Too hot.

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I purchased a fan for upstairs.  It makes it feel better.  I was up there for a while, unable to sleep.  I didn't quite understand.  Then I checked the temp.  While the fan makes it feel better, the truth is it is still 78 up there.  No matter how one dresses some things up, they just won't work.  I may have to further purchase a small window ac for up there, close it up, and use that as needed.  I know I can sleep at 70, maybe at 72, possible 74, but not at 78.  And I need my sleep.

While I have misplaced some of my medication, so been off it for a few days, I have somehow nearly completely drained of fluids.  I would have thought, with the added heat stress, drinking "bad" fluids, eating the wrong foods until I can sort things, that I would be even worse than before.  Nope.  My feet are down to normal.  I started back on medications tonight, resetting the spare medicine container.  Though I cut the water pill to just one.  I fear what two might do, with me being this low on fluid.

On the other shoe, so to speak, I seem to have obtained a pretty hefty foot fungus.  I'll be working at erradicating that, if possible.  Perhaps the more recent, and severe, swelling left my feet vulnerable.  I have heard that daily, or twice daily, soaking in an apple cider vinegar and water mix will fix it, in a month... along, perhaps, with vix vapor rub?  Anyway, I might give that a try.  If I can find a foot bath that fits, or something that will work beside... hmm... one of those storage totes... but will require a lot more fluids.  This world is not built to be convenient to even pseudo-giants.

I said I would get the weed eater going tomorrow.  She has an electric.  It may not be a single shot, as today it was 90, with high humidity, putting the index up to 100... a bit dangerous for pets and gimps of various sorts, and the young and old.  I can probably get to it if I don't push too hard or long at any time.  Probably.  I'll be giving it a shot.  It is actually too hot to take her dog out, at least until later.  I have been walking him from time to time, for both of our sakes.

While I won't take care of complete care and feeding, I would like to see about walking more and more, and doing some of the care.  In consideration of obtaining a dog myself.  I could use the incentive to walk, and pal on the road.  But it can be a lot of work on all ends.  Dogs need and want a lot of time and attention.  Perhaps too much time and work.  Even a small dog needs quite a lot of time and a moderate amount of attention.  Though they walk much better than cats... which, on a leash, produce more like a drag... which is illegal in many states, immoral in even more.  ;p

I have been trying to make myself handy.  Not sure living together would ever work out though.  She loves to work,  And loves everyone else within a two square mile area to work with and for her.  I have let her know to make lists.  And, if she asks for something, do it when I am already up or getting up, not when I am in the middle of something.  She has done better with that, so far, mostly.  But that will always be a challenge for her.  Still, I think, with a bit of patience and effort on both sides, it might be possible.  While she is healthy enough.  And well worth it, with some pains to keep it sorted.  I just don't see her really doing it.  Oh, and she could go to my brothers for longish spells when it gets cold there, or just because.  I could probably keep up, for a while, if the place was mostly in order... or even afford help for when she was gone.

As I suggested, I have doubts about the veracity of her consideration.  But if she really gets to that place, I'd do what I could to make it happen.  To that end I really need to get back to work on cleaning and clearing when I return home.  I'll definitely be getting a dumpster in when I get back and clearing much out.  Then cleaning harshly and powerfully.  I may not get it all up, and keep it up, but I will approach that and shut some areas off, then hit a room every other month or something.  Ugh but housekeeping is just not my forte.

Not sure what to do tonight.  I would love to sleep, want it, but it's just too warm.  There is the couch, down here, but it is a bit too small and uncomfortable for me.  I may go up, read, and hope it just clicks, in time.  Good night.

Home.

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I made it back fairly easily.  It really didn't cost all that much.  I enjoyed the drive.  I made it in time for all needed.  Though I was pushing things.  Too many hours on the road, too little sleep... just could not sleep.  Typical of when I travel, it seems.  Whether to Burning Man, local or main, home, or anywhere.  I slept very little in the two days leading up to the drive and very little the next few days.  Finally, sleep is normalizing.  Heat was a problem last night.  I bought a fan today.  Maybe that will be enough.  If not, maybe a small window air conditioner.  I need sleep, and I need to be cool enough to do it.

The humidity is higher, but it really isn't bothering me.  The heat is, or can.  At least at the moment.  The drive was good for me.  I have been having a huge problem with swollen legs and feet lately.  While the house shoes are helping, for some reason, driving allowed me to lose almost all the fluid buildup.  My feet and legs look normal!  I haven't even been taking my meds regularly.  Strange.  I'll take it.

I get the feeling, however, that I am not terribly welcome.  I may be being... seeing what isn't there.  I just don't think so.  I definitely believe I am not terribly welcome.  This is the shire.  Even if I happened to be Gandalf... only some of the locals care for me.  Not even family.  Though I was adopted, there might even still be that.  Though it is more.  I do think I am read.  Why read if it is so upsetting?  I write what I write, believe what I do, and see, dream, and feel as I put it.  That won't change.  So... why bother?  

There is mother.  While she is difficult to be with, at times, I am finally convinced that she does love me.  Yes... I... question everything.  I had to.  I still have to.  I've been through too much to take anything at face value, or just trust.  You get what you earn.

Perhaps I was a bit off... at the gathering... having driven too long and stayed up too long.  My body may have just been... unhealthy.  Maybe I smelled a bit off.  Though I really think it is this blog and my notions of things that saw me pushed to the outside and excluded.  I don't mind, in one sense.  The initial sting was harsh.  That passed.  I might still see a few family, who seemed interested.  Most I... will simply understand.

I have been doing little bits and pieces to help out here.  Sometimes an idea, sometimes work, I do make the effort.  I even bought a small took kit for my mother.  If I am going to do stuff, I need tools.  But they are good for her to have on hand as well.  Not all potential handy-men have tools with them.  Sometime this next week, I will even be replacing a window pane, the old fashioned way and type.  I like to do these sorts of things.  Especially with someone else, mostly, keeping up on the house.  I'll even split out some of the cooking, cleaning, if more lightly in those areas.  Just the way it is.

Whatever else, I came to see my cousin buried.  She came to me so powerfully.  It tore me up.  Real?  It was to me.  I got to see her set to rest.  Even if I felt the need to defend myself, and be on hostile ground, to more of a degree than I thought would happen, I... pay that price gladly.  I feel right with her about it all now.  I can't help these things.  Not sure I would if I could.  I just wish... in time...

I also saw my uncle, the one who fell ill.  He is doing better.  Not home, as I was told.  Only back at the local hospital.  I will see him again, off an on, before I go... if such is available.  He is, most likely, going to a nursing home, at least short term, until he heals and can walk.  Stubborn.  A trait of the family, like it or not.  Even so, we don't always win.

I may post, from time to time.  I don't have my own new item, but that may be in the offing.  I did fix my mother's machine, so...  Be well.

So much to do.

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So little time.  I think those are the rules.

Was worried about the doctor.  Finally set that up.  It was timing.  When I get back is soon enough.

Set up lighter hoses for watering.  Watered lawn for the first time.  Had to cut it short, harshly.  That should help with weeds, if  it might burn the grass.  A price and risk I see as reasonable.

I need to get dishes and laundry, packing, and as much straightening as possible, plus have plants, cat food and litter, and worm food all centralized.  It is getting hot on top of things.  I’ll do what I can.  Oh, and a chore list.  The doc was the big headache.  If that went south, no driving... legally.

Tech problems.

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Either the monitor, cable, vid board, software, or worse is wrong.  I will, when I can, get in to buy a new cable.  Until then?  I am using my ps4, which is painfully slow and annoying.  Just saying I am not dead or really ill.  Some have complained when I go without some word.

If it isn‘t the cable... it might be a while.  Might go with a tablet, dump computers, and see if that is enough.  So long as it has wifi, can hook to a monitor, mouse, keyboard, and printer, should be enough.

Now you know.  Later.  Maybe much later.

No class reunion.

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Which is fine.  It would have been nice, not saying otherwise.  It just wasn't the highest priority.  I suppose, somehow, I could squeeze that out.  But I don't think I could find enough places to stay to be out of the way while there.  My mother might well love for me to stay that long, in theory.  But as we all know, that... simply... doesn't work out.  Parents and children, living together, no matter how much we love each other...  If it has to work, sometimes it does.  But it is rocky.  Actually, living with anyone is a tough gig.  No matter how pretty, useful, helpful, she has always become a ball and chain.  Love it?  Well... there are times I would have sworn to it, much at when in engineering I swore I loved math.  No.  The only thing that might have gotten me to stay with a woman is children.  Otherwise it just doesn't last.  And, even that, is more like a guilt trip, until the children are old enough to begin programming to do stupid pet tricks.  Which is short lived as well.

Anyway, yeah, no.  I'd love to stay longer, in one sense.  That I haven't been there for a long time.  Hmm... actually?  I was thinking of being there a month anyway.  If I went later enough, and held my breath at times, I might be able to make it.  Leaving a few days before the end of this month, returning in early August?  You know?  Especially if I could stay with other family, from time to time.  Not sure.  I'll think on it.

The good side to everything being off is I have more time to attempt to clean, clear, and be very ready to go.  Today is a rough one.  It's cold again, not sunny.  It was down to 64 this morning, in this front room (without vent from the furnace).  So... yeah.  Even so, I have dishes soaking again, and laundry about to begin being processed, switched out, and all.  I have to fold these.  Ugh...  Lots more clothes than I thought, as some were still in the dryer.

It is shaping up.  Not sure, even now, but... maybe.  Later.

Looks like the cold war is heating up.

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A senator and staffer, or several of one or each, were shot.  An attack by a bernieite.  Leftists have been pushing this, hard, since the harder left lost to the softer left in this last election.  They have become completely unhinged.  Which wasn't much of a movement.  Of course, they are going after their own allies.  From what I can tell, if they murdered every republican in the senate and the house they would be doing 'conservatives*' a favor.  We aren't represented, currently.  All our leadership and reps have sold out to the biggest foreign money.  But replacement value is where it really might be at, and the change in attitude.

