Ribs are feeling better.

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.

The area of pain is getting smaller.  The amount of pain is less per area.  It still hurts.  Burns, in there.  But... less, smaller area, less reactive.  When I stretch, it doesn't cause as much pain.  Still not sure what that is all about.    I will probably never know.  Why would it feel like fire?  Burn.  All along the ribs in there.  Down to about a third of the area it was at for the last... two... three... weeks?

I don't know if extra water pills are helping, but trying that is when it seemed to diminish.  Perhaps it was storing extra fluid in there, and causing a separation of the tissues?  But I've not had that before.  I only tried extra water pills as much because my feet were hurting as because I thought that might be the case.  Plus, I didn't have any other ideas about what to do.

Still rough, cranky, in there.  I have started to drink less.  Though, right when I say that, I end up being extra thirsty and doubling my intake.  I get down to a gallon a day, stick to that for a week or month, then find myself drinking three gallons a day, of a sudden.  Trying to attend to needs, limits, and all, is nearly impossible.  Sometimes I eat too much, or drink too much, or either too little.  Forget meds, or take too much and have blood sugar crashes.  Difficult to pay attention to a body, when I have other things on my mind.  It doesn't seem very able to fend for itself, and I... have... things on my mind, things to do.

With it raining, I may try to put up the tarp anyway.  I'd like to get a shower today, as well.  And do some dishes.  Will see.  I am enjoying the cool.  I know it will be gone, for a while, soon.  Though, too, really?  It will be a short summer.  It already is a short summer.  June, July, and August, at most.  March, April, and May are gone, were very cool, even down to freezing often enough.  August is always sketch, as to whether it will be summery or hitting fall, or even having hints of winter.  Though, who knows.  September has been rather warm before.  But... I have my doubts.  Though, to be honest, the rains are terribly needed.

We will see.  The world is getting colder, populations and economies have been destroyed, the fiction and stupidity of chipping everything is about at an end, and it will be back to purely mechanical.  Nobody wants a car with so much electronics that we don't know what they are tracking or how.  Even what we say?  I am wondering if the chip problem wasn't created by the parts of governments which want people to have freedom.  Yes, it is still out there, if it is fighting the Goliath of the rest of government.

Funny thing, though?  The part that is against cheap energy?  Must be for slavery.  You really only have two options.  Slavery or cheap energy.  It is funny, though, that the Democrats, who are against cheap energy?  Have always been pro-slavery.  From sex slavery, to sweatshops even in the big cities, to drug and vote mules, to literal slaves.  Maybe they will get what they want.  As to Harris?  Her lineage were infamous slave owners.  Don't let the left notions fool you.  It was a black who won the first right to outright own someone at the supreme court level.

No, I don't support slavery.  Though, compared to abortion, it is a lessor evil.  So, there is that.  And, with abortion still legal?  Meh.  Your mileage will vary, but the truth is what I have just told you.  Anyway, we will see how things work out.  Either back to cheap energy, and machines, or on into literal slavery.  No real choice.  Chips have their own part to play.  Should be interesting to see how things work out.  Later.

Very late.

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.

Not down until 01:30?  01:06?  Something like that.  I just... I know it was after one, but not the rest.  Up at 11:05.  Had to call Sassy, to come up and allow me to give her petting and itcher scratchers.  She is still a bit nervous about coming upstairs, but when I tell her my problem, she will.  She loves being itched and petted, and she is hungry... always... but especially in the mornings.  So, she came up and we spent five minutes giving her attention, which helps me wake.

She is fed, first thing.  I have a fatted coffee set up, awaiting the water to heat.  The machine was turned on first thing, and was ready by the time I did the other little things.

I dreamed mother called.  She wanted me to come home, for a meal.  I was living in a wood shed, mostly.  It was three hours and some of a drive, at highway speeds.  I would guess I lived on the plain of Nebraska?  Anyway, I made it home in time for supper.  We had a good day, her guy was there.  And I think some of his family and maybe some of outs.  Just... a nice thing.  I stayed over, then returned the next day.

Sometimes, dreams can be quite pleasant.

It is 65 upstairs, 63 everywhere else.  It is 45% humidity.  One of my devices considers that low.  But it is only that high because it has been raining off and more on for the last two days, and the windows are mostly open.  Oddly, I am quite happy with 63.  Though, perhaps, that is half why I slept so late, and couldn't sleep last night?  Oh, and it is 43 outside.

Coffee should be ready.

As for today?  I'd like to get trash and recycling out.  Not much, but I may be able to get the boxes in the front room carted out and put in whichever barrel will take them.  I may be able to get all of the boxes out, should be?  We'll see.  If I can get most of them, next week will take the rest?  Who ever can be certain.

Now to get anything down to the cellar, before it gets hot.  Bottled water to canned foods.  I have most of it down, but need to get the rest of it down.  Before it gets and stays hot.  Blood sugar is 166 fasting, which... it really shouldn't be!  The lowest I could get it yesterday, if being rather cautious with insulin, was 160.  I don't dare use a heavier dose.  I guess I just have to... go slow, and careful, and... let it works it's way through.  No more than 20 cc's, and that only when I eat a larger meal.  Say, 14 cc's with a fatted coffee, or small meal, like sardines.  Later.

Late...

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.

But, with the nap, and the cold, and rain, it should work out well enough.

I had a keen supper.  Roast beef, sliced thin, with peas and green beans, and gravy.  Really good, to be honest.  The only thing that would have made it better would have been potatoes.  I did add fast acting insulin, but it didn't lower blood sugar at all.  Which is odd.  Everything I ate was low carb, and I didn't eat much of it.  So... a second fatted coffee, a can of sardines, and another dose of insulin.

Strange daydreams.  All day, really... as may have been noticed.

I dreamed I had died, for a short while.  This time I don't think so.  I... think I have been to that edge, before, possibly over it.  Today, though, was just a dream... while awake, mostly.  The weather, the cool air, the rain...  just a strange confluence of events which made such a dream come about.  I didn't mind.  It was... comfortable.  Besides, I had the feeling, that when I die, I am just... well... it's what you might consider a nap.  Get old enough, and naps are... not a luxury, a requirement.  As is death, for some... very old ones.

I did call my mother today.  Just to check in.  Trying to not be... difficult.  Just... checking in on her, from time to time.  As I have suggested to others, with children, or the elderly, whether sainted or not, they need to be treated as if so.  Just... trust me.  Do that thing and you will understand other things, even if you are far from sainthood.  Trust, or don't.  You have been advised.

Still a bit rough, regarding ribs.  The odd thing is, hitting my torso doesn't cause increased pain.  Well, I suppose I could hit hard enough, but... that it doesn't increase the pain in the ribs... add to what is there?  If I hit myself hard enough to hurt myself, it would be a new pain.  That... doesn't make sense.  Still, it's... good, I guess.  It isn't psychosomatic, though, either.  Not sure... what it is.

I am adding water pills, wondering if that might not be it, or some part of it.  It... might even be helping.  My feet feel better.  And the ribs have been feeling slightly better, or... different.  Will see in a day or two.

Raining, again.  It did stop long enough for the sidewalk to mostly dry off, or seem to do so.  But it has been raining again, for at least an hour?  I didn't realize it at first, so no telling how long it has been raining.  A pleasant thing, to sleep to, during.  At least for me.  Goodnight.

Can't sleep or wake.

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.

I am sort of inbetween those two.  It is nice an cool.  Which I am enjoying.  Near the computer is the warmest, at 72.  If I opened the door, though, it would chill deeply and quickly.  The living room, and rest of the house, is more like 66 to 68... for now.  I do have it open, but I like the fresh air.

I may attempt to game a bit.  Not sure I can stay awake well enough to focus that much.  Not really interested, either.  Wouldn't want to try a new game, that just... takes way too much focus to sort out.  If all the old games I have are dull or have proven broken.

The problem with gaming, at this point, is nobody wants a ps5, even if they could get it at the promised price.  And all games are being made for the ps5.  But the updates are being crafted to attempt to make the ps4 be able to sort of limp by through the games... which are poorly crafted to boot.  Until something changes, the gaming industry is dead.  No one who can afford a decent computer is using it to play games, either, at this point.  Mining bitcoins, and else, and probably on their bosses, or neighbors, energy bill whether the other knows it or not.

My guess is, a lot of game buys are bogus.  Much like likes on social media, even many blog visits... fictions.  Though, for some, the likes and visits are hidden.  I've watched visits disappear on my site.  First, there are five, then two... or one, immediately, then it's gone.  Everything you see, or don't see, at this point, is a fiction.  Understand that.

But games?  Until everyone is at least up on the new platforms, and no one is going for it, gaming is dead.  I am beginning to suspect they don't even program.  They just have bits and parts of programs they try to meld.  It's all component parts, with most of their programmers in the bug fix area.  If... in truth... they have very few dedicated, functional, programmers.  And, given the modular aspect of game construction, there isn't all that much they can do.  Make the visuals tiny, so it has a chance to run, poorly even then, on a ps4, older computer, or such.  All last gen trying to run next gen.  Plus, horribly programming and political correctness by hating "minorities", women included.

This... isn't going to end well.  Which makes me think they, the elites, believe we are in the end game.  They think they will win, and wipe out "Rome".  They are doing it to the Romans, with what the Romans built, as well.  Interesting how that works.  Bread and circuses really does work at destroying a nation from within.

Oh, I may well end, easily or harshly.  But... I just... don't think it will be the first, or last, time.  And, if so, it would be for a cause.  Not... necessarily mine.  But... I have surrendered my causes, here.  I realize I can't win.  I am not in control, even when I happen to seem to win.  It isn't my game.  King?  Of myself, if to, a king is only a greater servant.  Understand these things and... prepare to kill... or die.

