Well? Okay.

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A bit to eat, slow and fast acting insulin, and gaming since.  Blood sugar was 212 fasting, and is down to 141.  A nice, gentle reduction.  That's what I like to see.  Another meal, an actual meal, a bit more fast acting, and life should smooth out more.  I like being around 100, but not too quickly, or it will collapse during the night.  After I have been on it, solidly, for a  few weeks to a month, I'm more allowing that way.

Sassy is doing well.  Fed, litter managed, attention given.  I love the little furbag.  And, I think she likes me, mostly.  But, in cooler weather, she is much more relaxed as well.  Sedate?  Quiet?  Sleepy?  Sleeps more?  There.  I am getting to nothing, and can't seem to push through.  I keep trying.  Gaming is about it.  And... that just to stay awake.  Or I would just sleep.

No return call from the V.A.  Well, it'll happen, in time, or not.  I'll just have to drop off meds if I can't get extra or get in.

Oh, dinner was good.  Nothing fancy.  As simple as it had to be.  A bit of kefir, mostly water.  I find that kefir really does help with my life, diet, and even blood sugar.  But... it has to be in smaller amounts than I would like, and with meals.  I don't mind it being with meals.  I just wish I could have more.  But... I am already using two gallons of milk a week to keep up.  I can't afford another gallon?  And, even that would only allow a bit more.  How could I be drinking that much though?  Strange.  I have cut it to half a cup... half a twelve ounce cup?  It seems like two gallons would make more?  Dunno, but... there it sits, at the moment.

Did go through my phone, emptied history from calls and texts, save those lines I wish to keep.  A lot of junk.  I put those who are creeps into Junk files, then deny the whole file access.  Plus, lately, with the V.A. trying to get buggers, or those they think are such, to sign up for sharing and caring hour, won't take no for an answer, I have the phone set to deny access to any but those on my list.  They can leave a message, most don't.  For obvious reasons.  And, yes, it keeps the idiots from asking if I feel sad about stupid shit.   *grins*  

Though some "company" has been leaving information that suggests my request to get debt relief has gone through.  Of course, I have made no such request.  Cannibals of some sort or other, to be sure.  Scalpers.  Even if I could get such, I wouldn't.  I'll... pay off my debts.  Now, if they would pay off my house?  :p  Hey, gotta admit, I'd... think about that.  But, honestly, I don't need it.  Of course, I am pretty sure, any such thing would see me losing my house, or something else.  No thank you.

Back to gaming.  Good evening, night, day.   

Up and Adam?

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Or so the story goes.  Called the V.A., to set some things up.  A blood test and medicine pick up, on the same day, hopefully.  Get the scripts filled, and have them waiting for me.  And, I go in, get blood tested, and we go from there.  Apparently the doc seems to think the appointment will be in person.  He is sadly mistaken.  They are still wearing masks.  I won't be there.  He'll call or not.

Then I called my mom.  A goodly little bit of information on offer.  More adding to my prayer list, nothing to share out.  If it's... minor, or more personal, it is mine.  Nothing fancy, or bad, just a few minor worries is all.  But, she sounded chipper.  Got a day to rest most of today, and she was awake and ready, and had just been thinking about me.  So, it... was a good call.

Oh, yesterday, I received... what was it?  Ah, 42 calls from nobody I knew nor with whom I'd wish to speak.  Most were listed as spam.  I had my do-no-disturb function on, which doesn't let anyone call who isn't in my digital rolodex.  Voter surveys and the press gangs for both sides.  Nope.  And I didn't vote, if you don't know.  Why?  Trump pretty much did it on his own, the locals aren't of any interest or import, most of the repugnants seem to be on the side they pays them and their real constituents the best payout and bugger the rest of us and anything like morality or ethics...  And, with vote stealing, it isn't as if it matters.  They'll steal just enough and repugnants will let them, for their share of a pie they will publicly cry over being split out.  No thank you.  I'm not into playing pretend.

I'll vote for Trump, if he runs again.  That's it.  The rest can go bugger off.  They don't need my vote to win, probably baked into the corruption at this point.  Gotta be a Generals, to the Globetrotters.  How... appropriate, actually.  But, yeah, both teams get paid from the same ticket, at this point.  No.

It looks to have snowed just a bit.  Might still be, wasn't awake enough to quite make myself notice.  The ground isn't fully covered, just frosted in the smaller part on the whole.  Rained much of the last few days.  Not a bad thing.  Sounds like my mother and them are bracing for, potentially, there first storm sooner.  All good.  It's that time of year.  Well... on to things.  I brushed my teeth, took blood sugar which was high (I think I forgot slow acting insulin last night).  Ugh.  Later.

Never sure.

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Mockery, sympathy, curse, empathy, blessing, or else?  But, I think I can recognize response when I see it.  Not sure how they do it, but... do... follow trends, see footprints, smell traps and lures.  Mostly just enjoy, for goof or ill.  Hmm... yes, I... do see.  I don't always get the whole point, but I do get some point.  Maybe that is all, maybe it's a part.  You see.  There were others, but I eliminated anything that might have been from my own recent digital footprint backtracking.

Now I can sleep.

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Blood sugar did lift.  Higher than intended, but still well below 200.  Not... bad.  It is 167, to be precise.  Not sure how it dipped earlier, but... okay.  If I get a dip like that again, I will only take six candies, of either sort.  Probably trying the different ones at different times, to see which is more efficacious.  I just... had to raise blood sugar before bedtime.  There is nothing more awful than barely being able to crawl, and nearly literally crawling down the steps to try to find sugar, or carbs, or... anything.  Not being able to think clearly, or function well.  Shaking so hard getting candy out of a package is complicated.

I think I have done that in the water before.  Went too deep, while not... paying as close of attention as I should have.  It's, also, a lot like shock... physical trauma shock.  I know that one exceedingly well.  Enough to remember the sensations.  Hmm, actually, I'll take some candies upstairs.  Keep them in my medical pack.  Try to forget they are there, but have a trigger memory, in case I need it.  Yes, that... works... sometimes.

Goodnight.  Oh, best get slow acting insulin taken.  Later.

How very strange.

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Eating candy, tonight.  More.  I was sure my blood sugar would be blown.  But I started to feel... strange, in... a not good way.  Blood sugar felt like it was falling.  Knowing that couldn't be the case, I checked blood sugar.  It is 82?  While not... dangerously low.  It is hedging that way.  So... more candy?  It's what I have got.

I'll try six pieces of each, and a glass of kefir.  Then water for two hours after I finish those.  Then I'll test again.  This is very strange.  And, I have cut my slow acting insulin, and am taking a lot less fast acting.  Very... very strange.  Meh.  Later.

The last of the chicken.

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Oh, what wonderful chicken.  A can of peas as well.  Done perfectly, this time and last.  That time it came out raw, that... didn't, still doesn't, make sense.  No worries.

The mints came in today.  Said they were here, not on the front stoop.  Almost never deliver to the back door.  But it was, is, raining.  So, I... checked.  Indeed.  The good thing about China being shut down is US candy is... actually being made in the US?  These mints aren't fake brand name, it's the real thing.  And it shows.

Yes, yes, I had to try some.  So much better when made it America.  Who knows what the Chinese, Vietnamese, or others, put in there.  It isn't real mint.  Maybe it isn't even real or all sugar.  Again, I am... having to taste, then ease myself off.  Put them away, hid them, but... that isn't doing it.  Bleh.  But... I... think I am done with them.

Kefir, with dinner, and a fatted coffee and water.  I'll have something else to eat or a fatted coffee in a bit, and another kefir.  Then just water for the rest of the night.  In about two hours.  I'll check my blood sugar first.  Then adjust as needed.  Magic?  Maybe.  But, I do have things, in case blood sugar crashes, so... back to the grind.

Oh, and... lovely rebuttals.  Some brutal?  Not sure how things are meant.  I'll... consider sharing.  Before too long.  Or later.  Or much later.  Or... not.  I don't know.  Well, I'll share a few.  Though, not certain if these are from recent plays, my own tracks, or other psychic debris from more recent events, or responses... but... a few.  I have a list that are all, pretty much, new... or rather dated from use or viewing held in waiting, for a maybe.  Ah, here.

How do they do that?

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Punch up music, before... it's due.  I noticed, but didn't look, until... I thought a bit more about it.  A darkness?  Love, and war and friendship and peace... these can all be dark.  Or... you can see beyond the dark?  I... can.  I have to.  For there is so much more.  Still, I'll... show, not tell.  See if you see what I see?  Or... take the hints?

Wonderful?

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Well, a wonderful headache.  Full-bodied, seriously uncomfortable, from the spine at the base of my neck through to the frontal lobe on twelve threads of hurt.  Nostrils were clogged this morning, part of it.  A bloody nose in one this morning.  Better than the last few days.  I have been having double bloody noses for a week now, on waking.  Sometimes lasting hours.

Whatever.  I stripped the bed, so as to remake the blankets tonight.  I was wrestling with them all night.  Mostly successfully though.  I never felt too cold.

Dreams, lots of them.

---------

In the first one, my last ex showed up in a van, while I was upstairs sleeping.  Blaring rap music.  Thankfully, she cut it as soon as she stopped and was getting out.  Yes, in her younger days, she would have done such a thing.  Probably doesn't even ever listen to the music, just knows I hate it.  Would have to have borrowed the cd.  Wench.

Strange things.

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First, when I tried to reheat, and finish, the chicken it ended up taking nearly an hour!  It just wouldn't cook to finish.  I had it at 415.  Oh well.  

