Corned beef and cabbage?

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It sounds like a nightmare from my youth! I truly hated cabbage. Oh, I suppose I liked it as a slaw, but cooked? *blehk* And most of the corned beef I have eaten in my life was pretty bad too. But, just out of curiosity I made it. I saw it at the store, and... just bought it. I added carrots and potatoes, as I suggested. You know what though? Not bad. Not only not bad, I have to say it was excellent. Now it is not something I would eat over and over, like say chili. But I will enjoy a meal or two of it. I called the neighbors and let them know, if they want it, they have supper. I heard the chili was good, or good enough. It did start getting a little flat toward the end, with only a mild back-of-the-throat twitch. But it was still filling.

Now to stay up until 13:00 with enough juice to help out with the mowing. That'll be a trick on it's own. Still, that is the goal.

I already finished Killzone 3! What? Heavy Rain in one night, Killzone 3 the next? What duds. I might have to try Final Fantasy XIII-2. Trust me, I'm not that good of a gamer. Oh, I can trickle something. I can figure things out. But no more than anyone else with the time. I don't like games that create problems just to be difficult, like artificially making aiming difficult by jiggling the screen. If something explodes close enough that the ground is shaking so that you can't aim? You are dead. So, don't pretend realism while clearly being well outside of it. Just make the adventure long enough that it can be enjoyed.

Update:

I lost track when writing the above. Never posted it, at 6:00 or 8:00 or so. It just got left on the machine.

I did stay awake, and my young jedi mower arrived early. I discussed finances with him. Yes, he is getting low pay. I asked a few questions and made a deal I think he likes, though I will alter it (in his favor) after a bit of thinking. He wanted to money to buy a Sony DS. I suggested I would offer him a bit of wages, but that so long as he tithes and saves from it, I will just buy him the game system at the end of the summer. I suggested buying it in October or September, but I think the end of August would be best (for back to school bragging rights!). He wants a DS, but I think only the DSi and DS 3D are available anymore. I will have to see which he wants, the 3D (with some limits on compatibility) or the DSi with a larger screen and complete (so they say) backward compatibility. Oh, and I will buy one game of his choice, new or old. It is well worth having the yard help, especially at his agreed upon wages. I feel much better about a fair deal, that doesn't give him too much up-front money but also doesn't force him to scrimp either. Should be a good deal.

He did mow the and weedwhip for a bit. I will, at his request, pay him at the end of the month. I still have my part to do, but... I'll get... right on that. No, really. I will. Anyway, that is done. I sent the corned beef with the Mr. when he showed up. I'm curious how that went. I also got dinner. That soup I had raved about. Just as good, maybe even better, this time. That is some seriously good soup! I'd share it but it's gone. It might be a while before I get it together to cook rightly again, but I have sure enjoyed putting these meals together, and eating well. Doing it almost made me feel human.

I am pushing to sleep longer, and stay up longer, to rearrange my days and nights. It's weird, icky really, walking through the shadows of exhaustion and too much sleep, all in the pace of a day. But it is worth it, when it works. When it doesn't, at least my fevered and sometimes harsh dreams and reality begin to fit more closely. *grins* It's about time for another nap. Just long enough to see me up at 8:00 to 10:00 maybe. I probably won't be able to sleep long, if I can sleep, so it might work... if I can sleep.

Later.

Out I went.

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I did go, shortly after that post. I called my friend and he wanted to go along. Nothing big. We did a bit of shopping. I finally got that drink mix in the flavor I wanted, two of them actually. I'm not drinking much of that yet, but with the weather set to possibly hit 100 in the next week... Yeah. I'm not ready for 100 F, but here it comes. It might get me going again though. I also bought a higher B complex mix. Which reminds me, I need to reset my medicine set.

I am hoping to get out shooting this week. I told my friend that if the day looks good, get on the horn and keep on it. Start at 10:00 or 11:00 and keep calling. Eventually I'll hear and answer. Probably. Still, I know he wants to test his new gun and the new barrel on one of his favorites. I definitely want to shoot a bit. Just enough to remember what a gun, a real one, feels like in the hand.

Okay, I couldn't quite quit gaming. I went through Heavy Rain pretty quickly. The only thing that slowed me up on that was the odd PS3 move configuration. Well, that and never quite knowing when the cut-scene ended. In time sensitive events, it can be quite annoying. I don't think I'll even set up my PS3 move system, nor buy games for it. I just don't like it. Now I am into Killzone 3. While it is first person, it isn't exactly solo. You work with others. I don't really care for that. Can't they make a simple 1st person shooter anymore? Yeah, there was Deus Ex, but that is a 1st person non-shooter, if you play it the way the pansy French set it up. Bring back Doom or Duke Nukem, minus the minorities and other political crap. Is that too hard? Actually, it might be illegal to even make these days.

Killzone 3 is a pretty shallow game, so far. I'm not exactly sure how far I am into it but the story is pretty so-so. The action is okay, but I hate having others depend on me, even computer operated allies. I simply don't like baggage, of any kind. I hear it's a great multi-player game, but while I dislike computer allies I absolutely despise 'real human' allies. Most people, to put it bluntly, couldn't play a war game, or fight in any way, to save their lives. They run around and get shot up because there are no consequences. And, often, the battlefields are set up that way. Low, long, slow, and careful is how I like to and do such things. If I'm coming for you, and you know it? You won't have to worry because when I take you you won't have a clue, nor will anyone else. Yeah, it means I could be a serial killer. I'm just not. I love Cheerios. :p 'Sides, as I have said, if I went that way, the people I would kill wouldn't have tears shed for them. The street cops would... be on my side, even if they did try to find me... If I got sloppy enough to leave evidence that something untoward had happened, that is. It happens, I'm sure.

I need to get to sleep a bit earlier, but I don't think I can. I may have to simply try to stay up and make it through that way. That is a messy way of doing things, but... it works from time to time. I'm not sure I'm up to it, but then, even when successful at it, I wasn't really up to it.

I am cooking the corned beef as I write. It takes about 3 hours to cook this meat the recommended way. In an hour and a half the potatoes, which I will quarter, and carrots will go in. Then, a half hour after that, the cabbage will go in. It's been a long time since I ate true corned beef, and it isn't my favorite. It is different though. If it is any good at all I'll share it out with the neighbors. Or just let them decide if they wish to have some of it. Payback is good. Who knows how long before I can cook again. This and the chili just... slipped through, to my great pleasure. I love to cook, you know.

I did a bit of looking at tires. I can't seem to find a definitive six or more ply tire. I see bits about this tire, or that. I have seen three ply tires. All of them run, for off-road all-terrain plus weather, from $150-$205 per tire, so far. Maybe the rims where what were so expensive. On the Camaro especially. They were aluminum. Not sure, but I think they are steel on the Xterra. Still, that may have been what was so pricey? Dunno. But with the price reduced from ~$450 per to no more than ~$600 for the set... plus at least 3k (to possibly 20k more) miles the chainsaw is a definite buy this month. BF Goodrich AT KO's and Goodyear Wrangler SA keep popping up as the tires to beat. Yet I keep looking... never trust! They have to be anytime off-road coupled with the best snow/rain tires I can get. When I go I don't always consider the weather or road.

Later, or good night.

Chili on the way.

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The neighbors had not returned. It seems another group of elves came by and worked on the wood pile out back. All good. On their way home they called to see if I still had chili, which I did. I tossed in a bag of shredded cheese, but no crackers as I was pretty much out. I just hope they enjoy it. I told them that I might be making a batch of corned beef, with potatoes and cabbage soon, too. I simply can't eat that much food. I'm not sure it's his favorite, but... It can actually make decent sandwich meat. And it is something different, in any case. It is way to much for me to eat, and I'm not set up to freeze batches. I suppose I have the gear for it now, just not the mental... something. Plus, once you freeze it you have to remember it is there.

It looks like his son will be coming over to mow tomorrow, around 13:00. I need to figure out how to be awake by then. I've been sleeping until about 16:00 lately. When I try to get up early, it's a bit rough. Still, I want to be around when he is mowing, and to take turns at it. Even if I can't do all that much, if I hope to do half, just getting out and helping would... ease my ego, be good for the body, and might make life a bit easier for him too. Yeah, I know kids have lots of pep. But I like to think they get to use some of that just being a kid, too. Not that he doesn't, just... for my part, you know.

While I enjoyed the chili, ate a ton of it actually, it was good to see it go. I ate probably two thirds of the pot. I started with a half to a full gallon of water (bean gravy, really, from cooking the beans), three (dry) pounds of beans, two to three pounds of hamburger, three pounds of tomatoes, and added a quarter to a half cup of cheese per every other bowl, and sour cream to every third or fourth bowl. Yeah, I ate good. Too good. The good thing is my bowels are in high gear and working like clockwork. Talk about cleaning house! Thankfully the cats don't mind flatulence at all. Beans don't make me pass gas like some people, just more than my almost nil usual. So my 'air flavorings' are somewhat different for my cats.

When I received the call, with an hour notice, I decided to try and get my butt going. It took a good half hour to climb out of bed, then I got a shower and actually dressed in clothes instead of pajamas. Which means I may head to town tonight. And, being early enough, mostly, I may call my friend and see if he wants to go out too. While I am still struggling, and can't really plan to be out, I can take the opportunity when it arrives. No promises though. While I did get up, showered, and dressed, I am still not quite awake or aware.

Later.

Wayback Machine

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If it is a disease, I think I like it.

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Women on the brain, that is.

I suppose spring has put a skip in my jump. And, when that happens, women come to mind posthaste. In my dreams and waking thoughts I have been remembering women past and thinking of the possibility of women in the future. Chances are slim but I'm not dead yet. The practicalities of gaining and keeping a woman, wife, are set aside mostly, but not completely ignored. Women truly are a gift from God. But anything God gives is rather potent, too.