There will be many republicans who attempt to negotiate, to play nice about this, and to attempt to make amends.  Hopefully up close and personal.  More hopefully, with the same results of what we got here.  Then, and probably only then, will repbulicans start realizing that their foreign owners don't care, that the side they are trying to make peace with only wants the peace of their death and the deaths of many they say they mean to represent, and nothing else will satisfy them...  Choices.  They can, for less "money", begin truly representing America and Americans, and even limiting who and what those things mean, or they can end up in that shallow grave, if they get that, but from each side.  In a hot war, being in the middle absolutely sucks.  It's going hot.

Hatch, I think, bothered me with a call last night, to suggest he had some live event going on.  No. thank. you.  Keep it.  I'm not interested.  I've watched his work, and simply have no interest in being involved.  I remember when he was about to be replaced, and the state GOPe butchered the process to make sure he kept his seat.  He is neither an ally, or friend.  That is how I feel about republicans!  Dems?  Well, no need to even go there.

At this point, cya.  If you know decent people, do what you can for them.  Watch your back, the animals are out and crazed.  If they come, do not hold back.  You might well lose, but better to lose giving than just taking.  If there is no pain, to them, they will never stop.  And, who knows, you pop a couple of them rightly, you might just turn the numbers game against them.  Angels, it is said, will still fight with righteous men.  Leave politicians to their chosen fate, defend yourself and yours.  Oh, don't start it, not unless it comes to that point.  But finish it if possible.  Good day.

Awake, about on time, with a minor headache.

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I think the headache is from shifting sleep cycle.  The cool... changed something.  It being, in real terms, cool not actuallycold (in here and to me), I was able to stay up longer.  But that is hard on the body.  Resistance to wakefulness disappeared, that threw things off.  The headache is mild, it will pass on it's own, so no aspirin.

Brushing two to three times a day, shaving every other day or three, keeping up on food and the girls, and now attempting to put the cave in order before I rocket out.  Or, even if I don't.  Bits and pieces, one thing at a time... nearly.  A load of laundry right after this post, then running fresh hot water for the dishes, looking for a suitcase or two... a larger one for four or five sets of clothes, and dress clothes, plus a small personals pack.  Only extra socks and underwear, the rest can wear longer.  Trying not to over-pack, but I hate having too little as well.  Good to be a man, on some things, even so, if I take too much as men often go.  Then again, I used to take a lot less and end up having to buy.  Not good.

I don't know how much I can get done.  Yes, yes, talk, talk, talk, mostly, so far.  But, for me, it helps to talk into it when I am not quite ready to do.  I coalesce the mind in that direction, beat the war drums, and hope to instill urgency, focus, intent.  I have to do a lot of a work to do any work... which is why that doesn't happen as often as I would like.  Well, and the work I would rather do is expensive.  I'd rather be fixing things, working on the roof, even painting.  Not just expensive work, but also complicated.  Paining a room would me, for me, usually, stripping it.  Even in the big, current, bathroom, before I paint I will remove the toilet.  I'll have to do a new wax ring.  Which is fine, I want to lay a new double bead of silicon calk anyway.  But, see, it... gets complicated, and paint isn't cheap either.  Choosing a color?  Gah!

However, the work that is for me, to make the cave a bit more reasonable to have 'guest workers' is what there is on my list.  I will do it as best I am able.  Quickly, tirelessly as possible, and as efficiently as I can.  Yeah... sounds like when someone else is prepping you for work.  But I don't have anyone else.  Oh.  Best set up my medicine as well.  The half hour is up, so now, after brushing, I can have tea.  Just that will keep teeth from being white without silly efforts.  Stained, maybe, but I've had fewer cavities, none since 1993, than most of you.  Keep your pearlies, if they have to keep drilling.

Right.  Tea.  Plus finishing waking.  Oh, but a load of laundry in and dishes a refresh.  THEN, an hour or two to wake and stretch into things.  THEN back to work of some kind.  I do like to work, if some of this mumbo-jumbo house cleaning and sorting stuff is... a struggle.  More than most.  Not my problem, sort of, it is what to do.  Work, work, work, go, go, go, ready, aim, fire, shut the fuck up and get up!  Later.

Fried.

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It isn't just from what I wrote.  I have been working, on the side, to try to get things arranged before I go.  Laundry is going, the toilet has been cleaned with the intention of hitting the whole bathroom tomorrow then keeping it pristine until I go, the bedroom I am in is being treated, as will a few other places.  I want to make it as pleasant for any who must enter to do the chores needed.  As well, to not come home to... well... what I have been living in.

The potential for travel has given me cause to scoot and shoot.  Work, work, work...  At least the drive is there.  The practical?  I get bogged down so easily!  Distracted, confused, tiring out easily as well.  Still, I... I have done more today, here, there, this, and that, than I have in quite some time.  Push.  I want a whole lot more done.  The main thing are the things which would be troublesome for many reasons.  Then the stuff that is just clutter.  Finally, perhaps, some neatening and refining, if I get that far.

Beyond, I want worm and cat food prepped and easy.  I want the indoor plants put where they won't be as easily missed when tending to the girls (cats).  Hmm, I might even leave treats for whoever visits.  Various candy bars, ice cream bars, or... something.  Honey is far better than else, for drawing kind deeds, and spurring the behavior.  I have to think about even more.  Not sure what niece aged girls like, want, need.  Mix and match in there.  Hmm...  I will ponder on the tree of woe... when estrogen is set to waft.  Or call my brother, he has two of my other nieces.  He might know.  I dunno.

I might change out the hoses, and put lighter ones out.  The ones I have are murder for even me to work with.  Yeah, glutton and pain both belong in the explanation for that.  Not that it's all that serious, I nap more than pain myself.  Still, the idea is there.  I do try.  I'll toss the clothes in the dryer, let them fluff as done as they will get, and get ready to do more in the morning.  Thankfully I really don't have many clothes to do.  I do have a lot of dishes though.  Hmm...  I'll probably run a load of those before I go to bed to.  Let them soak.  Ugh.

Medicine, brushing, then?  Good night.  That's what's next.  Sleep well or work hard, whatever is left to you... or just enjoy, if that's open and else is as done as it can be.

Pulling teeth.

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I had added extra money into my Home Depot account, in order to have money in it to pay off the lawnmower, or get a start on it anyway.  As it turns out, their credit department refused to use that money.  They wanted me to buy an in-store purchase card with it, then use that along with the regular balance and whatever else.  The in-store guys advised against it.  If the store-chit, or whatever it is called, wouldn't process, then I would be stuck.  They can't return those.  They weren't sure it would work.  So I had to use another card.  Which... makes things tight.  They wouldn't up the card, or do anything else to help.  I may have to get rid of that card.  They do it to themselves.  At least the store people were trying to prevent me from being scammed.  Still, it was messy.

Now to get it back.  I ended up going with the larger mower.  It was on sale for less than even the smaller mower I had been considering.  The 10% off I had brought it down to where, if they had used the card, that would have paid it all.  It does have the 50" deck.  Oh well... the good is having the 24 hp engine.  I hope it's a good.  When I get back I will order the scoop.  I'll install it, then just detach the scoop portion.  The brackets stay on it.  You never know until you know, I guess.

I did a bit more shopping.  Cat food, litter, and a few needed items.  Shorts, a few caps, and house shoes... or good enough for that.  For when I travel, though they were needed anyway.  That sure added up fast, but... what can you do?  I may find out tonight, when I can get the mower.  I'd like to ride it at least once before heading out.  I am excited about it.  I never thought I could afford one, to be honest.

I'll tell you, whatever else, I seem to be either somewhat appreciated or absolutely hated.  I can't always tell which it is.  Don't really care, on the one hand.  But it... when eyes are burning holes in your back... then again, I'm a little nervous when the herd closes in, friend of foe.  I'm used to being alone.  Honestly I don't know if I could fight my way out of a wet paper bag, but push come to shove I'd give it what I've got.  Might go down like a bag of potatoes or might end the thing before most people could blink.  Depends on me, what I might be facing, and...  Well...  I'm getting old.  I'm well past when most people die, from a thousand things.  I've been dead three times.  I shouldn't even honestly be able to have this sort of conversation... but there it is.

If you are going to do it, shoot me several times, well placed shots.  Shoot my again, very well placed while approaching.  Then chop off my head.  You really don't want me coming back again.  No jail or prison will keep you safe from me.  Though, I think mine would get you if you succeed.  But they'll just kill you.  I'll rip parts of you off.  Don't tease.  Do it or leave it alone.  Yeah.

Later.

Cool, actually really cool.

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As I was heading out, I noticed my furnace thermometer.  I thought I saw something that shouldn't... couldn't... be.  I have it set at 66, and really should have it off.  No matter, it still flashes between the time and the internal temp reading.  I could have swore it read 66, in that nano second as I was speeding by and just happened to glance.  But that... couldn't be?  It's JUNE 13th!  So, in spite of being a bit in a hurry, I paused to see.  Indeed.  It read 66 F, in my house, and that is with the furnace on.  I wonder what it might have gotten down to otherwise?  Absolutely crazy.  I'm betting snow really is coming.  That wasn't just a... freak dream... daydream... vision.  Or has it already snowed?  They aren't telling the real news, currently.  They are hiding much.  Trump and the other clowns in D.C. are covering over the real events with their bullshittery.  Is he now owned, or undone?  Or... we'll see.  You too, maybe.

I got to the post, though, and in time.  Two sinks.  Never ordering that way again.  They really dropped the ball on shipping.  I did get a water bill today, though I haven't heard back from the accountant.  The bill shows that I am $19 in the black, but I think I have a $50 check to be cashed yet.  For some reason I wrote them for the middle of the months?  I have no idea why I did that.  That is totally out of character.  Was I ill, or really... problematic... when I wrote them?  I just... don't know.  Anyway, I'd like to see, generally, what my bill comes to, when it would be due again... roughly... then get a couple of years worth of checks in.  Ugh.

