Bits. Pieces.

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The waterers are still flowing.  And they are drinking.  Last I checked, it was about 20 F out there, a bit cooler today.  It's been a few hours though... three?  While out there, I thought to try to get the rabbits which are out.  No dice.  Too slick.  Recent snow, meltyish weather, etc.  So?  So I put food in an open cage, adding a waterer.  There is some hope that the comforts of home will snare one or both.  Though, to be honest, I am only seeing one rabbit.  At least it is the one I want.

I watered the ducks, a bit, after filling the five gallon bucket.  I use that to water the cats, and refill the waterers later, so usually get two of those.  As mentioned, house water is softened, so not the best for drinking.  I have reverse osmosis for myself, but the flow is too low for the girls and myself.  I feel better about having them drink fresh water, unsoftened.

Oh, both girls got my flu/cold/china flu.  Both of them were sneezing.  Both of them got over it a few days after I did.  Though Sassy has started sneezing again, if much more lightly.  Part of the reason I believe it was china flu, not just the flu.  I have never passed illness to the girls before.  Or any other pet I can remember.  WMD indeed.

Dishes are still sitting, but they many of them are soaking.  I haven't messed with laundry, or anything else.  I am hoping to do more.  It is a good day.  Rested, if a bit slow and tired... just not the worst.  No real aches or pains.  I am hoping to get a second wind, and really dig in a bit this afternoon.  I'd love to get the counters cleared... as much for dishes later, cooking, and getting meat out of the freezer, as well as tending laundry, and maybe some work upstairs in my sleeping area.  A slow policing, cleaning, etc.  The vacuum needs to go up, a clean mattress needs to be brought out, and eventually the carpet cleaner needs to go up... steam vac type.  Ugh.

I think with the old mattress... it is still good, just needs airing out... I'll figure out some place to let it air out, then put it to doing so, then put it back in the bag the new one came from.  And, then, just cycle them until I really do need a new mattress.  I am also looking at alternatives for the base mattress I am using.  Yep, two levels.  In part because I weigh so much.  What a hundred pound man can sleep comfortably upon, I need three times as much padding.  I'm not that much taller or generally bigger... body footprint size.  But that body footprint is much denser.  I am thinking of an air mattress... used for camping, but thicker, with a better r value (in part as prep for actual winter camping?).  Theories.  Though, if I lose my home, it wouldn't be bad to have some thing else to... help with life.

Anyway... enough for now.  Oh, I have seen a few vids, on how to make even cream cheese?  It seems simple, but is it?  As well, keto and other notions on food which cause me to consider, or reconsider, some things.  I'll share them before long.  Good day.

A bit, and more yet.

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Cleaning the sinks out, in the kitchen, was a task that was done because it was... a nexus task.  Things next to it, in it, on it, and around it, couldn't be done until it was done.  Yea, it was bad.  It looks good, but, if I can keep going and clean around it more fully, it will get a scalding cleaning.  Still, it is done, and it is better.  Trash is the next primary task, if dishes and laundry have been set in play.  Laundry may be done?  I'll check.  But dishes?  If I can push through what is soaking, and hit the last, probably, ten pieces yet to be soaked?  I could get that done, probably, by tomorrow.

With the trash will go recycling.  Which will open up for counter cleaning.  Then I can do counters and the stove top.  I really need to hit the oven sometime.  Yea, it's bad.  Bit by bit, I am moving a bit faster.

The rabbits and ducks were tended a bit late, but not too terribly late.  And, this time, I will be checking their water every few hours.  I am quite worried about them not drinking.  Though, sometimes... they just don't drink, or eat, much.  Why?  Got me.  I've seen it just in my short custodial efforts.  It does cause concern.  As well, I am hoping to figure out the rabbits which are out.  Their food keeps disappearing, so I am hopeful they are still around.  I rarely lay eyes on them, but then again, I don't mess with the tarp under which they would mostly likely be hiding.  I don't want to disturb them until I can go for them.

Today, it is hoped, I will block the escape path, then capture one or both.  Putting two bucks in the remaining cages, or figuring something else out.  Perhaps putting them all out in the other outbuilding and doing any repairs required.  I am hoping it will be minor repairs.  I have extra caging from which to gather materials.  Tin snips will do for the taking, and bailing wire for connecting... if I do have a few other materials as well.

I can't seem to stay away from the kefir.  Perhaps six to eight ounces, every other day, but that still takes it down pretty fast.  Especially if I have two on a particular day.  I have tried it with the frozen berries plain, and with a touch of liquid keto sweetener.  I must admit, with berries?  I prefer just a wee of sweetener.  If plain, I like it just plain.  That tease of sweetness, with the berries, then failure... is too much.  Though, sometimes, I will do it that way too.

As well, I had malt o'meal today.  With just, say, four strawberries?  That offered all the flavor necessary.  I usually sweeten that with the granular sugar replacement and a few drops of the liquid I use.  Oh, that truly is tops.  I keep meaning to add butter, salt, pepper, and other savory items... even peperoni, perhaps diced or sliced or else.  Sausage, burger, or pulled pork or chicken?  It takes me a year or two to go through a box, so I just don't worry.  It is a very filling, warming, breakfast.

Well, I best get going.  Looks like I might have daytime back.  Who knows.  It's a bit tough, but not even close to brutal.  Good morning, afternoon for some of you, day, and maybe even night for a few of you... literally or virtually.  Later.

Up and at it.

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I can't be sure when I went to bed.  It was pretty much immediately after the last post, which is showing a 19:00 posting time.  I don't know if that is correct.  They move everything, depending on which servers they are using for me to post.  If it's an Australian, or some other, then the time stamp is a little to a lot off?  I know I can't always see videos because my connection is through a foreign nation, one which the US doesn't allow videos to be seen through on copy rights grounds.  The internet is screwed, to be honest.

Pee bottles drained.  I could only get two of the three from yesterday, down and cleaned.  So tired.  Today I got the one from last night and the one from yesterday down and scrubbed.  Oh yes, I keep those clean enough to literally eat out of... if I'd do more testing before actually even thinking of that.  Still, the notion stands... if only, hopefully, ever, in theory.

It was 03:00 as I started writing.  Probably wasn't up a whole lot before that.  I gave the girls treats this morning.  From the stash.  I have a small container of treats for later, as well, kept on my person.  Think about having to hide animal treats!  I could see, maybe, the girls getting into the treats, somehow.  Perhaps there is enough air, that they can stop the bag and that might open the seal.  But resealing it?  Even if they could, they would have zero interest in doing such a thing.  As they say, at that point... the cat would be out of the bag.  No, this is human intervention... and not mine... assuming I am human... which I don't.  But I DO have apposable thumbs!  Makes it at least in the comparative ballpark.

I am hoping to get the runaway(s) today.  And change their cage(s).  I need to find something to make it so the remaining rabbits won't bolt that hole, too.  I may put them out in the shed, so I can flip and fix this cage.  And check the other cages in the line unit.  I think I can, I think I can.  As well, phone calls, more dishes, the stove top and trash, and checking the last of the laundry.  Not sure I have enough wool items for a final load, or if that will have to wait.  Ugh...

Oh, and soup again today.  Actually, stew.  I will add thickener.  And?  Right, I will be using a thick steel pot, not the cast dutch oven.  The cast is good for the initial making, so as to have it all in one big pot.  But it doesn't do well for heating back up the stuff.  Steel pots are perfect.  I am curious about aluminum, but also dubious.  Aluminum is poisonous.  I just... I'm not sure.  Their are cultures which swear by them.  But if you look at those cultures, both their methods and means are highly dubious.  When all your people are tiny, and slightly retarded?  I... don't think emulation is... the best idea.

As to soups and stews?  We have been there before, and it looks like we are going back.  I can't afford, often, whole cuts of meat.  I can only imagine families in which one or both parents... assuming there are two... are out of work.  I have no idea how well people were getting by even before that.  The world had already gone downhill by a lot.  Even for me.  Before they stole ssd, for the illegals, the difference between interest earned and real inflation on food, gas, and else, made life smaller and smaller.  Middle class is what I was.  And that left almost no breathing room.  Now?  Now I just keep in toilet paper, food, and animal supplies.  There isn't... much left over.

Yea, I don't know how people are doing it.  Even one family of several I know, with two parents, jobs around and among some of the older children, it's... tight.  People are just holding on, and living.  Hoping nothing else crashes.  But... it has to crash.  An economy can't run on nothing.  It won't run on nothing.  Everything you are seeing with the economy is based on a future that doesn't look likely.  We'll see, but it... could get ugly, fast.  Will, probably.

I didn't think I was going to make it.

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Shortly after posting, I began to wonder.  As a fish on a bank, I was gasping.  Not for air, for consciousness.  The meal might have done it, but I think I was crashing before the meal.  Many nods later, I am still awake.  I took care of chores, shut that all down.  Oh, but I need to feed the girls.  And take their treats upstairs with me.  Someone is definitely getting into my home.  One of the things they do is give the girls many treats.

I have noticed that for some time.  I assume whoever is entering, is a bit dimwitted.  They don't realize cat treats should be just that, a few bits perhaps twice a day.  It is like candy bars to us.  And they have no means of remembering how much they hand out.  The bag was half full last time I treated the girls a few days ago.  Sleep has been off, so I miss some things (and don't mind, for this).  Today, when I went to get some out, it was less than a fifth remaining.

