Awake.

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It is 9:30.  It is rough.  The torso organ belt feels like I was in a fight, one of the longer desperate ones.  Recently.  I went to bed around 20:00, woke at midnight, down by 2:00, so... a lot of sleep.  The feet are a little sore, but that is a good thing.  Cuticles had rebuilt, needed chipping.  I really can't get those, and they really have to be removed.  And just the massage was so new, that I have to recover.  But, trust me, it is well worth the short-term pains.

Something else I noticed, while brushing my teeth?  I have been keeping up, shaving, showering.  I am seeing my face.  It's been for a while now.  I just noticed how much of a difference it makes.  Old, fat as I count things, but clean, perhaps healthier looking?  I might consider a haircut.  Maybe.  If swimming becomes regular, maybe.  I hate getting a good clip only to watch it fall into shaggy disrepair.  Long hair, I decided, is better.  I'll decide in a month.

Actually my knees are a bit sore.  Not damaged, and there might be a reason.  Tired, in rough feeling general shape.  I wonder how much of that is age typical?  No matter, I'll keep at things as much as possible.  Fasting blood sugar is a bit high, at 225.  Given that I have completely fallen off any sort of regular diet, and been eating poorly when I do eat, it's not bad.  As well, that is my fasting number.  It will drop after good food, or will when I get acclimated too fat burning again, if I have even fallen out.  My body WANTS to use fat, it was born to it.  It's now difficult to kick keto.

So, yeah.  Medicine, just no aspirin for a while.  I won't do bp until I have been back on meds for a week or two, back on keto and intermittent fasting, keeping housework up as is possible, maintaining the critters, getting swimming gear checked charged and loaded... then get swimming and hiking.  I may begin hiking with just water, hiking sticks, a jacket, and hat... just around town?  It would be the easiest, least expensive.

My doctor called.  One of his employees.  Offering to send a script for the last thing the V.A. had me on.  No thanks.  If you remember, on that stuff, my blood sugar was so high the meter Couldn't read it.  Then the V.A. wanted to put me on insulin on top of it.  I just stopped working with the V.A. after that.  I did get the name of the insulin I requested, and will check the price.  My guess?  It'll be beyond my immediate reach, at $1600 and change, if the change could be in the hundreds.  I'll call after this.  I might be able to save for it, maybe.  It would be a very lean year, but if possible I am pretty sure I would stop being diabetic.  In a year to as little as three months, and I would be done, especially if I could really hit keto.

Anyway.  It's a new day.  I'll do what I can.  Later.

Awake for a bit.

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Speaking with my pedicurist, I talked about famine, as a component of the end times and the four horsemen.  Out of a book, she asked.  Okay.  I... did tell her which book, if perhaps I should have just nodded.  No reason to give probably no pause for thought, just another reason to discard.

I do realize I am partially read.  Understood?  Not a chance.  I merely write to the music that pops, when it pops.  I was correct, she has a guy.  Not married yet though.  Not sure that is part of the real plan anymore though?  Still, interesting to hear how people do these days.  I am more, even now... especially now, just a ghost of some forgotten time.  Perhaps even just a romanticized version of even that.

I can't figure out why I woke?  Ah, the world is warming.  I noticed the read from the colder rooms is 60.  It is usually 54º~58º, in the days.  Yes, warming, slightly, slowly.  Still cool outside, but not cold.  Wind keeps it cool.  But longer hours of sun really begins to warm the cave.

It's strange.  Too hot and too cold at once.  My body.  I get that from time to time.  I ate enough today, if not the best food.  That may be the problem.

I hope a bit of tea, or milk, and some reading, will get me back to bed before long.  I don't know, but I would like to swim tomorrow.  It is doubtful.  But if not tomorrow (today technically), then yet this week.  A start.  Perhaps I could get my backpacks reconfigured.  Dishes and laundry are almost done, and the kitchen is close to being... well... closer.  I'd like to get those bits done, and a bit more ahead in clearing.  Mixing more cleaning with exercise next week.

How about a swim this week, a swim and hike, maybe two swims and a hike, next week, and go from there?  I sense I should push, now.  So tired.  Could you imagine a heart attack just as I am clearing?  I have some concern by how I feel.  Yea, back to meds.  If I worry about them.  Could they go from helping to hurting?  Or, actually, when does that happen?  I just don't want victory to be eaten by a foolish error.  I have no hope it would be fatal.  You have no idea how cautious some opportunities must be handled.  If delicate handling doesn't mean delicacy, necessarily.

Good night.

So tired.

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The feet were worked today.  While they were still in excellent shape, the toes and heels needed work.  Still, impressive condition.

Dishes haven't been touched, and today is done.  I put the coats in to fluff.  I think that is it.  Absolutely exhausted, if pedicures and massages beat me down.  Hmm, if swimming gets rough, I may have to investigate massages again.  No more deep tissue though, they wipe me out for too long.

Good night.

Just because you must?

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Having to do something doesn't mean doing it.  Not a problem this morning, just making a solid note.  Beside not looking down at great height, don't look back at age.

I started in on the dishes a bit late, nearing 10:30.  Half were clean, so were rinsed, dried, and put up.  The other half were initially set aside to get a shower in, then set to another sudsy soak.  Laundry was cycled.  More loads than thought, my jackets and parkas contain vast amounts of material.  A shower and shave was enjoyed.

It was all I could do, then, get to the post.  What was hoped was in.  Now I need to rest. I can reset meds while resting, perhaps fold laundry, then putting some up.  Laundry and dishes, perhaps more cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom.  Who knows what else.  Hmm, best get the critters sorted out, then rest.

Later.

Such a struggle.

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Better today than yesterday.  I didn't do anything beyond what may have been noted, aside from a partial task that hadn't been mentioned.  I dug a three foot by ten inch trench about a foot deep.  I plan on another foot deep, to bury the ducks.  I had to stop, another bloody nose.  If I didn't mention, they have been out of both nostrils.  It took many hours to get them to stop.  I have another one this morning, just one nostril, and light.  Actually not light...

I was up late roasting a pork roast.  I had difficulty getting the grill lit.  Getting late I rushed things.  I ended up with a flaming roast.  I almost just tossed it, but being tired and hungry I checked.  Not a complete charcoal.  Very juicy interior.  So I put a can of peas to heat while the roast cooled.  I lost a lot of meat, but what I had was delicious!  Amazing how heartbreak can turn to triumph.

I have reset the dishes, started laundry, set a fresh pot of tea, and turned the thermostat up.  The goal is to be awake and active by 10:00, and kick the laundry over and dishes out, then a shower and shave.  Hopefully in time to get to the post office.  Then back to finish the hole... if the nose bleed has stopped.  I believe I am going to stop daily aspirin for a bit.  It may be making me too susceptible to bleeding, while between bp and else, clotting is hampered.  At least until bp is down.  Oh, I need to start checking that.  As well, reset meds today.

I went to bed rather too late, 22:00.  Then woke at 8:00.  Still a long sleep, for whatever reason.  Better than yesterday, as mentioned.  Feeling better too.  I restarted taking medicine yesterday.  I don't know how poorly I have been taking the stuff, I just suggest it's been more hit than miss.  Sleep was quite good.

On to morning reading and waking.  Later.

Bleeding together alone.

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Most of them new.  Her?  Of two minds, at least, if true.  Who cares what she says or thinks.  It... watch what she does.  Spoiler(s)?  Sure, or doubters.  The women, some of them witches, on the sidelines... in the shadows... are the jealous kind.  It really... surprises me, what shows up in seeming reply.

An end to flight?

She is... playing a dangerous game.

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I think she is beginning to... grok.  Believe?  That comes with time.  Seeing that the Devil isn't Lucifer, and doesn't, can't, go low?  It's a start.  Now to retrieve her?

Well, I made effort.

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The goal was to be up between 4:00 and 5:00.  I was to bed twenty before eight, and crashed something awesome fast and hard... I don't remember even rolling that automatic first roll.  I set the alarm for 4:00, and had a second one at 5:00, but the latter wasn't tripped to go off.  I woke about 3:30.  Not for the day.  I knew 4:00 was too early, so switched to the 5:00 alarm.  No good.  I kept hitting the snooze until it died.  I wasn't able to wake until 9:40.  I did try.  Hmm, that was a fourteen hour sleep.  Something is wrong.

As soon as I woke, I dressed, turned the furnace up, fed and watered the ducks, reset laundry to drying, put synthetics in, gathered coats and jackets, then gathered dishes and started those to a soak.  Yeah.  Not a bad start.  I planned to have some of that going, but obviously I am pushing my body.  I haven't had a fourteen hour sleep in... other than with the flu... years.  Must have needed it.

A shave in a bit?  Maybe.  I need a bit of rest first.  I really hit it hard first thing.  Given the day, I probably hit it far too hard and fast.  Glad I kept skipping aspirin, today is the day.  Still, it is looking up.  I am amazed at the progress.  It's been three steps forward one to two back since the flu.  Lately it's been three to one, so improvement is noticeable.

Other than finishing through laundry and dishes, a shave, and perhaps sweeping and mopping the bathroom, the only other project I am absolutely pushing is getting my swim gear together.  If I have enough of it, swimming may happen Wednesday.  If no, probably Friday or Monday.  I am excited!  Actually, I might add hiking in Wednesdays.  Until I am up to swimming that day.  Though... why not both?  Then, later, add another hiking day in?  It's not monster calorie burning, but it is up and out.  Adding a pack, later on, and serious gear, would certainly stack the core workout.  Just have to take care with the knees.  Initially I will just walk, possibly with poles, but with no pack.  Water, or tea, though.  Yes.

Yes, plans.  Best get going before it gets too hot to start.  I think this is the week I planned to reorganize my packs... Thursday?  Seems like a good day.  Right now everything hurts.  Meds and aspirin down, me down for a bit.  It seems hot in here!  Crazy.  I might turn the furnace down in a bit if this keeps up.  Too hot, too cold?  Am I seeing the right docs!?!  Later.

Making my way.

