Two steak dinners in a row.

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Was good, very good.  Though, the second time, the stead didn't taste as good?  Glad I didn't wait any longer to cook it.  It was in the fridge, sealed in a ziploc.  But it was at the end of it's sale life.  Probably would have become hamburger?  Or do store butcher shops even do that anymore?  It seems like they order everything in, and just thaw it?  Almost hands off.  Even some butcher shops only bring in the carcass in gutted half slabs, not even dealing with offal, or anything else.  Very strange.  All of them?  I can't say that, but some of them.

I think I mentioned that I figured out who visited, and why.  Got that all taken care of tonight.  The item will take eight weeks to get here?  Crazy.  I'll just have to let them know when it is in.  I wouldn't use it, as mentioned.  Basically, we just did a return on their computer, using data I provided.  All good.

We did get six to eight inches of snow.  Not finished.  Maybe with snow, maybe not.  But not with moisture.  Rain or snow on into July?  June?  Never can tell.  Things are odd this year.  Then again, when has weather ever been... regular?  And, as I remember things, it was colder, wetter, snowier, and else, when I was younger.  I didn't mind it as much, I even enjoyed it more.  Well, until winter kept chugging through early summer.  Winter, and summer, exhaustion is a real thing.  Summer were hot, but not terrible.  Even before most people had air conditioning.  Even in Iowa.  Wasn't the heat, mostly, it was the humidity.

I haven't gotten to work yet.  But I sure enjoyed dinner.  Am gaming.  May just game, a bit, and try to get to bed earlier tonight.  A few grapes, or an apple, would be good.  I don't do fruit often.  It's... just another form of sugar.  So I watch it.  Even apples.  One a day does not the doctor keep away.

Oh, I may try to get the dishes finished and up.  First putting the few things I have dried away, so as to get some meat and bone broth out.  Some meat is in there that I want out.  Some is in the freezer above the fridge.  Oh, could set up the reverse osmosis and get water running again.

But, first, some coffee and a bit of gaming.  Perhaps feeding Sassy, and checking her litter box.  Life is a bit cold, but good.  Later or goodnight.

Awake at 16:00.

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Right at.  Went down a bit before seven, between half and five to?  Somewhere in there.

It had snowed.  What was in the drive was much the less.  What was stacked on the garbage barrel looked to be between four and six inches.

I heard the doorbell.  But, when answering it, and having a difficult time communicating with a man-sized ground squirrel, I thought it probably a dream.  Then again, maybe I heard the doorbell and dreamed the rest.  So am checking with the folk it might have been.  In case they had a message or request.  That is the most... unusual dream I have had in a long time.

No, the angel one, or such, is fairly... those I have.  But giant ground squirrels, or even dinosaurs... unless Leviathan or such... aren't even common.  And, other than spiritual dreams, my usual dream is... pretty normal.  Rarely do odd, unnatural, things happen in my dreams.  Even, as far as I am concerned, angels and demons, devils, and darklings, are... natural.  Or, well, at this time.  Not all were intended.  I have to wonder that angels weren't a backup?  Maybe not some, but personal angels?  Why would perfected man need such?  Only fallen man would, could, use such an honored spiritual friend, adviser.

Anyway... so I sent a text, checking.  May send a few more.  Oh, and it was driving an atv.  Pretty cool, actually.  A pleasant chap, if he couldn't speak well.

Feet are a bit uncomfortable today.  One problem I have is with socks.  Now I have shoes that fit, but finding socks that fit my feet is... tricky.  Especially compression socks.  Though those are either too big, so sloppy, or too tight.  The world is an odd place, especially for those of us who don't fit.  Finding socks for size 15/16 feet is difficult.  The world is designed for the medium, if they make more money on the fringes, if they have any money.

Yep, a visitor.  I was correct as to which one.  It has to do with the air fryer.  I have one that was recalled.  But my attempts to get a return were not working, and I didn't want to use other browswer... which all require logging into google?  F' that.  But, didn't want it to go to waste, and that was the one thing they didn't get, that they wanted.  So... it could work out as a win-win.  At least it isn't getting simply tossed.  If I would advise against them.  The baskets, the coating?  Tres mal.  From cancer to infertility, it's bad stuff.  Further, if you risk it, you really need to change it every few years, and people don't.  And definitely when it begins to flake.  But... people don't!  Still, it... is what it is.

It must be warming, as things are melting... a bit.  Yes, 36 out there.  Just warm enough to have it begin to melt just a bit.  I am guessing, at least here locally, the ground is opening up and taking water down.  Or there would be... problems.  Not sure that is happening everywhere, and flooding will be a risk, for many, through into possibly early summer, especially if we get more snow and rain.  

This covers the snow I was sure that would arrive.  But more?  That I can't say.  Though I do expect more snow or rain.  It is just one of those years.

Haven't heard from my brother.  I sent him a small package, a pair of popup drains for the bathroom.  After trying them myself, and realizing how easy they were to install, and how convenient it is to have a catch for things that get through, I decided to send him some.  Didn't do it for a thank you, though.  And, maybe it's in his box, but he hasn't checked it yet.  Or is busy.

I've called mother, but she isn't talking.  Isn't interested in talking.  She is... busy, or angry, or ill.  But isn't conversing about it.  So I'll let her go her way, too.  I can't make people do anything.  Wouldn't make them if I could.  I won't even take it personally.  I have... things to try to do.

After I wake a bit better, I'll hit the dishes.  Probably just a final wash then rinse.  Then clearn the freezertop, if nothing else to pull some meat out, and bone broth I made a while back.  I want that for liver and onions.  Hmm... yeah.  Always some little or bigger thing, and the sense that the world is resting on my shoulders.  Too tired, weary, but so much to do.

I wouldn't even mind, if I could get to more work!  I'll keep at it.  Have a great day.

The steak was excellent.

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A bit surprised.  Though I did look it over, up, and down.  Sometimes that meat is very questionable, selling because it is timing out.  I suppose it depends where they have put it.  In an uncooled counter or down in a cooled place.  Yes, I have seen them put them in counters near the entrance that don't seem cooled.

A coffee after was quite good.

I checked kefir.  The new set.  It is doing well, but will take a week, nearly two really, before I can begin using raw milk, so it is consumable.  Seems like a waste.  I just don't trust homogonized pasteurized milk.  Though, sometimes, near the end, when it starts looking good, I do eat some of it.  I get hungry for it, miss it, so... live with a bit more risk.

Though I am really looking forward to having it back in stock, so I can make mayonaise and a few other things.  Ranch and blue cheese dressing this time.  I might be able to try to make mascarpone cheese, without that.  Last time I went to do it, I had forgotten to heat it.  This time I will remember.  Part of why I bought lemons.

I did make another run.

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Tired.  But... I wanted a cuppa.  That french roast, in a fresh press, with a touch of real whole cream?  Yes.  And I needed it tonight.  

New potentials make me nervous.  It would be easier to be declined.  More difficult to be accepted, and all that means.  Well, and attendance.  It's... a difficult clan.  And, not all, even who could or would nominally be allowed, fit.  I am on the edge of being outside of most every group, for... many reasons.  Don't think I don't understand.

After returning from the second run, I made a steak and potato dinner.  As well, I had a cup of the good stuff.  May have another.  Love that coffee.

I had hoped to get some work done, but that may not happen.  I should have been able to handle a trip, or two, and visit.  It wasn't just that.  There is more... to some things than I can describe.  Something about when more than several gather, if of a different sort.  It's been a while since I have been in such company.  I forgot how high that can make one, or how far one can fall after... if it's been a while.

Fried.  Still, I did set up dishes for tomorrow.  A soapy soak.  The goal is to wash, then rinse, then get another shower tomorrow morning... or whatever passes for morning.  Then try to do even more.  Working on the bathroom, working in the hallway, breaking down boxes... things.  Not sure if it is possible, but it is being planned.

I can't quite get to bed yet, though, either.  Something about those highs and lows... change things.  While I was given treatment, I wasn't ever involved with groups.  For... again... many reasons.  I think those who have, have become part of a clan, and learn... things.  Perhaps, in time, becoming clan leaders, learning to beat the drum, control the rhythm.  I ran into that tonight.  Knew what it was, couldn't quite extricate myself.  Though, being singular, different, I... will learn to control... some of that.  Like a drug.

It's why I belive in berserkers... without any drugs needed.  It's in the blood.  Those who have done some things are permanently different from those who haven't, can't, won't.  Different tribes.  Different rules.  Different natures.

Coffee!  Later, or goodnight.

Odd...

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How the past and the present can collide.

I wonder if they know my name?

Being known isn't always being liked.  Who ever knows.

Out and back.

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Not sure.  Went to a meeting.  Not sure I am allowed to join, not sure I would if I could, looking into it.  I attended my first meeting.  Further, after, we had a small roundtable.  I told them this, and I told them that.  Nothing... untruthful.  As much as I know.  And, they said... maybe.

I need to round up some paperwork and pass it on.  I'll look yet tonight.  Might be able to find it all.  A bit worn out for it.  I went grocery shopping after.  A few things were needed.  I'd like to make another load of mayonnaise.  Ugh, forgot heavy cream.  The dairy didn't have any this last week, the cows gave out, gave up, or quit giving... some such.  They had some milk though?

