So, where did the notion of...

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Up, and late.  Again, I went down late last night.  On the good side I was up earlier than yesterday.  At about 11:00 I was able to get up and out.  As I remember it, when my mother was here last time, after a bit of work, I had this same problem.  And that was when I had a cheerleader/butt-kicker to help me get going.  I can run just so far, just so hot, for just so long and down I go.  All good.  I will be trying to stretch that.  I realize that even should I be able to stretch my capacity a bit, it will be gimmicky.  Then again, the man that lifted the world's record weight, the man who ran the fastest, the man who created the mos intellectually (or destroyed, or lead to destroying the most, Einstein?)... all these men worked the corners to get a nice round gimmick.  You don't think so?  Do your homework and shut it.  When you have read more than platitudes and pseudo history, when you have found what these men did that would be completely unacceptable to get where they were going, and you will probably only find out about a portion of what they did, then we can talk.  Anyway, gimmicks, to a degree, are as good as it gets.  Gimmick yourself up to a personal local high point, find a witness or make sure the deed(s) are verifiable, then sell, sell, sell, that achievement.  MIT to corporate to the military, that is one method of advancement, a major one unfortunately or not.  It mimics true success, though... success can follow through there, or... not.

I am feeling good.  I am also relatively sluggish.  I am eating, more so now that I have bean and hamburger in good supply, already cooked, just microwave and eat.  The good thing about eating the same thing over and over (save with things like chili for some reason) is that I tend to... not feed like a starved man.  Beans and meats are easy for me to eat often though.  I don't know what else I can get to right now.  More work in my room, to empty it.  Though some of the pieces are big, like the bed.  I need to clear a place for them elsewhere.  While I have the machine it would be nice to clean all the carpeting but I will have a heck of a task before me just emptying one bedroom and my living room, while saving a place to sleep.  I'll be doing good to get two rooms done at once.  Hmm, if I am still excited about the project, when I finish the two rooms and they are dry, I could consider the last bedroom before my mother visits.  Have you noticed people don't notice you have cleaned, only when you haven't cleaned is it noticeable?  Heh!  Part of my dissatisfaction with cleaning.  It's less... unambiguous to just leave it as is?  *grins*

While I feel better, the work before me is a bit daunting.  I'm pecking at it, true.  And though I feel better, no aches and pains, I am still sleeping more and not very energetic yet.  All good, I am still in the game a bit.  I know where I am going and I am still very much on track.  I just want to shovel coal into the burner and get the engine to come to a full steam, not just putter along.  But you can't do that with holes in the boiler.  I do what I can and that will have to do.  I am fortunate that I know what I know and can do what I do, it just doesn't always feel like I'm all that lucky about it all.

Hmm, one more thing...  I had someone tell me they have never heard of, or listened to, goth.  I let it slide, off hand, for the moment, but my mind was whirring.  Then it all came to me... and... I fell.  But I have it now!

El Paso

Seasons in the Sun

Leader of the Pack

Last Kiss

Honey

Those aren't gothic, you say?  Do you know how many of those songs were banned from radio play?  Check it out folks.  Certainly they were considered... troubling, less as time went on.  Oh, and the thing with gothic?  Enjoy the songs, and themes... but have a good chuckle about them from time to time, too.  Yeah, soppy.  Even the songwriters and singers of these, some of them, thought these were some of the funniest things evah.  And... they can be.  Just don't take it all too seriously is all.

The most direct lineage of modern goth actually comes from songs like Sympathy for the Devil, Paint it Black, bands like Black Sabbath (which, I believe, is considered actual goth), and others like those.  Oh, you only listen to Country and Western?  Don't EVEN get me started there.  Ha.

Toss in everyone from Edgar Allen Poe, revisited in the 70's with Vincent Price leading that pack.  Some/many of the movies Kriss Christopherson made were hugely gothic, as well.  No, none of this is new.  And these are the ones you might easily have seen or heard.  I have heard songs from back when France was a kingdom, and before, which were quite gothic.  Yeah, it's hard to imagine people from long ago yearning for... well... even longer ago!  Of course, gothicism is a romanticism about certain themes (death, love lost, forbidden love, the devil, horror, the darker sides of truth, etc.), and a wish for the past while understanding we can't go back to it.  It's that... wish versus knowledge, angst if you must, that creates the dark eddies, along with what has been lost getting to our current point in time/life, which is behind the meat of gothicism.  Well, that's my take.  Anyway, just... saying.

On to cheery things, like work.  And, despite how it seems, I do love to work.  It's just... I know it is going to hurt, hard.  Whether I go fast or slow, I will hurt myself.  The slower I go the, probably, the more I can end up pumping out before I go down.  Much like getting up after a fall, what I like is not important, or relevant to facts.  I know work will increase the speed at which I fall down again, and getting up is a sort of pain very few can even understand, unique to itself.  Still, that is my lot.  Hmm, an hour to wake a bit more, then to my room. The way my life works explains why I am into goth (even if I think most modern gothic music absolutely sucks barnacles).

Good day.