I haven't heard from my mother, either.  Though she might not have the time until later.  Plus, she is having to call someone else, perhaps playing phone tag as well.  Life is never straightforward when two or more gather for a job... save worship.  Unless it's a well hones team.  A gaggle of women, transmitting information... can go either way.  *grins*  No complaints, I just don't transmit, mostly.

I shaved again.  One thing I am finding about shaving?  If you do it, you sort gotta keep doing it.  Or the face itches, the whiskers get sharp, the skin dries out terrible.  Either shave or do not shave, but don't horse around.  When I wasn't, officially, shaving, just using the trimmer was a good way to go.  Brushing and shaving are becoming very regular, and medicine, and food.  Not back to work yet, but...  Oh... if I go home, I'll have my mother make a list of things to do.  No promises, at all.  But, if I can, I'd like to try to work there.  When she is at work.  I might do the list, or do other things.  I've... learned my way around a home, if I can't keep one up, not fully, not solo.  I'll bet I can surprise her.  Or... not.  :p

Don't believe everything you hear.

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Actually, believe nothing that you hear.  Test it, check it, verify... even then... doubt.  Even when you know it, be looking for how, when, why, not.  This includes God.  He will check out, has for me anyway, so far.  Yeah, I... keep at it, both on Him, and myself.  Doubt will do you great favors, checking is necessary, so times of peace when you reach a plateau of consciousness will bear exceptional fruit from it.  It's... how it has to be, and will be, whether you like it or not... if you intend to live, and learn.

What? Right.

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After days of pushing to make it to 17:00, making it once then falling back, I was awake until 21:00 and change last night.  Not good to stretch that far, at least on an 'empty stomach'.  When traveling, I can do it, and much more.  Just sitting at home, especially adjusting to medicine, not so much.  I woke at 4:00, pretty much exactly.  Seven hours isn't bad, considering everything is out of bend.  Still, it's an ugly morning for it, at least starting out.  Headache.

Maybes are adding up.

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Financials look good.  I spoke with someone about tending the place.  The girls will miss some things.  I just can't take them with.  And vet 'storage' just... isn't right, or affordable.  A list of duties, I am told, is what is needed.  A timeline, and duty list.  I can do that.  It won't be extremely simple, but it won't be terribly difficult.

Off hand... water the outside plants, perhaps lawn, two to three times a week; when here, doing that, check the water for the cats, ensure they have dry food, clean out their litter;  Water the house plants... I will move those back where they are right near the cat stuff.  Hmm... and worms?  How to have... I might just buy produce, and process that.  Freezing small bags of it, one to be added to the worm bin along with the rest?  Yeah, I can do that.

The girls aren't going to like it.  I don't know what to do if Sam, or Sassy, escape.  I'm not sure what to do about heat, and 'trim' of windows and such.  If the back is left open, they can go to the basement if it gets too hot.  Still...  I don't know.  I'll have to think of something something, too.  I'll... think.  I have my ways, fool that I am.

Now, I still don't know if the gig is on.  There are other things to know, other things to consider, this, and that.  But a notion, in my hands, can be created, destroyed, even quickened if killed by almost any means, on short order.  Not only was I, at one time, a man with the tools and means, but a man who could.  Was that just a dream?  I think... it depend(ed)(s) upon whom you ask(ed).

It would be good to see family.  To be there for a moment.  To... travel.  Maybe for the last time, at least in a very long time.  But you know what happens over long periods of time.  So... maybe last time.  Especially if my feet have their way with me.  Woden, or one of them, should not be nailed down.  Only for... special reasons.  And she... never mind.  Not one of my problems.  Later.

Useless terror.

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I finally got around to checking messages, on my phone.  I found one suggesting I was behind on my water bill.  By a lot.  I thought I had taken care of that!  I was almost sure I had!  So I scrambled to call and figure this out.  The woman who had been doing this was no longer in charge.  She sort of remembered, maybe, handling a pack of checks from an out-of-state account, maybe me, but... just wasn't sure, and no longer had access.  She did give me a couple of names and numbers to check things.

While I was talking, I was checking my account online.  Well, after looking through my checkbooks to figure out which account was used and what the numbers might be.  Actually, there were only two of the copies, though I was certain I had written four checks.  I had thought they were $200, $150, and two $50's.  It looks like, or my bank recorded, that there were two $150 checks... which should put me well over, into the black by a long shot, as utilities aren't that much and I wasn't that far behind.  Must have been in a rush while writing them.  I was terribly embarrassed.  It was the last cleanup after the attempted house theft of ought 17.  :p

Yeah, the bank suggests those checks were cashed.  Still, quite a fright.  Sometimes, like a sleeping animal, something awakens something primal.  Being mostly dead, I sleep often.  I wake in a hurry, from pain or fear.  Primal.  It is as things are.  Still, good to have that almost cleared.  She will be checking, and getting back to me, for sure, today or tomorrow.  By that, I will plan a whole grouping of more checks, a year or two worth, post-dated... I think it should be pre-dated but that's not the convention.  Sometimes I catch when I have lapsed, sometimes I don't.  I do my best.  But, yeah, even as a ghost, I'm still a darned kid... sometimes, in some ways.

Oh, from a few things... I might still be able to go home, if that all works, and get the lawn tractor.  How?  Well, shut up.  That's how.  It'll take me down to scrap, but that was... sort of going to happen no matter what.  A major purchase will do that, especially with me just coming out of the attempted house theft of ought 17.  Damned kids.  Get off my lawn!  Wait, not the ones mowing, or raking.  *sigh*  Know when you are beat?  Shut it.  Good to be king.  Later.

Not welcome.

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Wow, I tell you, things are changing.  While writing a response, the whole thing disappeared.  Why?  I think they are monitoring and editing, on some blogs, while comments are being written.  Rather than reject after the fact, for this or that reason, they are... if they catch it in time, rejecting it immediately.  Is it political correctness?  I am thinking so.  It was at Vox Day's blog.

He has been writing about the convergence, or the appearance of that, regarding some new writs for the Southern Baptist Convention.  And, while I understand what seems like frustration, there are... problems...  How can you call to account another when you aren't holding yourself accountable?  Or... you have areas or people who are flagrantly wrong, who you hold close?

We are all sinful.  We are all seduced by sin.  We all have, beyond simple needs and wants, dark hungers.  We fail to resist, sometimes... more often... to repent.  Most people live with and in sin, and won't change.  Christians who actually live the Christian life, confining themselves, refusing those who don't abide to some reasonable standards, are few.  Most go by law, and leave it at that.  I like to think I am among Christians, failing often, and only God will have that say, but the idea is there.  And I do reject those who won't accept that there is sin, that sin is not acceptable, that they sin, and that redemption is an ongoing heavy process.  They must be told, of course.  Though some, who are brazen, have no need of being told.

Causality.  Or how those who only believe in the world would have it.  When we try to live our own lives, our own way, and reject the wisdom behind the notion of sin, and why or why not, we end up suffering.  The world wants us to eat of the many fruits, and die from it.  Knowing, finally, but without the wisdom to do a thing about it.  Forgiveness?  Yes, but it must be sought.  For it to be sought, first it must be known to be needed.  From what?  That must be known.  From whom?  Raw fruit of the world is deadly poison, no matter how it may, at first blush, seem.  Ah, believe or else, there is a right place where butterflies never die.  In a different way, but... I think... well... you'll learn.

There was a time when human, anyway, causality, and what it bore, was my aim, goal.  She taught me, the hard way.  I learned, and went on to do, in ways she could never have fathomed.  Though I had always been seeking the blowfish skin soup that would do the trick.  She just... unleashed all reservations.  Thankfully, now, I have been called back from that blackness.  And, mostly, even in dark times, facing my Lord, it is okay.  And more.

But this isn't about judgment, exactly.  Only, if you accept sins, great sins, and the sinners who do them... bringing them in, holding them tight, literally or virtually, how can you judge others who do the same.  Actually, regardless of how you go about it, if you claim others are doing bad by including those who shouldn't be, while doing so yourself, the problem...  Well, that is why churches are failing.

I couldn't post this there, in abbreviated form.  I'll try it here.  I understand.  Some just can't handle hearing that they seem to be throwing rocks while living in glass houses.  Or their guards make sure they don't hear the negatives.  Is there some method to his madness?  Yes.  But it is a very dangerous method, and may not be... fruitful rightly.  Actually, I don't think it has ever worked... to my knowledge.  So be it.

I was given not a second chance, but seven times seventy, daily, for much of the darker parts of my life.  Thank God my foolishness was never truly accepted, allowed, coddled.  Not even by me, if that was half the point?  Amen.

At this point, there is no reason to read the news.

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There have been news sources which were more reliable.  There were sources which would gather at least the news that was important, and let you sift through the dirt in hopes of a few nuggets.  At this point there is nothing but fluff, propaganda, and diversion.  They are actively using the news to thwart information, the real stuff, the important stuff, from being released.  Attacking, or defending, Trump... stories of leftist doings, or the counters... this isn't what is happening in the world, save what college kids and leftists might like to think.  None of it is important.  It's all fiction, like going to a circus.  Whether you like one clown or another really doesn't matter concerning where to put your money or what is happening with the national debt; what your government is doing, where, and hwy; or what our military is about.

There is no news, as this point.  Even blogs have just become a part of the side-tracking of the search for real information.  It is all being hidden behind a facade of foolishness.  I just won't read anymore.  There is nothing out there, being offered, to actually inform me.  Comey?  He is only important to himself.  The dems are a dying party, republicans are following as closely as possible, doing an actually impressive job of truly leading from behind successfully.  I really thought that was a joke term, until I realized what the republican party really is doing.