But I don't need milk, I need cream.  Oh, should have asked if his wife would separate some.  I think he said she can do that, knows how, does it for themselves sometimes.  I just don't... quite trust myself to do that.  It never worked rightly when I tried.  They can keep the skim milk, I... have zero use, need, or want for it.  There is some payoff for doing it.  Though, perhaps, there simply wasn't enough cream in the milk to do that?  Dunno.  I'll have to get cream soon.  Hmm... sooner than I thought?

I need it for this week.  I bought real french roast coffee, whole bean.  And am using my french press to make small little bits of it.  A quart of cream should last five presses a day, if I could drink that much.  As is, just having one to three a day, at most.  Skipping some days.  Love that stuff.  Sometimes.  Much better caffeine charge.  Not sure the dehydrated, freeze dried, or whatnot coffee has caffeine.  Ugh.

An owl out there, hooting from time to time.  Oh, no, not a bother.  I... like living out here for just such reasons.  I love the sound, like the idea.

Oh... have to wait on mayo.  My kefir production came to a halt.  So busy I lost track, and it, to my mind, went bad.  I did order new doses of the stuff, since I hadn't set up containers for the grains.  So hadn't stored any fresh grains back.  I did buy storebought milk, and got the new grains in today, so set it up when I returned home.  But that will take a week or two.

Which means dressings of that sort are out as well.  I cold make a container of vinnaigrette, balsamic vinaigrette, or several of those types.  Ugh.  Yes, I need some heavy cream.  For several things.  I really want to try mascarpone cheese.  Though, even with that, I'd like to add a bit of kefir, to see if it helps it last longer as well.  Works with mayo, I can tell you that.

I did look at kefir, at the store.  No.  Not even plain.  High sugar, some added, lots of other ingredients.  No.  I found greek yogurt that would do, but I prefer kefir.  Not sure yogurt of any sort would work.

Oh, and I had thought about a meal on the way home, but saw steak for less than the meal I was planning.  Actually two, for one and a half the price.  So I picked those up.  I'll cook one tonight, have a potato with it, and call it good.  It's been a long time since I've had a steak.  It was on sale, but I looked it over very closely.  I hope it is good.  Ugh.

Later.

Up, and doing well.

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Got a good deal of things done yesterday.  Never did a thing more after that last post.  Just worn out.  Now to get that last bunch of dishes either washed then rinsed, or washed, a shower, then reset.  We'll see.

It has been mostly sunny today.  Didn't matter, couldn't wake up.  Just noticed, looked out a few times, waking from time to time through my sleep.  It is 35 F, this morning, so thawing a bit more out there.  Still, this is rather cool.  This is more like what Idaho used to be like at this time of the year, I can... sense it.  So, not unlivable, but rather frosty.

I am still always a bit surprised with showering.  having very short hair is so very different from having long hair.  The drying time, and messing around washing it while shower... it now takes a dot of shampoo, twice if I want to be peculiarly clean... which I usually do.  And drying?  I step out, blot off with the towel, and while brushing and shaving, the hair finishes.  I have extremely fine hair, though too.  Pretty much baby hair.

While I didn't get as much as hoped, I am not done with the week.  If I am slow, so be it.  I will keep at it.  I have a lot of things I want to do.  Further, I think I can keep at it, working harder three to four days a week, working lighter a few more days a week, with a day or two down.  I think so.

After these first efforts?  The bathroom, a general cleaning.  It's in fairly good shape, just needs a bit more.  Sweeping and mopping first.  Then a touchup of the toilet and sink.  It's mostly clean, just needs... final touches.  Then, I am hoping, some work in the hall next to it.  Clearing, cobwebs if needed, sweeping, and mopping out there too.

If I have more, then a start in on boxes.  Tearing them down, stacking them out into the hatch, and sorting a few things.  Food between now and then, just a salad, maybe a tuna salad?  Something easy, light.  Oh, I'll put the final bag in the final trash can, for in here in the computer room.  Always something.

Dreams.  So many dreams.  Not keeping them, just having them in long stretches, by the bundles.  All good, I suppose.  Nothing severe, or interesting.  Just... the normal sort of dreams.  Other than that one that really hooked me the other day.  I only have pay attention to normal dreams, like when I used to watch the television in the background, or listen to the radio, when doing some hobby or project or studying.  Probably the worst way to attend mass disinformation outputs though, your defenses are down.

Later.

Plans.

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Not all the parts, pieces, and tools... but some of them.  All the sink tools and parts I need are ordered and either on the way or in the basket, the rollers and tools for changing the garage door parts to a smaller degree, and some understanding of how to deal with the rails, plus oiling and greasing.  A few of the parts for the bathroom vent, though just the start of that are either in the basket or in the queue for the next basket.  Oh, and a smaller sheet metal bending tool, by which I hope to do some work on the furnace.  No, not replacing the whole thing, or yet.  Just changing some things in hopes of getting the filter to set in there more correctly.  Yea.

I haven't just been thinking and ordering.  I have been working and cooking too.  A dinner, nothing fancy but food.  Gaming a bit, when I couldn't work.  Four loads of laundry through, mostly folded save for the last load... which is drying now.  The freezertop finally cleared and cleaned off.  One load of dishes finished, dried, and our air drying.  And two loads of dishes hit once, soaped up, and about to be hit when next I can get to it.

The hope is to check laundry in an hour.  Probably resetting that.  Wools, so on fluff.  Takes those forever.  Might have to go up justa notch, if two cycles won't do it.  And, after checking those, hitting the dishes.  Just mason jars from kefir that went bad, to storage of coffee beans that weren't good anymore, to a jar in which I had made a vinaigrette, then used, but set aside and it got... lost in the shuffle.  Anyway, I have two small dishpans full of quart jars and lids.  They have had one cleaning, might need two more.  Tonight?  I hope so.

Either way, I am hoping to either finish them, or give them another run, then set them aside to shower, then put them in for another soapy soak or rinse.  Finish them tonight?  Maybe.

It's been a decent, but slow day.  No terrible pains, if still a bit rough.  Mostly just slogged down by the continueing cold, damp, and dark.  Looks like it's to 28, and that it snowed a bit... or rained and froze?  Can't be certain.  I was busy, not watching, when it went frosted or snowy.

Not a bad gig.  Heck, I even ordered bathroom sink drains for my brother.  I sent him catch baskets.  Because that is what I knew when I sent them.  After getting the push plug for the bathroom, and realizing how easy that went in, I decided to send him some of those.  Hey, I can't do much for him.  But if a few little things lightens his efforts, I can do that.  It's often really just the... little things.

A good day.  Not as much as I had hoped.  I didn't get digging into the bathroom, or the hall.  I still haven't bagged the last bin... though I will get that.  There are other things I had an eye on.  Though, I did do a few things which weren't planned, simply in the way when I got to what else I was doing.  So it isn't a complete loss, or as little as it seems.  Still, not... as much as I had hoped.  I'm grateful to have done what I did though even so.  I have been wanting to get these things done for days, maybe a week.  If I really did have too much else on my plate.

Yea.  Good.  Very good.  I'll just be thankful for what I could do.  Goodnight.

Well, moving along.

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Two loads of laundry fully dried, out, and folded if not put away quite yet.  A final load, a very small one, in the dryer now.  One load of dishes rinsing, two soaking for a wash.  A few other little things, if I can't remember what.  Can't but trip over chores, tasks, and else needing to be done around here, currently.  Actually, always.  I've never been caught up since I moved in.

Still, I think I'll try to do a bit more.  First, something to eat and some gaming... just to... try to get some energy and to rest a bit.  Then rebagging a waste basket or two.  Maybe breaking down some boxes.  Perhaps working in the bathroom and hall.  I've been keeping up on parts of the bathroom.  Cleaning the sink, or toilet, or getting dirty laundry out, but the whole thing needs hit, just more lightly.  Sweeping and mopping would be good.

Not sure what I will be able to get done, but could get a number of things going.  Finished?  Do... you ever finish?  I don't think so.  But, maybe a few minor areas caught up?  I can hope.  I'll sit, often, while working.  While my legs are doing better, just a bit rusty, I don't want to push them.

It has stopped raining.  It is still overcast, ready to lay down some sort of smack at any moment again.  It is trying to warm up out there.  It is like it knows it should be warmer, it just can't quite get there yet.  I still have the feeling we might get hit, hard, with a final big snow, or two?  Can't be sure, just a feeling, sense.  Would be okay to be wrong.

The bloody nose from last night restarted this morning.  It just won't stop.  Stupid thing.  Oh well.  On to the rest of the day.  Later.

Slightly rusty today.

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I finally woke up at 15:08.   I went done at eight or slighty after.  Was, and wasn't, trying to stretch my day, to push on through.  It almost more happened, if it was on my mind to do so.  I just did what I did, without much actual input?  Yes.  I didn't have a whole lot of choice, not matter what I thought.  And I was split in my thinking on the matter anyway.  So... yes and no?

It seems to have continued raining.  Off and on, though, too.  Sometimes I heard the pitters and patters of raindrops.  Sometimes I didn't.  It was up to 34 F when I woke, so at least it isn't down into freezing as it rains.  I brought the trash barrel back from the curb, to get a better feel.  Well, 34 and wet.  Go figure.  But sometimes that feels colder or warmer?  Today it... felt... just like it shoul.

The legs are doing better.  I went without compression last night.  My legs needed a bit of a break, got it.  Must have had a massive bloody nose last night.  Couldn't wake, and don't remember it.  But, too, didn't drain all out.  I must have rolled onto my back, subconsciously or semiconsciously... but forgotten if every somewhat know.  Thankfully, as no mess to contend with this morning.

