Up early, in the right sense of the term.

.
.
I am still in a miserable physical state due to the expensive rocket launch.  *blink*  Getting better, slowly.  Going to bed just a bit after 22:00 seems to have been right.  A long day yesterday, too little sleep the night before this eve, but it is working out.  If I can just keep it at this pace.  The thing is, as the world heats up, I often, usually... always... lose control.  If I can figure out how to keep my world cool, though, that might... be better managed.  It has taken years for me to get enough items and such in play to have a chance at keeping my world cool.  Actually, there is one last thing I wish to add yet this year... a heavier duty cool-duty humidifier.  Coupled with the window ac and fans, it might pay really well.

Today?  Still resting.  Hopefully I will get to more today than yesterday.  It will help that I have meat thawed.  In an hour or two, after I have more fully waken, I was thinking eggs and chops... pork chops.  Yum!  Hungry, even now.  This evening I will probably grill the beef ribs.  Tomorrow it will be beef flanks.  Yeah... when I eat, either by hook or charity, I eat well.  :)  Oh, don't harsh on my mellow with jealousy.  You eat more, and more often, than I do even in my dreams.  Imagine only eating four to ten times a week, max... or not eating at all, save three times now (if you can eat then, that is), for weeks.  Don bee jeluz, Lucy.

Well, on to... something.  Be well.

Very strange.

.
.
The thermostat and another thermometer both read between 72 and 73 today.  Now, for me, that is, usually, especially for as cool as it has been, a warm temp.  Actually, generally, this time of year, for me, it is hot.  And yet all day I have been fighting the chills, and losing.  It made doing anything a struggle.  Thus little was done.  I hadn't planned on much.  I did less.

On the good side, I woke relatively early and am about to go to bed at a good time.  A good time, as I define it, is a time which makes maintaining a day schedule more likely.  I have to work hard to do very simple things.  Things you take for granted, or mostly.  Even so, I often... no, I will... fail.  It's just a matter of time.  It's like going swimming in the ocean for the first time, not knowing about the true power of the waves, undercurrents, and such.  No, you will go down.  So it is with me, often.  And yet I don't quit.  Do my best, push and pull actively and passively.  When failure occurs, rinse and repeat as able.

Oh, I had a strange dream, between a few moments.  She asked if I thought I could make her happy.  I laughed.  No man will make you happy!  So, no, I won't.  I would merely be able to fulfill your nature as a woman to be a wife and mother, God willing.  I would be able to keep finances and the relationship in check and going, with a little help.  But, definitely not as to making or keeping her happy.  I think they know this.  Oh, just because a question is asked, doesn't mean anything is in play.  I think it was... interesting.  Not in that way, just in the attention garnered.  A terror then, possibly still now a bit, to be in a spotlight.  But, now, just a curiosity.  I do believe.  Still, that was the question and answer.  It's like I hit REM sleep between this, and that, second... somehow.

All good.  Good night.

Up well and early.

.
.
Going down so late after such a long day, I wasn't sure when I would wake.  When I am doing better, it is usually earlier... or closer to what has been the schedule.  I guess, given that I am up well before I would have predicted and bedtime would have dictated, I am doing well.  It doesn't, exactly, feel like it.  My torso is still in recovery.  The lovehandles to the core are all just a bit ticklish after the exercise in movements.  Drop that boom, lad!  Oh well.

Today?  Rest, mostly, and gaming.  I know there are things I could do.  I also know I need a little breather.  Perhaps another load of laundry.  Maybe some dishes.  I could get to the toilet, finishing that as I please.  And I may.  Those tasks won't break into my rest unless I force march all of them, in a hurry, altogether.  The question is whether I'll remember, then stay on focus, to do all or even one of those.  The mind is an awful thing with a stressed body.  I used to be able to operate while running long hours, and operate well.  That isn't so much the case these days.

Oh, and I ought to get something out to thaw for a few meals.  Chops for the grill, a pound of burger for... some... weird mix, oh and beef ribs for the grill.  Cook it all and live off it like a king... it's a good way to go, imho.  Later.

Late.

.
.
I have been keeping my days in line.  Time has been, however, slowly edging over.  At almost 3:00, this might be the start of sleeping days again.  It always happens, just a matter of time.  I only have a few pieces of business to attend before I go dark, or that is the hope.  I have found that the world, no matter my intent or it's designs, works quite well without me.  Still, I prefer to offer input on some things.

I did get the check for the meat out today.  It is good to have that tended.  Now to really consider whether a new freezer is in line.  I think it is, even if it is going to be temporary.  I will go cheap, as I will be moving within a year or two.  No choice.  I can't seem to afford medicine even if I can afford a doctor.  And, the state, now that they have been sicked on me, must do what it must do.  So I will be losing my license.

Anyway... I will be putting much of this beef up as jerk.  Freezing that on top of it.  I hope to have enough beef jerky, along with some of my other stores, to last the first year, maybe two, wherever I go.  I figure, renting a climate controlled storage unit, or one on both sides of the state, hitching and camping between the two, should set me up fairly well.  Plus, access to some cash from time to time.  Wintering over as a house-sitter, if possible, or renting if not.

Oh, while out, I did manage to find a smaller tube of silicone.  I will use that along the trim of the toilet and floor, as well as for the toilet seat bolts.  I have another bead of calk further under the toilet body... two just seemed better than one.  The outer one is the only one I can redo, though, without having to use another wax seal.  It isn't necessary though, either, I don't believe.  Now to completely wash the toilet again.  I want it super clean before working with it.

Bedtime.  Good night.

I was wondering.

.
.
I woke in some distress this morning.  Even through the night I could tell something was awfully wrong.  Pains in my stomach, lower torso in general.  Something was very off.  Has an organ finally quit?  Bleeding or spillage of something unhappy?  Sure, being up long hours, then getting ready and out, to the butcher and store, and having to shove all the way... yeah.  But that shouldn't affect my stomach.  Then I remembered.  Yesterday morning I had an epic b.m.  I was nearly literally doing a crunch for between 45 and and hour yesterday.  Brutal.  I didn't know I had that kind of torso strength and endurance left to me.  Yep.  If something I have done was ever going to kill me, within the last five years, that was it.  So, now, my lower ribs to the top of my hip-bones all know they let a big one get away.  Oh, I should be careful.  Making myself laugh hurts.  But it hurts so good!

I don't mind pain, less when I can place the cause, even less if I agree with the reason.  For this, it's all good.  I think I ate too little for too long, then ate beans, burger, and cheese without anything to cut it for a couple of days, then stopped eating again.  Masticated glue, and a large bundle of it.  All I'm saying the more.

Shopping yesterday.  All the usuals.  Milk, butter, and now fruit.  Mostly citrus this time.  There are some... weird, orange like, fruits that...  I tried them several times back.  They taste like oranges used to, to my mind.  Fantastic.  Golden nuggets?  Something like that, I think.  Fuggly, but tasty.  Grapefruit, again.  If you don't like grapefruit, you probably have never peeled it then peeled the sections themselves.  Divine fruit, at least that way.  Still, from time to time, I like the bitter.  Keeps my force in alignment, and when I need a sour look, I have a memory to focus the need upon.  :p

I forgot to pay for the beef, and hog, too!  I just ran out of my mind.  The stomach had worn me, the extra effort of being out and about, and I am still running eighteen to twenty two hour days.  Brutal, but beautiful.  I love it when I, for me, can hit the limits then keep going.  Oh, I'll fail.  I won't get it all, hit every ball, make every base, succeed on every steal... but I'll play my heart out.  And I am.  So, today, I need to call, a bit later, to find the best time to bring payment by... today, tomorrow, at his discretion.  It's good to have these things done.  Oh, and I need to ponder whether another freezer is needed.  I am thinking it is.  Maybe a stand up this time, even if a lot spendier.  Bleh.

Well... Off with their heads!  Uhrm, wait.  That isn't my line.  The mind whirls as I wake.  Anywhile.  Later, and good day.

Still a bit rough and tumble.

.
.
No, I didn't get to much yesterday.  A good start, then nothing.  Though I have cut my "days" in half, they are still very long.  Albeit I would rather run long than have three or four micro-days in an actual day.  That is... really disorienting.  Long days are a serious strain however.  It's spring, those are my choices.  All or nothing, sometimes.  If I can, I will almost always pick all.  Lately, that choice has been available, and chosen.

Still, my heart isn't hurting like it was.  Those forty eights were really taking a toll.  Don't think they would cause death, just discomfort.  But great discomfort, more so stacked wall to wall.  A good day of sleep in there helps.  The longest such trip I have taken, when I was younger, was ten days up.  Don't believe the notion that sleep deprivation can kill you.  Especially if you have experienced it and learned how to deal with it... both in sickness and health.  Not in a few days, it won't kill you, anyway.  There is a disease that makes it so people can't get REM sleep, and really no sleep at some point.  They slowly go mad, dreaming while awake.  Even that takes... a year, years, sometimes longer.  They become living poltergeists, lost spirits trapped in flesh.  Truly.  So, while ten days is... something... different... even that isn't all that special.  Just not normal, or normally available for most.

Many of the things I do in life that are... different... aren't so much of a choice, or a decision... only one of several options, often none of them better.  Choosing between the fire and the pan may seem easy.  However, the fire, while it might hurt more, is over more quickly.  Unless you have been there, be cautious with your judgments.  It'll hit you right between the eyes, at some point, when you are forced into the same, or a similar, situation.

The beef is in!  Well, it's at the butcher.  I will meet with some folk today to arrange for the cutting.  Could have done it online, but for me, I know nothing.  Clan reps who will be sharing out the beef will be there.  Whaught?  Didn't know Mormons had clans?  This Is the Highlands!  :p  Anyway, should be fun.  For me, as best I can tell, I want ribeye, inch and an half... chuck roast, all I can get... almost all other roasts cut to jerky meat, though a roast or steak mix they advise, let's just say I will take their advice... the rest into burger.  Though soup bones would be quite good, and any organ meat they might offer.

