Right at 19:00?

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Must have been.  Perhaps an half hour before, if I was moving slower than I think?  Maybe.  No later and probably no earlier.  Up.  I tried on some sandals which arrived.  Two pair, to compare.  Three tightening bands, mostly for indoor shoes, a replacement of those horrible plastic flip-flops.  Well, they... served their purpose.  I just wasn't able to replace them, until now.  Actually, I think I will keep both pair, and maybe purchase a few more... for storage/backup.

First thing, chores.  Done and done.  The critters are a lot more pleasant, when their feed and water is regular, regulated, and enough.  It is how I prefer it, not always absolutely possible.  But, lately, and usually, working like a charm.  Momma bunny still hasn't popped.  It's going on 39 days.  Not... sure why she isn't laying, or even tufting fur, in the cage or kit box.  But, she isn't pooping in there, either.  There is room for her to get in, I just don't understand!

I hit the cat litter, too.  Sam wanted out, and wanted to stay out.  I didn't want to feed her outdoors because I know she will be just a bit.  I also need to fetch them fresh water, and get water to refresh the waterers.  Oh, and I need to get that mouse trap working again.  The little louts!  They have learned to hide from the ducks, at least.

It is down to 72, or was when I was out.  Probably cooling quickly?  I hope it doesn't drop into the 30s again tonight.  That may have just been a fluke, something passing through, and quickly.  As it was up to 62 by 09:30 or so, when I was out for morning chores.  Humidity reads 43%, which seems high.  But there is... something, from somewhere.  And I think the fires are pushing moisture our way, away from their areas?  Who knows... odd, is all I am saying.

Tonight?  Back to the bathroom.  But, getting really close.  I may finish the dishes in their, after sweeping.  Mop, let the bleach solution dry, rinse.  When that dries, shower, then hit it with the other stuff.  Not... products to be mixed.  But, when dried and rinsed, it should be fine.  Should be.

Dinner is warming.  It will be an hour or two after that before I work again.  Sweeping, first.  Then dishes.  Then mopping?  Yeah.  I... I think I can.  Oh, I may clean the porcelain column holding up the sink, and the toilet, after sweeping.  THEN, do dishes and mop.  Should I do the mirror in there, too?  Yes.  Yes, I think so...  So... sweeping, column, toilet (the body of it, outside, the inside is quite clean, mostly dusty), mirror, then dishes, and mopping, rinsing, and a shower.  That... is the plan.  Ugh.

Later. 

Not as much as hoped.

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A shower, forgot the trim.  Dishes in, after, but that will be it.  Two loads.  There is space for the mop and caddy, when I go to do that, assuming I haven't finished the dishes.  I didn't sweep, I obviously won't mop.  I am clean, dressed in case someone dropped by, but I am about to go to bed.  Just... getting ready.  It takes a while, sometimes.

I'll have a bottle of water, look things over online one more time, then go on to bed.  I'll take the water with, and finish it on medicine.  I've been keeping up, so far.  I took the medset upstairs, it needs refilled.  Maybe when I wake?  I need to find luggage, and get that up there.  A good thing to work on when just waking, or going to bed, but only one project a time, and not every time.  Just... try to do little things as I go to sleep or wake, every other day, or so.

Good day and night.

Almost... there.

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Nothing extra.  I have finished the dishes which were soaking.  Not all of the dishes were soaking, not even all the dishes were in there.  But, what was in there were finished, washed twice, rinsed, dried by towel, then set out to finish air drying.  And the wash tubs were cleaned, allowed a bit of drying time, then stacked out of the shower.

Chores, too, were finished.  It has warmed quite a bit, or seems to have.  Rabbits and ducks, watered and fed.  Cats will get a bite, soon, and their litter tended.  I did that last night, but it needs it again.  As well, a shower, before I go to bed.  But I will have to stay awake for another hour, after the shower.  So be it.  I just hate going to bed with a wet body, and head.  I may be keeping my beard, but I may trim certain areas.  Just cleaning the edge, really.

Not a bad night.  Sure, I didn't... oh, as I am going to bed, I may mop in there... a first go... and just let it dry as I sleep.  But, I didn't get two cleanings in there.  And I didn't get all the dishes, even just those in there, finished.  And I didn't touch the boxes, or get more from around the house gathered.  I did do what I could do, and a bit more than I thought, when it hit me, was going to get done.

Yea, best get the litter tended, cats fed, and a trim, and then a shower.  I will put what dishes remain in there, as well, to a soak.  I think two smaller loads will be it for in there.  Leaving room for the mop and bucket.  Then finish by actually mopping.  Hmm... it may need swept, again, first though.  Yes, yes that last.  Then the rest of it will go forward.  Good... day, and night.

Dinner was reasonably good.

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It sure got cold fast.  A bed of cold lettuce, I suppose, was part of it.  Still hungry.  I gave it a good hour, to do it's thing.  Means I need more?  I have something else in the works.  The nice thing about beef crumble is it is good for a thousand and one dishes, fast or slow.

Still hoping to hit the dishes, get a shower, and mop the floor.  It may yet happen.

I went out, the check the temperature this morning.  It was 36 degrees!  I about froze delicate parts off.  Wasn't quite expecting that.  It was 78, inside, at least in the front room, yesterday!  Quite a precipitous drop.  Wow. what a hit.  It seems to be hitting early.  Though it could be a fluke.  Those happen too.  Though it has been a cooler summer.  We did get two months of heat, rather than one last year.  And we got hit pretty hard, and for a goodly spell from time to time.  Still, it's... cooler.

My friend may be back, from his trip.  Very good.  I am hoping to get a hand from him, or his brother, soon.  Mostly with the hutches, getting them rearranged.  Well, and the water heater.  Bleh.  For pay, of course.  If he has the time.  Oh, well, and I may show him what, in Minecraft, I have done with the place.  And I have a few things to show, maybe show off.  He has at least one of the items, maybe both.  But I have some extras with one of my new tools.  Nothing fancy, but... new for me.

I just finished the second dinner.  It'll be a bit before I can get going.  But I'd like to be awake until nine or ten, for morning chores.  When it is colder, a cold snap, I try to give them a little more time in the morning.  To get going, wake up.  And, possibly, to let it warm up.  Even in the winter, I try to feed a bit later in the day.  It just work better.

Later.

Goodie.

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Getting there.  I did finish those pots and pans.  Started the hamburger.  Started the other dishes.  Couldn't do everything at once, tried though.  Almost started in on the bathroom hall while at it.  But, yeah, no.  When the burger is finished, dinner.  I think the salad may still be good for one last meal.  A base of salad, burger on that, and shredded cheese on top of all that.

I really think, possibly, I will finish the dishes in there, get a shower, set the next batch of dishes up, and then mop yet today.  A rinse?  More dishes?  I don't know about much else, but... that may well get done.  I always think more is possible.  Even if I could work as hard and long as I would like, I still couldn't do everything planned.  No one could, probably.

Very good to be at it.  Even if I feel like I am slogging through.  I definitely need breaks.  But I am working well.  It will all be there tomorrow.  And, I think, as I acclimate to medicine again I will be at it tomorrow.  To have a perfectly clean bathroom, or as close as I can do, will be nice.  Then to keep it up, and clear a bit more in here, before I go.  Boxes, and maybe part or all of the kitchen.  Counters at least, and dishes.

I need to hit it, not sure when mom will be going home.  She thinks, maybe, that it will be at least a week.  But... I don't think doctors really keep her in the loop.  For them, it's how much they can get out of medicare and medicade, not about her at all, I suspect.  Up to some point.  And that they aren't going to tell her or... they will just let her stay until they don't, I suppose.  So, I best hurry.

And, I want to get the rabbit hutches moved, creating a minor cloister for them.  And get the other cage up and in, and sorted.  Ugh.  But so much to do, and I can only work just so fast.  Plus only so long, and only when possible.  There is the near dinner bell.  Might not be ready yet, but best check.  Later.

Murder lot of work.

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Those pots and pans, the few I started with, took a lot of work.  I think I finally have them beat.  They had gotten tacky, that was difficult to get off.  Actually, anything left in them was the easy part.  That all of it, came out with the first soak and a good scrub.  Not so the tacky, I think, oil, somehow almost cooked on.

As I said, nearly done.  Just letting them rinse, while I take a breather.  I hit them twice, in a row, this last shot.  And with new stuff.  Sometimes dish soap doesn't cut it.  I have a degreaser which is made for industrial, but it generally safe.  I wouldn't drink it, but I would cook off what it has cleaned.  I... didn't buy it blindly, if I... can still be wrong.

And, with the freezer ready, some will be dried and left to further air dry.  While one will be used to fry the burger, probably a smaller stock pot.  As well, I have one other batch of dishes.  I will do those, until they are done, then take a shower.  Hopefully right before having a meal.  Then I will put the rest of the dishes in, which should still leave room for the mop and caddy.  And I will sweep, one last time, in there.  Then mop, rinse, let dry.  Then maybe sweep again, and hit it with this other cleaner.  Yea, it works on floors too.  I am rather impressed what this all cleans.  And sanitizes.  And how well it cleans.  It was the only thing which would touch whatever backs into my sink.

Heck yea.  But a break.  I have been gaming between sessions.  And I have been able to hit it pretty hard, if not for very long.  Work, work, sit.  Hmm, sounds like a flat tire!  Or my heart.  I am hungry.  And I can't wait for the shower.  But... all things in their time.  Later.

Well, that went fast!