Then, I... must admit, I had to try the candy.  Three tabs, 15 carbs, 5 per.  Shouldn't be a problem.  And, really, it wasn't a problem.  It's the other twenty or so?  I don't know.  I finally had to hide them away, and even than, as I pass, I... have to think away.  And do.  Still, I was sure my blood sugar would be astronomical.  Nope.  I can live with a 110.  And, that is with several glasses of kefir, plus the chicken and a can of beats, plus the candy.  

Okay.  But... that's the lowest it has been in some time of trying.  I... don't think my anatomy is... typical?  Or kefir really helps.  Very strange.

However, I am hungry again.  Not... of body?  My spirit, or mind, or... something... is asking for more food.  I'm heating another piece of chicken.  I'll have that, take night dose of slow acting insulin, and off to bed.  Though... it'll... be a bit.  I sure like that candy.  Though, really, I consume it rather slowly.  A piece can take... five minutes or more to finish.  Maybe it is the new candies that are more the problem?  Dunno, but...  Though it does worry me as to dealing with low blood sugar.  Will that work fast enough?  Ugh.  Later, or goodnight actually, more like.

Ah, something about cooking.

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Well, and baking.  And... a number of other forms of heating while combining foods.

Non-stick coatings, of almost any kind, are at best merely reduces fertility.  Not... a good thing.  But, if you are beyond fertility, it does increase the risk for cancer.  Remember when the conspiracy theorists were telling you that about cigarettes and tobacco in general?  You... all knew.  You ignored.  Fair enough.  It's probably the same with this.  Most of you do know.  But, it's easier to just keep using.  They are light, seemingly easy to clean, don't take any skill to use...  I'm telling you, if you are younger, want children, don't use those pans.

If you do ignore that advice, then make sure to change them every few years.  They begin to break down, even if they don't look like it.  Which means those items, such as waffle makers?  With teflon plates?  Are toxic as hell after a few years.  And, with the vaxx?  Double your money, raised to the i.  I suppose, until lawyers are allowed to sue for it, nothing will change.  But that only happens when the makers and sellers show they are mostly conservative (for... whatever that means at times, really).  But, if they are mixed bag, or all liberal, they are untouchable... for now.

I have learned to cook with stainless and high-carbon.  It... takes some practice.  It takes more fats.  But, if I can do it, anyone can do it.  I no longer worry about my food, so much.  Cooking, mostly, from fresh.  Cooking in right cookery.  Cooking using ingredients I am sure aren't from China, or filled with chemicals as much as possible.  I'll die, I just won't die because someone slowly poisoned me, probably on purpose.  I do wonder how many of these companies are truly Satanic, at this time... or... whichever demon they do worship (or "old god", same difference usually).

So, when I show these videos, I have to comment.  Don't do as they show, do as you should.  Avoid non-stick.  Use stainless, high-carbon steel, or cast iron, the latter is better for women as it offers iron into their food, something many women are sorely deprived... for their womanly issues.

I just had to clear that.  I hate when I see them, and it's all of them, using bad cookery to make otherwise good food.  It would be like watching a French chef do his work, then piss in it before serving.  Something... evil about it.  But... it is y.t.  They want to reduce carbon emissions, though only of one sort.  Look in the mirror.  You are their target.  Or they wouldn't have pushed industry to China, India, Vietnam, and other places so corrupt, incompetent, and outright evil where these things are completely destroying their lands and people.  No, they just want people gone, and while wine (the slow decay over time) is fine, whisky (the fast and exceptionally exploitive methods of strip mining, and else) are quicker.  And they are into quickness.

So... there.  Later.

Kefir!

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Back on the menu.  I miss that when it isn't in stock, for any reason.  Even a few days.  So a few months was tight.  Months?  Weeks?  Whatever.  If you ever get hooked on this, or raw yogurt, you'll know what I mean.  I never thought I'd like something more than cola, or beer.  But, there it is.

I'll probably just have a chicken hindquarter for supper tonight.  Nothing fancy, but the last ones have turned out superior, even as leftovers.  More so when I only partly cook them, then finish them when going to eat again.  Perhaps with beats?  Green beans?  Corn?  Who knows.  Something like that.  Oh, and I do like to have a bit of kefir with meals.  It makes them... go down easier, and through.  Something magical about that stuff.

I really want to cube some pork, or beef, cheap cuts.  And soak those in the kefir overnight.  Just... to see... then bake it, or even stew it altogether.  Some India indians do that, and a lot of M.E.ers too.  It tenderizes cheaper cuts.  But that... is... a good thing.  It is a way to use all the meat without losing quality.  Spending time, and less expensive elements, to combine to a better meal.  Lamb, goat, chicken, for sure.  They don't have much beef over there, but some.  I just haven't seen it done that way for beef.  And, I think they mostly use yogurt, more than kefir.  Though I am not sure they have kefir, so much.  Have had trouble finding the recipe, or the idea fleshed out well, in English.  But I have eaten the food often enough to know it exists, and is very common.  Odd.

Gaming.  Can barely stay awake, so it's about what I can do.  Ugh.  I'll... keep trying, to dig out, get some things done, and more.  But... it's... difficult.  Later.

A bit of a mix at waking.

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Too early?  I think so.  To bed sometime after four, but as late as six?  I started heading to bed at fourish.  It... takes a while.  Sometimes I fail to check the time, sometimes I forget it, not sure which it was at bedtime this morning.  I went up to make the bed, a bit after that last post, then just melted into it after I was finished.  For as much as I don't like sleep, I sure like sleep!  :)

Oh, when I do those " :) "'s, and such?  I... am replicating what I am literally doing.  Not... giving you cues for yourself.  Just expressing.  If you were curious.

Anyway.  Up at around noon thirtyish.  It just seems a short sleep.  Dreams?  A mix.  No fighting!  I... needed some time off.  Got it, to the best of knowledge.  But dream I did.

In the first dream, a mixture of mother nature and poor human planning lead to a... what could have been... mild tweak of a few city blocks in some major city.  But, being what people are, often, in such places, and these times, it... got worse.  From gawkers who went looking for problems... not to solve, but to take selfies with... yea...  Crispy critters.  All the warnings were there, but they... something about handing a camera to some people, and they think it will keep them safe?

And, of course, the predators who go looking for anything free and easy.  Whites seem to just put up with them, right to murder and rape.  Just keep their heads down and hope they aren't the ones picked for the cull.  But, when they smell blood in the water, they come out to hunt.  And hunt they did.

Well, and of course a mayor, of the special people, who couldn't figure out how to solve a riddle, let alone a minor technical problem, and didn't have people on her payroll who could either, but didn't really care anyway, leading the charge to further the disaster.  Hey, there might be federal dollars coming, from which to pluck bounty.

That dream was ended by sirens.  It sounded like cops, two at first, but only one as it passed?  Perhaps part of the dream, or just some sort of echo thing going on.  Not sure.  But it was whizzing by.

Then, I dreamed I was on the flight, on 9/11, that went down in a field?  The guys, in my dream, just planned to rush the cockpit, without any real plan other than to wrestle through.  While I was not allowed to help them, I was allowed to council them.

My plan was to wrestle the hijackers out.  Not to worry about getting cut, if avoid that.  But understand you may well get cut, just man through it.  Grab, grapple, pull, and displace the hijackers.  They, in the dream, didn't have a plan but to fight through.  City people, paper workers, no clues.  Pull, get them out, keep doing it.  It... still wasn't enough, fast enough.  But... at least they had more of a chance than a bum rush into a wall of cutters.

Cat food and candy has arrived.  I am trying it.  Yankeetraders candies.  I... thought they used to have a good name.  Supposed to be made in the US.  But, who knows or believes anything printed these days.  And, the company was probably bought out and is in some monster anti-American conglomerate these days.  Still, it was a better thing, as far as I could tell.

Licorice, black licorice, hard candy.  Three... which is about fifteen carbs.  And?  Passes my muster.  And will do just find for hard sugar drops.  On the plus side, these are so hard, I won't be as tempted to hit them up just for... pure pleasure.  It... takes a bit to get through one.  Perfect!  I may order several others to keep in stores.  Not bad things to have in emergencies, for gifts in such times, and for my needs.  The have a whole line to choose from, including lemon and half a dozen or more other flavors.  Yes, I... think I will stock up on some of their products.

Well... on to the day.  Blood sugar, before the candy, was 179.  That is with beef and beans two nights in a row, to help stabilize blood sugar a bit higher, until candy arrived.  Now I can... work a little bit tighter, with insulin.  A mistake won't be so... difficult.  Or as difficult to manage.  Still mess me up for a few days, but... so be it.  Later.

Mostly on time.

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I lost track.  By the time I was eating, it was 03:03 (why start with the zero, to differentiate am/pm and 24 hour... in 24 hour, 3:03 am is written as 03:03, if sometimes I forget or don't bother).  Still, while not absolutely within the one hour range of 02:00, plus or minus an hour, it was close enough as I call things.

Beef and beans, with mozzarella and the last of the creme fraiche.  I'll make more next week.  Given how well it lasts, and how easy it is, I'll probably make a whole quart of the stuff next week, or nearly.  I am probably going with two to three tablespoons of kefir grains and the quart of cream, minus about a cup?  To give room to ferment.  I'll just add that into my coffee a few days, then do the kefir grain addition to the remainder.

Oh, I may have figured out why it seems so cool.  When I woke, I tore my bed apart, and set the mattresses up to air, plus turned the fan on.  When it is colder, the fan on will pull heat up.  Still, it's worth it.  I have really been enjoying having cleaner bedding.  Aired out weekly, not sure it really needs to be hung outside quarterly, but probably still will do that.  My nose is clearer, in the morning.  And, with bedding being remade every few days at most, blankets changed as to which is closest to me, that really adds to it.

