.
.
I love being this sort of tired. I had hoped to do a few more things. I did get the dishes reset. But that was calculated in. I took it for granted, if I really shouldn't. I had hoped to put the sheers up, and pin the curtains. Well, and find the rest of the curtains, get them upstairs, and install the final one for the south facing window. Might still do that if finding the curtains is easy. Not the sheers, just taking and putting up curtains.
Blood sugar was 94 three hours after dinner. I used 16 cc's of insulin with food, before that reading. A few hours after that, it is 89 as a bedtime read. BP is 120/84 with a pulse of 86. Finally a bit better. It is part of why I love work when I can do it. Tomorrow is a fasting day. I will eat again Saturday. Of course, no insulin whatever happens, though if it drops below 80, I will eat something, most likely a fatted tea, or fatted bone broth.
It was an amazing day. I would love to keep at it. I know better than to wish. Though... it could happen. Some things. It was a good day. If the curtains can be finished, I can put an ac upstairs, and turn that into my summer bedroom. And, yes, the closet is interior and cooler... and darker.
Good night.
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Something of a miracle.
.
.
The day was escaping me. I decided to place a few calls. Actually a text, first. To my brother, asking if he had time for a call. No reply, at all. Oh well. Next a call to mom. I was just about to let it go when she answered, in a good mood. Usually she is, even when she isn't. I am taking notes.
Her car died? It sounds like it drained of oil or radiator fluid, then burned. She had just checked the oil. Still, a crack could override her care. I... offered her my car. I have two. She doesn't think she can drive a stick. I suggested, being tired all the time I wasn't sure myself. They are far easier these days. Yea, I mean it. She would have to do the insurance. It's all I can do.
She is still in a good mood. She has other ways for now. No use arguing with the woman. Even Jesus had... difficulties. She is doing good. Oh, and she knew why my brother didn't get back to me. They are travelling today, will be gone for a bit. That eases my mind.
While I was talking, I was out in the yard. Small branches, everywhere. A minor storm blew through the other day. It left as perfect a smattering of small branches over most of the yard, an amazing fete, actually. And the lawn will die, if it hasn't. So... I... got busy.
First I raked the front lawn. I couldn't do more, of that. I then grabbed the sprinklers, placed them, then roughly set the spray spread. Finally, I got hoses out to each sprinkler. One is missing, or misplaced? I need to find the splitters yet, then get that going. A nice start.
I had to rest after that. My lower back, and muscles, all grieving. All good. It was still only in the low 70s in here, much warmer outside, near or over 90? Near or over. After resting, finally, upstairs. Two complete curtains were installed, facing south. I thought there were four, only three. I'll look for the rest of the curtains, and pins to get them off the floor, for now.
The other windows, east and west, need shorter rods, so that is that until my next shopping trip. I may have sheers, and may add those. In the Sunbelt every little thing helps, a lot actually. Oh, the walls were all just drywall, with one single spot hitting wood. Installation was mostly a breeze. I don't trust drywall anchors, but it is what I have.
Finally, a shower. I haven't started the dishes. Not enough hot water. Maybe. But they are in, ready to begin a fresh soak in about an hour. It is past dinner and I am hungry. A couple of chicken thighs, corn, and milk. A fatted tea and dose, too. Nothing fancy, it will do.
It has clouded over. No rain yet, doesn't smell of it, but who knows these days. At least it will help keep it cooler. Blessings, be well, later.
.
The day was escaping me. I decided to place a few calls. Actually a text, first. To my brother, asking if he had time for a call. No reply, at all. Oh well. Next a call to mom. I was just about to let it go when she answered, in a good mood. Usually she is, even when she isn't. I am taking notes.
Her car died? It sounds like it drained of oil or radiator fluid, then burned. She had just checked the oil. Still, a crack could override her care. I... offered her my car. I have two. She doesn't think she can drive a stick. I suggested, being tired all the time I wasn't sure myself. They are far easier these days. Yea, I mean it. She would have to do the insurance. It's all I can do.
She is still in a good mood. She has other ways for now. No use arguing with the woman. Even Jesus had... difficulties. She is doing good. Oh, and she knew why my brother didn't get back to me. They are travelling today, will be gone for a bit. That eases my mind.
While I was talking, I was out in the yard. Small branches, everywhere. A minor storm blew through the other day. It left as perfect a smattering of small branches over most of the yard, an amazing fete, actually. And the lawn will die, if it hasn't. So... I... got busy.
First I raked the front lawn. I couldn't do more, of that. I then grabbed the sprinklers, placed them, then roughly set the spray spread. Finally, I got hoses out to each sprinkler. One is missing, or misplaced? I need to find the splitters yet, then get that going. A nice start.
I had to rest after that. My lower back, and muscles, all grieving. All good. It was still only in the low 70s in here, much warmer outside, near or over 90? Near or over. After resting, finally, upstairs. Two complete curtains were installed, facing south. I thought there were four, only three. I'll look for the rest of the curtains, and pins to get them off the floor, for now.
The other windows, east and west, need shorter rods, so that is that until my next shopping trip. I may have sheers, and may add those. In the Sunbelt every little thing helps, a lot actually. Oh, the walls were all just drywall, with one single spot hitting wood. Installation was mostly a breeze. I don't trust drywall anchors, but it is what I have.
Finally, a shower. I haven't started the dishes. Not enough hot water. Maybe. But they are in, ready to begin a fresh soak in about an hour. It is past dinner and I am hungry. A couple of chicken thighs, corn, and milk. A fatted tea and dose, too. Nothing fancy, it will do.
It has clouded over. No rain yet, doesn't smell of it, but who knows these days. At least it will help keep it cooler. Blessings, be well, later.
A strange day.
.
.
In one of the strangest real collections of days lived by one graced with flesh.
It is 44° F outside, on July 9th. July 9th? It happens. The National Weather service reports it to be 47, of course. Always warmer than it really is. They use a local airport that is tarred and downwind of a midsized city. And it is 20 miles away. But these are features, not bugs, on their march to a one world government. I wonder how many of these useful idiots realize what the game actually is? I finally believe the majority of my fellow citizens understand, but with major voting areas, such as Cali, Ill , and NYC permanently rigged, and the rest going that way, I don't believe they have a voice. If also no will to be heard.
I have set the alarms again, to six and eight. Somehow the six was switched off. I checked it before sleep, I know it was on. I tell you, I am not alone here. In any case, right at six I heard the alarm start to sound, but then not get going. It starts with an odd click, then a very faint buzz... electronic purr, then slowly increases in volume and tone? Something, I think tone too? As well, light turns on dully, but begins getting brighter. I swear I heard that initial run up, and thought I sensed the light, then it was as if it, any of it, hadn't happened.
When I found it, and looked at it, that alarm was not on. Very strange. Some odd forces working against me, some working for me, both cheating if one only uncheating the other's cheats? I believe. I don't have to like it, I simply must believe very real experiences or accept insanity, which I don't. Don't let secular faith haters design your path toward the highway to hell they follow. Final death is their greatest hope, and it will fail them. All the piles of gold on earth will do them not a bit of good... weatherman, prince, politician... false pope.
Blood sugar is improving. At 165 fasting and a 141 average, this is the best morning since the change? At least since the changes took hold. I won't be consuming calories until 16:00 today. It often takes a bit, after I finally realize it is mealtime, then fixing something can take time. I am often an hour late with a meal. T's'okay. I may fast tomorrow. Then for three days. As an 18:00 meal won't leave enough time to correct flaws by eating or eating and dosing, plus checking. Yeah. BP is 138/99 and a 73 pulse.
Perhaps a three day fast is exactly what is needed for a finer outcome, even for bp. Since I am not secular, and all good things I do are God given, I will, from now on, fast with intentions or as a small adoration, as well as in glad penance. This fast is to the adoration of Mary. She has been with me, of late. Not always a wanted companion. And yet, as only Christ can fully know, a thorn in the side can be of the divinest grace. Even this ogre now sees that, and welcomes discomforts when contemplating ills.
A shower, first thing. Dishes reset after. Perhaps a shot at some rods and curtains installed upstairs? I can hope. Good morning and day.
.
In one of the strangest real collections of days lived by one graced with flesh.
It is 44° F outside, on July 9th. July 9th? It happens. The National Weather service reports it to be 47, of course. Always warmer than it really is. They use a local airport that is tarred and downwind of a midsized city. And it is 20 miles away. But these are features, not bugs, on their march to a one world government. I wonder how many of these useful idiots realize what the game actually is? I finally believe the majority of my fellow citizens understand, but with major voting areas, such as Cali, Ill , and NYC permanently rigged, and the rest going that way, I don't believe they have a voice. If also no will to be heard.
I have set the alarms again, to six and eight. Somehow the six was switched off. I checked it before sleep, I know it was on. I tell you, I am not alone here. In any case, right at six I heard the alarm start to sound, but then not get going. It starts with an odd click, then a very faint buzz... electronic purr, then slowly increases in volume and tone? Something, I think tone too? As well, light turns on dully, but begins getting brighter. I swear I heard that initial run up, and thought I sensed the light, then it was as if it, any of it, hadn't happened.
When I found it, and looked at it, that alarm was not on. Very strange. Some odd forces working against me, some working for me, both cheating if one only uncheating the other's cheats? I believe. I don't have to like it, I simply must believe very real experiences or accept insanity, which I don't. Don't let secular faith haters design your path toward the highway to hell they follow. Final death is their greatest hope, and it will fail them. All the piles of gold on earth will do them not a bit of good... weatherman, prince, politician... false pope.
Blood sugar is improving. At 165 fasting and a 141 average, this is the best morning since the change? At least since the changes took hold. I won't be consuming calories until 16:00 today. It often takes a bit, after I finally realize it is mealtime, then fixing something can take time. I am often an hour late with a meal. T's'okay. I may fast tomorrow. Then for three days. As an 18:00 meal won't leave enough time to correct flaws by eating or eating and dosing, plus checking. Yeah. BP is 138/99 and a 73 pulse.
Perhaps a three day fast is exactly what is needed for a finer outcome, even for bp. Since I am not secular, and all good things I do are God given, I will, from now on, fast with intentions or as a small adoration, as well as in glad penance. This fast is to the adoration of Mary. She has been with me, of late. Not always a wanted companion. And yet, as only Christ can fully know, a thorn in the side can be of the divinest grace. Even this ogre now sees that, and welcomes discomforts when contemplating ills.
A shower, first thing. Dishes reset after. Perhaps a shot at some rods and curtains installed upstairs? I can hope. Good morning and day.
Monday, July 8, 2019
So little done.
.
.
Some things. Some things ready to be done. Life hurts, or goes numb. I prefer pain, for a while. Meds already down, aspirin just now. I prefer pain, but only to that dead-like numbness. That is so cold, and why I have been wearing my thickest wool socks the last few days. Cold, almost as death.
Blood sugar at 115 is quite good. Bp is 135/95 with an 81 pulse. I am not sure why it is sticking just above "better". It beats 195/120. *shrug* Good night.
.
Some things. Some things ready to be done. Life hurts, or goes numb. I prefer pain, for a while. Meds already down, aspirin just now. I prefer pain, but only to that dead-like numbness. That is so cold, and why I have been wearing my thickest wool socks the last few days. Cold, almost as death.
Blood sugar at 115 is quite good. Bp is 135/95 with an 81 pulse. I am not sure why it is sticking just above "better". It beats 195/120. *shrug* Good night.
It just is.
.
.
It is also, among other things, down to 60 F as it is hitting twenty hundred. It stayed right at 74 all day, inside. If I had realized it was cooler earlier I would definitely have opened up already. By the feel of things, it will cool down quickly. It has dropped a degree while writing this paragraph, in both the front and main of the cave.
Blood sugar was good at 89 three hours after dinner. A fatted coffee after that reading. I am hoping blood sugar remains below 150. I will check three hours after that last read, two hours after finishing the fatted coffee. Yea, I nurse them. They are very heavy, more medicinal than the treat they would seem, perhaps, from afar. At that low, a bit of something was wise.
I am back to three water pills, down from five. I had no choice. I was water bloating to the point putting shoes on was becoming a major problem. My lungs, to, were filling. I have been on three pills for two days. It is overacting on my reduced fluid intake, and even with vitamins, minerals, and extra minerals, my legs are cramping. So, I am cutting that down to two. Cautiously. Apparently one is at least one too few, attempting one a day was the cause. I am hoping to get down to two. To ease up on the kidneys, etc.
The front room is down two degrees already. No direct sun. A shower after the next read. Then bedtime? Probably. Later.
.
It is also, among other things, down to 60 F as it is hitting twenty hundred. It stayed right at 74 all day, inside. If I had realized it was cooler earlier I would definitely have opened up already. By the feel of things, it will cool down quickly. It has dropped a degree while writing this paragraph, in both the front and main of the cave.
Blood sugar was good at 89 three hours after dinner. A fatted coffee after that reading. I am hoping blood sugar remains below 150. I will check three hours after that last read, two hours after finishing the fatted coffee. Yea, I nurse them. They are very heavy, more medicinal than the treat they would seem, perhaps, from afar. At that low, a bit of something was wise.
I am back to three water pills, down from five. I had no choice. I was water bloating to the point putting shoes on was becoming a major problem. My lungs, to, were filling. I have been on three pills for two days. It is overacting on my reduced fluid intake, and even with vitamins, minerals, and extra minerals, my legs are cramping. So, I am cutting that down to two. Cautiously. Apparently one is at least one too few, attempting one a day was the cause. I am hoping to get down to two. To ease up on the kidneys, etc.
The front room is down two degrees already. No direct sun. A shower after the next read. Then bedtime? Probably. Later.
A few things.
.
.
The grill is going. Chicken is brining, pork is good as is and is grilling now. Deliveries received. The non-bulb bulbs arrived. I put those in right away, and... they don't work. I hadn't thought to try the tubes in the other fixture. Until today. All the tubes work. The other two fixtures are on a different circuit. Time to flip switches? Maybe.
No dishes done, but they are drained. The hope is for a shower in order to get to town tomorrow or shortly after. I do have curtain rods, flats. These curtains do better with round ones. I have some, but need more and shorter rods at that. After a shower the dishes will go back.
A cooler day. Last I looked, at noon, it was 72. I need to bring the bins back. I'll check here at nearly fourteen hundred. The thermometer too close to the grill seemed a bit high. The other one read at 78, that is the one I trust. A fourteen degree difference is too much. It isn't cold, it isn't hot. It is 73, everywhere, in here... with nothing running.
No need to check blood sugar while still fasting. Three hours after dinner and a dose, then to decide if to eat and or eat and dose then. I am allowing up to six hours to eat after the first meal. Preferably four hours, all said and done. The allowance is more for the case when blood sugar climbs and dosing so eating might be considered wise.
Later.
.
The grill is going. Chicken is brining, pork is good as is and is grilling now. Deliveries received. The non-bulb bulbs arrived. I put those in right away, and... they don't work. I hadn't thought to try the tubes in the other fixture. Until today. All the tubes work. The other two fixtures are on a different circuit. Time to flip switches? Maybe.
No dishes done, but they are drained. The hope is for a shower in order to get to town tomorrow or shortly after. I do have curtain rods, flats. These curtains do better with round ones. I have some, but need more and shorter rods at that. After a shower the dishes will go back.
A cooler day. Last I looked, at noon, it was 72. I need to bring the bins back. I'll check here at nearly fourteen hundred. The thermometer too close to the grill seemed a bit high. The other one read at 78, that is the one I trust. A fourteen degree difference is too much. It isn't cold, it isn't hot. It is 73, everywhere, in here... with nothing running.
No need to check blood sugar while still fasting. Three hours after dinner and a dose, then to decide if to eat and or eat and dose then. I am allowing up to six hours to eat after the first meal. Preferably four hours, all said and done. The allowance is more for the case when blood sugar climbs and dosing so eating might be considered wise.
Later.
Some things.
.
.
Before sleep, trash and recycling were gathered and taken to the bin. But not to the curb? No concentration. Then I made it to the post. I think the last packages were in, for a while. Couldn't have gotten out earlier anyway, or I would have. Something is terribly wrong. I don't get to die, sometimes I don't understand why I don't.
Pain. Dissociation... helps. Sometimes it is all I have. Now.
To bed by 23:00. I set the alarms for six and eight, then slept. An half hour down, pretty much asleep, then I realized it. The trash still needed to go to the curb. Did not want to wake. Had just escaped pain. Suspected I wouldn't be awake early enough to beat the recycling truck, maybe not even the trash truck. So, using every ounce of willpower to me I, I got up, dressed, then took the barrels to the curb.
On the good side? When I returned to bed I went to sleep so fast I don't remember from about at the curb. Out of curiosity I checked the bins. Full. And, yet, if I hadn't gotten them out? You know it. No whine, we have excellent services, just a cosmic pseudo law of action, inaction, and consequences. A God level joke, if one He neither devised, implemented, or such, but comes from our recalcitrance in His ordered world. I actually think He will enjoy the joke when it is fully explained to Him? I do.
Overcast. But not all that cool. It was about 56 around six, now 58? At almost eight. While the thermometers indicate 71 main, 68 secondary, home temperatures, I still need to wear long leg sweat typy pj's. I may add a fleece jacket. I do still have fans running, but in nooks to bring the last of the morning cool in. Fresh air is wonderful.
Blood sugar is 189 fasting. Oh well. I ate less than 1,200 calories yesterday, all keto. No food until 14:00. Chicken hindquarters and a pork roast are thawed, will be grilled. A fatted coffee or tea. Hmm, there has to be something else. I haven't had corn in a while, that would work. A rare treat. I am still hoping to work today. Later.