Heck, even the weather?  I checked the weather reports yesterday.  It was suggested that Monday would be 66, Tuesday 64.  Not even, say, twelve hours later and... now it is 65 and 67.  Wow.  They wonder why no one believes they can even forecast a year, let alone a century, down the pike?  I haven't been able to find the actual temps, when they happen, and they constantly scrub their old guesses.  I understand, it's not a SCIENCE (as it is commonly termed).  But then stop acting like it is.

What is left?  Ah, reading, gaming, working, cleaning, clearing... when health allows.  I don't know.  All I know is the news is useless.  It isn't informing.  It is absolutely avoiding informing.  Convergence does that, I guess.  But, then, why are all, in spite of knowing that it is disinformation, engaging with it?  That is a very good question.  Go with the simplest answer, ask your inner child.  And... follow that wisdom and advice, and sever ties.

Wanted?

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Well, maybe not.  Though my mother would like me to drive there.  I don't think I am actually being read, or it didn't sound like it.  But you know how that can go.  I did get in touch with her.  Oh, I have a school reunion coming up, as well.  She is going to check on that.  She knows one of the girls... woman... who was in the class ahead of me, but dated a guy in my class... plus.  They have a child together.  I may have missed it, or am really close to missing it.  Not sure.  If I can get the cats and watering arranged, I could be there in short order... if I haven't missed it.  Crazy.  And, my uncle is still going.  There is a chance to see him.  Well, and other family.  It's been a while.

I will have to pack, arrange things, see the doc if possible or at least set that up for next month.  It's... getting late.  The lawn tractor will just have to wait.  Assuming I can get else arranged.  Ugh!  The idea of travel, seeing family, being a part of the family doings... even the hard ones... it's a good thing.  But that hot, humid, Iowa summer... tight.  It'll remind me of just how good the weather is here, even when it's too dry to spit.  That's a feature, in my world.  There is no dry place in Iowa.  Later.

Can that be for real?

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If the mapping service is correct, the distance is 1,109 miles (always give or take, add 10% just to be sure).  If my vehicle gets the same highway miles it usually does, and all else fits, giving gas at $2.50 a gallon, that came out to ~53 gallons of fuel, costing $132.  Can that be right?  I am really tired.  I'll do the numbers again later.  If true, then all I have to do is figure out how to get some other things managed, for a while.  I would have to have purchase food anyway, so that isn't a real problem.  But putting things off for a bit is...  But, yeah.

I'll make sure what I thought I heard is what I heard though.  And... check some things.  I just don't know about this.  Maybe having another place or two to stay, just so I don't become too much of a problem any single place?  Something.  I still don't know.  Haven't received a return call.  I'm about ready to crash, too.  I just can't stay awake.  Hmm... depending on timing, might try to get in to see the doctor.  Ugh.

I hate it when I was up until 17:00 yesterday, easily, and I am crashing short of that.  Progress sucks when it isn't.  Then again, most of that notion is bunk.  Good night.

It seems I am wanted.

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Well, not in a bad way.  At least, I don't think it's a bad way.  A funeral, though not the one you might have thought.  Or... not yet.  Who knows, if I make it back, I might be able to see... everybody else, even my uncle who is ill.  It has been a while.  The thing is, it changes all my plans, it confuses some things, it sets some things back financially, and I have to figure out about cats, lawn, and plants.  Ugh.  When did life get so complicated?

I get the feeling that what I wrote about her... was seen there.  I had hoped it wouldn't be.  I didn't know how they would take it.  I know some, there, read from time to time.  I suspect they miss much.  Or, well, have.  In any case, I think they are actively watching now.  It unnerves me a bit.  Strangers can write it all off.  Those who know, some of it... well...  People are literally recognized in some music videos.  If all of you, who know bits, got together, compared notes, you would find... there is more there than you now imagine.  Some of it might be story, or hope, or doubt, fear, etc.  More than you would like to know isn't.  Still, they watch.  It seems to not be a problem.  Probably.

I called my mother back, left a message.  I am not sure... of anything.  I'll need to check how much travel would cost.  And, to have any chance at reasonable future plans, even this, I really have to consider all.  I couldn't come back until next month, without draining the coffers.  But cost of living still... I still have to eat there.  It's complicated.  We will know more soon.  Though it's frustrating to be missing calls.  I am worriedly excited.

I'll go see about travel costs, review my accounts, and eventually speak with the folk, all of them, who might or might not have something to do with anything.  Ugh.  Later.

Weather might be part of it.

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Today is supposed to only, outside, get up to 84 F.  Tomorrow it is supposed to only get to 66, and Tuesday is supposed to get down to 64.  This is June, mind you, and a third into it.  How unusual is this?  It's... unusual.  A storm is coming.  Down in the valley, if it does arrive, rain most likely.  In the higher elevations?  We'll see.  Yeah, the thought of snow was in a bundle of dreams or visions or sights after the really big one.  Jumbles of oddness, but there it was.  I think I wrote about it, if just a quip.  Of course... I was sort of mocking my own visions.  Sort of.  A bit.  Well, and a bit frustrated.

I may take a nap in a bit, but hopefully just a nap.  The cooling is tiring me.  Not much worse than what meds are already doing.  Just an extra forty in a fourforty.  Or more perhaps an extra hundred and forty in that... yeah.  Adds to the stretch, for sure.  It is pleasant though.  Being sleepy is good, so long as you don't have things to do, pressing matters of home, state, love, or health.  I, mostly, don't.

A nap might make it so that I can be awake when I wish to be tomorrow.  I want to do some business and some other business, plus I need to make it to the post.  I believe I will be closing my amazon prime account.  No need for it.  I'll just call stores in town when I need something, price shop that way, locate, perhaps even order.  I think I can order food online, and just do a drive in pickup.  I just... don't trust.  They want us old people not to enter, so the kids can play their queer music, and do whatever, I think... without objections.

Well, and they don't like us in there anyway, so it seems.  I wonder if they realize, that when we stop actually showing up?  Their jobs are done.  They will just have packagers.  Low wage mexicans, with white delivery people, give or take.  No, they don't... think that far ahead.  I don't want to order food for that very reason.  As much as I really don't like smarmy teens hating on straight white males, it's better than hiring in cubans or haitans, hidden back in there, poorly funded, doing God knows what all to the food, at cut rate prices.  It looks like that, really, is what amazon does?  Done with them, for the most part.  If I simply can't get something anywhere else, though even then there might be better places to use.  I think amazon really stuck it to themselves.  Though, maybe, they just couldn't keep up?  Maybe that is just reality.  I don't have the information to know for sure.  But... amazon, either way, just cut it's own throat.

Later.

Baby, it's cold out there.

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Depending on what thermometer I check, the readings range from below 70 (as low as the one in the kitchen does) to 72.  But it doesn't feel like it.  I had to put my thick robe over all, might add sweat bottoms... my winter wear.  It... I'm almost getting the notion that I will be seeing my breath before long.  Something about this isn't normal.

Now, it could just be... something, something, atmospheric, something, too fast of a change, something, or other.  I don't know.  Or?  Or my body is not doing well.  If you can't keep body temp up, the world does feel cold.  If it's 80 ambient, but you can't stay warm, even that will feel cool... cold.  It doesn't even mean I have to be sick.  I have gone through this before, though not terribly recently.  It is cold enough that my digits have a bit of pain to them from it, and numbness.

I can't tell if it is me or the weather quite yet.  So strange.  Now, this isn't a complaint, just a note.  I like it cold, as you well know if you read here often enough.  The cold is my preference.  Hmm?  Right.

Time can fly.

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I was trying to stay awake until midafternoon.  I looked at the clock at about ~11:54, give or take 11 to 3 minutes (back or forward).  Then I just started tinkering.  Nothing much.  A bit of music, a bit of gaming, some blogging and thinking.  Next time I looked at the clock it suggested 17:00.  I must have lost time, or a sense of it, for it was as if moments, maybe an hour, passed.  As I have suggested, here, before, I don't go through time.  For me, time drags on.  Moments turn to seeming years.  Whatever, this was good enough.

I was only able to sleep until half to midnight.  And with the time it takes to fall asleep, I only got, maybe, six hours in there.  I would have stayed and tried to sleep longer, but a seventeen hour day will see me back to 17:00.  I might add a few hours to it.  Oh, and the cave is down to 70 (well, when I am not in a room).  I generally raise the temp of any room by about two degrees, or more, depending on a few factors.

I have, roughly, started intermittent fasting.  One meal a day, or meal time... which spans, for now, up to eight hours.  In time I hope to reduce that to a four hour feeding window.  I am not all that hungry anymore, so a pound of beef will do.  Though some greens in there would be good.  I did check my blood sugar the other day, and as expected, it was 208.  That is where it stays, pretty much, if I am not eating dozens of donuts and lots of regular soda... which... okay, I have been going on donut binges.  But not that recently now.  I am guessing, if I can keep to the fasting, and add in three day fasting, by the time I see the doc this next month I should... be in order, or well on the way.  I need to remember to take in the tester, and use it regularly.  Blood sugar was 238 fasting, today... night... just now.

Later.

A rough one.

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A headache.  Tired.  Stomach upset.  Psychic weariness.  A few other things.  Easier to say the works and call it that.  I wanted to sleep but couldn't.  The time for sleep is coming though.  I didn't want to listen to this music.  Most music, at the moment, hurts my head.  This is loud.  And, yet, I was able to listen.  So, yes, it... is what I was seeking... to say something.  Say what?  I don't know for sure, but that it is in blue helps.  I think, in a small part, it is that while I am falling, while saying I am not, hope is being filled.  Prayer?  I think some do.  And, really, it is all I might request.  If you say a prayer for me, it would be more than giving me money.  Oh... yes... pray if you would.  Though spend more time talking to God than just on me.  That would be my... advise to serve as a... recompense.  Trust me... or don't.  But if you happen to pray, do as I suggest and we will both be much better for it.