A longer nap.

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.

Though, not just because I hurt, or was tired.  The thermometer read 64, when I went in.  Until an hour or two ago, it had dropped to 54... without fan, and with the door to the downstairs closed.  As I am waking, it was back up to 64.  The cool.  I couldn't break out, other than to notice it was so cool.  I had all three blankets piled on, so wasn't cold.  But sleep... it was perfect for sleep.  I needed some good, comfortable sleep.  It's been a while?  If nothing else, the terrible sleep last night, from the heat, made sleep really desirable.

Well, some things planned for today are off.  Which means something hoped for tomorrow is off.  I didn't have a lot of options.  None, to be absolutely fair.  Blood sugar is 162.  I am surprised it didn't go up more.  Often, when I nap, it does increase.  No matter what has happened, if being mildly managed.  I'll have something, and a bit more insulin, then see how it goes.  The weekly average is 160, so... okay.

I best let people know my plans are off.  I do my best, but I am right on the edge of something final.  I do what I can do.  Hmm, perhaps roast, and some veggies... or a salad.  One meal a day, these days, if a fatted coffee or two, and light snacks.  If I could get to being more active, I might... get in better shape?  Who knows.  It's the idea.  When it gets warmer, as I acclimate to it, maybe?  We'll see.

Later.

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Ah, informed my people that I wouldn't be available.  So... there is that.  And was informed that a package, I had ordered, was sent to the wrong address?  But would be rerouted.  There isn't anything I ordered, but I did receive only a partial package of something.  Perhaps they are sending the rest of that?  Don't know what it could be otherwise.  Though, ups doesn't usually deliver on Saturdays... sometimes, not always.  Perhaps for push orders or holidays?

And... strange thoughts and dreams... and... vids to go with.  More like things I... see through the eyes of others.  Not... necessarily true.  Though... surprised they watch, so would see, think, such things?  Whatever.  Interesting.  Could be just A.I. pops... but... I sense... not.

Pops... not sought... not wanted.  I... see.

Rough.

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.

A fatted coffee and a small dose of insulin.  Hoping that will handle blood sugar.  At 8 cc's, it shouldn't be too much.  Pill medicines down.  I am using a few extra waterpills.  While it doesn't look like my feet are swollen, the last few days has felt like it.  That burning, for skin too tight.  I haven't been drinking much, thought that doesn't always matter.  If the body retains fluid, it doesn't matter, to a degree, how much I drink.

Still raining?  Yes.  Pretty much all day so far.  It is supposed to rain for the next three days?  We'll see.  The water restrictions aren't severe, so far.  Twice a week, before 10:00, after 18:00.  And, I think, a different restriction for non-culinary water... for those who have that, odd or even days, splitting the town in two though.  I don't have secondary water, so not my issue for good or ill.

I am thinking a nap may be required.  Trying to make it to noon.  Feeling a bit better, save for the ribs.  So cranky in there.  I am wondering if it is just my body readjusting to losing weight, or size?  Can't be sure.  But why just one side?  It isn't the organs, just the ribs and skin over them, on that left side.  It's been a while now.

I'll make it to noon, I think.  Just a bit more than an hour to go.  Hopefully, just a short nap.  Well, two hours, or less.

I keep daydreaming of the times I know I died and the times I am pretty sure I died.  I don't think it is a portent, just... a dark day and sleepy mind tinkering as it will.  I can't believe it is still raining.  A very strange event.  Later.

Down later.

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It was... around 23:15?  Actually, I think it was that exactly.  Difficulty getting to sleep, difficulty even getting up there.  Too warm!  It was still 74, upstairs and down, and didn't cool off most of the night.  I will have to set up the ac's.  Not... necessarily turn both on, right away.  But... have them set, and be prepared to at least turn one on.  It was too late to tinker with them last night.

And, it stayed warm most of the night.  Something arrived sometime early this morning.  How early?  Well after 01:00, I do believe, perhaps after 03:30?  If I remember rightly.  I am thinking just at sunup.  I thought I saw the sun, first thing when it should rise, then... gone.  And, as I wake this morning, rain.  The house has cooled to 70/71 everywhere.

Great, but I have a heat headache from trying to sleep through the heat of last night.  It isn't horrible, when I get used to it.  But being ten degrees warmer than the high for... since it was averaging in the 50's, yea, it caught me out.  Surprised I was able to wake, and this early.  It is 07:33.  Then again, that is right around eight hours.  But I have generally been sleeping ten to twelve, more on dark days, so...

I had to get up, and come back down, to take the slow acting.  I... just ignored, because I was tired.  But my conscience wouldn't let me let it go.  So, up, down, the shot, and then back to bed.  But, too, I felt the need for carb tabs.  Which... I am out of?  I only was able to find two containers.  Oh well.  I did find lifesavers, and had a few of those.  Same carb count, same ingredients, really.  I worried about blood sugar, but...  It is 164 fasting.  I may have needed that.  Again.  Ugh.  I think I only took 14~16 cc's of fast acting insulin yesterday.  Shouldn't have had a crash.  I may have to reduce slow acting by a few cc's every few days until that settles?  I will start tonight.  Perhaps between diet and else, my body is becoming more sensitive to insulin.  It... just must be.

A dream.  A group of groups of my past guy pals.  Three brother cousins, three friends from highschool if more specific from different schools, and three Navy friends, and three friends from various colleges, and a few local friends from here and now... all gathered for... no particular reason?  Sort of on a car camping meetup, for a sort of food festival.  Not... fancy food.  Guy food... hot dogs, hamburger, maybe a steak... veggies and some salads, sent along by wives, girlfriends, or homemade by some of us.

I couldn't keep up.  Sleep was keeping me out of as much involvement as I would have liked.  Though, too, I realized I wasn't welcome?  I... was, but to, I...  I understand.  And, everyone who visits here understands.  I don't belong.  In any group.  Though I think some get the wrong idea, too.  Still, I... understood.  It made waking and being a part of the event... difficult.  I still tried, but... I didn't want to interfere, either.  I was there just enough to meet, greet, and speak with each one.

Though, too, I don't think the groups got along.  And, in a way, each individual felt... alone.  Just as alone as I felt, for their own reasons.  I went to sleep one evening, and like yesterday, it turned dark and I couldn't wake until late.  Only my cousins and my college friends remained.  I didn't get to say goodbye to the others.  And, even my cousins and college friends were dodgy about hellos, and goodbyes.  Oh, don't... worry, I... know, and am used, to such.  It is my lot.  Hurts?  Of course.  But what can you do?  Grin.  Bear it.  Meh.

Rough morning.  The headache is smoothing out, a bit.  Feelings, if jangled, are being ironed out.  Ribs still are rough, but slightly improving, or at least not devolving further.  It is 46 and raining, has been raining long enough to wet the driveway, even producing mudpuddles.... which have to be just from this... so a reasonable amount of moisture.

I don't know what I have been doing, but I am bruised in an half dozen places.  Big old silver dollar blots of angry colors, here and there.  They don't hurt, if I am not going and playing doctor, by touching them and asking "does this hurt".  Well fuck yeah, dickhead.  I'm telling you.  I have taught doctors not to ask stupid questions, or do stupid things.  My size, and a dirty look, usually keeps them to just asking simple questions from 'over there'.  It's good to be the size of the largest of male black bears... or even larger in some ways.  People aren't as interested in doing stupids.  Anyway... not sure what... how I got them.

I don't know if I can make it, as planned, today.  I am in a bit of physical trouble.  I pushed yesterday.  And, with the heat last night, it's a rough one.  Will... try to at least get some things done.  Though, too, I will try to do what I said I would.  If not, I'll... let them know I can't make it.  I do my best, but it's a rigged game.  Not supposed to win?  I'm not supposed to be breathing.  There is no "win".  

About bedtime.

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.

The quiche was only so-so.  I had feared the spinach, but actually that was rather good.  When cooked as it was, the raw, almost fishy, flavor was gone.  It was actually nearly sweet.  Why, otherwise, I was not happy with it?  I can't say, for certain.  The bacon wasn't bad, or too strong.  Actually, it was a very mild, background, sort of flavor.  Onion was not really noticed.  Everything was just a bit too... bland?  Still, it was okay.

After, I roasted the beef.  Because of the lack of interest in the quiche, I did have some of the beef.  Now that was absolutely delicious.  I kept portions small, but had two servings.  Absolutely fantastic.  I just need to put that up, to make sure I have some for tomorrow and possibly the day after.

I didn't get to the tarp.  Or dishes.  I have done what I can do.  Now I just need to relax, and let food digest enough to sleep.  It is just turning 22:00.  So, while not perfect, it... will do.  Not as early as hoped, but I had a successful day.  Not perfectly, not everything planned or hoped, but... much.

Now to sleep, soon, it is hoped.  Goodnight.

It's going.

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Dishes are getting a rinsing soak, save for the frying pans.  Only using one, but both have been dried and set for use... one in use.  Frying bacon cubes and now onions in with that.  Sure smells good, even just as is.  I am thinking about adding fresh veggies, too.  But I think that would just be too much.  The oven is turned on, heating up, and should be ready right in time.

I also thought about frying the veggies that I am using, in with the bacon and onions.  And... I may.  Just adding a very slight bit of color, and absorbing flavor.  Peas and beans, anyway.  I think I'll skip adding the spinach.  But that should be very well drained by now?  I'll check it, and work it a bit more, each time I stir the frying foods.

I may be at an end though.  I have done what I can.

I have hopes for tomorrow, and Sunday.  But, perhaps not as much as I had hoped.  Not everything I had planned for today, obviously, will be done.  And, it may not carry over until tomorrow.  Still, it's been a good day.  And, even then, it isn't necessarily completely over.  I may be yet able to put up the dried dishes, and dry and set out what is left.  As well, I may roast the chuck roast yet tonight.