.
Before sleep, trash and recycling were gathered and taken to the bin. But not to the curb? No concentration. Then I made it to the post. I think the last packages were in, for a while. Couldn't have gotten out earlier anyway, or I would have. Something is terribly wrong. I don't get to die, sometimes I don't understand why I don't.
Pain. Dissociation... helps. Sometimes it is all I have. Now.
To bed by 23:00. I set the alarms for six and eight, then slept. An half hour down, pretty much asleep, then I realized it. The trash still needed to go to the curb. Did not want to wake. Had just escaped pain. Suspected I wouldn't be awake early enough to beat the recycling truck, maybe not even the trash truck. So, using every ounce of willpower to me I, I got up, dressed, then took the barrels to the curb.
On the good side? When I returned to bed I went to sleep so fast I don't remember from about at the curb. Out of curiosity I checked the bins. Full. And, yet, if I hadn't gotten them out? You know it. No whine, we have excellent services, just a cosmic pseudo law of action, inaction, and consequences. A God level joke, if one He neither devised, implemented, or such, but comes from our recalcitrance in His ordered world. I actually think He will enjoy the joke when it is fully explained to Him? I do.
Overcast. But not all that cool. It was about 56 around six, now 58? At almost eight. While the thermometers indicate 71 main, 68 secondary, home temperatures, I still need to wear long leg sweat typy pj's. I may add a fleece jacket. I do still have fans running, but in nooks to bring the last of the morning cool in. Fresh air is wonderful.
Blood sugar is 189 fasting. Oh well. I ate less than 1,200 calories yesterday, all keto. No food until 14:00. Chicken hindquarters and a pork roast are thawed, will be grilled. A fatted coffee or tea. Hmm, there has to be something else. I haven't had corn in a while, that would work. A rare treat. I am still hoping to work today. Later.
Sunday, July 7, 2019
Oh well.
.
.
Oter than the critters and a meal, nothing else was done. Trash and recycling out tonight? Ugh. Blood sugar was odd. At 202 or whatever, then 22 cc's of insulin, it was 188 three hours after. I hadn't planned more calories, that changed my mind. A fatted coffee is all. Then another 22 cc's. That fixed it. The next three readings were 94, 115, and 128 as I prepare for bed. Average is 134.
Tomorrow I don't eat until 14:00. A few more days and I'll run into fasting. Three days max, then an 8:00 breakfast, or later if sleep is off. I may not be able to keep a schedule, regular days, but as with medicine, I can take finagle those through odd sleep patterns.
I'll keep trying. Good night.
.
Oter than the critters and a meal, nothing else was done. Trash and recycling out tonight? Ugh. Blood sugar was odd. At 202 or whatever, then 22 cc's of insulin, it was 188 three hours after. I hadn't planned more calories, that changed my mind. A fatted coffee is all. Then another 22 cc's. That fixed it. The next three readings were 94, 115, and 128 as I prepare for bed. Average is 134.
Tomorrow I don't eat until 14:00. A few more days and I'll run into fasting. Three days max, then an 8:00 breakfast, or later if sleep is off. I may not be able to keep a schedule, regular days, but as with medicine, I can take finagle those through odd sleep patterns.
I'll keep trying. Good night.
Eleven hours.
.
.
Why so long I can't say. Perhaps I have learned to rig my cave too well? It is 70 in the main, 67 and back (non-stone and mortar portions) and front rooms. The stone and mortar portions stay closer to ground temp, wick the cool up, if also soaking the sun. Blood sugar is 202 fasting. I thought the high read yesterday was a fluke. I guess not.
Everything I consumed was keto, and totalled less than 2k calories. Something is just wrong. Oh, and I did wait until ten to eat. I won't eat until noon today. I just don't understand. It isn't just the diabetes, my kidneys or more like lower back is killing me. Just standing, filling the duck pool, killed my back. Tiredness I am chalking up to how cool I am keeping the house, and how well I have acclimated to even 70 to even 75 degrees. Even if diabetes goes sideways from time to time, it is in much better control. Same with bp. I did test that recently, Friday it was 136/101 with a pulse of 87. Not great, but sure beats 197/120 from a week before. Yes, I am on the higher dose of carvedilol. And medicine has been flawless for a while now. *shrugs*
The same plans today as yesterday. Eventually. Good morning and day.
.
Why so long I can't say. Perhaps I have learned to rig my cave too well? It is 70 in the main, 67 and back (non-stone and mortar portions) and front rooms. The stone and mortar portions stay closer to ground temp, wick the cool up, if also soaking the sun. Blood sugar is 202 fasting. I thought the high read yesterday was a fluke. I guess not.
Everything I consumed was keto, and totalled less than 2k calories. Something is just wrong. Oh, and I did wait until ten to eat. I won't eat until noon today. I just don't understand. It isn't just the diabetes, my kidneys or more like lower back is killing me. Just standing, filling the duck pool, killed my back. Tiredness I am chalking up to how cool I am keeping the house, and how well I have acclimated to even 70 to even 75 degrees. Even if diabetes goes sideways from time to time, it is in much better control. Same with bp. I did test that recently, Friday it was 136/101 with a pulse of 87. Not great, but sure beats 197/120 from a week before. Yes, I am on the higher dose of carvedilol. And medicine has been flawless for a while now. *shrugs*
The same plans today as yesterday. Eventually. Good morning and day.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
No sleep after all.
.
.
Not a choice. I simply became lost while awake. In a way, I am... might as well be... asleep. From time to time I can think in such a way as to involve myself with action. However, only on rare such occasions does that lead to action. I have been thirsty for... hours now? Oh, and it has been longer than that since going to the bathroom was a desire. Actually, I'll be right back.
The bathroom was needed, not so much the tea. Here and I was so thirsty for so long and beside me an half gallon of tea. Now I know. For as long as it is true, and for as long as I can be aware. It's just one of those things the near dead must endure. It can be a gift, as the numbness paraplegics and quadriplegics can know, only it is mind and body.
Blood sugar was really high, so I hit it hard. I thought 220 fasting. So, 25 cc's with breakfast. Three hours later it was 85. A few more hours on, it is up to 124. Strange, no food or insulin since breakfast. It obviously isn't a linear thing, any of it. I didn't worry about the lowest reading, it wasn't preceded by any symptoms. My instincts, senses, are well placed in this matter.
It looks like YouTube has excluded music videos. Going broke? Can't afford the fees, royalties? I wonder if that isn't also, in part, why they have cleared the deck of contributors? It's cutting their own throat, but it cuts the cash stream share in the short term. When you hire a million useless sjw's, who can do nothing but destroy your business, guess what? If they aren't living on the streets, with the other shitwalkers, they soon will be. Who needs a disease with these last few gens, smartphones, easy access to the hard stuff (heroin, meth, not whisky), and jobs that don't require skill, making them completely replaceable?
It is up to the mid 80's out there, but with partly passing clouds. As well behaved a summer day as one could wish. The ducks choose to return to their pen, I am considering shutting them out, and bug bombing, then cleaning, the area. Ugh, sometime this week, after installing curtains. So trapped at nowhere, in nothing, though. Later.
.
Not a choice. I simply became lost while awake. In a way, I am... might as well be... asleep. From time to time I can think in such a way as to involve myself with action. However, only on rare such occasions does that lead to action. I have been thirsty for... hours now? Oh, and it has been longer than that since going to the bathroom was a desire. Actually, I'll be right back.
The bathroom was needed, not so much the tea. Here and I was so thirsty for so long and beside me an half gallon of tea. Now I know. For as long as it is true, and for as long as I can be aware. It's just one of those things the near dead must endure. It can be a gift, as the numbness paraplegics and quadriplegics can know, only it is mind and body.
Blood sugar was really high, so I hit it hard. I thought 220 fasting. So, 25 cc's with breakfast. Three hours later it was 85. A few more hours on, it is up to 124. Strange, no food or insulin since breakfast. It obviously isn't a linear thing, any of it. I didn't worry about the lowest reading, it wasn't preceded by any symptoms. My instincts, senses, are well placed in this matter.
It looks like YouTube has excluded music videos. Going broke? Can't afford the fees, royalties? I wonder if that isn't also, in part, why they have cleared the deck of contributors? It's cutting their own throat, but it cuts the cash stream share in the short term. When you hire a million useless sjw's, who can do nothing but destroy your business, guess what? If they aren't living on the streets, with the other shitwalkers, they soon will be. Who needs a disease with these last few gens, smartphones, easy access to the hard stuff (heroin, meth, not whisky), and jobs that don't require skill, making them completely replaceable?
It is up to the mid 80's out there, but with partly passing clouds. As well behaved a summer day as one could wish. The ducks choose to return to their pen, I am considering shutting them out, and bug bombing, then cleaning, the area. Ugh, sometime this week, after installing curtains. So trapped at nowhere, in nothing, though. Later.
So cold, so dark.
.
.
I planned on scrapping the idea of a later breakfast. I just didn't think I could do it. So I began planning breakfast. A fatted coffee and chia pudding. Ducks first. Out, or at least the door was opened. They take their sweet time. No complaints, I have no basis for such. Food out for them, as well their pool was emptied, cleaned, and filled. Then the girls were fed.
Tea had to be made. I kept looking out. So dark. Rather cool. Had to take breaks. No sun. I am wearing sweats, shorts, of course with underwear, a shirt and shoes. Still a bit too cool. Hard to stay awake. Time just went by. Perhaps a few minutes early, but, yes, basically a 10:00 breakfast. May need a nap.
Can't think, can't really stay awake. Later, or much later. Medicine, yes. Aspirin, no. Forgot. It might help.
.
I planned on scrapping the idea of a later breakfast. I just didn't think I could do it. So I began planning breakfast. A fatted coffee and chia pudding. Ducks first. Out, or at least the door was opened. They take their sweet time. No complaints, I have no basis for such. Food out for them, as well their pool was emptied, cleaned, and filled. Then the girls were fed.
Tea had to be made. I kept looking out. So dark. Rather cool. Had to take breaks. No sun. I am wearing sweats, shorts, of course with underwear, a shirt and shoes. Still a bit too cool. Hard to stay awake. Time just went by. Perhaps a few minutes early, but, yes, basically a 10:00 breakfast. May need a nap.
Can't think, can't really stay awake. Later, or much later. Medicine, yes. Aspirin, no. Forgot. It might help.
A weekend befalls.
.
.
Not a terrible thing, I suppose. Cool out there. I just had to check. At 46° F, the morning of July 6th, it is surprisingly cool. More that there is a reasonable chance at a morning cold flush which could see a two to six degree drop, something to do with sun, mountains, slope, or such. There is still snow up there. In July? Yep.
I woke around two, but not for the night, or day? Call it as you will. More the groundhog and shadow thing. I had gone on to bed around 17:00. The windows were shut, not cool enough to open them at bedtime? I may not have checked. I could have gotten up, wasn't ready. I did open the cave. Then back to bed for an hour and an half.
Today? Dishes, a shower, and curtains... I hope. The plan, again. After waking. My back, kidney area, or both, are cranky. Aches and pains galore on the side. A handfull of aspirin with meds, then an hour or two to wake, then I'll see what can be kicked over. I have been eating and sleeping well.
I found small lamb blade chops, small enough and on sale low enough that I can afford occasionally. They are vacuum sealed, so I buy several when available at the right size and price. One of those is right and ready. With eggs, it should work. Oh, and a fatted coffee. But... wait... Intermittent fasting. I'll hold off to 10:00. Ugh. I will have coffee.
Later.
.
Not a terrible thing, I suppose. Cool out there. I just had to check. At 46° F, the morning of July 6th, it is surprisingly cool. More that there is a reasonable chance at a morning cold flush which could see a two to six degree drop, something to do with sun, mountains, slope, or such. There is still snow up there. In July? Yep.
I woke around two, but not for the night, or day? Call it as you will. More the groundhog and shadow thing. I had gone on to bed around 17:00. The windows were shut, not cool enough to open them at bedtime? I may not have checked. I could have gotten up, wasn't ready. I did open the cave. Then back to bed for an hour and an half.
Today? Dishes, a shower, and curtains... I hope. The plan, again. After waking. My back, kidney area, or both, are cranky. Aches and pains galore on the side. A handfull of aspirin with meds, then an hour or two to wake, then I'll see what can be kicked over. I have been eating and sleeping well.
I found small lamb blade chops, small enough and on sale low enough that I can afford occasionally. They are vacuum sealed, so I buy several when available at the right size and price. One of those is right and ready. With eggs, it should work. Oh, and a fatted coffee. But... wait... Intermittent fasting. I'll hold off to 10:00. Ugh. I will have coffee.
Later.
Friday, July 5, 2019
Roughly better.
.
.
Between time off, extra sleep, and cool weather, things seem better. I didn't sleep much last night, but I have been sleeping a bit extra over the last few days. I may sleep more this morning, shortly, before the heat of what may be a beastly hot day? Or not. Medicine, breakfast, and insulin all in. Blood sugar was fasting, hadn't eaten in at least eight hours, but hadn't slept much... not sure if sleep is required for it to be called fasting? Anyway, 168 last read. Would like to be up another hour, though maybe not.
I will get back to work today. If I can find masonry bits... actually I am still not sure which type of material I would be working with. I'll have to investigate. Though I have found a means of potentially using standard wood screws in masonry, with wire to hold it in. Handy if it works.
Ducks first, then cats, then in for a nap. Then a shower and the curtains. Later.
--------
One last thing. Thelow car bread replacements? They will work. Edibl. I have a sort of flax based flatbread and pitas. Both similarly formulated, so as to rely on fiber for carbs. The thing is, the arrive extremely moist, perhaps because of where they are from? Where packaged?
I believed, without intervention, they would grow moldy quickly. Living in a low humidity area, the solution seemed simple. Remove the items from the resealable packaging, separate the items, let them air out, then repackage. One is being left out, two are in the refrigerator, and one is frozen. I am checking how ell these hold up, where.
.
Between time off, extra sleep, and cool weather, things seem better. I didn't sleep much last night, but I have been sleeping a bit extra over the last few days. I may sleep more this morning, shortly, before the heat of what may be a beastly hot day? Or not. Medicine, breakfast, and insulin all in. Blood sugar was fasting, hadn't eaten in at least eight hours, but hadn't slept much... not sure if sleep is required for it to be called fasting? Anyway, 168 last read. Would like to be up another hour, though maybe not.
I will get back to work today. If I can find masonry bits... actually I am still not sure which type of material I would be working with. I'll have to investigate. Though I have found a means of potentially using standard wood screws in masonry, with wire to hold it in. Handy if it works.
Ducks first, then cats, then in for a nap. Then a shower and the curtains. Later.
--------
One last thing. Thelow car bread replacements? They will work. Edibl. I have a sort of flax based flatbread and pitas. Both similarly formulated, so as to rely on fiber for carbs. The thing is, the arrive extremely moist, perhaps because of where they are from? Where packaged?
I believed, without intervention, they would grow moldy quickly. Living in a low humidity area, the solution seemed simple. Remove the items from the resealable packaging, separate the items, let them air out, then repackage. One is being left out, two are in the refrigerator, and one is frozen. I am checking how ell these hold up, where.
Thursday, July 4, 2019
A day to consider.
.
.
Who is American? What is happening to them, the nation. Cheers for what was, what could be again. I don't know about that. Like an old bison, whose days are short even if longer than many a decade younger, decades younger as some of them are going, to not be jaded would take the sort of nicety that saw and still sees planned genocides to international winks and nods.
No, jaded isn't the right term. Awake, aware, and old enough to remember a time when politicians didn't dare at the anti-American sentiment most now wear as a badge of honor. Even Hollywood stars were burned, even by their own, when they went too far.
What does all that mean? Time will tell. Either America will fall or she will cleanse her ills, pluck off parasites, and remove bad actors or she will become fully worldly and join the secular cesspool that is the rest of the world. Fast or short, but not far off, America and those living here will choose to open fully and completely to the world, or clothe herself, even in armor and go armed, in rejection to the world and it's beasts.
No longer my affair. I see no politicians with either the real will or ability.
This day, for me, is for remembering when America really was great. When a family of six children was small. When Mothers tended, actually knew, their children. When the military was honored and socialism and communism were, without a doubt, known as evil even by adherents, much as with satanism, drug use, and else. There were always flaws. Nothing, almost nothing, couldn't be worked out with effort and time.
Perhaps such a time can be had again. It would require blood. A whole next civil war? I don't think that much. It would require a deep state not of a communist backbone, what we have now. It would require men, at every level, willing to do what it takes, starting with making and keeping a family, creating and defending church and society, starting locally and moving outward. It would take doing the hard things that make these things possible, whether it be from the back of a hand, to a belt, to battalions of men ready, willing, and able to kill or die.
It is rare for a nation to save itself, without crushing pain even meth or heroin won't numb. Not my game, it's a young man's game. But I do remember better if harder days. I remember them well. I also realize they weren't the best of the really hard times. But I know it was those hard times that required family, church, military, and country.
One way or another it will return. The question is, at what cost.
Happy Fourth. And may God bless America, just so much as we deserve that. Amen.
.
Who is American? What is happening to them, the nation. Cheers for what was, what could be again. I don't know about that. Like an old bison, whose days are short even if longer than many a decade younger, decades younger as some of them are going, to not be jaded would take the sort of nicety that saw and still sees planned genocides to international winks and nods.