Just a bit rusty, as mentioned.  Legs are still tight, still a bit tired, but certainly have had worse even just in the last days.  Much worse.  Doing well, with all the givens.  The cold isn't helping.  Even at just above freezing, it is rather cold.  And that is getting to me.

Sassy has been fed, a load of laundry is getting a finishing touch in the dryer, then I'll put the last load into the dryer.  Hopefully a shower before too long.  As well, a start on dishes, and the freezertop.  Bit by bit, it is hoped.  No guarantees, just some probables and maybes.

I have been looking at a few things.  While considering redoing the bath, after getting the septic tank flushed and checked, which will have to wait until snow is gone and I can find the tank?  Right.  But, after that, I would like to paint or otherwise work on the tub to get it clean, leveled, and regrout the lip of the front of the tub.  The rest of the grouting is good.  As well, I would like to consider replacing the parts and bits of the drain system, and get a new... push stopper... in.  Clean up or replace the other parts while at it.

So, I have been looking.  And, more.  I am considering installign a vent fan, heater, and light unit in the shower.  There is a window right there.  But that is impossible to use in the winter.  Somewhat of a trick, as snow likes to build up right above the shower.  And along that whole section of the roof.  Though, with a bit of a stretch, I could move it over to where it is less of an issue.

I, at first, worried a bit about the electrical.  But, then I realized I could just put in new components while simply reusing the old electrical.  It won't take all that much, and is rated at 120v and 15 amps.  Which... is what the bathroom is wired for.  I just just replace the overhead light, basically.

There would be some learning.  But I want to learn anyway.  I really want to get a stove fan installed as well.  That requires installing a three-way socket, which shouldn't be difficult with wiring from something else up there, probably right off the overhead lighting in the kitchen, or some such.

Anyway, I am looking at pieces, parts, and pricing.  Just using amazon as a plasterboard.  Will probably buy locally, and talk to folks while I am gearing and parting up.  Somethings I could go with amazon, such as metal crimpers, perhaps insulated flexible ducting, and foil tape, and such.  Things I would be much less likely to need to return.  That can be such a pain.

No hurry.  And it won't be doable until the snow is gone and the world warms just a bit... if too before it gets to hot if I plan on doing that this year.  The nice thing about installing the fan in the bathroom is that would set me up for installing a vent hood in the kitchen.  Slightly different, but not impossibly out of the range.

Or... I am just dreaming.  But, yes, I would like to do that.  If I do that, I might also get one installed in the other bathroom?  Maybe.  It would, pretty much, be the same thing.  Only snow doesn't build up as high on that slope of the roof, facing south as that one would.

Dreaming little dreams.  But, gee, these things are expensive.  Not grandly, but... hundreds of dollars, several to double that.  The work itself, mostly, isn't all that difficult.  It's the parts, doing it correctly, and the work.  Working through a steel roof is a bit... more work than shingles.  If there are more advantages, otherwise, for steel roofs.  Including sealing back much better... if done correctly.  But the work is quite a bit more difficult.

Well, and I keep finding other projects... like fixing up the garage door.  I never did get an electric lift on it.  Might consider that, before too long.  Dunno.  Money, of course, is always an issue.  But, there are a lot of tasks I might be able to hit.  Actually, I already have hit... three or four in the last few weeks... months.  Oh, and I would like to redo the sink drains, put in pop-ups in those as well, with screens which can be emptied.  Yes.  Bit by bit.  Thoughts.  Ideas... all dependent on money.  Later.

To bed?

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Almost five.  Just couldn't sleep.  Why though?  A small part?  I... was waiting for it to snow.  Really.  I was all but sure it would turn to snow.  At about two, though, it had warmed, to 31.  And was still raining.  But the icing had diminished.  Though, just now I went and looked.  I didn't check the temp, but... it's snowing!  I... knew it would.  Suprised it took so long.

Though, that wasn't the real reason, or majority of the reason, I am still awake.  My legs.  After two days of serious pain, tonight has been pleasant.  Two painpills when I woke up.  So those have worn off.  The compression socks, thigh high, and warm knee high cottons, with shoes and warmer clothes on, has really helped.

Oh, there is still some ache in there.  From time to time.  But they don't hurt most of the time, even when I get up or sit down.  Mostly sitting, albeit.  Not pushing.  I did some cooking.  I did a bit of bending and kneeling, while getting trash and recycling together and out, and a few other minor things.  But I have been going easy on the legs.

I have been enjoying the lack of pain.  It's... so rare.  And, again, my heart doesn't hurt, or feel worn, tired.  That is so unusual.  It does give mild pause, concern.  I have lived with a tired heart, a broken heart, for so long... I'm just not used to the lack of pain or weariness.  I have died three times.  Toward the end, pain always ceased.  Or... that is how I remember it.  Makes me nervous.  None of the other... symptoms match up.  Not terribly worried, just a bit worried, slightly concerned, and just a bit bamboozled.  We'll see, I guess.  Or... not.  If I die, only, here, you might know.  If... you know me.

No worries.  Life, or death, are gifts from God.  Both.  Might not think so now.  But, you probably, if you had had a choice, would not have chosen to be birthed.  My guess is that was... quite a horrible thing.  Which is why we don't remember it.  At least, having died a few times, I'm not so... petrified about the event.  I just hope it isn't a stroke or heart attack which disables me, so that I die of thirst.  Though... it could be.  Though, even that?  Well, I know it only goes on for just so long.  My problem is I seem to be able to survive a very long time with very little for inputs.  I have slept for days, without water.  I know it is possible.  How long conscious?  I don't know.  Still, as mentioned, I know there is a limit.  If, too, time, when ill, is... very strange.  Hours can seem like days, days like months, without a way of accounting.  Time can stretch, or seem to.

So, days and nights are in a bit of a spin.  Staying awake wasn't just a problem of tonight.  It has been going that way for a bit.  Extra effort has begun the process.  Though the warming teases, then cooling, have frustrated my attempts to adjust.  The cool makes it difficult to fight.  I'll keep working on... digging in, trying to keep to days, or pushing on through the night.  If, most likely, for now, I may be stuck with a slow grind around the clock.

Oh well.  To bed before too long.  Goodnight.

Raining.

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While freezing.  I got the trash out, and to the curb.  It had been raining much of the night, so far.  Continuing.  Drizzle, rain, drops, but steadily one of those.  I had hoped that meant it was warmer out there.  And, while 28, not... warm enough.  And, yes, as I put the trash and recycling in their barrels, I realized they were freezing.  A sandy texture.

It wasn't too slick getting the barrel to the curb.  I wasn't testing for it, or pushing it though either.  Just didn't notice, at a slow pace.  Legs are feeling better, but I didn't want to test that.  And, I did have concern about it being slick.  I just didn't want to go down, or have to get back up.

I keep looking at vidoes, about working on the tub.  Some are rather negative, harsh.  Others seem to suggest that it's okay.  I'm not sure at this point.  Of course, replacing tubs?  They only sell the worst of materials these days.  They won't last.  I can only imagine some of those mcmantions, in a few years or decades of time.  The plastic tubs will break, and shower pans.  Who knows what else will simply fail because they used the cheapest modern materials, assuming that whoever lives in them can afford, and be required to afford, redoing whole sections of their houses every few years.

While my house is old, it generally has held up and was built to last, as were components of it.  There are risks, problems, and it sure isn't new.  But it has lasted over a century.  I'm not sure most modern houses will last half that.  Then again, with how neighborhoods go, in major urban areas, people won't live in those neighborhoods for very long.  They just move when the going gets rough, sell as they can on the way out, and then the places turn into... Detroit.

Though there are a lot of mcmansions here and there, or in little odd cutouts of land.  I suppose the land could fill in, or become valuable and scarce enough that it would be worth tearing down the old to build the new.  If that depends more on a stable a economy and the demographic numbers and percentage of good paying jobs to do so.  I'm... not counting on much.

How long did it really take to recover from the last Great Depression?  Remember, though, that was just America.  This time it will be a world-wide event.  China is preparing for it.  Russia has no choice, but the first in may well be the first out.  Further, the rest of the world is breaking away from the US and Europe.  For good reason.  Latin America, Asia, the Middle East, even Africa if they are just borrowing what they can't afford from whoever, for a few more minutes of fame for their illustrious leaders.

Some of it is rough.  Africa doesn't understand how rough it will get.  While the US and Europe have been... slightly genocidal?  China won't be so gentle.  And their leaders won't have a choice.  Most of them don't.  I don't know, it will get ugly.  Of course, I don't think China realizes just how ugly Africa is.  It eats anything of tech or steel or modernity thrown at it.  They might think they could own it, colonize.  It... just... doesn't work.  That land is magic, will eat everything evil sent it's way.  It is... a greater evil.  It through processes all the shit, of one sort or another, of the world.  And... just... remains what it is.  Any Chinese invasion would turn into... fodder, but not just for the ones living there, but for the continent itself.  Africa isn't stuck with the Chinese, the Chinese are stuck with Africa.  Have no fear on that account.  Besides, what was it they say?  If you owe the bank a hundred dollars, on a $10 a year income, the bank owns you.  If you owe the bank trillions, on a $10 dollar a year income, you own the bank.  China... just... can't do it.  *grins*  Takes a devil to see these things.  They really must be atheist enough to try to prove it?  I came to God, but I've... been there.