I only specifically noticed, because I was becoming suspicious that was happening, so started watching it more carefully.  Of course, right as soon as I stopped watching, it would happen again... until this time.  This time I was paying very close attention when the loss occurred.  I don't know what all they are doing.  Just... looking for things to steal?  Goofing with my playstation or computer?  I just can't be sure.  But there is someone breaking and entering while I sleep.  I will hide the treats well, from now on.  If that fails, I will stop having treats.  They are rather expensive, especially with someone using a bag a week, or more... a bag which should last a month.

Time for bed.  I did put the last load in the dryer, set up some dishes, reset Sam's hideyway, plus had food and a shower.  Another shower tomorrow, if I can work my way through... and a phone call.  Plus, perhaps, some practice with new software required soon... for business.  So very tired.  I will sleep well.  Hopefully not waking early from sleeping so hard?  Or from the shifting schedule?  Ugh.  Good evening and night.

Ah, finally.

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Not a lot.  But a second load of laundry in, after a shower.  Oh, and a spot of dishes going.  I cooked spaghetti and meat sauce earlier, and it will be my meal for the day.  Absolutely not keto.  Absolutely necessary once in a while.  Tomorrow stew, the day after taco salad, then I have to begin fresh with something else.  I'm thinking pulled pork, again, some of which will be used for stew, some for other things.

Which means I best get another pot or two of beef stock thawing.  And... I should begin planning my next stock production.  Though, this time, I'd like to make both beef and chicken.  Not together, mind you.  Though I will be adding pork hocks, potentially to both.  Those really add the gelatin and a few other things.  As well as chicken feet, if I can find them reasonably, if just for the chicken stock.  I might even add tripe, at least to the beef.  If with intentions of eating that, after it is cooked well enough for my liking.

I looked for alternatives to hominy.  Chickpeas, I was told.  Well, okay, that might make a perfectly fine replacement... in a non-keto diet.  But it has more carbs per cup than the hominy, which is pretty heady that way as is.  So... I'll keep looking.  But everything else can go in, for menudo.  A hot fat-meat based soup, with pork hocks, usually menudo, and some other stuff, often topped with a bit of onion and cheese, and can be made mild to stratospherically hot.  I like it medium, if my medium might make you pass out.  I just used scotch bonnet in my spaghetti sauce and can barely taste it, with chipotle as a backer.

It looks like I'll be waiting until the evening, after final chores, to go on to bed.  No nap.  I should go check the waterers.  It reads about 20 F out there, so below freezing but not terribly.  Still, I want them to drink.  Especially after the disastrous day for drinking yesterday.  A good number of good days before that, but...  One really bad day, and hard weather?  I don't want them dying.  I don't even want them stressed.  It's just, there are limits to what I can do.

Later.

Doing fairly well.

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I can't remember when I woke.  Sleep was good.  Waking was good.  A few aches and pains.  I did take aspirin... anacin... today.  Then again, all those recent times I suggested I would take it?  Never happened.  Couldn't find them.  Found them!  Actually, tylenol (generic) works okay, often.  But, with heart issues, I won't use it as my primary.  It seems to work on what anacin works on... same sorts of pains.  Ibuprofen works on different pains and aches.  I haven't actually quite identified which is which yet.  In time, maybe.

The rabbits were fed and watered, ducks released.  I looked over the cage, with the missing bunnies.  It... has a hole in it too.  *sigh*.  Underneath.  The other two males are quite happy to stay inside.  I'll have to find a cage that isn't a problem, until I can fix that one.  Ugh.  Though, how to get the remaining rabbits out without them bolting down out the hole in the floor?  I'm sure I could use something to block that?  I'll... look around and look it over.

Laundry started.  A shower shortly.  Maybe a nap first or after?

So strange, having only one visitor... I think?  Six views today, three yesterday.  Pretty much what I thought was real.  Maybe a bit high.  Though... there... were other readers.  I just never could tell how many real readers.  Some indication people from as far as Salt Lake City read here, medical too, and some locals.  But the real numbers always eluded me.  Some, many, were hidden... not showing up, yet knowing things only written here.  I just... It was strange.  This is definitely quieter of mind.  I think some still have... access... somehow.  But it's not the same.

The water pills are acting strangely.  They won't work, won't work, won't work, then last night I dropped seven liters while trying to sleep, two liters right before, and several shortly after.  My ankles were swelling, now look slim... normal.  I might have to take two, I have been trying just one, but that... isn't working.  Thirsty as a devil, for sure.  Which means I will drink too much, then need to take more water pill... I'll... try two.  For now.

Sleep cycles are slipping.

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I can't remember when I went to bed, or woke, for the last few days.  Only, I know any semblance of pattern is lost.  Down three hours, up five or fifteen, then down sixteen, up eight.  No control, at the moment.  I have a few goals that I am, roughly, keeping... so far.  I am doing chores early, between eight and ten, say... and I am getting the ducks in and pulling waterers between 18:30 and 21:30... depending on when I am awake, and then when I am able.  It's... something.

As well, I am eating a bit better.  Stew, or taco salad, or a bowl of fruit or porridge.  I'll bet a bit of frozen fruit would go good in that.  It's not keto, but with a bit of whole whipping cream, or butter salt and pepper, and small enough portions *cough*, it will do once a week.  So warming and filling.  I need more lettuce.  And a few other things.  Not sure I have the money to shop, so... I'll make a list.  Crumble and soup makings carries me easily through a week.

I have decided I much prefer chicken stew to whole pieces of chicken.  I prefer whole beef, but that gets eaten too fast.  I'm a poor boy now.  I can't afford a third of even a small roast as a meal these days.  But, cut into small pieces, a roast which will last nearly five or six meals?  I can do that.  Still a small roast.  It's not down to nickels and dimes, it's down to pennies.

Oh, and I much prefer stew to soup.  From now on, I will add the thickener.  Now, I know how to use guar gum, very effectively.  I would next like to learn to use psyllum husk... ground and whole... mostly to see which one I think is best, and in which of the various things I wish thickened.  Something about clarity, but that isn't an issue for me.  I just want the easiest to produce, most consistent, the most unblemished, thickening agent possible.  I don't care if it's a bit cloudy.  I want no additional flavor, the best consistency... not jelly but not water... right in the middle?  Something like that.  Then, if all else equals, go by price and availability.

The local health food store has gone mask only, so I won't shop there.  Too bad, they had my favorites in several spices and vitamins.  If they merely discouraged without masks, that would be one thing.  But, no.  So be it.  I generally like to shop, mostly, online.  But sometimes I have to see what I am getting, and I won't do masks.  That's just the way of it.  Though, I think even that may be over.  We will see, but, yeah.

Another dream, but yesterday, not tonight.  I simply wasn't sure I wanted to share.  This time it was an older woman, who got away.  Oh, she has had a crush on me almost as long as I have had a crush on her.  I was a little boy the first time I met her, she fully grown, middle aged.  We... liked each other then.  I liked her more.  As I matured, she has... come to like me at least as much as I have ever... liked her.  Took her breath a time or two.  And more.  I am good at spotting... opportunities.

Nothing has come of it.  But I will always... she will always come to mind, from time to time.  Some women just get to me.  Even if we never... we sure thought about it.  We will until we die.  I love both loving her, and not having done anything about it.  It makes her a special kind of friend.  Unrequited?  I would say... even more... mutual unrequited and even a bit beyond.  Our minds have touched.  Souls?

Well, it's 02:48... after setting up the waterers, emptying the pee jars... two out of three.  I have been taking the water pill... oddly because of sleep.  It hasn't been working.  I added compression socks a few days ago.  Nothing.  Finally, tonight, seven liters while mostly sleeping, and probably another two before bed.  It all just dropped.  Now I am thirsty as a devil.  See, this is what happens, and why I end up needing three.  It all drops, I get so thirsty I drink three gallons, then the pills won't work on that, and on it goes until I achieve some balance.  Three water pills and about two to three gallons of fluids a day is usually about where it settles out.  Very tricky.

I best turn the furnace up. so the water is warm.  I slept all during the day "yesterday", only waking to put the ducks in and pull the waterers... which were frozen solid.  Little had been supped.  They had not been warmed, and I think it got a bit cooler out there.  So... this time I want to make sure the water is warm.  The little runaway rabbit is still out there.  I leave food for him, and... he knows.  I will try to catch him today.  Good morning, day, night... whatever.

A start, mostly.

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The chores have been done.  Nothing else.  I still have a rabbit to catch, not sure it is possible.  This one is tricky, fast, and there is a bit too much snow to run at any speed, for various reasons.  I can't remember if he got out last time too, or not.  Either way, this one is the most wily of the ones I have hunted.  I really need to get them separated, get the does breed, and sort a few other things out.  They are getting to old to be together.  Four culls, for the freezer or stew pot would be good.  Is that enough?  Oh, yes, if I get that other cage network arranged and in.

I am going to have to figure out how to get going.  It's a dark day, so far.  But it's a pleasant one?  By looks, for some odd reason, to me, it is.  It seems colder though, in spite of being in the mid 20's.  No, that is usually quite nice, as I see things, in the winter.  Not warm enough to melt things, which makes it wet and somehow colder... not in the teens or less, which really has started to seem cold more often as I age.  Perhaps it is just me.  I have had two dishes of soup, that should have helped with that.  Oh well.

The hamburger in the stew wasn't a bad choice.  It's not as good as beef chunks, but it will do.  I think I'll have a taco salad shortly, as a final meal.  I have enjoyed the apple sauce with frozen fruit, and kefir with fruit.  All out of the apple sauce.  I hadn't had it in a while, so it went particularly fast.  I am turning kefir as I speak.  The first half gallon had set well enough, so I strained it into a fresh half gallon jar.  Then reset that one, if adding milk to both.