I will put another load of laundry in.  I hope to go shopping after visiting the butcher.  And that will be that.  But, first, to wake.  Good day.

Little sleep, long hours, but better.

.
.
Once I realized I was slipping my mortal coil by slipping past sleep, I exited that gig stage right.  Well, as I was able.  I'm still riding the wind at a terrible pace.  Eighteen hour days are hard on the old bod.  The choice, however, is that or three to six hour shifts up and down, neither ever asleep or awake.  I'll take the stronger, tea or coffee of life, that is.  Keep the mild, milquetoast, numb, bland.  I'll die either way:)  I'd just rather die screaming, awake, and even if in mechanical error, it is better to die active than to sleep to death.  Well, perhaps others would rather go out gently.  Not I.  Hopefully not too painfully, but even that?  I'd rather die roasting than to not even know I died.  I certainly hope for a... middle ground... mind you.

Up since 2:00 or 3:00?  Wait, no... 5:00, perhaps nigh on 6:00.  Almost woke earlier, but I know I need a bit more sleep so forced myself down.  Sometimes that works, rarely.  It's just that I have been pushing long enough hours so that I am in shape to negotiate.

Today is a holiday, so I can't get in.  However, I might get a check out.  I will be paying for my first beef this month.  I just need to arrange the cuts.  Excited.  Exciting.  I'd like to get a lot of it for jerky, then hamburger, ribeye, and... I don't know?  I actually probably should just speak with them, in person.  I hate the phone.  A shower, too.  Maybe to town, a bit of shopping?  Yeah, but not quite yet.

I hope you have some small celebration, or a big one.  Remembering those from the past and the present.  Be well.

Sleep should be good.

.
.
Only the dead, the ones you have seen, sleep better.  I have been pushing.  Though today and yesterday I kept it to about eighteen hours.  I think?  Anyway.  Even that is pushing things.  I am doing some work, here and there.  I stepped on the pedal... stomped.  Now to figure out how to apply the breaks, but not just stop.  Then... then how to go at a measured pace.  The weather is still fighting me.  Dark, cool, and almost June.

Hmm, looks like the plan will work.

.
.
To bed in the time range I wished.  I did finally put the laundry into the dryer.  Oh, and I made an attempt at another project.  While cleaning the bathroom today, beside removing the toilet seat, which snap attaches to fittings bolted to the toilet body.  Well, this time I decided to take the bolts off and clean those as well.  More, I had hoped to silicon calk around the top side of the toilet boil where those fit down.  I couldn't remember where the calk was, so was going to wait.

However, frugality got the best of me.  I decided to look for what I had, attempt to make that work, even as old as that is.  I did find it.  I was able to dig deeply enough to hit fresh.  I got some to flow.  I think the way the canister was designed (?), at some point the tube simply can't be emptied further.  I was... putting extreme stress on the calk gun while getting no results.  Then I thought back.  Desert Cat suggested Goop.  A... multivariable, multi-formula line of material for adhesion and/or water proofing.  I found one tube of that.  Now, while it was waterproof, it also indicated that it was, pretty much, permanent.  Now, while I would like to think a toilet seat would last a lifetime, or that the bolts would so that I could simply switch out a seat, I wouldn't want to bet replacing a $400 toilet on my assumption.  When you weigh 300, and you are trying to get both the best physical fit and the best flushing toilet, you pay for it.  Trust me, that wasn't luxury.  Luxury is the $1,200 heated seat, or the even more expensive one which literally washes your behind, with warmed water.  A bidet, I think they are called?  Too tired to check, will forget before I do.  A French thing, not sure many others in Europe really digged the idea?

Anyway.  That didn't work.  I did give it a heck of a go.  It wasn't from a lack of effort.  What I have just didn't work.  This time, when I look for calk, I'm hoping to do research to see if something else would do.  A smaller amount of it, perhaps.  Cheaper.  I hate spending that for a one time use.  Though that may be that for that.

I did do some things today.  But the little effort really did hit hard.  Up too long, for too long, too often.  On the good side, the shower took care of my 'dusty eyes'.  I was starting to wonder about my vision.  The shiners just needed sprayed off and out.

Working isn't working out.

.
.
Oh, one load of dishes... a meal cooked and half eaten... and a shower.  That shower was divine.  I still have to dry the laundry.  Bleh.  I might be able to sleep after eighteen hours up today.  I am hoping.  I think?  Did I wake at 21:00?  I... can't remember... or was that when I went to bed.  Yeah, the brain is getting fuzzy.  Anyway, the goal is to go to bed at 21:00~23:00 tonight.  Oh, I did some serious cleaning in the bathroom.  There was that too.

Just... writing something.  I did notice that a bunch of videos have been viewed, involving my... notions of my having a 'different nature'.  Yeah, well.  I've told you boys and girls.  I have evidence.  Mostly dead men... not so much shouldn't... but can't do what I can do.  Heck, healthy people can't.  Now, they can function more often, just not as... hmm... not even sure how to say it.  My mother noticed it, when I was young.  She hoped like hell I didn't turn out bad and tried to forget as fast as her stunned mind could allow.  Now she is just... suspicious.  Knows I'm not... human... probably.  No test for such a thing, it's just that humans die when they do, or don't do, some things.  In my 20's I stayed up for 10 days.

As I have said, I was accepted into the hipster vamp groups out East because I could do what they did but without drugs.  Never used them, didn't need them.  Still don't, it seems.  *grins*  Anywhile, later.

Yeah, still kicking.

.
.
As in alive.  I fell three hours short of a back-to-back pair of 48 hour runs with but nine hours sleep between.  Then again, that first "48" was more like 51 iirc, immss.  I slept nine hours "this last night" as well.  Could just be spring in the air?  The in the world, the sun and weather aren't behaving the part of spring, to my body's senses.  Yet my body KNOWS it's spring.  So... after waiting patiently, it sprung?  Don't know.  Could be.  Anyway, it'll sort out in time.

When waking, I really thought about not playing today.  Just working.  But... nah.  However, I am not going to let this wakefulness opportunity slip my grasp, either.  While I will play, I will also work.  Oh?  Don't believe?  Fie you away!  I've already started.  I cleared and cleaned the toilet, took dirty laundry back and started a load, I have set up to take a shower, I broke down the packages for my new tea and flour cloth kitchen towels and put those back to wash, I am soaking a few dishes which were missed in my usual (now) precleaning, and hoping to get to dishes later.  I've gone through my produce... lemons are done, onions and grapefruit remain to be "tested", apples were gone... tossing and sorting.  Oh, I need to get the basket catches hung, and buy small chain for that the next time I am in town.  It makes sorting fruits and veggies a lot easier.  So... yeah.

Now, that little physical assault on the cave has left me worn.  A shower, finishing that load of laundry, and maybe another, is probably it.  Though, maybe, later, a trip to town... or tomorrow.  Not bad, not bad at all for the living dead.  While some dogs could not hear the horn, and back from the hunt... and some dogs could not break free...  I have been a wonder dog, able to chase, and return, well beyond master and "peer".  Even I, though, must know when to let the fox slip the hunt.  Or... is it I who must give up my ghost to the hunt?  From time to time, I suppose, I have known each.  Today I am letting the fox slip.  The goal is no more than a 24 hour day.  *wink*

Later.

Six more and it would be a 48 pack.

.
.
Nah, I think I'm about to go down.  Nothing fancy.  I'm not hurting or grumpy.  A little numb, perhaps.  Less numb than without the game, though.  I was drifting between wakefulness and sleep, never finding either.  Now I am much more, comparatively, awake.  And when I sleep, there is no doubt.  I get slapped so hard into the dirt I don't see the shadow of the hand, forget about the hand itself.  I'd actually like to make it a few more hours.  That should be possible.  If I was still talking to my docs, they'd be telling me not only should I not do this, but that I can't do it.  They know my diagnosis better than I.  But they don't know... hmm... much.

I am hoping to get to town soon.  A bit of shopping... sides for with the duck... regular perishables...  I have everything I need if I absolutely can't get to town.  But this food isn't bought to enjoy.  It merely allows one to bid time until a better solution avails itself, or is scratched out.  Still, worst come to pass, it will do.  And it will do for quite some time.

I thought about using beer, again.  But it had no affect.  Yeah, as fast as I drank that six pack, I didn't get a very quick light buzz.  Two beers, for me, is less than half a beer for most men, though, for perspective.  Three beers is about a beer, me  to a standard man.  Just size, mostly.  Which means, most of the last few years, I usually really only have a "beer".  I don't even always finish "it".  Still, it really didn't get me down.  Tasted good though.  Which is part of why I drink the stuff.  Better than soda.  Actually, I think of it as the proper means by which men should consume wheat.  Pasta isn't bad, it just doesn't bite back.

Hmm, no, maybe not three more.  Yeah, I think I'm heading in.  Still, I'm up fairly late into the afternoon.  Good night.

Fuck it, I've got 12 more.

.
.
Hmm, might pull two 48 hour shifts in a row.  Who knows.  Yeah, I never did get this.  Sleep just isn't going to happen.

Interesting.

.
.
I've been pulling 24 four hour plus shifts... three in a row, at least.  Okay, 27 hours, so far, today.  But I am heading down.  As for sleep, eight to nine hours per.  And I'm doing well.  I do sleep hard, mind you.  Noice!  I'm not doing much, but I wouldn't have been anyway.  I'm in a down.  So pulling through it with something, anything, is cool.  Pulling I am.