Still, many of the "dirt people" are gathering their... whatever they have, and moving on.  They... won't win, can't.  But they don't have to be the whipping children of the dreadnaught nations either.  And, for that, I salute them.  Stay home, stop accepting the filthy culture, and greed and other vices that come from it.  Find God, or even a proper pagan system that works for them.  It's better than much of the unGodly religion being pushed on them.  Certainly better than the culture that seems to come with much of the false Christianity.  At least they know that family and child birth is more important than new cars, bigger houses, unsustainable tech, and intrusive evil governance.  

We'll see.  But, yes, they are choosing a different path.  As to America?  It is no longer about Americans.  Are there even Americans left?  Of any kind?  Natives are pretty much done.  Even if everyone left, they... would just go back to tribal wars, squatting the land to destruction, and using war to keep the numbers down enough to survive.  And the Americans who claimed the name have pretty much burned out.  Couldn't replace themselves if they tried, at this point.  Just another minority, now.  Not sure if I will live to see how this works out, but it won't be pretty, no matter who wins.  And, no matter who wins, I will most likely lose.  A native American, twice over, I guess.  No side to be on.  Ha.

Well... on to... bed?  Not quite.  I did have supper.  It wasn't great.  But it was... something.  I would like to fry and store the burger, but just can't get to it.  And, don't have a container to put it in... not clean.  Can't quite get to dishes, either.  I did some laundry, will do a bit more.  It's as much as I can do.  Later, or goodnight.

A few tricks.

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.

Trying to minimize pain, I tried three different things.  Some seemed contrary, if doing the opposite wasn't helping at all.  This, that, and the other.  And?  It is working.  Oh, the pain is still there.  It is being kept at bay, or from fully being felt.  A bit of a trick.  What is it... treating the symptoms... right.  When you can't sort out the source, or manage it, then manage what can be manipulated.

It took a while for everything to come together.  The warming of the legs, which is always tricky.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it causes them to be more frigid.  It... just has to work or not.  Today it worked.  Compression, along with warming, was part of the trick.  This is where I wondered if it might cause more pain than comfort.  Today, it is helping both the warming and pain relief that had been hoped, and sometimes does, sometimes doesn't, help.  And, finally, a few painkillers.  The lightest dose of the strongest stuff I carry.

It is working, together.  The legs still get really cranky when standing or sitting, but not so terriblys as to fear... be susceptible to... falling.  Just... that process hurts.  Even so, I am able to be up and to things just a bit better.

I am making supper.  Corned beef, potatoes, carrots, and I'll hit some extra veggies shortly.  Broccoli, most likely.  It'll be ready in, perhaps, thirty five minutes?  Should be good.  And, a bit ago, I purchased french roast whole coffee beans.  I had a sip a bit ago, run through the french press.  Will have another spot of that shortly.  Not large amounts, just... about a regular cup size, if much stronger than a usual cup of coffee.  And, with a spot of whole cream.  Just right.  The caffeine is much more present than tea, or even dehydrated coffee in a larger volume.  Though perhaps I cut that a bit much, or it is too bitter?  Something.

As well, I am collecting trash and recycling.  I won't have enough to take out, or... not really.  May do so with the trash though.  As things begin to warm, the odor becomes a problem.  Best to just take even one sack of trash out than to have it smell up the place.  It got to, at least, 34 today.  Enough above freezing to begin working the ground and snow.  Hopefully that will allow some soaking as things thaw.  We could use a lot of water down in there.  Still, rather cool for this late in March.  I'll take it, especially if we can get more water, and into the ground, and to stay and be used elsewise.  If I think tptb would rather opt out of storing more water, or... doing anything.  

They are being watched, now, finally.  Though that doesn't seem to matter.  They will bail out the corrupt and leave the rest to drown.  Already starting.

Dinner is almost ready.  Good day.

I had hoped to be better today.

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The goal was to find a way to make it to mass.  But, no.  No, no, no.  Standing is still tricky.  Sitting is still a spooky thing.  So far I haven't fallen while sitting.  But it is taking every bit of arm strength I have to keep that from happening, and balancing ability.  The chair, either, could easily tip if the strength I can bear isn't balanced against whichever chair correctly.  Oh, and going to the bathroom is worse.  It's lower.  At least it can't slip out from under me... probably.  Or... as easily.  I suspect, at nearly three hundred, I can... dislodge a toilet without too much fuss if I really wanted to, or serioulsy lost my balance.

No, the legs hurt still.  And are weak.  Getting better, but not there yet.  I didn't sleep well for them.  Tossing, turning, too hot, too cold, all night.

---------

I dreamed.  While I don't believe in... soothesayers, in this dream there was one I heard about.  One who... spoke true.  I could tell.  Though, too, I suspected she wasn't... what she seemed.  She was in my village.  But I kept missing meeting her.  She left just before I entered whereever she was practicing... her arts.  And, she was gone in a flash.

The longer this went on, the more I suspected she knew... much.  She knew me.  Avoiding?  Or... waiting for... some sign, portent, or word from God?  She definitely wasn't what she seemed.  Others saw her as an average looking middle-aged woman.  A bit past her prime.  So, that is what I was looking for.

She had various forms of soothesaying.  I had wanted a certain form of it.  When I finally found her, I noticed two things.  First, she wasn't... what she was said to be.  She was beautiful and sort of ageless.  I couldn't understand, at first, how others could see her the way they did.  Second, she wouldn't soothesay the way I prefered.  And, really, the third thing was... she did know me.  She was kin, of a sort... my sort.  While I was of spirit and flesh, she was purely spirit.  This I saw easily... know my own.  Probably why she hid from me for the longest time... allowing the Ghost to... inform me, caution me, and such.  Not... against her.  More that I would approach her rightly, and consider things with caution.  Some things shouldn't be shared, spoken, with the... others.  The normals.  And so it was.

She let me know what I already suspected.  An angel, to be sure... messenger.  She was giving out messages to some in the area.  I was an... inconvenience.  Though, still, through my insistance, and potency of my nature, she eventually relented... to speak with me.  Give me a reading, but only of the sort she saw fit.

In a roundabout way, she let me know my dreams, and other inspired notions, were true.  Without saying it in a way any other would understand, she let me know I was... War... insurrection.  That my time had come and passed and would come again, in time, for a final time.  And, begrudgingly, she let me know that my works were... blessed.  A gift to the children of God, not a curse.  Only a curse to the worldly, those who had chosen... a path not to God, of God, but of another.

Though, too, she assured me something I already knew.  The path was not going to be easy, gentle, right, nor secure.  Without depending on Wisdom, my path might still be righteous, and do it's task, but that I might yet be lost on it.  Though, further, she assured that such was not the intent of the One who sent me on the path.  Nor was it guaranteed.  As with any, choices, if well made, would secure salvation or ensure destruction... or a form of those.

---------

I tell you, some dreams are... more than dreams.  This certainly felt like more than just a dream.  That "woman" was... more than a dream character.  She knew me, in and out of the dream.  I dream awake, I know a dream, inside sleep and out of it.  It is my way.  She knew much.  She was a truth sharer, and real, and of herself, not me.  She was alive in the dream.  

There were... other things she said.  For my ears only.  

Terrifying?  How terrifying is salvation?  Damnation, for the damnable, is... understood.  Not... fully, or they wouldn't do it.  It is a form of immortal suicide.  But salvation?  For one who sat at the table, if not a party to it fully... only it's fruits?  Nose-bleed, spinning world, change of whole being, terrifying.  I assure you.  Losing a wrong family, for a right one, if not understanding how that could be, that sort of horrifying.  And, yet... so peace-bringing.  But peace, to a creature of war?  I doubt if you can understand.  To see the light is difficult for a creature borne of darkness.  But there is something so... good about it.  Like seeing the beauty of the crucifixion.  A vast horror brought to light, made whole, good, great, divine.

---------

Not much more I can say about that.  Though, another dream.  Something about explaining my caddish behavior.  Not... accepting it, just a discussion, with the wife... or good female friend... of one of my brothers.  He listened in the background.  He... has... lived his life, too.  Sometimes wrongly, or rightly, but... he listened intently while myself and this woman spoke.

In spite of all my ills, I... wanted children, a wife, and such.  I wanted to be a party to that, but... between this and that, it wasn't a possibility which fully presented itself.  Traveling, doing, going, etc.  Though, too, what brought me to such ways, and what took away some possibilities.  From health, to death, mine, hers, and else.

As mentioned, though, I always wanted just the plain, simple, boring(?), frustrating family thing.  I knew I couldn't do it perfectly.  I knew I would mess up.  I only hoped to find a woman would could abide, and be abided in her... ways, right and wrong.  It's never easy.  It just didn't happen.  Probably couldn't have, to this point.  Some very slim chance of something akin to it taking place, but... you... never know.

---------

And, in that same dream, back to swimming?  We'll see.  It was, I felt, a call more than prophecy.  We'll see.

---------

Painpills today.  The legs really do hurt.  But the hurt... is... a better hurt.  Probably worse than before, much as it is often darker just before dawn?  Something like that, or I hope.

I am planning on making corned beef.  The only real problem is I don't have cabbage!  I had planned to pick it up when buying butter, but forgot.  Then thought I would get it on the way home, but was far too shot for that.  I do have cauliflower and broccoli.  So, maybe that would work?

Oh, and a few vids which... got me thinking.  Not sure about the one, or all of it?  I really would like try the trio.  The tie one I will definitely try the next time I need to tie a tie.  The others I really am thinking on.  Men and tricks.  Trying to do it the easy way, if there never is an easy way... save accidentally, sometimes.  But... all good.  Later.

The legs sure hurt.