I was a bit worried, so had some food for a snack... with blood sugar going down.  And, I have a bit of a headache, possibly from the quick drop in blood sugar, though maybe for the warmed temps.  It got pretty warm, 78 here by the machine.  Which... isn't horrible.  but compared to 64 most days until just today and yesterday?  Something like that... yes, it gets to me.

Blood sugar, just now, was 105.  So... I am good with that.  No need for fast acting insulin tonight, but I do have to hit the slow acting.  I am using that as my primary, trying to get it to do most of the heavy lifting.  And... it... might be doing it.  

I may even try to work with the tarp yet tonight.  Maybe.  Still, I'd like to be in bed by 20:00, if I'm not sure that is possible.  It will more likely be between 22:30 and midnight, if I get the roast going, get to dishes, and play with the tarp.  Ugh.  We will see.  Later.

Yes, well...

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.

Too much planned.  Even so, I am getting to things.

Chores are finished, fresh water brought in.  Dishes given a once over, and the stovetop at least hit once.  I'll get back to it when I can.  Doing the dishes, and resetting them to a fresh hot soapy soak, took it out of me.  It isn't that they are dirty, it is more that there was a lot of grease.  So... that is just going to take as long as it takes.  Though, this next time, most things will be clean.  A few things, cookie sheets I have been using in the oven to catch things, may need another soapy soak and scrub even after this.

I'll try to get the dishes which are dry put away.  Not sure I can hit laundry.  As a fact, I plan not to, not today.  But I might be able to finish dishes, or most of them.  Put away the dry.  Clean the stovetop.  And maybe, just maybe, tinker with the tarp.  Actually, I will set the alarm for an hour and an half.  If I can do something then, it will be to work on the tarp, getting the guylines arranged, and possibly attached, work on the ridgeline, and get it staked out, at least mildly.  Though, really, I'd like to get a standard and a heavy rigging, and begin practicing with each.  And, over time, see what works best in actual inclement weather.

Cloudy, out there.  Also 80.  Fully overcast, last I checked.  I hate when it looks like cool weather but feels like summer in Iowa... late spring.  A bit humid, or seems it.  That bleh feel of 80 and even moderate humidity is... I think bleh covers it.

All good.  At least I am sort of keeping on things.  Haven't gotten to the quiche, but will.  I need to chop an onion, but the rest is pretty much as is.  I had thought to... no... since I have to fry bacon, want to, I'll do onions while at it.  I'll let the bacon cook down, then add onion?  I could probably cook them right together, if I stay on top of them.  Yea.  I wish I had fresh garlic, but I just can't keep up on it!  Every time I buy it, by the time I go to use it, it is done.  I'm hoping the onions are still good.  I'm buying those by the bag, looking the bags over closely first though.  It is cheaper, and I lose no more than I do when I hand pick the onions, but buy at about half the price.  Smaller, but that's okay.  Little... changes, as I learn, as prices jump, in time.  Surrender?  There... isn't always a choice.  If some surrenders aren't all that bad.

Well... back to gaming, I guess.  I'll check blood sugar, and maybe moderate?  It had gone up to 195, after fatted coffee, from the fasting reading.  I took a bit of fast acting, with fatted coffee.  Wow, 14 cc's took it down to 99.  I am glad I was being half cautious with the dose.  Very strange how fast it dives with almost no real effort.  I'll... tiptoe, for a while.  Wow.  Later.

Not bad.

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.

A shower, dishes set up.  Mostly pots and pans, but a few pieces of flatware, a few smaller dishes, some larger serving and cooking utensils...  Soaking, in a big enough tub that they should clean up well and easily.  This should clear off everything, and be really good in about an hour, or more like two.  I'll set the timer after this.

As well, I looked through the pantry, for additives in the quiche.  Peas, green beans, and... something else.  Of course, as well, the spinach.  To be honest, at least by volume, I am very happy with the spinach.  As I opened the can to let it drain, I was amazed at how much spinach, and how little fluid, there was.  I had not been very happy about the price, but... for price and quality, it... was as much as I was willing to pay... actually more... but given what was available?  That was it, or nothing.  And I... wanted something.  So... at least they didn't just add water to ten leaves and call it good.  Further, even draining, it really is pretty solid leaf.

Well, that is draining.  As pans are being soaked.  As well, I at least cleared off the stovetop.  It needs washed, badly.  But the nice thing about flattops is they clean up so very easily.  I have scraped it, and gotten the loose off.  It just needs washed.  I'll do that as I rinse and change the water for a second soak, or rinse, of the dishes.  The first wash will use the old water, if... that is good enough.  Or... a fresh bit, in one of the pots, before I reset it all.

As well, I refilled some of the smaller waterers, so in a short bit I will be able to do chores.  One little thing off the list at a time.  It's all anyone can do.  Warming up in this front room, but the main of the house is still staying cooler.  For now.  In time, that just won't be the case.

I was starting to feel hungry.  I needed food.  Blood sugar has gone up, so I too fast acting and ate kippers... a type of sardine.  A different fish, usually.  But, really, all the canned fish are pretty much the same, to my eyes.  Oh, and I recently found that the omega 3s, in chia?  Don't translate well.  But, what does, are the kipper/sardine/else type of smaller canned fish.  Those are the highest doses of less toxic omega 3s.  Don't even think of farmed or Chinese fish.  Though, who really knows.  You can be pretty sure they aren't tracking labels honestly.  China has enough money and push to do whatever it wants.  Or... did.  Things... are changing.  But our bureaucrats haven't suddenly gotten honest.

Hell, cops won't even go in to stop an active shooter?  Union over function, every day of the week.  They even arrested a mother who did it herself.  Yeah.

Anyway... I'll take a break, then get to dishes, the stove, dinner, and the tarp.  Actually, the hammock is easy as pie to put up.  And the main of the tarp will be too, with the heavy duty ridgeline I wove.  But, tying it out, for various configurations?  That will take a bit of time, and thought.  Practice is the only way.  Oh, and trekking poles can be handy, for porch arrangements, or other preferred setup configurations.  And, of course, if all else fails, the tarp and poles can offer some cover even without trees.

Well... on to my break.  Oh, and setting the timer.  I am hoping, with pots and pans cleaned, to get the meatballs browned and partly cooked, for the stew tomorrow.  Maybe something else, as well?  Yes, I could get the roast done, and set up, for the next few days.  Eating right, good, takes... work.  Shopping, preparing, choosing well, cooking ahead of time, and on time, plus dishes and keeping cooking and prep stations open.  Ugh.  It's... a difficult task for a solo soloer!  If only there was a legit way to meet dames.  Well, and a sanity test that works, other than spending lots of times with them.  Bleh.  Later.

Tempting.

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I have been having trouble getting to anything.  But, today, I am going to try to push through.  A shower first.  Right after this.  I mean it.  Then?

Oh, then something to eat.  I haven't been cooking or eating well lately.  Not at all.  I... can't stay focused, remember, get to things.  Coffee, but that... even fatted, just isn't food.  I have been hungry, just not... that hungry?  Something like that.  But, I will get to it.  I am hoping to boil the older eggs.  Because those really are good, even if a bit old.  Actually, often, better if older, boiled.

But... I saw an idea.  I didn't like that particular conception, so went looking for a meal plan presented more like what I wanted, a bit more brief, and... yeah.  I found it.  This... I think I could do this.  It's... not fancy.  I don't have all those ingredients.  I have others, and can mix and match.  But, I... can do some such.  Probably bacon, chopped and fried, with the onion, instead of mushrooms.  I just don't have mushrooms.  Spinach, I have canned, not frozen.  And want to try it.  As well, I could see using a can of the green beans.  Different, but it would do.  And, no feta, but I do have parmesan.  Yea, I think so.

I have been looking.

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While I really am pushing for hammock camping, I honestly haven't even slept in a hammock.  Ever!  And, yet, I... believe in the idea.  However, believing in an idea does not mean it is practical, possible, or even allowed everywhere an always.  So, while I have been looking at videos of people going camping, and setting up, and else, I wasn't sure about the more serious hikes.

Not... that I may ever go.  Maybe, maybe not, on longer hikes.  Probably not, simply because just waking up before seven, some mornings, without the sun to push, can be difficult?  Well, among other things.  But, the idea is to, some day go.  Or... at least... be ready, should the opportunity and inclination collide. So?  So, I kept looking for videos.  Then I thought of... what to ask.  Hammock camping on the Appalachian Trail?

A few hits, that seemed interesting.  One was very short, straightforward, and said "yes".  The next?  Ah-ha!  A negatively leaning noob!  Perfect.  A sister after my own heart, by my calculations.  Hey, I'm not counted as a doubting Thomas because I'm cheery and sunshine.  She could, for her part in that, on this topic anyway, join my club any day.

Awake, mostly.

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I got down just a touch late, 21:00 and change... quarter, half?  Thereabouts.  It was a bit warmer up there, 73?  I think so.  Wind was going heavy, I had two fans and two windows open.  It got cool enough, or by feel, around 01:15ish, that I turned the closest fan off.  But, too, I had to get carb tabs.  Crawling much of the way for I had become too shaky in my muscles to stand well or easily.  Being sleepy can do that, but so can sugar shock from too low of the stuff.  Probably a bit of both?

I took one group of ten, then had to craw back for a second.  I was pretty messed up.  I figured blood sugar would be in the two to three hundred range this morning.  but had no choice, or felt I didn't.  I would have gotten down to eat carrots, celery, and peanut butter, but there was no way I was going to easily get down, or maybe even back up, the stairs.  So... tabs it was.

