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Most sites either want to beat a dead horse into meat paste, then discuss the bacteria which grow on it, they want comments that follow the tweet length and depth, or they just create a post and then the local natives develop a sort of communal word bunny hop leading to... nowhere? I guess blogging has been reduced to faux academia, faux "Lord of the Flies", or just an extension of Tweeting. I miss when people would sort of discussed things. Just people, like who you would meet downtown at the coffee shop... if a little more selective. Oh, I miss the point often enough. I have major and minor gaffs galore. I write when I am half asleep and can't figure out what I meant later on. It happens. But generally I think I am rather... typical. I actually like to think of myself as a blue collar academic type. Practical science meets bread and butter common sense, give or take.
Now, I do have strikes against me. For a number of right and wrong reasons. Anyone who has blogged, or even commented, for years knows that is the way the blogosphere works. Some try to change their identity. Which slays me. I couldn't and wouldn't hide who I am for dollar or donut. Good, bad, ugly... it's... just me. But I am old in my ways, neither hip nor truly the better (or worse) form of academic, or just a fanboy. I don't really have many places where I am all that welcome, to be honest. A few places that tolerate. Some places that even respond from time to time.
So, I have been writing tons of comments, as usual. But now I click out rather than publish. I still get to say what I think, it's just that it doesn't have to be any more than read by myself. Which, is probably how it goes most of the time anyway. The blogosphere is pretty much... for professionals (trained to be pretty liberal to get by in this 'new age'), government workers (go figure), academics, and students. A few independent minds, which haven't been assumed by the hive mind yet, mostly. Well, that is why the last elections have had Zero, McCain, and Romney as the candidates too. I'll post as long as I live, at this point. What else could I possibly put out that is any worse than anything I have posted? But comments? Yeah, I'll taper that back. Some of you will get a nod, to let you know I'm still checking in. But even then I need to keep it 128 alpha-numerics or less.
I have gotten further in the area of the game. I am not past the area. I have simply gotten further along through it. On the easiest setting it isn't quite as bad as what I was seeing. Those battles must be on the hardest setting. Very glad I restarted the game, setting gameplay to the lower setting near the beginning. I don't know how many attacks it will take, once the beast is grounded. And some of the game play I am facing isn't the same as the harder level so it is a bit confusing. There is no way to tell how far along the battle is as the health of the opponent is not indicated in any way. I may try to find a YouTube vid of the fight at my level of difficulty. I just hate not having any kind of idea of how much damage needs to be delivered, maybe ideas on how the fight goes and what to look for, or how long the fight would, could, should take. I've grounded the flying beast several times now, then fought it, attacking at least five or six times until finally losing. Gah! Still, not bad for about a half hour of play time. Well, compared to two days... that commenter had been playing at my level of difficulty too. I hope to get through it yet tonight, but I won't play more than a half hour at a time. Too frustrating.
Later, probably good night.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Gah! I love the game, but...
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Every game has it's problems. Some games are bad enough it would be like saying Zero has problems. There isn't anything but problems. Well, and the types of problems is a mitigating factor. If the problem is the game is a bit too steep in difficulty, that is one thing. But if the game is too steep, then too lean, plus the mechanics, controls, logic, and story all fail, then it's a tosser. *cough* 007 Quantum of Solace *cough* The game I am playing is fine. Difficulties, so far, have mostly been mastering new tools and techniques, being able to miss things fairly easily even with a good eye, experience finding the hidden, and taking the time to try to flesh things out. So, that's not really a problem.
I just hit the first set of snags in the game though. On the good side I am told this is the worst of it. First, a set of fights that took me a dozen tries, among the four arenas, on the easiest setting. At least when you finally won a fight, that was a checkpoint, each arena area being it's own little test. There simply isn't a good way, a solid technique, or any way to alter the fact that it ends up being a button mashing part of the game, dependent on luck, fast mashing, and just a bit of seeing things right as they are about to become a problem and getting out of the way. While you do improve, you don't know how you improve. Less than half an hour later I hit the second snag. This one took... two hours to best. Over and over, a group of three fights, though this time you had to beat every fight to get to a checkpoint. Failing meant restarting the whole series. The final one, another half hour or so after the second snag, I'm into a whole new level of game stupidity.
The first one was a little ticklish. But each fight was separate, so... you could push through. The second one was downright frustrating. This final one is absolute murder. To start off, you have a flying foe, a dragon-bat-demon, of course. Now, you need to use a weapon you just got (for first time players), your first ranged weapon so you are also learning multi-targeting, fire button, and some of the other mechanics. This beast starts out spewing fireballs, while merrily flying around. Your job is to snare inert explosive material (if the source is hit by a fireball before you snag the material you get a double attack (against you)), throw it at the beast so it sticks, then target a flame source then the bomb on the beast, then throw the weapon (did I mention the beast is flying around and bellowing fireballs at you?). Okay, so when you do make all that happen, if you are still alive, you then have to sprint to the thing while it hits the ground, attack it a few times, then run away (it is more powerful than you, straight out, even on the ground without it's fireballs... it's merely supposed to be slower than you. After that, and if you attack and get away, and are still alive, it then gets airborne again and comes at you with it's claws. You can't see it easily, and must really work to even find it in the air (somewhere). You then have to be running (on a rather small platform, so you don't have a lot of space), and then sprint to dodge right as it is about (not when it attacks) to attack. Still with me, okay, you do that three times... Then it gets ugly. Now that is has been grounded, all you have to do is... use the buttons that pop up on-screen when it charges you, to halt it right before it runs you over and mauls you. Once you do that, you attack and run away before it gets back on it's feet after being stunned (you... you did stun it, right?). Now, you rinse and repeat this... MANY times. I think the shortest fight with the beast I saw by someone who must have practiced beyond sanity or spliced, was about ten minutes. On the other hand, most 'fail' videos, and my experience, can have the fight over in less than 30 seconds, being generous. I dunno, it's a game. I don't mind challenge, but this is simply drudgery. Many have quit the game over this part. Some have had it break their playing for weeks. Others have taken two days just to beat it. I dunno. I just hit it, took a break, so I don't know where I will fit in there. Yeah, that's... not fun.
Tonight, something bothered me. Some people asked after me. I told them, other than not being able to do a great deal, that I felt fit as a fiddle. Oh really, I was asked? Yep. Which is fine. But after the third time, then fourth, and a parting time of asking if I really felt okay, and looking at me funny for feeling fine, I... I don't like the implications. Troubling. I may have to... switch some things up.
Oh, my weight has come down again. I am at 257. That is the lowest weight I have gradually reduced too since I first became ill. There might be a few times where extreme inability brought my weight down fast to that level, but never have I slowly reduced my weight like this. Like I said I am eating my way to weight loss. I may be changing what and how I do things to that end, but... It is good to be down that much. Seven more pounds and I will be at my goal, though I am not really... dieting either, so who knows what a final number might really be.
Hmm, back to the dungeon. Literally! Heh! Later.
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Every game has it's problems. Some games are bad enough it would be like saying Zero has problems. There isn't anything but problems. Well, and the types of problems is a mitigating factor. If the problem is the game is a bit too steep in difficulty, that is one thing. But if the game is too steep, then too lean, plus the mechanics, controls, logic, and story all fail, then it's a tosser. *cough* 007 Quantum of Solace *cough* The game I am playing is fine. Difficulties, so far, have mostly been mastering new tools and techniques, being able to miss things fairly easily even with a good eye, experience finding the hidden, and taking the time to try to flesh things out. So, that's not really a problem.
I just hit the first set of snags in the game though. On the good side I am told this is the worst of it. First, a set of fights that took me a dozen tries, among the four arenas, on the easiest setting. At least when you finally won a fight, that was a checkpoint, each arena area being it's own little test. There simply isn't a good way, a solid technique, or any way to alter the fact that it ends up being a button mashing part of the game, dependent on luck, fast mashing, and just a bit of seeing things right as they are about to become a problem and getting out of the way. While you do improve, you don't know how you improve. Less than half an hour later I hit the second snag. This one took... two hours to best. Over and over, a group of three fights, though this time you had to beat every fight to get to a checkpoint. Failing meant restarting the whole series. The final one, another half hour or so after the second snag, I'm into a whole new level of game stupidity.
The first one was a little ticklish. But each fight was separate, so... you could push through. The second one was downright frustrating. This final one is absolute murder. To start off, you have a flying foe, a dragon-bat-demon, of course. Now, you need to use a weapon you just got (for first time players), your first ranged weapon so you are also learning multi-targeting, fire button, and some of the other mechanics. This beast starts out spewing fireballs, while merrily flying around. Your job is to snare inert explosive material (if the source is hit by a fireball before you snag the material you get a double attack (against you)), throw it at the beast so it sticks, then target a flame source then the bomb on the beast, then throw the weapon (did I mention the beast is flying around and bellowing fireballs at you?). Okay, so when you do make all that happen, if you are still alive, you then have to sprint to the thing while it hits the ground, attack it a few times, then run away (it is more powerful than you, straight out, even on the ground without it's fireballs... it's merely supposed to be slower than you. After that, and if you attack and get away, and are still alive, it then gets airborne again and comes at you with it's claws. You can't see it easily, and must really work to even find it in the air (somewhere). You then have to be running (on a rather small platform, so you don't have a lot of space), and then sprint to dodge right as it is about (not when it attacks) to attack. Still with me, okay, you do that three times... Then it gets ugly. Now that is has been grounded, all you have to do is... use the buttons that pop up on-screen when it charges you, to halt it right before it runs you over and mauls you. Once you do that, you attack and run away before it gets back on it's feet after being stunned (you... you did stun it, right?). Now, you rinse and repeat this... MANY times. I think the shortest fight with the beast I saw by someone who must have practiced beyond sanity or spliced, was about ten minutes. On the other hand, most 'fail' videos, and my experience, can have the fight over in less than 30 seconds, being generous. I dunno, it's a game. I don't mind challenge, but this is simply drudgery. Many have quit the game over this part. Some have had it break their playing for weeks. Others have taken two days just to beat it. I dunno. I just hit it, took a break, so I don't know where I will fit in there. Yeah, that's... not fun.
Tonight, something bothered me. Some people asked after me. I told them, other than not being able to do a great deal, that I felt fit as a fiddle. Oh really, I was asked? Yep. Which is fine. But after the third time, then fourth, and a parting time of asking if I really felt okay, and looking at me funny for feeling fine, I... I don't like the implications. Troubling. I may have to... switch some things up.
Oh, my weight has come down again. I am at 257. That is the lowest weight I have gradually reduced too since I first became ill. There might be a few times where extreme inability brought my weight down fast to that level, but never have I slowly reduced my weight like this. Like I said I am eating my way to weight loss. I may be changing what and how I do things to that end, but... It is good to be down that much. Seven more pounds and I will be at my goal, though I am not really... dieting either, so who knows what a final number might really be.
Hmm, back to the dungeon. Literally! Heh! Later.
Noice!
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Yeah, okay, I didn't get to bed until... 4:30 or something thereabouts. I turned the alarm clock off on my way in. No way was I going to disturb my sleep in an hour and a half! I didn't want to reset it either. I simply didn't know what would happen to my sleep. At 9:00 I woke laughing about something. Oh, right, Sassy was using her whiskers to wake poppo. Right in the face. Oh heavens does that tickle sometimes. I am not usually ticklish, unfortunately, but the girls are masters at the art. I thought to just herd the girls out, after I chuckled a bit, then go back to bed. But as I got up? I... felt good. So, I got up earlier today than on the days I went to bed at 21:00 or 22:00, even 20:00! A good game, indeed, is worth it's weight in gold. Yeah, it's... a trick. But when you are broken, tricks... make you feel better.
The game is going along well. Yeah, I keep missing things. I get involved in the play and forget to check each new area for things I "should" pick up. And while I get many things, natively curious as I am, there is always something(s) that just get missed. No worries. The first play through and all that. Especially on a fun game. I don't want to ruin this game by knowing ahead of time what I need or want to do. I will simply learn. There are a few things I absolutely will get, 10 things to be exact. But to get them I need something later in the game, then I need to get much closer to the end of the game so that I may return to the old parts of the game. Or... something... or so it seems. I'll... figure it out, mostly on my own. This will be worth playing through a number of times anyway, like I said.
My hope though, too, since I am sort of pulled from sleep, is to get in a shower through the day, and make it to the stores tonight. Late afternoon, evening, or even past midnight, I don't care. I need some items. My freezer is bare, meaning no meats for now. I really need to figure out canning. My mother suggested that I not buy canning items, as she has that and if she moves in she will bring that. The problem is... I need to get going on some of that stuff now. The prices have become insane, even for hamburger. I can't wait too much longer, for when meat is out of my economic reach. Now, now, now, yesterday type NOW. I am running through sand and two feet of water with one leg in a cast. But it's what I have. Ugh!
Oh, the item I purchased, the food strainer? Both my neighbor (who said it was one of the top two) and my mother knew the device and... approved. A rare thing, a good thing. You know when the more... standard folk who aren't into the hype of prepping and such... approve of an item that... you did good. She further approved because she doesn't have such a device. She does what any good farm girl had to do... she improvises. And she improvises better than I use my better tools. Heh. Women... gotta love em'... until you need to hide from them. :p
Good day.
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Yeah, okay, I didn't get to bed until... 4:30 or something thereabouts. I turned the alarm clock off on my way in. No way was I going to disturb my sleep in an hour and a half! I didn't want to reset it either. I simply didn't know what would happen to my sleep. At 9:00 I woke laughing about something. Oh, right, Sassy was using her whiskers to wake poppo. Right in the face. Oh heavens does that tickle sometimes. I am not usually ticklish, unfortunately, but the girls are masters at the art. I thought to just herd the girls out, after I chuckled a bit, then go back to bed. But as I got up? I... felt good. So, I got up earlier today than on the days I went to bed at 21:00 or 22:00, even 20:00! A good game, indeed, is worth it's weight in gold. Yeah, it's... a trick. But when you are broken, tricks... make you feel better.
The game is going along well. Yeah, I keep missing things. I get involved in the play and forget to check each new area for things I "should" pick up. And while I get many things, natively curious as I am, there is always something(s) that just get missed. No worries. The first play through and all that. Especially on a fun game. I don't want to ruin this game by knowing ahead of time what I need or want to do. I will simply learn. There are a few things I absolutely will get, 10 things to be exact. But to get them I need something later in the game, then I need to get much closer to the end of the game so that I may return to the old parts of the game. Or... something... or so it seems. I'll... figure it out, mostly on my own. This will be worth playing through a number of times anyway, like I said.
My hope though, too, since I am sort of pulled from sleep, is to get in a shower through the day, and make it to the stores tonight. Late afternoon, evening, or even past midnight, I don't care. I need some items. My freezer is bare, meaning no meats for now. I really need to figure out canning. My mother suggested that I not buy canning items, as she has that and if she moves in she will bring that. The problem is... I need to get going on some of that stuff now. The prices have become insane, even for hamburger. I can't wait too much longer, for when meat is out of my economic reach. Now, now, now, yesterday type NOW. I am running through sand and two feet of water with one leg in a cast. But it's what I have. Ugh!
Oh, the item I purchased, the food strainer? Both my neighbor (who said it was one of the top two) and my mother knew the device and... approved. A rare thing, a good thing. You know when the more... standard folk who aren't into the hype of prepping and such... approve of an item that... you did good. She further approved because she doesn't have such a device. She does what any good farm girl had to do... she improvises. And she improvises better than I use my better tools. Heh. Women... gotta love em'... until you need to hide from them. :p
Good day.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
To the lame a good game is worth it's weight in gold.
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Thankfully games aren't quite that expensive. Being that good games are rare, and in particular good games I like, can get into, and which have mechanics that simply work? One in ten or less, just in my typical genre. So finding one outside of my typical play-style is... wonderful. It is 23:11 and I am still awake. I really should shut down for the night. But anyone who has ever had an addiction, especially with no reason not to entertain it, knows that going to bed will not happen for some number of hours.
I started out in the hardest mode. While that worked for a bit it doesn't stand up throughout the game. So, I backtracked and started at the easiest mode. After that brief introduction into absolute chaos, the game is moving along much more smoothly. I decided to try to get trophies on this lesser level of play, and to that end cast about for guides. I did find a decent guide to trophies (most of which are simply gained through gameplay, and can't really be missed). I also found some things I had already passed in play, and wouldn't be able to get back to until much later when the relative value of the items was greatly reduced, so I restarted the game again. While I don't like playing on someone else's schedules, it beats needing to play a game several times, especially since little but armor carries over into a new game. But, that is the way it goes. This game might be fun enough to play through several times though. Once the trophies are tended, all that remains is the good stuff. Hack, slash, rinse, repeat. Oh, and wonderfully, this game has no online component. Wonderful! I HATE online components, especially when they are needed for trophies, more so to get the overall trophy. So... European... like soccer, socialism, social status placement according to parents, and such. Bleh.
This game might even get me out of bed earlier. While a good game can reduce my sleep periods, it does little to enhance my activity otherwise. That is just the way of it. At least I am keeping up on brushing my teeth. I am keeping the cat litter policed. On top of keeping the girls fed, watered, and attended. They love their attention sessions. Two new daily daily activities, one of them requiring two actions per day. Yes, small. But that is what I have. Once I get my home cleaned up again there is the hope that I can figure out a simpler way to live, one that doesn't cause quite as much fuss as the way I have been trying to live to this point. As I said, paper plates and plastic pretty much disposable (if reusable to a point) "silverware". Even bowls have been purchased which can be reused or become instant fodder. Cooking will still requiring cleaning, but that is rather minor. I only have just so many pots and pans, if I have more than some smaller commercial kitchens. About half of my pots and pans are specialized, so I won't end up with all of them in need of cleaning at once. How often do you need a domed brazier? :p
Well, on to a bit more (?) gaming. Oh, and I did find, in-game, where the combat combos are listed. You can even buy or possibly otherwise earn others. All good. Good night.