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I can stand, for a while.  Pushed it a couple of times, just to see.  It's getting up and sitting down when I wince, and could lose control.  I am sure they will improve in time, probably a short time as well as I have been doing.  A few days?  We'll see.

Something I noted was my heart.  It has been, to varying degrees, tired... or felt tired... for the last thirty years.  And, usually, it also hurts.  In littler or larger ways, even feeling like it was being torn, at times.  Or being cut.  Or just aching.  I am used to those things.  They have been the normal for the last thirty something years.

So, when those things stop happening, is that a good thing, or a bad thing?  I simply don't know.  But, with all the running and driving and shopping and else, I just noticed yesterday that my hear didn't hurt, and didn't feel tired.  Very... unusually.  It might have been that way for a few days before that.  But it wasn't until yesterday when I noticed it.

I may look around the web, see... what I can see about that.

Had a visitor.  Asked about some things, seeing how I was doing, and brought cookies.  Look, it's been a while since I've had something actually sweet.  So, sure.  Someone I needed the number for, too.  So, I got the number.  A good talk.

Sure is a cold day though.  I'll tell you.  I think it was up to 28, but that isn't... all that warm.  The weather keeps flirting with warming only to pull the promise, and go back to being cold.  And it is really, for the temp.  Frigid.  More because of the teasing.  Hitting the mid 30's, then 40's, with a shining sun, mild wind if any.  Then it just crashes back to frigidity.  Ugh.  

Hopefully some warmth coming sooner than not.  Though I did suggest the cold was here, and probably for a shorter or longer time.  Years, decades.  It matched what was understood, by honest scientists, for a longer time... regarding cooling periods versus warming periods.  

The real question is whether it will cool for a few years, a few decades, or head into an ice age of hundreds or thousands of years.  Don't kid yourself, it's coming.  Has nothing to do with man.  So everything being litigated, legislated, and spend to the contrary... esspecially in the opposite direction?  Is not just wasted, it's a net negative affect and wasted potential.

Just four or five hundred years ago they went through a lessor ice age.  Had nothing to do with human activity.  As this doesn't.  We'll see.  Wait until we have a missing summer, or dozen.  The population will reset, if the survivors will merely be ekeing out a living, not more than surviving.  Certainly not thriving.  We'll see.

Oh, and I am getting food made.  Maybe that will help.  Soaking gizzards, to be baked then fried.  Baking potatoes.  I may steam broccoli or such.  And with butter, all is better.  I am hungry, and cold.  Warm food helps with both.

Well... on to gaming.  And, maybe to bed early.  I think about showering, but am so cold I just... I am not sure about that.  I turned the furnace up.  It didn't make much difference.  Though, maybe, now?  Later.  Or goodnight.

Sometimes it takes a day to hit.

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There is a reason for my leg problems last night.  I did get back to bed, after working them out a bit.  Still didn't see the problem, wasn't awake.

Waking up today, at 14:00, I made a realization.  An hour of standing, genuflecting, and kneeling... has a price, at this point.  My legs are noodles.  Just getting up, then to my chair, was... a bit of a trick.  Can barely stand for a few moments.  The stations of the cross did me in, this time.  Maybe, by next time, I will do better.  Yes, yes, I plan on being there next year, and to each event I realize is happening.

But, I won't make it, can't make it, to mass today.  My arms and hands are twitching for my legs.  Stressed, quite a lot.  Yea.  I did put on knee-high compression socks, and cotton over, for warmth.  Longer compression socks would just be a terror.  Even these are difficult.  But, yeah.  That is why I was so dehydrated.  Ah, check.  I vastly overdid yesterday.  Add in the pickups/shopping and driving, and... Yeah.

I feel like I have been run over by the trash truck.  The legs, finally, just hurt up and down their length, and deep into the tissue.  Knees aren't screaming, but from sleeping a floor pallet, I have gotten used to being on my knees.  Yea, that was a test I wasn't honestly ready for.  I did these things, right to the end though.  Didn't even realize it was a problem until through the night, but not fully until I woke.

All good.  I'll spend what it takes to recover.  Then... get back into the game.  It'll be a few days, maybe a week.  Still, it was a success.  There was... just a hidden cost.  I didn't remember what was involved.  Now I know.  My guess is this is common with Catholic ceremonies.  Not an issue, I just have to... consider things.  In time I may be able to do more, or may have to do less.  We will see.

Now to let my partner in crime there know I won't be in tonight.  Ugh.

The corned beef and other meats are thawed, but I am not ready to eat.  I'll refrigerate it until I can get to it.  Maybe not until tomorrow.  Just a salad, for it's ease and simplicity of making and consumption tonight?  Maybe.  Or another fasting day, the whole of the day.  We'll see.  Later.

A few days off water.

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Yes, I was thirsty.  Being out, I wasn't drinking.  Then, too, when I would get back I was too tired for my usual behaviors.  So fluid just wasn't going in.  I may have lost a bit of waterweight.  Or... had.  Might be making that up.  So thirsty.  I've probably had five cans.

If I feel the need for more, I may do some red wine vinegar, electrolyte powder, and the can or two of bubbly water.  That... should finish off any remaining thirst.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but the new drain plug system was installed.  Far easier than I anticipated, well and havign it actually work.  Now I have a simple pressure system that holds the water, lets it through, but also has a drain catch on it.  I like those, for many reasons.

Funny?  I finally get a drain system which would make having long hair less of a problem.  Only... I don't have long hair anymore.  Oh well.  As I mentioned, I like having the push plug with a catch baskest, for other reasons.  It means if something goes down, it won't go far.  Or... some things.

Hmm, might actually be getting on back to bed sooner than I thought.  It wasn't just the feet, though that was a larger part.  It was thirst.  Dire thirst, really, which when awakened by heating and cooling the feet, kept me from being able to sleep, or even try.  Yes, some of my concoction will help.  It's rather amazing stuff.  Works so well.  Though, if thirst isn't a real issue, I won't drink the stuff.  It's not something, in other words, I would enjoy for it's own sake.

One of the things I miss, since going off heavy stuff, was snoot of wisky or scotch.  Now, this, being wine, isn't that.  But it has... a thing to it, because of the vinegar, which catches in the back of the throat, like a burban or heavier wisky.  And, yes, I... like that.  Not hit from alcohol of course, but that... slug... I... enjoy that.  Such a strange thing.  God giveth and God taketh away.  But one can make do with what is right about that.  Later, or goodnight, again.

Hmm, odd.

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I couldn't get down until 23:00.  Right at, I think.  I slept well, while I could sleep.  But woke around three.  Started waking before then, but tried to put the genie back in the bottle.  Usually works.  Not tonight.

I wore compression socks to bed.  Had to take them off... too warm... too tight.  Then my legs and feet kept going from burning to freezing.  I just couldn't keep up on putting them in the air and bringing them back under the blankets.  Bleh.  Trying to get the swelling down.  And, yes, it is just in the foot I broke.  It's about... a third thicker than the other foot.  If both feet have some swelling.  So both are a bit out of trim.  Dress shoes are brutal to wear when they hurt even the tops of the feet.

Eyes.  Bloodshot.  Too active, too often, lately.  Not sleeping as much as my body is used to sleeping.  Been out, and going, all week.  Feel like a boxer who has done his work, only to get pummeled.  Still, I... will see this week through.  Then I have a milder week next week, and through the month.

With spring threatening to pop, there is hope that will help.  When it pops.  It's nine degrees out there tonight.  Nine, below freezing, by a lot.  Bleh.  At least the sun has been shining.

I'll probably have to nap, if I have any hope of making it to church.  And woke so thirsty.  Two cans of carbonated water.  The truly zero carb, not sweetened at all, slightly flavored stuff.  Probably have another.  I mostly fasted today.  But, too, I didn't drink much either.  I just really needed some fluid.

I have been thinking about getting a dumbell out, and some weights for it.  To lift while sitting in here, reading blogs and else from time to time.  Not sure if it will be too much, but would like to regain some strength... if possible.  Just one, to start.  If it works out, perhaps bring another in later.  The dumbell, and, say, a quad of fives and tens, and a pair of 35s, or such... to start.  If that goes well, a pair of 45s too.  You'd be surprised what I can jack, if I can keep on it, and fairly quickly.  I had gotten to over a hundred each not so long ago.  Just... I'd like to... see.

Well... I'm up.  I'll look around, see if I can find my shadow, then see if I can jump back down into the den for a nap before long.  Later.

I got everything and to church on time.

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.

Not a bad gig.  Was running a bit fast, so went through a car wash to kill some time.  After I bought bread and butter.  The soup wasn't to be ready until... 17:30.  Even then I was a quarter early.  No problem, they made it ready right away.

On the good side, I'm never sure about which road, exactly, to take.  Still, made it half an hour early?  Something.  Got the items in, helped set up, then went to the stations of the cross.  I was almost an half hour early even there.  Odd how time can fly, then stand still?

All good.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  It has been... a long time, and probably never at a Catholic church, since I have been to such an event.  All good, all good.

After, I spoke with some folk, had a bowl of soup and a bit of bread.  Talked just a bit longer.  Then headed home.  The foot is doing well, but the swelling today was still a bit much to attempt wearing dress shoes.  We'll see tomorrow.  I... got... in a sideways manner, asked about it.  No, not a problem.

My answer was... an attempt at diminuation... it's fine.  I didn't go into details.  But, if I can't wear dress shoes, I won't wear slacks with work boots.  Sort of the options open to me.  I'll... let him know, next we talk, why I might not be in full dress, and dress shoes.  Just so he understands.  