No, jaded isn't the right term. Awake, aware, and old enough to remember a time when politicians didn't dare at the anti-American sentiment most now wear as a badge of honor. Even Hollywood stars were burned, even by their own, when they went too far.
What does all that mean? Time will tell. Either America will fall or she will cleanse her ills, pluck off parasites, and remove bad actors or she will become fully worldly and join the secular cesspool that is the rest of the world. Fast or short, but not far off, America and those living here will choose to open fully and completely to the world, or clothe herself, even in armor and go armed, in rejection to the world and it's beasts.
No longer my affair. I see no politicians with either the real will or ability.
This day, for me, is for remembering when America really was great. When a family of six children was small. When Mothers tended, actually knew, their children. When the military was honored and socialism and communism were, without a doubt, known as evil even by adherents, much as with satanism, drug use, and else. There were always flaws. Nothing, almost nothing, couldn't be worked out with effort and time.
Perhaps such a time can be had again. It would require blood. A whole next civil war? I don't think that much. It would require a deep state not of a communist backbone, what we have now. It would require men, at every level, willing to do what it takes, starting with making and keeping a family, creating and defending church and society, starting locally and moving outward. It would take doing the hard things that make these things possible, whether it be from the back of a hand, to a belt, to battalions of men ready, willing, and able to kill or die.
It is rare for a nation to save itself, without crushing pain even meth or heroin won't numb. Not my game, it's a young man's game. But I do remember better if harder days. I remember them well. I also realize they weren't the best of the really hard times. But I know it was those hard times that required family, church, military, and country.
One way or another it will return. The question is, at what cost.
Happy Fourth. And may God bless America, just so much as we deserve that. Amen.
The 4th.
.
.
A holiday through which to take time off. Fair. I am considering grilling something. After breakfast I had a bit of pork roast. Blood sugar is at 120. Perhaps I should eat a bit more. What to do on another day off. Fireworks? Not alone. Strange giants aren't welcome. That is fair too.
I am considering calling my mother. Hopefully without interfering with anything. It is a cool day here. A good day to gather, if one had company. I hope people do get out. If you get the opportunity, I would encourage it. So tired, I may nap. I will see if there is something tasty to thaw. Perhaps a beef roast.
I found low-carb bread options. I am testing them. Perhaps a tuna melt as I prepare to sleep? My first use. I'll review the stuff soon. In part, the stuff is for camping. It doesn't require refrigeration, in the short run. Fairly expensive by volume, but as a rare use item, that can have it's shelflife greatly expanded by freezing or even refrigeration, it really could be a wonderful gift both on and off the trail.
Later, perhaps much later.
.
A holiday through which to take time off. Fair. I am considering grilling something. After breakfast I had a bit of pork roast. Blood sugar is at 120. Perhaps I should eat a bit more. What to do on another day off. Fireworks? Not alone. Strange giants aren't welcome. That is fair too.
I am considering calling my mother. Hopefully without interfering with anything. It is a cool day here. A good day to gather, if one had company. I hope people do get out. If you get the opportunity, I would encourage it. So tired, I may nap. I will see if there is something tasty to thaw. Perhaps a beef roast.
I found low-carb bread options. I am testing them. Perhaps a tuna melt as I prepare to sleep? My first use. I'll review the stuff soon. In part, the stuff is for camping. It doesn't require refrigeration, in the short run. Fairly expensive by volume, but as a rare use item, that can have it's shelflife greatly expanded by freezing or even refrigeration, it really could be a wonderful gift both on and off the trail.
Later, perhaps much later.
Hiking, camping, and going in light.
.
.
Before I go there, a breakfast. Chia cereal, with pecans, hazel nuts, and pumpkin seed. As well, a fatted tea and a dose of insulin. Oh, right. The plan was to wait a few extra hours. Focus is lacking. The crash took it away. I wonder about using the digital calendar, trying to order life with it? Anyway, perhaps starting things over tomorrow.
I have been dreaming of getting out camping. Ultra light camping has draws, if severe limits too. I wouldn't even think about such a plan in heavy weather. Which means, in the mountains, it is risky. Storms can sneak up on you. Still, in the summer, for short trips, perhaps. Day trips until experience in weather understandings, gear, and self have been built, then longer trips.
How do you know gear? Well, it is possible to learn from others. A variety of sources, more out there. Many more.
.
Before I go there, a breakfast. Chia cereal, with pecans, hazel nuts, and pumpkin seed. As well, a fatted tea and a dose of insulin. Oh, right. The plan was to wait a few extra hours. Focus is lacking. The crash took it away. I wonder about using the digital calendar, trying to order life with it? Anyway, perhaps starting things over tomorrow.
I have been dreaming of getting out camping. Ultra light camping has draws, if severe limits too. I wouldn't even think about such a plan in heavy weather. Which means, in the mountains, it is risky. Storms can sneak up on you. Still, in the summer, for short trips, perhaps. Day trips until experience in weather understandings, gear, and self have been built, then longer trips.
How do you know gear? Well, it is possible to learn from others. A variety of sources, more out there. Many more.
Not possible.
.
.
Not only did I go to sleep early, around 13:00, I never fully woke. I have pushed my body too hard, and continued to do too much as it rolled to a stop. Like or not, I am done for a few days. Blood sugar at bedtime was 130, as I wake it is 169 fasting. I know how to lower it, not how to maintain it low.
The docs instructions are no better than mine at lowering fasting blood sugar, at least without my way crashing them requiring a few days downtime from low sugar illness and then an elevated blood sugar for a day or two. I can keep within her daytime blood sugars, if not my preferred without crashes. It's that fasting blood sugar that eludes me, so far.
I should be eating more. Sometimes, like yesterday, I just couldn't. Some days I am fearful, as blood sugar is staying high, but not high enough to treat. It is like playing tic-tac-toe with a chicken. It, once trained, will wipe the floor with you. As, it seems, is diabetes. I may have to alter the rules further. Pray I don't alter them further after that.
Back still greatly hurts. Sore elsewhere... everywhere. I weary quickly. I had forgotten to shut the ducks in. I thought it would just be a nap. I slept for twelve hours or so. In opening windows and closing the ducks in, I wore out and caused flares of pain in my back. I will get dishes and the last load of laundry, then take downtime. No choice. Not sure about those things.
A bit windy out there. Warmer, at 55, but it feels cooler. It has been from 48 to 52 F lately, at night. Yesterday seemed cooler during the day. I know I checked, but just before bedtime, it didn't stick in memory well... Was it 72 F, around noon? I... think so. Can't be sure.
Well, later.
.
Not only did I go to sleep early, around 13:00, I never fully woke. I have pushed my body too hard, and continued to do too much as it rolled to a stop. Like or not, I am done for a few days. Blood sugar at bedtime was 130, as I wake it is 169 fasting. I know how to lower it, not how to maintain it low.
The docs instructions are no better than mine at lowering fasting blood sugar, at least without my way crashing them requiring a few days downtime from low sugar illness and then an elevated blood sugar for a day or two. I can keep within her daytime blood sugars, if not my preferred without crashes. It's that fasting blood sugar that eludes me, so far.
I should be eating more. Sometimes, like yesterday, I just couldn't. Some days I am fearful, as blood sugar is staying high, but not high enough to treat. It is like playing tic-tac-toe with a chicken. It, once trained, will wipe the floor with you. As, it seems, is diabetes. I may have to alter the rules further. Pray I don't alter them further after that.
Back still greatly hurts. Sore elsewhere... everywhere. I weary quickly. I had forgotten to shut the ducks in. I thought it would just be a nap. I slept for twelve hours or so. In opening windows and closing the ducks in, I wore out and caused flares of pain in my back. I will get dishes and the last load of laundry, then take downtime. No choice. Not sure about those things.
A bit windy out there. Warmer, at 55, but it feels cooler. It has been from 48 to 52 F lately, at night. Yesterday seemed cooler during the day. I know I checked, but just before bedtime, it didn't stick in memory well... Was it 72 F, around noon? I... think so. Can't be sure.
Well, later.
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
When bulbs aren't bulbs.
.
.
Before a shower and breakfast, I decided to replace the bulbs in the overhead lighting. Imagine my surprise to find some strange quad folded neon type plug-in bar... 26w, 3500k, the rest was useless. A 4-pin jig. Amazon actually made quick work of it. Ordered. Not in until Monday. Not needed, one of the three still lights, and I have other options. Still...
A shower, then dishes in. Breakfast after... chops and eggs. Then up and to it. I really think curtains can go up without any mockup. The place cooled off well. It should be much easier to work. I believe I will take rods up and do some quick measurements, just to whet my appetite for the project. I know, but it will get done.
Blood sugar rose to 172. Blasted thing. Still, only using 10 cc's. Later.
.
Before a shower and breakfast, I decided to replace the bulbs in the overhead lighting. Imagine my surprise to find some strange quad folded neon type plug-in bar... 26w, 3500k, the rest was useless. A 4-pin jig. Amazon actually made quick work of it. Ordered. Not in until Monday. Not needed, one of the three still lights, and I have other options. Still...
A shower, then dishes in. Breakfast after... chops and eggs. Then up and to it. I really think curtains can go up without any mockup. The place cooled off well. It should be much easier to work. I believe I will take rods up and do some quick measurements, just to whet my appetite for the project. I know, but it will get done.
Blood sugar rose to 172. Blasted thing. Still, only using 10 cc's. Later.
Another four hours.
.
.
Sleep was better, if still a bit warm. Sleeping like that isn't... optimal. Even with the cave cooled, that first sleep session was damaging. I woke with minor complaints, if aspirin helped everything from before. A new complaint, a sour stomach. Not from aspirin. Shouldn't be from the spicy food. I actually could just taste the spice, it wasn't strong, literally just a whisper.
The goal tonight, after waking and solving the sour stomach with a vinegar ketonic, is to shower, reset dishes, and then begin installing curtains upstairs. The east then south facing windows first. I may need to replace bulbs up there as well. If there isn't any tinkering with angels and mocking in brackets, I think I can get them all up easily, maybe pretty quickly. All rods up first, then adding curtains all in one shot. I may be tall enough, with the windows as they are lower, to sit while I work. It helps. My back is still sore as heck.
I will be avoiding food until after four. I have keto back on track solidly, blood sugar is... well it isn't hitting 400s (or higher), or even the 200s lately... so, I'd like to begin adding in intermittent fasting again. One more tool in an attempt to control calories and leverage eating rules to an potential advantage. Ah, waking blood sugar is 167. The snot! I will dose with breakfast, but just 10 cc's. I don't mind running two hours later, with meals, each day, if that will include a natural day or three of fasting every twelve days, assuming waking and sleeping are relatively stable. Which they aren't. Still, I would bet two days of fasting can be added in. And, by then, I will be ready and able, through what I eat and when.
I have to keep trying. I do keep failing, but there are many difficulries, complexities, limits, and such. Since dying doesn't seem to be a choice, and digging my way fully out of the grave with or without medicine of any type hasn't proved possible, I am sort of stuck. Better to have functioning limbs you can rarely sally to even survival, or better to be paraplegic, or even limbless. At least then there is no doubt.
.
Sleep was better, if still a bit warm. Sleeping like that isn't... optimal. Even with the cave cooled, that first sleep session was damaging. I woke with minor complaints, if aspirin helped everything from before. A new complaint, a sour stomach. Not from aspirin. Shouldn't be from the spicy food. I actually could just taste the spice, it wasn't strong, literally just a whisper.
The goal tonight, after waking and solving the sour stomach with a vinegar ketonic, is to shower, reset dishes, and then begin installing curtains upstairs. The east then south facing windows first. I may need to replace bulbs up there as well. If there isn't any tinkering with angels and mocking in brackets, I think I can get them all up easily, maybe pretty quickly. All rods up first, then adding curtains all in one shot. I may be tall enough, with the windows as they are lower, to sit while I work. It helps. My back is still sore as heck.
I will be avoiding food until after four. I have keto back on track solidly, blood sugar is... well it isn't hitting 400s (or higher), or even the 200s lately... so, I'd like to begin adding in intermittent fasting again. One more tool in an attempt to control calories and leverage eating rules to an potential advantage. Ah, waking blood sugar is 167. The snot! I will dose with breakfast, but just 10 cc's. I don't mind running two hours later, with meals, each day, if that will include a natural day or three of fasting every twelve days, assuming waking and sleeping are relatively stable. Which they aren't. Still, I would bet two days of fasting can be added in. And, by then, I will be ready and able, through what I eat and when.
I have to keep trying. I do keep failing, but there are many difficulries, complexities, limits, and such. Since dying doesn't seem to be a choice, and digging my way fully out of the grave with or without medicine of any type hasn't proved possible, I am sort of stuck. Better to have functioning limbs you can rarely sally to even survival, or better to be paraplegic, or even limbless. At least then there is no doubt.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
In bad shape.
.
.
The blood sugar dips and sleeping in the heat have taken a toll. Nausea, feverishness, aches and pains, a headache, more... other. The cave is open, airing. Back to bed after a bit of tea. Blood sugar has climbed to 158, drinking only plain tea. It really doesn't make sense. The last calories were eaten at noon. Not even sweetener has been consumed since.
At least it feels like it is cooling off. Perhaps some sleep will get help. It would be better to work in the cool, at night. Curtains up, ac in and going, sleep again if needed in the morning, for as long as necessary. Then finish clothes and dishes as able. Then take the rest of the week down... other than standard pet care, personal feeding and upkeep, while attempting to avoid backtracking on successes?
Yeah, another nap. It feels like dying, and I have worn my body down as well. Aspirin might help this time. Lots of pains, but little ones... or at least no serious ones, or so many my body opens the natural pharmacy. Yeah, that might help to sleep better as well. Later.
.
The blood sugar dips and sleeping in the heat have taken a toll. Nausea, feverishness, aches and pains, a headache, more... other. The cave is open, airing. Back to bed after a bit of tea. Blood sugar has climbed to 158, drinking only plain tea. It really doesn't make sense. The last calories were eaten at noon. Not even sweetener has been consumed since.
At least it feels like it is cooling off. Perhaps some sleep will get help. It would be better to work in the cool, at night. Curtains up, ac in and going, sleep again if needed in the morning, for as long as necessary. Then finish clothes and dishes as able. Then take the rest of the week down... other than standard pet care, personal feeding and upkeep, while attempting to avoid backtracking on successes?
Yeah, another nap. It feels like dying, and I have worn my body down as well. Aspirin might help this time. Lots of pains, but little ones... or at least no serious ones, or so many my body opens the natural pharmacy. Yeah, that might help to sleep better as well. Later.
Back up.
.
.
Not quite to it, well... I did close in, feed, and water, the ducks. I am only just allowing them outside, so am still terribly fearful for them. I am not sure if they or I was traumatized more. Still... I... we... are getting better. I really wanted to put them in before my nap but the crash happened too fast. That and they seemed to really be enjoying themselves.
The last two blood reads before sleep were 130 then 142. I started to worry about it going way up while I slept. Four hours of sleep later, it is a reasonable 119. None of these are perfect numbers, but they are far superior to anything I have seen for a long time. As well, today was from one dose of insulin and two meals, plus a fatted tea. I went with 16 cc's. From now on, in that range, it will be 10 cc's. Ugh. I went with a higher dose out frustration rather than reason. My bad.
I am hoping to do more work. The drop sort of pounded me into the dirt, but sleeping in the heat was bad for business as well. While I am tolerating heat a great deal better, that was a bit over the line. It is almost time to open things up. Actually, with the fan facing out, and a curtain between the front room and the rest of the interior, the front door is successfully open, as is the east facing bathroom window.
Getting curtains up is a higher priority than other things on the list currently. I may need to nap, first, later, when it is cooler. I am done with food for the day. Only plain and carefully sweetened tea. One more test later. A shower too, then dishes put back for a last soap cycle. If I can get half of the curtains up, I will be pleased. All of them would be better. I doubt either. Hey, I have to doubt, I don't have a woman around to do it for me. You do realize that is part of their job, right? And a woman's job is never done. ;)
Later.
.
Not quite to it, well... I did close in, feed, and water, the ducks. I am only just allowing them outside, so am still terribly fearful for them. I am not sure if they or I was traumatized more. Still... I... we... are getting better. I really wanted to put them in before my nap but the crash happened too fast. That and they seemed to really be enjoying themselves.
The last two blood reads before sleep were 130 then 142. I started to worry about it going way up while I slept. Four hours of sleep later, it is a reasonable 119. None of these are perfect numbers, but they are far superior to anything I have seen for a long time. As well, today was from one dose of insulin and two meals, plus a fatted tea. I went with 16 cc's. From now on, in that range, it will be 10 cc's. Ugh. I went with a higher dose out frustration rather than reason. My bad.
I am hoping to do more work. The drop sort of pounded me into the dirt, but sleeping in the heat was bad for business as well. While I am tolerating heat a great deal better, that was a bit over the line. It is almost time to open things up. Actually, with the fan facing out, and a curtain between the front room and the rest of the interior, the front door is successfully open, as is the east facing bathroom window.
Getting curtains up is a higher priority than other things on the list currently. I may need to nap, first, later, when it is cooler. I am done with food for the day. Only plain and carefully sweetened tea. One more test later. A shower too, then dishes put back for a last soap cycle. If I can get half of the curtains up, I will be pleased. All of them would be better. I doubt either. Hey, I have to doubt, I don't have a woman around to do it for me. You do realize that is part of their job, right? And a woman's job is never done. ;)
Later.
Skating on the thinnest of ice.
.
.
