.  So it goes, as I may.

Oysters.  Yes.  That sounds so good.  Later.  Or good night.