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Trash is out and to the road.  One batch of dishes is complete.  The last batch is rinsing.  I will fold at least one of the last two loads of laundry. If it all gets folded, I will begin putting clothes up.  I will then shower, perhaps putting another batch of dishes to a first soapy soak.  Yeah, doing okay.  We'll see about that early sleep.  Hmm, best turn the furnace down right now.

I also refreshed water for the ducks.  I can't tell if they have great jokes, the hens are keeping the drake busy, or if the drake is keeping the hens busy.  They always seem to know I am about to peek in and quit just before I do.  But you ought to hear them carry on sometimes.  Look in and they become like innocent statues.

I was almost certain I wouldn't get this far.  At this point I am all but sure I will succeed.  Tomorrow?  The last of the dishes and laundry, a shave, possibly some fence posts in, maybe nest arrangements, and more in the kitchen and living room.  Laundry put up, if I don't finish tonight.

The rest of the week is about straightening up the rooms, and trying to stay up on dishes.  Yeah.  Trying to get back to keto, perhaps intermittent fasting, oh and medicine.  I keep falling off it.  I'll reset meds tomorrow.  I'm scavenging mixed batches, which makes staying on meds complicated, which then makes missing meds much more likely.

Later, or more likely good night.
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Almost.  Half the remaining laundry folded.  Dishes done.  A shower and dishes set to soak, then to bed right away.  A bit later than hoped, but earlier than last night, much more so given the time shift.  Ugh.  I'd best get to it.  Oh, and feed the girls.  Good night.

More changes.

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I decided I was hungry.  I didn't have anything that sounded good.  So, to town.  Nothing fancy, but it worked.  When I returned I spent some time in the vehicle.  I took out trash, and a few other items.  Jackets, a few pillows, a few other items.  I'll finish clearing it tomorrow, so I can get it cleaned before long.

Most of the trash is out, between yesterday and today, it has been going out a bag at a time.  One more bag yet to go, from working in the kitchen, then it will all go to the curb.  I need a rest, then will hit the first batch of dishes.  I think I will get all the dishes, a shower, and some or all of the laundry?  I'll have to push, which concerns me regarding cooldown time and bedtime.  I'll see how it goes.

I am getting more little things done on the side than I realized.  It does slow down the primary tasks, if they wouldn't necessarily be done correctly without the little things.  Later, or good night.

A minor change in the plan.

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The ducks and girls were tended.  Then on to dishes.  The problem was that there was no room to handle them.  So, I got to some cleaning in the kitchen.  It's a start.  As I finish dishes, I hope to finish more of the kitchen, surfaces and sweeping.  I also got the mop ready for the bathroom, plus a paired bucket.

I ran out of energy, if finished the portion planned of cleaning.  Rinse water was cool, so I reset it in one portion of dishes.  I'll dry those next work period, do more cleaning in the kitchen, then reset the last batch.  Dishes was the plan, but to do those I had to do some cleaning.

A shower after the last batch, then...  Probably resting for the day.  If I can do more, it will be folding and putting up laundry.  I am hoping to be to bed much earlier, say 16:00 to 17:00.  It might not be possible.  Sometimes, often, I can't sleep as I would wish.  Work will help, as long as I finish early enough to cool down, and turn the furnace down three to four hours in advance.  My cooldown has aspects of the physical and mental, or such.

Later.

It must have happened sometime in the night.

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The time change, that is.  I woke an quarter hour ago.  So dark.  So late.  So dark at such a late hour?  I looked out, to see what was blocking the sun, but it looked... pre-dawn?  Then, yea, gotcha.  By time, I should have been nearly able to feed the ducks.  So weird.  I honestly wished they would kill that program.  If schools and industry want such a thing, if it actually pays, let them do it.

In real time it means I was in bed at or a bit after 20:30, then up a quarter after six.  I would rather be getting to bed a bit, and waking, earlier.  Work and lessons had to be later, which pushes sleep.  Then I got a terrible nose bleed.  It took an hour or more to just stop it enough to not bleed through the best plugs I could create.  I woke around 3:??, so checked it.  It had just stopped about then.

Dishes have been reset and a timer set.  That, and a shower, are the only things I am am scratching in on my list.  If I can do more, I will.  I will shave tomorrow.  I am not as tired or cold as I have been.  If I am also still not up to speed.  Getting to sleep earlier, thus waking earlier, and doing more solid work in the day, should help.  If possible.

Have a good day.  Go to church.  Later.

More than anticipated.

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Driving.  Getting frustrated.  Trying to get off the line faster.  I'll get better.  Every opportunity helps.  Technically good enough in most situations.  Need to improve.  Got to the pool, purchased the pass, asked a few questions.  Set up for the pools, now to get my gear together.

On the way home, dinner.  I needed to eat.  Then, at home, got the ducks out.  Didn't set up actual nesting, but got them fresh bedding and water.  I explained what I want to do with fencing and nesting.  Then we worked in the living room.  Just opened it up a bit more.  I am hoping it will act as incentive for me to hit it.

I am very tired.  I really had to push.  It is bedtime.  I am hoping to hit it tomorrow.  Just dishes then a shower.  Though, perhaps, mopping in the bathroom.  Anything else would be extra.  Good night.

Hmm. Odd.

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I remembered to call.  The other pool.  They do have two daily swim times, for laps.  I didn't ask about summer... will.  Very early, later afternoon, if only Monday through Thursday.  Still, it is another option.  They are open for a while, might make it today, or Monday.  I am excited.

I would have loved to do the skiing thing as well.  It isn't much exercise, but some.  Plus skills, access to cross-country skiing, and other skills and exercises.  I've always wanted to learn to ice skate, for example.  Just to get up, and out, helps.

Driving lessons today, perhaps.  I am, mostly, improving.  So tired, it doesn't help.  I need to get up to speed faster, for when in traffic.  Hills will be tricky until they aren't.  I'll tell you, as a new stick driver, I sure regret crowding on hills.  I learned, usually, to give them room, if I could figure it out in time.  But, by mistake or being an ass, I... will deserve my lot.

Nothing else today.  Couldn't eat more than a few bites of chicken.  I'm done with food, for today?  Maybe.  Hungry, but not for good food.  I'll... think on it.

Later.

Not much.

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The plans were sound.  The fundamentals are soft.  Exhausted beyond capacity.  I have no idea why I am so tired.  It is overcast, in the low 30's outside.  I am cold, sluggish, tired... if not enough to sleep.  I have eaten chicken, olives, and a warm fatted tea.  The heat is up, it just doesn't matter.  I am having a few more drumsticks after this  post.

I think it is organs balking at doing there various jobs.  From the stomach down, it just isn't working.  The other organs are sore.  Why I can't say.  It does make activity difficult.  Oh, but I found a mistake.  The times for the closer pool?  Not a.m.  I am so used to 24 hour time that I miss the a.m./p.m. indicators unless it is somehow obvious.  I will call this afternoon to check some things.

Swimming later, if I am trying to run an early schedule, isn't the best.  It is much better to exercise earlier in my day, unless I want to push my schedule around.  Still, sometimes it just has to be as it is.  I'd better look for my swimming... waterproof... mp3 player.  That definitely helps.  It needs charged.  As well, it uses special earbuds.  I'll collect what I can find.

Later.

The gifts from the terrible.

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I wondered, even at the time.  I sensed something had changed.  A permanent change or just a momentary alteration though?  Or, maybe, just an imagining?  It truly may have been a dream.  I, personally, don't believe that.  As uncomfortable as the vision, experience, or whatever one might call it, it was one of the most intense events in my life.  How wonderful the terrible can be?

I wondered, for a time, if she was calling me home.  After some days, then weeks, passed, I then wondered the opposite.  Well, no, not damnation.  She wouldn't have visited the damned.  No.  But she might have been sent with, or for, more life.  As terrifying as the visit, as difficult to endure the heavenly, it was exquisite beyond expression.

I really, with health almost impossibly improving, wonder if she didn't bring healing... perhaps accidentally, incidentally?  The problem with the notion of healing, however, is that I don't feel better.  I wonder if their labs are false.  Perhaps the goal is to make me homeless.  Strip disability for no reason than that they can?  Repayment for blogging against their lies and tyranny.

Who knows for sure.  Then again, even if you fix the main cause, there is all the damage from thirty years of the heart being so bad.  I don't know.  If they are telling it true, though, I do suspect her visit played some roll in it.  I tell you, to this day, her visit amazes me every time I think of it.  I hope you get such an opportunity.

Ah, I must really be tired.

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I can be hard on myself.  Too hard.  When I sleep like last night, I realize my body has done everything it could and then some, and or organs and stats are off, not functioning well.  From symptoms and results, I'm saying it is some of each.  Down around 18:00, perhaps but no more than an half hour after.  Awake around 5:15?  Pretty close.  That is a very long sleep.  I'm usually at eight hours, so something(s) is (are) off.

No problem.  If I can't work, I shant.  If I can, I will work my way through.  I have reset dishes, and the laundry.  I'll get tea, then stat a fresh batch, if I think I'd rather a fatted broth first thing this morning.  Oh, when do we lose the hour, Sunday?  My main time pieces do that automatically, it's just the secondary pieces which need manual work.

I have showered four, maybe five, times this week.  As well, I have shaved twice.  I really only need to shave twice, though if I were a professional I would shave Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Need is subordinate to a public face, if three is enough.  Though lighter shaving is required.  Hmm, actually, if I could work, I could go to church, and I'd certainly shave for church.  I'd rather grow a beard, my problem is my beard isn't good.

I'll do some things this morning, then relax... hopefully nap midday, then be ready for effort this afternoon.  I'd like to work clear through, but it isn't possible.  The goal is dishes... all that are rinsing, all laundry put up, from the dryer out, plus the one load of synthetics.