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Thankfully games aren't quite that expensive. Being that good games are rare, and in particular good games I like, can get into, and which have mechanics that simply work? One in ten or less, just in my typical genre. So finding one outside of my typical play-style is... wonderful. It is 23:11 and I am still awake. I really should shut down for the night. But anyone who has ever had an addiction, especially with no reason not to entertain it, knows that going to bed will not happen for some number of hours.
I started out in the hardest mode. While that worked for a bit it doesn't stand up throughout the game. So, I backtracked and started at the easiest mode. After that brief introduction into absolute chaos, the game is moving along much more smoothly. I decided to try to get trophies on this lesser level of play, and to that end cast about for guides. I did find a decent guide to trophies (most of which are simply gained through gameplay, and can't really be missed). I also found some things I had already passed in play, and wouldn't be able to get back to until much later when the relative value of the items was greatly reduced, so I restarted the game again. While I don't like playing on someone else's schedules, it beats needing to play a game several times, especially since little but armor carries over into a new game. But, that is the way it goes. This game might be fun enough to play through several times though. Once the trophies are tended, all that remains is the good stuff. Hack, slash, rinse, repeat. Oh, and wonderfully, this game has no online component. Wonderful! I HATE online components, especially when they are needed for trophies, more so to get the overall trophy. So... European... like soccer, socialism, social status placement according to parents, and such. Bleh.
This game might even get me out of bed earlier. While a good game can reduce my sleep periods, it does little to enhance my activity otherwise. That is just the way of it. At least I am keeping up on brushing my teeth. I am keeping the cat litter policed. On top of keeping the girls fed, watered, and attended. They love their attention sessions. Two new daily daily activities, one of them requiring two actions per day. Yes, small. But that is what I have. Once I get my home cleaned up again there is the hope that I can figure out a simpler way to live, one that doesn't cause quite as much fuss as the way I have been trying to live to this point. As I said, paper plates and plastic pretty much disposable (if reusable to a point) "silverware". Even bowls have been purchased which can be reused or become instant fodder. Cooking will still requiring cleaning, but that is rather minor. I only have just so many pots and pans, if I have more than some smaller commercial kitchens. About half of my pots and pans are specialized, so I won't end up with all of them in need of cleaning at once. How often do you need a domed brazier? :p
Well, on to a bit more (?) gaming. Oh, and I did find, in-game, where the combat combos are listed. You can even buy or possibly otherwise earn others. All good. Good night.
Gaming.
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Yes, I got to the game, faster than I thought I would. Simply, there is little else for me to do and it was that or a nap. If it were the afternoon, and if my sleep was under control, a nap is always a reasonable proposition, legal in most states and municipalities. A few hours after waking, and already sleeping 12 to 14 hours a day? Yeah, no, so gaming it was. Darksiders was slid into the machine and? No problems. I adjusted a few things. Some people salt their food before tasting it, I advance the sensitivity for aiming. I am not sure if that is right for this game yet, but... And, no, I did not bother reading the "instructions", looking online, or doing anything but simply playing. I also started on the hardest settings for the game if I may be backing that off.
So far so good. I have run into monsters, demons in this case, that... Well, I've made it through several of them and a good hour or two of game play against other things, but have come to the end of the road. So, I am looking online to try to figure some things out. This isn't exactly my sort of game, per se. If I had known it would be a 'brawler', not a first-person-shooter, I might not have purchased the game. Still, I think I like it enough that I am pleased with the deal. What I need to figure out, since I generally abhor and avoid brawlers, is... how to make combos, combination attacks, changing weapons on the fly, and using powers. While it is cool to do all that, to a complete novice in the genre it is a bit of a tech-shock. Now, the truth is, I AM doing combos, all the time. What I lack is knowing which combos are the most potent, how to use them rather than just mash buttons, and such. It is a totally different game style. So far most of what I have found discusses either information that is absolutely unrelated to gameplay or nerds talking about how awesome it is to do what they do what they show while not discussing how to do so, or even really what they are doing. Awesome! Nerds... Hey, God bless em'. But they are annoying when looking for how to do what... I'm not even sure they know what they are doing. Just set it up and... mash! Awesome! Gah!
A little sore from all that sleep, or sleeping at a bad angle for some period of time. Shoulders, upper arms, just ache. I probably rolled wrongly when dealing with the clock, then getting back into bed. You don't have to sleep long in a bad position to really irritate the body. Then again, some parts of my mind don't mind a little pain. It gives me something to resist during the day, to try to flex out or otherwise figure out how to mitigate. A corporeal game? Heh. Yep, if it isn't too severe.
Have a good one.
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Yes, I got to the game, faster than I thought I would. Simply, there is little else for me to do and it was that or a nap. If it were the afternoon, and if my sleep was under control, a nap is always a reasonable proposition, legal in most states and municipalities. A few hours after waking, and already sleeping 12 to 14 hours a day? Yeah, no, so gaming it was. Darksiders was slid into the machine and? No problems. I adjusted a few things. Some people salt their food before tasting it, I advance the sensitivity for aiming. I am not sure if that is right for this game yet, but... And, no, I did not bother reading the "instructions", looking online, or doing anything but simply playing. I also started on the hardest settings for the game if I may be backing that off.
So far so good. I have run into monsters, demons in this case, that... Well, I've made it through several of them and a good hour or two of game play against other things, but have come to the end of the road. So, I am looking online to try to figure some things out. This isn't exactly my sort of game, per se. If I had known it would be a 'brawler', not a first-person-shooter, I might not have purchased the game. Still, I think I like it enough that I am pleased with the deal. What I need to figure out, since I generally abhor and avoid brawlers, is... how to make combos, combination attacks, changing weapons on the fly, and using powers. While it is cool to do all that, to a complete novice in the genre it is a bit of a tech-shock. Now, the truth is, I AM doing combos, all the time. What I lack is knowing which combos are the most potent, how to use them rather than just mash buttons, and such. It is a totally different game style. So far most of what I have found discusses either information that is absolutely unrelated to gameplay or nerds talking about how awesome it is to do what they do what they show while not discussing how to do so, or even really what they are doing. Awesome! Nerds... Hey, God bless em'. But they are annoying when looking for how to do what... I'm not even sure they know what they are doing. Just set it up and... mash! Awesome! Gah!
A little sore from all that sleep, or sleeping at a bad angle for some period of time. Shoulders, upper arms, just ache. I probably rolled wrongly when dealing with the clock, then getting back into bed. You don't have to sleep long in a bad position to really irritate the body. Then again, some parts of my mind don't mind a little pain. It gives me something to resist during the day, to try to flex out or otherwise figure out how to mitigate. A corporeal game? Heh. Yep, if it isn't too severe.
Have a good one.
Not cool, not cool at all.
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Yesterday was okay, as I noted. Bits going on, if mostly just staying awake is a trick. I ended up in bed at 20:00. This morning, with the alarm set at 6:00, after resetting it some unknown number of times, sleeping through it for long periods, and even then having to force the issue, I was not out of bed until sometime shortly after 10:00. But why? I was a good boy. I went to bed early. I'm doing everything right that I can. Sometimes, when you are this sick, it is... just because. Oh, I am sure they have a chance at finding a specific biological reason. But the underlying issue(s) mean there is nothing that can be done to fix it. Knowing never makes accepting easy. Faith has not fixed the problem, so it is used to console me from the frustration.
On the good side, Amazon was on target. One of my devices, the music, and the games are all here. I don't actually have a good means of playing music in my home yet. So those will wait. I am not quite up to trying to figure out how to play a game yet either. While it seems easy, you just put it in and hit buttons until logic and game action help you figure things out. No, I don't read the manuals. I told you, reading is... next to useless quite often. Hmm, maybe I really shouldn't comment at people's sites? Later. I am just not awake or fit enough to figure out a game.
Oh, what did I buy? Metal Gear Solid hd collection, Bioshock 2 (I think I played the first one on PC a lllooonnnggg time ago), Skyrim, and Darksiders I & II. That should be enough gaming for a very long time, the way I play and since I like to look into every part of a game, assuming there are things to do or see. All will have their flaws. Knowing what they are in advance helps a bit, if it will always be somewhat annoying. Flaws are sometimes poor programming and can ruin a game, such as being unable to finish a major epic piece on the highest difficulty. But often they can be seen as shortcuts programmers must make to try to put the world into a digital experience. Some do it better, some should quit, though often the worst of them were put on an impossible schedule and the game was just meant as a quick buck. Darksiders I will probably be the first to be played.
.
Yesterday was okay, as I noted. Bits going on, if mostly just staying awake is a trick. I ended up in bed at 20:00. This morning, with the alarm set at 6:00, after resetting it some unknown number of times, sleeping through it for long periods, and even then having to force the issue, I was not out of bed until sometime shortly after 10:00. But why? I was a good boy. I went to bed early. I'm doing everything right that I can. Sometimes, when you are this sick, it is... just because. Oh, I am sure they have a chance at finding a specific biological reason. But the underlying issue(s) mean there is nothing that can be done to fix it. Knowing never makes accepting easy. Faith has not fixed the problem, so it is used to console me from the frustration.
On the good side, Amazon was on target. One of my devices, the music, and the games are all here. I don't actually have a good means of playing music in my home yet. So those will wait. I am not quite up to trying to figure out how to play a game yet either. While it seems easy, you just put it in and hit buttons until logic and game action help you figure things out. No, I don't read the manuals. I told you, reading is... next to useless quite often. Hmm, maybe I really shouldn't comment at people's sites? Later. I am just not awake or fit enough to figure out a game.
Oh, what did I buy? Metal Gear Solid hd collection, Bioshock 2 (I think I played the first one on PC a lllooonnnggg time ago), Skyrim, and Darksiders I & II. That should be enough gaming for a very long time, the way I play and since I like to look into every part of a game, assuming there are things to do or see. All will have their flaws. Knowing what they are in advance helps a bit, if it will always be somewhat annoying. Flaws are sometimes poor programming and can ruin a game, such as being unable to finish a major epic piece on the highest difficulty. But often they can be seen as shortcuts programmers must make to try to put the world into a digital experience. Some do it better, some should quit, though often the worst of them were put on an impossible schedule and the game was just meant as a quick buck. Darksiders I will probably be the first to be played.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Some news. Some days.
.
.
First the news, or bits of it. It seems Democrats didn't just get the ships wrong. While displaying a panel behind some traitorous general who spoke to the majority Godless, they also added Turkish planes instead of US planes. A mistake? Really? Believe as you wish. An EU lawyer found out about free speech in Europe. Oh, right, there isn't any. That'll teach him. There is an article about a Dem candidate, in Illinois I think. A Democrat doctor who was fired for supporting doctor-assisted suicide while working at a Catholic hospital or some such, is running for election. He wasn't fired for two years, after his editorial, so... then again the Church is beginning to consider defending the lines in the sand again. But... that's not really a story. He is a Democrat, and I hate to say it, but I am beginning to wonder... he is a doctor. Oh, and OWS (Occupy Wall Street) has decided to send their operatives, dressed in business attire, to infiltrate a bunch of big businesses. Yeah, that can only turn out good. Just some things catching my eye.
There is the thing going on between China, Japan, and China putting it's nose into what isn't it's. While the muslims are at it those sneaky reds are checking the back door. Of course Mr. Lead-from-behind isn't exactly on post, so I'm not sure they need to worry. This last isn't really a story, for it's own or news sake, more... an example. The way some people and blogs spend endless hours discussing the topics, dicing things into fine detail, listening to the red over there, the dottering idiot here, the partisans there, all within a narrow reach of other seemingly and as impossible as that is, this "detective" story reminds me of what I see. Well, and why I am decidedly not included. By the way, if you saw the incident, please report to the police who are still trying to... figure it out? Grhrhrhrhahahaha!(tm)
Not much happened today. I have been able to stay awake. I did get the garbage bin back in it's place. As I was heading out to check the garbage truck showed up. A quick wave back and forth, he did his work, and I then retrieved the bin. At least that was done. I achieved the final achievement I can get without trying to find multi-player games for the Bond game, so I put it away. That is one game I will never play again. Some days the girls really like me, some days I am dog poodoo or something. I never can tell with them. Today I was not so favored. All good. The reverse is also true. If I want attention all I need do is say "HUNGRY?". Treats or food had best follow or pouting and tantrums commence... which... yeah... I can be a cruel man. Once in a while, if they have pushed too hard, all they get is big fat tease.
Airing out the home won't do. I am going to have to figure out how to clear the rooms and do some serious carpet cleaning. It simply has to happen. If it was just bad air it would be gone by now. But... how am I going to get to this in my condition? I dunno. Gotta happen or I am stuck here. Is that how shut-ins are born? No, seriously. Yeah, it worries me. It isn't even that much work. A woman could clear the rooms in a day, save for the heavy stuff. And if a she would organize and decide where she wants it, I could move the big stuff in an hour, maybe two. I could even help clear the rooms initially, of the little stuff, if I knew what the heck I was doing and had a minor whip to help keep me on track. A patient whip, to be sure. Nope, this one is mine, if I can figure it all out, then get to it, then keep on it. Yikes!
Have a good evening. And, probably, good night. No, not going to bed really soon. I am simply probably through blogging.
.
First the news, or bits of it. It seems Democrats didn't just get the ships wrong. While displaying a panel behind some traitorous general who spoke to the majority Godless, they also added Turkish planes instead of US planes. A mistake? Really? Believe as you wish. An EU lawyer found out about free speech in Europe. Oh, right, there isn't any. That'll teach him. There is an article about a Dem candidate, in Illinois I think. A Democrat doctor who was fired for supporting doctor-assisted suicide while working at a Catholic hospital or some such, is running for election. He wasn't fired for two years, after his editorial, so... then again the Church is beginning to consider defending the lines in the sand again. But... that's not really a story. He is a Democrat, and I hate to say it, but I am beginning to wonder... he is a doctor. Oh, and OWS (Occupy Wall Street) has decided to send their operatives, dressed in business attire, to infiltrate a bunch of big businesses. Yeah, that can only turn out good. Just some things catching my eye.
There is the thing going on between China, Japan, and China putting it's nose into what isn't it's. While the muslims are at it those sneaky reds are checking the back door. Of course Mr. Lead-from-behind isn't exactly on post, so I'm not sure they need to worry. This last isn't really a story, for it's own or news sake, more... an example. The way some people and blogs spend endless hours discussing the topics, dicing things into fine detail, listening to the red over there, the dottering idiot here, the partisans there, all within a narrow reach of other seemingly and as impossible as that is, this "detective" story reminds me of what I see. Well, and why I am decidedly not included. By the way, if you saw the incident, please report to the police who are still trying to... figure it out? Grhrhrhrhahahaha!(tm)
Not much happened today. I have been able to stay awake. I did get the garbage bin back in it's place. As I was heading out to check the garbage truck showed up. A quick wave back and forth, he did his work, and I then retrieved the bin. At least that was done. I achieved the final achievement I can get without trying to find multi-player games for the Bond game, so I put it away. That is one game I will never play again. Some days the girls really like me, some days I am dog poodoo or something. I never can tell with them. Today I was not so favored. All good. The reverse is also true. If I want attention all I need do is say "HUNGRY?". Treats or food had best follow or pouting and tantrums commence... which... yeah... I can be a cruel man. Once in a while, if they have pushed too hard, all they get is big fat tease.
Airing out the home won't do. I am going to have to figure out how to clear the rooms and do some serious carpet cleaning. It simply has to happen. If it was just bad air it would be gone by now. But... how am I going to get to this in my condition? I dunno. Gotta happen or I am stuck here. Is that how shut-ins are born? No, seriously. Yeah, it worries me. It isn't even that much work. A woman could clear the rooms in a day, save for the heavy stuff. And if a she would organize and decide where she wants it, I could move the big stuff in an hour, maybe two. I could even help clear the rooms initially, of the little stuff, if I knew what the heck I was doing and had a minor whip to help keep me on track. A patient whip, to be sure. Nope, this one is mine, if I can figure it all out, then get to it, then keep on it. Yikes!
Have a good evening. And, probably, good night. No, not going to bed really soon. I am simply probably through blogging.
Women are... well... women. And cats.
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.
Oh, you get real news elsewhere. As do I. And you believe what you believe about it, and doubt and all the rest on your own. Sure, sometimes I stumble into something and leave my mark on it. But this next is probably something you haven't seen, and wouldn't have seen. Who but women watch the show it was broadcast on? And, yeah, it's meant as fluff, the stuff by which women often can have their vote swayed, so mostly I stay away from it. However, it proves some other points I have in my bag of beliefs. That is what the title is about.
In this article, about a show I won't mention for... many reasons, is a breakdown of some of the dialogue. Even the wives of the rich and powerful are just what all women are. Somewhere between curious and nosy, sometimes a bit odd, and always with little... habits that annoy men in some way or another. For example, the thing about the toothpaste? Yeah, I squeeze from the middle, until it gets down, then begin getting the last bits by squeezing the end and rolling. But leaving the cap off? I dunno. And, yeah, it's a small thing, something I would no more than remark upon a few times during a lifelong marriage (if women take that as harping, too). Women can say something a thousand times a week and it's not harping, but if you say something twice a decade? Harping! Trust me, every single woman I have known was like that. Anyway, all women do little things that annoy. But... don't give up on them for that, just... learn to... grin, even chuckle. It's more fun to, and they still know what you mean. *grins* But what she does with her curiosity, along with the bravery of two women combined (Lord, have mercy) is absolutely tickling my funny bone. I don't know the woman, or her friend. And I am not (I said I am not, Anne) passing judgement. I am just... adding it as proof to my female conspiracy and behavior portfolio.