While I may never be able to be the rugged outdoorsman, the extreme or even solid athlete, or even a solid home handy man, I would at least be a potent lover and I would be available for talking, minor activities (even things like hiking if she would be patient or at least keep such plans active and take care of all but the driving and my walking). A decent provider, within reason. A good father, I would be involved with my children. I would be home to help with small things too. So, while not the ideal for some women, I think I would be perfect for some women. Or more, I wouldn't be my ideal of what a husband is but it might work for many women.

In these times, I think back to some of my original thoughts on women. My first love, as I have said, was Marilyn Monroe. This was before anything icky in my life occurred, and yet I was only three or so. I was sure I was going to marry her. And had she lived long enough, I just might have. Ewww! Still, a plan is a plan, but she was already dead. After a few more starlets, I actually moved on to the girl-next-door types. And, that is where I stayed, thus where I am. Why? They are real, unpretentious, and actually available. They don't spend (give or take) inordinate amounts of time trying to be something fictional. And they are hot, given the right incentives, a bit of cash and direction, and a little time to figure out that role. Even a plain woman beats out a starlet, more so if she wishes to be a wife and mother. There is something dead about women who look fantastic and yet never produce. A false promise? An affront to God's first unofficial commandment? Barren.

Oh, I still have my pinups. A Betty Page and Cheesecake calendar support my fantasy this year, a dark themed fantasy-sci-fi women calendar last year. And I can't say I haven't enjoyed the thoughts concerning certain "women" in some of my games. But it isn't the same. I still remember the first women I was 'involved with'. Not many men take their first lover before they turn six. Not always, but tonight the names are rolling through my memory. At least some of the early ones. Through, say, high school. I lose track in the Navy and until I was about 35, remembering mostly the incidents, minus names and other incriminating evidence. I sure knew how to wiggle, but as one of my haunting songs suggest, I had no idea why. At least I have learned that, to the point that not being given a chance to have children makes the sex seem rather uninteresting. If I can't quite say it would lack all appeal.

Hmm, on to a few other things. I am hoping to get to sleep tonight, early. I am going to make a run at being up and ready for Mass tomorrow, and perhaps swimming. I don't even know if I can do both. But if I can, I may even push to get over and see my friend. Napping, sleeping, waking, headaches, and lots of things are all getting swirled into an odd little life. Just maybe I can pull something out of it. One step at a time, two or three when I can, and so on.

Oh, I think I have definitively decided to get a chainsaw. I probably have six months to a year before the tires are needed. And in all other ways I have cut down on expenditures. I am in the black, and a bit more than I thought I would be, if I still have to check everything to make sure nothing is being unattended. Grhrhrhrhahaha. Nothing like being half out of it three quarters of the time to make life much more interesting! :)

Oh! Ouch!

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Don't know what ran over me. I wasn't out bullocks testing brahma bulls with my boots, either. Right now I just feel like I was run over. Earlier today I heard someone(s) out working on the wood. When I first heard it, and woke, I went to jump out of bed. That went over like a lead zeppelin. As soon as my head left the pillow, someone smashed a railroad spike through the middle of the back of my head. I went from shock to nausea so fast I couldn't yelp. The world began spinning, so I went back into unconsciousness as fast as I could. I don't know how long I slept today, though it was long. The odd thing is, as I am waking now, other than the body feeling beaten up, the headache is gone, as is the nausea. That was, at least, a rather unusual occurrence.

Yeah, it's Monday. Yes, I was going to be swimming today. No, it didn't happen, nor Mass, nor have I visited my friend. Yes, they are still... being scheduled. Hush, mother.

It looks like they stacked the logs neatly out back and raked. Damn nice of them. I just wish I had been able to pop up and go out. I'm working on it. I guess, often, I think I am doing better than I am, merely because I think I am. I don't have anything objective by which to judge, living in my thoughts more than flesh as I do. Darth Vader after the loss of his fuse box, or after he turned to the light? If I still insist I am on the side of light? Yeah, something like that. I remember vividly what I have and can do, but with some parts shut down and those parts variable, I never quite have a clean path to function. I, put bluntly, don't know what will work or how to get what will work to work without experimenting, by which time things may have changed. What works today may not, probably won't, work tomorrow. Still, rather than being an engineer in the world I am an engineer within my own flesh. Like most, I work with old, half-broken, systemically barely viable, systems. Well, it's the positive way of looking at things. At least my libido works as if I were a 20-something. Even when I don't want it to. Bah!

Later.

Life isn't all bad, you know.

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Nothing in particular going forward. Cooking the chili has been about it for doing. My neighbor actually called me, to check in. He asked if I had noticed that branches had been cleared, which I had. He wondered if I had heard him and his boys taking out the litter stuff. Nope, I suggested honestly. When I sleep, and that has been very erratic lately, I sleep hard. If I had heard them I would have gone out and joined in. They are going to be gone for a few days. Still, I offered chili for when they get back. It's in the fridge, and should last easily. The thing with meat, or anything you cook, is that when you spice it and chill it you are not just flavoring it (cooking technique can change the taste you know) you are preserving it.

The chili has been doing a fine job at what rumor has it to do, for me. And I am enjoying the food. The next meal I hope to make is corned beef. I'll wait until the neighbors are back for that for sure. I even have the potatoes and cabbage ready for that. It's a weird food, not my favorite, but fun to do once in a great while anyway.

Other than shopping late at night, escaping the dungeon has not occurred as often or well as hoped. I am still pushing for it, it's still a hot button item for me. I want/need a haircut. Oh, and I was fearing I was late for another level of the KoC. I am not. I may have botched some things but I am not late for that. I need to contact some people there, and try and work somethings out. Damn but it's rude being a cripple. Especially with seven good months that ended up being mostly just a tease. Still, I'll keep trying.

Hmm, another bowl of chili? Excuse me! Why, sure! :)

Oh, the wayback process started me thinking of some other songs from various eras. I'll put a post together about those later. Youtube is amazing. Later.

Snow!

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While I slept we got a complete white-out. If what I am hearing is correct, we received a foot, and might end up with a foot and a half of snow. My sleep turned into more of an extended nap, going to bed at 00:30 and waking at 3:30 or so, my naps are usually two hours or less. How did we get that much snow that fast? Ah, it was probably snowing when I thought it was just blowing. I ought to look out my windows more often, that would have been neat to see. My guess is that it will all be gone in a very short time, save for whatever the mountains got.

When I woke, just for "fun", I got on the scale. I am down to 238! That is twenty six pounds off in three or four months. Odd, but extra meals seem to be helping me lose weight. I should get back in to the doctor's office though, just to have them check that. And, that is with cutting the water pill. We'll see but I doubt anything (more) is wrong.

The chili was good but... just good. I didn't bat this one out of the park. It's got just that touch of back-of-the-throat burn that I like, plus a touch of up-front heat. Still, it might be too much for virgin-to-heat mouths. I would love to share some of this out. Of course, a family of eight, living in tight quarters (how else can a family of eight or more live)... this might lead to... contentions. Still, a well filled belly makes up for much. Another bowl? Why, excuse me, sure! :)

Oh, by the way, you do realize the day? The first two paragraphs are on me. The chili scenario may be too, but that is only a possibility at this point. *triple grins* Happy April 1st!

For D.C., for the 1st next year. Yeah, I could see you doing the printer thing on your "cell mates". Oh yes I could. Just speak to the printer. Reminds me of an old trucker-hitch hiker joke, but... enough has been said already. For my part, the motorized toilet paper roller is more my style. I love making my women scream, stew, and fuss, only to then turn on the charm (or proper sad puppy look). Plus, it might be a real little project for the next time my mother and lady friend visit. If you can't trick the one you are with, wait! Catch them on the flip-side. *beep-beep'm beep beep yeah* Sorry, the Beatles just rolled through my wayback machine recovery process. Never mind.

Chili was served.

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I ended up not taking a nap. Which is good, I might get to sleep a bit earlier. Instead I got on that chili. I was being careful while spicing. And, for my part, hit the target. It is what I would label as mild. Now, if hot peppers are totally foreign to your diet you might well choke on it. The way I do it, the heat doesn't hit you until it's way too late. Still, perhaps the neighbors would like a half gallon of it, or a little more.

It's just past midnight. If I can catch the dreamcaster's boat before long perhaps I can be up and at it early tomorrow. It's always a bit rocky when changing sleep times. The weather might help. I need to get in and take my friend out. Then again, I am not sure what this wind might bring with it. It almost sounds and feels as if snow or rain could be coming in on this.

Okies, good night. That chili is putting me down as good as a wrestler using a sleeper hold.

Not to be.

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The beans took longer to cook than what I had planned. They always do. Or, more, I don't count how long I know it will take into my planning. Still, they are done. I just need to fry up the hamburger, mix the tomatoes in, add some of the bean gravy back, spice it, and then let it marry. But first, a nap. Yeah, I don't get that. I suppose I woke up earlier than usual, by a lot, and am paying a small price.

I finished Deus Ex: Human Revolution (or evolution). And I have enjoyed some of these last games I have played, if I am not going for all of the trophies. A trophy, in game, is a little event(s) where you get... a trophy... for doing something sometimes normal or sometimes rather difficult. I have tried two of the games to see if I would like them. Killzone 3 was not really what I wanted to play, if I haven't given it much of a chance. Too military, with probably the poor notion game writers have of the military. And Heavy Rain is being installed, though it looks to be another buggy game, like Mass Effect. When there are too many possibilities in game, and too many possible endings, programmers can't seem to make the game track right. Toward the end such games just turn to mush. But more, I am tired of gaming. It has helped, in these last months, keep me afloat a bit. But they really aren't fun for extended periods of time. Maybe now I can get on to real things.