Now, I am doing very little more than I would have been.  Cooking a few more more meals, usually one every several days, but paring the food out to last... a meal or two a day.  Actually I am drinking less tea, more like a gallon, maybe a gallon and an half a day.  Why less?  Don't know.  So it's not extra caffeine.

Yes, still awake.

.
.
Well past 24 hours, probably past 36 hours now.  Didn't mean to do it.  The game is interesting, I would be muddling through neither awake or asleep as I had been for a while anyway, so...  Now, it's probably not the healthiest thing to do, and I am not the healthiest.  However, I have some suspicion that, even though I suspected, felt as if, I was dying, for most of the time the medical field was telling me there was nothing wrong but nerves, the reason I have survived is because I DIDN'T treat myself as if I was dying.  Even suspecting death was near, I kept at it, making it through engineering school, going white-water rafting at a time the water was terribly dangerous, and so on.  If I had placated it I would be dead.  Now, I'm still not sure if they knew, and if they did, the reason they didn't tell me.  Was it because they didn't want to pay out, or because they themselves don't believe in medicine so didn't see it helping, or was it an only hope.  Perhaps they were simply boobs who really didn't know.  I just doubt it.

Eggs this morning.  Toast would have been really nice, even bacon or sausage would have soaked up the extra yoke.  As much as I like it, and even living alone, I just... won't steep to licking the plate clean.  Oh, I want to do so.  Something about a semblance of civility.  Even from an ogre.  The other day I made a decent dish.  I fried sausage, some of the fresh that I got earlier this month.  Boy is very fresh hog rich tasting.  But that is the draw, and you like it (a lot) or not at all I think.  I soaked the juice off those on napkins (need to buy paper towels soon), then used a can of diced tomatoes, adding V8 juice.  Then I added the sausage in to finish.  As that all was seeming done, I added eggs, and let them poach in small little pockets.  I wasn't sure how it would turn out.  I would gladly eat it again.  Perhaps not haute cuisine, or even the finest.  But... enough.  Fresh pork sausage was probably what made the dish, salvaged it?  Yes.

No extra beers.  I realized, aside from beer anyway, I was beginning to wind down.  I am ready, I believe.  I have no idea how long I will sleep.  With the phone off anymore, just hack calls, and no real things going on, who knows.  Although, I am getting hungry for a duck.  I'd like to look at various ideas.  I can roast a duck, chicken, turkey, etc. quite well.  However, I have never attempted a true orange duck (or other fowl).  I haven't tried anything special, noteworthy, or such.  It's about time.  The problem with some of those meals is that it takes an operational event, with purchases, prep and sous chef work, the efforts equivalent of a saucier, and a whole lot of jazz.  You can cut it down, but only so much.

Oh, and I keep... looking out the window.  I want to get back in the trees, with the saw, finish that.  It is fun.  I do want to figure out some... safety procedures.  They might not pass muster for the state, but the state is bankrupting itself trying to force impossible rules which don't allow anyone to get hurt or die.  For one, you really wouldn't want that, not in a fallen world.  Though, with the state being secular now... not just agnostic to faith, but actively against it... they can't see the forest for the trees.  Anyway, while I don't mind taking risks and getting things done, I honestly don't wish to break something, or worse.  Hmm...  If I don't get to it this week, perhaps I could get in to confession.  Which would also allow me to go the the KoC meeting, or one, soon enough.  Gah!

Someone help!  My head has been misplaced and I have no way to find it!  Still, it's not all horrible, mind you.  I'm just laughing at the events.  I'll keep trying and hoping.  Alaska, though... I am beginning to really see that.  It's not going to be a romantic trip.  I have no belief that it will be fun and games.  And, yet, I believe I can figure things out.  A sort of Mr. Magoo.  I have been much of my life.  Next month is the beef, then I can back off and begin financially, and otherwise, planning my last, one way or the other, escape.  I could well live up there for the next forty years, just fine.  Or, in a year or less, retreat back to the lower 48.  We'll see.

Ah, right.  Good night.

Well?

.
.
Well, the trick worked.  I am still no more able to do anything, but I am no longer sleeping and being awake between four and eight hours at a time, completely variably.  However, I am... in another sort of pickle.  I am awake, quite often, eighteen to... many more hours... at a time.  I even tried a trick a bit ago.  When sleep was evasive, in the past, long past when I was not on medicine... or the right kind... I found that drinking alcohol might help.

About that.  I haven't been drinking more than three beers at a time for... well... since before medication was ended.  I couldn't drink four, literally.  However, one, two, and rarely (if never fully) three beers have been a once or twice a month affair.  Just couldn't do it.  Tonight I did six, and might try two more.  Didn't work.  I am not sure I can drink a few more, though it might help.  I do need to sleep.

I have been trying to eat daily.  I have been doing pretty well with the girls, feeding, watering, and such.  Heck, I am sometimes jealous.  They have food on tap all the time, plus treats at least once a day, and wet food once a day.  The timing might not be great, but I am pretty good.  If I fail, it's by feeding them a bit too much.  Everything else has sort of been suspended.  I'll... try to get at it.  I do need sleep though.  Ugh.

Just a brief.  Later, or good night.

Ah, yes, there you are.

.
.
OR:  Here I am?  Depends on how you see things, say things, perhaps your mood.

I said I was getting a new game.  I got it.  Saturday is it?  Time flies when one is stuck between a game, all the time they can put into it, and a complete incapacity to stay away regular hours.  What has happened between then and now is that I have figured out more of a massive open-world type virtual reality, and it's idiosyncrasies, flaws, rules, and tricks than most people would begin to understand in months of play.  Sometimes I have to look something up, more often than not it is native.

Other than that, Sam seemed to disappear recently.  Now, that day, whatever it was... Friday I believe, my garage door was open.  I let Sam out anyway, later that night.  Whoever opened the door subsequently closed it.  Witting of Sam's presence or not, I do not know.  Complicit?  Probably not.  It all depends upon whom closed the door.  Some would, some wouldn't.  Still, I put two and two and three together.  I suspected she was caught.  I just had to work up enough gumption to get dressed enough to go out and brink her in.  She was out most of the latter part of the dark side of a twenty four hour day.  Hmm?  Oh, she was probably locked up from midnight to dawn.  Actually, out for that time.  How long locked up depends upon when whomever closed that door.  She is happy to be back.

Not much else.  I must remember, when not using my phone, to shut it off.  I get calls eight times a day, all junk.  Intrusive, I believe it to be hassling, and with that intent.  Businesses have lost any ethics they may once have had.  With the corruption and enemy of the state this government is, it breeds evil in all other aspects of life.  They know for a small donation they can get away with almost anything.  Worst case, bankruptcy.  The bigwigs will get bailed, the crooks in their employ will be rehired quickly... for they will keep the ball rolling.  It's been that way since after Reagan.  Trump won't change much, should he win.  He will simply, if he closes the border and repatriates, give the US a second chance... a last chance.

The pains have eased up.  Though I may simply be stumbling through on gaming through exhaustion, so too numb to know.  It has been cloudy and cool.  A day or two of sun per week, it seems?  I'll keep at it.  For right now, and on to some unknown point, simply continuing to breath IS keeping at it.  I really should put my vitamins and supplements back together.  It might not be the best, but it might be better than nothing.  Later.  Actually, good night.

A bit cloudy, a bit cool.

.
.
Not terrible things.  Proper spring weather, really, can't complain.  I actually wish I could get out in it.  It's a mild cool, enough to enhance sleepiness though.  Some days are warm enough that I have used the ac along with the fan.  The fan just isn't enough.  Those days are rare, so far.

I went to bed at somewhere between 23:00 and midnight.  I then was able to push sleep through to 5:00, give or take.  Not much, but better.  Two to four hours of sleep seems fairly common.  And my days are shorter than they should be, often nearly equaling my sleep times.  I keep pushing at that if with little luck.  The intent is there, nothing else.

I have kept my consumption of fluid and food, plus all other functions, in line with keeping me from swelling in the legs and elsewhere.  Being normal has become such a regular thing that on the rare occasion I drink a little too much a little too fast I feel a pins and needles sort of mild pain on the tops of my feet.  The inner pains, however, remain.  But that has been fairly regular for many months, probably years, now.  It has always been an on and off thing since first becoming ill.  It used to travel more, but has become regular to one spite... opposite my liver, if I have it right, on the left side of my frontal abdomen... two to three inches in.  As best I can tell.  From what I can see, it is where the small intestine is packed.  My thought is that it is merely muscular?  Just not sure.  As I lose weight, and drink less, perhaps... who knows.  Minor pain, mind you, just a usual thing.

I have a game coming in.  I am hoping it will push me beyond just sitting around.  I've been stuck for some time now.  I have been, mostly, keeping up.  Since the curtains and sheers I haven't been able to do much else.  No laundry, dishes get roughly cleaned then left to dry, no kitchen cleaning, no weeding or tree trimming... nothing, literally.  Sleeping such an odd schedule too.  Sometimes gaming stretches my days and nights back around, if too they sometimes then take those over for some period of time.

That's that.  I might, as I suggested, brew coffee for a change this morning, or make black tea but add whole whipping cream.  Both of those, unlike darjeeling, are too hard, for me, at the strength I drink them, to do without cream.  Though cream adds to viscosity, which is why I backed off coffee lately.  It was simply too thick as I drank it, might have held on to fluid too strongly.  Darjeeling doesn't do that, and I can drink it plain... no sweetener or cream, though once in a while, even so, I don't mind adding xylotol or a partial packet of crystal light, or even, a few times a month, real sugar.  Mint can be okay, more so if iced, and even more so if real sugar is used.  Southerners just get some things right.

Have a good day.  I certainly hope you get to more than I will be.  Later.

The walk between.