For all that is and has happened the news cycle has certainly slowed down. Prophets of doom are holding their (our?) breath, partisans have volleyed and are now entrenching rather than attempting to advance, all other news has been forgotten as if nothing else newsworthy is going on. I think many are saving space for "what next". The stream has dried up I guess. Bah, what's an ogre to put together his doom mechanics with without tools, ammo, fodder, and sich? Double bah! *bam-bam* Baby wants more toys! Well, actually, often, I really don't. A bit of quiet is actually nice, when it is right. It is just that... this isn't quiet, this is the quiet before the storm, the true horror, the real SHTF. A shadow is passing over the world. Never worry, there are a few things that bring some cheer even in the gloom of possibilities. Don't tread on me, "bro".
.
Oh, you get real news elsewhere. As do I. And you believe what you believe about it, and doubt and all the rest on your own. Sure, sometimes I stumble into something and leave my mark on it. But this next is probably something you haven't seen, and wouldn't have seen. Who but women watch the show it was broadcast on? And, yeah, it's meant as fluff, the stuff by which women often can have their vote swayed, so mostly I stay away from it. However, it proves some other points I have in my bag of beliefs. That is what the title is about.
In this article, about a show I won't mention for... many reasons, is a breakdown of some of the dialogue. Even the wives of the rich and powerful are just what all women are. Somewhere between curious and nosy, sometimes a bit odd, and always with little... habits that annoy men in some way or another. For example, the thing about the toothpaste? Yeah, I squeeze from the middle, until it gets down, then begin getting the last bits by squeezing the end and rolling. But leaving the cap off? I dunno. And, yeah, it's a small thing, something I would no more than remark upon a few times during a lifelong marriage (if women take that as harping, too). Women can say something a thousand times a week and it's not harping, but if you say something twice a decade? Harping! Trust me, every single woman I have known was like that. Anyway, all women do little things that annoy. But... don't give up on them for that, just... learn to... grin, even chuckle. It's more fun to, and they still know what you mean. *grins* But what she does with her curiosity, along with the bravery of two women combined (Lord, have mercy) is absolutely tickling my funny bone. I don't know the woman, or her friend. And I am not (I said I am not, Anne) passing judgement. I am just... adding it as proof to my female conspiracy and behavior portfolio.
For all that is and has happened the news cycle has certainly slowed down. Prophets of doom are holding their (our?) breath, partisans have volleyed and are now entrenching rather than attempting to advance, all other news has been forgotten as if nothing else newsworthy is going on. I think many are saving space for "what next". The stream has dried up I guess. Bah, what's an ogre to put together his doom mechanics with without tools, ammo, fodder, and sich? Double bah! *bam-bam* Baby wants more toys! Well, actually, often, I really don't. A bit of quiet is actually nice, when it is right. It is just that... this isn't quiet, this is the quiet before the storm, the true horror, the real SHTF. A shadow is passing over the world. Never worry, there are a few things that bring some cheer even in the gloom of possibilities. Don't tread on me, "bro".
Some days you win, some days you lose.
.
.
Some days, like today, you split the difference and, I think, come out smelling like a rose. Well, okay, an ogre rose. And, no, a rose is not a rose is not a rose. Trust me. I was up until almost 22:30 last night. Subjectively, that is good as that is the latest I have been able to stay up. Objectively I didn't wake until 9:00 or so yesterday, so my day wasn't longer, just adjusted. But that isn't the thing. I had hoped to wake at 6:00 this morning. Nope. Oddly, I woke at 5:30 to void, feeling pretty good and sure I would wake at 6:00, I wanted that last half hour of sleep. Nope. I didn't wake until 8:00, the alarm still bleating. At first I couldn't get traction. By 8:30 I had enough mojo to get the trash together and out, then took that first group to the curb. But needing to change cat litter I wanted to hurry and get that done. Which I did, and it is out in the bin at the curb. Fine. I am all but sure I beat the garbage truck. But, I wasn't awake by 6:00, or even on task for another two and a half hours. All good.
I'm not sure what to do today. Dishes still languish. There aren't that many, either. Just standing is a chore right now, and has been for a while. As I said, just taking a shower has been a test, and for most of this summer, even when I got ac in. That comes and goes in my life. It is odd, now, to look back on my life with the new medical information and begin to make sense of things. Some of it will never make sense, corrupted and missing memory, the odd reasoning of other people, heck even my doctors knew what my real medical problem was with a high percentage of probability and simply didn't tell me... long ago. At least 12 to 15 years ago, and I am guessing minimally though very possibly the first doctors to review my case knew. It is just that what doctors did for bad hearts back in the day, possibly, they guessed, was worse than what the disease would do? Did they even stop to consider the problems with giving a heart patient a psychiatric diagnosis? The social costs? Still, it worked out, but it could have been a bit more smooth. I will never know, for certain. But just in my life, things that happened or didn't, what I did and couldn't, some things make perfect sense now.
The cats have been fed. Sam was unceremoniously put outside for trying to gag herself into a vomit to get me to feed them. Sassy might be annoying when she isn't fed, Sam just does passive aggressive things that absolutely annoy me. Still, she just wants to go outside anyway, so... win-win for her. Plus she knows even if I tell her I won't feed her every time I pass her outside dealing with trash that, when I am finished with trash... brunch on the patio. Brat. Sassy doesn't like this particular food all that well. Same brand, different texture or flavor than her favorites I suppose. So, she eats a bit, then storms around the house until she realizes I have her on ignore, then goes back and eats a bit more, then does it all over again. An hour after she is out? She begs for more. Hehe. Must be nice to be a cat... or a woman... in some ways. Hey, just... saying...
Well, I should... get to something. Even if something is more of nothing. Good day.
.
Some days, like today, you split the difference and, I think, come out smelling like a rose. Well, okay, an ogre rose. And, no, a rose is not a rose is not a rose. Trust me. I was up until almost 22:30 last night. Subjectively, that is good as that is the latest I have been able to stay up. Objectively I didn't wake until 9:00 or so yesterday, so my day wasn't longer, just adjusted. But that isn't the thing. I had hoped to wake at 6:00 this morning. Nope. Oddly, I woke at 5:30 to void, feeling pretty good and sure I would wake at 6:00, I wanted that last half hour of sleep. Nope. I didn't wake until 8:00, the alarm still bleating. At first I couldn't get traction. By 8:30 I had enough mojo to get the trash together and out, then took that first group to the curb. But needing to change cat litter I wanted to hurry and get that done. Which I did, and it is out in the bin at the curb. Fine. I am all but sure I beat the garbage truck. But, I wasn't awake by 6:00, or even on task for another two and a half hours. All good.
I'm not sure what to do today. Dishes still languish. There aren't that many, either. Just standing is a chore right now, and has been for a while. As I said, just taking a shower has been a test, and for most of this summer, even when I got ac in. That comes and goes in my life. It is odd, now, to look back on my life with the new medical information and begin to make sense of things. Some of it will never make sense, corrupted and missing memory, the odd reasoning of other people, heck even my doctors knew what my real medical problem was with a high percentage of probability and simply didn't tell me... long ago. At least 12 to 15 years ago, and I am guessing minimally though very possibly the first doctors to review my case knew. It is just that what doctors did for bad hearts back in the day, possibly, they guessed, was worse than what the disease would do? Did they even stop to consider the problems with giving a heart patient a psychiatric diagnosis? The social costs? Still, it worked out, but it could have been a bit more smooth. I will never know, for certain. But just in my life, things that happened or didn't, what I did and couldn't, some things make perfect sense now.
The cats have been fed. Sam was unceremoniously put outside for trying to gag herself into a vomit to get me to feed them. Sassy might be annoying when she isn't fed, Sam just does passive aggressive things that absolutely annoy me. Still, she just wants to go outside anyway, so... win-win for her. Plus she knows even if I tell her I won't feed her every time I pass her outside dealing with trash that, when I am finished with trash... brunch on the patio. Brat. Sassy doesn't like this particular food all that well. Same brand, different texture or flavor than her favorites I suppose. So, she eats a bit, then storms around the house until she realizes I have her on ignore, then goes back and eats a bit more, then does it all over again. An hour after she is out? She begs for more. Hehe. Must be nice to be a cat... or a woman... in some ways. Hey, just... saying...
Well, I should... get to something. Even if something is more of nothing. Good day.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Definitely bedtime.
.
.
While I stayed up late, again, tonight, I am hoping to wake earlier in the morning. I will, again, set the alarm for 6:00. Sure, it makes trodding through the day a bit dry. I am simply hoping to reduce my sleeping time. Just a little of a struggle. Oh, I know. Pushing like this can break things. I risk losing my day schedule. Yet I cannot help but want to try to... gain some control, dial back the sleep, have more day available. If for no other reason than, as with gun ownership, because I want to. There are other reasons for both, but... that should be enough.
I have chosen my next set of purchases from Amazon. Oh, the purchase is some time off. And they are books that I may never end up even reading, though the hope is there. While looking over speakers for a non-existent if espied and noted stereo receiver, a couple of books came up that I have been considering almost since buying my home. The NEC 2011, Electrical Wiring Residential, and an additional book that looks promising the Ugly's Electrical Reference 2011. *cough* Outlaw receiver, by the way *cough* As I said, there is a chance I will never read these books. But in the off hand I am able to get a techy bug up my bum, I might actually make it through these books, or parts of them. I have some serious concerns about my home, plus an interest in correcting and enhancing a few things, yet can't probably afford the work that really should be done. So... Yes, I have all the time in the world. I simply don't have much more. In a few months, if money is looking good, I may simply hold my financial nose again, add them to my basket, and let the chips fall where they may. They aren't bad to have around though, in any case. For now.
Today has been a bit rough. I did get a shower taken, my teeth have been being cleaned, I am airing out the place, cats have been fed and their litter cleaned, but that is it. Just getting into the shower and doing my standard double hair wash and rinse, double body wash, then hair conditioning and it about took the wind out of my sails. I almost couldn't do it. That weakness just comes and goes. At least when adrenaline gets jacked it is almost like I am 20 again. Yeah, believe it. Don't hit me in the head and think you'll be able to sprint away. Don't test that. Spring steel in here, just... waiting. The thing is that is useless for daily daily, unless my dishes start shooting at me or something. *grins* I have been having a bit of a fever, a little bit of physical rather than psychic dissociation today, like when in pain. I have no pain, so... I am just not sure what is going on. I may take a handful of aspirin on my way to the sack, just in case I simply can't feel consciously what my body is sensing and "treating".
I need to be up, too. I've sort of set myself up. I want the trash out tomorrow, and that means I need to be up before it comes. Actually, with the late bedtime and the need for an early rise, I have set myself up two-fold. Ruh-rho! Usually it arrives later, but you just can't be sure. So... Up and at it is the thing going into my mind as I lay to sleep. Up, at 6:00, go, go, go!
Good night.
.
While I stayed up late, again, tonight, I am hoping to wake earlier in the morning. I will, again, set the alarm for 6:00. Sure, it makes trodding through the day a bit dry. I am simply hoping to reduce my sleeping time. Just a little of a struggle. Oh, I know. Pushing like this can break things. I risk losing my day schedule. Yet I cannot help but want to try to... gain some control, dial back the sleep, have more day available. If for no other reason than, as with gun ownership, because I want to. There are other reasons for both, but... that should be enough.
I have chosen my next set of purchases from Amazon. Oh, the purchase is some time off. And they are books that I may never end up even reading, though the hope is there. While looking over speakers for a non-existent if espied and noted stereo receiver, a couple of books came up that I have been considering almost since buying my home. The NEC 2011, Electrical Wiring Residential, and an additional book that looks promising the Ugly's Electrical Reference 2011. *cough* Outlaw receiver, by the way *cough* As I said, there is a chance I will never read these books. But in the off hand I am able to get a techy bug up my bum, I might actually make it through these books, or parts of them. I have some serious concerns about my home, plus an interest in correcting and enhancing a few things, yet can't probably afford the work that really should be done. So... Yes, I have all the time in the world. I simply don't have much more. In a few months, if money is looking good, I may simply hold my financial nose again, add them to my basket, and let the chips fall where they may. They aren't bad to have around though, in any case. For now.
Today has been a bit rough. I did get a shower taken, my teeth have been being cleaned, I am airing out the place, cats have been fed and their litter cleaned, but that is it. Just getting into the shower and doing my standard double hair wash and rinse, double body wash, then hair conditioning and it about took the wind out of my sails. I almost couldn't do it. That weakness just comes and goes. At least when adrenaline gets jacked it is almost like I am 20 again. Yeah, believe it. Don't hit me in the head and think you'll be able to sprint away. Don't test that. Spring steel in here, just... waiting. The thing is that is useless for daily daily, unless my dishes start shooting at me or something. *grins* I have been having a bit of a fever, a little bit of physical rather than psychic dissociation today, like when in pain. I have no pain, so... I am just not sure what is going on. I may take a handful of aspirin on my way to the sack, just in case I simply can't feel consciously what my body is sensing and "treating".
I need to be up, too. I've sort of set myself up. I want the trash out tomorrow, and that means I need to be up before it comes. Actually, with the late bedtime and the need for an early rise, I have set myself up two-fold. Ruh-rho! Usually it arrives later, but you just can't be sure. So... Up and at it is the thing going into my mind as I lay to sleep. Up, at 6:00, go, go, go!
Good night.
I am not the best debater.
.
.
No, and I don't feel the need. I am not, unlike many, dependent upon what others think therefore I do not need to debate you to the point where you agree with me. I will state my reasons for or against something, listen to your thoughts, and pretty much go on my way. I might, if something seems interesting or preposterous, try to learn more about what you said. But you won't change my mind in a hurry, probably not at all, unless you have the smoking gun, fingerprints, dna, and some witnesses that are credible.
As for organics? Like I said, do it at home. And, sure, can for the winter, which assumes a great deal, including a large enough garden, the knowledge of how to garden in the first place, enough time to work that garden, the time and equipment needed for serious canning projects to go along with the time to properly harvest, and if organic the time and knowledge regarding saving seed plus the specialized manner of gardening knowledge base for "organics" as well. That isn't possible for most people in most places. I doubt if 30% of Americans have that kind of wherewithal. I am certainly left out of that equation.
Still, I was far better than my lady friend at debating. Her tantrums had less to do with me or my beliefs, though, I think, than her need to feel free to express rage safely (with me she was, I sort of got a kick out of it... privately while she was in it mind you). Like I said, I just closed my door (with her on the other side) and got to gaming. She also was doing a man's job, and as a feminist but somehow trying to be honest too, realized she shouldn't have had that job. It absolutely clobbered her on top of that, physically. She went to a more female oriented job but found it unappealing, within her store, so returned to work she shouldn't have been doing. She tried going into a managerial position but realized that leading without being able to do the work was even more hollow. She simply couldn't face that she was, well, female. Even when she saw a 62 year old man, much older than her at the time, doing the work as a second job, beating her like she was standing still at the work, she just wouldn't surrender Stuck. Well, and she rarely slept enough. All those things caused baby to cry, finding whatever she could to point at as the problem. She was my only gal-pal who was ever like that so I am pretty sure it wasn't me.
.
No, and I don't feel the need. I am not, unlike many, dependent upon what others think therefore I do not need to debate you to the point where you agree with me. I will state my reasons for or against something, listen to your thoughts, and pretty much go on my way. I might, if something seems interesting or preposterous, try to learn more about what you said. But you won't change my mind in a hurry, probably not at all, unless you have the smoking gun, fingerprints, dna, and some witnesses that are credible.
As for organics? Like I said, do it at home. And, sure, can for the winter, which assumes a great deal, including a large enough garden, the knowledge of how to garden in the first place, enough time to work that garden, the time and equipment needed for serious canning projects to go along with the time to properly harvest, and if organic the time and knowledge regarding saving seed plus the specialized manner of gardening knowledge base for "organics" as well. That isn't possible for most people in most places. I doubt if 30% of Americans have that kind of wherewithal. I am certainly left out of that equation.
Still, I was far better than my lady friend at debating. Her tantrums had less to do with me or my beliefs, though, I think, than her need to feel free to express rage safely (with me she was, I sort of got a kick out of it... privately while she was in it mind you). Like I said, I just closed my door (with her on the other side) and got to gaming. She also was doing a man's job, and as a feminist but somehow trying to be honest too, realized she shouldn't have had that job. It absolutely clobbered her on top of that, physically. She went to a more female oriented job but found it unappealing, within her store, so returned to work she shouldn't have been doing. She tried going into a managerial position but realized that leading without being able to do the work was even more hollow. She simply couldn't face that she was, well, female. Even when she saw a 62 year old man, much older than her at the time, doing the work as a second job, beating her like she was standing still at the work, she just wouldn't surrender Stuck. Well, and she rarely slept enough. All those things caused baby to cry, finding whatever she could to point at as the problem. She was my only gal-pal who was ever like that so I am pretty sure it wasn't me.
It was a long and messy night?
.
.
Something along those lines. I didn't make it to bed until 21:30. That is the latest I have stayed awake since my day schedule started, if that was not long ago. I again set my alarm for 6:00. Not until a bit after 9:00 could I get out of bed. I reset the alarm each hour, hoping something would shift to favor waking. I dreamed, half dreamed, half woke, and slept. Last night seemed more like being in a drying machine than a bed. And I came out wrinkled!
It has simply been a rough week. The weather change is simply getting to me. My arms, in spite of having lost weight, somehow seem 20 pounds heavier. Even my eyelids have gained a good five pounds per. I am driving through the days, it is a push to simply maintain consciousness. Now, I am not actually having to work at staying awake, I am having to not work. Basically to stay awake, I realize, I have had to cut all non-essential for life actions. While that might not seem like much of a contrast, and in 'normal terms' it isn't, it does limit me as I see things quite a bit. Conservation of brain and muscle power is the ticket. I am hoping, when new games arrive, that I can find something interesting in there to bolster synaptic firing, which might lead to more function. But it looks like the shop is nearly closed for the season?