I was wrong about the kefir.  It doesn't take away, it adds to the volume.  I should have known that.  It is reductive, excluding itself.  But itself, kefir grains become rather large.  I am leaving both out for a few more days.  I may just skip a week of consumption, so that I always have extra extra, not just living on the lean.  Once started, a gallon of kefir a week isn't out of reach.  I had thought about getting an extra gallon of milk for this process, but that... can really begin pushing my ability to juggle.  And I lose track.  Once you get a taste for kefir, or yogurt, especially plain?  You almost can't get enough.  The trick is affording it or juggling production.

Yea, I'll stay up a while longer.  I am hoping to go after the rabbit escapee, and to call about a lawyer.  Ugh, but time flies.  Oh, and perhaps pass an email along to another, who will be helping.  Not a lot else I can do.  Though, I really would like to try to grab the day.  If so, perhaps do work in it... start the laundry, shower, trim.  I can't do trash, today, but I will get it out this week... perhaps tomorrow.  I'll do what I can do.

No reason to write "later" anymore.  Though I am not sure there ever was a reason.  Still, it's habit.  Later. 

Still rather tired.

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Exhausted, just not quite spent?  Yea.  Like the aches and pains, it is a more minor thing.  Still, it has been handicapping me.  I am still hoping to get trash out then to the curb, recycling at least wrangled to a bag and that out, a load of laundry going, and a trim and shower.  I have had soup.  Tried the meat crumble in it.  So-so.  Nothing fancy but it does add a little meatiness to it, so not completely useless.

It is quiet, here.  I think there may have been more readers than I thought.  Still, so many... weren't... right for here.  Some were dangerous.  Not to my flesh, to other things.  People who would harm, if they could.  And, sometimes, they did.  I don't need your belief.  I know these things.  Some things are gone or damaged for good.  Had to cut the ties.  Plus, I think music was being banned because of my usage.  I do.  If that continues?  More changes.

Yes, quiet.  I really did have more viewers than I thought.

Oh, and now I can write about things I was becoming... hesitant to write about.  The game I am playing offered a few variations regarding some things I will discuss, here, when I can be awake and able enough to do.  So very tired, this whole fall to winter.  It's been a tough year.  I keep trying to dig out, but there is no shovel which works, and so little energy to use if should I find it.  Even gaming isn't doing much.

On the good side, I do, generally, run mostly whole days, most of the time.  Sleep can become excessive or diminutive, as can waking periods.  But, for the greatest part, I have a day and a night and they roughly run days or nights, if with fairly frequent flips.  Days turn into virtual nights, as I sleep them.  Then, slowly or sometimes very fast, nights become literal nights again... I sleep when it is dark.  

Having so dark of days doesn't help.  Did have some son today.  Wish I could have stayed up, and gone out in it for a bit.  I don't think, at the current angle, the sun helps all that much.  But it is very good for morale.  And, who knows, perhaps there is just a bit of something in it.  I wonder if Texas is far enough down, to get some sun benefit?  Iowa?  The only three states I have people in are here and those, and I know Iowa gets less even when it shines, due to wind?  Something.

I would love to push on to work, so that I can get a nap before sunup.  I've been doing well, lately, of somehow getting the critters fed between eight and ten in the early.  And I love doing that, for they drink healthily, if it cuts their food consumption?  It... could make sense, if common sense isn't always right.  Then again, science seems to be more fraud and wrong than correct by far.  I think I'd take common sense over the cult of academic lies and fame on almost any given day.

Later.

Awake, finally.

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I didn't set the alarm, or alarms.  I knew it wouldn't matter.  I actually did wake, about the time I would have set the alarm.  Had to pee.  Couldn't do much beyond that.  Realized how frustrating that was.  Didn't matter, went back to sleep.  Though I did finally wake just now at about 21:30.  The reason I wanted to wake was definitely to put the ducks up and secondarily to bring the rabbit waterers in.  Done and done, first thing.  I even left more food out for the rabbit out of his cage.

I feel like rot.  But mild rot.  A third of things which can hurt or ache do so, but in very mild forms.  Why should my right arm bicep hurt?  I have soup going.  Just leftover from what was made earlier.  A fresh pot of tea has been set.  A shower is anticipated.  I don't know how much I can do, but will try to do a bit more today.

I have decided to try to hit my sleeping area.  Picking things up, changing the smaller mattress, doing bedding, vacuuming, and maybe some spot cleaning from having cats.  Bleh.  The goal is to get my bedroom back into play as a clean, comfortable of body and mind, and safe place.  But, just... over the week.  Nothing fancy, no very hard work, just... bits and pieces, here and there, until it... seems enough.

I dreamed a couple of odd little ditties.  The last was of a creature, like a ferret, popping it's head up at the foot of my bed.  It did so a few times.  I had no fear, or... just thought it was cute.  Even after realizing I have no such creature as a pet.  A wild ferret?  Weasel?  I just thought it was cute.  Then realized, beyond being pitch dark, even if there was light I couldn't have seen any such thing as I hadn't lifted my head.  Well, and I wear a cap, when sleeping during the day, I can pull over my eyes.  It was still pulled over my eyes.  I still didn't care, I kept "looking", hoping to see it again.  *grins*  Hey, get a dream... even a little one,... which you enjoy, go with it.

The first dream, actually, was of a girl I knew.  I was, probably 18?  She was 12 to maybe 14.  It was before I went into the Navy.  A dream, but of a real event, and absolutely how it happened to within my memory.  Anyway, we were alone, talking.  She was telling me about having been molested.  I asked her some questions about it.  Then she said she didn't want to have sex with me.

I realized, right then, that what she meant was... she was offering me sex with her.  Oh, yes, I tell you, I knew.  I was quite tempted.  She was a pretty little thing.  But, I knew, everything about what was happening was... could, would... go sideways in a dozen ways.  Back then, there, it wasn't so much a problem... as long as you... took care of the mess.  But a mess it would be.

It was a very difficult thing to get out from under.  My want, her want, the ease.  It was an open door.  I... can't remember exactly how I figured the way out, but I did.  Not a thing of pride, but something I am grateful to have... avoided.  Oh, I liked the girl.  If that was some of my reservation.  Though, sometimes, one way or another, damned if you do, damned if you don't.  If some damnations are worldly, and even then I knew some damnations were better than others.

I ought to ask my mother whatever happened to the girl.  She might not know offhand, but she could find out with a few calls and some time.  I ought to tell her the story.  She... likes stories... with better endings, morals, and such... especially if real.  Not sure it's her thing, in real life, but for a story... especially a true one... it returns some of her shattered hope?  Maybe.  Somehow.

Oh, going to add a bit of the meat crumble to the soup.  It's a bit lean on meat.  I thought I added enough, though I probably was a bit shy when pulling from the main container?  Yea, I think so.  Still, I'd like to see if crumble will add to the soup, or just be to insubstantial.  I like playing with soups and stews.  Might well make it to gravies more and soon as well.

Yep.  Two visitors since I shut down the blog.  All good.  I am surprised there are two!  Later.

Extremely tired.

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Even so, I would like to try to make it to early evening.  To put the ducks in, pull the waterers, and else.  But I don't think I will make it.  I tried gaming, but I'm falling asleep at the wheel... sometimes virtually literally.  Computing... websurfing... just doesn't offer the imput/output required to keep me afloat.  All good.  On to bed.  I will set the alarm for late afternoon, early evening.

No, I haven't caught the second rabbit.  Oh... best put out some food for him, just in case.  I didn't have enough energy by the time it was light, and that just doesn't improve.  Tomorrow?  I can hope.  I fear for the little guy, and hope for him.  Not much else I can do but offer him feed... for now.  He did find the food I put out for him last night.  I think he was watching me from brush, or under his cage... or thereabouts.  I will put out a goodly bit.  In part, it gives him a reason to stay.

Not much else done.  But food has been good.  Soup really is good, even thin.  Though I may add thickener for the next portion.  Homecooked stew and soup is so very warming, and versatile.  If you get bored of it, add other things.  Cabbage, kale, chinese cabbage, mushrooms of many sorts, carrots, possibly apples?  There are so many things you can add.  If it isn't truly keto?  Add less.  Like, when I add potatoes, I only eat a few bite sized pieces per day.  Carrots the same.  More liquid, a bit more or less meat.  Oh, with mushrooms?  Just add them uncooked.  In the fifteen to twenty minutes it takes to heat, then the ten to fifteen to cool to proper eating temps (for me), the mushrooms are perfectly cooked as they are being ladled.  Even a potato, if cut small enough, will cook fully in that time.  Cabbage takes longer.  I'd guess turnips, rutabagas, and other root veggies will most get done in short order, if you might want to dice into bite-sized pieces.  

Oh, yes, food.  It's been so good to finally be eating regularly, well, and variably again.  And, I think for hot weather?  Make it as I have, but puree the veggies.  Not the meat.  Something tastes wrong with pureed meat.  Puree the veggies, add the meat back, cool, and perhaps add a bit of sour cream, whipping cream, even milk if you can handle the carbs.  Will have to spice it a bit stronger.  Just a working theory for now, though, in time, I may try that even this winter yet.

Good night?  Something.  Later or much later.

Oh, right... private.

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I shut it down today.  Private doesn't mean much, but it means some things.