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Not... done.  Not even done to begin.  BUT... I got a good start.  Have to sit, but.

I cleared and cleaned the freezer top.  Then sorted pots and pans.  Yea, that... wasn't so fun, but it is done.  At least to this point.  I set up two small dishpans of dirty dishes, including pots and pans which might make cooking the burger a short task.  Then set up water for coffee or tea in a bit.

The dishes, especially pots and pans, may take quite a bit of work.  Steel wool, a chainmail patch, whatever will get it done.  I'll give it an hour, then hit it the first time.  It may take... a few shots.  Soaking with soap, very hot water, and then hit with anything I've got.  Then, when that is done, to cook the burger.

I'll want to further clear the stovetop, and clean that to the bare as well.  I can do that while giving the pots and pans and else their first and maybe second cleaning.  As well, in there, I will sweep the bathroom floor, and begin clearing the little hall, maybe working on the long hall.  Uhrm... if I hit anything, it will just be the bathroom hall area.

Ugh... too much to do, so little energy.  But... it has started, and a nice start to it, finally.  Now for some coffee, a bit of gaming, and setting the timer for an hour, hour and an half perhaps.  Later.

Chores.

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Done, almost as I finished writing?  Before?  I... can't remember.  But, finished right around that time.  Then the girls.  Their food and litter.  I think I even did get their water tended.  Popcorn, for dinner.  Rare, but it happens.  Not enough, or the right, food.  Planning on frying the burger.

Actually, getting to the frying is the next hurdle.  Hopefully I can get that done, then get on to the rest of dishes.  Probably just pulling them, so as to take a shower.  Then, put them back, get some of them started, and get back to the floor in there.  I keep trying.  And, so far, failing.  So tired.  Restarted meds, it killing me.

The warmth, of weather, is back.  It doesn't chase much past sun down, but it isn't getting cold, or even really cool, yet.  And for now, I am grateful for that.  I actually can handle the upper 70s to low 80s well.  I suspect much above 70 and I begin to imperceptibly slow down.  At 80, I'm not moving fast or well, but feel okay.  Much as when it cools.  When it hits, say, 50, I can really begin slowing.  The difference is, when it gets cooler, I can add clothes, layers, types of items, which keep me warmer.  With the trick being to stay warm without overheating... and needed to wash and change clothes more often, with sweat and else becoming an issue, in a different way, and in specific areas.

Yea.  This fall and winter I am hoping to manage my layering better.  To keep myself at a working temperature, healthier, and as fit as possible.  I would like to figure out how to do more, in the cold, than I can do in the heat.  But there will always be limits, especially as age catches up to health, doubling the saddlebagging of ill health.  Still... I'll... keeping doing what I can.

Someone, in a dream, asked me if combat requires strength, great strength.  They were questioning my capacity to war.  I had to laugh.  I asked them how many fights they had been in, or how much combat they had experienced.  Well, never, not yet, I was told.

Ah, that is the truth of it, I said.  One, or even seven to ten fights, and you might still believe strength is the main thing.  Dozens, scores, and... by then a real vet... you realize that combat and hand to hand only utilize strength to a degree.  Size does matter.  Reach, mass, a few other things come into play.  As with strength.

Further, with experience, lots of it, you realize agility, focus, knowing how to take and give pain, these are vastly more important.  I myself question my ability.  It has been a very long time.  I think the last time I smashed a human was in... the mid 1990s.  He struck me, three times in the back of the head, obviously from behind.  I turned, and even trying not to hurt him, put him in the hospital for a week or two... with three punches.

Still, that has been a very long time ago.  But, it had been... about that long since my last thrashing handed out, to some other foolish human.  Oh, he was about my size, if I had him by 50 pounds and an inch or two.  Still... comparable.  I was both, I suspect, born and developed the thrash.  Even so, age... may have dulled my skills.  But, as mentioned, strength isn't where it is at.  Having absolute strength superiority is good, but it won't do well against a tried and well experienced vet, cut loose to kill.

Oh, and if I am faced with such a strength, I won't... struggle... against that.  I will shatter his parts before he can finagle that against me.  I don't fight, anymore, if required.  I will, however, if possible, kill... if totally outclassed in some way.  If... I can.  And if I have no choice.  Don't... press luck, is what I suggested to So-and-who-zits.  

And, it... wasn't just the answer for the dream.

Anyway... on to something.  First to clear and clean a pan, and a space to cook.  Then, while cooking, opening up the tub for a shower, then eating.  And, finally, putting some dishes to soak and getting ready to hit the bathroom.  Oh... and opening up the freezer top.  Gah!  I can... hope.  Later.

Sleep was so needed!

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I had the ac on.  Sleeping at 75~76 yesterday busted my mackerels.  I don't sleep well, would even suggest it be called fevered sleep.  I don't get rested, I don't do well.  But, it... has been worse.  Last night helped with whatever was deficient from the night before, but it will take several nights to get back into trim.  Though part of that may be starting medicine.

I keep missing insulin.  But will work on that.  Oh, and last night, the water pills finally... made it all happen.  I drained between five and six liters.  The bad thing is, I did it so fast I began cramping.  It had to go, it really was becoming a problem.  It hampers thinking, so much extra fluid, it hampers physical activity, it develops exhaustion... it does a lot of bad things, and can kill all on it's own.  I am sure it kills some portion of those with bad hearts, especially if meds are missed.

I made my purchases, for the month, before the end of the month.  In case I have to fly quickly.  A fresh sleeping mat, for at my mom's.  As well, portions for my first aid kit.  While there, I want to have kit for any wounds.  Minor as they are, and how things are, I will tend wounds on her and myself quickly and rightly.

A few other things I wanted.  A few last things recently, which are still on the way.  But done with online for the month.  Most of that arrived today, and has been arranged, where particular things go... or mostly.  I have set a few things to be put up more specifically later.  But they are in the general area, it just... would take more fussing that I can, right now.  But, most of it is put up exactly.

I also called my mother, before bedtime, to let her know why my brother hasn't called.  She found out, herself, by doing as I did.  She called, and kept it brief.  She is sounding better.  And, that she called my brother was a good sign.  I kept it short, don't want to call her too often, she sours on that in short order.  *grins*  Fussy old hen!  But, I think, this time, she appreciated my effort.  It was a good, in her book... keeping her in the loop, or trying.  While it was, sort of, bad news... giving her news, I thought, would keep her mind active.  Nothing like being left out, behind, and such to slowly begin to fail.  Older women live on the details of lives.  Heck, middle aged men, with no life, do as well.  It is the stories, even true or waxed a bit, which hold the spice of life.  Spice IS life, I would say.  It's... the stories...

I am hoping to get back to work today.  Late (if early for me) chores first.  Then opening the freezer top, clearing and cleaning that to begin dishes.  Then to set dishes to soak, whole making room in the tub so as to deal with the mop, both rinsing and refilling the caddy, and then mopping.  I think I can, I think I can.

If I can do that, or maybe if I can't get that going, I would like to hit the boxes, tearing them down, collecting any finally lost box sheep and herding them to where they too can be broken down.  Those two things, plus chores, cats, and maybe a shower in there somewhere.  I want the bathroom exceptionally clean.  Then move to the hallways, clear and clean those.  Then the kitchen.

Plus, on the fringes, I want to start getting my kit ready to go.  It's no problem to have it ready, and waiting, for a few weeks.  Clothes don't go bad in luggage.  Nor will toiletries.  But... do these things, mainly, in the morning and at night as I go to bed.  I think I can, I think I can, I think...  I can?  I can.  Probably.

Good evening, day, and maybe for you, night.  Amen.

I thought it was Saturday already!

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Doing the overnight uptime thing can mess with perceptions.  You see Friday, sometime, but then think, maybe, that was yesterday.  No, no it isn't.  Easy to make the mistake the other way too.  Some things make sense for it.

Ducks and rabbits, fed and watered.  Cats fed and their litter cleaned.  I'll do their water this afternoon, when I do the ducks a second round.  No kits, but she isn't using the kit box as a litter box.  Yet.  Silly girl, taking her time.

Nothing fancy.  It is closing in on ten, and I am still awake.  But it is about that time.  Medicine was taken.  I have done what I can do.  Good night.

Just couldn't quite get to bed.

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While I couldn't get any more work done, I also could not sleep.  My mind was thinking of what to do, when, how.  It just wouldn't shut down.  The salad was still good.  I had two bratwursts remaining as well.  I heated those, sliced them, and added them to the salad.

I don't like the Newman's Best ranch as well as other ranches.  But it was the best, by ingredient list, I could find.  And inexpensive, oddly.  For dipping it doesn't do at all, though I would use it over other options.  But, on a salad proper, it is better.  Their italian dressing is really good though.  Not a complaint, just noting.  I used to the ranch.

A nice keto meal, possibly for tomorrow, will be cold cuts, wrapped around a teaspoon of cream cheese.  Say four to six of those.  Tasty and, in my case, pretty good for me.  Six?  Maybe eight.  Just one slice of meat, so...  Then frying burger into crumble.  If the salad will last just one more meal, that would work well together.  The meat spiced hot, and varied with else.  The meat will be the dressing.

If I can keep it together.  At this point I am trying to stay awake until I can do chores.

The best chicken I have ever made, or had?

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Grilled.  The last of it, from yesterday.  Refrigerated.  Pulled out just as I was about to cook it.  The grill was given just fifteen minutes to heat up, and it heated to a more moderate, medium high, than a fierce heat.  So I took my time with it.  Oh, before I put it on, I added salt, pepper, ground coriander, and onion and garlic powders.  Like a spice based shake-n-bake formula.