I may just go up, a bit early, and reset the bed.  Both so I can then turn the fan off, and so that, when I go to bed, I don't have to wrestle with it right then.  Nice to be able to just go up, fold the blankets down, and slip in without note or fuss.  Life is good that way.  Though, often, I am too tired, or don't remember.  Until I get up there and... there I am.  Either do it or, what, sleep on the literal floor?  Blah.

I have been doing really well at keeping up on that.  Usually between Friday and Sunday it gets done.  Only once, that I can remember, did I fail until a Tuesday?  I thought of just letting it go to the next weekend, but, no... I'll do it when I realize.  I am quite pleased with that project.  Not sure how I can keep that up, and not other projects, but... take what you can get.

Gaming is good.  Just... eating time.  Too cool for me to do much else.  Winter is closing in.  My body is shutting down, with that.  All good though.  Not quite a true hibernation, but probably closer to it than some might imagine.  It used to be much closer to an actual hibernation, but that was... damned dangerous.  Just didn't have much choice.  Still don't.  Later.  Or goodnight. 

The tshirt helped?

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Well, right until it didn't.  Got a bit too cool, cold almost.  Was busy playing the game, didn't notice until I could barely press the buttons on the controller.  Took a break to put on my housecoat, and come in here two post something.  It's only 70 in here, but that is two degrees warmer.  Hoping the housecoat will help.  Will put the long sleeve tshirt back on if not.

Perhaps tea?  Trying to have something that won't add to carb load, blood sugar, or else.  Tea would do.  Hot, of course.  Hmm, I'll get the water heating for that.  Done.  Have to watch green tea, more than three to five minutes blooming and it can get a might bitter.

I thought about chicken, but only want one meal, today, since at least one meal needs to be carby.  So, I'll just go with one.  Beef and beans, with mozzarella cheese.  The lettuce is done.  I left cheddar out, and it went.  So... work with what you have, innit.  But, I don't want it too soon.  Or I'll get hungry again before too long.  I'm thinking... around 02:00?  Give or take an hour.  Then try to get to bed by 05:00 at the latest, earlier if possible.  Yeah.

I try to think everything through.  And, do, actually.  Think it through.  Practicum and theory don't always work their way into reality, they only, at times, offer possibilities for that.  Or, as other say, a plan is great, but rarely survives first contact.  That goes even for the finest.  This I know.  Still, it's the plan.  And, while I may not be able to pull it off exactly, I... should be able to pull it of close enough.  Dinner earlier, for example, and going without or going to sleep earlier as well.  Who... ever... exactly... knows though?

Some argues God knows.  I know He doesn't, about such things.  He knows the final score, just not how we will work it out to that score.  If He knew, we would call Him Satan, not God.  Not... that Satan knows, only that he pretends to, and if he had the power, would attempt to create the score.  God has left that to us, or you?  Decisions.  Which... means... He really doesn't know what any single individual will decide to do, or actually do.  He's... praying for you though.  Oh, yes, He is.  Your choice, always.  And it comes right down to every man, woman, and to a degree child.

If it weren't so, then predestination, right to who is going to heaven and hell, would already be written in stone, and there would be no... need... to do other than what blind want would lead one.  That is rejected in every aspect of faith I know, believe I understand, and am seeking more regarding.  God simply won't require us to follow or believe.  Nor to be sinless, or do right.  At this point, it is pure choice.  Patient, that One.  More patient than Lucifer, by far.

Anyway...  I have things to do.  Oh, tea water should be warm enough.  Now to add it, let it steep.  A Japanese green.  Not one of my favorites, but not a bad tea.  Different.  Actually, I... don't care for it.  But am... working on that.  It's how I do.  It adds a bit of humility into my life, something I am dearly seeking to embrace.  I... think, in part, that is why God has me still alive.  He has asked me to seek humility.  And, so, I do.  In the oddest of ways.  But... so be it.  Or, amen, if you will.  Good evening.  Later.

Down twelve hours?

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Or eight?  Depends on which clock I looked at when going to bed.  One of them was very off.  Perhaps the batteries are going?  Not only did it go the wrong way with daylight savings, it went the wrong way three more times.  And more.  It was reading 01:30 at 17:30 this evening.  I have reset it, will see if it keeps dropping.  Change the batteries if so.  It's only a few years old, but is Chinese.  Actually exceptional, to be honest, in other aspects.  But for $15, I'd expect a bit more longevity.  We'll see.

Fasting blood sugar is 170, it was 165 when I went to bed.  Ate carb heavy, though, and on purpose, so that I wouldn't drop, crash, my blood sugar eating mainly keto.  This was.. planned.  I just hoped it would be less than 250.  Check!  Candy should arrive Monday.  Then I can push more keto and tow the line a little closer without fear of having to dig through for something to keep from passing out into a diabetic coma.  The brain doesn't work really well when the floor tries to come up at you.

Death... itself... isn't a... bad thing.  But, I... have a responsibility, at this time.  The life granted me isn't... mine?  It... is a duty, a responsibility.  Captain, on this ship of fools?  I... like that intimation.  It is fitting, right, true.  But, it's... my job now.  For I can do no other.  So... so I will manage these things to the best of my ability, even through the pains, suffering.

Wrestling, all night.  With who, or what, I cannot say.  All night.  Sore, from it.  As if I just went through a meet, having to wrestle four or five times through the day.  Drained, sore, weary.  Win?  Lose?  Draw?  I... don't know.  I never quit.  Couldn't?  Didn't?  Wouldn't?  Yes, and... no.  Still, better than the machete night.  That was... a bit rough.  Rougher anyway.

I believe I will have beef and beans again tonight.  Just to keep blood sugar slightly elevated.  Won't eat much more.  A few fatted coffees and water, otherwise nil?  Maybe some peanuts.  Trying to manage blood sugar otherwise, though, keeping it lower, until supper.

So warm though.  I thought blood sugar must surely be higher.  Almost a fever, in behind my face bones... you know what I mean?  Wearing a long sleeve hoodie, longjohns, heavier pj's, socks, and shoes.  Had a robe on too.  But those are normal, lately.  Makes 57 to 71 seem warm enough.  Well, and the beard.  I think the beard has done more for cool weather warmth than anything I have ever tried.  It makes being on medicine a bit more tolerable in the cooler weather.  Normally, lower blood sugar makes me more susceptible to the cold.  I'll try a short sleeve t, and skip the housecoat for now.

Well... on to gaming... maybe a fatted coffee to help kick things off, and a short sleeve t.  I keep praying, thanking God for what I do have, hoping what I can do is enough.  Asking Him to push me along, if it isn't, or at least let me know.  Still surprised He hasn't called me home, but that's His choice.  Now worries about my resistance.  If He wants me home, I'll... get there.  No doubts about that.  Later.

Hmm, yea.

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Bedtime.

I did get the burger fried up, and some added to beans.  I haven't checked blood sugar since.  Nor will I.  Time to take some slow acting insulin and go on up.

I don't know.  Things are odd.  Mostly don't hurt.  Sleeping okay.  If sleeping and waking patterns are twisted and twisting further.  I'll do my best.

At least I have been checking on mom.  Taking care of Sassy.  Even mostly doing well with my needs.  Not so much wants, but... that's not possible anyway.

Goodnight.  Sleep well.  Keep me in your prayers.  Warm thoughts and well wishes.  Be well, dry, warm, and right. 

Positively top chicken.

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I must admit, given healthy, clean, right, fresh chicken, and I can make a proper meal of it.  Without brining, since it was definitely fresh, the skin was much crisper.  Chicken bacon.  And the meat was tender, juicy, delicate, and rich.  The spices were just right.  I would call it mildly warm.  You, if you are normal, would probably call it hot.  Then again, to be fair... to you... I can't always taste jalapeno.  Though some of it is warmer than... what it's rating would suggest.  Peppers are an odd thing.

Gaming since.  Not... much else.  Well, Sassy has been being fed and tended.

Oh, I had peanuts earlier.  A lot of them.  So I took a medium-small dose of fast acting insulin.  Though, at the lower fasting blood sugar, the small amount I really ate, and that chicken and spinach are keto, especially they way they were fixed and served, I didn't take a second dose with supper proper.

I was starting to feel odd, as if, maybe, blood sugar was high.  I don't, generally, get a tell for that.  Though, sometimes, certain complaints go along with it.  Anyway, so I decided to check.  Nope.  Blood sugar is 95.  That is actually a bit unnerving.  Lower than I like it, especially after a bigger meal.  I ended up eating not just the thigh, but the drumstick too.  And the whole can of spinach.  Further, I don't have any candy, or else, lying around.  To boost blood sugar if I hit a problem.  Hmm, honey somewhere?  Molasses and maple syrup too?  I... think so.  I suppose a tea to tablespoon of any of those might work.

Whatever.  I may head on to bed shortly.  Cool out there, almost getting to cold.  Wouldn't want to be out in it.  And, when I closed the downstairs door yesterday, it got down to 53 upstairs.  Though, keeping the door open, it got back up to 57 to 59, somewhere in there.  Comfortable, for me.  Good to be a bear.  The beard is definitely a plus, now that I can tolerate it, without nearly digging my face off for the itch.  It'll come off in the summer though.  Ugh.

Well... what else could I eat?  Hmm... I want to cook up the burger.  I could portion some of that out, and add beans.  Currently, would rather have it slightly too high than too low.  Oh, and I did cut the slow acting insulin down to 40 cc's.  See how that works.  Odd, how cutting is still... doing strange things, like crashing the blood sugar.  I'm eating what I always eat.  Though, perhaps, if I hadn't lowered it, it would have actually crashed, not be hinting at it?  Later.

Chicken.

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It took a while longer to thaw.  The world is getting cooler.  So be it.  This time, many spices.  I through a quarter of my spice collection at it.  Will it turn out too... too?  Or will it just... be.  Will find out.