Never worry. I remembered, if a bit late, about the day lamp. I don't have it arranged yet, but it is on my mind. I can't quite quit trying to square the circle of my life, if there isn't a formula for it quite so keen as there is for the geometric and calculus derived forms... if those are still unnervingly odd. I am writing the book, making the formula, testing this and that. I remember when people wondered why sharks bite everything and having it explained that... biting is the only method sharks have by which to explore their world. I somehow think there is a parallel if I can't quite... put my thumb on it... in my attempts at a bit more life. Having a home, having food coming in, and if I could more steadily get back on medicine, I am and possibly could do even a bit better. I know what I am doing is better than ever before. I don't lose months worth of conscious memory, if I still sit quite idle. I don't feast and fast as a way of life. And I am beginning to conquer my environment, one little problem at a time. I am evening storing foods, equipment, and non-edible consumables for short, mid, and longer term use, just in case.
It just isn't as bad as it has been. Well, and now I know what the real problem is. That gives me some chance at resisting in a logical scientific manner. I have some things under consideration that way, such as supplements, hopefully to go with medicines if I can get that working again. But I will probably never even reach the tipping point where I can have some modicum of a typical sleep pattern, let alone a regular static barebone set of chores per day. I don't know how much heart function that would take, 50%, 70%. But at 20-30%... life just can't scale to that. This I know, cross my heart. But I can do better or worse, and I choose better. Every time.
Have a great Sunday, and if you are a regular, enjoy a bit of Church for me would ya? I miss the 'joint'. *smile* Oh hush, God knows I'm not being (too) informal. I know because He is always pleased to see me when I can visit.
.
Something along those lines. I didn't make it to bed until 21:30. That is the latest I have stayed awake since my day schedule started, if that was not long ago. I again set my alarm for 6:00. Not until a bit after 9:00 could I get out of bed. I reset the alarm each hour, hoping something would shift to favor waking. I dreamed, half dreamed, half woke, and slept. Last night seemed more like being in a drying machine than a bed. And I came out wrinkled!
It has simply been a rough week. The weather change is simply getting to me. My arms, in spite of having lost weight, somehow seem 20 pounds heavier. Even my eyelids have gained a good five pounds per. I am driving through the days, it is a push to simply maintain consciousness. Now, I am not actually having to work at staying awake, I am having to not work. Basically to stay awake, I realize, I have had to cut all non-essential for life actions. While that might not seem like much of a contrast, and in 'normal terms' it isn't, it does limit me as I see things quite a bit. Conservation of brain and muscle power is the ticket. I am hoping, when new games arrive, that I can find something interesting in there to bolster synaptic firing, which might lead to more function. But it looks like the shop is nearly closed for the season?
Never worry. I remembered, if a bit late, about the day lamp. I don't have it arranged yet, but it is on my mind. I can't quite quit trying to square the circle of my life, if there isn't a formula for it quite so keen as there is for the geometric and calculus derived forms... if those are still unnervingly odd. I am writing the book, making the formula, testing this and that. I remember when people wondered why sharks bite everything and having it explained that... biting is the only method sharks have by which to explore their world. I somehow think there is a parallel if I can't quite... put my thumb on it... in my attempts at a bit more life. Having a home, having food coming in, and if I could more steadily get back on medicine, I am and possibly could do even a bit better. I know what I am doing is better than ever before. I don't lose months worth of conscious memory, if I still sit quite idle. I don't feast and fast as a way of life. And I am beginning to conquer my environment, one little problem at a time. I am evening storing foods, equipment, and non-edible consumables for short, mid, and longer term use, just in case.
It just isn't as bad as it has been. Well, and now I know what the real problem is. That gives me some chance at resisting in a logical scientific manner. I have some things under consideration that way, such as supplements, hopefully to go with medicines if I can get that working again. But I will probably never even reach the tipping point where I can have some modicum of a typical sleep pattern, let alone a regular static barebone set of chores per day. I don't know how much heart function that would take, 50%, 70%. But at 20-30%... life just can't scale to that. This I know, cross my heart. But I can do better or worse, and I choose better. Every time.
Have a great Sunday, and if you are a regular, enjoy a bit of Church for me would ya? I miss the 'joint'. *smile* Oh hush, God knows I'm not being (too) informal. I know because He is always pleased to see me when I can visit.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Another day, little done.
.
.
Far less than I had hoped but a few things went forward. And, as for the purchases? Since I spend nothing other than paying bills on myself, and upkeep, and a few things like that, I really shouldn't feel guilty about spending several hundred dollars. Sure, it's large. But too, other than on items I have actually needed, I have spent very little in a very long time. My friend called it being house-poor. He is a lawyer for the county he lives in and make about the same as I do. He bought a house at a similar price point, in similar condition.
The turkey breast has ended up being... quite nice. I am careful when warming it. Too much and it would dry like old wood adding shoe leather texture and flavor. I must have roasted the bird just right though, too. All good. Ah... It's been so long. I forgot to wrap the hindquarters in foil for the last hour to half hour. That would have been nicer, if not absolutely necessary.
.
Far less than I had hoped but a few things went forward. And, as for the purchases? Since I spend nothing other than paying bills on myself, and upkeep, and a few things like that, I really shouldn't feel guilty about spending several hundred dollars. Sure, it's large. But too, other than on items I have actually needed, I have spent very little in a very long time. My friend called it being house-poor. He is a lawyer for the county he lives in and make about the same as I do. He bought a house at a similar price point, in similar condition.
The turkey breast has ended up being... quite nice. I am careful when warming it. Too much and it would dry like old wood adding shoe leather texture and flavor. I must have roasted the bird just right though, too. All good. Ah... It's been so long. I forgot to wrap the hindquarters in foil for the last hour to half hour. That would have been nicer, if not absolutely necessary.
Why bother?
.
.
Some conservative (and at one time libertarian) blogs are so in love with... pick a candidate... that suggesting anything negative at those sites is seen as concern trolling. While I make it clear that I am not on any politicians side at this moment, if I do lean, that I am merely a conservative libertarian mix. The Republican party abandoned me, if it ever was conservative. It is a business application, and not the best among them, too often siding with crony capitalism (a business application of socialism) than with real free-market economy. It has all but surrendered any real drive toward social conservativism, it has absolutely rolled on fiscal conservativism. It just doesn't have it, maybe never did. Sure, there was Reagan. And maybe he really did believe. But he never had the power to prove it for enough time to be sure.
I simply ask, when told someone will do something, how they plan to do it and if that is even possible, and I am labeled a concern troll. I doubt what is being promised, and I am "out with the in crowd". Now, I don't mind. Really. If one of those sites wants to become more like a newspaper, go for it. A Republican, Democrat, left, right, rag, what is the difference if you can't question your candidate, his promises, or whatever else might come up. Who, for example, honestly believes that even if Republicans win the house, senate, and the presidency, that they will be able to get 2/3rds of the votes for a constitutional amendment capping government spending to 18% of GDP? *Put your hand down, that was a rhetorical question you should already know is, no one who knows how politics works!* Who believes even one department of government malfeasance and redundancy department will be cut? Who even thinks the U.N. will get anything but empty threats to cut off funding? Lets not play. The truth is, while Republicans will try to hold the roof on with a few strings, they aren't going to change the world as we know it, in the end it may not even appear as if they even really tried (if they will have some very small successes, and be comparatively better for what that is worth). They can't save social security, perhaps not even medicare or medicaid, let alone roll back Zerocare. Sure, pick your guy, mine probably is the Republican candidate, but... don't lie, repeat his lies, or such. Lets talk about what can actually be done and aim for it. I like aiming at the moon, I do. But... I don't waste ammo actually shooting at it and I don't disparage others who would guide me away from such foolishness.
One of the other "conservative" blogs just loves to tear things down and examine every nut and bolt as if they were intellectuals and as if life and politics is theory. And, again, anything against Caesar is absolutely unthinkable. The truth is, whether Zero is a muslim, an atheist socialist or communist, an anti-colonialist, or what, matters little. What matters is, what has he done and intend to do and then what general category does that place him in? Hammer, nail, bam. Shut it, that's all. Discussion over. A snake is a snake, be it adder, viper, pit viper, or what, when the antivenin is the same as it happens to be in this case. Just call a spade a spade and leave it be. So be it.
I haven't removed them from the sidebar, yet. It is under consideration. What I have tried to get across, however, is that if they act like "Paulians" or "Zero's zombies", and it is about one man and his success, they are no better and cannot point fingers. No matter how right they think they are, sure they are. Actually that kind of certainty shows me a fragility of belief. Are they trying to convince me and others... or themselves? Didn't we go through non-vetting a president and his promises recently? I am not sure some people can be... salvaged. When you have voluntarily chained yourself to one particular cult of personality, idea or set of them, ideology, or religion, then suspend thought, you are most likely lost.
Is it only few who can question, and do, their sincerest beliefs? Why, I question Catholicism on a daily basis! I ask questions and seek the Churches answers. I don't just eat those answers, I weigh them. If an answer seems wrong, I seek... clarification. I questioned the Republican party until I realized I wasn't a Republican. Not because I questioned them but because their answers or further clarifications of poor answers and other attempts to clarify, ended up in a huge garbage pail. I simply won't accept feces as a substitute for good thinking or right answers. I've been a bit out of common circles for most of my life, just in them enough to know that being on the edge was the best play. Going solo is no better than fully surrendering to social idiocy. Right on that line, keep it there.
Still... it's fun to... mess with those who have chained themselves. Meow? Woof woof! Oh... looks like your chain is just shy of you reaching me. Meowwww! Hey... I think I can reach some of your food and water from here. Mind? Meow. Heh.
.
Some conservative (and at one time libertarian) blogs are so in love with... pick a candidate... that suggesting anything negative at those sites is seen as concern trolling. While I make it clear that I am not on any politicians side at this moment, if I do lean, that I am merely a conservative libertarian mix. The Republican party abandoned me, if it ever was conservative. It is a business application, and not the best among them, too often siding with crony capitalism (a business application of socialism) than with real free-market economy. It has all but surrendered any real drive toward social conservativism, it has absolutely rolled on fiscal conservativism. It just doesn't have it, maybe never did. Sure, there was Reagan. And maybe he really did believe. But he never had the power to prove it for enough time to be sure.
I simply ask, when told someone will do something, how they plan to do it and if that is even possible, and I am labeled a concern troll. I doubt what is being promised, and I am "out with the in crowd". Now, I don't mind. Really. If one of those sites wants to become more like a newspaper, go for it. A Republican, Democrat, left, right, rag, what is the difference if you can't question your candidate, his promises, or whatever else might come up. Who, for example, honestly believes that even if Republicans win the house, senate, and the presidency, that they will be able to get 2/3rds of the votes for a constitutional amendment capping government spending to 18% of GDP? *Put your hand down, that was a rhetorical question you should already know is, no one who knows how politics works!* Who believes even one department of government malfeasance and redundancy department will be cut? Who even thinks the U.N. will get anything but empty threats to cut off funding? Lets not play. The truth is, while Republicans will try to hold the roof on with a few strings, they aren't going to change the world as we know it, in the end it may not even appear as if they even really tried (if they will have some very small successes, and be comparatively better for what that is worth). They can't save social security, perhaps not even medicare or medicaid, let alone roll back Zerocare. Sure, pick your guy, mine probably is the Republican candidate, but... don't lie, repeat his lies, or such. Lets talk about what can actually be done and aim for it. I like aiming at the moon, I do. But... I don't waste ammo actually shooting at it and I don't disparage others who would guide me away from such foolishness.
One of the other "conservative" blogs just loves to tear things down and examine every nut and bolt as if they were intellectuals and as if life and politics is theory. And, again, anything against Caesar is absolutely unthinkable. The truth is, whether Zero is a muslim, an atheist socialist or communist, an anti-colonialist, or what, matters little. What matters is, what has he done and intend to do and then what general category does that place him in? Hammer, nail, bam. Shut it, that's all. Discussion over. A snake is a snake, be it adder, viper, pit viper, or what, when the antivenin is the same as it happens to be in this case. Just call a spade a spade and leave it be. So be it.
I haven't removed them from the sidebar, yet. It is under consideration. What I have tried to get across, however, is that if they act like "Paulians" or "Zero's zombies", and it is about one man and his success, they are no better and cannot point fingers. No matter how right they think they are, sure they are. Actually that kind of certainty shows me a fragility of belief. Are they trying to convince me and others... or themselves? Didn't we go through non-vetting a president and his promises recently? I am not sure some people can be... salvaged. When you have voluntarily chained yourself to one particular cult of personality, idea or set of them, ideology, or religion, then suspend thought, you are most likely lost.
Is it only few who can question, and do, their sincerest beliefs? Why, I question Catholicism on a daily basis! I ask questions and seek the Churches answers. I don't just eat those answers, I weigh them. If an answer seems wrong, I seek... clarification. I questioned the Republican party until I realized I wasn't a Republican. Not because I questioned them but because their answers or further clarifications of poor answers and other attempts to clarify, ended up in a huge garbage pail. I simply won't accept feces as a substitute for good thinking or right answers. I've been a bit out of common circles for most of my life, just in them enough to know that being on the edge was the best play. Going solo is no better than fully surrendering to social idiocy. Right on that line, keep it there.
Still... it's fun to... mess with those who have chained themselves. Meow? Woof woof! Oh... looks like your chain is just shy of you reaching me. Meowwww! Hey... I think I can reach some of your food and water from here. Mind? Meow. Heh.
A little more shopping.
.
.
No, I didn't leave my home. Leaving IS on the menu but above my paygrade for now. There are a number of things I have been planning on buying for some time. I keep holding my breath instead of my financial nose and just taking the plunge. No, nothing special. A kitchen gadget I have been eyeing for over a year, and researched to be as sure of as good of a product in the line as possible, went into the cart. A hand operated food strainer, for canning and other applications was on the longer list, but being less expensive and after being qualified through research had been languishing in the wish cart (while I hoped it didn't stop being made), went into the basket before some other things. *cough* Like a serious home pressure canner. *cough* Another item that went into the cart was a poly strap machine, handheld mind you. It is supposed to be a hand tool that secures packing bands/tape around boxes and such. Of course I ordered the deluxe set of grates for the strainer and 1/2" packing tape for the other device. Mine uses 1/2 to 5/8 poly strapping, and I suspect the 1/2 strapping should secure the air conditioner back into it's shipping package well enough. Well, there were a few other things. A bit of music, a few more games as I am pretty much out of games (of games I like). Avenged Sevenfold, Sabaton, Bioshock 2, Darksiders 1 & 2, and a few other sich. Bah! I love being a premium member, all but the packing tape tool will be in by Tuesday (give or take), with no shipping and handling costs save for the non-Amazon supplied strapping device. For $3.99 (per item) I could have them here by Monday. Nah...
I also called my ladyfriend. I was planning to have her out this year, for Christmas. But I know she has her heart set on something she can never afford. Now, if she had the money, she would probably buy the Apple version in the genre. Thankfully though there is me. I help her when she... doesn't know and only wants to fit in. While Amazon still has issues that need to be resolved for me to board that plane, they are much better than Apple as I see things, and much more affordable, too. Plus, that... geek fanboy fashionesta thing isn't there. Yeah, hush, I know who you are. So, I called and asked if she would rather have a trip or a Kindle Fire 4G. Uhrm, she's probably sleeping so I left the message. Good though, I want her to take some time to think about it, look up the device online, talk to her "tech support club and fellow fashionestas" and get back to me tomorrow. Hehehehe Well, I might hear back in a month or two, unless her friends are all hot with jealousy over the notion. Meh... women. The nice thing about the device is it might buy me some time to actually arrange my funds, unlike a trip. I always feel... behind... even when I order tickets in advance. Treating people to good food and travel is simply downright expensive, and if I have it, I spend even more than what I planned, and even actually have! While I have my problems I do try to be a great host. It would end up being similar, though I think the device might be just a wee less. If... that really isn't the point. I am not going to be able to show a naturalist type a good time is all, not this year. And there is the weather to contend with, both for inbound and outbound flights, and maybe just getting out of the door some winters!
Still, a few things done, or in the works. Yeah, I had to order blind since I can't see my account information online, and it was a bit costly. But it should take care of a number of long, mid, and short term goals, plans, and entertainment. Enjoying shopping isn't all that bad either. It's all coming together like a herd of elephants dying of thirst dashing toward a kiddy pool right after a thousand mice have been released and begin running between the elephants' toes. But... it'll work itself out.
.
No, I didn't leave my home. Leaving IS on the menu but above my paygrade for now. There are a number of things I have been planning on buying for some time. I keep holding my breath instead of my financial nose and just taking the plunge. No, nothing special. A kitchen gadget I have been eyeing for over a year, and researched to be as sure of as good of a product in the line as possible, went into the cart. A hand operated food strainer, for canning and other applications was on the longer list, but being less expensive and after being qualified through research had been languishing in the wish cart (while I hoped it didn't stop being made), went into the basket before some other things. *cough* Like a serious home pressure canner. *cough* Another item that went into the cart was a poly strap machine, handheld mind you. It is supposed to be a hand tool that secures packing bands/tape around boxes and such. Of course I ordered the deluxe set of grates for the strainer and 1/2" packing tape for the other device. Mine uses 1/2 to 5/8 poly strapping, and I suspect the 1/2 strapping should secure the air conditioner back into it's shipping package well enough. Well, there were a few other things. A bit of music, a few more games as I am pretty much out of games (of games I like). Avenged Sevenfold, Sabaton, Bioshock 2, Darksiders 1 & 2, and a few other sich. Bah! I love being a premium member, all but the packing tape tool will be in by Tuesday (give or take), with no shipping and handling costs save for the non-Amazon supplied strapping device. For $3.99 (per item) I could have them here by Monday. Nah...