The wind is really gusting out there. Sassy is all freaked, but it's cute. What is not cute is that she has started to vomit too. I figured it would eventually happen. The first time I found one of her "gifts", I thought it was poo. Nope, I saw her give her last 'gift'. It even has yellow liquid come out with it, just like pee. Argh! I did find some pumpkin in a can. I have heard feeding them that, if they will eat it, mixed in with their other food, will take the hairballs right on out the correct end. I dunno. But if I don't do something I am going to go crazy. And why do they like doing it on carpets and rugs? At least it was the old carpet, this time.

Biking, swimming, and hiking are all become more possible as the weather improves. Swimming would be the best, with the unpredictability of spring weather. Yard work almost called me out today but I got busy with the beans. Yes, a one trick pony I am. One trick at a time anyway. I knew though, that if I got out in the yard, I might end up burning the beans. I can't hear the alarm outside.

Oh, no trip to town. That was the "Not to be" bit. And I need a nap too. I'll keep trying. Later, maybe even good night.

Up a bit earlier.

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The alarm didn't do it. I did set it and... I think I just turned it off. Not ready to wake, not able to wake, I went back to sleep. A call from my lady friend an hour later did the trick. I've called her twice. I knew why she hadn't answered. A task she has been avoiding. I'm not the only one who hides, for various reasons. She is doing well, and is planning to get to biking soon. Come to think of it, if I can, that would be good for me too. At least, for the most part, I know I can keep my balance. Gaining stamina on the dratted thing is a whole other issue. Biking would compliment my swimming and be something to do on days I can't otherwise get to town.

I just realized something. My tires are going to need to be replaced before too long. They are at least $400 per, and more like $500 or $550 anymore, and that is just for standard all weather. You can shoot the moon on some of the, I dunno-seven belt tires, or mud slingers. I stick with normal tires, though I would love to get a few more ply in there if the opportunity arises. I best start saving or that will eat two thirds of my nestegg. Which... might mean no chainsaw. But how to deal with the chunks of tree out back otherwise? Ugh...

Life does seem to come at you pretty fast, doesn't it? Just when you have things squared, the world becomes globular. When you get that arranged, time is added to the equation, when you figure that, you are back to squaring things. You never get ahead, it is only a matter of how far behind you are. All good, mostly. It would definitely be boring without something to bother us to wakefulness.

The wind is blowing, gusting pretty good from time to time. But I can certainly feel spring, even summer a bit, on these winds and this day. With the wind comes a dust haze, so the mountains aren't quite as clear. That just adds to their mystique though. I really hope, this summer, to find myself treading up in those passes and paths. Like biking and swimming, I am going to have to start small and work my way to longer treks. I do have my rucksack ready. My boots are solidly broken in. I have the write socks, and other clothing, a couple of jackets, and even rain gear of various easily packed sorts. I would like to get a box or two of MRE's, so as to take a few with me, just in case. The goal is not to eat all that much but time and direction can escape a stranger in a strange land, and quickly. Four of those, and an emergency food bar, along with my water filter, could see me through a week without much distress. Some grumbling, of course, but nothing much worse. Out here, there are enough other outdoorsmen and people living here and there that being lost for a week in my chosen mountains would take some serious circle walking. :)

I ought to get a shower, and see if my friend wants to get out. Nothing fancy today, just taking him where he wants to go, then a meal somewhere. With the weather doing so well and me stirring from my winter slumbering, perhaps we could plan to go shooting soon. He has a brand new pistol and a new barrel on another pistol. He has be be chomping at the bit to walk them through their paces. I'm hoping the new barrel on his .45 will chamber and eject better. I think he may have sanded the receiver section the last barrel a bit much. But then, what do I really know. Reading gun mags does not a gunsmith make. I feel the need to fill my hand and speed some lead downrange myself.

Hmm, best cook the beans before I go. I can then let them cool while in town, brown the hamburger and mix the tomatoes and beans in when I get home, calling it good. Oh, I need fresh onions anyway. I have sour cream, shredded cheddar, and crackers should I want them. Usually my chili is more like a stew than a soup though, so crackers aren't exactly my thing. I love crackers for the soupy chili, and other runny soups, but not for stews of beef or bean type. Yeah, yeah, blathering. Let me get to it. I may, if it all works out, get to a bit of yard work tomorrow. Just raking a section, picking up some of the smaller limbs, and... being outside in fresh air.

Good day.

Starting to feel like a vampire.

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No, no hunger for blood. Not of the vampire sort anyway. A little combat would be nice, sort of. It is just that as the sun begins to lighten the air just a tadge I find myself ready for bed. I don't like sleeping during the day, either. Because of the higher temps and light I don't sleep as well so I end up sleeping longer or not as well.

I'm not sure how my plans for getting to swimming and Mass Monday will work out. The alarm clock hasn't been helping, nor have my other efforts. I'll get there, soon enough, if not Monday.

How good is your sense of smell? This evening I noticed something wafting in from... somewhere. Sweet, grainy, earthy... It turned out to be the beans I am soaking. They had been soaking, in cold water, for several hours. In a pot with a lid on it. Simply put, that doesn't make sense. I shouldn't have been able to smell that. I can even smell when meats, rapped in plastic, I have out are thawed. Is that... natural? Normal? Remember, I chew tobacco. I sort of thought that would throw off my sense of smell. It doesn't, not for me. All of my senses, when I am able to focus at a normal level, are rather acute. I even have outstanding night vision. Not bad for someone who has not eaten properly for most of my adult life. It's not due to carrots.

I would like to stay up and cook the beans but a rinse and back to soaking is as good as I can do. The hamburger should be thawed by the time I wake up to begin working on the meal, though. I had forgotten that little detail. Chili sure sounds good. While it is spring, it is still rather chill usually. I'll have to give the neighbors a call, see if chili sounds good for them tonight or tomorrow. Oh, I have been keeping up on the dishes too. It's odd with just one person. It isn't worth doing one or two plates or dishes, but it accumulates quickly. It's like cooking for one, a bit of a trick.

Good night-morning.

The great escape.

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I did, finally, get out last tonight. It was later than I had hoped and I couldn't sleep afterward. I purchased several new dishpans, a couple of smaller storage boxes for specific purposes, a smaller rug for near my computer (the old one is... ratty), and bagels and cream cheese. Nothing fancy. Though I needed most of those things, nothing was vital. Counting coup. The large storage box is actually going to be a bathtub based dishpan for my bigger pots, pans, and the roaster. Those things hang up my efforts to clean because they don't fit any of the sinks and I just have to talk myself into getting messy by cleaning those a corner at a time. I often end up soaked, too. Now I can cook to my heart's delight. To that end I have started soaking three pounds of beans for chili. I may offer my neighbors some, though it might be on the hotter side (even though I make it somewhat mild to my tastes). We will see.

I am also thawing that corned beef. I would like to make that. I couldn't eat all of that, either. But I know someone who might be interested. Pass a meal back once in a while, when I can. I love to cook, if I can't do it... on demand.

I may try to get out again tonight. I really need milk. As the seasons change, milk is coming back into fashion. In the winter I really don't drink, nor want to drink, as much. A gallon of whole milk a week at times, though often I can get two down. In the summer, three gallons is minimal. I don't feed the cats milk much anymore, since I learned it really isn't good for them. Sometimes only one or the other cat is interested anyway. Just a dab once in a while and they are happy. Sometimes I just share out of my cup.

While my days and nights seem to be getting confused, I am hoping to go ahead and get cracking on some of the heavier cleaning. Sweeping and mopping, picking up and vacuuming, and the bathrooms. I really need to figure my main bathroom out, it seems to be getting plugged far too often. I have a lousy plunger, but it does seem to do the trick, after great effort, for now. So I don't think it is roots. Still, a good 20' snake, or longer, might be needed. A professional plunger would be nice too. I've looked for the good plungers both locally and a bit in Ogden, to no good ends. For whatever reason I just can't seem to find one. I may have to order online.

I also need to get in for a haircut. I sort of like this, as I have said.

Of course, I didn't sleep early last night.

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No, whatever else, sleep was not in the cards until even later in the morning than usual. Not until after 8:00 did I finally slow down enough to try to sleep, after a call to my mother even then. And it was still a task getting to sleep. Title wave? I wish I could channel that source of power. I could probably electrify a small city with it. Getting to bed so late meant I slept long. Ah well, the goals are still set and the plans are intended and will be implemented soon or late. I have my mind and my eyes fixed on the goals.

I did look over chainsaw information. It seems the main danger is kickback, with other dangers including keeping your feet, paying attention to the physics of the cut, and standard gas engine and power tool considerations. I won't tell you why I fear chainsaws, only that I think with a little practice I can overcome it. They make wonderful tools, or weapons of terror. I knew someone one, back when I was a kid, who kept his chainsaw sharp and in good repair himself. I am not certain that is advisable for most. Much like most auto repair work. At this point it is beyond most people, especially with the added risk of destroying the warranty (if one exists).

I also dropped by the Apple store. It seems that I can add my own CDs to the playlist. That should help bunches. I have between three and four hundred CDs. Though it will be nice to get some songs in singles, from groups I generally have zero interest in otherwise. Of course, it will take a ton of time to upload three hundred fifty CDs, give or take. Ugh. A few a week, I suppose. That is, when the store will let me join. Last night they indicated there was some kind of problem. I hope it was just late night maintenance.

I may get into town tonight. Just... to get out. I am itching to get going with life again, but like usual, for health and other reasons, I am having to paw around the edges until I can get the whole thing working well and rightly. I need to find out if Walmart accepts coupons from all other stores. If so, I should have a much easier time keeping in caffeine. Soda is so expensive anymore, without a coupon.