I liked what I did last time, a lot.  I cooked the main batch for about an half hour.  Let all but one cool.  Bagged them, then pulled them out, and into the oven for another half hour to forty five minutes, while crisping the skin.  Those leftovers were superior.  And, one stayed in to be finished.  So it will go today.

The last package of hindquarters I have.  So I will enjoy.  If, too, when I go to the store, that is exactly what I will be looking to buy.  Usually can only find drumsticks or thighs.  I prefer the combination.  It's a bit much for a singe meal, often.  But works great for a meal, then a later snack.  Plus, it makes intermittent fasting easier.  I'm still, roughly, doing that.  More just trying to keep my meals close together.  My one problem is snacking, and fatted drinks.  I should go just to water in the mornings.  Now that I enjoy water.

I believe I will make spinach for the side dish, with simple white vinegar.  I'd not mind butter, salt, and pepper, but I am having difficulty keeping up on butter.  Between the cost, and just getting to the store often enough.  Yes, strange, but butter, salt, and pepper makes a superior choice with spinach.  I had never had it that way, heard about it... took two years before I worked up the nerve to try it that way.  Why?  Well... later in life, changes... seemingly small, yet... so pervasive... it takes... something special to try something new.  Sometimes.

There went the alarm.  Three of the four pieces are cooling as the final set finishes.  This chicken was good, this last time.  This was bought when that was.  There is hope.  Chicken has been hit or miss since "covid", or whatever that was.  Actually, most meat has been... dubious.  A bit over ripe, a bit long in the tooth, pulling from stored meats, bottom of the freezer, old.  You can do that, but not for quality.  You do that for emergencies.

Although I suspect everything they are doing has little to do with what they say.  They may have, as much as anything, been getting rid of old stock.  Even the chicken culls, of late, probably has more to do with resetting hatcheries and such, but for legitimate or financial reasons is another question.  I mean, are they doing that to force producers to reset their pens, clean up?  Or are they doing it to temporarily created a "chicken bubble".  Or both.  If you know what they are doing, you can profit, if you are excluded you could go broke.  And they only tell their friends, that you can be certain about.

I still wonder if my ducks weren't killed because those who raise chickens and else commercially see private raising as a threat.  And, being an outsider, I am an easy target.  Though, there may be more to it.  But that wouldn't surprise me to have been part of it.  As ag based as this state is, it is commercial, not homestead based.  And, yes, they are protective of their industry.  Just like any industry.  The dirty part of the business is dealing with competition, big and small.

Though, an incident of political incorrectness occurred, shortly before.  I have some wonder if it had to do with that.  N-lovers can be dangerously hateful people.  Which... proves my point more than not.  Those who are getting hot reading that now know exactly what I mean.  Killed a bunch of ducks for it?  Maybe.  It's... like them.

Keeping up on the rubik's cube.  Not improving, of late, just... keeping the level I have obtained... finishing between 1:45 and 2:30 minutes.  Not... fast, but not bad.  A start.  I keep meaning on looking about how to improve speed, what methods and techniques would help.  Will have to figure it out when I am in better shape.  I just don't have the focus to take in next-step speed improvements.  Maybe, someday.

Chicken should be about ready to check.  And start the spinach.  Sure sounds good to me.  Later.

Time is slipping.

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There is a song with that... as the title, or main thread?  No one likes to lose time, or even spend it rashly.  The truth is, our wills have nothing to do with time. Then again, for me, while time can seem to slip, it feels more like I have been here for thousands of years, just in this one lifetime.  When you start out a thirty five year journey seeking death, but being denied, time... is wretchedly slow.

I have learned not to worry about time, only try to be ready to manage things in time, as they arrive.  I can't do much else.  At least I no longer feel the need to seek death, though most would in my shoes.  A gift, a grace, to carry my (and relatively insignificant) cross?  Okay.

Blustery, but more wet than snowing.  Mostly.  Usually.  It's like a woman on the edge of a big decision, right before she's made it.  And I'm not sure she is going to make her mind up.  Snot, and tears, and rants, not at anyone, just... a pleasure to watch from a warm, safe, comfortable distance.  I'll bet there are boobs, in the clouds, and more, if one looks with the right eye.  Certainly not the left eye.

I did call my mother, this morning, before going on to bed.  Just checking.  She is getting out today.  For some very strange reason, they are having a Christmas bazaar?  Some such.  She was just getting ready to go.  Didn't want to keep her from preps, so just spoke a bit.  Wished her well.  She sounds to be doing better.

And dairy arrived, while I was sleeping.  Prices are up, again.  But... that... wasn't completely unforeseen.  He has no choice.  These things may end up killing small businesses.  Has killed many already.  I would just stop with kefir and such, go back to drinking tea, and let that be that.  There is a price beyond my ability to pay.  Though, honestly, stores are just as expensive, mostly.  Do without rather than do with less, I guess.

I wasn't down until after 08:00?  Right.  Or I wouldn't have called.  It is an hour later there, so...  Up at 14:30ish.  I was told most of the last of the packages would be arriving today, but I don't think so.  I'll check, later.  Not sure why they do that, since they usually don't deliver on Saturdays.  No great worries, though it had looked like some hard candies were due in.  Which would be good to have on hand.

Blood sugar is good, at 137 this morning.  I won't take any fast acting until or unless I eat a bigger meal.  A fatted coffee, shortly.  Resetting kefir, but not enough to draw for a glass today.  Probably not until Monday, and then lightly.  All good, getting to things.  Did get a shower in last night, and needed it desperately.  Now to get back with else.  Sassy has been fed and her litter tended.  By keeping up daily?  Her single, preferred, pan, has lasted two months.  I clean it, often, twice a day.  Missing a day, or two, once or twice a month.  And it stays in excellent shape.  It is amazing how much Sam... was going and else.  And eating.  She was eating to live.  She is at peace.

Later.

Just gaming.

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After supper, that is all I have done.  I just checked blood sugar, fearing it would be really high... since it hadn't crashed.  At 127?  I'll take that, given that I ate beans, with an otherwise keto meal.  And as high as it was fasting.  I just had a bit more kefir.  Love that stuff.  Low, I used milk for too many other things, and it didn't stretch for kefir.  I'll have to make choices, regarding that, through the week.  And, really, I much prefer kefir.

Some of it was more experimenting.  Milk in with buttermilk.  I think that was this week.  Hmm, for creme fraiche, that was last week.  But, I was trying to get the buttermilk to last, so filled it back with milk... to try to culture it, or keep it cultured?  Hmm... anyway...  And, there were a few other things I tried.  I need to keep the milk for kefir.  That's all there is to it.  Perhaps another half gallon, as well.  Possibly another whole gallon?  Will see.

The game is going well.  Between improvements to the game, what I learned the first time, that is carrying over, and learning a few side things on top, this time, the game is okay.  It is a bit large.  Even on easy it isn't... a sure thing.  And, there is still a huge learning curve.  It was easier to learn to program Matlab and the other math program I used than it is to get this game to function.  Seriously.  I set up for a master (ph.d. actually) course solution, which solved... 97.3% (iirc) of the problems encountered.  Then again, by hand (more than by machine/computer), if you were really good, you could only solve 98.7% or so.  Most simple solving computers couldn't do this, only with this software.  Though, perhaps it could have been optimized?  It was as good as I could do.

Anyway... so, yes, I can, or was once able to do, complex things.  This has both function and menu and... other things.  Forms of functions?  Actions based of functions and forms of functions?  Still... learning.  For certain.  And enjoying it, usually.

I'd like to get a shower.  I meant to all day.  So weary, tired, and a bit sleepy to boot.  I did set it up, mostly.  Need to get clean clothes in there.  I'll try to shower before bedtime.  Or... not.  So tired.  Later, or goodnight.

Supper was super.

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Beef, beans, and salad.  The salad is going downhill very fast.  Not sure why.  But, if this wasn't the last use, next will be.  If I can't find the salad that my store used to make, I'll have to only buy one bag at a time, and even then use it quickly.  Even so, it was good.  With cheddar melted in and creme fraiche to top it off.  And, yes, it's... pretty good.  Creme fraiche, the way I am making it, doesn't add much flavor.  But it does add a creaminess, richness.

Gaming.  Still.  Oh, but it looks like it hasn't been raining?  I suppose, looking at the driveway, with the dark of the day, it just initially seemed as if it was dark, as in wet.  But, a review later made me second guess that.  Things can dry, fast, here.  Especially with some wind.  Not certain, but I don't think so.

Two bloody nostrils this morning, first thing.  Lasted half through the day.  Oh well.

I took 30 cc's with supper, 26?  Something like that.  Haven't had anything else through the day, either food, or insulin?  Well, other than fatted coffee.  A single one.  I had a bigger glass of water, but I don't count that.  Haven't tested blood sugar either.  Now, I did take slow acting, earlier, as well.  To make up for missing it last night.  And will take it again tonight, 60 cc's is my usual.  Meh, I am not willing to take more,  I don't trust long-acting medicines.  I'm already, to my mind, pushing things.  They started me on 26 cc's.  Asked me to add, without using the fast acting, to see if it could take over.  Even when eating keto very regularly, and taking this stuff, it doesn't work.  I really do need some fast acting from time to time.

Actually, when I get things going, again, with the doc and pharmacy, and am on things for a while, I may cut the slow acting back to 26?  See if it works.  But, not immediately.  This is just too much.  Not sure why it isn't working, but it's not working.  Not alone.  Taking some of each seems to work the absolute best.

Well, back to gaming.  I need a shower, desperately.  Tonight, no doubt.  Ugh.  Sassy won't even come up and sleep with me, and I understand.  A shower for certain.  Later.