Then out to the grill.  She was cooking slowly.  The first flip I did after five, but after that, every seven minutes.  I flipped twice, then shut it down and let it steam in there for three minutes.  Then I gave it three minutes, I think, to cool down.  Sam had gone out, as I was bringing it in.  I let her stay out there until I was finished!  Oh, she was a bit hot, until she got a portion.

Done, through, to perfection.  And, yet, so very moist.  I hadn't marinaded or brined.  But the juice in this.  About the third one, as I was taking a bite, I got a huge shot of juice in the eye!  That part wasn't so great, but it was worth the flavor to have to work on that.  Amazing.  Oh, and the spice mix was to die for.  Just drumsticks, not a lot of meat on them.  How they got that juicy, I don't know.  But quite a meal.  You can pay good money and not get close to these.

It is about bedtime.  Very early.  I have been staying up until 08:00 to noon at least once.  I am going down at just nearing 02:30.  But, if it can help me work, I'll do it.  And, I think it can, will.  I'd like a bite yet, though.  Perhaps some salad.  If it is still good.  In any case, that $10 family salad, even if finished, has served me well... giving me three or five meals, alone.  Once with tuna, tonight again if it is still good.  It seemed expensive, but looked like plenty.  Had tomatoes, sliced cucumbers, and carrot bits, at least.  I added a pack of mushrooms, just raw.  Very nice.

Good night.

Going with instincts, against emotion.

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It's paying well.  It's what I usually do, if I have the capacity.  Not always able.

First, was calling my brother, calling my mother first.  Checking, exploring, even with a notion of hurt feelings.  I didn't want to call, didn't want to know, liked being angry?  Suspicious?  Beset?  Something like that.  Called anyway.  Cleared things up, at least to some degree.  Check.

Then, got to chores.  I've delayed, because moving a fifty pound bag of feed seemed too much.  It still seemed too much.  But, I did it anyway, hoping it wouldn't be.  It wore me out, but wasn't too much.  And, I feel much better for it.  Plus, all the animals are fed, watered, and up to snuff.  The maybe momma still hasn't spit out any little ones.  I am leaving the kit kennel in there one more day.  Then I will pull it for several days, and refresh it with fresh... something... and have it ready for in another day, or two.

Finally, just now, a tap on the door.  A package, delivered to the wrong address.  He could have kept it.  Unique name, too.  I'm a name collector.  A famous photographer, introduced to me by my last lady friend.  The woman had... tastes, good ones.  And a keen eye.

Anyway, I didn't want to answer the door.  I am... intimidated by the door.  Knocks at it.  At times.  But, having such good luck, lately, at pushing my luck, I answered.  And, glad I did.  It's a floor mattress for my trip home.  I'll have it, and a fresh smaller one.  I was worried, as it stated delivered but... I was, next, going to check the post office.  They have left things there before.  Thank you, very kindly, Ansel.

Hmm...  Having a rough time doing more.  But, there is hope.  It is about 78 out there.  A nice day, if I'd rather be slightly cooler, in here.  Here is to pushing luck, and keeping going even when it seems unlikely.  I do keep trying, but... I'm pushing everything, on top of restarting medicine.  So, maybe not today, or yet today.  I really think I will sweep and give it a first mop.  Later.

Hmm...

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Maybe not?  After speaking with my mother, perhaps my brother isn't up to anything.  Last time I spoke with her, she had suggested my brother was calling every other day.  Now, just a few days later, and more coherent, she says he only called frequently when she first went back.  So, yea, okay.

And, she is almost certain she is getting out.  That... doesn't mean she will.  It only means she still thinks she will be going home.  She asked me about my plans, I told her.  It is, as always, to be there when she gets home.  To be her part-time help.  No gaming systems, just Japanese lessons, card games we can play together, and maybe a board game, to help with her memory and such.

I haven't told her everything.  I am there, as much to help, as to evaluate.  If, in two weeks, she has improved enough to take back over, then good.  If not, I may spend another two weeks trying to get her back into the nursing home.  I don't want her floundering, and dying at home, needlessly.  She has to be able to take care of herself, take her medicine, and get on with the rest of her life.

I may spend another week or two there, either way.  And I will help her.  Fairly well, I think.  So much easier with two people, potentially.  By the sounds of it, they won't decide anything, there at the facility, for a while yet.  They are running physical therapy with her, though, and tiring her.  So, I think even they are planning on her going home.

Ugh.  I... just feel bad for my brother.  I would call...  Should I call?  They remain in my prayers.  I'm not sure... he wants to talk, right now?  A good time to talk, sometimes.  I'm not timid about sharing in someone's hurt, though neither do I wish to be a problem.  The balance, on some things, I am terrible with.  So... yes, I'll call.  If nothing else, I will leave a message of encouragement and concern.

Later.

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Oh my word!  On top of all his other problems, today was the day.  They pulled his bottom teeth.  His medicine, and general health issues, caused his teeth to go bad.  So, they pulled them all.  I don't know if they will be doing his tops, or if only his bottom teeth went wrong?  But... that... is quite enough.

He talked a bit, but was in such pain there wasn't much he could do.  I told him I will add this to my prayer concerns, and kept it very brief.  I am glad I called.  They have the in-laws, too, in poor health.  They have their health issues.  And this.  What a lug, I can be.  As tough as things can be, here, there are some who... when it rains, it pours.  If you wish to offer a prayer for him, and his family, I'd be grateful.

Brothers.  Can be annoying.  Right or wrong.

Up, but rather groggy.

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Some of it is restarting medicine.  The grogginess.  Some of it was that it was too warm, 76 up there.  I hadn't used the ac.  Well, and part of it, is I think I am waking with too little sleep.  The warmth was too much.  By the time I realized it, it had forced me awake.  I turned on the ac, it was too little too late.  So, awake I am, I suppose.  For now.

My mind was spinning.  The idea is to do chores, then mop the first time in the bathroom.  But... I really need to clear and clean the freezer top, for dishes, and get those started first.  Then do chores.  THEN, sweep, again, in there, then mop.  Sweeping, at this point, isn't much of a chore.  It's a seven by seven room!

Part of the reason I need the dishes started, is so that I make room to clean the mop, for a rinse.  There is, technically, room enough.  But I want more, and controlled, space.  I best get medicine in, too.  Restarting is tricky.

It's not even 15:00, waking around half til.  I may call my mother.  As time passes, and nothing is being relayed, I am assuming she is staying in the nursing home.  It's a done deal, and no one thought to let me know, beyond a doubt, that was the plan.  So be it.  I... doubt if she knows, yet?  Maybe.  Or maybe, she, like me, has begun to understand?

That... uncomplicates my life a bit.  But, it wasn't about my life.  And, maybe that is where she belongs, at this point.  I simply don't know. I'll call her, see how she is doing, and that is all.  I will continue with the house, and medicine, and all.  It just won't be in prep.  And, maybe, instead of helping her, I can help myself.

Coffee water should be ready.  Or tea today?  Later.

Not much, not fast.

.

.

Starting medicine, full blast, was more than I could do and work.  But, it was necessary.  I am still pushing on, just not quite at the pace taken yesterday.  All good though.  It will happen.  It is happening.

A good meal.  Brats, with sauerkraut.  But I really wanted chicken.  I didn't want to bake, at that time, though.  Nor did I want leftovers which are too smoky to eat.  So?  So only cook what I was going to eat.  The rest was repackaged.  And easy solution, one a tired mind might not hit upon.  

It is 75 here, and I am freezing.  I'll have to put something extra on.

I had to go looking for cleaning solution, for the bathroom.  I found it and scrubbed the sink.  It really needed it.  I think something backs up, into that, from time to time.  Not many standard cleaners work.  I found something which does work.  I just can't always remember where I put it.  I thought I was keeping it under the sink.  I was right, after having looked elsewhere, not remembering immediately.  Sparkling.

I am hoping, yet tonight, to sweep again.  Then mop.  Then rinse.  As I said, I want to get that floor clean enough to eat off of, if... with no such intention.  I will get there, maybe even yet tonight.  As well, I need to clear and clean the freezer top.  I may do that first, actually.

Oh... a dream.  A casket, in a quiet, darker room.  Not unlit, more simply subdued as to lighting.  A few lights around, but more a few candles.  No one was there.  It was my casket, with me in it, if I couldn't see, I knew.  I don't know how I died.  No one visited.  I didn't mind.  I was... comfortable with the idea.  I don't need others, or life.  Or death, as the case is now.  Amen.

Well, on to something else.  Maybe the freezer top.  If that is finished, then starting a few pans of dishes.  Then back to gaming, though with a timer.  Good evening, or morning.  Later.

Up and going.

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.

Ducks, first thing.  In the evening, my morning, as with my nighttime, and their morning.  Plus I checked on the rabbits.  Just a short review.  The potential mother still hasn't kitted.  One more day without and I will pull the kit box.  Cats fed, fresh water brought in for them.  I still need to clear their litter.  I did it at bedtime, but like doing that two to three times a day.  Sam pees so very frequently.  I know it is her, for when she is outside, Sassy rarely uses the facilities.  Sam is rail thin, drinks very much and frequently.  So... I try to keep up on it.

Then I reviewed the bathroom.  Not a bad start.  While emptying the pee jug, I cleaned it and the toilet out.  I use bleach on those once or twice a week.  Watered the girls with fresh.  And am thinking about what next.  The real idea is to sweep one more time, then mop, rinse, clean more precisely, say with a toothbrush in areas, then mop and rinse one last time.  The sink will be washed first, actually.

