.
.
I had been dreading "the corner". It seems, however, that chipping away at it over the week and then just being able to let go and do has gotten the job done very quickly. I even vacuumed the baking soda off the floor, though I didn't expect that to take long, I was more nearly superstitiously fearful of electrocution with that task. That powder sure feels wet when it is cold. After pushing my fingers past the powder though, the carpet was surely dry. Or... was it? Never mind. Done. I still have a bit more to do in there, but really only moving the furniture out is left. Which requires finding the furniture coasters or seeing if the dresser will move well enough without them. Moving the bed will just be mule strength, which is the easiest thing for me.
While speaking to my mother this morning, she indicated that neither of us boys always listen to her or respect her age and wisdom. When a man, one of her peers, is around, however, things change. True, yeah I see that. Then I started to think. I remember teachers in school, high school, female types. Some of them could handle boys, some simply... couldn't. There is a trick to it. I don't know it, completely, as I only know my side of that equation. I decided to run through it a bit, roughly, to get it... more set in my mind.
First thing, a woman shouldn't challenge a boy or male. There may come a point where she has to become dominant, but that should be after she has the reins well in hand. Getting squeaky or domineering before she has the situation in some kind of order is a great way to become totally incomprehensible to a male. Or, even for women teachers or other non-kin, it will make them a sexual target. Nothing like damsel in distress to bring out the white night (or wolf, or both) in men and boys. We, as teens, had no clue. We just reacted. But as men, it means... shove her aside and figure things out because she obviously is in peril.
My mother wants control, or at least respect. She simply goes about it the wrong way. Cool things down, don't panic and become squeaky (or bitter). Stomping of feet won't work, undermines the notion that she does know (even if she happens to know) what she is on about. It's, at best, a mixed signal. Men are not about yes and no in the same breath. So, we take charge. Right or wrong, that is how it works. I will be working on this notion and try to explain it to my mother. Most likely, in this case, she will feel hurt and annoyed that I am trying to "school her". She is just as stubborn as I can be. However, in time, with a little coaching, if she really wants some sense of being appreciated and given credit, she might come around.
Still, that whole seeming out of control and lost is one means of a woman getting assistance quickly. There is a time for that. I think my mother simply doesn't employ her tools right for a proper fit in the war of the sexes well, always. She has a better soft-paw than a right-hook, give or take. Still, if she wants to change that I might be able to help. Oh, sure, it will never be completely functional. Women simply aren't men. If they try to interject when that isn't sought, chances of failure are good. Her other trick will be to learn to pick her battles, then her strategy. You can't be right all the time, even if you are. It doesn't fly well.
That should... do for now. I'll think on it more. She can practice when she is here. I will certainly be a fine specimen of boy/man for her to test these things on. Huh? Yeah, I said "Huh?" to YOU! :p On to a shower and shave, I think, if I can get it in.
Later.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Didn't get to bed until late.
.
.
I got a call this morning. Couldn't be sure what time it was, and I automatically answered it. Quite a trick with the phone both plugged in and attached to... something. Never mind. It was my mom, and as I slowly figured out it was 8:30. A bit of talking as I woke up, about something. Then she said, "Oh, did I wake you? I'm so sorry." As I was saying that it was okay, not a problem, she burst into laughter. She wasn't sorry! Damned women anyway, cruel, I tell you. Had to laugh though. Oh, and she is almost through her second week of quitting smoking! I told her, if she keeps it up, when she is out I will begin, begin to quit that is. I will start buying patches for when she is here. Rather than buying the lot all at once, I'll buy a few boxes of nico-patches per month. I like to have a good head start on supplies, so I don't run out at the wrong time. Namely, running out when I happen to be broke (or feel broke).
And, yes, it woke me up. My body is just... set to be up. I am tired, still. I didn't get 12 hours of sleep. But I don't think I needed it today. Something is just... different. It does help, too, to have the sun shining this morning. When I spiral downward, healthwise, and the weather closes in on top of it, my troubles double. It is just the way it is. Hmm, some beans and ham sound good for breakfast, in a bit. A little food in the gullet, but just a bite, seems to help.
I don't know what I can get done this morning, work-wise. I'll try to do a bit. But what I had believed was to be an afternoon shoot yesterday my friend believed was for today. So, that is the plan. I don't want to push my first day back on my feet, either. Though I think I can get a good start on that remaining corner area this morning. And, I finally realized that the carpet is and has been dry for quite some time. It is just that the baking soda, when cold, feels wet. I don't think I caused it to be wet by walking in the area at all. After vacuuming and some other work, a shower and a trip to town. An hour and a half has passed since the call, mostly wandering here and there, feeding the cats, and reading blogs and bits of news. Time sure flies sometimes.
Well, on to the rest of life. Good day.
.
I got a call this morning. Couldn't be sure what time it was, and I automatically answered it. Quite a trick with the phone both plugged in and attached to... something. Never mind. It was my mom, and as I slowly figured out it was 8:30. A bit of talking as I woke up, about something. Then she said, "Oh, did I wake you? I'm so sorry." As I was saying that it was okay, not a problem, she burst into laughter. She wasn't sorry! Damned women anyway, cruel, I tell you. Had to laugh though. Oh, and she is almost through her second week of quitting smoking! I told her, if she keeps it up, when she is out I will begin, begin to quit that is. I will start buying patches for when she is here. Rather than buying the lot all at once, I'll buy a few boxes of nico-patches per month. I like to have a good head start on supplies, so I don't run out at the wrong time. Namely, running out when I happen to be broke (or feel broke).
And, yes, it woke me up. My body is just... set to be up. I am tired, still. I didn't get 12 hours of sleep. But I don't think I needed it today. Something is just... different. It does help, too, to have the sun shining this morning. When I spiral downward, healthwise, and the weather closes in on top of it, my troubles double. It is just the way it is. Hmm, some beans and ham sound good for breakfast, in a bit. A little food in the gullet, but just a bite, seems to help.
I don't know what I can get done this morning, work-wise. I'll try to do a bit. But what I had believed was to be an afternoon shoot yesterday my friend believed was for today. So, that is the plan. I don't want to push my first day back on my feet, either. Though I think I can get a good start on that remaining corner area this morning. And, I finally realized that the carpet is and has been dry for quite some time. It is just that the baking soda, when cold, feels wet. I don't think I caused it to be wet by walking in the area at all. After vacuuming and some other work, a shower and a trip to town. An hour and a half has passed since the call, mostly wandering here and there, feeding the cats, and reading blogs and bits of news. Time sure flies sometimes.
Well, on to the rest of life. Good day.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Hmm...
.
.
Sometimes nothing is going to move forward. Beating a dead horse doesn't work, and yet I do try that from time to time. I am at a dead stop and I cannot force the issue, I can't coax the system, bribery doesn't seem to be helping, and even slow starts get about as far as the other methods. My body is ready, or was. Like a bloom, that only lasts so long. So, what is the problem? Focus, mostly. I leave the computer with a task in mind. I might make it to where the task is. I can even start it. Then my mind just drifts and I find myself right back here, sitting at the computer. Oh, I'm over the "How the heck did I get here, don't remember doing that!" stuff. I realize that a horse knows it's way home, even if it doesn't remember the way. It's like the feet do both the remembering and the returning. I never quit, I just know there are times where it isn't so much about quitting as it is about... knowing one's limits?
At least life, itself, is good. I keep trying to remember to open my front curtains, to get up when I can, to post quips and comments here and there, and to write from my perspective here on my home blog. I do enjoy looking for new and old music, and videos I enjoy using song as a backdrop. Humor is out there too. I, of course, am a fan of Monty Python, more their movies than the series though. I keep researching little things, such as tools, techniques (such as flattening floor boards which have warped), and cooking ideas. And I still dream, real and awake types, from the reals of hiking and fishing to the surreals. Just last night, or the night before(?), I dreamed of being an angel who came to earth and... got stuck. I didn't fall, nor did I sin, I just (as an angel), came and for some reason couldn't go back. I had to live my life out as a human, until the lifespan of my flesh was done. I wasn't any more sure what would happen after that than... well... then people are. I didn't have a guide, I couldn't just speak to the Father as before. Should I find a wife? Should I go to school and begin a career? What to do? How much did I know, how much did I not know, compared to others. Quite an interesting dream. I don't remember how it all turned out, just that ribeye, I decided, was quite delectable. Oh, and Mary Jane So-and-so was quite attractive. I think she liked me too. *grins* It might make for an interesting book, if not done by some secular humanist, and by someone with a good sense of humor. It almost brought to mind leaving the service, the military. A whole new and different world, different expectations, no more really cool toys, and some other things.
I don't know what to expect today. I just woke up. I keep planning on work, making little goals, and even getting little bits of them done. I suppose I will find out at about bedtime what I was able to do.
Have a good day.
.
Sometimes nothing is going to move forward. Beating a dead horse doesn't work, and yet I do try that from time to time. I am at a dead stop and I cannot force the issue, I can't coax the system, bribery doesn't seem to be helping, and even slow starts get about as far as the other methods. My body is ready, or was. Like a bloom, that only lasts so long. So, what is the problem? Focus, mostly. I leave the computer with a task in mind. I might make it to where the task is. I can even start it. Then my mind just drifts and I find myself right back here, sitting at the computer. Oh, I'm over the "How the heck did I get here, don't remember doing that!" stuff. I realize that a horse knows it's way home, even if it doesn't remember the way. It's like the feet do both the remembering and the returning. I never quit, I just know there are times where it isn't so much about quitting as it is about... knowing one's limits?
At least life, itself, is good. I keep trying to remember to open my front curtains, to get up when I can, to post quips and comments here and there, and to write from my perspective here on my home blog. I do enjoy looking for new and old music, and videos I enjoy using song as a backdrop. Humor is out there too. I, of course, am a fan of Monty Python, more their movies than the series though. I keep researching little things, such as tools, techniques (such as flattening floor boards which have warped), and cooking ideas. And I still dream, real and awake types, from the reals of hiking and fishing to the surreals. Just last night, or the night before(?), I dreamed of being an angel who came to earth and... got stuck. I didn't fall, nor did I sin, I just (as an angel), came and for some reason couldn't go back. I had to live my life out as a human, until the lifespan of my flesh was done. I wasn't any more sure what would happen after that than... well... then people are. I didn't have a guide, I couldn't just speak to the Father as before. Should I find a wife? Should I go to school and begin a career? What to do? How much did I know, how much did I not know, compared to others. Quite an interesting dream. I don't remember how it all turned out, just that ribeye, I decided, was quite delectable. Oh, and Mary Jane So-and-so was quite attractive. I think she liked me too. *grins* It might make for an interesting book, if not done by some secular humanist, and by someone with a good sense of humor. It almost brought to mind leaving the service, the military. A whole new and different world, different expectations, no more really cool toys, and some other things.
I don't know what to expect today. I just woke up. I keep planning on work, making little goals, and even getting little bits of them done. I suppose I will find out at about bedtime what I was able to do.
Have a good day.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
It just isn't working.
.
.
I may be ill though. Sneezing, stiff neck, headache, occasional chills, nausea, weakness, dizziness from time to time, and some other things. A spring cold or something? Usually I work better when sick, not this time. The odd thing is, under the illness, my engine is still running well. That makes it doubly frustrating. Now my signs of illness barely show, but that is saying a lot for me. Some people, when they are sick, show every symptom clearly and obviously. You don't want to go near them, let alone work with them in an office or in school all day. I don't exhibit strong signs. I just know it. I just can't get to work right now. If I can get over this quickly I am pretty sure I can pop back to it. And, I am still doing bits and pieces. On the bright side being sick might see me to bed early. I'm not sure I can get up all that much earlier, as that is the more difficult part of changing my sleep patterns. Still, you never know.
I did more sanding of my heals, calluses, and a few odd spots of skin build-up on my feet last night. I keep thinking I am nearly done. This will be the third time I have taken off at least a quarter of an inch of stratum corneum (each time). I suspect some of it is regrowth. The other part is that it goes deeper than what I had thought. I would like to keep up with that. Taking showers in softened water might end up helping with that a bit too. I keep looking at other options. Soaking your feet in an oatmeal/clay solution? Even pumice stone doesn't cut it. I definitely need a Dremel... or maybe a bench grinder? :)
A bite to eat helps nausea, so I'm going to do something. Adding to supper that was delivered, that will be enough for today. Maybe a bit more reading here, and a little research. Doing a few more tasks in the bedroom to clear it. But mostly I am just looking forward to crawling back to bed. Ah, the floor seemed dry enough yesterday so I sprinkled baking soda on it. I also walked on it, finding a couple of places where it has warped a bit (no problems, there is a technique to deal with that). However, walking on it seemed to bring up water. Trying to vacuum even a damp floor is pseudo to very dangerous, with a standard vacuum. Another day or two, and staying off that area, should see me to getting it vacuumed. Although I must say I think the baking soda is doing it's job of absorbing the mildew smell. All good, just... another delay.
Good night.
.
I may be ill though. Sneezing, stiff neck, headache, occasional chills, nausea, weakness, dizziness from time to time, and some other things. A spring cold or something? Usually I work better when sick, not this time. The odd thing is, under the illness, my engine is still running well. That makes it doubly frustrating. Now my signs of illness barely show, but that is saying a lot for me. Some people, when they are sick, show every symptom clearly and obviously. You don't want to go near them, let alone work with them in an office or in school all day. I don't exhibit strong signs. I just know it. I just can't get to work right now. If I can get over this quickly I am pretty sure I can pop back to it. And, I am still doing bits and pieces. On the bright side being sick might see me to bed early. I'm not sure I can get up all that much earlier, as that is the more difficult part of changing my sleep patterns. Still, you never know.
I did more sanding of my heals, calluses, and a few odd spots of skin build-up on my feet last night. I keep thinking I am nearly done. This will be the third time I have taken off at least a quarter of an inch of stratum corneum (each time). I suspect some of it is regrowth. The other part is that it goes deeper than what I had thought. I would like to keep up with that. Taking showers in softened water might end up helping with that a bit too. I keep looking at other options. Soaking your feet in an oatmeal/clay solution? Even pumice stone doesn't cut it. I definitely need a Dremel... or maybe a bench grinder? :)
A bite to eat helps nausea, so I'm going to do something. Adding to supper that was delivered, that will be enough for today. Maybe a bit more reading here, and a little research. Doing a few more tasks in the bedroom to clear it. But mostly I am just looking forward to crawling back to bed. Ah, the floor seemed dry enough yesterday so I sprinkled baking soda on it. I also walked on it, finding a couple of places where it has warped a bit (no problems, there is a technique to deal with that). However, walking on it seemed to bring up water. Trying to vacuum even a damp floor is pseudo to very dangerous, with a standard vacuum. Another day or two, and staying off that area, should see me to getting it vacuumed. Although I must say I think the baking soda is doing it's job of absorbing the mildew smell. All good, just... another delay.
Good night.
Moving at the speed of sound.
.
.
Uhrm, in a vacuum.
I am still not being able to sleep until late, then waking late. Sleeping twelve hours has become the norm. The alarm clock does wake me, I do get up to fiddle with it, sometimes promptly though just as often a half hour into it's call. Though I can't get past just shutting it off or resetting it. Snooze is useless. I simply cannot seem to force the issue. I keep trying though. As for work, that... Work, if not quite at a standstill has slowed a great deal. One good day of work this week, so far. I am hoping to get more work done today, I just don't have the sense that it will be a large amount of work. I might, however, get my bedroom cleared. With most of the laundry handled and bits and pieces here and there done, I have the furniture and one corner of... stuff... to deal with. It isn't even that bad of a corner. It is the decision making regarding what is in the corner... this goes here, that there, these go together in this place, and so on. I do have a chance to have it done today.
If I recall correctly, renting a steam-cleaner is $35-$50 a day, a little less for half-day rentals, plus gas for getting it and returning it. And, being that I will need it two times, if just half days, and just for this time, I am expecting at least $60 in rental fees. I noticed, while shopping, that a smaller steam-cleaner with a good name (for whatever that means these days sometimes), for $80. With only a small total area of carpeting, the size would be right. Considering rental prices, hassle, and travel... owning might be best. As well, not having to rush things, or have two rooms completely empty at a time, or having to do this and that all at once, buying seems... better. If I can get a good tool at the right price. I'm... thinking on it.
While I was out yesterday I had a wonderful set of experiences with women. Why some days are so darned good I can't say. Though I must admit I very rarely have a bad day with women, if one or two women might be on a man-hater binge, most days my encounters with women are quite... pleasant. Young to old, I was being flirted with outrageously. Who is to say what was just kindness, what was interest, and what was something else? I admit women are notoriously difficult to fathom in a brief encounter. Though, toward the end of the my time in town a younger woman seemed to be flirting. Though, with younger women, one... can't initially always be sure if she is just being innocently young and sweet, exhibiting ignorantly the signs of flirtation, or if she is truly being flirtatious. But... there are ways to tell with any woman, mostly. Little things, cues back to her, her responses, and such. I can't even tell you what they are, only that... I have ways and means. Since I had, in this case, the means and opportunity, I tested. To my mind she definitely was willfully flirting. When she realized how far out I had led her though, she blushed and... got a bit frazzled. Not angry, just... something. Oh, and she was beautiful my friends. A early 20-something woman any man interested in marriage or sex would seek. I don't mean cute, I mean pretty, and younger than the woman in that picture.
Anyway, I just feel better after such days. The trick is to find such a one, age somewhat irrelevant (with legal restrictions and fertility accounted for, mind you), though maturity a serious concern, know she is single, and get past the flirting stage. Oh, no, she doesn't have to be that beautiful. A good woman is what I seek, as much as beauty, though there has to be... enough for a strong spark. I wouldn't bother approaching a woman who would not fit that. It is just that... a direct random approach is nearly surely going to lead to failure. While the old notion of knocking on twenty doors to make a sale is an approach, that approach is only really suited to finding a lover, and more for those who are weak with the force. Ha. I'm done with lovers, as such. However, one old truth remains. While women are free to reject, they are not free to approach. That is, and will always remain, a man's job. I have never seen that work otherwise, save when the man is very weak and the woman is very strong, in an upside-down relationship. But those can get pretty ugly and aren't my way. I called those one-night stands. Pump, dump, for good or ill I just don't work that way.
.
Uhrm, in a vacuum.