Been up for a bit.

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Rough, though.  Mostly just sleepy, tired, just a little sore.  Blood sugar was high, at 206 fasting.  The potato last night, and I forgot slow acting insulin.  I got that going, this morning, and 10 cc's of fast acting with kefir and a fatted coffee.  Sassy has been fed, her litter cleared.  Not great, but not terrible.  A start.  A couple hours ago?  Maybe.

Dark and weathery out there.  Raining?  Snow?  Sleet?  I can't say what is coming down.  It's on and off, and I have only seen it off, but it looked damp?  All good.  It 'tis the season.  I... love the seasons.  Spring and fall are my favored.  One, the former, cripples me.  The other, the latter, bounces me off the wall like a superball... do they still make those?  Hmm, if so, I ought to buy one.  I loved those.  Just couldn't keep em'.

Dreams of minor love and war last night.  Sex is so dirty, and I don't mean... nasty.  I mean, well, sweaty, gritty, with fluids, and else.  A dirty job, but someone really has to do it.  Lord knows, right or wrong, I have... done my share.  And, produced children.  Probably more than I know.  Most women, back then, knew who the father was.  At least there was that.  They like their giants.  Anyway...  I often, too, and did last night, dream of women I... never touched, but wanted to hold.  Far more of those, if plenty of women I was with.  Never enough, or long enough, had... places to go, people to do, things to fix or break.  Mechanics, it's the way.

I wouldn't even know where to meet up with women these days.  Or... women I would be interested in meeting up with.  I suppose there is the old and ill dinner place.  Or restaurants in town for coffee.  Bars, I suppose, if I would keep from drinking.  If you are there just for some lime and fizz water, you'll meet women who don't drink as well.  Drinkers and non-drinkers tend to find each other through simple tests.  The last few times I was at a bar, I... spied and was espied by enemy combatants, with boobs.  :p  Some enemies... are... different.  Different sorts of warfare.  All I'm saying.  *boobs*  Dreams can make me silly.  So can thinking about them, and what they contain.  Hmmm... pheromones'.

There was some dreams of fighting, but just simple ones.  The easy ones.  Hand to hand, even against two or three guys, was always easy for me.  Almost... pleasant?  Yes, pleasant.  Most men couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag.  Even if they go to the dojo twice a week.  If they haven't been on the streets, fighting whatever, and whoever, in whatever numbers?  No.  I've fought enough of those to pretty much realize that experience, if you survive it, is best.  Much more risky.  But, what is it they say?  The higher the risk, the higher the reward.  You learn to survive, in raw combat, something... changes.  No dojo can teach that.

Still, the dreams were pleasant.  Hit, miss, fight, live.  All... good.

Well, on to gaming.  Oh, I'll pull chicken out to thaw.  I'll probably have beans and beef tonight, or blood sugar will drop again.  I hate this up and down, and without candy or other to bring it up.  I have to use food.  But, really, don't even have much food that has any serious higher glycemic index.  Out of potatoes.  Ugh.  I'll... figure things out.  Later.

Dinner was good.

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Large, too.  Strangely, blood sugar dropped to 68.  I have had a glass of kefir, since, but I have to have something else.  That just isn't going to work.  I may even look for any possible remaining carb tabs.  I am out of candy, but that would work too.  I do have mints and a few other hard candies on the way, but... just not here yet.

The kefir has settled the drop, for a bit.  But I am right on an edge.  I just don't have anything to eat... hmm... potato.  I'd need to bake it.  The kefir might work until then.  It's spooky, being right on the edge, but without anything to fix it.  I only took around 16 cc's of fast acting insulin through the day, starting at 177 blood sugar.  I don't think I took but 6 cc's with supper.  Very odd.

Still gaming.  Enjoying.  Best get a potato going.  Later.

Still awake, and... whatever.

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Not in too much  pain.  A bit uncomfortable.  Since fall hit, temps dropped, and the sun has been in and out, but shining less often to boot, I have hurt most days.  Today is one of the better days.  My shoulder are tender, but not outright sore.

Not able to get to much.  So very tired.  Sleepy?  Weary.  Trying to find the right word.  There is a difference.  Blood sugar is 98.  Taking just the right amount of insulin, at the right times, is... a bit of a trick.  Can tell by the numbers, or feel if it starts falling, the floor becomes a tempting place to be.

More taco salad, but not beans this time.  It's not fancy, but it really isn't bad.  Heated, the adding cheese so it melts in, over a bed of lettuce.  Sometimes with creme fraiche over the top, and today, probably, an avocado with it.  They were four for $5, so I went for it.  The last one was technically ripe, but not very flavorful.  It was creamy, there is that.

Gaming, pretty much, is what I can do.  And it is what I am doing.  Most of what I ordered has been delivered.  Though I ordered cat food as well.  That should get me through... six months?  Give or take.  Most things have been put up.  And, I did get the canned pumpkin.  I like that stuff once in a while.  I'm thinking keto pumpkin cake, beside those pumpkin treats I included recently.  Though... I may make them, and if they turn out well?  Give most of it away.  It's... a bit much.  Though, I suppose, I could portion down the recipe.  To a degree.

Taco salad, and pulling some meat to thaw.  A roast, and chicken hind parts... drumsticks or thighs, haven't been able to find full hindquarters lately... which are my druthers.  Will be giving the new store a shot.  See if they have more things I prefer.  If prices seem reasonable, comparable or better... and the items I prefer are kept in stock more regularly, I'll... stop in more often.  

Difficult to change stores, but... if a store begins becoming politically correct in it's offerings, and prices?  I'll... leave them to it.  It's not all about money, if that plays a role.  It's also about what a store pushes.  Fat is good, not evil.  Anyone who pushes fat-free, after decades of that being pushed to some of the worst health and weight gain problems in the population, at some point you have to realize... it's neither ignorance, nor accident.  They mean to kill you.  Can't trust them, less so the more time that passes.  At best, stay neutral.  Go there and I'll kill our business interactions.  Check.

Well... on to lunch... or dinner.  Supper?  Sinner.  :p  Later.

War of a different sort.

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In the dream, I gathered with a few of my old friends.  We had all learned to play guitar, and were having a jam.  Literal friends, or at once.  Dave, I remember, the others?  The other Dave maybe?  And someone else.  In the group was a younger woman, I think just interested in the jam, heard about it, and wanted to listen.

Between songs, we would speak.  Most had gone through various faiths.  Most had ended up agnostic or self-declared atheists.  A few honest questions and answers explained why, for them.  Some had become mildly religious.  One had become REX catholic?  Not sure I knew what that was, looked it up when I woke.  I don't think... that is a thing, or currently, and wasn't ever a sect, so... not sure.

Anyway, it was more finding out about the others.  Disappointing, but not unexpected.  In a worldly world, expect... people, especially top performers, to confuse their success with worldliness.  It was... certainly an issue I had, at one time.  If you can live in the bubble of success, and never have health, or strengths, or other things tested, outside, and realize how weak you really are, you will never... want to give up the notion that you are success, yourself, alone.  And nothing else and no one else deserves any lauds for it.  Been there, done that, got over it.  Got thrown away like garbage when I broke.  Understand there were a lot of people supporting my success.  It... wasn't ever mine.  Can't... tell people this.  They have to find it on their own.

Anyway, we did have a really good time.  The pretty young thing there was... a bit unhappy.  She said she had always wished to play, but that... no one had taken the time to teach.  I told her no one ever would.  She would, as with much in life, have to follow that path on her own.  Perhaps, for moments, finding someone to spend time teaching.  But that it was a long, dreary, road.  Filled with failure, blisters, confusion, and occasional bliss.

However, I called her over, set her on a stool near me, gave her my guitar, and started a minor lesson.  Her fingers were stiff, and... mean.  Pulling and plucking, but clumsily, not commandingly.  I told her to caress the strings, as the pedals of a pretty flower, or the upturned face of a child, perhaps gently cleaning his face.  And, she loosened up, and began to play.  Doing it lovingly, without so much thought, but by touch.  I... saw she was on the way.

She thanked me greatly, and asked where I had learned this.  What guitar player had taught me.  I had to laugh.  Not sure she would understand.  But she insisted.  I told her it wasn't formally, a guitar player.  It was God.  When I had broken, and been cast aside, He had taken the time to tend me.  Pulling me out of the garbage heap into which I had been tossed, cleaning me, restoring forms of dignity.  Then, setting me on my long lonely path to... better things.  All I was doing is, as well as I may, emulating my Masters hands and actions.

I hadn't realized, but the whole room had gone quiet, and my friends had been listening intently.  I had thought we, myself and her, alone in our own little world.  Not sure it changed anything, but... I think it actually did.  Mustard seed, I am told.  And many were planted that day.

Only a dream, but what a dream.  Some of it, beyond any doubt, true.  No one to tell it to, mind you.  I'm not even sure what I write is actually read by more than one or two?  I don't know.  Mostly just... a log, not even really for me.  If, from time to time, there is something recalled.

Awake.  Blood sugar is a bit better this morning, at 177 fasting.  It is, slowly, eventually, coming down.  Beef and beans last not, if on salad, with some of the last of the buttermilk creme fraiche.  So hungry, needed more than just beef.  A kefir to start the morning, fatted coffee next.  Chops later?  maybe.

It snowed a bit yesterday, later day, but nothing is sticking.  It is back to a drizzle.  All good.  Sassy was fed, first thing.  I wasn't going to, but she... went away, meowling.  She was hungry, and I didn't... want to let her be so.  I love the little dear.  Losing some weight would be good, but it may not be possible, for her.  Fixing a girl changes... everything.  Kills their metabolism if nothing else.  Her litter is amazing.  It is being kept exceptionally clean.  She just doesn't use it much, and I have been staying on top of even that, almost obsessively.  After Sam, that's how it goes.  Later.