It's just about time for chores.  I woke at an odd time, and remain awake.  I had taco salad earlier, and soup just now.  This time, without thickening, it is more like a beef soup than stew.  Even adding heavy cream doesn't push it over that line.  Kale, broccoli, celery (it was in the pack of various veggies... I hadn't noticed until digging in for the other veggies), and?  I think that was it.  I cut the fleurets down into smaller bite sized pieces.  I'd like to obtain mushrooms, while getting romaine lettuce soon.  And, perhaps, checking the keto tortillas or pseudo corn shells.

I am about to do some laundry, though I think I should do chores first.  Then a trim and a shower.  I may go on, try to take a nap, after all that.  Trash and dishes, maybe recycling?  I am nearing finishing dishes, if the kitchen is a mess.  Everywhere is a mess, actually.  Ugh.  I will keep trying.  Having food on again is quite nice.  Even just soup is good enough to warm the body quite well.  Oh, and for meat in too big of chunks?  Culinary scissors do wonders.  I wasn't sure that would work out well.  It... does.  I may even use scissors to finish that last bit of reduction with meat.  Knives just don't seem optimal for smaller bits, and I don't want to cook the beef down so much that it can be shredded.  That's too small, and too done.

I do wonder if anyone can even see this site now?  Will find out before long.  Later.

Ugh.

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Went to bed around... who knows!  Perhaps 18:30?  I had stayed up all day, and into my night.  I have been going to bed a few hours after dawn, to get fresh water out and let the ducks out.  So... I went to bed around ten hours after what has become bedtime.  I woke around midnight, but tried to stay and plug a few more hours into the sleep world.  No could do.  I couldn't even nod back, a little bit.  I suppose my body is splitting the difference, with my old schedule?

I had forgotten to put the burger up.  But, it should be fine after just a few hours.  I had just finished cooking it, and would have needed to let it cool.  I had a wonderful couple of servings of it, with romaine lettuce, and nothing else.  It was actually quite good.  I had a side dish of unsweetened apple sauce with a few raspberries... frozen initially.  Just a sprinkle.  Keto, mostly.  The berries are pushing it, maybe the applesauce as well, but being unsweetened, I don't worry so much.  Quite a good little meal.

Milk and cream arrived, so I need to reset the kefir.  I really have enjoyed that.  If I can get back on point with kefir, I may need to get another gallon of milk.  These critters eat the lactose... cow milk sugar... replacing it with a whole host of gooder little bugs... good for the gut, but tasty and dietetically sound.  Good plain, good with a few fruits, perhaps excellent with... say... fresh tomatoes and other fruits and veggies?  Just add enough for taste... a whole fresh tomato, diced, then added in small portions... with say a portion of a cucumber... could last a whole week... just one of each.

Kidneys are feeling rough.  And, last night, my legs had swollen so terribly I decided to hit reset.  I used a few of the last waterpills, holdovers in the medsets I scrounged a bit ago for backup.  I took three.  It wasn't working, until a few hours after going to bed everything dropped.  I would guess I unloaded nearly two liters in one go.  My feet and ankles are looking much better, if still not perfect.  Oh, and I cramped, in both legs, quite terribly as I voided.  There was no way to wrestle with two at once, so I forced myself to stand on them... which forced a normal... non-spasmed... alignment, which took care of the charlie horses.  Either that or I was going to fall.

I will take a few pain pills, since all I have done is talk about taking them all week.  :p  I haven't had aspirin or else for, probably, ten days?  But I talk a good game.  Procrastination, forgetfulness... and a few other vices... can be played into virtues, if done correctly?  Or... not done at all?  I dunno.  I just know, taking too much of anything is... unwise.  But, tonight, I think I will take a few.

Dishes were mostly done, and hand dried... just being allowed to airdry a bit before being put up.  The stew was put away.  The crumble will be, save a bit to heat back up for another salad.  The lettuce is going fast.  I need to replace it.  As well, try several sorts of "keto" tortillas.  I'll have to test, see if they work... will know.  If they spike insulin, they aren't keto.  Though, even if it is good keto, extreme moderation is required.

Neither fully awake, nor fully asleep.  Not sure what is going on.  Trying to get my feet moving, if more figuratively.  A bit of gaming, while I try to remember my name?  Yeah.  Later.

Hmm... stupid rabbits.

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Two of the mini bucks escaped, again.  At first it looked like their cage was intact.  It wasn't, after a bit more looking.  I fixed, temporarily, the new problem.  Odd that only two of them escape.  The other two stay in there quite happily.  I have caught one, but the last one remains out.  I will try one more time tonight.  I had wanted to be back in bed by now.  Oh well.

I checked their water and food.  It was all good, save those bucks.  It looks like they didn't eat.  I'm not sure if there is a feed shoot problem, or if they are having a little war in there, so not eating.  Even after the two where gone, food doesn't seem to have been eaten.  Men!  Yea, I suppose.  And, I understand it.  I need to cull some of those, but not the last one remaining out.  He is one I wish to keep.

Dishes have been mostly finished.  I haven't gotten a shower in, too tired.  Same with dishes.  As mentioned, I'd be in bed if not for the rabbit problem.  He may stay around, for feed.  But, as I was walking around the house to look for them, I chased a hawk of some sort off.  It hollered at me as it flew away, not at all happy with my presence.

There are large owls around, some nights.  But the hopper seem to be rightly agoraphobic, so keep to the shadows.  But they can be frightened into bolting.  And birds know how to do that.  One more time, tonight, then I'll stay up to get the birds in regardless of success or failure to net the hopper.  I'll pull the waterers?  I'd really like to leave them out, but I'm pretty sure the rabbits won't use them, until morning, by which time they will be quite frozen.

Ugh...  When I wake next, I will be closing down shop.  I will still blog, mind you.  You just won't have access without emailing me a request.  Well, if I recognize you.  If I don't know you... probably not.  It's long past time.  Later... or good night.

Oh, I should remind...

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Sometime between today and tomorrow I will stop posting.

If nothing else, understand, this is it.

Oh, well, I... keep trying.

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Soup was made.  Just the meat, mirepoix, and liquids.  I cut the pieces too large, of meat.  Still, it isn't bad.  Just... a bit much.  Practice, trial and error, and keep on going like I knew what I was doing.  More and more of the glass containers have been done.  I think there is one last one left, one I had missed while policing them earlier.  Then I can dump the stuff.  Man, a tablespoon or two cleaned a lot of glass, over several days.

Oh, another project I am trying to sort is finding lids which are actually watertight.  I found some, ordered six, and cleaned and dried those.  I like them on the water jug and the tea jugs.  There are enough for those, plus one.  If they work, I'll order more.  If not, I will keep looking.  Not worth the hassle of trying to send them back, just leave a comment... if how many of those actually are seen by others, if they are negative, is hard to tell.

The birds and rabbits got their goods early, again.  With it being warmer, they are eating less, drinking less... by time over volume too.  If it is warm again tonight, I may risk putting... nah... they really don't drink at night, even if I put a light on so they can find it.  If it is mostly dark, they just vegge out.  It's their nature.

Finally, I got on the plow and got to work.  I opened a path out, then had done half a row out on the frontage, when the neighbor showed, with his new machine.  A grizzly atv!  With a plow.  Quite a nice rig.  Jealous?  A bit, in the right way.  With six children... they spotted into this world... it has been a sacrificial life.  It's... nice to see them get such a device.  Not a toy, but there is room to play.  Next, a tractor... or so he is accused.  It would be good to see.

Anyway, I finished my portion, then a little less than half the drive.  He did the other frontage area and the majority of the driveway.  It was fun!  I really wish I could get out and do more often.  Even just to run into someone along the way.  His is way more powerful.  Still, mine will do.  And I can mow with mine as well.  Maybe someday... in a dream.  It's good to see someone get something a little extra.

I plan to put up the soup, begin frying the meat and then storing that, and maybe, finally, taking a shower.  I hurt, in a lot of places, if little pains.  Aspirin?  It's what often works, and it's been a while, so... yes.  Anacin, anyway.  I'll have to do a few dishes in order to put up the food, but it's already hot soaking.  I think I can.  Have to do dishes in order to both store food and get a shower in... a much needed shower.  Amen.  And good morning, day, and afternoon for some of you.

A gentle snow.

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Thick, not deep.  So far.  I would guess two inches of snow.  Very wet, yet still fluffy.  It is sliding off the main roof onto the lesser roof above my head with a hefty thump.  Every three to five minutes there is a thump, sometimes several in a row.  Odd, there doesn't seem to be enough snow to allow for it?  Perhaps it is warm enough so that it is melting.  It just appears as if there is less?

I thought one of the cats, Sassy specifically, was caught upstairs.  The thumps, I kept thinking, were here jumping... to let me know to release her.  Then, every time I would go out, I would see her.  The flu must still be part of my life.  Because every time, for three or four times, when I set back down and began looking through blogs and else online, I would hear a thump and think... Sassy was stuck upstairs!  Sort of funny, when the mind begins to slip... for any reason.  I... think I have it sorted finally.

The last of one of the half gallons of kefir, with the last of strawberries.  It isn't absolutely fantastic, but it's not bad.  Sometimes I eat kefir plain.  Usually.  I just wanted to try it with frozen berries.  I have blueberries and a berry mix left.  Not a lot, but... something, and something different.  No sugar added, nothing added.  I could add keto sweetener, but the berries already add sugar, so I won't.