I am still not being able to sleep until late, then waking late. Sleeping twelve hours has become the norm. The alarm clock does wake me, I do get up to fiddle with it, sometimes promptly though just as often a half hour into it's call. Though I can't get past just shutting it off or resetting it. Snooze is useless. I simply cannot seem to force the issue. I keep trying though. As for work, that... Work, if not quite at a standstill has slowed a great deal. One good day of work this week, so far. I am hoping to get more work done today, I just don't have the sense that it will be a large amount of work. I might, however, get my bedroom cleared. With most of the laundry handled and bits and pieces here and there done, I have the furniture and one corner of... stuff... to deal with. It isn't even that bad of a corner. It is the decision making regarding what is in the corner... this goes here, that there, these go together in this place, and so on. I do have a chance to have it done today.
If I recall correctly, renting a steam-cleaner is $35-$50 a day, a little less for half-day rentals, plus gas for getting it and returning it. And, being that I will need it two times, if just half days, and just for this time, I am expecting at least $60 in rental fees. I noticed, while shopping, that a smaller steam-cleaner with a good name (for whatever that means these days sometimes), for $80. With only a small total area of carpeting, the size would be right. Considering rental prices, hassle, and travel... owning might be best. As well, not having to rush things, or have two rooms completely empty at a time, or having to do this and that all at once, buying seems... better. If I can get a good tool at the right price. I'm... thinking on it.
While I was out yesterday I had a wonderful set of experiences with women. Why some days are so darned good I can't say. Though I must admit I very rarely have a bad day with women, if one or two women might be on a man-hater binge, most days my encounters with women are quite... pleasant. Young to old, I was being flirted with outrageously. Who is to say what was just kindness, what was interest, and what was something else? I admit women are notoriously difficult to fathom in a brief encounter. Though, toward the end of the my time in town a younger woman seemed to be flirting. Though, with younger women, one... can't initially always be sure if she is just being innocently young and sweet, exhibiting ignorantly the signs of flirtation, or if she is truly being flirtatious. But... there are ways to tell with any woman, mostly. Little things, cues back to her, her responses, and such. I can't even tell you what they are, only that... I have ways and means. Since I had, in this case, the means and opportunity, I tested. To my mind she definitely was willfully flirting. When she realized how far out I had led her though, she blushed and... got a bit frazzled. Not angry, just... something. Oh, and she was beautiful my friends. A early 20-something woman any man interested in marriage or sex would seek. I don't mean cute, I mean pretty, and younger than the woman in that picture.
Anyway, I just feel better after such days. The trick is to find such a one, age somewhat irrelevant (with legal restrictions and fertility accounted for, mind you), though maturity a serious concern, know she is single, and get past the flirting stage. Oh, no, she doesn't have to be that beautiful. A good woman is what I seek, as much as beauty, though there has to be... enough for a strong spark. I wouldn't bother approaching a woman who would not fit that. It is just that... a direct random approach is nearly surely going to lead to failure. While the old notion of knocking on twenty doors to make a sale is an approach, that approach is only really suited to finding a lover, and more for those who are weak with the force. Ha. I'm done with lovers, as such. However, one old truth remains. While women are free to reject, they are not free to approach. That is, and will always remain, a man's job. I have never seen that work otherwise, save when the man is very weak and the woman is very strong, in an upside-down relationship. But those can get pretty ugly and aren't my way. I called those one-night stands. Pump, dump, for good or ill I just don't work that way.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Yeah, well...
.
.
I did get a shower in, called my friend, and was heading out the door. He thought doing some shopping would be better for today, he needed some things. Well, no problem, I had a few things on my list, namely a hydrant for my back yard and baking soda for my carpet, Arm and Hammer stuff, whatever. Well, he really did need to shop. Shirts, food, milk, cleaning supplies. No problem. It's good to help someone and it is usually pretty easy. I don't even have to work on patience any more, and can go a little slower now. We shopped a goodly bit, I helped him get his groceries and such in, then headed home.
Waiting for me was a very good dinner. I am feeling rather spoiled, to be honest. But... that's okay. It beats days or even weeks without food! Yeah, I've been there. But feeling better, now with the dishes done, and being able to shop, plus the food coming in, I am just now able to have at least a meal a day, sometimes two, and occasionally snacks. I think that is making it so I can work a bit more.
I haven't gotten much work done. No problem, I'm about to finally hit it. I had a busy "morning" and afternoon, but I feel good. I am not sure what I can actually get done, but just sticking my nose in it and doing is the only way to find out. I finally got a card for someone, too, today. I am hoping to get that out real soon. No, I mean it. Very time sensitive.
.
I did get a shower in, called my friend, and was heading out the door. He thought doing some shopping would be better for today, he needed some things. Well, no problem, I had a few things on my list, namely a hydrant for my back yard and baking soda for my carpet, Arm and Hammer stuff, whatever. Well, he really did need to shop. Shirts, food, milk, cleaning supplies. No problem. It's good to help someone and it is usually pretty easy. I don't even have to work on patience any more, and can go a little slower now. We shopped a goodly bit, I helped him get his groceries and such in, then headed home.
Waiting for me was a very good dinner. I am feeling rather spoiled, to be honest. But... that's okay. It beats days or even weeks without food! Yeah, I've been there. But feeling better, now with the dishes done, and being able to shop, plus the food coming in, I am just now able to have at least a meal a day, sometimes two, and occasionally snacks. I think that is making it so I can work a bit more.
I haven't gotten much work done. No problem, I'm about to finally hit it. I had a busy "morning" and afternoon, but I feel good. I am not sure what I can actually get done, but just sticking my nose in it and doing is the only way to find out. I finally got a card for someone, too, today. I am hoping to get that out real soon. No, I mean it. Very time sensitive.
Up and running.
.
.
Late, definitely later than intended. But I got to bed late too. So, no biggy. Actually I was awaken with a doorbell. The neighbor boy has time off from school, for good behavior? Anyway, he thought it might be time to mow. Good thing I went out last night, he had a cold sprite for his break. I had decided, as incentive, that if I don't have a cold soda (non-caffeine mind you), that I would fork over a five spot. Good incentive. So, he mowed and weed whipped and it's looking good out there. I told him I would try to get mowing in by Saturday. I do the back part, or... usually. All good.
Then I had a fellow stop by just before writing this. He is a general contractor and wanted to check on my water heater progress. I told him I was trying to get that done myself, and explained my... plan. He gave me some tips about what to look for when I do get into the crawlway, what types of mold to look for, and how to deal with them. I did suggest that I had some other work. He can't work on the electrical, but I discussed getting my outside spigot changed and raised, adding a spigot to the other side (above ground, out of the side of the house), and asked about the kitchen wall. He is going to do some things to just help out and gave me some good pointers. It even seems as if some of my ideas are good. Doubt is a terrible thing, only aggravated by ignorance. I'll... learn. As things come up though, I might throw him some work. Garage door opener, anyone? Yeah, I've been holding my breath on that one. Make friends but throw what bones you have their way once in a while too. Just like shopping local when it is reasonable, and sometimes not on minor things.
So, what the heck am I doing? I don't know. I haven't quite ever waken yet, I have just been going through the motions. It's a crazy world, and I'm a crazy guy, in the more sane way though. Just like you, if you might be a gal. Oh, I know you are crazy too, if you are a woman. All good, join the pack. Enjoy a chuckle at our befuddlement, then get back to work? Yeah, that's about it.
Hmm, shower, check on shave (gets too groady it goes), call my friend, see from there? Yeah, but in a bit. I probably would just be waking up now, left to my own devices. Still, all good.
Later.
.
Late, definitely later than intended. But I got to bed late too. So, no biggy. Actually I was awaken with a doorbell. The neighbor boy has time off from school, for good behavior? Anyway, he thought it might be time to mow. Good thing I went out last night, he had a cold sprite for his break. I had decided, as incentive, that if I don't have a cold soda (non-caffeine mind you), that I would fork over a five spot. Good incentive. So, he mowed and weed whipped and it's looking good out there. I told him I would try to get mowing in by Saturday. I do the back part, or... usually. All good.
Then I had a fellow stop by just before writing this. He is a general contractor and wanted to check on my water heater progress. I told him I was trying to get that done myself, and explained my... plan. He gave me some tips about what to look for when I do get into the crawlway, what types of mold to look for, and how to deal with them. I did suggest that I had some other work. He can't work on the electrical, but I discussed getting my outside spigot changed and raised, adding a spigot to the other side (above ground, out of the side of the house), and asked about the kitchen wall. He is going to do some things to just help out and gave me some good pointers. It even seems as if some of my ideas are good. Doubt is a terrible thing, only aggravated by ignorance. I'll... learn. As things come up though, I might throw him some work. Garage door opener, anyone? Yeah, I've been holding my breath on that one. Make friends but throw what bones you have their way once in a while too. Just like shopping local when it is reasonable, and sometimes not on minor things.
So, what the heck am I doing? I don't know. I haven't quite ever waken yet, I have just been going through the motions. It's a crazy world, and I'm a crazy guy, in the more sane way though. Just like you, if you might be a gal. Oh, I know you are crazy too, if you are a woman. All good, join the pack. Enjoy a chuckle at our befuddlement, then get back to work? Yeah, that's about it.
Hmm, shower, check on shave (gets too groady it goes), call my friend, see from there? Yeah, but in a bit. I probably would just be waking up now, left to my own devices. Still, all good.
Later.
Late, but...
.
.
If you can't sleep, you don't.
I've been thinking about some things. Until recently, I wasn't even sure of how I might approach a woman. You know what though? When I saw one I wanted to take and made up my mind, the how, when, and such never crossed my mind. And I didn't hem and hah about it. I just, while talking to her, asked my question. Oh, sure, I had cover. I always did, always will. A way in, a bit of fluff as ruse, and a way out if it all went wrong. I also had little invested, save curiosity. Now to find several women to approach. The trick is being out enough to even bump into a woman I find attractive and then nailing down whether she is available. I'm working on that.
The other thing that has been on my mind has been about children. What do I want from sons? Daughters? About daughters I can be very brief. I would hope to have girls who grow to be women, wives, and mothers. Young women who remain virgins until marriage is the ideal. I know little else about girls and women. Sons though, yes. I do hope to have at least one son who goes on to become a capable warrior. Not a soldier, a man who can be given an objective, the tools and training, and can do what must be done, even if it hurts him in... the many ways hard things can. What would I give him, what would I try to give him that would make him better than me? A moral compass from the beginning. A home to retreat to if needed. Moral ambiguity can't be completely avoided, it can be... mitigated. A second son? I do hope for a priest. Between those sons my life would be fulfilled. And yet I know, children aren't born to fulfill parents. Still, those would be what I would secretly hope to develop in my boys. Two very different means of service and sacrifice.
I keep thinking about a song from days gone by. And, I still agree with it. There are songs like it in Country, top-40, and of course my fringe stuff. But thinking of it as a potential father, the thing takes on a whole different light. I would not want my sons or daughters following any of my tracks. At least I think I could help that, if I could live long enough that they, especially sons but to some degree daughters, not be raised by their mother alone. It's often potentially worse if she marries again, at least unwisely. I would figure out how to stay above ground, too. I've done much harder things in my life. The song? Ah, here. At least this father could bang heads right back, and harder.
Interesting how life changes, depending on what side of things you are on? Good night.
.
If you can't sleep, you don't.
I've been thinking about some things. Until recently, I wasn't even sure of how I might approach a woman. You know what though? When I saw one I wanted to take and made up my mind, the how, when, and such never crossed my mind. And I didn't hem and hah about it. I just, while talking to her, asked my question. Oh, sure, I had cover. I always did, always will. A way in, a bit of fluff as ruse, and a way out if it all went wrong. I also had little invested, save curiosity. Now to find several women to approach. The trick is being out enough to even bump into a woman I find attractive and then nailing down whether she is available. I'm working on that.
The other thing that has been on my mind has been about children. What do I want from sons? Daughters? About daughters I can be very brief. I would hope to have girls who grow to be women, wives, and mothers. Young women who remain virgins until marriage is the ideal. I know little else about girls and women. Sons though, yes. I do hope to have at least one son who goes on to become a capable warrior. Not a soldier, a man who can be given an objective, the tools and training, and can do what must be done, even if it hurts him in... the many ways hard things can. What would I give him, what would I try to give him that would make him better than me? A moral compass from the beginning. A home to retreat to if needed. Moral ambiguity can't be completely avoided, it can be... mitigated. A second son? I do hope for a priest. Between those sons my life would be fulfilled. And yet I know, children aren't born to fulfill parents. Still, those would be what I would secretly hope to develop in my boys. Two very different means of service and sacrifice.
I keep thinking about a song from days gone by. And, I still agree with it. There are songs like it in Country, top-40, and of course my fringe stuff. But thinking of it as a potential father, the thing takes on a whole different light. I would not want my sons or daughters following any of my tracks. At least I think I could help that, if I could live long enough that they, especially sons but to some degree daughters, not be raised by their mother alone. It's often potentially worse if she marries again, at least unwisely. I would figure out how to stay above ground, too. I've done much harder things in my life. The song? Ah, here. At least this father could bang heads right back, and harder.
Interesting how life changes, depending on what side of things you are on? Good night.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Almost done for the day.
.
.
I got a shower in. I will finish the second load of laundry, which is in the dryer. That will be two loads washed, three put away, maybe doing that other basket too. I finished the last of the dishes, which will make for three loads of dishes done. Most of the last load of dishes will be left to air dry. The fan I could find is drying the bedroom carpeting (doh! the other fan was right behind me, but one is fan is enough). The bins have been pulled in. I avoided work not on the schedule, despite a heavy temptation. I tried a different cat food along with the pumpkin for the cats, much more successfully whether because of their hunger or a better pairing I don't know. Little other bits have been done, here, there, and everywhere actually. I am well and thoroughly done in though.
Why was mowing so tempting, I wondered. Then it hit me. When I am running this well I would rather use muscle rather than... sift through socks? Do dishes? Yeah, yeah, it all adds up, but pushing my mower, sawing with the chainsaw or other power tool or by hand, hammering, nailing, ripping things up or off or down... that's what I'm talking about. This... panzie shit is... well... it's just not what my body was intended to do. Yes, crystal clear. It is what I have, it must be done, and I am it. So, that is that. Maybe I will get to do some fun stuff before long. Putting in the water heater is my reward, I hope. Well, and taking the bed down and moving furniture. It's all the little crap in-between that ruffles my feathers.
Tomorrow will probably not be quite as active. If I can get the furniture moved out of the bedroom and complete the prepping for the living room for tear-down I will be happy. And I best check with my friend. If today was a booger, I will reset it for tomorrow if possible, to his schedule. Another shower, hopefully in the real morning if this bit of work has worn me well enough to sleep a bit earlier and rise a bit earlier. With the dishes done, the cat litter out, and my home opened up, there is hope that life will seem better. Oddly, it really doesn't stink even when I miss a while with the cat litter. Having three boxes helps, and they probably choose the less smelly of the three to use, automatically shifting which avoids odor build-up? And, yes, my nose still works fine. I can also tell when guests are here, little girls notice these things the most.
Supper arrived just in time tonight. I had forgotten about food completely. As I was resting here, in came home-made sauce spaghetti! I tried to eat in a reasonable fashion, remembered my prayer, but then sort of... gobbled. Quite good. And being home-made, twice as good. If more women understood what home-made means to a man, then applied it, there would be far fewer divorces and happier people. That's for sure. No guarantee, but... anything that improves the odds, especially significantly increasing the odds.
Well, maybe one more thing. Though I will probably be going in to town tomorrow I want to get milk and baking soda tonight. At the rate the carpet is drying I might be able to sprinkle the powder on tomorrow, maybe right first thing in the morning. Plus, I just want to blow my town for just a little bit. Supper will hold, though I might buy salami and cheese, just for being a good boy. But MILK... I need that. And tomorrow I will be, probably, taking my friend around, and maybe shooting, and most likely won't feel like staying in town to do a bit more shopping after all is said and done. You can't buy milk and hope it lasts all day in the car. Nope, tonight.
Good night.
.
I got a shower in. I will finish the second load of laundry, which is in the dryer. That will be two loads washed, three put away, maybe doing that other basket too. I finished the last of the dishes, which will make for three loads of dishes done. Most of the last load of dishes will be left to air dry. The fan I could find is drying the bedroom carpeting (doh! the other fan was right behind me, but one is fan is enough). The bins have been pulled in. I avoided work not on the schedule, despite a heavy temptation. I tried a different cat food along with the pumpkin for the cats, much more successfully whether because of their hunger or a better pairing I don't know. Little other bits have been done, here, there, and everywhere actually. I am well and thoroughly done in though.
Why was mowing so tempting, I wondered. Then it hit me. When I am running this well I would rather use muscle rather than... sift through socks? Do dishes? Yeah, yeah, it all adds up, but pushing my mower, sawing with the chainsaw or other power tool or by hand, hammering, nailing, ripping things up or off or down... that's what I'm talking about. This... panzie shit is... well... it's just not what my body was intended to do. Yes, crystal clear. It is what I have, it must be done, and I am it. So, that is that. Maybe I will get to do some fun stuff before long. Putting in the water heater is my reward, I hope. Well, and taking the bed down and moving furniture. It's all the little crap in-between that ruffles my feathers.
Tomorrow will probably not be quite as active. If I can get the furniture moved out of the bedroom and complete the prepping for the living room for tear-down I will be happy. And I best check with my friend. If today was a booger, I will reset it for tomorrow if possible, to his schedule. Another shower, hopefully in the real morning if this bit of work has worn me well enough to sleep a bit earlier and rise a bit earlier. With the dishes done, the cat litter out, and my home opened up, there is hope that life will seem better. Oddly, it really doesn't stink even when I miss a while with the cat litter. Having three boxes helps, and they probably choose the less smelly of the three to use, automatically shifting which avoids odor build-up? And, yes, my nose still works fine. I can also tell when guests are here, little girls notice these things the most.
Supper arrived just in time tonight. I had forgotten about food completely. As I was resting here, in came home-made sauce spaghetti! I tried to eat in a reasonable fashion, remembered my prayer, but then sort of... gobbled. Quite good. And being home-made, twice as good. If more women understood what home-made means to a man, then applied it, there would be far fewer divorces and happier people. That's for sure. No guarantee, but... anything that improves the odds, especially significantly increasing the odds.