A good sign, I think.

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For much of the winter, 68 was a bit warm to sleep, for me.  I suppose I get acclimated to the cold, so 68 is relatively warm.  Now, with days getting into the high 80's, potentially, and maybe going higher when summer really kicks in, the low is commonly 70~73.  While my house is cooler, generally, by it's nature, there is a limit to how much it can cool.  The thing is, with it being 73, and with the fans off, I am actually a bit chilly.

Why good?  It means I am acclimating.  It also means, even if diabetes is functional, it isn't causing problems with my body temp.  It is actually a very good sign.  I just wish I could get over medicine, and get going again.  While I can handle the heat... before it creeps up, and stays up, so long that I can't really do much.  High summer and winter are just what they are... down times save for those who have no choice.  And they are grumpy, most often, for it.

The flickering of lightning.

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Not outside, or to my knowledge.  Behind my eyelids, off and on, all night.  Nothing extensive, more as if many small lightning storms passed through in the night.  Sort of an interesting thing.  The girls were being pests, so I kicked them out.  I sometimes feed them two cans of food a day, sometimes just one.  Variability is how nature would have it.  Besides, I don't always remember.  The extra can is a gift.  If they continue to act like hooligans about it, I'll go back to just one a day.  Oh, but having much, good, cool water has made it so they don't have hairballs and vomit nearly as often.  Sam has a place she goes when she does that.  Hmm... For when I put her outside?  I may get a low pale or pot of water out there.  Oh, and as I mentioned, their furs are amazing... even over what they used to be which was fantastic.

Dreams, too.  Some of football practice, and highschool in general at the first highschool I attended.  I realize, from the dream, that few of my secrets were secret.  People knew much, too much, always did, always will.  Small towns are that way.  Actually, I returned to that town, at one time.  I met a few folk who I had distantly known, who were considered enemies.  I was... oddly... very well received.  I don't understand that, at all.  Or some other things.  Life is so very odd.

Better one day, worse another.  Sleep off, on, or doubled.  I am not able to keep things in the right place and order for now.  Is weather coming through?  I'll check.  Though, really, it is still just suffering medicine, trying to find balance on them again.  No major problem, it's just how that goes.  I'll keep at things, as I may.  Stay on meds, brush the teeth, sleep, and eat something or other.  The rest will eventually level out.  I am handling the heat well enough.  Just a strange "morning" report and update.  Later.

He is moving ahead.

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In spite of some issues with President Trump, and more with the republican party, some things are being shuffled, moved, or ended.  How much of this is at all permanent is another thing.  He has no allies in congress, no real blocks of power.  There are the dems, the dem-lites, and the stupid dems (they don't know they are dems).  They are all big government.  Actually, Trump is medium to big government.  Some of his fixes are... more government.  I just don't think that will ever be a good thing.  Elimination?  Downsizing (if it is real)?  Removing or centralizing authority (so they can't play the hide-and-seek game)?  But adding another layer, even one that is supposed to help?  Not so much.

He is merely better than than others, including any republican that was running.  We no longer have a government that really is looking out for the people.  It is for big money, in whatever nation that might exist.  It doesn't look like the wall is going anywhere.  That has been nixed.  Don't listen to their words, watch what they are doing.  On this matter, pretty much nothing.

We'll see about infrastructure.  That would be good, more or less.  If it is done right, money going to the right places, with expectations, real timelines, and reduced costs, sure.  It is incredible how many lawyers, government agencies, contractors, and the like, have their hand in every project.  Not even including unions.  Nasty.

It is all coming down though.  They can try to hide it, kick the can, push this and that.  It is coming down.  It seems, as with Rome, at least one of the times, the decay will end up being slow but final.  What happened with Rome was giving out food, perhaps housing, entertainment, and even coin at times.  Oligarchs are suggesting a standard income for all people today.  Same same.  Though, I think their notion is to get them on the dole, then slowly grind the average people into dust.  They have, rather successfully, destroyed the breeding habits of civilized people.  When the numbers are low enough, perhaps they can just begin full on genocide of the less civil places.  Then again, they already are, really.  They could increase the pace, by a lot, though.

Yeah.  Well, it was a shot.  Zerocare will remain, taxes will remain, the open border policy is actually still the same.  New president, same day.  At least you didn't go even worse.  You might not legally be allowed to read here.  Oh... looks like google stopped slowing down access to blogs, conservative blogs.  Or the FCC lifted government limiters of some type?  Both?  Something.  Later.

More ideas.

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I have been trying to figure out how to... change my computer space.  This frong room is okay, but... not really.  I could go upstairs, but I'd have to figure out how to put the cable up there.  I also want it down here, for various reasons.  Then I realized, other thing trial and error, as splitting the cable would be a new thing, putting cable through upstairs shouldn't be a problem.  The cable actually runs along the front of the upstairs, over the lower roof, up under the higher roof.  So...

What I really need to do is clear the area, find a desk I like or get the new one I have, up there.  It is carpeted, so I'll need some sort of flat plastic for the rolling chair.  I have something for the computer, a roll cart for it.  And the chair I have doesn't actually fit the desk I am using, but does fit the new desk... which... is up, mostly, but not fully together, and with boxes of cd's and dvd's on it.  Hmm...

Both rooms will be warm.  They are both hit directly by the sun, facing south as they are, and open to the east and west as well.  But the upstairs has many windows, more access to any breezes... and... well... I should get curtains up there too.  Oh, and there is a cot up there, in case I want to do a short nap.  If I get that going I could completely empty this room, clean and paint it, then... I don't know.  Leave it empty?  It would be a great place to temporarily move things as I clear out.  Place the sacks to be removed, and any furniture, for the dumpster.  Yeah... that could work.  When it is done, I might even get a weather door in and just have this be, sort of, an unused porch.  It isn't heated.  Might turn it into the living room in the winter.  I like it cool.  Then shut it off in the summer and just have it be a heat block.  Hmm...  Just thinking.

Oh, right, on to a nap.  Later.

Dinner, not much else.

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After the roller coaster rides of late, a quiet night was fine.  I slept well.  I woke well.  Dinner was good.  I am ready for a nap, I think.  It's not that I am worn, it's that I am recovering.  Sight can take it from you, a thunderstorm of sight takes it all, then some.  It is a good weariness though, even with what was seen and some unknowns.

I am hoping the nap will have me ready to take a shower and get to a few things today.  Nothing major, just another few things.  I know I'll want to be to town sometime this coming week.  A very little grocery shopping, looking over lawnmowers, perhaps seeing about a fogless mirror, so as to shave while showering?  It's the idea.  If I can't find one that I believe will work, I... have an idea.  A small mirror... an 'unbreakable' sort, and a small container to glue to it, or cut in have and glue to it... plus some way to hang it.  Perhaps drilling, if it's the right material, and simply wiring to the rack in there.  Well, we'll see.  Function, then cost, then form, the first two in very close contention.  Form can hang if I can't fit it into the design.

Later... or... much later?  Look, if I'm not back in two to four hours?  Wait longer.  *grins*

Sleep was so needed.

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Yelling "timber" might have been appropriate when I went down, and hard.  I needed sleep all night, and then right up until it finally happened.  I think it was 14:00 and later.  It might have been as much as two hours after that?  I just can't say, perhaps more than even that.  I was suffering all night, but it was blindingly painful for those last six hours, getting worse by the moment.  If you have ever been stuck in the sun when you can't handle it, with no water, no company, and perhaps nowhere to go?  That was brutal.

Sleep was very good.  I am still a bit weak.  I just hope the visions and daydreams are done for a while.  Those, all by themselves, are ruinous at the moment.  Further, I don't want to see, know, hear, feel, or otherwise sense.  No one cares, neither do I, in that way.  A vestige for when folk had no other means?  From when God would communicate this way more directly?  Something for a time not yet here?  Imperfect, dubious, strange... dangerous.

Oh, tonight?  Hopefully, if these things have stopped, and if I can find my footing, maybe I can get back to work.  Just little bits and pieces of things.  I will actually start in the bedroom.  Sorting, separating, tossing.  It's all dry, so anything I toss I can just bag up and leave there for now.  Using the bags to take up space that I can't fill.  So, when I remove it all, it will be single, fast, huge improvement.  That might be a good idea everywhere.  I will be, already have, started tossing things I didn't think I would.  Some things, however technically valuable, are of no use to me.  Or anyone else I know.  *chunk*  Don't worry, I'm keeping all the gold and silver.  :p

The jerusalem artichokes have revived extremely well.  I was a bit worried about some of them.  But, nope, all good.  I will be going in to test ride several lawnmowers tomorrow.  It is down to one of two.  I really am thinking the 42" deck, 18 hp.  Oh, they offer one with bluetooth.  Really?  Get the... out of my face.  When are people going to start the tech revolt?  Burn cellphones, rid all connectivity, shut it all down.  Maybe they won't until they are old enough.  Though, get them hooked young...  Stalin said it, but he stole it from the church, and others have stolen it yet.  Perhaps they will start installing hardware and software.  All you have to do is own one Apple product, or worth with Microsoft, to know why not.  When they aren't actively ruinously greedy, they are incompetent and left-sided.  Choices.  Some are a single time choice.

Later.

Can you pull something that way?

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I am baked.  I overloaded from whatever that was last night.  If it was a series of simple daydreams, it sure got to me.  I've been getting hits, off and on.  That was draining me already.  Is it going to snow?  So much coming in.  I don't know what any of it means.  Couldn't be real, could it?  Just coincidences, or... something.  Dreams, just weird ones.  But in such volume.  The ghosts and spirits are still here, if less so.  Or... whatever that is.