I just baked bacon, to get the stew pot ready.  As well, I'm getting ready to fry a mixed meat crumble... assuming the older thawed meats are still good.  I already have a container of beef stock ready.  I just need to dice onion, beef, and slice carrots.  I don't know if I have celery.  No other veggies are being added, but they are ready to go in to a small heater pot tomorrow.  Life is good.

The rabbits, again, had water all day.  It was just at freezing, most were down to a quarter full... save for the mini ladies.  They are drinking fools!  Everyone else had food, too, except them.  No worries.  I enjoy them.  Only two ducks were out, Theseus and Crow.  The youngest drake and one of the more recent hens purchased.  They, even with Thor gone, are... slight outcasts.  She because she is absolutely black, he because his... balls haven't dropped.  Emo teen stuff.  Though, who is with whom at any given time is strange.  They take turns being in the dog, cat, or duck house.  :p

The last jars have been emptied and washed.  I was adding tea without taking the old out.  But the old tastes so much worse, compared to fresh tea, from a fresh tea pot, cooled in a fresh jar.  As well, the tea jug, for drinking, has been cleaned.  And, I think, this time the smell seems gone.  I washed that a dozen times over the last week, to no good effect.  I think this stuff did it.

I have a limit of how many jars the soaking vessel will contain, and want them to soak at least an hour... more if they are nasty.  And there is just a bit of a limit of how much I can do in a day.  But it looks like I am almost completely finished with the jars... perhaps a load and small change left.  And, yes, they are gorgeous when finished, dried, and shelved.  I absolutely enjoy sparkling glass, and have a way to get the fats from dairy and tea stains off.  Plus a way to, it seems, handle that funky nasty smell that these things can acquire.  I figure, now that I know how, washing a jar a week or even every other week, will be well enough.  The drinking just once or twice a month as well.

Bits at a time.  If I can't figure it out, sometimes I quit trying... until I begin pulling my hair about it.  Then I begin looking for new methods, several, and begin trying again.  Later.

A bit done, and more ongoing.

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I called my brother today.  Not only did I catch him, and in a good mood, I caught him with him having time and nothing else to do.  It was a very good talk.  He was waiting to pick up his youngest, from school.  She prefers public ed.  Her old sister went to private, which was offered to both.  The older girl is in an Ivy League, if I'm not sure that is a good thing... or even means anything these days.  Everything is upside down, in more ways than one.  I say nothing, as well as avoiding politics.

He has organ failure, too, if from nerves being shot in his back instead of a bad heart, on his side.  Though, his heart is having problems from that as well.  At some point, in health failure, there seems to be some convergence.  If... you live long enough.  Life simply hurts.  Still, it is what it is.  He has things I'd rather not have.  If too he has family.  Family isn't always what you want, but it is something you don't realize the value of until it isn't there.  It's... the pain... humility... of these things which... are in large part their graces.  I will take until, of what is available, until the choice is no longer mine to make.

He spoke of cooking.  But... everything he eats is... what we, as diabetics, are not supposed to eat.  I truly miss mexican food.  Some I can have, such as menudo... if I'd rather find an alternative for the hominy.  Oh, but come to think of it, menudo is one of the gelatin and such soup bases which can be made hot.  Is it the pork base?  Wait, tripe isn't pork.  But often, pork hocks are added.  Hmmm, no... something else about it allows for it to be spiced up.  Beef and chicken do not take, to my mind, well to spice heating.  Odd that.

Anyway, I asked him about watching his food, and he just... wasn't worried.  Oh, I get it.  I do.  It is very difficult to do a special diet, especially if you are the main cook, and with a family of... misfits.  Oh, I don't mean they are social outcasts, just that... they will all fight for what they want.  It is difficult to do anything but a standard meal plan.  He lives with three women, all a bit to a lot younger then him.  :p  All good though, just deserts?  *grins*  Oh, I'd tell him to his face if I had the opportunity.

The bottles, some of which I soaked again while I slept, came out perfect  The one bottle I am having difficulty cleaning is an... irregular.  The glass is subpar.  I will continue to use it, and this soak might get it clean.  But it, you can tell by looking closely as I finally did, that it is cheaply made.  The Kerr and other brandname glass sparkles like crystal!  I think this stuff works on steel, too, if I end up having difficulty with that.  But for glass, it is superior.

As I have gone through the glass, including the tea pot, I have also been refilling and replacing the old tea containers in the fridge.  Replacing them, cleaning the older ones, and then storing the clean on shelves.  And I thawed meat over yesterday.  I have beef with which to cube then turn to stew.  And I have burger to fry for meat crumble.  Taco salads, and who knows what else.  I may try a teaspoon of the vegemite, in with the fats, when frying the burger.  If I like it, I may try it with the beef stew?  Wait, no... not the beef stew.  That is such a peculiar thing.  It really doesn't do well with many other spices, herbs, condiments, etc.  I will try it with the burger, because that does go with various flavors.  And I can sort out off flavors if need be.

I am gaming, when I get to tired to stand... messing on the internet when I get too tired to game.  I do whatever I can do, for as long as I can do it, and wipe out for it.  Even if all I can do is be awake, and sit at the computer, I do it.  And, yes, even that totally wipes me out sometimes.  Still, I'd rather try to get wiped out than to just sleep until death.  Later.

Ducks, rabbits, and cats.

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Sometimes the sleeper.  Food, water, litter.  I do believe, before long, I will begin bagging the rabbit poo... back into the food bags from which it, to them, originated.  I know some folk who might well use it.  It is a fertilizer which needs neither composting, nor simple waiting.  I'll have to sew the seem  together, stack the bags, and let them have at them.  I really wish I could garden.  This is plant gold.

They were quite happy to see me, with water again and early.  I let them drink until about two in the morning.  At which point everything was frozen or empty.  I put it out about the same time yesterday, as I generally attempt to do.  The thing is, I can't be absolutely consistent.  And the weather doesn't always cooperate.  Sometimes it freezes in just a few hours, sometimes I can work with it... if I can be awake  to work with it.  Tricky.  I do my best, and they seem to be doing well.

As to the stuff I am using on glass?  I found a much more successful way.  Using a five gallon bucket, so everything can go in deep, be completely submerged.  Start it as hot as I wish, and in an hour or so it has usually cooled enough to bring out for a last very hot rinse.  Perfect?  No, but... very close.  Further, these jars have had many numbers of attempts at cleaning, very unsuccessful attempts, in which gunk has built up.  And, they are mostly coming out spotless.  There are three or four, so far, which will need a bit more work.  Most are so clean I can see the imperfections in the glass production, or a few threads from the kitchen towel.

I have put up three freshly washed tea half gallon jars, and am cleaning both my general use drinking thermos and the coffee pot.  I'll check them in about an hour.  That should be that for that.  So very pleased with how that is turning out.  I will buy a bigger batch next month, or soon.  If they jack the price up, I will wait until it comes back down.  What I have should last a goodly while.  I know someone who might appreciate a bit, if or when I can order a bulk amount.  I absolutely love my glass to be spectacularly clear... even if it only holds tea.

I wanted to be in bed hours ago.  Tired, sore, achy, and hungry!  As I was tinkering, I remembered one of the packages I thawed was bratwursts.  So, I set the grill up and should be able to cook in a few minutes.  It is 28 F out there.  So, not bad, but something about the air makes it hard to get the grill going.  But, when it does lite, it should do just fine.  Brats and... well... peas? corn? nothing?  kefir?  I'll... think about it.  Good night, probably?  Or later.

Porridge.

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Can't eat it often.  Adding heavy cream helps.  But it is filling, warming, and else.  Supper.

I have been working on the bottles.  This stuff isn't... perfect, but it is much much better.  If I am careful to rinse well, I get the sparkling glass I want.  Quickly.  Initially, bottles were washed first, then given a soak in this stuff.  Then I tried that the reverse order, all with moderately rough essentially canning quarts and half gallon jars.  Then I tried some truly terrible ones.  Ones, otherwise, I thought might have to be tossed.

Nope, just on it's own it has done a reasonable job.  Not finished, that first shot.  Though cleaner in a soap and the new cleaner than I would have gotten off in a dozen washes with just soap and a scrubber... even adding in steel wool.  I have to tea jars cleaned and refreshed.  Through tomorrow, I will do the last two.  Yes, four half gallon jugs of tea, refrigerated, so I don't run out... usually.

As well, I will try to clean out the drinking jug tomorrow.  Or, whenever I wake.

I have a pretty hefty headache.  Still, I wanted to get going on the jars.  Well, and success breeds success.  I wanted to keep going with such good results.  I do hurt.  I am tired.  But the jars, which had just been setting for... a very long time... with coffee, old kefir, and whatnot in them...  Well, and the tea jars hadn't been cleaned in a very long time either.  When one thing backs up, everything in that arena backs up.  I'll give them all a once over, set things out, trim, shave, air dry for a bit, stay up until I can get the critters fed and watered, then on to bed.  It's as good as I can do.

Later, or more likely good night.

Still a bit rough.

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Aches, if slight, on many parts of the body.  Tired too, right directly even to, in, of, the heart.  Not deeply, just... broadly.  Still, hoping for more.  I may need a nap, or full sleep, before I start up.  I won't let myself get too tired, while trying to stay up in hopes of doing something.  I end up stretching too far and still not getting anything done.  I try one way, until it doesn't or stops working, then try another way.  No one way works every time, or all the time.  Like having your wheels stuck in the mud, forward and back, perhaps more gas or less... and hope with prayer.

