Some days you win, some days you lose.

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Some days, like today, you split the difference and, I think, come out smelling like a rose.  Well, okay, an ogre rose.  And, no, a rose is not a rose is not a rose.  Trust me.  I was up until almost 22:30 last night.  Subjectively, that is good as that is the latest I have been able to stay up.  Objectively I didn't wake until 9:00 or so yesterday, so my day wasn't longer, just adjusted.  But that isn't the thing.  I had hoped to wake at 6:00 this morning.  Nope.  Oddly, I woke at 5:30 to void, feeling pretty good and sure I would wake at 6:00, I wanted that last half hour of sleep.  Nope.  I didn't wake until 8:00, the alarm still bleating.  At first I couldn't get traction.  By 8:30 I had enough mojo to get the trash together and out, then took that first group to the curb.  But needing to change cat litter I wanted to hurry and get that done.  Which I did, and it is out in the bin at the curb.  Fine.  I am all but sure I beat the garbage truck.  But, I wasn't awake by 6:00, or even on task for another two and a half hours.  All good.

I'm not sure what to do today.  Dishes still languish.  There aren't that many, either.  Just standing is a chore right now, and has been for a while.  As I said, just taking a shower has been a test, and for most of this summer, even when I got ac in.  That comes and goes in my life.  It is odd, now, to look back on my life with the new medical information and begin to make sense of things.  Some of it will never make sense, corrupted and missing memory, the odd reasoning of other people, heck even my doctors knew what my real medical problem was with a high percentage of probability and simply didn't tell me... long ago.  At least 12 to 15 years ago, and I am guessing minimally though very possibly the first doctors to review my case knew.  It is just that what doctors did for bad hearts back in the day, possibly, they guessed, was worse than what the disease would do?  Did they even stop to consider the problems with giving a heart patient a psychiatric diagnosis?  The social costs?  Still, it worked out, but it could have been a bit more smooth.  I will never know, for certain.  But just in my life, things that happened or didn't, what I did and couldn't, some things make perfect sense now.

The cats have been fed.  Sam was unceremoniously put outside for trying to gag herself into a vomit to get me to feed them.  Sassy might be annoying when she isn't fed, Sam just does passive aggressive things that absolutely annoy me.  Still, she just wants to go outside anyway, so... win-win for her.  Plus she knows even if I tell her I won't feed her every time I pass her outside dealing with trash that, when I am finished with trash... brunch on the patio.  Brat.  Sassy doesn't like this particular food all that well.  Same brand, different texture or flavor than her favorites I suppose.  So, she eats a bit, then storms around the house until she realizes I have her on ignore, then goes back and eats a bit more, then does it all over again.  An hour after she is out?  She begs for more.  Hehe.  Must be nice to be a cat... or a woman... in some ways.  Hey, just... saying...

Well, I should... get to something.  Even if something is more of nothing.  Good day.