.
.
Nothing.  I feel no pain or pleasure, I taste nothing like less, I just am.  I'll try to figure some things out.  For now...  I don't even know what to say.  It's been heading this way for a bit.  When I try to work out of it, eat out of it, play out of it, I just end up right back here trying to remember how I got here.  I've definitely had worse.  The music from yesterday, was it, reminded me of those times.  This is more like purgatory versus a form of hell on earth.  Denuded of good and evil, a time out to gather.  But there is no way to gather.  So this isn't the spiritual, but physical, form of a spiritual place.  I've certainly had worse, and I am all but certain I'll make it back to better before too long.

Dreamed of women last night.  There were a number of women who, when I was secular and busy, slipped my grasp.  Women who were interested, but either had real reasons to not accept my invitation, or from whom I was called away early by duty or command.  It happened, often.  In my dreams I... got another chance with them.  Yeah, that kind of dream.  I woke several times through the night, as I often do anymore.  I prayed for chastity, out loud once, unless that was a dream, or part of one, too.  I think I was awake though.  When the dreams are so real it can be difficult to parse from wakefulness, especially when just barely awake.  I was granted my prayers, if I had to use all my self-control as well.  God only helps those who help themselves.  Though, true enough, sometimes I can't or won't call, or won't follow through.

I don't know about today.  I will be checking on some business.  My schedule is all over the place.  I never know when I will be awake.  I can't plan... anything.  I do need to check things, and perhaps push to be awake at specific times.  Bleh.  No sun, and it  turned back to cool.  I am loving it, in one sense.  I fear the blazing heat.  That's always rough.  Still, if I want to get going, I suppose I am going to have to depend on that happening... whenever it does happen.  A shower already.  Perhaps some cleaning, dishes, and/or laundry.  We'll see.  Later.

You don't just... not die.

.
.
You don't just crawl out of the grave.  You don't just live after dying.  It took ten years to get over the chills.  In and out, back and forth, yeah...  This song made a lot of sense then.  I get the chills just remembering.  Death is cold, boys and girls.  Cold like I can't even describe.

Feeling a bit better.

.
.
My stomach often feels as if it was used in place of a punching bag.  For the last... four weeks?  More?  Something.  Why I can't speculate.  It hasn't gotten soft.  The pain is 'day old', in that it isn't as if it had been used as such a day ago, but more like three to five days... give or take.  A general band, about the size of a cumberband, around the waste, both sides and center front.  Not so rough that the area softened, just enough, actually, to make it tense even harder when bumped or such.  I've had that off and on since I have been sick, from the late 80's on.  Never have figured it out.  Not sure why it has become pervasive... started before I attempted heavier work.  Didn't get better or worse.  That and recovering from strength use and increases are pretty much what I have been dealing with the last two weeks.  On the good side, anacin does help... when I remember to take it.  Just once this week.  If I am not working hard, I generally require that I suffer.  An advantage for working hard.

This week?  Don't know.  I would really like to get back to cutting.  I'd like to hit the easiest first.  I'm not exactly sure which of the three pines that will actually be.  I do know, with the wire gone, two of them will be much easier.  More, cutting up into one may make cutting up into the other also easier.  Two of the trees are a bit too close together.  Beside enjoying the work, it's good to take a little risk now and then.  At least on your own time, in a way you see fit.  Don't let others push you into it, or push you past your own intent or will to it.  And don't have an hen out there cackling about this and that.  Damned dangerous.  Risk, as with bread, is something men need, if not all of it.  And, as we get older, there is some hope that the need will diminish.  Probably should have for me, but I slept through so many years, I now have excess reserves for my age.  *grins*

Trash, tonight.  Dishes too.  Maybe laundry.  Sleep is still really off, but I think I can figure out something for this and that.  If I don't have five hours to run three hours of work through tomorrow, maybe just a couple here then a couple there.  Same with today and tonight.  Work when I can when all else is stink over smile and spinning at a terrible pace on top of it.  No worries, these things too, if I can catch my breath and the rhythm, are quite a little pleasure too.  Who needs feet firmly planted on terra firma when there are seas, skies, and space yet to explore?  And, more, the heavens themselves.  Let loose and learn, for not all of your days should be spent in toil.  And when freedom rings, have at it!  Yes, yes, just woke.  So... have at you also!?!  Only if you disagree with right proper man-thinking.  Dames get a discount.

Later.

Rough.

.
.
I'm not sure what is wrong.  I just know this is a tough last week.  It isn't seeming to get better.  Sleeping and being awake just hours at a time.  I am trying to push.  It's as if I am trying to kick off a pool wall only to find there is neither a wall or a foot.  I have been eating.  But just small amounts overfill me to suffering.  I haven't been drinking all that much either.  Something is simply really off.  I've been meaning to check stats and blood sugar, just haven't gotten around to it or much else.  I am keeping the girls fed, watered, letting Sam in and out.  Though I really should get the cat litter completely changed out.  I keep slacking on that.  Doing my best.

I took a shower, then headed to town for grocery shopping.  Mostly just a bit of milk, a bit of this, and that.  Fresh fruit is great to keep on hand, if possible.  Milk is a liquid meal that, technically, no one could argue with too much.  If nothing else is consumed, it offers some good things.  I am trying to figure it out.  I just can't seem to get off the bench.  At least I helped with the raking.  But it required guilt, awareness, and a bit of luck.

I'd love to climb the trees again this week.  Now I can cut what is needed to get where is needed to cut what is the actual goal in the main tree.  Hopefully I will be well enough to get into the other tree for that one, maybe two, possibly three limbs.  Then there is the other three trees I haven't even touched.  One is another pine... like both of those I have worked so far.  There are a bunch of dead branches in it, though it will really look sharp getting those out.  The last two trees are lunkers.  They literally have branches that can be two feet in diameter or more.  The base is five to six feet in diameter, roughly.  There is at least one widowmaker up one of them.  I think that can be approached from another side, relatively safely.  Lots of dead that would be good to get out, that widowmaker shouldn't be too much trouble from above, if tied in well, wisely.  Those last two tress are easier in one sense, the limbs give plenty of room for relatively easy climbing.  On the other hand, they will have to be climbed, limb to limb, by rope.  I can't just cut a limb or two off to make a path.  Rope work, and that is a whole new old gig.  So old it might as well be a new trick.

Not sure I'll be able to get to any of that.  Not sure why I am so upside down healthwise, or at least regarding energy and sleep/wakefulness.  I'll keep trying to figure things out.  Good night.

Odd readers.

.
.
Someone sent this, regarding my recent notions, confusion.  They sent it in this form, which... well... didn't make sense.  Dame translations don't always make sense, to me.  They just can't... do... say... some things rightly.  If it had to be understood this way, then... I just won't get it.

Just a few warnings.

.
.
First.  I keep getting warnings that this browser may no longer be supported.  My guess is that, with this browser, I can block advertising.  Pale Moon dropped the add-ons that allowed serious advertising blocking, so I am left with this one.  They don't like that.  They want me to pay in pinches, bunches, gobs, and groups to not see advertising.  Even then, there will be advertising.  So, if they cancel this browser, I am not sure I will be able to blog.  Then again, though I have heard no complaints, I am not sure if access to my site has become more complicated?

The same thing is happening with email.  Warnings that email service may no longer be available on this browser.  I won't use email through Pale Moon because it has become corrupted by advertising.  So email may soon be dead.  Oh, and I have decided to only have my phone on a few days a week, on nights I receive supper.  There are odd times when I will turn it on to play sudoku, or if I have a call to make.  Other than that, it is off.  I may see if I can get a cellphone with no access to texts.  If not I may end cell service, go to land line, and have that silenced and on message, save for dinner days.

So, if you can't get me, if my blog disappears, if email fails... you know why.  The warnings have been popping up for a while.  Not sure when they are going to end service.  Finally got around to putting out a warning.  One more reason to head out.  I'm simply not going to negotiate on these things.  Later... probably back to bed?  I'm a bit off but so be it... if I need sleep I will have it if I can.

Ask and you shall receive.

.
.
Bumbling about, I thought I heard something... someone... nearing the door.  Sure of it.  Then I thought they left and, yet, it sounded as if someone was out there.  Now, being old, weak, sick, and tired, people or things out there cause minor concern.  Who, why, where exactly.  But you don't just peak your head out a window.  No, they could see.  Moving the shade?  Humans were animals born.  And one thing about animals is that they notice movement before all else.  Why?  Survival.  It doesn't matter if it is blue, or camouflaged, or such, so long as it isn't moving toward or away from you... in the instant.  If it is moving, it is either food or predator.  Don't pull the curtains back.  Figure out where they are by sound.  Figure out which way they are headed.  Then figure an angle at which they may well pass so that you can see their back without adjusting anything.  Whether inside with curtains, outside with foliage or even something like murky water if you have air or access to it somehow...  It's how I do, and did.  Unless I want to cue that someone is inside.  Which I have done.  *blink blink*

Anyway, it was lawn mowing day.  Which was fine.  Then I remembered I hadn't finished raking!  Gah.  In one sense, I don't mind.  In another I did.  It was my job.  I had started it.  It was a part of the tree care.  So I jumped to the ready and sallied forth.  Or fifth?  She can wait.  A few salutations and such, then I got to it.  The rake I was using really wasn't doing it, so I tried a different one.  The solid rake does much better, it's just that mine is so small.  He went and got their rake, larger... though larger rakes work better, they, again, become much more energy intense to use.  In any case, he got the lawn, I got the lawn raked with his help, and that is that.  So, yeah, I got my physical work in today, want or not.  I needed, not so much wanted.  Which is all good.  While it might not seem like it, things really turn out well sometimes.  Depends on how you see things?  It's how I see this.

I need a shower today.  I'd like to do a few other things.  Time only will tell some things.  Ugh.  Later.

I have to figure it out.