I almost wondered if... medicine, or my body, was failing.  Perhaps I was just dying.  I really wonder, at times.  So much of this is lining up though.  It isn't just family.  He is an honored uncle.  I do care for some of his sons.  But there is more.  Most likely the nuke stuff is just fiction.  But fiction has a life of it's own.  The Russia close-passes and aggression, however, is just a literal game.  Someone might get hurt, but guys get hurt playing football.  What is happening in politics?  I think Trump is... doing much of it.  There are personality issues, trust and security issues, but more than not I see that as goofing.  I don't know if with or against the media.  Believe nothing you read and only half of what you see... nothing on television.  Yeah, don't believe here, either.  I could be making it all up.  Actually, just assume that.  Not that I am, but... someone who did make it up would say that.  So... hedge your bets.  At least grains of salt.

He is not dead yet.

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For no particular reason, I called my mother this morning.  As we were talking, she told me an uncle went into the hospital... a bit ago... not in good shape.  He has three sons.  He was in too bad of shape for the local hospital, so they just shuffled him off to another.  His doc is just another medicare saw-bones type, wasn't all that good.  Though, at some point, there is little to be done?  Last she knew he was still alive.  He is 84 and has... more problems than I do?  Still, maybe... there is always hope.  Whatever that means sometimes.

So much for sleep.

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I tried.  Took pills.  Went in.  Couldn't sleep.  The pain seemed to pass so I just got back up.  A headache, but not migraine, either returned or now exists in any case.  I want to go back to bed and sleep.  Will be looking for an opportunity, the earliest one.  Even a nap would do.  Such strange daydreams.  I've had them before, but not quite like that.  I wonder if strokes do that?  Got hot, and busted into a minor sweat as well.  I think that's a first for that sort of thing.  I've had them, but one at a time.  Two of them seemed premonitional, the others were there and gone before I could make sense of them.  A burst... bursts?   Hmm... oh, well, it looks like I won't be able to see the doc until next month... by my finances.

I may see if I can play computer games, or watch some old movie.  Later or good night.

Message, messenger, or daydream?

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This is that.  I put out what I got.  Through a migraine.  I'll take a fistfull of painkillers and see if sleep will accept me.  You, some of you, may receive a message as well.  Or... it's just a weird... thing... in my mind?  It hurts.

Has the dreamer awakened?

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Such... strange things.  I can't... explain.  I don't think we could understand anyway.  No... not God.  Just a creator of bubbles of chaos, change, alterations.

Such a strange thing.

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A daydream.  Pretty much a full-blown dream, with my eyes wide open.  I can't tell how long it took, though moments I would guess.

The wife of a friend was considering leaving him.  I didn't know her all that well.  He I knew a bit.  I asked if she would speak with me, just for a short time.  I suggested I wouldn't play hard-sell, push, or such... just... I had a few questions which might help her, him.

She... doesn't really like me.  Few women really do.  Then again, they don't like their husbands, or sons, or fathers, uncles or men in general, in some ways.  Love?  Sometimes, maybe, sort of.  They are with men because of fear of being alone and their own hungers... which they deny yet seek another to satisfy.  Well, and, mostly, for other reasons.  I, more than some men, however, am unliked by the female world.  I say it and don't negotiate, coddle, or even cuddle.  And, yet, I think there is something more.  Hating what draws one's attention, attraction, opens things up too much.  Something.

It wasn't because she like me, or otherwise, that she agreed to talk.  She has read some of my stuff.  The stuff she could handle touched her.  She saw faith, and at least in her mind an attempt at truth, and some strength of some sort.  More, she really didn't want to go.  This I knew.  Tired.  Afraid to go on.  Unsure of what to do.  And he couldn't see this and spot her.  He is tired and all too, but... his nature is to stay.

I started out with a few simple questions.  I promised not to preach, but asked that she answer simply and honestly, the few questions I would ask.  She didn't even have to answer me, just herself.

I asked if she would be happy, all by herself, alone, in a place where all facilities where available... electric, water, and such, but no people.  Just her.  If she thought that would be too lonely, what about being in such a place, with no worries, with a few or many other people?  Would another man be different?  A woman?  What did she think she wanted or needed that she wasn't getting which she could find in some other way?  Finally, I asked, in honesty, if no matter what else, she would be in her state of mind.  If this just wasn't the result of aging, the price of a slow death.  Her anger, resentment, troubles, were just the result of life slowly slipping away with no true means of stopping it, changing it, or turning the world back around?

Somewhere in there she started crying.  From time to time, as I slowly asked the questions and left time for her to think, she'd go through various stages of emotion... anger, sadness, even a spot of joy and laughter for a second, in there.  After I finished, she sat for a while.  Cried out.  Then she reached out and hugged me, then a glance and a brief smile... another tear or two... then she left.

I don't know if she ended up staying.  The 'dream' ended with her going.  How very odd.  Later.

Woot!

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I took my time, but finally got out to water everything.  The jerusalem artichokes were looking so sad I had to get out.  I have seen them droop for days, but between forgetting and crashing, and not finding the right time (can't water in full sun)... Today, though, today, they all got watered.  I may hit them again in the morning.  Everything is looking pretty good.  I think I have lost one or two of the seven or eight raspberry bushes.  As shooters develop, I'll transplant those in... or try some other sorts.  Hey, it's... almost fun.  Wait, no, it is fun.  All is looking good, if the 'artichokes' pull through.  But that isn't what got me excited.

Anyway.  It was getting really dark, couldn't really see.  I was pretty sure the asparagus is gone.  The bed is getting weedy.  I may clear it, put boxes over it, and plastic too.  Well, and maybe push the piles over, which I never did end up doing as nothing seemed to be growing.  couldn't really see much.  Went on to the other bushes, near the house.  They look to be doing well, actually.  But I couldn't really see... what I was spraying.  So I got out my flashlight.  Ah, very good.  I went and sprayed everything once more, this time with my flashlight.

It was then that I discovered, the asparagus is up, and seeding!  Absolutely wonderful.  I was all but sure I had killed them off.  I will definitely get out there, weed, cover all but the asparagus, and check it a bit more often.  What a relief!  Actually, I might set up the sprinklers to begin watering once or twice a week now.  I will just make sure these areas are also hit.  An half hour run, twice or three times a week?  Something like that.  I'll still have to manually water the planter items.  Oh... one of the horseradish plants doesn't seem to have made it.  But two others are a go.  Both in one big planter though.  I think I'll move the litter one over to the other planter... two seems too crowded.  If it doesn't live, I'll just use the one for "seed-root" stock next year, rather than harvesting any... depending on how much root I get, though, I suppose?  Dunno... just learning...

Woot!  If you love asparagus, having a bed of it is something else.  Raspberries and the cold 'blueberries' will be a year or two more.  Not sure about the rhubarb.  The 'artichokes will be ready this fall, my first edible... wait.... the horseradish leaves will be tried before that.  I have always liked the idea of greens.  Sometimes just not the practical.  Though I am... beyond just the taste of food, if I have learned a few tricks to make things more edible.

Crashed, then slept long.

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Early, too.  It was 10:00~11:00.  I saw bedtime coming, fast, like the floor in a bar fight that went bed.  Never been there, sure imagined it.  Was I falling or was it rising to meet me.  In some moments a guy just can't tell.  It's just past 20:00.  Sleep was good enough.  Dreams, but I don't know what now.  At least one seemed interesting.  I was too tired to put it in memory, and it didn't go there on it's own this time either.

Sleep was good but I am still tired.  It is warming quite a lot, up to 81 today, in here.  Not sure about outside.  I'll be going out to water.  I sort of lost track.  Anyway... the slight increases in temp are enough to through things off just a bit.  When it gets to full blast, then I have a better chance at sorting things out, leveling off.  Even so, I'll work as I can.  Tonight, more small stuff.  This whole week will most be small, light, easier, work.

The square sinks are on their way.  I have no idea how soon they will arrive.  Amazon is sending everything through the post.  I know that isn't possible.  The post doesn't deliver in two days.  So?  So they are having UPS deliver to the post office.  Which means Amazon has become useless to me.  Back to shopping locally.  Door delivery or I'll do it myself.  Anyway, I ordered those and drains.  I'll shop locally for the faucets.  Closer to the time of installation, so if they don't work I can return them right away.  With the sinks and drains, a once over should easily show they are unbroken, and work for the pop-up drains, or not.

On to waking.  Later.

I must admit, I do ask for it.

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Good(er) friends, enemies, loves and lovers, they know me well.  I hit blows that can't be dodged.  I share pain, I make pain, I don't allow escape.  Neither for myself nor for you, sometimes.  So... I get it.

Good, bad, odd, but awake.

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The anacin did the trick.  I was so absolutely washed, if I couldn't have gotten back to sleep I would have suffered even more.  What woke me, so I could feel the pain in the first place... I heard rotors.  I've died, at least once, though I think twice, on a helicopter.  That thrum, while you are going away... it enters the mind.  I heard that, or thought I did.  Not sure if it was a dream, though no.  When I was fully awake I could hear it.  Though it seemed to be just an odd thing with my fan, a one-off resonance?  I don't know.  Or my mind, in the dream, had crossed some wires that it a took a bit into waking to undo?  Maybe.  *thump, thump, thump*  It wasn't loud, more off in the distance.  Though, when you die, as you die, everything gets very distant, and cold... while still in the flesh... at least when I have died.  *thump, thump, thump*  It chilled me.  It felt as if death was coming.  I don't mind, but... I guess there will always be that bit of fear.  Anyone who has learned to love, and love life really, is not ever ready to go.  Once you... realize, and know the gig is up, and know you can let go without fear... then it might be okay.  But that first blush is of horror.  Even for one such as me.  I've been there so many times and yet... it's still, and always will be, foreign territory.  Even knowing, for my own purposes, that there is more, after.  Reminds me, I need to get to confession, and take the Eucharist.  I'm not sure I am welcome locally, not sure... about several things locally.  I might have to travel.