As well, while I begin that, I will also begin with some of the  dishpans of dishes in the tub.  Just a few at a time, so I don't become overwhelmed.  But, before I start that, I want to clear and clean the freezer top.  It's nearly there, having to do that a few days ago to get meat into the freezer.  But it wasn't washed.  So... yea... do that probably first, then set dishes to go, then a general mopping, much tighter cleaning of the floor and etc, then a rinse and repeat.  Then reset the hamper and bathroom chair... after cleaning those if/as necessary.  A... start.

In there, as I get tired of the bathroom, I will hit boxes.  First, breaking down those in the living room.  Then finding any others anywhere else in the house, and taking those to the living room to finish with boxes... for a while.  After those two majors, then into the kitchen, proper, itself, for itself.  Not as a side gig while working in t he bathroom, as has been the odd case from time to time so far.

Ask, and you shall receive.

At some point, along with handling the litter, I will actually go account for the food and water of the rabbits.  The ones in the outbuilding have, at least water though probably food, but are low enough that the waterers need to be replaced.  And, with the expectant momma, I have extra water and food.  I turned two bunny apartments into one, and left the feed and water from the old second apartment.

So... yeah.  Oh, and I finally coaxed myself to sleep longer.  Waking after only six hours, especially having restarted medicine, and while working, is tight.  I pushed another three hours down.  So... all very good.  The meats have thawed.  I may bake chicken later tonight.  But, first, brats.  So easy, just grill.  Adding half a pack of sauerkraut.  Easy, keto, fast.  I would grill the chicken, but that really is too smoky.  The first night, while warm/hot, it is good.  But once cooled, then reheated, it smells and tastes far too smoky... for my tastes.  I may, also, fry the burger, into crumble, for taco salads and whatever else might cross my mind, keto or not sometimes.

Well, there is that.  I'll probably clear litter, and either take my break or finish chores and call it good.  Then set the timer for an hour or probably two, at which time a work session starts.  I don't count chores as a work session, but I do take a break after them.  Later.

Just a bit more.

.

.

Yes, waterers.  As planned.  But, too, cats fed, their litter reset, and ducks tended.  I didn't do a lot else out there, but I did check on a doe who was accidentally made pregnant.  She is about due.  I've seen fluff, so I put a kit box out there.  I'll be checking each day, until something happens, or doesn't.

Ah, but, too, I gathered clean clothes I'd prefer for the trip.  Those will go up with me, as I go to bed.  I will sort them in the morning.  Folding or combining, as with socks.  Medicines, too, including insulin.  I think a few other things.  I just can't remember as I fade.

I have also stalled a bit longer, staying up later into the day again.  It is 50 outside, 74 indoors, front and main.  The ac has been off all night, not sure what it will be like up there.  Cool, I can hope.  But who can ever really tell.  If it's cool enough, I will sleep without ac.  If it heats up, I'll know it, wake, and adjust that.  Heat is one of those things I can't do, especially while sleeping.

Sore, though.  And tired.  While it is one of those satisfying sorts, it... doesn't feel all that good even for that, today, this morning... night.  This isn't about me, though.  It's about tasks which need to be done.  Feelings, even suffering, are not of concern.  On to bed, finally.  Good night.  Have a wonderful morning and day.

Far less and far more.

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.

Work, that is.  And, then anticipated.  While I didn't do a single box, or finish the bathroom, with all that was involved, and some side projects connected, and not, with this, I did more work than if I had just done what I suggested.  Some of the side projects weren't a choice.  Getting from a to b required those things.  Other things were simply more convenient.  Something about striking while the iron is hot.

I still feel somewhat unhappy with it all.  I feel as if I should have done more.  Truth is, I don't think more was possible.  Thinking... Feeling...  The two don't always go together well.  This is one of those cases.  Actually, I am surprised, even amazed, at what was done.  I just... wanted more, and more on target.  It simply wasn't, probably, possible.

I will refill the waterers, as a last thing.  Then it is on to bed.  I'll make sure I took medicine.  I didn't take insulin.  I will take the slow acting stuff, alone.  Mixing the two is more dangerous than most things I can do with insulin.  The cats have been fed often enough, though I may hit their litter one last time tonight.

Ugh.  Tired.  Ready for bed.  But a few more things.  Good morning, night, and day.

Okay. Well, a start.

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.

There is always more to a task than anticipated.  Clearing the bathroom also meant moving a lot of things.  But, to just move them blindly, stupidly, they would just become a problem for another day.  So some diligence was offered in the moving.  As much a thing for it's place and a place for the things, as was possible.  Some things, however, belong back in there, so...  Even so, just moving those things willy-nilly isn't good either.

Done, well enough to sweep.  Some things are still in there.  I need to fill waterers before I can remove the pails.  Which... will be done shortly.  For now, I merely swept one side of the bathroom, moved those there, then swept the other side.  Always a trick, if all else fails.

Supper, earlier, or lunch?  Salad, with tuna, as suggested.  It doesn't have much weight, or warmth.  Thinking about something else, before long.  Brats or kielbasa should do, with some of the sauerkraut.  Heated.  As well, I pulled meat to thaw.  If I am going to work, I am going to need to eat.

It has been longer and shorter sessions.  And, surprisingly... to me anyway... I have been able to break from the game to do these work sessions.  I would guess I have had four, so far.  That may be it for the night, or not.  I'll... see.  Oh, I'll get insulin in, the slow acting... as well as night pills.  And, when next I dine, I will do some fast acting.

Cycle down, cycle up.  It might take a bit.  But, for now, I am doing some work.  The long term goal is three to five, one to three hour work sessions a day.  Though, one or two hefty ones might undo me for the day, even if of shorter duration.  Still, bits and parts, here and there.  The future started a while ago, and is going well.

Later.

More and a bit more, so far.

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Some things not listed, regarding the rabbits.  One, which may be kitting (mothering) soon, has received a litter box, with some hay in it.  Will have to see how that works out.  If she doesn't deliver in the next few days, I'll pull it and put in a fresh one.  And, some moves.  Oh, and another, two, I thought were does... weren't.  Although, now, I think I can tell them apart.

When carrying one of the does to another cage, she started screaming.  I thought she could be carried by the scruff.  Perhaps she is too big, so I changed how I was carrying her.  However, one of my favorite hens... Mourning Dove, attacked me for seeming to hurt the rabbit?  Cool.  I didn't know that was a thing.  But I... don't mind it.  Farm animals have to stick together.  To be fair, I wasn't meaning to hurt her, and when she started screaming, I immediately sought a different means by which to carry her.  But... all good.

After that, a break.  Then into the bathroom, for a rough first start to a first start.  Then I fed the ducks, and watered, again.  I have been... late, and missing, lately.  I am trying to make up for it.  As well, I will check on the rabbits later tonight.  I am setting the alarm.  If I am not ready, legitimately, when the alarm goes off, I reset it.  If I just don't want to, I get up and do some work anyway.

I have limits... on how much I can do, how long I can work, they factor together.  But, until I get back into shape, it will have to be short shifts with long breaks.  I don't mind an hour or two of work, and an hour to three down.  If I can get three, or four, work sessions, per day, I can get some things done, and ready.

I need to begin making a list of items for travel, perhaps putting some of the clothes together in a suitcase.  Maybe setting up toiletries, more putting stuff in travel sized containers, or putting things I have extras of into some sort of smaller luggage.  As well, I will be taking the Japanese books, rather than the ps4.  My focus will be on being able to hear and respond to my mother.  Then again, I'm not sure about my brother.  He sounds to have made up his mind to get her put in a home and be done with it.  I'm not sure he wants me to go.

I'm not sure how to get back there, without his help.  I'll... be thinking.

The bathroom has been started.  Some clearing.  But between that, and the ducks, and checking the rabbits the first time, I am finished for a bit.  My next session will hopefully include finishing clearing the bathroom.  If I have anything left after that, boxes will begin being torn down.  After I finish tearing the boxes down, the back to the bathroom, this time to clean.  That won't stop until it is completely cleaned, if it takes two or four sessions.  Though I am thinking one or maybe two sessions.

If I have anything else, after that, I will begin bringing any last boxes from anywhere to the front room where I am harvesting them, and beginning to clear the counters in the kitchen and setting up dishes to be washed.  One thing at a time, mostly.  Never sure how fast or hard I can work, or for how long.  Only that I have a program going that seems to be working.  As well, I started medicine.  I will do insulin shortly, slow acting.  And have fast acting with anything I eat, according to what I eat.

It's started back up.  Strange what a plea, prayer, can bring.  Not always.  Sometimes it just doesn't matter.  Sometimes it really helps.  But the help was for me to help myself, just a matter of clarity and direction that allowed for it.  Something that was missing, often is.  This time, for now, it... sure helped.

It is 68 outside.  It is 78 in here, the front computer room.  And I thought it read 75 in the main room.  Not bad, and I don't feel cold, or cool.  I turned the ac off upstairs, though will probably have to start it back up when I go on up to sleep next time.

And I best eat something.  I won't work long without something in.  A salad, with mushrooms and tuna?  Maybe.  But I will need something a bit... meatier later.  The leftover brats or kielbasa, with sauerkraut.  That would do.  And a glass of milk, until I get the kefir up and running again.  Ugh.  Another thing.

Later.

Doing nothing versus even doing my past normal?

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.