I never know why.

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No, not tonight.

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I think I will just stay home tonight. I am even going to try and get to sleep at a more normal hour. For whatever reason I do believe sleep should be easy tonight. I'll set my alarm as well. A shower, hopefully first thing tomorrow, then maybe into town. A bit of shopping for a chainsaw, lots of questions about them, and some other shopping. Getting my friend out, if he doesn't have an appointment, is also on the list. Nothing fancy, but maybe gaining a bit of traction to begin attending Mass and beginning swimming. Having my clocks and watch set up correctly should help me do what I want greatly though too. No wonder my friend has seemed a bit grumpier than usual lately. I was always way later then even my usual tardiness.

I may do a few bits of investigation before I sleep though. Chainsaws aren't toys, mostly, so a bit of looking around online for general, and specific, safety and use videos (since I still can't quite focus enough to read well). Thank God for Youtube, currently. I can learn, I just can't get words to make all that much sense. Visual and oral communications, however, go straight through without issue, and are processed into understanding quickly and efficiently. I feel a bit like Charlie Brown, when he was listening to adults, only as pertaining to reading. *buzz* It's difficult to listen to women, vocally, though too. I don't understand it, though it does remind me of when I was about ten or eleven years old (and then on through... to my twenties?). Something. There was something else I was going to check out... but I've already forgotten. Bah!

Good night.

Oh, right. I mean to investigate getting my waterproof I-pod loaded. Just sniff around the perimeter of all that for now. I probably need to get a flash memory card, as I don't trust this computer. My smart phone might also work, and be better at sorting and transferring. I'll... begin sniffing around the topic tonight. To bed by 23:00 though, I hope. Yes, good night. Ser-us-ly.

It's still a bit rough.

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Doing what little I do is taking standing on the accelerator and grinding the gears. I guess I don't mind, if it feels like I am saddled riding a 40's era tractor in the Indy 500. So long as I don't compare, I suppose I am doing better than when simply strapped to the anchor of a carrier.

It has been cloudy and raining lately, so getting to yard work has not been the thing to do. And I seem to be waking much later than usual, my sleep patterns are shifting again. I am hoping to go to town tonight or tomorrow. Just to escape. I will call my friend if the time is reasonable. I did find the chainsaw shop I want to visit, and their hours. They are closed by now, so tomorrow might be the better time to go. I could try to set the alarm, to get me up by... 12:00, or even 14:00.

I've got to say, with the pounds coming off and with the muscle I do have under those pounds, I am starting to look... better. I'll never have a 31" waist, bench 550, or swim three miles in one session again. But I could get to 240 and maybe a 36" waist. I might even get to swimming a mile and a half and benching 400. But that will be a gimmick, since it will be hit and miss. Then again, isn't life mostly a gimmick? Do something grand and it is always about "what have you done lately"? And just doing something grand takes... more energy and concentration and resources than what it is really worth. Whether academic, athletic, or whatever, it's about doing something then selling yourself as the one who did what... really... no one else was interested in investing their own time and resources to do. No, not being cynical, just... dealing with the reals.

Still waking cranky, body wise. It might just be the spring weather. The weather and feel of this time of year allows wonderful sleep. Too wonderful, perhaps. Maybe I am just not rolling like I should. The sleep itself is wondrous. I best set up my medicines again. I am trying to stay on them, for whatever good they might do, mostly since they aren't doing any damage. The next time a doctor or nurse tries to get me to do something that is against my understanding of what is good for me in the real here and now I am simply going to ask them what the fundamental principle behind medicine is. Do you know it? "First, do no harm." So... there! I will not allow them to do harm, that is all. Long term be damned if I can't put food in my face, and I already have trouble with that.

While my neighbors usually bring over the meals, about once a week another family will feed me. I am slowly meeting more of the townfolk. It is brief, but... good. And, of course, my meals vary as such. I am grateful, very much so. I can't, even now, cook or eat well otherwise. A few squares a week and my meager efforts makes for a bit more function. And, when the time is right, perhaps even heroic, considering my situation, forays into more of life. Hiking, swimming, weight lifting, travel, and whatever else.

Later.

Getting ready.

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I keep looking around the house for more things to do. Oh, there are more things. The kitchen floor needs a better sweeping and then a mopping or two. The living room needs a serious run through. My bedroom could use a little bit of neatening. And the bathroom, as usual, could take a serious bit of elbow grease. None of those, however, seem all that interesting at the moment. I'm looking for something easy, or... different. I dunno. Still, I am back in the game a bit. Now to get out. I know my friend could use getting out too.

I fried a batch of chicken tonight, as practice for doing so for the neighbors. I need to practice a few more times. At this altitude, and aridity, I believe I have the timing down, and the crust. First, I soak the chicken in salt water for about an hour, then drain it and coat it in flour (not patting it dry). I then bake it for about 45 minutes. Then I coat it in flour a second time and deep fry it. It's the only way to make sure the chicken is completely done, something I am a stickler about. I like it, but I am not sure it will be up to their notion of KFC chicken. I need, next, to figure out how to spice it. The crust is fantastic. The chicken is done. But it tastes rather... bland. I'm thinking on it. And I need to practice potato salad a time or three as well. I might end up quite tired of the stuff, but I want it right before I offer it up in thanks.

I'm still taking medicine, fairly well. And I am sleeping the right amount at between seven and eight hours. Further, I am staying up about the right number of hours, sixteen to eighteen. But I am still waking with a sore neck, getting minor headaches, and that stiff neck and upper torso thing continues. I've tried several different arrangements of various pillows but nothing seems to be helping. I'll figure it out or get over it.

I finally did, tonight, what Sassy had been messing up, in my game. There is a hack I wanted to do. The thing is it is an extremely boring, repetitive, long process. It takes between five and six hours, each step taking about a minute (mostly game reload time). It seems like she (Sassy) knew when to arrive, and would mess me up. She did it three different times, twice after I had been working the thing for over four hours! Tonight, when she arrived, I had about an hour left of "work". But instead of just trying to shoo her away I simply put her outside until I was done. Sam tried to do something similar but I can shoo her away and she gets the idea. But I have to really work at it with her, more than most times. It's like they want to trip me up. Women! And, yes, as odd as it is, I was quite pleased with my accomplishment. It's the type of task I hate, often I can't do it because I don't have the focus, and yet I got it done. I still wish I could afford a decent computer for gaming, consoles stink when it comes to cheats, which often make the third or fourth playthrough much more entertaining. Cheats also help break down problem areas so a regular run through makes more sense.

Oh, I got my clock set back up, along with all of the other clocks in the house. I set my watch up too, but will redo it before going to bed. For whatever reason, I set it ahead an hour. But the rest of the clocks are all good. Yeah, I feel better about that, too.

Good night, or morning.

Oh, about blogging.

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I apologize for not commenting much. It has been a great effort to even read, so commenting at other blogs has been... unlikely. Perhaps I will get back into the swing of things. There is something good about leaving a nice note at the e-door of some total stranger, from time to time. Odd how total strangers can turn out to be quite decent friends.

Oh, and Sassy is out of the dog house. She is way to cute, curious, and creative to stay in there long. But she knows when she is in it and, until she forgets, acts just as apologetic as any child could. Way too funny.

That is all.

A rough one.

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Sleep has been weird lately. Spring, I suspect, is turning things upside down. Whether for that reason or some other I have been unable to sleep rightly. No matter how I adjust the pillows I wake with a cranky neck and stiff upper torso. A little massaging and stretching finds me in a reasonable humor with more flexibility but without complete relief. And my body is being weird. My feet and lower legs feel like they are on fire while my upper body is cold. Attempting to go without shoes and socks merely causes the whole of me to feel like I'm in an ice machine while wearing an extra layer causes my legs to cook at a higher degree. Probably some oddity dealing with my illnesses.

Never to worry though. With the kitchen nearly cleaned, just a bit more to go, and the rest of my home on notice that it will be getting at least a lick-and-spit treatment (think back to when your mother would, with zero time remaining, groom you, specifically your hair... argh!), but probably even more. With laundry caught up and food production back into potential swing again and all the rest, I am hoping to begin attending Mass and swimming at the first of the month. My goggles are in, I have a proper kick-board, I have two pair of swim trunks that fit rightly, if I haven't yet set up my I-pod. The I-pod can wait though, it is really for when I begin swimming more serious laps, which... won't be for a month or two after I even get to the pool, and if I can stick with it. Ugh.

I opened the windows, again today, for another airing out. With the dishes washed, trash and recycling out, and kitty litter sorted out, the fresh air should begin making a real difference. A bit more straitening would bring my home back up to specs. The truth is, though, nobody lives in a perfect home, clean and kempt at all times. I just have this weird notion of how "it should be". My mother actually ran a pretty tight ship, even when there were many of us kids. So did my foster parents. My mother though, was driven... by the ghost of her mother. By a concept that is as flawed as mine. My foster mother hated doing the work. Toward the end she simply quit doing work. One of my foster brothers first hired a maid, but when even that wasn't enough, he moved her in with his family. She had quit cooking and cleaning, as soon as us kids were gone and my father died actually. I think, though, she only ever became a wife and mother because b.c. didn't really exist well in her time, and... it was more socially expected. Had she been born in the 60's or 70's she never would have been a wife.

Anyway, I need to try to get back to... something... anything. This grudgingly meek life is an absolute bullocks buster. I am, regardless of how it might seem, a man of action. Inaction is a curse, a bane, a thorn in my side. I have to try to look for a way out whenever I am able even in the slightest.