Well, maybe one more thing. Though I will probably be going in to town tomorrow I want to get milk and baking soda tonight. At the rate the carpet is drying I might be able to sprinkle the powder on tomorrow, maybe right first thing in the morning. Plus, I just want to blow my town for just a little bit. Supper will hold, though I might buy salami and cheese, just for being a good boy. But MILK... I need that. And tomorrow I will be, probably, taking my friend around, and maybe shooting, and most likely won't feel like staying in town to do a bit more shopping after all is said and done. You can't buy milk and hope it lasts all day in the car. Nope, tonight.
Good night.
Don't mind me, just keeping score.
.
.
As the alarm went off I was, mostly, ready to go. I just had to finish listening to a song. Up I went. I wasn't sure what to do first. The bins, I decided, and they are now in their usual places. Then laundry had to be switched out. I had a few towels left in the drier, the ones I feared would get moldy. They are good (tested one while showering this morning, or they would have been washed again), so I folded and put those away. I also cleaned out the bottom of two of my clothes baskets. I have no idea what cats do in there, or why, but... Yeah, glad I caught that. I'll clean the other basket sometime soon, too. I washed the dishes, leaving the plates and bowls to air dry but I like hand drying my silverware. You can use the spoons to shave with. That's just how I like it. I did a couple of odds and ends between here, there, this, and that too, though they aren't coming to mind. The little forgetme's of cleaning and regulating a home, things often overlooked even when I am running clean. Still, a spit-and-lick now and then at least makes me feel like I'm... taking care. Then I opened up all the windows. It's 72 F inside as such, just right.
While I was outside the siren call of the lawnmower sang out. I was sorely tested to let her rip and do a quarter of the yard or something. Reason, with her soothing song, led me to safety though. No, nothing wrong with mowing. But right now, to get from point "a" to point "b", and it is a bit time sensitive to my mind, I can't go off burning juice I barely have enough of in any case doing something major aside from what I am doing. I gave myself a gold star and promised I would get some good salami the next time I am in town, cheese too. Boo-yeah. Take that you stinking SIREN! :)
Sad to say, but this little bit I am doing is beating me up. Oh, I'll drag through it. I'll... I'll do it. I will even do more than scheduled, I am seeing that already. But too, I will do less than what could, probably should, really be done. Oh, shut up you! Another siren call, leading me to the cliff's edge, don't you know? I am hoping, if the floor in the bathroom is still good, to have the water heater replaced, the carpets steam-cleaned, and my bedroom, living room, and on-suite bathroom back into production by Saturday, depending on how fast the carpets dry from the cleaner. Which will really happen first is still up in the air, depending several factors.
It looks like using fans on the still damp carpet is the best bet at this point. After it dries, perhaps a heaping dose of baking powder left on for a day then vacuumed, either before or after (or both) the steam cleaning (depending on how fast the carpet dries, or even if it dries completely in time). I have been making sure there is air flow in there, so that was good. There isn't much else I can do at this point for that. Hmm, might as well grab the fans though, right now, and get them going. Then I can finish my break with peace of mind.
Yeah, it is disappointing how little can take me down. It doesn't really matter why. Owning a home may actually be beyond me, to do right. I have neither the means or money to keep up. Or... do I? We will see. Though I had best... keep ahead of disasters from here on in. Which means some reading of manuals, self-help material wherever I can find it, tool upgrades (specifically sockets big enough to handle water heater anodes and the like, not sure if I have them now?). I need to check the main water heater after I recover from this job. Never mind, this is the lot I have chosen. And, even with all, I like it.
Later.
.
As the alarm went off I was, mostly, ready to go. I just had to finish listening to a song. Up I went. I wasn't sure what to do first. The bins, I decided, and they are now in their usual places. Then laundry had to be switched out. I had a few towels left in the drier, the ones I feared would get moldy. They are good (tested one while showering this morning, or they would have been washed again), so I folded and put those away. I also cleaned out the bottom of two of my clothes baskets. I have no idea what cats do in there, or why, but... Yeah, glad I caught that. I'll clean the other basket sometime soon, too. I washed the dishes, leaving the plates and bowls to air dry but I like hand drying my silverware. You can use the spoons to shave with. That's just how I like it. I did a couple of odds and ends between here, there, this, and that too, though they aren't coming to mind. The little forgetme's of cleaning and regulating a home, things often overlooked even when I am running clean. Still, a spit-and-lick now and then at least makes me feel like I'm... taking care. Then I opened up all the windows. It's 72 F inside as such, just right.
While I was outside the siren call of the lawnmower sang out. I was sorely tested to let her rip and do a quarter of the yard or something. Reason, with her soothing song, led me to safety though. No, nothing wrong with mowing. But right now, to get from point "a" to point "b", and it is a bit time sensitive to my mind, I can't go off burning juice I barely have enough of in any case doing something major aside from what I am doing. I gave myself a gold star and promised I would get some good salami the next time I am in town, cheese too. Boo-yeah. Take that you stinking SIREN! :)
Sad to say, but this little bit I am doing is beating me up. Oh, I'll drag through it. I'll... I'll do it. I will even do more than scheduled, I am seeing that already. But too, I will do less than what could, probably should, really be done. Oh, shut up you! Another siren call, leading me to the cliff's edge, don't you know? I am hoping, if the floor in the bathroom is still good, to have the water heater replaced, the carpets steam-cleaned, and my bedroom, living room, and on-suite bathroom back into production by Saturday, depending on how fast the carpets dry from the cleaner. Which will really happen first is still up in the air, depending several factors.
It looks like using fans on the still damp carpet is the best bet at this point. After it dries, perhaps a heaping dose of baking powder left on for a day then vacuumed, either before or after (or both) the steam cleaning (depending on how fast the carpet dries, or even if it dries completely in time). I have been making sure there is air flow in there, so that was good. There isn't much else I can do at this point for that. Hmm, might as well grab the fans though, right now, and get them going. Then I can finish my break with peace of mind.
Yeah, it is disappointing how little can take me down. It doesn't really matter why. Owning a home may actually be beyond me, to do right. I have neither the means or money to keep up. Or... do I? We will see. Though I had best... keep ahead of disasters from here on in. Which means some reading of manuals, self-help material wherever I can find it, tool upgrades (specifically sockets big enough to handle water heater anodes and the like, not sure if I have them now?). I need to check the main water heater after I recover from this job. Never mind, this is the lot I have chosen. And, even with all, I like it.
Later.
Zoom, zoom! *kersplat!*
.
.
That was fun! Let's do it again, daddy!
Well, I got off to a great start. I realized I did have pumpkin, in the can, and didn't want to waste it. Since I only use the larger cans of pumpkin when I make pumpkin pies the little can simply wasn't of much use, especially since I rarely make stews and summer is upon us anyway (and I never did quite got cold soups and stews even attempted). So, the cats got half a teaspoon in their wet food. Neither favors it much. Sassy usually eats her food and whatever Sam leaves. Today she didn't eat more than half of her own food. Well, I put up the dry. They can eat that or nothing. The Lord moves in mysterious ways, like turning a son into his mother? Bah! It didn't work for her, probably won't work for me, but she always figured something out to... get the intent down. I will too. Women! ??? Ha! I even found a container to store the remnants of the can in. If it doesn't pass the smell test next time I go to use it I'll toss it.
After that I messed with the baskets of clean clothes, and sorted down from two to one basket. I then soaked the dishes, hit a couple of spots of emesis, got my shower in and decided against a shave (my pseudo-beard rough cut is just right to look good, at least to me), sorted dirty clothes and put the first load in. Then... *BaM!* That is it for a bit.
Still on my list is to finish the dishes and laundry, get the recycle and trash bins in from the curb, finish the laundry then do my bedding while setting up my spare bedroom to become temporary sleeping headquarters, and check to see if there is anything left of me to give to the war effort. Oh, I know it will happen in fits and starts. I just have to try to keep the engine running between too high and too low while still moving onward. While I am at it, I will be looking online at what I might be able to put on the carpeting that got wet to... alleviate mold and mildew potential. It will be at least a day or two before I can get the steam-vac rented and going. I know it is late in the game for that, but it is what I have, where I am.
I've set an alarm to go off in an hour and a half, when the first load of laundry is done. I will change out loads, do the dishes, soak any remaining dishes, and then take a short rest after that. Then, after another load is through, I will cycle the laundry and with one load dried I will take that into my room and finish the old and new clean clothes sorting, folding, hanging, and storing. I will probably then just do the remaining dishes right after the clothing is done. Another break after that. Somewhere in there I will get the trash bins in. Whether I get all that done today or not I don't know. I might even be able to do more. Who can tell? But, that, as things sit, is the plan. Yeah, I needed a break.
Spot on. Get to it!
.
That was fun! Let's do it again, daddy!
Well, I got off to a great start. I realized I did have pumpkin, in the can, and didn't want to waste it. Since I only use the larger cans of pumpkin when I make pumpkin pies the little can simply wasn't of much use, especially since I rarely make stews and summer is upon us anyway (and I never did quite got cold soups and stews even attempted). So, the cats got half a teaspoon in their wet food. Neither favors it much. Sassy usually eats her food and whatever Sam leaves. Today she didn't eat more than half of her own food. Well, I put up the dry. They can eat that or nothing. The Lord moves in mysterious ways, like turning a son into his mother? Bah! It didn't work for her, probably won't work for me, but she always figured something out to... get the intent down. I will too. Women! ??? Ha! I even found a container to store the remnants of the can in. If it doesn't pass the smell test next time I go to use it I'll toss it.
After that I messed with the baskets of clean clothes, and sorted down from two to one basket. I then soaked the dishes, hit a couple of spots of emesis, got my shower in and decided against a shave (my pseudo-beard rough cut is just right to look good, at least to me), sorted dirty clothes and put the first load in. Then... *BaM!* That is it for a bit.
Still on my list is to finish the dishes and laundry, get the recycle and trash bins in from the curb, finish the laundry then do my bedding while setting up my spare bedroom to become temporary sleeping headquarters, and check to see if there is anything left of me to give to the war effort. Oh, I know it will happen in fits and starts. I just have to try to keep the engine running between too high and too low while still moving onward. While I am at it, I will be looking online at what I might be able to put on the carpeting that got wet to... alleviate mold and mildew potential. It will be at least a day or two before I can get the steam-vac rented and going. I know it is late in the game for that, but it is what I have, where I am.
I've set an alarm to go off in an hour and a half, when the first load of laundry is done. I will change out loads, do the dishes, soak any remaining dishes, and then take a short rest after that. Then, after another load is through, I will cycle the laundry and with one load dried I will take that into my room and finish the old and new clean clothes sorting, folding, hanging, and storing. I will probably then just do the remaining dishes right after the clothing is done. Another break after that. Somewhere in there I will get the trash bins in. Whether I get all that done today or not I don't know. I might even be able to do more. Who can tell? But, that, as things sit, is the plan. Yeah, I needed a break.
Spot on. Get to it!
Gosh, it's time.
.
.
I simply have to get to things today. And, I believe I will. I got the trash out last night, and recycling. I think I emptied all of the... okay, I missed the one by the computer... Sue me. I changed the cat litter, too.
I am a bit frustrated with the cats. They are both purging like a storm, have been for two weeks now. Sam goes through these periods, Sassy is just relishing her newly found... pleasure? I haven't been able to keep on top of it, but as I begin work, I am going to be... fixing that. I did research recently and it seems not only will canned pumpkin work (a troubling thing due to the size of the can that comes in, the rarity of use, and deciding to throw or store the remnants), but so does squash baby food, if I can get them to eat it. Much smaller, and resealable, containers make for an easier task for popo. It's just a matter of finding it. I need to do a bit of shopping anyway, all good.
I went to bed late and woke very late. It must have been 14:00 when I finally woke. I had the alarm set for 10:00, after a 1:30 bedtime, but woke at 9:00, knew 10:00 would not work, shut off the alarm, and just let sleep run it's course. Trying to force getting up has been an abysmal failure. So, for a while, I am going to just let sleep take it's natural course. On the good side I do feel more rested and ready to get to some things. I will start small, just sorting socks and clean under-things, folding and putting those up. Oh, but first, a shower. And, actually, I believe I will start my first load of laundry and set the dishes to soak in a clean scalding dishpan of water. I don't believe, other than my blogging rounds and post, I am even going to mess around "trying to wake a bit" first. No, not today. The engine is up, on the first pull, the carburetor isn't sputtering or choking, I'm not spitting oil out of my tail pipe, and the machine seems geared and working. Can't waste a good runtime on waiting. I'll stall.
My friend was going to call today. Not sure what happened. If he calls I'll go. My phone is charged and was close. Hmm. If not today, then tomorrow. It looks like the sun is shining, though it may not have been earlier. I could be wrong, though, too. I never have it all absolutely right, ever, even when I happen to be right. I just do what I can, with what I have, as I suspect things are supposed to be, and... that is that. There is always tomorrow, until there isn't, but then... when tomorrow doesn't come? You are all good as to worry from then on. What of your mess remains is now someone else's mess. If, too, that means you will be facing what of a mess you made. So, is it better to continue making a mess or to just make a bigger mess to get to facing the messes you've made? *laughs* No, it's... Carry on my wayward son? Yep.
Oh, I've got something odd going on. I have two puncture wounds on my inner thigh, about four to five inches down from my groin. Too big for a cat bite, but looks like one, save that it only has two, not four punctures as would nearly be required for that deep of a bite. They are deep too, and about an eighth of an inch in diameter or more (the punctures themselves). I've just been sitting or sleeping lately. I sleep on my right side with my legs together, so... I have no idea. A miniature vampire? No, no problem. Not bruised, or infected, freshly scabbed over now. Just... I have zero idea how I could have been so wounded in the last few days. And you wonder why I seem superstitious at times? (seem is the operative word there, by the way) Just... funny.
Good day.
.
I simply have to get to things today. And, I believe I will. I got the trash out last night, and recycling. I think I emptied all of the... okay, I missed the one by the computer... Sue me. I changed the cat litter, too.
I am a bit frustrated with the cats. They are both purging like a storm, have been for two weeks now. Sam goes through these periods, Sassy is just relishing her newly found... pleasure? I haven't been able to keep on top of it, but as I begin work, I am going to be... fixing that. I did research recently and it seems not only will canned pumpkin work (a troubling thing due to the size of the can that comes in, the rarity of use, and deciding to throw or store the remnants), but so does squash baby food, if I can get them to eat it. Much smaller, and resealable, containers make for an easier task for popo. It's just a matter of finding it. I need to do a bit of shopping anyway, all good.
I went to bed late and woke very late. It must have been 14:00 when I finally woke. I had the alarm set for 10:00, after a 1:30 bedtime, but woke at 9:00, knew 10:00 would not work, shut off the alarm, and just let sleep run it's course. Trying to force getting up has been an abysmal failure. So, for a while, I am going to just let sleep take it's natural course. On the good side I do feel more rested and ready to get to some things. I will start small, just sorting socks and clean under-things, folding and putting those up. Oh, but first, a shower. And, actually, I believe I will start my first load of laundry and set the dishes to soak in a clean scalding dishpan of water. I don't believe, other than my blogging rounds and post, I am even going to mess around "trying to wake a bit" first. No, not today. The engine is up, on the first pull, the carburetor isn't sputtering or choking, I'm not spitting oil out of my tail pipe, and the machine seems geared and working. Can't waste a good runtime on waiting. I'll stall.
My friend was going to call today. Not sure what happened. If he calls I'll go. My phone is charged and was close. Hmm. If not today, then tomorrow. It looks like the sun is shining, though it may not have been earlier. I could be wrong, though, too. I never have it all absolutely right, ever, even when I happen to be right. I just do what I can, with what I have, as I suspect things are supposed to be, and... that is that. There is always tomorrow, until there isn't, but then... when tomorrow doesn't come? You are all good as to worry from then on. What of your mess remains is now someone else's mess. If, too, that means you will be facing what of a mess you made. So, is it better to continue making a mess or to just make a bigger mess to get to facing the messes you've made? *laughs* No, it's... Carry on my wayward son? Yep.
Oh, I've got something odd going on. I have two puncture wounds on my inner thigh, about four to five inches down from my groin. Too big for a cat bite, but looks like one, save that it only has two, not four punctures as would nearly be required for that deep of a bite. They are deep too, and about an eighth of an inch in diameter or more (the punctures themselves). I've just been sitting or sleeping lately. I sleep on my right side with my legs together, so... I have no idea. A miniature vampire? No, no problem. Not bruised, or infected, freshly scabbed over now. Just... I have zero idea how I could have been so wounded in the last few days. And you wonder why I seem superstitious at times? (seem is the operative word there, by the way) Just... funny.
Good day.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Nice.
.
.
There are a few gems out there. While incapacitated I have been digging for music I might like. Nightwish seems to be, if not a replacement for Siouxsie, at least a group I can like. They definitely have more of the gothic cues I prefer. If they can be blatant, they aren't incorrect... or something like that. Anyway, here are a couple of the ones I really liked, along with lyric links.
.
There are a few gems out there. While incapacitated I have been digging for music I might like. Nightwish seems to be, if not a replacement for Siouxsie, at least a group I can like. They definitely have more of the gothic cues I prefer. If they can be blatant, they aren't incorrect... or something like that. Anyway, here are a couple of the ones I really liked, along with lyric links.
Okay, well, it is as it is.
.
.
Or. sob! What is going on? I tried to get up this morning. I set my alarm for 10:00 but hoped to rise earlier. And, technically, I did. I woke right at 8:00, as I had hoped. Seeing that I was have a rough time waking, I stirred and tried this and that. Too, I promptly crashed back into the bed at the speed of sleep. I woke again at 9:00, 10:00 with the alarm which I reset to 11:00, 11:00 with the alarm, 12:00 at which time I reset the alarm again. I was finally to kick out of bed at slightly after noon and after resetting the alarm and crawling back to bed for a bit. Son but this has been a difficult few days.
No, no real worries. I know this will happen. I know I pushed very hard for a week and a half. And I am still doing some very small things. This is better than some falls, for sure. But I need to do things currently, it isn't just want. I need to relax a bit, back off the pushing, and just let it happen I think. It is want/need versus physical constraint, my literal place between a rock and a hard place. It just has to be suffered since it can't be changed. It is this struggle that lead me to suicide, not depression, in the past, so it is difficult. But I have learned to handle it and stay on the sane side, I just haven't ever learned to like it. *grins* I suppose this is why those sad/gothic songs can give me a wide ol' rictus grin while others merely cry and then avoid listening until they need drama again.
I am feeling good. My home is warm this morning. I won't complain about that. Hmm? Maybe God is trying to beat me into a plow, but my form is too set? My but He is using a big hammer, if that is true! I'm pretty good at dodging, just not perfect at it? Way too funny. A good waking up brain funny, that whole notion.