Lunch was completed. I wasn't expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised. No, it isn't chili mac and cheese. It was good, satisfying, well worth the effort. I filled a square Pyrex baking dish. I have eaten a third of it, with several cups of milk. I can't drink a quart of milk at a time anymore, closer to half that. Getting old? Stuffed to the gills.
I pushed things. Between the effort required to make the meal, and the prep, cook, and consumption times, I believe blood sugar dropped. Enough to just dip into the bad feels. In spite of enjoying the food, due to the blood sugar drop the food is only just staying down.
It feels like the food is working on the blood sugar, but slowly. That IS keto. There are probably advantages. Including learning how to eat correctly, facing hard consequences for not doing so, learning to understand consumption related to work. And what to eat when. Handicapped, but by the consequences of past bad behavior.
The shakes, cold sweats, nausea, a headache, but improving? I'll check blood sugar in either an hour twenty, or twenty... the latter if symptoms haven't eased more. I so feel like crashing but don't dare in case this food wasn't enough. I truly hate having to stay awake when I feel this bad. Discipline, a belief in life, a holy promise now a choice...
Later.
---------
Blood sugar is 130 so I can, and will, safely crash. Ciao. Ciao Belle, even.
.
Lunch was completed. I wasn't expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised. No, it isn't chili mac and cheese. It was good, satisfying, well worth the effort. I filled a square Pyrex baking dish. I have eaten a third of it, with several cups of milk. I can't drink a quart of milk at a time anymore, closer to half that. Getting old? Stuffed to the gills.
I pushed things. Between the effort required to make the meal, and the prep, cook, and consumption times, I believe blood sugar dropped. Enough to just dip into the bad feels. In spite of enjoying the food, due to the blood sugar drop the food is only just staying down.
It feels like the food is working on the blood sugar, but slowly. That IS keto. There are probably advantages. Including learning how to eat correctly, facing hard consequences for not doing so, learning to understand consumption related to work. And what to eat when. Handicapped, but by the consequences of past bad behavior.
The shakes, cold sweats, nausea, a headache, but improving? I'll check blood sugar in either an hour twenty, or twenty... the latter if symptoms haven't eased more. I so feel like crashing but don't dare in case this food wasn't enough. I truly hate having to stay awake when I feel this bad. Discipline, a belief in life, a holy promise now a choice...
Later.
---------
Blood sugar is 130 so I can, and will, safely crash. Ciao. Ciao Belle, even.
Stalled.
.
.
Partly while considering what to do. I waited a few hours before checking blood sugar again. At 79 it is lower, but not a problem by itself. However, any work might cause a crash. So... a meal first. A hamburger cauliflower cheese casserole? Something like that. I will need to thaw the frozen cauliflower mash, as the stuff in the fridge is too questionable.
It is recommended to have blood sugar up to 100 before exercise or heavy work. I could try a single carbohydrate tab, but it is lunchtime and better calories, and micros, would be a better solution. The tab would be easier, quicker, but it really isn't the best way. Hard to focus to cook, or do much. But that is when it is best to try, to push.
A fatted tea as the cauliflower thaws, oven heats, and burger crumble gets a quick light fry. Some Carolina Reaper flecks, onion granules, garlic, ginger, and fresh ground black pepper should do well. I will add a cup of crushed pork rinds to the burger and two eggs to the cauliflower, and plenty of cheddar... not a single meal, obviously. Lighter on the heat, but I'll know it. You wouldn't be able to do it. Tasty, just not in the mood to burn the temple down.
Perhaps it will help me get back to work. Just getting things going started to push blood sugar. I... backed the speed down, went more evenly. At least I can tell when there is, or is starting to be, trouble. And it seems I can pace down to avoid it. Learning one step at a time. Later.
.
Partly while considering what to do. I waited a few hours before checking blood sugar again. At 79 it is lower, but not a problem by itself. However, any work might cause a crash. So... a meal first. A hamburger cauliflower cheese casserole? Something like that. I will need to thaw the frozen cauliflower mash, as the stuff in the fridge is too questionable.
It is recommended to have blood sugar up to 100 before exercise or heavy work. I could try a single carbohydrate tab, but it is lunchtime and better calories, and micros, would be a better solution. The tab would be easier, quicker, but it really isn't the best way. Hard to focus to cook, or do much. But that is when it is best to try, to push.
A fatted tea as the cauliflower thaws, oven heats, and burger crumble gets a quick light fry. Some Carolina Reaper flecks, onion granules, garlic, ginger, and fresh ground black pepper should do well. I will add a cup of crushed pork rinds to the burger and two eggs to the cauliflower, and plenty of cheddar... not a single meal, obviously. Lighter on the heat, but I'll know it. You wouldn't be able to do it. Tasty, just not in the mood to burn the temple down.
Perhaps it will help me get back to work. Just getting things going started to push blood sugar. I... backed the speed down, went more evenly. At least I can tell when there is, or is starting to be, trouble. And it seems I can pace down to avoid it. Learning one step at a time. Later.
I have to remember work?
.
.
It took about four hours, perhaps half less, other than breakfast, to begin. Then there were many more dishes than anticipated. Thankfully I realized sitting would help, then did so. Everything got a solid, and is stacked, ready to be put back for another run after a shower. Ducks were let out, fed, and a few minor chores else regarding them was completed. I am hoping to scoop their hutch yet this week.
A shower next. Then a short break. Perhaps with a fatted tea. Blood sugar dropped to 82. Yeah, that work thing? It doesn't take much. Then to putting up laundry, probably another break, back is squealing like a little girl every time I even stand. When the dishes and curtains are done, I am taking a few days down. It isn't that I won't push, it is that I have pushed. I have surpassed my ability to handle the pain and am into that dreamy state that excessive pain induces. I know, from it, that it hurts beyond my ability to sense it. No reason to take aspirin, couldn't touch this.
Almost getting there. Almost done for a few days. With much to show for it. Plus, I will be much better able to begin prayer habits again. Required down time has it's advantages. Nobody actually wants downtime, do they? I have friends going on vacation. I believe the mr. is afraid. It is, mostly, an unknown. But more, the structure of duty, schedule, family, and... else... won't be there. I best add their safe travels, and relaxation intention, to my prayer intentions. And that their house remain standing in there absence. Kids, you know. :p
Yeah, a fatted tea, and another blood sugar test in an half hour. A carb tab if it is still dropping, as any work may cause a crash. I plan on a final meal in a few hours. Later.
.
It took about four hours, perhaps half less, other than breakfast, to begin. Then there were many more dishes than anticipated. Thankfully I realized sitting would help, then did so. Everything got a solid, and is stacked, ready to be put back for another run after a shower. Ducks were let out, fed, and a few minor chores else regarding them was completed. I am hoping to scoop their hutch yet this week.
A shower next. Then a short break. Perhaps with a fatted tea. Blood sugar dropped to 82. Yeah, that work thing? It doesn't take much. Then to putting up laundry, probably another break, back is squealing like a little girl every time I even stand. When the dishes and curtains are done, I am taking a few days down. It isn't that I won't push, it is that I have pushed. I have surpassed my ability to handle the pain and am into that dreamy state that excessive pain induces. I know, from it, that it hurts beyond my ability to sense it. No reason to take aspirin, couldn't touch this.
Almost getting there. Almost done for a few days. With much to show for it. Plus, I will be much better able to begin prayer habits again. Required down time has it's advantages. Nobody actually wants downtime, do they? I have friends going on vacation. I believe the mr. is afraid. It is, mostly, an unknown. But more, the structure of duty, schedule, family, and... else... won't be there. I best add their safe travels, and relaxation intention, to my prayer intentions. And that their house remain standing in there absence. Kids, you know. :p
Yeah, a fatted tea, and another blood sugar test in an half hour. A carb tab if it is still dropping, as any work may cause a crash. I plan on a final meal in a few hours. Later.
Just about a perfect sleep.
.
.
I didn't go down until almost 19:00. It was too warm. It remained a bit too warm but I was absolutely exhausted by then. That made it a nineteen hour heavy (for me) work day. I fell so fast, if oddly softly, that other than a bit of a head spin as I wake, from the speed sleep hit, waking is quite good as well.
That sleep was the type one craves when sleep is denied or hampered. Awake at 3:30, a perfect sleep time, if not compatible with the waketime yesterday in order to square a twenty four(ish) hour day. That three and an half hours was eaten into the schedule. In this case, a good thing... brings me back closer to a day schedule.
First thing, the cave was opened and fans turned on. It is 58° F outside. I am amazed at how well I am tolerating temps. It is 74° F indoors , if because the house wasn't opened earlier. That is always tricky. But opening too early is far worse than not opening at all.
Blood sugar is 154 fasting. It was 114 as a final read, nine hours after my last meal yesterday. Better, I suppose. Still, why the jump while I sleep? Swelling has gone down in my foot, finally. Mostly. It was remaining in my left foot. The skin on top of that foot is yet sore, and the big toe is still puffy. It has taken nearly a week of nearly doubling the dosage of furosemide to solve this, and it isn't done.
First thing, after I wake, dishes at least being turned over as much so as to shower as to kickstart the day, then put back for another wash. Then the last of the laundry put away. Just to be done with that. Then a rosary and morning prayer. Breaks as needed. Then, up to start on curtains. Oh yes. If that can be done today, I will have a cool place to sleep tonight.
I have a cot up there, but I do believe I am going to begin sleeping on the floor, as mentioned. My winter quilt, perhaps the next heaviest quilt as well, folded and wrapped together as the base, wrapped in sheets as possible, with a light sheet and several of my lightest blankets on top. It helped my back and life in general the last time I tried this. I am thirty years older, but in better condition. Seventy, at least, pounds lighter, and with heart condition diagnosed and nearing control. If I like this, I will order a real floor bed. Uhrm, or not. Can't afford anymore.
Well, to wake a bit. Plus a fatted tea and chia breakfast. Later.
.
I didn't go down until almost 19:00. It was too warm. It remained a bit too warm but I was absolutely exhausted by then. That made it a nineteen hour heavy (for me) work day. I fell so fast, if oddly softly, that other than a bit of a head spin as I wake, from the speed sleep hit, waking is quite good as well.
That sleep was the type one craves when sleep is denied or hampered. Awake at 3:30, a perfect sleep time, if not compatible with the waketime yesterday in order to square a twenty four(ish) hour day. That three and an half hours was eaten into the schedule. In this case, a good thing... brings me back closer to a day schedule.
First thing, the cave was opened and fans turned on. It is 58° F outside. I am amazed at how well I am tolerating temps. It is 74° F indoors , if because the house wasn't opened earlier. That is always tricky. But opening too early is far worse than not opening at all.
Blood sugar is 154 fasting. It was 114 as a final read, nine hours after my last meal yesterday. Better, I suppose. Still, why the jump while I sleep? Swelling has gone down in my foot, finally. Mostly. It was remaining in my left foot. The skin on top of that foot is yet sore, and the big toe is still puffy. It has taken nearly a week of nearly doubling the dosage of furosemide to solve this, and it isn't done.
First thing, after I wake, dishes at least being turned over as much so as to shower as to kickstart the day, then put back for another wash. Then the last of the laundry put away. Just to be done with that. Then a rosary and morning prayer. Breaks as needed. Then, up to start on curtains. Oh yes. If that can be done today, I will have a cool place to sleep tonight.
I have a cot up there, but I do believe I am going to begin sleeping on the floor, as mentioned. My winter quilt, perhaps the next heaviest quilt as well, folded and wrapped together as the base, wrapped in sheets as possible, with a light sheet and several of my lightest blankets on top. It helped my back and life in general the last time I tried this. I am thirty years older, but in better condition. Seventy, at least, pounds lighter, and with heart condition diagnosed and nearing control. If I like this, I will order a real floor bed. Uhrm, or not. Can't afford anymore.
Well, to wake a bit. Plus a fatted tea and chia breakfast. Later.
Monday, July 1, 2019
No nap, no more work.
.
.
I tried. Too warm. I laid in there for a while. Prayed while I was at it. Couldn't sleep. Blood sugar worried me. Not that it would go down again, that it would go up. Needn't have worried. An hour after each previous reading it went... from 59 to 159, 140, 128, 123, and finally two hours later to 117. No more food or insulin. I... just had a feeling it would be better not to dose, even at 159. Not after the drop.
What I don't understand is why my blood sugar, at say 117 after hours... what was that, 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 = 5 hours, possibly 6 with rollover... of not eating, with blood sugar low, and fasting through the night... I definitely don't 'sleep eat'... does blood sugar spike while I sleep? I really don't get that. Especially very carefully eating keto and now watching calories? For that matter, why are my feet swelling? I have become cautious with salt, don't eat sugar, and my heart is supposed to be better. I am beginning to wonder if the echocardiogram was a fraud. I am drinking a lot less, a gallon a day from two to four, and taking five 40 mg furosemide tabs. And still there is enough swelling to begin opening an ancient scar on my ankle.
I did pull the barrels back. It was just trash today. Oh well. I should shut the ducks back up. They were done with the outdoors a few hours ago. I just... wanted to give them more time. Their water trough was cleaned, but needs to be filled. And their food needs to go in with them. All good.
I will attempt to sleep when it is cool enough to open things back up. Last I checked it was in the low eighties. I have definitely worked. Lungs still feel burning, ribs are a bit sore. Ten minutes on my feet and my back screams at me. And my eyes are burning for sleep that just won't happen. All good. I... earned it. I prayed to earn it. I wanted more. God said no.
Later, or good night.
.
I tried. Too warm. I laid in there for a while. Prayed while I was at it. Couldn't sleep. Blood sugar worried me. Not that it would go down again, that it would go up. Needn't have worried. An hour after each previous reading it went... from 59 to 159, 140, 128, 123, and finally two hours later to 117. No more food or insulin. I... just had a feeling it would be better not to dose, even at 159. Not after the drop.
What I don't understand is why my blood sugar, at say 117 after hours... what was that, 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 = 5 hours, possibly 6 with rollover... of not eating, with blood sugar low, and fasting through the night... I definitely don't 'sleep eat'... does blood sugar spike while I sleep? I really don't get that. Especially very carefully eating keto and now watching calories? For that matter, why are my feet swelling? I have become cautious with salt, don't eat sugar, and my heart is supposed to be better. I am beginning to wonder if the echocardiogram was a fraud. I am drinking a lot less, a gallon a day from two to four, and taking five 40 mg furosemide tabs. And still there is enough swelling to begin opening an ancient scar on my ankle.
I did pull the barrels back. It was just trash today. Oh well. I should shut the ducks back up. They were done with the outdoors a few hours ago. I just... wanted to give them more time. Their water trough was cleaned, but needs to be filled. And their food needs to go in with them. All good.
I will attempt to sleep when it is cool enough to open things back up. Last I checked it was in the low eighties. I have definitely worked. Lungs still feel burning, ribs are a bit sore. Ten minutes on my feet and my back screams at me. And my eyes are burning for sleep that just won't happen. All good. I... earned it. I prayed to earn it. I wanted more. God said no.
Later, or good night.
Well?
.
.
The ducks are enjoying the outdoors. I check on them from time to time. With windows closed and a fan running I can't hear a thing, barely hearing vehicles. Most of the laundry has been put up. Shirts and bedding left. My back was absolutely killing me. Some of the dishes have gotten a quick first shot, three of the half gallon tea cups have been all but finished... air drying.
I still need a nap. I stayed up to see a two hour blood sugar read. I am feeling a bit better, but not great. This time I didn't see it hit. It was clouded by wearing down from working. Then again, I think this time it really hit fast. Something about working really doubled, tripled, or more the rate of drop.
Damn, blood sugar is up to 159. I may try a single tab, no meal, next time. Bah!
I am amazed how much has been done. Quickly. Or... it seems that way. Dishes, the bathroom, putting away the last of laundry, and starting in on curtains upstairs, if perhaps only one or three or parts of those. That for after a well deserved nap. I want to start with the curtains, so as to create a cool dark place to sleep, even in the day... maybe in the closet if still too bright otherwise. Then work is more possible. Not too cool though, or I will hibernate. I so love sleep, and the cold. But as with death, that grace is not for me, not yet. Winter will return.
Later. Just a nap it is hoped. But I have hurt, then kept pushing, my body. I will set an alarm for three and four hours, hopefully as unnecessary backups, but... Later.
.
The ducks are enjoying the outdoors. I check on them from time to time. With windows closed and a fan running I can't hear a thing, barely hearing vehicles. Most of the laundry has been put up. Shirts and bedding left. My back was absolutely killing me. Some of the dishes have gotten a quick first shot, three of the half gallon tea cups have been all but finished... air drying.
I still need a nap. I stayed up to see a two hour blood sugar read. I am feeling a bit better, but not great. This time I didn't see it hit. It was clouded by wearing down from working. Then again, I think this time it really hit fast. Something about working really doubled, tripled, or more the rate of drop.
Damn, blood sugar is up to 159. I may try a single tab, no meal, next time. Bah!
I am amazed how much has been done. Quickly. Or... it seems that way. Dishes, the bathroom, putting away the last of laundry, and starting in on curtains upstairs, if perhaps only one or three or parts of those. That for after a well deserved nap. I want to start with the curtains, so as to create a cool dark place to sleep, even in the day... maybe in the closet if still too bright otherwise. Then work is more possible. Not too cool though, or I will hibernate. I so love sleep, and the cold. But as with death, that grace is not for me, not yet. Winter will return.
Later. Just a nap it is hoped. But I have hurt, then kept pushing, my body. I will set an alarm for three and four hours, hopefully as unnecessary backups, but... Later.
So that was the problem.
.
.