When it warms enough, and is dry, I am hoping to begin crawling under my home and figuring things out. I want to look at the electrical and plumbing, just to figure how things work. There is an outlet that isn't working, and I want it to work. Watching D.C. pull some electrical together has been making the notion seem more real. For the moment, just doing some AC work is on the agenda. But if I can rework that one outlet I would have much greater confidence considering some DC work. While electrical isn't rocket science, it is a combination of grunt-work and actual functional design. You don't blindly do something. And it can easily be lethal. It's big boy stuff. And a chainsaw. I really do need one. Perhaps, this week some day, I will be able to be up early enough to get to town, track down the saw store, and compare the Stihl and Husqvarna. Both would run at least $500, and more with a case and kit, topping out even a goodly bit more should I choose to have two chains, or even three chains and two lengths of bar. An 18" to 20" bar is probably all I need to start, but a 24" bar could come in quite handy when the big trees are taken out in whole. As well, a cutting and a limbing chain might be quite useful, though only for the shorter bar.

I don't know. I just know sitting around has been pure "suckage", as kids might say. I best get to it. Nothing today, save maybe practice with fried chicken tonight. But the plans have begun. I am planning my escape, figuring when the "guards" will be most at ease, and thinking about where to go and what to do when I make it out.

Later.

Dinner with the neighbors.

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They have six children, from six to sixteen or seventeen. I can't remember how old the eldest daughter is, but something like that. I can only imagine how things are as such, from the little glimpse I got. Though having a visitor does stir the pot a bit I think. I remembered having that many siblings, but from the prospective of a child, and the youngest at that. For the adults, at times, it must be chilling. Still, that is exactly what I wish for. While you can never be alone, as a downside, that is also a very solid upside. You can never get so into yourself that you forget what is happening. I honestly am jealous, in the best of ways.

It was also good to speak with adults. Bleary eyed from the work of raising children, cooking, gardening, teaching, and life, they were still quite pleasant hosts. I still am not quite sure how they do it, then again I don't think they always know. And it isn't like six children just appeared on their door step. It was one at a time until someone noticed the bathroom needed a schedule! :)

I hope I wasn't a poor guest. I seem to just say things. I might get labeled as a heretic, probably even by some Catholics, and not just religiously. I tend, as you know, to take an actionable and positive (as in active) conservative position. And women, conservative or not, tend to be rather of the liberal bent. Women, I think, don't tend to trust action because they aren't as capable of it as men. Diplomacy and trust are what they depend upon. Never worry, I think I was decent.

I will admit, while I enjoyed the children, they did wear me out. Something about the way they shed more energy just... moving, or talking, or anything, than I seem to have in my whole body. It absolutely wore me out. I needed a nap when I got home. The more I see of children, the more I would like a half dozen or more. Oh, I am of no misunderstanding. You don't have children to extend your life, if that does tend to happen. You share your life with some random creature who will eventually become their own person. I remember a comedian who suggested children where bums you create for your own home. Too funny. But they are blood. They are the future. They are to hope, trust, faith. And they are every bit a natural part of the bitter-sweet relationship between men and women. A truce to a war that can never be won.

Dinner was very good too. It was amazing watching the final touches of cooking. She feeds an army! I can only imagine how much food they go through in a week, month. Cooking must almost be a non-stop effort.

Anyway, that was my night, with a nap thrown in afterwards.

Well... ^2

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(that is, "well..." squared)

I didn't get out last night again. But I did do two loads of laundry (about all I reasonably could put together for even a partial load) and three loads of dishes, plus everything else has been sorted and is soaking in hot sudsy as I write. I suppose a few items will pop up, as I go further along. But for the most part all of the silverware and dishes have been washed. I don't just wash them, either. If anything is out of order, they went back into soaking and were washed again. Actually, all of them got at least two washings. Yeah, it was that bad. I suspect the pans will get a couple of soaks and scrubbings too. But, by the end of the week, the kitchen should be fully operational. And more, I got all of the trash and recycling out to the bins and the bins out to the street.

I had hoped to get a shower and shave in, but it is just not going to happen. Done, I tell you. Pleased as punch, mostly. Why do cats have to be so jealous of gaming? Just like women, perhaps children, they can't leave you alone, more so the more intent you are on something. Bah! Never mind on that, just so you know though, Sassy is in the dog house for now. This is the second time she has deliberately screwed something up. Brat.

On to bed. I have been asked over to dinner tonight! I need some sleep, then a shower and shave. My stubble just will not pass for a beard currently so off it goes. Odd, but as winter is setting in my beard grows like mad. But when spring begins to show, I can't get the thing to sprout for the life of me. I really think there is more of a connection to the earth than most realize. While the earth isn't a god, we were created from it. And I think that attachment is more profound than just ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I dunno the whole of it, doubt anyone ever will, some things are so steep of a curve as to be beyond our reckoning.

Bed time though. Good night.

Well...

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I didn't make it out last night. I did get the cat litter cleaned, washed a jacket, swept, soaked the dishes again (might actually finish that group tonight yet), and got the trash and recycling ready to go. I hope, tonight, to get out. While I go I will put the trash and recycling out. Today I aired the house out. Laundry and the dishes are high on the priority list after that, and of course, escaping a bit more often. Even just to do yard work but hopefully more than that.

I won't complain. Though it wasn't what I had hoped to do, it was more than I have been doing and probably more work, and more vital work, than what I had planned. After the dishes I do believe I will take a shower, dress, and head to town. Like I said, nothing of great need is pulling me. I just need to get used to escaping again.

I really have to consider a chain saw. It would make some work much easier, doable at all actually. The thing is, would I ever actually get to the point where I can use it? And, should I get an axe for the limbs, or just use the chainsaw for all of it? I don't know what I am doing, at all, in this field. How wise is it to guess-and-bygolly a chainsaw? Then again, what do I do that would pass for wise, at least according to the medical community? Then again, to that, they haven't exactly been a proven reliable resource to me so I don't think doing what they want IS wise. Nevermind. I'm certainly wanting a chainsaw, in any case. And a dishwasher. I'd prefer one you can "load" with beer, but that may not be possible. Still working on that, too.

Well, just thought I'd put something up. A minor update, and proof that the ol' boy is still kicking around, trying to figure things out. Later.

Tweaky but perhaps on track again.

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Maybe spring has sprung for me. The weather has been quite pleasant. I escaped the dungeon last night and went shopping. A few food items of food were bought but more a cat food run. I have a two month's supply built up, more if I feed them as I feel I should. Then again, even feeding them as I have Sassy has slimmed down just a bit. And the way I do things now, they no longer beg (mostly). When they actually do beg it really is feeding time or they need water.

I am hoping to get another shower in this evening, then make another run to town. I have nothing of interest to buy, though I might get something or other. Counting coup, in a way, and since scalps are sort of out of fashion these days, a canister of a specific flavor of Gatorade will just have to do? Yes. :)

I keep looking outdoors. I want to get on raking and limb/wood work. I don't want to have to have people come over and do my yard this year. I am also working the dishes, sort of. I want to begin cooking, mostly so I can begin eating a bit more. The dishes stand in the way of that. Yes, a dishwasher might really be a need, D.C. Plans are, once again, underway. I lost track of everything there for a while.

My guess is my heart is sending blood to whichever part of my body is screaming for it. If my brain, or parts of it, are good, my internal organs get it. If those are good, my muscles receive a dose. I have a rolling blackout, or brownout more like. It seems my brain hasn't "needed" much attention. Now it is getting it and I can plan. But that doesn't mean my muscles are up to it. You see the fix I am in? At least I can put words, and sense, to it now. Yes, I think that is how it works.

I need to help my friend escape from his dungeon soon too. Perhaps tomorrow, or the day after. It depends a bit on how tonight goes. I need to familiarize myself with the outside world again before I can help someone else get out into it. I sorely want to go shooting again. It has been a very long time, and no, games don't count. Just letting some lead fly, putting it on target, the feel, feedback, and noise... It is an enjoyable pursuit.

I best get going. Just... leaving a positive note for any who might be reading. And... for myself. There is something about writing things out that helps make sense of the world. It makes hope more real, increases the chances that those hopes translate into reality. Plus, it uses some of the rarified by illness brainpower. You do realize how much it takes to write a coherent sentence, let alone paragraph, don't you? On the fly, without script, based on observed or understood realities? Speaking is easier, with the exception perhaps of actual speeches but those are only more difficult because of the social aspects involved. Nervous much.

Bah, blathering. I best get a bit more gaming done, than a shower, dressing, and grooming, then hit the road. It'll be late when I get out but I will take what I can get. Good night.

Not much, but...

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I have taken four showers this week. Other than opening the windows and doors a couple of times to air things out that has been about all I have done. I almost feel like something will be happening soon. Medicines don't really help or hurt, short term, so I don't mind taking them. When I can remember to take them and keep the medi-set filled.

I used to wonder whether what was wrong was physical or mental. Yes, I do realize the cause is physical. But the cause, my heart, creates both physical exhaustion and mental confusion, disorientation. It might seem like this would be obvious, and to a degree it is. But it's not obvious in some ways. Knowing doesn't help, I can't manually just switch something, or think "happy thoughts", or... massage the issue. Medicine doesn't really always do much. Nor, in truth, would a new heart (with all of the complications and added vulnerabilities). Not that I am complaining. Few men would survive having a defunct heart for so long. The risk of a heart attack is 35% or higher, just with my ejection refraction, per year. The chance of a stroke is similar. I've had a bad heart for 25 years. You crack the numbers. Add in that both of my ventricles are enlarged, and probably have been for ten years or more (correlating with the high blood pressure is my guess), the odds were truly stacked against me.