Enjoying the game.

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.

The only problem is... there is a bit too much to the game.  Learning things, finding things, making things, and of course doing things.  Remembering how to do things, while trying to fight?  Tapping, or holding, plus multi-key actions.  Pushing the wrong thing can get you killed.  I don't know.

This time around I have figured out a few more things, or more quickly.  But it is a brutal learning curve.  For example, and this is just in one area... combat.  Beside standard attacks, there are potions, and... betterer potions to be used right before a battle (some are enemy specific, some are general), plus oils (to put on weapons, but only against certain enemies), the other things for healing and to grant skills or abilities which help in combat or defense.  Way too much.  And, getting them to all work, with the limits of a console controller?  It's... a bit much.

I am thinking about making a cheat-sheet, for the controller.  You can look up tutorials, which require reading, and often a lot of it.  I just need a quick, concise, description, of how to do what.  I was running into the same problems with Batman.  Just too many requirements for such a small, limited, control device.

So far, playing it on easy mode, I am not getting slaughtered anyway.  Really, I have little interest in timing.  It's not a speed game.  I think the limits on the keypad, how fast it sends the command, and how fast (or slow really) the machine accepts the input and puts it into the game, is why they go with timing, not speed.  Your button mashing is usually off.  And, if you hit too many buttons, of a certain type, when you try to do something else, it just won't happen because the queue is stuffed.  Modern games are... a hassle.

Still, since I'm not dying as often, and can get through, I will.  Until I find a better game.  Bleh.

I'd best get insulin and medicine in.  I'd like to go to bed, but I don't think that will happen quite yet.  Should have showered, couldn't get to it.  Just... weary, too weary.  Not sleepy, just not able to get much going.  Anyway... another bit of kefir.  Some fast acting.  Pill medicine.  Then, as I go to bed, slow acting stuff.  Later, or goodnight.

Gaming.

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It's something.  And, currently, about as much as I can do.  Other than keeping up on water, food, medicine, and Sassy... what she could use and needs.

I have been looking over advice, for playing.  Kept getting told to do things that... weren't possible.  Then I found out why, after... realizing something was just not right.  Ah... the advice required dlc content.  Wasn't sure I wanted to buy it, but... went looking.

Free.  Free?  Sure!  I can do free!  Plus, there was a ton of other dlc content that was offered for free.  I took it all.  That makes up for the earlier problems, if they have fixed those early problems?  I won't know until later in the game.  Meh.  It's something.  But, I have the downloads, which allows me to follow the advice.

Witcher 3, if I hadn't said.  I am sure I did, just not sure how long ago.

I reset the kefir, but put it all in the fridge.  I will have a glass or two a day until Saturday, and fresh milk arrives.  And, then, I will begin resetting those again.  Now, I had a bunch of extra grains.  I didn't want to put them in the jars of kefir, but I didn't want to toss them.  So, I drained out as much as possible, of the liquid, into the jar.  Then put the remainder into a plastic cup.

I added salt, black pepper and white pepper.  I thought about other spices or herbs, but decided to just go with this, to see if I like it.  It was still warm, so I didn't want to eat it right away, tucking it into the fridge.  But I did lick off the spoon.  Hmm, yes, it tastes very much like drier cottage cheese.  Adding just a touch of cream to it wouldn't be bad.  Now I know how to make kefir cheese, and I think I like it.  Would do well with a cup of fruit or just plain.  Cream would just add a bit of moisture back... say a tablespoon per cup?  Something, and not every time, just an option.

I really do enjoy tinkering with my food.  I suspect, to get creme fraiche to be more solid?  I will need to add gelatin, or such.  My guess is, people who are showing things on y.t., or even cooking shows from the long past, they are using things they aren't telling us about.  To try to make themselves superior?  Or... because their systems don't actually work?  I don't know.  But I do know that much of what you see is a lie.  If something doesn't work, figure it out.  The world isn't fair, honest, nor upright.  Just... understand that.

Even so, I am enjoying playing with my food.  Not everything works as they say.  I am figuring things out, on my own, piece by bit.  I'll figure out how to solidify creme fraiche soon.  Oh, and the kefir in cream is the better option.  It tastes a bit tangier, and is just a bit more solid than the buttermilk and cream.  Then again, I'm not sure the buttermilk was actually cultured.  More the traditional?  Not a mark against the dairy, they do what they do.  Asking doesn't... they don't always know exactly what they are... talking about?  That's all I'm saying.  I may attempt to track down actual cultured buttermilk.  I know where it would be.  The thing is, it will be pasteurized, maybe homogenized, and... who knows what else.  But... if it is cultured, you can keep it going, much like kefir or sourdough.  Take, feed, reset.  And, in a fridge, the process is slow enough to keep up on, if you use it every week to every other week.

Playing with food.  Oh, and this stuff would be AWESOME for food-fights!  :)

Well.  Blood sugar finally broke below 118.  It was 108.  And that just shortly after a glass of kefir and fatted coffee.  I'm wanting burger and beans, tonight, maybe on a bed of lettuce again.  I have been avoiding beans, because they are so carby.  May tonight, if I can... talk myself out of it.  We'll see.  

Snowing, outside, last time I looked.  It has been mildly raining today?  Which is turning to snow.  Pretty, but a bit spooky.  Staying warm enough in here.  I need a shower though.  And to dress more warmly.  But it is a pleasant day.

I think my subconscious has a sense of humor?  While considering the combat dreams, this showed up.  If last night, or yesterday.  I... can't stop thinking of it.  Anyway... here.  Enjoy.  Later.

Down and up late.

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I believe it was 00:23 when I went down, 24:23 if you prefer, or nearly midnight thirty.  Up at about 10:45?  Or so.  It is 32 out there, and somewhere between snowing and raining.  But the house is staying warm without struggling.  Weather trimming on the doors really did a thing.  It is 61 upstairs this morning.  The downstairs stays between 68 and 74 (if warmer in this front room, now that the door doesn't leak like a sieve, and when I am stetting here most of the day, with the machines on).  

Hmm, it actually started out at 70 this morning.  I unplug everything, including the router.  So there is no heat from any of that, nor would there be residual heat.  Odd.

No dreams of fighting, war, or such, finally.  I did dream of driving on icy, snowy, slushy, and just wet roads.  But... I like to do that.  I like the challenge, especially if there aren't any real consequences.  I had a youngish, 25 to 35 year old nice looking woman along.  No, we didn't go there.  Had to shower together once, but did it... as politely as possible.  Not my druthers, but... the right way.  Though, I think, perhaps, we were headed toward something.  I just don't have sex, even in dreams, mostly.

There was someone else on the road.  Not sure if it was a contest, or he was somehow the boss, but... I had fun slightly competing with him, or going beyond his expectations.  But, not recklessly, just... skillfully.  He was more like an older father type figure, and a bit... nervous about both of us.  Just being careful.  I just knew we had places to go, things to do.  Actually, it was the dream which made me check outdoors first thing, for certain.  I... was almost sure the dream was, or was coming, a potential reality.  It might stop raining/sleeting/snowing now, dry up, and the sun come out, but my notions were already right.  What I was dreaming was happening.  Though I suspect we... will get some more, for a day or two?  Who knows though, ever, for sure.

Wednesday?  And my body doesn't hurt.  There is some mild internal pain.  But it is so small, distant seeming, almost more an echo than a direct thing.  

Blood sugar is 195 fasting.  It was maintained at 120 all through yesterday, giver or take a few points.  Not... sure why it is running hot.  I have been careful.  I am taking insulin, each meal, as little as 6 cc's, as high as 16 cc's.  Plus the slow acting stuff, nightly.  And, I am eating carefully.  I just don't get it.

Anyway... a good morning, with potential for a great day.  I did order one last thing, cat food.  I ordered some last month, and with what I ordered this month, I should be in pretty good shape for, say, five to seven months?  If I can keep the thieves out.  Which... is only going so-so.  What I realize is they are still getting in, but taking less.  Fewer items, less often.  But they are trimming things, here and there.  I have learned how to check.  Difficult to keep up on though.  Whole groups of things go missing, if I haven't used them in a while.  A placket of pineapple, for example, just gone.  I was specifically saving that for some food experiments.  Not sure when it went missing, hadn't been checking on it recently.  Though often it is just a few cans at a time.

Anyway... on to my day.  A coffee, a shower when I can do something...  As for gaming?  I moved on to an old game I played.  Witcher 3.  I did, sort of, finally, finish it.  But the game was literally falling apart by the time I got to the end.  Not sure if it was because I had too many items in storage, or played too long at a time and it's programing was limited that way, or what.  But whole parts of cities would no longer render, chunks of side quests were no longer able to be completed.  It was, pretty much, what Cyberpunk was when it first came out.  There was no chance to try to finish the game with the other potential endings.  I didn't even have a choice.  The ending I got was all that was allowed at about two thirds the way through the game.  The other options ended in game-killing bugs, or the options were available.  We'll see if they have corrected any of it.  Doubtful.

Most open world games fall victim to limits they don't tell us about.  And, some of us are collectors.  When you have a certain number of certain types of things, I think the game rips.  At that point, getting rid of the things is too late.  The trick is to pick a few specialty items, which are hard to find, and just keep those, in limited number, but just in one area.  If you want armor?  Do that,  Weapons, do that.  Potions or whatever?  Do that.  But don't even do two, though certainly not three, of those component areas with even rare collectibles.  Games are simply limited.