I didn't have a beef roast out.  That has been set out, along with other meats.  I am hungry, but not... enough to push things.  A can of sardines.  Hey, don't judge.  That makes it so that I can get food iodine without having to sup on fish oil!  Choices, people.  As well, I had a few frozen strawberries in a cup of kefir.  It's... actually not bad at all, better if you let the berries thaw.  It was something, but not quite enough.

As well, I have actually started in on some of my canning jars of various sizes, used for various things.  Fatted coffee, making kefir, or holding tea, mostly, for now.  I really want to get into pickling.  Even onions, or small batches of sauerkraut, perhaps back to eggs?  Maybe... but with sausages this time.  They get grungy, really hard, bad, and fast.  I have tried detergent, time, elbow grease, but it just doesn't get it right.

I did give them all a wash.  Then rinsed and redid them.  I am trying PBW, in hopes it cleans it much better.  Tea stains, to protein from heavy whipping cream and other dairy products and liquids.  I try, each month, to figure out one to five problems I am having.  Stained shirts, to rabbit watering, to... whatever is causing me to itch, scratch, and screw up my nose in anger, disgust, or else.  Depends on what I can afford.  I like... not just to know... but to do.  I like things clean.

I tried a small but equal dose in quart and half gallon jugs.  I capped them, after filling them with the hottest tap I can obtain.  I have already washed them, and used a brush and steel wool to clean the rims.  Then I dosed them, added fresh hot water, and capped them.  I am shaking them every fifteen to twenty minutes, and turning them over.  Further, I will dump the ones I have just been washing with soap, rinse those and clean them, and then add this stuff to see if it can be used 'second hand'.  Just... trying to cut a few corners.  If it works, as often as I am using and cleaning jars, I will order it in bulk.  And... begin using glasses a bit more often as well.  

Figure it out, one problem at a time.  You will never get it all, get it perfectly, or any such things.  But you... can improve every so slightly, from time to time.  The funny thing?  About when you have it down, it is... nearing that long night bedtime.  Even if you live for a while, your ability to do it diminishes.  *le sighe*  Though, to be honest, even crippled... I am glad to keep learning, trying, moving on and up.

I best pull the waterers, flip the bottles, and begin edging toward sleep.  Good night, evening, and morning for some of you.

Up and at it.

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Had a heck of a time waking.  At first, I didn't want to wake but couldn't get back to sleep.  Then I tried to wake but couldn't.  I was stuck in no-man's land for about three hours?  Two for certain.  No, three.  I am almost sure.  Three hours and change of pushing or pulling to no good effect.  Even as I became able to wake, my body hurt.  It was like pulling your wooden boat over the reefs at low tide while attempting to get shoreward and back onto dry land.  Rough.

I checked the outdoor critters first thing.  Ducks were in, so I just shut their door.  Rabbits seemed to begin drinking.  I was sure their water would be frozen?  Nope!  And they have nearly finished their water.  Though a quarter of 64 ounces, the most reduced waterer, is still enough.  So I left them.  I was pleased to have gotten them a whole day of running water, if there was little I could do but put it out, pray, and hope the day was warm enough.  More drinking, less eating, today.  They were thirsty.

I wanted to call my brother, but it just wasn't possible.  I... had the phone, was thinking on it.  Then it... I was asleep the next thing I know.  When my body is done, the world won't make much sense.  It crashes and doesn't even listen to me.  It goes away, does what it must... shuts down, shuts my control and contact panels, just... shuts down.  All good.  It's probably for the better.

Someone was pulled over, in front of the house today.  I heard a truck start up, thought it might be UPS.  Packages were soon to arrive.  It's just unusual that they would kill the engine, even for a larger delivery.  So I looked.  The sheriff(?I think?) had a truck pulled over.  It was the truck which had turned off it's engine.  Was it a pullover, or were they talking?  Strange.  I couldn't tell.  Though, most likely, it was a pullover.  As mentioned, vehicles are barreling through town again, lately.  Odd that I would notice.  Oh, my hearing (can) be good.  It's, just... quite often I attempt to remain oblivious.  Something... about things... has to draw my attention.  It was the engine starting, it's proximity, but... there was... something else to it.  Anger in the air?  Something.

Oh, beef stew, it is hoped, tonight.  Remember, I am doing the meat and liquids first, alone... save for mirepoix, salt, and pepper.  I am trying butter as the fat this time.  Hmm, though I may, again, fry bacon in the cast, to loosen that goose.  A mix of bacon fat and butter isn't a bad thing.  Then just fry the meat, in smaller groupings.  Hmm... yeah.  I think so.  I will need to chop a roast into tidbits, if medium ones... I go between inch to inch and an half rough squares?  Something like that.  Though dividing the meat on natural seems, so absolute regularity isn't possible.  I'll need to dice and slice the veggies, as well.  The chef always gets a few bits of the raw... well, maybe not onion.  And I'm not sure they had celery in the order.  Bleh.  Do with what you have.

 Perhaps other work tonight?  I hope so.  Though nothing until I wake a bit more, better.  Later.

How do I do that?

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I created a telephone appointment, yesterday, for today.  Okay.  Now, I can't remember if that was a ten or eleven appointment.  As I was checking the phone, I realized there were texts... from my service.  It seems I have run out of money... I'm on a pay as you go plan.  Ugh!  I called the number provided.

I was told it would be faster to go online... that almost never works for me.  So I was just going to wait it out.  In seconds, the automated system took the money out of my account and had it all up and running.  Of course, that was a few minutes after ten.  So... if... it was a ten appointment, I'll have to reset it.  If it is an eleven appointment I am good.

I hate these moments between knowing and not knowing if I messed up.  It'll work.  It'll happen shortly, or not.  If I don't get a call by half after, I'll call and reschedule.  What kind of weird luck has the few things that happen in my life to converge and attempt to cancel each other out.  I am barely able to stay awake, alive even.  Keeping ahead of these things isn't possible.  Actually, that I even caught this?  Win lose or draw, at least I didn't realize a few weeks from now.  Ugh, messy life.  It's all I have.

I was done, so I thought, with the latest bought of stigmata.  I work hard to keep that in check.  Sometimes I lose.  It looks like it is trying to come back.  Just on the palms, for now.  And it doesn't go beyond the skin, so far... mostly.  More heavily in the right palm.  I don't mind it, in one sense.  If I don't seek it.  It's more that it can hurt, and bleed on things.  If that isn't the main problem.  It's... what it draws... calls to me.  It calls dark things, which hate such a... condition, and those with it.  Spiritual warfare.  It's not that fighting is difficult, it's that I so enjoy it.  It's a great temptation.

Ah!  The doc called.  He apologized for calling late.  I... thanked him for calling late.  I should have added that being late is never a problem anyway.  Meds will be sent, and restarted immediately.  If I have enough to create a two week opener, I will get them set up.  I do have to wait on insulin though.  But the rest I can begin.  Ugh.

He asked me to come in for blood tests.  Lots and lots of them, by the sounds of it.  I said I didn't want to, because I didn't want to go through the rigmarole of testing, problems from a false positive, etc.  He said I wouldn't have to be tested.  If a mask is required I am sure.  I'll split that, for now.  I am sure testing wouldn't be bad... blood testing that is.  I... medical has completely failed the trust test with this so-called pandemic.  If that is as likely part of the reset as everything else.  It probably seemed cool, with the medical field, until they found themselves deserted, and the staff being whittled down to fit the 'new normal'?  Then again, perhaps it was falling already, this just covers that up?  All I know is I don't believe anything anyone says, and am still right more often for it.  Still, I mostly trust this doc.  Why?  Because.    

One more call yet today?  Maybe.  I got the rabbits and ducks set up rather early today... by 08:30?  Give or take.  I am about to check them shortly again.  Just... to make sure.  It, at least was, has been rather cold out there.  The girls have been fed.  I even shard a portion of the hindquarter... chicken.  It was good, enough, I just wasn't all that into it.  It is nearly time to feed them again, and tend their litter.  Today, or when I wake, I'll see about beef soup/stew.  I really am digging it.  Good morning, day, and... night... shortly enough.

It seems so cold.

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It really isn't.  At between 8 and 12 F, it really isn't terribly cold.  There is something else with it, or to it.  The waterers froze so fast!  There was very little gone.  I put out a second batch, and it too froze nearly solid and in a few hours.  I wanted to do it again, but I am out of waterers for all, and it would freeze quicker still, plus they wouldn't drink.  They don't, in the dark.

Not only is the water freezing hard and fast, it feels bitterly cold out there.  About as cold as I remember, without wind.  Something wet, and grabbing, about the cold.  This could take even me down quickly.  I closed the bunnies up tonight.  I don't always do it, even if it's colder by temp... though usually.  Something bitter in that tonight.

I found a hindquarter, warmed it while I made cheese bread to have with vegemite.  I am letting it cool, though I hope I didn't let it cool too much.  As well, I enjoy kefir.  It's not as strong as I like it, but that takes a while.  Still, I can taste that fresh clean homemade kefir taste.  Very similar to plain yogurt, just easier to make.  I have two half gallons going, if one of them will be out soon.  One has the starter, the other has what of the starter gets out while I filter.  I bought frozen fruit last time I ordered.  Adding a few berries to the kefir is nice.  No sugar or sweetener, so a bit bitter.  But far less bitter than plain kefir.  Not every time, just every other or third time.  I just wish I could get it to thicken a bit more.  I'll keep trying.

Later.  No, more like good night.