I forgot how much I do, usually, before doing anything else, in the mornings.  After having not been doing, or remembering doing, these things for a while.  I had a bunch to do just to get ready to get started to do the things I want to do!  Little bits, but it all adds up.

So, finally, almost ready.  But I need a break.  It's been a while since I've done much.  But, I am ready to begin shortly.  I'll set a spot of tea to steep, and while resting, catching my wind, I'll sip that.  Nothing fancy, but it works.  Or water first?  Maybe.  Thirsty, that's for certain.  If tea isn't exactly a thirst killer.

Cats are fed and litter tended.  I'll get them fresh water when I go out for chores.  So, it's just the outdoor critters for now.  Then to the bathroom, boxes, and back to the bathroom... as is possible.  Just amazed at how much I do, at least after doing nothing, just to spin up in the morning.

I'll be taking meds soon.  With the water, probably, as tea steeps.  Good day.

Praying to God.

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.

After days, or weeks? of being fallen down, I quit trying it alone.  The last few days, blindly, and with little hope, I started praying.  Sometimes adding snippets during meals, usually at bedtime and at waking, and variously through the day, I would supplicate the Lord, that he be with me and guide me through whatever is wrong at this moment.  I tell Him I have gone blind, and fallen into a sloth of all sorts, of which I cannot extricate myself no matter how hard I try.

As I was finishing my morning prayer, as a shot from the blue, a few things became clear in my mind.  A shower, to take a shower, first thing.  Then, chores, all of them.  If I can't do them all at once, make sure they are all finished in short order, and check again later.  Do these after the shower and posting.  Read the internet later, after.  

As well, two jobs for today.  Tear down boxes in the front room, and maybe get those ready to go.  Then, clean the bathroom, on hands and knees or otherwise as needed.  Strip it, clear it, clean it.  Not all can be done at once.  But put break/game time on a timer.  And start back on medicine.

So it was heard, so it will be.  So be it.

Shower taken.  After, chores.  I will include the girls in this.  Their litter first, then feeding.  Then the ducks and rabbits.  I am going to try to do all of the chores at once.  Not sure I can.  Then a longer break, gaming in between.  But, after two or three hours, back to some work.

I think, for work, I will clear the bathroom first.  Then work on tearing boxes down, for a session or two.  Then, when that is finished, get back to working on the bathroom.  The sink and tub first, then the toilet and floor.  The toilet is in pretty good shape, the rest is pretty tough.

I have already showered.  If all goes well, and I finish work today, a new list will be made tomorrow.  Kitchen counters and dishes, probably.  Digging out any boxes remaining in the kitchen area as well.  And looking through things in the living room.  Just... starts.  But, the start IS where we begin.  Oh, and another shower, tomorrow.  This time, probably, shaving as well.

Oh, if you want to do me a spot?  Pray that His will be done.  In this and all His matters.  Pray that we do His will.  It seems, His will is left to us?  Amen.

On to chores.  Good 'morning', afternoon, and day.  Amen, I say to thee, amen, again, brother.

I'm in a bit of a spot.

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.

Off meds, lost of mind, cold in spite of the warmth, having trouble getting anything done.  Even the day I had been expanding into is collapsing back again.  I am beginning to sleep earlier, not later as had been the plan.  I don't understand that.  Trying to push through.  Shove, fight, but nothing is giving.  

I did get the trash out.  That helped.  But that is one of dozens of things which need to be done.  And, when I am awake, I might as well not be.  Gaming is helping me stay awake.  But when I don't game, I crash.  It's not either game or be awake doing other things.  If I am going to be awake, gaming is how I do it.

So tired, always.  Crushing exhaustion.  And cold.  At 75 and higher.

I have been eating better.  A bit carby today, but it was the only meal.  Generally I have been doing pretty good keto.  Hot coffee, to try to stay warm.  I should move over to tea.  I can drink that without sweetener, when it is hot or warm.  The thing about tea is it needs to be steeped.  I often lose track, even with an alarm as a memory tender.  Tea can turn quite bitter if steeped too long.  And doesn't taste good at room temp.  Hot, cold, or no thank you.

It's about bedtime.  I'm looking something up, or trying.  Then back to bed.

Good day, night, morning, else as required.  Amen.

A tough time getting going.

.

.

I did eat, something.  A few small tomatoes, half dozen carrot sticks, a dozen very small baby carrots, and a two tablespoons of peanut butter.  As keto a peanut butte as is possible, with three ingredients and 5 carbs per tablespoon.  A couple of glasses of milk, since.  Not keto, at all.  But easy.

Getting going is not happening.  So tired.  It reads 75 everywhere in the house.  but it's... cold.  Not sure what is up with that.

I'll keep aiming at getting going.  Later.

Not as well as yesterday.

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.

I won't be up as long, that is.  Still, three to five hours later than what had been the norm of late.  So, it's still something.

I got the trash out.  Boy did it need to go.  I didn't realize how bad it had gotten.  So, yea.  And I cleared the girls' litter, restarting with fresh.  I had refreshed a few days ago, but that didn't seem to help.  As well, recycling.  Mostly perrier bottles and cat food tins.  If those are actually metal?

Gaming most of the night.  Couldn't do much else.  The ducks were fed and watered already.  Rabbits will have to wait.

It looks a bit overcast out there.  The thermometer in the front room reads 74, with 42% humidity.  I would guess the whole house is about that temp.  Which is actually sort of cool, to chill.  Though, perhaps I am not eating enough calories?  Not getting enough carbs?  Something strange, for me to be cool, even cold, at this temp.  Though, maybe, coming down from the 90s and 100s, perhaps this is cold, to my body.

On to bed.  Have a great morning.  I will sleep as well as possible.

Up. Way too early.

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Going down, at around 11:00? noon?  thirty?  My body kept trying to wake.  I wanted to sleep.  I lost.  Ducks were fed before I went to sleep, and watered.  Rabbits where roughly checked, and all looked good.  The cats were fed, and given a fresh pan of water.  Litter?  I can't remember, will do so if I missed it.

I thought it was 13:30, and small to large change, when I woke.  But that must have been a mistake, or I woke earlier, looked at the clock, and thought then was now?  As I sit, after having made and et a sandwich, it is 17:18.  It must have been 17:00, or after, when I actually woke.  Simply haven't done enough for it to have been much earlier.

I need to start getting things in order.  I did call my mother, before going to bed.  Her short term memory sucks.  But she is doing better.  She is already out of the hospital, and into nursing care.  So... her time there is short.  So... I better get a to-do list created, clear some of the house, clean a bit, and get some things ready for packing.  Most clothes are clean.  Not folded.  Fluffing in the dryer, folding into a suitcast, and... should be good.  Three pants of whatever sort, six shirts?  Ten underwear and socks, or so.  Two pair of shoes, and house shoes.  Nothing fancy, but it should do.  Well, and my mats, sleeping mats.  It's how I do, these days.  So, a few sets of sheets and blankets.  I will buy pillows there.  Oh, and shampoo, conditioner, shave kit in case I decide Iowa is too uncomfortable for a beard... actually should just remove that now.  I know it will be.  The humidity, you know.

Ugh.  I really have to get up and running.  Double ugh.  Time is nearing

The more you learn, the less you know?

.

.

It only seems that way.  Imagine if you were a fish, your mind was the bowl in which you life.  As it gets larger, it might both begin to feel strange, and expanded.  In some ways, nothing has changed.  In other ways, everything has changed.  You have literally changed your mind.  Either, in some sense, it is no longer yours, or you aren't the same fish.  I'm not sure which possibility is the worst.  Though I suspect both are the truth.

Never mind, about that last part.  You don't actually know less, you simply have more capacity to understand some things, including how much more you don't know.  Not everything you learn leads to more questions.  Not all call me, at least, to question in new ways.  But some things do.  I'd say, depending on the topic, a third to two thirds of learned material requires an evaluation of what I already knew, or thought I knew.

The worst times are when I am learning too quickly, by necessity, to slow down and resolve those questions.  That leads to dark places.  I don't like that.  If, too, that is often the sum of life.  Merely surviving, swimming blindly, going down a river, just trying to get air and a way out.  But there really isn't a way out.  Some get used to it, just go with the flow.  Others never stop trying, but succeed no better the those who surrendered.

Again, never mind that.  I keep learning new things in the game.  Sometimes that leads to other questions, sometimes it is an end to itself.  But I definitely do know more than I did before.  Each thing learned usually opens up something, or a group of things.  Well, and beyond knowing, there is application.  Those two, which should be automatically connected, don't always happen right together, or together at all.  Cynicism, the language of the mind.  It has it's uses.  It's negative side of the double edge is that it can prevent function through doubt.

Wow.  That's a lot of thinking for a little learning?  Aye, but so be it.

Another dinner.  It was good to have warm food.  I am freezing.  In spite of it being 75 front and middle of the house.  Very strange.  I'll have a coffee, shortly.  Need something warming.  Freezing!  At 75?  Crazy.  Anyway...  A bit of coffee, and a bit more gaming, as I try to push my way back into day.  Good... morning, day, night, whatever!

Awake, a bit before my time.

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My friend's brother has returned.  He stopped to visit, and ask for an item.  He was hollering from downstairs, but with the ac, and having gone to bed at 04:00 or 05:00, I couldn't hear.  So, up the stairs he went.  Quite a surprise, but... okay.  No worries.  Good to see him, he's been out east all summer, working a pest control gig.  He just returned last Friday I believe.