Must have really needed them.  Blood sugar, this morning, is 163?  Right.  With blood sugar so high, I took a larger fast acting dose, but earlier in the day.  Then, with everything normalized, and a bit more to eat without any more insulin, I took the slow acting stuff as usual, right before I went to bed.  I've not had blood sugar drop, over that many hours, and over an extra meal... snack actually... between.  And slow acting has never dropped my blood sugar like that before.  Perhaps I am eating so much less, everything has much more of both a direct and indirect affect?  I'll... just have to be more careful.

Fatted coffee, first thing.  Sassy has been fed, since I am up later.  I'll have, say 6 or 8 cc's of fast acting, with the fatted coffee.  It was 09:15 when I woke.  The sun, which I have become dependent upon to wake, wasn't up this morning.  The first dark day in... a while.  Between that and the insulin crash last night, I had difficulty waking, even crawling out of bed when I did was a bit of a trick.

I'll try to get a shower, and then dishes set up.  Put away what is left of the dry items, maybe tinker with laundry, and... just... do things today.  Chores are back on in the queue.  Today or tomorrow, that today is preferred.  Ugh.  It is overcast, out there, but already to 72.  It is mostly 70 in the house, top, back, main, and front... mostly, or close enough.  Summer is approaching with a heat hammer.

Later.

A slow day.

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A good day.  Warm.  Warmer.  It got to 80 outside.  Only got to about 76 in here, in the front room, and upstairs.  Cooler elsewhere.  But... that will be changing before long.  It looks like summer is finally approaching.

Sassy and I have made up, fully.  We both realize that neither of us meant... anything.  We just... both got a jump start scare, and some heavy pain.  Once we... sorted things out, and made up, life is back to normal.  I don't want her to ever fear me.  And, if I had been more awake I wouldn't have hit her.  And, I think she knows it.  She was probably about as asleep as I was, just reacting.  All good.  I'll... be more careful in the future.  Even if she does a bad, I don't wish to hurt her.  She just isn't a bad girl.  She wouldn't hurt me on purpose.  I just wasn't awake enough to make a right conscious choice.  I have no problems with her fighting back.

Oh, you can tell if a cat still holds a grudge.  It's in their eyes.  And, further, she would know.  She looks in my eyes, and clears me or doesn't.  We are cleared of... all charges.  And, we have had a good day.  Yes, I will leave the door open, for upstairs.  She is more than welcome.

Oddly, I almost never sleep on my back.  All just an odd, weird, strange, painful, experience.  But... that is life.

I thought about food out, but I couldn't get out.  And, he who I call, from time to time, to beg for a delivery, had the day off.  And took it off?  If after a very late night working last night.  So...  But I was hungry.  Couldn't really get to cooking.  So, popcorn.  But, my blood sugar, for some crazy reason, went from 127 to 230, with just one bowl of popcorn!  And, nothing sweet on it.  Just butter and salt.  Absolutely crazy.  I've never had popcorn do that before.  Thirty points, okay.  But a hundred?  Oh well, I'll... work on it.

So, I'm having a second fatted coffee, with fast acting insulin.  And, I have the slow acting ready, for a bit later.  Just a bit later.

I didn't get to almost anything.  But I did go out and visit the rabbits.  Just... checking in.  I'd like to do it several times a day.  But, that... can't always happen.  Though, as the world warms up, perhaps more visits?  Maybe.  Good... night?  Maybe.

Nearly 13:00.

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Noonish?  Or, is it noon from start to stop?  If so, then noon it is.

A nap.  Just... couldn't keep rolling through.  Down at nearly eleven, up just a bit after... well... noon.  *grins*  Funny how words can complicate simple seeming matters.  If thoughts come first?  Then an attempt at definition?  Either learning what tradition says, or creating it from scratch.  Is conformation always correct?  I would say it is better, simply to understand and to be understood.  So... yes, conformity is... a form of wisdom.  If... however, that isn't the goal of all, or even many?

It is 78 out there.  I visited the rabbits.  Just to say hello, look in on them.  No signs of kitting.  I think they are finished.  Really, it looks like I am just waiting for them to die.  I'll keep trying to get them to go at it, if nothing else, just because they would, and more often, if they could.

Hungry, but not really quite ready to cook.  Or even eat.  I have stuff I could put together, in short order.  I am just... hungry, but not that hungry.  I may fast today.  Fatted coffee, however.  If with calories, I don't really consider it food.  

Oh, about food?  I have heard that chia seed doesn't add anything like the omega 3s it has stored.  As little as one percent is actually transferred.  As a vegetal source, it needs to be translated, and just a bit of it actually is.  Still, it is a really good breakfast, otherwise.  Filling, without being fast carbs.  All fiber carbs, not a bad thing... within moderation.  Good for a few breakfasts a week.  Not today.

It is up to 78 out there, but is staying around 70 inside, for now.  That won't last.  Partly cloudy, but very partly.  A few wisps of puff, here and there, trying to figure out where to go to gather, or how to dissipate fully.  Not even really enough to try to make shapes from.  More something to have pity toward.  Though they probably do, collectively, bring some small amount of cooling.

Well... I'll... try to figure out to do a few things.  Or just rest well.  My ribs are feeling better.  The nap was wonderful.  Dreams within dreams, of soft, fluffy, pillows... in pairs, with perks.  Just... saying.  Didn't see them, dreaming without sight, just resting... on pillows.  Grapes would have been nice too.  :p

Have a good day.  Later.

---------

Out of curiosity, I researched Starlink.  I have no idea what their up/down load times are, or else.  But, in my area, you start with $650 in equipment and shipping, and $110 a month (probably with tax, fees, extra costs), though even if that is at face value, it... is nearly double what I am paying.  So... well... I looked.  Not sure I would have gone that way anyway.  But... was curious.  Now I know.

Up!?!

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What a waking.  Sassy was sleeping on me.  As I woke, I scared her, and she leapt away.  But... where she was sleeping made that... quite uncomfortable.  So, we had a little tussle.  We both lost.  Fair enough.  Around 05:30?  Give or take a quarter.  She ran on off downstairs, I followed shortly after.

She thought I was still after her.  Once I got bile down from my throat and began to understand what had happened, I stopped being... as... angry.  Cats can be such scaredy cat dingers.  If she hadn't jumped, she wouldn't have gotten pummeled and my hands wouldn't have punctures about them.  Silly bird.  Still, no, now that I was not just reacting.  I spoke with her, reassuringly.  Gave her pets and itches to let her know bygones were just that.  Then fed her right away.

Coffee is about ready.  And I checked the temp.  It is 37 or 38 out there.  I left the house open and the furnace off.  It is reading around 64/65 around the cave, but a warm 64/65... strange as that sounds.

I checked blood sugar, first thing.  Weird as heck.  It is 127 fasting?  That's... what it says.  That is with two night doses of slow acting insulin in a row, and one day where I started using medium to small doses of fast acting insulin.  Still, very strange.  Then again, I am eating less.  One main meal a day, supplemented with either fatted coffee or a secondary small meal.  And the main meal is relatively small... more out of frugality than any intent to lose weight, however.  

No real choice.  Food is too expensive at this point to eat much.  Still, I have... dome similar, before, and not even come close to this kind of recovery... without actually fasting.  All good, I won't complain a drop.  Might just be an outlier, but... these outliers always lead the way.  They aren't ever just completely random rare drops of data.  Always trendsetters.  Just... a very fast one, this time.  It was 201 just yesterday.  And, that was the first morning read I have done, and that after my first night dose of slow acting.  Hmm... Well?  Okay.

Today?  Another shower.  Dishes.  Laundry.  Rabbits, getting them to try to do their thing, if I think they are done.  I keep checking the ones which I tried to get to breed, but no signs.  I... I just don't know.  They may be simply done.  Medicine in, meatballs, and a stew, this afternoon.  Perhaps chops, if just baked.  They do well enough that way.  Perhaps cleaning the stove and oven?  Would be nice.  As well, checking my wardrobe, for readiness this Saturday... for confession, and maybe Sunday for mass?  It's the idea.  And, finally?  Maybe some work on the tarp and hammock.  A set up, maybe even a nap?  Then break back down?  We'll see.

Oh, I went to bed late.  Really late.  I think it was 22:30.  Not sure why.  Just... couldn't sleep, or more couldn't remember to sleep.  A short foray into insomnia.  Still, it worked out.  Later.

Someone.

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I woke someone up.  Things I forgot, and how I forgot them.

I checked a few times, and the... flood of mostly old but some new.  I won't play all.  Trying to curate, to a degree, for some small form of humility.  Some aspect of propriety.  If... you saw all, you'd... understand.  These are the milder ones, even as they might seem less so to eyes that haven't see all.

What do they mean?  What... do you think they mean?  I'll take my guesses, but keep them in my mind, behind my teeth.  If a few minor comments?

Yeah.  I... enjoy this one.  And, yes, she means it.  Exactly.

Chores.

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Done.

Hmm, what else?  Ah, insulin in.  Blood sugar was down to 144.  I had celery, carrots, and peanut butter, plus fast acting insulin.  Blood sugar is up to 159.  I think I will have another fatted coffee, and a bit more fast acting insulin.  As well, I have taken slow acting for the evening.

Ah, right.  I also put seven of the thinner guylines on the alien devices, then created ten heavier lines.  I ran out of the thinner lines, making mostly ten foot tieoffs.  I still have more for the heavier lines.  But, those don't fit, at least both ways, in the alien tighteners.  They will fit on one side, but not both.

I haven't worked with the tarp itself.  Not sure I will.  Though I would like to get it set up, tied in, get the ridgeline arranged, and... see how well it works, if I have enough lines for every fastening place, and how well the lengths work.  But, not today.  

Yes, Sassy has been fed, too.  I have been leaving the door open, so she can come up if she wants.  I get annoyed, from time to time, with her.  But, not lately.  It's how it goes with family, innit?