I also called my ladyfriend. I was planning to have her out this year, for Christmas. But I know she has her heart set on something she can never afford. Now, if she had the money, she would probably buy the Apple version in the genre. Thankfully though there is me. I help her when she... doesn't know and only wants to fit in. While Amazon still has issues that need to be resolved for me to board that plane, they are much better than Apple as I see things, and much more affordable, too. Plus, that... geek fanboy fashionesta thing isn't there. Yeah, hush, I know who you are. So, I called and asked if she would rather have a trip or a Kindle Fire 4G. Uhrm, she's probably sleeping so I left the message. Good though, I want her to take some time to think about it, look up the device online, talk to her "tech support club and fellow fashionestas" and get back to me tomorrow. Hehehehe Well, I might hear back in a month or two, unless her friends are all hot with jealousy over the notion. Meh... women. The nice thing about the device is it might buy me some time to actually arrange my funds, unlike a trip. I always feel... behind... even when I order tickets in advance. Treating people to good food and travel is simply downright expensive, and if I have it, I spend even more than what I planned, and even actually have! While I have my problems I do try to be a great host. It would end up being similar, though I think the device might be just a wee less. If... that really isn't the point. I am not going to be able to show a naturalist type a good time is all, not this year. And there is the weather to contend with, both for inbound and outbound flights, and maybe just getting out of the door some winters!
Still, a few things done, or in the works. Yeah, I had to order blind since I can't see my account information online, and it was a bit costly. But it should take care of a number of long, mid, and short term goals, plans, and entertainment. Enjoying shopping isn't all that bad either. It's all coming together like a herd of elephants dying of thirst dashing toward a kiddy pool right after a thousand mice have been released and begin running between the elephants' toes. But... it'll work itself out.
While trying to increase computer security...
.
.
You guessed it, I messed things up. I can't check one of my banks and I can't comment at D.C.'s blog. I can post at all other blogs, or the ones I have sampled so far. And I can check one of my banks, oddly. I even undid what was done in the effort. I truly am beginning to simply hate computers, security software, and all that. All I did was... when a program popped up, I followed some lead back to exceptions. I clicked them all off, then started doing a bit of research on each individually. Apple sure puts it's nose into everything, innit? Anyway, after realizing they were all (probably) kosher, I turned them all back on, the ones that had been on, anyway, I think. Although checking just now, it seems I had disallowed all exceptions through the firewall control panel, reading the meaning the opposite of what it (I think now?) really meant, which I just unchecked. So I will check again, in a bit, to see if that helped. Gah!
I see nothing official has been done or said about what is happening in the world. Oh, wouldn't surprise me if he is thinking up something while playing miniature golf in a bunker somewhere. Can't be too cautious or take things too seriously, that's for sure. Vox was right about there being a laugh a minute, if he didn't add but we all guessed there would be bouts of that surrounded by bouts of crying, tearing out of the hair, and the rest. There are even enough defections from one side of the aisle to support the notion of the rending of clothing in self-subjugation. Maybe he is in partial hiding while coming down off his highs and/or lows? Whatever.
I am not getting to much work, play, or anything. My goals for today? Dishes, again. And a shower. I had hoped to make it to confession and Mass (yeah, I know they officially call confession something else, but... I'm not official, see, see). I was about to set the timers and such when I realized that, though I have cleared the air in here, I still haven't washed my clothes. Whether clean, dirty, hanging, or anything, all have to be cleaned, and the closets aired in the process. A fan and the empty space where the clothes were should do just fine and not take long, save for washing, drying, folding, hanging, and such. I haven't gotten to all that needs doing but I am getting some of the things, here and there, managed, as I can. Rather than over or through the problems, I am... going under them. Hey, as long as I am getting there, and I am, I'll take it.
Sassy is just on me like flies on stink. She has been fed twice today already, in four hours. I think I am going to begin throttling back on the feed lever. Like I said, I didn't mind for a while. They had been going way too weak on their feed bag for a goodly bit of the summer. That always worries me just a bit. So feeding them up a bit is all good. Sassy just doesn't know when enough is enough though and will have to be trained back down. Still, she is becoming an exceptional lap cat and buddy. Now to get those two things to be their own separate things, begging and lap-cat/navigator that is. I tease her about dying from hunger, and that I would have a beautiful funeral for her, with roses, a nice eulogy, and that even Sam would say a few meows. She just meowls weakly at me, again, as if she were on the edge of starvation. I think, though, that she knows poppo is mocking her. Oh... yes I think she does. At least she isn't too hateful about it, usually. I would make a great father, laughing through a great deal of it, if more privately.
Hmm, I have set the alarm to feed them in two hours. Sam will take her meal on the patio, thank you. Be a dear and refresh the water while you are at it, she seems to hint. Yeah, okay. I'll take my shower then, if I can. It's not a big life, there is no fame, no travel, no wealth, no things some think will make them happy but I sure enjoy it. I can't even say new tires will make me happy, they will simply allow me to rest just a little easier. A new computer is as good as I will probably get in the next year, but having to save, dodge other expenses, and plan make the thing much more valuable than the mere money I might end paying to buy it. All... really good though. Oh, wait. I never did start money going in to Church. That will allow me to rest better and feel more correct than all the rest. I don't know if I can just do it online or if I need to get paperwork and fill it out, then hand it to the teller... I'll figure this out soon. Gah!
Later.
.
You guessed it, I messed things up. I can't check one of my banks and I can't comment at D.C.'s blog. I can post at all other blogs, or the ones I have sampled so far. And I can check one of my banks, oddly. I even undid what was done in the effort. I truly am beginning to simply hate computers, security software, and all that. All I did was... when a program popped up, I followed some lead back to exceptions. I clicked them all off, then started doing a bit of research on each individually. Apple sure puts it's nose into everything, innit? Anyway, after realizing they were all (probably) kosher, I turned them all back on, the ones that had been on, anyway, I think. Although checking just now, it seems I had disallowed all exceptions through the firewall control panel, reading the meaning the opposite of what it (I think now?) really meant, which I just unchecked. So I will check again, in a bit, to see if that helped. Gah!
I see nothing official has been done or said about what is happening in the world. Oh, wouldn't surprise me if he is thinking up something while playing miniature golf in a bunker somewhere. Can't be too cautious or take things too seriously, that's for sure. Vox was right about there being a laugh a minute, if he didn't add but we all guessed there would be bouts of that surrounded by bouts of crying, tearing out of the hair, and the rest. There are even enough defections from one side of the aisle to support the notion of the rending of clothing in self-subjugation. Maybe he is in partial hiding while coming down off his highs and/or lows? Whatever.
I am not getting to much work, play, or anything. My goals for today? Dishes, again. And a shower. I had hoped to make it to confession and Mass (yeah, I know they officially call confession something else, but... I'm not official, see, see). I was about to set the timers and such when I realized that, though I have cleared the air in here, I still haven't washed my clothes. Whether clean, dirty, hanging, or anything, all have to be cleaned, and the closets aired in the process. A fan and the empty space where the clothes were should do just fine and not take long, save for washing, drying, folding, hanging, and such. I haven't gotten to all that needs doing but I am getting some of the things, here and there, managed, as I can. Rather than over or through the problems, I am... going under them. Hey, as long as I am getting there, and I am, I'll take it.
Sassy is just on me like flies on stink. She has been fed twice today already, in four hours. I think I am going to begin throttling back on the feed lever. Like I said, I didn't mind for a while. They had been going way too weak on their feed bag for a goodly bit of the summer. That always worries me just a bit. So feeding them up a bit is all good. Sassy just doesn't know when enough is enough though and will have to be trained back down. Still, she is becoming an exceptional lap cat and buddy. Now to get those two things to be their own separate things, begging and lap-cat/navigator that is. I tease her about dying from hunger, and that I would have a beautiful funeral for her, with roses, a nice eulogy, and that even Sam would say a few meows. She just meowls weakly at me, again, as if she were on the edge of starvation. I think, though, that she knows poppo is mocking her. Oh... yes I think she does. At least she isn't too hateful about it, usually. I would make a great father, laughing through a great deal of it, if more privately.
Hmm, I have set the alarm to feed them in two hours. Sam will take her meal on the patio, thank you. Be a dear and refresh the water while you are at it, she seems to hint. Yeah, okay. I'll take my shower then, if I can. It's not a big life, there is no fame, no travel, no wealth, no things some think will make them happy but I sure enjoy it. I can't even say new tires will make me happy, they will simply allow me to rest just a little easier. A new computer is as good as I will probably get in the next year, but having to save, dodge other expenses, and plan make the thing much more valuable than the mere money I might end paying to buy it. All... really good though. Oh, wait. I never did start money going in to Church. That will allow me to rest better and feel more correct than all the rest. I don't know if I can just do it online or if I need to get paperwork and fill it out, then hand it to the teller... I'll figure this out soon. Gah!
Later.
A nominal top of the morning to you?
.
.
I'm just not feeling it yet this morning. But at first surfacing the ocean of sleep, then popping the top, there is often that sense of blah. It usually gets better. Cats have been fed and their litter policed. I am... surprised that policing the litter actually does cut the odor way down. I always thought the worst of the smell was from urine. Not so much. When you are changing the litter out, yeah, sure. Otherwise, not at all. I will still go ahead with the fancy stuff, since I have it, but knowing what I know now, I will simply be going back to the old stuff when the new stuff is done. It is plenty good enough if I do my part. While I try to clean it daily, if I missed a day I would probably be fine. No more though. And once that smell starts it is very difficult to eradicate, which I think I have done.
Sleep was very good. I woke a few times during the night, just... a rolling wake though. I was able to settle back in well and relatively easily. I slept long again, from say 18:30 until 6:00 this morning. No dreams that I can recall, I think? There might be something in there, though it might have just been odd thoughts in one of my wakings last night or even this morning. At least I have regular, strong, periods of sleep and wakefulness.
A neighbor stopped by last night and invited me to a hog roast! Oh, I would love to have gone but I was already done in. He regretted not reminding me sooner, though I am not sure that would have helped. I simply can't do much right now. The want is there but the flesh, and even the will, cannot be focused. As the sun wanes, so it seems, for now, do my various strengths. While astrology is less than a silly notion, it did seem to get this right about me. Even if I don't like the sun all that much. Broken clocks and sich. It probably has more to do with being in the last trimester in summer heat. Especially back before everything and everywhere had air conditioning. Homes certainly did not, save for those of nobility and reges. Yeah, and no remote controlled television, cars that ran on leaded gas, no bicycle helmets or even motorcycle helmets or even seat belts quite often, or... Hmm... I did come from a different planet. As for computers? The ones in spacecraft... weren't as powerful as my handheld scientific calculator.
Hmm? I don't know. Now to do some reading I suppose. Later.
.
I'm just not feeling it yet this morning. But at first surfacing the ocean of sleep, then popping the top, there is often that sense of blah. It usually gets better. Cats have been fed and their litter policed. I am... surprised that policing the litter actually does cut the odor way down. I always thought the worst of the smell was from urine. Not so much. When you are changing the litter out, yeah, sure. Otherwise, not at all. I will still go ahead with the fancy stuff, since I have it, but knowing what I know now, I will simply be going back to the old stuff when the new stuff is done. It is plenty good enough if I do my part. While I try to clean it daily, if I missed a day I would probably be fine. No more though. And once that smell starts it is very difficult to eradicate, which I think I have done.
Sleep was very good. I woke a few times during the night, just... a rolling wake though. I was able to settle back in well and relatively easily. I slept long again, from say 18:30 until 6:00 this morning. No dreams that I can recall, I think? There might be something in there, though it might have just been odd thoughts in one of my wakings last night or even this morning. At least I have regular, strong, periods of sleep and wakefulness.
A neighbor stopped by last night and invited me to a hog roast! Oh, I would love to have gone but I was already done in. He regretted not reminding me sooner, though I am not sure that would have helped. I simply can't do much right now. The want is there but the flesh, and even the will, cannot be focused. As the sun wanes, so it seems, for now, do my various strengths. While astrology is less than a silly notion, it did seem to get this right about me. Even if I don't like the sun all that much. Broken clocks and sich. It probably has more to do with being in the last trimester in summer heat. Especially back before everything and everywhere had air conditioning. Homes certainly did not, save for those of nobility and reges. Yeah, and no remote controlled television, cars that ran on leaded gas, no bicycle helmets or even motorcycle helmets or even seat belts quite often, or... Hmm... I did come from a different planet. As for computers? The ones in spacecraft... weren't as powerful as my handheld scientific calculator.
Hmm? I don't know. Now to do some reading I suppose. Later.
Friday, September 14, 2012
... fiddles while ... burns.
.
.
Reading reports, seeing pictures, knowing who is in office and what he has done for the last four years... Take a deep breath and think. Is this the stirrings of a group who thinks US leadership is about to change and wants to do something now while the getting is good? Or could this be people, encouraging others, through odd channels, odd bedfellows as they say, pulling strings to put egg on Zero's face. No, not Romney. I am more suggesting Middle Eastern nations and groups who have been harmed, one way or another, by the reduction of the US financially, economically, industrially, and in many other ways? I really can't say for sure. I can say this happened the last time we had just such a president in very similar circumstances.
What do I expect out of this administration? One of several things is possible. Either ill equipped, poorly supported, doomed troops will be sent needlessly to their deaths for some ridiculous thing, rumored associated warehouses will be bombed using hundreds of millions in cruise missiles we are already short on (after *cough* saving Libyans from barbarity *cough*), or some great liberal military thinker will decide to invade the whole Middle East, including Israel of course, since they are for free speech and all. I would like to say we are represented by a clown, but he isn't. He means to do what he does. Nothing he does is not scripted, which is why he is so slow to act. Well, that and the tranqs, or whatever he uses to blow off reality. The guy is the pawn of evil, thankfully not the son of it. Although he is the son of something evil in a vulgar literary phrase, to be sure.
I don't know how this will end, I am not even sure if people understand the problems, all of them or even most of them. I won't even swear I do, even having read everything I can put before my eyes. I am not sure how this will impact the election, though the fumbling that has come from this administration so far should shred any support he might have held, save by those so self-absorbed that D.C. could burn so long as they get their filthy contract with no evaluations. Even if the msm is trying to put all the problem onto a movie maker, Romney, or any one or anything else but the true culprits... a lame president and a savage animal-like people supported over staunch allies at every turn by this president, one would hope enough Americans are awake and aware by now. Just how many 9/11's must we unnecessarily endure?
If there ever was an election to end all elections, I am guessing this is it. Even if the right side wins, this will, according to demographics, be the last time it can win even as moderate as it is. The sun, dear friends, is setting. We don't need to surrender, as Reagan suggested, we already have. There are possibilities. There are choices yet to be made. Just understand, the gig is pretty much over. But... one last dance? We will see.
.
Reading reports, seeing pictures, knowing who is in office and what he has done for the last four years... Take a deep breath and think. Is this the stirrings of a group who thinks US leadership is about to change and wants to do something now while the getting is good? Or could this be people, encouraging others, through odd channels, odd bedfellows as they say, pulling strings to put egg on Zero's face. No, not Romney. I am more suggesting Middle Eastern nations and groups who have been harmed, one way or another, by the reduction of the US financially, economically, industrially, and in many other ways? I really can't say for sure. I can say this happened the last time we had just such a president in very similar circumstances.
What do I expect out of this administration? One of several things is possible. Either ill equipped, poorly supported, doomed troops will be sent needlessly to their deaths for some ridiculous thing, rumored associated warehouses will be bombed using hundreds of millions in cruise missiles we are already short on (after *cough* saving Libyans from barbarity *cough*), or some great liberal military thinker will decide to invade the whole Middle East, including Israel of course, since they are for free speech and all. I would like to say we are represented by a clown, but he isn't. He means to do what he does. Nothing he does is not scripted, which is why he is so slow to act. Well, that and the tranqs, or whatever he uses to blow off reality. The guy is the pawn of evil, thankfully not the son of it. Although he is the son of something evil in a vulgar literary phrase, to be sure.
I don't know how this will end, I am not even sure if people understand the problems, all of them or even most of them. I won't even swear I do, even having read everything I can put before my eyes. I am not sure how this will impact the election, though the fumbling that has come from this administration so far should shred any support he might have held, save by those so self-absorbed that D.C. could burn so long as they get their filthy contract with no evaluations. Even if the msm is trying to put all the problem onto a movie maker, Romney, or any one or anything else but the true culprits... a lame president and a savage animal-like people supported over staunch allies at every turn by this president, one would hope enough Americans are awake and aware by now. Just how many 9/11's must we unnecessarily endure?
If there ever was an election to end all elections, I am guessing this is it. Even if the right side wins, this will, according to demographics, be the last time it can win even as moderate as it is. The sun, dear friends, is setting. We don't need to surrender, as Reagan suggested, we already have. There are possibilities. There are choices yet to be made. Just understand, the gig is pretty much over. But... one last dance? We will see.
Not doing all that well.
.
.
I'm not in pain, I'm not freezing or burning up now that I have the furnace running a bit in the morning. I am eating more than once or twice a week, and my additions should help (if I have to find something else to add into my diet when they are finished, as my blood sugar is going up), life is pretty good, really. I am even 'doing days'. I am sleeping a little long, in the ten to twelve hour range, but I am resting well. I even have enjoyed the dreams lately, even the spooky home invasion seeming one. But I am not able to function well. Tired, a bit confused, lethargic, plus lethargic, tired, and a bit confused. :p I just can't find a window, nor do I have the will to go through one if I saw it. The home is smelling fresher. I am brushing at least twice a day, on top of my continued teeth pick-work. The cat litter is being tended daily. But that is it. I have flatlined, plateaued, hit the brick ceiling, stopped. When I say I can't, I mean it. There isn't anything to give, no leverage by which to rock the boat or get the cart started down the tracks from which to gain or increase momentum. Up a .... creek without a paddle. Not even one!