.
.
I need to get back into the fray.  Sitting on the sidelines isn't good enough.  Then again, something seems to be changing, bodily.  I think it is for the good.  I am drinking a lot less fluid, not as thirsty.  Several internal things are changing, if I haven't figured that out at all.  I should start taking blood pressure and sugar readings.  Those might not be part of the change, or might just show the whole thing.  I doubt if anyone could tell, but I seem to be losing weight.  Not by itself, but along with working.  Muscles are growing, fat is fading, if not at a miraculous pace... save for my age and condition.  I didn't think I would gain muscle this quickly given those things.

A dream last night was a bit of a kick.  Conservatives, high and low, got together.  Some up-and-coming alt-right chick (didn't know her but she was easy on the eyes), Vox, one of the Bushes, I think the younger president, and many others.  Just for a rap session, to see if the parts could find some common ground.  Toward the end there were only a few of us left, those mentioned to be precise.  Some sort of argument regarding sidearms broke out.  After the others had chosen, I spoke.  Bush smirked something about my comment being such a wonderful reason to delay his flight home.  Vox and the dame didn't say anything, but pretty much agreed.  I let it go.  He didn't, walked right into it he did... from right to wrong.  He started talking down to me, us on the other side in general, as if we had no real right to speak or be heard.  I suggested that, if he would stop hearing and start listening, acting like a leader not a dictator or elite, people might give a shit what he had to say.  As is, he wasn't really worth giving a listen.  That put the others present clearly back in a proper mood.  I think I saw one of them gulp, then almost laugh.  Ah, good dream.  And, yeah, secret service can't protect ears, I'd tell him, anyone, if they went off track.  *boom*

I don't know today.  I really am still a bit sore for much.  I hope to do a bit of online business, make burritos, and dig in if I can.  It is starting to warm up out there.  The sun has been out the last few days.  Summer may end up bombing the place.  When it starts it doesn't stop until fall, mostly.  It helps being active right up until it shuts it down like a sludgehammer.  I need to be geared and ready before that happens, so as to escape into the mountains from time to time.

I'll try to get to things today.  Ugh.  Later.

So strange.

.
.
No, not her.  Some woman, maybe women?  Such strange feelings.  Women from my past, or unrequited, or...  I can't get my sight to focus.  Hiding, in shadows of which I am not totally familiar.  Women are usually so... self-bound that they are easy to spot.  Some, however, have learned to become the most humble of church mice.  Among those is, or are, she or them.  I'm more thinking there are two, at least.  The differences are too large for simple mood, even with full-blown neurosis activated.  I think I have a few female fans, perhaps just not happy about losing the stories, tales, thoughts?  It's the perfect weather and season for the blues as well.

Sleep is really off.

.
.
I am getting enough.  I make sure of that.  Demand for sleep is simply higher.  No matter who seriously I can push things, within all the givens, those givens still have some reality to them.  I haven't been penalized for pushing, not too dearly, not yet.  So a few extra hours of sleep here, more down time there than I would like, and such, really isn't a problem.  I am definitely not quite ready to push again, up into the trees.  More, without taking fuller down days, and pushing extra on some both work and rest days, I have cooked the battery bank.  It'll take a bit to recharge.  And, yet, if I can, I am going to continue to do what I may.  Raking, cleaning, and such.  I'd like to see about pushing through to being able to do daily chores, some number of them.  I didn't today, but I haven't been up the hole day, and maybe sleeping again before too long.

I am amazed as to muscle mass increases too.  Arms and legs, though some midsection improvement has occurred.  I really can rip and tear, if I can just get to it.  A summer of this and I'd look like a swimmer again.  I just don't truly muscle up like muscle heads.  Though I keep coming to the realization that most of that is fake.  Pills, shots, painkillers to keep it all going...  I honestly am beginning to believe there is no such thing as a natural muscleman.  I once was doing 2 1/2 for sure, and probably closer to 3, but privately, times my body weight and still didn't look all that much.  Not even close to that now, and that same weight would only be twice my body weight at this point, give or take.  Ugh.  Without stressing, for now, my muscles feel like a wobbly steak roast.  Tenses to a soft wood that is slightly malleable... or hard clay?  I've been using them enough that they haven't had time to set.  But they have gotten larger.  More wood cutting!

I may pull some boxes out and begin messing with them.  Sorting, tossing, etc.  I'd like to at least get the little couch cleared in the next day or so.  I don't know if I mentioned it, but one of the curtains I ordered had a few holes in it.  The holes were smaller than a pencil, say, but not by too much.  I requested a return, but just on that panel, and got it.  I will wait to send my part of it until I receive the replacement.  I almost didn't want to fuss, but a few little holes really makes a difference.  Especially one light, but even on heat and noise.  And, after doing that much work to do that little bit of work, and over and over, I figured the job deserved to be done correctly all about.

Ah, I keep forgetting anacin.  And, yeah, I deserve it.  Hmm... and maybe some food.  That would sure be good.  I've been somewhat keeping up on food.  Protein and fats are what are going to feed muscle growth.  Carbs, some, slow-burning, are okay for long lasting energy.  On that note, I'll try to remember to soak grains in kefir water for my next "morning".  That really puts some good work-lube in the belly.  Protein is better for after, in recovery.  Fat is good for either time.  Carbs are better for well before work.  Or... that is how I remember it.  Might have butter, salt, and herbs in the oats, for a savory breakfast... and some sausage.  Food is as important as the work.

Lots of dreams lately.  I haven't been writing them out.  Sometimes I just don't see the point, sometimes... none of your biz-wax... sometimes, more often, I don't remember.  Heavy duty dreams.  Ploughing through life with a hunger, desperation, need, and want, and getting things done.  On battlefields, with and against kings, generals, leaders.  In blood and sweat, with a fealty to God and brother, until it is done or the dream ends.  All good.  Later.  Maybe good night.  I simply can't be sure lately, which it will be.

Better, awake, resting.

.
.
It's a good day.  There remain aches, stiffness, and other pains.  Milder though, easy enough to mostly not notice while doing almost anything mundane.  Even so, another day of rest is simply required.  Rest doesn't, now, mostly, require a nothing day... just a light day.  I didn't get to the boxes on the small sofa, today perhaps.  As well, if nothing else other than to get out, I plan on raking.  Maybe just a bit, as yesterday, maybe more.  I'm not going to push, not today.  I will do some, go over simply being tired, allow the lungs to be used fully, but I'm not going to complete exhaustion.  Between that and boxes I should get enough tinkering to be satisfied.  Though if I can get dishes going, or a load of laundry in the rotation, or perhaps hit some part of the kitchen, I will.  No promises, just a bit of a hope.

As to food?  I grilled pork chops last night.  A solid flame sear really adds flavor.  I cooked four, ate two, have two left.  I'll bake potatoes as I figure the day and wake as well.  Even with the char flavor, I am having a difficult time eating.  I just can't taste food, no smell.  They say one is the other, smelling actually is taste, is what they say.  I believe that only up to a point.  Hmm... I ought to test my sniffer.  Vinegar would do.  Though I smelled the window cleaners more than easily.  Still, perhaps my sniffer is off?  Bleh.  Even the red pepper I added to spaghetti wasn't tasted.  And while I initially thought rep pepper flecks were rather mild, these ended up being rather... warm, almost too warm if I am not careful, typically.  Wait, I actually found that, at some point, no matter how much I add it doesn't actually get hotter... but that, usually, it is rather warm at full strength, surprisingly hot for what I thought it was.  Then again, I honestly can eat habanero without too much... without any fuss.  As a sauce, not sure about biting the pepper whole, mind you.  If that really isn't, generally, the intention of any pepper, not even jalapenos... mostly.

A song from some long time ago.  Women bands generally don't last, and for both obvious and not so obvious reasons.  Still, some of their tunes either age well, or their time comes around again, perhaps in a new or different way.  So, to my mind, is the case with this one.

A bit of music and thought.

.
.
Yeah, as things are going forward, being planned, shuffled, and arranged, I have to laugh.  Angry, it seems.  Some.  Not I.  Though, somehow, it is I who should be angry, or has the reason to be angry.  Well, if anyone was to be angry.  And yet that just isn't the case.

When did raking get so hard?

.
.
Okay, yeah, spring plush green to pull through.  Right, and twigs.  Some down since last fall, trampled or otherwise shoved into dirt, clay, such.  Well, and new twigs and branches.  None all that big, just many.  I tried both rakes.  The solid fork-like one isn't very good.  It may just have too small of a tine spread.  The other, the independent spring action one is okay.  Not the best but better than tiny eraser-head rake.  I need a bigger hard-tine rake.  Though that might be even more difficult to use.  Bleh.  Then again, I am still in recovery.  A good time for light work, even if, I suppose, it seems like hard work.

I did get the items upstairs.  I haven't cleaned any other windows.  I did grab a bight to eat.  I won't be working on either of the other two rooms, regarding window treatments.  Each room, most likely, will be a job all on it's own.  The living room has to be... emptied, rearranged, and cleaned even before I can move the short couch to get in behind it and work on things.  Oh, I could just clamber over.  I'm simply not going to do so.  Besides, I really do want that stuff sorted.  And cleaning is a plus, sort of like vegetables.  Bleh, but... there you go.  As well, the bedroom will be a task all it's own.  All good.  Whatever damn broke, and is giving me hydro-juice, I'll take it, use it for as long as I can, and... figure things out from there.  If I get enough going, when it gets too hot down here I may find out where to go to hide and cool off.  That being a learning and living lesson.

It sure is nice having clean front windows.  It looks like there is tape on them, inside and out, several places, that was never rightly removed.  I may, when just resting but needing to do so without sitting, grab a blade of some sort and scrape those.  It looks like regular tape.  But some of that is a pain to remove.  I am sure something like dw40 might help, along with the blade.  But then I'd have to wash the spot again.  We'll see.