Oh, I'll try the trunks I have.  Perhaps I have the right size but forgot.  I will be waiting on the goggles though, in any case... unless I can find an old pair.  They aren't current, by scripts, but would do for a day.  Yes, I really want to swim.  Probably start Mondays and Fridays, for an half hour, the first month.  Then add Wednesdays for the next month.  Finally pushing hour swims three days a week.  Finally, adding laps.  I got to a mile an hour last time, but was still improving.  Not sure if I can get to three miles an hour, but it is possible, especially on keto now again.  Yea, it works.

Yes, I'll... get some work done.  Not as much as I would like to shove through, but, given my condition and the weather if it remains dark, it will do.  I would like to take aspirin.  Since I haven't two out of the last three times I said I would, even five out of the last seven... me and my big procrastinating mouth.  :p  I actually could.  But, you know what?  Nah.  I really do hate medicine.  Later.

Ribs!

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I truly love those things.  To start, fatty beef.  Right.  Now put that on a bone only a dog or right man, and smart woman, could love.  You... haven't heard that joke, Santa?  Anyway...  Eating it, hot off the grill, is a messy job.  What man job isn't?  I also cooked the chicken drumsticks.  I ate too many ribs to eat chicken.  All good.  I wasn't sure I would, could, eat at all.  I needed food, right food, but was sick, green about the gills.

I actually feel better for it.  I really wasn't sure how that would work.  Though, to be honest, if I ate six ounces, I'd be surprised.  Just remember, fat meats are exceedingly filling.  But add in chewing it off the bone and it gets even more filling.  Toss in a portion of connective tissue as well.  Something about the raw carnal hunger being psychologically, or spiritually, fed as well as the belly.

Bedtime.  I'll put the chicken up, then sleep like the dead... living dead these days.  I am hoping to get the dishes and laundry done first thing.  Not today, but I did well for as bad as I felt.  I'll keep at things.  I made final decisions and ordered swim kit.  It is supposed to be in Tuesday.

Good night.

Something is wrong.

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Nothing else will be done today.  I feel terrible and getting worse.  One exception... I may grill ribs.  Not sure I can eat them, but I'd sure like to try.  Rotten.  I don't think I took more aspirin, but that wouldn't help what is ailing me.  The grill is going.  Ribs and chicken, it needs to be cooked.

I was surprised to find reasonably priced vision correcting goggles.  I am still contemplating which items and trunks to get.  I found cool ones, but maybe too cool for an old guy to wear?  I'm thinking.  I won't go with the bath sheets.  Too expensive.  But a group of four larger than usual bath towels, in that same hefty material, might do.  I'd love more bath sheets, but they are sold at a serious, if fair, premium.

It would be good to be swimming Monday.  Truth is, it will be more like Wednesday or Friday.  I wish these things could be found locally, easily, in the right price range and quality.  It just isn't so.  Hell, I sort of got the feeling that the help at some stores look down on me.  Makes me wonder who usually shops there.  I'm solid middle class.  Oh, right, academics are some of the most undeservedly overpaid stuffshirts you'll find.

Best check the grill.  Later.

What next?

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I don't know.  My local doc doesn't have anything by way of insulin.  I guess it's keto and intermittent fasting, plus extended fasting from time to time, along with swimming and hiking.  I haven't been eating well lately.  Travel, working to exhaustion, running around... it has lead to bad food.  I'll get back on track.  Lungs are still wet, too wet, which isn't helping.  So I upped the dose this morning.  I'll run it dry before backing down.  Which reminds me, I need to reset medsets.

I may check swimming trunks online.  My last suits were 44 then 42, I'm a 38, so... well, depending on the brand.  I may also look for vision correcting swimming goggles and towels.  Yes, towels just for swimming.  I only have four towels, good ones, for home.  It is pricey, but I will spend less than on one of the pricier jazz trunks at that other store, for all I seek.  :p

It is dark.  It has rained and snowed off and on.  I feel too warm though.  Hmm, might chase the ducks out to add the last of the hay and a bag of leaves.  Maybe that would help with laying.  I might add a few 1 x 1 lengths, drilled and screwed down, to encourage nest areas.  Oh, and put the fake eggs in, to further encourage placement and brooding.  Ugh.  Maybe pound in some fence posts?  Something.

After whatever of that is possible, then folding and putting away clothes?  Setting medicine up for sure.  I really don't feel like doing anything.  I feel rough, even with aspirin this morning.  It didn't seem to help.  Even so, I've done well and will continue with some things.  I may take more aspirin first, give it a bit.  It isn't terrible pain, just rough around every edge.  And I mean every thing that can be rough around the trim.  Tired, too.  Meh, I've definitely had worse.  Later.

Wow. Yes, mostly.

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At first I only counted what was done out of the house.  I stopped at the high school rec center.  Was directed to the pool.  No one there.  I think it was swim time, but if everyone was gone the last portion, employees might have just abandoned the place.  On to the U.  Open and able.  Semester passes are the best value , but not past mid term, so I went monthly.  Asked about parking and a few other things.  They have two pools.  I plan to explore each.  A breakfast out.  Remind me not to do that.  I'm a superior cook with superior supplies, and can do it for a tenth the cost... assuming I eat twice as much.  On the way home, I stopped for the mail.

Okay.  Actually that was pretty good for a two hour run.  I even stopped to check out swimming trunks at a local sporting goods store.  I simply didn't like anything I saw.  Bleh.  Worse, every pair was $55 and up.  Academia makes people stupid and tasteless, with regards to some things.  Actually, I now understand why jazz is so popular, even to play.  Like soccer, a socialist thing.  No one actually has to be good, repeatability is irrelevant... actually the same as peer reviewed studies.  At least they have some good sections at the store.

Ah, but before going, I washed dishes, showered, shaved, put the dishes to rinse, fed and watered the girls, sorted their litter, then started a last cotton load.  It was too dark to tend the quackles.  They were fed when I returned, and watered.  No new eggs. Are the upset the first were taken?  Trust me, critters are people too!  They can take things very badly, or goodly.  Or did the cold throw them.  As well, I put laundry in the dryer.  I won't wash anything else until all dried laundry is put away.  Most of it is ready, save one basket and what is in the dryer.

Yea, not bad.  All of that from about 6:15 when I finally could get off my but until 10:00 or so, when I finished the last home chore and sat.  Ugh.  But not bad.  Later.

Not yesterday.

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Didn't turn up the heat, didn't take aspirin, not sure if I took medicine or ate either.  Yea, tired.  Heat is up this morning, I'll take medicine first thing, and extra aspirin.  I am hoping to make breakfast pretty quickly, eggs and bacon.  Tea is brewing.  A cold tea is going down as I write.

I am hoping to hit dishes, get a shower, start laundry, then check swimming and the post.  Perhaps do some shopping.  Ribs and maybe coleslaw later.  Then some sorting around the house, as well as pounding in a few fence posts?  Don't know, it's a rough outline on a rough hungry start to a day.

Sleep was very good.  A bit later to bed than hoped, but not crazy late, and I woke plenty early.  Hopefully to bed a few hours earlier tonight.  I would like to wake around 2:00, be ready for anything by 4:00 to 6:00?  Give or take an hour on everything but the 6:00 target.  Yes.  I'd like to make this work.  Bedtime?  Between 18:00 and 20:00.  I like to pencil in eight to ten hours, not really a choice.  Trying to craft a permanent schedule.  For the first time in my life?  Maybe.

No matter health, if I can't control my sleep cycle nothing else will work.  I'm reconsidering engineering school, but getting fit and being able to have a schedule are personal prerequisites.  Can't push too hard, but have to work at various things frequently.  Exercise can be light, but has to happen two to three times a week to start, then work to four to six times a week.  Starting at as much as I can do in an half hour to more into hour ranges... longer hikes thrown in.  If I get out today, I'll get swimming arranged.

Hungry!  I best get bacon started.  A fatted tea as that is going.  A shower and shave, dressed, and at it.  Oh, but girls first, they are already begging.  Hmm, dishes before the shower, after breakfast.  Just washing.  All to be set to a rinse after.  Then a load of laundry started.  I best get to it.  Time can go so fast.  Later.

Not the whole story, not today.

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A few hints though.  Recent events cause me... doubts of doubts?  Yes.

To bed late, awake late.

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For good reason.  I had a fellow by, working on my computer.  After driving lessons.  A very good, if long day.  No other work done.  But I needed that day off.  Then it rained off and on last night, sometimes quite heavily.  Perhaps small hail as well?  It sure sounded like it could have been as sheets of frozen, or nearly frozen, rain hitting hard.  That was far from troubling, even with a steel roof.  The things my mind does with patterns!

Awake, well, if a little pained.  A lot pained.  I am sure I will be working today, so I will hit aspirin.  Twice in a row, and two of my four monthly allotments.  Yes, I count.  Usually not needed, but I like to track.  A bite to eat, medicine, a shower, a break; critters, dishes set, a load of laundry in, and a break while folding the last batch.

If there is anything left, then straightening in the kitchen, living room, and bedroom.  No promises, but I think so.  I don't plan nearly as long or late of a day.  Hitting it hard, and early, should help.  I am looking forward to the upcoming pedicure.  I have done extremely well with my general feet skin care, but toes, toenails, and cuticles are beyond my skill and mobility.  It's more diabetes compounding things, I now realize.

Tomorrow or Monday I will go to one of the pools I will be using and start registration. Actually, I may register with both, and skip swimming until my next outing.  Just having things arranged means an easy out when ready.  Yes, I will get there, now that it is working and all else has been decided and everything is moving forward.

It is dark out there.  But I sense spring so strongly!  I am truly excited for spring, even if it is cool and wet.  Beside swimming, I would like to get out hiking, perhaps camping off my back... multiday backpacking... before it gets too hot.  I might be able to hike in some heat if I am preconditioned specifically for it, back in some shape.  There is no chance to just start probably from June on.  I should go through gear bags this week.

Later.

No nap.

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I have attempted three times.  No doing.  I sure would enjoy sleep, or work.  Neither is available.  I did have reasonable breakfasts... chia cereal and a savory fatted beef bone broth, with butter and cream.  A cup of cream in each, so definitely enough calories, for breakfast.  I had a salad for lunch.  Four eggs, and six slices of bacon, for supper might work.  A fatted tea with it?  Perhaps a small, half a cup of cream?  I'll know shortly.