Crashing. I thought it was the work. I am positive the work played a roll. Blood sugar, negative spike, down to 59. Two carb tabs, plus bacon, eggs, and milk. Hopefully it doesn't jack blood sugar as high this time. Four tabs and a larger meal last time, iirc, led to a 174 read, or so. Recovery is experimental. If this hits 150, next time just two tabs, no meal. Would rather hit high, then softly titrate negatively per experience, than miss the mark low.
I don't fully understand. A single if slightly high dose, but a large fatted coffee (large = full cup of cream) and chia cereal with nuts and preserves. The work on top of else? It doesn't seem like much work. Maybe it wasn't, merely compared to usual? I will try to work more often. But... that has been the goal for three decades now.
Before I realized the problem, I let the ducks out, feeding them outside and tightening and raising their tarp. Then set most of the dishes for a soapy soak. A few other things as well. Laundry will be put up shortly. I won't nap until I see a better read, hopefully in two hours.
While making breakfast, I used the cast iron pan and placket upon which to bake the bacon, rubbed the bacon fat all around after removing the bacon to towel off, then put the iron back in to cure. I'll do that as long as needed to get them back in shape. If that fails to remove rust, I will pull out the angle grinder and steel rope wheel, wash clear again, grind, and do the bacon thing again.
Feeling a bit better. Time to put laundry away then check the ducks. I have found a few Catholic books, some particularly for men, some more general. I know, no better a man than a Catholic, but if not those than what... that is aimed at you naysayers among my ranks. Those who have no standing, either way, feel free to piss off. I don't feel your pain, and only offer you sand to go pound. You don't have to be Catholic or a man, but you have to be on the right side. Not necessarily my side, but wishing me to be right.
Later.
.
Crashing. I thought it was the work. I am positive the work played a roll. Blood sugar, negative spike, down to 59. Two carb tabs, plus bacon, eggs, and milk. Hopefully it doesn't jack blood sugar as high this time. Four tabs and a larger meal last time, iirc, led to a 174 read, or so. Recovery is experimental. If this hits 150, next time just two tabs, no meal. Would rather hit high, then softly titrate negatively per experience, than miss the mark low.
I don't fully understand. A single if slightly high dose, but a large fatted coffee (large = full cup of cream) and chia cereal with nuts and preserves. The work on top of else? It doesn't seem like much work. Maybe it wasn't, merely compared to usual? I will try to work more often. But... that has been the goal for three decades now.
Before I realized the problem, I let the ducks out, feeding them outside and tightening and raising their tarp. Then set most of the dishes for a soapy soak. A few other things as well. Laundry will be put up shortly. I won't nap until I see a better read, hopefully in two hours.
While making breakfast, I used the cast iron pan and placket upon which to bake the bacon, rubbed the bacon fat all around after removing the bacon to towel off, then put the iron back in to cure. I'll do that as long as needed to get them back in shape. If that fails to remove rust, I will pull out the angle grinder and steel rope wheel, wash clear again, grind, and do the bacon thing again.
Feeling a bit better. Time to put laundry away then check the ducks. I have found a few Catholic books, some particularly for men, some more general. I know, no better a man than a Catholic, but if not those than what... that is aimed at you naysayers among my ranks. Those who have no standing, either way, feel free to piss off. I don't feel your pain, and only offer you sand to go pound. You don't have to be Catholic or a man, but you have to be on the right side. Not necessarily my side, but wishing me to be right.
Later.
Pain.
.
.
Back, arms, lungs. I hobbled to my chair after getting the trash and recycling together, out, then to the street. Dishes were completed, dried, and mostly put up immediately before. I will, before long, try to put all remaining dishes in for a wash. Well, except what is in the fridge. That will be for another run, sometime after curtains are finished.
Several other small tasks, plus breakfast. Another hour then another blood sugar test. After medicine has been consumed regularly for a week I will start checking bp again... next weekend assuming medication remains regular. The laundry remains yet to do, but it will be done, today. Folding what is before me, putting all of it up.
Afterward a nap? Probably. A, late but still, morning prayer as I go down. It's what I can do. If I wake in reasonable condition, I may hit the last load of dishes and begin curtains upstairs. As well, the ducks will be let out. Not until the sun is well up. While still exposed, they do have a tarp. As with fencing, it is there but incomplete.
A handful of aspirin and a plan. Later.
.
Back, arms, lungs. I hobbled to my chair after getting the trash and recycling together, out, then to the street. Dishes were completed, dried, and mostly put up immediately before. I will, before long, try to put all remaining dishes in for a wash. Well, except what is in the fridge. That will be for another run, sometime after curtains are finished.
Several other small tasks, plus breakfast. Another hour then another blood sugar test. After medicine has been consumed regularly for a week I will start checking bp again... next weekend assuming medication remains regular. The laundry remains yet to do, but it will be done, today. Folding what is before me, putting all of it up.
Afterward a nap? Probably. A, late but still, morning prayer as I go down. It's what I can do. If I wake in reasonable condition, I may hit the last load of dishes and begin curtains upstairs. As well, the ducks will be let out. Not until the sun is well up. While still exposed, they do have a tarp. As with fencing, it is there but incomplete.
A handful of aspirin and a plan. Later.
A good start.
.
.
Laundry that was drying is done and out to be folded. I found the blessed rosaries and others needing blessed. I am not starting everything today. Prayers, yes. The rosary tomorrow. As well, The Imitation of Christ, the book, has been found. I will have to look for other such books, and begin reading the bible readings for the day. Sometimes that will mean reading the same scriptures several days in a row. I don't see a problem with that.
A shower after draining the dishes, then those were reset. A fatted coffee is going down, then a chia breakfast to begin steeping. Then trash and recycling. I may fold laundry while I take a break. Already am feeling like sleeping again. Exhausted. Don't be surprised. I am surprised I am doing this much. It won't last. Has nothing to do with the will, definitely not a want issue.
I might be able to get all planned done, with a maybe on a start for the curtains. I will do morning and evening prayers, maybe midday prayer as well. I will do them offhand for now. However, I will be seeking a pattern, recipe, guide, for better prayer practice. The practice of faith, or in my case certainty, should be more than professional. A profession may see food on the table, a roof over the head, clothes on the back... assuming God has nothing to do with that... an assumption I wouldn't risk my soul upon. But neither does man live by bread alone, nor is this life the sum of our lives.
Tend the life given, don't believe or fully vest in it. Pray, but improve prayer. Include God in every decision, especially the ones you already know better about. You aren't a saint. You are commanded to be one. The only way is through careful action and consideration, right and righter prayer, and slow improvement, learning, and discernment. Mind you, that won't see you to heaven alone. It might make you prone to the graces that will.
Well. Good morning and day.
.
Laundry that was drying is done and out to be folded. I found the blessed rosaries and others needing blessed. I am not starting everything today. Prayers, yes. The rosary tomorrow. As well, The Imitation of Christ, the book, has been found. I will have to look for other such books, and begin reading the bible readings for the day. Sometimes that will mean reading the same scriptures several days in a row. I don't see a problem with that.
A shower after draining the dishes, then those were reset. A fatted coffee is going down, then a chia breakfast to begin steeping. Then trash and recycling. I may fold laundry while I take a break. Already am feeling like sleeping again. Exhausted. Don't be surprised. I am surprised I am doing this much. It won't last. Has nothing to do with the will, definitely not a want issue.
I might be able to get all planned done, with a maybe on a start for the curtains. I will do morning and evening prayers, maybe midday prayer as well. I will do them offhand for now. However, I will be seeking a pattern, recipe, guide, for better prayer practice. The practice of faith, or in my case certainty, should be more than professional. A profession may see food on the table, a roof over the head, clothes on the back... assuming God has nothing to do with that... an assumption I wouldn't risk my soul upon. But neither does man live by bread alone, nor is this life the sum of our lives.
Tend the life given, don't believe or fully vest in it. Pray, but improve prayer. Include God in every decision, especially the ones you already know better about. You aren't a saint. You are commanded to be one. The only way is through careful action and consideration, right and righter prayer, and slow improvement, learning, and discernment. Mind you, that won't see you to heaven alone. It might make you prone to the graces that will.
Well. Good morning and day.
Such dreams.
.
.
A call, to return. To wake and return.
In the dream, I did two hours in adoration to Mary. Doing the rosary and various others prayers and beadwork. After that, another hour was prayed to and for Christ. Fulfilled, at the end... if that wasn't the point... too, I was exhausted. As climbing a mountain, reaching the summit.
It was a fantastic dream. It calls, beckons, pulls. Prayer life... I lost track, was praying over meals, for intentions, and occasionally. I need to return. Morning intention and work prayers, at least one rosary... better in the morning to be sure, meal and intention prayers as usual, a midday prayer often, and a bedtime prayer. Each of the two main prayers bookending my day to also receive at least fifteen minutes of meditation... unless I begin nodding off. Health doesn't allow all. Further, my focus on God needs to be more conscious. It has gotten weak lately, sometimes seems missing. When doing right, I always have a link to God, a strong one.
Still a wonderful dream. A video might add to my dream, offer direction.
.
A call, to return. To wake and return.
In the dream, I did two hours in adoration to Mary. Doing the rosary and various others prayers and beadwork. After that, another hour was prayed to and for Christ. Fulfilled, at the end... if that wasn't the point... too, I was exhausted. As climbing a mountain, reaching the summit.
It was a fantastic dream. It calls, beckons, pulls. Prayer life... I lost track, was praying over meals, for intentions, and occasionally. I need to return. Morning intention and work prayers, at least one rosary... better in the morning to be sure, meal and intention prayers as usual, a midday prayer often, and a bedtime prayer. Each of the two main prayers bookending my day to also receive at least fifteen minutes of meditation... unless I begin nodding off. Health doesn't allow all. Further, my focus on God needs to be more conscious. It has gotten weak lately, sometimes seems missing. When doing right, I always have a link to God, a strong one.
Still a wonderful dream. A video might add to my dream, offer direction.
Not everything.
.
.
All previous clothes folded, some put up. The washed clothes... I set them to dry twice but the machine either conked off or didn't do as wished. The dryer is going now, if I will check it shortly. The ducks were put away with their food, and water refreshed. A few other little things were done.
Today, first thing, the main dishes. Right after this, they will be drained and rinsed fresh, to be dried at put away. A shower before putting them back to a rinse. Cleaning the bathroom next. A breakfast in there. Chia and flax, with cream and maybe bacon beside. I may vacuum the portion of the living room that has been opened.
What else? Perhaps finishing the laundry drying. There is no more clothes, towels, or bedding to be washed, so it would be good to be completely finished for now. Then maybe hitting the smaller loads of dishes. Hmm, trash and recycling! It is that day. My new new system is working better. All trash should take a mere moment to gather, and recycling.
All of that? I doubt it, but maybe. If I really want to figure out the curtains upstairs too. If they will fit outside the slope, that job might be much faster than anticipated. The primary aims are draining dishes, showering, resetting dishes, trash and recycling, then all laundry folded hung and put away.
The cave has been opened, airing out. Cold tea to start, fresh tea shortly... for a fatted tea and chia and flax starter. I haven't added pecans, pumpkin seeds, or such for a goodly while, today it will be so. Maybe a teaspoon of sugar-free preserves as well. When one gets used to few carbs and no sugars, this is tasty. Blood sugar was 177 fasting. The last two, both two and then fiveish hours after my last meal, blood sugar reads were 128 and 129. Why does my blood sugar jump while sleeping?
Technically, my doctor instructions would suggest that I not dose. I disagree with her numbers, and have shaved that. So, a dosage with breakfast. First to drain the dishes, set tea, wake up, then a shower, reset dishes, get the trash and recycling out, then another break... perhaps folding laundry on that break. If possible.
Later.
.
All previous clothes folded, some put up. The washed clothes... I set them to dry twice but the machine either conked off or didn't do as wished. The dryer is going now, if I will check it shortly. The ducks were put away with their food, and water refreshed. A few other little things were done.
Today, first thing, the main dishes. Right after this, they will be drained and rinsed fresh, to be dried at put away. A shower before putting them back to a rinse. Cleaning the bathroom next. A breakfast in there. Chia and flax, with cream and maybe bacon beside. I may vacuum the portion of the living room that has been opened.
What else? Perhaps finishing the laundry drying. There is no more clothes, towels, or bedding to be washed, so it would be good to be completely finished for now. Then maybe hitting the smaller loads of dishes. Hmm, trash and recycling! It is that day. My new new system is working better. All trash should take a mere moment to gather, and recycling.
All of that? I doubt it, but maybe. If I really want to figure out the curtains upstairs too. If they will fit outside the slope, that job might be much faster than anticipated. The primary aims are draining dishes, showering, resetting dishes, trash and recycling, then all laundry folded hung and put away.
The cave has been opened, airing out. Cold tea to start, fresh tea shortly... for a fatted tea and chia and flax starter. I haven't added pecans, pumpkin seeds, or such for a goodly while, today it will be so. Maybe a teaspoon of sugar-free preserves as well. When one gets used to few carbs and no sugars, this is tasty. Blood sugar was 177 fasting. The last two, both two and then fiveish hours after my last meal, blood sugar reads were 128 and 129. Why does my blood sugar jump while sleeping?
Technically, my doctor instructions would suggest that I not dose. I disagree with her numbers, and have shaved that. So, a dosage with breakfast. First to drain the dishes, set tea, wake up, then a shower, reset dishes, get the trash and recycling out, then another break... perhaps folding laundry on that break. If possible.
Later.
Sunday, June 30, 2019
Everything hurts.
.
.
Dishes have been washed and are rinsing. I shouldn't have left the cast iron in there. Then again they had to be stripped down. Still, all will work out. Laundry has been fluffed and brought out to fold. The ducks are finding their way out to the pool. I did move their food out, but believe they were out anyway. Not sure they are using the pool though.
I had to empty the pool. Clean it out. There were two dead mice in it. Drowned. Bloated. Patchy, white and brown, must be a cross of domestic and wild. I may have to... begin facilitating that. The more in the pool the better. Better in the pool than my basement.
Another, final, meal. A fatted tea. Blood sugar is 128, so no need for insulin. If I can stay awake at least four more hours, I will take night pills. Perhaps I will skip even a liquid lunch?
Oh, right. My back, and various muscles everywhere, hurt. Lots of bending, lifting, moving things. I am fine with muscle pain. I don't want to brutalize myself, but I will push as able. The kidneys and heart have mildly hurt, if probably less than sitting days. Cloudy, partly. Cool enough.
What is left is folding clothes. Hopefully even what is drying as well. The main load of dishes, it is hoped, will be dried and put away. A shower as a last thing, perhaps and taking medicine. I just don't think I will get to the bathroom. I am only able to do what I have because I have been able to figure out how to sit while working, mostly.
A show and folding. Then to what else is possible. A fatted tea while at it. Cheers.
.
Dishes have been washed and are rinsing. I shouldn't have left the cast iron in there. Then again they had to be stripped down. Still, all will work out. Laundry has been fluffed and brought out to fold. The ducks are finding their way out to the pool. I did move their food out, but believe they were out anyway. Not sure they are using the pool though.
I had to empty the pool. Clean it out. There were two dead mice in it. Drowned. Bloated. Patchy, white and brown, must be a cross of domestic and wild. I may have to... begin facilitating that. The more in the pool the better. Better in the pool than my basement.
Another, final, meal. A fatted tea. Blood sugar is 128, so no need for insulin. If I can stay awake at least four more hours, I will take night pills. Perhaps I will skip even a liquid lunch?
Oh, right. My back, and various muscles everywhere, hurt. Lots of bending, lifting, moving things. I am fine with muscle pain. I don't want to brutalize myself, but I will push as able. The kidneys and heart have mildly hurt, if probably less than sitting days. Cloudy, partly. Cool enough.
What is left is folding clothes. Hopefully even what is drying as well. The main load of dishes, it is hoped, will be dried and put away. A shower as a last thing, perhaps and taking medicine. I just don't think I will get to the bathroom. I am only able to do what I have because I have been able to figure out how to sit while working, mostly.
A show and folding. Then to what else is possible. A fatted tea while at it. Cheers.
Time to get to it.
.
.
It takes time to begin functioning. This morning it took a bit longer than usual. Fine. Hitting dishes, fluffing laundry, taking a shower, hopefully to finish off laundry. Though there might be a load or two to hit. I may clean the floor in this room first. It just, it is calling me to it.
Blood sugar was being stupid. It was 209 fasting, I guess I... wait, after reviewing, that was my last read yesterday, right at bedtime. Anyway, after breakfast, a dose of insulin, and several hours, it was 183. Two hours on, at 110, it is better. Very odd. I may have a fatted tea now? Hmm, how about after whatever work is possible? Yes.
While working in here, I found glasses with the scripts from the V.A. that didn't work but not glasses from the V.A. Single vision, not bifocal. Trying them, oddly, they work, or well enough. Blood sugar and pressure, in better if not perfect control, must be changing things. Though, strangely, the Chinese glasses, with the off scripts, actually were better if not good enough. Now they, at least one of them, is nearly as good as the best script. Hopefully I can find all the others. If they all work that will provide three spare, if all are now slightly off. Slightly off is much better than nothing.
The goal is to get both bp and blood sugar controlled well enough and long enough to stabilize vision, then tack down a script, then get several pair of solid backup. These will do for now. I am wearing that pair now. Bifocals have their places, uses, but I much prefer single vision glasses. It's now as if my vision is right between the two scripts, as perfect an average as I can tell. But changing from one to the other doesn't leave me with a headache. I am thinking conch spiral function differences in the scripts, which line up on the twist, rather than a simple linear function difference? I'd bet money. Yes, I see with my eyes shut in more ways than one.