While here, I showed him how the ducks, rabbits, and cats, are fed and watered, where the litter pans are, and where some of the food is.  As well, I showed him a rough short preview of how to do it, and some ideas on how to do it.  I should make a check list, and create some copies.  It makes it a lot easier, I think.

Anyway, up at a bit after noon.  It is now almost 13:00.  I had the ac off, when I went to bed, but needed to turn it on this morning, around 08:00.  Actually two minutes before.  I had set the alarms for 08:00 and 10:00, to try to cancel milk delivery for today.  I... am backlogged.  Need to get back to kefir, but... I've been dragging.  Anyway, woke in time to do that, before the alarm bothered me.  Shut them both off, turned on the ac, and went back to crashing.

Ducks and cats have been fed.  Ducks have been watered as well.  Rabbits will get tended in a bit.  And I'll grab a bucket of water and refresh the girls' water.  And, I have cheese sandwich makings.  Still not sure if I'm going back to bed or not.  I woke up racing, with a visitor a bit close.  No troubles, just... a bit of a... surprise.  Now that adrenalin is back down, may crash, or soon.  All good.

Later.

Bedtime.

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.

Dinner and a movie.  The movie didn't turn out well.  A random grab from amazon prime.  Those are very miss and sometimes hit.  It's something, a gamble I can't really lose, mostly.  I overcooked the brats, but not to the inedible stage.  Close.  Still, was tasty enough with 'live' sauerkraut.

Later, just now really, I had some of the salad, with fresh mushrooms in with it.  I had to look at a lot of dressings before I could find one which was... minimally sat.  Many had soy oil as their first ingredient!  The best I could find was canola oil.  It's not the best, but vastly better than soy.  As well, the rest of the ingredients, and there were fewer, seemed, mostly, better.

It was the Newman's Best... some such.  Profits go to charity, but charity has become more charlatan than even the government in general.  So, that... really isn't something.  Though, who knows, maybe they are careful with their charities, how they are run, and what they do.  Giving people a hand up is one thing, giving them a handout, forever, breaks people.  Unless, of course, they are broken.  I know that, I get that.

Strangely, it was less expensive than most other brands!  I didn't notice that until looking over all else, and accepting.  I was expecting a premium price.  It was quite reasonable.  There were only two flavors, italian and ranch.  After looking both over, I took both.  Hoping they weren't horrible tasting.

Nope, pretty good.  The best ever?  Good enough, and by plenty.  I do try to eat right, but the stores and manufacturers sure make it difficult.  I was about to return the salad and just walk.  I had put the nteenth type back, and was just about to literally walk away when I noticed this brand.  I generally have never given it a thought, thinking it was probably overpriced typical garbage.  I... was wrong.  Or, perhaps the price has come down as many others think similarly?  Whatever, it... was a more than fair price for a good quality, good tasting item.  As I said, I do try.

To bed even earlier, tonight.  I may let the cats up.  I just fed them, they should be in good humors.  Oh, and I fed and watered the ducks again, this evening.  I am making up, a bit, for being on and off, and missing a few days this week.  Plus, the young ones need lots of food.  Lots and lots of food, right now.  Still, two feedings a day will be mostly the usual.  Rain, sun, snow, or fog.

Good night.

Quite nice.

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.

With feed arranged, animals tended, and girl cats too...  With most tasks I am aware of handled...  Social contacts managed...  It took ALL week to get this far.  And I had to struggle through it.  Forgetting my phone, tiring before I could finish, always something.  But I was able to keep at it.

My heart is sore, tonight.  One thing I have been missing is medicine.  I'll... I'm... on that.  But my mind is at ease.  With things done, and getting doner.  Tomorrow I am hoping to dig into the boxes, tearing them down.  The, nearly, mostly, last batch.  There are still some which have come in, but those aren't necessarily empty or ready.  Still, this will be the culmination of a long effort.

If I do well, I may get the last of the empty boxes, after these get broken down, out here and themselves broken down.  then to begin a few other things.  Perhaps, next week, figuring out how to rent a apartment size bin, then filling it.  I have enough for a load, probably.  I thought it was around $30 a month, plus a $20 charge per pickup.  Not exactly sure, but I think it was about that.  I could get one or two loads out in the next week or two.  Then call it quits, with that, for the year.

Maybe.  If I can.  Bleh.

Oh, finally, a real, homecooked (mostly) meal.  Brats.  Cooking on the grill.  The grill has been lit, always takes a bit.  First to heat up.  Then to get it to pipe down.  Bratwursts?  They ought to be called bratbests.  I like them, anyway.  Those and some of the 'live' sauerkraut.  I would, eventually, like to make my own sauerkraut.  I suppose, then can it.  Not... pressure can, but more jar, and see if it stores?  The problem with big batches is that it has to go bad, or get stronger.  Would like to experiment with that though.  Just because.

It is 62 out there.  A rather nice night.  Pleasant, as I see things.  It, without opening up, is down to 76 in here, next to the computer, much cooler elsewhere.  But, I am enjoying it.  I am acclimating to the lower temps.  They wiped me out first.  And, if it jumps to the high 90s again, that will do me for!  Doubtful that would be around long, but it would wipe me out for a few days no matter, and at least.

Yea.  A good day.  I'll get back to gaming in a bit, after dinner.  May have to feed the girls again.  Ugh.  AND share some of one of my brats.  Brats!  Though only Sam eats that particular food, as with hamburger.  I think they take turns turning their noses up at various foods.  But Sam is a terrible beggar.  I have become strict about that.  NO!  Anyway.  Later.

Not bad.

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Not everything planned, but not bad.  Returned the package.  Running late, no shower, but... so be it.  Done.  Then on to shopping.  I haven't shopped this month, at the grocery store.  No wonder I was eating sardines.  I still have roasts, but who wants hot foods on hot days?  More cold cuts, mayo, this time they had a whole large salad, in a disposable container, for less than the components.  Fresh, at least store packaged.  I looked it over very carefully and then took it.

Oh, I had been missing butter.  It's been so long since I've used it.  Hot weather just... no.  Still, I have been wanting butter... for a bowl of popcorn, or to make keto bread.  This, that, and the other things.  As well, yogurt and cottage cheese.  Plain, regular fat, tasty.  This, that, and the other things.  Well done.

Then a meal on the way home.  I had intended to get the car cleaned, but the traffic was an absolute abomination!  I was stuck in a hundred mile long traffic jam!  At least it wasn't on the freeway, where I couldn't get off.  Though the side arteries were just about as bad, so no great relief there.  So I skipped the car wash.

Oh, but getting everything put up required Herculean effort.  I had to clear off the freezer, as the fridge freezer was full.  And I had to clear space in the fridge, from... stuff.  I haven't been drinking or using milk for kefir.  Which reminds me, no more milk for a while!  Ugh.

While I was doing that, I have the ducks another drink, and fed them while out there.  Twice a day, for now.  With the feed, maybe three times watering.  They really are using a lot of resources currently.  So be it.  Oh, I may have two drakes, in that first lot.  I wonder if the ratio, though, is skewed female.  I could see that.  They aren't monogamous, at all.  They aren't even totally one breed types.  Actually, I think the muscovy are.  Henry, the indian runner drake, isn't.  Though... I'm not sure, at times, if he would required a hen.  Poor bastard has it bad when he gets a wood on.

Earlier, I checked on a good friend, away working.  Sounds and looks like fun.  They even got to play with 'splosives.  Legally and else, but still, all good.  A day with boom, while keeping all limbs, digits, and else, is a good one.  Mostly.  I'm trying to... be more rightly social.  I'm... trying to more alive, more right.  It isn't that I don't want to be.  Often, I don't know what to do, these days.  Possibly never did.  As well, I... wasn't ever sure I was welcome to it.  Still, now, I will try.  Harder.  For... what it's worth.  This worked out.  Calling my mother has been working out.  Same with my brother.  Distant, still.  But... working out.

A very good day.  A bit warm out there, but have had much worse.  Running around didn't beat me down, if it did weary me.  A good type.  The type you... I... want, anyway.  I feel like, and did, do a few things.  And, have prepped to get back into cooking, and eating better.  Mostly on the grill.  But cold-cuts will do whenever, even on cheese slices, rather than bread.  Bread ever other, or third, day, cheese the other days.

All good.  All is well.  Live is, maybe, returning.  Oh, I've not been on medicines.  I best check some things.  And I need to get in for a blood test, and to pick up medicines... or check on them.  What a Derp.  What a maroon.  But I try.  And, some days, succeed.  Good afternoon, day, maybe night.  Amen.

Awake and already at it.

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Having feed sorted, to my liking, and in stock, makes the 'morning' much easier.  Whenever that 'morning' does begin.  In this case, it was 13:00, give or take some, nebulous, odious, number of minutes.  Which can't be named.  Because I don't know.  So shut up.  Anyway... up and at it.

It is already 80 out there.  It's sort of an ugly 80.  It feels warmer, and almost sticky?  Humidity is reading 44, so not bad if not great?  I don't know.  It's reading 70 in here, though has been nearly that all night after shutting the windows and doors.  Strange, but all good, too.

Cats, first.  Food and litter, then while tending the ducks, a bucket of fresh water in for them.  Then the ducks.  Oh those are hungry little quackadoodles.  Not so much the adults.  But the still growing, and definitely just started, little ones, eat like a whirlwind.  All good?  I can hope.

Only one drake in that first two batches, of which seven made it... so far.  The rest are hens, one might be a mule... a cross between the indian runners and muscovy.  I won't name those who are about to die.  And he is on the menu.  As is the cross.  They aren't fertile.  I may keep the rest of the hens.  The rest of the younglings are slated for dinner.  That's just the way it works.