Just an half hour, maybe forty five minutes, of raking pretty much shot it for me.  Bleh.  Then again, what I need to do in the living room?  I can do much of that while seated.  Sorting things into and out of boxes.  The heaviest work is organization, if that is usually worse than physical work.  Still... it might be doable, some of it, as I go through the evening.  But first, I will grab a razor right now, and work the taped splotches.  Doing well, actually.  I'll just keep at it.  There may come a time when I can do these things without it being excessive toil?  I sure hope so.  Later.

It's a trick!

.
.
Okay, I washed the one inside window, the both outside windows involved.  Then I hit the window on the screen door, one window to my bedroom (frontside one, couldn't do both due to a screen... for now), and then went to another side window that will be getting sheers.  All fine, really.  I don't mind getting ahead or expanding the operation.  Then I rested just a bit.  Some of those windows are large, lots of reaching, and I am as I am... limited that is.  I then broke the piano table and stool down, taking those upstairs.  As I was finishing that, I took a look at the living room window which will be next, as windows go if not on the job list.  It seems such an easy thing.  Except that I have been using the loveseat in front of it as a storage device.  Boxes of stuff, loose videos and games, this and that.  Oh, it's a trick alright.  I should have remembered.  My mothers used to say things like... "Let's go wash the windows.", or "Let's clean the floors or rugs or such".  The trick was everything you had to do to get to the job.  Oh, they knew.  We didn't until we got there and noticed.  Tricks.

Still, it's what's for dinner?  Something like that.  My job, now that something has kicked over, is to use as much as possible.  Busy every day, as busy as possible.  For now, windows and limbs will do.  After those?  Cleaning floors, putting the bathroom together, changing lightbulbs out, keeping up on weeds and watering, perhaps planting grass, reducing possessions, planning and making dehydrated foods, packing various groupings of items for various types of outings and then going on those outings.  It's going to hurt, it will be a bit much even too much, quite often.  I may never actually get over that, but that is how my life will be from now on.  I can't, honestly, see all that much difference between that and being silenced into nursing care and an allowed or assisted death.  It's just that the medical industrial complex won't get richer off it.

I best feed the girls, then thing about a bite of something for myself.  I am hungry, I just can't seem to...  I have a plan.  Nothing tastes or sounds all that good.  Even so, I've got to eat.  So...  I dunno.  I'll figure it out.  I definitely need calories in order to get to work.  Raking, later, and next, I do believe.  A quarter to half the yard, unless I catch a good wind.  Later.

Oh? Ouch?

.
.
A little.  I slept well and hard.  I didn't let the girls sleep with me, and probably won't again until I am put back together.  All good, mind you.  I don't mind these aches and pains.  It does mean I am working and that adds to strength and some other things needed.  Plus the yard is really looking better, safety is improving, and... some other stuff.  The next group of limbs I remove will be used for firewood.  I'll process them, if I didn't mention though I probably did, right where they fall which is right near where the wood will be stacked.  I have some there already.  This won't be stacked on that, though.  The old wood should be well cured.  That can be taken for camping this summer, at least car camping... while fishing?  Maybe.

No tree adventures quite today.  However, raking might go forward.  That actually will be a lot of work, so I don't know if it will be finished.  It's not a race, so long as I keep at something each day.  That very little bit of weeding will be next.  In the house, adding sheers to two more windows, cleaning, and putting old curtains on the back windows is next.  I have enough rods for the back windows.  Those have, currently, the standard flat curtain holder so I have to change those out.  The girls have twisted those terribly.  I'll have to use at least one middle bracket, maybe two extra helper brackets, as the girls... Sassy really... are hard on things.  Oh, and before I forget, I'll wash the other front window and take some things upstairs... parts to the electric piano.  Perhaps, since it is day, washing inside and out on each window I do.  Ugh.  It sure adds up.

Oh...  I'll clean the inside window and both outside, take the things upstairs, and call that making yesterday more complete... then I'll spend a few hours doing my usual wakeup routine.  That'll both put me ahead of the game and give me a chance to sort the rest and prepare more surely.  Yeah... that's how it works best for me.  I'm just not a morning man.  Morning, in my case, is very relative, as to time, mind you.  Oh, and a few anacin.  Tomorrow is another slower rest day, I'll try not to use painkillers then or for the rest of the week until a day or two after a major work day.  Gotta be careful with that stuff.  And pain is a warning as much as anything.  Plus, suffering is an offering, an oblation that, now that man has fallen, God appreciates if it's all of proper affairs.

Later.

When you have to use the same hole, but it is dead?

.
.
Curtain and sheer hardware, mind you.  Not that such other topics aren't covered, or uncovered, here.  But that isn't the issue in play.  Or... not in play?  Never mind.  So... is there a trick?  I don't know.  I just made one up.  Gorilla wood glue on the wood screw in question, then a light work getting it back in place.  Time will tell.  It's not like it needs to hold even tend pounds.  Well... depending on how the girls treat the new stuff.  Sassy is that big and change, more like a raccoon.  She's not so much mean as easily frightened.  When frightened, you very well might think you have a coon in your hands.  Anyway, that is what I did.  I had to... fix the glue dispenser though.  Old, but it still flowed, what was in the bottle.  Life is often hopes and prayers, a touch of sheer luck which fits since I am putting sheers up, and some other things.

I did look around for ideas about how to keep the parts level while putting them up.  From what I saw my above notation regarding life and doing things seemed more useful.  A lot of people on YouTube really shouldn't be there.  Anyway, I just did my best, with what I would guess... measured here, and there, then this, that, and... they look even enough.  If I decide to get picky about it, I am sure they are close enough that I could actually tinker them to... as fine as a level can get a project... which really isn't all that level... what... between 1 and 3 degrees, if absolute care is taken and over five feet with a few other givens that shoot the score down?  Yeah.

I have both of the front curtains and sheers up.  I even cleaned one of the windows.  If I get back to work tonight, I might clean the other window rather than digging in on the last two windows to have sheers installed.  Those are for tomorrow.  I am actually ahead by doing what I did today.  Still shot but didn't want to waste the whole day.  I may do just a bit more tinkering, taking a few things upstairs... or not.  I almost decided to make a run to town.  It's just too late by the time I have a rest to head in and hit the store I prefer.  Tuesday, right?  Yeah, tomorrow or Thursday, and more than just a bit of shopping I hope.

Dinners here.  It has been for a bit, but I... Well...  I'll see about it, warm if need be, and have a bite.  Probably.  Food is wonky lately.  As I work out, and become hungry, my body is becoming strangely picky.  It's difficult for me to fix something I like!  Well, and I don't seem, usually, to be able to eat as much.  Don't ask, I simply don't know.  I'm sort of starving, but food mostly repulses me.  Even my favorites.  I doubt if a ribeye would do more than be a somewhat better bite.  I might not even be able to eat a whole steak.  I'll... give it a go.  I suppose, out there, I'll have to figure some things out.  The woods are no place to starve.  And, actually, if I'm going back-bush?  I'll just take longer lasting fats, flour, tea, and such.  I'll either fish or hunt the meat or go without.  And, for the most part, vegetables won't be on the menu.  Wild foods are too tricky, even for professionals.  Berries, though, just so long as bears are kept well in mind.  Not much else, I suppose.

Anyway, I love it when I get something in my noggin and pound it out in flesh.  Curtains, with sheers, are a bit of a silly thing.  But when every degree counts, and privacy is needed, but sleep schedule is crazy?  They really do help.  Going or staying doesn't matter, for now it is now.  Later... or good night?  Probably not.  I am the wrong kind of tired to sleep, was asleep until 3:08!  :p  Actually, 15:08, and more... 14:38... but those last two are not what it said.

Roughly pushing?

.
.
I am rather in a tough place.  I really simply pushed too hard, added this and that in, then did more.  Some of it wasn't my fault.  Though I'm not unhappy about it.  I will have to push, and a lot harder than this.  When the license is lost, things are going to get very complicated very quickly.  Do I stay here and attempt to figure things out?  Do I vacate, continuing to pay, trying to sell, holing up until I can contact folk to escape when that time comes.  It'll hit hard and fast.  It may be fall or winter when the loss occurs.  Difficult.

I best get used to roughing it, pushing it, figuring things out on the fly without a real prayer.  Forced into homelessness, really.  In any case, at this point, I can't see staying.  No reason, too many enemies, and I have other interests coming.  My real trick is to try to get as much of my world ready for travel as possible.  Prep as many meals for packing out in smaller portions, to be cached either literally 'out there', though some of it, perhaps most of it, will be put up in storage.  Getting rid of most of what I have.  This won't be the first time, though it may well be the last time.  If I live to my 70's or 80's, as I suspect, I may have to give up some things and move somewhere a final time.  Who knows.

Achy, just a bit.  Cranky on the side, though also just a touch of it.  A bit feverish, couldn't sleep right and ended up sleeping too long... it doesn't something odd, those things together.  Does that disturb the spinal fluid, cause a bit of a rush in the brain of that by hydraulic method, something else like that?  Even so, I am feeling fairly good.  These things are minor.  Not all that energetic and yet I'm starting a bit.

I am redoing the front window.  The sheers are definitely light enough for the very weak rods I purchased for them.  As well, there is a center screw-in rod holder if I have any doubts.  The curtain rods I bought initially for the sheers are twice or three times as strong as the first type of  rods I purchased for the curtains.  I'm not the best at aligning things though.  I may see if there is a quick, simple, means of aligning the rod holders, leveling them, and all that.  There is some play, what with the screws in the round rod arm.  And yet, for me, I just want to have it all look more trim, much more trim, than it seems to work out.  Some of the brackets are going in through old, unchangeable, holes.  No choice.  But I would like the rest to be more even.  Yeah... I'll see if there is a minor guide somewhere.  If I can get that part down, I should be able to do most or all of the sheers and curtains yet tonight.  Oh... I'll spot me some anacin.  This'll be the first helping of that in more than a week, I do believe.  So I don't mind.