Later.
-----------
Winded, with catches in my back... a nerve or muscle hung up on a bone, in several places. But the floor is... in time it can be vacuumed. As well, a bit more clearing, organizing. Busted a nut, but I'll still hit dishes by six or thirty after. I won't fluff laundry until I start on dishes. That way they will be freshly rolled. I could get a load washing. It should be ready for the dryer by the time I rest and do the dishes. Yeah, a laundry start then a break.
.
It takes time to begin functioning. This morning it took a bit longer than usual. Fine. Hitting dishes, fluffing laundry, taking a shower, hopefully to finish off laundry. Though there might be a load or two to hit. I may clean the floor in this room first. It just, it is calling me to it.
Blood sugar was being stupid. It was 209 fasting, I guess I... wait, after reviewing, that was my last read yesterday, right at bedtime. Anyway, after breakfast, a dose of insulin, and several hours, it was 183. Two hours on, at 110, it is better. Very odd. I may have a fatted tea now? Hmm, how about after whatever work is possible? Yes.
While working in here, I found glasses with the scripts from the V.A. that didn't work but not glasses from the V.A. Single vision, not bifocal. Trying them, oddly, they work, or well enough. Blood sugar and pressure, in better if not perfect control, must be changing things. Though, strangely, the Chinese glasses, with the off scripts, actually were better if not good enough. Now they, at least one of them, is nearly as good as the best script. Hopefully I can find all the others. If they all work that will provide three spare, if all are now slightly off. Slightly off is much better than nothing.
The goal is to get both bp and blood sugar controlled well enough and long enough to stabilize vision, then tack down a script, then get several pair of solid backup. These will do for now. I am wearing that pair now. Bifocals have their places, uses, but I much prefer single vision glasses. It's now as if my vision is right between the two scripts, as perfect an average as I can tell. But changing from one to the other doesn't leave me with a headache. I am thinking conch spiral function differences in the scripts, which line up on the twist, rather than a simple linear function difference? I'd bet money. Yes, I see with my eyes shut in more ways than one.
Later.
-----------
Winded, with catches in my back... a nerve or muscle hung up on a bone, in several places. But the floor is... in time it can be vacuumed. As well, a bit more clearing, organizing. Busted a nut, but I'll still hit dishes by six or thirty after. I won't fluff laundry until I start on dishes. That way they will be freshly rolled. I could get a load washing. It should be ready for the dryer by the time I rest and do the dishes. Yeah, a laundry start then a break.
Saturday, June 29, 2019
A better sleep.
.
.
Seven and an half hours, as I went to sleep instantly and woke quickly, of sleep. Even through the hot of the day. I don't know how hot. For all I know it clouded over so didn't heat all that much. I slept very well, waking once, an hour or two before waking. Neither could more fully wake nor was the desire there. Too tired still. Didn't have to look at the clock.
Breakfast first thing. Buttered cabbage and a fatted coffee. Since I am not able to eat much, or afford much in the way of meat, I am using full cups of cream, but just two a day, plus maybe an half cup with chia and flax. While butter has solid calories, a tab per quarter of cabbage isn't much, what of it you can keep in the cabbage. I forgot to test blood sugar, but am sure enough to dose. And night medicine is going down. I am back on track with all that.
I used pillows to elevate my feet and ankles while I slept. I'm a tosser and turner, so it's a bit more... involved. Still, if I am not too exhausted when I crash, and conditions while sleeping are reasonable, I can program in my desire, and basic instructions and specs, and my body will mind simple things like this. There was only one manual reset, but because the pillow had fallen off the end of the bed. Okay fine, I woke twice.
Windows are open, fans going. It won't cool all that much, but cool air will travel through. It is 75 F, about an half to midnight. Warm, but so be it. Tonight? The main batch of dishes, a shower, laundry, and cleaning the bathroom. Perhaps more sitting work here in the living room. I am hoping to do the curtain brackets upstairs today or tomorrow, then put the curtains up. It will take a full day or two just on curtains. Remember, on top of the simple doing is the mechanics of figuring the angles for cutting the bracket standoffs, each angle potentially unique. I want that so as to put ac up there and begin sleeping up there. It is verging on being too hot.
Yeah. It may make clearing and cleaning my main bedroom much easier. I am going to take a serious stab at getting my home recalibrated, and a day schedule going. I am going to push it until these things are had or I break. I suspect I will break. If I can do it that is.
A bit of waking then on to dishes. Good... day.
.
Seven and an half hours, as I went to sleep instantly and woke quickly, of sleep. Even through the hot of the day. I don't know how hot. For all I know it clouded over so didn't heat all that much. I slept very well, waking once, an hour or two before waking. Neither could more fully wake nor was the desire there. Too tired still. Didn't have to look at the clock.
Breakfast first thing. Buttered cabbage and a fatted coffee. Since I am not able to eat much, or afford much in the way of meat, I am using full cups of cream, but just two a day, plus maybe an half cup with chia and flax. While butter has solid calories, a tab per quarter of cabbage isn't much, what of it you can keep in the cabbage. I forgot to test blood sugar, but am sure enough to dose. And night medicine is going down. I am back on track with all that.
I used pillows to elevate my feet and ankles while I slept. I'm a tosser and turner, so it's a bit more... involved. Still, if I am not too exhausted when I crash, and conditions while sleeping are reasonable, I can program in my desire, and basic instructions and specs, and my body will mind simple things like this. There was only one manual reset, but because the pillow had fallen off the end of the bed. Okay fine, I woke twice.
Windows are open, fans going. It won't cool all that much, but cool air will travel through. It is 75 F, about an half to midnight. Warm, but so be it. Tonight? The main batch of dishes, a shower, laundry, and cleaning the bathroom. Perhaps more sitting work here in the living room. I am hoping to do the curtain brackets upstairs today or tomorrow, then put the curtains up. It will take a full day or two just on curtains. Remember, on top of the simple doing is the mechanics of figuring the angles for cutting the bracket standoffs, each angle potentially unique. I want that so as to put ac up there and begin sleeping up there. It is verging on being too hot.
Yeah. It may make clearing and cleaning my main bedroom much easier. I am going to take a serious stab at getting my home recalibrated, and a day schedule going. I am going to push it until these things are had or I break. I suspect I will break. If I can do it that is.
A bit of waking then on to dishes. Good... day.
A few last things.
.
.
Not the big ticket items, just little things. Resetting one of the smaller loads of dishes, resetting medicine and taking the morning medicine. I was able to squeeze medicine for Friday in through the night. Oh, added the 3.125 mg carvedilol twice a day. Started out at once a day for the first week after I found them, two weeks? Anyway, no extra side effects, so I added the potential extra dose. She was probably right to add tiny. Meds break my balls.
I am amazed at how much room I created in here. It makes me want to stay up and just hit it. It won't work that way. Do you ever remember being at a restaurant, and rather broke? So you order the least expensive thing. You have no choice but to dine there, travel lets say. And while you are looking at your paltry queer little meal, a great big thick hank of ribeye strolls by? That is a very rough estimation of me, work, and a cleaner house. I'll enjoy my humble bits. It's... not bad.
I am failing too fast to catch. It is 12:16, as I finish. I wouldn't remember. Twelve or thirteen up. Warming too fast. Good day and night.
---------
Actually, bedtime is at 15:05. I got lost awake. Good night.
.
Not the big ticket items, just little things. Resetting one of the smaller loads of dishes, resetting medicine and taking the morning medicine. I was able to squeeze medicine for Friday in through the night. Oh, added the 3.125 mg carvedilol twice a day. Started out at once a day for the first week after I found them, two weeks? Anyway, no extra side effects, so I added the potential extra dose. She was probably right to add tiny. Meds break my balls.
I am amazed at how much room I created in here. It makes me want to stay up and just hit it. It won't work that way. Do you ever remember being at a restaurant, and rather broke? So you order the least expensive thing. You have no choice but to dine there, travel lets say. And while you are looking at your paltry queer little meal, a great big thick hank of ribeye strolls by? That is a very rough estimation of me, work, and a cleaner house. I'll enjoy my humble bits. It's... not bad.
I am failing too fast to catch. It is 12:16, as I finish. I wouldn't remember. Twelve or thirteen up. Warming too fast. Good day and night.
---------
Actually, bedtime is at 15:05. I got lost awake. Good night.
Had to sleep a bit more.
.
.
Sometimes I can pop up after a nap, sometimes I have spend a few hours waking. This time was the latter. I had a meal right after waking, a fatted tea. Then a chia cereal, half dose. Blood sugar was 174 after sleep if that isn't fasting. A dose of insulin with both, full 10 cc dose, as the meals were three hours apart. A bit tight, but no ill effects so far.
I am hoping to begin working. Clearing a side table, cleaning the bathroom, and doing the larger cache of dirty dishes. They are soaking, a fresh soapy soak started shortly after waking. If I can do that, then a shower, perhaps a shave. That is a lot more work than it sounds. I doubt I can do that in two days. Even so, that is the goal. Sometimes it happens.
I'll need boxes, in order to sort or throw. I don't have to beg, borrow, or steal. I'll use the smaller ones for trash. Ugh. If I can just... begin. I am awake much more often, more fully, if irregularly. I don't need regularity, I do need concentration, focus, the ability to align will power and the flesh. Something is broken in there. Still, there is now. It is often all that I have.
Oh, I will attempt to cut sweeteners again. Yes, I know, I keep going through this same issue. The problem is, I can't drink enough fluid to stay mostly hydrated without it, especially on the water pills. As with food, my addiction is a necessity. I have tried other sweeteners, with less success. Either I don't taste sweetness, there are too potent of after tastes, or there is a stronger glucose hit. As is, with sucradrops... essentially liquid Splenda... the blood sugar spike is rather mild and only occasional, even when abused, used in every tea and coffee for a few days.
I suppose. To the table. Hmm, I do believe opening the cave up a bit would be good. Fresh cool air, and some air freshening as possible. Later.
-----------
Oops. Through the magic of walking off without remembering to post, time, and some willpower, the side table has been gone through and roughly dusted. Room was made under it so as to mre reasonably sport a chair, which means the chair itself will no longer be easily used as another surface.
Pieces and parts, bobbles, tools, and... more other items remain. I have a small box of various gun kit, and an outdoors box. The rest? Well, I don't know. Some of it is as with the boxed, but too big. Or, as with butane and liquid lighter fluids, I don't want to box those. Perhaps fire kit may find their own little box, with those, flint and steel, striker rods, and else.
More, I cleared my chair side table. Again just mostly. I actually have breathing room. I will take a break, then I hope to hit the dishes and then a shower. That may be about it. While still looking rough, anyone who visited recently would see some effort. Oh, I also collected a lot of mail, tore much of it down, and will eventually shred it.
Not bad. A tiny start on a huge home. But... it is a start. I really would do this daily, if I could. Boring? Perhaps. But there is something satisfying to it. And a clean home would be a treasure. I am hoping to do a bit more in here before moving on to the bathroom, then kitchen, the bedroom, back here, then the front room. If I can go just fast enoygh to not fall behind... uhrm, that's a prayer.
And, finally, at 98, a blood sugar I can live with. Later.
.
Sometimes I can pop up after a nap, sometimes I have spend a few hours waking. This time was the latter. I had a meal right after waking, a fatted tea. Then a chia cereal, half dose. Blood sugar was 174 after sleep if that isn't fasting. A dose of insulin with both, full 10 cc dose, as the meals were three hours apart. A bit tight, but no ill effects so far.
I am hoping to begin working. Clearing a side table, cleaning the bathroom, and doing the larger cache of dirty dishes. They are soaking, a fresh soapy soak started shortly after waking. If I can do that, then a shower, perhaps a shave. That is a lot more work than it sounds. I doubt I can do that in two days. Even so, that is the goal. Sometimes it happens.
I'll need boxes, in order to sort or throw. I don't have to beg, borrow, or steal. I'll use the smaller ones for trash. Ugh. If I can just... begin. I am awake much more often, more fully, if irregularly. I don't need regularity, I do need concentration, focus, the ability to align will power and the flesh. Something is broken in there. Still, there is now. It is often all that I have.
Oh, I will attempt to cut sweeteners again. Yes, I know, I keep going through this same issue. The problem is, I can't drink enough fluid to stay mostly hydrated without it, especially on the water pills. As with food, my addiction is a necessity. I have tried other sweeteners, with less success. Either I don't taste sweetness, there are too potent of after tastes, or there is a stronger glucose hit. As is, with sucradrops... essentially liquid Splenda... the blood sugar spike is rather mild and only occasional, even when abused, used in every tea and coffee for a few days.
I suppose. To the table. Hmm, I do believe opening the cave up a bit would be good. Fresh cool air, and some air freshening as possible. Later.
-----------
Oops. Through the magic of walking off without remembering to post, time, and some willpower, the side table has been gone through and roughly dusted. Room was made under it so as to mre reasonably sport a chair, which means the chair itself will no longer be easily used as another surface.
Pieces and parts, bobbles, tools, and... more other items remain. I have a small box of various gun kit, and an outdoors box. The rest? Well, I don't know. Some of it is as with the boxed, but too big. Or, as with butane and liquid lighter fluids, I don't want to box those. Perhaps fire kit may find their own little box, with those, flint and steel, striker rods, and else.
More, I cleared my chair side table. Again just mostly. I actually have breathing room. I will take a break, then I hope to hit the dishes and then a shower. That may be about it. While still looking rough, anyone who visited recently would see some effort. Oh, I also collected a lot of mail, tore much of it down, and will eventually shred it.
Not bad. A tiny start on a huge home. But... it is a start. I really would do this daily, if I could. Boring? Perhaps. But there is something satisfying to it. And a clean home would be a treasure. I am hoping to do a bit more in here before moving on to the bathroom, then kitchen, the bedroom, back here, then the front room. If I can go just fast enoygh to not fall behind... uhrm, that's a prayer.
And, finally, at 98, a blood sugar I can live with. Later.
Friday, June 28, 2019
Heat is back.
.
.
It is getting to the 80s, F, at least. In the cave it is cooler, by ten to fifteen degrees. It isn't much. I need to get an ac going. Sleep, even so, will be a victim. Winter kills wakefulness, summer kills sleep. With or without cooling or extra heating. It's more how much and strong the sun is than temps.
I somehow lost another day of medicine in there? Wait, no. I slipped a night of meds. But slept through much of today. Sleep schedule is off, making everything wonky. I might still be able to figure the meds out. Heat groggy though. It's a difficult world right now.
Life isn't supposed to be easy, but it should be possible. I'll keep trying. 165 fasting. I won't bother with bp until I can be on meds a week straight. Swelling is reduced, if for no good reason. Later.
.
It is getting to the 80s, F, at least. In the cave it is cooler, by ten to fifteen degrees. It isn't much. I need to get an ac going. Sleep, even so, will be a victim. Winter kills wakefulness, summer kills sleep. With or without cooling or extra heating. It's more how much and strong the sun is than temps.
I somehow lost another day of medicine in there? Wait, no. I slipped a night of meds. But slept through much of today. Sleep schedule is off, making everything wonky. I might still be able to figure the meds out. Heat groggy though. It's a difficult world right now.
Life isn't supposed to be easy, but it should be possible. I'll keep trying. 165 fasting. I won't bother with bp until I can be on meds a week straight. Swelling is reduced, if for no good reason. Later.
Not bad, mostly.
.
.
Blood sugar is, without much food so little insulin, staying right at the mid 160s. Even when I eat then use insulin there is little affect. It seems to require multiples of uses, and with food. So I really have to eat more. I thought I would do a check, just to prove it. Of course, it dropped to 126 three hours after breakfast. I will have a bowl of chia and flax, a smaller serving, no nuts or preserves, or insulin.
Swelling in my feet and ankles continues, even on five furosemide 40 mg tabs. I am doubtful, from more and more evidence, that my heart actually improved. Trying to push things doesn't work, sleep is still off, the swelling especially drinking much less and taking five water pills two days running. I do do, every half hour to an hour. The volume is down, but the frequency is similar or greater.
Yeah, cereal, afternoon meds, then back to bed. Later, much later.
.
Blood sugar is, without much food so little insulin, staying right at the mid 160s. Even when I eat then use insulin there is little affect. It seems to require multiples of uses, and with food. So I really have to eat more. I thought I would do a check, just to prove it. Of course, it dropped to 126 three hours after breakfast. I will have a bowl of chia and flax, a smaller serving, no nuts or preserves, or insulin.
Swelling in my feet and ankles continues, even on five furosemide 40 mg tabs. I am doubtful, from more and more evidence, that my heart actually improved. Trying to push things doesn't work, sleep is still off, the swelling especially drinking much less and taking five water pills two days running. I do do, every half hour to an hour. The volume is down, but the frequency is similar or greater.
Yeah, cereal, afternoon meds, then back to bed. Later, much later.
A better day, save that...
.
.
It can't be a better day. It is still the same day. Sleep, what I could have of it. Waking after six hours, with twelve to eighteen hours up. Hmm, actually that was about the schedule on submarines. Only there was no flexibility. If you missed your sleep rotation, you had to lose that six hours and wouldn't get another sleep cycle for twelve hours after that. I sleep when I can and must, often at the convergence of those.
Still, six hours was enough. As the world heats, sleep will become more difficult. I need a new ac, the one that fits in the bedroom window is broken. I have considered sleeping upstairs, but I would need to install curtains and figure other things out. Not quite up to it. On the list, even if I didn't sleep up there.