I'll get the rabbits shortly.  Two of the waterers were clean empty.  Two which had been changed yesterday.  I'll gladly refill, just thought it was odd.  A few foods were down.  I checked as I was doing the ducks.  Pulled the waterers to be refilled.  As well, I open the bins, and leave them open, if they need food.  So, on my way through, I can just quickly load those up and take just a few waterers with me, knowing already what is needed.  I do that, especially if I know I'm taking a short break after ducks, and not able to push on through.

Overcast.  But is it clouds, or smoky haze?  Perhaps both.  Can't really see the mass all that clearly.  Perhaps thicker smoke, or maybe the smoke is blurring clouds.  Whatever, a bit darker out there.  So I was a bit surprised it was that warm.  All good though.  While the higher heat is trouble, I can handle this weather just fine, nowadays.  I remember when even 80 was brutal, too brutal.  I have acclimated.  It just took... nearly a decade.  It was last year when summers began making sense... mostly.

Have a great one.  If sleeping soon, dream well.  If working, work hard.  If loving?  Get busy.  *grins*  Later.

To bed a good deal earlier tonight.

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Cool, almost cold.  I am guessing I can turn the ac off tonight.  I had to close the windows.  I didn't check the outside temp, I had dressed down, to cool off, and never dressed more properly again.  But it must be rather cool, maybe cold, out there.  It is 66 in this front room, 67 near the computer.  The main house, last I looked, was 71.

I've been keeping up on cat litter, and feeding the girls well enough.  Not doing will with eating myself, but one meal a day, for now.  Usually.  Either that or two cans of sardines through the day.  And, with feed sorted and as I prefer finally, I should be back on track with the ducks and rabbits.

A shower, twice in a row...  To be honest, I'd like another shower tomorrow.  Then give it a break for a few days.  Just catching back up.  Perhaps, as it cools, to work?  I'd like to try.  Laundry was finished, the towels washed, then dried.  They might get a fluff in the morning, before I fold and put them up.

Gaming, for a bit.  I have things, in the game, well ordered at least.  Odd little game.  In it I have livestock.  chicken, lamb, pigs, and cattle.  As well, a farm so as to feed all the critters.  You... have to feed them, to encourage them to mate, then cull for food.  As well, mining and building a keep or house.  And more.  You can even go fishing, if I haven't gone yet.  Oh, and lumbering (cutting trees, replanting, and a few other things).  It's almost overwhelming.

Then, of course, you have crafting.  Making everything from armor to weapons, making a bed or portable firepit, and other things.  As well, since it is a game, enchanting to creating books of enchantments, and potions too.  It really is a bit much to try to figure out.

I kept looking for a way to duplicate items.  But it looks like yt vids are fiction.  If there is a way, I haven't see a working way.  It's just, at this point, easier to just mine, and hope.

But, yea, on to bed.  Early.  The cool has me tired.  Good night, or morning, and day.  

I was not sure.

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Just getting out was... nearly impossible.  Another shower, check.  Didn't bother with the hair.  Two days in a row is a bit much.  Even for the body, but it's... been a while.  So, all good.  Then time just in shorts and a t.  To allow the bod to dry before putting it in things which expound on any moisture trapped in there under things.

So slow.  Late.  But out.  I asked if it was too late to buy.  She said it wasn't.  So, I got enough for what used to be four months, but with chicks is proving to be half that, maybe less.  Still, it's... there.  No extra rabbit pellets.  I am hoping for September.  The wallet isn't empty, but it isn't all that full.  If mom gets out early, for good behavior?  I'll have to buy extra, in case.  They go through about two bags a month.  Here's, for once, pulling for her being on bad behavior.  :p  How did that song go?  Ah... 'Smokin' in the boys' room'.  That would be double jeopardy for her!

I forgot my phone, so couldn't return the amazon package.  But, then, I was too tired to shop.  So... I'll be going back in tomorrow.  Bleh.  I did get the car washed, and a meal.  It's not great food.  But, at this point, food is f'ing food.  I need food and am not doing well at cleaning up in order to then cook, if even then I might not have it in me to cook.

It isn't just the cleaning.  Or the cooking.  Or chores, the cats, showers, laundry, etc.  It is all of it.  It is too much.  I simply can't keep up.  Plus, toss in boxes to be broken down and taken out, a water heater still needing changed out, shopping, etc, etc, etc!  Ugh!  Ackh!  Grrrh!  And about a dozen others like those.  I keep trying, and failing.  I hope it's the thought that counts.  That I have.  Little else.

I did get their feed tank filled, mixing as I went.  Pellets are back on the menu, along with two grain mixes.  That seems to hold them longer.  Plus, it's three fifty pound bags, instead of two.  But, per feeding, the pellets seem to fill them for longer.  Their least favored, but they actually do seem to miss it when it isn't there.

I went a day without feeding them.  Was out!  I actually did have two bags of mixed grains, but wanted pellets with it, so they just had to go hungry a day.  It's... good for the constitution.  I'll feed them again, later tonight.  Rabbits were good, again.  And are restocked, filled up, and ready to tomorrow.  I do like my critters.  I hope some of them end up being tasty.  We will see.

Now I can... get back to gaming nirvana.  Tune out, shut off, go away... until... it is time to come back.  Be hail and of good spirit.  Or... not.  Some of it is choice.  Choose wisely.  I try, fail sometimes, but try.  As with all things.  Amen.

Awake, again.

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Late awake, if late down too.  It was well after six, nearly o' seven hundred?  Between those, when I went down.  It's almost fifteen hundred.  Cats fed, litter cleared.  A shower shortly.  Phone on, and checked.  Nothing new.  I need feed before doing chores.  So... I best hop in the shower and get going.

Mother called last night.  She was sounding coherent.  They had shocked her heart.  It took three times, she said.  But, finally, her electrical is back in trim.  She is still in the hospital, but is, again, looking to go to the nursing facility... short term.  Then, after recovering, to go home.

After speaking with my brother, and mother, I am planning on returning when she is out.  I want to be there the day, or even the day before if I have enough lead in information.  I can help, as I told her and him, but can't do it all.  She will have to be able to help herself, to a degree, even initially.  Then, over time, if she can take over, I will let her as I prepare to depart.  If she can't do it, we will have to make plans to put her in the nursing home permanently.

I have two weeks, if I push things a month.  That's it.  It's a sink or swim thing.  Technically, I may actually belong in a nursing home.  But no one will go that way, and I will take a long walk before I go that way.  I have a few more options than she does, for the moment.  Though I hope to get her set up there at her home.  We will see.

Laundry was reset and finished, save the towels.  I will use the towed again today, so twice? three times?  It'll live.  But after, it will go into the wash with the other and hand towel.  It won't go out on the line.  The smoky haze is thick out there.  While I can't smell it anymore, I am sure, in time, it will smell like it was smoked.  So... I'll not air dry things until the air clears.

Ugh.  It's been difficult to wake this morning.  So tired.  And, yet, wanting to wake and get going.  Things to do.  Critters to feed.  Places to visit.  On to brushing my teeth and showering.  Then drying just a bit, I hate suiting up wet.  Towel drying doesn't quite cut it.  Later.

Awake?

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Yes.  Actually, yes.  Brushed my teeth, then cleaned cat litter while I was at it.  I also gave the little fluff balls treats, to buy time to clear my head without begging while waking.  Probably.  They don't always take hints.  I'm not sure if it's because they are felines, or females.  Probably both.  Hey!  Don't blame me for nature.

It got cool last night, to 46 the coolest I saw.  Not sure if there was a morning dip or not.  Often happens.  But when the cool is from a system, that often stays fairly consistent.  That after having gotten up to ~87 yesterday afternoon.  I haven't checked this morning.

Feeding the girls, properly, soon.  Then a shower.  I'll trim the neck, but for now the budding beard is comfortable enough that I am leaving it.  The electric bill was ~ $100 to ~ $110 this month.  Given I was using two window ac's, often together and non-stop, that is an easy charge.  It is the only month I have had to do that.  The rest were in the $60 to $70 range, so far.  And I have had the ac's off for the last five days to week.  I do have one going again, as weather warms.  But I suspect that will be all, and the most, needed, from now on.

A few things today.  Maybe more.  Who knows, but some things for sure.  After waking, and getting going.  I turned the last load of laundry over, and it is... wait... not I didn't.  I decided to give what was in the dryer an half hour extra and warmer spin.  Then, when I go to shower, I'll do the last switch.  Clean clothes!  That is pretty much it, for laundry.  Though, after the shower, I will have two main battle towels and a hand towel, all white, to go in.  So, I will start those then.  If it looks to be dry out, I may put them on the clothes line, smoke in the air or no.

Well... that's it for a start.  Be well.  Good barely afternoon, and day otherwise.  Amen.  Why not make a greating and wellwish a prayer while one is at things?

Chores, finally.

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While at it, a second round of cat feeding, their litter again, and... a few other things.  Rather late.  I just... lost track.  Still, it was done.  I have two more bags of feed, I think, but need to restock.  The chicks are gobbling like mad.  And there are many.  All good.  Tomorrow, I hope, I'll get more feed.  I think I have two more bags of rabbit feed, but will check that as well.

I'll have sardines, again, tonight, a can or two.  I have some extremely rich stuff, literal cod liver, canned like sardines.  I can usually only eat half that can.  Rich.  Not too awful, once you get used to it.  It, like all liver, is quite good for you.  But, being seaborne as well, it has even extra properties.  Either live to eat, or eat to live, I guess.