Is the swelling still from the break, or from water retention?  I just don't know.  I have been working on water retention, and doing much better.  So I honestly suspect it is just from damage, as it heals.  I can be a bit rough on it, when I have things to do, and fly.  So, yea, maybe.

I think I have been out every day save one this week, and there was one day I ended up being out twice.  And, often, with multiple things to do, places to go, appointments, and shopping.  Just today it ended up being going in for bread, soup, getting the car washed, a service at church, and then a short meal after.

I may end up in bed very shortly.  I did pull some meat out for tomorrow.  Hopefully it will be thawed so that I can have a bite well before church.  I fast before the Eucarist, at least an hour, and I like to do two.  Only brushing my teeth, perhaps, and drinking water otherwise... only as needed.  I like the little practices, and ways.  Of them I know, I try to keep them.  Learn as one lives, though.

No meat Fridays, in Lent.  Though I think I may make that a regular thing.  It used to be, I think.  I'll go back to it.  Bit by bit, learn and practice.

Only knew a few people there.  Though I did say hello to some I did not know.  Church tomorrow.  If I can make it.  I think so.  Crashing pretty hard, but... recovering better than I have been.  Cold out, again, today.  It only got to 28 F, at my house.  The highest I saw it, and never really felt warmer at other times.  That is a cold St. Patricks day, for around here.  My mother said it was only 20 there, in Iowa?  So be it.

Later, or goodnight.

Time is running away!

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I have... some things on my mind.  Ways to make the place more secure.  Force whoever is breaking in to break a window, or otherwise leave evidence.  Well, and some other things.  One thing at a time.  I have been doing some research.  Then I realized I had to check on some things for today.

First, I called the soup place, to make sure all is good.  It sounds like all is in place, they just have to finish it, of course, for this evening.  The bread I am not worried about.  If they don't have my order, they will have something.  And they will be open, plus I know exactly where they are.  Oh, but I had to ask where they were.  I thought they were in a strip mall near my bank.  But, nope.  Though now I know.  They... offerered the strangest description of where they are.  Which didn't make any sense, they way they were describing it... not to me.  So I asked a different question, and got a bingo.  So, yes, I know where they are too.

I need a shower, to get dressed.  So many things to do.  Have to go fast enough, but not too fast?  And, it looks like, despite my wishes, I will be fasting until supper.  Which... is a common Catholic practice.  I do that, for health, usually... often... as well.  So it's a good marriage, as I see things.  Though, today, I didn't really want to fast.  The better angels of my nature seem to have offered me a bit of a humbling path.  No worries.  I can do that.

So, I have the knowledge I need.  I should call the bread store and let them know I'll be a little later.  I had set it much earlier, but that might be a bit too early.  I don't think they would worry, but don't wish them to let the bread walk when I arrive later.  Taking care of business.

Ugh.  But... all good.

Something I have been thinking about?  Having a coffee hour after church.  The squeaky wheel, however, gets the job?  So... I... should make sure I am ready to handle that.  Perhaps find a group of people who would handle that, if I miss.  Or on odd weekends.  I just think... we need to socialize.  We need to introduce.  Perhaps they all know each other, and I am just out of the loop.  But, I would like to... get to know more folk.  Then again, my friend's meal thing is a form of that.  Only three of us, off and on, though.  Would like to... have more contact.  Thinking on things.  Not... immediately.  But...  And, people might be more interested in coffee, tea, and a nibble, than a full meal?  Dunno.  Or once or twice a month?  Thinking.

But... I have to get ready.  Time just sprints on by when there is a deadline, and a line of things to do.  Later.

Down at midnight thirty?

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.

I think that was it.  Up at a bit before ten.  It sure seems cold.  I had to check, it is 26 outdoors.  While that isn't really cold, it is colder than it has been, and it is March 17th!  It should be well warmer.  Of course, with as much snow is around, even down here in the valley, still hoping it doesn't flash melt it all.

I called my mother a bit ago.  Talked a short bit, but she was headed to lunch.  Cabbage, potato, and one of those fancy sounding deli sandwiches.  All good.

I may thaw corned beef for tomorrow.  It's a Friday, so won't do meat.  It's a Catholic thing, or used to be?  I try to stay with such, when I can be aware.  I wasn't too happy with the new potatoes I got last time, but cabbage, carrots, and regular potatoes would do.  All I need is cabbage, and to thaw the corned beef.

I need to get a shower, and get close together for tonight.  And check to make sure things are set for else.  Bread and soup, ordered.  Need to make sure where I am supposed to get the soup, make sure that is right.  The bread... I know where to get that.  The soup is paid, the bread will have to be paid when picking it up.

Tired.  I've been pushing pretty hard this week.  Out, what, four days so far this week?  Three, but twice because of having to come home.  I worried that days and nights would flip.  I think what has been helping has been, until today, warmer days and more sun.  The sun is out today, which is partially helping.

I'll keep at it until things flip, then try to get back on track.  Next week I am hoping to get out a few times, but just short drives, for mass and maybe a grocery shopping trip?  Maybe.  We'll see.  But I am hoping to begin working in... on... the house this coming week too.  I would like to work hard enough so as to bring company over.  Not... high socials.  Just... become a little more civil, so as to have company.  Not sure I can, but am going to try.

Even if I can work fairly well, it will take a month before I can have company.  Things may be changing, in my life.  As such, I need to get things sorted.  As mentioned, it may not be possible.  We'll see.  The effort might kill me.  Or might not.  We'll see.  Later.

What a day.

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I did get to bed earlier, I think 22:30... 10:30pm for those of you who have trouble with... simplicity.  :p  I wasn't awake until after noon... noon thirty?  Or so.

Couldn't shower.  If I wanted to get things done, I had to get going.  But I did shower yesterday.  And the day before that.  And the day before that.  At least three showers in a row.  So a day off is okay.  I even shaved yesterday, after the haircut.  Should have done it before, didn't have time, energy.  But it did get done.

Now, I did wet my hair, and tried to goop up to stand tall.  Nope.  It just, I can't get that stuff to work.  So I washed it out and just went dry.  It... works, well enough.  I am just not obsessive enough to stand and mess with my hair long enough to get it to spike straight up.  So be it.

After that, I got dressed and ready.  I got the air frier to be returned loaded up, got in the suv, and was about to take off.  When I remembered the boot.  So, I ran back in, looked around, found it.  But... still forgot it?  Don't ask, I'm not sure.

I got to town, handed over the frier, got three sets of keys made, and rings for them.  Got those paid, set up, and one of the trios hooked onto my car key doohickle.  Then, was about to head to the boot store when I realized that I had somehow forgotten what I had torn into the house to find and bring.  So, had to drive back home.

I got to the town, thought the place would be easy to find.  Nope.  A call, as I didn't have the address.  Found it easily, once given directions.  Had a nice chat with the gal in there.  Nice looking dames are... pleasant to negotiate with.  I asked about boots, cowboy, as that is what she general seems to work with.  She makes customs.  I asked... $1200?  Not... bad.  They say they last more like thirty five years?  if so, definetly not a bad buy.  Similar in price to custom hiking boots.

I could only buy those, if I back into riding.  Which... would require a big mule or a plug horse... saddle broken.  Still, was curious.  Wore boots for a lot of years, even if they were too small towards the end.

Ah, but the boot I brought in was no trouble for her to fix.  She was a bit surprised in broke.  Everything was still good.  The glued part was still together, all the structure was still solid.  She might have thought the stitching just came loose?  It didn't tear the leather, or the lace strapping.  Odd.  But... the fix was very easy, and quick.  I had thought I'd have to come back for it.

Even with having the change the thread on the sewing machine, she... finished it in... minutes.  She thanked me for waiting for her to change the thread.  I just nodded... had to laugh interiorly however.  I... didn't realized she even changed the thread until she told me, after.  Ha!  She was a sight for sore eyes.  So, all good.  Easily distracted.

Then on home.  Oh, I did stop at one of my stores.  I thought I saw bottom round on sale.  Maybe it was the other store?  I'll look.  If I can find that on a good sale, I'll buy a bunch of it, get it cut into quarter inch strips, then make jerky.  I make excellent jerky.  Not... by my accounts, though I like what I do, mostly.  But others who have tried it were... extremely happy.

Quite a day.  Tomorrow?  I have to pick up the bread and soup, be to so and where so and when, and that should be easy enough.  Not sure how I am keeping up.  Then mass the next day.  But, after that, I may have to take... a few days off.  I am doing well, but breaking my balls doing it.  Still, I... like this.

If I can do something this next week, I will begin relearning the rosary, and hitting the house.  Cleaning.  But, I will rest as needed.  Quite a thing happening.  I'll try to keep up, or a bit better.  We will see.

While they didn't have roast, when I checked, I did get more fresh veggies and lettuce.  So I may make dressing tonight, and have salad.  Later.

A bit more.

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I got out to the vehicle, to check on the blower.  Just one cord looked disconnected.  I plugged it in, turned her over, and the fan went like usual.  All good.  So very easy.  Since that took such little time, and it seemed early enough, I decided to drive in and see about getting keys made.

Nope.  They were closed before 19:00?  Well, okay.  I thought about stopping for food.  But remembered everything in there is... questionable.  So I just slipped on home.  I had been tempted to buy a soda, when gassing the suv while on my way home even before.  But they were selling for $2.50 a soda?  No.  I'm way too cheap, and for trash on top of that.  So, yeah, skipped that too.