Sam was let out at 8:00 and is back in. I let her back in when I woke, then fed the girls then myself. I hope to get a shower before too long, then begin picking at my bedroom if I can. If nothing else just sorting the clean socks and such would at least make me feel better. A little bit done makes doing more easier. It's not even that the work is hard. It is focusing enough to simply get up and do it. Though I think my body is rather tired, worn, even if I can't see it as a man who is winded from a run can. It is humbling, but there is something to humility... it definitely helps one understand their place in the galaxy, among men, and with God. It is one of the gifts of illness.
Well, on to walking a bit then seeing what I can get done today.
.
Or. sob! What is going on? I tried to get up this morning. I set my alarm for 10:00 but hoped to rise earlier. And, technically, I did. I woke right at 8:00, as I had hoped. Seeing that I was have a rough time waking, I stirred and tried this and that. Too, I promptly crashed back into the bed at the speed of sleep. I woke again at 9:00, 10:00 with the alarm which I reset to 11:00, 11:00 with the alarm, 12:00 at which time I reset the alarm again. I was finally to kick out of bed at slightly after noon and after resetting the alarm and crawling back to bed for a bit. Son but this has been a difficult few days.
No, no real worries. I know this will happen. I know I pushed very hard for a week and a half. And I am still doing some very small things. This is better than some falls, for sure. But I need to do things currently, it isn't just want. I need to relax a bit, back off the pushing, and just let it happen I think. It is want/need versus physical constraint, my literal place between a rock and a hard place. It just has to be suffered since it can't be changed. It is this struggle that lead me to suicide, not depression, in the past, so it is difficult. But I have learned to handle it and stay on the sane side, I just haven't ever learned to like it. *grins* I suppose this is why those sad/gothic songs can give me a wide ol' rictus grin while others merely cry and then avoid listening until they need drama again.
I am feeling good. My home is warm this morning. I won't complain about that. Hmm? Maybe God is trying to beat me into a plow, but my form is too set? My but He is using a big hammer, if that is true! I'm pretty good at dodging, just not perfect at it? Way too funny. A good waking up brain funny, that whole notion.
Sam was let out at 8:00 and is back in. I let her back in when I woke, then fed the girls then myself. I hope to get a shower before too long, then begin picking at my bedroom if I can. If nothing else just sorting the clean socks and such would at least make me feel better. A little bit done makes doing more easier. It's not even that the work is hard. It is focusing enough to simply get up and do it. Though I think my body is rather tired, worn, even if I can't see it as a man who is winded from a run can. It is humbling, but there is something to humility... it definitely helps one understand their place in the galaxy, among men, and with God. It is one of the gifts of illness.
Well, on to walking a bit then seeing what I can get done today.
AH-HA!
.
.
I am finally warm! Almost a bit too warm. Of course, it is midnight. I'll leave the furnace going and pretty warm so when I wake tomorrow I might be able to warm a little quicker, or... something. I'm not sure it will help. In spite of the furnace being turned up to hot all day I am just now, in this last hour, finally warm. I'll do what I can though.
I could have people over to help me, and maybe all the way through the various projects, with a simple call. But I want to do this myself. Not out of pride, not out of hubris, not for this or that. Merely because I think I can. I want it done just a certain way. And I would like to do it at my pace. Oh, I am sure they would do a good job, very possibly (probably) better than what I will do. That... isn't the point. I need to do this. Plus, I hate being a burden.
Good night. If you talk to God, keep me in your thoughts to Him. I do the same. Even when I don't know your toils, troubles, doubts... He does. And I pray for many people, directly and indirectly. Even my enemies, and I try to usually not pray that they see wisdom... or choke. Usually. Sleep well.
.
I am finally warm! Almost a bit too warm. Of course, it is midnight. I'll leave the furnace going and pretty warm so when I wake tomorrow I might be able to warm a little quicker, or... something. I'm not sure it will help. In spite of the furnace being turned up to hot all day I am just now, in this last hour, finally warm. I'll do what I can though.
I could have people over to help me, and maybe all the way through the various projects, with a simple call. But I want to do this myself. Not out of pride, not out of hubris, not for this or that. Merely because I think I can. I want it done just a certain way. And I would like to do it at my pace. Oh, I am sure they would do a good job, very possibly (probably) better than what I will do. That... isn't the point. I need to do this. Plus, I hate being a burden.
Good night. If you talk to God, keep me in your thoughts to Him. I do the same. Even when I don't know your toils, troubles, doubts... He does. And I pray for many people, directly and indirectly. Even my enemies, and I try to usually not pray that they see wisdom... or choke. Usually. Sleep well.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
It just isn't working.
.
.
I was sure a little heat would help. With the furnace running full bore, dressed and with socks, shoes, and a jacket on, I am still cold. It isn't the temperature. I simply am not pumping enough blood to enough parts to warm up. There is probably little I can do until I am just able to get to it. I hate that kind of an answer. It offers no information, provides not even a rough prognostication, and gives no possible solutions, it just is. It can't even be debated, looked at another way, shoved aside, or walked over. That is where I am. Barely moving, thinking a bit but uselessly, and still cold. I am going to hop into the shower and see if that might help. Though that might simply exhaust me. Worth a try though, I suppose. When I get little done I sleep wrong, am not able to sleep until late, and it bothers my conscience.
On the good side I do believe I have a plan going forward. Writing it out seemed to settle which task to do first, and such. Then too, it might just be that, after days of thinking about it, a plan had been made and just needed something more concrete to set it into... not motion but... into intent. There are a number of smaller items I can hit, too. Socks and clean clothes can be hit, here and there, a bit at a time. Looking for the slides for the furniture can happen in spare moments or when I can think about it and motivate to the task. Though, something not helping is knowing that what I listed is not all of it. Every task, every step, every idea, hides a ton of other work that needs to be done in conjunction, in order to, or after those listed tasks are done. Overload.
It'll happen.
Later or good night.
.
I was sure a little heat would help. With the furnace running full bore, dressed and with socks, shoes, and a jacket on, I am still cold. It isn't the temperature. I simply am not pumping enough blood to enough parts to warm up. There is probably little I can do until I am just able to get to it. I hate that kind of an answer. It offers no information, provides not even a rough prognostication, and gives no possible solutions, it just is. It can't even be debated, looked at another way, shoved aside, or walked over. That is where I am. Barely moving, thinking a bit but uselessly, and still cold. I am going to hop into the shower and see if that might help. Though that might simply exhaust me. Worth a try though, I suppose. When I get little done I sleep wrong, am not able to sleep until late, and it bothers my conscience.
On the good side I do believe I have a plan going forward. Writing it out seemed to settle which task to do first, and such. Then too, it might just be that, after days of thinking about it, a plan had been made and just needed something more concrete to set it into... not motion but... into intent. There are a number of smaller items I can hit, too. Socks and clean clothes can be hit, here and there, a bit at a time. Looking for the slides for the furniture can happen in spare moments or when I can think about it and motivate to the task. Though, something not helping is knowing that what I listed is not all of it. Every task, every step, every idea, hides a ton of other work that needs to be done in conjunction, in order to, or after those listed tasks are done. Overload.
It'll happen.
Later or good night.
Yeah, well...
.
.
Yeah, well? As I was tinkering to wake more fully, and getting nowhere with that, I realized I have two problems. The first, it is far too cool in here for me to begin functioning. While I hate to turn the furnace on, this far into spring, I simply had to do it. No real problem, just... I didn't see it until well into needing it. My other problem? Deciding what to do first. The idea of cleaning out the bedroom, then living room, is strong. Taking out the old water heater is up there too. I can't check the flooring from underneath until I clear out the bedroom, so that I can lift the carpet and get to the crawl-way entrance under the carpet. None of those jobs is simple and straight forward, each will probably take a day unto itself. For example, clearing the bedroom will require figuring out where to put everything, finding 'furniture coasters' to move some of the furniture solo, some hassles with mating socks and folding and putting away clean underwear, and... other things as of yet unforeseen, to be sure.
Now, I have to consider, closely, what to do first, in between, and last. My last fiancee had a fantastic way with organizing, at least our apartment and items. And, like a squirrel, she usually knew where items were and could retrieve them pretty quickly. What I need to develop is this sense of organization, but based on my energy, the particulars of the tasks at hand, and real time estimates. If it takes too long or I have bitten off far too much, a task will end up only partially done and simply become lost. If I don't do things in an orderly manner, my mind will become unfocused and I will be swamped. It is a real puzzle. Even double my energy availability would be a weak thing, but I don't have even that luxury. All the while I have to still eat, stay personally clean, try to keep the home up just a bit (failing in that department since my last major fall), and... everything else life might demands. Juggling eggs and pickles and hammers, oh my. Still, it does make like more interesting. I'll grant that with a grin to boot.
So, I am sitting here thinking. Then again, until I can warm up I won't be doing much else anyway. I've become cold blooded, it seems. Hmm, at this point I believe I will, when warmed a bit, tear my bedroom down. I might have to push things, but I might be able to have that done tomorrow, perhaps even mostly finished today, if I can push. I will then take a couple of days off, maybe getting under the house to look at the flooring during the break, if it is dry enough. The next step would be empty the living room. Another day or two at that. A 'rug doctor' will then be rented, used, and returned. Then I will take out the old water heater. Each of those steps will take at least a day, possibly two (cleaning out the rooms especially). After a day or two of work, I may well need a day or two of recovery, or more to be absolutely honest.
I have wondered about when to do the pipe work. I really think I should wait until I have the new water heater. If nothing else, placing that in, and doing a rough (dry) piping pre-configuration, then working from that, would most likely be the most effective method. Given that, it will probably be two weeks, roughly, before I do too much with that. Yes, yes. I know guys who take out the old and put in the new in a few hours, even to soldering pipe and customizing the fittings. And, there is a chance, if I do get going, that it will all happen in a flash for me too. I may be overestimating my needs, though I doubt it. I just can't count on my capacity. And more, I might seriously be pushing it, especially if anything else comes down the pipe at me, no pun intended. Decisions and new techniques, new notions, new skills, all slow me down. And I am not sure how much physical work my body can take at this exact moment or for the days to come.
Okay, now that I have a plan I just need to warm up! Hurry, hurry, go!
Ah, the main problem with blogspot is when I try to include video and links. I'm getting better at it, but the 'html' format is a nightmare by itself, and auto-corrects incorrectly often (and every time I edit) while the 'compose' format never comes out right itself, even on the simple stuff. Plus, coding on html doesn't seem to work as it should. Perhaps I need to revise my html vocabulary to... whatever html blogspot seems to be using, currently. I think that changed too. Bleh.
Have a good day.
.
Yeah, well? As I was tinkering to wake more fully, and getting nowhere with that, I realized I have two problems. The first, it is far too cool in here for me to begin functioning. While I hate to turn the furnace on, this far into spring, I simply had to do it. No real problem, just... I didn't see it until well into needing it. My other problem? Deciding what to do first. The idea of cleaning out the bedroom, then living room, is strong. Taking out the old water heater is up there too. I can't check the flooring from underneath until I clear out the bedroom, so that I can lift the carpet and get to the crawl-way entrance under the carpet. None of those jobs is simple and straight forward, each will probably take a day unto itself. For example, clearing the bedroom will require figuring out where to put everything, finding 'furniture coasters' to move some of the furniture solo, some hassles with mating socks and folding and putting away clean underwear, and... other things as of yet unforeseen, to be sure.
Now, I have to consider, closely, what to do first, in between, and last. My last fiancee had a fantastic way with organizing, at least our apartment and items. And, like a squirrel, she usually knew where items were and could retrieve them pretty quickly. What I need to develop is this sense of organization, but based on my energy, the particulars of the tasks at hand, and real time estimates. If it takes too long or I have bitten off far too much, a task will end up only partially done and simply become lost. If I don't do things in an orderly manner, my mind will become unfocused and I will be swamped. It is a real puzzle. Even double my energy availability would be a weak thing, but I don't have even that luxury. All the while I have to still eat, stay personally clean, try to keep the home up just a bit (failing in that department since my last major fall), and... everything else life might demands. Juggling eggs and pickles and hammers, oh my. Still, it does make like more interesting. I'll grant that with a grin to boot.
So, I am sitting here thinking. Then again, until I can warm up I won't be doing much else anyway. I've become cold blooded, it seems. Hmm, at this point I believe I will, when warmed a bit, tear my bedroom down. I might have to push things, but I might be able to have that done tomorrow, perhaps even mostly finished today, if I can push. I will then take a couple of days off, maybe getting under the house to look at the flooring during the break, if it is dry enough. The next step would be empty the living room. Another day or two at that. A 'rug doctor' will then be rented, used, and returned. Then I will take out the old water heater. Each of those steps will take at least a day, possibly two (cleaning out the rooms especially). After a day or two of work, I may well need a day or two of recovery, or more to be absolutely honest.
I have wondered about when to do the pipe work. I really think I should wait until I have the new water heater. If nothing else, placing that in, and doing a rough (dry) piping pre-configuration, then working from that, would most likely be the most effective method. Given that, it will probably be two weeks, roughly, before I do too much with that. Yes, yes. I know guys who take out the old and put in the new in a few hours, even to soldering pipe and customizing the fittings. And, there is a chance, if I do get going, that it will all happen in a flash for me too. I may be overestimating my needs, though I doubt it. I just can't count on my capacity. And more, I might seriously be pushing it, especially if anything else comes down the pipe at me, no pun intended. Decisions and new techniques, new notions, new skills, all slow me down. And I am not sure how much physical work my body can take at this exact moment or for the days to come.
Okay, now that I have a plan I just need to warm up! Hurry, hurry, go!
Ah, the main problem with blogspot is when I try to include video and links. I'm getting better at it, but the 'html' format is a nightmare by itself, and auto-corrects incorrectly often (and every time I edit) while the 'compose' format never comes out right itself, even on the simple stuff. Plus, coding on html doesn't seem to work as it should. Perhaps I need to revise my html vocabulary to... whatever html blogspot seems to be using, currently. I think that changed too. Bleh.
Have a good day.
So, where did the notion of...
.
.
Up, and late. Again, I went down late last night. On the good side I was up earlier than yesterday. At about 11:00 I was able to get up and out. As I remember it, when my mother was here last time, after a bit of work, I had this same problem. And that was when I had a cheerleader/butt-kicker to help me get going. I can run just so far, just so hot, for just so long and down I go. All good. I will be trying to stretch that. I realize that even should I be able to stretch my capacity a bit, it will be gimmicky. Then again, the man that lifted the world's record weight, the man who ran the fastest, the man who created the mos intellectually (or destroyed, or lead to destroying the most, Einstein?)... all these men worked the corners to get a nice round gimmick. You don't think so? Do your homework and shut it. When you have read more than platitudes and pseudo history, when you have found what these men did that would be completely unacceptable to get where they were going, and you will probably only find out about a portion of what they did, then we can talk. Anyway, gimmicks, to a degree, are as good as it gets. Gimmick yourself up to a personal local high point, find a witness or make sure the deed(s) are verifiable, then sell, sell, sell, that achievement. MIT to corporate to the military, that is one method of advancement, a major one unfortunately or not. It mimics true success, though... success can follow through there, or... not.
I am feeling good. I am also relatively sluggish. I am eating, more so now that I have bean and hamburger in good supply, already cooked, just microwave and eat. The good thing about eating the same thing over and over (save with things like chili for some reason) is that I tend to... not feed like a starved man. Beans and meats are easy for me to eat often though. I don't know what else I can get to right now. More work in my room, to empty it. Though some of the pieces are big, like the bed. I need to clear a place for them elsewhere. While I have the machine it would be nice to clean all the carpeting but I will have a heck of a task before me just emptying one bedroom and my living room, while saving a place to sleep. I'll be doing good to get two rooms done at once. Hmm, if I am still excited about the project, when I finish the two rooms and they are dry, I could consider the last bedroom before my mother visits. Have you noticed people don't notice you have cleaned, only when you haven't cleaned is it noticeable? Heh! Part of my dissatisfaction with cleaning. It's less... unambiguous to just leave it as is? *grins*
While I feel better, the work before me is a bit daunting. I'm pecking at it, true. And though I feel better, no aches and pains, I am still sleeping more and not very energetic yet. All good, I am still in the game a bit. I know where I am going and I am still very much on track. I just want to shovel coal into the burner and get the engine to come to a full steam, not just putter along. But you can't do that with holes in the boiler. I do what I can and that will have to do. I am fortunate that I know what I know and can do what I do, it just doesn't always feel like I'm all that lucky about it all.
Hmm, one more thing... I had someone tell me they have never heard of, or listened to, goth. I let it slide, off hand, for the moment, but my mind was whirring. Then it all came to me... and... I fell. But I have it now!
El Paso
Seasons in the Sun
Leader of the Pack
Last Kiss
Honey
Those aren't gothic, you say? Do you know how many of those songs were banned from radio play? Check it out folks. Certainly they were considered... troubling, less as time went on. Oh, and the thing with gothic? Enjoy the songs, and themes... but have a good chuckle about them from time to time, too. Yeah, soppy. Even the songwriters and singers of these, some of them, thought these were some of the funniest things evah. And... they can be. Just don't take it all too seriously is all.
The most direct lineage of modern goth actually comes from songs like Sympathy for the Devil, Paint it Black, bands like Black Sabbath (which, I believe, is considered actual goth), and others like those. Oh, you only listen to Country and Western? Don't EVEN get me started there. Ha.
Toss in everyone from Edgar Allen Poe, revisited in the 70's with Vincent Price leading that pack. Some/many of the movies Kriss Christopherson made were hugely gothic, as well. No, none of this is new. And these are the ones you might easily have seen or heard. I have heard songs from back when France was a kingdom, and before, which were quite gothic. Yeah, it's hard to imagine people from long ago yearning for... well... even longer ago! Of course, gothicism is a romanticism about certain themes (death, love lost, forbidden love, the devil, horror, the darker sides of truth, etc.), and a wish for the past while understanding we can't go back to it. It's that... wish versus knowledge, angst if you must, that creates the dark eddies, along with what has been lost getting to our current point in time/life, which is behind the meat of gothicism. Well, that's my take. Anyway, just... saying.