It was as high as 72 out there, but is already down to 66... last I looked, perhaps a quarter of an hour ago.  And, that is with the sun up and out.  It didn't look like it was overcast, as I had thought.  If so, it came and went before it hit 72.  So, that isn't why it cooled so quickly.

All good.  A bit of effort, some things done.  Oh, and I even put the remnants of the corned beef and cabbage... the stewings... up and away right as soon as they cooled.  Should be ready for sausaged meatballs tomorrow.  As well, I packaged the guylines in packets, ziplocs, per fit.  Then packaged them all inside a bigger package.  They'll stay dry and ready, and together, that way.

I am really looking forward to getting things set up.  See how well things work, how comfortable things are, how warm... and just play, like a real camper, for a while.  Soon, maybe tomorrow.  Well, on to some coffee, more insulin, then on to bed before too awfully long.

A wonderful shower.

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.

I really love those things.  It hasn't been that long, but I would be showering daily if I could get around to it.  And, maybe, I'll be getting around to it.  I plan on one as early tomorrow as possible.

I still have chores.  But I got the small waterers filled, bagged, and ready.  There are plenty of larger ones, already bagged and ready.  So it's just a matter of getting to it.  I think feed is already set up as well.  Oh, and it was 72 last I checked.  Though it might already be cooling.  All good.  It almost seems as if it is becoming overcast again?  I'll know in a bit.

I am still hoping to get some things going with the tarp.  Though, perhaps, instead of tying guyline directly to the tarp, I will create seven to ten foot lines, and put those in a baggy.  Perhaps more.  The tarp I have is... sized for... people like me.  Not a thing of pride, merely making sure I have enough to cover, at enough of a height, etc.  It's... just business.  I'd love to be able to go with smaller.  Smaller tarps, smaller clothes, less food.  Being a giant of some sort comes with costs.  Even a smaller giant spends through the nose to not be wet, or exposed, or wear pants that are too short, or shirts.  

Anyway, so, yeah.  I have two types of guyline.  I may actually produce a decade of each type.  One is lighter, and would be good for mild weather.  The others is much stronger.  I think the tarp has enough for, perhaps, twenty to a couple dozen lines.  And, a mix of weaker and stronger would do quite well.  Some will have gear, the alien devices.  Others will use either simpler devices or simple knots.  I'd like to gear for ease, but be ready for anything.  And learn each method.

Medicine has been taken, save the slow acting insulin.  But that is ready, in the fridge, in the syringe.  I think I need to feed Sassy as well as chores, and check her litter.  Nothing fancy, but I am sort of... doing okay today.  Not everything I had hoped, but... a number of things.  And, I think I'll get the lines set up, or what I had suggested.  It'll be a start.

Be well, stay well, prayers, and blessings.  Now... get off my porch!

Supper.

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Actually the last of the corned beef and cabbage.  There wasn't as much left as I had thought.  Basically about what I had yesterday and just enough for a solid meal.  And so it went.  No more cooking today, I just can't.  that did handle my hunger, it is just I was hoping to get food ready for tomorrow.  I just... can't.

I need to get to chores before long.  Sassy has been fed well enough.  She isn't around much.  I am beginning to worry about her.  Then again, she has never been all that active of a gal.  She rests more than not.  That has sort of always been the case.  I suppose, as I become more active, I just think she will be as active as myself, as she used to seem.  What I am not calculating is that I am becoming more active.  I don't realize it, but it is a fact.

I also want to get a shower, perhaps even before chores.  That and reset some of the waterers.  The little ones.  I think Sassy has been in the water with the bigger waterers.  I may dump that, and redo that set.  Which is fine.  As I have plenty of extra bigger waterers.  I am hoping, this coming month, to add even more smaller waterers.  I have five sets of larger ones, which means between five and fifteen days of reserve (not counting the ones put out).  I would like a similar grouping of small ones.  I currently have just two sets of extras.  

At six per set, with three more sets being wanted and ~$5 per waterer, that is $90?  I think so.  But, I won't be adding the whole group at once.  First, the store never seems to have more than three on hand, when it has them.  And, because I simply can't afford that much, for this, currently.  If I could get six, I'd do it.  Perhaps nine if they had them.  But probably no more, per time, if most likely three will be all that is available, if even that.  I may have to stop in several times through the month.

I'm in better shaped, to a degree.  I am getting an exhaustion headache.  I don't think it's because I am becoming more tired, it is because I am becoming more awake, more often.  And... that is a bit uncomfortable.  But, really, that is better than what has been the case frequently, even recently.  Ribs are improving, slowly.  Well, and I have started back on all meds, including insulin.  My last blood sugar read, several hours after supper, was 145.  I may have a fatted coffee, and a light dose of fast acting with it, yet this afternoon.  Maybe some painkillers, if the caffeine doesn't modify the headache.

Such strange notions.

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.

Something from a dream, or daydream got me to looking.

Found, and more.

Wake them up, I am told.

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I have been trying for decades.  I realize now, it won't, can't work.  Some have... become more aware.  But even they refuse to face the enormity of what is ahead of us.  Some are stocking up, and well.  If they were doing that before me.  Often, even at the 'choir', the urgency I recommend is ignored.

Then again, I have limits myself, so I do understand.  Limits on resources available, on ability to know what to store and how best to store it, or even the capacity to store things better.  Canning meats would be much better than buying canned meats, but I physically can't do those sorts of things, at least from start to stop without... a hand, local guidance, and a bit of a push.  Still, I do what I can.

One of the tricks, regarding storing food, is that, if you are doing it right, you are consuming what you are storing, so you are always having to top off.  I get... lost, in that, often.  It's a tricky world of changing variables, and disappearing resources.  As well, when you have people getting into your goods, that doubles the difficulty.  Well, and mice.  Though I think they ate what they could.  There isn't anything but tin cans and thick plastic buckets which they haven't seemed to encroach... or yet.

Sure, I have bought things which are of no use, or questionable use.  And I have spent money on luxury or even negative items.  Even a rare fast food meal is not only a waste, it is a negative... on the health front.  And, yet, from time to time, it will happen.  There is only just so much serious absolutes in the world.

Which... gets us back to waking people up.  I think it's not that they aren't awake, at least the ones who I think are available for that.  It is, that they like me are limited.  At some point, one has to just shut off the input.  Even walk away from the whole thing, for a while.  I do it, no choice, from time to time.  So... yeah.  

Those who know, are doing every bit of what they can do, within their wisdom and capacity.  I am, many of my neighbors are... some of them?  Can never be certain.  Some number of us are doing what we can.  But none of us are billionaires.  All of us are living hand to mouth.  Money is getting in shorter and shorter supply, while prices are doubling and more.  There is only so much we can do.  But, yea, we are doing it.  And, to be honest, it is in hope, not faith.  For these things won't last long.  If even a major regional hits, it'll be tight.  Though, if it were just that, sharing to get over the hump is much easier.  If it's the long haul, which looks like our government is planning to implement... it will get dangerous.  Those who have not prepared will demand their human rights, and... may well get them.  Taxes... and death.  Exactly what they voted, and planned, for... whether they knew it or not.

Watch it out there.  Later.

Up at seven.

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.

Currently, I am needing ten to twelve hours of sleep.  Last night, I went down at 21:00, very close, small change in either direction, before or after.  I had wanted to be to bed earlier.  Was up trying to get a shower taken, which didn't happen.  It's worse, on my conscience, when I burn daylight for nothing... or moonlight.  I both wasted needed and useful sleeptime, hurt myself a bit pushing through, and still got nothing done.  It's a risk/reward thing.  There would, of course, be little reward if the, perceived and perhaps just to me, risk was small.

I turned the fan on, as I went to bed.  It was 66, was hoping for cooler.  As I woke through the night, I was surprised.  With the fan, if on low, the temperature up there went from 66 to 69?  It did FEEL cooler.  I had to add a blanket to cover the blanket already covering my feet.  And there was more fresh air, which I truly enjoy.  Though, for an hour or so, the wind must have been blowing or moving strongly, and a heavy odor of animal dung was on the air.  

Not my favorite, especially when so strong.  But much better than the city smells, and other things.  I've never even had  sheep look at me sideways out here.  Shepherd, maybe, but not with intent... just making sure I wasn't a concern.  Even as a... conformed wolf, of one or several sorts, I... am no worry to a shepherd, other than as a potentially inattentive driver or some such foolishness, if even that is unlikely.  I pay attention on the road.  And sheep don't generally pop up on the road, like inattentive children.  Something any man might miss.

That passed, eventually.  Just a brief discomfort.  Sometimes, oddly, their dung doesn't smell more than mildly of... sodded... wet... pasture?  That was not the case.  Which, as I mentioned, was fine.  I like the reality that I live in a farming and ranching, dairy, area.  If all goes to heck... there is some chance that they will actually start doing business with the locals.  If you can't transport your livestock, and people around you are starving, better to make a deal than to lose it all, one way or another.  Though, without refrigeration... if it goes that far... life gets complicated, more complicated, for everyone.  I just don't know how things will work out.  If it is obvious where they are pushing things to end up.  When the dollar can't buy food, a lot of people will think their pistol or rifle will help.  When they realize that won't work, solo...  I don't know.  Life... is changing.  And it has been willed to change.  Good to be a sheep.  Not good to... not see a bit farther than the immediate.  Even with my preps, I am little more than months away from starvation, assuming I could even keep my stores safe.  Which... I really can't.

Dreams, but they aren't coming back to me.  Not on these orders.  Just, some things about living, life, and probably a dream about a woman in there.  Just because they are often on my mind.  Oh... one of them was just appreciating women.  The ones that are average to very pretty.  To be honest, there isn't always a whole lot of difference between the gradations.  And makeup covers, rather than enhances, much of beauty... at least to my eyes.  I... enjoy women watching.  