Three eggs were collected.  I need to get more leaves and straw out there.  Perhaps arrange nesting, putting out the fake eggs in an attempt to train the girls, perhaps induce brooding.  Ugh.  I may call the folks who sold them to me, see if they can answer a few questions.

I will call to see if insulin is available.  Checked yesterday, no reply.  As well, calling about swimming.  Yes, I'd really like to get that sorted and going.

It doesn't help that it has gotten dark out there, if that isn't the real problem.  I have doubts about excessive exertion being the root.  It is just things, innards, not working correctly.  I have gained weight by being irregular, in spite of not having any other difficulty going when I can.  It is merely that my internals have slowed a great deal.  I am eating the right foods, and enough, and was active until today.  On meds... sleeping well... dunno.

Called my mom with the health report, and worries.  She says not to worry, but would say that if someone was on fire.  It's a mom thing, for good or ill.  At least she didn't tell me not to be a baby.  :p  She wasn't being mean, comforting.  It's... just... when worried, sometimes, I wish people to freak out with me, at least a bit.  Work with my horror and fear people!

A few calls, then bacon and eggs?  Sure.  Later.
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Swimming is figured out.  I was a bit surprised how things worked out, but in good ways.  I will work with two different pools, the third just... far too expensive, no simple pool access option, and concerns.  I spoke with the nurse at my doc's office, and received a message from the V.A.  I'm out of calling energy, will call tomorrow.  I do my best.

I want to sleep so terribly.  Neither can I sleep or work or wake.  Still, that's it for today.  Good night, effectively, if not for three or four hours, if I can push it.

A rough morning.

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Organs are complaining, the lower back is out, very tired... too tired.  A savory fatted broth and sweet chia and flax breakfast may help.  I dressed warm if I may add a layer, and turned the furnace up.  Something is simply off.  Aspirin?  I hate taking that unless I am sure I will work.  Even then, even when I suggest I will take it, I procrastinate beyond it's use usually.  Today?  That is one of the questions?

Perhaps a nap first.  So very tired.  I did put meat out to thaw.  Bacon is fast, perhaps bacon and eggs after a nap.  It's the bacon I don't prefer.  I won't waste it.  Ribs tonight I hope.  If the chicken is thawed, it may also be cooked.  Roast tomorrow.  If required to travel, i may do minor grocery shopping as well.  A few veggies, more beef ribs, and eggs.  It may be my last bought eggs, unless one of the hens goes broody.

I have found really convenient salad leaves packaged as conveniently as possible.  I don't trust that store for, especially fresh, food.  I may review my preferred store... stores.  It is pricey, but is fresh and lasts.  Two salads per container, if huge salads... not nine cups, perhaps for the whole container.  I can't eat that much.  Perfect though.  I can't do a salad every day either, but four a week is reasonable.  Actually, $7 to $10 for two packages, four huge salads, isn't too bad.  Great with cheese, eggs, capers, green olives, and-or nutritional yeast, plus homemade dressings.

I will, this time, today, call the pools.  I haven't been avoiding.  It's just that work or exhaustion has eaten me whole before I could hit this.  Yes, a nap then calls and work.

I may or may not have a source for insulin... worth a shot.  Even just a vial or two to do a proof of concept.  Remember?  I deny being a negotiator.  Though, if given an opportunity, I will go by his advice.  At least until safety protocols are established, understanding is established.  I will be cautious, once bitten?  Right.  If it works out.

Later.

Archival evidence.

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Awake right at 2:00. I think on the dot.  I couldn't remember when I went to sleep, but realized I  sent a text immediately before crashing.  It was 15:21.  My phone and the nuclear clock are finally in agreement, so I am calling it accurate.  I can't swear I went right to bed, but by 15:30.  And right to sleep.  A very long day.

Today I hope to do light chores, if several of them.  I am sore from the long drive after days of work.  Triceps most of all, inner thighs next.  What the heck have I been doing?  Oh never the mind.  Today the goal is to work without stressing those.  Folding laundry and a load of synthetics, maybe whites, shouldn't be a problem.  Dishes might be a minor tug, as I am using the 68 quart tub to rinse one batch.  Well, and chipping the door open to the ducks might be a stress.  I won't go at the heavier efforts with great gusto.  I often push those sorts of tasks.

Fresh tea is done.  Chia and flax seed, a fatted tea, and...  hmm... may have a fatted bone broth instead.  I need to thaw meat, ribs, chicken, a pork roast, and ground meat sound right.  The goal is to eat right through the week, then fast over the weekend.  There is something wonderfully humbling about fasting.

It is good to be clean, and then some.  With the right lotion even diabetics can stay rather tidy.  I've noticed that, with the coconut and shea baby oil, my skin doesn't cut or tear as easily.  It brings back the strength and repair ability of nearly my prime.  It is amazing stuff.  I set up a pedicure for next week.  My feet, generally, aren't as needy, but the toes sure could use a good session.  Though simple human contact is good, and it sure won't hurt my feet.

Hmm?  I... I will get breakfast soaking, get the broth heating, and begin waking.  Medicine, perhaps finally resetting the medsets.  Yea.  Always more to do.  Later.

Right.

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No, I didn't crash.  I had an echo cardiogram early this morning.  Well, 8:30, if that means a 5:30ish departure.  You never know about traffic.  An hour early, traffic was strangely light, or very fluid.  Beautiful to just... drive, not stop, slow, crawl.  Parking can be difficult.  They built a multilevel lot but screwed the foundation.  Not sure if a complete two to three year teardown and rebuild, or more, is required or what.  With early appointments, parking is easier.

After, I got in to speak with my doctor's nurse, or a nursing rep.  Pretty short wait for a walk-in.  I pressed for simple insulin and asked to be notified of my echo results.  It was suggested that the results would take forty eight hours.  Cool, no rush, just wanted to know, if they would.  My doc called with the results.  And we discussed insulin.  I don't trust long acting insulin, nor pills.  For long acting, a mistake can't be fixed.  For pills, they all hit liver and kidney function.  If I must, I will go without.

I had been afraid of insulin.  But I realized I test four to six times a day.  I wasn't doing that before.  And I was dosed too much, at 10 cc's three times a day.  Now I would test first, then start with even three cc's, and only before meals, and titrate from there.  Either that or I'll just slog through on keto.

I hit shopping on the way home.  A small sponge mop, several extra heads, a couple of bigger small buckets, and two more trash cans.  So tired.  Wasn't through.  Then I got the dotransport  paperwork to my other doc.  Ugh.  So wiped out.  Lungs are still... bothersome.  Better, much better.  But, doing so much, with the extra drag of wet lungs, really hurts energy.

I fed the ducks and girls first thing upon returning.  Another egg out there.  I'll get them tonight or tomorrow.  I need to take a breather for a few days.  Folding clothes, maybe another load, and small batches of dishes.  No hurry, not a lot, not often.  Sleep, now.  Oh, but a message off first.

Good day and night.

Odd how things can line up.

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Odd what appears.  Her?  Just an odd random perfect fitting piece?

Up before the dark noon.

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Sleep was good.  Dreams of past darkness of existence before I knew better.  Before I could understand, even as weakly as I do now, God, life was so different.  Without sin, there wasn't virtue.  Those were just amoral spiritual appetizers... things to be sampled in life, to develop tastes.  Good, evil?  No, just tastes.

It was my growing awareness of true evil that started the questions.  There are two Hellfire clubs.  The one of men and giants, if it has two main schools... and the one of demons.  Demons have to try to lead astray, lie... even to themselves and each other, and must attempt to be evil at every turn.  They are damned, with no way back, so blasphemy is their only remaining succor.  Stuck, in evil, with no way out.

The Hellfire club of nephilum and men is different.  There is still choice, option.  The two schools consist of those who worship demons, and so try to choose evil at every turn.  The others, the school to which I was party, know better than to believe in demons, but are blind to God.  We felt no obligation to good or evil... tastes, as I mentioned.

These, usually, are who rule much of the world.  It used to be that they were kept in check by regular people, the family, church, and each other.  I don't know what has driven them to become so bold... outright genetic genocide and the politics leading to it, openly.  Open, public, shameless infanticide.  Wealth theft and redistribution as destruction of wealth, using the indoctrinated wealthy as their spearheads.  Warren may well live to regret his crony capitalism.  I still don't believe this is necessarily the end, just the end and beginning of another age.  Can that end be averted?  I... have my doubts, but for as little as God does, it's His game.  If men choose His wisdom, return to it?  All is possible in God.  Yes, all that and more in the dream.

Dishes were drained.  Those needing washed were given a quick scrub and rinse.  They still need another wash.  The others were simply drained and set out.  A shower and shave shortly.  I do believe I'll fold and put up laundry yet this morning.  So, after showering, I will put another load through.  That will leave a load of whites and a load of synthetics, having washed four loads if only because blankets took a lot more space than anticipated.

Breakfast?  Maybe.  A small portion of chia cereal and a fatted tea.  A lot of fluid was voided, lungs are better if still wet.  As such, watching intakes and exertion is still part of the program.  Folding clothes, and one load through, with the dishes, showering, and shaving is a bit tight.  If I do things in small batches... sort of need to keep going.

Well, on to waking.  Later.

Is cold closing in?

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Perhaps.  Maybe the body is falling into a cold all it's own.

Calls.  Mom, just a check-in.  Bills paid.  One appointment set.  I am staying up long enough to try another call.  Meds.  Might make a few calls between now and then.

I did check, just below freezing... 28° to 30° F.  So actually warmer.  Must be exhaustion.

Oh, a bit of music.  Good day and night.

Well, it was a good run.

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It is, however, over.  Lungs are full.  Even with three water pills, I 've pushed to some limit.  I need to back off.  Napping didn't work out.  Not the lungs, just couldn't sleep.  Want to, maybe need to sleep.  In a while?  I can hope.