On to cheery things, like work. And, despite how it seems, I do love to work. It's just... I know it is going to hurt, hard. Whether I go fast or slow, I will hurt myself. The slower I go the, probably, the more I can end up pumping out before I go down. Much like getting up after a fall, what I like is not important, or relevant to facts. I know work will increase the speed at which I fall down again, and getting up is a sort of pain very few can even understand, unique to itself. Still, that is my lot. Hmm, an hour to wake a bit more, then to my room. The way my life works explains why I am into goth (even if I think most modern gothic music absolutely sucks barnacles).
Good day.
.
Up, and late. Again, I went down late last night. On the good side I was up earlier than yesterday. At about 11:00 I was able to get up and out. As I remember it, when my mother was here last time, after a bit of work, I had this same problem. And that was when I had a cheerleader/butt-kicker to help me get going. I can run just so far, just so hot, for just so long and down I go. All good. I will be trying to stretch that. I realize that even should I be able to stretch my capacity a bit, it will be gimmicky. Then again, the man that lifted the world's record weight, the man who ran the fastest, the man who created the mos intellectually (or destroyed, or lead to destroying the most, Einstein?)... all these men worked the corners to get a nice round gimmick. You don't think so? Do your homework and shut it. When you have read more than platitudes and pseudo history, when you have found what these men did that would be completely unacceptable to get where they were going, and you will probably only find out about a portion of what they did, then we can talk. Anyway, gimmicks, to a degree, are as good as it gets. Gimmick yourself up to a personal local high point, find a witness or make sure the deed(s) are verifiable, then sell, sell, sell, that achievement. MIT to corporate to the military, that is one method of advancement, a major one unfortunately or not. It mimics true success, though... success can follow through there, or... not.
I am feeling good. I am also relatively sluggish. I am eating, more so now that I have bean and hamburger in good supply, already cooked, just microwave and eat. The good thing about eating the same thing over and over (save with things like chili for some reason) is that I tend to... not feed like a starved man. Beans and meats are easy for me to eat often though. I don't know what else I can get to right now. More work in my room, to empty it. Though some of the pieces are big, like the bed. I need to clear a place for them elsewhere. While I have the machine it would be nice to clean all the carpeting but I will have a heck of a task before me just emptying one bedroom and my living room, while saving a place to sleep. I'll be doing good to get two rooms done at once. Hmm, if I am still excited about the project, when I finish the two rooms and they are dry, I could consider the last bedroom before my mother visits. Have you noticed people don't notice you have cleaned, only when you haven't cleaned is it noticeable? Heh! Part of my dissatisfaction with cleaning. It's less... unambiguous to just leave it as is? *grins*
While I feel better, the work before me is a bit daunting. I'm pecking at it, true. And though I feel better, no aches and pains, I am still sleeping more and not very energetic yet. All good, I am still in the game a bit. I know where I am going and I am still very much on track. I just want to shovel coal into the burner and get the engine to come to a full steam, not just putter along. But you can't do that with holes in the boiler. I do what I can and that will have to do. I am fortunate that I know what I know and can do what I do, it just doesn't always feel like I'm all that lucky about it all.
Hmm, one more thing... I had someone tell me they have never heard of, or listened to, goth. I let it slide, off hand, for the moment, but my mind was whirring. Then it all came to me... and... I fell. But I have it now!
El Paso
Seasons in the Sun
Leader of the Pack
Last Kiss
Honey
Those aren't gothic, you say? Do you know how many of those songs were banned from radio play? Check it out folks. Certainly they were considered... troubling, less as time went on. Oh, and the thing with gothic? Enjoy the songs, and themes... but have a good chuckle about them from time to time, too. Yeah, soppy. Even the songwriters and singers of these, some of them, thought these were some of the funniest things evah. And... they can be. Just don't take it all too seriously is all.
The most direct lineage of modern goth actually comes from songs like Sympathy for the Devil, Paint it Black, bands like Black Sabbath (which, I believe, is considered actual goth), and others like those. Oh, you only listen to Country and Western? Don't EVEN get me started there. Ha.
Toss in everyone from Edgar Allen Poe, revisited in the 70's with Vincent Price leading that pack. Some/many of the movies Kriss Christopherson made were hugely gothic, as well. No, none of this is new. And these are the ones you might easily have seen or heard. I have heard songs from back when France was a kingdom, and before, which were quite gothic. Yeah, it's hard to imagine people from long ago yearning for... well... even longer ago! Of course, gothicism is a romanticism about certain themes (death, love lost, forbidden love, the devil, horror, the darker sides of truth, etc.), and a wish for the past while understanding we can't go back to it. It's that... wish versus knowledge, angst if you must, that creates the dark eddies, along with what has been lost getting to our current point in time/life, which is behind the meat of gothicism. Well, that's my take. Anyway, just... saying.
On to cheery things, like work. And, despite how it seems, I do love to work. It's just... I know it is going to hurt, hard. Whether I go fast or slow, I will hurt myself. The slower I go the, probably, the more I can end up pumping out before I go down. Much like getting up after a fall, what I like is not important, or relevant to facts. I know work will increase the speed at which I fall down again, and getting up is a sort of pain very few can even understand, unique to itself. Still, that is my lot. Hmm, an hour to wake a bit more, then to my room. The way my life works explains why I am into goth (even if I think most modern gothic music absolutely sucks barnacles).
Good day.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Hmm, good day, but what is up with Blogspot?
.
.
I didn't get to town until 16:00 or so, picked up my pal, and then went to a couple of places. I grabbed another copper union. I decided to put one on both sides of the valve I will be replacing. I compared prices at a number of places and, oddly, a 40 gallon water heater is cheaper than a 30 gallon water heater. Huh? Either size matters, like with electronics, or commonality. Still, it seems strange. I found three 40 gallon water heaters that will fit the bill. Two of them have a six year warranty, one has a nine year warranty. The two shorter warranty heaters come in at $205, the longer warranty adds a hundred. There is a twelve year warranty water heater too, though it wasn't in the store and I didn't see the price. I am thinking the nine year warranty at $305 is probably the one I will go with. I will look over the two tonight. I didn't see them in my previous online research though, odd. The online Lowe's and Home Depot, iirc, didn't even offer a button to look for a 40 gallon water heater. Oh, the brands are Whirlpool and GE. I sort of think those are the same water heaters, built in the same plant, just tagged and bagged under different names.
Now that I have that, mostly, settled, I need to get my rooms cleaned out, and if it is dry enough crawl under the house to look at the flooring. It seems okay. I can walk on it. I just... have to look. I don't want to get the water heater in only to have to yank it out again and then redo the flooring. In any case, I will want to put a drain in and redo the flooring material before I mess with the water heater. Still, it is good to know what prices I am looking at, that they are available locally, and such. I also took my friend around to get regular small pistol primers. I bought the magnum small pistol off him, for .357 loads. He doesn't load that heavy anymore, for his own shooting. Then we went to Maddox. I chickened out regarding the bison steak. I just... I didn't want to pay that price and maybe end up not liking it. We made a deal, in June or July, when we are back that way, we will order a bison steak and a 16 ounce prime rib... and split them. That way if the bison isn't what one of us likes we won't be completely out. Yeah, yeah... Hush it, you.
I am feeling a hundred times better today. With the sun out most of the day to help, the trip, shopping, and all was easy. I kept feeling, though, that feeling so good I should have been home working. But the steak had to be had. It's been on my mind since Monday, when they were closed and I missed. I get a hankering for something I just can't let it go all that easily. I am hoping to get to things tomorrow. I have, as I said, cleared a bit of my bedroom. And, tomorrow, I hope to clear more, or even the rest, of it. That will include the bed, a dresser, taking care of some clean socks and shorts, a standing lamp, and all the other stuff bedrooms have. The floor isn't dry yet, the area that became wet. I worry about mold but am not sure exactly what to do for the moment. Hopefully the carpet cleaning device will take care of anything. Yeah, I'm a guy. I simply have no clue on these things. I might not have sweated pipe, but at least I had half the tools needed, and knew what else to get. Cleaning though? Clueless. Absolutely clueless.
Ah, here is another goth type song I found, and enjoyed a bit. I probably wouldn't like it without the video. The package deal made it interesting. I don't get it fully, woman singer and thinking just... escape me. Something to do with women's drama, melodrama? Still, it's... cute... to me.
Oh, the thing with Blogspot? The whole create and edit screens have completely changed. I seem to have no problems with it, but... it was a bit of a shock to have it completely change without me agreeing to it. With a zero president, I suppose even companies are just... doing whatever the hell they want to do, too. Shooting for the weakest link proves to be a bad thing, again? Whatever, for now. Not good, I can't get paragraphs to separate! Argh! They pulled a beta in and forced it on me. I figured out the paragraph breaks. They used "br /" twice, I figured it should be "br" followed by "/br", surrounded by < and >, of course but that doesn't print in the blog right, and my opinion was the correct one. Bah! So now I have to correct these on every post I create. Idiots. Obominites, alright. It's still not right, my double "periods" up top are not feeding right, I'll... tinker with it, over time. On the good side, I just made up the fix, without researching, and it worked, mostly.
Sweet dreams? Oh yeah! Good night.
.
I didn't get to town until 16:00 or so, picked up my pal, and then went to a couple of places. I grabbed another copper union. I decided to put one on both sides of the valve I will be replacing. I compared prices at a number of places and, oddly, a 40 gallon water heater is cheaper than a 30 gallon water heater. Huh? Either size matters, like with electronics, or commonality. Still, it seems strange. I found three 40 gallon water heaters that will fit the bill. Two of them have a six year warranty, one has a nine year warranty. The two shorter warranty heaters come in at $205, the longer warranty adds a hundred. There is a twelve year warranty water heater too, though it wasn't in the store and I didn't see the price. I am thinking the nine year warranty at $305 is probably the one I will go with. I will look over the two tonight. I didn't see them in my previous online research though, odd. The online Lowe's and Home Depot, iirc, didn't even offer a button to look for a 40 gallon water heater. Oh, the brands are Whirlpool and GE. I sort of think those are the same water heaters, built in the same plant, just tagged and bagged under different names.
Now that I have that, mostly, settled, I need to get my rooms cleaned out, and if it is dry enough crawl under the house to look at the flooring. It seems okay. I can walk on it. I just... have to look. I don't want to get the water heater in only to have to yank it out again and then redo the flooring. In any case, I will want to put a drain in and redo the flooring material before I mess with the water heater. Still, it is good to know what prices I am looking at, that they are available locally, and such. I also took my friend around to get regular small pistol primers. I bought the magnum small pistol off him, for .357 loads. He doesn't load that heavy anymore, for his own shooting. Then we went to Maddox. I chickened out regarding the bison steak. I just... I didn't want to pay that price and maybe end up not liking it. We made a deal, in June or July, when we are back that way, we will order a bison steak and a 16 ounce prime rib... and split them. That way if the bison isn't what one of us likes we won't be completely out. Yeah, yeah... Hush it, you.
I am feeling a hundred times better today. With the sun out most of the day to help, the trip, shopping, and all was easy. I kept feeling, though, that feeling so good I should have been home working. But the steak had to be had. It's been on my mind since Monday, when they were closed and I missed. I get a hankering for something I just can't let it go all that easily. I am hoping to get to things tomorrow. I have, as I said, cleared a bit of my bedroom. And, tomorrow, I hope to clear more, or even the rest, of it. That will include the bed, a dresser, taking care of some clean socks and shorts, a standing lamp, and all the other stuff bedrooms have. The floor isn't dry yet, the area that became wet. I worry about mold but am not sure exactly what to do for the moment. Hopefully the carpet cleaning device will take care of anything. Yeah, I'm a guy. I simply have no clue on these things. I might not have sweated pipe, but at least I had half the tools needed, and knew what else to get. Cleaning though? Clueless. Absolutely clueless.
Ah, here is another goth type song I found, and enjoyed a bit. I probably wouldn't like it without the video. The package deal made it interesting. I don't get it fully, woman singer and thinking just... escape me. Something to do with women's drama, melodrama? Still, it's... cute... to me.
Oh, the thing with Blogspot? The whole create and edit screens have completely changed. I seem to have no problems with it, but... it was a bit of a shock to have it completely change without me agreeing to it. With a zero president, I suppose even companies are just... doing whatever the hell they want to do, too. Shooting for the weakest link proves to be a bad thing, again? Whatever, for now. Not good, I can't get paragraphs to separate! Argh! They pulled a beta in and forced it on me. I figured out the paragraph breaks. They used "br /" twice, I figured it should be "br" followed by "/br", surrounded by < and >, of course but that doesn't print in the blog right, and my opinion was the correct one. Bah! So now I have to correct these on every post I create. Idiots. Obominites, alright. It's still not right, my double "periods" up top are not feeding right, I'll... tinker with it, over time. On the good side, I just made up the fix, without researching, and it worked, mostly.
Sweet dreams? Oh yeah! Good night.
Late but good.
.
.
I didn't make it to bed until 1:00. I set my alarm for 10:00. I was extremely tired, and tired of playing with the alarm as I've tried to do the last few days so, when it went off, I simply turned it off... when I could finally even rise to do that. Ugh. I woke at 13:00. the sun was hidden this morning, which never helps. At least it is peaking out from time to time now. Yeah, I'm running late, but fine. I still have a goal and I intend to meet it.
My friend called, asking if I would be in town. Indeed I suggested, telling him I will be looking for water heaters. I asked if he wanted me to do that then get him. He wants to go along though, so... okay. I want to make measurements again, and write them down. I am positive the size of my current water heater, I'm just not sure how much larger it can be. That is the part that is tricky. And, I think, I only saw one water heater with that small of a diameter. Mine is 18 1/2 inches. I am positive a 19" will (probably) fit. Technically, from wall to wall to counter a 22 inch diameter will fit, exactly, from measurements. Though I wouldn't want anything that snug and I don't know what else might protrude or otherwise cause a problem. It's all guesswork. I suppose, if something doesn't fit, I could end up taking it back. But that just adds hassle and work to the process, more work, for me, can be crippling. I really have to measure twice and cut once or I end up in tons of trouble and a further protracted project. It's like hunting with a single shot rifle or such. I have to make it count.
I am feeling better. My muscle aches are down from a scream, or at least constant high pitched whine. They are down to an occasional mumble or grump. Some of them are still taught, like days after a serious exercise. Just the muscles more rarely used do that. Some of my body is completely fit for duty again. Being that muscles are a system though, I need to... do things the easy way, when I can, still, for a while. And yet I will do what I have to do, too. I'm at the point where I can and will do more, if cautiously. Cavalier notions are not the way of the day, or week, to come.
I suppose. I best read your blogs. Grumbling, laughing, noticing missed points, defining terms, or just saying hello, I hope I bring something to your places and thoughts. Well, you know I'm a grump, so... Just, read between the lines if you can?
Have a great day.
.
I didn't make it to bed until 1:00. I set my alarm for 10:00. I was extremely tired, and tired of playing with the alarm as I've tried to do the last few days so, when it went off, I simply turned it off... when I could finally even rise to do that. Ugh. I woke at 13:00. the sun was hidden this morning, which never helps. At least it is peaking out from time to time now. Yeah, I'm running late, but fine. I still have a goal and I intend to meet it.
My friend called, asking if I would be in town. Indeed I suggested, telling him I will be looking for water heaters. I asked if he wanted me to do that then get him. He wants to go along though, so... okay. I want to make measurements again, and write them down. I am positive the size of my current water heater, I'm just not sure how much larger it can be. That is the part that is tricky. And, I think, I only saw one water heater with that small of a diameter. Mine is 18 1/2 inches. I am positive a 19" will (probably) fit. Technically, from wall to wall to counter a 22 inch diameter will fit, exactly, from measurements. Though I wouldn't want anything that snug and I don't know what else might protrude or otherwise cause a problem. It's all guesswork. I suppose, if something doesn't fit, I could end up taking it back. But that just adds hassle and work to the process, more work, for me, can be crippling. I really have to measure twice and cut once or I end up in tons of trouble and a further protracted project. It's like hunting with a single shot rifle or such. I have to make it count.
I am feeling better. My muscle aches are down from a scream, or at least constant high pitched whine. They are down to an occasional mumble or grump. Some of them are still taught, like days after a serious exercise. Just the muscles more rarely used do that. Some of my body is completely fit for duty again. Being that muscles are a system though, I need to... do things the easy way, when I can, still, for a while. And yet I will do what I have to do, too. I'm at the point where I can and will do more, if cautiously. Cavalier notions are not the way of the day, or week, to come.
I suppose. I best read your blogs. Grumbling, laughing, noticing missed points, defining terms, or just saying hello, I hope I bring something to your places and thoughts. Well, you know I'm a grump, so... Just, read between the lines if you can?
Have a great day.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Another day of rest.
.
.
Much needed, much appreciated. I don't knock the need, now that there is a known physical constraint. I still wonder if they knew about my heart long ago though. Maybe they thought I would drive myself over a cliff, one way or another, trying to do more than I could. They sure pushed.
A fellow blogger brought up the topic of being above average, and several levels of that. It seems being above average and way above average, intellectually (and it is my theory in many ways being outside the norms), may lead to maladjustment. It certainly enhances the risks, or so data and it's straightforward interpretation seem to indicate. And, no, this really isn't about academics. To be honest, the average I.Q. of a Ph. D. holder is only about 115. Those guys just go crazy from being corruptocrats in a Stalinist insane asylum run by the inmates. No, this is a different topic. Remember the S.O.B. thing, it works in all areas, not just in dealing with women.
Anyway, I started thinking about what I am good at. I can be good, health being reasonably stable for a bit, at just about anything I lay my hands or mind to. The truth is, I am not really great at anything. That seems to be one of the misfortunes of being slightly above average, or more? If everything was easy in school, give or take, or could be if you applied, then... it is supposed that such people just sort of skate through life. My heart really may have tempered, or even developed, this problem along with that though. Or, I am delusional and of simply average intelligence. *laughs* Could be. Still, I suspect the former.
If you want to know what you are not good at, often it is easier to see by looking at what you are good at. Are you good at verbal communication, or even all communication forms you can use? Now, be honest. Just because you can talk at 300wpm, that does not make you a great or successful communicator. Assess that skill in some measured way, there are many tests, some free and online (if of a more dubious nature). Then how do you do in math? If you both can and have learned to do various levels of college based math, is it functional or did you just get a grade? Be honest. Eventually you will hit on weak spots.