I don't really watch guys, unless I think they might be a danger.  Then it is mere assessment.  How clever does he seem to be, quick?  How strong.  Is he confident?  Brutish?  I'm looking for characteristics, through tell-tale signs, of combat skills and readiness.  Is he... strong, confident, and yet reserved.  Does he watch.  Did he notice my assessment?  Is he a bully?  

The thing is, I know, almost no fight can be sure of winning at the outset.  If you fight, assume you are going to lose, so as to guide to the best outcome even then.  Though, to, if you are going to fight, fight as if your life counted on it.  So, best not to fight to start.  Only with no choice, or if granted that, through the action of your opponent.  If he is hurting, or threatening to hurt another.  Though, really, it isn't to protect someone.  That is... just a... good excuse.  Do you know that person?  Why aren't they defending themselves?  Women are equal these days.  Let them be?  As well, sometimes, fighting for someone?  They may well turn on you, if they are in a relationship with the aggressor.   

Anyway.  Yea, that dream, from the other night, dreams?, is making me think.

I put the corned beef and cabbage up last night, right before bed.  It took that long to cool.  I pulled it, and set it out, first thing this morning.  Trying to heat a cold pot and stew is a bit of a struggle.  Best to let it get to room temp, then warm it.  Chia breakfast this morning.  That will be for lunch/dinner/supper.  I'm trying to keep it to one to two meals a day.

It is, without the furnace, at 36 outside, 70 in the main of the house and 66 up in the front area... and 69 upstairs with the fan going?  Very strange.  I'll need to get to chores before too long, hopefully around ten.  And, hopefully it will be a bit warmer.  A shower before then?  One can hope.  Maybe a shave, too.  Dishes set up?  Laundry started?  I... can try.

Ribs are a bit off, but better, slowly, very slowly, improving.  Still not sure how they got a charlie horse in there.  One that has lasted for a week.

I did get insulin in last night.  Checked blood sugar immediately after taking, so I don't think it had any real time to react.  It read 195.  I was thinking, perhaps, the morning read would suggest... something... about whether there was a reaction last night.  It is 201 fasting, so?  I... am really not sure about last nights read.  Though, generally, afternoons are lower than fasting reads... with or without medicine.  So, if I had to say?  A lower read (than fasting, first draw) without insulin (by averages and previous observations), an then a slightly lowered fasting read, on insulin?  Maybe.  I am thinking it didn't have an affect at the time I checked it.  Still, I am back on it.  Oh, and I will take a medium/small dose of fast acting with breakfast.  Done!  And, I set up the slow acting stuff for tonight.

Will have to check in a few hours, and pay attention.  At this already lower level, a slide into oblivion can be a very quick, short, blur of pain and discomfort.  To die, all I would have to do is ignore it for a bit.  I have given God all rights to death, and will fight for life, even when I think, or would wish, otherwise.  

Twenty hundred.

.

.

Still haven't showered.  Will.  Did get insulin in.

So tired I can barely stand, but I want a shower.

Did get pill medicines, and finally remembered painpills.

Brutal.  But, it looks like the y.t. wave has ended.  Still, that was amazing.  I've only put, or planned to put up, a very small portion.  Those, along with daydreams and dreams at night, have really stirred something deep in there.  Not... a bad thing, or good thing, just... a side of me I had forgotten.  I might not even be able to fight my way out of a paper bag, these days.  But I wouldn't just hand over my wallet.  I've spent my life not doing that.  I don't mind dying.

So rough.  I turned the furnace off.  Will see what morning brings.  The last time I checked the temp, it was 64.  But that was sometime before noon, I think.  If I had to raw guess, I would say it's in the low to mid 70's outside?  Whatevs.  I just need to get a shower, dry off a bit, then head on to bed.  Time is ticking by, I should have been in bed already.  Goodnight.

Not much else.

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I am awake.  There is that.  The ribs are feeling better.  Sassy has been fed and else.  I have eaten, plus a bit of coffee.  Just one meal, if two servings.  Smaller servings, but hardy enough.

A shower, I think, shortly.  Then more food for Sassy.  I have eaten all I can eat for the day.  Just water the more.  Oh, but I did fill the water jugs, water heater for coffee and breakfasts, and have the carafe full, plus the reservoir full.  I set the countertop r.o. up last night.  And, may just keep it plugged in.  It only, the ac to dc adapter, gets hot when run, back to back, after several runs.  It isn't staying hot when merely plugged in.

More music.  I may add even some more, later.  I... enjoy the games.  Real, imaginary, the systems A.I., people looking back, or somehow affixing certain songs to my feed?  I... don't know.  I'm mostly dead.  It always surprises me, or often, when I wake up in the morning, still breathing... or... to the best of my knowledge.  So, sorting these things is beyond my conscious ability.  As I have suggested, perhaps purgatory is not as easy to know you are there than one might think.  Perhaps you have to relive your mistakes, changing something, or as if you would have, or live through to something.  I... is there a test for that?  An app?  :)

As to women?  Of course they'll love you, and kick you in the head, and tell you to leave, and then wonder where you are going.  It's how they "do".  So, yeah, it... could be a past love, living or else, or both.  Women love to gang up on men.  Or... try.  Right until they realize he... might be enjoying it.  Whatevs.  Yea, and about any oddities?  Women really don't care as long as they like what they are getting, or believe they will get.  Women have absolutely no sense of pride, or honor, or shame, or such things that some men have.  They just don't.  They like what they like, even if they hate him.

Corned beef and cabbage.

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Well, and some carrots as well.  Quite nice.  With all the meats thawed, I put everything else up, save this.  Cooked and now eaten, part of it.  Should be a good food for a few more days.  And, tomorrow, I will cook more, if not the rest, of the meat.  With fennel seed, and the rest of the spices I prefer in sausage, I'll mix the burger and ground pork, with the spice, and use the stewings from the corned beef and cabbage, as well as fresh veggies, to make a meatball soup... stew.  Though I will just make the meatballs tomorrow.  The stew ill have to wait until I finish the corned beef.

Wonderful.  I really wanted more.  But, I am trying to make meals last.  So, I did have two servings, but... smaller servings.  Enough to have three, maybe four, meals out of this.  Fantastic, actually.  Either you enjoy corned beef this way, or you don't.  I do.

I'm not getting to much.  I keep... hoping, trying.  I'll get back on insulin tonight.  Could that be the problem?  I don't know.  I feel off it weeks ago, and haven't been able to both remember, then actually get back on it.  Remembered, a few times.  But... it just didn't work to get me back on it.  So tired.

The group is planning some things.  I volunteered, for a number of times.  Not every time, and one time is only potential.  But, I'd like to try to get on in there.  Though... I actually should ask if I am... wanted.  They may consider me too much of an outsider.  I'll send an email shortly.  No, I... won't say what was said.  That... will be private.  I... understand if I don't belong.  I do.  Can't change things, what is, just is.

Watched a movie... Crazy Eights.  There are times where I don't remember things, from my past.  But I know there are dark things back there.  Though, I don't think in that way.  I remember, when living in Ruthven?  I think so...  Being told that... people like me are found hanged.  I was four or six or eight?  I... can't remember, not exactly.

This was by an adult, the father of the household we were staying with.  It... wasn't a threat, by him.  Just... letting me know, something, that danger existed.  And, to a degree, that no one would... help, or have much concern.  So, yes, I... know...  I don't always belong.  Fair enough.  Would rather be open, and honest, about things.  Yes, I... do get it.  Still, however it goes, so it goes.

More music.  Old, some new.  I've been... avoiding, stalling, ignoring, but...  Of course, it just gets to me.  Someone is hitting all the notes.

Later than hoped.

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I went to bed about a 20:48, or... that is what is in memory as I went on up.  I pretty much went straight to sleep, so...  But there is always a bit of time between starting to head up and crawling in and shutting down, off.  I'll call it 21:00 for rounding errors and close enoughs.

I woke at around 06:30.  The sun had just seemingly popped from behind the mountains.  I looked, but wow... you can't see anything in that direction as or right after it is doing that.  Blinded by the light, indeed.  But, at least I know the sun is up.  It is just hitting 31 F out there.  But, I kept the furnace on, left it at 72 so it wasn't so cranky waking, and... it all feels pretty good.

Dreams.  But, just of fighting, fist fighting.  It's... been a while.  Wasn't my favorite of activities, if I was... at once... exceptionally good at it.  If I was in a bad mood, I lead many a man, even small group of men, to a beatdown like they have never had.  Some men have just never met a real fighter.  A warrior.  Or they have always had two to one odds, or more.  Which usually spares them.  Though, sometimes, I have attempted to talk some men out of that fate.  But... men will do what they wish.

I have hospitalized men in seconds.  With fewer hits than I thought possible.  One I had to hold, because he was about to fall on the cement.  And, yea, I... didn't want to see that.  Crushed him before I was even wound up to get going.  Construction worker.  They can take a lot, but really aren't meant for fighting.  One of the guys I backed down was a golden gloves contender.  Got second place.  I just told him that rules, out here, don't apply.  No one will call it, unless I do.  No one will throw a flag, or anything else.  I asked him if he could take enough damage to be dead on his feet.  His eyes dilated as he began to understand what I was telling him.  I think he saw his Doom.  I never saw him again.

While I don't like to fight, I... sort of loved it too.  Especially if I could claim, legitimately, innocence regarding it, and win.  By my last fight, it had been decades since I lost.  Facing off against the U. of Iowa defensive line, I figured I was going to lose, but... there wasn't much option.  Even the cops stayed outside.  But, I wouldn't have been the solo loser.  There is that.  *rictus grins*  Still, glad it is over... or...  Then again?  It ain't over until the fat choir sings... at your funeral.  Not for certain.  Stupid people are born by the second, or is it backdown to the minute?