Would like to figure out something to eat.  Sardines wouldn't be too bad.  I think, other than eating and gaming, I am done.  Still, it's been a good run.  I got a lot of things set up, arranged, sorted, today.  Calls, visits, and else.  Really, not bad.

And, the opposite of Sampson, I'm feeling much more alive with the shorter cut.  It may not be a flattop, but isn't far off.  A spike cut, rather shorter, no tail even.  All good.  I think I have some mild to strong hair goo.  And, with the sink running, can take it out when I go to bed.  I hate hair goo in my hair when I lay it to a pillow.  It... gets bad, fast.

Not only did I set things up, and run for a second time, I was a good boy regarding food.  Sardines are really keto, and not bad.  Some better than other.  Cod liver, tonight?  Not sure.  Maybe.  Or not.  That is probably my least favorite, if not completely out of the ballpark.  I just... have to be in the rare mood for it.  Or ready for the hit.  I don't think... tonight.  No.

Later.  Or goodnight.

A bit more, if still quite tired.

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A bit rough.  Will push on through anyway.  So... what did I do?

Ordered bread, for an upcoming event.  Fancy?  And not.  Artisan style, from what I can tell.  Sounds good to me.  I may check for soup.  We'll see.  I would home make it, but I... don't have what it takes to get the shop cleaned, make the stock fresh, and go from there.  Barely standing today, even if I did get out, and am getting a few things done.

Then I called a boot repair shop.  Asked about the repair.  Have to look at it, I was told.  So be it.  I have a broad window for taking it in.  We'll get that going as soon as possible.  Plus, while making the calls, I added the contacts to my links.  For future reference.

For me, I like to have the name of the establishment last, the type "Food!" for example first, and maybe the middle section being type... "Bread".  It makes finding things a LOT easier, at least for me.

Oh, and I had collected a few butcher shop's data, but it was later in the evening.  I attempted a few calls, but they probably close earlier in the day.  Looking for grass fed/finished offal.  Sweetbreads, kidneys, liver, heart... but I won't pay double or triple.  I can't.  Just checking.  I'll check tomorrow.

Ah, and soup.  Ordered.  It's even keto, or is registered as such.  But... with the bread?  Not so much.  Though I could skip the bread.  Ready to rumble.  I wish I could have made the soup, that just wasn't possible.  Lobster bisque.  Mushroom bisque and clam chowder were the same price.  So... I just went with the one I like the best.

Ugh.  Can't do this more than once a month.  But... once a month... most months.  Better if I could could make it myself.  Could do that twice or three times a month, and would probably be better.  But wouldn't be lobster.  :p  Serves eight to ten?  Half a gallon?  Ugh.  It's my first dip into potluck.

Hmm, have to get out three more times this week.  Ugh.  Oh well.  Am hungry.  Not sure what to set up tonight.  I'll look around.  Some things have to go, from the fridge.  Some meats have to be thawed.  Too tired to cook the meat.  In one way it was wasted, in another it... wasn't.  I didn't eat else, just couldn't cook.  And, didn't eat other food.  So, while wasted, nothing else was really eaten in it's place.  Too busy, to tired to do else, just the way it goes.

Ugh...  I'd like to eat something.  We'll see.  Later.  Or goodnight.

Done.

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A shower, dressed, and out.  I had a haircut to get.  Not a flattop, this time.  She had an idea.  I let it fly.  We'll see.  I can always get a flattop in the future, as it is shorter than what I got.  With the natural color, from longer hair, gone, it is really silver up top now.

It turns out she works with straight razors.  She has to use those with replaceable blades.  But she knows how to use and sharpen actual straight razors.  So, next time I am in, I'll bring a few of mine, and my waterstones, and have her show me around.

I am using a saftey razor, currently.  But that still means replacing blades.  The whole thing about straight razors, traditional ones, is that you don't have to change blades.  One must merely strop, and rarely sharpen.  It isn't purely the frugality of it.  Safety razors are cheap as can be.  I think I'm paying a dime a blade.  A blade will get me two to more like four shaves.  It is the idea... what if there are no more blades?  That's... more what I think.  How to do more, with less.

Further, if I get good at shaving, I could always make a nickel or dime off the service.  Especially since I have three or four higher end razors.  Plus?  There is something so cool, and old school, about shaving with a wicked ass weapon.  Yea, there... is something to that.  Taming a the tornado.

But I am absolutely bushed.  I had hoped to stop and get keys cut.  I lost a portion of one of my key sets.  I need to replace it, and probably by triples... putting extras up somewhere.  As is, I only have one set for three vital locks.  I can get in, but that... could get expensive, one way or the other.  I was just far too tired on my way home.

I will stay awake until this evening, probably.  With the shower taken, the third one in as many days, I would like to get the freezertop cleared, maybe cleaned, and get dishes going.  Feeling so rough though, not sure that will happen today.  We'll see.  Feel just a wee off.  Actually more than that.  I feel a lot off.  It is 34 out there, last I looked this morning.  Too tired to check again.  Maybe 40 now?  Mostly cloudy.  I still expect a few inches to a few feet before too long.  

Though, who can ever be sure?  These have been odd times.  Might flash fry to summer tomorrow.  Can't be sure these days, and meterologists are worse than me, at guessing.  They seem paid to guess wrong.  Or blackmailed.  All I know is they are always wrong, even about local weather.  Always saying it is warmer than it is as well.  Until they go the other way?  Who knows.  They are wrong, it seems, on purpose, at this point.  Even when trying to honest give a prediction of sorts, they fail more than not.

Later.

A late sleep.

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It was at, near, or slightly after four?  Yes, possitive.  The last time I saw the clock, it was 3:48 or such.  I did a few things before going to bed, but not much.  Why so late?  I kept trying to get more things done.  I put one load of laundry through, to the dryer, set up a load of whites, cleaned a few things, got a shower, but couldn't do more.

I had hoped to clean the freezertop and set up dishes.  Just couldn't push through, but stayed awake hoping a bit of energy would become available.  No, not a drop.  I almost then went into a full on insomnia state.  But, saw what was happening and closed up shop.  Late, but not too late.

Up at 11:30, or so.  Checked the visitor.  On his way.  Had a good bull session.  We just catch up on life.  He... has five jobs, now?  Yeah.  When one isn't available, he does another.  Some pay well, all are irregular.  When they call this last gen lazy, they... don't know them all.  But he is an exception.  Hell, he even has a very short haircut.  Always has.

Married now.  For which I am... quite pleased.  It's... humbling, to be married.  And we don't life in a time where that sort of humility is common.  I negged his woman, to see.  I... do that... for friends.  I pulled, pushed, kicked tires, compared, and was... sort of... mean.  But the... answers were good.  The responses weren't... emotional, if not purely logical.  Good answers.  I trust him, hope the best for them, and am pleased with his choice to duty rather than... pure self interest.

We talk about once a month.  His world is busy, complicated, sometimes smaller, sometimes larger.  Moments of effort.  He is a worker.  He... like to work.  He is good at many things.  Good to see him from time to time.  He'll probably help if I need to find my septic tank.  Unless I can figure out where it is on my own.

Now to get ready for other things.  A shower?  Sure.  Then cleaning off the freezertop, or the beginning of that?  Yes.  Not as sleepy as I have been, with a lot less sleep.  Somewhat tired, but... more what used to pass as a normal morning.  Never been good at waking.

Nothing back from the church.  May have to speak with someone in the office, personally.  Too busy?  Not interested for some reason?  The squeaky wheel, I suppose.  Later.

Well?

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Tracking down pieces and bits.  Information.  I won't ever be an information broker, but I can become a bit more aware, and have some sources for data.  I have found the church bulletin.  But that only gives me a week of advance notice, at most.  An online source, in case I miss something elsewise.  I can't always hear well in church, or process it well.  Working on that.

A few pieces of information is a start, sources as well.  Further, I have attempted to sign up for emails from the church too.  One of my emails may not be... efficacious as to... communication.  So, I used a different email address.  So be it.  I am hoping to hear something before long.  If I don't hear by Monday, I'll go in.  Or... that is the theory.  Hoping to make it to weekday mass then, so it isn't too difficult of an opportunity.  Though if I miss, I still have four other days to make it for that.  Ugh.

It sounds like it is raining?  Yep.  Has been for hours.  Off and mostly on.  It is 38 out there, down from the high of 45 (from what I saw).  A lot of snow is going.  Hopefully the ground is opening up enough to take in some water, a lot of water.  Though, very possibly, we will see flooding in the more prone areas, at least.  We'll see.  

As to the visit?  Tomorrow, it seems.  So I will have roast tonight, and a second baked potato.  I did get kefir reset.  Haven't taken a shower yet, but should be able to get that in.  Then, maybe, work on the freezer top and start dishes.  The goal is to hit two batches of dishes first then, get another shower taken, then set up the last batches of dishes before the visitor shows.  Well, can hope, try.

Plans are forming up.

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So far, three things this week.  And, maybe, a visit?  Not sure about the last.

But, questions.  When, where, how.  The plans are beign made.  I am in rough shape, but may be able to do things anyway.  Not only have I been missing mass, but I have been missing the special things... Ash Wednesday, lenten special events, and Late Christmas masses, and such.

The stations of the cross are coming up.  There is a meal after.  Initially I just saw that there was a meal.  Not... that food is the only thing.  *grins*  I just didn't read the whole message, at first.  Then, after going over it, I realized it was a meal after the stations.  Ah...