As I mentioned, the pain subsided and I was able to sleep.  The girls keep... picking on the wound, bumping against it while I am up, walking or even pouncing on it when I sleep.  As such, I have stopped letting them sleep with me, until it has healed.  More, I am breaking them of the habit.  Not brutally, but very stoutly.  Sassy has already suspended her sadism, Sam remains headstrong.  She REALLY likes to bump that wound.  As well as it is healing, though, now that I have applied what skills I have and tested various things to find what is best, she won't have much longer to play with it.  Though I will continue to discourage her.  I think she thinks she is a doctor.  Or do... doctors and nurses think they are cats?  Brutal little beasties.  I'm not even all that sure about good intentions.  :p

Tonight?  Dunno.  More pickup, cleanup, sorting.  More!  I don't know how much I can do.  I wore out a bit yesterday, but not too badly.  And I'd like to do whatever I can, each day, until Friday night if possible.  Try to get back into a weekly pattern.  Nothing too fancy.  Though I find, when I begin it, I end up doing amazing things.  For a while.  Sometimes for a long while.  I might even end up pulling off minor or major miracles... but no thanks to me.  All glory goes to God.  All things do, actually.  Glory, sadness, fear, faith, love, even when those things are focused at humans, or even animals.  Even those are His, from Him, and I believe should return to Him.  I found the source as part of what the water gave me.

Wow does that wound hurt.

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On the good side, it is well encased in scab and slowly healing.  I have learned not to put salve on it.  That weakens the scab, causes it to leak, and weakens the healing.  Washing it specifically, when I shower, is all that it needs.  For bandaging, just a sterile non-stick gauze pad, wrapped loosely, for a bit, does best.  I wondered if it was the scab, drying and pulling away, that hurt.  I think that might be some of it, but could not be all of it.  I am learning.  At least it really is healing, if it will take a long time.

I made it to the post office.  Going to bed shortly after returning home, sometime just after 10:00.  Then I woke at 15:00, or close enough.  The pain in that wound was something fierce.  I haven't had it that bad before.  But it is well scabbed, and not infected.  I'm just not sure what the problem is.  I guess I am awake for a while.  Oh, this gives me some idea of what my friend was going through.  He didn't complain much, but did keep asking for pain medicine.  I... guess I understand.  I won't ask, but then I'm... a bit of a suffering fool.  Or not 65?  He had worse trouble with wounds and healing in his feet than I.  His damage would not scab.  Or as I remember.  That is when you are in serious trouble.

I am awake for a bit.  Not voluntarily.  I want to be sleeping, need to be asleep, but the pain, when I am reclined, is simply too intense.  I guess I'll game a bit.  Can't focus on much else.  Later.
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Eyes are burning for sleep.  I'll take some anacin, go on back to sleep, and hope that works.

More.

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I got a shower in, and a shave.  It's been a long time since I shaved with razor, and not just a trimmer.  Surprisingly I didn't get cut everywhere.  Trying to shave daily it the problem, I think.  If I continue shaving, it will be just three times a week, max.  It just... seemed like the thing to do, now that I am brushing regularly.

Since I was showered, I decided to push through to make it to the post office.  The devices that are in are for mapping the breakers.  Plug a device into the outlets, then use the main device at the breaker box.  Plus, another part creates a plug for bulb sockets, so those can be figured out.  When plugged in, the main device is supposed to beep when near the correct breaker.  I'll find out rather shortly.  Not today, probably.  But... well, after a sleep period it will most likely still be "today".  So there is that.  Even so, maybe not today or "today".  :p

Little things, first, to work my way up to working again.  With the trash mostly sorted, and going out as I go to the post, I can do other sorts of minor sorting... as mentioned earlier.  Take it down, break it down, separate it to where it goes... or as close as I can... then toss what is left over or what is not needed.  I think I'll be getting rid of a lot of stuff soon.  Whether Alaska is still in the offing or not.  Yeah, it could still happen.

Some.

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Beside some solid effort in the bathroom, a meal, and some work in the kitchen and living room, I am done.  I just can't keep going.  I had hoped to stay up.  Actually, I didn't think I'd have to think about it.  I thought I'd be up until early to mid afternoon.  I can't.  Something to drink, medicine, and bed.  No choice.

Getting some work going was good.  I think I'll end up doing more, when I wake.  It might be in little bits.  It seems it may tire me easily.  I'll do what I can.  More sorting, some washing, more tossing.  I'd like to figure get dry trash ready to go, for either this or next month... ordering in a dumpster.  I want a lot of it ready to go first.

With the lawnmower in the works, the dumpster will most likely have to wait.  Actually, I need to get in and see about those.  The last time I was there, they didn't have any though.  Strange.  I wonder if it would have to be ordered?  The world is so strange sometimes.  Why would they have no stock?  They did, in March, maybe into April?  Then they all seemed to disappear.  I'd really like to sit one, and talk to someone to make sure what I am buying can handle a snow blower and a blade.  The blade for when it isn't deep enough, and for other things.

I am terribly uncomfortable, ill, getting hot as the summer arrives.  Medicine is still off, though it can take months for it to set right.  It's just been over two weeks now.  Bleh.  I'll survive, or not.

Well, today, I have done what I can.  I hope to hit it again tonight, with whatever I have.  The world is turning mean, dangerous, close and far.  I honestly don't mind if they take me out, just as long as they do it quickly.  I have some doubts that it will work.  Even if it does.  No worries.  On to bed.  Good morning, day, and night.

A start.

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I decided to begin with trash.  But, more.  I first went through the cabinets in the bathroom, strangely.  But that has been annoying me.  Somethings will stay, about a third of what was there was tossed.  Items were arranged, as well as I am able, as well.

Then I had to empty the trash bins before putting bags in them.  Not the best way to go, but it is how it was.  The little ones are all good, dry trash in those.  The main one, however, needed washed.  Though I think it needed washed before this episode.  So it got washed.  In the process I pulled two small bags of trash and a bag of recycling.  As is, the main trash can is drying and I need a break.

The next bit will be to clear trash from everywhere it might be.  Take all that has been collected and put it out, though I'll have a shower, and dress properly, before that.  I need to get to the post office later this morning.  After trash, and a shower, or vice versa, I will begin sorting.  Some things won't be thrown, but I would like to down collect things... putting all items from four or five boxes into one box.  Sorting, to a degree, as I go.

I want to hit the area around where I sit, then on to the larger room, then on into the bedroom.  This is light duty work, but it will get me going, I think.  It sure beats trying to hit it out of the park then going down for a few days.  I can sort of hit it hard, without really hitting it hard, with this work.  When I need a break, back to gaming for a bit.

Yeah... I have to get to work.  This isn't the way it should be.  Later.

Why crime is going down, and how to keep it down.

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Thanks Chief Nose Wetter.  Here you go.

I'm just not keeping up.

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Yeah, well, I haven't died.  Yet.  I'm not hurting.  I simply can't feel anything.  Emotional, physical, spiritual... it's all numb.  I seem to be sleeping well enough.  Medicine is going down okay.  Food is going in.  It just doesn't matter, nothing is fixing anything.  Just numb.  It probably makes me a bit more likely to be brutal.  If you can't feel, much as with some who can't hear, you might end up pushing things.  Can you hear, or feel, me now?

I continue to play the game.  I am surprised, a bit.  I would have thought, by now, my dexterity would be... worse.  Sure, sudoku in 5 seconds... but that's short term.  Some of these "boss battles", where you have to hit this, or that, or several, buttons in a row, plus move, and aim... they can last five, ten, and more minutes.  Some boss fights lasted a very long time, because while I could keep alive, I couldn't figure out how to kill the boss.  One lasted... an hour and an half?  Just staying alive that long was... something.  I don't think they intend that to happen, to be honest.

This isn't the most complex game I have ever played, but it isn't simple.  You better know how to play, to start, from other games, just to be able to maybe hit the top ranking.  I'm not bragging.  There are much better players.  I'm not a competitor... just a player.  But, given age and health, I really do... okay.

I was going to put up a post by a prep adviser.  He has, for whatever reason, decided to decline to allow embedding.  Well, okay.  His choice.  Not very neighborly, but it is his choice.  Is it rude to embed?  I thought that was a compliment?  Whatevs.  His loss.  Then again, my readership has gone.  I hit one too many nerves.  Where more of my readers women, than I thought?  Or... muslims.  Ha!  Who knows.  I do hit nerves.

Oh, finished with Twin Peaks.  When that was out I wouldn't have been interested in watching.  Some things just have to find their time.  It wasn't all that popular even then, running just two seasons for the first set, the movie, then one more season after.  Now I am watching, perhaps, Ghost Whisperer.  Just... curious.  I don't, mostly, communicate with whatever visits.  There are a few who seem to tease, or ask for attention.  Some who seem friendly.  But it's not like I've had visuals or verbals, though a bit of communication, indirectly, at times, in dreams.  I'm just curious if they have anything in there that seems... right.  I'm not sure I want to communicate.  Not sure that is the point.  I think I'm just a nexus for them, a tear in the veil... or that is around me.  Or I'm crazy.  Who knows.

I have been, the last few days, saying I would go to bed about this time, or earlier.  Then ending up staying up to early afternoon.  Not today.  I won't get the trash out either.  I  just don't have any umph to me.  No go, no spit, no juice, no mojo.  Drained.  I can't stay awake.  Good morning and night.

Seven down.

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Give or take less than a quarter, most likely.  Why always "probably", "most likely", "maybe", etc?  Ah, because I can't be absolutely sure.  Even if I am sure, I might be wrong.  I've done my damnedest to be accurate, right, and truthful in life.  I fail.  More, many of those who have been around me are worse.  I've seen some better, but they all fail, usually at the worst time.  Our mind is not, fully, our own.  Plus Truth, and truth, are beyond us.  So... seven hours, probably.