I am not sure if it was a collage of the past, in one dream.  Or a group of dreams.  I don't hurt for them.  Fighting humans has never been all that difficult, unless they came in groups, or armed with a baseball bat or two by four, especially the latter in a group.  Still, most men fight like pussies.  Not being rude, just honest.  If you are going to hit a brick wall, use a sledge hammer, not a two by four or even baseball bat.  And don't even think of pulling a knife.  It might end up somewhere a proctologist would need to amend.

Up.  Awake.  Getting water filtering, and cleaned the litter boxes.  Sassy is meowling, so I'll feed her.  Just having coffee, skipping chia breakfast.  Meats seem thawed, so I'll stow them in the fridge and get to them this afternoon.  Now to just wake.  Medicine.  Damn it, I keep losing track of insulin.  Just barely staying awake and aware, though.  At least I am, mostly, hitting pill meds.  Ugh.  I will take pain pills, finally, today.  My ribs are really twitching in there.  And the skin hurts.  It's... a weird thing.  Almost wondered if the shingles had returned, but I am pretty sure not.  It's just some sort of nerve twitch affecting the whole area.  Sleeping wrong, or... a charlie horse thing, somehow instigated that is sort of stuck.  Getting slightly better, in time.  But... I want to try a little relief today.  It's been half a week or more.

Good morning, good day, and later.

Good, all good.

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.

As I was finishing up, and preparing to shut down and go to bed, I heard a kerfuffle on the porch.  Not a loud one.  Sounded like a package arriving.  My neighbor, bringing the package.  That was fast.  There is no requirement to do that, by the way.  If the package arrives, on your door, it... by all intents and purposes... is yours.  Still, grateful that I don't have to mess with a return and resupply.  They have been trying to not honor deliveries.  They are becoming mildly dodgy with these things.  So... all good.

Now I can get my reverse osmosis device, and freezer, to both work at the same time.  Though I will probably unplug my reverse osmosis when not in use.  I just... don't trust it.  Not fully.  Further, with a third plug, that little area will have room for even another device, as needed.  The house is old.  Didn't have electricity, probably in any of the sections, when initially constructed, possibly not even when put together.  So, yes.  It's tricky getting electricity everywhere.

I was a bit worried.  I paid the same for a fifteen and twenty foot, heavier gauge, three outlet, extension cord as I did a seventy five foot one.  Which... had me a bit nervous that they would pull the order.  Honestly surprised they didn't.  Most are going for three to six times that amount.  And, yes, these are quality... by weight, and look, feel... they are... more than I was expecting.

Interesting how the world works out.  Though, to be honest, even if you keep your eye on the ball, it doesn't mean you won't be tagged.  Good will, bad will, no will at all, what happens, happens.  I did thank the man.  I now know where he lives, but I don't know him.  I'll be sure to do any returns similarly, but would anyway.  All good.

Well, almost bedtime.  I think I'll have a potted beef sandwich, with a bit of salad on top.  I... just don't want to go to be hungry, but don't have much else I can get to.  Goodnight.  Sleep well.  And all that jazz.  Oh, and... she does.

Rough.

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Just working through medicine.  Monday?  I... thought we might already be two Wednesday, strangely.  All good, it means I have a bit more time to prepare for other things.  I would like to shower, but... that's not going to happen.  Today.  Tomorrow, hopefully.  I have bagged the trash and recycling, brought the barrel back, finished chores, fed myself and Sassy.  It's... as good as it gets.

I'd like to have something else to eat.  But I don't want any more salad.  And the meat is all still frozen.  I'm not interested in another fatted coffee.  I just... don't have anything in the queue I might be hungry for.  Hmm... I could steam vegetables.  That wouldn't be bad.  And it wouldn't take all that long.  And I really am hungry.

It looks like amazon, or ups, failed.  I was supposed to get a few better quality extension cords.  They said delivered, but definitely not.  Not stolen, either, I've been checking the porch every fifteen minutes or so, around the time they said it was delivered... usual time it shows up, or a frequent time.  Nope.  I would have heard the truck, anyway.

I contacted them.  They said give it another day.  Most likely, they can track the truck, if not the package, and know the driver wasn't here.  It's been a while since they failed to deliver.  I really wanted those, I had specific, immediate, uses for them.  Then again, I wonder if they mispriced something, and just snatched it back.  The world is getting really messed up.

Well... it is about bedtime.  Gaming, just sitting, internet, small tasks.  Not much, but it will have to do.  It's all I can do.  I'll keep at it.  A shower tomorrow.  I did get whiskers trimmed, so may actually shave tomorrow, as well.  If at all possible.  Then, try to keep the shave cleaner, closer.  Though shaving too often, per week, can be brutal.

Another daydream.  Just... of... some woman.  I can't recall her, from the dream, well enough to know.  It wasn't sex, but it was all the nice things beside sex, even some mild flirting.  Yes, I like em'.  Mostly, sometimes, you know... if you know.  Yes.  Nothing fancy... right over gaming.  Odd how those can happen.  Goodnight.

Up to 60.

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Just 60.  But, it's... good.  The furnace is still on, for if it weren't it would be cold in here.  While 60 sounds nice, that is only compared to 26, like just this morning.  But it's... not nice.  If you are out in the wild, at 60, you... need to be dressed warmly.  I do.  Even when I could handle the cold, 60 is right on that edge.  And, with wind, and sometimes cloud?  Definitely need a bit extra, a jacket, or layers elsewise.  And wool socks are pleasant, cotton will do for indoors... which is where I am and so it is.

The burger had gone bad, so... oh well.  I have had salad, two salads.  Nothing fancy, but it is something.  Didn't want to bother with more, or tuna or salmon out of bags would have done, I suppose.  Some suggest against pouches, but those really are better.  While one might get punctured, most won't.  And I haven't had one get a hole in it yet.  Plus, I can share out a portion, without giving up too much.  Enough for a meal, or two, without shying myself too much.

Daydreams... killing a worm.  Not... a nightcrawler type, a baby dragon type.  And, while it sounds small, worms are... more than the word pronounces.  Worms eat each other, then become wyrms, which do the same, to eventually eat their way to dragonhood.  Or... so they are told.  I... think there is only one evil dragon, and it won't share it's identity.  Further, I don't think any but such an angel can fly that far from heaven.  Still, they try.  Anyway, one worm down.  If... too... they don't really die.  You can repatriate them to the hell they are from, but you can't kill them.  If there is one who could do that, it is God.  And... He has said "no".  I did send it home.  Rather easily, this time.  I smote it, with but a word.  I think I pulled a St. Michael.  *grins*

Chores done, trash barrel brought back, Sassy fed and tended.  Weather checked.  I should go out, but I... just can't.  Today.  I'll try tomorrow.

Another daydream.  But this I won't share.  You, some of you, don't handle the other side of things well.  Even if I have assured, that isn't my gig.  So be it.  But, for me, it was... interesting.  I'm never sure, exactly, what it is I am seeing.  Is it a temptation?  A damnation?  Or even a flirtation, from one source or another.  From the right side of things, it doesn't matter.  Odd how, in a bedroom, lots of things can happen, which appear quite normal but are anything but.  Just... saying.  And, yes, even she can be the instigator... alligator...  *grins*  The few imaginative women I have been with have blown me away.  Most are rather dull, about all that.  Which, actually, is fine for my part.  I don't need her to imagine, I can do that quite well.

I'll have to get something else going for food.  I am out of good meat.  The other package in there is a package of chops from... far too long ago.  Burger, chicken, a roast?  Yea, that should do.  But, I want to clean the pots, pans, and few dishes needing it.  So I can cook right away, tomorrow most likely, as the meats thaw.  Those three things would provide plenty of food for a week, if I cook it right when it thaws, put it away right as it hits room temp, and am careful when pulling it for partials, that I don't leave it out too long, and only take what I will eat.

I am trying to be very careful with food.  But... I should have eaten these foods.  I just couldn't cook, or get to things.  So... it's a waste, but... too... it isn't.  It would have been eaten if I could have.  More would have gone beside it.  So... a waste, but... not in excess of expectations.  Actually, the opposite.  I should have eaten three or four more packages of meat in that time.  Meh.

Be well, blessings, prayers, and stay warm and and ready.  Good day.

I thought time had really sprinted on by.

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No matter.  Wherever, or whenever, you are, there you are.  I checked the temp, outside.  It is up to 50.  Just.  50.  Okay.  I was thinking it must be afternoon.  But, that would have been fine.  As suggested just a few sentences ago.  Still, wanted to do a short post.

As I sat down, and started writing, I thought I'd check the time.  10:05?  Pretty much when I had hoped to... check the temp and do chores.  So... very good, actually.  Sure, posting will delay it a bit.  But I am never one to absolutely stand on absolute clockwork.  A 10:00 house work goal means sometime between 08:00 and noon.  So... this is... basically... spot on... if I can get chores done right after this.

News from the group.  Seems some of what was discussed is going forward.  Times, dates, and more are being presented.  More exactitudes regarding those plans.  Well, and prayer concerns.  I generally do those immediately, then add them to a various occasional queue.  Ever few days, for... a while.  More if needed, less if the issues resolve themselves, unless in a sad way, then... a different sort of prayers, in the queue, for a while.  It's... what I can do.

I had stopped wearing my pistol, when my ribs began acting up.  I wondered if it was the pistol, but... no.  Further, wearing or not wearing the pistol seems to make no difference.  And, I prefer to wear it.  So, today, I put it back on.  Whether I am going to the bathroom, doing chores, going to the grocery store, or whatnot, I prefer a sidearm.  Would honestly prefer a long arm as well, but... that gets complicated.  For now.  I think, before long, it... will be less complicated.  Anyway.  Plus, it goes great with my bathrobe!  :)  I am going with one of the smaller pistols.  Because the .45 is pretty heavy.  Though, after ribs improve, I am going back to the .45.  I prefer it greatly.