Well... on to some coffee.  Oh, and I may begin making kefir chia and occasionally oatmeal breakfasts, for curing overnight.  Now that kefir is back on the menu.  And, I think, I will cut to two jars of kefir curing per night, and put one of those into the fridge, as a backup.  Changing it out every other week or so.  Just put a couple tablespoons, or one, in, and fresh milk.  But I'll wash it out, first.  That really helps slow down the process.  And I want it to go slowly.  Later.

A few little last things.

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.

I checked blood sugar.  It was down to 119, from a 190 start.  A few things to eat, a smaller amount of kefir, a fatted coffee, and pork roast and veggies.  I can't be sure, but I think I took 16 cc's with the fatted coffee.  If in part because I thought I would be eating immediately thereafter.  But, no, not... for a while.  And, with that actual meal, I took 8 cc's.  Mostly good enough.

I just called my mother.  She was dining, so I didn't talk long at all.  Just... checking on her.  Nothing new or important.  Didn't reach her yesterday, so... today.  I quick hello, love you, and goodbye.  Keeping it brief is best.  But she does sound to be in better shape.  I don't bother her with my dreams or such, anymore.  She doesn't... take these things well.

Now, to get another meal.  I am thinking a taco salad.  I'll heat some of the burger, add some cheddar, put it over a bed of lettuce, and have water with it.  And, maybe, another cup of kefir.  I really do enjoy that stuff.  But, it looks like I have to put some limits on it.  One, maybe two, glasses a day.  No quarts, or even half quarts.  I mean, a cup, maybe just a bit more, once or twice a day.  

I'd love more of it.  And, perhaps, in time, I can have more.  Perhaps my body just has to adjust to it again.  Wonderful stuff... if... it's wonderful stuff.  I never would have thought I would like something even stouter than plain yogurt, but here I am.

We had some sort of something blow through, earlier.  Not sure anything came of it?  After a check, doesn't look like it rained or snowed, though... you can never tell if it was just a tiny amount.  The world, hereabouts, drinks any liquid it gets like a sailor at a port of call.

Yes, now on to supper.  Perhaps watching a show while dining.  Oh, and I best get another roast out, thawing.  This was a rather small roast, as it was bone-in.  Wondered why it was so cheap, thought it read boneless.  Makes sense now.  A beef roast, this time.

I am hoping to push on to bed earlier tonight.  Yea, I'm... a bit fearful.  But... who knows.  Staying up later isn't helping.  Not that going to bed early will, but perhaps I can wake earlier, as I prefer.  Later.

Most of them.

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Bills, that is.  Utilities.  I thought I was ahead, but somehow missed a month, so was behind.  Caught up.  A few little things, on minor cards, pain in full.  I used them from time to time.  This and that.  The only thing remaining is dairy.  Nearly a month behind.  I'll do that in cash.

I did order more than aspirin.  But just things I actually consume in the month.  Well, and some new things.  With my old liquid soap company having gone too, openly, and bigly, in the wrong direction, I am trying new different soaps.  To be honest, gooder and badder soap is no more expensive, one than the other.  I did like the soap, just not willing to support those who openly support blm and such.  A bunch of nearly dead old white hippies making soap and stupid moves.  Tough luck, Charlie.

Sometime this  week I need to get to the grocery store.  They no longer make in-store premade salads, but they still do veggie packs, and everything else.  Though I... have found a store where I may like the burger better.  And... I may check out their meats.  I'm...  having to rethink some things.  And, quite by accident and incident, found a store that might be more along my lines of buying.  My main store stopped offering 80% burger.  It's all 85% or 93%, and more expensive.

I had thought, perhaps, this was government interference.  Nope, store choice.  And, not a good one.  I have tried the 93%, and 85%.  And, while they are okay, the price isn't.  So... I will be looking around a bit more carefully.  I think 70% is a bit too much, same with 75%, really.  But 80% is pretty good, and more affordable.  I hate when a store, or bureaucrat, decides to what I should have access.  I can do that myself, thank you very much.

Always nice to get things paid.  One more bill, other than what comes out automatically.  The last of the bills will be taken around the 8th.  On the 10th, I'll see what I have, and what I can do otherwise.  If I do something else this month, it will be to pay off anything remaining.  Probably same with next month.  Perhaps putting a few dollars away, if possible, as well.

Someone puts two and two together?

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Lunch is  being warmed.  Broccoli, cauliflower, a few twigs of celery, a half dozen baby carrots, and some of the pork roast, steaming.  It heats rather quickly, really.  I have only started adding the celery recently.  I like the bit of flavor it adds, but, too, I enjoy eating it steamed.  Warmed, it's aromatic nature becomes much more pronounced.  Carrots are for color, flavor, and texture.  I drain and butter the veggies, with the meat on the side.

I did have a cup of kefir, and a fatted coffee.  I'll just have water with dinner.

Ah, but... yes.  Someone added links, or direct pops, to certain music.  And, yes, I... see it.  Believe or else, I only ever wanted to read, and write, and do maths...  well, science, until I learned that science is math based.  Of course, math... is pretty weaksauce without honest considerations, and observations.  I... wasn't allowed my druthers.  For... good, or ill?

The music.  Right.  Right you may well be.

Sometimes...

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I got a message, saying that plates I had ordered were not coming soon.  I had to go online, and approve a later delivery.  But, it didn't seem to do... anything.  I kept approving, and got no feedback suggesting that my approval had been accepted.  Ugh!

So, I called.  Patience, young one.  Patience was had.  I don't think I even had an edge in my voice.  Spoke with, probably, and Indian woman.  Could mostly understand her, mostly.  My real problem was that her voice was low... I had my speaker as loud as it got, but couldn't hear here very well.  Still, I... got through.

I let her know what the problem was, after having spoken through their automated system unsuccessfully.  Still, patient.  I let her know which order, and yes, she already had it.  So... there system is rather... well versed.  She let me know that my approval had gotten through.  But checked on delivery.  She said they probably wouldn't deliver this soon, and that I should reorder.  But the price had doubled.

I suggested they were ripping me off of the price they had promised.  She suggested I order, and she would get me that original price.  So... yes... they... can be worked with.  You will have to talk to somebody, maybe a bot and a human.  You will have to explain, and finagle.  But... they... will work with you.

Some items I use regularly I attempt to maintain two caches.  Two boxes of paper plates, two boxes of t.p., etc.  As I near the end, or break into the last box, I begin looking for replacement(s).  I wait until I find a good price, then I order.  Currently, a reorder, was almost exactly twice my usual.  So... I wasn't too happy.  Will keep this in mind.  Before, I just lost the product, because they wouldn't send it at the price I ordered, and I'd just have to wait longer or pay more.  Now?  Now I will push to get the promised price.  Ugh.

Oh, I should get to coffee.  Been so involved with this little project that I... lost sight of all else.  Later. 

Finally got down just before midnight?

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.

Or a bit after 23:00?  Somewhere in there.

Dreams, again.  Attacked by men, I think, using machetes.  No deeper cuts, though a few attacks got stuck in arm bones.  It... was a rough dream.  Yes, I won.  And, to be honest, that isn't the worst of my dreams.  This was just a short fight, no other combat during the night.  Still sore for it, and from the rest.  Thankfully they weren't very good with them.  Mostly.

Up around 09:48?  Something like it.  It is 42 outside, so not bad really.  Blood sugar is still high.  It doesn't make sense.  I'm about to have a fatted coffee.  Perhaps eggs and bacon afterwards, when I can get going.

It's payday.  The only thing I will definitely order is aspirin.  I want to have a bottle of that on hand.  I will get groceries, sometime this week?  Or early next.  Other than that, just bills this month.  Bills, bills, bills, always bills to pay.

On to waking.  Good morning and day.

I don't want to...

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Bedtime, however, will be delayed no longer.

I know what is coming.

It's about bedtime.

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I couldn't afford  Halloween this year.  No treats.  I feel bad about it, but... things just didn't work out.  Not much I can do, save hunker down and wait for it to be over.  Yes, they are ringing and knocking.  I looked over things, but just don't have money.  I couldn't do it.  Not sure... what is going on, with that, either.  I thought I had been careful.

I will be careful this month.  Candy bars would have cost around a hundred bucks.  I just didn't have it.  As mentioned, I will watch things much more carefully this month.  I won't even buy my usual cart at the first.  I will buy groceries, pay bills, and just wait.  If I get to the middle of the month, and there is money, I will order a few things.

If not, I will review my accounts, see where the money is going.  I may be being robbed, electronically.  It is possible.  People are hungry, and dangerous.

I did have some roast for dinner.  Almost had potato, but then remembered how bad that has been messing with blood sugar.  I did take some fast acting insulin, because I had seconds.  Just in case.  Now to get the slow acting stuff in, and get to bed.

Goodnight.

Not to bed yet.

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The pork roast!  I... got to it late.  About an half hour ago.  I'll... finish it, perhaps having a bit of it before going on to bed.

Kefir was ready, so I reset that.  No more kefir today.  Should be able to have some tomorrow.  Odd how I can go through it so fast?  I... am a bit lost, in pain and confusion.  Sleeping strange hours, dreaming hard dreams, and such.  

Nothing but water, since my last blood sugar check at 13:15.  It is nearly 18:00, so I thought to check.  Didn't expect much change.  I was wrong, it was 106?  Doesn't make sense.  But... whatever.  I will only have water, steamed cauliflower, and a smaller slice of the roast for supper.  No more fast acting insulin, but I will take the slow acting stuff.  Very strange how it... drops, sometimes, or goes up so high, and fast, at other times.

The nice thing about baking food, is it warms the kefir that is brewing up.  It makes it ferment much quicker.  I am usually getting the quarts finished in eight to fifteen hours, maybe eighteen if I just leave it.  I still have three quarts fermenting, and three half gallon jars storing, two full, on half full.  Not sure, perhaps I was drinking more than I thought, but it was sure disappearing fast.  And, yet, it filled up fast.