At least life is good. I did roast the turkey yesterday. And, in the end, made it legless and wingless before the feast fight was done. It was a smaller turkey though, so don't freak. Now all I have is the stuff I don't really like. Breast meat, white, yummy as sand. Still, it has more protein and a few other good things to it, compared to sand. And I don't need to drink as much fluid while consuming, if only slightly less. Bleh. It should keep me fed until Wednesday, if I can eat that much of it. Hmm, to get out and shop for more meat though. That was the last thing in my freezer. Beef, boys, I need beef. But the price is murder. Pork wouldn't be bad but it is starting to become as pricey as beef. Lamb would be good if I could find a good packager, but it is even more expensive than beef. Bits and bites, I guess.
Still, life is pretty good. No pain, no feverishness, and even in my diminished state I am better off than a true collapse into the void. Time registers a bit better, the days track, but with nothing happening that becomes a long empty memory tape. Ah, but it gives me something to complain about. Some times that is as good as it gets.
I do wonder if many marriages end because women think they can revitalize themselves by going out and facing the world again, not realizing time has passed them by and their youth is gone forever. While that will revitalize them by forcing them to react quickly, what they often learn is that they don't have what it takes and are quickly beaten into the sand and surrender to whoever is strongest rather than who they might want to be their master. Work, passing boyfriends who know better than to mess with a failed woman, drugs, some mix of that. Yeah, the jungles of life look much better through a telescope, viewed from the safety of even a less than optimal home. The notion of taking the helm seems interesting, novel, even exciting, until all there is is excitement, quite often of the ugliest kinds, all around and at an impossible pace.
I'll stick to slowly living, and enjoy it as I may. And I'll thank God about... well... being a son. One who has lost the thrill of excitement at too fast a pace for any to handle. Maybe even for getting a good long time to be a bachelor. I almost feel sorry for women who allow themselves to be lead astray by bright lights and big city (im)morals. It is almost unfair, being a woman, I suppose. So social, so susceptible to 'common thought'. They need leadership and it has been rejected for them through the mechanisms that granted it, much as have their real freedoms. Many of them were born into getting to decide what was never meant to be their, or anyone's, simple choice. And as they have failed, men failed first, by "gifting" them choices not meant for simple consumption. Now some men want drugs legalized. I don't see a lot of difference. Apparently though... the attempted murder on the family that is destroying our civilization isn't working fast enough for some. *shrug* I am just me and just do what I do. I can't help but notice though.
.
I'm not in pain, I'm not freezing or burning up now that I have the furnace running a bit in the morning. I am eating more than once or twice a week, and my additions should help (if I have to find something else to add into my diet when they are finished, as my blood sugar is going up), life is pretty good, really. I am even 'doing days'. I am sleeping a little long, in the ten to twelve hour range, but I am resting well. I even have enjoyed the dreams lately, even the spooky home invasion seeming one. But I am not able to function well. Tired, a bit confused, lethargic, plus lethargic, tired, and a bit confused. :p I just can't find a window, nor do I have the will to go through one if I saw it. The home is smelling fresher. I am brushing at least twice a day, on top of my continued teeth pick-work. The cat litter is being tended daily. But that is it. I have flatlined, plateaued, hit the brick ceiling, stopped. When I say I can't, I mean it. There isn't anything to give, no leverage by which to rock the boat or get the cart started down the tracks from which to gain or increase momentum. Up a .... creek without a paddle. Not even one!
At least life is good. I did roast the turkey yesterday. And, in the end, made it legless and wingless before the feast fight was done. It was a smaller turkey though, so don't freak. Now all I have is the stuff I don't really like. Breast meat, white, yummy as sand. Still, it has more protein and a few other good things to it, compared to sand. And I don't need to drink as much fluid while consuming, if only slightly less. Bleh. It should keep me fed until Wednesday, if I can eat that much of it. Hmm, to get out and shop for more meat though. That was the last thing in my freezer. Beef, boys, I need beef. But the price is murder. Pork wouldn't be bad but it is starting to become as pricey as beef. Lamb would be good if I could find a good packager, but it is even more expensive than beef. Bits and bites, I guess.
Still, life is pretty good. No pain, no feverishness, and even in my diminished state I am better off than a true collapse into the void. Time registers a bit better, the days track, but with nothing happening that becomes a long empty memory tape. Ah, but it gives me something to complain about. Some times that is as good as it gets.
I do wonder if many marriages end because women think they can revitalize themselves by going out and facing the world again, not realizing time has passed them by and their youth is gone forever. While that will revitalize them by forcing them to react quickly, what they often learn is that they don't have what it takes and are quickly beaten into the sand and surrender to whoever is strongest rather than who they might want to be their master. Work, passing boyfriends who know better than to mess with a failed woman, drugs, some mix of that. Yeah, the jungles of life look much better through a telescope, viewed from the safety of even a less than optimal home. The notion of taking the helm seems interesting, novel, even exciting, until all there is is excitement, quite often of the ugliest kinds, all around and at an impossible pace.
I'll stick to slowly living, and enjoy it as I may. And I'll thank God about... well... being a son. One who has lost the thrill of excitement at too fast a pace for any to handle. Maybe even for getting a good long time to be a bachelor. I almost feel sorry for women who allow themselves to be lead astray by bright lights and big city (im)morals. It is almost unfair, being a woman, I suppose. So social, so susceptible to 'common thought'. They need leadership and it has been rejected for them through the mechanisms that granted it, much as have their real freedoms. Many of them were born into getting to decide what was never meant to be their, or anyone's, simple choice. And as they have failed, men failed first, by "gifting" them choices not meant for simple consumption. Now some men want drugs legalized. I don't see a lot of difference. Apparently though... the attempted murder on the family that is destroying our civilization isn't working fast enough for some. *shrug* I am just me and just do what I do. I can't help but notice though.
More dreams.
.
.
I think that is three nights running where dreams have been seemingly a major part of my sleep. I remember three from last night, wait, four? In the first a younger woman wanted me to take her to the movies, she had to drag me out of bed. Hey, I was in pajamas, it was kosher. For some reason I was living with her and her parents. Her father for sure but maybe her mother too (can't always tell with women though, they can love you or hate your guts and act... pretty much the same if they see you as superior, otherwise okay, plan on poisoning you, or some other things). Anyway, that was the pretty much the whole of the dream. Well, she did get her way but I don't know if the dream ended or the rest of it was lost to me. Why was she so insistent though?
The next dream was of me taking a younger women (a different one, one I know) to the movies. She was reluctant this time. I had no intention, by the way, of actually watching the movie. That's all I am saying. And no, this isn't the time of drive in theaters, so there are limits with crowds around. In various discussions with me I got the feeling she thought marrying, perhaps more so marrying me than typical, would be like her resigning her life. I got her into a conversation and explained, after she admitted this, that if my health didn't kill me, on it's own, say 20 years ago, that it wasn't likely to soon. Besides I suggested, while getting married and perhaps more so marrying me might be like crawling into the crypt, the truth is she is already in the crypt whether she knows it or not. Her choices are simple, to be in the crypt with someone or to remain in it alone. I have a way of just... making people feel better, don't I? Hush you, yeah you, in the peanut gallery.
Another dream was of my mother finding a husband. Rich? He had his home away from business on a mountain, rather higher up. He owned the mountain. It was literally a mansion. The road to it was of Autobahn quality, which was required for high-grade construction. Anyway, my mother and myself were 20 years younger than now, but somehow she was living with me in my home here at the time, to help me with my health. Not wanting to abandon me, she was torn. He simply offered to buy me out at full price and deal with the property as he saw fit (meaning he paid for the loan and paid me it's purchase price as well), giving me a large suite in the mansion, and a servant for cleaning. Well, okay. The thing was, he merely married her for her to manage his estate there, cook when he was home, he was home just on the weekends if then, and having some marital relations. When he was gone there were to be no questions about his doings. I didn't get the logic of it, his mansion staff wasn't reduced, he had a chef on duty and other cooks for the lesser meals. Dreams just are what they are I suppose.
And there was one last one that I remember. I was living with some friends I met through a better cousin. Oh, they do take in strays once in a while too. My uncle, who passed away many years, was also living there somehow. I had been living with them previously but became hospitalized or something, and owed my uncle a bit of money for some reason. Returning to their somewhat shabby dusty but large house? several story apartment? I got everyone paid off, then settled in. This place they were staying was since their move from the first place I had stayed with them, so we had to figure out arrangements, and did. I was still driving the Camaro, oddly. In any case, I was driving through the city (smallish, blue collar, strongly on the seedy side as towns go). I saw something dangerous in the road. I stopped, jumped out (keys in the car) to retrieve the material and get it off the road. The items were a half-block back. When returned to my car, a black thug was trying to take my car (somehow my car morphed from a hard-t-top to a convertible, never mind they got the color right. Ha. He was having troubles though, and when I approached, he had gotten out to check something, also leaving the keys in the ignition. I merely got in and headed out. Neither of us really wanted to fuss over it, but as I was driving away, he laughingly held up my cd collection and made some snide remark. I figured he was packing, most thugs do. As I was looking back at him I noticed he'd lost something too. He had put a bunch of packages in my back seat. I had a feeling it was money. On the nose. Over a million dollars, I counted up to that anyway. I kept it a secret, made sure I was as untraceable as possible, helped the family I was living with, and enjoyed the thing with a smirk for the rest of my days. The hardest thing was remembering all the cd's to replace. Oh, and the family I was living with had started thinking about going back to Church. They asked me about things and I asked if they were going to the Catholic Church. Their response? Is there a difference between Churches? Urhm, it had... probably been a while since either had been to Church. I did have some advice, on whichever Church or denomination they chose though. Going to Church is really good at first, but as people get to know you... it does get a little tight. Just... the way it is. As Americans, we are no longer familiar with people knowing things, as in small towns and close-knit Church communities. We are thinned skinned and prone to righteous and wrongous paranoia. It IS a bit of a culture shock. It is part of my problem with Church, if not the largest one since I am not able to go as often as I would like.
There were others, but that is all I can pull out of the memory pail this morning. There are things I am not writing that I remember, not because they aren't g-rated (kissing or intending to kiss is g-rated, right?), but because they are even more extraneous that what I DID right. Actually, I did pretty good remembering the dreams from last night. I woke at around midnight, and was up for an hour or two. I focused on getting back to bed and was able to sleep, thankfully. I have a day schedule going and hope to keep it that way. But the notion is very fragile for me. I simply can't sleep and wake on a regular pattern, sometimes needing more sleep, sometimes just not being able to sleep, and the worst is a combination of those.
The girls have been fed, the litter cleaned, altogether. I had no idea about cat regularity, but it seems they aren't. Neither relieves themselves on a daily basis, though Sam does go out and may prefer to do her duty outside. But with as much as Sassy eats... I'm surprised she doesn't simply explode. Perhaps it is the onset of cooler weather, and trying to fatten up for winter though, too? Dunno. Oh what a merry mix house chores and science makes sometimes, though, innit? At least I am not dissecting and examining the fecal matter under a microscope!
Good day.
.
I think that is three nights running where dreams have been seemingly a major part of my sleep. I remember three from last night, wait, four? In the first a younger woman wanted me to take her to the movies, she had to drag me out of bed. Hey, I was in pajamas, it was kosher. For some reason I was living with her and her parents. Her father for sure but maybe her mother too (can't always tell with women though, they can love you or hate your guts and act... pretty much the same if they see you as superior, otherwise okay, plan on poisoning you, or some other things). Anyway, that was the pretty much the whole of the dream. Well, she did get her way but I don't know if the dream ended or the rest of it was lost to me. Why was she so insistent though?
The next dream was of me taking a younger women (a different one, one I know) to the movies. She was reluctant this time. I had no intention, by the way, of actually watching the movie. That's all I am saying. And no, this isn't the time of drive in theaters, so there are limits with crowds around. In various discussions with me I got the feeling she thought marrying, perhaps more so marrying me than typical, would be like her resigning her life. I got her into a conversation and explained, after she admitted this, that if my health didn't kill me, on it's own, say 20 years ago, that it wasn't likely to soon. Besides I suggested, while getting married and perhaps more so marrying me might be like crawling into the crypt, the truth is she is already in the crypt whether she knows it or not. Her choices are simple, to be in the crypt with someone or to remain in it alone. I have a way of just... making people feel better, don't I? Hush you, yeah you, in the peanut gallery.
Another dream was of my mother finding a husband. Rich? He had his home away from business on a mountain, rather higher up. He owned the mountain. It was literally a mansion. The road to it was of Autobahn quality, which was required for high-grade construction. Anyway, my mother and myself were 20 years younger than now, but somehow she was living with me in my home here at the time, to help me with my health. Not wanting to abandon me, she was torn. He simply offered to buy me out at full price and deal with the property as he saw fit (meaning he paid for the loan and paid me it's purchase price as well), giving me a large suite in the mansion, and a servant for cleaning. Well, okay. The thing was, he merely married her for her to manage his estate there, cook when he was home, he was home just on the weekends if then, and having some marital relations. When he was gone there were to be no questions about his doings. I didn't get the logic of it, his mansion staff wasn't reduced, he had a chef on duty and other cooks for the lesser meals. Dreams just are what they are I suppose.
And there was one last one that I remember. I was living with some friends I met through a better cousin. Oh, they do take in strays once in a while too. My uncle, who passed away many years, was also living there somehow. I had been living with them previously but became hospitalized or something, and owed my uncle a bit of money for some reason. Returning to their somewhat shabby dusty but large house? several story apartment? I got everyone paid off, then settled in. This place they were staying was since their move from the first place I had stayed with them, so we had to figure out arrangements, and did. I was still driving the Camaro, oddly. In any case, I was driving through the city (smallish, blue collar, strongly on the seedy side as towns go). I saw something dangerous in the road. I stopped, jumped out (keys in the car) to retrieve the material and get it off the road. The items were a half-block back. When returned to my car, a black thug was trying to take my car (somehow my car morphed from a hard-t-top to a convertible, never mind they got the color right. Ha. He was having troubles though, and when I approached, he had gotten out to check something, also leaving the keys in the ignition. I merely got in and headed out. Neither of us really wanted to fuss over it, but as I was driving away, he laughingly held up my cd collection and made some snide remark. I figured he was packing, most thugs do. As I was looking back at him I noticed he'd lost something too. He had put a bunch of packages in my back seat. I had a feeling it was money. On the nose. Over a million dollars, I counted up to that anyway. I kept it a secret, made sure I was as untraceable as possible, helped the family I was living with, and enjoyed the thing with a smirk for the rest of my days. The hardest thing was remembering all the cd's to replace. Oh, and the family I was living with had started thinking about going back to Church. They asked me about things and I asked if they were going to the Catholic Church. Their response? Is there a difference between Churches? Urhm, it had... probably been a while since either had been to Church. I did have some advice, on whichever Church or denomination they chose though. Going to Church is really good at first, but as people get to know you... it does get a little tight. Just... the way it is. As Americans, we are no longer familiar with people knowing things, as in small towns and close-knit Church communities. We are thinned skinned and prone to righteous and wrongous paranoia. It IS a bit of a culture shock. It is part of my problem with Church, if not the largest one since I am not able to go as often as I would like.
There were others, but that is all I can pull out of the memory pail this morning. There are things I am not writing that I remember, not because they aren't g-rated (kissing or intending to kiss is g-rated, right?), but because they are even more extraneous that what I DID right. Actually, I did pretty good remembering the dreams from last night. I woke at around midnight, and was up for an hour or two. I focused on getting back to bed and was able to sleep, thankfully. I have a day schedule going and hope to keep it that way. But the notion is very fragile for me. I simply can't sleep and wake on a regular pattern, sometimes needing more sleep, sometimes just not being able to sleep, and the worst is a combination of those.
The girls have been fed, the litter cleaned, altogether. I had no idea about cat regularity, but it seems they aren't. Neither relieves themselves on a daily basis, though Sam does go out and may prefer to do her duty outside. But with as much as Sassy eats... I'm surprised she doesn't simply explode. Perhaps it is the onset of cooler weather, and trying to fatten up for winter though, too? Dunno. Oh what a merry mix house chores and science makes sometimes, though, innit? At least I am not dissecting and examining the fecal matter under a microscope!
Good day.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Finally, a good meal from my own kitchen.
.
.
The kitchen isn't in the kind of shape I would trust to cook for others, at the moment, how I actually usually keep it. But it is quite good enough for my own dinner. With the turkey thawed, I set about roasting the thing. While not a great fan of fowl on their own, I do appreciate how others use them, and occasionally as a meal. There are some exceptions, including turkey, duck, and goose. Why? I can't say. Even so if all I had was a chicken in the freezer that would have been roasting. But turkey has that feel of family life, tradition, to it. I can't remember a thanksgiving, growing up, when turkey was not the headliner. The breast meat will be tolerated, but the rest will be gobbled up with absolute relish. I am not baking potatoes with it, or making gravy right after roasting. I didn't make a stuffing. This will be an all meat meal, until my eyes cross. Then I might make mashed potatoes and gravy. I will be setting aside the drippings, for a day or two, just in case. Meh, allows the fat to collect on the surface to be removed easier anyway. If too, I leave a 'healthier' portion of the fat in the turkey juice jello... Fat free just isn't how I fly. Actually, I think it IS healthier to have more natural fats.