While this isn't exactly considered an intellectual thing, per se, my memory is weak. I just "learn" things, I can't really memorize them. They need to become mechanical and have function or the item won't stay in memory, even short term, long enough for even classes all that well. History, at the pace of engineering courses at least, would be difficult. My interest in history isn't knowing which year Columbus landed, just having a sense of when he landed (middle ages, 14XX, give or take, is enough for me). But more, it has to do with why that is significant, what transpired before and afterward, and such. Actually, history is a collection of war stories pretty much written by the side that won, so it is dubious often. Still, exact memory is a major weakness. Most other stuff is rather easy to learn. I was "impressed" by how easy non-political courses were to take at the normal college level. That is, courses where a student's political leanings weren't used against them in scoring. Hmm, practical. I have no real skills to speak of. I probably could (and should) learn to change my own oil, and I will be learning to sharpen my saw a bit (just field level), but I don't actually own any skills in any field, or even small parts of fields. I'm learning on the fly, everything I do in my home, on my vehicle, chainsaw, or using tools. So, I guess that is a weak point. What are your weak spots?
I am finally actually enjoying adult peer relationships. Being disabled though I am a bit of a drag on real people who have schedules, families, their children's sports and such, and maybe second jobs. But I can and do enjoy getting in there, at least in smaller settings. That is new for me. Actually I think I am becoming less gifted gimped as time goes by, a reversal of the usual trend. Though finding out that my problems are heart, not head, related helps. That stigma is significant, at least in the sufferer's head though I suspect it is more than just there, and significant in society as well. Tip-toeing through tulips, beware the raging bull, and all.
Ah, went looking for a bit of music tonight. A group called Spacehog came to mind the other day. I have one of their CDs, if their name isn't printed on it. Oddly I never could remember their group name before. It just hit me a few days ago, so I looked it up. This first song was the theme song in a dream I had long ago. I, along with others, was on a space ship headed for a new planet. Earth had been destroyed, anthropomorphic indeed, but... more of the nuclear variety (although that could be called global warming and then global cooling, innit?). In my dream the song was "Violent Race", not the actual "Violet Race". Though the words, considering it is rock, a bit edgy, and alternative... fit either title. I'm still not sure the band merely got a typo of the real lyrics or the song writer decided to go a less dark seeming way with the words.
I've been looking over goth music. For the most part? It is too self-promotionally artificial for my tastes. I've found a few songs I sort of enjoy, within the darker themes of life. This next one... hits way too many chords from my life to... ignore. I found one other song I liked, different group though. This song reminds me of when I saw around the supposed mundane to the ugly nature of the beast in the men and women around me, as a child. This sin would be ignored by this one in trade for that sin for that one. And there was, is, no way out. None are free. The contortions, lust, gluttony, sloth, and such on display... cuts to my bones... soul. The rot so often just under the surface, so often and easily viewed, sometimes simply flaunted... I do believe, however, that there can be a slightly better life, here, now. With work, honesty, love. Won't be perfect, ever, here, but... This song doesn't represent how it has to be or the only truth, just one I saw. Here are the lyrics, give or take. If you watch the last scenes closely you will see the horror I sometimes could see and sometimes would not as a child, but now see all too clearly. The horror of one's own truths.
This is an old song, for me. While I believed myself to be ill from mind it fit more. Still, there are... truths for me in it yet. For those of you who can't quite understand the words. No, I understand. Some music I just get, some I can't understand a single word. For my part, exchange war with warm, when he says, "There is now way that anyone will ever, make mewarmwar again". Not even if I have to kill them all! *smirk* Oh, many mistakes in the lyrics... for example, what is done, is done, undone, not what is done and done and done. I can't find a good lyric page to link... should be close enough though.
Well, that's it. Good night for sure. Or... mostly for certain. Or... if I don't write later. Sleep well.
.
Much needed, much appreciated. I don't knock the need, now that there is a known physical constraint. I still wonder if they knew about my heart long ago though. Maybe they thought I would drive myself over a cliff, one way or another, trying to do more than I could. They sure pushed.
A fellow blogger brought up the topic of being above average, and several levels of that. It seems being above average and way above average, intellectually (and it is my theory in many ways being outside the norms), may lead to maladjustment. It certainly enhances the risks, or so data and it's straightforward interpretation seem to indicate. And, no, this really isn't about academics. To be honest, the average I.Q. of a Ph. D. holder is only about 115. Those guys just go crazy from being corruptocrats in a Stalinist insane asylum run by the inmates. No, this is a different topic. Remember the S.O.B. thing, it works in all areas, not just in dealing with women.
Anyway, I started thinking about what I am good at. I can be good, health being reasonably stable for a bit, at just about anything I lay my hands or mind to. The truth is, I am not really great at anything. That seems to be one of the misfortunes of being slightly above average, or more? If everything was easy in school, give or take, or could be if you applied, then... it is supposed that such people just sort of skate through life. My heart really may have tempered, or even developed, this problem along with that though. Or, I am delusional and of simply average intelligence. *laughs* Could be. Still, I suspect the former.
If you want to know what you are not good at, often it is easier to see by looking at what you are good at. Are you good at verbal communication, or even all communication forms you can use? Now, be honest. Just because you can talk at 300wpm, that does not make you a great or successful communicator. Assess that skill in some measured way, there are many tests, some free and online (if of a more dubious nature). Then how do you do in math? If you both can and have learned to do various levels of college based math, is it functional or did you just get a grade? Be honest. Eventually you will hit on weak spots.
While this isn't exactly considered an intellectual thing, per se, my memory is weak. I just "learn" things, I can't really memorize them. They need to become mechanical and have function or the item won't stay in memory, even short term, long enough for even classes all that well. History, at the pace of engineering courses at least, would be difficult. My interest in history isn't knowing which year Columbus landed, just having a sense of when he landed (middle ages, 14XX, give or take, is enough for me). But more, it has to do with why that is significant, what transpired before and afterward, and such. Actually, history is a collection of war stories pretty much written by the side that won, so it is dubious often. Still, exact memory is a major weakness. Most other stuff is rather easy to learn. I was "impressed" by how easy non-political courses were to take at the normal college level. That is, courses where a student's political leanings weren't used against them in scoring. Hmm, practical. I have no real skills to speak of. I probably could (and should) learn to change my own oil, and I will be learning to sharpen my saw a bit (just field level), but I don't actually own any skills in any field, or even small parts of fields. I'm learning on the fly, everything I do in my home, on my vehicle, chainsaw, or using tools. So, I guess that is a weak point. What are your weak spots?
I am finally actually enjoying adult peer relationships. Being disabled though I am a bit of a drag on real people who have schedules, families, their children's sports and such, and maybe second jobs. But I can and do enjoy getting in there, at least in smaller settings. That is new for me. Actually I think I am becoming less gifted gimped as time goes by, a reversal of the usual trend. Though finding out that my problems are heart, not head, related helps. That stigma is significant, at least in the sufferer's head though I suspect it is more than just there, and significant in society as well. Tip-toeing through tulips, beware the raging bull, and all.
Ah, went looking for a bit of music tonight. A group called Spacehog came to mind the other day. I have one of their CDs, if their name isn't printed on it. Oddly I never could remember their group name before. It just hit me a few days ago, so I looked it up. This first song was the theme song in a dream I had long ago. I, along with others, was on a space ship headed for a new planet. Earth had been destroyed, anthropomorphic indeed, but... more of the nuclear variety (although that could be called global warming and then global cooling, innit?). In my dream the song was "Violent Race", not the actual "Violet Race". Though the words, considering it is rock, a bit edgy, and alternative... fit either title. I'm still not sure the band merely got a typo of the real lyrics or the song writer decided to go a less dark seeming way with the words.
I've been looking over goth music. For the most part? It is too self-promotionally artificial for my tastes. I've found a few songs I sort of enjoy, within the darker themes of life. This next one... hits way too many chords from my life to... ignore. I found one other song I liked, different group though. This song reminds me of when I saw around the supposed mundane to the ugly nature of the beast in the men and women around me, as a child. This sin would be ignored by this one in trade for that sin for that one. And there was, is, no way out. None are free. The contortions, lust, gluttony, sloth, and such on display... cuts to my bones... soul. The rot so often just under the surface, so often and easily viewed, sometimes simply flaunted... I do believe, however, that there can be a slightly better life, here, now. With work, honesty, love. Won't be perfect, ever, here, but... This song doesn't represent how it has to be or the only truth, just one I saw. Here are the lyrics, give or take. If you watch the last scenes closely you will see the horror I sometimes could see and sometimes would not as a child, but now see all too clearly. The horror of one's own truths.
This is an old song, for me. While I believed myself to be ill from mind it fit more. Still, there are... truths for me in it yet. For those of you who can't quite understand the words. No, I understand. Some music I just get, some I can't understand a single word. For my part, exchange war with warm, when he says, "There is now way that anyone will ever, make me
Well, that's it. Good night for sure. Or... mostly for certain. Or... if I don't write later. Sleep well.
A bit going on.
.
.
I've cleared one small area in my bedroom and then made something to eat. Beans and hamburger with a mix of spices I would call masala more than anything else was for dinner. A teaspoon (or more) of my hotter than hot cayenne, cumin, ginger, and all spice, a half a teaspoon of tarragon and garlic, and a half tablespoon of salt, into the meat while cooking, add beans to heat, throw in some shredded cheddar, a tablespoon of sour cream, butter some bread, and call it heavenly. Well, my tastes may be simple or strange. Actually, romaine lettuce could have been (and might yet be) good shredded and mixed in. Or even kale, parboiled then added while I reheat remainders. I do like greens, often, it's just that they are one more hassle to the meal. Meat! Then, other stuff, maybe. It's just the way I am.
I have to be careful at this point. I may actually need another day of rest. On the other hand, if I rest another day it could turn into a week. But maybe I need a week to actually recover. Science, medicinal forms of it, don't help me here. It is easy to ignore need, it might be also that I am attending need to far into a form of want. I have no real idea about my body. It's still physically sore. I am still lagging with energy. If I stay down I can get stuck there. If I run, I may stumble and fall even harder. I really don't have any way of knowing. My personal history has shown that both can be true, I simply don't have a means of deciding which is which. So, I'm probably going to try to go forward, but in a slightly lower gear. A few tasks, some rest, recheck status. If doing well, another set of tasks. No more than three task sets a day, and tending to food and basic necessities on the side. I'll know in a few days.
Tomorrow will see me into town. I would like to look for a water heater locally. The lowest I have seen them priced is about $285. I don't think I want to go minimum. Then again, I don't want to go maximal (at $1200, some duel fuel, mostly electric, supposedly green, garbage). A nice tweener, say $350 to $450? It depends on what I pull out of the salesmen. I'll look at whatever stores might have them locally and get as many points, counter points, and do some research based on that. Who knows, perhaps the cheaper ones are better (or all that will fit). I do have to consider size. After doing shopping on that topic, decide or not right tomorrow, I will, weather allowing, see if my friend wants to do some shooting. He needs to unload a couple thousand rounds... so he can reload more! Not all tomorrow. Still, we best get going on that.
I had someone from the census show up today. I have great doubts about some things. Yes, I know the census is legal. I just don't believe they should be doing census work other than on the decades. So, I want to know who arranged this, and why. I want to check some things out. And, as I told her, regardless, I will not be giving much detailed information, if I even need to actually be doing this. *dubious glare* I stalled saying I had things to do, and actually, I do, just not what I told her. Oh, right, I may not be available for a call tomorrow anyway. How much do you think they will really razz a truly disabled vet? Probably more than most, to be honest.
I think I will try one more work period tonight, then try to hang up the spurs a bit earlier. The goal is to be out of bed by 8:00 tomorrow. Shower, shave, dress, and head to town by 10:00 to kick out shopping by 13:00 or 14:00. That means being to bed by no later than midnight, preferably earlier to bed as sleep has been occasionally taking more than seven or eight hours. By then I will know if shooting is on the menu. Best take several guns then, ammo, and maybe a target or three. Later, or good night.
.
I've cleared one small area in my bedroom and then made something to eat. Beans and hamburger with a mix of spices I would call masala more than anything else was for dinner. A teaspoon (or more) of my hotter than hot cayenne, cumin, ginger, and all spice, a half a teaspoon of tarragon and garlic, and a half tablespoon of salt, into the meat while cooking, add beans to heat, throw in some shredded cheddar, a tablespoon of sour cream, butter some bread, and call it heavenly. Well, my tastes may be simple or strange. Actually, romaine lettuce could have been (and might yet be) good shredded and mixed in. Or even kale, parboiled then added while I reheat remainders. I do like greens, often, it's just that they are one more hassle to the meal. Meat! Then, other stuff, maybe. It's just the way I am.
I have to be careful at this point. I may actually need another day of rest. On the other hand, if I rest another day it could turn into a week. But maybe I need a week to actually recover. Science, medicinal forms of it, don't help me here. It is easy to ignore need, it might be also that I am attending need to far into a form of want. I have no real idea about my body. It's still physically sore. I am still lagging with energy. If I stay down I can get stuck there. If I run, I may stumble and fall even harder. I really don't have any way of knowing. My personal history has shown that both can be true, I simply don't have a means of deciding which is which. So, I'm probably going to try to go forward, but in a slightly lower gear. A few tasks, some rest, recheck status. If doing well, another set of tasks. No more than three task sets a day, and tending to food and basic necessities on the side. I'll know in a few days.
Tomorrow will see me into town. I would like to look for a water heater locally. The lowest I have seen them priced is about $285. I don't think I want to go minimum. Then again, I don't want to go maximal (at $1200, some duel fuel, mostly electric, supposedly green, garbage). A nice tweener, say $350 to $450? It depends on what I pull out of the salesmen. I'll look at whatever stores might have them locally and get as many points, counter points, and do some research based on that. Who knows, perhaps the cheaper ones are better (or all that will fit). I do have to consider size. After doing shopping on that topic, decide or not right tomorrow, I will, weather allowing, see if my friend wants to do some shooting. He needs to unload a couple thousand rounds... so he can reload more! Not all tomorrow. Still, we best get going on that.
I had someone from the census show up today. I have great doubts about some things. Yes, I know the census is legal. I just don't believe they should be doing census work other than on the decades. So, I want to know who arranged this, and why. I want to check some things out. And, as I told her, regardless, I will not be giving much detailed information, if I even need to actually be doing this. *dubious glare* I stalled saying I had things to do, and actually, I do, just not what I told her. Oh, right, I may not be available for a call tomorrow anyway. How much do you think they will really razz a truly disabled vet? Probably more than most, to be honest.
I think I will try one more work period tonight, then try to hang up the spurs a bit earlier. The goal is to be out of bed by 8:00 tomorrow. Shower, shave, dress, and head to town by 10:00 to kick out shopping by 13:00 or 14:00. That means being to bed by no later than midnight, preferably earlier to bed as sleep has been occasionally taking more than seven or eight hours. By then I will know if shooting is on the menu. Best take several guns then, ammo, and maybe a target or three. Later, or good night.
Down late, up late. Of course.
.
.
Doing little makes getting to sleep difficult. It doesn't matter if I have much choice in whether to be active or not. There are other factors, at times. Too much on the mind, even too much physical activity, among other things, can make sleep difficult to impossible. I needed the bodily rest, and still do. Today is another day of rest. On the good side, my body is coming around to health again. The soreness, for which I have not taken pain killers, is easing. I decided against even minor pain killers so I could better track my healing and so that I wouldn't feel better and begin overreaching. I have to be cautious right now. I can break, easily. I couldn't fall asleep until... 3:00 or so? And I didn't wake until 10:00, which seems about right if off kilter a bit for a true day schedule. All good, mostly.
What to do next? My plans were to sweat the pipes today or tomorrow. After measuring the space for the water heater, then looking over a number of water heater replacements, I may be wise to hold off sweating until I find one. First, it has to be no more than 19" in diameter. All of the water heaters I have seen in that diameter are taller than the water heater I will be replacing, by eight to twelve inches. Until I decide on a model, one I can take from the store as shipping seems to have serious problems, but more actually get it home and set it in there, it doesn't behoove me to do much with the pipes. Hmm, though I could remove the valve and add the union there and cap that for now, to at least get cold water into my on-suite, for toiletry use. Any real adjustments will have to come after installation.
So, I suppose, clearing out the bathroom, my bedroom, and my living room, might be the next jobs of any real significance. And, actually, I am excited to get to them, if I know they won't be fast, clean, or easy jobs, any of them alone let alone as a group. Still, that is what I have on my plate. I may have found a place to leave my water heater and earlier than mid-May at town clean-up. I may look for a couple of furniture sliders for my dresser today, do a bit of cooking finally, and tend to some of the smaller things in the rooms to be cleared. Just to get me back into the groove. But I am not going to push it. My muscles are all still a bit stiff and sore. Not just arms, but legs, ribs, back, neck, and such. I did push, for my condition, for having been laid up for a number of months, this last week and a half.
But it is nearing summer! This year I think I can get around to using the warmer parts of spring and summer to get out a bit more. I now have a functional bike, a swim pass, hiking ideas with my gear bags set up save for a few things I will take care of along the way, and some home jobs I have the tools and parts to do. I am also more functional to neighbors and my Church. I am at least a bit more of a known entity. No promises, I can't do that. Just... the potential has never been this high. Everything is in place for a real new beginning. The pain I am suffering is just a first good step, as I see things. And, in a way, this pain shows more promise than anything, in some odd ways. Don't fear the reaper, but don't fear digging in and living as fully as you can, either?
Have a good day!
.
Doing little makes getting to sleep difficult. It doesn't matter if I have much choice in whether to be active or not. There are other factors, at times. Too much on the mind, even too much physical activity, among other things, can make sleep difficult to impossible. I needed the bodily rest, and still do. Today is another day of rest. On the good side, my body is coming around to health again. The soreness, for which I have not taken pain killers, is easing. I decided against even minor pain killers so I could better track my healing and so that I wouldn't feel better and begin overreaching. I have to be cautious right now. I can break, easily. I couldn't fall asleep until... 3:00 or so? And I didn't wake until 10:00, which seems about right if off kilter a bit for a true day schedule. All good, mostly.
What to do next? My plans were to sweat the pipes today or tomorrow. After measuring the space for the water heater, then looking over a number of water heater replacements, I may be wise to hold off sweating until I find one. First, it has to be no more than 19" in diameter. All of the water heaters I have seen in that diameter are taller than the water heater I will be replacing, by eight to twelve inches. Until I decide on a model, one I can take from the store as shipping seems to have serious problems, but more actually get it home and set it in there, it doesn't behoove me to do much with the pipes. Hmm, though I could remove the valve and add the union there and cap that for now, to at least get cold water into my on-suite, for toiletry use. Any real adjustments will have to come after installation.