Now, I am trying to hit things.  But, I don't want to just hit a part of things.  I would like to figure out how to hit more things, and the whole of them.  The meal is fine, but it is a party to the rest.  Still, I couldn't find when it was to begin.  I looked, didn't see.  Then again, my skills can be lame, at times.  Hunt and peck?  If it isn't mammoth sized, I may... miss it.  If I was to live on grouse, I would probably starve to death.  :p

So, I sent out a missive requesting both the start date, and place to obtain the date and times of special events at the church.  Ugh.  We'll see.  Then I was contacted by a fellow knight.  A reminder of the dinner.  So, I am beginning to be informed of things.  Which is good, that helps.  I just need to be able to find a calendar of events, and times, so as to attempt to be more a full member.

A haircut coming up, then a meal, and finally a mass with special attention.  I haven't gotten to mass this week, may or may not yet.  I am still in a bit of trouble.  But, feeling... better.  And clean, at least today.  With plans of another shower today.  Hoping to do more and better through the week.

It is 45 out there, but still so much snow.  Crazy, sort of.  Partly to mostly cloudy, cool for the reading... in part because it is so wet for the warmth.  We still have a foot or more on the ground?  Give or take.  It's a slower melt, hopefully it stays slow.  We could get in serious trouble if even a quarter of it melted at once.  Much worse at a higher melt rate.  I think I'd be okay here, but you never can be certain.

Later.

A bit rough.

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Down at 22:24, not awake until around noon.  Just couldn't pull out.  I woke a number for times, as early as 8:30.  Just couldn't pull myself out of the sleep, and dreams.  A bit sore.  Here and there.  But not a bad one.  More still sleepy than sore, if I could complain about only one thing.

Hoping to get a shower before long.  Two in a row would be fantastic.  Sassy got fed right away.  And, I'll get her litter changed, and use a new litter box.  I stopped having two out for her, because she just doesn't even use but the one.

A few things to do.  If I can get a shower, I'll reset some dishes, then work on clearing and cleaning the freezertop.

The Keen replacements arrived today.  I need to try them on.  I may see if I can get the other pair repaired?  Might not be something that can be done.  Would be worth a shot.  Probably won't be as good, or last as long.  I just... hate to waste otherwise excellent boots.  Before I close that business, I need to try to them on, make sure they fit, and seem right.  But, other than that, all good.  I really do like those boots.

Well... on to waking and stuff.  Ugh.  Later.

You have no idea.

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Today is one of the best days I have had in weeks.  I was able to push through, for a goodly bit.  I missed mass Saturday and Sunday, and a few other things I had hoped to do.  I just started failing.  Might be getting back to things, we will see.

However, even being a good day, it is rough.  Lungs burn a bit.  Breathing is work, not just something that happens without thought.  Muscles burn a bit, to use, even lightly.  But all of those things are minor compared to what has be causing suffering.  Like I said, not bad today.  Just... not easy.

Sometimes life is easier.  I can, sometimes, breath without it hurting, or having to think about it to make it work.  Sometimes I can do small projects, or even larger projects, without too much suffering.  Without muscles tearing and burning.  It's winter, so I am surprised I have had better days.  Even this condition is far better than usual, for winter.

I have to be close to death.  Then again, I have been closer, farther back, than I am now?  Still, it isn't a comfortable state to be in.  So odd that I was closer to death twenty to thirty years ago than I am now?  Right, but true.  How much difference?  I'd guess, to be honest, a lot.  Though far closer to death, even now, than most people get until the last year or so.  I just... seem to be able to not die, even so.  Or... so far.

I had cleared the bathroom sink.  Or so I thought.  Then it stopped draining again.  So... I ripped it apart, tinkered with it, got the plunger, splashed water everywhere before and after the plunger, but got it draining.  So... it is back in function.  Ugh.  Odd how it does that.

Next, sometime yet this afternoon, a shower.  And, then, maybe clearing and cleaning the freezertop.  I think I can.  I am sure I can.  I will.

As well, I made a batch of gizzards and mushrooms.  Love those things, if more like once a month.  I ate them every, or every other week, for the last month or two.  I guess I missed them.  As well, I baked a roast.  I'll have some of that shortly.  Need some food, or believe I do.

Now?  I don't know.  While I made the roast, I didn't eat it.  I might have some, and make a call or two.  Ugh.  Later.

Nice, mostly.

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I shut the door.  Sassy couldn't come up and bug me all night.  I slept so much better.  A few more nights of that, and I might be back in shape.  As well, it remains cooler up there.  I sleep better when it is cooler, once I have become adjusted to winter weather.

A very slight headache.  I think, this time, from trying to wake myself.  Just at ten.  Not sure when I went to bed.  Oh, but the alarm clock hasn't reset itself.  It is supposed to be on daylight savings setting.  The thing is... twenty years old though.  Maybe things are beginning to fail.  It is the best alarm clock I have ever had.  To date.  I haven't see one with similar features.  All junk, these days.  I think this was supposed to be junk too, it just... worked out, so far.

Sassy was fed right away.  Or she'd be all over me.  She has no idea about daylight savings, so, to her, it is eleven.  Pets call bs on what is, actually bs.  No doubt.

I'll get a shower shortly, do my teeth.  Perhaps set up dishes.  I did get the trash and recycling out last night before bed.  Taking what needed going out, when arranging it for pickup.  I saw one of them come into town, but he wasn't starting pickup here, so went on through.  Always good to know the barrels are out when I see one of the trucks.

It is already 34 F outside.  We did get a small amount of snow last night.  Nothing fancy.  A warmer day and it will be gone.  Not enough to worry about driving over.

Yes, a shower as soon as I can.  Then setting up a few dishpans of dirty dishes.  Some of those have been cleaned, just need... a quick shrift, then a rinse.  If too I have to get the freezertop cleared and cleaned.  Ugh.  And, making water... running it through the r.osmosis machine.  I have started using that for Sassy, too.  Since I can't get to the outdoor hydrant.  During the summer, and if I can fix that for winter use, I'll go back to that water for her.  For now, it is what it is.

A shave too?  Maybe.  I have a haircut coming up.  Might as well be shaved.  Why the haircut?  Since I have started getting back to church, joining in with other things, and becoming more social, I just think that is the way to go.  I burned out, a bit, lately.  So am laying low and smelling like a goat, but the plan is to get back into... some sort of order.  So be it.  Later.

A good deal better.

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Still tired.  Weary to the bone.  I'd love twelve hours down, if I could get it.  But I don't hurt.  Or... mostly.  A few aches and pains, when I notice, bump something, or stretch and feel it.  But it isn't a constant wall of pain.  My heart is a bit weary, but not terribly painfully so.  It just complains once in a while.  I let it.

It is 34 outside.  Not... warm.  But warm enough to begin the thawing process.  Hopefully it keeps in the 34 to 40 range for... the next longer while, freezing from time to time as well.  We have too much snow to hope for a fast thaw.  Flooding would be severe.

Just gaming, lightly.  Nothing fancy, but it keeps me awake.  Not so harsh of gaming that my heart hurts more than it already does.  Just... something to do, to track, to consider.  

I am still hoping to wake a bit better, before long.  In doing so, getting the freezertop cleared, and a shower, would be fantastic.  More would be hoped, but unlikely.  Heating water, to make a fatted coffee.  That might help.  It has been some time since I have had coffee or tea.

Popcorn earlier.  Mostly because it was the easiest thing to cook.  Hungry?  I think so.  More of the mind than of the body, though one can slip a bit far into need without knowing it.  Gotta have some food, from time to time.  Popcorn isn't exactly real food, but... with lots of butter, you do get fats and (if useless) carbs.

I'd really like something real to eat, even a burger or pizza.  I just don't have the money or energy, and I'd have to get a shower.  Ugh.  Later.  Or... maybe goodnight.  Not sure I'll be back to blogging yet tonight?  Dunno.

Sore, achy, tired everywhere, in every way.

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Not sure why.  Everything and everywhere, it really does seem.  I couldn't get to bed until 23:00, waking at about ten.  And, only then, because Sassy has been pushing me to wake for the last six hours?  Ugh.  I may shut the door to the upstairs for the next few days, so I can sleep until I wake.

Life just hurts today.  Not sure I am staying up, or will be awake for long.  For now it will have to do.  It's not my heart or organs, it feels more like my simple muscle and bone parts that hurt.  Mostly.  The heart feels tired.  Nothing too unusual, it happens fairly regularly.  But why?  Perhaps my light pushing was more than even I thought, or... something else?  I don't know.  Should have been back on my feet by now.

Haven't been able to work much lately.  Wanted to clear the freezertop, do some dishes, and get a shower.  Haven't been able to get to it for days.  Even gaming is limited, on easy mode.  I just... haven't been able to think well either.  So tired.  So sore.  Doesn't make sense.

Maybe as weather has closed in?  Now, it's warmer out there, but not as warm as it really should be.  It is 28, today, so far.  It snowed just a bit last night.  But the sun, even behind clouds, is warming the tar of the driveway, causing a light melt of anything which might have been on it, or near it.  It just looks slick, as after a rain.  Everything else remains frozen.

We'll see about today.  Will try to get some things done.  I did get the bed turned and reset this week.  That's... something.  I had been missing that fairly often, while recovering from the broken foot.  Still in minor recovery from that.  It hurts, once or twice a week.  Strange, but better than daily.

Yes, lets see if I can get some things done.  A shower for certain.  Then the freezertop.  If I can get that sorted, dishes can go ahead at will.  Later.