It has been roasting for an hour. My stomach is doing flips waiting to be fed. The odor has delicious written on it, and not in invisible ink. I suspect I will start with a leg. If that doesn't quite do it I'll add a wing. My stomach suggests "we" just invite the turkey in and debate the matter whole. My mind suggest that "we" will be lucky to get through a drumstick. I suspect my mind is much closer to right than my stomach. But bless my stomach for... the audacity! It can look a steer over and suggest a beef roast, whole, on the rare side. The rest of us know better. It is good for the funny bone and some other things to have that exuberance, or child-like nature, or whatever you want to call it, still in play.
On another subject, there is a myth still floating around that ought to be put in it's place. I had heard the myth, but without cracking the numbers it seemed impossible to me, even in my early teens. It turns out I was correct. Someone did crack the numbers. The myth is that Henry Ford paid his workers double the typical rate in his day, after generally paying a little less to begin with, in order to create a larger base of buyers for his vehicles. I am not sure if this myth is some kind of swipe at capitalism, some snippet that socialism works, or... what. Simply though, the myth it is patently false. Ford merely realized that employee turn-around at his plant was costing him a great deal of product, simply because it wasn't being produced, produced well, or produced in a timely fashion, thus lowering profits. He believed raising wages and then being an absolute freak about who was hired and maintained in his employ would allow him greater financial success. The bet, if such men actually make bets, paid off.
Hmm, later. Oh, I bet I'll be ready for a nap after dinner. No, not because of tryptophan either. The dose is too small, another myth. Just having a large meal... that is what does it. I don't get to feast often so I don't mind.
Later, perhaps much later.
.
The kitchen isn't in the kind of shape I would trust to cook for others, at the moment, how I actually usually keep it. But it is quite good enough for my own dinner. With the turkey thawed, I set about roasting the thing. While not a great fan of fowl on their own, I do appreciate how others use them, and occasionally as a meal. There are some exceptions, including turkey, duck, and goose. Why? I can't say. Even so if all I had was a chicken in the freezer that would have been roasting. But turkey has that feel of family life, tradition, to it. I can't remember a thanksgiving, growing up, when turkey was not the headliner. The breast meat will be tolerated, but the rest will be gobbled up with absolute relish. I am not baking potatoes with it, or making gravy right after roasting. I didn't make a stuffing. This will be an all meat meal, until my eyes cross. Then I might make mashed potatoes and gravy. I will be setting aside the drippings, for a day or two, just in case. Meh, allows the fat to collect on the surface to be removed easier anyway. If too, I leave a 'healthier' portion of the fat in the turkey juice jello... Fat free just isn't how I fly. Actually, I think it IS healthier to have more natural fats.
It has been roasting for an hour. My stomach is doing flips waiting to be fed. The odor has delicious written on it, and not in invisible ink. I suspect I will start with a leg. If that doesn't quite do it I'll add a wing. My stomach suggests "we" just invite the turkey in and debate the matter whole. My mind suggest that "we" will be lucky to get through a drumstick. I suspect my mind is much closer to right than my stomach. But bless my stomach for... the audacity! It can look a steer over and suggest a beef roast, whole, on the rare side. The rest of us know better. It is good for the funny bone and some other things to have that exuberance, or child-like nature, or whatever you want to call it, still in play.
On another subject, there is a myth still floating around that ought to be put in it's place. I had heard the myth, but without cracking the numbers it seemed impossible to me, even in my early teens. It turns out I was correct. Someone did crack the numbers. The myth is that Henry Ford paid his workers double the typical rate in his day, after generally paying a little less to begin with, in order to create a larger base of buyers for his vehicles. I am not sure if this myth is some kind of swipe at capitalism, some snippet that socialism works, or... what. Simply though, the myth it is patently false. Ford merely realized that employee turn-around at his plant was costing him a great deal of product, simply because it wasn't being produced, produced well, or produced in a timely fashion, thus lowering profits. He believed raising wages and then being an absolute freak about who was hired and maintained in his employ would allow him greater financial success. The bet, if such men actually make bets, paid off.
Hmm, later. Oh, I bet I'll be ready for a nap after dinner. No, not because of tryptophan either. The dose is too small, another myth. Just having a large meal... that is what does it. I don't get to feast often so I don't mind.
Later, perhaps much later.
If, then? Why? Because.
.
.
Sometimes that's as close as I can come to answering a question. If you like one color over the others then what do you do about it? Why do you prefer that color? Because. Duh. Some questions I can pinpoint down to the last detail though. Like one recently asked, or implied.
I know the notion of nephilim to a modern man is no less silly than the notion of God. The children of women and angels are even considered laughably impossible in many Christian circles, as are even angels themselves. I have heard homilies, not in the Catholic Church mind you, describing angels and suggesting that the whole notion of them must just be literary bunk. So to even suspect that one might be such a being must sound preposterous, even to many, or most, Christians. As I have written, it is just a thought, a passing consideration, a notion. It is not something I would declare in a court of law, civil or religious, or as a truth nominally, or even strong probability, only... something that crosses my mind from time to time, in accordance with what has been written about them and what I know about myself. It isn't just size, although... as many know... size matters.
In many of the "old beliefs", nephilim, giants, members of the Canaanitish tribe, sons of the daughters of men and angels, whatever you might call them or whatever they might be or have been, had specific characteristics, if there was no way to differentiate them from men objectively that is given, save that they usually are regarded as giants, some of the smaller sort such as Goliath (supposedly about 6'5" as my father believed, as a religious scholar), some as large as in the twenty feet plus range of their king and perhaps other leaders. Though it has been suggested that not all were of abnormal size. Something about them, though, in much of the literature, is that they have no soul, or at least they have no place in heaven or hell. They will simply die once and forever when their life is over.
Someone asked if I knew this. Of course I know this. The question left unasked, I think, though I hit it a bit, is to ask why, if I had no chance at heaven and no risk of hell would I choose to even attempt to follow God's commands, why would I worship a God Who has written me out of existence, denied me favor (if disallowing damnation too)? Ah, but this was such an easy question.
I do not worship or attempt to obey God for any favor He might or might not confer. I do not follow God because He is on my side, for He isn't. Beyond the notion that rain may fall on sinner or saint, so with sun, drought, flood, and all manner of calamity in the world of flesh, God is on no man's side. If anything, some small number of men try to be on His side, and we fail, sometimes miserably. Okay, so why worship a God Who isn't on your side? Ah, because He IS the Truth. I see that so very plainly, simply, honestly. His truth is worth more than any gold, fleshly pleasure, or comfort I have ever known. I lost my taste for much if this, and I have sipped so deeply, known so many women, known some gold and had access to more plus channels to even greater gold. It is not like I haven't seen. I can compare apples to apples, straight across. And I easily choose God. Even now, in my condition, you would be absolutely astonished at what sorts of sinful pleasures float my way and are rejected as often as I am strong enough to do so, even sometimes seemingly purely through divine intervention... I am weak.
And, actually, as a side and little note to that, I have seen, personally, that living an honest, God fearing, respectable life (within my limits and as I see things) leads to a much better mundane life. It's not perfect, here, now. I am still ill. And yet my little life is so much easier, better, comfortable, by surrendering these things to what God sets forth and trusting in God to see things to the right than in trying gather it all to myself and for myself that there is no comparison.
So, yes, even if I have no soul, even if heaven is not to be granted regardless of the notion of hell being out of consideration as well, even if all else is balance, I choose God. Some things are just so simple. If nothing else, God has surely granted me the faith to walk through the fires of life I have had to walk and those to come. And if heaven is not for me, if I help get one other soul to turn around and fall to their knees and worship God to be accepted to heaven, that would be more than enough of a thanks.
.
Sometimes that's as close as I can come to answering a question. If you like one color over the others then what do you do about it? Why do you prefer that color? Because. Duh. Some questions I can pinpoint down to the last detail though. Like one recently asked, or implied.
I know the notion of nephilim to a modern man is no less silly than the notion of God. The children of women and angels are even considered laughably impossible in many Christian circles, as are even angels themselves. I have heard homilies, not in the Catholic Church mind you, describing angels and suggesting that the whole notion of them must just be literary bunk. So to even suspect that one might be such a being must sound preposterous, even to many, or most, Christians. As I have written, it is just a thought, a passing consideration, a notion. It is not something I would declare in a court of law, civil or religious, or as a truth nominally, or even strong probability, only... something that crosses my mind from time to time, in accordance with what has been written about them and what I know about myself. It isn't just size, although... as many know... size matters.
In many of the "old beliefs", nephilim, giants, members of the Canaanitish tribe, sons of the daughters of men and angels, whatever you might call them or whatever they might be or have been, had specific characteristics, if there was no way to differentiate them from men objectively that is given, save that they usually are regarded as giants, some of the smaller sort such as Goliath (supposedly about 6'5" as my father believed, as a religious scholar), some as large as in the twenty feet plus range of their king and perhaps other leaders. Though it has been suggested that not all were of abnormal size. Something about them, though, in much of the literature, is that they have no soul, or at least they have no place in heaven or hell. They will simply die once and forever when their life is over.
Someone asked if I knew this. Of course I know this. The question left unasked, I think, though I hit it a bit, is to ask why, if I had no chance at heaven and no risk of hell would I choose to even attempt to follow God's commands, why would I worship a God Who has written me out of existence, denied me favor (if disallowing damnation too)? Ah, but this was such an easy question.
I do not worship or attempt to obey God for any favor He might or might not confer. I do not follow God because He is on my side, for He isn't. Beyond the notion that rain may fall on sinner or saint, so with sun, drought, flood, and all manner of calamity in the world of flesh, God is on no man's side. If anything, some small number of men try to be on His side, and we fail, sometimes miserably. Okay, so why worship a God Who isn't on your side? Ah, because He IS the Truth. I see that so very plainly, simply, honestly. His truth is worth more than any gold, fleshly pleasure, or comfort I have ever known. I lost my taste for much if this, and I have sipped so deeply, known so many women, known some gold and had access to more plus channels to even greater gold. It is not like I haven't seen. I can compare apples to apples, straight across. And I easily choose God. Even now, in my condition, you would be absolutely astonished at what sorts of sinful pleasures float my way and are rejected as often as I am strong enough to do so, even sometimes seemingly purely through divine intervention... I am weak.
And, actually, as a side and little note to that, I have seen, personally, that living an honest, God fearing, respectable life (within my limits and as I see things) leads to a much better mundane life. It's not perfect, here, now. I am still ill. And yet my little life is so much easier, better, comfortable, by surrendering these things to what God sets forth and trusting in God to see things to the right than in trying gather it all to myself and for myself that there is no comparison.
So, yes, even if I have no soul, even if heaven is not to be granted regardless of the notion of hell being out of consideration as well, even if all else is balance, I choose God. Some things are just so simple. If nothing else, God has surely granted me the faith to walk through the fires of life I have had to walk and those to come. And if heaven is not for me, if I help get one other soul to turn around and fall to their knees and worship God to be accepted to heaven, that would be more than enough of a thanks.
Casting stones.
.
.
I shouldn't but... Here it goes.
A new group of Americans has been found, hiding in the jungles of Africa. They are calling them a new species of the owl faced monkey, if I think they have it a bit wrong. With a red face and blue bottom to go with that lost confused look, it should be named the Americanus Africanus Independientia (or... something, if maybe not so wretchedly pig Latin). Evidence?
the face, red and lost
the bottom, blue as W.D.C.
Oh, I know. I ARE an independent. All the former, none of the latter. If, in the end (no pun intended) the difference might seem moot to some, but there it is. Hey, I cast stones all day, if not truly judgmentally as it might seem, usually. Even I get hit from time to time. Oh, it doesn't hurt that bad you big ninnies.
h/t Mail Online
.
I shouldn't but... Here it goes.
A new group of Americans has been found, hiding in the jungles of Africa. They are calling them a new species of the owl faced monkey, if I think they have it a bit wrong. With a red face and blue bottom to go with that lost confused look, it should be named the Americanus Africanus Independientia (or... something, if maybe not so wretchedly pig Latin). Evidence?
the face, red and lost
Oh, I know. I ARE an independent. All the former, none of the latter. If, in the end (no pun intended) the difference might seem moot to some, but there it is. Hey, I cast stones all day, if not truly judgmentally as it might seem, usually. Even I get hit from time to time. Oh, it doesn't hurt that bad you big ninnies.
h/t Mail Online
Another day.
.
.
I went to bed rather early last night, right after supper. Oh, that was quite good. The lady who brought it fretted that the cookies had been a bit overly crisped. Gotta love someone who apologizes for... feeding your face? It's quite endearing, like a mound of puppies and kittens that make you the focus of their play? Something. If I were playing cards I might have just held my hand, kept my poker face, and suggested I would survive. Problem is I wasn't playing games, saw no need, so just let the cat out of the bag that over-browned (according to whom?) cookies are my favorite by far. I always look for the one, or batch, that is crisped a little extra. Her husband had assured her that... I would survive, and right he was. After a quite nice dinner, I laid down for either a nap or the night. *bam*
I thought I had set the alarm, for 20:00 maybe. If I did I set it way wrong or didn't hear it or don't remember shutting it off, let me check. It seems it was correctly set for 20:00, but it was still set. I fiddled with it this morning for some reason, so maybe I turned it on. Either that or I slept through it, which is quite possible. As I said, I slept through klaxons onboard a submarine. When in serious stupor, illness torpor, certainty it is possible. The mind fumbles when falling that hard and fast and first thing in the morning, so I don't know what I did or when to the alarm for sure. I woke last night at 23:00 give or take an hour, but realized I should just go back to bed, could, and did. I woke just around 6:00 this morning. Grumpy at first, and the cats were all over me about breakfast. Three or four harrumphs, a cat chases (man they are fast when I am in zombie mode, I had no chance, if I am rarely ever about catching them except in play). But in less than five minutes I was apologetic and just... fed them. While they might be running for fear of their lives from poppo grizzly zombie, I still think I detect laughter and bliss when they look back to see if poppo is still coming and where he is. I wasn't chasing for their begging, but when they don't get what they want they go on a scratch-anything-poppo-says-not-to-scratch thing.
I turned the furnace up a goodly bit this morning, and actually am leaving it at a baseline of 70 at all times now. That seems to be of benefit this morning. All good. Oh, cleaning the cat litter. I'll do that right away. Trying to remember to do that right after feeding the girls. The turkey will probably go in the oven later today. Brushing my teeth is becoming a regular thing too. Just... certain things go first, second, and on through to last, in a specific order, for psychic comfort, if you know what I mean. Turkey dinner is a very good reason to finally finish the dishes. There isn't much left to do, just... it's the point of the thing. Then I can get on to the rest of the kitchen.
Later.
.
I went to bed rather early last night, right after supper. Oh, that was quite good. The lady who brought it fretted that the cookies had been a bit overly crisped. Gotta love someone who apologizes for... feeding your face? It's quite endearing, like a mound of puppies and kittens that make you the focus of their play? Something. If I were playing cards I might have just held my hand, kept my poker face, and suggested I would survive. Problem is I wasn't playing games, saw no need, so just let the cat out of the bag that over-browned (according to whom?) cookies are my favorite by far. I always look for the one, or batch, that is crisped a little extra. Her husband had assured her that... I would survive, and right he was. After a quite nice dinner, I laid down for either a nap or the night. *bam*
I thought I had set the alarm, for 20:00 maybe. If I did I set it way wrong or didn't hear it or don't remember shutting it off, let me check. It seems it was correctly set for 20:00, but it was still set. I fiddled with it this morning for some reason, so maybe I turned it on. Either that or I slept through it, which is quite possible. As I said, I slept through klaxons onboard a submarine. When in serious stupor, illness torpor, certainty it is possible. The mind fumbles when falling that hard and fast and first thing in the morning, so I don't know what I did or when to the alarm for sure. I woke last night at 23:00 give or take an hour, but realized I should just go back to bed, could, and did. I woke just around 6:00 this morning. Grumpy at first, and the cats were all over me about breakfast. Three or four harrumphs, a cat chases (man they are fast when I am in zombie mode, I had no chance, if I am rarely ever about catching them except in play). But in less than five minutes I was apologetic and just... fed them. While they might be running for fear of their lives from poppo grizzly zombie, I still think I detect laughter and bliss when they look back to see if poppo is still coming and where he is. I wasn't chasing for their begging, but when they don't get what they want they go on a scratch-anything-poppo-says-not-to-scratch thing.
I turned the furnace up a goodly bit this morning, and actually am leaving it at a baseline of 70 at all times now. That seems to be of benefit this morning. All good. Oh, cleaning the cat litter. I'll do that right away. Trying to remember to do that right after feeding the girls. The turkey will probably go in the oven later today. Brushing my teeth is becoming a regular thing too. Just... certain things go first, second, and on through to last, in a specific order, for psychic comfort, if you know what I mean. Turkey dinner is a very good reason to finally finish the dishes. There isn't much left to do, just... it's the point of the thing. Then I can get on to the rest of the kitchen.
Later.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
A few things.
.
.
While discussing things with my mom a bit more lately, and doing this and that, I finally tried to buy tickets for her visit. The last time, and $70 dollars cheaper, the deal simply would NOT go through. I did not call her to discuss which days, what times, or any such. That... leads to disaster. I simply bought them and sent the confirmation information to a friend out there who acts as an email collector for her in these matters. The money I sent... yesterday? Monday? She has it. I was a bit worried, she needed it by Thursday, gas for a medical appointment or some such. She tried to work on top of social security but they ended up taking out $300 of the $400 she was making, plus more mistakenly, kicking her off one of her medical plans, taking away her prescription plan, making it so the cost to work was more just in gas than what she was making. All that shorted her a quarter of her meager income. Yeah, I don't support socialism, but for those who are on it to be jerked around like that is a whole other issue. She's 70 for heavens sakes, let her work for her health if nothing else! As I said, I wish I could do more. She has some coming back, after they realized they had not just jacked her but shorted her even more... when they get around to paying her back.