Not sure what to do about the lungs.  I have taken even more water pills, but only if it becomes to oppressive immediately, which it isn't quite yet, or if backing off and the regular dose over time isn't working.  Ankles aren't swollen, just lung issues... usually a sign to me that I exceeded my daily allowance of effort by too much over too many days.  I'll no more tomorrow.

I did fold the blankets, but not else.  I may yet fold the rest, as it is easy work.  The critters have been tended.  Oh, and two of the hens have layed eggs!  I will have to chip ice to open the door, wasn't up to it.  Sure would like to inspect them.  Tomorrow.  I will have to get a shower in shortly, but will simply drain the dishes.  Perhaps resetting after?

So much liquid my system whistles when I breath.  It wears me out like this.  Nap time?  I may try.  No alarms.  I'll take what I need.  Later.

Breakfast is winning.

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The bacon wasn't bad.  It isn't my favorite.  I do like sampling different brands from time to time.  Can't win every dare.  It was some of the thickest bacon I have found.  Too bad.  Tasted more like baconized ham, a sweeter one at that.  Further, it just wouldn't crisp, not without burning that is.

The eggs were good.  Slightly overcooked, practice will help.  Easy over, just to prove stainless can be non-stick?  No, it's how I like it.  The mushrooms were excellent.  A glass of milk on the side, raw, whole.  Heaven on a platter, or nearly.  The thing is, it was heavy.  And I have worked so my body is trying to digest while tired.  I may need a nap.

I will get the blankets, fold and put up laundry, then take a short nap.  Setting the alarm in hopes of keeping day cycles in order.  Hmm, best tend critters before napping.  Really, not bad.  After the nap, dishes, shower, shave, calls, and that will be that.  If I then plan to stay up until 16:30 and change.

Later.

Very good progress.

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Sure, I can't always move or do as fast as I would like.  I get sidetracked, if the little things need doing as well, if often, usually, overlooked when planning.  Plus the little things are the details that make an area shine.  It's the lag that annoys.  And, yet, what I am calling lag can often be the whole of my day.  So the interspersal of light and heavy work really is good.

All refuse has been collected and taken out.  The bins will not be taken to the curb, only one sack, small sack, each.  All the trash bins have been sacked, an extra load of really rough dishes have been set, the blankets were given a, probably, final drying.  A few other minor projects were hit.  Plus breakfast has been layed out for cooking after a break.

Breakfast shortly, then an extended break to digest that, then I'll hit dishes.  I will probably wash the dirty, drain the rinsing, set aside, take a break, then shower and shave, then set those back to whatever.  The ducks will get fed as soon as the sun is up or so, the girls shortly thereafter.  Ugh.  Not bad.

What next?  A few phone calls, some business and pleasure arrangements.  Is exercise pleasure?  I think so, when I can.  Having a system set up makes it easier, just avoid financial traps and pits.  Oh, a few other calls.  It is Monday.  *grins*  Later.

Getting to things.

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All laundry from yesterday has been folded. Today's laundry, except for the blankets, sit right in front of me.  I won't begin putting clothes up until the last bit is folded or sorted.  Shirts don't get folded, just separated, to be hung... including t-shirts.  Everything else gets folded.  Just so you know.

Trash and recycling next.  I will probably reset the blankets first.  With refuse collection, I will also bag the bins.  Then I'll see about dishes, or make breakfast.  Can't do both, at once or even following... too much work, pushing as is.  I am surprised I am doing what I am doing.

I had tea, then a fatted tea and a salad.  I was checking the stomach problem.  All good so far.  Mostly.  It's a bit weird in there, but no... misbehaving.  I was a bit worried.  More, and more solid, food will help.  Same brand of bacon thawing.  I am hoping it was the extended refrigeration, not the batch, that was the problem.  Time will tell, if plans hold.

I best hit the refuse.  Time slips away so fast.  I want barrels loaded and out within the hour.  The shower and shave will have to wait until dishes are finished.  So much to do!  So little time, energy.  I'll keep pushing.  Best get dressed enough to go outside.  PJ's and my bath robe, don't want to dress properly until after the shower.  *shrug*  Yea, I'll keep at it.

Oh, someone has been digging way back.  Mostly hitting music.  It's enjoyable to see some of those, if I can't always remember what it was all about, especially tunes used multiple times.  Anyway, later.

Up and at it.

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I don't remember when I went to bed or if sleep came fast.  It was midafternoon, but from 13:30 to as late as 16:30.  It was around midnight at waking, give or take a quarter hour.  I slept well, dreaming pleasant memories of the better parts of my youth... homemade beef and chicken noodles, all of it homemade.  Discussions with children and adults, figuring things out.  While never quite a child, I knew far too much, neither did I consider myself an adult.  Then as now, I was and am just... different.

Up, quickly.  Laundry is going.  I did put another load in, but it is only two blankets, the last two.  No more after until all before is folded.  I am giving what is drying a finishing spin.

While doing laundry, I realized the girls' water fountain was off, and way down. Crazy, I filled it just yesterday.  I wasn't sure if the fountain pump was out, I have extras... somewhere.  Still, a good time to clean it out.  It was on my short list already.  As it turns out, the pump is still good, as is the charcoal filter.  I run a lot of fresh water through it, pound it, do that three times.  If it seems good it is merely reinstalled.  The girls are extra nice for a week.  Doubly so since I added fresh litter.  They don't forget a thing, good or bad.  If for good it is "what have you done for me lately".  Cats = women.

In a bit, I will reset dishes.  I pulled fresh bacon from the freezer.  It seems the stomach flu is sorted.  Bacon and eggs were delicious, even if problematic.  Hopefully not this time.  Fresh tea was set to brew, and jugs have been rotated.  They get dirty, just as containers.  The real focus is getting trash and recycling out very shortly.  Then drying the dishes.  After that another shower.  After illness it is good to clean up.  It might not have been food, but either way...

I need a short break before getting to refuse.  Then I'll hit it.  Later.

Bad bacon.

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It was in the fridge a bit long.  Some brands work just fine.  Not this one.  I'll have to slow up on fluids for a while, maybe food.  I will call it similar to stomach flu and let you sort the details.  Hmm... fiber?  I can do that, just not right now.  I will put the clothes in the dryer, fold the rest?  Maybe not.  Just... no.  I will cycle the clothes, no more.

I've pretty much regained the day.  It is a bit rough in the end.  More with stomach flu.  But medicine is back on track.  I'll improve.  Oh, and sunshine.  It helps.  I've let Sam out, gone out with her, been feeding and watering the ducks twice a day, if they have started to eat and drink much more food and water.  You should hear them when I freshen everything!  It reminds me of a bunch of children being allowed into a pool.

I have things lining up three days this week... four?  Yes.  Wow, very busy.  I have time tomorrow to work on the duck enclosure.  I should be able to get some number of posts installed, though that will depend if the ground is thawed yet.  I will have help later this week.  I plan a more open roomy area, then a smaller area that is covered.  A place they can scoot into which should protect from most things, save a mountain lion.  If I'm not sure their coop would be safe from such.  Hmm, that needs repairs too, actually.  The lift gate, for getting eggs, deteriorated.

Good night.  Again.

Not everything.

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Not too bad either.  A second load of laundry started, dishes set to rinse, a fantastic breakfast, if a bit much.  I added mushrooms.  Fantastic.  I even washed the pan from this and the previous breakfast.  I gave my stainless All-Clad another go, after reviewing instructions, from the company itself.  Glad I did, it is working out splendidly.  Two mistakes were hurting my prior efforts.  First, I wasn't giving the virgin steel time to heat properly.  Next, which ties with the last but is also separate, I was adding fats, and the wrong kind.  Butter is great, but neither alone nor the first fat on a high heat pan... ghee perhaps, not butter.

Why stainless?  It really is healthier.  And, now, just as stick-free as non-stick surfaced pans.  As well, non-stick pans only last a few years.  No one replaces them rightly.  It is expensive.  While top stainless multi-layer cookery costs a fortune up front, if you learn how to use them, they will never need replaced.  Actually, not even copper is good for you.  High carbon steel, cast iron, or stainless (if multi-layer isn't required, it sure helps) are the best, for many reasons.  Cast is finicky to was, stainless can also be a hassle to get spotless (which is required for non-stick like cooking), and I haven't come close to mastering high carbon pans... yet.

Coats are up, from in the kitchen.  I don't know about much else.  I'd really like to prep trash, but that doesn't seem possible.  Maybe, but unlikely.  The last thing I really want to do is at least get the currently washing clothes in the dryer and going, perhaps putting away the first load.  Breakfast hit me like a ton of bricks.  Hunger ran into top-notch home cooking, leaving too much food for my g.i., which hasn't seen that much food at once in... months?  At least.  Ugh.

Still, not a bad go.  Not bad at all.  I have a few things and hours to go, but it's good night for the blog posting.  Have a great day!  Oh, and get to church you lazy heathens.   Say a prayer for me if you do.  Danged kids, pestering an old cripple instead of going to church.  Get off my porch!

More than first thought.

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Laundry alone will be four to five loads, if two will be small specialty loads, whites and synths.  Though a load and a half are oddities... layering tops... fleece items... and blankets my mother sent home with me, those wonderful homemade ones.  I felt guilty taking them, but satisfied myself with the idea her downsizing was being shared to family.  Are they as good as storebought?  Vastly superior, if disregarded in this automating world, in which even human lives are mere... assets, at best.

The first load is going.  Tea should be ready.  I'll set an alarm for an hour and an half, laundry to cycle but a shower before starting the next wash.  Then breakfast.  Or, really, a second breakfast.  A cup of cream, in the tea, has 800 and change calories.  Still, even four eggs and six half slices of bacon really doesn't add up to a right meal for a minimally demi-giant.  I gotta eat, dig in, or I'm dead in the water.  Probably another fatted tea later, and a huge salad with olives, capers, cheese, nutritional yeast, and eggs if I boil some beforehand.  Yum.  I do like food, when I can get to it.  I crafted a solid Italian vinaigrette to top salads and else.