When I last went to fill, I had one jar completely full.  Those three quarts filled another, and halfway filled a second.  It honestly doesn't make sense.  Ah, but when I put it through the mesh, perhaps it expands, seems to make more?  Three quarts will fill one and an half, half gallon jars.  But, a fifth of the stuff goes back into the quarts, and they aren't full... just two thirds full.  So, that's a fairly significant discrepancy.  Hmm, fine.  Maybe it really does just expand as it is being filtered through the mesh.

All this talk makes me want another cup of the stuff.  I... suppose.  But, just a cup, not a quart!  I should see if Sassy will eat it.  Sam sure liked it, but I don't think Sassy does.  Later.

I really feel rough.

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.

Vision is blurry, internals feel bruised, ribs are rough, a headache, achy bones, wrists hurt all around, other things I just can't sort out feel so wrong.  I'd like to sleep, but trying to stay awake for a while.  A  few hours more, two, three if I can, until 16:30 to 17:30?

I took painpills, to no use.  Will check blood  sugar in a bit.  It did come down some, to 196.  Which is odd.  No, I took insulin, fast acting.  I think 30 cc's the first time, and 20 cc's after.  It should be dropping.  Is kefir not as good as I thought?  Or have several days of potatoes as a daily done more damage than anticipated?  I'm simply not sure what the problem is.  Though... not more potatoes for a goodly while, a slowing of kefir to no more than two cups a day, and a bit more care with what else I eat, and insulin.

Everything feels so wrong.  Today is one of those days which surprise me that I am not dead.  It makes me wonder if death is approaching.  But... I've been here too many times to actually thing so.  No, I just get to suffer, and severely, for a while.  Dreams, adrenalin overdose from anger not too long ago, and who knows what else.

I have been taking medicine fairly well.  I did miss a dose recently, but it has been reset, and made back up.  I am taking as much insulin as I dare.  I have been sleeping well, and long.  If... the dreams have been difficult.  I don't think I can hurt myself in dreams?  Or... can I?  Perhaps just stiffening up, as if punches were incoming, can cause issues?  But the wrists?  I don't understand that.  Not... unless I do.  More to dreams than one might think?  A spiritual aspect?  Ugh.

Well, on to gaming a bit?  I don't want to.  But I don't want to sleep quite yet, can't if I wanted to.  Too sore to just sit here, flipping through internet pages...  Hmm... a big glass of water, feeding Sassy, checking her litter, while the console warms up.  Then to gaming a bit.  Later.

Salad, instead.

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Not up to cooking.  So, I made a homemade ranch.  Cream, avocado mayo, and creme fraiche, with spices and herbs.  As well, an avocado mostly diced for on top, well, and of course a plate of romaine.  Not... super.  But the dressing hadn't had time to meld.  And, really, it wasn't horrible, just... not... fantastic.  Full enough, though, and it is mild on the stomach, which is still slightly upset.

Fatted coffee, too.  My wrists hurt, as I type.  Rather bruised.  I really have no explanation for why they are hurt.  All around, again, as if someone had handcuffs on, and I struggled to get them off.  Or someone powerful had ahold of my wrists, as I struggled mightily against the grip.  Very strange.

Monday?  Right.  Just hitting noon.  It is 45 out there, or was earlier.  Rather cool, to be honest, for this time of year?  Or... maybe not.  I just...  Then again, it might be around this time of year that I go under.  Stop remembering.  So, perhaps this is normal, I just don't remember much, normally, from this time of the year?  I just can't be sure.

While I am not doing much, I am more awake and aware, given the decline in sun and warmth.  The weather stripping on the doors really helped, though, too.  The other thing I might be able to do would be to put plastic on some of the windows.  Maybe even keep them up, on certain windows, year around?  Don't know, but that might help.

But... first... I have to sort out life.  I am really running into trouble getting anything done.  So tired, sore, aching, rough.  I'll see what I can do.  I think I am done with the Batman game.  I may go back to Cyberpunk.  I have never finished the actual game.  It... is... sort of dull.  Much like Outer Worlds.  Mostly run and find and seek and kill these, or knock those out, or... just... do... whatever, find whatever, etc.  Though closer to Fallout 3 or 4, with a bit more life to them.  A bit more.

But, right now, I am still so tired.  I am thinking of going on back to bed.  But I want to stay up long enough to check my blood sugar again, in a few hours.  Later.

A bit easier this morning.

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.

I couldn't go down until around 22:30.  I... had trepidation.  And, for the first, say, fifth of the night, those fears were realized.  But it wasn't the whole night.  Well, at least fighting my kind.  I did end up dreaming about... dealing with your kind.

It was after a major... problem.  We were on a sort of raft, but one built to be sea-worthy, or more so.  Part of an at-sea oil boom, used to bring in or store parts and supplies.  Well, so the dream went.  I know of no such things, or anything about any such things, should they exist.  Just... a dream, folks.

We, technically, weren't allowed to have a tent.  I had one, I set it up.  Because I had something else that wasn't allowed, a pet.  Sassy.  There were quite a few of us on this thing, it was, say, the size of a football field, only squared, not rectangular.  As well, there were stacks of supplies and parts.

The parts were being kept to help keep the platform level.  The supplies, of course, were... well... supplies.  They went to shore, and picked up some people to help, and to save them.  There were enough supplies for a thousand people, for a decade, assuming they would survive through time.  So the several dozen of us were not a problem.

It turns out, one of the fellows was suggesting my tent wasn't allowed, and suspected I had a cat.  I tried to stay close, and keep on eye on things, but this guy was something else.  Eventually he killed Sassy, by stomping on the tent.  Was he trying to get me/us thrown off?  Was he wanting my rations?  I never did sort out what his problem was.

Out of the dream, I revived Sassy, but let my in-dream self know what this guy was going to do.  So... I tied ropes to his ankles, while he was sleeping, before he could kill Sassy, tied those ropes to an anchor, tied his hands to other ropes which I tied to the boat, and tossed the anchor in.  It wasn't heavy or strong enough to hold the rafter for long, just long enough.  And, then, when the raft broke free, he was stuck under there.  But it made sure he couldn't cut the ropes, or otherwise escape.  Just... tying up loose ends.

Had no trouble after that.  And, actually, the barge manager let me know they knew I had a cat and she had one too.  So, I could let Sassy out, and to run and play with her cat and the other people.  Done.

The rest of the night was smoother sailing.  No fighting, no killing.  But, still, sore from that initial fighting.  Not as bad this morning.  Still not an easy day.  Up around 09:30.  A Small portion of kefir.  And it is already time to reset the kefir.  Then, maybe, some eggs and bacon?  Maybe.

Blood sugar is remaining higher.  No more potatoes, and going light on kefir today.  Hopefully that will help.  It is 224 fasting.  Not good.  I have had a potato for the last three or four days, and been eating a lot of kefir.  Too much, I should think.  A 30 cc dose of fast acting, with the kefir.  A fatted coffee shortly.  Then breakfast.  I won't take more insulin until after eggs and bacon, then a two hour wait with nothing but water.

I need to get that pork roast baked.  I'm going lower and slower with it... say 325 for three to four hours?  Should do.  Later.

Well, on to bed.

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I have been avoiding sleep.  I... know what awaits, or what may be there, again, tonight.  The first few nights are fine.  But... after a bit, it... gets tiring.  Problem is, I can't stay awake any longer.  So... I took some pain pills.  For what is, and for what may be.  Fear?  Yes, and... no.  I won't give up.  I may die in there, but that isn't the end.  It's the... drubbing... win, lose, or draw, that I am less interested in.

Dinner was very good.

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.

The last of the pork, broccoli, and potato.  I should have cooked the other pork roast, but I'm just not well awake and functioning.  Just... tired.  Tomorrow.

Not much else.  Sassy was fed.  A bit more kefir down.  It is... doing one of the things it is good at.  Clearing my innards.  Still sore, tired.  Strangely, even my wrists hurt, as if they had been grabbed by someone with my sort of strength.  They are, or feel anyway, bruised.  If actually bruised, it often takes days to weeks for those to surface to my skin.  I don't know if that is good, or poor health?  Just the way of it, always has been.  I would forget the pain, only to see spots much later.  Blogging helped me remember... some of the times, when I wrote about it.

I couldn't game more today.  Too tired, sore, stiff, sleepy, weary, etc.  We'll see if better, more rightly timed sleep, tonight, will help.  Plus, I remember insulin, both sorts, with the last meal and as I go to sleep.  Blood sugar is still high, but it came down twenty points after the meal.  Bleh.  Mostly, I think, because I forgot slow acting last night, and fast acting through the earlier part of the day.

Yea, well, it's... nearly bedtime.  When I keep the door open, it stays around 58/59 up there.  Really not bad, as it is getting below freezing outside.  I might start thinking of other ways to insulate the home, having figured this out and to that much success.  If nothing else, just to cut down as much on the furnace running as possible.  With the cunts in office, cutting our throats with everything from gasoline, to food, to natural gas, gotta cut back.  I hope we bankrupt the bastards.

On to bed.  Goodnight.  And... sweet dreams.  *smile*

Brutal.

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.

But how would I live without pain?  My torso feels like it was used as a punching bag by the boxing team.  I hope their hands hurt!  But innards don't feel good either.  I've always wondered if... something happens when I sleep.  I have dreamed of fighting demons, and giants-nephilim/devils... kin.  I think I fought last night, and this last week.  Not happy with the direction I have chosen.  If, I am trying to get them to understand.  There is a price for teaching the Good Word to the damned, of choice or nature.  I... don't mind the pain.  Plus, I need to keep in shape.  *rictus grins*