In spite of that I moved 2,000 miles, give or take. I've skied up a mountain, and back, with flat country skis! I've taken a trip white water rafting and fell into wall-to-wall class four rapids and survived in that for a half mile! I still enjoy life, in my little way, even aside from the occasional excitement. So, I'm not complaining, just noting. Heck, I still think I have enough life in me to find a wife and have some kids... I'm sort of working on that. Nothing like being adrift at sea, far away from the shipping lanes, and teasing the sharks, innit? :)

I might sneak out a bit tonight. I don't really have anything to do. I could always do some shopping. No need to grocery shop though, until I get dishes done. Argh! I truly hate dishes. I might have to pull a D.C. (ol' we-need-to-go-back-to-the-stone-age himself), and get a dishwasher. HAH! Drats, if it was earlier I could look through the box home stores. I've been hearing lots of complains about dishwashers lately though (actually all appliances). I see why people try to milk old machines by spending more on repairs than what they are technically worth. An old half broken machine is often much better than a new problematic one. Especially since most modern warranties are worth, literally, less than the paper they are printed on (and never even consider buying an extended warranty from the store, they really don't cover anything). Which, by the way, is why I decided to hold onto my old dryer until she dies a natural death. And this coming from a techy!

I really am hoping to get my butt going and begin raking. Picking up sticks, dealing with the chunks of tree from the recent help, and just... even if I end up doing little, getting outside, getting some fresh air, might help me begin doing more. It is almost like I have forgotten how to live, leave my home. It is so strange out there. I remember seeing an old woman, when I was a child, who jumped and skittered away because a car was backing up... but about four spots away from her. I'm not that bad, but for the first time, I understand her reaction.

I am enjoying my gaming. Caffeine has been helping. My sleep schedule is radically variable though. I usually sleep seven to eight hours, but I might be awake twelve or twenty hours. I just never know. I need to get dishes done so that I may begin cooking a bit again. The meals coming in are super, but I need a bit more. Those meals are a life-line. My guess is I would be even further pressed if not for them. I just need to supplement those with more than just salami and cheese (though I love that, it's just not enough). Plus, the idea of cooking and keeping things clean... it's a beautiful thing to have a home running like a clock, even a rusty one which needs a little more attention. Maybe as spring, then summer, roll in... Maybe.

Be well.

I want to.

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I keep looking outside. Just to rake the yard, or a small patch of it... I would give, well, your left arm! I was almost up to it the other day, then it snowed. Just enough snow to make it so I couldn't do the work. I am building back up to it. I am hoping to get to doing an hour of work out there a day, five days a week. Just to be outside, mostly. As if raking is that hard of work. Then again, my mother always said I had a way of making easy work hard. I don't do things lightly. I don't know how. Still, an hour of hardified raking should be doable.

I showered and dressed today. I doubt if I will leave but I might. Confusion and exhaustion persist. I live a nice little secluded life, for now. But I need to get some things going, or try. Checking the water heaters would be a very good thing. Backflushing the reverse osmosis machine and the water softener would be good. Those things require reading, something I can't even really do in my games. Yeah, it's been that rough. It also can make learning what to do in the games a bit more trial and error. Ah well.

Not much else to report. Have a good life.

A good day.

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A shower, first thing. I noticed my heels were a bit rough and my toe callus was back, so I used the Dremel to smooth things off a bit. I took between and eighth and a quarter of an inch off my heels. I still didn't get down to real skin so I may do that again soon. I may not have horns like Hellboy, but I certainly am a bit different. I could tell when I was on normal skin. Youch! Then I got dressed, not just back into pajamas. The hope was to get out.

Out I got. Nothing fancy. A bit of grocery shopping at one store and a stop for fast food. Odd, all of the fast food places are closing down early, especially for a Saturday night. McDonalds, Wendy's, and Burger King closed their doors at 22:00 (10:00 pm)! So I had to eat in the X. I wanted something hot and would have preferred eating in the restaurant. I did get my caffeine fix back on track and a few other items. I had to throw a lot of stuff away, I just haven't been eating much other than what is being brought over and an occasional something. Usually a fried meat. I did pick up a head of cabbage and the fixings for corned beef. It's been a while. I could make that and freeze some of it too.

Have you ever wondered what the problem with politicians is? It's right under your nose, actually. The best (most popular) politicians are populists. Populists make for the worst sort of politicians (and scientists). But the fix is in. A politician can't make it without being popular. Socialism (and communism) tried to fix this by containing power in an organization or small group, sometimes a single man. The problem there, of course, is populism created the power shift and there are people involved. People who seek power, even if, in their minds, with good intentions. No, the world can't be perfect. Not this one. Not until there is a time and place and reality where each man truly is his own government and is justified and capable of being such. Still, all in all, America, at least up until recently (and even then honestly) is the best type of governance there can be.

While we can't go back to the America of several decades ago, perhaps we can hold the line a little longer. I am not sure, but I think foreign nations have gone so rogue as governments, even much or all of Europe, because of population spikes with no place to go. People become congregated, stacked upon each other, lost in numbers. It becomes easy to make life, human life, seem meaningless. Power, sex, money, and fame even infamy become the measure of a man lost in a sea of people with no way out. Murder, mass murder, even genocide are quietly indulged. Academics even now, even in America, and as a general rule, would condone the 'depopulation' of the world by as much as 90%. Scary, but they do have the ear of politicians, who blithely deny any such thing and yet, I think, often do work toward those ends.

I think many American politicians fear overpopulation more than foreign intrigue, terrorist attacks, or just about anything. That is why abortions continue. And it does mostly affect the poor and minorities. An overpopulation is one thing, an overpopulation of minorities is a whole other thing. As much as I disparage some minorities, I would rather see them win through life than lose without a chance, something that abortion does. It steals even a chance.

Actually, playing the games I play, I do note that the liberalism inherent in other medias is as blindly adhered to in these games. At least, in the current game, there are some serious jabs at the command and control involved. It doesn't hide it, but exposes it. If it still keeps with the liberal lines within the game.

A bit more uptime then to bed. I hope to shower a couple more times in the next three days, to soften the heels better. Then another grinding session. Swimming, I think, would help with this a great deal too. I just... have to be on top to begin doing that. At least I do have access now. I just have to get there. It would be perfect to swim right after Mass, then see my friend a few of those times per week. I just can't, right now. It's coming. I'm building up to it, I think. I see it, and am reaching for that bar once again.

Good night.

Yeah, well...

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No one promised a rose garden. Well, there was that one lady, but... she was a bit batty. And yet I am pleased with life. At least now that I understand. I'm not lazy, mostly. And I am not insane, or even really a touch shy of a full load, mostly as well. I wish I could do more, I make promises, I offer speeches, I profess, and promise. And I fail. Mostly a hurt to my pride, or something.

Even with the medication, taken as well as I can, I am not feeling well that way. Minor chest pains, mostly. Though I think there are other problems. Our bodies die a bit at a time, to be replaced, as a natural thing. Every seven years, give or take, our cells are completely replaced. The problems I am discussing, beside the pains, are probably due to the fact that, sometimes more than others, my body dies a little faster then it is replaced. Little things go wrong. More and more I see flesh as no more than hardware. I am the software, sort of. I hope when I die the upload is short?

Oh, I think I will be fine. It is just little bothers, and only minor chest tightness and slight pains. I will complain about these until 2050 for all I know. But I am down and can't seem to get back up in general. Caffeine doesn't do it. I haven't tried that stuff D.C. recommended yet though. But if a pot of the strongest coffee won't help me lift a bit, I'm not sure much less than illegal stuff would work. And I doubt if that would work for long, setting aside my notions on such junk in the first place.

I honestly get the feeling, since I don't know what is up, where is when, or who is there... it could only be imagined by configuring a clothes dryer large enough to ride a bull within (without dying instantly as well, work with me). Then riding that bull and turning the machine on. I have no idea what is happening. I am holding on. Not really for dear life anymore, I surrendered the notion that such a thing is in my hands. No, I am holding on for the fun of it. There is always some hope that next time I will do it better.

Three days without caffeine and the headaches are migraine level. I thought I would be able to get out tonight but... no. A week or two of being stuck in here, and longer before that. I just... can't... get... up. Not to worry, it will happen before long. I think, since I am not taking my lady friend on a $5k tour of a national part in the winter that I will be having my mother here this spring and my lady friend here this fall or early winter. If nothing else, perhaps we can figure out something to do a bit more locally. My lady friend that is. She is a little treasure. My mother is not going to be allowed to just work this next time. Yes, the house may need it. But I want her to have some down time too.

The neighbors have been bringing meals by regularly. Turns out, he is the sole breadwinner. Of course, the misses tends to home, children, and garden like a pro. In any case, and to keep the meals coming, I have offered a small gift. It would probably be no more than a week or two of groceries (and that considering she cans and uses that often). However, I think it would be mutually beneficial. A whole real meal, at a restaurant, would cost 1.5 to 2 times what I am offering. But what I am offering is quite nice for them, I think. I didn't want to sound like I was trapping them into offering it, nor did I wish to make it seem that I was ungrateful or... some other things. The mister, who usually delivers, took my offer the right way. At the first of the month onward I will begin giving them that little bit. With six kids and one income, a little more money couldn't go to a better place.

I have shut the games off, for periods of time. I end up just sleeping, as I had thought. Oh, I am addicted. And I mean to be, if not always to the degree I am. But they do keep me awake and they do give me something to strive against in a way that is physically and intellectually within my grasp and when I am able. It isn't much. But I do offer up my zombie slayings to the Lord. :) I HOPE He has a sense of both the serious and humorous in that.

Have a good day, life. If you can't do one other thing, love. Doesn't matter who, or even what. Trust me, it won't hurt you or them. Even when it fails. Even when it isn't returned. Even when they die. You are far richer for it, as is the world and who or what ever you love. Good night, sort of.

I've just got to get going.