So, I suppose, clearing out the bathroom, my bedroom, and my living room, might be the next jobs of any real significance. And, actually, I am excited to get to them, if I know they won't be fast, clean, or easy jobs, any of them alone let alone as a group. Still, that is what I have on my plate. I may have found a place to leave my water heater and earlier than mid-May at town clean-up. I may look for a couple of furniture sliders for my dresser today, do a bit of cooking finally, and tend to some of the smaller things in the rooms to be cleared. Just to get me back into the groove. But I am not going to push it. My muscles are all still a bit stiff and sore. Not just arms, but legs, ribs, back, neck, and such. I did push, for my condition, for having been laid up for a number of months, this last week and a half.
But it is nearing summer! This year I think I can get around to using the warmer parts of spring and summer to get out a bit more. I now have a functional bike, a swim pass, hiking ideas with my gear bags set up save for a few things I will take care of along the way, and some home jobs I have the tools and parts to do. I am also more functional to neighbors and my Church. I am at least a bit more of a known entity. No promises, I can't do that. Just... the potential has never been this high. Everything is in place for a real new beginning. The pain I am suffering is just a first good step, as I see things. And, in a way, this pain shows more promise than anything, in some odd ways. Don't fear the reaper, but don't fear digging in and living as fully as you can, either?
Have a good day!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Oh?
.
.
I was informed that I am indeed a mean man. It seems I do have female readers here, from time to time, some I didn't know about. Something about something about mistreating or enjoying the suffering of women. So, rather than respond privately, I thought I would do it here in hopes she might respond here, where I prefer these things to be settled.
First, a woman who isn't mine should have no expectation from me for intimate kindness. Especially one I was neither chasing nor covertly or overtly attending or wooing. Since, of course, it is illegal and immoral to marry one's kin, a woman will become my blood by bleeding for me. Just, setting that straight. At which time I will give concessions, offer certain kindnesses, turn a blind eye to some of her faults, and bleed for her. Until such an arrangement is assigned, any woman is a stranger in the war of the sexes and in the battles of love. I feel no more sympathy for a fallen opponent in love than I do for a fallen enemy soldier. Period.
Well, actually, that about sums it up. Mostly. Though I should add, even if I have taken a woman as mine I will not completely or always shield her, specifically from the truth, from reality. I need a partner, and a woman partner can be allowed to be no more blind than a warrior partner. Now, with a woman, getting her up to speed may take longer (and never be fully successful), but that will go forward. And I might feel the need to soften the edges, which I have done to within my capacity. But she will have to understand the way life and death work. Further, we aren't always going to agree. To be honest, for women, biologically, it doesn't matter who the victor is. Her body simply wants to have it's needs and wants met. That is completely contrary to men, and how we think, and how our bodies work. Still, we can, and probably have to get on enough similar pages, if the thing is to work.
I guess I am saying life isn't kind, nor can I always be, nor should I be at times. But I will do, for my woman, what I can to bring her up to the speed of real life as gently as possible in the time allotted.
If you want to know cruel... I had a friend who courted a woman, a woman who really had quit 'all that'. He chased her for two years. Then he dated her for another three. Then he just ended it. He admitted he had no reason to end the relationship. She was a good woman. He was simply done. I... don't chase what I don't intend to catch and keep, not that I always catch and obviously don't always keep. But there were real reasons for not keeping, and women know they can't always be caught. That's just life. Still, what he did was truly cruel, if not unusual. Especially in this age where women claim equality and then wonder why that doesn't work. So, I don't even mind that so much. My guess, he realized how... dangerous it is to marry a women these days, he just never discussed that part of it. Men hate admitting that we are up against an impossible situation, more so in the secular world. Then again, even many churches are quite secular these days.
Now, if you have more to say on the matter, say it here. I think you can do it anonymously. Bleh...
Or... put into very few words... yeah, sure, I'm an S.O.B. But if I am your S.O.B., know which side of that to be on and you will enjoy sunshine and roses all the live long day. If you get bored with that, I'm always up for digging out some of the thorns or dressing those sunburns too. HrumpH!
.
I was informed that I am indeed a mean man. It seems I do have female readers here, from time to time, some I didn't know about. Something about something about mistreating or enjoying the suffering of women. So, rather than respond privately, I thought I would do it here in hopes she might respond here, where I prefer these things to be settled.
First, a woman who isn't mine should have no expectation from me for intimate kindness. Especially one I was neither chasing nor covertly or overtly attending or wooing. Since, of course, it is illegal and immoral to marry one's kin, a woman will become my blood by bleeding for me. Just, setting that straight. At which time I will give concessions, offer certain kindnesses, turn a blind eye to some of her faults, and bleed for her. Until such an arrangement is assigned, any woman is a stranger in the war of the sexes and in the battles of love. I feel no more sympathy for a fallen opponent in love than I do for a fallen enemy soldier. Period.
Well, actually, that about sums it up. Mostly. Though I should add, even if I have taken a woman as mine I will not completely or always shield her, specifically from the truth, from reality. I need a partner, and a woman partner can be allowed to be no more blind than a warrior partner. Now, with a woman, getting her up to speed may take longer (and never be fully successful), but that will go forward. And I might feel the need to soften the edges, which I have done to within my capacity. But she will have to understand the way life and death work. Further, we aren't always going to agree. To be honest, for women, biologically, it doesn't matter who the victor is. Her body simply wants to have it's needs and wants met. That is completely contrary to men, and how we think, and how our bodies work. Still, we can, and probably have to get on enough similar pages, if the thing is to work.
I guess I am saying life isn't kind, nor can I always be, nor should I be at times. But I will do, for my woman, what I can to bring her up to the speed of real life as gently as possible in the time allotted.
If you want to know cruel... I had a friend who courted a woman, a woman who really had quit 'all that'. He chased her for two years. Then he dated her for another three. Then he just ended it. He admitted he had no reason to end the relationship. She was a good woman. He was simply done. I... don't chase what I don't intend to catch and keep, not that I always catch and obviously don't always keep. But there were real reasons for not keeping, and women know they can't always be caught. That's just life. Still, what he did was truly cruel, if not unusual. Especially in this age where women claim equality and then wonder why that doesn't work. So, I don't even mind that so much. My guess, he realized how... dangerous it is to marry a women these days, he just never discussed that part of it. Men hate admitting that we are up against an impossible situation, more so in the secular world. Then again, even many churches are quite secular these days.
Now, if you have more to say on the matter, say it here. I think you can do it anonymously. Bleh...
Or... put into very few words... yeah, sure, I'm an S.O.B. But if I am your S.O.B., know which side of that to be on and you will enjoy sunshine and roses all the live long day. If you get bored with that, I'm always up for digging out some of the thorns or dressing those sunburns too. HrumpH!
Oh, ouch.
.
.
Today is an odd day. I feel worse than I did yesterday and yet it feels like I am getting better. I couldn't rise at 8:00. I kept... checking. I reset the alarm a few times, tried the snooze button a time or two, finally stumbling out of bed at a little after 11:00. It is what I can do. The good news, in my opinion, is that shooting is off for today. It is raining, and has been, all morning. Beside making things too wet, it makes them too cold even if it stopped raining right now, I do believe.
I won't be doing much today. Perhaps cooking some hamburger and beans into a sloppy delicious pile of goop. Goofing on the computer and PS3 seems to kill time mostly effortlessly. And, possibly, a nap later. If I ever fully wake up and I am feeling like it, I might do some pipe sweating. I don't have that much to do. The work isn't hard. It is just that I don't want to do anything without my mind and body in the right shape to think and act fast if need be. Many people don't have the luxury to think about that. For me, it isn't a luxury though either. I can fall well below what would cause many people to be sleeping and yet not be asleep. I have to take care not to try to do some things while in that state. My guess is the reason I chat so much, aside from not seeing people very often, is that I am nearly half asleep most of the time. It loosens the tongue like drink and flirtation can.
Anyway, I'll see what I can get done. If that ends up just being to rest, so be it. I'll do fine, I believe, once I get my feet back under me. I've had a great run as spring heads toward summer. I get the sense I will get back to it before long at all. Hmm, maybe a bit of aspirin though, for the aches. I saw this coming days ago, but... sort of had to ignore it, and could, for a while. And a minor case of it might have been part of what caused me to crash last Wednesday, iirc. No pain, no gain.
Blathering. Still not awake, I see. Later.
.
Today is an odd day. I feel worse than I did yesterday and yet it feels like I am getting better. I couldn't rise at 8:00. I kept... checking. I reset the alarm a few times, tried the snooze button a time or two, finally stumbling out of bed at a little after 11:00. It is what I can do. The good news, in my opinion, is that shooting is off for today. It is raining, and has been, all morning. Beside making things too wet, it makes them too cold even if it stopped raining right now, I do believe.
I won't be doing much today. Perhaps cooking some hamburger and beans into a sloppy delicious pile of goop. Goofing on the computer and PS3 seems to kill time mostly effortlessly. And, possibly, a nap later. If I ever fully wake up and I am feeling like it, I might do some pipe sweating. I don't have that much to do. The work isn't hard. It is just that I don't want to do anything without my mind and body in the right shape to think and act fast if need be. Many people don't have the luxury to think about that. For me, it isn't a luxury though either. I can fall well below what would cause many people to be sleeping and yet not be asleep. I have to take care not to try to do some things while in that state. My guess is the reason I chat so much, aside from not seeing people very often, is that I am nearly half asleep most of the time. It loosens the tongue like drink and flirtation can.
Anyway, I'll see what I can get done. If that ends up just being to rest, so be it. I'll do fine, I believe, once I get my feet back under me. I've had a great run as spring heads toward summer. I get the sense I will get back to it before long at all. Hmm, maybe a bit of aspirin though, for the aches. I saw this coming days ago, but... sort of had to ignore it, and could, for a while. And a minor case of it might have been part of what caused me to crash last Wednesday, iirc. No pain, no gain.
Blathering. Still not awake, I see. Later.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Bedtime, finally.
.
.
I am, definitely, going to be slowing down the next few days. I have promised to take my friend shooting, then on to the big meal we had planned the day before but missed. When you get top-dog food in your head, it's difficult to just walk away. It's not like either of us eats there all that often.
Even just sitting in my chair was a bit rough tonight. Sore indeed. Just from occasionally resting on the arm rests my left arm began to develop a red sore spot. Blood just isn't moving well right now I suspect. I would like to say it's all going to my brain, but... I'm doubting that. *smirk* And, it is reasonable, that just this much activity of late has truly pressed my stamina to it's current limits. No worries, a few days of R&R and I think I'll be back to it. More so if the sun comes out. It really does seem to help.
I am thinking about the water heater problem. A new tank, which would allow a simple switch without the headache or possible expense of everything involved with installing everything from new wiring and switches to possibly upgrading the whole electrical panel. And yet the tankless system would allow much more room in the bathroom itself, and possibly a wise review of my electrical system while that goes forward. It does depend on price, to a degree. And ease to a degree. I need to get a plumber/electrician out and get some quotes. I would prefer the tankless enough that I would pay a decent amount more than I'd pay for another tank, but I do have hardcap limits and softer limits. I need to make a call or three tomorrow, something I think I can do. No rush order, with the rest of my home water on. And, just seeking quotes, so I hope not to have a nickel out of pocket for that part. Though, who knows anymore? Well, I suppose I will stay up just a bit longer to see if I can find anything more sure about this particular tankless water heater before committing. It's a Titan SCR2 Model N120. Oops, looks like I best go with a new tank water heater. This thing only heats water... 5 degrees.
I will go ahead and do some brazing though. If for no other reason than for simple practice. I am almost certain I see more soldering in my future. Simpler projects, perhaps. Changing out a valve here, redirecting water line there, perhaps adding something over there. Little things I can do within the scope of my abilities, now that water connections and shutoffs are become known to me.
Sleep should be sweet. Maybe I'll just have one of those good dreams about women. Almost all exclusively non-erotic, if all with a hint of sexuality... I suppose more the way grown-ups, I had thought, actually thought of the interplay between men and women. Who would have guessed that my preferred way of thinking of women, awake or in dreams, is more a fantasy people discuss than a reality on the ground. Maybe things have changed with porn becoming so prevalent (and me not participating as a consumer of such)? Don't know. But I like my quaint little ways, if I am considered a rat-bastard by some women for other reasons. Heh! Some still like me, though, too. I hope!
Good night.
.
I am, definitely, going to be slowing down the next few days. I have promised to take my friend shooting, then on to the big meal we had planned the day before but missed. When you get top-dog food in your head, it's difficult to just walk away. It's not like either of us eats there all that often.
Even just sitting in my chair was a bit rough tonight. Sore indeed. Just from occasionally resting on the arm rests my left arm began to develop a red sore spot. Blood just isn't moving well right now I suspect. I would like to say it's all going to my brain, but... I'm doubting that. *smirk* And, it is reasonable, that just this much activity of late has truly pressed my stamina to it's current limits. No worries, a few days of R&R and I think I'll be back to it. More so if the sun comes out. It really does seem to help.
I am thinking about the water heater problem. A new tank, which would allow a simple switch without the headache or possible expense of everything involved with installing everything from new wiring and switches to possibly upgrading the whole electrical panel. And yet the tankless system would allow much more room in the bathroom itself, and possibly a wise review of my electrical system while that goes forward. It does depend on price, to a degree. And ease to a degree. I need to get a plumber/electrician out and get some quotes. I would prefer the tankless enough that I would pay a decent amount more than I'd pay for another tank, but I do have hardcap limits and softer limits. I need to make a call or three tomorrow, something I think I can do. No rush order, with the rest of my home water on. And, just seeking quotes, so I hope not to have a nickel out of pocket for that part. Though, who knows anymore? Well, I suppose I will stay up just a bit longer to see if I can find anything more sure about this particular tankless water heater before committing. It's a Titan SCR2 Model N120. Oops, looks like I best go with a new tank water heater. This thing only heats water... 5 degrees.
I will go ahead and do some brazing though. If for no other reason than for simple practice. I am almost certain I see more soldering in my future. Simpler projects, perhaps. Changing out a valve here, redirecting water line there, perhaps adding something over there. Little things I can do within the scope of my abilities, now that water connections and shutoffs are become known to me.
Sleep should be sweet. Maybe I'll just have one of those good dreams about women. Almost all exclusively non-erotic, if all with a hint of sexuality... I suppose more the way grown-ups, I had thought, actually thought of the interplay between men and women. Who would have guessed that my preferred way of thinking of women, awake or in dreams, is more a fantasy people discuss than a reality on the ground. Maybe things have changed with porn becoming so prevalent (and me not participating as a consumer of such)? Don't know. But I like my quaint little ways, if I am considered a rat-bastard by some women for other reasons. Heh! Some still like me, though, too. I hope!
Good night.
Oh well.
.
.
I wrote that bit about napping, and then tinkered for a few moments. Or, what I thought was a few moments. When I went in to lay down I saw that it was 17:00, a bit late for a nap. Two hours or less would not work at this point. On the good side I think, if I am rather frugal with activity, at this point, I think I can make a hard landing at 20:00 to 22:00. Perhaps I won't be too overly tired to sleep, or sleep well. The rest of today is shot. I won't complain though. I received a favor and some good morning company. I got in and bought the right parts for the rest of the job as I see things (even if a plumber undoes everything I am about to do). And I did a favor for a friend, and stayed long enough to talk a bit. Yeah, I should see my friend more often, get him to places where he can just enjoy... maybe the public parks around town, or his home town parks.
Anyway, that is that. And, whenever it is that I am back to things, I can deal with my tasks. I told my friend we would go shooting, then to Madox, tomorrow. Which means, if I am up to it, I have a bit of time in the morning. My alarm is set for 8:00, but if I get to bed early enough, and the sun is shining, I might find a way to wake earlier, wake more fully, and get to things. I am not counting on that. My .45 and a box or two of ammo, my .22 Henry, and whatever he is bringing should make for a decent day of undoing some of the winter target shooting rust. I am going to try the bison steaks at Madox. Or is it Maddox? Anyway. They have raised their bison, or so I am of the understanding, for a very long time, as with their beef. When you breed your own meat over decades you can get a very distinct taste. Their beef has it, perhaps their bison does too? I'll find out.
I am sometimes still amazed at how fast time travels and how little I get done in that time. It's been this way since I became disabled, so you would think I would understand it by now. Even when people are around me, they notice how time can fly with me. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing but I know it surprises people. And... makes them consider if they really want to stop in. I'm a people trap with a time warp attached, or... something.
Well, on to goofing to try and stay awake until lights out. I'll bid you an early good night at well. Boy am I anticipating sleep though. Good night.
.
I wrote that bit about napping, and then tinkered for a few moments. Or, what I thought was a few moments. When I went in to lay down I saw that it was 17:00, a bit late for a nap. Two hours or less would not work at this point. On the good side I think, if I am rather frugal with activity, at this point, I think I can make a hard landing at 20:00 to 22:00. Perhaps I won't be too overly tired to sleep, or sleep well. The rest of today is shot. I won't complain though. I received a favor and some good morning company. I got in and bought the right parts for the rest of the job as I see things (even if a plumber undoes everything I am about to do). And I did a favor for a friend, and stayed long enough to talk a bit. Yeah, I should see my friend more often, get him to places where he can just enjoy... maybe the public parks around town, or his home town parks.
Anyway, that is that. And, whenever it is that I am back to things, I can deal with my tasks. I told my friend we would go shooting, then to Madox, tomorrow. Which means, if I am up to it, I have a bit of time in the morning. My alarm is set for 8:00, but if I get to bed early enough, and the sun is shining, I might find a way to wake earlier, wake more fully, and get to things. I am not counting on that. My .45 and a box or two of ammo, my .22 Henry, and whatever he is bringing should make for a decent day of undoing some of the winter target shooting rust. I am going to try the bison steaks at Madox. Or is it Maddox? Anyway. They have raised their bison, or so I am of the understanding, for a very long time, as with their beef. When you breed your own meat over decades you can get a very distinct taste. Their beef has it, perhaps their bison does too? I'll find out.
I am sometimes still amazed at how fast time travels and how little I get done in that time. It's been this way since I became disabled, so you would think I would understand it by now. Even when people are around me, they notice how time can fly with me. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing but I know it surprises people. And... makes them consider if they really want to stop in. I'm a people trap with a time warp attached, or... something.
Well, on to goofing to try and stay awake until lights out. I'll bid you an early good night at well. Boy am I anticipating sleep though. Good night.