Tomorrow?  If it is anything like today I won't be doing much.  Which is fine.  I can, however, begin planning the rest of the week.  Raking, though, perhaps weeding around the tree?  That would be good.  And, if I am feeling really ambitious, the Christmas lights.  They have been on my list, but I keep running out of me to spend on that task.  Given the outdoorsy, but light, work planned, it would fit right in there.  Not even a twenty minute task, from getting the latter, detaching the snaps, collecting and winding it all, then putting the ladder back.  Probably.  Still, tomorrow needs to be somewhat light again.  Raking can be heavy or light.

I best... either have supper or get back to the curtains... Wait, I'll do a short search regarding lining up rod kit, on the wall.  I can think about that, if I find something, while I eat or tinker or... rest.  Later.

Burned out.

.
.
Doing what I did yesterday was a wonderful thing.  I didn't hurt, didn't feel too worn, and yet I knew... suspected... I had gone over the line.  Good thing I stopped there.  Not that I think I would have hurt myself, merely that recovery time might have ended up being long.  Who knows, as is, how long that might be.  My body has been doing spot checks, trying to wake since about 7:45.  The exact alarm time I woke was "3:08".  Loved the time, just not how it relates to day and night.

I am a bit sore, somewhat stiff, still a bit sleepy, but not as bad as I have been.  When I do heavier work (for me), I always sleep in such a way so that my arms seem to fall asleep.  Both of them somehow.  Though I am not sure it is all about how I sleep.  But when worked beyond a certain point, they lose their ability to remain at the right angles, while sleeping, to prevent that?  I suspect the latter more, as even during the day, while awake, while sort of resting, my arms can fall asleep.  I have to do stretches and shoulder lifts from time to time.  All good.  That is pain I earned.  It is actually double duty.  Not only was it good for my body, but it did actual functional work that makes the yard look better, improves the health of the trees, and makes the area safer from falling dead.

Raining and overcast today.  That cools things off.  Actually, cool is a good thing today.  I think working out has raised my core body temp.  Over time, even on the coolest days here, I have been just fine.  I have my thermostat set on 66 F, for example, which is what my thermometers are reading, and I am fine in undershorts and a t-shirt.  Almost too warm.  I told you I was a bear.  Well, closer than most.

I don't know if I will get to window dressing today.  I might.  Even being tired as I am.  Though I would say that for the next few days at least, that will be the heaviest work I do.  Window work, minor cleaning, a bit of cooking.  I need a bit of a break from the heavy stuff.  Though with the rain, and I'll be occasional wind, that wasn't likely to be a choice.  Oh, and a trip to town for at least two reasons.  One is church business and friendship, one is panco... panko??? breading.  Though real bread would be nice as well.  I forgot that, for the scottish eggs.  Always something.  I had the list, just didn't check it well enough.  Bleh.

Oh, I can still get a couple good solid work days in, and then maybe go hiking.  Someone, thankfully, did the weeding, most of it.  I have just a bit to do around the tree.  Raking will also need to happen, just not on rainy days.  More limb cutting, too.  Most of that will be falling under the trees, in needed killed zones, so won't be much of a lawn fuss.  And I will be processing those in place, and the storage area is a few feet away.  While work, it won't quite be as complicated or heavy of work.  Getting into the trees is always a bit of a trick, one I am beginning to enjoy.  I just dreamed of knots and methods for up there.  I'm all but sure I have done some serious roping up in trees before.  I now remember how to make an impromptu chest harness to go with my waist harness so as to zipline a bit.  I'll want to review some knots, but... the dream seemed legit.

Later.

Well?

.
.
As it turns out, tonight was the night for removing the wood.  Smaller log lengths down to twigs, with much between.  As well, the wire came down so I can begin sawing more of the two trees in which I was limited or outright stopped.  Plus, I got the quarter hog together and got that sent.  Not bad, really, I'll tell you.  I'm not too worn, with gloves and a work sweater I didn't end up nearly as scratched, cut, or bruised.  A little of that, just a little.  Got some other things out, concrete that had been split while putting in the backyard water pump.  Seriously good work.  Well, and that was after a busy "morning".

Sheers and curtains yet tonight?  I just don't know.  I'll rest, well, for a bit, then decide.  Even if I could do the work, and that might be so, it might be best not to do it.  There is too much.  What I have done today is not simple, and is good.  That would be good work for tomorrow.  Just a day of easy work and rest.  Nothing fancy.  Although, as today, if something comes up, I might just be able to do more.

Like it or not, I can move past my broken heart, at least from time to time.  I will have to do so.  I have seen, in my dreams, just how hard it is, summer or winter, using feet for most of my transportation, without a roof over my head.  That reality is becoming more and more sure.  More reason to clean, fix, arrange, and manage the estate.  I don't want to leave more of a mess than I must.  The bathroom... this summer if I can manage heat, or fall and winter otherwise.  I have a good deal more work before I can get to that, so...

Nice... now to relax, rest, listen to music, sip tea, and let my mind shift through what is coming.  It isn't as dark as it might seem.  Difficult, at times, but it is just as troubling here.  There, though, two legged government won't be an issue.  Nor will many other such problems.  Unless a bear catches me off guard, I still have decades up there.  I have seen it.  More than I have here, all else being equal.  Yeah... I am getting notifications that I am not asking the right questions.  The problem is, the area in which the right questions might exist are, potentially, dangerous areas.  Not worth the risk, not without a clue.  I like my bets better.

Well... on to rest, music, windwalking, and some other such.  Later or good night.

Work, work, work.

.
.
Waking late meant starting late.  I heard loud machinery outside, but wasn't quite ready to see what it was.  Might have been a neighbor, might have been a farmers' parade, who knows.  And until I am ready to face the potential of seeing my shadow, I just don't look.  Usually.  It turns out that it was a neighbor, but working my field and the other field nearby.  Bleh, I hadn't gotten the branches out so he had to drive around some of that.  Feeling guilty, if I had made no promise, and ran out of time and energy in any case, I got out, after more fully waking, and removed the branches from the field.  Just setting them over the fence at the time.  I had other things I had to do.

A grocery list was hastily readied.  And the packages to be returned were arranged, along with the paperwork.  Then on in to town.  With a list, and a strong intent to keep to it, plus simple enough tasks, sometimes getting to town goes swiftly and smoothly.  So it did.  The only minor hitch was that one of the packages had to be returned through FedEx.  It was just across the way, with my grocery store right on the way anyway.  All good, really.  The only thing they didn't have was milk.  I have plenty to drink, I believe.  I just had hoped to produce more kefir.  All good, I'll be back into town later this week.  Fresh fruits, some veggies just for giggles and with the meats on hand, life is good.

Returning home, after taking the groceries in (but not putting them away, even yet? bleh), I decided to move the branches and logs all over to my work area.  I won't be doing much more with them until it dries off a bit.  Though, maybe.  For as wet as it has been, the branches seem to have dried out quite well anyway.  Definitely some of them.  We'll see on that.  I still need to rake pretty much the whole yard due to branches, twigs, and all being everywhere.  That might give me something physical, along with wrangling the Christmas lights and the ladder to do that first of all.  Raking is a nice medium effort item.  It's on the feet, using the arms, creating then hauling piles...  Mostly fresh air, with very light weights and walking about thrown in.

I need a bit of a break.  I will put the groceries away after this.  Nothing too spooky.  Cream cheese and cottage cheese are the only more perishable items, with carrots being sort of next.  The rest is shelf stable, or at least less quick to go bad.  I leave my fruits out, though it would be nice to have a secondary fridge for those things in the summer heat.  For now, room temp is best.

As to the curtains and sheers?  After the groceries and break I'll think on those.  I really want to get to some of that tonight.  Perhaps all of it.  I have four windows, anyway, that I would like to fix.  Four panels came in, from Amazon.  A day early.  Perfect.  If I can get those four, then, tomorrow or my next work day, I might hit the back and kitchen windows with the... slightly Sass damaged.  Even so they will keep the heat, light, and sound out much better than what is there.  Oh, and with the electric piano upstairs, I might as well take the stand and piano seat up.  It seems so strange to see what had been fixtures, since I moved here, gone... or at least out of sight.

Work, work, work, and more work.  I've really got to keep up.  Right now I can, pretty much, only stick to a list.  The hope is that, at some point, I will be able to use a list, but then go beyond.  Perhaps I won't become as tuckered, and can either find a more reasoned list of chores and tasks and even then go beyond, or... something.  It is far better to start in when it is still cool then wait until the heat compels me.  Because right after it compels, it crushes.  I have a few tricks up my sleeves, so as to allay the crushing by the heat.  But... it's just a trick, a maybe, a hope.  Later.

Late down and to wake.

.
.
All good.  I really didn't rest as I probably really needed this weekend.  While it wasn't the heaviest of work, it was something every day.  No worries, I'll go until I can't or get over it.  My day is slipping away though, I think caused by too much work.  Even when I am not working a great deal, just thinking, planning, arranging, researching... ends up being another form of work.  How will hiking through Alaska be?  Well... it will be walking.  There won't be a lot of planning.  That will have to be done ahead of time.  As for work, that will be quite simplified.  Setting up camp, tearing it down, cooking, cleaning, and such.  All of it will become routine.  If I am too tired, I will simply stay in a camp for a bit longer.  Perhaps fishing or hunting small game for extra food.  It won't be a constant barrage of... in a way... very unnatural efforts.  Curtains?  Sheers?  Messing with trees other than avoiding falling ones or cutting some for fire?  Washing one's surroundings?  A very different set of efforts.  Living will be the work.