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Not that life ever really took off. But for seven months or so I thought it was about to. My home was kept well, dishes were (mostly) kept up, laundry was maintained, Church was attended, and I was getting out several times a week. No exercise, there were still things I had trouble with, sleep would occasionally flip-flop, so it wasn't perfect. But these last two or three months have been brutal again. Talk about a tease. I suppose if I can eke out a good seven months and lose on two or three, then get back to it... That is much better than the last 25 years where it was the opposite, in the best of times.

Though this might be an odd gauge, I do believe I am improving slightly. The game I am playing was kicking my teeth in on the beginner levels. I made it through those, twice on the lowest level, then went on to the next the hardest game style. I am now on the next to the hardest level. I am absolutely crushing through it. Then again, it may be that the way I play is literally discouraged in the lesser games. I don't just mean "geared toward" another play style but actually harmfully disfavored by direct design. I play rather cautiously. My reflexes truly are still good, at least in gaming parlance, if I prefer to not have to depend on them. Reflexes are a resource that cost a certain something... call it 'nerve' if you will. You spend nerve like you do stamina. The more you use it the less you have for the situations that only allow for success with the use of that resource. At least I am finally enjoying the game. The "easier" settings are actually much harder, unless as I suggested and I am improving.

Having the windows open for a few chilly hours today was wonderful. I still haven't quite gotten over the chill but my nose loves me for the favor. Any day I think it is over 50, perhaps in the high 40's, and the windows will be opened for various lengths of time from here on in. That clean odor gives me a push to do more cleaning and maintain that. I need incentive.

Tomorrow I hope to make it to town. A bit of shooting, if it is warm enough. Otherwise, shopping and a meal with company. More cat food and I want to see about swimming trunks. Maybe the surfer trunks with compression underwear, failing trunks I like. I prefer longer legged trunks anyway, I just don't like buying two sets of items instead of one.

Bed time, and past it, actually. Good night.

Ups and downs.

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Without putting effort into it, it seems my days and nights have straightened out. It's just been a few days of it, from just before I started medications. I am no more functional now than then, it is just that I am staying up until 22:00 and getting up around 8:00, if the times are a bit variable hopefully smoothing out if I can keep on that track. I'm a little sore from the change, when I sleep different hours, until I get used to it, I sleep wrong and wake up with aches.

While I didn't make a raspberry gravy I did eat some of those on the side with fried pork steaks. Fantastic, all around. A little variety to add to my meats. The berries were canned quite well. They are just sweat enough to be tasty, not cloying. They retain their fresh sour notes that make once wince just a bit. And they go quite well with rich meats, like pork or lamb. Sure, you can eat them with anything but they pair up better with richer or fatter meats. They cut each other's edge or something.

I am hoping to get out shooting tomorrow. I plan on taking my friend along. The sky is clear today but it is a bit chilly. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I also need to talk to the hospital about that bill and do some research regarding my suit. I just have to get things going somehow. Maybe the medicines will kick in before long. Though I am suspecting that they don't do well in the winter, nothing ever has and as I get older it seems to be getting worse in the winter.

I had been thinking that if I do buy something, and soon, it might have been an automatic cat litter device. After reading some reviews, however, I see that I would be getting out of the pan and into the fire. When, while, it works, after the cats adjust, it is great. When it fails, and it does and often, the results are somewhat overwhelming. Well, and when it works, as it dries the container after a cleaning cycle, it seems to stink as left over bits of cat poop are cooked. No, I suppose I just have to figure out how to be more attentive. At least with, say, a chainsaw, it works as advertised.

After finally getting the kitty litter cleaned out and all that taken out, and with today being moderately warm, I may turn off the furnace and open the windows for a couple of hours. Oh it will get chilly but it would be nice to get some fresh air in and stale old cat litter smells out. Besides, when you get chilled, then get warm, life is good all over again in a new and wonderful way.

Later.

Another fine day, mess?

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No, life is pretty good. My neighbor has been bringing food by rather regularly. And fine food it is. Last night it was sloppy joes and a jar of home canned... raspberries if I remember rightly. I will eat some of those as is, but I am going to try to make a raspberry gravy for breaded deep fried pork cutlets too, if I can get my motor running. I really need to get cracking and get my home in order. While a wife might help, I don't have one and wouldn't want to completely depend on one for all of it. Then again, women are less patient about... clutter... dirt... than I could even contemplate so a woman has usually gotten to those things before I ever get the chance. By the time I even notice a thing needs clean, well, she cleans it. Even that feminist gal I recently dated. Ha! No, I don't mean to not notice, I just... don't. Men! :p

It is snowing today, and maybe tomorrow from what I heard. I didn't think it would actually stick, being as warm as it has been lately. Mother nature can and did fool me though. I am still thinking about showering again and going back into town. Why? One more very quick, short, shopping session. I really do need swimming trunks. More cat food would be good too. I ought to keep enough cat food around, like tobacco, for several months. It expires rather quickly though, so no long term supplies of the canned cat food are possible, unfortunately. While cats can live on human meats, along with hunting, they won't live as well or as long I suspect. And cooked food is really bad for them.

I have heard it suggested, in survival circles, that the military may be more of a threat than gangs in a post SHTF-EOTWAWKI scenario. And, that may be true. But all militias will be a threat. That includes the deep preppers who are in a clan. They will begin looting themselves, taking from those who have but can't defend what they have, as parts wear out, as needs or wants arise, or just because. The history of men will not change. Christianity can be a mitigating factor, but if history holds true you will find that this denomination will, for example, believe they can take that other denominations stuff because that other denomination 'aren't true believers'. Christianity is only as good as the Christian in question, perhaps as a very mild cultural or social device. But when people are starving or threatened beyond reason, even this often fails. Many Christians are Christian right up until they are not and few have been tested to know which is which. It will get messy, everywhere and always.

The various groups and powers that be, however, seem to keep thinning the nickle in order to keep the illusion alive though. The rich really aren't getting richer, they are simply collecting more of monetary devices which are becoming worthless faster than they can be collected. Those who have stores of food, means of defense (and thus offense), means of food production to supplement then take over for the food stores, communications, tools... those are who will be the next elite. Land is only valuable if you can stay alive to use it. Like I said though, they are keeping the game going.

I had a dream last night that I was totally randomly picked to have a dinner with Obama, and went. He was less than an empty suit, as there was no suit. An empty, void, being, confused with being a man at all. I was amazed at what little he was. Or how wretched the Dem Party had become, knowingly choosing this being to represent them. They voted for "black". The leadership knew it was a horrible choice, but that is what they are now. Evil. Obama left during to meal to try and speak with the Dem congress leadership, who pretty much told him to get lost. They neither need nor want him, either. He is just a placeholder, less than a coffeeboy to one of the few straight Dems. Weird dream. Don't know how much of it is true but I suspect a great deal of it is rather true. To be honest, I pity the "man". An empty shell with no meaning and purpose now that he has done what he was created to do. And that is coming from my weak position, not a general sympathy.

I need to get my life back online, somehow. I simply don't know how to work it. My efforts, while decent at times, are hollow, unsustainable, empty. I just can't get something to work. I keep thinking maybe it is more than my heart, or maybe there is a better way to fix things. But no, I know. When you are, medically, a candidate for a heart transplant (putting that your "disobedience to medical oversight" drops you from the list aside), you are in bad shape. That I do, somehow, manage to live on my own, and do what I do... That's a minor miracle. Still, I want more. I'll keep digging, maybe I'll find it. How much dirt must be sifted for a gem worthy top grade one carat diamond? And I have a half a carat, just need to find the rest. *grins*

Later.

Hungry as a bear!

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I'm not sure what is going on with that, but my snacks are turning into six course meals. Rather than a quarter of a salami and 12 smaller chunks of cheese, I end up eating half the salami and a quarter of the cheese before realizing how much I NEED, then putting that up, going for the Cheetos but knowing I shouldn't eat too much of those, so going on to something else. *munch!* It's been like that more and more the last few days. Has spring sprung? Is my body just ready and feeding up to go? Not sure. As long as I use it rather than just gain back weight.

I did sneak out again last night. I couldn't make it beyond the grocery store, where I simply bought a few more vittles. I still need cat food and to peruse swimming trunks. I still have severe limits. I become exhausted like rarely before and must return home. At least I am going out in spite of the exhaustion. Knowing that the problem isn't mental makes a huge difference. Being a physical thing makes the problem more... of a hurdle than a threat, or something. Still, it's a quite real and serious hurdle. No worries, I am getting out. I would like to go shooting soon, perhaps Friday or Saturday. I know my friend would like to go. He has reloaded all he has and keeps buying little bits and pieces more to reload even more. No, we have to get him out.

While I ponder what I could buy, of the things I would like to purchase, I am simply holding my breath and saving at the moment. A chainsaw? A chronograph for reloading? A new dryer? Even perhaps a dishwasher (along with my soaking, the dishes would be much easier to maintain, if they would always look shittier, which I hate). No, for now, I'll just sit on things, hold my breath, store more cash, and see where I am when I get my feet back under me. I may simply, when I get a bit more saved, pay off the last credit card. Not sure where that is, and I am already paying on it pretty well. Heck, there might not be anything to pay on it by the time I get around to thinking about it.

For now I am absolutely making sure I keep $5k in savings. That would cover four new tires, a water heater and install, and some other disaster, if they all happen at once. It is a tiny nestegg but it is the best I have ever had. If I can grow it to three times that I have some other things on my mind. Some of which I can do, some I will have to have done. I simply hated living hand to mouth in constant fear of a real crisis. Even that won't cover anything truly major. It looks like I am doing well though, clearing in the black, easily, with a little bit of care and thought through the month. But it is so very easy to just say, "Well, I have the money, why not just...", fill in the blank. I could spend that in a day, a minute, on one item. I could use it to as a down on something that could end me up further in debt! The hassles of reality, money.