I have arranged for rebagging... found the bags, set some of them up.  Ran out of energy.  Laundry surprised, a bit more work to finish gathering, sort, then start.  Still, a bit of a head start on that next chore.  I may add litter to the boxes as I make my first tea.  But the real next hit will be transferring laundry and a shower.  A break after that.  Then a shave.  I used the trimmer to batter down the face bush yesterday, would like it razored this time... three passes and various angels to all the weird grains.  Damned wavy beard anyway.

Then?  If I am still going, bagging, trash and recycling out, folding, and starting dishes? Something like that.  No more than two loads of laundry until that is folded and away.  That will be the max today.  Then back to the kitchen and bedroom... quickly back to where those were or better, then a few more steps in.  I haven't fallen behind in the bedroom... if I never advanced beyond last time.  I just added a few jackets and a parka to the kitchen mess... I might sort those to be back to par before officially starting out there again.  Yea.

Well?  It has already started, with a bang, and before it truly warmed up.  I have a decent shot at much of it, a slim shot at more.  Wish me luck?  Thanks.  Now... get off my damned porch!

Hmm?

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You don't have to believe.  I don't need to believe.  Monday.

A bit better.

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It didn't hurt to wake.  Or, not much.  I feel pain in my sleep, so have an idea of what I will be facing when I wake.  Sometimes, for that reason, I will attempt to sleep longer.  Sometimes more consciously, sometimes less, strongly weighted favoring the former.  Still, for the first time in a bit, a fistful of painpills.  It will handle all small complaints.  And jacking the furnace, taking a shower, then shaving, I'll be prepped for a serious launch today yet, or tomorrow.

I'll set tea to go, for fresh fatted hot tea.  Then make bacon and eggs.  Yeah.  Medicine first, along with the aspirin.  Damn straight.  I'll get it going for preflight prep, or even launch yet today.  I don't have that much laundry, or dishes actually.  Collecting and removing trash isn't a big job either, if rebagging needs to happen.  Rebagging is more work than taking the trash out, the way I do it.

I need to do a bit of shopping.  The ducks are down to one dishpan for water.  Soon I will finish an outdoor fence for them, so use the bigger tub for their water.  But at night, I still want to have a smaller fresh water container in for them, as much to help with heat as hydration.  So, more tubs.  As well, the trial of smaller trash buckets in the kitchen really didn't work.  I will relocate those, one to the bedroom, not sure about the other.  If I could find big rubber bands, to hold the bags securely so they don't slip down, that would also be good.  And, finally, perhaps a small mop and bucket.  I liked the idea of an industrial mop and caddie, but I never end mopping enough flooring at once to make that pay.  Extra heads too... so I can mop the bathroom floor, spot or whole, much more frequently, and change the tops when they get yish.  Ugh?  Actually not bad, or too expensive.

Oh, I'd best reset meds.  Some new stuff is in.  One two-week set is empty, and adjustments even on the current stuff is needed.  I was absolutely correct about carvedilol, I was at my limit.  One more 6.5 mg tab, over the 25 mg I take portioned daily, and I was getting into zombie mode.  As well, two water pills simply don't cut it, which also means I need to up potassium.  Never easy.  Hard to stay on top of things, meaning adjustments are brutal.  Still, it's what I have to do.

Later.

Sometimes I wonder.

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I... have... doubts.

You found me.

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Yes.

Well done.

Problems abound.

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In the technical arena, gmail has become inaccessible.  The link I had been using leads to nowhere.  I searched for other links via web searches.  The same results.  As well, I am not sure if blogger has killed comments, but it may have.  I don't know if I am flying blind.  I wonder if it has to do with outing Joseph Stalin as a non-excommunicated Jesuit Priest?

Health is also troubled.  Some of it is from trying to push nights to days.  I'm getting there, it has some costs associated with it.  Bones and joints from the waist up, a couple of headaches somehow... one interior, one from bones.  At least neither is a migraine.  Still having difficulty eating.  Oh, and missing meds.  In part due to stretching my day, in part because that is causing confusion.

Ugh.

Getting to work is difficult.  Perhaps, as I am sorting things, odds will improve.  Some decisions were finally made, which will help.  First, no ski pass... this year.  It is so reasonable that I will save for it, including lessons and equipment rental.  If I go often enough I will eventually buy my own gear.  I just can't do it yet, and, as I see it, either all at once or not at all.

Expenses skyrocket if done in parts.  With five lessons and a year, it sits at ~$500, with rental.  Take out rental, it lowers initial cost but individual rental for just the lessons and you are at a comparative dollar loss.  Whole hog or stay home.  So... swimming.  If a decision there, too.  I will probably go with whoever can do smaller batch passes.  No contracts. Then I will go with several, so if my schedule is good for a particular one, or if one is busy, I have options.

It may seem strange, but the pressure leading to more complex decisions can be extremely vexing, taxing, even leading to exacerbated health issues.  Between nearing a day schedule, and having decided several issues, I can now try to move forward.  I have also set up an echo cardiogram and dental appointment, plus am trying to call my V.A. doc about fast acting insulin.  If I have to do something, which seems likely, my other doc and myself want that path.  If I have to try to go over, under, or around her, unfortunately that is what I will do.  Yeah, another stress.  And her nurse wasn't in or taking messages.  Ugh.

So... messy.  But trying to get things sorted.  Bleh.  Later.

Ugh!

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I hate phone calls.  Still...  Two appointments arranged at the V.A.  I also tried to call my doc, regarding insulin.  Not there, not taking messages.  Two out of three.  As well, if online, I looked up when the ski resort is open.  The goal is a visit soon.  Nothing planned was done.

I will shave and shower, and feed the ducks.  Not sure about anything else.  Will try to be awake until afternoon.  And might place a few more calls.  Swimming.  Yeah.  Other than stolen gas, swimming isn't that expensive.  I just need to check some things... if anyone answers, or knows.  I... understand.  I've been courtesy phone without a clue before.  Teaches humility and phone etiquette.

It looks slightly or more overcast.  But there is a feel of spring in the air.  I am actually, now, trying to enjoy the cold before the heat hits.  It's coming, and it always bowls me over.  I'll try to harvest as much cool as possible to try to beat the summer for as long as I can.

Dreaming.  She wants me to call.  Something... changed.  Things once believed have shifted.  Not sure I should call.  This isn't the first time she reached out.  The call is getting weaker, if... never mind.  Yes, I hear you.  I... I am thinking.  Hard.  *grins*

I keep playing.

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By the rules?  Are there rules?  My rules, but do they count?  Assuming I can pay attention well enough to understand rules in any case.  Whether by the rules or not, I keep setting things up and trying to complete and compete.  It hasn't been a terribly successful week... month... but it... well, I live.

Blood sugar was weird yesterday.  From fasting to before and after meals it stayed plus or minus ~seven of 220.  I even tried to nudge it higher.  Nothing doing.

Picking up trash, taking a shower, putting a load of laundry in, then a nap?  Then dishes restarted, a shave, ducks, then cats?  Something like that.  A bit of online shopping.  First of the month, always things to buy.  It'll be a lean month, so I trimmed the list.  Ugh.  I best get to it.  Later.

Oh, well, yeah?

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I did find my debit card.  I spent time on several occasions.  I didn't want the hassle of ordering a new one.  I haven't been able to do much at once, so bit part piece, in a fairly organized fashion, as much as possible.  As usual, it was in the last place I looked.  That indicates some level of competence.

Shopping last night.  Just toilet paper.  What the heck happened with the price of that! It was three times as expensive as last time I was in!  Further, they don't offer it in the megapacks anymore.  I was buying 45 rolls at a time, all I can get now is 18 rolls per package, at the same price as the 45 rolls.  Wow, either inflation is ramping up or central planning is allocating vastly differently.  Insane.

I will try to get a shower in, and do one load of laundry through to completion.  I'll hit the ducks shortly.  If I think I will be cutting cat food to one can between them, instead of two.  It's not quite spring, but they need to start being more active.  Sassy has really gained weight.  If I thought a treadmill for cats would work, I'd consider it.  Sam just stays rail thin.  I worry about each for the opposite reason.

I'll make a few calls today.  Really thinking about a ski pass along with swimming.  It wasn't as expensive as I had thought, as well as a rental pass.  Though, throw in lessons, while a great deal, it... gets spendy.  Still, I was quite excited to see the potential.  It would be tight this month, again, but the passes would be good for a year.  They also have cross country, snowboarding, ice skating, and probably snow shoeing trails, plus summer events.  Not until tomorrow, but I could call to check a few things.

Oh, she sent another one, I have a response.

New understandings. Continued.

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Ah, right.  I got swamped laying a conceptual foundation.  Right.  Now... where was I?

Ever sense you hit a nerve?

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That of another trickster, or a woman... women, some from both sets?  Groovy, baby.

Wait, women are tricksters.  Oh, yeah.  Turn money into their junk.

The devil, Hel said?  Maybe.  Maybe she said it, maybe it's a sort of truth.

From one to one, of either... in some odd shapes and forms?  Just what registered.

New understandings.

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As spring, or life, especially both, return, the pains of quickening return with it.  What I surrender, leave for a time, tries to cling... not let go.  Oh, I'll explain.  If first I will start off with another new understanding, but only for you.  It is not only Christianity which has the four horsemen, if seen through pagan, false eyes.

When I must.

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Laugh.  Point.  Take it.  Give it.  Leave it.  More.  Whatever.

I keep crashing and burning.

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If I could gain even a bit off lift, get more done, there would be that.  I did get the trash out, I did get out to eat.  I did shower.  Not much, if just barely something.  Sleep cycles are spinning.  Spring must be approaching.  All good.  I will keep at it.  Ducks have gotten extra water and a fresh batch of hay.  Tea has been set.  I am thinking about food.

Roasted turkey later, fatted tea and chia and flax cereal first.  I really am not hungry, I just know to eat.  For the moment.  My difficulty with fasting is concentration... I will forget and eat.  Hmm, might finish of a tub of broth with cream as well.  While I am not fasting, I am not actually eating either.  It isn't intermittent fasting, or a patterned one. It's a bit of a mess.  Sleep irregularities make it impossible.