It must be cold out.

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So tired, too.  It may be a pairing of sorts.  The waterers were frozen, only the small does drank more than a quarter.  They only drank half.  It must have frozen quickly.  I put out new ones, and hope to check them in a few hours.  If they are frozen beyond consumption at that point, I will pull them for the night.  If there is still flow, I will shake them and keep them there.

I really want to go back to bed.  But I want the rabbits watered more.  If I can make it.  Depending on what is happening with the waterers, I may be able to go on to bed in a few hours.  Otherwise a four(ish) hours.

I did buy an extra drake and two extra duck hens.  I had started to wonder if I had too many.  I really didn't think I did, and this isn't the way I would have done that.  Though, I'm telling you, I am glad I don't have kids on this road.  Seriously, those ducks are huge.  Three feet long by, say, a foot or two tall?  And all white?  Between the two of them, they covered one whole side of the road.  A kid would have no chance at all on that road.  Funny thing is?  At this point in the world, no one really cares.

I can't really fence them in.  The cost of a fence which could hold them, plus clipping their wings...  I don't think so.  I suppose I will slowly lose them until there are no more.  Oh well.  I'll keep trying, I just won't replace them.

So very tired.  Kidneys hurt.  Actually, a bunch of organs hurt.  I'll try anacin tonight.  Oh, and I am going to try a melted cheese and vegemite sandwich in a bit.  Since I have to stay awake.  I'm not sure the vegemite flavor will come through.  When the Marmite shows, I'll have to try that.  It may just be like the vegemite, only stronger?  As if instead of putting one or two anchovies on a slice of bread, putting three or five?  Will see.  But, for now, trying vegemite.  It's doing well enough.  Later.

One of three calls made.

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It took a long time to get through.  It used to be a minute or two of a wait.  This time, I was initially caller number thirty six.  No complaint, just an understanding.  No one in their right mind would go to a hospital, very potentially even if they have the coof(tm).  It is more dangerous to be misdiagnosed and treated... either way... in with a bunch of other really sick people, than it is to muddle through.  Or... that's how I see it.

More?  If the doctors and else working on you see you as unfit to live?  They are more likely to simply experiment.  Your death might well be considered a good, for science, for medicine, for your fellow man.  Or your riddance alone may seem as a good to them.  Being a vet, at most vet hospitals, is similar already.  Even constantly being harangued about suicide, every few minutes, when you call in?  I am considering that suggestive anit-therapy.  They are telling you what they want you to do.

So, a tele-appointment.  They were able to get me in fast.  I think a lot of people must simply have dumped medicine whole hog.  Don't trust it.  If you think I am paranoid, wait until you hear from the rest?  Trust me, my... notions... are very levelheaded by comparison.  Still, it took so long to get through that when it was over, I was done.

Oh, I did try the vegemite.  And?  Well?  It's... different.  I tried it with cream cheese, butter, onion with each of those, and with naught but itself.  I spread it rather thin, couldn't taste it always.  It wasn't bad, when I did.  It seems a bit acidic?  Or somesuch.  I, as a very limited experience, was good with it.  I would like to try it with cheese melted in.  If I start using this from time to time, I will begin buying unsalted butter exclusively.  Eventually I do want to try it with soups and stews.  It's like a meat base, does remind me of such... or milder cured anchovies.  It's in my ballpark, if... to point... I can't exactly see where to put it.  Worth a try?  It's a bit expensive to add to the diet.  if you want to mess with that, add dry dietary yeast... if it has the flavor dropped to almost nil comparatively.  As I mentioned, bucket list things.

I keep trying to call my brother back.  He says to call any time.  No... no, no, no.  Too late, or early, and he is extra grumpy.  Cool, that has been his truth since we were... three?  Since I was three, that is.  Back then, he was nearly 4/3rds older then me!  Must have been rough.  I'll have to remind him, next time we talk.  I remember when he was REALLY old!

I also hoped to call about a lawyer.  I seem to have lost the number, to the national registry, but maybe not.  Though it shouldn't be difficult to obtain it again.  I just... I barely was able to speak when I finally got through.  Easy enough though.  It was between noon and one when I finally went down?  Probably closer to noon, perhaps before it.  It was about 11:37 or something when the call began.  Oh... can check!  Hmm, if reading correctly... started at 11:39, lasted thirty minutes, eleven seconds.  Now I know.  I crashed so hard immediately after the call, there probably wasn't five seconds between clicking off and zapping out.

I haven't checked on the critters yet this evening.  I need a bit of time to wake.  If there is a lot of water left, and it is frozen, I'll take more out for the rabbits.  The birds seem to be doing just fine, with what I give them and they have otherwise available.  Hopefully I can get to some cleaning tonight.  Good evening and day... what's left of it.

Critters tended.

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Oh, but it wasn't two hens, it was the big white drake and a hen.  Thor.  And Big K, I think.  The rest have been fed and watered.  Rabbits too.  I am about to do litter boxes, then feed the girls.  Their water was refreshed already.  Sam is so sleepy.  She is nearing death too.  But we don't worry.  Those things have to happen.  Living well until they do.

I am having difficulty cleaning my tea thermos.  It has a musty smell in there.  I have tried baking soda and vinegar, hot soapy water, and... something else?  None of it is working.  I fear it will lead to bad breath, or worse, some sort of infection?  I'll keep working on it.  I can't believe how difficult it is to get the odor to go away.

So tired.  But I really do wish to get a shower and a few calls made.  Ugh.  Good night.

Still awake.

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Two of the ducks were run over last night.  One under each line of wheels.  These are big birds, white, very hard to miss.  Either it was on purpose or someone was driving very fast and not even paying attention to the road.  They were absolutely destroyed.  Two hens down.  At least I don't have to worry about whether they were hit somewhere else, or an animal got to them and took them away.  No doubts, these won't return.

A few more days, but truly this time.  I am waiting until, say, the end of Saturday, start of Sunday, to pull the plug.  This will give any occasional visitors a chance to ask to have access.  I don't need a real name, but I have to know... what you have to do with this blog.  Some of you longtimers are already set up to have access... or will be.  I have your emails... or old ones.  If they have changed, Michael, Jean, or foamy... of whichever variety you are running currently, let me know.  If others want in, let me know... and what blog you are from... or how you know me... which blog you know me from?

I'll be getting out to feed and water the critters today.  It got cold last night.  Not sure if it remains so, though it seems chill.  A shower, a bit of air drying, trimming the whiskers first actually.  Then on to bed.

I am hoping to make a few calls today.  We'll see.

And, tonight, beef stew!  But, this time, no funky flavors.  I think I have another tub of beef stock thawed.  No mushrooms left, but plenty of veggies, if I will only be adding those by the small pot.  The main portion will be just beef, mirepoix, and the stew/soup juice.  Adding veggies seems to do quite well.  If the veggies didn't get too much worse, they did get mushy just sitting in the stock as was.  Best to cook fresh.  Plus, that might push me to order a few minor veggies through the week, and go pick them up.  Even once a week, even though money is so tight.

I have considered trying the vegemite, as a stock enhancer, but not until I get a very simple, plain, beef stew well under my belt.  Until I can knock that out of the park, nothing new, different, or strange will be tried.  I do need to work on browning the outside without, mostly at all, cooking the inside.  I suppose that will always be a dubious prospect.  Years of practice?  A bit of luck?  Without flour, I'm not sure.  Hmm... perhaps an investigation into how to crisp that, as I wish, in the keto world.  Almond and coconut flours just don't cut it, from my past experiments.

Later, or more likely good night.

Oh, right.

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I am going private.  This time without any doubts.  If I don't have your email, and you want in, figure it out.  Just send an email to doom d forev.  Put that together without punctuation, spaces, or else, and send to at g plus mail.

Sleep has been rough.  too much, far too much, to little, none, without any real way to make it work as it should.  I woke after nine down, but couldn't do a thing for another four hours.  And I am about to crash again, even with food.  The birds, rabbits, and cats have been managed, if later than hoped.  I pushed to get out earlier, both to wake earlier and then to do the chores right after waking, to utter failure.  I'll do what I can.

The first of two bucket list parcels arrived today.  Minor things, but...  Vegemite, an Australian bread spread... actually condiment.  Marmite, a British bread spread is on the way.  I hear they are vegetal of origin, extremely salty, if actually with a strong meaty umami flavor.  No, my goal isn't to taste them.  My goal is to figure out how to like them.  I am all but sure I will not like them right out of the box.  A few vids to get you started.

A bit shakier, tonight.

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Waterers are in, ducks are away, cats are fed.  But I am falling hard and fast.  A headache devolves, possibly becoming a migraine.  I am hungry, but cannot cook, or eat even if I did.  So cold.  Can't get warm in spite of it being so much warmer.  Not a lot to do.  I may, however, be able to sneak on to bed and try for a better night of sleep, a longer, full, one.  

The decision to keep cat treats upstairs seems to settle the midgets, when they visit.  They are, in part, seeking food.  And they are restless little natives when hungry.  A few bits and we are back on good standing.  Further, when they visit, they help me check the time and keep track in life.  I prefer to have them visit, even if that is sometimes annoying.  Learning every day, or... often.

While it reads as warmer, it feels much colder, indoors and out.  I wonder, with the temp being above melting, moisture is going into the air.  That will make it feel colder.  As such, I decided to use the tarps tonight, for the rabbits.  I had stopped doing so, because I found they are quite good without.  But they honestly looked miserable out there today.