I'm still hungry, and a bit chill.  I turned the furnace up, but that... just... does so much.  When the air is cold, heat just... doesn't get into the corners.  It's the air, here.  Low humidity?  Indoors, anyway, yes.  Hmm, I might have to fry some burger, to add to salad.  I need something warm, and tasty.  Cheese, with the beef.  Hungry.  After chores.  Later.

A few starter things.

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Sassy has been fed and her litter cleaned.  Breakfast water was set, and the mixture put in the jar.  But, then, I lost track.  I am having to reheat the water.  But, breakfast before too long.  Monday, is it?  I'm not sure I'll get to much, or quickly.  But I think I can get a few things done today.

It is still cold out there.  Just hitting 33 at 07:31, with the sun having been up since... before I woke?  No, couldn't be.  But early.  The sun has been out since it came up.  A very strange day.  But it is nice looking.

I would do chores, but I want it warmer out there.  I'll give it to ten, then just go with it.  It is above freezing, but... just.  I'm hoping it hits forty before I start, but... I'll take what I can get.

A bit of gaming.  Just... so I don't fall back to sleep.  I watch shows, but not whole.  I watch bits and pieces.  They are usually so dull, that even if the story is interesting, I can't really just sit and watch for even an hour of it at a time.  Attention span issues?  How the mind ages with time?  Or just how it's always been?  Probably more the latter, when I think about it.  Movies really don't have much content.  At least they got rid of laugh tracks and such, which only made it worse.

Well... on to breakfast.  I'm thinking of a meatza, for lunch or supper.  It's a pizza, with a meat crust.  A bit of a different bird, but not at all bad.  I'm not sure what I have for toppings though.  So, maybe not.  But I sure am thinking of it.  I have ground burger out and ready.  Could just do a cheese and onion topped meatza?  I just prefer having pepperoni, and other things on top.  I wonder if the sandwich meat is still good.  That wouldn't be bad.  And I have bacon, but would have to cook that before using it as a topping.  Just... a thought.  Later.

Nice.

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Still with the rib cage, muscle tickles to skin soreness, as if it were sluffing, left side.  I had thought back area, but it is sometimes on the front too, or the forward and rear flanks, really?  If the pain... moves, travels, or is felt at various places, at various times.  It is a very strange pain.  It'll... either get better or kill me.  Meh.

I can't remember when I went down, finally.  I never did even look for the hair dryer.  By the time I thought it all through, wrote about it, and tried a few things to wake or sleep, I was going down without much leverage as to doing otherwise.  I looked at the time, but... it didn't stick.  I think, however, that it was 19:15?  Almost sure it was about two hours earlier than the last few nights.  I don't remember, for sure, the time, only the surprise that it was so much earlier.  And preferred as such.

Sleep was good.  For whatever reason, I have been voiding well during the day.  So, I usually only wake once a night, to pee.  Which, yea, is very nice.  More sleep.  Peeing in a jug takes... balance, on your knees, wrestling with blankets because you don't want to freeze while going.  Ugh.  It takes a lot not to spill or miss.  Which, I haven't, oddly.  So, the less of the that possible, the better.  Plus, just waking up enough to go is... detrimental to better sleep.  But, if you gotta go, you gotta go.  The last ten to fifteen days, I have only been filling a jug about every fourth to fifth or sixth day.  Very nice.  Plus, less fussing with those.  Filling one to three a night meant cleaning those out daily, or just dumping them because I couldn't keep up on actually cleaning them as often.

Dreamed of talking with her.  One her or a dozen.  They know what they are going to say will cause a fight.  They know they will lose.  Is it a sex thing?  Attention?  Girls are mean.  And, I don't mind, or even care.  I'm better at it, if I don't need it as often.  Love watching their faces flush, and them go silent.  Then having sex with a virtual mannequin.  I hate you.  I love you, too, baby.  Ugh.  *grins*  *laughs*  I really... don't care.  I don't think they do, either.  Or they wouldn't have stayed as long as I would have them.  No sex in the dreams, just talking which was inexorably leading to the bedroom.  Like or not. 

Sleep, otherwise, was pretty good.  Even, despite the dreams, kept to celibacy.  That is... so difficult, with women always in or on my mind.  I still don't understand why God hasn't removed temptation through illness.  Most men my age, but doubly health, can't always get it up, even with a pill.  I can't keep it down with a cold shower.  A quinquagenarian shouldn't have the go of a teen.  And, yes, twice a day wouldn't be difficult.  Or... should I say, is?  Especially with celibacy as the goal.  Ugh.  Double ugh.

Today?  I don't know.  Trash?  That would be good.  Done!  Oh, and it is 26 F, out there!  Wow.  There had been moisture in the air.  It is frozen, to everything.  The trash barrel was covered in a thin sheet of ice!  Yeah.  Cold.  I didn't think it would be that bad, so didn't even put socks on.  Meh, wouldn't have known if not for the iced barrel, then looking at the thermometers.

As to today, again?  A shower, before long.  Setting up dishes after.  Chores here as early as possible.  A load of laundry.  Cat litter, and in a bit, feeding her.  If I am up earlier, I don't feed her right away.  Only if I am up later.  It was just a bit after four when I woke... I think.  It's been seven or later the last few mornings.  I'll wait until seven to feed her.  Though litter can be managed when I do breakfast.

Lots of things could be done.  It depends on if I can focus.  Couldn't think, at all, yesterday.  Staying upright in whichever chair I happened to be in was... about all I could do.  Today seems to be starting better.  Will have to wait, see.  Later.

Ah! Finally!

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A shower!  I have been wanting one since Wednesday.  I had one Tuesday, but still.  Then Thursday, Friday, Saturday.  Had hoped to be ready for confession.  Today.  And, hopefully, again tomorrow.  Showers are magical devices, systems, services... whatever you wish to classify them as.

Now to wait for the hair to dry.  I might have one of those... well... hair dryers?  My mother may have left one.  Or I got one for her when she was here, one time or another?  I'd have to look.  Thing is, I hate sound.  I have become more like a cat.  Quietude is blessed.  Louds noises are... annoying, or worse.  Dangerous.  I don't know.  I'd really like to go to bed.  Then again, do I still have the device?  I'd have to look.  Might be worth a quick little partway thing, then let it dry the rest but much more quickly.  If... I'm not sure... is there a technique to using said devices?  For all my problems, I really don't know much about that side of the aisle... on certain things.  Weirdos... what all they do.  But... okay, yeah.

I still haven't figured out what to eat.  I'm thinking just a fatted coffee, with added protein powder.  That stuff is helping.  From hair to nails to muscle and joints, I think.  Really.  Skin?  Actually, I think it made skin weaker... at least for me.  Still, it's... foodgrade stuff, that helps.

Oddly, still, my left rear ribcage... the skin... feels like it is sluffing off.  Not sure what the problem is.  That and the ribs in there being 'tickled' in a most uncomfortable way... my only complaints.  So, I suppose I shouldn't wine, but it is fairly gnarly, and unusual, as far as sufferings.  Meh, still quite pleased to have another thing to sort out, and turn in to the collection plate.  God takes it all, good and bad.

Goodnight.  Yes, still... on my mind.

About time?

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A shower.  I'm getting in, soon, now, after his.  Then I'll just stay awake long enough to let my hair dry.  Takes a while.  I'll feed Sassy, and get her litter cleaned.  Not sure when I did that last, either this morning or last night.  Have been feeding her, and changing her water often enough.

I'd like to figure out something to eat.  Maybe make dressing.  Oh, I had set up cream and vinegar, but needed sour cream and mayo?  I have sour cream now, but no mayo.  Not sure it is still useful, or if just sour cream will be enough.  But would like to try.  It tasted fairly good, just... the consistency was off.  I'll... give it a go.

It was just a bit of rain.  But the wind is whipping the flag to quite sharp snaps.  It's potent.  Whether a full wind, or gusts, I can't quite say.  Dark, though, again, still.

I'm telling you, though... I seem to be in pretty rough shape.  Then again, I haven't completely failed.  I may be doing nothing, but I am getting up every day.  Sleeping a bit long, some days.  If I pushed pretty hard until recently.  Then, pushed some more just the last two days.

I remember going months without even realizing I was still alive, when restarting medicine.  This one is... rather smooth compared to most.  And, more painless than usual.  Something is going on with my left torso.  Ribs are tickled, in a painful way.  Skin feels like it is coming off.  Hurts.  But, compared to having, say, all my internal organs screaming at me, or many of my muscles, bones, and joints hurting, meh... I'd take whatever this is gladly.  Heck, I haven't even been having my customary headaches or migraines.

This is probably just the right weather to gently retake medication reup.  Can't really eat well, but I'm awake.  And feeling okay, when... I... remember I can feel, or that I am awake.  A few weeks to months, perhaps I can be back to something a bit better.  But it's not bad, I'm just... having to push to even get to a meeting, or church, or dressed, or... showered on most days.  Bleh.

I'm... still grateful.  To be here, to be able to pray, to have many things to be grateful about... so... yeah.  I... can deal with this.  I don't even mind the pain.  I can offer it for the poor fools who made it to purgatory.  Not sure what it does for them, but... I am pretty sure it is appreciated.  If nothing else, suffering well is a grace, and a gift of faith to God.  Yeah, I think He likes that.  It means one really believes.  Won't buy the ticket to heaven, but... is appreciated.  Odd how things like that work.

On to a shower, after feeding Sassy.  And dealing with her litter.  Good day and goodnight.