I need to try to more fully wake, or sleep a bit longer, more, in a bit. The hope is to get going on housework, perhaps figure out curtains. The windows, upstairs... walls, are v-notched. I am not sure the curtains or rods will cover the flat interior walls. Perhaps brace mockups, 2x4s cut at an angle, then attached. Each angle might well be custom. And while there is drywall, I am not sure if there is wood behind it or if just masonry and rock. A... complicated production.
I haven't be able to eat, so I haven't been using insulin. Blood sugar is up for it. The body is quite strange. I haven't checked bp since it was so elevated. Giving it time, for medicine to work. As well, in spite of drinking less, my feet and ankles are swelling. I tried three pills, but that wasn't working so updosed to five pills. It isn't salt, haven't been eating. Most pains have gone or eased.
The town fire alarm is going. I always wonder what is up. I can't afford a scanner currently, and apps seem both questionable as to whether they work, and requiring to much access. Why would a scanner app, or any app, need access to pictures, voice, record, even location. Answer, none of them do. It is data collection for the writer and whoever they have given backdoor access through their services to. Well, and whoever can hack their feeble security.
Later. Or much later.
.
It can't be a better day. It is still the same day. Sleep, what I could have of it. Waking after six hours, with twelve to eighteen hours up. Hmm, actually that was about the schedule on submarines. Only there was no flexibility. If you missed your sleep rotation, you had to lose that six hours and wouldn't get another sleep cycle for twelve hours after that. I sleep when I can and must, often at the convergence of those.
Still, six hours was enough. As the world heats, sleep will become more difficult. I need a new ac, the one that fits in the bedroom window is broken. I have considered sleeping upstairs, but I would need to install curtains and figure other things out. Not quite up to it. On the list, even if I didn't sleep up there.
I need to try to more fully wake, or sleep a bit longer, more, in a bit. The hope is to get going on housework, perhaps figure out curtains. The windows, upstairs... walls, are v-notched. I am not sure the curtains or rods will cover the flat interior walls. Perhaps brace mockups, 2x4s cut at an angle, then attached. Each angle might well be custom. And while there is drywall, I am not sure if there is wood behind it or if just masonry and rock. A... complicated production.
I haven't be able to eat, so I haven't been using insulin. Blood sugar is up for it. The body is quite strange. I haven't checked bp since it was so elevated. Giving it time, for medicine to work. As well, in spite of drinking less, my feet and ankles are swelling. I tried three pills, but that wasn't working so updosed to five pills. It isn't salt, haven't been eating. Most pains have gone or eased.
The town fire alarm is going. I always wonder what is up. I can't afford a scanner currently, and apps seem both questionable as to whether they work, and requiring to much access. Why would a scanner app, or any app, need access to pictures, voice, record, even location. Answer, none of them do. It is data collection for the writer and whoever they have given backdoor access through their services to. Well, and whoever can hack their feeble security.
Later. Or much later.
Thursday, June 27, 2019
Rough, tough, mean.
.
.
Awake twelve hours and it feels like days. Eyes burn, the innards feel like someone removed them, blended them, then poured them back in. Kidneys don't hurt as much, perhaps just in comparison? Toast. Blood sugar is being goofy, high. I am going to hold the fiber supplement until I can stabilize blood sugar, then test. Something is wrong.
No work. I will fill out the form,set it for easy retrieval, then text about where to find it. Then I have to crash. I am really going down hard, but it has nothing to do with blood sugar dropping. And it isn't that high. It may be that summer has finally hit. It is getting into the eighties. It might go to the nineties. It is about that time.
Perhaps a shower before bed. It will cool me off, and short hair dries almost immediately. Good morning, day, and night.
.
Awake twelve hours and it feels like days. Eyes burn, the innards feel like someone removed them, blended them, then poured them back in. Kidneys don't hurt as much, perhaps just in comparison? Toast. Blood sugar is being goofy, high. I am going to hold the fiber supplement until I can stabilize blood sugar, then test. Something is wrong.
No work. I will fill out the form,set it for easy retrieval, then text about where to find it. Then I have to crash. I am really going down hard, but it has nothing to do with blood sugar dropping. And it isn't that high. It may be that summer has finally hit. It is getting into the eighties. It might go to the nineties. It is about that time.
Perhaps a shower before bed. It will cool me off, and short hair dries almost immediately. Good morning, day, and night.
Another night.
.
.
How many of you remember the Statler Brothers? Counting Flowers on the Walls? The song was always sad. I knew, one day, it would be me. Even as a child, I understood many things. Uhrm, assuming I survived that long. Whether with a woman or alone, though even at a very young age I knew being married wasn't always different from being alone. Sometimes, often?, being alone is less brutal.
I never would have believed I would be doing it for so long. Most can't or won't survive it. I had both working against me and more, sometimes all at the same time. There are no prizes for a long life, not earthly ones. Especially not painful lives. Though I do believe patient suffering provides something, even here? I am not patient you say? You simply don't get it, or refuse to understand.
When I texted then spoke with my brother, he didn't remember towns or pets from our youth. He remembered some of high school, but we lived in different homes by then. It is so strange to be so alone in what should be mutual memories. As mentioned, I remember things from as early as when I was three.
I don't remember every town, Sioux Rapids? I think it was there I opened a car door and got out in traffic, at a slower speed. I wanted to find my mom. She was recovering from back surgery. She was probably never told and no one else remembers. It was winter? Traffic wasn't going fast. I lived a charmed life.
I remember many of our pets, but not all. We had many dogs. I still suspect mother got rid of them, by hook or crook, when times got tight or the pet became inconvenient. No reason asking, if I have. Didn't believe her denials. One or two dogs might head out, get hit, or such. Not every single one. At least it ended at pets.
Today? I am hoping to hit, perhaps finish, dishes, laundry, and paperwork for ssd. Perhaps part of another bill. I have almost... well definitely... fallen behind. If I can keep it to a minor and partial failure, I should be able to clear that deck next month. I reset my doctor appointment for August instead of this coming month or it would have been far too tight. Ugh. Later.
An add, for comments sakes.
.
How many of you remember the Statler Brothers? Counting Flowers on the Walls? The song was always sad. I knew, one day, it would be me. Even as a child, I understood many things. Uhrm, assuming I survived that long. Whether with a woman or alone, though even at a very young age I knew being married wasn't always different from being alone. Sometimes, often?, being alone is less brutal.
I never would have believed I would be doing it for so long. Most can't or won't survive it. I had both working against me and more, sometimes all at the same time. There are no prizes for a long life, not earthly ones. Especially not painful lives. Though I do believe patient suffering provides something, even here? I am not patient you say? You simply don't get it, or refuse to understand.
When I texted then spoke with my brother, he didn't remember towns or pets from our youth. He remembered some of high school, but we lived in different homes by then. It is so strange to be so alone in what should be mutual memories. As mentioned, I remember things from as early as when I was three.
I don't remember every town, Sioux Rapids? I think it was there I opened a car door and got out in traffic, at a slower speed. I wanted to find my mom. She was recovering from back surgery. She was probably never told and no one else remembers. It was winter? Traffic wasn't going fast. I lived a charmed life.
I remember many of our pets, but not all. We had many dogs. I still suspect mother got rid of them, by hook or crook, when times got tight or the pet became inconvenient. No reason asking, if I have. Didn't believe her denials. One or two dogs might head out, get hit, or such. Not every single one. At least it ended at pets.
Today? I am hoping to hit, perhaps finish, dishes, laundry, and paperwork for ssd. Perhaps part of another bill. I have almost... well definitely... fallen behind. If I can keep it to a minor and partial failure, I should be able to clear that deck next month. I reset my doctor appointment for August instead of this coming month or it would have been far too tight. Ugh. Later.
An add, for comments sakes.
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Almost a miracle.
.
.
I can't do more. Getting ill. The chills, headache, pushed. I was able to speak with my brother. Texted first. Gladly he likes texting as much as I do. I don't. Got the car payment in, and insurance is fixed. Changed a doctor appointment to next month. The shower and shave as well, no small effort in my current condition. Meds taken. Insulin, food. Oh, I have to feed and water the ducks.
I didn't get the paperwork done. I fluffed laundry but didn't complete it. I'll get there. I will feed the cats, and do their litter. The fiber is in, stopped at the post on my return home. I may do a first dose of that as I go to bed. Good night.
.
I can't do more. Getting ill. The chills, headache, pushed. I was able to speak with my brother. Texted first. Gladly he likes texting as much as I do. I don't. Got the car payment in, and insurance is fixed. Changed a doctor appointment to next month. The shower and shave as well, no small effort in my current condition. Meds taken. Insulin, food. Oh, I have to feed and water the ducks.
I didn't get the paperwork done. I fluffed laundry but didn't complete it. I'll get there. I will feed the cats, and do their litter. The fiber is in, stopped at the post on my return home. I may do a first dose of that as I go to bed. Good night.
A bit better.
.
.
Blood pressure improved, to 169/112 and pulse of 79 after a few hours. Blood sugar also continued to drop. It was 112 about four hours after breakfast, with only that one dose of insulin. I can't believe bp rose so fast. Oh, I just found the 3.125 mg carvedilol tabs. For some reason I thought they were being sent as well. I have them added.
A shave, laundry tumbled, then a rest and some calls. A new form of appeal, with more medical information. It can't hurt to try. I'm actually not sure what all is wrong. Diabetes, heart obviously if blood pressure goes that high from missing a single day of medication, and that after getting back on it, stage three nearly four renal failure(?)... kidney failure. What else? Technically stratospheric cholesterol, and they are claiming I have ptsd which I didn't share.
The V.A. must be involved in that. I am surprised they would say that, they worked hard at suggesting it was ptsd without a known cause, which they specifically called some form of dissociation... if they did... would... treat as standard ptsd. They don't let most in that club. Tested me for it, in great depth. Didn't want to treat. Their rules required it. Distrustful much? Both ways.
Anyway. Fill it out today? Ugh. I will try. I have other business as well though. And I am catching, like the needle on a record, something snagging somewhere. Still, I will try. I'm not dead yet. Oh, and a personal call. I want... I want back in with my brother. It is a cold world, even with family. More so without.
Good morning and day.
.
Blood pressure improved, to 169/112 and pulse of 79 after a few hours. Blood sugar also continued to drop. It was 112 about four hours after breakfast, with only that one dose of insulin. I can't believe bp rose so fast. Oh, I just found the 3.125 mg carvedilol tabs. For some reason I thought they were being sent as well. I have them added.
A shave, laundry tumbled, then a rest and some calls. A new form of appeal, with more medical information. It can't hurt to try. I'm actually not sure what all is wrong. Diabetes, heart obviously if blood pressure goes that high from missing a single day of medication, and that after getting back on it, stage three nearly four renal failure(?)... kidney failure. What else? Technically stratospheric cholesterol, and they are claiming I have ptsd which I didn't share.
The V.A. must be involved in that. I am surprised they would say that, they worked hard at suggesting it was ptsd without a known cause, which they specifically called some form of dissociation... if they did... would... treat as standard ptsd. They don't let most in that club. Tested me for it, in great depth. Didn't want to treat. Their rules required it. Distrustful much? Both ways.
Anyway. Fill it out today? Ugh. I will try. I have other business as well though. And I am catching, like the needle on a record, something snagging somewhere. Still, I will try. I'm not dead yet. Oh, and a personal call. I want... I want back in with my brother. It is a cold world, even with family. More so without.
Good morning and day.
Stats are stupid.
.
.
Blood sugar did drop, 139 after breakfast. But that isn't great. I hope to have one more meal for the day in an hour or so. As well, I may have a fatted tea. I will check again, but if it is the same or lower, no insulin. While I won't tolerate 180, I will try 150 as the top number. Below that no insulin. I will try it for a week. If it fails I will go back to what works, risks and all.
A mentioned, I missed bp medicine a full day ago, for a full day. I have taken last night's and the morning's medicine... if just. Even so, bp was ridiculous. It was 197/120, though pulse was okay at 81. One day drop and it is as if I haven't been on meds for days? I have much on my mind, things to do. But that much?
A shave first, right after this. A shower if I can stand long enough. As I go in, I'll put the clothes to a fluff and bring them for folding while I rest. It's a start. I hope to make a call today, and do at least two more pieces of business. If possible. I feel better, but the stats don't suggest it. That sort of bp, after a good night of sleep, a reasonable breakfast, and time to digest, is to die for. I'll check again in an hour. Later.
.
Blood sugar did drop, 139 after breakfast. But that isn't great. I hope to have one more meal for the day in an hour or so. As well, I may have a fatted tea. I will check again, but if it is the same or lower, no insulin. While I won't tolerate 180, I will try 150 as the top number. Below that no insulin. I will try it for a week. If it fails I will go back to what works, risks and all.
A mentioned, I missed bp medicine a full day ago, for a full day. I have taken last night's and the morning's medicine... if just. Even so, bp was ridiculous. It was 197/120, though pulse was okay at 81. One day drop and it is as if I haven't been on meds for days? I have much on my mind, things to do. But that much?
A shave first, right after this. A shower if I can stand long enough. As I go in, I'll put the clothes to a fluff and bring them for folding while I rest. It's a start. I hope to make a call today, and do at least two more pieces of business. If possible. I feel better, but the stats don't suggest it. That sort of bp, after a good night of sleep, a reasonable breakfast, and time to digest, is to die for. I'll check again in an hour. Later.
Up for a bit.
.
.
I think I finally slept a full cycle. Hopefully this means I can be awake for a fuller day. To 16:00 if a sixteen hour day can be had. I have been rabbit cycling. Six to eight hours down and awake. It complicates things. Fasting blood sugar was 180. Totally unsatisfactory. Won't do.
Her method just won't work. Letting it run to even 150 may be too high. While it is true that I can't chase fasting blood sugar with fast acting insulin, not keeping a tight rein leads to a terrible reading. Yes, 180 fasting is terrible. Especially since it had been into the 130s before allowing her to add input.
I waited four hours to begin breakfast. A fatted coffee as I write, bacon just reheated, crisped. And the pan for the eggs heated. Oh, and a small remainder of chia, flax, and sugar-free strawberry preserves reheated with tea. Actually, eggs are on, bacon is done, and, ding. Breakfast! And a healthy dose of insulin.
A wonderful breakfast. A blood draw in several hours, a final meal several hours after. Impossible to intermittent fast until I obtain a regular schedule and an ability to understand time. I suppose it isn't bad for someone mostly in the grave. I do what I can, and when.
A shower and shave before long. Laundry is all dry, so perhaps dealing with that. I missed a day of medicine because sleep has been so intense. I become confused when I wake and sleep multiple times a day, more so over multiple days. The minds ability to handle time passage becomes broken, as do other sorts of psychic functions.
.
I think I finally slept a full cycle. Hopefully this means I can be awake for a fuller day. To 16:00 if a sixteen hour day can be had. I have been rabbit cycling. Six to eight hours down and awake. It complicates things. Fasting blood sugar was 180. Totally unsatisfactory. Won't do.
Her method just won't work. Letting it run to even 150 may be too high. While it is true that I can't chase fasting blood sugar with fast acting insulin, not keeping a tight rein leads to a terrible reading. Yes, 180 fasting is terrible. Especially since it had been into the 130s before allowing her to add input.
I waited four hours to begin breakfast. A fatted coffee as I write, bacon just reheated, crisped. And the pan for the eggs heated. Oh, and a small remainder of chia, flax, and sugar-free strawberry preserves reheated with tea. Actually, eggs are on, bacon is done, and, ding. Breakfast! And a healthy dose of insulin.
A wonderful breakfast. A blood draw in several hours, a final meal several hours after. Impossible to intermittent fast until I obtain a regular schedule and an ability to understand time. I suppose it isn't bad for someone mostly in the grave. I do what I can, and when.
A shower and shave before long. Laundry is all dry, so perhaps dealing with that. I missed a day of medicine because sleep has been so intense. I become confused when I wake and sleep multiple times a day, more so over multiple days. The minds ability to handle time passage becomes broken, as do other sorts of psychic functions.
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
I was sure.
.
.
And I was wrong. However, paranoia serves. So, when able, I called. Insurance, on my newer vehicle. The dealership wouldn't let me leave the lot without an insurance card. That meant we had both spoken, the dealership rep and myself, with the insurance company. They sent a card for each vehicle.
Done, right? I had this nagging feeling that it wasn't. It wasn't. Why is it I no longer trust anyone, group, company, agency, else? Oh, right. So, am setting it up now. - All set up. Now, today or tomorrow, in to town. Always something. Trying to stay on top of life is difficult. How do people living real lives do it!?!
A few things. Now a shower, fatted tea, and I am failing. I am crashing. Not in the diabetic way, just the usual. I may see about finding a home for the ducks. I can't keep up. Later, probably much later.
.
And I was wrong. However, paranoia serves. So, when able, I called. Insurance, on my newer vehicle. The dealership wouldn't let me leave the lot without an insurance card. That meant we had both spoken, the dealership rep and myself, with the insurance company. They sent a card for each vehicle.
Done, right? I had this nagging feeling that it wasn't. It wasn't. Why is it I no longer trust anyone, group, company, agency, else? Oh, right. So, am setting it up now. - All set up. Now, today or tomorrow, in to town. Always something. Trying to stay on top of life is difficult. How do people living real lives do it!?!
A few things. Now a shower, fatted tea, and I am failing. I am crashing. Not in the diabetic way, just the usual. I may see about finding a home for the ducks. I can't keep up. Later, probably much later.