Another shower today.  It's all ready, might as well take advantage.  The trash barrel will be pulled back.  A bag taken out.  Then dishes and laundry started.  If things get at least started...  Oh, I missed a day of medicine in there.  I'll restart those.  I did fairly well for a month, only two major misses.  We'll see when other meds get in.

Yeah, I'll try to hit it, and push back to days.  Spring always reminds me of my out of the boat whitewater experience... tumbling, trying to get air, trying to stay above the water, trying not to get broken, swirling between warm, wet, extra cold, light dark, and blue.  It's just a much slower pace.  Control is no better for all the extra time I have, which always makes it worse.

A different tack.

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Food.  I need food.  Most of what I am cooking is not satisfying my hunger, is repulsive, or I simply can't eat enough of to find satisfaction.  The problem?  Hell if I know.  Perhaps the keto curse is making me blind, metaphorically speaking, to keto food.  I went for a drive and picked up food.  It was good enough.

I need food to function.  I need food for warmth.  High fat food just can't be eaten currently, and meat is turning right to insulin as well as having become inedible as well.  And yet I am not ready to fast.  I'm just not there.  It's a grind.  Something had to give.

It seems I lost my debit card.  I had enough cash, but that doesn't work for long.  I'll just order another.  The usual places yielded no card.  I'll have to get a bit of cash for a few weeks.  They don't rush these things.  If you owe them, it is paid before.  If you need something, they will get to it.  I am thinking of changing to a credit union.  Not sure that makes a difference?  I wonder if there is one for vets?  Not always a good thing, only if not government associated... even then, no one but "family" can screw you like that.  Still, worth investigation.

The bank isn't horrible, truth be told.  All institutions will take their time.  It is their anti-white advertising that has me questioning some things.  It's grotesque and everywhere, though not sure if other institutions are any different?  It's getting nasty out there.  When whites start realizing how nasty they are being treated, and get butt-hurt about it, things will get broke.  I'm just hoping they do some friend-foe tagging first.  If I understand why not.  A lot of people may end up going home, even if for the first time... if they survive.  Many former of our elites may be leading them... the ones lucky enough to see the wave right before it hits.

They don't see the rage building.  I do.  Don't piss off a lot of white people, especially the middle to upper middle classes working real people.  Though how many non-drug using, non-alcoholic, whites are in the lower classes?  Yeah, truly not many.  It might be too late by then, like South Africa.  Who knows.  I just know who I choose to cast my lot with.  Whether accepted is not my choice.

Had a wild dream last night.  It was longer by far, but the rest was pretty typical car safari stuff.  I think it was in Siberia.  Anyway, I had to drive over a very long rickety bridge.  I had watched a convoy of straight trucks pass both ways, and other traffic, so went for it.  Over a seeming roiling river.

As I was about two-thirds the way over, I had a major curve.  A curve?  I could change that, but it might break the dream.  I was curious, so went on.  As I was turning, I bumped the cruise control button.  Mostly single lane with no side rails.  Right into the drink!  I could break the dream, but I wanted to see what happened next!

In, down, so cold.  Cast nipples, stuffed with shriveled testi matter?  Dark.  Swirlling, disorientating.  But I got out, surfaced, and to shore, in fairly short good order.  I had thought the banks were muddy, but no.  Sandy, rocky, substantial.  Hands were helping me up and out.

The locals were used to this.  Beside tending me freely, they had my vehicle up and out very quickly, for $20 or $30.  They were curious what went wrong.  They chuckled, I joined them.  Vodka rounds until all was finally sorted after a few days.  Friends made, gifts exchanged, then back on my way.  I almost ended up with a sister.  Almost.  Being an early riser on the road, and being able to lie through my teeth has saved me more than once.  At least I didn't leave her with child... to the best of my recollection.

Later, or good night.

Holy moly.

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That's biblical by the way.  I don't need your trust, look it up.  Lazy so-and-so.

Rough.  Woke up with innards, bones, and unknowns hurting.  Really bad hurts.  Had a few people mice visit.  If they didn't wake me, they did get me to rise, make it official.  A tv, or monitor.  I have several.  Good thing I woke, they would have borrowed the small one.  Hmm, I hope they remembered an html cable.

I am feeling better as I wake.  The ducks got theirs, the girls are demanding theirs.  As well, I will hit two of their litter boxes, completely changing them out.  The other was done at the start of the month.  Keep up on them and the last a long time.  I may see if they like clumping litter.  It is so heavy though.  I am considering an automatic litter box, but the have to be willing to use the litter.  Perhaps a machine in front and back of the house.

A shower next.  Then dishes and dinner.  I think an egg casserole would do, perhaps boiling eggs, maybe chia cereal to start.  Blood sugar continues to rise while I am stuck only eating bites and bits.  Not even drive through food can pique my interest in food.  Nothing sounds or tastes good, and yet I am hungry.  I wonder if they are experimenting with food, trying to make it all bland, then randomly returning the flavor.  Though, they say, keto will do that.  The problem is, if I was in keto... my blood sugar should be dropping.  Perhaps to much percentage protein, even if a severe deficit caloric intake?  Maybe.

I will try to get more calories in, and a much higher percentage of fat.  Cream, raw, is technically the absolute best good fat.  However, I think it being liquid, something gets lost in the translation.  Nuts are good, but are a problem due to omega 6's.  Avocado is excellent, if keeping it on hand is tricky, and cost.  Though I have learned a trick.  Let them ripen then refrigerate.  It really adds a week, two?  I have heard you can freeze, but I have never had enough of a sale to buy in that sort of quantity.  The problem with fatty meats is you really have to cook them to no more than a light medium rare at most.  My preferred, but you really have to be right on it.  More fat, if I can eat.

Called my mother back.  She has eight foot drift out there.  A massive snowstorm, not sure if it has stopped, though I believe so.  Eight foot banks and drifts, they haven't even gotten to her road out front yet.  I have doubts about even tomorrow.  As long as heat is going and food is available, I recommended just kicking feet up, reading, and enjoying the downtime.  I'll call tomorrow, see how she is doing, if she found someone to dig her out.  She a go-girl.  Being stuck at home is tough.  A call helps.

A shower shortly, a trim first.  I'd love to shave to the quick if I can after.  Try for food, litter, trash together and out, dishes, laundry, and sorting in several rooms.  It's unlikely but possible.  Not but one to two loads of anything, most trash is already out, and sorting for an hour in each of several spots would do well.  Doubtful?  Thus hope.  Later.

In theory.

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And given the givens.  A tank off it's tracks, while not completely defunct, is imperilled and with limited offensive capababilita.  So it it is.  Drag me to a well devised choke point and I can hold them off for days... longer if not betrayed.  Oh yes, not finished yet.  Not by a long shot.

Strange.

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I can't eat much.  Nothing tastes good.  Fatted tea is too heavy, light food just isn't cutting it.  Cabbage was okay.  Perhaps if I could boil eggs?  Especially with salad and plenty of salad dressing, as well as eggs.  Hmm, I lost the avocado and it is gone.  Bah! Perhaps buying more, as it is an excellent source of fat and goes exceptionally well with salad, olive oil dressings, and eggs.  You either love some of this stuff or it is terrible.

I made mixed meat and mushroom meat patties, along with cabbage.  I have eaten, but was tired of the food almost immediately, save for cabbage and butter.  I even spiced well, and added eggs to create a true meat loaf, if in smaller portions.  Just... boring.  I have about half the mash left.  I may fry it before long, using it in an egg and bacon casserole.  I can hope that is better.  Maybe I just don't like food anymore?

What is more annoying?  In spite of not being able to eat, my blood sugar is going up!  I may stick just with broth and cream and fatted tea, as little of that as I can eat?  Or more, as much as I can eat.  Annoying.  I'll keep at it.  Stupid, but nothing non-keto, and light volume to boot.

I need to finish a few things, then head to bed.  It's getting late.  Good night.

Awake.

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An ugly morning.  Improving quickly.  Food, in short order, will help.  The extra sleep, while still needed, became too much sleep.  Another day or two of it and life might be better.  It might take a bit to come down from the dose of medicine?  Another day to week, perhaps.  Fine.

Breakfast and a fatted tea shortly.  The ducks were managed a bit ago.  I would like to figure out a way to create nesting, so they won't crush their eggs when I feed them.  They haven't started laying yet, but it isn't far off, especially since they have already started eating their new food!  I am amazed, less than a week, if with half a week of mixed feed before.  Still, pleased about how fast they switched.  I'll hold off feeding the girls.  Especially being up a couple hours earlier than usual.

One more change of medication.  I wanted to change things one at a time though.  I feel fluid build up.  The deal, however, is if I take extra water pills I have agreed to take extra potassium.  Not a problem.  Otherwise my potassium drops to the border of too little.  I've discussed that before.  Finally a path I can afford.  I tried just two water pills, but that just isn't feeling right... a bit too swampy in there.  It might even account for some of the extra weight and lethargy.  Water, even just in cavities, is exhaustive.

Between a nap and a sleep.

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Much needed.  It helped.  I have been awake several hours but may go on back to sleep.  Part of the reason I am so tired is a strange version of insomnia.  Some of it from trying to push or pull sleep and wake cycles, some of it from things on my mind or schedule, but some of it, most of it, is from this odd inability to realize I needed sleep... just drifting through the need in a deep fog.

It may be medicine related.  I was taking one more carvedilol at night.  I meant to quit that... a while ago.  I did stop yesterday night.  Perhaps that is how I was able to sleep tonight.  It feels great, as if I am catching up on sleep.  I am, and feeling much better for it.

Someone has been going through my posts.  Every once in a while they might have a point.  I don't always get it, but sometimes.  Often it tracks with recent comments, when I understand.  It's the music I enjoy most.  Deep has been dug.  Perhaps looking for something or just looking.

Anyway, back to bed.  I am hoping to figure out swimming tomorrow.  As well, maybe a few other things.  I am well enough I will let the felines in tonight.  When well rested their company is good.  Good night, again.