A good sleep.  I let the girls in the last... two hours or so... probably.  Sam is still wanting to aggravate that leg.  I am starting to think that is just how they do.  They pick on wounds, and the wounded, to force them to stir, and to cause healing.  I really am starting to think so.  Though that last time, she did it really hard, and because I wasn't scratching her, instead trying to sleep.  Plus she was jealous of Sassy.  Sam seems to think the bed is a) hers, and b) I am allowed, but c) Sassy isn't allowed.  You would think after six to eight years... but... no.  Cat are just that way.  At least, finally, the girls are in better health and trim than I have ever known them.  Their fur is to die for, I have been right enough with them that they don't, or rarely, do "bad things".  Yeah, they know.  If your cat is messing with you?  It's not because it doesn't know.  It's a grudge.  The more you punish the worse it will be.  Probably your dog too.  If you want to fix your pet, fix yourself.  Oh... works with spouses too.  It... really does.  Maybe not on the big things.  She will get a ten to twenty year itch.  You will too.  If you can cover that you will both be happier and wealthier.  If one of you has gone way down hill... there may be a price to pay, especially in these times.

Anyone else feeling it?  Man.

As good as I can do.

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I am making it to early afternoon, as if walking on glass barefoot.  My eyes, they burn.  That general sense of numbness you get when you push too far, even ringing in the ears.  I just can't seem to stumble much further.  For the moment I seem stuck.  No worries, I'll keep at it.

While I didn't do anything much, I did clean the toilet.  Inside and out, top to bottom, it is a good thing to have clean.  I've been, generally, keeping that up.  It did slip lately, but... yeah.  Everything is a mess.  I'll get to it if I can.  When I wake, a shower and then taking out the trash.  That will help just by itself.  I checked on the worms.  They are doing quite well.  I never did get mesh, to keep the bugs out.  I'll have to fix that.  The worms I received must have been juvenile, as what I saw in there... a good bit larger.  All good.

I heard a "no".

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I agreed.  Long ago that was my decision.  When all say no, and mean it, and so it is, that should be the way of things.  The world is changing.  There are other reasons, other voices, and circumstances coming that... are changing everything.  As with many things, even as powerful as I can be in my ways, I don't always have choice.  Or, perhaps more, the right thing to do today is not the right thing to do tomorrow, yesterday?  If I resist, perhaps it will pass.  I am not alone in the notion.

Bright ideas, sleep, and other absurdities.

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My idea regarding bandaging my leg were... not so great.  Once I get a scab to form, best to leave it along.  Washing, twice a day, however, might be good... though there might be an even better way.  Bandaging, and softening the scab, allows the wound to weep, and allows infection in.  There is a minor infection going on, now, again.  Those are very dangerous for me.  Perhaps the doc will send me home with a small supply of antibiotics, so I can call in, explain, and get him to tell me which he wants to use, or first.  Or I can begin with fish and bird meds, if he won't.  If you catch those when they are small, right away, you have a decent chance.  I can't afford to run to the doc every time, even though I should.  We'll see.  Just some extra doses, to keep on hand, maybe with ongoing replacement scripts.  Hey, it... isn't a gimmick, I really am, sort of, against a lot of things.  I don't store in food for the future, this is my "that" future.  Still, I don't mind calling him up and getting advice on usage... I just can't afford to pay full price every time some part goes red.

Again, I stayed up much later than I thought I would.  How?  I don't know.  I got a full night sleep this time though.  Oh, those are wonderful!  Brushing my teeth, again, now, twice a day... usually.  I hate when I miss.  But sometimes, when I push my day, doing anything else seems impossible, or at least improbable.  Something I realized about that?  Brushing teeth is a habit.  If you do something, regularly, for a set amount of time, it becomes standard practice.  The problem with me is that, when I fall, especially for longer periods, all habits end.  I have to restart habits from the ground up... at least living on my own.  A little help would be, and has been, a little help.  When you do it all, and have a problem of falling... in whatever way... getting back up, on top of standard living issues, plus the cats, means... well... old habits die easily, and have to be rebuilt.  Thankfully, unless they are lying, this isn't as bad for me as it is for some?  Dunno.  They don't like telling the infirm that they smell bad.  Not sure if they lie or not, to me.  Then again, a little trick I learned?  Most people smell bad.  There are ways to cover it.  Cleaning often enough will fix it, but comes with it's own set of problems.  Life is... complex.  Halitosis?  A word invented in the low 1900's by people trying to sell you toothpaste, gargle, and floss.  Or?  Lies.  You will, from time to time, have bad breath.  More as you become unhealthy, and older, or eat poorly.

Well, still awake.

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No trick, or great effort.  I got busy on something in the game and... here I am.  I got beyond the blockage in the game.  Then went on to... after several rough times... a new blockage.  I may still try to muscle through it.  Hmm?  Right.  It's an odd thing.  I am toast, tired, dragging, and, yet, there I go.  What in the world makes that critter tick?  Or live.  I still think some folk are quite surprised I didn't fall.  No lack of effort on their part, I think.  Oh well.

I may not be getting much done.  I am trying to push through to a new day.  For whatever reason this is a problem.  The day hurts, being awake hurts, though as I push through, transcendental notes are added to the ledger, and a new balance is found... or numbness trumps, or balances, pain.  I think the ability to will to live is partially based on this.

Whatevs.  I need to push through, several areas, over the weekend, with the intent of hitting it next week.  Medicines are a problem, the heat will be a problem, but I think I can work it out.  I do.  Somehow.  I want to get back to work.  Oh, and I best contact my doc.  Set up a visit.  It's time.

I did reorder a square sink.  It too was timed out, in spite of things.  Then another.  I finally ordered, I think, a third... canceling the previous four.  We'll see.  This one suggested shipping would be in four to five days.  It's a start.  I also ordered the circuit finder device.  I hope it works.  With it I purchased a plug adapter for light sockets, so I can check those as well.  The big breakers are known, it's all the small ones that are a problem.  Once I have them tagged, then I can begin seeing about some non-functional ones, and the one in the bathroom which is supposed to be gfci but is showing is not grounded.  Not... good.  I'm not sure I can fix that, though it is possible.  The ease of fixing it will depend on where it is sent, and how.  While the walls are... messy to work with, the attic, basement, subareas, are actually rather accessible.  I haven't been under the old stone house itself, but it looks like there is a way in with at least three to four feet of crawl space... probably enough for even me with relative ease... probably.

Of course, as with all projects, beyond learning and doing there is the cost.  One thing at a time.  I... sometimes get lost, or confused, trying to go forward, up, down, back, left, and right, all at once.  It... doesn't work.  Sometimes there are unforeseeable events, accidents, or just the reality of confusion with my health.  Sometimes... I just can't keep on one track.  I get distracted, or weary of that direction, or hit a financial or technical wall.  I keep at it, though, mostly, when I can.

I'll see if there is advise online, about how to get through the blockage.  It may just be that one simply has to bang his head against the wall until something gives.  Though there might be a special trick.  I am playing beyond my good intent and ability, which... might be the problem, or a big part of it, right there.  Anywho... I best get going.  This might be a good night as well.  Not sure I'll post again.  Good morning and day.

Well, okay, I just canceled the night.

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To attempt to keep medicine right, I have started taking medicine according to the general time of day.  If it is my bedtime, but actually morning, I take morning medicine.  As it becomes night, I take night meds.  Which, was just implemented today.  There is one trick, or hook, I didn't, but should have, anticipated.  Taking my night meds in my morning (but literally at night)... is causing a crash.  That is why they are taken at night.  No problem.  It'll sort itself out.

For now, however, I am going to bed far earlier than anticipated.  With a major headache.  I think something didn't work like it should.  Oh well.  Maybe some sleep will reset things, perhaps even reset days and nights.  Hmm... you know though, I don't think, when I have done this before, that it caused this problem.  I realized some years ago that switching med-times helped me not lose a day in the translation.  Oh well.  Good... morning and night.

Is it a strange world?

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Yes and no.

Sam just...

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I've got a sore spot.  Sam decided that hoping on that, and she does target it, was a good way to get attention.  Well?  She got attention.  Don't fuck with sleeping bears.  It used to not be healing, there for a bit.  Now, back on medicines, it is healing, just not terribly fast.  It has a good scab on it.  And I am learning how to treat it, what works for me of the advise given.  The thing is, in low humidity areas, scabs tend to shrink, desiccate really.  When it does that, it pulls on the surrounding skin, making it more vulnerable.  Now that I have the wound healing, I am working on that part.  I will be washing the general area a couple times a day beyond showering and bathing, bandaging it lightly for half the day... with vasoline over it... then leaving it in the open air the other part of the day.  All... give or take... but that's the general plan.  Plans, like theory, are great until reality hits.  Still, it'll get me heading in the right direction, I think.  Most of that, save the vasoline coverage, has been what has been working, and what saved my bacon when water retention was preventing healing.  Sore!  Cats off!  And she really did it on purpose.  Bitch.

I slept well, and longer, this "night".  It's a cooler day, that might have helped.  Well, and I've been pushing the last few days.  Not on purpose, just couldn't figure it all out.  Couldn't sleep until I could, couldn't sleep once I woke.  all good.  A few days at high run-times is fine.  I am definitely heading to better days, if... nothing else trips me up.  I'll just manage that if so.

Dreams, loads of them, but they aren't tracking back to this side.  One or two are close.  If they pop, and I like them or think they have something to say, I'll write them up.  There is a potency to the dreams.  Summer's fire?  Nearing health?  I dunno.  Maybe just because there really is so much going on.  The world is on fire, and it has nothing to do with the sun.  A very good thing, necessary.  One just hopes and prays the usual suspects lose enough to buy us more time.  At this point, politically, socially, morally, ethically, intellectually, that is all we are doing.  We are on the edge of extinction, or the attempt at it, from every angle.

Japan wants more children?  Fire almost every woman.  Make it so she can't be hired.  End her access to vote.  Even so, I think they are going to start murdering the old and infirm.  I don't think they have a choice.  Secular decisions always end up going that way.  Logan's Run.

Later.