Too little sleep.
.
.
A side effect of the glucose tabs was a sudden spring in my step. The stuff woke me. As well, I became terribly hungry? Very strange, but well worth the effect... pretty much an immediate cessation of the symptoms of falling blood sugar. I used the recommended four tabs.
Next time I will try two tabs, as well a bit of food. I wasn't expecting the hunger, so wasn't braced against it. I will be next time, if willpower isn't always a perfect defense against powerful natural ebbs and flows. Blood sugar jumped a hundred points exactly. I believe that was mostly the tabs. Oh, it is a lower blood sugar, and what I am eating, which makes 70 ~ 75 F even feel frigid. The tabs warmed me right up. Fasting blood sugar has come down to 164. Not perfect, but a start.
I did eventually get a call to my mother, but just a scant few words on her way into work, yesterday? She called just a bit before I woke today, so I called her back. Happily we connected without too much rush. She is better, but the shingles will leave a mark. Behind her eye isn't hurting any more. Now she knows what a demon that illness is. I still would rather she had taken my word for it. But you know women!
Kidneys feel less inflamed, but that comes and goes. Still not regular. I ate a whole cabbage the other day! And bowls of chia and flax. Something bound up in there. Perhaps not enough fat? I haven't been doing fatted teas or coffees. I have been cutting calories as well, generally speaking.
Oh, my aunt wanted me to have her new number, part of why my mother called. I... had best take a hint. Not today. But since I am awake I will hit a few things. I feel like death, not even warmed over, if at least not so frigid even with the cave having dropped to 70, at the time I woke. The carbs, they warm.
A fatted coffee shortly, medicine and cold tea, then a shower as tea brews. Later.
.
A side effect of the glucose tabs was a sudden spring in my step. The stuff woke me. As well, I became terribly hungry? Very strange, but well worth the effect... pretty much an immediate cessation of the symptoms of falling blood sugar. I used the recommended four tabs.
Next time I will try two tabs, as well a bit of food. I wasn't expecting the hunger, so wasn't braced against it. I will be next time, if willpower isn't always a perfect defense against powerful natural ebbs and flows. Blood sugar jumped a hundred points exactly. I believe that was mostly the tabs. Oh, it is a lower blood sugar, and what I am eating, which makes 70 ~ 75 F even feel frigid. The tabs warmed me right up. Fasting blood sugar has come down to 164. Not perfect, but a start.
I did eventually get a call to my mother, but just a scant few words on her way into work, yesterday? She called just a bit before I woke today, so I called her back. Happily we connected without too much rush. She is better, but the shingles will leave a mark. Behind her eye isn't hurting any more. Now she knows what a demon that illness is. I still would rather she had taken my word for it. But you know women!
Kidneys feel less inflamed, but that comes and goes. Still not regular. I ate a whole cabbage the other day! And bowls of chia and flax. Something bound up in there. Perhaps not enough fat? I haven't been doing fatted teas or coffees. I have been cutting calories as well, generally speaking.
Oh, my aunt wanted me to have her new number, part of why my mother called. I... had best take a hint. Not today. But since I am awake I will hit a few things. I feel like death, not even warmed over, if at least not so frigid even with the cave having dropped to 70, at the time I woke. The carbs, they warm.
A fatted coffee shortly, medicine and cold tea, then a shower as tea brews. Later.
It really doesn't make sense.
.
.
I tested an hour and a half after supper. At 154 it seemed really high. Keto food, sardines and chia and flax with half and half. A normal dose with dinner. It seemed wrong, but I know better than to take even a small dose of extra insulin even with food. I decided to wait another hour. It dropped to 99! Yeah, I guess it just takes longer sometimes. But why? The food wasn't overly high in protein, only four total carbs max. It wasn't complex food, even the sardines were well fatted in olive oil. Something just isn't working inside.
I can go on to bed. I'm not worried about it crashing anymore. Would probably wake anyway. I found the glucose tabs, or were they in the newer batch? Anyway, I have set it up so that if I feel that dying feeling I will get some down. I have to mentally prepare or I could get lost in such a moment. Nastily dangerous, lethal. My guess is the 54 drop... I was lucky... The 59 wasn't much better. But I am getting to the point were I can tell it is dropping too quickly, even before the meter will show it. Tunnel vision, the shakes, probably go pale, nausea, and chill... worse than usual lately, as much as a couple hours before I hit bottom. I just couldn't find the gluc tabs. Now I have them.
Tomorrow, a start? Calls, bills, medicine, things? Good night.
------------
Okay, maybe not to bed. I decided to wait an hour and a half more, or rather I got lost in wakefulness. Blood sugar dropped more, to 77. That is awfully close, especially while trending lower, and starting to feel rough. Four carb tabs, but I want to see what this does. Not sure I can stay awake. Ugh.
.
I tested an hour and a half after supper. At 154 it seemed really high. Keto food, sardines and chia and flax with half and half. A normal dose with dinner. It seemed wrong, but I know better than to take even a small dose of extra insulin even with food. I decided to wait another hour. It dropped to 99! Yeah, I guess it just takes longer sometimes. But why? The food wasn't overly high in protein, only four total carbs max. It wasn't complex food, even the sardines were well fatted in olive oil. Something just isn't working inside.
I can go on to bed. I'm not worried about it crashing anymore. Would probably wake anyway. I found the glucose tabs, or were they in the newer batch? Anyway, I have set it up so that if I feel that dying feeling I will get some down. I have to mentally prepare or I could get lost in such a moment. Nastily dangerous, lethal. My guess is the 54 drop... I was lucky... The 59 wasn't much better. But I am getting to the point were I can tell it is dropping too quickly, even before the meter will show it. Tunnel vision, the shakes, probably go pale, nausea, and chill... worse than usual lately, as much as a couple hours before I hit bottom. I just couldn't find the gluc tabs. Now I have them.
Tomorrow, a start? Calls, bills, medicine, things? Good night.
------------
Okay, maybe not to bed. I decided to wait an hour and a half more, or rather I got lost in wakefulness. Blood sugar dropped more, to 77. That is awfully close, especially while trending lower, and starting to feel rough. Four carb tabs, but I want to see what this does. Not sure I can stay awake. Ugh.
That didn't work.
.
.
Not sure if this has been attempted before. I tried to not eat, just using insulin when the numbers suggested, on the reset terms. For whatever reason, using insulin while fasting doesn't work, most of the time. It either did nothing, blood sugar went up, or it went down. About a third of the time for each, or it failed to lower blood sugar two thirds of the time.
So? Back to eating. As keto and calorie conscious as possible on top of that. I still feel the need to void. Kidneys are hurting like hell, regardless if my docs say you can't feel them. Ever been rabbit punched? You can feel them. Even my testes are sore. I suppose a she would suggest you can't feel those either? More chia and flax.
I have actually somehow gained weight, while both adding fiber and needing to use three furosemide 40 mg tabs and still getting leg and feet swelling. I have gained five pounds, by my scale, until a few days ago, since checking after seeing my doctor. That with fasting in there and having cut fluid to a gallon and an half from more like two to four.
Legs are sore. Muscles. No where else. Migraines are transitory, part of why the fasting. Some months I really wonder why I don't die. If anyone has earned a ride on that train... I can't commit suicide, or let the doctors give me bad medicine. I am obliged, willingly at this time regardless of the pain and confusion. It is a holy obligation. If I am for life, how could I not be for my own? It starts at home, and doesn't involve quality of life. Sometimes suffering is all there is.
Sardines and chia plus flax, separate meals by a bit, might not sound all that good, but it actually isn't too bad. Sardines first. The near-beer cereal last, as it keeps the sardines in their place. Something about sardines, as if they were still trying to swim once downed. Hunger, even as weak as that can be on keto, adds a special yum to almost anything.
Later or good night. I'd like to do a few more hours and a final read. If possible.
.
Not sure if this has been attempted before. I tried to not eat, just using insulin when the numbers suggested, on the reset terms. For whatever reason, using insulin while fasting doesn't work, most of the time. It either did nothing, blood sugar went up, or it went down. About a third of the time for each, or it failed to lower blood sugar two thirds of the time.
So? Back to eating. As keto and calorie conscious as possible on top of that. I still feel the need to void. Kidneys are hurting like hell, regardless if my docs say you can't feel them. Ever been rabbit punched? You can feel them. Even my testes are sore. I suppose a she would suggest you can't feel those either? More chia and flax.
I have actually somehow gained weight, while both adding fiber and needing to use three furosemide 40 mg tabs and still getting leg and feet swelling. I have gained five pounds, by my scale, until a few days ago, since checking after seeing my doctor. That with fasting in there and having cut fluid to a gallon and an half from more like two to four.
Legs are sore. Muscles. No where else. Migraines are transitory, part of why the fasting. Some months I really wonder why I don't die. If anyone has earned a ride on that train... I can't commit suicide, or let the doctors give me bad medicine. I am obliged, willingly at this time regardless of the pain and confusion. It is a holy obligation. If I am for life, how could I not be for my own? It starts at home, and doesn't involve quality of life. Sometimes suffering is all there is.
Sardines and chia plus flax, separate meals by a bit, might not sound all that good, but it actually isn't too bad. Sardines first. The near-beer cereal last, as it keeps the sardines in their place. Something about sardines, as if they were still trying to swim once downed. Hunger, even as weak as that can be on keto, adds a special yum to almost anything.
Later or good night. I'd like to do a few more hours and a final read. If possible.
Monday, June 24, 2019
I can't seem to shake it.
.
.
Quit? No. Realize I am, for the moment, licked and alone? That is simply facing reality. The torso seems a bit better. But it has been replaced with the makings of a migraine. No matter, if I can work I will. I am absolutely freezing, too. Life gets tough. Not much to do about it. I have to figure things out.
Blood sugar is 84 waking from a nap. It usually goes up through sleep, had been 148 a bit before sleep. Average is 122 weekly. I am in all sorts of trouble. I am not exactly sure what to do. Later.
.
Quit? No. Realize I am, for the moment, licked and alone? That is simply facing reality. The torso seems a bit better. But it has been replaced with the makings of a migraine. No matter, if I can work I will. I am absolutely freezing, too. Life gets tough. Not much to do about it. I have to figure things out.
Blood sugar is 84 waking from a nap. It usually goes up through sleep, had been 148 a bit before sleep. Average is 122 weekly. I am in all sorts of trouble. I am not exactly sure what to do. Later.
A strange night.
.
.
It was 48 F or so at around midnight. Fasting blood sugar was 157, after a first meal and insulin, it was 114. Later it was 124. I forgot to check before the recent meal, will check as I go to bed. It is a strange, dark, night. Most pains have eased, but my chest hurts. The bad sort of hurt, or so I am told.
I figured out this new brand of chia. It takes much longer to swell into a pudding. The last brand, if I used hot tea, would fluff in fifteen minutes to an half hour. This brand takes an hour. On the good side, at least there is a way. And it is just as good as the other brand, when given the time, but costs half as much.
The indoor thermometer reads 71.6, but it is freezing. Well, feels like it. I want to stay up to 5:00, then take a nap. I want to wake by 8:00 or 9:00, then do some work and make a few calls. Hopefully get back to days. It's a complicated mess of a life. There is hope.
.
It was 48 F or so at around midnight. Fasting blood sugar was 157, after a first meal and insulin, it was 114. Later it was 124. I forgot to check before the recent meal, will check as I go to bed. It is a strange, dark, night. Most pains have eased, but my chest hurts. The bad sort of hurt, or so I am told.
I figured out this new brand of chia. It takes much longer to swell into a pudding. The last brand, if I used hot tea, would fluff in fifteen minutes to an half hour. This brand takes an hour. On the good side, at least there is a way. And it is just as good as the other brand, when given the time, but costs half as much.
The indoor thermometer reads 71.6, but it is freezing. Well, feels like it. I want to stay up to 5:00, then take a nap. I want to wake by 8:00 or 9:00, then do some work and make a few calls. Hopefully get back to days. It's a complicated mess of a life. There is hope.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
More sleep.
.
.
Sometimes I have a choice, sometimes not one way or the other. I had no choice this time. I didn't see it coming. The countdown started as soon as I woke. So much so that I forgot medicine and aspirin. After just waking, I took medicine right away. I will skip the aspirin as I hurt enough less, down to the three to four out of ten mark.
Sleep was quite good, much needed. If I could catch up on sleep and bm's, life would be at zero sum. It would be easier to get back to work. I will work when possible. I still feel like going back to bed, as when I woke this morning. And it might happen. Again without choice. I would like to stay awake long enough to take night pills, about six hours... or until 1:00.
Rough. I had to push it to make it to medical. I... my days and nights, this weather... 42 F last night. It might have gotten colder, but it got at least that cold. At 19:30, it is already down to 68. Heat isn't staying well, even with hours of sun left. Something was already wrong in the world of men.
Now, if in opposition to what man claims, the world of nature is cracking, breaking, ripping. It is easily seen, and on most continents. At this rate a mini ice age will be getting off light. Too bad co2 doesn't actually warm the planet, or cranking it out would be a plan. Hanging scientists and politicians who have destroyed economies with what I am sure they know were lies should end up hung though. They have and are wasting fortunes and resources for a grab at a one nation world government. Evil.
Well, on to something. Later.
.
Sometimes I have a choice, sometimes not one way or the other. I had no choice this time. I didn't see it coming. The countdown started as soon as I woke. So much so that I forgot medicine and aspirin. After just waking, I took medicine right away. I will skip the aspirin as I hurt enough less, down to the three to four out of ten mark.
Sleep was quite good, much needed. If I could catch up on sleep and bm's, life would be at zero sum. It would be easier to get back to work. I will work when possible. I still feel like going back to bed, as when I woke this morning. And it might happen. Again without choice. I would like to stay awake long enough to take night pills, about six hours... or until 1:00.
Rough. I had to push it to make it to medical. I... my days and nights, this weather... 42 F last night. It might have gotten colder, but it got at least that cold. At 19:30, it is already down to 68. Heat isn't staying well, even with hours of sun left. Something was already wrong in the world of men.
Now, if in opposition to what man claims, the world of nature is cracking, breaking, ripping. It is easily seen, and on most continents. At this rate a mini ice age will be getting off light. Too bad co2 doesn't actually warm the planet, or cranking it out would be a plan. Hanging scientists and politicians who have destroyed economies with what I am sure they know were lies should end up hung though. They have and are wasting fortunes and resources for a grab at a one nation world government. Evil.
Well, on to something. Later.
A real sleep.
.
.
Eight hours, give or take five or ten. It required the fan blowing at medium high. And it really isn't enough sleep. It is all I could get with the sun out and outside temps climbing into the mid 70s. My stomach hurt through the night and into the day. Even while sleeping, when I would near waking or the cats would maraud, I could feel it. I thought cabbage would help, plus volume of the meal. I will try chia this morning.
The pain, after some pushing and prodding to find exact locations, are on the exact sides, midtorso actually just below the ribs, as well as a third in from either side, but lower into the lower abdominal areas. Aspirin again with medicine. I don't use it every day, do I? But much more frequently. If extra chia and ground flax, minus nuts which I suspect would bind while whatever else is wrong is happening, doesn't help, I may try grind psyllum husk I have and adding that in until their stuff arrives.
Oh, I need to call in. The doc shorted me on insulin. And, actually, doing even mostly as she asks may require even higher doses of insulin. Eating fuller meals, or letting blood sugar be higher, and definitely both, requires double and triple the insulin dose if control is reduced even so. Choices. If she wants blood sugar below 180, I either have to seriously restrict food or heavily dose. If she wants a fasting blood sugar below 120, only my way works, which is more insulin use efficient but requires more than she is offering. Her way will probably take three vials a month. I know... I prefer her way, eating-wise. Didn't have enough insulin to do it that way. Still don't. Wasn't given enough to do it the efficient way either. So either I have to cut doses and not hit those requested blood sugar numbers or they have to send enough. Choices. Not in my control. Personally, I think they forget to take my size into account. Bigger animal, larger doses.
I called my mother yesterday. Twice. The first time her phone was off or out of range. The second time it rang, but was quickly sent to messaging. I'll try one more time, then leave it to her.
Later.
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She answered but was heading into work. A quick short talk. Oh, and the sideaches, when I stand, actually the pain goes back to the kidney areas. Just... notes.
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She answered but was heading into work. A quick short talk. Oh, and the sideaches, when I stand, actually the pain goes back to the kidney areas. Just... notes.
Now it is bedtime.
.
.
I wanted to do a blood sugar test before sleep, but took insulin late. I based insulin on consumption, having forgotten to do a premeal reading. Must have hit it just about right, 111 is the final blood sugar read for the day, and the only one. I'll have to remember to do that, and blood pressure reads again. I figure two bp checks a day, with every other blood sugar, say "morning" and "lunch" or "dinner", perhaps alternatively.
The towels should be dry. I may just give them a short spin extra, as I go to sleep.
Yes, I still hurt. Not sure, hoping extra fiber will help. At this point, that is almost certainly the problem. Good night.
.
I wanted to do a blood sugar test before sleep, but took insulin late. I based insulin on consumption, having forgotten to do a premeal reading. Must have hit it just about right, 111 is the final blood sugar read for the day, and the only one. I'll have to remember to do that, and blood pressure reads again. I figure two bp checks a day, with every other blood sugar, say "morning" and "lunch" or "dinner", perhaps alternatively.
The towels should be dry. I may just give them a short spin extra, as I go to sleep.
Yes, I still hurt. Not sure, hoping extra fiber will help. At this point, that is almost certainly the problem. Good night.
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