Nap.
.
.
I was doing good, got up and going this morning, and was... waking up a bit when I got back home. I realized that I was in trouble then. All of my muscles ache a bit, along with a minor headache. It's nothing serious, but it was calling me back to bed. Whether this is from my heart, or simply because my muscles have been used more in the last week than in the last six months, I simply can't say. It has to be tended though. I knew that going back to bed that early would very possibly shift my day schedule. Just as taking a nap too late will. But not taking a nap, when it is needed, at the right time, can be just as problematic. A delayed or ignored nap can increase insomnia issues or even lead to a nearly systemic failure that stretches days, weeks, and longer.
I decided a trip to town, to get the correct size valve and a couple of elbows and pipe for the half inch pipe side might keep me going just long enough to have a proper rest. I also took some things in to my friend, I forgot the 9 mm cases when I took the rest of his purchases into his apartment. I grabbed a bite to eat on the way home, just... well, food helps all ailments.
Yep, it's time for the nap. I often hope, and sometimes it works, that I can outlast the need for a nap. They are risky procedures for me. At least this one, this time, I have... just about set up for the best chances for an optimal outcome. It is, quite often, all I can do. I can't change the chances, alter my state of being, or anything but do my best to mitigate risks.
Oh, I think I saw someone who may have read my post here. I just got a sense that, perhaps, my notions on heartbreaking were considered... braggadocios. The thing is I have already broken one heart, and recently. A woman, tall, about my age... I think she thought she had a chance. I hadn't seen her in a while, but recently bumped into her. Her words, mostly, were pleasant. But the venom dripping from her lips was not to be confused with anything but... hatred? anger? A woman scorned type of stuff. She must have heard that I am only looking for woman able and willing to bear children, and never before married at that. Oh, unmistakable. Is it wrong to... enjoy that? I suppose from their perspective my entertainment is pure evil. I've tasted that poison many times and it's almost as good as sex, to me. Well, I do stretch it a bit, but it is in the top tiers of my enjoyment. So, yes, I will break hearts. Just... so you know.
Nap time!
.
I was doing good, got up and going this morning, and was... waking up a bit when I got back home. I realized that I was in trouble then. All of my muscles ache a bit, along with a minor headache. It's nothing serious, but it was calling me back to bed. Whether this is from my heart, or simply because my muscles have been used more in the last week than in the last six months, I simply can't say. It has to be tended though. I knew that going back to bed that early would very possibly shift my day schedule. Just as taking a nap too late will. But not taking a nap, when it is needed, at the right time, can be just as problematic. A delayed or ignored nap can increase insomnia issues or even lead to a nearly systemic failure that stretches days, weeks, and longer.
I decided a trip to town, to get the correct size valve and a couple of elbows and pipe for the half inch pipe side might keep me going just long enough to have a proper rest. I also took some things in to my friend, I forgot the 9 mm cases when I took the rest of his purchases into his apartment. I grabbed a bite to eat on the way home, just... well, food helps all ailments.
Yep, it's time for the nap. I often hope, and sometimes it works, that I can outlast the need for a nap. They are risky procedures for me. At least this one, this time, I have... just about set up for the best chances for an optimal outcome. It is, quite often, all I can do. I can't change the chances, alter my state of being, or anything but do my best to mitigate risks.
Oh, I think I saw someone who may have read my post here. I just got a sense that, perhaps, my notions on heartbreaking were considered... braggadocios. The thing is I have already broken one heart, and recently. A woman, tall, about my age... I think she thought she had a chance. I hadn't seen her in a while, but recently bumped into her. Her words, mostly, were pleasant. But the venom dripping from her lips was not to be confused with anything but... hatred? anger? A woman scorned type of stuff. She must have heard that I am only looking for woman able and willing to bear children, and never before married at that. Oh, unmistakable. Is it wrong to... enjoy that? I suppose from their perspective my entertainment is pure evil. I've tasted that poison many times and it's almost as good as sex, to me. Well, I do stretch it a bit, but it is in the top tiers of my enjoyment. So, yes, I will break hearts. Just... so you know.
Nap time!
Success right through failure.
.
.
I had my alarm set for 6:00. And I heard it, got up, hit snooze a couple of times. Then I had to reset it as I just wasn't ready. A few more snoozes, another reset, then a bit more snoozing, and I was up! Heh. It was a quarter to 8:00, give or take. Still, I wanted to get a shower in, dress, and see if I would get the chance to see the show. It turns out I got lucky on two counts. They would have finished last night but they ran short on seed. And finally, perhaps like me, and with the clouds and cool rather than a bright sunny morning, they were running just a little later. Or, maybe, they were stalling to see if this dolt would get off his hump and be there? Could be. In any case, I made it there before the Mr. returned with the grain. The Mrs. talked for just a bit, then she had things to do.
Those horses are big, plugs they might be called. A bit more than a ton apiece. I led one of the critters to the harness post, cautiously. They aren't boisterous girls, or too much so, it's just that they have really big feet and the weight to match. I helped harness, to a degree. It's not that I helped all that much, probably took more time to tell me than to just do it, but... And harnessing them takes a weird sort of upper body strength. I don't have it, but I made do. Both the farmer and I are in the six foot or taller range. I could only imagine a 5'6" man hooking them up! Must have used a small ladder and some bodacious muscle. Yeah, I know there is a trick to it, but that only eases things.
I road on the body of the planter as he finished the last few rows and the corners. Quite a deal, I'll tell you. And I did a bit of rein work off the plow. That is some serious horsepower, boys and girls. I suggested, while he was plowing, that I had gone into digital hoping to find something more... sure?... than analog, human, or animal. What I found was sorely lacking compared to my expectations, or hopes really. While I don't completely deny that digital and electronics have a place, and I am still interested, I have come more full circle in many ways. Respecting, and even enjoying, analog, animal, and more importantly human interfaces. I did have a few questions too. But I tried to keep chat brief and more pointed. He might well have thought I was talking full speed though? I... can talk if nothing else.
So, I did it. And I am quite grateful for it. Who knows how much time I really have left, though I think plenty. Still, that is one thing on my checklist. One I never really thought would get checked. Oh, and I realize I probably don't need a plug to ride. Though a typical horse won't do either. We'll see if that one ever gets checked. You never know. It is good to know what my grandfather did for so many years, and to see how it is done, and all. Yeah, it is impressive. I couldn't love him more, but I... can add levels of respect.
I shouldn't need a break, but I do. A few hours of tinkering until I can get going on the soldering. Oh, right, I will get the fire extinguisher out and read the directions (to make sure I remember) before beginning the brazing as well. I don't expect that taking off the valve will take all that long. Nor will making sure the water is out of the tank and getting that out. I have decided to put a union where the valve is, then adding a ball valve, then another union, then a cap, for now. Oh, but I need to return the too large valve for the right sized one, and take the cap in for return, and buy a couple of elbows. I need to decide where I might want the tankless water heater. In any case I will need elbows. My neighbor, the one that helped last night, seems to agree with my assessment that the ball valve is better than the standard valves for water shut-off and such. Good to have backup on notions, that's all.
The good thing about this is, if I can get this done rightly I have a shot and shoring up any plumbing problems I might find in my forays under the house this summer. Electrical is a whole other animal, but as I do the simple things with switches, figure out what goes where, and maybe do some minor electrical work with this water heater, I might be better in line to begin addressing some of that, too. This is a whole new world for me. A good one. Some people who have only known this world must look at my take on it and wonder why I would choose it. I hope some of them understand.
Have a great day.
.
I had my alarm set for 6:00. And I heard it, got up, hit snooze a couple of times. Then I had to reset it as I just wasn't ready. A few more snoozes, another reset, then a bit more snoozing, and I was up! Heh. It was a quarter to 8:00, give or take. Still, I wanted to get a shower in, dress, and see if I would get the chance to see the show. It turns out I got lucky on two counts. They would have finished last night but they ran short on seed. And finally, perhaps like me, and with the clouds and cool rather than a bright sunny morning, they were running just a little later. Or, maybe, they were stalling to see if this dolt would get off his hump and be there? Could be. In any case, I made it there before the Mr. returned with the grain. The Mrs. talked for just a bit, then she had things to do.
Those horses are big, plugs they might be called. A bit more than a ton apiece. I led one of the critters to the harness post, cautiously. They aren't boisterous girls, or too much so, it's just that they have really big feet and the weight to match. I helped harness, to a degree. It's not that I helped all that much, probably took more time to tell me than to just do it, but... And harnessing them takes a weird sort of upper body strength. I don't have it, but I made do. Both the farmer and I are in the six foot or taller range. I could only imagine a 5'6" man hooking them up! Must have used a small ladder and some bodacious muscle. Yeah, I know there is a trick to it, but that only eases things.
I road on the body of the planter as he finished the last few rows and the corners. Quite a deal, I'll tell you. And I did a bit of rein work off the plow. That is some serious horsepower, boys and girls. I suggested, while he was plowing, that I had gone into digital hoping to find something more... sure?... than analog, human, or animal. What I found was sorely lacking compared to my expectations, or hopes really. While I don't completely deny that digital and electronics have a place, and I am still interested, I have come more full circle in many ways. Respecting, and even enjoying, analog, animal, and more importantly human interfaces. I did have a few questions too. But I tried to keep chat brief and more pointed. He might well have thought I was talking full speed though? I... can talk if nothing else.
So, I did it. And I am quite grateful for it. Who knows how much time I really have left, though I think plenty. Still, that is one thing on my checklist. One I never really thought would get checked. Oh, and I realize I probably don't need a plug to ride. Though a typical horse won't do either. We'll see if that one ever gets checked. You never know. It is good to know what my grandfather did for so many years, and to see how it is done, and all. Yeah, it is impressive. I couldn't love him more, but I... can add levels of respect.
I shouldn't need a break, but I do. A few hours of tinkering until I can get going on the soldering. Oh, right, I will get the fire extinguisher out and read the directions (to make sure I remember) before beginning the brazing as well. I don't expect that taking off the valve will take all that long. Nor will making sure the water is out of the tank and getting that out. I have decided to put a union where the valve is, then adding a ball valve, then another union, then a cap, for now. Oh, but I need to return the too large valve for the right sized one, and take the cap in for return, and buy a couple of elbows. I need to decide where I might want the tankless water heater. In any case I will need elbows. My neighbor, the one that helped last night, seems to agree with my assessment that the ball valve is better than the standard valves for water shut-off and such. Good to have backup on notions, that's all.
The good thing about this is, if I can get this done rightly I have a shot and shoring up any plumbing problems I might find in my forays under the house this summer. Electrical is a whole other animal, but as I do the simple things with switches, figure out what goes where, and maybe do some minor electrical work with this water heater, I might be better in line to begin addressing some of that, too. This is a whole new world for me. A good one. Some people who have only known this world must look at my take on it and wonder why I would choose it. I hope some of them understand.
Have a great day.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Yeah, a couple songs that make sense today.
.
.
One suggestion though... The videos sort of suck. Just listen to the tunes in the background. It's the words that are important, and the rhythm et. al. that have the meat for the mental image I am trying to... develop for you.
.
One suggestion though... The videos sort of suck. Just listen to the tunes in the background. It's the words that are important, and the rhythm et. al. that have the meat for the mental image I am trying to... develop for you.
I think it's working.
.
.
Lots of things on my plate, and so far I've been, one way or another, getting through things.
I made it to pick up my friend an half hour late, as usual. The sitz-bath helped, but stretched my time. Then, on the way out, I realized the cats needed food and water, this had to be put up, the tux had to go in, the fluorescent system had to come in from the vehicle, and a dozen other things had to be done. And my mother called. Such as things go, and I don't mind any of them. My friend was just a little bent at first, but got over it with some successful shopping.
He bought 9 mm cases, .45 caes, bullets for each I believe, and a few other things. I happened to see, from where else I have looked, some good prices on new .45 cases and bought 500 myself, and some bullets. I have been looking at them online, same brand, double the cost plus shipping. I think we are getting ripped off on reloading supplies. I also got the unions and caps (and a few other) fittings that I needed, a heat shield, some extra piping of the correct size. I now have everything I need to begin sweating the pipes, taking off the valve, and whatnot.
On the way home I received a call from one of my neighbors, the one that plants with horses? They were working tonight, and will finish in the morning. I couldn't make it tonight but will be setting my alarm to get going in the morning. I really want to see how that works. Living history, and... very possibly a harrowing to most modern views but good future. When I got home I noticed that I had missed a call. Another neighbor called, probably to check to see if I had eaten. Being that it was just a short miss, I thought I would call him back. It was about food, but I told him about my water heater.
I think he misunderstood (though, the way guys talk, that is easy, heh!). In any case, he suggested he would come over in a bit. When he showed up I think he was a little surprised. He tinkered and looked and finally found two other home water shut-off valves. Only one worked for the on-suite bathroom. The valve I missed was a third valve under the sink in the on-suite bathroom. I simply didn't see it, back behind another (sink) shut-off valve. It has an odd configuration, but... It works. Took a bit of elbow grease to get it to move, and a big wrench, but it closed and well. Now, though, I have the water to the bathroom off and the rest of my home has water again! Plus, I got to flush the toilette in my on-suite, as we had water on everywhere for a couple of trials. It won't be seeing use again until I figure out the floor, water heater replacement, and such. It is great to have that extra bathroom functional without flooding, and the kitchen sink functioning. By the way, it helps a bunch to have two or three bodies to see different things at different places without having to run, flood, and such.
I have the heat shield in place. I had to, of course, cut it. And I have everything assembled in the bathroom for soldering. It is just too late and it has been too long of a day to tinker with it further tonight. I make huge mistakes when doing something while half asleep. If I can get up early tomorrow, as is the plan, and watch the planting, I will be ready to try my hand at soldering.
As for the tankless water heater? It is 220v, 54a. The current water heater is 240v, 4500 W. I think I can use the electrical wiring installed, and the switch (it was a double pull 30a, not double 20a as I remembered). The wiring seems funky though. If the color code is wrong I may pull the wires anyway, putting in correct to code wiring. It just makes it tons easier when you go to do anything else with it, me or others. Yeah, I suppose, if money is tight you do what you have to do. I just can't see, that if you can afford to do it at all that you don't (especially with the extra bathroom here) wait until you can do it right? Then again, it might be right. It just... doesn't initially look it (to me or my neighbor).
Oh, my neighbor brought over a home-made pizza! I have eaten, and twice, today. Not even that long ago. But I ate small, almost always do anymore (save at Madox, but they weren't open, Monday... doh! I knew that). So, I might just have me some pizza, set my alarm for 6:00 to give me time to shower and dress and be there by 7:00 or 8:00 (two mile drive or so, but you know me). And hope I get up. My life has become a rocket sled, comparatively. I am enjoying the heck out of it! A couple songs will follow, songs I don't have to get rid of from my lexicon of intent, mostly....
Good night.
.
Lots of things on my plate, and so far I've been, one way or another, getting through things.
I made it to pick up my friend an half hour late, as usual. The sitz-bath helped, but stretched my time. Then, on the way out, I realized the cats needed food and water, this had to be put up, the tux had to go in, the fluorescent system had to come in from the vehicle, and a dozen other things had to be done. And my mother called. Such as things go, and I don't mind any of them. My friend was just a little bent at first, but got over it with some successful shopping.
He bought 9 mm cases, .45 caes, bullets for each I believe, and a few other things. I happened to see, from where else I have looked, some good prices on new .45 cases and bought 500 myself, and some bullets. I have been looking at them online, same brand, double the cost plus shipping. I think we are getting ripped off on reloading supplies. I also got the unions and caps (and a few other) fittings that I needed, a heat shield, some extra piping of the correct size. I now have everything I need to begin sweating the pipes, taking off the valve, and whatnot.
On the way home I received a call from one of my neighbors, the one that plants with horses? They were working tonight, and will finish in the morning. I couldn't make it tonight but will be setting my alarm to get going in the morning. I really want to see how that works. Living history, and... very possibly a harrowing to most modern views but good future. When I got home I noticed that I had missed a call. Another neighbor called, probably to check to see if I had eaten. Being that it was just a short miss, I thought I would call him back. It was about food, but I told him about my water heater.
I think he misunderstood (though, the way guys talk, that is easy, heh!). In any case, he suggested he would come over in a bit. When he showed up I think he was a little surprised. He tinkered and looked and finally found two other home water shut-off valves. Only one worked for the on-suite bathroom. The valve I missed was a third valve under the sink in the on-suite bathroom. I simply didn't see it, back behind another (sink) shut-off valve. It has an odd configuration, but... It works. Took a bit of elbow grease to get it to move, and a big wrench, but it closed and well. Now, though, I have the water to the bathroom off and the rest of my home has water again! Plus, I got to flush the toilette in my on-suite, as we had water on everywhere for a couple of trials. It won't be seeing use again until I figure out the floor, water heater replacement, and such. It is great to have that extra bathroom functional without flooding, and the kitchen sink functioning. By the way, it helps a bunch to have two or three bodies to see different things at different places without having to run, flood, and such.
I have the heat shield in place. I had to, of course, cut it. And I have everything assembled in the bathroom for soldering. It is just too late and it has been too long of a day to tinker with it further tonight. I make huge mistakes when doing something while half asleep. If I can get up early tomorrow, as is the plan, and watch the planting, I will be ready to try my hand at soldering.
As for the tankless water heater? It is 220v, 54a. The current water heater is 240v, 4500 W. I think I can use the electrical wiring installed, and the switch (it was a double pull 30a, not double 20a as I remembered). The wiring seems funky though. If the color code is wrong I may pull the wires anyway, putting in correct to code wiring. It just makes it tons easier when you go to do anything else with it, me or others. Yeah, I suppose, if money is tight you do what you have to do. I just can't see, that if you can afford to do it at all that you don't (especially with the extra bathroom here) wait until you can do it right? Then again, it might be right. It just... doesn't initially look it (to me or my neighbor).
Oh, my neighbor brought over a home-made pizza! I have eaten, and twice, today. Not even that long ago. But I ate small, almost always do anymore (save at Madox, but they weren't open, Monday... doh! I knew that). So, I might just have me some pizza, set my alarm for 6:00 to give me time to shower and dress and be there by 7:00 or 8:00 (two mile drive or so, but you know me). And hope I get up. My life has become a rocket sled, comparatively. I am enjoying the heck out of it! A couple songs will follow, songs I don't have to get rid of from my lexicon of intent, mostly....
Good night.
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