Something about how they huddled, and literally looked.  Discomfort isn't difficult to see, if you look.  I didn't know, initially, what it was.  Until it all came together.  I do my best to sort out any problems and deal with them.  Not everything will have a solution.  Being a younger duck, for example, is a difficult thing.  The others are mean.  There is nothing I can do to fix that.  But if possible, I do.

Oh, I best take something tonight.  Aspirin though?  Tylenol hasn't really helped, so far.  So it's between ibuprofen and anacin.  I'd love to have a meal, too, but...  Hmm... maybe some chicken soup.  I have a clean pan, extra veggies, and other such.  Oh, and kale.  I best try some of that before it goes.  Yes.  I will have some soup.  Good evening, night, day, and morning?  Depending on where you are and when you guess this, all is possible.  Be well.  Blessings.  

Not bad, just... off.

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I couldn't sleep until a bit before noon.  I couldn't sleep beyond 18:00~18:30.  Oh, I wanted to stay in bed.  That isn't much sleep for having unintentionally stretched my day to get to bedtime.  Still, only a mild headache, some sinus blockage I am working on, and a very few other very mild aches and pains.  But my mind wants us to be in bed.  I concur.  Oh... that stomach pain?  When I stopped jerking the five gallon pale of water?  Yea, that... that... don't do that.  I wonder how many times I hurt myself without even knowing what I did.  It took, like... three days to figure that out?  It really hurt!  Oh well.  Better.

Yes, the rabbits, girls, and ducks were fed and released... according to their part.  I will begin breeding the rabbits soon.  If, too, I need to get to butchering some of them.  To cut on feed.  I will save some of the small ones, to see if they are better for me, or even taste better.  The large ones were my intended meat animals, so I will definitely keep them.  But some of the small ones will be my first taste test.  Then again, should I keep all of them until I see that my preferred choices can breed and brood right?  There are no options if these fail.  Ugh.

It was warmer today.  Right at thawing, the warmest I saw it though... 32 F... though very possibly warmer, 28 when it was colder this morning and as I checked this evening.  Both of which are still much warmer than the tens and even zeros of late.  Did it drop much below zero F?  It may have, a few times, but not often or very far below... if memory serves.  The thing is, it has been consistently colder.  There haven't been many breaks from below freezing.  And it has stayed fairly consistent, the numbers haven't been jumping or dropping quickly or often.  Actually, that is better than when it gets all fidgety, thawing, freezing, then raining, or snowing, or both.  I... like this winter, so far.

I think I will try aspirin tonight?  Hmm... maybe, maybe not.  I may just dither until tomorrow has come and gone.  If I take the wrong thing, it is worse than useless.  I then have to wait twelve hours before trying a different type, and hoping the aches and pains are the same and will respond to the different pain killer... or dither a few more days away making up my mind.  At least I probably won't accidentally poison myself?  Meh.

With Melania saying goodbye, I am more sure than ever that it is over.  I am not sure if the pushers have been deepstate fakes, spoilers or honeypots of some type, etc.  Remember, anyone online could be anyone.  Even if you knew who started a post, between selling out and being taken over, you really don't know who you are dealing with, what their motives are, etc.  Many of them are out for your soul, your life, your wealth, anything they could get from you.  You don't have friends, not here.  If you don't have them in real life, don't think you will find them here.

I like to think I am real, not a meme.  And, mostly, that is true.  I am not a political construct, on either side... as if there were two sides.  But I can be an accidental mouthpiece.  None are free of that.  But I am not bought, owned, socially, morally, ethically compromised for wealth or fame or access... none of which I have.  And I do my best.  Unlike those who are egging you to believe what they probably know isn't true.

If I hadn't made a deal with God, suicide might seem reasonable.  If I didn't believe in God, that would be better than living in the lie the world has proven to be.  I don't get that luxury, and, at this point, as I believe, couldn't choose it if I wanted.  No, will have to simply live in a world which is stealing even from me, lying, and trying to break me... after having destroyed my nation.

It's just the way it is.  So be it.

I would like to make something for dinner.  Not sure what, or if I can.  So tired, more than anything.  Hmm... I still have soup, if that does get a bit old fast.  Oh, some new veggies, and mushrooms... that might brighten it.  I had ordered lemons, they must not have had any.  A lemon would have brightened the soup?  I think so.  Oh... something.  Good afternoon, day, and luck.  Keep your heads about you, down if you can't, on a swivel otherwise.  Amen.

Down later than planned.

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Just because I want to sleep, perhaps need to sleep, doesn't mean I can sleep.  Lots happening in the world, if that isn't really the problem.  I just... have to cool down after doing things.  The trip to town, ordering at McDonalds a few times only to be refused both times.  I just... Yea.  I think the world is having problems.  And with tech, they know who the enemy is.  I am, in a local college town, the enemy.  Heck, to the diehard pro-Trumpers and their enemy, I am also the enemy.

I know Trump can't do much, not with either political or military help.  I can't see what the military is doing.  But I can see that every republican has jumped ship.  From state and federal congresscritters, to judges at every level, to governors for the most part.  No one cares about a stolen election.  Except the people it was stolen from?  I told you your vote meant nothing a decade and more ago.  You ignored me then, I ignore you now.

I'm not worried, one way or the other.  I will probably lose my home, because I lost my social security, because of illegal immigration, political chicanery on every level by both parties, and for my political opinions.  So, I really... don't have time to care about your hurt feelings.  If I suggest it will be more than that in short order.

Trump isn't one for surprises.  He tells you what he is going to do long before he does... usually... nothing.  Could he keep it zip?  Something as big as a readjustment to two thirds of the federal government and bureaucracies top to bottom?  I don't think so.  But, lets say that is actually a tell, what are the odds of success?  Actually, with .mil on his side?  Not too bad.  There will be costs and losses.  But he faces guys and gals in suits who have never had to defend themselves.  I have great doubts most could run a hundred yard dash to spare their lives in a reasonable time.  Even the fit ones have no self-defense capacity.

And there aren't many of them.  All told, the arrest of a thousand people would end the attempt at tyranny.  But... Trump is, mostly, an inside guy.  He is made.  He doesn't believe the system which helped him make it, stamped his card, gave him passes and allowances, would suddenly kill him, or his family.  It's all business to him.  Further, while he can and has run outside the system... you, at his level, are all alone... you... have limits.

Will he?  I pray every day.  He isn't the only way.  He is the... best, most legitimate, easiest, way.  Not easy, not guaranteed even, not without costs and a swipe at legitimacy, but... the best way.  The only way left, after him, is outright revolt.  Oh, that may even happen.  I just don't see it succeeding.  Though, maybe.  What would be lost in it?  Much.  Even people like me, who aren't believers, would be put on the enemy list, of both sides.  Because I see the need, but have doubts, I will be targeted by both groups.

To be fair, I am not exactly on president Trump's side.  I am on the American people's side.  That means we are only allies.  Most of the time.  As mentioned, until the wall is completed, and illegals kept out and pushed out just for being here without legal allowances or after those have passed, I would not vote for him.  And I would only vote if my vote was actually counted, to top that off.  I am not a duck to stand in line and blindly hope.  It's... not how my system operates.

Places which are complaining about censorship, even on uninvolved topics, are cutting my comments.  I guess I am no longer considered a friend... to conservatives... who are doing, now, the same thing the left is.  So be it.

A very off, odd, but good day.

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I don't think the tylenol is the stuff that works for me, currently.  I will try ibuprofen tonight.  If that doesn't work, anacin tomorrow.  I am tired of hurting.  Want to find a bit of relief.  A day or two off, I'll get back to it.  It's going to those in purgatory, so... I don't terribly mind.  But I don't want to kill myself escaping, if a break from time to time is good.

They didn't have green kale, but purple was available.  I am curious to see how well that holds up in soups and stews.  I might warm a double batch of the stuff, with kale, tomorrow, then stretch that out for three days?  Something.  I want to see if that can be put in and reheated a few times.  The soup experiments begin.  Man... I'm telling you... I regret only beginning enjoying soups so late in the season.  Still, I'll take it.

Salsa, and guacamole, a hunger for them.  I tried the store brand, and what has been a previous favored variety.  What I found?  I found is that both are sufficient.  They are almost exactly the same.  What to look for, however, was juice.  The juicer the better.  Tonight, both were equally juicy, so there was no significant difference... on the salsa side.  There might be other varieties of guac, but the store brand beats, hands down, in every way.  So that is that for that.

Ducks were in a bit ago.  Water was in about an hour and an half ago.  The waterers have been reset and set to warm.  The food bucket has been refilled.  I added fresh water to the pool, and cleaned it a bit... every third or forth day it needs rinsed.  Everything is set for the morning.  I won't make it to dawn, but being not even 02:00, I may be able to be up early.  At least early enough.  The rabbits had running water from about 08:30 until 00:30, so...  I am pushing to get them taken care of.

It's right at bedtime.  I am exhausted beyond thinking, almost.  Oh... but I did figure out what is hurting the gut.  Water pale.  Oh, it isn't too much weight.  It is a five gallon bucket.  It is that I am lifting it as if I was still using the 2.5 gallon bucket.  The moment of inertia is way off.  Snatching and running, with twice the weight, as if it was half the weight, is the problem.  I have to consciously slow my lift... which assumes I am awake enough to be aware.  But, yes, that is splitting my gut like a spike.  It might even be the cause of a faux kidney pain.  A one handed snatch and hurdle, as if it is half the weight... it's smack ya.

Good night.