So late.

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I couldn't get to bed well, easily, in a timely manner.  Zapped, but something was off.  Too full?  Part of it.  I'll be careful about food today.  I am hoping to sleep earlier tonight.  Perhaps if I can push some heavy work through this morning.  A couple of very solid, and a few light, work efforts, but early in my day.

Breakfast shortly.  Ribs and salad later.  Fatted teas through the day.  Perhaps an apple cider vinegar ketonic before the heavier meal.  If you have at least a bm a day, less than four, that tells me I am eating right, or closer to it.  No softserve, no rocks, keto is good for that if I stay on it.  While I had pizza yesterday, I at enough fat else to... butter the skids.  The only problem was that I may have eaten too much.

I was feeling a bit beat up when waking, and while trying to wake for five hours before. Every few hours I would, like the ground hog, pop up to see if it was time.  Even when I did wake it didn't feel right.  Had to push.  The aches are passing, if I am still sleepy.  Ducks were tended first thing.  I just started their new feed.  They aren't taking to it right yet.  I knew that was a likelihood.  I may only use this feed through egg season.  While corn has problems, it does provide warmth.  Cats will get tended shortly.  Sam is already telling me it is time.  If I blow her off long enough, Sassy takes over.  A couple hours later, they become hostile.

Dishes, maybe a load of laundry, work in the kitchen and bedroom, perhaps living room.  But be done by, say, 20:00.  I need to settle after work.  The harder I worked, the more time I need to cool down.  Assuming I can get to work, keep at it.  I can always hope and try.  Later.

Hungry?

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No.  But I should be.  One of my purchases was a end date steak.  It was set for tomorrow, and ribs, burger, and something else.  Not necessarily all to be cooked tomorrow, though maybe.  If in no way all to be eaten tomorrow.  Fresh mushrooms and half a pound of brussels sprouts were ready, all but calling my name.

Of course, those had to be ketofied.  How?  Butter, a quarter pound, plus a tablespoon with the steak.  The steak wasn't the fattest, being a new york strip, but not lean either.  Still, I have learned that butter just doesn't hurt, on keto.  Fat on fat.  I have gained weight, but that was from falling off keto.

Up to 268.  I had plateaued at 260, give or take four pounds, until I ran out of medicine then hit the flu.  I am hoping swimming and spring through fall will get me going.  That is down from 285.  I really want to find trail heads.  My initial goal is still 240, then a reassessment.  Perhaps that will be enough, if I doubt it.  I am guessing another twenty to forty pounds off.

I checked swimming pools again.  I really want the high school, but it looks like the only have a short adult lap time once a day during school.  If that is a mistake, and the have two swim times, I'll definitely give them a shot.  Not sure about the aca... gas was getting stolen.  I have a disability tag now though.  Still, if it was staff, it wouldn't matter.  There is another pool, possibly.  Any available I would like to give a try.  I suppose even aca, if on a trial basis.  Being a vet may make my auto a target for college types, from staff to student.  Perhaps there is a way around that.  Perhaps not.  Though this will also be possibly true at a high school.

Ugh.  Not sure I will get out tomorrow.  If not, Friday.  I am stuffed and tired.  Food was super.  I always worry about short buys, but this one was quite good, excellent.  Everything else was amazing.  So much better than fast food, if I don't count pizza as fast food.  Good night.

Ah, right.

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An appointment.  Midafternoon.  I tried to wake earlier, starting at 10:00.  Not unti 11:30 could I wake.  Still, that is a solid push back.  Of course, I forgot the paperwork.  But he wants to see the lab work, which I had to sign to transfer from the V.A.  I need to get out tomorrow anyway.

There may be an extra advantage to having an outside doc.  I'll know before long.  It'll be well worth extra visits.

I also went on to shop.  Cabbage, some meat, other veggies too, all good keto boy stuff.  Beef ribs for tomorrow, and brussels sprouts, along with fatted teas and the keto seed pudding/cereal.  And I am going to call about swimming again tomorrow.  I don't care if I am too tired, I'd like to get back to it.  Two to three times a week, probably two to start.

I'm telling you, baby oil, with coconut and shea oil, especially if diabetic, is super.  No more skin issues, infections to sores to other... save for my hands, if lightly in just one palm for now.  It isn't bleeding or pierced through, just stained.  Only on one side.  I thought this might make that go away, I guess that will always come and go as it will.

Yeah.  I won't fast until the thawed meat is gone, so starting the middle of next week.  I may have overdone thawing.  Then again, I am hungry, and much of it can be grilled which means it has a strong opportunity to go faster.  Hot food so I don't chill like I did the other night.  That was both crazy and spooky.

Later.

Late down, late up.

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Medicine.  I was so late taking the first dose in order to take both doses I had to be up very late.  I like six hours between doses, if even that can be tight.  I would have been to sleep much earlier otherwise.  When I push through, I have to come down from the effort.  You would think I could just collapse at the finish line, but no.

Dreams, lately.  Good ones, from what I can remember.  A few women I would have liked to have had more time with, however closely or distantly I did end knowing them, some cars I enjoyed driving, places I had forgotten visiting.  To be honest, the more I saw, did, knew, the more I just wanted to go home.

I honestly only ever wanted just one woman.  The rest were attempts to replace the irreplaceable.  Couldn't remember her, so couldn't let her go and move on.  Now, sure, if a bit late.  At least I can finally remember her fondly, sweetly, kindly... and... if not completely let go, at least move on.  Enough should a good woman become available I might go her way.  No replacement, a new woman in her own right.

Dishes have gotten a fresh soak.  Only half filled, over half cold water.  It may need emptied and completely refilled, then given an hour to cool.  Too hot then, really, but I can manage.  Heavy duty gloves...  Then back to the kitchen and bedroom.  A bite to eat first, and to check on the trash, pulling the barrel back either way.  Yeah.

Good day.

Very good.

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Surprised.  Blood sugar is back to under two hundred, 191 to be exact.  From the mid to high 300's just last night, to getting back to where I was... didn't expect that.  Plenty of fatty food.  I am soaking chia and flax seed, enough for two to three meals.  I will refrigerate the remainder, if it will all be gone tomorrow so it probably doesn't matter.  I am soaking it in water now, then adding cream and milk for a cream by cream milk.  Mostly cream that is, a cup or two.

As well, I am quite warm.  Too warm.  Go figure.  Ah, but I figured out about the trash pickup... holiday.  Most likely.  I may see about recycling.  Some neighbors have it out, some don't, not sure if I need it.  I don't think I have a bag out there, or even enough to gather a bag.

It's been a slow few days.  Too cold, blood sugar hard spike, worn from last week, now too hot.  I'll try to get back to it before long.  It baffles me how fast I can drop from doing well.  Then again, when doing well, I am straining to function at that level in ways none of you can understand.

Always tired, beyond your comprehension.  It reminds me of when I was submerged at great depth.  Crushingly exhausting, always.  At least I can breath easily, without a mask... probably part of the reason I couldn't handle that sleep air thing.  Crushing is bad enough.  Had to be seriously professional to live in such an environment and use such tools.  Madness was always a risk.  I am no longer professional enough.

Later.

Can't trust anyone.

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My blood sugar was good, with the food.  To try a full meal, I ordered tea, unsweetened.  I ate the food and it barely registered.  Then I drank the tea.  It seemed flavored, should have known.  It elevated my blood sugar by more than a hundred and fifty points, and it remain nearly a hundred points high this morning.  It said green tea. It isn't.  I don't know if they gave me the wrong stuff, if the had sweetened in the container before and neither emptied or cleaned the container, or if they add a flavoring to their tea that has dextrose or something else in it.  I just know businesses cannot be trusted.

I was to bed late.  Very late again.  I forgot the trash last night, though realized it before bed, more while getting in bed.  I couldn't do much about it by then, save hope to wake and get it out by noon.  Up at 10:00 to 10:30, dressed, and out right away.  I was surprised to be up that early and out that quickly.  I can't be sure I was out with it in time.  I'll know shortly.

I can't remember if the critters have been fed and watered yet.  A quick check, while I check the garbage as well.  The girls haven't been fed for certain.  I very rarely feed them first thing, unless I forgot the day before.  Otherwise they push for me to wake before I am ready, even clawing me.  No, several random numbers of hours after I wake, longer if they helped wake me on their own (sometimes I get them to help me wake).

Well, I'll keep at it.  I have meat thawed, won't need to go out to eat.  I do need to do a bit of shopping though.  Beef ribs tops my list, though various roasts would be good, chicken for roasting, and maybe parts, plus fresh eggs, and of course veggies.  No fruits anymore.  Later.
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Probably missed the trash pickup.  Oh well.  Next week.  I'll leave it out until this evening just in case.  Gah!

I don't fully understand.

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Strange responses?  No...  Only, from such a strange style.  Definitely from a human woman's perspective.  It's almost... annoying.  It's how women, real women, reason, speak, think, when they have surrendered to something... someone.  It's difficult because of the fights that lead there, and the ones yet to come?  Yes.

Blew half the gig.

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Last night, that is.  My fast, had to quit.  After a shower, dressing as warmly as possible, then kicking the furnace to 78° F, I was absolutely freezing.  It actually seemed on the verge of dangerous.  Only a day and an half of fasting, and it was a warmer evening, above zero, no wind.

Eating was what I considered the only solution.  Initially salami, cream cheese, and a fatted tea.  That simply wasn't enough.  I thought more hot fatted tea, but that just wouldn't do it.  I needed solid food, but had nothing thawed or otherwise ready.  So out I went.  Fast food, but as carefully chosen as possible.

Well chosen as it turns out.  Blood sugar is still slowly dropping.  Not as fast as if fasting?  Below 200, finally.  Actually about along a similar trajectory as fasting, just a bit more shallow.  Fat fasting, technically.  I may go out again tonight, but put meat out to thaw so I don't have to keep going out.

I couldn't sleep until I warmed back up and then could cool down.  I am hoping to crash earlier tonight.  Later.