Still, I am here, for now.  I have the various rods and other materials to do what I had planned.  What was done will actually be redone, actually twice now.  I simply need to wake... just woke, mostly.  I am hoping to change four sets today.  I may change some curtains around, washing them if necessary.  As well, if I can catch a better wind in my sails, I will also move the cuttings from the field over to the piles.  No reductions today.  I want those to dry out a bit.

Ah, and one last thing, if not for today.  I need to thaw sausage, for the Scottish egg recipe.  One pound should be more than enough, leaving extra for plain sausage sometime else this week.  The eggs are fresh, so that should be easy.  I don't have greens, and wouldn't go that way anyway.  I have some doubts about the whole thing.  Then again, doubts are where to start, quite often, not where to end.  Ah, I also want to get the packages in to UPS for return, so I could do a small amount of the shopping I missed last week.  Yeah... wasn't I just saying, and just the other day, something about planning more than I can possibly do?  In theory, either you at least stay busy, or you learn to do more.  FM running, me and my big mouth.  Well... nothing to do for it but to get at it... in just a bit.  :p

Later.

No idleness today.

.
.
Beside getting the shelving down and stowed, the weights out, and the electric piano upstairs with a little help, I got going on a few other things.  I first searched for adjustable rod holders.  Amazon wanted $8 for a pair.  No way.  I looked for other options.  I found nothing.  I kept the one set on my mind, but needed to get a printer anyway, so decided to look while in.  They had no such thing.  However, I did find more inexpensive rods, with shorter rod holders, that would work easily for the sheers.  I also bought a few more of the bigger ones.  Those will really do well for the main curtains.  Those things are heavy, which is why they work.  Currently they are on cheap(er) plastic than what I found... for less money.  I'll do some mixing and matching of rods, rod grabbers, and what holds what.  Yeah.  Probably still wouldn't make a woman, or matron anyway, happy.  No problem, I may have 99 problems, and change, but... that's not one of them.

I could do that tonight.  But, you know what?  Nope.  I did get the new printer, set it up, programmed it in, got it running, and printed off the return labels for this and that.  That should make up for what I blew on these other things, and the curtains coming in.  Actually, easily.  Amazon is getting wicked expensive.  I have to check everything from hereon in.  They are becoming absolutely ridiculous, price-wise.  Anyway, the printer worked, labels are ready, I just need to find boxes.

I also got the trash out and out to the curb.  I kept the printer box until I was sure it worked.  I will take that out next.  Along with tiddly bits, extra, etc.  Quite good, really.  I am pleased with it.  I don't think I'll be doing heavy work tomorrow.  Besides, the wood is wet.  Not the best to work as such.  Though I might collect what is in the field and at least get it over the fence, perhaps even sorting it for final prep... depending on rain.  Mostly, tomorrow, I believe I will be working on the window treatments.  I am sort of excited to get at it and finally have it done.  If I do end up heading out next or the following year, I will just leave them.  This is a starter home, so it might work well... if they can sell it... ever honestly these days.  Then again, you know how some women are.  They might well hate the things, take them out, burn them, buy what "looks good", and end up regretting it.  Not one of my problems.

Music, tea, maybe a bite.  Oh, the last box out to the trash.  Then, sometime, on to bed.  I saw a song I played long ago.  Not sure what it's all about but I liked it then and now.  Enjoy or not.  Good night.

Not much, but pleasing.

.
.
I had the shelving rather close to stripped yesterday.  I have been looking at it since I woke, and after taking a nap.  Mostly sitting here today.  No sun, worn, just as things go.  Finally I got to it.  I sorted, to a degree, what remained on one of the shelves.  It hasn't found a final place, but the materials were removed from the surfaces of the shelf.  Then I began taking it apart.  Not a difficult task.  A bit of thinking, a little bit of coordination, just a touch of muscle, but often in odd groups in various orders.  I doubt if it took 10 to 15 minutes.  It's parts will need to be collected and put together, either for discard, some other use, or charity.  I have weights, for some reason, under where the shelving had been.  Perhaps I had thought to use weight for the bottom shelf?  Not sure.  Those will have to go out.  Plates of 25, 10, and 5 pound denominations... I think.

After I get the weights out, and the shelving components sorted and at least temporarily given a home, I do believe I will take the electric piano down.  Then the sheers will go up.  Today?  I don't know.  It is sort of a goal.  It's just that I am rather cooked.  I haven't really recovered from last week.  And Monday is just tomorrow.  Still, maybe.  The new curtains for up here will be in early this week, so I want the sheers up.  That will mean just a quick swap of the curtains and I'll be rigged for summer.  If all else is done.

Just a bit sore, if mostly tired.  With no sunshine to help I am simply having to bust through.  I am starting to wonder if I didn't just simply push too hard last week.  I'll keep at it anyway.  Tomorrow is wood collection day, from the field.  Perhaps more parting and sorting, maybe some weedeater use, and working on my packs.  Always have more planned than you can do, and keep that up.  Do what is vital, keep fed and watered, and it works out.  What I have noticed is that when I do really heavy work I do end up being able to do lighter stuff much easier... if I can get to it.

Hmm... I'll at least clean off the electric piano, and maybe get the weights out.  Oh, and collect the shelving components.  I need to bag shims that hold the shelves to the legs.  Later.

A better day?

.
.
In spite of the ease, yesterday was a bit hard.  I didn't let it go completely to waste, if I didn't do all that much either.  My body was tired.  No real pain, it simply couldn't pull much energy from anywhere.  Cloudy, wet, cool, and it rained.  No help there.  Though as the world dries out, and the sun hits full light, that will be rough.  While someplace like Hawaii is liked by some, my problem there is if I got in a rut, the change of weather wouldn't force me out of it.  Summer, however, is the one season that might flatten me... well... winter can too, if I have a better chance of digging out in winter, or staying ahead.  Cold can be handled, a bit better if the sun is out too.  That summer heat is unrelenting, and not my gig.

Even so, the sun just hasn't been out much this spring, to my mind.  It does complicate things.  And when it goes from full light to full sun, if I have used that energy gained on sunny days, I am sort of cruising for a bruising.  Either way, I hope to get back out Monday.  I had forgotten about some wood, from the other other tree.  I need to get that over with the rest of the piles, sort it, then process from there.  There isn't as much good wood from that as from either of the other trees by quarter.  Though there are a lot more green branches.  Not worth it for processing, but it has to be collected with the rest of the green.

Sleep was fantastic.  I sleep better when I have done something in the day, more so when I finished certain things.  Putting food away helped.  Sometimes I can't get everything put away.  I lose focus, memory slips, and such.  On those nights, since I am often hungry, knowing that food is going bad, later in the night, haunts me.  As I said, not last night.  The unused half of cooked meats are in the freezer, the noodles were bagged, and the sauce and used burger balls were put up.  So bland, but it's food.

Down a bit late, but up at a reasonable time.  It's as if my body is trying to stay with days.  A nap threw me off a bit, as to when I slept last night, but made waking... somewhat reasonably considering possible.  I am still tired, and as noted no sun to bolster life.  I'll grab a bit to eat and... figure life out.  I might be able, today, to take down the shelving, get the sheer on the other window, perhaps rearrange... no I won't be changing curtains quite yet...  Well, if I get that, I may hit the kitchen just a bit today.  Clearing the last of the floor, opening up flat surfaces, mild cleaning.  The list hasn't changed.  Oh, and trash and maybe recycling out.  Bleh.  Later.

Spaghetti...

.
.
I did get it all done.  I took extra time, due to the grains not being cooked beforehand.  I added spice and herb, both to the meatballs and in the marinara sauce.  And?  Meh.  It was okay.  I will not be writing home about it.  Next time I will mix burger and sausage.  There is one spice missing, to my mind, in the meatballs.  It's sort of a seed, offering a black licorice flavor.  Best crushed a bit, or the seed might be too hard.  I'll have to remember the name and buy some of it.  Best to buy it at least cracked.  While it doesn't last, the whole seeds age harshly... especially in this drier climate.  Anise seed?  Maybe.

Even so, it was a pleasant meal.  I did only use about half the meatballs.  They really were bland, even spiced rather heavily, then also the marinara.  I can't believe how bland.  Yes, fresh herbs and spices.  Well, freshly bought dry.  Smelled good going in, too.  Oh well.  I'll have some tomorrow as well.  The remaining meats will go into a freezer bag for next week.  Though I'll try to think of something else in an attempt to dress that up.  A salad would be nice, as well as garlic french bread.  I'm not so much into meatball sandwiches.  Something, to me, just off about that.

I didn't do much more in the computer room.  However, as mentioned, I did clear much of the shelving and surrounds.  I did receive allowance to return the curtains I purchased, already had the label for the sheers printed.  Upon reviewing those, I noticed the printer isn't doing well.  Perhaps it is too low, though the indicator suggested otherwise.  I cleaned and aligned the heads, that didn't help.  I might try the other printer.  They are almost cheap enough that just tossing the printer rather than buying new cartridges is the way to go.  And as messy as finding the right one can be, it may be much better to just toss.  Not green, not even right in some real ways, but it is what it is.  If that doesn't work I may make another run to town tomorrow.  I just don't want to fuss with anything else tonight.  I am tired.

Yeah, but still, a good day after a good week.  I really need to figure out the power cable from the house to the shed.  If I can get that disconnected safely, I can do a lot more limbing.  I want to do a lot more limbing.  It's good exercise, I should begin figuring out some light roping and climbing safety, and... well... the risk is sort of entertaining.  No bungee climbing or falling, mind you.  I'll keep it more practical.  Though I may see about camping up in there.  Yeah, I really would like to do that.  I don't trust the trees enough to try it in heavy weather, but sometime it would be fun to find some trees that seem more trustworthy and giving that a whirl.  You only die a bunch of times!  Or, well, some of us.  *blink blink*

Good night.