Hmm, on to a few other things.

Out.

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For just a bit, this afternoon, I made it out of the house. I took my friend shopping a bit and looked for swimming trunks. I couldn't stay and do more shopping though. I... just didn't have it in me. I hope to get out again soon though. Friday, perhaps for shooting. Actually, I may sneak back out yet tonight. I need some groceries, cat food, and to look for trunks at Walmart perhaps. I'm simply not into those spandex type "trunks". Just can't go there. Though the guy at the store I shopped had an idea (since I like longer trunks). Long beach type shorts and compression underwear. An interesting idea. I no longer fit extra large. Even large is a bit loose, if medium is just too tight. But my legs themselves are huge. I have very muscular legs, which makes finding underwear difficult. *blathering*

I'm into a new game, one that hasn't glitched at the end, so far. Dead Space 2 is a decent game, if extreme on the intensity side of things. Don't play this if you have a bad heart! Uhrm, unless you are cocksure and rough around the mentals. Definitely don't play it if you are female. I would not let any child play this one. I wouldn't even let some twitchy adults play it. I'm not sure I should be playing it, either, to be honest. It's not just game play. There are scenes that are extreme in that, no matter the difficulty the game is difficult. I played on casual the first time and it ripped me up as if I was a five year old game virgin. Some things are extremely difficult to figure out.

I didn't read up on it first, and I didn't seek a guide before or during the first playthrough. I used my own raw gaming abilities. Well, there was a cheat, near the end of the game, that I had heard about. I did use that. Doesn't help with the first game since it is pretty much at the end. It does help set up the next game if you use alternative weapons (which I don't, save for trophies). I just wanted to see if it actually worked. It does. But intensity? I have to remember to breath, which does put a bit of a strain on my heart at times, literally. I honestly think they need to dial it down a little. Then again, you are starting with bad weapons and little or no armor. But you are on the run, outnumbered, with little or no lighting, and sometimes being shot at from things you can't even find. It's too intense. Even when I improved my primary weapons and armor (before the cheat), it was difficult. I am playing through on a difficulty two levels higher than the "casual" setting this time. And it is still a kick between the quads. I think it's making me poop dark matter of the physics sort though.

Hmm, on to town again. I don't want to go. It is late. But I do need some things and want some others. And I have just enough juice to get me back into town and back. I compete with the Volt for incompetence, I just don't start fires, mostly. Later.

A window.

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Okay, looks like something might be opening up. I did a goodly bit back when without a window, hopefully I can do more with one. Perhaps even get back on track with a few things. I took a shower this morning. Long overdo and well deserved for no other reason than that humans deserve cleanliness. I was able to sleep until just before 6:00 too. Usually I put a timer on, then feed the girls after two hours (it cuts down on their begging, almost have that licked). Being that they usually eat at 2:00 or 3:00, and have for weeks/months now, and that it was almost 6:00, I fed them right away this morning, and then fed myself a bit of cheese and summer sausage (nummm!). I brushed my teeth before that. Before getting into the shower I looked myself over. I am looking... thinner. Not thin, not by a long shot. But I noticed I am losing fat/size. So, before jumping in the shower I weighed myself. I came in right at 262.2! That's twelve pounds down from my last weighing in, and forty pounds off my entrance (to Utah) weight, a nearly 20% sale! :)

What am I going to do today? I need to get to Mass. I need to find swimming trunks that fit, preferably with pockets. I need to do some shopping. I need to see my friend. I want a meal out of my home, but a good restaurant type not fast food. What will get done today I can't be certain. A couple more hours to get my brain working, then maybe a bit more food down the tube, a little home cleaning, and I'll be thinking about it. Oh, and I think I will restart my medicines again today, minus the diabetes stuff. It gives me a severe fever for about two hours after taking it, and the shakes like I just chugged a pot of fresh, hot, top-notch, high-powered coffee. Can't do that.

A local man brought by some of his wife's cooking last night. Do you like elk, he asked? As my friend might reply... Do I! Absolutely delicious. He's a lucky man. I am pretty sure the carrots with it were home-canned! At least he appreciates his wife's special nature. And she can cook quite well. She even has a job of some sort. On top of being mother, wife, cook, gardener, canner, and all that jazz. And she's a pretty woman. That type of woman actually scares me. Men can compete with "high-powered", "intellectual", "rich" women with ease, one way or another. Same with your average celphone gossip do-little woman, your typical self-absorbed woman. But a good woman can't be denied, or topped. The best a man can do with such a woman is try to compliment her on the guy side, and that is a tough racket. Just saying. Delicious food though. I'll have to cook them a chicken dinner, my way. That and send them out on a date somewhere nice. If I can't have romance, I at least like to see someone else enjoying the sport.

Well, on to a few other things. Later, maybe, if an update is needed.

Gaming.

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It's a junky thing. I know if I have kids they won't touch games. I only do it because, at this point, it is either that or lots of sleep. I need significant neural activity along with little physical exertion in order to stay conscious. And while it doesn't lead to productivity it does give me some sense of accomplishment. Further, it requires me to do things I don't want to do, it does stimulate some of my core capacity such as reflexes and hand-to-eye coordination, some logic, and requires some creativity. Most people shouldn't play games, just like most people shouldn't take Oxycontin. For those who need it there is a price. Now, if you can truly limit your game play to a few hours a day, it is better than television. Then again, television is as bad, perhaps worse as an anesthesia... a painkiller for the stupid/lazy. Games are at least interactive. Hey, if I am going to toss a bomb that bites me in the ass, I might as well make it nuclear. :)

Medicines are reset. Dishes are soaking. A new game is getting DLC added.

By the way, don't buy or play Mass Effect 2 on PS3! I have had two "insanity mode" games go belly up at the last mission. Something about playing more than a few hours can cause the save file (for that whole game, even the old saves, to become corrupted. Each of those games cost me 50-60 hours of 'heavy lifting'. Don't waste your time. I have heard that they are coming out with a patch. Haven't seen it. Trust me, it isn't worth it. The game is a fantastic game. The level of difficulty can be extreme, but the payoff is there mostly. But to get to the final mission only to find your game, all the saves, are destroyed? Not worth it. Oh, their work-around is to quit the game every few hours, backup your saves, then play on, hoping you know when your saved files are corrupted (though how you will know I can't be sure) so that you can do a restore (hopefully from before the corruption, if you caught it). DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2 ON PLAYSTATION 3!!! 'Nough said.

The new game is Dead Space 2. I bought and played the first one, for context. I think I played the first one on the computer. Way back when. It must have been one of the last games I could play on the computer before age ate the machine's capacity to play. Still, it was like playing it for the first time with four or five years over the bridge since. I'm adding DLC (download content) to it now. With PS3 there are few or no cheats. Glitches once in a while, but usually time intense ones not worth the effort. Playstation makes some of it's money 'selling you cheats'. Better weapons, armor, more content for added money, additional "glitches". And glitches? Those are created. Do you think people actually "accidentally" find a glitch? Those were created for the programmers/gamers by themselves. Some get leaked. Free money accidental glitch my butt. Never mind. I rarely use those, there is a chance they will bug the game/saves, too. Didn't use them in Mass Effect 2 and it didn't matter. DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2!!!

Heh. Never mind, I best get to some other things.

Later.

Back in the rut.

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I do okay for a day or two, or get some projects completed, then I have to cut and run. Run being entirely figurative. My plans for Monday failed miserably. I didn't even realize it until Wednesday I believe. Never mind all that jazz, I'm still pointing in the right direction and waiting for traction. At least I know I can do some things even without a window of opportunity. That is a seriously good and new thing. I have and can do amazing things, but usually it requires the silky whip of a woman's tongue. Can't hurt my ego, I'm actually too strong for that. But if a woman is all sweet, or better vulnerable like, she can get me to hoist my bullocks and sprint. :)

I just made a fried hamburger. Deep fried. Well, I fried the outside to get that crisp outer then baked it. Not bad at all. Next time I think I will do it the other way around though. Delicious. I made fried potatoes yesterday. I'm seriously loving these fried foods. Oh, no worries. It's a fad. Though, while I experiment, I am learning a technique that will last me the rest of my cooking career. Fried fish, chicken, giblets, chops, and even cheaper cuts of beef, add variety. Further, it is one of the fastest methods of cooking out there. If you go to try it, remember... HOT! You want a drop of water to bring the oil to a boil. Just a drop though, even that can be slightly to very dangerous so USE CAUTION. Now that I have the oil right, I bet I can make fried chicken like my mother used to make it. The batter is my next trick to make it truly correct to memory. She used to make it with a thick crunchy exterior a quarter inch thick it seems. Yeah, that is the plan.

It snowed, that went away. Did it again. Snowed again just recently. That will be gone before long too. Very little snow this year, and the mountains only had 40% snow pack last I heard. But the rain has actually filled the reservoirs so it's all good. As I was telling a local man, though I'm not a farmer, living in farm country makes me 'pull for the team'. Who do city people pull for? Themselves, mostly.

The girls are doing well. Sassy is getting closer to being a lap cat. She is amazing and just over a year and a half or so (is it). Sam stays so slim and Sassy is such a chunk-0-catbunny. Same amount of food. I don't mind, and Sassy isn't rotund or anything, just chipmunk chubby. Sam must think she is going to try out for Cat Style Mag cover girl or something. Heh.

I have called my mom a time or two, tried to call my gal-pal, and tried to do a few things. I just can't keep anything on target for very long. I have much to do and no capacity to get to it. I am waking at midnight and staying up until somewhere between noon and 17:00. I am trying to stay up later, to adjust my day, it just isn't happening. I'm not yet back on medication, but it's... a goal.

That's that for that. Plus I got to use three "that"'s in a sentence, so hush. Later.