Oh, I emailed an old friend.  Wasn't sure he was still around.  He was, and he emailed back, quite a letter.  He is now in the shoes I was in, when we first met.  Going back to school later in life.  It's a tricky thing, but now worries, or wonders.  He has health on his side, mostly.  I'm planning a response, with a few pieces of advice.  I know how to... come from behind.  If my heart had been being treated, I might have had a chance.  Who knows what else is wrong with me, that they aren't treating.  Really, really.

There are some other bits of news I found cheering.  And some not so.  As with all life, good and bad.  I am pleased, mostly.  And, should I ever drink again, even for a moment, it would be if we should ever meet in person again.  A last hurrah, or such.  Still, very glad I took the chance to write.  Sometimes it pays off.

Well... back to gaming.  Perhaps a can of sardines first.  I really am enjoying those.  Or should I go with another batch of beans?  Those were rather tasty.  Yes, I'll go with beans, cheese, and onion.  I just wish I had an easy meat to add.  No, sardines would not do.  I... like them room temp, but probably neither cold nor definitely not hot.  Or... my mind says "NO!".  Later.

Awake, or something like it.

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Weakly.  But trying to be at it quickly.  Cat litter.  Oh, that was a mess.  But cleared and reworked, with added litter material.  Feeding them, shortly.  A check outdoors, it is 84 which actually feels nice.  That at 14:49... a bit before but minutes, small change in numbers.  It is 74 down in this front room, starting off.  It got to 79, yesterday.  But... that actually felt okay.  As well, the rest of the house was much cooler, say between 72 and 74?  Give or take.

After cats, a sit.  Then chores.  I had a small pot of beans, with cheese and fresh diced onion.  It amazes me how long onion will last, sometimes.  Other times it seems to rot a few days out from the store.  I'm not sure I want to know why that does that.

I've got to have something else to eat, something more, today.  I'm not sure what to do about that though.  I watch Sam slip, as age consumes her.  She keeps a pretty good attitude.  She's a tough old bird.  But she is slowly fading.  Pushing twenty five years, maybe even on to twenty six.  A shadow, sleeping most of the time, begging for food constantly, even right after she ate.  Forgetful.  Still skinny as a rail, albeit.  I have great sympathy for her.  Then, I realize, it shouldn't be called sympathy.  It is empathy, and almost of an exact or worse condition.  That's... when it hits, hurts.  Less age than illness, but beginning to be both.  In cat years, Sam is reaching something between, say, 80 and 100 equivalent.

Ah.  To brush the teeth next, before a bit of gaming.  Then to chores in an hour or two.  I probably need something salty, cramps in my legs last night, calf in one, upper thigh on the other.  Odd mix.  I'm almost sure it is... hmm... an electrolyte drink might work as well.  As much as it recommends, for a few days running.  If it is still good.  I try to keep some of that around, for when... I do poorly with nutrition, or else.  I try to keep up, but sometimes I just can't.  Later.

I fell, hard.

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Everything is sort of... an unknown.  When did I last take medicine?  I have been living on sardines.  Hungry, and numb, enough, they are... just fine.  When I can remember to eat.  So troubled.  And, yet, I didn't just sleep.  For what good that did me.

I suspect I have learned much, if just in a stupid game.  How to... build a fence.  How to... grow vegetables, grain.  How to create a mechanical door, or make it function.  So many things.  Not that it helps at all in the real world.  If not sleeping is a very good thing.  My eyes, they burn, though, from not sleeping when I am in this condition.  I... prefer pain to numb or silence or even sleep.  I would have been asleep that whole last few days.

I... wanted to check on mom.  It's been a day, three?  She was supposed to call.  My phone, though, was... somewhere.  I looked, when I could remember.  It had to be in the house.  I used it here, certainly, recently.  Could it have been stolen again?  Finally, I found it.

A shower, and teeth brushed.  Not much, but a very good start.  Needed.

When I looked at it, I had to look at things many times.  Wasn't sure what to do about it, at first.  My brother had called... 75 times... the first time?  I... was almost sure what that meant.  I wasn't ready to face that.  I... had other things to do before I dealt with that?

When is the last time I fed the ducks, rabbits.  Watered?  Yesterday?  I hope.  So burned up, out.  I was afraid one might be dead, more?  When the world seems dark, it seems very dark.  Still, to it.  And to great relief.  None were even fully out of water.  A few were out of food, but... that's fine.  And I have six new ducklings.  I'm not sure who the mother is, or who sat them really.  As, I think, they are communally laying.  No more, however, it is getting too late in the season.  But, all good.  All were fine, healthy, happy, and... apparently, often enough, horney.  It is nearing the time to let the rabbits... do what rabbits do.

Well, and for the first day in some while, it is warm again.  I don't know what it got up to, but it was 78 out there just now.  Still cool, but this front room is about the same.  The main rooms are well cooler.  I may have to turn an ac on tonight.  That... actually helped.  The weather can shut me off as if it was my light switch.  Did, shut me off.  But it was restful.  Now to see if I can pick back up.

Then, the girls were fed.  I've been doing pretty good with them?  I think so.  They... remind me.  If they have become overly pushy.  Still, I try to keep them in bread and lap time.  Even when I don't know what I am doing, and don't feed myself.  They have also been consuming sardines and the au jus.  Odd birds, if you ask me.

Finally.  It was time.  I only saw the number of calls, at first.  So many!  But, thankfully, I saw a text had been sent, so reviewed it first.  To... brace myself for the worst...

Well, it... isn't a worst case scenario.  My mother did become ill, again.  Had to be admitted.  Back to the hospital.  She is being treated for several problems, and is likely to go back to the nursing facility.  Pulse very high, bp lower than liked.  Hmm, I don't like that.

Beside that, his father in law, with prostrate cancer, has had to be admitted.  That... may not be good at all.  They haven't been able to find a doctor, last I heard.  Neither in Vegas or where they live.  They found help in both places, easily, for the mil, with her own cancer.  Perhaps they don't prefer to treat men anymore?

I... was mad.  I called.  But I held back.  I was going to mince words with him, but... held my tongue.  He... started out a little angry, but the tone changed so quickly.  I learned the rest of it.  And know they are struggling with all of their parents going down, sort of, at once.  And now, two into the hospital.  He is shot, this is out of his league, as it is for all, and he is just breaking down.

I am glad I kept my mouth shut.  He... just needed to talk.  I was happy to listen.  And soothe, as able.  I assured him I will help.  I gave other words of comfort.  Suggesting taking one thing at a time.  Sweet nothings, really.  But, possibly, something for his mind to grab.  A focus, one of several were offered.  And prayers.  He was about to go and I told him I loved him.  He almost just went... but... said it back.  Tight times.  Good thing to say and hear.

So... there...  I can handle that.  I can handle more.  I will, in time, one way or another.  If I suspect in many ways.  It's good.  At least I am not, yet, going to plan a funeral.  Alone.  I'll... try to outlive her.  The one decent thing I can yet offer her.  I just... have to... now get my shit together.  I'm not sure when she will be out.  I think he wants me back now.  I don't think that will work.  I can't stay an indefinite time.  I have, maybe, two weeks.  Maybe, possibly, a month?  

That would best be spent with her at home.  Without my tech, and without her trying to have me do hard work, I can split the difference.  Cooking, with some help with dishes.  Washing clothing, if she will fold.  Splitting the difference.  Though, shopping for us.  We can make a list together.  And getting her out to her guy's house, to help there.  I don't mind.  Helping someone else is easier than helping myself.  Especially if they can help part way.

We will see.  But, okay.  Good afternoon and day, nearly night.

Ugh.

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Not sure when I went to bed.  I know I looked at the clock sometime before bed, and it was ~03:20?  Now, how much longer I was awake, that I can't say.  Probably no more than an hour, but time can fly or crawl, not... always easy to gauge.  Odd how, as supposedly invariable time is, my perception of it can vary so.  I don't think I am alone in it.

I want to call mom.  But I think I need to give her time.  I worry about her greatly.  I'm not worried about my collapse, it happens.  I am worried about hers.  She hasn't ever failed like this.  And, I know from experience, it is a difficult thing.  It, all by itself, can be lethal.  I just... don't die well.  And, yet, hounding her will just chase her away from keeping in touch, make her secretive.  I've... when I first began falling, I did the same.  I have decades of experience in handling falling.  Noobs... have it something awful.

A shower, before long.  It is 13:02 as I sit, probably up no more than an quarter hour, or less.  Cats have been fed.  Ducks and rabbits, soon.  Probably attempt to do that all in one go.  As well, litter must be tended.  I am wrestling with... death?  Or the proximity of it I endure from time to time.

The game IS helping me.  It keeps me awake, thinking, engaging the world to within my capacity.  It forces me to learn, think, do psychically mechanical things, and engage theory and math, actually.  It, with my will so low, is eating me.  But I'd rather have a game eat me, than the pillow.  At least I am awake to feed the animals and... just... not be asleep.

I need to do a bit of shopping.  Grocery shopping.  Something I have, generally, been keeping on hand lately, is cold cuts, raw veggies, and cheeses.  And I recently got fresh eggs.  An easy fix.  Still have to clean, but... this is doable.  Or, as he suggest, use tin foil as a disposable bowl, within the ramekin.  Though one egg?  Seems a bit light.  Still, one would be better than nothing.  I've... gotta eat!