Anyway, I got the tickets and the money out that I have meant to get out. Now... to figure out new tires. I will be watching my accounts and perhaps making an appointment for that for the 1st. Some of it may have to be on credit. On the good side my sole credit card is down to less than a quarter of it's max and by then will be down to a fifth, all give or take. It's a humble card and I will keep it that way. After that, all I have to do is make preparations and have some savings in line to make her visit comfortable and edifying. We both love food. Perhaps I will have menudo and tortillas down to a science by then and can make her a Mexican meal in trade for three of hers? I won't win that contest but trying is good enough for moms... of any age.
On my birthday card she indicated "from your favorite mother". Not so much. I have one mother. I have other types of women who played their roles, to whom I am grateful, but I... only have one mom. No favoritism is needed. It's known by the big hug and goober kiss. Moms, what can you do with that?
Later.
.
While discussing things with my mom a bit more lately, and doing this and that, I finally tried to buy tickets for her visit. The last time, and $70 dollars cheaper, the deal simply would NOT go through. I did not call her to discuss which days, what times, or any such. That... leads to disaster. I simply bought them and sent the confirmation information to a friend out there who acts as an email collector for her in these matters. The money I sent... yesterday? Monday? She has it. I was a bit worried, she needed it by Thursday, gas for a medical appointment or some such. She tried to work on top of social security but they ended up taking out $300 of the $400 she was making, plus more mistakenly, kicking her off one of her medical plans, taking away her prescription plan, making it so the cost to work was more just in gas than what she was making. All that shorted her a quarter of her meager income. Yeah, I don't support socialism, but for those who are on it to be jerked around like that is a whole other issue. She's 70 for heavens sakes, let her work for her health if nothing else! As I said, I wish I could do more. She has some coming back, after they realized they had not just jacked her but shorted her even more... when they get around to paying her back.
Anyway, I got the tickets and the money out that I have meant to get out. Now... to figure out new tires. I will be watching my accounts and perhaps making an appointment for that for the 1st. Some of it may have to be on credit. On the good side my sole credit card is down to less than a quarter of it's max and by then will be down to a fifth, all give or take. It's a humble card and I will keep it that way. After that, all I have to do is make preparations and have some savings in line to make her visit comfortable and edifying. We both love food. Perhaps I will have menudo and tortillas down to a science by then and can make her a Mexican meal in trade for three of hers? I won't win that contest but trying is good enough for moms... of any age.
On my birthday card she indicated "from your favorite mother". Not so much. I have one mother. I have other types of women who played their roles, to whom I am grateful, but I... only have one mom. No favoritism is needed. It's known by the big hug and goober kiss. Moms, what can you do with that?
Later.
Looking over my shoulder?
.
.
The term goes both ways. I do get a bit uptight about things, and to some degree, shouldn't. I might learn to better handle my reactions. Looking back, or over my shoulder, some of this is simple to spot and certain. While I do have some sort of link with God it certainly doesn't gain me access to certainty, even when I focus, pray, read the catechism, read the bible, then put it all together. A blind man on a balance beam with one hand tied behind his back, all of his own doing? To a degree. All of this lead me to question what is good. What is a good deed?
The other part of looking over my shoulder is that while I sometimes do it to myself, God is always doing it. Oh, I don't think of it as a parent looking over my shoulder. Wait. Actually, that is very much how I see it, only a perfect Parent. If the Lord knows, I had parents who really tried. Yes, I see God over my shoulder when I look. But God doesn't have a smiling face or a long face, unlike what many seem to believe. No, He just Is. So, what do I receive from perceiving God looking over my shoulder? Ah, a reminder of what Is and what He wants. If I am a child, He is not. In physical, civil, secular terms, at least for me, seeing God there is similar to looking up at a mountain from it's base, or looking around out in the middle of the ocean, or watching a huge storm. It is humbling, settling too, and puts the world, all, and me in place, our places. He brings order.
So, what is a good deed? Some will say helping people. Others say "helping the planet" is a good deed. There are many schools of thought, but most fail in part or in whole. A quick search at a search engine lead to anti-war people, questions, and groups. No, if God were to be of the laughing sort, this would surely cause Him to grin, then grimace, then become very angry I should think. It refutes His very will from times past, possibly present, and the times to come. Christ will cause blood to flow in the streets, if not directly through warfare but through His will it seems, if due to the threat of obliteration. I knew I had read the right answer somewhere before, at least as I see things. The Catechism? Maybe, but where is it and how to find the topic in such a big book? A very short trip found the book in my hand before I had actually started the search. I merely entered the next room to begin contemplating where I might have placed the book, from there to go and begin my search. My left hand had it in hand before I truly realized I had found it or even started contemplating which room to search for it. Well, at least God didn't throw it at me. :p
A very short search within the book itself and, there it is. The chapter title, if I can call it a chapter, was 'Good Acts and Evil Acts". Well, yeah. A bit of reading made me sure this is where I had seen what I approved as an answer before. I've read the book twice, and searched it while reading the bible many times. Still, it is rather more than memory can contain, if some notions stick pretty well, like this one. An act, as the Catechism puts it, is split into three parts. The first part is the object. This can be a self-contained act, the example it gives is fornication which is always an evil act. The other parts of an act may include the end, and circumstances. If a man prays and fasts, for example, that would seem to be a good act. But if he does it to be seen by men, then... not so much. As well, if someone does an evil, but it is done under duress, that would have an effect on the level of corruption. Much as the amount that is stolen will have a moral and legal affect on judging the action.
I am not sure I am getting it exactly right. But that is the crux of it, some of it nearly verbatim. Why is this on my mind? It's that looking over my own shoulder thing at the moment. I am trying to square some circles, I just didn't have the right tools at hand. Now I do and can move on to the next set of issues to be defined, tackled, unknotted. At least I know where to go, for my purposes, in my belief.
One notion that bothers me is that it is suggested that if another man is doing wrong, that a personal conversation to clarify the actor's action and understanding, and to attempt to have the actor cease what he is doing wrong. I would hope others would do this with me, and I will do likewise. Beyond that, the next step is to take the issue up with the Church. These steps are not intended for suspicion, though snotty behavior might be included. It is then their job to set the thing straight. An issue I have here is, what about a Presbyterian and a Lutheran? Can they speak to each other in such a manner? Catholic and Baptist? No, I don't have an answer, only a question. My guess is it would depend on many factors, rightly or wrongly. It is a troubling thought.
Hmm, on to my day. I did get the litter policed, the girls need more food now, and I will reset the dishes to a fresh soak. I am extremely tired today. I turned the furnace up a bit, for a while, though I think I blew it. I need a blast of hot air, for say an hour, not a breath of warm for a while. I need to drive the cold out of my body, first thing, then let the house cool down. My body just has to warm up a bit before it can maintain boiler temps and I didn't do that well this time. Trial and error, the stuff life is made of?
Later.
.
The term goes both ways. I do get a bit uptight about things, and to some degree, shouldn't. I might learn to better handle my reactions. Looking back, or over my shoulder, some of this is simple to spot and certain. While I do have some sort of link with God it certainly doesn't gain me access to certainty, even when I focus, pray, read the catechism, read the bible, then put it all together. A blind man on a balance beam with one hand tied behind his back, all of his own doing? To a degree. All of this lead me to question what is good. What is a good deed?
The other part of looking over my shoulder is that while I sometimes do it to myself, God is always doing it. Oh, I don't think of it as a parent looking over my shoulder. Wait. Actually, that is very much how I see it, only a perfect Parent. If the Lord knows, I had parents who really tried. Yes, I see God over my shoulder when I look. But God doesn't have a smiling face or a long face, unlike what many seem to believe. No, He just Is. So, what do I receive from perceiving God looking over my shoulder? Ah, a reminder of what Is and what He wants. If I am a child, He is not. In physical, civil, secular terms, at least for me, seeing God there is similar to looking up at a mountain from it's base, or looking around out in the middle of the ocean, or watching a huge storm. It is humbling, settling too, and puts the world, all, and me in place, our places. He brings order.
So, what is a good deed? Some will say helping people. Others say "helping the planet" is a good deed. There are many schools of thought, but most fail in part or in whole. A quick search at a search engine lead to anti-war people, questions, and groups. No, if God were to be of the laughing sort, this would surely cause Him to grin, then grimace, then become very angry I should think. It refutes His very will from times past, possibly present, and the times to come. Christ will cause blood to flow in the streets, if not directly through warfare but through His will it seems, if due to the threat of obliteration. I knew I had read the right answer somewhere before, at least as I see things. The Catechism? Maybe, but where is it and how to find the topic in such a big book? A very short trip found the book in my hand before I had actually started the search. I merely entered the next room to begin contemplating where I might have placed the book, from there to go and begin my search. My left hand had it in hand before I truly realized I had found it or even started contemplating which room to search for it. Well, at least God didn't throw it at me. :p
A very short search within the book itself and, there it is. The chapter title, if I can call it a chapter, was 'Good Acts and Evil Acts". Well, yeah. A bit of reading made me sure this is where I had seen what I approved as an answer before. I've read the book twice, and searched it while reading the bible many times. Still, it is rather more than memory can contain, if some notions stick pretty well, like this one. An act, as the Catechism puts it, is split into three parts. The first part is the object. This can be a self-contained act, the example it gives is fornication which is always an evil act. The other parts of an act may include the end, and circumstances. If a man prays and fasts, for example, that would seem to be a good act. But if he does it to be seen by men, then... not so much. As well, if someone does an evil, but it is done under duress, that would have an effect on the level of corruption. Much as the amount that is stolen will have a moral and legal affect on judging the action.
I am not sure I am getting it exactly right. But that is the crux of it, some of it nearly verbatim. Why is this on my mind? It's that looking over my own shoulder thing at the moment. I am trying to square some circles, I just didn't have the right tools at hand. Now I do and can move on to the next set of issues to be defined, tackled, unknotted. At least I know where to go, for my purposes, in my belief.
One notion that bothers me is that it is suggested that if another man is doing wrong, that a personal conversation to clarify the actor's action and understanding, and to attempt to have the actor cease what he is doing wrong. I would hope others would do this with me, and I will do likewise. Beyond that, the next step is to take the issue up with the Church. These steps are not intended for suspicion, though snotty behavior might be included. It is then their job to set the thing straight. An issue I have here is, what about a Presbyterian and a Lutheran? Can they speak to each other in such a manner? Catholic and Baptist? No, I don't have an answer, only a question. My guess is it would depend on many factors, rightly or wrongly. It is a troubling thought.
Hmm, on to my day. I did get the litter policed, the girls need more food now, and I will reset the dishes to a fresh soak. I am extremely tired today. I turned the furnace up a bit, for a while, though I think I blew it. I need a blast of hot air, for say an hour, not a breath of warm for a while. I need to drive the cold out of my body, first thing, then let the house cool down. My body just has to warm up a bit before it can maintain boiler temps and I didn't do that well this time. Trial and error, the stuff life is made of?
Later.
Dreams.
.
.
I don't remember many of the dreams, only that there were many. I woke throughout the night, from time to time, seemingly for no reason, which is unusual itself. Usually I sleep solid, save once or twice a week, and usually less often actually, waking to relieve myself. Last night was simply a very odd sleep cycle. Through the night I sort of counted the dreams as well as I could. My most definite count is at least seven independent dreams that I recalled, and knowing I dreamed more after that but never waking well enough after the definitive count to count them beyond that point. I am guessing as many as twelve full length dreams, if all content is lost save the one I wrote about. As I was waking this morning, as if to let me know that dreamscapes can't be completely put into abeyance by consciousness, time seemed to fast forward to Sam dying of old age, then another of me dying when the girls were too old to be taken in by others. Just a harsh punch on the nose to let me know even an awake mind can be jacked?
Never mind. I slept well and am rested. I have shaken the morning psychic slam. Hey, the girls are all I have. Feeding the girls was done posthaste, not for the dream, simply that is what I try to do. They are really into the feed lately, probably a fall thing. Most animals see winter and begin feeding more heavily I would guess? The girls have been heavily feeding, come to think of it, since mid to late August. I have been keeping up with their demands since they were pretty light feeders for much of the summer. Oh, I need to remember to clean out their litter box right after feeding them. Make the whole process one chore rather than two, since the one chore seems automatic in good or bad health, that would make it much easier than splitting the two tasks into their own efforts.
My blood sugar was high this morning. At 142, it is the highest I have seen it since I began monitoring it. My weight is staying at 260. My guess is the 'snack foods' provide the wrong type of carbohydrates, much as Gatorade does. So, when I am finished with them I will not be buying more of them. Seriously, I can drink regular soda and live on candy bars for a week during a bad downward cycle without raising my blood sugar, but a month of eating 'healthy' bars to supplement a diet and my blood sugars bump harshly? No wonder no one knows what diabetes is about. One of my organs, in the mid-upper left side of my torso (from my perspective) seems to be twitching. It does it regardless of blood sugars, from time to time, anyway. My guess is blood pressure causes the vessel feeding into it to surge, causing slight pain to the organ and to the surrounding tissue. A little burning and sometimes a more solid sharp pain at an irregular if somewhat cyclical rate is the deal. I should look at an anatomical diagram to see if I can guess which organ it is. It isn't the only, what I believe to be, organ to do that, it is just the most typical. Old 'cars' simply have problems. At least I am not leaking oil or gas, yet.
I am setting the alarm for 6:00 and trying to wake at that time as I see the opportunity to make landfall into a day schedule. I couldn't wake at 6:00 this morning, maybe because of the dreams, perhaps because of the sleep disturbances. I reset the alarm and was able to wake at 7:00, to much rejoicing from the girls. I have to hand it to them, they do try to help me wake... if for their own reasons. Sassy is on a tear, Sam is over trying to figure out if she wants to stay awake or nap. Sassy is very careful NOT TO MESS with Sam at these times. Sassy loses hard, even having the tear-factor, being younger, and weighing 50% more with all else being equal. Let... sleeping cats lie? Who knew?
Well, on to another attempt to get at the work needed. Whoa though... I just realized it is chilly! I may have to set the furnace to fire a bit in the mornings. Just an hour or two runtime to make waking just a bit easier. It still gets a bit warm and stuffy some afternoons so I can't quite take the ac out yet and I need to be careful to just knock the chill down when running the furnace. Gotta love the season changes, and I do. They at least try to keep me on my toes. Good day.
.
I don't remember many of the dreams, only that there were many. I woke throughout the night, from time to time, seemingly for no reason, which is unusual itself. Usually I sleep solid, save once or twice a week, and usually less often actually, waking to relieve myself. Last night was simply a very odd sleep cycle. Through the night I sort of counted the dreams as well as I could. My most definite count is at least seven independent dreams that I recalled, and knowing I dreamed more after that but never waking well enough after the definitive count to count them beyond that point. I am guessing as many as twelve full length dreams, if all content is lost save the one I wrote about. As I was waking this morning, as if to let me know that dreamscapes can't be completely put into abeyance by consciousness, time seemed to fast forward to Sam dying of old age, then another of me dying when the girls were too old to be taken in by others. Just a harsh punch on the nose to let me know even an awake mind can be jacked?
Never mind. I slept well and am rested. I have shaken the morning psychic slam. Hey, the girls are all I have. Feeding the girls was done posthaste, not for the dream, simply that is what I try to do. They are really into the feed lately, probably a fall thing. Most animals see winter and begin feeding more heavily I would guess? The girls have been heavily feeding, come to think of it, since mid to late August. I have been keeping up with their demands since they were pretty light feeders for much of the summer. Oh, I need to remember to clean out their litter box right after feeding them. Make the whole process one chore rather than two, since the one chore seems automatic in good or bad health, that would make it much easier than splitting the two tasks into their own efforts.
My blood sugar was high this morning. At 142, it is the highest I have seen it since I began monitoring it. My weight is staying at 260. My guess is the 'snack foods' provide the wrong type of carbohydrates, much as Gatorade does. So, when I am finished with them I will not be buying more of them. Seriously, I can drink regular soda and live on candy bars for a week during a bad downward cycle without raising my blood sugar, but a month of eating 'healthy' bars to supplement a diet and my blood sugars bump harshly? No wonder no one knows what diabetes is about. One of my organs, in the mid-upper left side of my torso (from my perspective) seems to be twitching. It does it regardless of blood sugars, from time to time, anyway. My guess is blood pressure causes the vessel feeding into it to surge, causing slight pain to the organ and to the surrounding tissue. A little burning and sometimes a more solid sharp pain at an irregular if somewhat cyclical rate is the deal. I should look at an anatomical diagram to see if I can guess which organ it is. It isn't the only, what I believe to be, organ to do that, it is just the most typical. Old 'cars' simply have problems. At least I am not leaking oil or gas, yet.
I am setting the alarm for 6:00 and trying to wake at that time as I see the opportunity to make landfall into a day schedule. I couldn't wake at 6:00 this morning, maybe because of the dreams, perhaps because of the sleep disturbances. I reset the alarm and was able to wake at 7:00, to much rejoicing from the girls. I have to hand it to them, they do try to help me wake... if for their own reasons. Sassy is on a tear, Sam is over trying to figure out if she wants to stay awake or nap. Sassy is very careful NOT TO MESS with Sam at these times. Sassy loses hard, even having the tear-factor, being younger, and weighing 50% more with all else being equal. Let... sleeping cats lie? Who knew?
Well, on to another attempt to get at the work needed. Whoa though... I just realized it is chilly! I may have to set the furnace to fire a bit in the mornings. Just an hour or two runtime to make waking just a bit easier. It still gets a bit warm and stuffy some afternoons so I can't quite take the ac out yet and I need to be careful to just knock the chill down when running the furnace. Gotta love the season changes, and I do. They at least try to keep me on my toes. Good day.
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